The Life Before Her Eyes

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 02:14:00 +0000

It's nice to have an ever so slightly ever so lovely little crush on someone new

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Thu, 22 Nov 2012 01:06:00 +0000

text me i miss you even if ur an asshole

for me and you

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 01:08:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 01:51:00 +0000

I just turned 24. I only realized that I wasn't turning 23 again weeks ago. I want to be the 22 year old in love with a world full of possibility again. but i am the 24 year old heartbroken college drop out who cant get out of bed some days because really what the point another day of soul killing numbness/ You love some and they take a part of you that you can never get back. I am looking at this wound trying to drag stitches in and out of my flesh, pushing through the pain but it doesn't close. Its like this jagged scab i keep picking at trying to kill the infection but it only makes it worst. I want to be Romeo friend but i cant pretend any more. He's not the person that I loved. Maybe he's always been that way, maybe he change, maybe i have . I just know that my heart doesn't recognize him as a person anymore. Every time I let my mind think it ,my body is racked with the pain of heartbreak over and over again. Now I lost the only person that i felt connected to and the loneliness is killing me.

What i am left with just a bunch of raging emotions that I feel like i am drowning

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 00:07:00 +0000

What I wouldn't give to take back the moment I allowed my self to love you,

how to love

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 22:17:00 +0000

This is now my personal theme song when it comes to dating. I have been on lots of dates but I have just been bored. I like meeting new people but you realize how little depth most people have. after having my heartbroken i am very wary but open. i just want someone who is interesting and not just interested in fucking me.

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 16:15:00 +0000

Every day I love you less and less but still i cant let it go. I don't know how someone can go from meaning everything to meaning nothing. time changes so much but I thought that love was supposed to endear if not love than what else in this world could possibly survive. i regret so much. i could have saved myself so much unnecessary pain if i had left months ago. Now the hole I have to climb out of is just deeper and more steep than before. ifeel like i am being buried in an avalanche of emotion

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Sun, 05 Jun 2011 03:15:00 +0000

I wish I could disappear
I wish I was dead

HEARTLESS

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 04:02:00 +0000

If only i could be heartless but I am working on it.

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 03:55:00 +0000

I have been crying for the past 48 hours, my heart is broken feels like no one will love. Am I that unloveable I guess so maybe in another life time

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 01:55:00 +0000

I feel nothing, a little less than nothing. Like there is nothing reedeming abour me I am a horrible person

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Sun, 28 Nov 2010 10:12:00 +0000

I haven't had good sex in so long I wouldn't know what a good penis was if it was inside of me

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 22:36:00 +0000

I feel very alone, the feeling is very overwhelming. I can hear my heart pounding in my chest. Strangly enough it makes me feel acutely alive sometimes i forget. I dont know how to deal anymore,sad things is i am really am alone. No one to call when i feel so close to the edge one more breath and i might fall.

I feel like mu world is filled with half people. People who give half a damn, who know you half way, who try half as much as you try, love you half as much as you do them. I already feel completly alone what the difference if I actually am.
There isnt.

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 07:33:00 +0000

I am ready to let go in the purest since. I am ready and really I have no choice. I can't live like this anymore. I refuse too.

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 08:53:00 +0000

I realized that I just don't love you, not like I use to

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 00:28:00 +0000

I thought that part of being in a realtionship is that you are supposed to feel less alone than how is it I fill more alone than ever.

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Sun, 14 Nov 2010 09:19:00 +0000

Praying to the job gods that they put in an extra word for me

Where were you when ever thing was falling apat?

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Thu, 11 Nov 2010 03:52:00 +0000

Well,I was right here, in the eye of the storm and yourself,?

I feel as if everything has been falling apart and revealing itself for what it really is. Scary when reality doesn't match up to your long held perceptions. My realtionship has been the big reveal and myself has been the biggest. i feel like i haven't been living for at least the past year but really longer. i have been going through the motions but really i haven't breathed in months. I am so lonely. I want a real human connection i thought i had one with Romeo but that has died like everything else. I don't know why i am with him anymore. I think i am afraid if i break up with him I will be truly alone and I am afraid that loneliness will kill me.

But i already feel dead.

If have 99 problems being your girl isnt one

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 03:25:00 +0000

i feel like everyone in my life just shits on me. Always telling me what's wrong with me all the things that make me imperfect. Everyone even Romeo I should say especially Romeo. I just feel so alone. I am tired.

You lost me

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 04:44:00 +0000

I feel like a fool. That I can believe someone to be a better more honest person than they have ever proved themselves to ever be. How did i ever become such a weak and naive girl. I mean really after all that with down you still talk to her and try to meet up with her behind my back instead of being honest about. Time and time i told him simply all it takes is honest and everything else can be worked out. i sincerely believe that but now i feel like a bomb has been blown up in my heart.

ROMEO MUST DIE

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 03:48:00 +0000

Happy Fucking Anniversary to me
thank you for putting me last on you list
once again. This relationship is DOA come Friday when i see him.

i feel so alone.

The best of you

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Sat, 25 Sep 2010 01:04:00 +0000

My thought are running a marathon within the maze of my mind but I need to write(typing actually) to get any clarity or any chance of sleep at all.

I know i need to take this as a sign from the heavens that it time to move on and refocus on myself. That i got lost in 'us' and need to rediscovery 'me'. I think its because I am not a relationship person and loved being single when i had my 'fuck it' mentality and did what and who ever i wanted. It was very freeing and allowed me to get to know myself well enough to be in a relationship when the right person came along. Or so I thought because really i dealt with some shit that I thought would be deal breakers but when 'love' comes into play i guess all bets are off and all rational thinking too.

Emails to other girls talking about how he still has feelings, meeting up with said girl and lying about it, putting his hands on me( he never hit) although i don't think the distinction matters as i sit looking at a scar on my knee that he is the cause of, two broken cellphones and numerous other belongings of mine, having been called a cunt and a bitch more time than i can count and told to go slit my writs and die are just the highlight of our almost year relationship.

Yet I still wanted him back after i broke up with him last Friday and now he has doubts and wants us to date but not be together because I broke up with him to many times. Here I am begging like some love sick puppy to take me back. What the hell is wrong with me? I was not raised to wait on some man to decided whether or not he wants to be with me. But here i waited until today when i decided I had enough. I love him more than I thought i was capable of loving another person and I am and thankfully for him for that and always will be. However, I am taking this a sign from the heavens that its time to move on and let this relationship go and refocus on my life and getting myself to where i need to be. i am done fighting and like I told him you take all the time you need to figure out your shit and when your done come find me and see if there is anything worth saving left. But i already know the answer- all we had is gone now, and I am searching for something new and better. I feel a little bit stronger now. Once I decided to let it go after crying so hard i. felt like i could vomit for the last week. I think most of it is out of my system and has been replaced with something else, i am not sure what it is but i will let you know.

DEEP BREATH

alright meeting up with ATl tomorrow funny i had a dream about him last night and it was hot. lets hope that reality is so much better. What about Romeo you may wonder? He thinks he can have his cake and eat it to. Your not my girlfriend but you cant do anything. Like some kind of fucking limbo but i don't think so life moves in a forward projectile with or with out you. I am moving on until i find a boy who is 100% sure he wants to be with me and until then i plan on having lots of fun in between then.
paz, amor, y besos

Thought this song was appropriate

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 04:12:00 +0000

for love is stronger than death,
passion fiercer than the grave.
Its flashes are flashes of fire
a raging flame.

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 01:41:00 +0000

Knowing when to let go is probably one of the most difficult things in life to recognize. As blaring as it can and often is it is still the thing that people can be most blinded in. Especially with romantic love i think breaking a heroin habit can be easier than knowing when to break up with somebody. It seems then i need to go to rehab. Its like i can feel the love seeping out of my body. Slowly at first but now its gushing as the dam breaks up.

noreply@blogger.com (latortura) — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 08:09:00 +0000

Going to sleep means i just have to wake up to the same reality the same feelings of nothingness the same emptyiness that feels my soul day after day