The Beginnings of a Lifetime

Anger.

2013-07-25T13:43:00.000+08:00

I'd like to feel less angry.

Anger is good. It can be a motivator.

I just can't take this pent up anger because it inevitably snowballs into worse and then I find myself resenting people.

I want to be less angry.

I just wanna be.

Open Letter to My 20-year-old self

2013-05-15T03:59:00.001+08:00

Dear 20-year-old me,

Too bad turning 20 doesn't happen with fireworks and all that grandeur. I know you feel just like your 19-year-old self. Nothing has changed and you're all lonely in a foreign land. The friends you knew are no longer friends. The people who were once strangers are now friends and once again, you're at crossroads.

Let me help you. Mostly because I know how much I wished someone walked me through things.

Becoming legal doesn't change much things except you need not be afraid of getting caught buying alcohol. Besides, you're still under-aged back home. So, enjoy the remnants of your youth for you are already 2 decades too late. Be irresponsible. Get drunk, break down and cry if you have to. Don't hold it in. Dance one tabletops, sing your heart out for you will soon discover that these are all indeed luxuries. most of all, laugh! Smile like there never was sorrow in your life! You are alive and well, what more do you need to be happy about?

I know you lost friends that you hoped would be a part of your life for a very very long time.
Don't despair. If there's one thing that I've learnt in all this while, it's that some people come into your life to show you a few things; like how high you can get or how low you can sink; like how bad your heart can break and how painful it gets when it tries to heal; like how dreams don't always come true. Life's lessons may not be pleasant nor comfortable but believe that this too shall pass and soon you'll discover you. A more you you. Let me warn you though. This you you might not be as shiny and pretty as you thought she would be. She will be scarred and bruised from the many falls, but she is you. You'll learn to embrace yourself as you are and it's going to take a lot of effort. you might not even like yourself but the love of others for you will show you how to and eventually you'll get there. Maybe not really there, but at least somewhere in the vicinity.

There will be days when you just want to lie in bed and slowly die. Most days will not be as bad. Embrace these days but don't let them drag you down. Pull yourself up. You've been through worse and you will see worse. If only you'd persevere, you'll see that it wasn't so bad after all. You'll discover the power of hot tea and tears, of long hot showers and more tears, of sappy movies and cold vodka. You are also bound to feel the magic of a long run at dawn. Hard times will always be there. Sometimes all you want to do is to lay d1own and let it all wash over you and hopefully kill you in the process. What you have to remember when you feel so is this, "this too shall pass". Because when it does, you wouldn't even remember it.

Distance is such a curse. It makes things look so much better than they are. Relationships look so perfect from afar. Flaws get erased. Sins are forgiven. You only see things as you want to. You see perfect ideals. You realise their true forms only when you're too close. Then it's too late. And then there's regret. Regret is a sneaky bastard and the only way to keep away is to never visit the coulda, shoulda, wouldas. stick with your choices. If you can't vouch for yourself, who else is goin to?

Exes are meant to be exes. Revisiting the past never helps. It only makes what was bad seem like a good idea. If it was good, it would've lasted. If it was good, you would have found a way to work things out. There is a reason some relationships don't work. So, let's not waste time chasing cars.

Too much jewellery may work on a white girl, but on you over-accessorising makes you look cheap. Not boho chic. Boho chic for you is under-accessorising. Less is more, baby.

When in doubt, wear black. Buy black. You can never have too many black clothings.

You look surprisingly good in colours. Even neon. Umm-hmm. No joke.

Your metabolism is going to hell, so stop at the firstcupcake. Give your body a break. Let it heal.

You don't live in Hallmark channel, so quit fantasizing. Go out and make things work for you. Commit yourself and don't ever ever entertain the thought of backing down. And if it doesn't work out, move on. Some things are not meant to be and you just have to make peace with it.

I've been you and trust me when I say you will be happier. There might not be rainbows at every turn nor will there be confetti for every triumph. Loving yourself for who you are will never be easy. Being proud and contented might not last. You will always be your worst critic and will never stop judging yourself. You are going to have to learn that though and when you do, it's going to be so easy you'll wonder why you never did from the beginning. But then and again, if you did, the journey would not have been this interesting.

Dear 20-year-old me, I love you. I really do. And there will be people who love you for you. In fact, they do right now, you just don't see it yet. Don't despair. You've got great things ahead. Wait till you see them.

Love always,
Yourself.

2013-04-12T10:32:00.002+08:00

This is probably one of my best relationships. I drop off the face of the Earth for months and come right back and you guys still love me.
Hehe.
Hey!

I'm sorry it's taken me so long!

Happy Belated New Year!*shuddup we all know it's April already*

But, really, how is everyone?

How am I?

I am good. I cut my hair, got tattooed! I cut my hair sometime last year, actually but can't seem to stop cutting it, hence the short up-do for quite awhile now.

There. Duck face and all.

Actually, I've also been battling so many inner demons while keeping my grades up. It really is so hard to be positive sometimes especially when you're itching to do great things but are still tied down to the frugality of basic education. One should never spend this amount of time on getting a basic degree! I've been keeping myself motivated, though.Demons are meant to be fought or one could never earn the resilience that would be needed for bigger things in life.I'm proud to report that Suba 10,235- Demons 556, so far. I'm more than grateful for le' boyfie who gets me and understands why I'm doing what I'm doing even when I lose sight of it all and he keeps me on track despite how painful and annoying it can all be. I couldn't be more thankful.

Speaking of being thankful, another thing I'm thankful for this year is our 8th year anniversary! 8! Don't know why but 8 seems like a very safe number. It seems unbreakable, hence, special. These past 8 years has had its ups and downs. Maybe slightly more downs than ups, but, hey, they did say that love is a bed of roses( or was that life?). Since it is a bed of roses, then, it'll surely be thorny. At the end of the day, all that's important is whether the bed of thorns was worth all that scent. It definitely is for us. I cannot imagine life without His Annoyance.

AND speaking of life without, I cannot remember my life before Bobby! He is definitely on of the best things to happen to us. I suspect that we're maybe definitely treating him like a child. He has the sweetest temperament and loves being fussed about. He pulls a face when you fuss about him too much and gives him your ass, though. That's my boy. He loves shoes so much that on most lazy afternoons, he picks one and sleeps with it. His favorite is Jason's pair of Crocs. He prefers comfort to style, I guess.He loves car rides and crawling under furniture. Often times, he reminds us that the underneath of my bed needs cleaning. he takes food seriously and loves his Frisbee!

He has unfortunately developed an allergy towards poultry. I suspect he has had the allergy for quite awhile but we just didn't see the signs. I've been kicking myself ever since because we have another dog that has the allergy too and they develop this kind of a wet stocking smell. When he started developing the odor, I should've suspected, but I didn't. We only started worrying when he started getting hot spots and that was quite late, already. But, he's a happy canine now! He's coping much better since we changed his diet!

I really am sorry that I don't blog often. I don't keep a journal either, so, many things go undocumented. The reason i don't do much of writing is 'cos sometimes it's just too difficult to articulate these feelings and thoughts of mine. They tend to jumble up and turn out wrong. Writing does help most times, however. It's good to unload.

So, now, until next time, take care.

Lots of love.

Love the one you're with...or not.

2012-10-22T18:16:00.002+08:00

So, here's a book I just finished reading. I think it took me about 3 days to finish it and might I say that it was pretty marvelous.

I don't know about you guys, but I've been pretty screwed in the relationship department. I guess I just have the knack for for screwing things up and going out with just the wrong people. Even after being in a relationship this long, I tend to stand back and question myself if this is where I really want to be. However, I've now come to realise that me questioning myself is not because that I'm insecure in my relationship but rather because I've always been critical of the paths I choose in life. I always stand back and question myself if I'm happy enough in my life. That doesn't mean that I'm unhappy.

My relationship experiences aside, this book really helped me understand and reinforce my believes about relationships, particularly mine.

Yes, we all want the relationship that sweeps us off our feet and drives us crazy, but ultimately, it's the person who keeps us grounded while letting us spread our wings, that we really need.

There's only so much of our heart that we can follow. For the long run, the brain's the best.

Relationships are more than just the two people who are involved. It's also about family. Like it or not, once you're really serious about someone, if your family hates that person's guts, or if your other half's family hates your guts, then it's going to be a hell of a challenge. Unless you're ready to give it all up for that person, without resentment, then quit while you're ahead.

Sacrifices will eventually end up in resentment. There shouldn't be a tally in a relationship. In fact, there cannot be tallies at all in a relationship. You do something because you want to, not because you have to, and if you don't feel right about it, talk it over. Your other half isn't a mind reader.

Some relationships are meant to last while others are meant to be lessons. Some are harder to learn from, others are harder to let go off. Most of the time, you just know. And when you do know you've found the one that's meant to last, you fight for it.

There's no use of being in a relationship that keeps you spiraling downwards. A good relationship will help you grow. Sometimes, even in size.

I've critical about relationships. Hell, I'm critical about almost everything. I don't particularly believe in fairy tale loves although I'd love to be proven wrong.

Do you miss me, Japan?

2012-10-22T13:02:00.001+08:00

'Cos I do. I really, really do.

Isn't this about that time of the year when it's getting cooler and you can feel the slight chill in the air, not so cold but just enough to have your leather jacket on? Isn't this just about the time everyone's figuring out what to wear for Halloween? This is probably just about the time TNCT will be preparing for it's yearly festival and the whole campus will be morphing into a fairy land.

This is that time of the year where I'll usually feel real blue 'cos I'd have just gotten back from Malaysia and this also just about the time I write new resolutions to stick on to until the next time I get to go back. Ahh...how miserable I used to feel.

Lately, I've been missing this place I used to call home more than I think is healthy. partly is probably because I'm taking Japanese language as an elective this semester, and hearing all that Japanese in the air has made me quite "homesick". Actually, what do you call the feeling of missing a place that's not your home?

Another reason I am really missing Japan is because I've had just about enough with Malaysian "hospitality". The rudeness of the people, drivers and not to mention their selfishness is enough to make me feel sick. When did my beloved country morph into such a horrible place? Taxi drivers ripping you off, bus drivers treating you like cattle to be transported, people not respecting each others religions and beliefs...my, oh my.

I hate dwelling on the bad though. there are still so many beautiful things about Malaysia and the people who I sometimes meet give me enough hope that our nation is still salvageable.

I just wish I could hike up Takaosan right about now, or maybe in a weeks time to see the leaves changing color. Sometimes, I wish I could just hop on a train, go to Harajyuku and get lost among the people, eat a kebab maybe. Other times, I just want to walk down the street from TNCT to that curry shop and get a hot bowl of curry rice.

I miss the freedom of my life there though I was sad and wistful most of the time.

Alas, it's just one of those days.

'Til the next time I meet you, Japan, stay safe. I miss you. So much you wouldn't know.

Where to begin?

2012-05-14T13:36:00.001+08:00

Its been a tumultuous couple of months now since I last updated. So much has happened;so many deadlines fulfilled and exams done. I'm finally done with being a year 1 student!
In the time that I've been missing, my all-time favorite band finally set foot in Kuala Lumpur! If you guys have been following me for awhile now, you'd probably already have known that I'm OBSESSED with Evanescence! They recently released a new album and that was probably already too much of joy for me, but when they announced Kuala Lumpur as one of their tour locations, I couldn't contain myself! Jason, being the pop-lover, actually obliged to go with me to their concert(though he was still having second thoughts while we were waiting for Evanescence to come on stage, LOL). I was prepared to go alone if I had to though, hehe.

I mean it when I say that their concert is up there in the top 5 moments of my life. Pure euphoria for an hour and a half. THEY WERE MIND-BLOWING. They were even better live!

The turnout was about 3000 people. KL Live isn't that big an area and I was surprised that so many of us could actually fit into it. Honestly, I didn't even expect such a turnout. Apparently since Evanescence was on a hiatus, they kinda really went under the radar 'cos no one I knew at college actually remembered them! I mean come on! How can you forget the band that brought you "Bring Me to Life" and "My Immmortal"??!!
I was seriously in a mood to sock anyone who gave me a blank look when I mentioned Evanescence. Lol.
Nevertheless, all of us loyal fans made it there and sang our hearts out with Amy. Even Amy loved us!

They started the concert with "What You Want" and actually ended it with "Bring me to Life" but because the crowd was so awesome, they did an encore of "Your Star" and "My Immortal". Seriously, when the concert ended, I was so close to shedding a few tears myself.

All said and done, it was one "Hell Yeah" moment of my life.

Well, actually, after this, my life has been pretty much about assignments, reports and deadlines. New friends and enemies made. Loads of shopping and even more growing up. Oh dang, how could I have forgotten the most important part of my life!

We recently adopted a Shih-Tzu!

I say adopted because we actually found him abandoned at the shops near where my dad's office is. Apparently he'd been discarded because by a family living in the apartments nearby and had been living on the streets for God-knows-how-long. When we found him, he had ticks the size of raisins, we could literally feel his bones and his fur was matted and looked like it had never been cut for months! We could not even make out his face from his tail! We initially brought him home and were going to look for a family to adopt him because we already have two very territorial dogs at home. Fortunately Jason's family decided to adopt him, since they were looking for a puppy as well, since their dog of 13 years(may his soul rest in peace)just passed away last year.

He responds to the name Bobby and so he's been named, Booby Einstein Ooi. Einstein because one of his many past times include staring at the wall(probably deriving a second theorem of relativity!)for almost an hour before he goes to sleep. After taking him to the vet, we found out that he's a bit more than 3 years old. He's extremely adorable and lovable and has brought us as a family closer. Maybe one of these days I'll write a post about him.

I've been so busy this past few months but in all that chaos, there has been an unmistakable sense of contentment. I think I've finally come to peace with who I am and where I am in life that I'm ready and okay with moving forward. Yes, there are still a few minor issues that bug me, but on the whole, I am as happy as I can be. The minor issues, I will just have to work out in time.

I hope all of you have been well, as well. I'm preparing for a long-deserved break right now. We'll be heading out of the country to paradise beaches on Thursday! Hopefully all goes well and I'll update y'all soon!

Take care.

Lots of love.

p.s. You may have noticed from my pics that I'm on Instagram! The name's babaooi. Check me out.=)

Because I'm her.

2012-03-01T21:21:00.002+08:00

“Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.”

Rosemary Urquico

So many exciting things, so little time!

2012-02-27T15:21:00.001+08:00

I really want to update but time is soooooo soooo limited. Hopefully I get time soon.

Until then, good luck in everything and God bless!

Love,
Yours truly.

Revelations of an insomniac

2012-02-16T17:39:00.000+08:00

How have y'all been?

I have been swamped at uni. Most days, I go at 9 and come home after 6. Today is another one of those days. I've been going home around 7.30 for the past three days because I had a mid-term paper yesterday. Reports and assignments are all coming in a trickle that will pool into an ocean of submissions in week 11. That's 6 weeks from now, mind you, and 6 weeks in an undergraduates life is almost equivalent to 6 days, which means that there's only so lil' time left!

With all that stress, one can only expect an exponential rise in sleepless nights and teeth grinding. On one of those sleepless nights, however, I had kind of had an epiphany.

I was lying there, thinking why in the world do I have to go through so much of stress and mental torture just to get a degree when I suddenly realized how blessed I really am to be given this many chances at a higher education! yes, my journey to a degree is extremely long. Friends my age mostly have graduated and successfully moved on to their working lifes and every time we meet up I cannot but help feel like I've been left out from some universal plan. I mean, who wouldn't want to finally see the fruits of their success, right?

However, so, I suddenly realsed that I've been given such splendid opportunities at an education that not many have. Though lenghty, my education has opened my mind, expanded my boundaries and taught me how to trust in the decisions I make. My education has made my transit from teenage into adulthood much clearer. Living abroad, alone and with very few to call friends, has taught me how to make me my own best friend, which, to me, is an extremely important survival skill. All these and more, I've been blessed with despite all that I gripe about.

To not have realized all of that for such a long time is a shame. Ever since I had that realization, I have made it a point to stop complaining about the length of my education or how pointless it may all seem and learn to cherish this opportunity to further my studies. Yes, I may grumble about how long classes are and how tired I may be. After all, it's only human to do so. Nevertheless, my realization has given me a deeper sense of purpose. I am beyond grateful for all of my blessings and have come to peace with the length of my study. Actually, being rid of so much resentfulness, I am slowly beginning enjoy being a student all over again.

Apologies for the lenghtiness, but what I'm trying to say is, the next time you feel discouraged and frustrated about studying, just remember how lucky you are just to be getting an education. There are so many people out there who never even get a shot at education and you have that in your hands. Make the best out of it. C'est la vie.

Tong-tong-chiang!

2012-01-30T19:15:00.000+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!

I know it's already the 8th day but hey, we've still got another week of celebrations, so, let the tong-tong-chiang continue!!

I must say that I haven't had my fair share of oranges, yet! I had like 3,4? Shameful, I tell you.

However, this year has been special! I had my first reunion dinner with the Ooi's!*firecrackers*

It was nerve-wrecking getting ready for the dinner. I bought myself a dress, weeks in advance but as the day got closer, I felt like it was too red, too big, too not me, too blahblahblah. And my mum wasn't any help in helping me to get dressed. All the other older dresses I have, she dismissed by pronouncing them too sexy! Can you believe that? I'm guessing you can.*sigh* And to make things worse, NO ONE in the family wore as much red as I did!

Le outfit.

And nothing on the day went right. I did my nails last minute and got them all smudged! The strap of my brand new bag broke and the tip of my heel came of, despite me just getting it done a month ago.*facepalm*

I guess, all that bad luck should have been a clear sign that things could only get better, because they did! I felt very at home with his family, despite my reservations. They welcomed me into their hearts, home and ang-pau lists!

Reunion dinner was real fun. The "kids" of the family had a separate table and very little alcohol. Then dinner was followed by catching up at one of the Ooi's place and birthday celebration for ah-kong(grandpa). There was also a musical performance by 2 of the cousins, in which, le boyfriend was roped in for the organ! It never amazes me to see him play because he just so talented!*PROUDNESS* I would upload the video, but I believe I might be burnt at the stake for that. So, I present you with pictorial evidence.

See, I was recording the whole performance!

Talented cousins. Oh, look! Grandma's looking!

Spent the night at the in-laws(first time in 7 years, SHAME ON ME!) and helped them prepare for prayers at night. Managed to squeeze in a few wishes at prayers as well.

All's well that ends well.=)

Here's to hoping for more beautiful Chinese New Year celebrations and thanking that big guy up above for all the beautiful family he's given me...=)

p.s. credits to the very beautiful Xiner Chan for the photos of the night!

2012-01-13T16:51:00.001+08:00

Love past & present.

2012-01-12T17:16:00.002+08:00

Listening to Adele means it's inevitable that you think of your past loves, no?

Well, that's how it is for me.

Her music is amazing, btw. I mean, it only makes sense that music that stems from such powerful emotions can only be as powerful, right?

I've been committed to one for almost 7 years now and I think if you've been reading my blog for awhile now, you must be quite familiar with our story. Every time I say the word 7, I stop and try to wrap my brain around it . 'Cos 7 is a pretty long time for someone to have loved imperfect me.

I've been foolish all my life-falling for the worst, most uncommitted people ever.

I've hurt myself, believing that they'd loved me at least a smidgen more than what was real.

I found obsessive love, which broke me down and drove me outta my mind.

Then i found simple, uncomplicated love.

I secretly tremble in fear every time I hear of a break p because it'd break my heart and almost kill me if this love ended.

I fear the uncertainties of life.

Even so, I thank God for every kind of love I've found.

They made me stronger and they help me believe that this time it could actually be the real deal.

Cheers to a New Year!

2012-01-05T19:16:00.003+08:00

Happy 2012!!!!!!!

5 days into a new year and I hope it's treating you better than the last! 2012's definitely been better than 2011, so far.

2011 has been a real whirlwind!

The year began with many fights and disagreements, which in itself were clear signs that the year was headed a bad way. Dad lost his wallet on the first day of the year! Talk about bad omens.

I was in Tokyo when the 2011 earthquake off the Pacific coast of Tohoku (東北地方太平洋沖地震) occurred. I was actually shopping like crazy at F21, Shinjuku when it happened and God, have I never felt more afraid and LONELY in my life before! That's also exactly the point I realised that everything else is so inconsequential. I'm still kinda raw about it actually. It was the scariest days of my life. All I wanted to do was come home. I was a real scared little pup. Looking back, I wish I'd reacted better. I wish I'd been stronger and braver. Sad it is that my last days in that beautiful country have been marred by such horrible memories. Nevertheless, in those few days, I learnt what it feels like to be loved and cherished by so many people who you never even thought would care about your existence. My host family the Suzuki's were a great source of strength and help. I crashed at their place the night after the earthquake and the kids insisted on bringing their futons down to sleep with me in the spare bedroom. I still do recall the tearful goodbyes at the Hachioji station.*sigh*

This was taken the day before I flew back to Malaysia.*Forgive my paleness.*

I'm looking forward to heading back to Tokyo again. Hopefully in a year or two, when we've saved enough. I never thought I'd say this but I really do miss that place!

However, it'd be very unfair to say that 2011 has been bad through and through.It just had too many things that didn't go exactly as I'd hoped it would. If there's one thing I've learnt from 2011 is that sometimes you just have to accept that things happens for reasons one doesn't understand yet and move on. Eventually, it'll all make sense. Eventually.

2011 has had it's highlights-I graduated with my diploma(finally!), our two friends from high school tied the knot, getting my driver's license(FINALLY!) and the birth of my closest friend's darling baby girl. We also managed to squeeze in some travelling this year-Genting Highlands(three times!January(Jason & I), May for Mother's Day as well as my dad's birthday and August with the Suzukis), Pulau Pangkor, Singapore & Malacca. Not to forget my trip to Hokkaido!

You know what, pictures speak a thousand more words, so, here you go, my year, almost chronologically:

January-Lunch at Siang. Blue-eyed me and crew-cut him.

January-女子会@阿久沢研. We baked all three from scratch!*proud moments*

February-Final year dissertation.*extremely proud moment*

February-Final Ikebana on display.

February-Farewell dinner with hostel mates.

February-Dinner with Dato' Mukhriz(see me peeking from behind him?)

February-Last dinner with labmates

February-Hokkaido

March-Farewell dinner with Ogiuchi Sensei & Yordmany

March- Flight home.

March-High school friends taking the plunge

March-The Graduation I never went to.*sobs*

August-Suzuki's come to KL

August-Getting acquainted with uni

September-The birth of Faith(that's her at 2months+, btw)

September-My birthday, at Pangkor.

October-Universal Studios Singapore

November-Meetup with girlfriends from primary school. Unfortunately I have just one pic.*sadface*

November-"Botched" free makeover by Kate.

December-United Buddy Bears come to KL! That's the Malaysian bear. (These fellas are gonna be here 'till February 15th, so go and visit them!)

December-Christmas Wonderland at Pavillion, KL

December-Malacca

Woah..only when I'm looking back at it now do I realise that the last year hasn't been so bad at all. I guess, it's been a year well spent, after all. I've been blessed in so many ways!

Here's to hoping for a better year for everyone and that the Mayan's predicted the end of the world off by about another 100 years!*cheers*

Love,

Suba.

p.s.maybe I'll post my resolutions sometime soon!

Christmas is in the air!

2011-12-08T20:12:00.001+08:00

Mum and I got into another one of our moods today. I was itching to get my hands on some pretty accessories and mum was just up for some adventure. We took off for The Curve at 1.30 p.m. in the rain! It takes about 45 minutes to get to Damansara from where we live...and plus the traffic and all, when we reached there it was almost 3!

Luckily, by the time we had lunch, the rain had stopped, and it looked like Christmas! That's my beautiful(very shy) mum, btw.

And these are the earrings I got. Love much?

I can't wait for Christmas! I don't celebrate it, but it's just one of those times of the year that's filled with much joyfulness in the air. Don't you think so? Blame the music and deco, I guess. It's just quite impossible not to feel joyful too~!

Another 17 days to Christmas,so, hurry up and get your shopping done. I am gonna take advantage of all the discounts around!;D

2011-12-05T16:38:00.001+08:00

"Be a man," people say it all the time. What does that even mean? Is it about strength? Is it about sacrifice? Is it about winning? Maybe it's simpler than that. You have to know when not to man up. Sometimes it takes a real man to set his ego aside, admit defeat and simply, start all over again.
-Grey's Anatomy, S08E04-

Where's the justice?

2011-12-01T17:07:00.001+08:00

*Warning! Angry rants ahead.*

So, it's the first day of December and we got quite a surprise this morning. Jason usually parks his car on the outside of the condo we rent, cos we don't quite have a lot to park at inside, and he usually checks on it in the morning before he walks to the LRT station to catch the train to work. Imagine his horror when he found his car had been broken into?!!! The driver's side mirror and the passenger's behind it were smashed to bits, money in the coin box and his jacket (that I bought from JAPAN!!!) were stolen!

Well, the first thing that ran through my mind when he called me to tell what had happened was, "Thank god not more damage was done to the car and he's safe!". But then, as you let it simmer in the back of your mind, you think, why the hell do we have to put up with such things? We not only have to pay for the damages to be repaired, but we have also lost a day's work and because of that we've also lost the peace of our minds. How can we park our car anywhere, anymore without worrying about it being broken into or worse, being stolen?

Just look at what's happening to us nowadays! You walk on the street, your bag gets snatched, we say, "Oh thank God he didn't drag your bag with you." You get mugged at the ATM, we say, "Thank God the mugger didn't stab you!". Someone gets raped, we say, "Thank God the rapist didn't kill you AS WELL!" IS THIS WHAT WE'VE BEEN REDUCED TO?We thank God for not being further damaged when we should not have been damaged AT ALL!

Have we really come to that stage where we're willing to lie down and tell these thieves to take all they want but just don't hurt us? And where is the justice for us? We work our asses and earn every bit of money we have, just to have it taken away by some lazy assholes who are too pumped up on drugs to even piss straight?!! If you stand up against these injustices, you get hurt or worse, KILLED! IS THIS REALLY WHAT WE'VE BEEN REDUCED TO?

I personally think that it's because we put up with these kinds of nonsense that these kinds of petty thefts and break-ins happen."Oh, this are is prone to these kinds of things. We're the ones who have to be careful." So, just because there are a few raging mad people out there, we have to lock ourselves in? Is there really no one who can stop all of this? Why can there be nations where you can literally walk naked in and not be raped, but here, we have to be afraid of being raped even if you're covered in a purdah?!

This morning's incident was clearly an amateur's work as a nearby car got broken into, as well, and guess what they took from that car? FOOD! And these amateurs are encouraged by the fact that they're doing this every night (piles of glass can be seen along the parking lots, evidence of daily pillages) and nobody is stopping them. Not even the police, who clearly know of these incidents!

I, myself, would like to fight back. An eye for an eye!! And this is coming from someone who believes in Gandhiji's peaceful ways. If I were a guy(actually the fact that I'm not one isn't even a factor right now), I'd like to find that perp who did this and bash his brains out. But since we're civilized and educated people, we don't do that. But then, WHERE IS THE JUSTICE FOR US? Where, in all of this shit, is our justice when we have to pay for the crimes perpetuated by dirtbags while they enjoy the comfort of our stuff?!!?

P.S/ Seriously, the thought of some asshole wearing the jacket that I bought, with so many loving thoughts for my boyfriend, is making my blood boil! I really hopes he pees bricks and breaks out in boils that'll scar him for life!!!! That and get run over by a truck!

P.P.S sorry for the very angry rant but i'm sure you've felt this way too before?

Thanks for the blessings.

2011-11-25T01:07:00.001+08:00

Looks like I'm one of those creatures who can only write while sleep is elusive. Actually I've had a tab open a new post since yesterday but haven't been able to come up with a single word to say. I even came up with a title yesterday! Even so, I couldn't come with any worth content, so, I abandoned a new post, once again.

Many of you in the USA are celebrating Thanksgiving today, eh? Well, I follow a few people from USA on Twitter and saw that some were just waking up to the parade after a night full of festivities. You know what I'd like? I'd like to really taste a stuffed turkey! An authentic stuffed turkey, not the kind we can get at Ayamas(though, that's a chicken. Ah, well, birds, all the same.).

So, what are you thankful for? Have you been thankful all year long or are you just counting your blessings? Someone kindly retweeted this quote today: Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.

Many a times we just brush aside all the little blessings we have and go in pursuit of larger, much juicier and no doubt, much lucrative blessings. Nope, I'm not gonna sit here and preach to you that money and status are not of importance-ye' shall abandon all search of materialistic joys. Yes, materials are important, to a certain extent. To be able to enjoy the finer things in life, one must work hard and earn more but we tend to forget that life isn't just about earning more and more and increasing the zeros in your savings account. Nope, life isn't about being to literally sit down and smell roses as well(trust me, just smelling roses can get pretty monotonous after 5 minutes.).

I guess what I'm trying to say is, let's look around ourselves more often and try to appreciate the smallest blessings we have. Sleep in bed, check. Roof over head, double check. Food in tummy, check! Whatever little blessings we have, some might not even come close to having, so be grateful. Life isn't so bad, is it? Especially if you have a computer of your own and Internet connection to read what I'm saying! Life is pretty good for you then!

I ain't such a saint either. Up until maybe half a year ago, I was never really able to look around me and be satisfied. I was never satisfied and the sad truth I knew about myself is that I can never be satisfied long enough about anything. I always want more. Not such a bad thing, but it can get pretty tiresome beating one's self up. Bit life, in all it's mysterious ways has managed to tap me on the shoulder(well, it pretty much shook me up, literally) and said, " Like it or not, you've gotta learn to appreciate the smallest things in life and if you don't start looking at things more positively, it's gonna be gone before you even realized you had it."

It hasn't been an easy journey for me, this year. More downs than ups and even more battles with myself. I didn't realize all of the above in a single night. Neither did I turn over in a single night. However, the turn of events over the year has humbled me in so many ways. Many many ways that I'll need more than a single post to tell you all about it. But I will, in due time. So stay with me, 'aight?

To wrap this post up, I just wanna say Happy Thanksgiving to all those who are celebrating and to those who aren't, let this day just be one that prompts you to reflect on the past year(s) and work on the coming one. We're after all so close to a new year that it's time for epilogues.

Bonjour!

2011-11-23T00:43:00.001+08:00

Oh yea....I'm very much alive.

Got to editing my very much abandoned blog, as y'all can see.

Actually, I've been blogging(in the background) quite a lot...just that most of my posts have ended up as drafts.

I must say that Blogger has improved much and am looking forward to blogging more actively(and productively) from now on.

Gotta go but will blog soon.

Till then...

Oh, hello!

2011-09-07T11:18:00.000+08:00

Err....hi!
I know it's been ages!
I'm in the midst of my finals now, actually!
From the first day at Uni to finals already???
Yeah, time passes really fast.
Will update real soon!
In the meantime, missed y'all loads!=)

Right outta that door.

2011-04-18T20:26:00.000+08:00

Yes, I was in Tokyo when the 9.0-magnitude earthquake hit.
Yes, I'm back in Malaysia already.
No, I don't want to talk about how horrible it felt, for the thousandth time.

So, exactly 1 month and 3 days after coming back, what have I done?
I've gone and registered myself with JPA, I've applied for university and I've enrolled myself for driving lessons.
Oh, I've also done lots of eating and shopping and reading! I've finished two books and am on my 3rd.

I'm just sitting here, with my fingers crossed, praying and hoping desperately that my future university will grant me all the exemptions I need to complete my degree in 2 years.
*sigh*
Wish me luck so I can give y'all better news the next time 'round,kay?

2011-03-04T12:45:00.000+08:00

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know
And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that
Another aeroplane Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home Mmmm, I’ve got to go home
Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home
And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not come along with me
That this is not your dream
But you always believed in me
Another winter day has come And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home Let me go home
And I’m surrounded by A million people I
I still feel alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It’ll all be all right I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

The Astrology Matchmaker Test - Tickle Personality Tests > Results

2011-03-04T12:39:00.000+08:00

The Astrology Matchmaker Test - Tickle Personality Tests > Results:
"The Astrology MatchmakerRate: Re-take this test The Astrology Matchmaker Your tars are sending you straight into the arms of an AQUARIUS. As an air sign, your man is a great communicator and an independent thinker. On top of that, he's incredibly popular. You won't be able to resist his inviting personality and altruistic nature. Also ambitious and creative, he tends to be inflexible when it comes to his views. He might shy away from romantic relationships at first, but once you break through that barrier, he's yours! His sign is the water bearer, which means that he gives off a special energy that is received as a gift by others. Your ideal man is a people person, and he genuinely wants everyone to be happy. He's also a progressive intellectual with an analytical edge. So, not only will he provide interesting conversation, he'll make sure you're always smiling! In addition to possessing all of these redeeming qualities, your Aquarius is most commonly known for being the friendliest sign in the zodiac.
How to catch him:
Your Aquarian man places the intellect above physical stimulation. He needs to feel that the two of you have made a deep, meaningful connection before he'll enter a relationship. Passionate and exciting, he'll put you on a pedestal once you have had a meeting of the minds. Aquarius stands for truth, and your man will be honest to a fault. So be careful not to ask questions such as 'How do I look?' and 'Do these pants make me look fat?' when you're just looking for reassurance, because this man just might give you an answer you don't want to hear. But he's trustworthy and devoted (as long as you give him his space)."

Whimsical train rides.

2011-02-15T17:15:00.001+08:00

Long story short, I got tired of being stuck at lab on such a beautiful day, so I got on the next train and headed to Shibuya. I was hoping I'd catch some pictures of the snow there as well, but there was no proof of last night's snow storm. Then I decided to go to 109, for like the 2nd time in my life (omg..><). I was looking for something special to buy for myself but unfortunately nothing stood out except for the dress below.

I know I look stunning in it....T_T *cough* don't mind the self-flattery*cough* but it just cost too much!T_T it had lace detailing at the back and around the stomach. It even had a sewn in bra!!!T_T Oh well, when I grow up, I guess?

The white top really stole my heart as well. This was at f21. BUT! it was a size L and the only reason I could wear it properly was because I had it over another dress. Since I only have 2 off-shouldered pieces, I really wanted to get this but alas, I couldn't find any other. So, well, luck,eh?

On a totally unrelated topic, my legs are getting so much better! Notice the lack of scars? I should be able to flaunt me legs in no time!=D I've actually been using my face cream for them! That shows how much I love them and how badly I actually want them to get better. Haha. Totally pathetic, I tell you.

And this was the dress I had below it. It's nice but I realised that I have way too many of the same style and never actually wear 'em, so, didn't get it. Lol.

I have been such a good girl today, have't I? It's not like I didn't get anything at all for myself. Don't be fooled. I got myself some lingerie and a pretty lil' skirt from f21.

Oh, and I also discovered root beer at the Loft!=D

So well, ending this post in hopes that my legs get all scar-less and my tiny belly goes away. Hehe.

This has been a very self-indulgent post. Haha.

My view.

2011-02-15T01:09:00.000+08:00

I just finished the book. Yes, it's almost 1a.m. but I couldn't resist departing my views on it. Just because I want to. *coughs* Also because sleep is elusive*coughs*

I found the book both awe-inspiring and fearsome. Ms.Chua is definitely someone who has high standards and refuses to budge even a milimeter of her standards for anyone. For someone who looks so demure, she definitely is feisty.

My mother is a little of what you'd call a "Chinese mother" in many senses. And like Amy, my mum's battle strategy only worked on my eldest sister.

I understand Amys desire to bring her children up the exact way her mum did. I mean, I would too. However, like her mother, I agree that children are different and it takes a certain amount of tact to deal with different children effectively. For some, threatening to put them out of the house or no lunch would suffice to induce fear into them, for others, a threat's a mere challenge.

I do not speak from the perspective of a mother who has raised children of her own but from the perspective of a "rebellious" child.

My mother would (and still does) insist on mastering arithmetics. In her opinion, if you could do maths, you could possibly do anything. My sister would unfailingly and devotionally do her homework every night while I would fight my mother to tears! Reading Amy's book brought back memories of my mother trying her very best to make memorise my times table while all I wanted to do watch some TV. I was 8, for God's sake!

Oh,the fights we used to have!

I also used to enjoy being locked out of the house for being disobedient. You see, my mum never actually let us out of the house alone. Someone would kidnap us, she'd say. So when she actually got really mad at me and locked me out of the house and wouldn't let me in the house, it called for celebration and I played with the water hose. The only scary times were when my dog was outside with me, too. Since I was such a tiny one, I'd worry it'd eat me, which would lead to me pleading to be let in.

My mother demands the best of us. Up until today, she will never praise us in front of us. If we're lucky to catch snippets of her conversations with others, we'd find out how proud she actually was of us. Or else, you wouldn't know. She despised it when I'd dance or say I wanted to be involved in extra-curricular activities. I loved to dance-I just needed music and I'd lose myself. I was in the track team for 3 years during primary school. To her, no matter how good you may get at any of that, it could never feed you in the future. When it came to deciding if I should take up Bharatanatyam (a form of classical Indian dance) and Taekwondo (a form of Eastern martial arts), she chose the latter without asking me. Her defense? This is a scary world and you couldn't possibly dance a sexual predator off, could you? In fact, my sister was trained in the same form of martial arts too.

I used to hate going for classes. Every Sunday, when all my friends would either be sleeping in or watching Sunday morning cartoons, she'd make us wake up and go for Taekwondo classes. I despised it because of the every fact that I really wanted to dance and I could barely see without my glasses during classes which in the end ended up making me feel like a cripple. But she never gave in to my fake tummy aches or headaches. She'd fight me every step of the way. She even put us through classes despite our financial strains. That's how determined she is. I took classes for 5 whole years before I stopped.

We were never allowed to go to friend's houses. When all my friends used to gather at someone's to play, I'd make up excuses of familial obligations. We never went out to malls or movies with friends. The first time I did either was when I was almost 14. My sister? I think she was well over 20, the first time she could go out with friends. Boyfriends, of course, were not allowed. Neither were phone calls from friends exceeding 3 minutes nor phone calls from boys.

I know I never purposely fought her. I was child. I'd just remember feeling so frustrated esp since I was always full of energy. I fought her only because I felt suffocated. I loved her more than anything in the world, even then and never did I want to hurt her. What she didn't see was that she was hurting me too by constraining my every choice. I felt like a bouncy ball that was trapped in a box. I could still bounce but not without hitting the top.

I don't know when and why she stopped fighting me. I guess she just gave up on me. I remember, very clearly, her telling me that I probably would never amount to anything in life because of my pigheadedness. I do remember her insults and criticisms. I guess she tried to use insults to get me inspired. She'd compare me with my classmates even though she was the one who told us not to compare ourselves with other people. An A was not good enough if it was not above 95%. I could go on and on. When I finally realised, all that haranguing had stopped. And it worked for me.

I, like Amy's youngest daughter, didn't want her to be so intense about the things I was doing. If I was going to be committed to something, I wanted to have made the choice myself, not have it made for me. And when the pressure from her stopped, I immediately started finding outlets to pour myself into.

I think I turned out pretty fine, though. I am a recipient of the national scholarship award and an aspiring engineer (even if it isn't exactly my ideal profession). I am no average student and I stand out (like a sore thumb,sometimes) because of my ability to speak my mind. I am steadfast in what I believe and am not afraid to show it. I speak 4 languages fluently. And my vocabulary is wider than an average 23 year-old because she insisted on us looking up every word we didn't understand and memorising their usage and definitions. Above all that, I have the humility to know that though I may be one of the best, there are those better than me and one should never be comfortable with where one is. Strive and strive for the best always, is what she told me and what i keep close to heart. I do regret giving Taekwondo up. I did get to a pretty good stage, but I know for a fact I failed to rise higher because my heart just wasn't into it. But, I also found my strengths. In a way, her giving up on me was a blessing in disguise. It allowed me to discover myself in ways that couldn't be possible had she been molly-coddling me.

I guess, what I want to say is that, Ms.Chua, if you're reading this (which I don't think you are), I know that you know that you're not alone in your parenting style, but, I'd also like you to know that you're not the only one facing the resistance. I guess, when there are two kids, the elder ones tend to take the more submissive roles, letting their parents lead them down their paths. The younger ones, though, somehow need to be able to find their own paths. Of course, we need our parents around for support when we stumble and fall, but as long as we can still stand on our own two feet, we'd never give up looking for ourselves and striving for the best.

I'm proud to say that my mum and I are best of pals now. Yes, we have our fall outs once in awhile, yet we love each other more than anyone else in this world. She still thinks that modelling is for girls with no proper education and an utter waste of time while I think it is a form of art.Nevertheless, I am 23 and I am more than proud to be my mum's daughter. She has taught me to be confident of myself and to have self-respect. She taught me to never sell myself short and to always be the best of myself, no matter how painful or how hard it gets. She has taught me humility and kindness. She has taught me to be self-sacrificing and to step up to my responsibilities despite how inconveniencing they may be.

And all of this, I learnt from watching her.

Mum, I love you.

2011-02-14T21:55:00.001+08:00

Valentine-Kina Grannis

Love, it's a special day.
we should celebrate
and appreciate
that you and me found something pretty neat
and i know some say this day is arbitrary

but it's a good excuse to put our love to use
baby i know what to do, baby i will love you
i'll love you, i'll love you.

love, i don't need those things
i don't need no ring
i don't need anything
but you with me, cause in your company
i feel happy oh so happy and complete

and it's a good excuse to put our love to use
baby i know what to do, baby i will love you
i'll love you, i'll love you.

so wont you be my honey bee
giving me kisses all the time
be mine, be my valentine

so wont you be my honey bee
giving sweet kisses all the time
be mine, be my valentine

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmania.com/valentine_lyrics_kina_grannis.html
All about Kina Grannis: http://www.musictory.com/music/Kina+Grannis