The Balanced Living Journal

A Busy Woman's Productivity Plan

2006-11-21T15:26:00.000-10:00

When I was in California last week I got to spend some time with fabulous friends and one of those was my pal Elizabeth. Aren't we cute, having dinner together?

Elizabeth has a big job as an executive at a company in San Diego and since she got this job about 4 years ago she has talked about struggling with the relentless demands of the responsibilities and how to manage everything in a work day. She stayed late at work, took calls on the weekend and always felt like important things were falling through the cracks.

Receiving hundreds of emails a day, managing programs that are inherently difficult in themselves, and fitting in to a new organization were her biggest challenges.

So, I was tickled when Elizabeth told me that she now feels like she has a pretty good handle on her work life and can most often easily be home by 6pm on a normal day.

Of course I was curious about how she went from harried, overworked executive to one who feels relaxed about her big job. She made 3 changes -

She got a Blackberry. Voluminous emails were Elizabeth's nightmare and she is often on the road at meetings up and down the Southern California coast. She found that if she used the 10 minutes here and 5 minutes there in between meetings or waiting for things to get started to check and respond to her emails that she could keep a much better grip on them. She then found that when she returned to her office she didn't have a giant cyber-pile waiting for her. Lesson: used well, technology can be our friend!
She began to say no to lesser priorities. Nobody needs to be on all committees, or respond to all requests for opinions, ideas, etc. Elizabeth found that if she said no to those requests that were not directly related to her duties and programs she was much more able to focus on successfully managing those priorities that really mattered. Lesson: saying no can be a very good thing.
She dumped multitaksing. Elizabeth found that if she focuses strictly on what's in front of her, whether it be a person, an email, a proposal, or a meeting, without splitting attention to an additional task, that she moves through tasks and projects more completely and quickly. Lesson: multitasking is a LIE.

It took Elizabeth a while to figure out these strategies, which may or may not work for you. Every busy woman needs strategies to manage the volume of paper, email, and tasks coming at her each day, but they need to fit you, your style and your job.

What are some of the strategies that you use to keep on top of your busy world? Leave a comment so we can learn from you.

Based on Results....

2006-11-14T11:41:00.002-10:00

I just returned from a wild week of networking and training at the International BNI conference in Long Beach. Whew!

I had the pleasure of being trained for several hours during the week by Dr. Ivan Misner himself - the founder of BNI, author of many books, and named guru of networking.

While I learned much at the conference a few things really stuck out for me. One is the phrase 'Based on results, how's that working for you?' A little Ivan Misner, a little Dr. Phil - and a powerful question to help evaluate the direction that your actions are taking you.

The definition of crazy is: doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

Don't we do that though? Do the same thing over and over and wonder why we're not getting what we want?

Use this question - Based on results, how's that working for you? - to help reorient your course. Take a look around your life - your business, your relationships, your health, your happiness - and evaluate whether or not you like the results you're seeing in that area.

If you're not satisfied with the results, then your only course is to back up and change the actions that have gotten you here in the first place.

You don't like your weight? Take a look at how you're managing food and exercise.
You're not happy in your relationship? Take a look at what you could be doing differently.
You're not making enough money? Take a look at what you're doing that stops the flow.

Good news and bad news, right? The good news is you're in charge. The bad news is, you're in charge.

Based on results, how's that working for you? I'm going to be asking that question of myself and my clients a lot.

Ask it of yourself now, and leave a comment on how you're going to create some different results in your life.

What's the Greatest Challenge in Balancing Your Life?

2006-10-30T11:24:00.000-10:00

First - balance means, feeling like all parts of your life work to support you being your best self.
I so appreciate your help in learning more about what is between busy women and their feeling of joyful satisfaction. Stay tuned for next month's question....

Happy in Your Relationship?

2006-10-24T08:22:00.000-10:00

I've been seeing a lot of couples in my counseling practice lately. I am always so glad when a couple comes through my door looking for help, because there are so many couples and families out there who are really struggling in the world.

Unfortunately many people tend to wait until there is some kind of crisis before they get help. And, really sad are the couples who come to me to end their relationship - when counseling or some type of assistance could have helped years ago.

I'm here to tell you that if there is trouble in your life or relationship, seek help now - don't wait until there is so much damage that repair is not an option.

How do you know to get help in your relationship? Here's what to look for:

there is any type of abuse - emotional, physical, etc
you are unhappy with your partner
you are fighting dirty - name calling, throwing objects, blaming each other
your sex life has changed
you or your partner has become distant
you feel like a roommate instead of an intimate partner
you have just had children and are adjusting to the change
there has been a shift in roles, such as one of you has become a stay at home parent
you have relocated
you are experiencing financial difficulties
you feel more grumpy or irritable with your partner than happy to be around him or her

Maya Angelou, wise woman of our times, says:

"If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning 'Good Morning' at total strangers."

If you are treating those outside your home better than you are those inside, that's a sure sign to get help.

In most states, you have several options to get some great counseling. Here's the kind of professionals you can choose:

Clinical Psychologist - has a Ph.D, which means that they have trained for generally about 4-6 years to provide counseling and other helping services.
Marriage and Family Therapist - MFT - has a Masters degree and is trained specifically in the area of helping couples and families, though this profession can do more than that.
Social Worker - LCSW, QCSW, DCSW - has a Masters degree, and can focus in their training in multiple areas such as, community, medical, or clinical.
Licensed Counselor - has a Masters degree and has been trained to provide counseling in a general way.
Psychiatrist - MD, provides medication assessment and management and may sometimes provide counseling as well.

All the above professions may be licensed in your state, which means that the individual has taken at the very least a written test and has been supervised for a number of hours.

The best way for you to find a referral to a good counseling professional is to ask a trusted friend, family member or doctor. If you know someone who is happy with their counseling professional, that is a great endorsement. If you call a counseling professional and they cannot see you, for whatever reasons, ask that person for referral names.

What's important in choosing the right professional for you is how comfortable and confident you feel with that professional. Does that person understand you? Do feel like you are improving? Do you feel like you can ask questions and reject the counselor's ideas?

If you took your car to a mechanic's shop and it was not fixed well, then you would simply find another shop and keep going until the problem was fixed.

The same goes for fixing your relationship. If your first, or even second, experience with a counseling professional is not what you had hoped - keep trying until you find one that works.

I currently work with a couple who tried 3 other marriage counselors before they came to me. They say the other professionals were fine, they just weren't the right fit for them.

If you think you need help, then you do. Find the help, be happy in your relationship and in your life. You deserve it, and so does your partner.

How Oprah and I are the Same

2006-10-23T10:49:00.000-10:00

Oprah Winfrey and I have some serious similarities. And, some glaringly obvious differences.

It's the similarities that I love - and who wants to be exactly like someone else anyway - even Oprah?

Aside from the fact that we both live in the same town (I understand that Oprah just bought a home in my little town of Kailua, Hawaii), we both also have a best friend. (Addition: I just found out today, boo hoo, that the paper misreported the info and Oprah's not my neighbor.)

Oprah has Gayle, and I have Marian.

Oprah has said that her nightly phone calls with Gayle King have been how she has grown and evolved to such a high personal level in her life without therapy. Though I've had my share of therapy (a good thing as far as I'm concerned), my 20+ year best friendship with Marian has played a huge factor in my growth into the woman I am today.

I think, aside from your healthy intimate partnership, a best friend relationship is the most important connection you can have in life.

I think a best friend:

loves you completely and unconditionally and accepts who you truly are - regardless of how different she is from you
tells you the truth (yes, your butt looks huge in those pants!) in a kind compassionate way
considers you family
would do absolutely nothing in the world to hurt or harm you
cheers your successes and mourns your losses
keeps your personal secrets and is unwavering in trustworthiness
brings a smile to your face when you think of her
can work out difficulties in your relationship when they come up
can laugh with you in that silly, snorting, pee your pants kinda way
will show up for you whenever you need her

A best friend doesn't sleep with your husband, gossip behind your back, take and never give, or show up only when she has something to gain.

A shocking number of women do not have best friends - or a group of women friends for that matter. To me this is a shame.

Our growth as women depends on relationship. How else do we get to see ourselves? A best friend is our mirror - we see ourselves reflected back in her.

I became best friends with Marian when we were in graduate school. She had pink hair and I smoked. We've changed a lot since then, for the better I might add, and our relationship has had a lot to do with our personal growth.

If you don't already, I want you to have a stunning best friend. I want you to see in her eyes how wonderful you are and the few places that you could do some polishing.

Look around. If you don't have a fab best friend right now, who in your world are you attracted to? Who feels like a woman that you want to hang out with at the coffee house, or go to the kids playground with, or trade stories with? Pick a woman who has qualities you admire - some may be like you and some may be ones you aspire to.

Finding a best friend has some chemistry to it - a vibe, an energy of knowing that you somehow know this person already. So when you choose, don't neglect to try on how this person feels.

I'd love to hear your best friend stories. Post a comment below and let us know how a best friend has impacted your life.

And, Oprah -- I'm looking forward to meeting you on the beach someday!

What if You Had Unlimited Time and Money?

2006-10-10T21:14:00.000-10:00

What would your life be life if you had unlimited time and money? I'm asking you!

I'd love to hear your answer, so put on your dreaming hat and jump on over and answer my question of the month.

I'll be sure and let you know what I find out!

Podcasting for the Technically Challenged

2006-10-04T08:34:00.000-10:00

Have you listened to Coaching A Go Go, my podcast with my fabuloso coaching co-host Nancy Marmolojo?

Nancy and I started our little 'ol podcast about a year ago and it never would have gotten off the ground without Nancy's drive to make it so!

And now, she's offering a Podcasting Class for those of you who don't want to get into all the techie mumbo jumbo, but want to get your own booming voice on the cyber-waves.

It's easy, and Nancy will show you how. All you need is some free software, a basic service and a mic or a phone. Voila! You're podcasting.

It starts tomorrow - October 5, so jump on over to Nancy's site and get all the info.

This is a not to miss opportunity from Nancy -- an easy way to get your message, ideas, and opinions out to the world!

Go check it out now!

Finding the Right Balance Between Structure vs. Flow

2006-10-03T10:53:00.000-10:00

Do you end your day feeling exhausted but feeling like you didn’t really get anything done? Or maybe you end knowing you checked many tasks off your list, but have a nagging feeling that you’re just not satisfied? The problem may be that you haven’t found the right balance between schedule vs. flow. Here’s what I mean.

We need schedule in our lives. It helps us to know what to do when, to not forget important tasks or aspects of our lives and to feel a sense of order. But if we become too reliant and focused on schedule, we become rigid and lose our creative spirit and the ability to bring newness into our life – we feel like we’re in a rut.

Now, flow is equally important. It means that we’re following our wants, desires, and ideas in the moment, we are fulfilling our sense of passion and purpose, and often it is the place where our brainstorms and creative juices burst forth. However, reliance on being in flow can create ‘shiny object syndrome’ – following that which has the most sparkle, but doesn’t really accomplish what you need.

Too much flow can create an eventual feeling of not getting anything done and lead to a decrease in productivity. Read the rest of this article for the 4 tips to help you find your own balance between structure and flow.

Or, listen as Nancy and I talk about this topic at our weekly podcast, Coaching A Go Go

Full Moon Wisdom

2006-10-02T09:19:00.000-10:00

Whether or not you believe in astrology the guidance related to this upcoming full moon is relevant.

My friend Catherine Usha sent along this info about the full moon, which is occurring on Oct 6 here in Hawaii.

"Full Moon periods are known for being times of heightened emotions. With an Aries full Moon, you are going to feel extra-feisty since Aries is the god of war in mythology. If you haven't been speaking up when necessary or if you're having difficulty standing up for yourself, you may feel irritable. Courage is the hallmark of this Moon, so step forward and take the initiative; be adventurous, be bold! Full Moons also represent a culmination of what you set in motion during the last new Moon, so look back at the new Moon on September 22. That event was particularly important because it was also a solar eclipse. Between now and the next new Moon later this month, assess where you are emotionally. If you don't feel content, it's time to make changes that will add to your comfort level."

So what changes would make you content? How would you add to the comfort of your life? This week is the time for initiative and courage - whether it be in your relationships or business.

What steps could you take right now to courageously improve your life?

Some Books to Read

2006-09-29T10:45:00.000-10:00

Currently I have 5 books in process on my nightstand and I thought I'd share a couple with you that I think every woman should have her library.

Eating in the Light of the Moon by Anita Johnston. I am fortunate to have Anita as a friend and part of my circle of women. She is a renowned national speaker on the issue of women and disordered eating and has created her own eating disorders clinic here in Honolulu. As Anita explains in her book, food is not the problem in a woman's disordered eating, it is the symptom. Anita is a gifted storyteller and uses stories, methaphors and the context of women through the ages to help women develop a healthy relationship with food and their body.

The New Feminine Brain by Mona Lisa Schultz. Did you ever wonder why your husband can't seem to keep up with all your activity planning, or asks you over an over again what is happening on Sunday? He's really not trying to make you crazy. It's all about his brain. Mona Lisa is a behavioral neuroscientist and renowned medical intuitive who has been studying brains, behavior and intuition for many years. In this book she illuminates how we can embrace the feminine nature of our brains and how our brains play a part in everything from depression, to anxiety, to our women's intuition.

If you have a great reading recommendation, post it in the comments.

Free Hugs!

2006-09-29T10:41:00.000-10:00

Check out this great 3 min video. Then make sure you give and receive a Free Hug today.

What a fun easy way to increase your energy, boost your mood, give someone else a great feeling, and let a little love flow.

Good for you, good for us all.

Parents - Take Note

2006-09-25T13:16:00.000-10:00

Last week my sister and nephew came to visit for a week. My nephew is 2 1/2 years old, and in the terrible or terrific twos - however you look at it. He is a great kid, as is my sister a great woman, but together they are tough to be around.

That's because my sister is a permissive parent. She's doing the very best with what she knows, and I commend her for all the wonderful parenting that she's doing, but you just can't go through the day - and enjoy it - with a 2 1/2 year old without some structure and discipline.

Here's the advice I gave to my sister - which worked beautifully with my nephew, by the way.

Give appropriate choices. When your kids are young (before age 8) they live quite in the moment and don't plan out their afternoon. Don't ask 'What do you want to do today?' to a toddler - the kid doesn't know! Do ask 'Would you like to go to the beach or the playground?' And, make sure that BOTH the choices you offer are quite alright with you.

Use your mommy voice. Almost 80% of our communication comes through our tone of voice. So, when you tell a child to 'Stop It!' with your sing song 'Let's Play' voice, you are sending a double message - and your child believes the tone, not the words. Mommy voice does not mean yelling, it means that you deepen your tone, increase your volume slightly and add a bit of force.

Be in charge. Believe it or not, your child wants you to be in charge and that means that you call the shots. It's necessary to give choices, options and leave space for your child's contributions, but it's even more important that your child knows that you've got the control. This means making statements as opposed to questions during certain times. If it's time to go to the car, or get ready for bed, tell your child so and don't offer the opportunity for no.

The Power Statement. I learned this from Parenting Coach, Barb Desmarais - 'I'll know your ready to......, when you.....' This works great for shaping kid's behavior around things they want to do. 'I'll know you're ready for the smoothie when you're sitting at the table', worked great for me and my nephew. He jumped to the table every time.

Consistency, consistency, and follow through. You already know this. When you say 'If you do that one more time, then you're going to time out', know that initially your child will test you. They want to know if you really will follow through. You have a better likelihood of ending undesirable behavior if you really do give a time out, or whatever it is you said. Once you say it, do it! There are really no second chances in a child's mind.

Get trained. How did you learn to be a parent? Likely from your own family of origin. Most of us had parents who did the best they could, but could have done better at something. You as a parent are either going to do the same thing, or rebel against it and go completely the other way. Neither may really work the best. Read parenting books and go to a parenting class or two. You trained for your job and you took a test for a drivers license. Why would you want to wing it with the most important contribution you'll ever make to this world? Contrary to popular belief parenting classes are not just for the 'bad' parents that get send by Child Protective Services - they are for every parent who wants to add some tools to their parenting toolbelt.

Here's some resources for you:

Classes
Redirecting Children's Behavior Parenting Classes

Books

The Parent's Handbook: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP)
Parenting Teenagers: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting of Teens (STEP)
Parenting Young Children : Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (Step) of Children Under Six

What other resources do you have? Let us know in the comments section.

You've Got the Power - It's All You

2006-09-13T07:38:00.000-10:00

Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith." The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Which wolf are you feeding?

We become what we think and we create what we think, so what kind of thoughts are most prevalent in your mind? Those of abundance, gratitude and strength? Or those of blame, anger, and shame?

I find it amazing to watch what happens in people's lives when they realize that their thinking has been their own worst enemy and they have in large part created their misery.

While this concept sounds simple, changing the habit of negative thinking is difficult for some.

There are many resources out there to help you along. Certainly, if your thinking is impeding your relationships, your livelihood or your health, then counseling is a good option.

You also may want to watch a new movie that has been getting a lot of buzz lately, called The Secret. It's not in theatres or on Netflix, so you'll have to go to the website and download it. This is really worth anyone's time and I recommend watching it over and over and over......

Other resources that may be helpful in changing your scarcity thinking to abundance thinking are Choosing Prosperity and Wealth Beyond Reason. These websites give great information, audios, and interactive experiences to help you create a greater degree of abundance thinking in your life.

I ask you again, which wolf are you feeding? Look around you, you created it. Do you like what you see? Do you like what you feel? If not, then change it.

It's the Small Things That Count

2006-09-11T11:44:00.000-10:00

Mother Theresa said:

"We can do no great things - only small things with great love"

A friend of mine forwarded an article to me (thanks Craig) from Orion magazine that illuminates how these words of wisdom from Mother Theresa impacted the author's ability to live well in a world of turmoil.

Regardless of the turmoil in the world as a whole, we are always striving to find the way to make our mark, to make a difference, to leave the greatest impact.

This can be a daunting and overwhelming endeavor if your expectation is that your mark and impact will be through great and giant efforts and accomplishments.

We have been trained to believe that only the bigness of effort and outcome is what is important.

Well - what about that hug and kiss that you gave your 1st grader as she went out the door this morning. Or the cans and bottles that you took to the recycling center this weekend. Or, the sincere compliment that you paid to your friend. Or, the loving kindness that you extened to a person in need.

These we consider small things. They will not necessarily get you on Oprah, but they will make a big difference in someone's life - not to mention yours.

If we all did small loving things daily in a conscious way, they will certainly add up to greatness overall.

What small things can you do with great love? Right now - what can you stop to do that will make a loving impact? Do it. And then make a choice each day to do whatever you are doing with great love. Then watch your greatness grow!

Multitasking is a LIE

2006-09-05T12:32:00.000-10:00

Do you wear the term ‘multitasking’ like a badge of honor? Do you, with great pride, brag to your friends and coworkers that you can manage more tasks at once than an octopus? Are you convinced that you are much more efficient doing 2 or more things at once? I’m here to tell you that multitasking is a big fat LIE! Multitasking does not help us get more things done; in fact it reduces our productivity and efficiency and increases stress.

Corporate and social culture has created multitasking as a norm. With many companies doing more with less, and business owners having to straddle multiple personal and professional roles, there is a certain expectation to get it all done and be responsive to every beep and ring tone that demands your attention. As wonderful as communications technology has become, it has created the side effect of tremendous distraction.

Recent research has shown that when we switch from one task to another there is a lag in our brain’s ability to catch up to what we are doing next. Our brain requires time and energy to move from one task to another. So, when you are working on a project and are interrupted by a ringing phone or beeping email, your brain needs a bit of time to reorient to focus on the project. You actually take longer to complete your project because the time it takes to refocus your brain adds to the completion time.

Additionally, research indicates that habitual multitasking can actually increase stress. This happens because your perceived control, or the feeling of how much control you have in your world, diminishes. The other way that stress increases is that continued multitasking trains your brain to pay attention to distractions both inside and outside yourself, so it becomes naturally harder for you to focus. Less feeling of control and difficulty focusing on tasks = more stress. And who wants more stress?

The simple answer to the multitasking lie is to simply do one thing at a time. But how possibly can you do that when you’re juggling a big job, kids, and an attempt at a personal life? It’s all about shifting yourself away from the ‘shiny object syndrome’ of following that which captures your attention in the moment, towards a bit more structure. Read the rest of the article to find out how you do that.

You can listen to me talk about the lie of multitasking at my podcast, Coaching A Go Go.

Time for Confession

2006-09-05T12:25:00.000-10:00

I've been AWOL. I can't really call it a summer vacation - I'll call it summer chaos instead.

Here's what happens when you buy a house, move into it and start a new business: all normal routines go to pot!

Talk about unfocused, uninspired and energy only for the very basic life sustaining and organizing endeavors.

I actually was a little surprised at how easily I could let go of my lovely little blog posts, my monthly ezine, regular networking and all those other things that keep my coaching biz blooming and flourishing.

But, I'm also equally surprised that with a simple decision and a bit of planning I'm back on track with a new schedule that allows for all new and old endeavors to coexist in harmony.

So.... I'm back and ready to blog!

It's the Prep Work that Takes the Time AND Makes the Difference

2006-07-17T11:29:00.000-10:00

My husband and I just bought a house! A dream come true - not only do we own a piece of this Hawaiian rock, but I can now paint walls. I have been living for so many years as a renter inside the 4 sterile walls of white or some type of beige and now I can create the warm colorful home that I have envisioned.

Sounds fun, sounds easy, and I've painted before, so I thought it would be a piece of cake to simply slap a coat of sage green over the glaringly white walls of our new bedroom.

But, the first rule of homeownership - any project will take at least twice as long and cost twice as much. I grumbled this to myself as I discovered that the existing paint was peeling in one corner of my little room. I pulled and a whole sheet of thick latex came off in my hand. Rats! My little project has turned into a big one now.

So - I spent my Sunday peeling and scraping paint. It's about preparation. I suppose I could have satisfied my need for color and quickly slapped that sage green right up there, but I would have been peeling it off in the years to come. So, I might as well do the drudgery of the prep work now, so that I can lay in my bed, admire my luscious green walls and know that it was done well.

Scraping paint for 6 hours got me thinking about preparation in general and how important it is for our final product. It's true for just about everything: a presentation, a proposal or bid, a tough conversation, picking a health care professional, managing time..... But, I imagine if you're at all like me, you tend to just jump into making the decision, working on the project or painting the wall without doing the appopriate preparation.

I'm currently taking Lorrie Morgan-Ferrero's Red Hot Copy Bootcamp, which has been great. One of the great lessons that she's taught us is that before you write a word, you have to do your research - the preparation. The copy doesn't just bloom from you fully complete. There is a strategy that requires getting information, tools, and other resources before any writing even begins.

Where in your life could you be focusing on preparation instead of the outcome? Is there a project or particular area that continues to require your attention over and over? Are you simply slapping on a new coat of paint, when what is required is to scrape the walls?

I recommend that you take a look at those things that repetitively take up your time and devise a plan to take care of them once and for all. Do the preparation, whatever that means, and you'll find that you get to enjoy your results and you don't have to repaint it, unless you want to.

Turn Your Website into a Money Making Machine

2006-07-17T10:57:00.000-10:00

Believe it or not, you can build the greatest website ever, but unless you take simple steps to market it correctly, your visitors just won't come. Join me at a fr*ee teleforum on July 18 as I talk with Biana Babinsky, an online business consultant, expert and author, as she discusses how to turn your web site into a selling machine. You will learn how to:

get more visitors to your web site
get more subscribers to your newsletter
gain online recognition
sell more of your products and services
make more money online

It is fr*ee to participate and you will get a recording, but you have to register, so go do that now!

New Video from Sarah McLachlan and Why You Should Watch It

2006-06-30T10:27:00.000-10:00

Did you know that it costs $150,000 to make an average music video. And, that's not the bling bling version.

Sarah McLachlan made her newest video World On Fire, for $15 and then donated the rest of the money to help 1,000,000 women, children and men across our globe.

Watch the video. Not only will you learn about what it costs to support those in need around the world, but you may come away with a larger understanding of the value that we have placed on entertainment vs. ensuring the people around the world are living well.

That's what happened for me - and I'll never see another music video in the same way.

Do Your Kids Drive You Crazy?

2006-06-29T09:22:00.000-10:00

I hear from my clients all the time that their relationships, especially with their kids and significant other can create the most stress for the busy women with a business.

It's terribly difficult to be focused in your business and make effective decisions when you're worrying about the fight that you had with your partner last night. Worrying about family and relationship comes in high on the stress creator list.

As you may know, I am not only a Coach, but also a practicing marrriage and family therapist, and if family or partner stress tops your list, then I have some recommendations for you.

Don't feel bad if you struggle with your family relationships and need some advice or assistance. Mostly we learn how to be in relationship from our own family role models. So, look at your parents - likely how they acted with each other and with you provided a model for how you do it now.

Destressing With Your Kids
I interviewed a great parenting coach, Barb Desmarais, who gave some wonderful strategies on managing your kids' behavior. I recommend listening to that audio to hear some great strategies on basic discipline.

Have you seen Super Nanny, Nanny 911, or more recently, Shalom in the Home. All these new reality shows are about kids gone wild. The common denonminator are parents who are not providing appropriate boundaries and discipline. Every human needs to know what the boundaries are - kids especially. You know they will push and push until the reach the boundary. Remember, you have taught them their behavior, so with some new skills and some steely resolve you can unteach them. I recommend watching the shows above to get some great ideas.

Choices, consistency, and managing your own emotion are the 3 basics that I teach parents when they come to me with a parenting crisis.

Give your child choices that are appropriate for their age - and ensure that all choices are acceptable to you. Younger kids can have 2 choices, teens can have 3-4.

Consistency is crucial when dealing with your kids. If you say one thing and then cave under pressure, then you have just taught your child how to manipulate you. Don't say anything you can't uphold - mean what you say and your child will come to accept that.

When you have a bad day, do you come home angry and stressed out, taking it out on your family? Many do - but how is it that we have become better at being nicer to those outside our home, than those in it that we love the most. If you have trouble managing your own emotions, then I suggest you get some help from a therapist, coach, friend or mentor.

One of my favorite parenting resources is a Redirecting Children's Behavior trainer. With a motto of 'Peace Begins at Home' these trained parenting professionals can give you practical and effective techniques and tools to help you with all your parenting questions.

If you're feeling stressed about your kids, or your life as a parent, use one of these resources to get some help.

And, those of you out there who have some other great resources, click on the comment link and let us know what your favorites are.

How Not Taking Care of Yourself Can Kill You

2006-06-25T12:05:00.000-10:00

A few days ago I heard that my former cleaning lady, a lovely young woman, has terminal liver cancer. *#@* is what I thought! She's not even forty, with two young children and a loving self that gives and gives. How can this happen?

The part of the story that really made me sad was that she had been having many symptoms for many weeks and continued to ignore them, work through them and caretake everyone else around her until the cancer had progressed into an inoperable form.

I've been hearing a lot of these stories lately. A friend's husband died a few months ago from lung cancer - not even a smoker. He had an unusual cough that persisted for about 6 months before he went to have it evaluated.

And, at my recent women's retreat almost every woman had a story to share about significant illness or hospitalization as a result of ignoring signs of stress. These women admitted that they did not really know the signs that their body was giving them that they were beginning to run on empty until an injury or illness completely laid them out.

Why is it that we ignore our body's signs and signals that something is not working well? Is it fear? Is it the thought that it will just resolve itself and go away? Is it that we feel that there is not enough time to go and take care of ourselves?

I've been having some difficulty with my asthma these last few weeks. A very new occurrence for me and one that I've been a bit worried about. But, I haven't been to the doctor yet, choosing instead to continue to increase the usage of my inhaler.

What is more important than our good health? And, as we age, it becomes something we have to think about more and more.

As women we often are focused on taking care of everyone else - often to the detriment of our own health.

The bottom line is though - if you are sick, incapacitated, or goddess forbid dead, who will take care of your loved ones then?

Are you getting regular checkups? Here's what you should be doing at least once a year:

General physical with blood tests
Pap Smear
Dental exam and teeth cleaning
Eye exam

And, if you have particular health issues, you need to follow your doctor's recommendations for care and treatment.

Don't ignore your symptoms. Take care of yourself so that you are around a long time for your loved ones.

I'm going to the doctor today to check out this asthma. Is there anything that you need to making an appointment to check out?

Boost Your Business with a Blog

2006-06-23T11:09:00.000-10:00

Since you're reading this you surely know what a blog is. You probably even have your own blog. But, are you using your blog to the best of it's abilities?

A Professional Blog Gets More Traffic to Your Website and Turns Prospects into Paying Clients.

Register Now for this Fr*e*e teleforum as I present The Blog Squad, Patsi Krakoff & Denise Wakeman, who will share:

How a blog is different than a website
How a blog can boost your credibility factor
3 ways to make money with your blog
How to use your blog to promote your book, products and services

Whether you are a blog pro or a blog wannabe, you're sure to learn a tremendous amount from these blogging experts and come away from this call with new information and inspiration.

It's Fr*ee, but you do have to register!

Nancy Marmolejo - Latina Entrepreneur of the Year

2006-06-18T12:34:00.000-10:00

I love Nancy Marmolejo - my kindred coaching pal and co-host of our podcast Coaching A Go Go.

And I am so thrilled, excited and proud that a few weekends ago Nancy was honored as the Latina Entrepreneur of the Year by the National Hispanic Business Women's Association.

That's a really big deal for a women who decided to give up her career as a school teacher and jump into creating a coaching business so she could be more available to her cute as a button daughter just a short 2 1/2 years ago. And look out people - she went full steam ahead and has created a muy fabulosa business.

Yay Nancy! You deserve it.

10 Inexpensive Ways to Use Audio to Attract Clients

2006-06-18T12:12:00.000-10:00

Did you know that about 1/3 of the people that you are trying to reach are auditory learners? For an auditory learner the written word or even a picture can be meaningless, but a message delivered by a voice can create instant understanding and desire. That means that if you don’t have audio as a part of your marketing message you may be losing up to 30% of your potential clients.

In this f*r*e*e teleforum on Tues June 20, learn how to attract more clients with audio from Penny Haynes. From audio books to podcasting, Penny will cover the top 10 ways to use audio in your business. You will learn:

The two most important types of audio messages to put on your website

At least 3 audio methods to promote your services, expertise or products

How to create a sellable product with audio – while promoting yourself at the same time

Resources for your technical questions

It's f*ree, but you need to register - so go on over there right now and don't miss your opportunity to bring audio into your marketing strategy.

How Procter & Gamble is Using 600,000 Moms to Buzz Products

2006-06-17T09:30:00.000-10:00

Women Beware! The laundry detergent recommendation that you just received from a work colleague, along with a handy coupon, may be a result of a crafty big business marketing plan, and not just the friendly personal experience endorsement that you thought it was.

Personal recommendations, or word of mouth marketing, is powerful. And, as women we are drawn to buy products or services based upon the good word of friends and colleagues.

Big business has caught on! Noted in the May 29, 2006 issue of Business Week, business giant Procter & Gamble has been focusing on the powerful word of mouth marketing method and has enrolled over 600,000 women as their 'salespeople' for P&G products. The women are provided with specifically crafted product messages and coupons and then are expected to spread the P&G product word far and wide to their extensive social networks. They receive product samples in return.

You can call this smart marketing, but there seems to be a dark underbelly to this method.

This cadre of women have no obligation to divulge their connection to P&G and what they are receiving in return for their endorsement. This raises an ethical concern.

When you watch an ad on TV you know why it is there - the company is trying to sell you something. When you listen to your neighbor's presentation for health related products you know that you will be asked to consider buying.

When a friend at work tells you that they have achieved wonderful results from a P&G product and that you should try it, you would believe that they are simply sharing their experience with you - not delivering you a crafted marketing message from the product company.

We are already marketed to at every turn - do we want to turn our personal relationships into a product selling vehicle? Do we want to question the words of our friends and family and wonder if they are simply trying to sell us something?

Don't get me wrong. I'm a business owner and I whole heartedly embrace word of mouth marketing. I participate in network groups that function from this method, I buy direct sales products and my own business thrives or dies based on client's experience and recommendations.

However, when I talk to someone about coaching services, they know I'm a coach and that I might be interested in their business. It is a clear communication - the other person knows my interest.

In the P&G word of mouth method it is up to each woman to choose to disclose her affiliation with P&G. I'm sure some do and many don't.

What I would like to see is a requirement in this method for full disclosure, like mandated in the newly formed Word of Mouth Marketing Association (WOMMA).

I think we should know when our relationship is being used as a marketing opportunity. I'm not against this method, just when it's done deceptively.