http://maddox.xmission.com This page is about me and why everything I like is great. If you disagree with anything you find on this page, you are wrong. en-us maddox@xmission.com (Maddox) eating cum as a dessert. Whatever the topic is, you can rest assured that someone at Vice is finding a way to eat copious amounts of cum to complete it. Typical hard-hitting Vice journalism...Continue reading... ]]> http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=vice_sucks Sun, 13 Aug 2023 00:00:00 -0600 It's true. I'm a huge fan of the Beetles so I looked up the history of this song the other day, and it turns out that Paul McCartney made the song to celebrate all the hot wet tears his fans squirt out of their well-lubricated tear holes while listening to this anthem for losers. Every idiot with an acoustic guitar learns to play this song because it's for babies (who cry). I looked up the sheet music and even the original draft is stained with giant gobs of cry juice: Original "Yesterday" sheet music, stained with smudges of hot wet tears The song is a simple melody with simple lyrics for simple people...Continue reading... ]]> http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=yesterday Sat, 11 Apr 2020 00:00:00 -0600 I wrote this article early in March when the coronavirus was first starting to spread. Since then I've decided that I'm good on the coronavirus. I made a video about it here: It's important to get the mortality rate right, as well as not to overexaggerate every minor virus that comes along so people take this shit seriously. Or not, since I have a superstar immune system and only care about me. Share Tweet 323,487 people have coronavirus...Continue reading... ]]> http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=nolongerwantcorona Fri, 27 Mar 2020 00:00:00 -0600 Continue reading... ]]> http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=bob_dylan_is_a_podcaster Fri, 06 Mar 2020 00:00:00 -0700 Note: This article was updated from the original, I hope I get swine flu originally published Aug 24, 2009. Update (04-11-20):: I'm good on the coronavirus. I made a video about it here: I just deleted my mom's number from my cell phone. That's because she called me in a panic after seeing a special on CNN about swine flu coronavirus asking me what she should do. How about getting a clue, mom? Idiot...Continue reading... ]]> http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=coronavirus Tue, 26 Nov 2019 00:00:00 -0700 Continue reading... ]]> http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=memory_diet Tue, 24 Sep 2019 00:00:00 -0600 1" Boy are we dumb stupid idiots!..Continue reading... ]]> http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=camera_removed Mon, 01 Apr 2019 00:00:00 -0600 Learn Sign up Read Something Listen Shop This is Card. This is Maddox card. The only credit card created to bail out a tech company after a lackluster quarter of sales for its flagship phone. When one company owns all your data, tracks your shopping, controls your communication and stores your pictures and memories, the next logical step is to take over your finances. It's a technological monopoly, or "techopoly." Write it down, dipshit...Continue reading... ]]> http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=af19_maddoxcard Sun, 30 Dec 2018 00:00:00 -0700 Not one person cares. You may think that your opinion matters, but it really, really doesn't. If millions of people are talking about the same show you just watched, the odds of your opinion being novel, interesting or insightful in a way that hasn't been enumerated ad nauseam are very low...Continue reading... ]]> http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=lifehack_netflix Mon, 12 Mar 2018 00:00:00 -0600 Continue reading... ]]> http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=not_your_dude Fri, 07 Apr 2017 00:00:00 -0600 US EDITION | April 1, 2017 | Today's Paper Home World Hitler US Hitler Tech Hitler Market Hitler Arts Hitler Microsoft Windows 10: Hitler Edition is here!   Microsoft's newest service pack is out and it looks like Jewish people might want to skip this update. The reason? Microsoft packed this update full of Hitler. In a move that many Semitic people have criticized, Microsoft decided to include 30% more Hitler in this update. How will this affect DirectX?..Continue reading... ]]> http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=af17_sjw Mon, 07 Nov 2016 00:00:00 -0700 The Regressive Party I have a different stance on abortion: I'm against abortion, but for killing babies. That way everyone loses, and I win. I'm neither pro choice, nor pro life; I'm pro you-shutting-the-hell-up...Continue reading... ]]> http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=regressive#update Fri, 14 Oct 2016 00:00:00 -0600 Look at this bullshit. Except what you get instead is some poorly-written, unresearched opinions, debunked conspiracy theories and a bunch of pseudo-scientific articles with "one weird trick" to cure something gross like mouth rot. Want a scoop?..Continue reading... ]]> http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=alt_news_sucks Mon, 13 Jun 2016 00:00:00 -0600 1 When people post their content on YouTube, they file takedown requests and shut down YouTube channels. But when they do it for millions of dollars, it's okay: Here's some Internet content that CBS, a Viacom subsidiary, has no problem profiting from2 What's ironic is that Hollywood has its head so far up its glittery, self-congratulatory asshole that it doesn't even realize that YouTube is the only company still keeping their archaic business model alive. If YouTube ever went away, what would come next might be way less accommodating to US copyright holders: A couple years ago during a live broadcast on a local news program on Denver's KDVR, the news crew accidentally aired a picture of a penis while live on the air: In case you were wondering, this is what the KDVR news crew looks like right after seeing a penis The clip sounded hilarious so I immediately went to YouTube to look for it, but every time someone uploaded the video, it was immediately taken down due to a copyright claim or strike against the channel...Continue reading... ]]> http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=youtube_google Thu, 28 Apr 2016 00:00:00 -0600 Continue reading... ]]> http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=special_orders Fri, 01 Apr 2016 00:00:00 -0600 News Videos Books Store Twitter Classic Email You won't believe which famous actress with a perfect body posed topless to shame body-shamers! Hint: she has millions of adoring fans, millions of dollars, a pretty face and a BMI of 18. So brave. Wow! 3 straight white males won Oscars. Unfair!..Continue reading... ]]> http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=af16_buzzebelmico9post Fri, 18 Mar 2016 00:00:00 -0600 These crybaby idiots are incorrigible. And before you pigeon-hole me as some kind of granola bicycling activist, here's an important fact for you to consider: I don't give a shit about the environment. I don't ride my bike because I have delusions about saving the Earth. I'm not doing it to reduce my carbon footprint or to reduce our dependence on foreign oil or any of the other stupid hippy reasons people usually cite to guilt people into riding bikes...Continue reading... ]]> http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=bike_haters Thu, 25 Feb 2016 00:00:00 -0700 manuscript, and all I can think about is this annoying son of a bitch chirping happily away...Continue reading... ]]> http://thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=maddox_vs_cricket Fri, 12 Feb 2016 00:00:00 -0700 Continue reading... ]]> http://thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=scientific_method Thu, 07 Jan 2016 00:00:00 -0700 Disney's retelling of "The Little Mermaid" is intellectual junk-food. All of the important lessons taught in the original have been replaced with dumb hedonism and crass self-interest. The only message it teaches kids is that it's okay to be an entitled shit-head...Continue reading... ]]> http://thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=little_mermaid Thu, 24 Dec 2015 00:00:00 -0700 Continue reading... ]]> http://thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=shitty_inventions Fri, 20 Nov 2015 00:00:00 -0700