the barefoot gal

just a wee update

2018-12-28T16:57:00.002-05:00

a few of you wandering souls might be wondering where did I vanish to. yeah lol me too.

sarah @ yesterday "JULIA ITS BEEN FOREVER SINCE YOU DID A BLOGPOST."

sorry...journaling kinda has taken over. 315 pages from Jan 1st 2018 - Dec 24th, 2018. I haven't done an updated count since lolol

we had a christmas party. the first of many. it was such a blast. meatball subs. cheesecake. secret santa. intense game of spoons.everyone fighting over bluetooth rights for our new speaker. all the laughter and chatting. playing nurse twice (inside story lol sorrry). idk, memories to keep for ever, I assure you.

we had about 3 days of sun all of December. this was one of those evenings. Sarah and I ran out each evening and watched the sunset. I about cried. I was so thankful I didn't have to work those nights. ah. sunshine, please, come back.

the library I work at collected 342 gifts for seniors in our community which I was honored to bring to the location that they would all be distributed at. IT TOOK 4 CARS TO FIT THEM ALL. xxx

well. i am going to go make pizza.
1 annoying thing: was running out the door to work this morning and dropped my breakfast on the driveway. was shaking so hard by 3 when I finally got food in me.
1 beautiful thing: all the patrons i've made friends with lately and the fun conversations we have. the holiday season brings people close and i love love love that.

p.s. what inspires you?

a few reasons why I love my job

2018-12-05T18:10:00.002-05:00

As a librarian, you get the chance to connect with so many different people on a fairly personal basis. The books that people check out indicate a lot about the person. I truthfully love my work space so much. and well, here are a few reasons why.

obviously a big one is that I'm around books allllll day long. haha! But truly, I'm not sure if you remember this poem that I wrote about two years ago?

"i saw a homeless man

he was sleeping on the streets of boston

cement for a bed and the sky as his ceiling

i saw a man older than my grandpa

he was checking out a clifford book

he saw the books in my arms and smiled

the man beside him said

"you'll be reading like that soon. real soon."

and you know what

maybe there is no parallel here

i just saw something

pain and beauty

and perhaps

that's how it was meant to be

for now"

I wrote this poem before I was hired at the library. Well, a few days ago I had a light bulb moment and realized the guy in front of me was the man who checked out the Clifford book. It hit me smack dab in the face that I've seen him for months, but somehow didn't make the connection and I promise you, I grinned like mad for two reasons. 1) His reading skills have advanced!! and 2) this is the community I get to be a part of daily. I was inspired.

now here is the question: should I let the guy know he inspired a poem or do I leave it be?

I was going to list more reasons why I love my job as a librarian, but at the moment, nothing else tops that. It's a space where I get to be creative and geek out over books and movies with fellow book friends. Not only is it an environment where I feel safe and welcomed, I feel as if I'm being inspired and growing.

A library is a fantastic place for a writer and poet to work at. Oh, if only you could grasp the character sketches I get! Basically, the library is the place to be. xxx

p.s. CHRISTMAS IS IN 20 DAYS WHAT IS THIS CRAZINESS

do we actually listen???

2018-11-25T17:00:00.001-05:00

are we actually listening to the needs of others
or are we more listening to their needs in hopes that
they will finally hear ours?

when I wrote that I was thinking about myself. I love to be heard. in fact, I crave to be heard. If I'm the only one who feels this way, I'll be incredibly shocked. We listen with a divided attention. Half of us truly wants to understand what the opposite person is saying, and the other half suddenly relates somehow or your little brain came up with something wise to say and you just cannot forget it. aka, you're not listening anymore.

It's really sad to realize that in the moment. I want to give my undivided attention but out of my own human nature, I suddenly feel the need for my wounds to be tended as well. There is a fine line between listening and caring. A truly caring person will listen with undivided attention. Not everyone has that skill, because once you find someone to open up to, I'm not sure we realize the gift we have. That or perhaps it's almost too terrifying.

Either way, I really want to work more on being a true listener in the sense that my words spoken aren't in the way to change the topic. When a person opens up to you, take it as a cry for help. Take it as an opportunity to help someone else heal their wounds.

so

are we actually listening to the needs of others
or are we more listening to their needs in hopes that
they will finally hear ours?

Maybe their isn't anything wrong in wanting to be heard, maybe it's just the ratio of talking vs listening that needs to balance out.

p.s. happy late thanksgiving and merry christmas

a letter because i miss you all

2018-11-09T22:05:00.002-05:00

hey all. I miss you.

It snowed here for the first time today. We are listening to Christmas music and I made apple sauce. I work 3 Saturdays this month and school is going well. I did my first presentation yesterday and I was so nervous. I thought about you guys when I stood front of the class. I told myself that I want to motivate and speak like I was writing a blogpost. I don't know my grade yet. I have almost all of my Christmas shopping done. Wilson really needs a car wash...also to be cleaned on the inside lol. Went to Shake n Steak for dinner tonight. They took forever to give me my food and then when they did I spilled mustard on my new shirt lololol. no worries, it came out. Josh Wilson has new music out and For King and Country has stolen my every heart beat with "Burn the Ships." I feel like 2018 flew by so fast. I told my Farm Boss that I'm probably not coming back next year..that was hard. My journal is filling up like mad. I dip my plain potato chips in ketchup and was told that is weird. is it? Hobby Lobby has so much amazing stuff. spend two hours there whoops. my family is awesome and my friends are too and God is amazing.

guys. i saw the words UNCONDITIONAL LOVE today and about cried. we live daily because of a God and Savior who understands those words. will I ever? idk. but thank you Jesus.

write me a letter too please xx tell me, what's new? what are you seeing and feeling? how is Jesus been showing you His unconditional love lately?

story behind "LIFE CAN BE ROUGH"

2018-10-26T09:58:00.000-04:00

when a brick wall gets thrown in your face

and you are left staggering, crying out for aid,

you’re not the only one.

we think pain seeks us out separately,

breaking you down, breaking your soul.

but truly, you’re not the only one unable to move.

you are not the only one who feels like you’re bleeding to death

with only a band aid in your hand.

fragile friend, wrap your brokenness in a blanket

and tell yourself it’ll all be a-okay for,

the shattered pieces are strongest together.

------------------------

once again, another piece I wrote for myself because I seriously ran head first into a brick wall that I did not see at all. I was blinded by a deep pain that I had been shoving off for a long, long time. Truthfully, my heart was bleeding to death and it didn't even feel like I had a band aid in my hand. okay, I'll go back a little and explain.

The past year has brought a lot of new and wonderful things. But also, a lot of new and stressful things. I'm learning lots, which I'm grateful for.. but in the same time, I've taken on a lot. It's all for a goal but these past few months started to choke me. and, well, I was staggering about and hadn't quite called out for aid yet. My mom noticed the emptiness in my eyes and offered a listening ear, which I'll never be more grateful for. [mom. you're the best]

and then, I cried out to God and asked Him to help me to smile again. is this silly? it can't be. in my poem I repeated over and over that "you are not alone. you are not alone."

Happiness is a choice. I thought for some time that I was just born with it, and while that may be the case, it's also something you can lose. I did lose it for sometime. It would show up every once in while, but then I'd feel that strange falseness and I wondered what had changed.

I had.

My situations had.

Where I was on a daily basis had.

My life had changed.

So my focus had to as well. I had to remind myself to smile and tell myself that it was a wonderful day. a lot of prayer time and Bible time. when people asked me "how is your day?" I would say "awesome!" and then I'd get a tilt of the head and "why... why is is awesome?" Sometimes I had a reply and others I would just grin and shrug, because the answer would have been "because I decided it was.."

I am feeling so much better. [how are you?]

p.s tomorrow is my blogs 5th birthday. wow huh?

I BUILT MYSELF A DESK

2018-10-17T07:00:00.000-04:00

for a super long time I have wanted to update my desk in my bedroom. it's a very small space but I love it soooooooooo much. It's changed so much over the past years lol (lets just say when it was my sister's when she was 8, it was hot pink..) and since it is small, I'm constantly on the search for space saving ideas.

AND HERE COMES THE DESK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD

can you say I'm excited? I sure think so. I went shopping with friends and we stopped in an antique shop and this girl is like "so the farm house stuff is this way, candles over there, this is the dog and there is barn wood in the basement."
yeah. I basically ran to that basement and returned with 4 boards that were promptly shoved into Wilson. which then the next day were sanded and screwed together and glossed. and then the next day hung up on my wall.

I. am. in. love.

Next time I do a DIY project like this I promise to film myself because I really always forget to do that lol but my room feels so much bigger and SEE THE MIRROR ON MY WALL? Yup found that at goodwill for $9. also in love <3

Let's just say homework is partly enjoyable now (only partly >.< I'm not that ill)

any questions? would you build yourself a desk?

(p.s. went to the dentist today and the hygienist that I've known since I was 5 years old thought my brother was a special guy friend because he opened the door for me and is so tall. that is a first lolol I do not think it's the last tho xD)

and we are all screaming SOS

2018-10-07T14:29:00.002-04:00

if I were to say I am good at one thing, it would be taking on too much. I am perfectly capable to achieve more and more, and I'm willing to stretch myself to constantly do, but I've stretched myself too thin. You may of noticed that I didn't post on Wednesday. I truly couldn't. My plate is piled high and wide and is toppling over. Between my works, college classes (and having to re-write my ENTIRE paper super last minute), and trying to soak in every last minute of summer, I had to say no to writing a post and it hurt.

this blog is a safe spot for me. I am comfortable sharing what is hurting me, what I'm learning, a message that I felt I could be open about...and losing that would deeply injure me. You see, I had a mini breakdown on Thursday because I just couldn't anymore. My super duper close friend told me to write about this because I'm not the only one who feels this way she said. I truthfully didn't think that way, but in a sense, it felt like that.

college is hard. life is hard. paying $3.10 per gallon of gas is hard. looking for another part time job is hard. getting rough peer reviewing responses on your paper is hard. looking at yourself in the mirror and wondering who you are becoming is the hardest of all.

My mom had a really good conversation with me because lolol she knows me best. She could tell that I have been shutting down. Getting my HAVE TO list done and internally dying because my creativity levels are zero and the smiles are becoming harder to give. A speaker in my class said "wow you guys are all just giving me a bunch of blank stares!" and we honestly didn't respond any differently to that. WE ARE ALL JUST SO TIRED.

the pressure to succeed is intense. the pressure to be the only you in intense. the pressure to follow your passion or not because that's just emotion that will change. LIKE IDK ANYMORE.

so if you're walking around feeling rather lost and broken, that isn't insanity or something. you just need to thrust yourself into company with people who honestly care about you and are willing to help you refocus...less on yourself and more on God.

Busy isn't bad, but losing yourself in that busyness is.

btw, I stayed up until 2 am talking to my mom on Thursday night. Then, I took Friday off of work and went to a corn maze with friends. I bought wood and am building my own desk. I feel a lot more like me. and now, I'm off to start building my gratitude wall. more on those two things later xxx

p.s. do you relate?

WHAT IS YOUR/MY PASSION??

2018-09-26T07:00:00.000-04:00

Last week, I took a career test with a friend for fun. Then I went into class and we all had to take the same test again (which made me laugh soooo hard) to see what whether our plans lined up with our skills, etc. It was extremely interesting for me to personally take the test but then I was able to see everyone else's test responses to the exact same questions and I was like "WOAH. WE ALL HAVE SUCH VERITY."

because in a classroom of 26 people, obviously we are all different, but I guess I didn't realize that multiple choice answers could bring so many individual answers. I got hysterical job choices like "window washer", "butcher", and "martial arts instructor". lololol but then like LIBRARIAN was on there and I did a little cheer in the classroom XD

the guy next to me got jobs all including animals, which he is actually going to school for, but I did not get that at all. (sorry people, animals aren't my cup of tea >.<) And then, we were asked to write a paper on something we are passionate about and have dealt with in our lives personally. sooo I decided to have fun with this and ask people : WHAT WOULD YOU SAY MY PASSION IS?

and then, I would love to do a post on the responses/what I feel my passion is.

+ I want to turn the tables at the end of that post and we will talk about your passions. I think its super fascinating to dig deeper into who we are, as well as encouraging each other to become more aware about what matters to you. xxx

LEARNING HOW TO EMBRACE THE PAIN IN CHANGE

2018-09-19T21:30:00.000-04:00

I've been a bit nostalgic lately. I often get this way once the seasons start to shift...so I start to think back to this time last year and remember what I was thinking and feeling before I was here now. Sometimes that can be painful, but as I've been learning, it is good too. This time last year, I hadn't become as strong of a person I am now, hadn't lost as much to realize the worth in it all, but most importantly, I wasn't the Julia I am at this second. Seasons shift and people do, but learning how to let go of what you've called normal for soooo long, is not easy.

I've been the person who said again and again "I AM NOT GROWING UP. I REFUSE TO CHANGE. NO NO NO NO NO" and while I thought saying those things might help, I realized my anthem was wrong. In a way, I was shouting for no responsibility, which I've found is not me. In a way, I crave responsibility. I like proving that I can work hard and meet goals.

I've finally sifted it out and have found what I was screaming that whole while was, I was scared to lose my childishness, that in some sorted way, I was going to be asked to give up being me. That hasn't happened and I can proudly say that through all the "adulting" I do, I still have time to play and stay creative.

change will always be scary (still is for me). wrap yourself around people who will be willing to say YOU'VE GOT THIS and then promise to do the same thing in return for them. never ever say "i can't" because that's when you'll stop growing, when change will break you, and when you can no longer say "looking back..that change was good." because you didn't embrace it.

kid. YOU'VE GOT THIS.

p.s read this poem i wrote last year on these exact feelings *points down*

--------------------------

listen close, my wonderful friend

there is a secret which i must spill

it is a secret which i am still learning to realize but here it is nonetheless

the change has become normal

change which we dread

and fight

and detest

has. become. normal.

it isn't something you notice right way

but one day it hits you as you're driving along saying how beautiful it is

that's when you remember how hard you fought this beautiful bc you didn't know it would be beautiful

at least that's how it was for me

slow down. breathe. it's a new normal. and it'll be okay.

xxxxxxxx

DOES DEFINING OURSELVES WITH STRONG WORDS MAKE US STRONG?

2018-09-12T07:00:00.000-04:00

I love words like brave, strong, undefeated, victorious, and tough. it's helpful to define yourself with a big, fearless word...you feel a bit more in control but much more capable.

as a poet, it is my job to use words in a way that explains the emotions I'm feeling, but in a way that you relate to. I want to empower you and so I've found myself using uplifting words. This habit is a good one, but lol yesterday while shelving books I noticed a common theme of some titles in the teen non fiction section.

They were declaring that you didn't have to follow the worlds rules, that you're to use your recklessness, and how to defeat fear. I understood then that we are trying to combat the major pressure and depression the youth of now are dealing with. I'm not apposed to that but I wonder if just the words make a difference or do you actually have to do something?

As of the 13th, I'll of been working at the library (MY DREAM JOB!!!!!) for one year. YES ONE YEAR. Its been the most fantastic year...truly. About a month ago, I started to intern there for a higher position. It involves more patron interaction/responsibility. Today, the 12th, is my first complete shift in that position.

In so many ways, I've been completely scared and completely confident. Scared that I'll forget everything I've learned and confident that I won't forget everything lolol but you get me. It's not easy to start anything new. My coworkers have been amazing -- encouraging me and telling me that I can do it. so I'm believing in that. Today I actually have to do what I've been dreaming of doing for so so so so long.

so I believe that words are important, but you have to do the scary thing behind that encouragement for it to count.

Yup, you're pretty amazing k (now go do something with that *hugs*)

ANY PLANS? XD XD

WHATS NEW IN YOUR LIFE

HEY, KID, YOU'RE NOT WORTHLESS

2018-09-05T20:36:00.002-04:00

i was born worthless, but because of the spotless Lamb, i am no longer so.

the words on that blue sticky note say " HEY. STOP PUTTING YOURSELF DOWN. EVERYONE ELSE WILL DO THAT FOR YOU, BUT ONLY YOU CAN DECIDE WHO YOU'LL BE TODAY. SO? WHAT WILL IT BE? <3 <3"

It's really important that I tell you these words because I've learned in the past year that people don't hear them often and nor to they believe them. You listen to the lies for two reasons:

1) they are the sounds that echo in the canyon of your heart.
2) they are repeated more often than the kindness we should be speaking.

These reasons are not necessarily your fault, but my friend, you must be strong. It's so easy to conform to the message you are hearing but I beg you to not. Your worth is not fixed on the values that other humans speak but instead on who God designed you to be.

"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (romans 5:8)

Our self-esteem is completely out of whack and off sync from where it is supposed to be.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." (2nd timothy 1:7)

We have been given gifts in who we are. Yes, we are sinful creatures who need a Savior, but there are still little tokens of gold that God created us with. And, I believe we are to use those. I feel that people often look at me and my life, thinking that I am a confident gal who knows what she has set out to do and will achieve that.

Guys, I sobbed 3 times in one single week because my silly plans weren't lining up anymore and I just didn't know what to do. I was so tired and giving my all to work, friends, family, food lolol, etc. I promise I'm going to write a blogpost all about that week because God did some amaazing things and still is.

I just want you to understand that who you think you are actually doesn't matter. Who you are in Christ does. Because truthfully, He is the one who we are to place our trust in - He gave up everything for me...who am I to do less?

The next time you look in the mirror and think "BLAH." remember that God doesn't know the meaning of that in you because, if you're a Christian, He only sees Christ...and well, that's a pretty big thing. xxxxx

p.s. I'm going to desperately try keeping up with blogging + classes + 3 jobs + friends + family + food + God + reading + washing my hair lololol so please bear with me >.< I am hoping to stick with posting on wednesdays, but truthfully it might end up being once a week on a random day. sorry peeps! THANKS FOR BEING FANTASTIC YOU'S

MY 19TH BIRTHDAY ADVENTURE

2018-08-29T06:30:00.000-04:00

crashing waves. spent $70 on gas and $13 on food. iced coffee. finding a random book store. playing chess. laughing at a book just on coffee cup lids. finding a piano and playing it. jamming to music for a total of 6+ hrs of driving. lots and lots of snacks (i.e cookies, 5 different kinds of chex mix, spicy chips, chocolate covered raisins, but also lots of stops because FOOD IS SO IMPORTANT.) about 5 million + 2 photos and videos. driving in the rain. in the fog. in the sunshine. in the clouds. in the dark. having better signal on the dunes than I do at home lololol. literally running down 3 miles of sand dune into total fog. nobody face-planted. "this is what heaven looks like." finding amazing rocks + me trying (and failing) to learn how to skip said rocks. having a picnic lunch on the sand dune. and then lugging everything back up it lolol. realizing the humidity had turned my hair into a complete curl/frizz thing. being so covered in sand. xx "first one to complain climbing back up the dune has to buy everyone ice cream" (nobody complained hahahaa) 6am wake up time to 1 am bedtime IT WAS A LONG DAY. and then the next day was editing the photos and sharing them with everyone. lolol.

I'm officially 19, people. o.o

p.s my first day of college is tomorrow. tips?

THE THING ABOUT "HAPPY"

2018-08-22T07:00:00.000-04:00

well...here we are, discussing THE THING ABOUT "HAPPY"

man, do I understand that title above very clearly. I feel like it's me in a sentence. A lot of the time I know that my happiness is often from the wrong reasons like;

A) circumstances that just so happened to go the way I wanted them to.

B) no annoyances, no problems, no running out of gas, not waking up with a cold, finding pop tarts in the cabinet, ya know, when things just seem to be going smoothly.

C) and things like those lol..............

I honestly want to shake free from this feeling of sadness when what I had planned goes "wrong" but happy when 1+1=2. it isn't that simple though, because this is a part of our human nature - I know. but urrrrghh, it frustrates me. -.-

Lately, I've seen these character traits coming out strongly in me. If I tried to describe all the reasons that have made me feel this way, you'd probably agree that I have reason to be a little down, but you'd also end up with a mile long post (lol like my journals do), so let's not go there.

but, I would dearly love to let you know that happiness cannot be placed in our plans, in our friends/family, our jobs, because time and time and time and time again, we will be failed. Even though I know this (and often tell others o.o hahahaa) it's still very helpful to write it out and declare it again.

I guess I'm trying to tell myself, it isn't failing to be reminded.

but it also isn't easy to pull yourself out of that hole of pouting because so and so didn't go your way... so stay strong, place your plans in God, and remember, that happiness is even in dark caves. so stomp on into today and tomorrow my friend -- you are so brave.

read this poem too k

ALSO IF YOU WANNA GO SEE THE WINNER OF THE POETRY BOOK GO HERE !!!

TWILIGHT TO DAWN'S 2ND BIRTHDAY + GIVEAWAY

2018-08-13T00:00:00.000-04:00

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPP!!!! guys, this is Twilight to Dawn's 2ND BIRTHDAY. I didn't think my poetry blog would surpass a few months and yet, here we are.

huge shoutout to AMANDA from SKGFUN for this pic

I find it fascinating to look back at how much my poetry style has changed and I truly want to thank all fantastic readers for sticking along with the almost 17 year old Julia to the almost 19 year old Julia. The fact that you have actually purchased my poetry books blows me away constantly. I don't have enough words to say thank you sooooo

I DECIDED TO BRAVELY SCRIBBLE AND SKETCH AND PUT LITTLE NOTES IN A COPY OF MY POETRY BOOK AND WELL
I'M DOING A GIVEAWAY WITH IT. (it's also signed shhh) (also idk why the rafflecopter isn't working right..just click on the link xxx)

a Rafflecopter giveaway

+ the giveaway is open to everyone in all countries!! so ennnttteeerrrrrrr!!!

also, a few things to celebrate

Lisa over at Inkwell did a SUPER AMAZING THING and had people use my poems as inspiration for short stories in her contest.
Kenzie over at Paper Pizza interviewed me after reading my entire poetry book !!! AH read the post here . she also posted amazing photos and made me wanna cry bc wow
I opened a insta for my poetry blog! That's been really neat to figure out what exactly I want to do with it xx
SO MANY TAGS. SO MANY PICTURES OF MY POETRY BOOK ALL OVER THE WORLD. literally cannot handle it
uhm. so. WE'RE ALL JUST A GARDEN FULL OF SOULS is like......in my library now. I KNNNNOOWWWWW
did a thing where I had people send me 1-5 words of what you're feeling and I'd turn it into a poem. wrote 24 poems in 24 hours.

I have grown so much this year alone. I cannot wait to see what happens next!!

ALSO IF YOU HAVE ANY RANDOM QUESTIONS ABOUT ANYTHING, ASK BELOW K *hugs*

(and yes, this is the same post on both blogs lolol I'm too lazy to write up something totally different again lol sorrry)

DEFINING BRAVE - MY THOUGHTS BEHIND THIS POEM

2018-08-08T07:00:00.000-04:00

I'm constantly finding new definitions in myself; words I didn't think meant a bit to me, suddenly mean the world. And, I love that, because I'm now carrying a thicker dictionary of who I am. does that seem silly? perhaps a little lol!

about two-three weeks ago I wrote the last poem in my journal that I had been filling since November. I told myself "this entry doesn't have to be special, just write." and so, I did. I started it in all capitals up top

DEFINING BRAVE

and without thought to the next sentences, filled in the lines below. this was born.

-------

one who is afraid.
one who doesn't let the fear conquer.
one who tells others to be brave.
one who isn't afraid to tremble.
one who loves while broken.
one who sings while sobbing.
one who can't give up.
one who was born to live.

------

each sentence written suddenly formed another and I was left with the first poem that meant so much to me, I wasn't ready to share it. (yes, I have sharing problems. lolol a 2nd oldest thing) but truthfully, it was because this poem (prose?) were my emotions. for two weeks, I was able to hide the fact that I wasn't brave, yet I told myself because I had written them, I was. #yeahright

this week has been long (and it's only half way through??), full of challenging situations. full of patience teaching moments. Both of those things are hard for me to deal with at the moment, but I also finally was strong enough to share DEFINING BRAVE with you all.

not because I was brave, but because I needed to be brave. ah, I think you'd all be surprised the meanings/feeling behind some of my poems lol

p.s. BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A SURPRISE NEXT WEEK.

WHAT HAS FORCED YOU TO BE BRAVE THIS WEEK???

IS IT HARD TO SHARE YOUR WORDS SOMETIMES?

JULY : A NO SPENDING MONTH + MY BUDGETING

2018-08-01T07:00:00.000-04:00

well, here I am! The overall response in my last post, asking you guys if you wanted a post on my no spending challenge in july was

“YES DO A POST ON YOUR BUDGETING!!!”

lol let me tell you, suddenly I felt very incompetent on my skills and how to explain what I did this last month but here I am anyways..lets see how this goes >.<

first off GRAB YOUR PLANNER. hopefully you have a weekly section that you use heavily, because that’s what I did lol. I’ve always wanted to learn how to budget plan but everything I used that was a legit budget planner NEVER WORKED and I found out why – because it was in a separate place/book. For me, to have something work, I need it to be in plain sight and easily accessible. Maybe I’m lazy?? Lololol

(btw I’m still using the happy planner I did a post on HERE I’ve bought extension packs, etc and I kid you not, this is what I’ve been looking for my entire life. I panicked at the price but I’ve been using it for over a year now which has totally evened it all out)

My #1 tip is to avoid stores. it sounds sooo lame but idk...its worked for me. I decided to be very cautious with what I spent in July, but I also when fun shopping with friends, bought ice cream, gifts, etc. I feel like this is a lot like when I went off sugar two years ago – I learned how to avoid certain things/places and the fact that I didn’t need everything that I thought I did. BUT ALSO TO STILL SPLURGE otherwise, keeping firm later on would be impossible. Everything in moderation, please. xD

Throughout the month, I kept track of everything I bought/where I bought it / how much was spent in the side of my planner. It was easiest for me to do this weekly. so usually Saturday I would compile the list, unless I had been able to stay on top of it during the week. I also wrote down how much money I earned, how much I had in my savings + bank account each week.

ANOTHER TIP : use cash for your fun purchases. Like I would keep a $5 in my purse so when a friend was like “LETS GO GET ICE CREAM” I knew that this was my fun money and it was totally a-okay. (also yes, ice cream is still a big thing in my life...)

I couldn’t wait for yesterday when I was finally able to tally up everything from the month of July. I was astonished to find that I had been able to curve my spending even thought I had felt otherwise. I spent nearly $200 in gas...which once again isn’t as bad as I thought lol! In the end, I noticed that I am growing my savings and now I know exactly where my money is going but I also know that budgeting isn’t impossible!

Perhaps this isn’t true budgeting? But it truly works for me. Now I have these spending patterns to look back on and go “okay Julia, spend a little less on your ice cream and put that into savings” or I can say “hey julia, the amount you are spending on ice cream is 100% cool.”

Sometimes when you work and work and work (#me) you lose sight of what you’re actually doing. For a while I was like “LOL I WORK HARD I CAN SPEND WHAT I WANT” and while that’s true, it’s not really the smartest thing for me to do. Also we are to be good stewards of what we are given xxx

LEMME KNOW IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS. Totally willing to explain things more if I failed to above XD

JULY MONTHLY WRAP UP POST

2018-07-27T12:21:00.000-04:00

WHERE TO START GOODNESS. it's been a fantastically summer filled month. also work filled >.< BUT THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT. I declared July as a low spending month for me, which was kinda hard because college starts next month... I wrote down every purchase, where/why I bought it and how much I made at the same time. it's been a very awakening thing! should I do a post on it??? also for king and country is slowing releasing their new album jsyk.

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Little sis : “hey can you help me with letting my fireflies go?”
Me : “sure” *opens door*
*little sis takes lid off of cup*
“Okay little guys it’s time for you to go. *turns cup upside down* *peaks inside* “come on! You too!!”

little boy I babysit : “I’m full!!”
Me : “too full for cookies?”
“Oh there is one empty spot right here” *points to rib cage* lolol

guy in store “do you need any help today?”
Me “no, thank you tho!”
Me mentally “do you know where my dad is”

so I'm in line at bank and these two people were talking about broccoli and the lady is like
“How do you get the worms out of the broccoli when you grow it? I cooked mine last time and had cooked worms”
Me : “Uhm soak it in vinegar and water beforehand .....”
Me mentally : “why do I know these things”

how i feel throwing weird info out of my brain

Sarah @bed bath and beyond “why are these adorable beds just sitting here wasting away? I'LL TAKE ONE “

Little sis *has cup of “coffee”*
*sips it* “hehe there is a warm breeze in there”
aka steam

Me : *goes to bank and opens 2nd savings account*
My dad : “ i didn't even know you were doing that. you’ve grown up”

me, Sarah and Bree taking selfie
*sarah clicks button to snap photo*
*screen turns off instead*
*uncontrollable laughter*

Me : “hey fam everyone pitch in a dollar and let’s go get a huge tub of ice cream”
1 min later
“ k lets go" (yes, we went)

*in car* *drives past man frantically going towards sprinkler*
Me : “I don’t think that was a sprinkler”
Sarah “me either”

Bro : “oh. Mom put the ladybug plant in this”
(Me and I bro think cilantro taste like dead ladybugs. Don’t ask)

Little sis : “it says no swimming in the Bible”
Me : “what?”
Little sis : “yup!”

“It’s no fair that you get a birthday in the summer. Mine is lopped together in during the season of fatness” - Sarah

Me : “what would you think if I told you I was going to sell Wilson?”
little boy I babysit : “wait..to me?!”

my mom :“getting old is for the birds”
My dad : “not really. Birds die rather young...what does that mean anyways?!”

how i need someone to wake me up in the morning lol^

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2 FANTASTICALLY SUMMER THINGS FROM JULY

WANT A POST ON MY JULY NO SPENDING CHALLENGE?

LOL WHEN WAKING UP IS HARD

2018-07-18T07:00:00.000-04:00

i love the feeling of waking up early after you've made it through the awful waking up process. you get me?

P.S i accidentally turned off my alarm this morning and sarah came in my room like "YOU'RE LATE FOR WORK" lololololol so lets move on with this post with that in mind. >.<

I work 3 very different jobs which all have different starting times. 3-4 days of the week I'm up at 6-7am and then usually work until 6-8pm. but then there is friday in which I only work a 2 hr shift typically???

ITS ALL SO MUCH TO KEEP IN ORDER LOL, which is almost fun, but also it makes it difficult to keep a strict sleeping schedule for myself. I'm also known for having my shut down time where I literally just stop talking and people look at me like ??? and I'm like "night folks"

also I learned that caffeine at 7pm is a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad idea. I made myself an iced coffee last week because I had 5 hours of sleep on a 13 hour work day and well... I basically was up for 20 hours straight because the coffee was a little too strong *facepalm*

so here are my pro tips

go to bed early but not too early. I've learned that if I try to hit the hay too early I lay there and THINK. #firstworldproblems
reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!!!! I'm such an advocate for bedtime reading. turn your phone off (but maybe leave the finding neverland soundtrack please) and read.
prepare as much as you can for the day ahead. it helps yourself chill and relax so you don't have to lay in bed and think lol
have soft lights on when reading. the brighter your light, the more likely you are to feel awake even tho you are tired.

FOR WAKING UP

set more than one alarm (that way you don't hit off LIKE I DID THIS MORNING LOL)
also set that alarm earlier than you need to so you can hit snooze once. Ahh the beauty in that feeling xD
open your shade/turn lights on and your happy music
think about the exciting things that you either planned or don't have planned for today. KEEP SMILING xxxx
or best of all, have a Sarah to wake you up, just in case. lololol

what are some of your tips??

when do you normally wake up/go to bed?

A CHALLENGE FOR YOU

2018-07-11T07:00:00.000-04:00

I'm afraid we are all fairly disconnected despite the amount of connection we have....
is that completely absurd or what? and, even though I would love to go into detail about that, I feel as if a) we feel stuck (after all, this is the age we are living in) or b) don't care lolol or c) already know and are looking for ways to change.

WELL, I HAVE AN IDEA.

I WANT EVERYONE TO SEND LETTERS TO EVERYONE :)

now, I'm aware this isn't original, but I really loved it awhile back when letter mailing had become a phase again. this summer, one of my best friends has been at camp where the wifi is weeeaaaaak to say the least (we squeal when she finds random chairs with good reception >.< lolol) so we've been sending letters!

FIRST OFF SHE IS LITERALLY THE MOST CREATIVE PERSON EVER. I am saving our 2018 summer letters forever. And, even though I love the speed of texting/the conversations you can have that way, I adore the fact that I can save this letter in my journal for years *fingers crossed nothing happens to that beloved thing of paper* o.o

annnyways. I wanted to challenge myself/you guys to do a darling thing.

WRITE ONE LETTER A WEEK. we surely have enough time for a short one even! ;) so mail one to your bestie who lives 10 minutes away, to your grandparents on the opposite side of the state(s), your special someone, your mail lady (or man lolol), LEAVE A RANDOM NOTE IN A RANDOM PLACE xxxxxxxx

let it be encouraging and let it be the bearer of smiles

be brave in the words you say. Say the I love yous and thank yous your heart is burdened to say.

ALSO IF YOU WANT TO BE SUPER FANTASTIC #ONELETTERAWEEK2018 on insta so we can all see them? YES YES YES
also also its a blast to make them adorably artsy. EEP ITS SO FUN I PROMISE.

LETS DO THIS THING !!!!

are you joining?

when was the last time you wrote a letter / or received one?

ARE WE LOVING OURSELVES?

2018-06-27T07:30:00.000-04:00

I wonder if we replayed the compliments we’ve received to ourselves over and over again, if we would learn to stay for our worth.

If instead it being called vanity but rather it being that we are needed and our given talents are rare.

After all, we all are aware that we beat ourselves up over little things. maybe we could break the cycle of the negative being the focus and brag on ourselves

I mean, God really does love us. Live as such.

I wrote these words because I was pulling weeds in the onion patch and quite literally felt like quitting. I had hardly slept and had a big day ahead, which was a terrifying thought as I could hardly open my eyes at that point. I wasn't feeling like much of anything (ok I was. i felt like ew lol)

as I'm sitting here with 3 out of 10 fingers painted because I didn't have enough time to finish them, I want you to know that actually makes me laugh. I'm not embarrassed; its okay. it's just that I screenshot any time someone reposts one of my poems and have a little folder on my phone with them all. (VAIN???? idk) I'm constantly blown away by the little things that people say that make me wanna cry.

We are all worth so much. Listen to the kind words spoken and take the not-so nice ones with a grain of salt. Learn how to pick apart jealously, helpful critiques and just plain meanness. let yourself rest for a bit. Encourage yourself for a moment and then go encourage someone else to do the same.

LETS REWIRE THE CYCLE.

p.s I opened an insta for my poetry blog (@twilighttodawnblog) also gO reAD THIS POST NOOOW

ALMOST END OF THE MONTH POST

2018-06-20T11:42:00.002-04:00

JUNE (so yes this post is kinda early lol but ENJOY)

my mom “it was nominated for 4 enemy awards”
me “mom?... Grammy awards?”

guy on tv “I would be so scared and run away from that shark!”
me “you can’t run in water”

Me “let’s go get your hat! Look at this cool paw patrol hat!!”
Kid I babysit *puts it on* “I am a man”

Me “it’s 71 now! It was 70”
Bro “hurrah for you and your knowledge”

co worker “hey I finally remembered to take my name tag off!”
me *looks down at shirt* *sees name tag*
“lol whoops”

went to Kentucky and it was 96 and 89% humidity

Me on walk with family *sees grassy cliff edge*
“AS YOU WIIISSSSH.” “OH MY SWEET WESTLEY WHAT HAVE I DONE”
so I said that super loudly and then look up to see strangers also on the path *dies*

I ran my hand thru my hair and found a piece of popcorn?????..

Kid I babysit “are you old? Are you KINDA old?”

Me : “first person to sneeze has to buy ice cream “
Also me : *sneezes*

Bro “what does rice a roni look like? Can you open the pan and let me see?”
Me “no, it’s cooking and that would ruin it.”
Bro “I’m telling you to”
Me *raises eyebrow*
Bro “IM JOKING”

me *catches swim googles my bro threw to me*
Little sis “you are so talented!”

Me *is struggling to zip up bros life jacket*
Bro “come on woman, you work at a farm! YOU GOT THIS”

sarah : next year you'll be 20
me :

don’t grind pepper outside on windy day. It hurts in the eyeball

also people learn from me, let your food cool before you eat it. I burnt the roof of my mouth twice REALLY REALLY BAD in like a time period of 10 days (like it hurt to eat for 3 days after)

Bro “hey Julia what do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?”
Me *tries to be funny* “a zoomerang”
Bro “a stick”
Me “...”

me *has flowers in hair* “are they wilty?”
Sarah “go take a shower and water them”

my life :

me: oh man look at this bug bite!!!
also me : "I sure hope they aren’t chicken nuggets”
friends “Julia...”
me “oh chicken pox”
the we broke out into laughter bc WHAT IN THE WORLD JULIA LOLOL

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LOL 2 AWESOME THINGS THIS MONTH
AND TWO AWKWARD THINGS

IS THE MUSIC YOU ARE LISTENING TO HELPING YOU?

2018-06-13T07:00:00.000-04:00

I'm big into music. it's incredibly rare that I don't have it playing in some form. I love a wide variety of music as well.

Christian contemporary (FOR KING AND COUNTRY, NEEDTOBREATHE, MATTHEW WEST, BRANDON HEATH, HANNAH KERR, PLUMB, JORDAN FELIZ, DAVID DUNN, TAUREN WELLS, RYAN STEVENSON AND MORE)
Jazz. oh man, my lovely jazz.
ALL THE MOVIE SOUNDTRACKS EVVVVVVVVVVERR ( hello dolly, music man, mary poppins, like everything disney, ya know, veggietale silly songs with larry)
just plain piano. so calming
but also some 50's-80's music?? LOL

so music means a lot to me. I practically have it coming from my pocket always lolol (IF ONLY I KNEW HOW TO PLAY AN INSTRUMENT oh sadness) and the other day when I was working in the garden, listening to For King and Country's album RUN WILD. LIVE FREE. LOVE STRONG. for the 501408527068th time (I'm basically addicted to this album rn and listen to it constantly lol) and the song that was on was "MATTER" and it basically was going

"you matter. I hope you know you matter"

and I was struck with how glad I was these were the words that I were hearing because the thought of hearing

"you don't matter. YOU REALLY ARE DIRT"

would hurt and after a short period of time I would believe it and well....I think that's a really sad place to be. I felt loved to hear that I mattered and felt empowered by the thought of God is love and He created me and in this moment what I'm going through matters. That He already knows about it.

I feel like the world has romanticized pain and having a self image of BLAH. I don't listen to a lot of popular/new music but I think if I picked 5 random ones, they would be about heartbreak, love, sadness or being lost/empty/searching for something.

in part, I want to thank the artists who choose to uplift and praise with their talent. impact is being made. lasting waves are taking effect. love is being felt. and on the other hand, I would love to ask you to use your talent as such. I'm afraid that joy is slipping through the cracks of a very empty land. so i pray,

Oh God, bring peace to this troubled land.

FAVORITE SONG(S) RIGHT NOW???

THOUGHTS ON THE LYRICS IN THE SONGS YOU'RE LISTENING TO RN ?

p.s. ceasefire and matter and live long and .. well. lol. you should really just listen to the album from for king and country through. it's like a book xxxx

A LETTER TO ALL THE BABY GRADUATES

2018-06-05T07:30:00.000-04:00

Dear Baby Graduates of 2018 (but also next year, etc),

Congrats on surviving. You just accomplished one of the first big things on your LIFE to-do list. And, yes, I really mean that. At the moment you are probably feeling a mixture of cloud nine excitement and OHHHH HELP ME WHAT AM I DOING?!!?!? those are both incredibly valid feelings, I assure you.

First off, if you know what college you are going to, what you're doing, and when you're going to be getting your degree, I applaud you. and if you don't, I support you. If you're taking a gap year, I am thrilled for you because there is an adventure beyond what I expected in that. In fact I'm going to go as far as to say I encourage taking a gap year. I did. At first that was so easy for me to decide. Then I had to sit through my friends leaving for college and the question of "what's next for you?" being answered with a "eh. not sure yet?"

IT WAS HARRD. I felt unaccomplished. Like I had failed to hit a certain step of graduating..the "next" step. I'm not anti-college. actually lol I'm taking a few classes this fall (!!!!!!!!!!!!) but I stand for letting God direct your next step. which tbh I look back on and think "julia you didn't know it was God then...." so don't feel like OH SHE KNEW when really I was thrashing around hoping something would come of something lololol

and welllllll it did. God did it. He still is, if I'm honest. so when you're feeling discouraged and overwhelmed by papers to fill out (either college forms or job applications), don't be. You're the first you to graduate but you surely aren't the first. Ask around. Glean from other people and the information they've learned... often you'll be given sound advice and some things you can just smile and nod and say thanks for. lolssss but GOSH don't do something bc of pressure or if you feel a sound "no" from somewhere.

To end this, know that I'm praying for you. This time is as if two french doors (PLEASE TELL ME YOU WATCH FIXER UPPER PEOPLE) have been swung open and you're blinded by the whiteness. (lol if you don't feel that way I am so happy for you <333333)

LEMME KNOW IF YOU HAVE PLANS SET IN PLACE (oh. i feel like one of those people who I was like *facepalm* at...i am so sorry but lol I wanna know?????????.... yeek)
OR IF YOU'RE WINGING IT

WHAT MAKES YOU SPARK(LE)????

2018-05-30T22:35:00.000-04:00

I almost asleep when I forced myself to write that down. and, when I mean almost, I mean legit my eyes were sealed shut and I could have thought I was dreaming or something. but no, I wrote it down instead. I tell you, late night inspiration is annoying.

what makes you spark? or sparkle? (legit can't decide which I like better, so am going with both)
at first, I was like WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? so I pondered it. aka googled the words.

EMITS SPARKS OF FIRE OR ELECTRICITY. duuuude. uhm. yessss *nods vigorously*

A GLITTERING FLASH OF LIGHT. how can that be sooooooo inspiring??? like legit. I WANNA BE A GLITTERING FLASH OF LIGHT!!!!

I am known for going into a frenzy over what is right and what is not. Ask any of my closest friends, my family, etc. They probably have all had one or a few conversations with me while I rant about the insufferable driver that passed me on the road, or about all the junk in books these days, how people view themselves lowly when they're really suuper fantastic --- etc etc etc.

I spark when I have a surge of passion. or perhaps that's a sparkle. tbh, it could be both.

I just want you to know you're actually born with a vivid passion, that you were given to use. also IM REALLY CURIOUS AT TO WHAT MAKES YOU SPARK (OR SPARKLE LOL which one do you prefer?? lemme know in the comments below!!)

SPARK OR SPARKLE?!?!?!
WHATS YOUR PASSION DUDE?

MAY MONTHLY WRAP UP

2018-05-23T07:00:00.000-04:00

“I LOVE BAREFEET!!!!” - little sis

guys it’s hit 82 on May 1st IM HAAPPY

I was early to work twice this month. The first day was sunny so I got a blanket out and sat on the grass in the sun reading letters and then the 2nd time it was pouring so I sat in my car journaling IT WAS AMAZING. Try it bros

we literally found a piano in the mall that screamed PLAY ME so we did and it was the beeessst

“Wait. YOURE AN ADULT? You’ve got to be kidding me” - child I babysit
me :

literally was digging my hands into the earth and it started to rain then thunder
Me “how could i get any more earthy rn”

COMPLETED A 30 DAY AB/LEG WORKOUT. (Turned out to be like 45 days lol) but dudes I did a 2 minute plank OWWWW

also I drove home and got stuck behind a tractor
me "k. i turn left up here and you go straight PLEASE"
tractor *turns left*
me: -_-

I started to sew a dress and almost got it done in one day..sooo close

also this

BOUGHT A PAIR OF OVERALLS. I’ve been wanting them forever and then I went shopping and they were on sale

So like we bought a new grill and we stuffed in the back of Wilson.. lolololol as my dad said
“it’s a good thing you don’t have a small car with the things you do”
*starts a list of weird things I shove in my car*

Sarah “when I’m around books I get really thirsty”

Me : *is reading poetry* “but you cannot grow if you are bitter”
Bree : “Uhm excuse me tell that to spinach”

WHEN JACK JOHNSON STARTS PLAYING IN THE STORE

drove past farm depot at night and part of the sign light was out so it’s like “arm depot”
me “MOM PULL OVER. I NEED TO GO GET MY SPARE ARM”

obsessively journaling every spare moment I get while working a 45 hr work week just to cope

hahhahaha so I was sleeping and then woke up at 12:30 am like “oh time to get up”
me:

so Sarah, Bree and me went to Olive Garden and the hostess is like “are you two twins?”
me and Sarah “lol no”

also 3 ladies at goodwill thought we were twins so we are fairly certain we are now

me in store talking and says “WHAT” really loudly
also me “okay that was awkward it just echoed in the whole place”

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well, there you have it. May in a bunch of random moments XD so many more things happened + lots of work hours but super thankful for laughter and a mini vacation I'm sneaking away to this weekend. BRING IT ON (also if you have purchased/received my poetry book, comment below bc I'm trying to work on a project with all you peeps. thx!!!)

thoughts on may going by super fast??

funny family moment?