We’ve had a couple of huge milestones here at the Den. First, Casey learned how to ride a two-wheeler bike! After much practice, telling him that we can’t put the training wheels back on because he’d only bend them out of shape again, he has started to master bike riding! I can’t tell you how much of a thrill it is to see him finally bike riding independently. For a while there, I thought we were going to have to shell out beaucoup money for one of those three wheeler bikes.

Another huge milestone is that Casey *finally* pet a dog without getting scared. This. is. huge. In the past, he would run away from dogs, either screaming or crying. This time when he saw this little fluffy puppy, he said “I’m not scared of dogs any more, Momma.” He then went up to the owner, asked if he could pet the dog, and asked, “Which way do you pet him, Momma?” It was so wonderful. I hope this fear doesn’t regress. Oftentimes, kids with autism will progress, then regress. I hope he continues on this path of progress.

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A while ago I reported that I was put on Abilify to stabilize my ever-changing moods. One of the horrid side effects with that medication was feeling that you are in a perpetual state of sleepiness. You can literally feel the sleep in your head, at the base of your forehead. Please note this is one patient’s experience. Your mileage may vary. I went to my nurse practitioner psychiatrist, and complained about the side effects. I am now on Lamictal, which is another mood-stabilizing medication, mostly used for bipolar patients. Thankfully, I was already off the Abilify for a week since I ran out (the weaning off process wasn’t too bad, except for a few wacky dreams). The titration process for Lamictal was brutal. The first two weeks I was on the 25mg dosage, and I was so irritable. Take cranky and multiply that times 1,000. That was me. When I was graduated up to 50mg for the next two weeks, the irritability finally dissipated. I started feeling level, a lot more balanced.

Now I’m up to 100mg of Lamictal, and I’m starting to feel that sleepiness again, but at least this time it’s not a constant fog that invades my head. It waxes and wanes during the day. I can almost set a clock to it and know exactly when it’s going to happen.

My impression of Lamictal versus Abilify thus far is that I like Lamictal much more. One caveat, however. You need to take it at the exact same time every day. Do. not. miss. a. dose. Trust me on this one.

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I’ve been wanting to go on a political rant for the past few days. What the hell is happening to our country? First, let me disclose that I am a conservative. I will not apologize for my beliefs. I strongly believe in the Constitution, the 2nd Amendment, and One Nation Under God.

This Cap and Trade bill, aka “Cap and Tax” is a tragedy. What’s the deal with the 3:00am extra pages to the bill? Doesn’t anyone in Congress read what is given to them? Then, I read an article that explains how some countries want to amend the Kyoto Protocol, which caps rich countries’ carbon emissions while developing countries are not capped, to “focus on rich people everywhere”. Now, I am by no means a wealthy person. But, if someone wants to drive an SUV, live in a large house, and fly their private jet to their vacation, let them do it. We should not live in a Nanny State.

And what’s the deal with Michelle Obama being elevated to some fashion icon worthy of celebrity status? I’m quite pissed that she is using tax dollars to purchase a $6,000 handbag, then she has the nerve to wear $500 tennis shoes to a food bank? I’m sorry y’all, but this boils my blood. They can talk about ‘distributing the wealth’ and looking out for each other (cue the Kum Bay Ya guitar strumming), but the Obama’s think nothing of jetting off to New York for a glitzy date, a Paris shopping spree, and rubbing it all in the faces of Americans, while so many Americans are struggling to make ends meet.

Ugh. End rant. I could go on, but I don’t want to raise my blood pressure more.

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Here’s a tune to sum up how I feel about our current economic mess.

Shutting Detroit Down- John Rich

(image from http://www3.telus.net/airedales/newsletters/may2004.htm )

Well, my dear readers, it’s been about a month (maybe over a month) since I’ve written anything here. To be honest, I’ve felt like I was silenced out of writing. Back when I wrote about the PTO elections, I was told during a talk with a friend that I was seen as “unstable” by some people because they had read some of the things in my blog. This was from someone who works at my boys’ school. I figured that if I didn’t write anymore, then no one would be able to even try to use anything against me or the boys. Most importantly, I didn’t want anyone to use what I write or what I’m going through against my boys. They’re innocent; they didn’t ask to have me for a mom.

So, I’m going to let it rip. Who in the world is completely “stable”? Why in the world is not OK to be able to write about how I feel, what I’m going through, or what goes through my mind? I’ve had other people comment in previous posts that they’ve been relieved that someone else feels the same way and that they don’t feel alone. Isn’t this the point of this blog?

As I read in a friend’s blog today, “As a popular saying goes: if you can’t accept me at my worst, then you certainly don’t deserve me at my best either.”  I think this rings pretty true for how I’ve been feeling about being silenced out of my own blog.

If you don’t want to read it, don’t click on it. I’m not here to please everyone; I want to be able to write from my heart the way I want to, and be able to hopefully help others to do the same. People don’t always understand what it’s like to live with a mental illness. It’s hard. It’s exhausting. And, don’t judge me by calling me “unstable” because you don’t know the whole story.

On the eve of April, I’m excited about “our people’s” month. I’m hoping to keep this blog hopping with National Blog Posting Month AND Autism Awareness Month.

As of recent, 1 in 150 children are diagnosed with autism. My son is one of those 150. I’m very proud of him.

He has overcome many obstacles since he has been diagnosed with the big “A”. He’s learned how to make friends, and he’s trying to develop a wicked sense of humor because he wants to be in the school talent show. he still has a long way to go, but from where he was when he was 18 months old and reading the logos from the Wired magazine, to now where he’s getting subtle humor from the “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” books, we’re incredibly blessed to have him as one of our sons.

However, I will not let his autism totally define who he is, nor define who we are as a family. The autism is just a PART of who he is, and he needs to know what his strengths are in order to overcome his weaknesses.

I am also seeing this in myself, where I have reached the point where I do not want to be defined by my depression. I need to learn what my strengths are in order to overcome my weaknesses.

So, buckle up for a wonderful month of Autism Awareness. I have a very dear friend who is launching her website tomorrow= http://modelmekids.com/autismsitewarming.html  Please participate if you can. You’ll learn much, and make some awesome friends at the same time.

Tuesday Tubage-  But for the Grace of God- Keith Urban

This is one of my favorite Keith Urban songs. It has a lot of personal meaning for me. Enjoy! Let me know what you think of the song.

I hope it’s officially Springtime here in the northern tundra because I’m getting tired of being cold all the time. The snows are finally melting, and I saw two robins last Saturday. Maybe that’s a true sign that Spring is finally here.

Another sign of Spring is at our school- the upcoming Parent Teacher Organization (PTO) elections. I’ve been president for the past year, and we had a very interesting year this year. We gave back the concessions to the middle school/high school atheltics because we were losing money, we’ve had very little cooperations with the middle school/high school atheltics department in the first place. Now it’s election time again, and it looked like at first that we would not have a slate of officers at all. Our vice president and treasurer can’t run again because of term limits. So it’s down to just the secretary and me. I decided at one PTO meeting that I was done. I wanted to get back into finishing my schoolwork for my Masters’ degrees, and go from there.

The secretary came up to me and talked to me about the future of PTO. If there are no officers for next year, the PTO dissolves and we’re done. She said that it would be good if I held on for just one more year since that would give the PTO continuity in leadership, and we would have the PTO still viable for the school. I didn’t think about the continuity in leadership aspect since the president can hold office for 2 years, but honestly, I wanted to be done. Since I didn’t want the PTO to be completely finished, I wrote my name on the nominations form.

Later on, I heard through the grapevine that the secretary has aspirations of running for president. Yup. You read that right. After talking to me about how I should stay on, she wants to run for the position. To tell the truth, I was hurt. I felt like I wasn’t wanted.

Then another bombshell erupted. Another mom wants to run for president, but she hasn’t been to the three required meetings during the school year. I checked our bylaws, and we changed that requirement only for president, but if someone wants to run for president he/she has to have held a previous position. I don’t know if this mom has or hasn’t, so I need to dig and find out.

At our last PTO meeting, the fur was starting to fly between the secretary and myself. I stated that if we don’t have a full slate of officers for next year, then we can’t do our annual silent basket auction. She comes out with “well, I feel confident that we will have a full slate, and if we don’t, then we should just have the auction anyway, and give the money directly to the school. I think we should amend the bylaws for that.”

I was groaning inside, but I stated, “We can’t do that. In order to amend bylaws, we need to have a first reading of the amendment, which would be at the next meeting. Then, at the second reading, we’d vote. By then, it would be too late.”

Then she was talking while I was talking, and I stopped. I said, “I’m waiting until the side conversations are stopped.” She stopped talking, looked around and made this “Oooh” sound that only she can make.

Things like this make me remember my old days in grade school- all the popularity contests, the cattiness, the infighting. I thought that serving on the PTO wasn’t supposed to be personal; it was supposed to be serving your school and helping out.

Sigh.