Offshore Fishing Report: April 2012
Capt. Scott Bussen 

Far be it from me to say, I told you so, but… I told you so.

The cobia season was a bust! I’m not sure who to blame, but if I had to point the finger at somebody, I’d find a way to blame the National Marine Fisheries Service and the South Atlantic Fisheries Management Council.

Unfortunately, unlike NMFS and SAFMC, I rely on facts and logic to make my educated decisions. I’m not a marionette being controlled by a bunch of enviro-terrorists funded by Big Oil. The facts are these:

1. We had an extremely warm winter.

2. The water temperatures remained warm. Without the inshore waters cooling into the 50s and lower 60s, it kept the cobia from being concentrated in a relatively small area where the water was between 67 and 71 degrees. In addition, there’s not any cold water north of our area to stop the fish from going north. What you end up with is a run of fish that is extremely scattered and continually migrating through our coastal waters. And that, in a nutshell, is your recipe for a rather dismal cobia season. It’s a real shame too, because we really had some great weather! Mark my words — the aforementioned SAFMC will likely use this spring’s low cobia landings to claim they were overfished over the last couple of years!

One fish’s dark cloud is also a bright, shiny day for some others. In other words, the warm water may have hurt the cobia season, but it helped the kingfish and dolphin bite in a good way. I’m not sure I can recall another March when the dolphin fishing was so reliable. The dolphin were caught by people fishing the reefs for kingfish and they were caught by people trolling the deeper waters, too. They weren’t big, but most of them were small gaffers with a few bailers mixed in. Also, toward the very end of the month, a few nicer fish in the 20- to 40-lb. range started showing up. The only downfall for the trollers was the lack of weedlines, edges, and trolling structure.

As long as the water conditions hold, I expect the dolphin run to continue to improve in April. Should we have a few days of a slight southeast breeze, there’s always the possibility of some nice weedlines forming. If this happens, the fishing could get red hot.

In addition to the ‘phins, there should be an occasional wahoo, sailfish or blackfin tuna making an appearance. This time of year I like to troll naked ballyhoo rigged on mono leaders to target the dolphin and sails. I’ll fish the naked swimmers near the teasers on flat lines and outriggers. If you fish lever drag reels, you can leave the reel engaged just above free-spool. When the fish grabs the bait it can swim off naturally and swallow the bait. All you have to do is let the fish run for a few seconds, then push the lever up to strike, and reel the line tight to set the hook. This technique is deadly on the ‘phins and sails alike. I’ll also usually fish an islander/ballyhoo combo rigged on wire on the shotgun and/or downrigger to target the wahoo.

As I mentioned above, the warm waters also kept the kingfish hanging around last month. There were fish caught from Cris Benson all the way down to Pelican Flats. There were some giant fish caught in the northern areas, like Cris Benson and the Coast Guard Bottom. The fish were averaging in the thirties and fish were caught around 50 lbs. Over the last couple of days of the month those fish seemingly vanished, but maybe they’ll reappear or show up somewhere else. The fish on 8A and Pelican flats were smaller, but those areas seemed to be holding a few more dolphin and an occasional wahoo.

With the water being clean and warm, live bait should be a priority if you want to go catch the kings — especially if you want to target the bigger fish. You may need to have darn good cast net, because the pogies have been inside the Port channel on many mornings. Pack at least a box of sardines just in case the live bait is unavailable the day you try. Being that we may see an early spring, there could be some fairly substantial schools of kings on any given day. If this happens, there’s a good chance that some blackfin tuna will be mixed in with the kings. Don’t be surprised to see a wahoo or cobia appear in the action as well. If you do see a wahoo inshore, it will likely be a big one feeding on the smalller kings.

Personally, I’m gonna try not to bottom fish until May when the grouper open back up. But if you’re a glutton for punishment, be my guest! You may want to pack a whole ton of extra bait and maybe a spare prop. If you run out of bait, the red snapper may chew the prop right off your boat.

Either way, get out and enjoy the sweet weather. If the summer is anything like the winter was, we may be in for some serious heat!

See ya on the pond!

Inshore Fishing Report: April 2012
Capt. Jamie Glasner

The fishing this past month was unreal. Let’s just hope that April will be be the same…

Now that the cobia are pretty much gone, we can start focusing on the tarpon! I know it sounds early, but they are here and there are more on the way as more pogies start showing up on our beaches.

It can’t get any better when you’re out in the ocean on a dead-calm day with 80- to 120-lb. tarpon laid up on the surface just waiting for you to pitch a bait out. You get that perfect hook set in the corner of its mouth and it takes you for a fight that will test all your angling abilities. Just remember one thing: “Bow to the King.”

A lot of good and bad things have been going on in the river; let’s start with the bad. I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but in the last couple weeks here in Cocoa Beach our water and sewage treatment facility failed. As of right now, they’re still unsure as to how much of the 10 million gallons of raw sewage flowed into the Banana River. I think this is totally unacceptable. If I were you, I wouldn’t eat any fish out of the river until it is cleared. There were no reports of any fish being killed, but it sucks to know that we’re destroying our river and our backyard fishing.

To get your mind off the sewage spill, the redfish and trout bites have been exceptionally good in the north Banana River and the Indian River. With the trout spawning, this is a great time to put the kids in a lot of action. On most of my charters we’ve been catching 40 to 60 trout in a half-day trip, which is a lot of fun and non-stop action. All the trout have been caught on artificials, my favorite being the Mirrodine, made by Mirrolure. That lure always seems to produce a strike; same with your jerk baits and jigs. Most of the trout have been caught in 2 to 3 feet of water, especially on the drop-offs. The redfish, on the other hand, have been a little too stubborn for my liking; one day you have no problem catching them on artificials, and the next they’re super picky and only in the mood for bait. That’s fishing, though!  The Zoom pearl-white jerk bait and the new penny jerk bait by Gulp have been pretty successful. If they won’t eat artificial, switch to the cut bait. That will always produce fish.

Well, that’s all I have for ya, so ’til next month — good luck on the water!

Gentleman’s Excuse Last year, the Cape Town, South Africa, “gentlemen’s club” Mavericks began selling an Alibi line of fragrances designed for men who need excuses for coming home late. For example, as men come through the door, they could splash on “I Was Working Late” (to reek of coffee and cigarettes) or “My Car Broke Down” (evoking fuel, burned rubber and grease).

Crappy Idea Like many cities, Taipei, Taiwan, has a dog-litter problem that has proved unsolvable, as citizens continue to ignore pleas to pick up after their dogs and keep sidewalks clean. Finally, city officials designed a successful program (announced in December): a dog-poop lottery. Anyone handing in a bag of dog litter would get a ticket (one ticket per bag) to a drawing with prizes ranging up to pieces of gold worth the equivalent of about $2,000. (Citizens would be on the honor system as to whether the “litter” in the bag came from a dog or from another source.)

Two Peas In A Pod Newspapers in Sweden reported in January that two of the country’s most heinous murderers apparently fell in love with each other behind the locked doors of their psychiatric institution and, following a 26-day Internet-chat “courtship,” have decided to marry. Mr. Isakin Jonsson (“the Skara Cannibal”) was convicted of killing, decapitating and eating his girlfriend, and Michelle Gustafsson (“the Vampire Woman”) was convicted of killing a father of four and drinking his blood. Said the love-struck Jonsson (certainly truthfully), to the newspaper Expressen, “I have never met anyone like (Michelle).” The pair will almost certainly remain locked up forever, but Gustafsson, on the Internet, wrote that she hopes they will be released, to live together and “have dogs and pursue our hobbies, piercing and tattoos.”

Tightening Their Belts Apparently, not only will there be fewer overall resources for disabled people in Greece (due to government austerity), but the resources will be spread over a larger number of recipients. The Labor Ministry in January expanded the category of eligible “disabled” (with reduced-amount payments) to include pyromaniacs, compulsive gamblers, fetishists, sadomasochists, pedophiles, exhibitionists, and kleptomaniacs. The National Confederation of Disabled People said the changes would inevitably reduce funds available for the blind and the crippled and other traditional categories of need.

Elation Information Part-time Devon, England, vicar Gavin Tyte, who serves churches in Uplyme and Axmouth, recently produced a rap video of the Nativity, in which he plays a shepherd, an angel and the narrator. Sample lyrics (about Mary placing her baby in a cattle trough and angels calming the frightened shepherds): “No hotel, motel, custom baby-changer/She wrapped the baby up and laid him in a manger” and “Chill out, my friends, there’s no need for trepidation/Got a message for the world, and it’s elation information.”

Oh, Brother In February, Kenneth Gunn, of the UK’s Scottish Borders Council, decried the budget cutbacks that closed down local offices that had previously posted marriage notices. By making it more difficult for the public to be aware of specific marriages, Gunn feared an inevitable increase in incest. “I am aware in my own ward of brothers sitting beside sisters they do not know in primary school.” (The problem is more serious in Iceland, whose 300,000 people are far more self-contained. However, a new website containing genealogical data back 1,200 years is expected to help reduce the risk of incest.)

A Very British Sport The UK household services broker LocalTraders.com announced in December that it is planning, for central England in 2012, a “world watching-paint-dry championship,” with a short list selected on “mental strength, concentration and endurance.” Finalists will be asked their favorite color, which will be painted on a wall, and whoever stares the longest without turning away will win. Said a spokesman, “Previous paint-watching experience is not essential.”

Car Art Two British designers (who claim they had the idea independently and learned of the other only after they finished) recently produced elegant pieces using parts from a 2012 Ford Focus. Judy Clark made a dress and a biker jacket adorned with car keys, radio and dashboard components, seat covers, a speedometer, and red taillights. Katherine Hawkins created a necklace using dials, springs, buttons, seat materials, and instrument panel switches.

Hot Potato! An elite squad of six Chinese soldiers, performing a training ritual for a public audience in Hong Kong in January, stood in a circle and passed a satchel of live grenades from man to man, counting down to the expected moment of explosion. At the last possible second, the man caught holding the satchel discards it, and all dive into a hole for protection. At the exhibition, according to Chinese Central Television, it worked out fine.

ACME Holes Fritz Gall, a self-described failed inventor, opened the Museum of Nonsense in Herrnbaumgarten, Austria, recently to pay homage, apparently, to even greater failures than his own. Among the exhibits are the “portable anonymizer” (a stick holding a black bar that one holds over his eyes to obscure identity), a transportable hat rack, a bristleless toothbrush (for people with no teeth), and a “portable hole” (similar to those that appear in the ground whenever the Road Runner needs something for Wile E. Coyote to fall into).

Tallulah

The first thing I remember is being in a kiddie pool, squirming around with all my brothers and sisters.

After we had all opened our eyes and grown a bit, lots of people came to look at us. They picked us up and played with us a bit, and sometimes they would point to one of my siblings and say, “That one.” Our mom had to stay outside while the people came, but she jumped against the door the whole time, trying to get in so we wouldn’t be alone with these strangers. Eventually, my family came to look at us. The small one pointed at me and one of her parents picked me up and took me out of the pool. I tried to give them playful nips, but apparently humans don’t like that, especially when you still have all your very sharp baby teeth. They glanced at a few of my siblings, but the small one was adamant that I was the one. After deciding to name me “Tallulah” and promising to come back, they left for a while.

We went home together, and they taught me how to be a good dog. The large male was “Father,” and he was in charge; the large female was “Mother,” next in command; and the smallest one was “Child,” the next-next in command. They taught me not to chew on the furniture, or other humans, and gave me treats when I did things right, like sit or stay when they told me to.

My humans take good care of me, and I take good care of them. I protect them, barking at anything threatening and giving them a soft thing to hug and pet. They used to give me toys to play with and ropes to tug on, and would throw things for me to chase. I am too old for most of that now, but I can still tear the stuffing out of a teddy bear in three seconds flat. They took me to an animal doctor to give me all sorts of shots to make sure I would not get sick. That place still scares me a bit, but when we have to, I go reluctantly because I know it’s for my own good, and then bolt for the door when I know we are done.

They can’t help the cancer I now have, but they’re doing their best to make sure I’m as comfortable as I can be. My leg hurts sometimes, but they give me pills to make it feel better. The best part is that I’ve discovered that if I spit the pills out, they’ll wrap them in all sorts of yummy things like turkey and ham for me! Child and Father see that I will be okay for a while, but I totally have Mother wrapped around my finger.

I can get Mother up at two in the morning to play with me if I make enough noise, and she’s the one who puts the most meat around my pills. I even have not just one bed, but two blankets as well, all of which she’ll move for me whenever I decide to get up and sleep somewhere else! She even gives me extra treats now, but so do Father and Child when I make sure they don’t see Mother giving them to me. They may think they are the ones in charge, but I’ve had them right in my paw this whole time.

I love my family, and they love me. I couldn’t have asked for a better family and my family always tells me every day they couldn’t have asked for a better dog.

– Torrey Cranston

I’ve read with interest recent letters from other local outdoor enthusiasts featured in your column and am amazed, not so much by their love problems, but that they have mates at all! I myself am more of a loner — always have been — and prefer communing with nature solo. That is, up until this past November, when I turned 40. It’s maybe the result of getting older, but I find myself yearning to share my outdoor adventures with a member of the female sex. But unlike these other guys, I’m having problems meeting someone I connect with. I’m planning an extensive canoe tour of Florida waterways this summer and would like to take a girl along with me. But, then again, am I betraying my principles? Maybe I’m just going through a phase. Should I just go it alone after all?

“Doug”

Merritt Island

Tony, such a woman is not hard to find. Unless you’re content to stick your tent peg in the dirt, I recommend loosening your rigid principles and exploring Withlacoochee, if you know what I mean…

Romeo,

“Rick” is a great guy, don’t get me wrong. We like each other a lot, but we come from very, very different backgrounds. Like, I’m Palm Beach-rich and he’s miserably poor. But for some reason we seem to connect. We haven’t made love yet — I’m far too busy at my secretive, high-powered job right now — and Rick is starting to pester me. Not only about sleeping with him, but also about what I do for a living. I don’t want to hurt Rick because he’s the nicest guy I’ve ever met, but I guess my maternal instincts are telling me that he just wouldn’t understand and that we’d never work together. But still, I have doubts. What should I do?

Lydia G.

Cocoa Beach

I suggest parting your drapes and letting him into your inner sanctum.    

Dear Romeo,

I’m sure you’ve been asked this many times, but I think readers would like to know your feelings about sex on the beach. Do tell…

Roger D.

Cocoa Beach

This depends on what beach you are talking about. Sex on Daytona Beach at three in the morning isn’t the same as making love on the Playa de la Marbella at the crack of dawn… who also happens to be a very close friend of mine. There are “beaches” and then there are Beaches — broad stretches of sugar and gold sand made by God himself for the purposes of love and romance. Explore these beaches and leave the others behind, or you might get cigarette butts in your gazzaladra, coquina shells up your pizzicato, and kelp and turtle hatchlings between your paparazzis. But because I am a skilled lover and own many plush towels, my many beach lovers and I never have these problems. Except for when I was with my last girlfriend, Sandy Bottoms! 

Dear Romeo,

I recently learned that my new girlfriend is a hermaphrodite. She just told me over the phone, and I could tell that something had been on her mind since we began dating a few days ago. I’m really into her though, despite knowing this. We still haven’t slept together obviously, and I’m worried about how I’ll handle it.

L.J.M.

Merritt Island

Be very careful how you handle it/them! I don’t envy you. Many fish are hermaphroditic as are several species of mollusks. But I’m sure your girl is a little more desirable that these things, am I correct? I hope so. If you can, try to leave a little night light on when you lay down to begin loving. Be delicate and gentle and pay attention to handle the right one at the right time. You must not, for example, reach for the Aphrodite and mistakenly touch the Herm. This will confuse everyone and I don’t want you writing in about this problem again if something bad happens. Tell them hello for me!

TAURUS Life will throw you a fair share of curveballs later this month, but you have the skill to connect with them, knock them out of the park, and slide safely home. After the game, your friends congratulate you warmly and carry you on their shoulders off the diamond, but things will get awkward in the shower.

GEMINI You often feel ignored, actively shunned even, and you can’t figure out why. You’re polite, attentive to people’s needs, and well groomed. Might it have something to do with your garlic toothpaste? Nah…

CANCER Literature is one of your abiding passions, and you’ve made your bookshelf a reflection of your soul and an enticement to romance. You’ll connect with a certain someone who’s ready to sleep with you as soon as they see your collection of Italian renaissance love poetry. Once they notice these tomes outnumbered by “Garfield” collections, however, the deal’s off.

LEO Normally, the upcoming alignment of the stars would bode well for you. But the unusual position of Uranus will find you walking with a pronounced limp well into July.

VIRGO You find yourself more fatigued than usual this spring, and realize it may have something to do with your joints. Try packing them with less hashish and apply more linament.

LIBRA Heaven knows how you’ve managed to get this far through life unscathed. Determined journalists determine that it’s probably due to your father’s wealth and influential connections.

SCORPIO You’ve never believed in the Easter Bunny, but you’d do well to take a page from his playbook around the middle of the month. Before slipping drunkenly into bed with “Gary,” the guy you picked up after last call, be sure to hide all your eggs.

SAGITTARIUS This month finds you fulfilling your dream of visiting Bulgaria, the land of your forefathers. I recommend passing on cheap cassettes and signing up for a proper language course, or you might find yourself writing alimony checks to a goat by this time next year.

CAPRICORN If there’s one thing you can’t stand, it’s being misunderstood. You’ve made considerable progress in connecting with your peers, but none of them speak Farsi.

AQUARIUS Your love of history is what drives you to become the first member of your family to earn a master’s degree. You’re almost there, and you’re certain that your dissertation, “Hannibal and the Carthaginian Invasion of Rome,” will dazzle your professors. Check your facts, though. George Peppard never crossed the Alps on an elephant.

PISCES Acting is what you live for, but all these recent rejections are giving you second thoughts about your choice of career. Stay strong. Things will take a turn for the better in early May when, at long last, that tortured expression you wear catches the eye of an industry bigwig. Congratulations, “Pepto Bismol Customer #3″!

Tales From Development Hell: The Greatest Movies Never Made?
By David Hughes
Titan Books; 368 pages; $15.95 

Movies are a part of life for all of us, even if we don’t watch them. An endless array of film-themed advertisements, t-shirts, and toys invade our everyday existence — especially those associated with Disney. It’s annoying for a non-moviegoer, nirvana for a film lover.

David Hughes brings us the story behind some of the biggest films of the last 30 years in the updated and expanded edition of “Tales From Development Hell.” Movies such as the “Indiana Jones” franchise and the remakes of “Planet of the Apes” and “Batman” suffered through what he calls “development hell,” that period before filming begins when a great story is transformed into schlock and must be sent back for a complete rewrite. The way Hughes describes it, it’s a time that would make a sober person ask what drugs were in vogue at the time.

The focus is mainly on the development of scripts for the films; Hughes is a journalist and aspiring screenwriter and has experience with the frustrations that go with script development. It’s an inside look at Hollywood, which has a “fondness for developing a great script into a mediocre one by throwing too many writers and too few ideas at it.” Hughes’s loosely defined development hell is a slow torture of the writer, first by the producer or studio executive, then by actors and directors, over a period that could extend for years. Hughes presents Hollywood as a culture that is rife with petty sniping and inflated egos — and that’s well before the actors get involved.

The book relies heavily on previously published interviews and articles from industry magazines such as “Empire” and “Cinescape,” so much so that at times it seems little more than a collection of articles. There is also a tendency to overdo the plot summary of movies (like “Total Recall” and “The Sandman”) that turns the book into a reader’s hell. These are minor foibles though, especially if you’re a cinephile. One of the highlights is the impact of current events on films. The main character in “Total Recall” was originally named “Quail,” but was changed to “Quaid” because of then-Vice President Dan Quayle. And an Arnold Schwarzenegger film titled “Crusade,” about the 11th century Christian crusades, was shelved after the events of 9/11. Studio executives also have trouble recognizing hits; nearly every studio in Hollywood rejected the original “Indiana Jones” movie. They’ve no doubt been kicking themselves since the first one opened.

Hughes has also published a book called “The Greatest Sci-Fi Movies Never Made,” and states that he will not regurgitate material covered there. He’s obviously a sci-fi fan; most of the movies covered here may well be rejects from his other publication. He has tried his hand at script development and he concludes with the story of his (mostly failed) attempts in the business. He’s found the next best thing though: if you don’t succeed at something, you can always write about it. – Mark James

CRsurf Team Rider Leilani McGonagle. Photo: Fabian Sanchez

Costa Rica Surf Report
By Greg Gordon
www.crsurf.com

Forecast

Caribbean Coast: The first two weeks of the month will stay fun, with consistent surf from waist- to chest-high. Toward the middle will be one more major swell, and then the season fades fast with April ending with knee- to waist-high waves. Overall, the beauty of the area offers a wealth of healthy activities, from standup paddling tours to diving the nearshore reefs.

Pacific Coast: It’s a longer wait this month for waves, with the first two weeks only offering head-high to overhead sets on the biggest days; otherwise, smaller, chest-high surf. The first major SW swell arrives on the 17th, with surf 2 ft. overhead, and will stick around through the 20th. After a few more smaller days, the month ends with more solid south swell.

Full moon: April 6
New moon: April 21

Travel

I just got back from a two-week trip, traveling almost 1200 miles and surfing every dawn patrol and most sunset sessions. Along the way I found a cool skate park hidden along Lake Arenal, and noticed that most beach towns were not crowded, the roads were in excellent shape, and the waves at least head-high and offshore for most mornings of the trip. Thanks to the Hermosa Surf Inn and Hermosa Surf Bungalows, two sweet spots right in front of the better breaks in Playa Hermosa.

Summer time is prime time for southern hemi swells, and now is the time to plan your vacation. Flights can be found from Orlando for $330 roundtrip, but book it now to avoid the cheap seats selling out. There are plenty of quality car rentals at low season rates, but with gas getting pricy and speed traps, you may just want the locals to do the driving and get you to the breaks fast.

Also, travel agents recommend getting insurance for a reason. Not everyone has a perfect trip, and if something turns up missing or you take a misstep, a few dollars spent in advance will prevent some major losses later. CR Surf Travel Company can explain all the options and provide an economical plan that will cover you, your friends, and your family.

Email us to help plan your customized vacation: travel@crsurf.com

Skate park at the Volcano Brewing Lodge. Photo: Lake Arenal

Contests

CRSurf team rider Leilani McGonagle made history in March by being the youngest competitor to win the Women’s Division in a national surf contest at only 12 years old. The level of surfing in Costa Rica has exploded in 2012, with multiple surfers competing on the world stage and making it to the finals platform.

The next national contest takes place April 24-25 in Playa Camaronal, south of Samara. This is the first event on the circuit ever held at this beach break, which is known to focus any swell two feet bigger than surrounding beaches. You can also catch local contests each Saturday behind the Backyard Hotel in Playa Hermosa.

Environment/Community

The lifeguards in Dominical are no longer able to work full time since there have been not enough contributions to keep their program running. Tortilla Flats sells t-shirts and stickers, but what is needed are donations by those who want to help save lives. Learn more about the group at www.dominicallifeguards.org.

If you want to give back while on your summer vacation, we know of many volunteer opportunities along both coasts where you can donate time to building schools, tracking sea turtles, cleaning beaches, and teaching English. Your imagination is the limit to what can be accomplished, and we will help to ensure that you find a safe, affordable, and meaningful experience.

CR Surf Travel Company is a member of 1% for the Planet, pledging to donate one percent of our proceeds to environmental causes. It is part of our mission to help keep our oceans blue by supporting small hotels and camps that contribute to their community.

Friends Russ and Amber enjoying some downtime at Playa Negra

To find out other events in the beachside communities of Costa Rica, just sign up for our surf report: www.crsurf.com/subscribe.html
Follow us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/crsurf
Get our Tweets on Twitter: www.twitter.com/crsurf

This year is my 12th year as a Floridian and the 12th at my job as well.

I really do love it here; there is so much to do and so many opportunities for relaxation. Visits to the Keys are a big part of the Florida experience for many people. So far, I’ve only been there once — and not even all the way to the end! But I did make it to Butterfly World and the Coral Castle, both of which are charming. But the best part of the Keys has to be that uniquely Floridian dessert, Key lime pie!

This recipe is definitely a “foodie” version of the classic; if you don’t want to make the homemade graham crackers for the crust, just be lazy and buy one! But I do think the homemade crust makes this pie stand out. Just be sure to get Key lime juice, not simply lime juice!

Homemade graham crackers

1-1/2 cups whole wheat flour
3/4 cups unbleached white flour
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
2 teaspoons water
4 tablespoons butter
6 tablespoons turbinado sugar
1 egg
1/4 cup of honey

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Combine the whole wheat flour, unbleached white flour, and salt in a bowl and mix with a fork till well blended. In a small bowl, dissolve the baking soda with the water and set aside. Cream butter, sugar, and egg until fluffy, then add the baking soda mixture and the honey. Mix well and add the flour a little at a time till well combined. Line cookie sheets with parchment paper and divide dough into two sections, rolling both out to 1/8-inch thickness. Cut into squares large enough to turn over with a spatula. Bake for about 8 minutes until underside is browned, then turn over and repeat for another 8 minutes. When finished baking, leave the crackers to crisp with oven door open after it has been turned off. Make sure to loosen them first so they don’t stick to the parchment paper. Let them sit about 3 hours in the oven.

Graham cracker pie shell

If you don’t have a food processor, use a blender to make graham cracker crumbs for the pie shell. For the pie shell, you’ll need 1 1/2 cups of the graham cracker crumbs, 3 tablespoons turbinado sugar, and 5-1/2 tablespoons butter. Mix dry ingredients together and then cut in the butter until well combined. Press into a 9-inch pie pan (this will take patience and a little time!). Bake at 350 degrees for 8-10 minutes until lightly browned.

Key lime pie filling

3 eggs
1 cup sweetened condensed milk
1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar
1/3 cup Key lime juice

Preheat oven to 300 degrees. Beat the eggs with a mixer until foamy, then add the condensed milk and cream of tartar followed by the lime juice and stir for about 5 minutes. Pour the filling into the graham cracker crust and bake for about 20 minutes until the filling is set. Let cool for half an hour before refrigerating overnight. Serve with fresh whipped cream.

By Paddy McDrinksey

I’ve not received many compliments in my life, but one of the most memorable came from Siobhan Slattery, a distant, raven-haired cousin I was sure I’d marry when I grew up.

She once told me I looked like an older Dean Martin, and I can still feel the blush on my cheeks to this day.

I was deeply moved by the comparison and became obsessed with all things Dean Martin. Have you ever tried to kick a half-deflated football through the streets whilst holding a rocks glass full of bourbon and soda in one hand and trying to keep your toupee straight with the other? And all this at the age of five, mind you.

So you can imagine my surprise at discovering that Kim Vcelka, one of the bartenders at Tip-A-Few Tavern & Bistro, originally hails from Steubenville, Ohio, the birthplace of one Dino Paul Crocetti.

Even if she hadn’t though, she’d still be one of my favorite pourers, and Tip-A-Few is probably one of the best-kept dining secrets in the area. Chef owned and operated since 1999, Tip-A-Few serves some of the most delicious and fresh, made-to-order food in the county — from award-winning burgers to celestial red bliss potato salad.

How long have you been tending bar?

Nine years.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve witnessed while working?

When it happens I’ll let you know…

What do you like best about the job?

Meeting new people and working with the public.

What’s the strangest concoction you’ve ever been asked to make?

A Bloody Mary. We’re a beer and wine establishment…

What’s your drink of choice?

Amstel Light.

Can you recommend a proven hangover cure?

Zip Fizz. Grape and Orange is my favorite.

Which celebrity would you most like to serve?

Dean Martin, because he’s where I was originally from.

If you could own your own bar, what would it be like and what would you call it?

It would be a male strip club and I’d call it “Swingin’ Dicks.”

What would you hope to achieve if you were president?

I’d make world peace, of course.

What would you order for your last meal?

For me, it would have to be a buffet with a little bit of everything.

Parting words of wisdom?

My dad always said that life is sometimes like a worn-out jock strap — it has NO support!

The family-friendly Tip-A-Few Tavern & Bistro is located at 6890 N. Atlantic Ave. in Cape Canaveral. Excellent food is served here from their new menu every day until 11 p.m., including what have been voted the best burgers in Brevard. Happy Hour is held daily from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. Free pool Monday through Friday from 3 p.m. to 6 p.m., and Mondays from 10 p.m. to close. Tuesdays see live music, and Wednesdays see 2-4-1 drafts from 10 p.m. to close. Thursday is Trivia Night, and Friday offers a fish fry lunch and dinner. They show all your favorite sports events on a number of televisions as well. Call 784-2478 to find out more.

Boardrider of the Month: Erin Rowley

How do you measure stoke?

Scientists have figured out ways to measure a lot of other things — earthquakes, tsunamis, tornados and such — but they’ve failed to calibrate stoke, one of the most powerful forces in the universe.

To rectify this problem, we here at The Resident have come up with the Rowley Scale, named after one of the most enthusiastic boardriders we’ve yet met, Erin Rowley.

Giver her 10 Rowleys, give her 4; but whatever you give her, you can’t measure the role her family has played in her boundless love of the ocean.

Erin, a Satellite Beach native who’ll turn 22 this April 20th and the youngest of four siblings, first caught the surfing bug at the age of 13 at her home break, Seagull. Describing herself as a “goofy, goofy footer,” Erin is proud to credit her zeal for the water to her close-knit family.

“My family is a huge part of my life,” she says. “It was my father, with some assistance from my sister, who taught me how to surf.”

“My parents always brought me around the water and taught me about the weather. They opened my eyes to all the interesting aspects of the environment around us and how everything works together. My upbringing has humbled me and made me more appreciative of nature. Being around the ocean my whole life, I believe, has pointed me into my career interests as a Marine Biologist.”

Erin is also a skilled viola player and surf instructor with the Ron Jon Surf School, but still, it’s the love of the Rowley clan that gets her up in the morning.

“Our family is a blessing in how tight we all are,” she beams. “We are all best friends and always there for one another. It’s absolutely awesome.

And so are you, Erin Rowley.

Happy Birthday!

How did you first get into surfing?

I grew up around surfing, with my father and older siblings always killing it. When I was really young I would watch them while I boogie boarded. Seeing all of the fun they were having out there made me want to finally paddle out with them. Now the tides have changed a bit; when everyone’s shortboarding I’m usually longboarding, and when everyone’s wearing wetsuits I’m skinning it.

What was your first board?

My mother and father got me my first foam board for my 12th birthday. Then a 9’4″ Hap Jacobs longboard was handed down to me from my dad as I began to surf more often.

What are you riding now?

I’m still riding the same longboard. As far as shortboards go, I have since invested in getting my first 6’6″ RPD Transformer. When I graduated high school I got another Rich Price board — a 6′ Quad Hydro fish — and went on my first out-of-the-country trip to Nicaragua with my brother Mike and some friends.

Gnarliest wave?

I’m going to have to go with a recent session at Seagull, with me, my sister, Claire, and father on the beach switching off surfing and watching my 3-year-old niece. I was out by myself when I went over the falls on my longboard and kneed myself in the nose. I came up seeing stars and when I blew my nose, blood followed. I came to the beach to my sister and dad laughing at me, then went back out with my sister. Good times!

Most memorable session?

While in Mexico with my dad and owner of the Ron Jon Surf School, Craig Carroll. I was out surfing a perfect left-point break on a longboard with my dad when I caught my longest wave yet, wrapped around the point, and stepped off onto the beach. Another memorable session was with my dad, sister and brother, Mike. The waves were really fun, and we were all surfing together like it always used to be. The perfect session for me would be paddling out with my family, catching fun waves and bouncing our energy off each other!

Dream surf destination?

My dream surf trip would be something similar to “Endless Summer” — surfing around the globe, perfect waves all day, good atmosphere, and great people to do it all with. Emphasis on the “Endless” part!

Favorite maneuver?

Surfing big waves on my longboard is my favorite. As for a particular maneuver, landing floaters is fun.

You’re also a formidable paddleboarder. How did you get into that?

We also give kiteboarding and SUP lessons at the Ron Jon Surf School, and I began using the paddleboards because I’d never tried it and it looked fun. It’s a good workout — perfect for when it’s small — and they’re fun to paddle into waves with.

Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?

Getting towed in by dolphins — going green!

Who are some of your inspirations?

When I began my second semester of college in January 2009, our family got the news that my mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She has since fought it off and is doing better than ever. This brought my family even closer than we were before. It is my mother who has given me the strength, willpower, and motivation to live my dreams and live a happy, fulfilling life. She and my father have given me so much support. That has been my fuel. My mother is my inspiration — the strongest and most caring soul I know.

Who, in your opinion, are some of the more underrated surfers out there right now?

It’s not just a hobby, it’s a lifestyle. Who should care? Just surf.

What do you do when you’re not surfing?

I go to BCC and play viola in their orchestra when I can, and I am soon to transfer to FIT to pursue marine biology. I teach surf lessons and deliver pizza for Domino’s and I’m also an on-call volunteer/intern for Hubbs-SeaWorld Research Institute, as part of their Marine Mammal Stranding Program. Some other awesome organizations I enjoy working with are Surfer’s for Autism, Surfing Special Olympics, and the Smiley Riley Beach Bash, all through the Ron Jon Surf School.

Any shout-outs?

Props to the Rowley Clan — my father, Thomas and my mother, my sister, Claire, and my brothers, Sean and Mike. Props also to the Mclaierins (what Mike, Claire, and I call ourselves at the Surf School). Without the family God has blessed me with, I wouldn’t be where or who I am today. Thanks also to Amy Fulton of Atomik Apparel for always having my back. Shout-outs also to Miss Vicki, Craig Carroll, and the rest of the Surf School family. They’re always giving me good advice and plenty of laughs.

Don’t Miss a Thing!
By Athena Sasso

 The Cocoa Beach Surf Museum has a great time displaying, preserving and making surfing history. Below is a refrigerator-ready list to make sure you don’t miss a thing.

April 7: Florida State Paddleboard Championship. Beach registration begins at 8 a.m.; race time is 10 a.m. Registration closes at 9:30 a.m. 

April 7: Easter Extravaganza, 7-10 p.m. Don’t miss the Easter party! New exhibit, music, and food. Renew your membership or become a new member and support the programs of the CBSM. Admission is $20 at the door. Museum Members get in free!

June 2-3: 11th Annual Waterman’s Challenge and Luau. Don’t miss a laid-back couple of days of surfing, paddling, eating, dancing, and seeing old friends! International Palms Resort. Registration June 1 from 5:30-7 p.m. Luau at the Cocoa Beach Pool Pavilion at 6 p.m. on June 2.

September 28-30: 3rd Annual Florida Women of the Waves Weekend. Check out the Facebook page for all the latest updates — Florida Women of the Waves! Harvest moon compliments of Mother Nature. Waa-hoo!

October 2012 (TBA): 6th Annual C2C Paddle Challenge. Causeway-to-Causeway on anything you can paddle: SUPs, prone paddleboards, OC-1s, kayaks, surfskis, surf dories, Cayuco canoes, and more.

December 2012 (TBA): Holiday Party and Cocoa Beach Holiday Parade.  

And that’s not all! We have a six-film “Bruce Brown Retrospective” coming up at the Cocoa Beach Public Library on these dates at 7 p.m. (doors open at 6:30 p.m.). Free refreshments compliments of Sunseed Food Coop.

April 21: “Slippery When Wet” (1958)

May 19: “Surf Crazy” (1959)

June 16: “Barefoot Adventure” (1960)

July 21: “Surfing Hollow Days” (1961)

August 18: “Waterlogged” (1962)

September 15: “Surfin’ Shorts” (a ’60s collection)

Not to mention Volunteer Meetings every first Wednesday at the museum, 7 p.m., where you learn more about the behind-the-scenes projects: imaging, oral histories, and more.

See you there.

The Cocoa Beach Surf Museum is located in the Ron Jon Watersports Bldg. Call 258-8217 or visit www.cocoabeachsurfmuseum.org. Volunteer meetings are held at 7 p.m. on the first Wednesday of each month. All are welcome to attend. Programs are supported in part through a grant sponsored by the Brevard County Board of County Commissioners and managed by the Brevard Cultural Alliance.

Florida Airmen save lives on the Last Frontier
By 2nd Lt. Leslie Forshaw
920th Rescue Wing Public Affairs

JOINT BASE ELEMENDORF-RICHARDSON, Alaska  – A Florida Airman who teamed up with the Alaska Air National Guard to aid avalanche victims in Alaska was dragged 20 feet by a wire cable attached to a 22,000-pound helicopter, twice, through the snow while holding an injured patient on the side of mountain on March 18.

The decisive action of the helicopter’s flight engineer to cut the cable when the snow-blinded aircrew realized what was happening below prevented injury. Wasting little time for fear of additional avalanches, Air Force Reserve Staff Sgt. Darrell Williams, pararescueman (PJ), 920th Rescue Wing, Patrick Air Force Base, Fla., and fellow Alaska ANG PJ Tech. Sgt. Kristofer Abel, employed their wilderness medicine and survival skill set by treating the injured man and evacuating him to safety.

The patient was one of three men who dug themselves out from an avalanche that buried them while skiing on unprepared slopes after record snowfall.

The 11th U.S. Air Force Rescue Coordination Center alerted the Alaskan Air National Guard’s 176th Air Wing here to help when they got the call. Imbedded temporarily with the ANG, Williams is serving a three-week tour in Alaska to hone his cold weather rescue skills and augment the ANG Guardian Angel Airmen.

“The avalanche struck around 8 p.m. but we got the call around 11 p.m.,” said Williams, who took off in an HH-60G Pave Hawk helicopter into the cold, dark night with the ANG search-and-rescue team to search for the stranded skiers who had been buried by an avalanche, according to Reuters. “We keep around six bags at the ready with different types of equipment for different types of rescues we do out here — it’s a ‘grab-and-go’ situation when we get a call,” said Williams. “I grabbed my medical and mountain bag, which contains snow shoes, avalanche search equipment, and cold weather gear.”

The weather at the time of the call was clear and cold and the terrain, white, for the 15-20 minute chopper ride to the scene of the accident. The three skiers, according to Reuters, were skiing off of prepared trails in the Chugach Mountains south of Anchorage. Ian Lacroix, 20, was buried with a broken leg, but managed to dig out to reunite with his brother, Nathan, 28, who stayed with him while the third skier, Connor Maloney, 23, made his way down the mountain for help.

Luckily, upon reaching the bottom of the mountain, Maloney flagged down an Alaskan State Trooper for help. “It was really dark but clear when we took off,” said Williams. “We pretty much immediately saw the trooper, who flashed on his car headlights as a reference point on where to start the search.” At 1 a.m., and about a half-mile up the mountain, the Airmen spotted the two skiers. They were waving their headlamp lights at the approaching Pave Hawk. The lights were immediately visible against the darkness, said Williams. “So we circled a few times to see if we could land.”

Due to the slope of the mountain, it was decided to hoist Williams Abel to the snowy ground below. It took a while to hoist the two PJs down to the awaiting skiers. All reference points for the aircrew were obscured by the dense snow, said Williams. The rotor blades kicked up the mounds of snow below; and because it was such a clear night with no wind, the snow just hung in the air like powder, blinding the aircrew with a “white-out.”

Finally on the ground, Williams and Abel detached the hoist cable and approached the skiers. “I immediately went over to the patient and medically assessed him to make sure there were no other life-threatening injuries,” said Williams. “The younger brother had a broken leg inside his boot right above his ankle.” Williams splinted his leg and gave him pain medication before attempting to move him.

First, Williams and the injured patient were to be hoisted together; then Abel would follow with the patient’s brother. “Once he [the injured skier] was good to go, I put him in a rescue strap and attached myself to him in preparation to hoist,” said Williams. The PJs were trying to work fast because they were still in an avalanche zone and both skiers had been in the elements for approximately six hours. Hovering overhead and still encountering visibility issues, the crew was unable to tell that Williams and the patient were connected to the hoist.

In an instant, the helicopter jerked Williams and the injured skier about 20 feet through the snow, but never lifting them off the ground. Then it happened again – another 20-foot drag through the snow. “We were trying to get reestablished on the ground when the flight engineer, who couldn’t see if we were still attached or not, cut the cable for safety reasons,” Williams said. “We were still on the ground so it wasn’t like we fell from the air.”

The GA Airmen had to reassess their situation. While Williams stayed with the injured skier, Abel trudged through deep, heavy snow to find a suitable spot for the helicopter to land. Abel found that spot about 100-150 yards from where Williams was caring for the patient and was able to guide the pilots safely to it with his headlamp.

The two PJs splinted the injured skier’s leg, packaged him up in a hypothermic bag then slid him on a rescue sled to the awaiting helicopter for transport to the hospital. On board the helo, “I was glad to be out of the elements and not sinking in the snow anymore,” said Williams, who furthered medical treatment on the patient. “I could get the patient more comfortable, get his vitals and a more detailed assessment ensuring nothing else was wrong.”

The ANG here performs civilian search and rescues frequently, which is why Senior Master Sgt. Michael Ziegler, Operations Superintendant, 308th Rescue Squadron, Patrick Air Force Base, Fla., has been sending Florida pararescue Airmen to Alaska since January.

“As Williams experienced, the environment and elements make the rescue unpredictable,” says Ziegler. “He had to think outside the box and his performance was spot on.”

The three-week rotations for the Florida Reserve Guardian Angel Airmen started in January and will continue through September. There are a minimum of two GAs per rotation; and even though on alert, they still train, said Ziegler, as this incident is not unlike the job objective when deployed to a war zone.

For more information on the 920th Rescue Wing, visit their website and Facebook page.

*(Editor’s note: Some data in this article was compiled from a March 18th Reuters story, and has been edited for length.)

Jedi Grind Tricks: April 2012
By Scooter Newell

First things first, fools. A long time ago, when I was in the second grade, I decided to play a prank on my class on April 1. Then I did another the following year. The year after that, the news of my annual pranks spread. It then went national and ultimately, global. Yes, I started April Fool’s Day.

Things have been jumping down at the Skatepark last month, and with a heavy upcoming calendar there seems to be no signs of a lull. The Cocoa Beach Skatepark recently hosted a Pro demo from World Industries Skateboards. The weather was perfect, and the kids were excited as the “Wagon of Flames” pulled into the parking lot. The guys had arrived!

Rewind 60 days. I get a call from Cody, who works at World Industries in California. I’ve never talked to Cody before, but we have a great relationship with them in general. I just thought I’d have some fun and told him: “Look man, we’re busy right now and I don’t have time for a ‘sales call’ unless you’re calling to tell me that the Timmy Knuth board is coming out soon.”

I thought this would be funny because Timmy, one of our former skate camp kids, was rumored to turn pro sometime later this year or early 2013. Anyway, I had the hint of a laugh in my voice and Cody laughed as well when he said, “Well, actually I’m calling you because Timmy requested that we make a stop in Cocoa Beach during our spring demo tour. Timmy really loves that Park and wants the team to get some pictures and footage there.” All I could say was, “I guess I do have time for this call!”

So we flux capacitate ourselves forward 60 days again and the doors on the wagon open up and Timmy, along with Matt Mendenhall, Derek Fukahara, Anthony Shetler, and Charlie Thomas, stepped out of the vehicle. Whoa! There’s Bart Jones and all his camera equipment as well. They even had another dude in there shooting video. Was this a clown car?

Anyway, we blasted some tunes through the PA and gave some warm introductions on the mic to the team and gave them props for skating so amazingly right out of the car. Mendenhall hacked the street course with large f/s flips to flat over the bank, and some gap kickflip variations that had our local tech-hounds frothing. Derek skates amazingly weird — never predictably and with tons of switch-stance tech tricks. Shetler attacked the rails and ledges like it was “the Finals,” with tricks like a 360 flip to 50-50 on the hubba. Charlie Thomas, who runs the team (and yet is Pro for another brand owned by his buddy) was ripping as well, destroying the flowbowl and street, as was our friend Timmy Knuth.

Timmy skated the Park the same as always. Everywhere and everything. The team hung out with the kids and skated for nearly three hours and even set up some lighting equipment for pics and footage. Afterwards, the team took over behind the Skatepark counter and signed posters for everyone in line. They took pics, high-fived, and even exchanged Instagram handles. They even signed a whole stack of posters to give away after they left. A great crew and a great time from one of the most legendary skateboard companies in modern skateboard history. A big thanks to World Industries!

Shout outs to everyone who attended the late-night Skate Jam. Contest winners for the night — “Game of Skate” winner Elijah Allred, and Luke French had a nice kickflip up the gap at the buzzer to take top honors in the “Best Trick” event. Liam Mollica threw down a nice run in the flow course, including a gap-50-50 and f/s 5050 around the pocket to take the top spot. Honorable mentions to the oldest “kid” of the night, Robert Rios (age withheld). And the youngest kid of the night: Dom, aka “Big D,” at 5-years-old. Thanks to everyone who kicked in some stuff for prizes: Sunseed, Volcom, World, Emerica, GSZ, Barrier Island Pet Supply, Jordan Photography, and all the parents who hung out!

News Rants

We will be at the Easter Surf Fest April 6-8, hosting the Skate Contest on the half-pipe. Stop by, say hello, and bring your skateboard.

Friday, April 13 (Ch-Ch-Ch… Ha-Ha-Ha!), Steve Workman and Rich Payne Board Release Party at CB Skatepark. Join us for a session at 9 p.m.

“Like” the Cocoa Beach Skatepark on Facebook — and “Love” it in real life.

Surfrider Foundation, Cocoa Beach Chapter
By Kelly Richardson

http://cocoabeach.surfrider.org
cocoabeach@surfrider.org

A while back, I watched a documentary called “Hawaii: Message in the Waves” that gave me another perspective on the danger of plastics.

The Midway Islands, north of Hawaii, are under an assault of plastic debris that ocean currents wash up on their shores. Observers on the islands have found albatross skeletons with bits of plastic in their digestive system. As the birds decompose, the plastics emerge. To know that plastic debris is littering a chain of islands that is sparsely inhabited by humans really made me think about how my use of plastics affects the world and that it can ultimately end up on a beach somewhere.

Of course Florida is no stranger to plastic debris on its beaches. I can’t count how many times I’ve come across small pieces of plastic in the sand, which leads me to wonder how much was consumed by unsuspecting wildlife during its journey to the beach. Surfrider Foundation has a campaign called Rise Above Plastics (RAP) to help educate the public on the widespread use of plastics, the dangers that the material poses to the environment, and how we can make changes to reduce our use of plastics.

While this is a national campaign, there are special efforts underway in our state to address this issue. Currently, Floridians recycle only about 28% of waste. Florida DEP is unable to increase our state’s recycling efforts due to House Bill 7135, which passed in 2009. While the bill set up the 75% Recycling Program by 2020 it states that the Recommendation Report must be approved for implementation, which it has not been to date.

To encourage that the report be approved, the Florida Surfrider Foundation Chapter Network has created a petition that will help us obtain enough signatures to get local governments to pass resolutions in support of the DEP’s report. We can then use those signatures/government resolutions to get bill sponsors for future legislative support in 2013.

To sign a petition or for more information, please visit:

http://florida.surfrider.org/campaigns/flrap

http://www.surfrider.org/programs/entry/rise-above-plastics

Upcoming events:

April 6-8: Easter Surf Contest, 9 a.m., Surfrider Tent Location TBD

April 17: Chapter General Meeting, 6 p.m., Café Surfinista

April 20: Beach Cleanup, 9 a.m., from 2nd Street South to 4th Street South

Whether you surf, body board, swim, fish, kayak, bike, walk or just enjoy a clean healthy beach, please consider joining the Surfrider Foundation. We hold regular meetings on the third Tuesday of every month, 6 p.m. at Café Surfinista, 86 North Orlando Ave. in Cocoa Beach. Hope to see you there!

Carl Lewis

Carl Lewis is a true Texas tenor with a big sound that’s matched only by his big stature and big personality.

Lewis, a Houston native, trained under the late, great Conrad O. Johnson and received musical training at Texas Southern University’s Summer Jazz Workshop and Florida State University. He later received his Master’s Degree from Florida A&M University, where he was a member of the world renowned Marching 100.

At a young age, Lewis showed musical interest by playing piano, drums, and trombone by ear. He began on alto saxophone at Catholic elementary school, took private lessons under his mentor, the aforementioned Johnson, and honed his skills in the orchestra at St. John Missionary Baptist Church. The fabled church on Houston’s Dowling Street provided Lewis with the artistic freedom to develop his command of the horn through gospel music. Lewis’s approach to various genres — from soul and Latin to pop, hip-hop, and jazz — highlights the individual sound of each while carrying the passion and anointment of those gospel roots.

The unmistakably rich tone of his saxophone has been included in the credits of several recordings and has graced the stage with Myron Butler, Jonathan Nelson, and Tye Tribbet. Lewis has been a staple in the Chicago, Atlanta, and Houston jazz scenes and is currently touring from his base in Melbourne, FL. He plays several other instruments as well and is an accomplished vocalist (he’s well known for his uncanny Louis Armstrong impersonation), and he’s performed with smooth jazz icons like Kim Waters, Jonathan Butler, Horace Alexander Young, and the legendary Stanley Turentine.

Catch Carl Lewis Friday, April 20 at Heidi’s Jazz Club (7 N. Orlando Ave. in downtown Cocoa Beach). Show starts at 8:30 p.m. Tickets are $10. Call Heidi’s at 783-4459 to find out more.

Igor & Red Elvises

If Igor and Red Elvises aren’t in the middle of a tour, they are getting ready for the next one — this is a group that is constantly in motion and consistently evolving. Singer, songwriter, guitarist and showman extraordinaire Igor Yuzov is perpetually globetrotting, and in the process he has found scores of wildly talented, entertaining musicians to bring into the fold of this increasingly international party band.

Red Elvises started out in 1995 as a Russian group, playing what they dubbed “Siberian Surf Rock.” Since then, the band has included musicians from many other countries including the United States, Israel, Puerto Rico, and Bulgaria. Everyone who performs with them for any length of time brings something different both energetically and musically. At various times shows have included keyboards, accordions, sax, clarinet, trumpet, flute, banjo, mandolin, tuba and many other instruments. Old and new fans alike can expect to be surprised at shows again and again, however the roots of Red Elvises remain the same: Igor’s unique brand of humor combined with guitar-based rock ‘n’ roll that makes audiences want to sing, dance, scream, and shout.

Red Elvises began in 1995 after Yuzov dreamed that Elvis Presley came to him and told him to start playing rock ‘n’ roll. Not one to say no to the King, he and his Russian friends started playing on Santa Monica’s 3rd Street Promenade. Their street musician days did not last long, however, as they drew such huge crowds that the City of Santa Monica brought them to court and ordered them off the streets. Since then Red Elvises have been constantly touring, with occasional breaks from the road to record an album or take part in film and television projects. This constant work for the last 15 years has led to them gaining a world-wide following, with successful tours all over North America, Europe and Russia.

Igor & Red Elvises have declined several major record deals, prefering to maintain independent status and produce all their own work. This includes 11 studio albums, one live album, a live concert DVD and a Greatest Hits compilation. Added to their long resume is work in film (“Six String Samurai”; “Mail Order Bride”; “Armageddon”) and television (“Melrose Place”; “Penn and Teller’s Sin City Extravaganza”; VH-1′s “Behind the Music” and MTV).

They can be found playing everything from large festivals to private parties, small venues to massive stages such as 2005′s Live 8 Benefit Concert. Whatever the event, wherever Igor & Red Elvises go, they bring the party with them. – Jamie Vercauteren © 2009

Igor & Red Elvises perform on Friday, April 20 at the Cocoa Beach Brewing Co. (150 N. Atlantic Ave. in Cocoa Beach). Call 613-2941 for more details. Visit the band online at www.redelvises.com

 Victor Wainwright & The Wildroots

Victor Wainwright, singer, pianist, and self-described “hepcat” from Memphis, Tennessee (by way of Savannah, Georgia), is a raucous, high-octane performer and crowd pleaser with soul to spare. After earning what he calls a “double major in Boogie, a Ph.D. in Swing, and a Master’s in Rhythm,” the “Piana’ from Savannah” is making a name for himself in a big way.

Wainwright, along with collaborator and bassist/producer Stephen Dees and the WildRoots, aims to deliver a blues and American roots tour de force when he performs at the Beach Shack this April 8.

Dees is a rock ‘n’ roll veteran, who has toured and recorded as a bassist and vocalist for Hall & Oates, Todd Rundgren, Pat Travers, and Foghat, to name but a few. He made the Billboard and MTV charts with his band Novo Combo, and has received great acclaim for his original rock band, Bandees.

The boogie blues piano player and savvy pop-rocker met in 2004 in Ormond Beach, FL, where they were both on the bill of a benefit concert. Impressed after hearing each other perform and finding that they had a common love for blues, R&B, and roots rock of of the ’50s and 60′s, they discussed the possibility of collaborating on a recording project to pay homage to the music that influenced them. Dees agreed to produce and co-write what would become Wainwright’s 2005 release, Piana from Savannah, of which one critic said, “It’s hard to follow the speed limit while it’s playing… Pinetop Perkins would be proud.”

After its release and some outstanding live performances, the pair knew they had found something special and decided to forge a more enduring working relationship, and Victor Wainwright and the WildRoots were born. Also comprised of guitarist Greg Gumpel on guitar, saxophonists Ray Guiser and Patricia Ann Dees, and drummer Billy Dean, the quintet have been hailed as one of the tightest in the contemporary blues scene. Together, they provide a conduit for Wainwright’s passion for B.B. King, Ray Charles, James Brown, Muddy Waters, Otis Redding, Louis Jordan, Jerry Lee Lewis, and Little Richard.

On the heels of their critically acclaimed 2009 debut, Beale Street to the Bayou, their new album, Lit Up, is poised to ignite blues fans with a freshness and flair that’s hard to ignore.

Catch Victor Wainwright and the WildRoots at the Beach Shack (1 Minutemen Cswy. in Cocoa Beach) Saturday, April 8 at 8:30 p.m. Call 783-2250 for more details. Visit Victor and the band online at www.wildrootsrecords.com

AMBROSIA

In 1970, four young musicians from the South Bay of Los Angeles came together to create a new, invigorating style of music.

Exploring the possibilities of progressive classical and world influences, yet rooted with the soul of the blues and R&B, Joseph Puerta, Christopher North, David Pack, and Burleigh Drummond formed Ambrosia in pursuit of that goal.

Originally labeled as America’s answer to the progressive invasion of such English acts as Yes and King Crimson, the group quickly proved it was all that and much more. Its albums painted aural landscapes covering the gamut of musical styles and attracted collaborators that were just as diverse — Leonard Bernstein, Kurt Vonnegut Jr., Zubin Mehta, and Alan Parsons among them.

It their brief recording history, Ambrosia garnered five Grammy nominations, five hit singles — like “How Much I Feel,” “Biggest Part of Me,” and “You’re the Only Woman” — heavy FM airplay, and the admiration and respect of the musical community — all this in addition to sold-out concerts around the world.

Today the band is more alive than ever. Three of the four original members still perform as Ambrosia, and are now joined by keyboardist David Lewis, guitarist Doug Jackson, and singer Ken Stacey.

Relive the magic on Saturday, April 28 at the 2012 Cocoa Beach Wine and Food Festival at Lori Wilson Park. To find out more, visit www.cocoabeachwinefoodfestival.com

Southern Fried Genocide
Southern Fried Genocide
Self-released; 2012

Cars, liquor, and being gainfully employed by the cloven-hoofed boss of the underworld are all topics that get equal air time on this self-titled release by the Melbourne-based Southern Fried Genocide.

Formed from the still smoldering ashes of the now-defunct Zombie Jesus, Southern Fried Genocide ups the ante with solid slabs of suvern blacktop boogie served white hot.

With buzzy, volatile guitars that sound as though they might come apart at any moment, most of the songs are performed in overdrive tempos and as such, is perfect skateboarding/irritate-the-neighbors music. The songs bring to mind dark images of horror films, running ‘shine, and street races that end badly for someone.

Original, brash, and decidedly nervy with his coarsely agitated vocal delivery, frontman Stevo delivers a memorable performance throughout the album. But main guitarist Mark, a.k.a. “Rockshow,” steals the show every time he steps up to take a lead, most notably on “Working for the Devil.” Like a possessed Chuck Berry crossed with Rick Neilsen, Mark plays as if he has something to prove, and his fretwork is incendiary, fluid, and melodic. There are more than enough chops to spare on these eight tracks.

The lineup is rounded out by Wes AWESOME (rhythm guitar), Reid (bass), and Ralph (drums), all gifted, agile players who lay down impressive rhythms at breakneck speeds. Proof of these solid, unwavering tempos is the freedom they afford Mark’s over-the-top lead work on standouts like “Four Door Hornet” and “The Dreggs.”

The band have been gigging steadily, with high profile dates opening for national acts like Cracker, Maylene and the Sons of Disaster, and Brooklyn’s Hull under their belts. Southern Fried Genocide are a solid five-piece who show nothing but promise of great things to come with this high-octane debut.

– M.A. Rivera

The Hunger Games

In the distant future, a dystopian government has taken over the United States, now separated into 12 “districts.” Every year, as part of a punitive tribute, each district must “reap” a boy and a girl to fight in a lethal game, televised live, where the only way out is to kill or be killed. When little Primrose is chosen for the reaping in the poor, outlying 12th District, Katniss Everdeen volunteers to go in her stead. Based on the book by Suzanne Collins, the film benefits from her involvement in the screenplay, which will please readers of the popular trilogy. It might take fans some time to get used to a pretty, healthy-looking Katniss (in the book she comes across as more feral and malnourished) and it’s a little disappointing that the interesting political setting, described so vividly by Collins, has been brushed over broadly by passably futuristic decor. For those who haven’t read the book and are wondering what the fuss is all about? Well, if you like fast-paced action and an interesting plot, it’s well worth the admission price. But it’s best to spend a quiet evening reading the novel before you go. – M. Bennison

Mirror, Mirror

You can either yawn at this latest in an irritating trend of fairy-tale “reboots” or throw yourself into the fun wholeheartedly. I definitely recommend the latter. Julia Roberts, as the evil queen in this take on “Snow White,” certainly seems to be enjoying herself, so why shouldn’t you? It does take some effort, though. Resist the urge to get up and wipe the smug, self-satisfied smirk off “Mirror, Mirror’s” face and delve into the popcorn. You’ll roll your eyes at the “innovative” idea of the prince being an effete weakling and Snow White having all the balls, and you’ll huff and puff at the watered-down Monty Pythonisms and shameless plundering of “Princess Bride,” but you’ll find those moments to be surprisingly few and far between. What “Mirror, Mirror” does achieve is the supspension of disbelief — and it has loads of fun doing it. That’s no easy task for a version this silly; even harder when reworking a tale so ingrained in popular consciousness. Not a remake for the ages then, but a confident step in the right direction. – G. Figgis

John Carter

By now we’ve all heard what an enormous stinker this is supposed to be, and to be honest, all the negative reviews seem a bit  churlish and unfair. What do you want from film about a Confederate soldier embroiled in Martian intrigue? The fact is that “John Carter,” based on the wildly popular series of adventure stories by Edgar Rice Burroughs (he who gave us “Tarzan”), is a darn good sci-fi action film. Sure, it’s marred in a few places by some stilted talkiness and some cheesy tropes, but it’s no worse than any other CGI-laden fantasy flick out there. “John Carter’s” only sin — apart from its highly publicized, obscenely expensive budget — is that it got made too late. Burroughs’s swashbuckling character and fantastic vision have inspired everything from the original “Star Wars” to “Avatar” — and many more in between. All in all, it provides a good old-fashioned night out at the movies. Don’t fault it for being a day late and several million dollars short.  – R. Hughes

Paul McCartney
Kisses on the Bottom
Capitol Records; 2012

With this latest album, Sir Paul has made good on an old promise to “Get up and dance to a song that was a hit before your mother was born.” Kisses on the Bottom is largely a collection of standard covers with two new McCartney-penned tunes. As such, it’s in the vein of Rod Stewart’s Great American Songbook albums, but most of the songs here are less well known. The first thing you’ll notice is Sir Paul’s voice; he sounds his age, and that’s just fine. It’s a voice we’re all familiar with and he doesn’t need to compete with anyone, much less his younger self. Backed by Diana Krall’s band, he ably takes on “I’m Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter,” “It’s Only a Paper Moon,” and “The Glory of Love”; elsewhere, Eric Clapton and Stevie Wonder make guest appearances. There is an off-the-cuff spontaneity to the recordings, and they all sound warm and live. In the liner notes McCartney explains his logic behind the selection: all are songs he grew up with and represent his desire to include gems that would be “unfamiliar to some people.” He also comments on the effect and influence they had on his own songwriting; in particular, “My Very Good Friend the Milkman” has strong overtones of “When I’m 64.” Sir Paul clearly isn’t done filling the world with silly love songs — and what’s wrong with that? – M.A. Rivera

Paul Weller
Sonik Kicks
Island; 2012

Paul Weller, ex-frontman for The Jam and ’80s R&B revivalists The Style Council, is 53, a fact that on its face seems cruelly ageist to mention, but is essential in qualifying Sonik Kicks, his 11th solo effort, as an excellent example of grizzled experience trumping fresh-faced youth. By most accounts, Weller, the often derided personification of generic “Dad Rock,” should be well past it, one step away from Jaggerish irrelevance. 2008′s 22 Dreams certainly made it seem so, with its largely ruminative, propped-on-a-stool mood, and its followup, 2010′s Wake Up the Nation, came across as too eager to outlive its angry brevity, a bit like a flashy, mid-life crisis convertible gunning the wrong direction down a one-way street. Sonik Kicks, however, finds Weller rounding the block to make another daring pass, this time with a luscious, foreign supermodel in the passenger seat. There’s not a duff tune here, save syrupy closer “Be Happy Children,” but by that time, the album has sped off to its opulent Mediterranean villa and drawn the blinds. “Green,” “Attic,” and winking single “That Dangerous Age” are standouts, but it’s sleepers like the flamenco-driven “Drifters” and “Paper Chase” that nudge Sonik Kicks from “pretty good” to superb. Especially delicious is the give-it-a-second-chance “Study in Blue” (a duet with the much younger backup singer he recently wed), which gives way to a gloomy, four-minute dub soundscape that proves, if nothing else, that Weller’s ears are still in fine form. – T. Bennison

The Robert Glasper Experiment
Black Radio
Blue Note/EMI; 2012

Exceptionally gifted jazz pianist Robert Glasper takes big chances on his latest release, Black Radio, an album that aims to imagine what radio could be if it didn’t focus strictly on commercial viability. It features a who’s who of some of todays most talented black musicians — Erykah Badu, Bilal, Lupe Fiasco, Lalah Hathaway, Shafiq Husayn (Sa-Ra), KING, Ledisi, Chrisette Michele, Musiq Soulchild, Meshell Ndegeocello, Stokley Williams (Mint Condition), and Yasiin Bey. Erykah Badu sits in with the band and covers the Mongo Santamaria classic “Afro Blue,” making it modern, stylish and fresh, and Meshell Ndegeocello’s contribution, “The Consequence of Jealousy,” is one of the standout tracks, with its deeply sexy groove. Glasper draws from jazz, hip-hop, R&B, and rock here, offering us compelling glimpse into his broad artistic vision. That there are tracks that fall short is only further proof of his willingness to step out of his comfort zone rather than play it safe with formulaic songwriting. Closing out the album is a reinterpretation of Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” a version that falls somewhere between Tori Amos’s lounge reading and jazz trio Bad Plus’s deconstruction of the grunge classic. Here, Glasper manages to make it his own and newly interesting at the same time. – M.A. Rivera

Sublime with Rome
Yours Truly
Fueled by Ramen, 2011

There will always be detractors critical of any project that replaces deceased band members with stand-ins, and they’ll usually have the compelling point: it’s just not the same. And clearly, it never will (or should) be again. Sublime with Rome is a collaboration between original Sublime members Eric Wilson and Bud Gaugh and singer/guitarist Rome Ramirez, here taking the place of Sublime’s founder, the late Bradley Nowell. Yours Truly is a mostly upbeat reggae/ska collection spiked with occasional blasts of punk-like noise that’s radio-friendly and highly listenable. Opening track “Panic” kicks hard. Filled with fat ska horns, it clearly references the bands musical past. Elsewhere, “Murdera” is infectious and upbeat, though slightly repetitive, but “PCH” is, hands-down, the catchiest song here. It’s the perfect summertime track — the kind you don’t mind hearing several times a day as it plays on every single radio station. If you can listen to Yours Truly without grousing about its faults (“Rome is no Brad Nowell!”) then it will enjoy a leading spot on your playlist for months to come. – M.A. Rivera

The 3rd Annual Cocoa Beach Wine & Food Festival

In the two short years since its inaugural event, the Cocoa Beach Wine & Food Festival has grown from a mere blip on the local radar into a nationally recognized culinary gathering.

Putting more emphasis on the “foodie aspect” of the event, says 2012 Festival Director Tony Hernandez III, entailed the enlistment of celebrity chefs Beau “Beau Mac” MacMillan and Lee Hillson, the addition of five popular Orlando food trucks to the roster, and, for the first time, the option to purchase larger portions of both food and wine from several of the 15 participating local restaurants.

“‘Foodie’ is a term you’re hearing a lot more these days. But I was a foodie before it became popular,” Hernandez laughs. Just a few years ago, he was juggling his busy legal practice and sautéing sofrito at his own eatery, the sorely missed Mr. Cubano in Cape Canaveral. He admits that he and his wife often select travel destinations based on restaurants they’d like to visit and plan their itineraries around meals. It was while traveling that he got hooked on the food truck scene.

“What some of these guys do is amazing,” Hernandez says. “You get a variety that changes daily — sushi, burritos, pizzas, burgers, hot sandwiches — but all top-notch, gourmet stuff.”

Five mobile eateries from Orlando will be serving food, C&S Brisket Bus, 5Gastronomy (known for their 48 hour-braised pork tacos), and Chef Bryce Balluff’s renowned Fork in the Road among them. Having trained at the French Culinary Institute and the Michelin-starred Per Se Restaurant in New York, Balluff will be in good company when Chefs Beau Mac and Lee Hillson show up to demonstrate their cooking techniques.

Fans of the Food Network’s “Iron Chef” will remember Beau Mac beating Bobby Flay in 2006′s “Battle American Kobe Beef.” His distinctive style of blending American flavors with Asian accents helped him propel Scottsdale Arizona’s Elements, at the Camelback Mountain Resort, to one of Gourmet Magazine’s “Top 100 Restaurants in the U.S.”

“A chef cooks from the heart, while a cook cooks from the wallet,” says British native Lee Hillson, who has cooked for the likes of Barbra Streisand, Princess Diana, and Billy Joel. He’s known for his tense battle with Cat Cora on “Iron Chef,” and the “lightly polished, rustic Mediterranean cuisine” he prepares at the Royal Palms Resort’s T. Cook’s in Phoenix has garnered him outstanding reviews from a host of critics and publications.

Returning local restaurants to the 2012 Festival include Silvestro’s, Lobster Shanty, Green Room Café, Chart House, Gregory’s, Rusty’s, Fishlips, and Cape Canaveral’s excellent Rubio’s Cuban Café. New to the roster are Paradise Cove, Melbourne’s Continental Flambé, and Izzy’s Bistro. Along with others like Juice ‘N’ Java and the Bald Strawberry Bakery, they’ll be offering samples of five specially selected wines (both white and red varieties) for guests to enjoy as they take part in raffles, admire vintage automobiles in a car show sponsored by A1A Sign Wave, and dance to the music of ’70s legends Ambrosia.

But one thing that hasn’t changed is the Festival’s dedication to community improvement and their choice of beneficiary, Junior Achievement of the Space Coast. It’s an organization that’s close to the hearts of Hernandez, Sponsor John Aplizar of Alpizar Law, and Presenter Craig Technologies CEO Carol Craig.

Junior Achievement’s aim is to invest in our youth to better our community and, ultimately, the world at large. “It’s about helping mold teenage entrepreneurs,” Hernandez explains. “Kids learn from an early age how to sell their ideas and how to be convincing, passionate, and respectful — all those qualities that are necessary to becoming the good businessmen and women this community needs.”

“For us, the challenge isn’t blowing up the balloons and getting the tents set up in time,” he continues. “The real challenge is making all this work for Junior Achievement. We can’t think of a better, more deserving organization to help.”

Mix all these ingredients together and you have what’s sure to be a delicious, fun day out — and rare local opportunity to “Eat, Drink, Rock, & Stroll.”

The 3rd Annual 2012 Cocoa Beach Wine & Food Festival takes place Saturday, April 28 from 2 p.m. to 8 p.m. at Lori Wilson Park in Cocoa Beach, about 1 and 1/2 miles south of S.R. 520. Tickets are $20 in advance through the Festival website — www.cocoabeachwinefoodfestival.com — and at a variety of locations throughout town. Day-of tickets are $25 at the gate. Ticket price includes food and wine samples, beer truck, the car show, and the finale concert by Ambrosia. Tickets are limited, so reserve yours soon. Children under 12 get in free. Separate food and wine tickets will be available at the event for larger portions from several participating restaurants. Gates open at 1 p.m., with the food and wine tasting from 2 p.m. to 5 p.m. Ambrosia take the stage at 5:30 p.m. General, first-come, first-served seating for the concert; bring lawn chairs or a blanket in case all are filled. Special room rates and free parking at the nearby Hilton for festivalgoers and a special “Let Us Give You a Ride” program for imbibers sponsored by Alpizar Law. For more details and to purchase tickets, visit www.cocoabeachwinefoodfestival.com

Lori Wilson Park in Cocoa Beach

Mike Wittman
By Tobin Bennison

It’s not unusual to meet young artists who’ve been inspired by skate culture, but it’s rare to come across one as humble as local graphic designer Mike Wittman.

Skateboarding’s inherently solitary, DIY aesthetic tends to breed brasher artists who can’t wait to strike out on their own. Wittman, however, saw the benefits of a traditional apprenticeship early on.

Born in Virginia Beach, VA, Wittman, 24, has lived in Cocoa Beach since the age of 11, and it was here that he first became interested in art.

“My first real exposure to art derived from my passion of skateboarding,” he recalls. “I rode for a local skate shop and was inspired by the logos and graphic on the decks.”

After graduating from the Art Institute of Ft. Lauderdale with a degree in graphic design, Wittman interned at the Cocoa Beach Skatepark, but was careful not to ignore his passion and fall into an “unfulfilled job.”

Through persistence, he was offered a part-time position in the art department of Tropical Design, Central Florida’s premier screen printer, which was started by Bill Algeo and “Balsa” Bill Yerkes back in 1990.

After only a few months, Wittman was brought in as a full-time artist with the company, and today, he and colleague David Cruey run the design side of the operation. Through Tropical Design, they’ve been a part of the design process of multiple clothing lines for major retail stores, local businesses, schools, churches, and other organizations.

Wittman cites Cruey as one of his main artistic influences. “I work with him on a day-to-day basis,” says Wittman, “and we help each other in our projects and bounce ideas back and forth in our own personal creations.”

Many other things inspire Wittman’s creative process — everything from music, art, and photography to skateboarding.

“As an artist and designer I try to take an idea and make something out of nothing,” he explains. “I’m a strong believer in the idea that one man’s garbage in another man’s treasure.” As such, some of his pieces are constructed from old skateboards, vinyl records, cardboard, and other miscellaneous objects that bring him inspiration.

“The most important ritual of my day starts with a good ol’ cup of joe,” he laughs. “Normally, I cruise around and go skate, which clears my mind of the day’s obstacles and frustrations.”

“Usually, I have a basic idea of where I want my art to take me, but I let the fluidity of the moment lead me,” he continues. “Mood has a large factor in the process, and some of my favorite pieces developed opposite of the direction I was originally headed. I work mostly in mix media, starting with sketches, and reference what I’ve collected and what supplies I’ve prepared or have at hand.”

Describing his style as “a mixture of the grunge phase and pop culture,” Wittman recently parlayed his creativity into another project, Evasion Clothing, where he incorporates some cleverly juxtaposed designs into the wearable canvas of his own line of t-shirts.

His brother, Jason, helps out with the company. “Jason has been one of my biggest supporters in bringing my concept into reality. He helps me produce our shirts out of his house in Merritt Island.”

The long hours of hard work pay off when Wittman sees his t-shirts on passersby. “It’s such a rush seeing people wearing your creations,” he tells me, “especially when it’s not someone you personally know.” In the short year-and-a-half since its inception, Evasion and Wittman’s designs are starting to catch on locally.

“The best part of living in Brevard is the people and laid-back environment,” he says, and he’s quick to pay respect to the many who’ve helped him in his artistic pursuits here.

“I’ve received a lot of support from my family, friends, the Cocoa Beach Skatepark, and everyone at Tropical Design,” Wittman says with characteristic humility. “They helped get me where I am today.”

Visit Tropical Design Studios online at: www.tropicaldesignt-shirts.com. See more of Mike’s work and purchase clothing at: www.evasionclothing.com or look for the company Facebook.

Wendy Brigham of Crossfit Cocoa Beach
Tobin Bennison

You’ve likely heard a lot about CrossFit, a relatively new fitness discipline, probably from friends who swear by it. You’ve also likely heard from a fair share of detractors.

So what is CrossFit? What makes it different from other fitness programs?

Since they opened in October 2010, Cocoa Beach CrossFit has grown by leaps and bounds, having recently moved to more spacious digs in the Bailiwick Mall on Brevard Avenue.

“The Box,” as adherents call it, is an air-conditioned, fully-equipped facility overseen by experienced, certified trainers who guarantee results within 8 weeks.

Cocoa Beach CrossFit is also the only affiliate facility in Brevard that’s open all day. And thanks to their proximity to the ocean, they also offer popular beach workouts.

Owner Wendy Brigham has a background is in law enforcement and firefighting, and is particularly proud of the many local first responders who train with her. CrossFit is highly popular with emergency and military personnel who welcome the challenges and benefits Crossfit offers.

We asked Wendy to fill us in on why the program has garnered so much attention.

You’re not from here originally. What brought you to the area?

We really felt that Brevard County — Cocoa Beach in particular — was an ideal location for a CrossFit training facility. Plus, being the only beachside CrossFit gym allows us to have beach workouts, which our members really enjoy. We’ve been welcomed by the local residents and the Cocoa Beach Fire Department who train with us. And who doesn’t like living at the beach?

How did you first get into fitness?

I started competitive weightlifting in high school and also surfed every chance I could get!

When did you first get into CrossFit?

I became interested in CrossFit in 2009 when I met our head trainer, Wayne, who has been involved with the program both as a participant and a certified trainer for several years. The short duration and high intensity of the workouts really piqued my interest, and the quick results it provides really were amazing.

What are the particular benefits you’ve found in this program as opposed to others?

Firstly, any exercise program is better than nothing, but we feel that CrossFit prepares you to perform when the unexpected happens. That’s why CrossFit is so popular with first responders such as police, fire, and military personnel. Probably the best endorsement of the CrossFit program is its widespread use by military Special Operation Units. CrossFit provides an overall fitness level you can’t obtain through most other programs.

There’s some controversy surrounding CrossFit as well. Is it more than just a passing fad? What are some of the reservations people have, and how do you address them?

Yes, there have always been CrossFit detractors, but it’s usually those involved with other fitness programs. It’s been described as too intense and can lead to injury. That’s utter nonsense. All our workouts are scaled to your fitness level and/or any physical limitations, such as backs, knees, and other problems you may have. Once folks come in and spend some time talking with our trainers and find out how CrossFit really works, the misconceptions fall away. As far as a being a passing fad, the CrossFit games are televised on ESPN and, like I said before, some of the biggest users of the CrossFit program are those in Special Operations Units. I don’t think our military leaders would allow these highly trained soldiers to participate in workouts that would injure them. Another problem is that due to the recent popularity of the CrossFit program, other fitness facilities are coming out with programs they tout as similar to it. This we know is going to lead to injures to unsuspecting participants. If you’re interested in CrossFit, go to a real CrossFit affiliate with experienced, certified trainers.

What do people find to be the most difficult part of the program? What do you tell people who find it too strenuous?

The hardest part is walking through the door the first time! We are very honest with folks about the intensity. Once they complete the initial instructional sessions and they’ve experienced real fatigue, they realize that they can do this and are on their way to real fitness. Again, anyone can do CrossFit, regardless of age or physical limitations. Our members range from high school athletes to folks in their 60s. Our members are from almost every walk of life. We have many military, fire, and police clients. We have as many women as men, and ages run from 14 to 65. We have a very robust 40-plus program, which is a blast.

Are their any dietary or lifestyle choices people need to adhere to outside the classes?

Good nutrition and exercise go hand-in-hand, and while CrossFit supports both the Zone and Paleo programs, we feel that common sense is a prudent course of action. Personally, we think that eating reasonable portions of lean meats, vegetables, fruits, nuts, and seeds will allow you to attain your fitness goals.

Any success stories you’d like to share?

One thing we are very proud of is our relationship with the Cocoa Beach Fire Department.  Chief Duckworth is very impressed with the fitness gains of his staff since they’ve been with us. Plus, they’re a great bunch the citizens can depend on when needed. Otherwise, just watching someone get their first pull-up or attain a personal best on a lift is so satisfying for us.

What do you see as the biggest threat to Americans’ health today? Is there something you feel we as a country should change?

Of course obesity is a huge problem in our country, but also a general lack of real fitness is a real concern. We need to get schoolchildren back out on the playground and promote a reasonable nutrition program at home for our children and ourselves.

How does the program differ for beginners as opposed to seasoned veterans?

Once a beginning member completes the initial instructional classes (we don’t charge for these classes), they do the same workout as the seasoned veteran. The difference is that they will be scaled back by limiting the reps or rounds to complete. CrossFit has a “Workout of the Day” (WOD) that changes every day. It makes our workouts anything but boring!

Cocoa Beach CrossFit, located at 14 N. Brevard Ave. in Cocoa Beach, is open from 6 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. Monday through Friday, and from 9 a.m. to 11 a.m. on Saturday. Prices vary; 3x a week is $65, 2x a week is $55, unlimited $75 (monthly), Military, Fire, and Police personnel will receive a discount. They also offer a CrossFit 50+ Program. There are no contracts. Call them at (407) 414-7164 or (407) 572-4517, or go to their website: www.crossfitcocoabeach.com for more information. You’re also welcome to stop in and meet Wendy and the trainers, who’ll be happy to answer any questions.

Rocky Mountain National Park
By Vern Hobbs

“Man, when you’re out there, surrounded by fourteeners, I dunno … just does something to your soul!” my gypsy-blooded neighbor exclaimed, struggling to find words that adequately described his latest pilgrimage to the western mountains.

The term, “fourteeners,” refers to mountains exceeding 14,000 feet in elevation. The soulful effect, for which my neighbor could not find words, may well be what singer John Denver called a “Rocky Mountain High.” Both are right on the mark — it’s impossible to remain unmoved in the presence of such natural grandeur — and there’s no greater concentration of fourteeners than in Colorado.

Though Colorado’s 54 fourteeners are spread throughout the state, the best place to catch a mountain-induced state of ecstasy is within the boundaries of Rocky Mountain National Park.

Established in 1915, “Rocky,” as its devotees affectionately call it, encompasses 265,770 acres of unspoiled wilderness, including 150 lakes, 450 miles of streams, and a 359-mile trail network. Located just two hours northwest of Denver, Rocky is readily accessible, making it one of the most popular parks in the western states, having hosted over 3 million visitors last year.

Straddling the Continental Divide and varying some 10,000 feet in elevation, Rocky contains a variety of diverse ecosystems. Below 9,000 feet, grasslands, bogs, and forests of Ponderosa Pine and Douglas-fir cover the landscape. As the elevation increases, the sub-Alpine forest, with its mixture of conifers and quaking aspens, begins to dominate terrain that becomes increasingly more rugged. Above 11,500 feet the forest disappears totally, yielding to Alpine tundra. Similarly, significant topographical differences exist east and west of the Continental Divide. The eastern slopes, better known as the “front range,” tend to be drier, marked with glaciated peaks and ravines. A measurably wetter weather pattern west of the Divide allows denser forestation at the lower elevations.

While the western slopes of Rocky are accessible through the Grand Lake Entrance, most visitors arrive through Estes Park, an idyllic mountain resort town often compared to the Alpine hamlets of Switzerland. Gleaming like a jewel in the valley below, Estes Park reveals itself in a broad panorama as we round the last of many curves on Highway 36, the last leg of the scenic, two-hour drive from Denver. To the left, the popular aerial tramway scales the face of Prospect Mountain. Straight ahead, nestled along the banks of the trout-filled Fall River, the outdoors shops, boutiques, cafés, and bistros of downtown Estes beckon. But the sight that most captures the eye is the magnificent, four-story Victorian manor perched atop a knoll overlooking the valley — the opulent Stanley Hotel.

Named for its founder, F.O. Stanley, an early 1900s entrepreneur best known for his steam-powered automobiles, the Stanley has hosted the most prestigious visitors to Estes and Rocky Mountain National Park for over a century. The sight of the grandiose hotel may also evoke a sense of déjà vu, especially among Stephen King fans. Many scenes from the film version King’s frightful tale, “The Shining,” were filmed here. Today, the Stanley remains the preeminent lodging and entertaining venue of Estes Park, accommodating guests not only in the original historic hotel, but in luxurious villas located on the sprawling grounds. If the Stanley or its lofty prices seem, well, haunting, don’t dismay, Estes Park offers a multitude of lodging options, including popular chains and mom-and-pop motels, campgrounds, chalets, and cabins. Rates and availability vary seasonally. (Explore all the available options at: www.estes-park.com/lodging.)

The Estes Park gateway offers two entrances into Rocky: Highway 34, via the Fall River entrance station, and Highway 36, through the Beaver Meadows entrance station. Beaver Meadows is considered the main Park entrance and is the location of Park Service headquarters.  Making the Beaver Meadow Visitor’s Center your first stop is a great way to insure making the most of your visit to Rocky. A 20-minute film sketches the Park’s history and outlines the current mission of wilderness preservation. The giant topographic relief map orients you to the Park’s geography and climatologically diverse eco-regions. The current status of trails and facilities and schedules of park activities is constantly updated and posted. Drive-in and backcountry camping reservations may be made, and well-versed Rangers are available to answer any questions.

Highways 34 and 36 eventually meet within the Park boundaries, creating a long, winding loop that makes for an excellent driving tour. This circular route also provides access to Old Fall River Road, another popular driving excursion, and for the die-hard motor-tourist, Trail Ridge Road. This serpentine thoroughfare, constructed along a course that follows ancient Native American trails, connects the Park’s west entrance at Grand Lake to the eastern entrances at Estes Park. Along the way, Trail Ridge Road crests the Continental Divide at an elevation of 12,183 feet, making it the highest paved road in the nation.

Despite the popularity of these scenic drives, most visitors to Rocky favor activities more in tune with nature — hiking, camping, fishing, picnicking, or simply becoming one with the tranquil splendor that abounds here. The Bear Lake Trailhead, accessible via Bear Lake Road off Highway 36, is considered by many to be the heart of the Park. Along it are numerous trailheads, the fascinating Moraine Park Museum and breathtaking Sprague Lake. The Bear Lake Trailhead provides access to a vast network of trails that offer both sublime strolls and strenuous treks. Many of these trails are served during the summer months by Park Service shuttle buses. This service allows day hikers to venture deeper into the Park’s wilderness before returning to Bear Lake before nightfall.

Though admission to our National Parks was once free, tightening budgets have forced the Park Service to implement fees. The current entrance charge at Rocky is $20 per automobile. Pedestrians and cyclists pay $10. The good news is that an annual pass, allowing unlimited admission, is only $40. The popular “America the Beautiful Pass” gets you into all the National Parks and recreation areas for as little as $80. Whatever fee you choose to pay, the cost will be insignificant compared to the high you’ll experience during a visit to Rocky Mountain National Park.

Learn more at: http://rockymountainnationalpark.com

Dog War
By Athena Sasso

Herschel Tatum had a dog named Scout, half German Shepard and half Bad Ass. Scout lived at the end of a chain with three too many links in it, so that when he managed not to wrap it around the iron stake, it allowed him to stretch his front legs and slobber-gummed teeth over the curb, into the path of people minding their own business.

That’s how Honey Wilson got bit.

As Honey walked her little Woody, a Springer Spaniel whom she coddled and made excuses for, he strained against his sequined lead and bolted toward Herschel Tatum’s chewed-up yard. Honey chided him ineffectively as he dragged her down the street in her pink jogging suit. When they reached Herschel Tatum’s yard, Scout pulled against his chain, though he needn’t have tried so hard because Woody was about to bound right up to him and lick his face. Woody was two inches from Scout’s savage maw when Honey jerked Woody’s lead and sent him flying into the safety of the street, kicked at Scout, and planted her sneakered foot in his mouth.

By the time Ronald Wilson had told the story a few times of the vicious and unprovoked attack on his defenseless wife, he had worked up enough indignation to confront Herschel Tatum from a safe distance. Ronald stood in the middle of the street and yelled over Scout’s hysterical yowling.

“Herschel Tatum, you get out here. I see that dog anywhere near my wife again, I’ll lead it up. That’s your only notice.” Ronald’s voice cracked as he spoke the last two words walking backward.

Honey’s foot healed, but Ronald never got over it. He forbade Honey taking Woody out of the confines of their yard. Every evening he stood sentinel at the mailbox, staring at the chained dog at end of the street, while Honey walked Woody in circles on their St. Augustine grass. And Herschel Tatum took to standing behind his screen door, watching Ronald watch Scout.

In time, Ronald was keeping his eye on the man behind the screen instead of on Scout, and he had worked it out that Honey’s misfortune was not the doing of the vicious dog but of its owner, the brute Herschel Tatum.

It started with Ronald spitting on the ground to signal the daily walk was over before he followed Honey, glistening with perspiration, and Woody, panting in short huffs, into the safety of their asbestos-shingled home. Before long, he’d whittled a fat stick and stood at the mailbox thumping it against his leg, twirling it like a Bobby on the beat before he followed his charges into the house.

Ronald felt especially proud when he fashioned a huge clown glove with a handle inside it to wrap his fist around. After a couple of false starts, he worked up enough courage to wear it into the yard, struggling to keep the weight from bending him over. He sweated under his cloth cap as he held the overbuilt contraption still by his side, and when Honey and Woody headed for the house, he leaned hard, slung the huge glove into the air in front of him and shot Herschel Tatum a big red clown bird.

Ronald could only hold the thing up there for a few seconds. When his arm gave out and it crashed to the ground in front of him, Herschel Tatum walked calmly into his yard and knelt down next to Scout. He stroked the dog gently, staring at Ronald all the while, then unhooked the chain from Scout’s collar and swatted him on the butt.

Ronald broke for the house, spitting curses, and came back out swinging a .44 in front of him. Herschel Tatum grabbed a rifle from underneath his porch and followed Scout toward Ronald’s yard. When Scout got close, Ronald fired two shots in the direction of the dog, and Herschel Tatum stopped in the street and shouldered his rifle.

Ronald rolled for cover after a shot rang past his ear, stood up partially shielded by his car and — just like in the movies — shot Herschel Tatum between the eyes.

The county buried Herschel Tatum and took Scout away in a barred truck. Ronald lost a hundred-eighty months of freedom on a manslaughter conviction, and Honey visited him every Tuesday in the windowless room with the cot and fluorescent lights. Woody died while Ronald was in prison, but Honey never stopped whispering little stories in Ronald’s ear about the long walks she took with Woody ever since the day he’d made it safe out there.

This story, though it is fiction, was inspired by an account of actual events that occurred in Cocoa Beach circa 1960.

By Rick LaClaire

What better gift than a cactus? Okay, maybe a new car — or maybe even an old one. Or maybe just a toy car… Yeah, as a gift, cacti stink. And to think I once gave them.

I should have known better. My very first experience with a cactus was somewhat tragic. I was in high school and had a buddy named Dale. Dale had the biggest record collection of all my friends and free time was frequently spent in his tiny bedroom, spinning vinyl. “Listen to this,” he’d say, and drop the stylus on the latest platter by REO Speedwagon. Or Jethro Tull. Blue Öyster Cult, Cat Mother & the All Night Newsboys… You name it, he had it.

Dale painted his room black. He was the first guy I ever knew to do that. And, of course, black room? Black light — with a half-dozen of the coolest DayGlo posters you ever saw. It was cramped in there with all those records, but somehow, from somewhere, he had acquired a cactus.

It was bulbous and green, covered with soft white hair. Cacti didn’t happen in northern New York and I was intrigued. Like a fool, I had to touch it. That white stuff wasn’t hair.

It zapped me. An instant mixture of pain and itchiness spread across my fingers. I reacted by impulsively brushing away the offending hairs and as I did, each one broke off in my skin. My fingers began to swell as I continued scratching. What a strange, annoying sensation.

College was rife with cacti. There was even one that made you puke and get religion. But I’m not talking about that, I’m talking about a species even more prevalent in the early ’70s: the ubiquitous “Christmas Cactus,” a tiny reminder of the tropics marketed as “The Perfect Plant.”

Yep, they were cheap. Two or three bucks, tops. Of course two bucks in 1973 dollars was five gallons of hi-test or a pint of Imperial; four loaves of bread or two pounds of baloney (take your pick). It was also an hour’s minimum wage, and if you felt like pushing a broom or washing dishes for that length of time — all for the sake of a cactus — well, that was your prerogative. And, gosh-darn it, they were the perfect plant. The best way to treat a Christmas Cactus was to ignore it. If those aren’t handy instructions for a dormitory-bound sophomore with more important things on his mind (like girls, beer and, uh… girls) I don’t know what is. Your reward for this grueling regimen of non-cultivation? Flowers! Beautiful red ones, supposedly every Christmas.

But most Christmas Cacti had their own clock. Blooms came when they felt like it. Spring, fall, winter — it didn’t matter. One good thing about them was that the spines were short, quite visible, and scattered. There were just enough to tell you not to touch it, but too few to infect you (like that white-haired thing). They weren’t very attractive though, except for the flowers, and yes, it was possible to kill one. Cold would do it, as would over-watering. But only guys were “dumb enough to kill a cactus.” Most the girls I knew had healthy specimens.

One was Crazy Carol. She collected and cultivated cacti. Her dorm room was festooned with dozens of macramé-hanging terrariums. She often gave them away, but if you wanted something special you could pay (she was crazy, not stupid). I’d been seeing a girl for a couple months and Christmas was approaching. I thought one of Crazy Carol’s creations would fill the bill nicely. For seven dollars (a full tank of gas, a fifth of Wild Turkey, twenty-eight loaves of bread, or seven pounds of baloney — take your pick) I got the whole shebang: the glass globe, macramé hanger, soil, and an assortment of four tiny cacti. As usual with cacti, the instructions were simple: “Don’t open them. Don’t water them. Don’t drop them and by all means, don’t turn them upside down.” Crazy Carol also had advice for the care and feeding of Christmas Cacti: “Spit on them.”

As I said, this was my first Christmas with my Sweet Patootie, and she went hog-wild on me. A new shirt, a bottle of whiskey, a gift certificate to the local leather shop (I needed a belt), and a camera! She spent one hundred bucks, and here I was with my paltry cacti in a fishbowl. Well, at least it was boxed and wrapped. What’s the first thing my Sweet Patootie did with them? She turned them upside-down to undo the tape. Then she held them up and said, “Gee… Dirt?”

We fiddled with it as the years passed, salvaging a couple specimens, but that minor earthquake really upset the original arrangement. It was good luck though, because I wound up marrying this girl. She had a thing for house plants, and our first apartments were strewn with Wandering Jew, Arrowhead and Coleus, as well as the ubiquitous Christmas Cactus. It was always fun to hear visitors say, “Nice Coleus, and nice, uh… Dirt?” when they spied that macramé debacle. I don’t know what finally happened to it. We’ve moved so many times…

And finally, we moved to Florida. Florida is cactus heaven — or hell, depending on your tolerance for the plant. Our second home here was a brand-new mainland apartment in a not-so-nice part of town. We did a lot of fishing in those days, not so much for sport but for something to eat. Saturdays and Sundays always found us on the beach with surf rod and sand fleas, and it was usually no trouble to fill a bucket with whiting and spot. I was always searching for new, wild delicacies and one sunny Sunday I spotted a hedge of prickly pear heavily laden with ripe fruit. Much of it had already fallen and rotted pointlessly on the ground. It seemed a shame. I had just read where varieties of prickly pear had been bred that were quite popular in the Middle East. They called it “sabra,” and by golly, the picture of it looked just like the prickly pears here.

Using a sandwich baggie for a glove and my t-shirt for a basket, I harvested a dozen of the ripest fruits and dumped them in my fish bucket. Then I put my t-shirt back on for the ride home. Big mistake. Not two minutes into the ride my belly began to itch. Then it began to burn. By the time we arrived home I had a bona fide rash — quite like the rash I had with my first cactus encounter. It took days to subside, but that evening I had my first taste of sabra.

Wearing rubber gloves, I cut the crown off the fruit, spooned out the purple innards, and plopped it on a plate. Lots of seeds, but so what? Pomegranates have lots of seeds. So do blackberries. In fact, that’s what it tasted like: sweet blackberry jam. Yeah, the seeds were a bit much; flat, sharp and tiny — perfect for getting caught in your teeth — but the flavor was excellent. Come to find out commercial sabra is bred to be seedless. Boy, I’ll bet that’s good.

Soon we moved beachside and I had my own cactus patch. We rented a duplex down Mullet Creek way. Even though we were in a development, we were a long way from town, and these places would have been a burglar’s paradise. Our landlord reacted by planting prickly pear under each window and these were now mature plants. At first I thought this was pretty smart, using thorny plants as a barrier. But what if I were locked out and wanted to climb in my window? Or worse, what if we had a fire and I needed to climb out? A decision was made when I accidentally stepped on a fallen cactus pad.  That experience was so bitter I pulled the plants that day.

Now that I have my own place, I have the dubious honor of being able to choose which plants stay or go. Yes, there was cactus here when I moved in — the “Crown Of Thorns” variety. Gone. The nearest thing to cacti I have now is a small patch of aloe out by the A/C compressor. Aloe’s a succulent, like cactus, and has spines, but there is a big difference between aloe and something like prickly pear. Aloe soothes. Everybody needs an aloe patch.

One final word on cactus: Back when I was a rock star in Buffalo, NY I had a bass player named Mark. Like all fledgling rock stars we had issues finding a place to rehearse. No one wants to live near a rock band. But Mark’s parents, Bill and Betty, didn’t seem to mind. For the entire summer of 1978 we occupied the front porch of their lakeside cottage, holding auditions and lining the pockets of the Genesee Brewing Company, and Bill, I believe, became our first fan. Wherever we played locally, Mark’s folks would be there, picking up the band’s tab and giving moral support. Later in life, Bill donned the persona of “Cactus Bill” and performed for nursing home residents, sometimes accompanied by Mark and Keith, my old bandmates. Eventually “Prickly Pear Betty” and “Cactus Bill” found themselves in a nursing home. Not too long ago, Betty passed away. Cactus Bill met his demise this March. Our first fan…

Cactus connections run deep.