The Bearded Iris

Apparently yoga teachers shouldn’t do that…

The Bearded Iris — Fri, 17 May 2013 19:44:14 +0000

Have I ever told you the story of the time a musky male yoga teacher who was twice my age tried to massage all seven of my chakras with his pulsating kundalini? Oh sure, we can laugh now, but at … Continue reading →

How I battled head lice and won

The Bearded Iris — Thu, 16 May 2013 13:25:24 +0000

When we last left our heroine, she was about to save her helpless child from a repulsive infestation of head lice! (You can get all caught up with how I discovered the infestation here.) Say it with me, y’all: “Ewwwwww!” … Continue reading →

Dysfunctional Mother’s Day Cards

The Bearded Iris — Fri, 10 May 2013 13:59:16 +0000

Ah Mother’s Day—a special day set aside just for us, and the women who ruined us. Mom—wait, where are you going? You know I’m just kidding, right? (*cough cough cough*) Sorry. I didn’t mean to wheeze on your St. John … Continue reading →

“But he seemed like such a nice guy.”

The Bearded Iris — Thu, 09 May 2013 18:55:23 +0000

Holy Mother of God… WTF?! The news story out of Cleveland about the three girls who were kidnapped and held against their will for a decade by 52-year-old Ariel Castro has shaken me to my core. Are you as glued to … Continue reading →

Lice to meet you!

The Bearded Iris — Fri, 03 May 2013 13:20:11 +0000

They say God never gives us more than we can handle. And I truly believe that. Which is why I am not the least bit surprised that I had 13.5 years of motherhood under my belt before head lice was … Continue reading →

Customer service surprise

The Bearded Iris — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 12:51:36 +0000

I’m In The Powder Room today reminiscing about an extraordinary customer service experience I had recently. Join me, won’t you? One of the commenters (KC) advises that you not have coffee in your mouth while you read it. You’re welcome. … Continue reading →

Humiliation, Taxes, & My Humorist Mentor Tracy Beckerman

The Bearded Iris — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 17:20:31 +0000

Hello lovers. Three things: 1.) I am trying to turn over a new leaf in my financial management. I’ve had a series of humiliating experiences lately that feel like God’s way of slapping me across the face to get my … Continue reading →

Bucket Head on board

The Bearded Iris — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 12:48:41 +0000

It was starting to drizzle. Bucket Head and I would need to run for it. We counted to three and ran from the store to our car while I pressed the button for the automatic sliding door. He hopped into … Continue reading →

How To Ruin Your Kids’ Spring Break

The Bearded Iris — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 12:59:52 +0000

Join me In The Powder Room today to hear the story behind this photo: It’s either kind of awesome, or just one more reason why my children will clock many hours of therapy someday. Probably a combo of both…

WARNING: blog fodder ahead

The Bearded Iris — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 17:14:52 +0000

I’m In The Powder Room today. And not to toot my own horn or anything, (TOOT!) but the photo and title I came up with are totally worth the click. Totally. Or your money back! Guaranteed! (Minus shipping and handling.) … Continue reading →