The Best of Yelp!

A Match Made in Heaven

noreply@blogger.com (Jesse Shapiro) — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 07:32:00 +0000

12/5/2007

The last time I was here, I witnessed a man with a hamburger on his head (mascot style headgear, not a McD's #2) talking to a transvestite.

'Nuff said.

Would they be friends?

Or Foes?
Let us know what you think?

ps. we know the picture is of mayor mcheese. Sorry we're partial to the #2.

Posted by Kim J. regarding Oakwood 83 in Chicago

Photo's by Phillyturkey and DL Byron

Eating BALLS . . . The Luckiest Day of his Life?!? Sad life.

noreply@blogger.com (Jesse Shapiro) — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 20:58:00 +0000

1/6/2008

luckiest day of my life.

driving through montana, low on gas, 'hey lets pull over here.' we get gas and someone sees an old piece of junk with a sign for home of testie fest, or something like that. so we drive a second away to this little diner gift shop bar shack. very country, very woodsman vibe, lots of local looking folk just sitting around, what else you gonna do in west montana?

so i'm excited to eat balls! and we go in the diner part, only one other guy was willing to try them so i order a small basket of them. they come out quick enough and are served sliced, battered and fried with a side of cocktail sauce. we go outside and sit on the stage, where they have the festival, and put our lips around some deep fried balls. and they're pretty good! mostly taste like fried, but have a meatie taste that was pleasant. the cocktail sauce was a good match too.

Posted by Eli G. about the Rock Creek Lodge in Clinton, Montana

photo by Courier Post Online

Welcome to Our Completely Empty Restaurant

noreply@blogger.com (David Roberts) — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 23:00:00 +0000

"'Hi, welcome to our completely empty restaurant. Just apps and some drinks? please feel free to stand at our bar and look out over our completely empty patio that we are reserving for people who are planning on ordering dinner (but apparently are just not going to show up)'"

From Barney B. regarding Caffe Graffiti in Boston, MA

Photo by ...

Effective Immediately

noreply@blogger.com (David Roberts) — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 22:46:00 +0000

"Dear USPS

Effective immediately, please forward all mail for Barney B to Spuyen Duyvill, Brooklyn NY. Barney B is moving in.

Sincerely,
A happy bastard"

From Barney B. regarding Spuyten Duyvil in New York, NY

Photo by Benjy S.

They Really Like Him!

noreply@blogger.com (David Roberts) — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 20:17:00 +0000

"Typical Brandy's scene:

- Older pianist rocking out to a solo with the popped lip.
- tipsy Chelsea aspiring actor nodding head across bar
- Actor boy raises glass and screams
- pianist grunts "Oh Yeah"
- They duet together, and Actor boy kinda ruins it by being wasted, but he doesnt realize it because, he's an actor and dammit, he thinks he stole the show! They like him, They really like him!

This is not a gem. This is purgatory."

From pat b. regarding Brand's Piano Bar in New York, NY

Photo by Mister O.

Nothing Gets Between Me and my Mussels

noreply@blogger.com (David Roberts) — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 17:54:00 +0000

"i have been LUSTING and FANTASIZING and PLOTTING and DREAMING and [killing fuzzy kittens/puppies that get in the way of] RAVING about the mussels here since i had them for the first time a couple of weeks ago.

hot. damn. white wine sauce, deep, succulent notes, shallots (i think), slightly toasted bread for dipping.... this dish is just plain sexy. i bit my waitress when she reached in to remove the dish. she understood."

From Virginia Su m. regarding Green Street in Cambridge, MA

Photo by Ligaya T.

SATs

noreply@blogger.com (David Roberts) — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 17:42:00 +0000

"The Sil : Other bars :: America : Other countries

If you never took the SATs, all the more reason for you to drop by. The Silhouette (a name which I have never actually called this bar, it IS "The Sil") has something for everyone. Scantily-clad college-age cocktail waitresses deliver 7$ pitchers of PBR and free baskets of freshly-popped popcorn to you"

From Melissa A. regarding Silhouette Lounge in Allston, MA

Photo by Bria D.

No me gusta!

noreply@blogger.com (David Roberts) — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 16:47:00 +0000

"We all have those wonderful food memories from early childhood. I have memories of oh so good cupcakes. The cupcake is the perfect dessert in fact.

Small, easy to transport, and covered with tasty frosting. Better yet, one batch of cupcakes with a multitude of frostings. A veritable pantheon of taste! Ok, let me put down my thesaurus and get down to brass tacks.

I make BAD cupcakes, dry like sawdust bound with egg and butter. I buy good cupcakes made of magical sprinkles and love.

I can make better than what I had today. SADFACE.

This cupcake was dry, so dry in fact that I needed a drink in order to choke down a bite. The flavor was *almost* there. It was like it had been invited to the party, but was late showing up.

The worst part, the frosting was so dry it was crunchy, and it tasted like dirt. Slightly cocoa flavored dirt.

Two of us couldn't finish one tiny little cupcake. We wanted to, it looked good, damn good. No me gusta!"

From Dave M. regarding Rosie's Bakery in Cambridge, MA

Photo from The Portland Mercury

Dear Dave, Never watch us again you backstabbing dick. Sincerely, The Mouseketeer's

noreply@blogger.com (David Roberts) — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 15:51:00 +0000

"Great place for a decent pizza, and a great place to listen to some of the most inane ridiculous conversations ever.

'I totally wanted to be a mouseketeer, but I also felt bad because I really liked watching the Brady Bunch, and it felt like I was cheating.'

Did you just say that, in public, to everyone in a 15 foot radius? High five!"

From Dave M. regarding Newtowne Grille Food and Spirits in Cambridge, MA

Photo by J.R.

I'm Nostrodamus

noreply@blogger.com (David Roberts) — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 16:30:00 +0000

" 'why are you giving me such terrible customer service right now?'
and she replies 'im the manager - i dont have to give you sh*t! ya'll can leave!'
and i said - 'well - i want my dollar back then if i cant listen to my song'
'No - f*ck you - go home!'
i was like 'Wow! you guys will not be open 3 months from now'

and guess what - 3 months later - they closed down.
thats right - im nostrodamus beeyotch! good."

-From Kevin C. regarding Mandango's Sports Bar and Grill in Sacramento, CA

Photo by r l.

A love note . . . Dear Mr. Crackhead

noreply@blogger.com (David Roberts) — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 16:31:00 +0000

"Crackheads: Where would San Francisco be without you?

Thanks for punching out the windows in my car because I was stupid enough to leave *ANYTHING* in view on the back seat. My bad, guys! Sorry!

Thanks for leaving your needles on the street where little kids might hurt themselves. Children need more ways to hurt themselves in the big city. It's just getting too safe these days!"

-From Captain P. regarding Crackheads in San Francisco, CA

Plastic Potty Hell

noreply@blogger.com (David Roberts) — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 15:41:00 +0000

"Have you ever wondered what it would be like to sit in a large Port-O-Potty while drinking a flat beer from a plastic cup as some dude who thinks he is a professional motocross rider repeatedly bumps into you? Go to E.T.'s Sports "Lounge" and you will know. It's probably dirtier than the aforementioned plastic potty hell, but you get the general idea. This place is a joke. It smells like a urinal cake dipped in vomit, the beer is flat and served in plastic cups, and it's full of nasty looking chicks and mom's garage dwelling "rockstars," who want to boast to you about how many friends their crappy band has on myspace. God Bless Temecula!"

-From Joshua M. regarding Et Sports Lounge in Temecula, CA

Photo by David Shankbone

The Many Syllabled Word

noreply@blogger.com (David Roberts) — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 21:31:00 +0000

"Do you like to wear t-shirts made by brand names that are supposedly made for MMA fighters? Or do you wear t-shirts with tattoo designs on them? Do they have that "bedazzled" look? Are they overly done and finished with sequins and shiny metal studs?

Are your shoes pointy-tipped? Are they mock cowboy boots? Do they also have cool tattoo style designs on them?

When you roll up your long sleeved dress shirt, with the many syllabled word you never use in daily vernacular embroidered across the back, does your super cool "sleeve" tattoo show and impress all the ladies?

Does your chest hair peek out from the top half of your unbuttoned collared shirt with the doilie-worthy embroidery?

If so, you are a douchebag.

And you should go here."

-From Dano G. regarding B412 in Palo Alto

Photo by Tom W.

Two Hooks for Arms

noreply@blogger.com (David Roberts) — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 20:34:00 +0000

"'What are two good looking fella's like yourselves doing in a place like this" inquired the old guy with two hooks for arms. He then told us jokingly that we should get out since we were hurting his chances with the ladies.'"

-From Nosniv X. regarding Duffy's Tavern in Chico, CA

Photo by Cathy S.

Meatmarket Nutdoggery

noreply@blogger.com (David Roberts) — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 19:19:00 +0000

"meatmarket nutdoggery... thats right i made up a word. There are better places to go."

-From Adam W. regarding Moondoggies Pacific Beach in San Diego, CA

Photo by Kristin F.

One Is the Loneliest Number

noreply@blogger.com (David Roberts) — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 19:16:00 +0000

"Not very busy.... good place to get drunk by yourself."

-From Adam W. regarding Catalina Lounge in Ocean Beach

A Yelp! Poem

noreply@blogger.com (David Roberts) — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 05:03:00 +0000

"The scene was stale, the floor smelled of beer
Had not yet been seated, why were we here?
The salad was tasty, the pizza was not
It was soggy and greasy and not even hot
The prices were average and so was the help
And that's why you've earned a 2 star on Yelp."

-From Nick M. regarding Stadium Tavern in Fullerton, CA

Photo by Maryanne D.

Someone Just Vomit

noreply@blogger.com (David Roberts) — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 04:58:00 +0000

"this place smell like someone just vomit. we ask the bartender and he said it was normal. so, it was normal for us to leave the place right away."

-From Chauster B. regarding The Helm in Costa Mesa, CA

Photo by Doj G.

He Knows No Fear or Pain

noreply@blogger.com (David Roberts) — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 04:51:00 +0000

"Why did the robot order a milkshake?
To blend in with the general human population, making it easier to infiltrate society and--in time--conquer it.

'Waiter! Waiter! What's this robot doing in my soup?'
'It looks like he's performing human tasks twice as well, because he knows no fear or pain.' "

-From Will R. regarding LA Robotics and Automation in Carson, CA

Telling People What Not to Tell Me

noreply@blogger.com (David Roberts) — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 04:42:00 +0000

"I spend a lot of my precious time telling people what not to tell me. Don't tell me Kentucky's not South. Don't tell me we're out of beer again. Don't tell me a dog that's lost its hind legs and has to use an ass-cart to wheel around the park isn't embarrassed. And please, people, don't go telling me that Proof's Happy Hour isn't the best in town, just dont."

-From Will R. regarding Proof Bar in Santa Ana, CA

Photo by Andy K.

A Frown on an Orphans Face

noreply@blogger.com (David Roberts) — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 05:16:00 +0000

"Come here if you like the following....
Cavity searches.
Douche nozzles.
Explosive Diarrhea Sundaes.
A frown on an orphans face.
Dead dog on the freeway.
Periods.
and Hangnails."

-From Krisztina V. regarding Steve's BBQ in Whittier, CA

Photo by Dorothea Lange from Shorpy

Skimpy Douchey and Sandal Wearing Sardines

noreply@blogger.com (David Roberts) — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 05:02:00 +0000

"Billions of humans packed in like skimpy, douchey and sandal wearing sardines.
Yeah I don't even have space in this place to roll my eyes properly.
1 bathroom stall...thats right. 1 bathroom stall.
Come on guys! Club girls need plenty of space to re-cake their clown faces and cackle like sea hags. Music in here is terrible. I had to disinfect my ears after leaving this joint."

-From Krisztina V.> regarding Eos Lounge in Santa Barbara, CA

Photo by Jeffery C.

Douches From Every Douche Walk of Life

noreply@blogger.com (David Roberts) — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 06:19:00 +0000

"Not just a bunch of douche bros or douche hipsters, but rather a diverse cross-section of douches from every douche walk of life. Ignore them, get a pint, and challenge me to air hockey."

— From Rob R. regarding The University Bar in Chico, CA

Painful!

noreply@blogger.com (David Roberts) — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 06:11:00 +0000

"I’m sorry, this petite Chinese body can’t handle heavy, creamy food. I went to the restroom after my meal and stayed in there for a good 20 min… painful!"

— From Lisa W. regarding Little Prague Restaurant in Davis, CA

Oh No Girlie This Place Ain't For You!

noreply@blogger.com (David Roberts) — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 06:06:00 +0000

"Oh no girlie this place ain’t for you! That’s right you Poly-dolly, cell phone as an earring, ‘oh my gawd’-ing , buy all my clothes, shoes and get my hair done at home because ‘hell-o, these people don’t know wtf fashion iz (insert scoff)?’"

— From Veronica G. regarding Bull’s Tavernin San Luis Obispo, CA

Photo by Margo G.