THE BEST YOU NEVER HEARD

Things I Learned From My Breakup

2024-12-21T19:02:00.001-05:00

Hi friends, it's been a long time since we've last spoke and I've missed y'all...I've missed this. I always feel like I gotta reintroduce myself when I go long periods of time without posting, but now more than ever since it's been over 2 years since my last post. My name is Rodmond and this place...well this was my safe space for most of my 20's going into my 30's. It's a place where I came to express my inner most thoughts and feelings with the world, a place for me to be open, a place for me to be vulnerable, a place for me to be heard and a place that helped me find my voice. I have a tendency to ramble and I already know this is going to be a long post so let's just get straight to it lol. I knew I wanted to make this post for a while but I just don't think I was ready yet. At the beginning of this year I went through a break up and it's probably the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. It's been almost a year and I'm just starting to feel 'normal' again. It's been a long ass journey to get to this point and I've worked really hard to pick myself back up and stand on my own two feet. Maybe like 2 weeks ago I was sitting in my car and I just started writing about things that I learned throughout my healing journey and I started thinking to myself this would be really dope to share with y'all because someone somewhere out there (bars) might be struggling with or going through the same things I was going through. But also full disclosure, this is what worked for me on my healing journey. It might help you on yours or it might not, the healing journey is sooo different for everyone and you kinda have to find what works for you. But enough of all that, this is what helped me and these are things that I learned from my breakup.

Feel Everything
This IS not and WILL not be an easy journey, it's going to take time and how much time is truly up to you. It's important to feel and acknowledge everything you’re feeling. Every single bit of sadness, anger, regret, doubt, all of it. Cry it out, yell it out, write it down, talk to someone, do what you need to do. I definitely did all of those things and trust me, it really will help you in the long run. Being sad and uncomfortable isn’t a good feeling but you really have to sit and marinate in your own thoughts and sadness and one day it'll stop. One day, I was just like I'm tired of being sad, I'm tired of listening to sad songs, it's literally like I ran out of sadness, and trust me there was a lot of it lol. I only say that because it's tempting to wanna avoid your feelings and distract yourself from feeling sad, but that's literally just sweeping it under the rug and eventually, it's gonna come out.

Be Consistent
Whatever helps you cope and makes you feel at peace in that beginning stage of your journey, keep doing it (as long as it's not dangerous). Whether it's journaling, working out, running (yes I had like a 2 week running phase lol) or whatever makes you happy, be consistent because the only way to break old habits is by building new ones. It was really hard for me to just get out of bed in the beginning, but I did and I kept doing it. I wrote in my journal, I went to the gym, went back to church, did things that made me happy and satisfied my soul and that's what you need to do too. But it won't always be easy, you still might feel sad, tired, unmotivated or angry when you do these things but keep pushing forward, consistency is key.

Keep Moving Forward
Someone once told me that when you're in a race, you keep your eyes up and forward because when you look back or side to side that's when you not only slow down but potentially trip, fall or stumble. Everytime I wrote in my journal, I would always end it off by saying the journey continues. It was something me and my best friend reminded each other about and it was the idea that you're going to have bad days and it's okay to take steps back but you keep moving forward.

Let Go
I know it's easier said than done but you can't and won't fully move on and heal until you fully let go. Everyone is different and for some people it might be a full cleanse of deleting pictures and throwing away anything and everything that reminds them of that person, this is where you exercise discretion. For me it was just removing (not deleting) things on my phone and putting everything else out of plain sight in like storage or something. That's just because I'm a hoarder and I keep birthday cards from when I was like 16 lol. Plus I see it as every good and bad thing in my life represents change, it represents growth and it also represents an important chapter in my life. I think one day I will eventually get rid of some stuff I don't need, but stuff like pictures I don't see myself deleting only because I see it as a memory of a dope ass time in my life, but also a hard ass time in my life, a time in my life that challenged, changed and shaped me into the person I am right now.

Focus On Yourself
The healing journey has nothing to do with your partner or anyone around you. It has everything to do with you and finding yourself, loving yourself, growing and becoming better. When my ex and I broke up, I was probably at the lowest point of my life, I lost a lot of my confidence and struggled a lot with my self-worth. It was a long journey to find it and find myself again but I came to realize that this healing journey had nothing to do with getting my ex back or showing her I've become a better person but it was about improving myself for me, reminding myself of who I am and what I have to offer. Something I also did was have a lot of uncomfortable conversations with myself when I was journaling. I would think about a lot of things like what went wrong in the relationship, what do I wanna carry with me into the next relationship, what can I do or how can I be better for my next partner? It was a lot of reflection and soul searching. It ultimately takes 2 people to make a relationship work, so there's always room for both people to grow no matter what happened or how it ended.

Time Heals All
I hate how cliche it is but it's so frickin true. When I was first going through the breakup, one of my friends told me this and I thought he was pretty cold because I wanted him to console me and say some comforting shit but all he said was time heals all, it gets better everyday and one day you'll wake up and it won't hurt as much and one day you'll wake up and you won't think about her anymore and it's so damn true. But I do wanna emphasize that you can't just mope around and let days pass without doing anything, like you still have to put in the work, but understand that it's a long journey and it's going to take time, but one day the hurting will stop and the healing will end, I bet my life on that. Make sure you have little check ins with yourself frequently, I think it's important to keep some sort of journal or log of your thoughts so you can go back and look at all the progress you've made. I did it all, I wrote in a physical journal, I wrote notes in my phone and I even recorded voice notes for myself but now I'm at the point where I just write in a physical journal. I'm not really somebody who rereads my stuff like I don't even read my own blog posts, but there was a time where I listened to a few of the voice notes I had recorded and I don't recognize that person, I couldn't believe how sad, how hopeless and how broken I sounded and it was firstly a reminder that I never want to feel that feeling again, but it was also a sense of satisfaction as to how much work I've put in to get to where I'm at now.

Healing Is Not A Straight Line
Your journey is going to have it's ups and downs and you're going to have days where you feel great and totally over it and you're going to have days where you feel like shit and like this feeling is never going to go away. It's okay to have bad days, it's okay to feel like you're taking a step back, healing isn't linear and sometimes just getting out of bed and going for a walk is a win. It was so hard for me to just get out of bed those first few weeks and even harder to find motivation to do anything, but I did...in time, and you will too. Healing isn't a straight line, there are no shortcuts and it isn't a sprint either. No matter how far you are on your journey or how over your breakup you think you are, sometimes the most randomest things might trigger you at the most randomest times. I can recall so many moments where I'd be watching a movie and start tearing up or listening to a song or talking to a friend and just getting really emotional, and you know what...that's perfectly fine. You acknowledge your feelings, you express them, accept them, then keep it pushing, you've got this.

Be Kind To Yourself
Use discretion as I was purposely very hard on myself because I knew I needed it to fully let go and move on. But everytime I talked to my friends, they would always remind me to be kind to myself and to look at all the progress I've made in such a short amount of time. I just remember days where I would go to my friends and be mad at myself because I thought about her again and it's been X amount of months and I feel like I shouldn't, That's when they would remind me about the progress I've made and also that I'm acknowledging these feelings and not running away from them, and that it's okay to think about her and okay to miss her but you have to understand that part of your life is in the past and that part of your life is over. Similar to the race analogy, it's like driving a car, sometimes you just wanna look at the rear view mirror to see what's behind you and that's okay, but keep your eyes front because that's where you're at now and that's where you're going, the past is the past.

Trust The People Around You
I'm almost a year into my breakup journey and I can't emphasize how much and how badly I needed people in those first few months of my journey. It was tough man...it was my first time crying in front of a lot of my friends, in front of my parents. You don't know how much it meant to me to just sit and cry with people, to just hug my friends, my parents and thank them and tell them I loved them because them being there for me at my lowest meant the world to me. The one thing I do wanna say is that I truly believed and trusted everything my friends had to say because each and every person I talked to had gone through a serious, life changing breakup and they knew exactly what I was feeling, exactly what I was going through and also exactly what was ahead of me so I knew they were speaking truths and guiding me in the right direction. One lowkey sad truth is that (mostly) everyone has or will go through some sort of big breakup in their life and that's what my best friend would always tell me, that "unfortunately it's just your turn." But it gave me reassurance that this was just part of my journey, a small chapter of my life, a canon event that had to happen that will get me to where I need to be and who I'm meant to be with. I truly truly would not have gotten to this part of the journey if it weren't for my friends and family, so thank you.

Enjoy The Journey
Kinda weird eh, why would you wanna enjoy this feeling of being sad and heartbroken? For me, it was like this was a beautiful chapter in my life and I look back and have so many fond memories. It's the idea that one day this journey will end. One day you won't think about this person anymore, one day you won't hurt anymore and one day they'll be a distant memory. So I remind myself to cherish and appreciate this journey because one day I'll wake up and I won't think about you anymore and you won't think about me anymore. I'll move on and so will you, so while I'm on this journey, I'm gonna enjoy and cherish the sad, happy, bittersweet walk down memory lane. I know it sucks now but it truly is helping you become a better person and a better partner in the future. There was one thing that I kept writing in my journal that inspired and motivated me to keep going and that was the idea that I can't wait to see the person that I am at the end of this journey. When I first started this healing journey, I was at my lowest point. I couldn’t get out of bed, everything made me cry, I had no motivation for anything and I truly felt like I was at rock bottom and I didn’t see the light or an end in sight (more bars lol). This journey at times has felt slow and never ending but more recently, I can’t believe how much time has passed and now not only do I see the light but I am so confident that the end of this journey is near. So...to anyone going through or struggling with a break up, I hope this helps. Wherever you are in your healing journey, I wish you well. I hope you push through on your hard days because you're stronger than you think and celebrate your small victories because they matter more than you know. I hope you keep moving forward through any and everything in your path because one day the journey will end, I know it with all my heart. But until then, keep your head up, keep moving forward, the journey continues…

I don't know if this is a comeback. I don't know if or when there'll be a next time. All I know is that I just really wanted to share this with you guys. It's like a little moral victory being able to coherently and confidently talk about and share with y'all a very personal and vulnerable time in my life. I feel like I've learned and grown so much in such a seemingly short amount of time, but also sometimes this journey has felt never ending lol, I'd tell my friends it feels like I've lived through like years of emotions and feelings but in reality it hasn't even been a full calendar year lol. Alright this post has dragged on long enough, flowers to you if you made it to this point, thank you for allowing me to express myself and take you on this journey with me. I appreciate it and I appreciate you...I'll see you when I see you, peace.

5 Lessons I've Learned Recently

2022-11-20T21:25:00.002-05:00

Damn, how do I even start this lol…feel like I don’t even know how to do this anymore. It’s been too long, like actually TOO long and I apologize, Life got busy, other things took priority, time passed and here we are. My last post was in June, that’s crazy…I’ve been thinking about posting a lot tho, but sometimes I’m just like man no one cares bro…at most just put something short up on your story and call it a day. A lot of y’all have reached out and asked about the blog which I appreciate. A lot of y’all might not even know I have a blog if you’ve only gotten to know me recently lol. But anyways, this is less of an update post and more of just things that I’ve been learning. But before I say anything else, those of y’all who’ve been reading the blog will know I changed the layout again, moreso similar to the OG layout, something about that bright cream, beige-ish colour never really sat right with me and it was moreso change for the sake of change. So I decided to switch it back but with a lil bit of a twist (just different fonts and colours LOL). But anyways lets move on, the dope thing about life is I find myself always learning, no matter how old I get. Lately, I’ve found myself learning lessons that have been taught to me all my life, lessons that I know, but sometimes forget and need a stern in my face reminder of. So these are things I’ve been learning and reminded of lately, as much as this is for me, maybe it’s for you too.

Not Everyone Is Going To Like You
And that is perfectly fine. I’m definitely a people please and I’d say I’m a pretty likable person, so when someone tells me they don’t like me, red flags and alarms go off cuz it’s like oh damn, what did I do or what is it about me that they don’t like and how can I make them like me? When in reality you could’ve done nothing and they just don’t like you just because, that and the fact there probably isn’t anything you can do to change their mind either so don’t sweat over it. Be you, be real, if someone doesn’t like you, fuck’em who cares.

Your Only Competition Is Yourself
I know a lot of these are probably gonna sound cliché but it’s what’s been drilled into my head lately. Whether I’m at the gym and looking around and comparing myself to others or looking around at my group of friends and comparing myself and feeling inadequate. Everyone is on their own journey and it’s not a race, it’s not about catching up or passing anybody, everyone has their own timing for whatever that might be. When I’m at the gym I tell myself ay man, the same way you look at someone like oh damn he’s strong or he’s big, someone is probably looking at you the same way, focus on yourself and do you.

Stop Overthinking, It’s Not That Serious
I’m such an overthinker and the people that know find themselves constantly telling me to stop blowing things out of proportion and to relax. All you can really do is focus on what is on your plate in front of you, once you clear that then move forward to the next thing. From girls to he said she said drama to what people think of you or how people perceive you…ay man stop overthinking, it’s really not that serious.

If Someone Doesn’t Wanna Be In Your Life, Don’t Chase Them
I’m somebody who loves to sit back and think about the good times and I always wonder if things would be different if me and this person were still friends, if me and this girl had worked out, yada yada yada. But at the end of the day, I tell myself why am I focusing so much time and energy on people who aren’t and don’t wanna be in my life when I can be redirecting that and showing love and appreciation for those are that consciously choose to be part of mine and vice versa. I spend so much time thinking about the things and people I don’t have when I can and should be appreciating what I do have.

Know Your Worth
Kinda piggybacking off the last point, but this is something I keep replaying in my head over and over again. I say it’s applicable for all instances like friends, work, girls, life. But for this particular moment, I’m gonna focus on girls (and for you maybe it’s guys), similar to the whole not everyone’s gonna life you point, I really beat myself up over relationships that don’t work out or maybe ignoring red flags because you “have a good thing going” when in reality, as good of a thing as you may have, toxicity is toxicity and if something is unhealthy for you you gotta know when to cut ties. I’m a firm believer in trying to work things out and second chances, but you have to know when to say when and sometimes I don’t cuz of course the cliché of well what if I don’t find anything or anyone better comes to mind. But again, know your worth, trust that you’re dope and that you’ll find someone who compliments and supports you in a healthy way, through ups and downs.

Welp, that’s pretty much it, it wouldn’t be a return if it wasn’t a long ass ‘tldr’ kinda post LOL. But these are some of the things I’ve been learning lately, things I’m sure you’ve seen or heard or maybe told others. They’re simple enough lessons to grasp but sometimes you neglect it and give it to whatever it may be. It’s funny cuz you can learn the same lesson over and over again but take something different away from it each time and that’s what makes life so amazing and the concept of growth and maturity. I turned 30 this past year and it’s just been a lot of self-reflection, a lot of goal planning and a lot of growing up mentally and emotionally which ,means having to get rid of bad habits, distractions and unhealthy relationships. I wanna leave you with this last thing cuz it hit me really hard when I heard it. “You can be the juiciest peace in the world, but not everyone likes peaches.” Take from that what you will, but for me it’s a reminder to myself to BE myself, to dress how I like and to be comfortable, to make dumb and stupid jokes cuz I’m a goofy ass mofo and most importantly to surround myself with people I can be 100% genuine with cuz it’s just too exhausting and a waste of time having to be something I’m not to please or cater to someone or people I don’t give a fuck about cuz like I said, at the end of the day…you can be the juiciest peach in the world, but not everyone likes peaches. I’ll see y’all soon hopefully, peace.

An Update On Life (Youtube, Feelings, Things I've Been Learning)

2022-06-22T22:21:00.002-04:00

Holy crap, do I even know how to do this anymore? Damn, I've missed you guys...a lot. Fair warning, this is probably gonna be a long post and it's probably gonna be all over the place cuz I have a lot to catch you up on. My last post was in January, got damn...to be honest I planned on doing an update post like 203 months ago but then I got sidetracked and get pithing it off and eventually forgot. First thing I wanted to say is that the blog is not dead, I'ver truly missed it and 2 million views is still a very real goal of mine, it's just one that I put to the side in order to fully focus on my lil YouTube dream. Speaking of Youtube, lemme say that it was definitely harder and more work than I expected and didn’t really pan out the way I envisioned it, but with that being said it was fun, it was a lot of learning and there were a lot of challenges…but it was fun nonetheless. Honestly for the most part I took it one week at a time, I’d brainstorm ideas/stories to tell/things to talk about and also brainstorm different foods/cuisines I could try and plan my week accordingly as I had to pick a day to film, set aside time to edit post the video, then repeat that process and I did that for 6 months. Learning to edit was probably the most difficult and time consuming aspect as the better I got at editing, the more time consuming it became because I wanted to make the video as visually appealing as possible. There were definitely plenty of weeks where I’d struggle with thinking of what foods to eat (I know right) and thinking of topics to talk about without getting too repetitive and also making sure it’s interesting. Now that I’m 6 months in, I’m happy to say that I gave it a go and that I tried my hand at it, got some good feedback, learned some new skills and had a lot of fun along the way. But I am definitely leaning towards finishing off the year and then not necessarily calling it quits, but making it a part time side hobby, only really putting out videos for fun, when I have time or when tbe content it real dope (like if I go on vacay and wanna vlog it). What I’m trying to say is that I wanna get back into blogging, but not only that I am in the process of also (hopefully) changing or rather finding a career aka a big boy job cuz if you know me you know I’ve been grinding the same job currently for almost 4 years and it’s time to move on.

With that all being said, lemme give you an update on life and what I’ve been up to…between juggling work and filming/editing the mukbangs, it was mostly a lot of hanging out with friends, going on walks and taking care of myself as covid was still up and down, things were kinda starting to reopen and people were slowly becoming less paranoid. Funny but also sad story, I got covid around January and missed one of my best friend’s 30^th birthday. It was actually really sad but the covid wasn’t that bad thankfully as I was double vaxxed at the time. At its worst it was honestly just a really bad cough, like a deep in your chest cough, other than that I didn’t lost my taste or smell and everything else was pretty chill. This year was a pretty big year cuz my closest boys and I are all turning 30. Couldn’t celebrate one of my boy’s 30^th in January but in April we celebrated another one of my boy’s 30^th birthday and it was dope, just good friends and family around, he had a like a pokemon themed party cuz he’s lowkey a 12 year old still LOOOL love you bro (you probs won’t read this). Then in May I celebrated my 30^th birthday and lemme tell you I went back and forth with wanting to have a big ass turn up vs a upperr small close friends only kinda dinner. I decided to have the best of both worlds and have a medium sized turn up with close friends and close-ish friends and it was such a dope time, being able to look around the room and see people I care about, people I’ve shared intimate moments, conversations and memories with, it meant the world to me. Then the week after I celebrated my actual birthday by going to Alberta with da boiz and it was such an awesome time. Hiking in Banff, Lake Louise, soaking in the views, then we also stopped by Calgary and Edmonton, it was meh LOL, but the trip was so dope. I’ve always been that kid that was super stingy with money because I never really worked when I was in school, but now I’ve adopted the mentality that you really can’t put a price on memories and I’m more often than not down for plans and events and trips with the homies. With that being said, I had a good feeling in my stomach that this summer was gonna be a hella memorable one and it’s really living up to it so far. Going to Alberta, having been to a few concerts already, everything is going back to normal, people are feeling more comfortable being out and about. I’m going to Hawaii in July, a cottage in July, more concerts, more events and stuff, maybe a trip in August, then hopefully after everything settles, it's like alright time to put on my big boy pants and find a career and figure out the rest of my life y’feel.,

What have I been learning lately…a lot lol. For one, no matter old you are or how mature, experienced or wise you think you are…there’s always room for growth and learning. And on that note, you can literally learn the same lesson more than once…because we’re human and we make mistakes and not only that sometimes we just don’t get it or need to hear it again and again and again. I’ve been following this page on Instagram called @wetheurban and they just really promote like self-care, self-love and overall, like positive messages and things you need to hear like it’s okay to be in a funk or a rut, deserving someone who appreciates you and reciprocates your energy and effort, knowing your worth, all that good stuff. It really coincides with what I’ve been learning and relearning lately. Like for one, it’s okay to be selfish sometimes if it means protecting yourself, being selective with who you surround yourself with and who you put your energy into. Being 30 now, it’s like I have more core group of friends and that’s not gonna change, everyone else around me is gonna come and go and because of that it makes me weary or who I let into my life and my inner circle and inner workings of my mind lol. Not only that but just like knowing your worth, that’s a lesson I’ll never stop learning because I always find myself going above and beyond for people who tbh don’t deserve it and I don’t say that disrespectfully, I say that in a sense of like I’m going above and beyond for people who wouldn’t do the same for me and I reinforce to myself that that’s not fair nor is it worth the stress. I just was reminded literally this morning as I was scrolling through Instagram to focus on the people who love you and stop worrying about those who don’t. Man it’s easier said that done since I’m such a people pleaser and I pride myself on being a likable person so when I find out someone doesn’t like me or feels a certain way about me, it bothers me. But I’m reminded that there’s so many people in my life that love me for me, that have seen me at my lowest and at my worst and still accept me and to the people who dislike me for whatever reason, who find dumbass reasons to feel a way about me…fuck’em. Life’s too short to be worrying about shit and people that don’t matter. Big picture wise, I really have been in such a good place lately, I’ve been seeing my friends a lot and just having a good time, living life, soaking in the vibes. Summer has and continues to look super promising and exciting. A lot of change is on the horizon as I plan to switch careers, I’m starting a new decade of life, my parents are healthy, I’m watching my niece grow before my eyes, my best friend’s having a baby any day (maybe even minute) now, my other best friend is getting married, I’ve got so much shit to be thankful for and excited about to be worrying about small and petty things. Life is good man and I’m beyond excited to share it with y’all and take you on the journey with me. The blog is back, I’m coming for 2 milli, I hope you missed me as much as I missed you. I’ll hopefully see you sooner than later. Peace.

An Update On Life

2022-01-14T20:54:00.001-05:00

Hello friends, it has been a while. Happy new year! I hope you’re health, I hope you’re happy and I hope you’re doing well. It feels like we have so much to catch up on but I don’t really know what to say lol, this feels a little weird. For starters, the cats kinda out the bag…for a while on this blog I mentioned working on a side/secret project and if you’ve been following my socials…you’ll know that that super secret project is starting a youtube channel. It’s been something I’ve always thought about in the back of my mind and only recently, like these past several months did I really decide to push myself to do it. If I were to sum up why I decided to start a youtube channel, I’d probably chalk it up to 3 reasons (and this is a future video so y’all are getting a super sneak preview). One is that I wanna be able to say I did it, that I tried it and if it didn’t work out I’d have no regrets. The worst thing would be going about my life, finding a random career and constantly wondering what if I did this you know? Two would be, well I really enjoy it, I’ve always creating similar contents, recording my friends, making funny videos, making people laugh, having people relate or resonate to my friends, the blog definitely taught me that last part about myself. I’ve also always enjoyed watching youtube and take a lot of motivation and inspiration from a lot of youtubers. Third is probably the most important one and that’s simply wanting to do what makes me happy and wanting to enjoy the work that I do. My current job only reinforced the idea that money is not enough motivation for me to be at a place or do a job I don’t enjoy. So right now my motivation is doing what makes me happy and doing something I enjoy and am passionate about. I told y’all for the longest time that I was losing motivation to write on this blog, that it started to feel like a chore. Another thing is that it started to feel very limiting, it’s like when you read a book, you’re imagining the characters and the story in your head…but it might not be how the author intended for it to be, it’s all subjective and perspective. Similarly with this blog, when you read my posts you interpret it however you see fit but it might not be how I wanted it to be read or interpreted. With youtube, you get to hear my voice, my emotion and you get to hear my stories and my experiences the way I want them to be heard and I feel like I get to paint a more complete picture you feel. That and just being able to talk and physically share a story is not only easier but it’s been pretty fun tbh. Honestly recording is the fun part, it’s editing that is the tedious and time consuming aspect lol. If you ask any of the friends I’ve had conversations with about this they’ll tell you how excited I sound because I am, one of my friends said he hasn’t seen me this excited about anything in a long while and even that took my by surprise. This might be a random tangent, but I was just thinking of covid and how it really like put a pause on everyone’s life and everyone’s plans for a solid 2 and now 2+ years because everything is so uncertain. Birthdays, graduations, weddings, so many things got pushed back or rushed because of covid and it’s like damn, just when we thought everything was slowly getting back to normal it feels like we took 2 steps back and things aren’t looking great. It’s weird because it takes a toll on you mentally more than it does physically because you start to lose track of days and time, it all kinda blends together, for me at least. There’s really not much to catch y’all up on if I’m being truthful, most of my time and mental space is spent thinking and planning this youtube shit because it really is my priority right now, which Is why the blog is taking a back seat for now. Other than that, I’m just trying to live life and make the most out of the situation we’re in. Things are closed again, no gyms or indoor dining so I mean, lots of food and conversations in the car, lots of walks again lol. I’ve been spending a lot of time with friends and esp family, I really wanna be present and available for those around me and be in the moment with them. It’s been dope seeing my brother and his family over the holidays. Seeing my niece grow up is crazy, life is good man, the glass is always half full. I hope you’re doing well, self-care is not selfish, take care of your mental, check on those around you, spend time with your family and just appreciate life, don’t take shit for granted and don’t take shit so seriously…I’ll see y’all when I see y’all…DEUCES.

What’s Next?

2021-11-14T21:13:00.001-05:00

Wow, I don’t even know how to start this post lol. First off let me just say thank you for 1,8 million views, y’all really been running this blog up in my absence lol. It’s been 3 months since I’ve posted, it was one of those things that started out as oh it’s been a month maybe I should post an update then another month passed and now it’s been 3 months lol. I appreciate those of y’all who have reached out to see how I’m doing and what I’ve been up to, it means a lot. There’s so much I feel like I wanna say to y’all and I hope I don’t forget anything. Let me say this right off the bat…the blog is not dead and this is not a goodbye post, but things are definitely changing in my life. If I’m being completely honest, the blog hasn’t been a priority in my life for quite some time and I honestly just haven’t had the motivation to write posts, it honestly felt like a chore sometimes like oh man it’s been a week, better try to write something before more time passes. When I finished school in March/April I honestly had no motivation for anything tbh, no motivation to look for jobs and certainly no motivation to write blog posts. This blop has ben such a big and instrumental part of my life but lately it just hasn’t been fun and like I said it started to feel like a chore at times. Being 29 going on 30, a lot of my priorities have been shifting as of late. For one, I’ve really been prioritizing my own happiness above all. Wanting to do and be around those that make me happy. My current job weas honestly the thing that really drove that point home to me, wanting to be in a place that makes me happy and wanting to do something that I enjoy for the rest of my life and just in general wanting to be happy with whatever situation I’m in. So I’ve been putting my energy into different outlets and following my heart and doing things that make me happy, whether it pans out in the long run is yet to be seen but I’m at a point in my life where I have to at least be able to say that I tried it rather than live with regret and what ifs. I know that all sounds mad vague but it’ll all come to light real soon. On top of my happiness, I’ve really been prioritizing my own health…my boy loves to ask “yo how’s your physical, how’s your mental, how’s your emotional?” And I’ve kinda taken that and ran with it, it really does kinda go hand in hand with happiness as well…surrounding myself with good people and good vibes. Physical health has also really been a big one for me, I’ve always had back pain for the longest time and made a conscious effort to go see a chiropractor to fix that, it crazy the amount of people that have back pain or just little nagging pains in their body and they just tolerate it cuz “it’s not so bad” but like yo that’s your body man, pain should not be a normal feeling lol. But anyways, with that all being said, the blog hasn’t and isn’t really a priority in my life right now…does that mean I won’t be on here anymore…no, it just means I won’t be on here…often. I don’t wanna make promises I can’t keep and say oh I’ll try to do one post every month or every few weeks, but I’ll. Just say that I’ll see you when I see you. The blog will always have a special place I my life and will always be a place for me to express myself, but for now like I said it’s just not fun for me and I’m not really motivated and I’m choosing to put my time and energy into other areas of my life. Who knows, maybe my other ventures will fall flat and I’ll be back here full time in a couple months lol, but the biggest thing is I’ll never know if I don’t try. Man as I’m writing and reading this, it reallt does sound like a goodbye post LOL, but it also feels like I’m talking to a friend who I haven’t seen in months and we’re just catching up. I don’t even know if I’ve talked about everything I wanted to or touched on the points that I warned to touch on lol…what have I been up to…work, life, taking care of myself and I guess more specifically when It comes to work and career, putting my time and efforts into something that makes me happy but importantly something I’m super motivated and passionate about. That was a big thing for me, being at my current job for over 3 years now, I came to realize no amount of money was enough motivation for me to be at a place that I disliked or doing a job I didn’t enjoy, So because of that, I’m been pushing myself to do and find things that I’m motivated and passionate about and also things I enjoy and can see myself ding for the rest of my life. That’s probably the biggest thing going on in my life right now. Other than that I feel like I’ve hit everything that I wanted to talk about, the blog ain’t dead and I ain’t going anywhere…you just might not see or hear from me on here that often…for the time being at least. If you know me and are in my circle of friends, none of this should come as a surprise to you and you should know exactly what I’m talking about, other than that, if you know me, you should know how to reach me, With that ALL being said, THANK YOU for 1.8 million views, thank you for sticking through my craziness and shenanigans, this is nowhere near the end, I promise you that. But I’ll see you when I see you, peace.

Life & Death

2021-08-09T22:11:00.000-04:00

When I was young, I had an aunt that passed away and I couldn’t really comprehend the emotions that were going on around me. Everyone was crying, people were screaming and I was just like oh wow, they have candy and hot chocolate here. When it came time to cremate her body, they asked her daughter (my cousin) to push the button and she just could not stop screaming and crying and couldn’t bring herself to do it, as a kid, I just couldn’t understand what was going on and why everyone was so sad and such. I’ve personally never experienced what I would call the death of someone close to me so it’s hard for me to truly empathize what that feels like, but I can certainly imagine. I’m not somebody who cries easily or at all, it’s not even a masculine thing, it’s just not how I express sadness. At most I’ll tear up and there are a few things that are always guaranteed to make me tear up, one of them being the episode of Fresh Prince where Will’s dad leaves. But moving on, so I cried for the first time in a long time a couple of weeks ago…and I told y’all I’m not really someone who cries, but I found myself in a situation where I could not stop crying, like absolutely bawling my eyes out. Long story short, I found out that my cousin in Singapore passed away a couple of weeks ago. She was only like 22 years old, the last time I saw her she was a little kid, my baby cousin and then we lost contact and only reconnected a few years ago. Yeah I didn’t really know her too well, but when I was sitting in the car and trying to process it all, my heart just felt so sick and heavy and I just started crying and it wouldn’t stop. It’s been a few weeks now and I’ve had time to like digest and process it all and it just got me thinking a lot about life…and death. I think nothing wakes you up more about life and cherishing and enjoying it than death. It really puts everything into perspective, it reminds you who and what is important and also that nothing lasts forever. Not only that, but it makes me think about not wanting to waste time. We spend so much time working and grinding to be successful that we forget to just live and enjoy life because it’s not always guaranteed. I was telling my friend that after a certain point of working and making money for your own survival, it becomes about saving up for those after you, your kids and their kids and ensuring they have an easier life in the same way your parents most likely did as well. It just makes me wonder like when is it enough, like you won’t be able to carry over any of this material or physical stuff with you when you die, so what are you really living for? For me at least it just puts my own life into perspective that yeah I wanna work hard, of course I wanna set up my future kids with an easier life, but I also wanna live and enjoy my life cuz who knows when it’ll end. The other thing I’ve been thinking about as well is just how I want to be remembered and wanting to leave a lasting impact on this world or at least among my family and friends. Like what will people say about you when you die? How will you be remembered? Like oh this person was really nice, super happy and always outgoing or like this person was a dick, super selfish and always rude. Thinking about life and death just has me thinking about all these kinds of things, wanting to make the most of my time with my family and friends, wanting to live and experience and journey together with my family and friends. Whether that’s vacation, road trips or just outings and activities, anything to create more memories and just enjoy life make the most of it. I don’t really know where I’m going with this tbh, I think about my baby cousin who was only 22 years old…she had so much life ahead of her, dreams, goals, aspirations and she’ll never get to do any of those. I understand life goes on and tbh I was surprised and how quick I got over it or at least like how quick I kinda just got back to my regular routine of life because hey…life really does go on, no matter who you are and that’s also what got me thinking about wanting to leave a lasting impact and how I wanted to be remembered. But I just wanna leave on this note because I’m thinking about you right now, there’s so many things I wish I could’ve said to you, I wish we could’ve met up and hung up and caught up., This life is crazy and it sometimes feels unfair, my heart hurts thinking about you cuz when I think about you I picture my 10 year old baby cousin cuz that’s the last time I saw you. I miss you and I love you, I know you’re in a better place filled with so much happiness and joy. I can’t wait to see you again and I’ll always be your Rodmond gor gor.

Time & Priorities

2021-07-26T21:34:00.002-04:00

Hey guys, it’s been a while since we’ve talked…it feels like I have so much to say to you guys, but I don’t really know where to start. When you’re young, you feel like you have all the time in the world. Not only that but you feel like you can jam pack as many things into your schedule as possible because hey, why not, As I’ve gotten older and life has gotten busier, I’m realizing that I really don’t have that much time to spare. Whether it’s juggling school or work, balancing life or just practising self-care…it sometimes gets hard make time for things like family, friends and fun. As you get older, time really is of the essence, and you begin to prioritize and pick and choose the things and people you put your time into. If you think about it, most people spend 4-5 days a week at school or work and on top of that you have to make time for family, relationships, kids, leisure and of course yourself. My teacher used to tell me that at his age, there really isn’t any time for friends, he’d be at work 5 days a week and on those days by the time he would come home he would spend time with his kids and put them to bed and by then he’s exhausted. On the weekends, there’s marking and spending more time with family that there really isn’t much time for friends unless you literally coordinate that stuff like a month in advance. And that’s something that I’m beginning to see in my own life, as my friends get older, get married and think about starting a family, there really is less time for friends because other things begin to take priority. Which brings me to the blog…this blog hasn’t felt and definitely hasn’t been a priority in my life as of late and maybe even for quite a while. This blog kinda reminds me of that friend you haven’t seen in months but every time you do find time to catch up it’s always love and nothing has changed. As I’m getting older, I find myself being selective with the things and people I put my time into because I don’t really have a lot of time and I don’t wanna be wasting it. There’s family and work which are absolutely staples, then there are the handful of friends that I talk to or see on a consistent basis and of course self-care whether that’s going to the gym, getting food, going for a walk or listening to music. Those have been my priorities as of late and it’s really hard to make time for anything else without feeling drained or fatigued. Oh yeah, as you get older you also just feel tired…always LOL Not even tired as in sleepy, but tired as in like low battery and you gotta recharge, maybe that’s just me lol. But I’ve definitely been putting a larger emphasis on my personal health because I don’t wanna be unhealthy or immobile when I get really old. What’s the point of this post, I really don’t know lol just kinda wanted to talk to y’all and kinda explain where my head has been at lately. I know it kinda sounds like the blog is slowly dying, which it certainly isn’t…at least not yet, when I decide to hang it up you’ll know. But it’s definitely taking a backseat to other things in my life and I’m putting my energy into other outlets and goals. Again, this is by no means goodbye, this is just like a notice in the case I do go ghost every now and then…I’m always thinking about things to write and things are always happening in my life that are worth writing about, but actually putting it onto this blog isn’t really a priority right now, that doesn’t mean it isn’t something I still won’t continue to do. I hope you continue to ride with me on this really weird and rocky journey that life is currently taking me on, I definitely have lots of updates for you guys and lots of stories and things that have happened lately that I really do wanna share with y’all…hope you stick with me for that lol. I hope to see you sooner than later, thanks…peace out.

React & Respond

2021-07-12T22:22:00.005-04:00

Hi friends, it's been a while...again. I really don't know where the time goes to be honest, one day I'm writing a post and next thing you know it's been another 3 weeks and I haven't posted anything lol. I literally just updated y'all on what's been going on in my life so I'll save y'all the trouble of reading another update post lol. I've always been and still am a firm believer that it's not about what happens to you, but how you react and respond to it. Now this is something I've definitely talked about to no ends on this blog, but it's an important reminder that we all need. So I don't know who needs to hear this right now, but no matter how bad or shitty the situation or circumstance seems to be, you (almost) always have a choice in how you choose to react and respond. Now I get it's not always black and white and sometimes it really does depend on like your mood which will affect how you choose to respond to something but in most if not all situations, even when you are in a mood...you almost always still have a choice in how you respond to whatever is thrown at you. I went for a walk one day and I was on the sidewalk, this guy on his bike was riding towards me and literally taking up the entire lane and in that split second I was like alright I can either make this ia big deal and stand in his way or say something to him or just leave it be and move to the side...so I pushed him off his bike and told him off LOOOOL nah I'm kidding, I stood to the side and let it be, but in my head I was like man what would've happened if I said something to him as he passed me like yo stay on one side or something, it literally would've created a totally avoidable issue for no reason. I then think about the customers I deal with at work on a consistent basis...how customers are always complaining or arguing or yelling and in those situations you have a choice...you go back and forth with them or you leave it be and hopefully neutralize the situation. I'm not saying be a doormat and let them walk over you, I'm saying you can still stand your grand while deescalating the situation. I've met some people in my life who just always have to get a word in no matter what the situation is or who's right or wrong. My mom is like that where not only does she have to get a word in but she'll keep talking shit even when the conversation is over and depending on who she's talking to, sometimes it like reignites the argument and I'm just like bro why do you do that, just keep your mouth shut, it's over. But anywayas, back to the whole reacting to the things that life throws at you...I hate making it sound like I'm some all knowing wise ass person cuz I'm not, I've just experienced a lot and that comes with age. Whether it\s girls, school or life, you've heard me talk about it all...girls rejecting me, failing school, life throwing seemingly unnecessary tests at me, I've always had the choice in how to react and respond to it and I definitely haven't always responded int he way that I should have...and that's okay. I've sulked, I've cried, I've gotten angry, I've sat there just not being able to comprehend why...but as Ive gotten older, I'm understanding and accepting that that's life...and you always have the choice in how much you want to let what's in front of you affect you and bother you. I'm understanding that rejection, failure, setbacks, heartache, stress and difficult times are a necessary and healthy part of life. I don't always necessarily greet it with open arms, but I'm consciously aware that I'll get through it and over i t, I just gotta keep moving forward. I still have those phases where I'm like nah, I'm gonna respond like a dick or I'm gonna escalate this shit just for the sake of it and because I want to. But honestly for the most part, I've learned to justgo with and accept it. Control what you can control and learn to deal with what you can't, but don't let it stop you from constantly moving forward in life. I hope I didn't come off too preachy...I started off wanting to remind y'all of this important note then kinda started writing to myself as an encouragement to keep going and stay mentally strong. So with that all being said, I will hopefully see y'all soon...hopefully lol, peace.

An Update On Life

2021-06-21T22:21:00.000-04:00

Hey friends, it’s been a long while, 3 weeks to be exact. Sitting down and typing these words right now, it just feels weird lol, I definitely didn’t plan to be away this long but it was one of those things where one week became two and by the second week I had thought about putting out a post but was like you know what let’s just take another week off and just clear my head and hit y’all with an update post when I collect all my thoughts. I’ll say this, yeah I was gone for 3 weeks but y’all were running up the views on the blog lol so thank you for that. If you know me, you’ll know I’ve been in the process of moving which is why I’ve just been so busy as of late. We sold out house like a year and a half or two years ago and my mom was taking her time looking for houses then covid hit so we were just chilling for a while. Then a good deal came along and my mom jumped on it and before I knew it I had like a couple of months to pack up my entire life and move from my childhood home. I literaly grew up in that house, we were in that house for over 10 years. I think it’s where the blog got started, so many memories just hit me all at once as I was packing and as the moving day got closer and closer. I don’t wanna bore you with all the memories lol but it was nice to just look back at all the fun times spent in that house. So yeah moving took up most If not all my time, especially since I’m a procrastinator so that last week was real hectic lol and the day before moving I hardly slept just trying to finish everything since we had movers coming the next day. Now that I’ve moved in and it’s been like a week and a half, I’m slowly settling in but I def underestimated how annoying and what a process unpacking is lol I guess part of me just thought as soon as I moved it’d be done and over but I thought wrong. The first few days definitely felt weird, like I was sleeping in someone else’s house but it’s gotten better. There’s still things that are harder to get over moving from a big house to a condo like just the amount of overall space and how you can’t really go to another floor if you want space or some quiet time. I def also miss my old neighbourhood but I found some pretty cool parks and residential areas near my place to walk and it’s pretty peaceful, reminds me of my old neighbourhood. Now that I’m done moving though it kinda feels like I’m back to reality, back to trying to serach for jobs, back to working out, back to trying to hang with friends. The funny thing about motivation tho is that it’s hard to find it sometimes you know…like looking for jobs or writing a blog it’s hard to just like pull motivation out of nowhere and just start doing it. It’s crazy to think we’re like halfway into the year and we’re finally starting to see daylight from this pandemic, like things actually look like they’re progressing and we’re be back to ‘normal life’ soon. It’s funny I did a curbside delivery at work and this customer was like you guys aren’t open and I’m like nah sorry, and she’s like. I thought everything was opena dnI’m like not yet and she goes “so life isn’t back to normal?’ LOOOOOL I laughed and I was like nah sorry miss lol. I hope you guys have been practising self care and also checking in on the mental health of the people around you. I hope you’re taking care of yourself whether that means going out and treating yourself to some good fod, going for a walk, seeing friends, whatever it may be. I’ve found a lot of peace through working out a lot lately with a friend and just having dope conversations with him about anything and everything. It made me thankful and also realize the importance of having different outlets and groups of friends to be able to talk to about different things. I have friends I can obviously talk to about anything, I have friends who I sent memes and funny videos too, friends you just talk about guy stuff with, friends you talk about girls with. Like I’m super thankful because it/s always different dynamics and I think you need those different outlets. Whatever you’re into you need people to satisfy like the different interests you have. I’m somebody that loves rap music but I also love r&b and even Korean music, I love movies and shows but I also love anime and wrestling, what I’m trying to say is like you need different people in your life to be able to talk to about all those different things that you are into. And I’m super thankful to have found friends that dig multiple things that I’m interested in cuz conversations never get stale or boring. You’ll be sending memes one minute then talking about anime the next, it’s refreshing lol. I’m sorry I’ve been gone, I tend to do that a lot clearly, half of it is not really sure what to write about despite the numerous saved posts in my phone, half of it and a bigger half I’d say is just lacking motivation. It’s hard to just sit and start writing about something deep or personal lol. It’s kinda like essay writing, I can’t just sit and write especially knowing it’s not due for like weeks, but then when that last week comes, I’m like alright I have a deadline so I’ll allocate time everyday to work on it or kill it in like the lat k2 days lol that’s just how I work. With blogging I guess it’s kinda the same thing, it’s just a feeling and if I’m not in the mood it’s hard to force it you know. I hope you’re doing well, I hope you’re taking care of yourselves physically as well as mentally and I def can’t wait to catch y’all up with the things I’ve been learning and talking about these past 3 weeks, stay tuned and I’ll see you son, peace.

Expectations And Energy

2021-05-31T22:34:00.001-04:00

So this was inspired by a conversation I had with a friend quite a while ago actually, I was scrolling through my phone looking for something to write about and I kept flip flopping between topics but I’m like alright you gotta settle on one, it’s been 2 weeks and tomorrow’s June so let’s at least end May off kinda strong lol. But anyways, sorry I’ve been mia, legit have not had any motivation to do anything…look for jobs, pack for my move or write a blog post. But let’s give igt a try, you know what really sucks…when you’re really excited about something and you share it with someone and they don’t give you that same level of excitement. Or I guess when you have an expectation of how someone will react to something like yoooo they’re gonna think this is so cool, funny, scary, dope, etc…then they don’t reciprocate that feeling or it isn’t up to your standards so you’re just like alright bet I’m just gonna keep my mouth shut LOL, sometimes I feel like that’s the story of my life. So anyways I had a conversation with a friend a long while ago and he said this to me, he was talking specifically abou the blog but I’m gonna apply it to a more general point. So essentially he said I feel like when yous hare your blog with others and the response isn’t what you expect, you stop sharing it. And I kinda took that and ran with it and kinda started seeing it in my everyday life…when I tell my friends about something and their response isn’t what I expected I’m just like alright I won’t keep going lol. It’s similar to like when you’re talking to somebody and you realize they’re not really listening or paying attention, so you just cut the story short or stop altogether, or mayb that’s just me lol. But back to the whole idea of like people not reciprocating the same feelings or energy that you expect. Maybe part of it is having high expectations but part of it is also like ay man I’m telling you something that’s important to me or something that means something to me, least you can do is like give me some sort of reaction and not just brush me off like I’m a piece of trash LOL. Maybe that’s also why communication has become such a must hav for me when it comes to relationships lol I just need someone to reciprocate that same energy you know. Hopefully I don’t sound like I’m asking for too much cuz I really don’t think I am, I mean if you tell someone something important and they’re reaction is like oh, nice…like of course you’re gonna be disappointed right? Theh I started thinking to myself, well maybe that’s why the blog kinda flourishes in a weird way…like when I share these things with my friends their reactions or responses aren’t “up to par” or don’t like match the energy I had hoped so I’m just like alright bet I’ll just write it on the blog instead lol. There used to be this running joke my old friends, I say old friends cuz we aren’t friends anymore LOL, they would be like yo if you ever need to know how Rodmond is doing or what he’s up to just read his blog…like hahaha soo funny…yeah it’s true but like c’mon now. But yeah back to the whole blog flourishing thing, the thought I had to myself was like well maybe I come here to write and share because sometimes my friends are like unresponsive or give whack responses so I rather just avoid that whole potential ordeal in general lol. The second thought I had was this idea of reciprocal energy…like whatever vibe you give to me, that’s the vibe I’m gonna hit you back with. So at work for example, being in customer service like when a customer is super cold or pushy towards me, I’m. gonna be mad cold and pushy towards them. But when a customer is like super nice or tries to make conversation, even if I hate small talk I’ll try to reciprocate that same energy by maybe going out of my way to help them with whatever. Similarly, that whole idea of people not responding in the way you had hoped or expected, it can kinda be connected with this diea of like reciprocal energy. Sometimes when my friends are like just giving me a real distant or like unresponsive vibe, then I’ll like kinda reciprocate that and kinda just distant and go ghost myself. I know it probably sounds super unhealthy but I’ve just been really big into like surrounding myself with good vibes and good energy, not in like a light some incense kinda way but just like having good people and good company around me because that helps me in like reciprocating that same vibe back to them. Does that make sense? It’s just like when you’re with somebody who is just a good time and has a good vibe, then y’all can literally just be sitting in a car and talking and it’s a good time. Now everyone is gonna have a different definition of “good vibe: because it’s different for everyone, for me it’s a feeling…when you can just vibe with somebody without having to say or do too much, that’s a good time. But yeah, I don’t know if anything I said made sense or sounds logical LOL it’s been 2 weeks so cut me some slack, was literally just scrambling through my phone looking for something to talk about and this is whqta struck a cord. I’ll see y’all sooner than later hopefully, peace!

29

2021-05-17T22:56:00.002-04:00

1. Got damn, I’m almost 30 LOL

2. I’m also gonna apologize because this is gonna be all over the place like most of my posts are because that’s how my brain works

3. To many peoples surprise, no I’m not 22 or 25 LOL…that’s usually the age range that I get from people…I mean I guess Asian don’t raisin

4. Someone said I looked 18 once and I was like okaaay relax with that

5. I actually got carded a few weeks ago for the first time lol I was actually lowkey excited the lady def thought I was weird

6. When I was a kid I was like damn 25 Is mad old, then when I was a teenager I was like got damn 30 is maaaad old and now 30 is legit right around the corner

7. I also can’t believe that I’ve spent 2 birthdays in lockdown, what a time we’re living in…like those memes where it’s like imagine kids in the year 2100 reading up about this stuff lol

8. Sometimes I still feel like a kid on some Peter Pan shit…I just wanna sit around and play videogames with the homies, have a pizza party, go to laser quest or something (RIP)

9. There’s also that and being surrounded by like different age groups of friends that kinda keeps me young…like the boys that I grew up with are obvs all my age, then my church friends or my coworkers are def much younger like early to mid 20’s

10. Other than the actual age of 29 and my back problems LOOOL, I feel pretty young in al aspects

11. It’s crazy how we put such emphasis on one day, I definitely have flip flopped over the years between seeing my birthday as a regular day and wanting to go all out and celebrate it to the fullest

12. It’s also crazy how some people can make that one day so special just by going a little out of the way for you…had some friends drop off some gifts and cakes, met up with some other friends and just chilled then had dinner with my parents…it was simple but it was super dope

13. Maybe this is me being petty maybe it’s not but like I definitely had people in mind who I “assumed” and I guess lowkey “expected” to wish my happy birthday just cuz I would do the same to them so when they didn’t like it’s not something I’d dwell or lose sleep over but it is food for thought and something to think about

14. Then of course I remind myself that well it’s not about the people that didn’t wish you a happy birthday but about the people that did lol

15. Anyways, I rmb back in the day it was such a big deal to get like hella birthday messages on facebook cuz your wall would look lit LOL

16. I’ve come to realize that I’ve become so bad at messaging and responding to people, especially when it’s longer messages that take thought and effort lol it’s a little overwhelming and I always put it off then eventually forgeta bout it

17. Lately I’ve been so lazy I like to send voice notes LOL

18. Continuing off the birthdays thing, seeing so many friends and people get married or have kids there are def some people who I was so sure I would be there for their werddings or for the birth of their kids or seeing their kids grow up and then you kinda lose touch and I’m like damn that’s such a 180, I’m sure you know those ones

19. I think it’s important to always have moments of reflection and think back to where you came from and how far you’ve come, it keeps you humble but also puts thejourney into perspective, I found old report cards from elementary, high school and university and it just made me think of how far academically I’ve come to now like having 3 degrees and a diploma lol

20. Life update in a nutshell…graduated from social service work in college, been working out a lot with my boy, gotta find a full time job hopefully in my field, we’re finally moving from my childhood home (tears)

21. I used to hate the idea of moving out of Markham because everything was here…my friends, my church, everything I knew and loved but as I’ve gotten older and seen my friends move further away I was reminded that it doesn’t matter how far you are because if and when you really care about somebody, you’ll make that time and when you do make that time it’s always all love, you don’t stop being friends or become less good of friends just because y’all are a little further away from each other

22. The counter and flip side to that argument tho is your so called “everyday friends”, I dunno if that’s a real thing or not but it’s how I’m gonna describe it lol these are the friends you see and talk to on a daily basis because they’re availably and they’re around…whether your coworkers, neighbours, people in your community or maybe friends that still liv people nearby…it’s convenient because they’re right there and they’re also available

23. Whatever you’re feeling right now…sadness, loneliness, anxiety…you’re not alone, covid got people feeling all kinds of ways and not only that but it amplifies those feelings….the one thing I’ve learned during this time is the important or protecting your own mental health because you can’t do anything if you’re not feeling right

24. I’ve also been reminded of the importance of being able to laugh at yourself and also not taking things too seriously, I can;’t stand people who think they’re to mature to goof around or feel like they’re better than you in that sense or look down on you because you joke around too much…I def have told y’all how I felt like I couldn’t be myself around my friend cuz she thought I was immature and wanted to change myself to please her, but nah we off that

25. My parents were asking me how to block people on facebook LOOOL, they’re like well we don’t wanna block them just limit what they can see on our profile LOL, I’m like damn good to know I’ll probably still be that petty as well when I’m their age

26. Sorry I’ve been ghost lol, I tell myself and people that consistency is key when it comes to like anything you’re trying to build from the ground up and here I am slacking hella hard lol

27. Covid really zaps you of any motivation to do anything productive…when I was in school I had no motivation to do my homework, now I have like no motivation to look for jobs and also no motivation to write blog posts lol it’s tough out here

28. Going off that, just feel like the recent posts as of late haven’t been ‘hitting’ the way I wanted them to and I guess that kinda derails motivation as well but when those felings arise is when I remind myself that I do also do this just for me as well and to keep it going…that and also I tell myself well if even just one person really vibes with or takes something away from a post then that’s sufficient

29. Lastly I just wanna say thank y’all for sticking with me and continuing to support the blog, sometimes I look at my posts and I’m just like man it’s so unorganized or all over the place or it makes no sense like how do people even read this LOOOL, so thank you and I’ll see all soon, hopefully sooner than later

Resonate

2021-05-10T22:55:00.001-04:00

So I was talking to this one girl and she was saying to me that one of her skills is getting people to open up and I was like hm, that's interesting cuz I never really saw it as a 'skill'. I think it's something I'm good at but I wouldn't call it a skill, even more I wouldn't even say I'm good at it I just think that people find me easy to talk to//open up to because my personality is naturally easy going, relaxed and down to earth. But I will say that you do have to jump a small hurdle before you get to that part of my personality LOOOL. The consensus that I usually get from people when they frrst meet me is that I look super mean and unapproachable LOOOL which is totally fair cuz I def give off that vibe, like serious rbh lol. But once you have that initial conversation with me, most people will tell you I'm drastically different from what they expected and from what they first perceived me to be lol. But I wanted to talk about something different but also similar today. Today'd word of the day is respmate and to resonate with something is do relate, to have a deep/emotional connection or to feel a sense of familiarity. For me, I've learned through sharing on this blog and different platforms/outlets that when you're open, honest and transparent, people resonate with that. I was giving this presentation in class about mental health and I said something really simple like ooh when I was in high school, I didn't know much about mental health so I certainly didn't know about the services that were available to me to help me with it. And after my presentation this one girl spoke up about how she really appareciated me sharing that personal experience in school because it really resonated with her and her experiences as well. It got me thinking...whether it's presentations or the different times I've been able to teach classes in schools or in churches, I've always found it natural to just incorporate my life and my experiences into my teaching so people can better understand it in a real life context. I think for me that's how I've allways learned best or found education the most interesting, when I get too hear from the person teaching me and their own personal lived experiences. So now whenever I get the chance to sspeak in front of people about anything, I find myself doing the same, incorporating life stories and personal experiences in whatever way I can to help people learn but to also make it more interesting. It's kinda like my blog but in real life lol. It's aso not for everybody tho, some people would much rather be like okay just tell me the information that I need and that's it, I don't wanna hear about your damn life LOL, but that's perfecctly understandable too lol. Lowkey I've just always loved talking about myself LOOOOL nah I'm playing I'm not a narcissist, I think I get it from my dad but I just always have some sort of story or metaphor for everything lol I can never just tell you something straight up, there always has to be some sort of life experience that relates to it somehow. But hey.like I said you can't please everyone, there's no one style of teaching or whatever that is going to appeal to everybody. For me, I like to use my lived exxperience to tell stories and get my point across whatever it may be and thankfully, some of y'all out there resonate with what I say...you relate to it, maybe you have a deep/emotional connecction to my words or maybe it brings a sense of familiarity. I'm glad that this platform has given me a voice but even more I'm glad it has allowed for so many opportunities for people to relate to what I'm saying or maybe see and find the words that they're not able to speak themselves. That's probably one of the biggest motivators and encouragements, to know that a lot of y'all really relate and really resonate with what I say, it gives me a little reassurance to know I'm not just talking nonsense or stuff that no one gives a damn about lol. Till next time tho, catch y'all on the flip side, peace.

Still Your Best

2021-05-03T22:25:00.000-04:00

Hey friends, so I haven’t really been in the mood to blog lately, I dunny why lol maybe this lockdown is getting to me and also now that I’m done school I just have a buttload of free time lol. I’m literally like forcing myself to put out a post cuz I know if I slack, one week will become two weeks and it’ll just keep going lol. But I also hate forcing myself to write something because it just doesn’t feel natural and I like it when it’s just organic and free flowing. But anyways here I go, so I was listening to Giveon’s album and essentially it’s about the stages of getting over a break up. He has this one song called Still Your Best, which is an absolutely toxic song, a banger but the message is so toxic LOL. It’s essentially that stage in a break up where you’re kinda delusional and you convince yourself oh that person will never find anyone better than me. It just got me thinking like damn that’s such an unhealthy way to approach it because it’s like instead of really trying to improve yourself you’re over here like nah that dude/girl they’re with is hella whack, def don’t compare to me. You like sit there and hope they’ll come back or realize that you’re the best they’ll ever have…he has this lyric where he says “that’s a downgrade and you know it”. I think what’s worse than a toxic mentality are friends who encourage and enable it cuz they’re just as if not worse. They’ll tell you like oh their new man/girl is whack, you’re so much better and they start like putting down the other person. Don’t get me wrong like I get wanting to be supportive and stuff but I don’t think that should be the way to go about it, cuz it’s delusional and ust an unhealthy way to look at things. Giveon goes on to talk about how it’s the stage of the breakup where you mask sadness and hurt with bravado…like oh your new boo ain’t shit compared to me, you don’t realize how good you had it and stuff. I say all of this because when I heard the song, I automatically thought of all the moments in my life where it didn’t work out with certain girls and instead of bettering myself I would legit have that same mentality of like oh I hope they realize how good they had it one day and how dope I am. Instead of focusing on myself I’d be so concentrated on the other person, I hope their new partner doesn’t treat them as well as I did, I hope it doesn’t work out, all that jazz. It’s like you’re focused on their potential suffering and hurt when you should be concerned about yoru own personal happiness. But like I said, I say all this because I’ve been there…whether it’s likeworking out, trying to glow up, read more books or however you wanna improve yourself…sometimes I think to myself is it really for my own improvements or just so I can be like hey look at me and look how much better I am doing without you. Like it can be a pretty blurred line sometimes, are we improving for ourselves or so we can so called show the other person what they’re missing. It’s okay to wanna be sad and to that moment to sulk…for me, trust me it’s natural to wanna soak and bathe in that toxicity, oh I hope their new patner is whack, I hope they realize how dope I was and stuff. But the thing is when you soak and bathe in that toxicity, you gotta be careful you don’t drown in it and it overwhelms you. It’s a dangerous game and an unhealthy way to look at things. I’ve always been of that belief that if something doesn’t work out, doesn’t mean it won’t cross your path later on in life. That’s also why I have a hard time closing doors in my life…sometimes you have to. But anyways, my point was that sometimes you get second chances and you cross paths with old flames and old friends. Don’t bank on it and don’t hope for it cuz it’s not a guarantee, but it’s always a possibility. Until then tho, everything that you do should hopefully be for your own personal happiness and the happiness of those around you. I hope your happiness isn’t dependent on someone else’s sadness and misery. With that all being said, I’ll see y’all soon, peace!

A Post About Loneliness

2021-04-26T22:41:00.003-04:00

So some people really hate silence and loneliness, like you know those people in situations where it's quiet and they feel like they have to say something to break that silence. I just wanted to say that not only is it okay to feel lonely, but its completely normal. I kinda like silence and just being by myself sometimes, I lowkey thrive in it as weird as that sounds lol. People talk about having a social batter, well that's definitely a real thing, like after a long day of being out or being around people all day, I gotta recharge and just like have some quiet time to myself. Especially with covid and the weird time we're living in, I think a lot of people have been feeling lonely and aren't really sure how to deal with it, I've have so many different conversations with friends telling me they've wanted to reach out to their exes, reconnect with lost friends and all that jazz. For me, I've kinda gotten used to it and like I said at times its rather enjoyable, not being lonely but rather being alone, there is a difference. I think that you can have a loving family, great friends and supportive partner and still feel lonely, and that's normal. Lots of times when I really needed people, they weren't there, I don't hold it against them but I certainly don't forget how it made me feel. In a way, it's made me mentally strong and content in being by myself a lot of times. Like I love quiet mornings to myself, I love going to HK cafes and getting breakfast by myself and as of late I love going on walks by myself. I'm sure y'all have flopped plans on people cuz you were tired or just wanted to be alone and not around people lol. I'll never forget one year for my birthday all my friends were busy or unavailable and I was hella sad cuz I was by mnyself on my birthday but last minute a few like random and not so close friends hit me up and asked me to chill. I'm super appreciative of those people for that but it's also a moment I'll never forget because I didn't get to spend it with people I actually wanted to. But like I said moments like these have made me mentally strong but it's also something that's not for everybody. Loneliness still hits me, I said you can have a bunch of friends and still feel lonely, even more so you can be out with people or friends and be present, but still feel lonely as well...whether they're talking about stuff you don't know or don't care about, whether they're not listening to you, or maybe you just don't wanna be there. I'm at the age where everyone around me is just more busy, everyone has their own lives, own schedules and own priorities and that's fine. There's only 2 real instances where I've felt like an overwehleming feeling of loneliness, everything else is pretty manageable or it doesn't really bother me that much coupled with the fact that I sometimes enjoy being alone. One of those instances I just mentioned was my birthday a while ago, the second one was where I was going through a situation and really needed someone to talk to andI had called up a bunch of friends and they were all busy or not picking up. Let me also set the mood for you, I was sitting in my car parked somewhere in my neighbourhood and it was raining, I just remember scrolling up and down through my contact list looking for someone to talk to and feeling like I couldn't talk to anybody. I literally resorted to an online chat and lemme tell you that was probably the loneliest I've ever felt in my life. Other than those 2 instances like loneliness is usually a manageable or an enjoyable feeling and I know that sounds hella weird LOL. I just really wanted to like normalize it because it really is okay to feel lonely or to be alone. Sometimes I just keep things to myself because it's easier and sometimes people are just too busy or I convince myself they're too busy or don't/won't care. I repeat this again because it's important, all of these things have made me mentally strong and comfortable in being alone and prepared for moments when say people aren't or can't be there for you. I told y'all I had conversations with friends who felt the same way esp with covid like yo should I reah out to my ex or should I reconnect with this old friend? I've definitey had similar thoughts or even thoughts of like wanting to meet new people thinking it would help me feel less lonely. But it really does start with yourself and your own mentality and how you approach it but again...it's not for everybody. Sometimes especially when I'm with friends and I feel lonely I'm just like Rodmond don't think like that but sometimes you can't help or control it and that's something I'm learning. I def used to think to myself or even see others and just be like don't think like that or don't feel like that, but some people really can't help it. I know being lonely can be super dangerous because I've been there and felt glimpses of it so don't take my words to heart cuz this is just based on my experiences and my feelings and how my brain operates...for me, I had to remind myself that it's normal and it's okay to feel lonely and it's also normal and okay to want to be alone, but it might not be like that for everybody, it might not be like that for you. So at the end of the day if you are thinking ot feeling like how I was, make sure at least you let one person know so they can check up on you and just so they know that you're okay. I know I said it's something that I like to kinda figure out for myself sometimes, but also understand that doesn't mean you have to figure it out by yourself, it's also okay to ask for help when you need it. But yeah, I feel like this post is all over the place because I really wanted to share my experience but also talk about it from a general standpoint but then started to feel like well not everyone thinks or reacts to these situations like me so I kinda shifted my perspective. I'll see y'all soon, peace.

Seasons Change Part 2

2021-04-19T21:55:00.000-04:00

Seasons Change Part 1

Hey friends, I know it’s been a while…it literally feels like we’re only a few days into April but in reality April’s almost over lol. Looking like we’re gonna be spending another summer in lockdown…more plans getting postponed and cancelled, it really sucks..as much as I wanna stay positive and be optimistic and be like just gotta control what you can control…it still sucks lol. So anyways, I’ve written about this before but it’s funny how like sometimes you can come across the same thing twice and take away something different each time. So I have the words “seasons change” tattooed on my arm and it’s something that I whole-heartedly believe in, situations in your life come in seasons and seasons change, seasons come and go. I’ll link the post above cuz it’s a really good one, I really like it. So I was listening to Justin Bieber’s new album which is amazing btw, and he has this one line where he says “some people come in your life for a reason, others they come in your life for a season” and I was like damn, ain’t that the truth. I’ve always believed that but I had some doubts cuz I was like well I’ve known some friends for a looong while and then we stopped being friends, what about that? But the more I thought about it…like you know how some seasons feel shorter than others and some feel longer than others. Like we’ve had winters that lasted from like November to like April and it felt like the snow was never going to end, but it did…and Spring came. Similarly, some friendships feel like it’s forever but it’s still just a season, just a longer one if you know what I mean. He then says in the same song “some people bring you a million blessings, some people teach you a million lessons” and again it just got me thinking about all the people in my life, especially the people that have come and gone and all the memories we’ve shared and everything I’ve learned cuz in reality, even tho we may not be friends anymore, all of these people played a significant and important role in my growth. I wouldn’t be who I am without all of those so called ‘lost friends’, so I’m thankful as I am sad, but life goes on and like I said, seasons change. And I’m glad I’m a hoarder in this sense because I know I’ll always have memories and certain things, places and even people will remind me of these people and moments and memories. With all that, I’ve missed you all, I hope to get back on track…and see you soon (maybe lol).

Rock Bottom

2021-04-05T21:50:00.003-04:00

So I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted, matter a fact I know I’ve been super slacks in general lol, just haven’t really been in the mood for it y’know. Like it feels like I =have a lot on my plate but at the same time I’m not really clearing any of it, I’m kinda just like staring at it like damn, that’s a lot on my plate LOL. So I’m sitting here, thinking to myself I should probably put out a post since it’s been a week, but I’m scrolling through the many notes on my phone and I’m like eh I don’t really feel like talking about any of these things right now. I was about to say forget it and not post today and then it hit me…I was thinking about a conversation I had with my friend literally yesterday as we were hanging out and catching up. He was telling me how he was going through a really rough time, probably one of it not the hardest moments in his lise…but despite it being hard, he was like I’m glad I went through it cuz I got to really appreciate the people that supported me through it and as well it was necessary to help me grow and mature as a man, cuz ain’t that what life’s all about? So yeah we were just kinda going back and forth, I told him about some of the hardest moments of my life and that’s kinda where I wanna bring y’all today…the fact that these ‘rock bottom’ moments are absolutely necessary for you to grow and learn as an individual. For one, whenever I go through tough times, stressful moments and hardships, I think back to my rock bottom moment and I really try to channel the emotions and feelings I felt during that time…how painful, stressed, mad, bad or whatever it was, I really try to refeel all of that…then I kinda bring myself back to present day and I’m like look, if I can get through what was the hardest, most difficult moment in my life, then whatever it is I’m going through right now is nothing compared to that. That’s something I feel I’ve always thought about and tried to preach to others, like no matter what you’re doing through and how bad it might feel right now, think about the worst moment in your life and the fact that you’re still here today…if you got through that you’ll get through this. Stressful times, difficult moments, hardships, pain…it’s all necessary to help us grow, it builds character. I always think like can you imagine if life was all rainbows and butterflies…yeah it would be dope but it’s the hardships and difficulties that make the good times so much more enjoyable y’feel? This whole pandemic got everyone feeling all kinds of ways, it certainly amplifies the negative emotions and stressors, but again just think back to your rock bottom moment…how bad it felt, how terrible you felt, how you didn’t think it would get better or that you would get better…but it did, and you did…so whatever it is you’re doing through right now, it’ll get better as well and it’s just another hurdle in your life to jump over. Stay safe, stay healthy and stay positive y’all…I’ll see you soon.

Guest Writer #40: Golden Frieza

2021-03-29T22:26:00.000-04:00

We made it y'all...the last guest post, ever...or is it? Nah it just feels right to close it off now, I definitely have other things planned and the guest posts had a good run. Started this little series in September 2013 and here we are in March 2021 calling it a wrap. I just wanna say thank you from the bottom of my heart to each and every person that wrote one or multiple guest posts for the blog...it's not easy sharing your life in such a public space and it's especially not easy being vulnerable or talking about super personal things so I'm thankful for each and every one of you and especially those of y'all who really dug deep and shared some super personal and intimate stuff about your life cuz I know firsthand it can be scary and uncomfortable lol. With that all being said, PLEASE show some love to all the previous guests posts and enjoy the last guest post ever, NUMBER FORTY.

#1: SpeakingMyMind

#2: Letters To You

#3: TC

#4: Anonymous Queen B

#5: Someone You Used To Know

#16: Someone You Used To Know

#21: Free Spirit, Wild Heart
#22: Inner Self

#23: G

#26

#31: WG

#39: Someone You Used To Know

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You’re Doing Amazing, You’re Killing It, You’re Exactly Where You Need To Be.

Weekends. The two days where we countdown to, counting down Monday to Friday, for those two days where we apparently can relax or “live our life”. We literally go through 5 days, just to enjoy two days, sometimes even less, because I know some of us spend Sunday thinking about the fact that we have to go back to work on Monday, so Sunday is a write off basically. Friday night can be a write off too, because we’re too tired. So basically, we spend our lives waiting for Saturday so we can really do what we need to do. One day out of 7. We literally have 52 days in a year where we can unwind. Now this is just for 9-5 jobs, but even if you work in a job where you work weekends, you literally look forward to the one or two days a week you have off. Why do we do this? Why don’t we make use of every minute we have on this earth and cherish it, no matter what we’re doing. I literally started making everyday a weekend in my head. Even though I am working, I treat it as a day of experiences, a day of learning, a day of spreading positivity and good vibes to myself and those around me. Even if you’re out here folding clothes, there’s still some solace and tranquility to it, cherish the moment. Cherish the moment you fold that cotton v-neck sweater and put it on the shelf, it’s an art, you Banana Republic Picasso. And no I am not talking about anyone in particular. I am just saying there is art, there is peace, there is accomplishment in everything we do. Instead of cherishing these moments, we tend to countdown until our next day off, not living in the moment. I was guilty of doing this at one point in my life, and then I realized I was watching my life pass me by. Life passes you by if you don’t stop and look around every once in a while. Your life is shortened massively when you’re only living for about 15% of the year. Why not live for 100%? Anyways, there’s a reason I realized this.

Life is short. No matter where you are in life, you’re doing amazing. A lot of people measure their own success with someone else’s ruler. I know people who were happily married at 24, and have 2 kids now and a house. I also know people who were married at 27 and now divorced years later. I know people who are single, but living their best life. I know people who are single who really want to find someone. No matter where you are in life, how big your house is, how old you are and what car you drive, do you ever stop to think … why does it matter? Does it even matter? Does it matter that you’re not at the same “level” as your friends? We all have different definitions of success, different goals, different aspirations, but we ALL matter. For example, if everyone was a successful entrepreneur who sold luxurious candles, we would have no doctors, we would all be dead. But at least we would have some lit candles (literally) at our funeral. I’m thinking a nice Tom Ford eau de wood scented candle. We are literally all important, let me use one of my friend groups for example. One works at a clothing store, if we didn’t have them, we wouldn’t be able to buy clothes. One works at a phone company, without them we wouldn’t have our cell phone plans and we couldn’t keep in contact with each other. One of them works for a marketing company that works with groceries, without them we wouldn’t know what deals are going on to do our grocery shopping for the week. Savings? I know everyone loves savings. We literally need everyone to be doing exactly what they’re doing so the world can go round. So don’t feel bummed that you didn’t quit your job and create a podcast, or chase your dreams of becoming a rapper or an artist. Not everyone can do it, and if everyone could do it and be successful, then those things would be worthless. If everyone made amazing paintings, no one would buy one. It would be pretty basic. Supply and demand. The reason these things all seem so enticing is because only particular lucky people can make it, but you’re still doing amazing in whatever you’re doing. We all can’t be Drake. We can’t all be Steve Jobs, but we can be us. Without us, the world would be a different place. Imagine how much impact you have on the world. Since you were born, you have interacted with so many people, that literally if you weren’t born, those people’s lives would be completely different. One thing you said to them or did to a particular person could’ve literally had a ripple effect and you didn’t even realize it.

Life is short. I will say it again. I don’t want to get too personal, but my sister has a disease that’s literally one in a million per year. Like one in over a million people get it in a year. She got it when she was 19. She is one of the youngest people to ever get it, according to the specialist. She recently went for an MRI, and they said that even after all this medication, and all these side effects from the meds, it still didn’t help. These side effects were pretty bad too, anxiety, depression, weight gain, possible hair loss, like it was pretty bad. All of that just for her to get no where. It’s been so disheartening going through this journey with her. She is my younger sister, we talk about growing old together with our families, we talk about the future. So to hear things like this is scary, to say the least. I would give my sister any organ, anything she needs. It isn’t that easy though is it? She literally can’t walk for over 20 minutes without breaks, and we take something like that for granted everyday. Her meds make her feel nauseous every night, another thing we take for granted, just the fact that we don’t have that same discomfort every night. The list goes on. Honestly, everyone goes through something. The best thing we can do is ride with it, and realize it’s a part of us, and make use of the fact that we’re here, alive, and capable of doing whatever we are able to do. Make use of everyday. Make use of every hour, every minute, every second.

This is life. You have one life to live. Don’t waste it on a toxic ex partner, things in the past that you can’t control, people and situations in your life you can’t control, stop wasting your time. Be positive, be optimistic, be realistic, but mostly importantly be you, be beautiful, and live life the way you want to live it. Help others live their life, love unconditionally, give hugs to those who need hugs, smile to those who need a smile, but most importantly give yourself the love, the smiles and the hugs you deserve. This may sound cliche, but I find too many people are way too hard on themselves, and I am STILL guilty of this. I know I need to change myself, I know I need to live in the present, I know I need to move on from the past, and I know that I just need to cherish the memories that I’ve made that make me happy, be happy where I am, and be excited for where I am going to go. Are you going to do the same? You’re doing amazing, never forget that. The world needs you. Just like it needs me, and everyone around me.

Mementos & Memories

2021-03-26T22:50:00.003-04:00

Hey friends, I know it’s been a while lol I apologize. I’ve been in a weird head space lately and haven’t really even been thinking about writing. The guest post is good and ready, could’ve posted it Monday but decided to save it for next Monday, yeah I dunno it just feels like I have so much on my plate but at the same time like I’m not really doing anything about it LOL. Reaching the finish line fr school, graduating this year, gotta start looking for jobs, still got work and like co vid kinda also zaps you of like any motivation or energy to want to do anything lol or maybe that’s just me. I was scrolling through the notes on my phone like hmm maybe I should put out a post tonight, but I was like man I dunno what to talk about lol I’m not really feeling any of these. The it kinda hit me as I was staring at the note. It’s crazy how lspecific songs, things, places or whatever will remind you of people or even specific moments that you had with those people. This applies to like all my friends but it definitely hits harder with the people I don’t talk to anymore you know. Like obvs there’s things that remind me of my friends, but because I still see and talk to them and we’re still creating new memories, it’s a thought that comes and goes. Whereas with people I don’t talk to anymore, that’s all I really have…memories, so it kinda lingers you know. Like when I was in high school there were specific songs that reminded me and still do remind me of specific girls in my life lol and I used to stay away from those songs cuz I didn’t wanna think about it but now it’s funny to listen to cuz their faces are like attached to those songs for me. I look at like my basement and all the hours I spent gaming with the guys and random sleepovers that really weren’t sleepovers cuz we’d play videogames till like 4 am, sleep for a few hours then wake up and play more videogames LOL. Everytime I walk past this park it reminds me of all the times I would chill with this one girl and we’d talk for hours late into the night just chilling in the park. I even look at certain restaurants like oh damn I remember I met up with so and so here and we talked about this or this happened. It’s really crazy and really cool to think about…in a happy and sad way lol like it sucks it’ll never be like that again but I’m happy that it happened and I can look back on it you know. Because I’m such a hoarder of sorts, I like to keep these things to look back on…old birthday cards that just say happy birthday rodmond and then a signature, I keep that stuff lol…letters from my ex (we’ll talk about that another time)…random cards from like baptism, Christmas, etc. It’s also why I love looking back on like yearbooks too lol…it’s like I enjoy the sadness it brings but also the happiness in looking back at the memories LOOOL is that weird, or rather does that even make sense? I look at this blog for example…my life told through posts…stories, experiences, lessons that I get to look back on if I ever choose to. And at the end of the day, things that led and helped me get to the point that I’m at today. That’s one of the reasons why I don’t like deleting or throwing things away lol whether old conversations or physical mementos, I keep that stuff for the accidental times I come across it or the random times I clean my room and find it LOL. But yeah, I hope you’re doing well…maybe I’ll hit y’all with an update post when I collect my thoughts lol, catch y’all on the flip side…PEACE.

Guest Writer #39: Someone You Used To Know

2021-03-15T22:21:00.000-04:00

We're reaching the end man, damn...it's a little bittersweet...something I started so long ago and have been able to share with so many of my friends and acquaintances alike, it's really cool looking back at all the posts, how people felt. Something I also can't help but think about is the person behind the guest post and who they were to me at that time and who they are to me now...cuz things are always changing you know, you grow closer to some people and you drift apart from others, but anyways...show them some love and enjoy today's guest post!

#1: SpeakingMyMind

#2: Letters To You

#3: TC

#4: Anonymous Queen B

#5: Someone You Used To Know

#16: Someone You Used To Know

#21: Free Spirit, Wild Heart
#22: Inner Self

#23: G

#26

#31: WG

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Pivoting and Transitioning

Before I jump into this, just wanted to give a big shoutout to RT the realest for giving me an opportunity to get on the blog. This has been a space that was homegrown and explicitly showed his inner thoughts to you guys which is quite rare nowadays. So thank you for giving people a blog full of posts to ponder about it because I know a lot of us can relate.

But let’s jump right into it!

Pivoting and transitioning….Nah I’m not talking about basketball… We ain’t talking about PRACTICE! Sorry I had throw that in there, but I’m talking about pivoting and transitioning through life and making decisions. I can speak for myself and maybe some of you guys can agree, but if something you worked so hard to make your plan happen or you had your mind made up on something on things were going to go… but then it doesn’t. I don’t know about you but stuff like that used to eat me up inside and it would show visibly on my face. It would bother me so much that my mood would change and honestly it started creep into my relationships/friendships and my family. Until someone really close to me put me on the art of pivoting, which is essentially going from plan A to plan B. When something doesn’t work out, instead of focusing on where things went wrong…. focus on how you can salvage the situation and turn into a bright spot. If you can pivot and transition from something going wrong to looking for ways to better your situation, you’ve already mastered the art of pivoting and transitioning. One of the things that helped get better at pivoting was this quote, and I hope this helps you pivot your way through life’s trials and tribulation. “What has reached you was never meant to miss you and what has missed you was never meant to reach you” Prophet Muhammed(Pbuh).

Hit Or Miss

2021-03-12T22:12:00.002-05:00

So it feels like it's been a while since we've talked for some reason...anyways, so I feel like there are just some things in life that you can't control. That's a pretty obvious statement and this is definitely something I've talked about on the blog before. So like I said there are some things in your life you just can't control, one of them is who likes you and who doesn't like you...not romantically just as a person, but I guess you can apply it romantically as well. No matter how dope of a person you are or think you are, no matter what you do or say some people just won't like you for their own varying reasons. The other thing for me at least is that I can't control what posts y'all like or dislike, and this is something I've said a million times like the posts I think are super dope, put a lot of time and effort into usually don't generate as many views as like the ones I just write spontaneously or write without much thought or effort. At least that's the trend I notice lol there are def variable and there are def topics that I know will garner more views like anything related to girls or relationships lol. At the end of the day, something I remind myself of is that some posts are gonna hit and some are gonna miss, that's just something I can't control and def something I shouldn't get stressed over (which I don't lol). Timothy Dela Ghetto is somebody I really vibe with and you'd know this if you knew me, so he's always like man I put so much money, time and effort into skits and they don\t get as many views as like mukbangs and that's just eating and talking. He's like I enjoy doing the skits but mukbangs are so much easier cuz you're just eating and talking with the homies. I think about the blog in that aspect sometimes too lol like how easy would it be to just write about girls are relationships constantly and watch the views pile up LOL. But that's why I sometimes say that this blog as much as it is for you is moreso for me...as therapy (bars) and like just a form of expression, being able to write and talk about whatever I want and I've said it before I really felt that freedom when the blog hit a million views cuz it was like a huge milestone but also a huge weight lifted like the pressure was gone in a weird way lol. Right now I feel like less need to maximize views and more just being creatively free...making posts like updating y'all on my life or experimenting with new ideas like the Ask The Audience Posts. At the end of the day, like I said I can't control what posts people enjoy reading or don't enjoy reading, I just have to keep writing for myself, talking about things I like, things I know and most importantly things that make me happy...and shouldn't that be what it's all about? So till next time, PEACE.

Guest Writer #38: TC

2021-03-08T22:34:00.003-05:00

As always, all of the previous guest posts will be linked below...show whem some love!

#1: SpeakingMyMind

#2: Letters To You

#3: TC

#4: Anonymous Queen B

#5: Someone You Used To Know

#16: Someone You Used To Know

#21: Free Spirit, Wild Heart
#22: Inner Self

#23: G

#26

#31: WG

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My man thanks for having me again. Honestly, every time I make a guest appearance I like to look back through the previous posts and see who I was and what was on my mind at the time. It’s cool seeing how my perspectives have changed through the course of these guest posts.

I guess the biggest thing on my mind right now is passion. I feel like most people at this age yearns to do something that they are passionate about but lack the courage or awareness of what their passions are. I am at the point in my life where I am scared to see who I would be in 10 years if I don’t chase / find my passions. It’s like I am looking at a divergence in my life where one path is the typical American Dream, but the other being absolutely unknown, yet completely enticing. You know that feeling when you were a kid and you had the naivety of wanting to change the world. I don’t want to lose that.

Growing up, we all had these wild dreams that we wanted to pursue. For me, it was always some variation of helping the poor, fighting for equality, representing the underprivileged – just making a difference. Moving back to the East Coast has given me the chance opportunity to befriend a group of Harvard Law students. Talking to them and hearing their stories of foregoing the Corporate dollars, to pursue careers of representing the underprivileged, or fighting for equality gave me a wake up call. I was once like that.

The next chapter in my life is yet to be determined, but I am excited and can’t wait to see where my passions take me.

When The Blog Blows Up...

2021-03-05T22:20:00.000-05:00

When I was younger and I first started the blog, the only real goal was to blow up. I feel like I sometimes still go through phases of wanting the blog to 'blow up',like it just takes ONE famous or even semi-famous person to tweet or post about my blog and I'm set LOL, that's how I used to think at least. I used to think to myself if the blog ever hit a million views, it'll mean we've blown up...I say if cuz honestly I never thought we'd ever hit a million views lol it just seemed like just a large and unattainable number, but we did/ I think back to a conversation I had with a friend where he straight up told me “your blog will never up”. And he didn't say this in a ill=mannered or rude way, but he wa more like people just don\t care LOL. I know it sounds rude but it's not, he's like think about it...it's a blog about your life, it's a dope blog but like why would some random person on the street care about clicking onto a blog about some dude's personal life. And when he put it like that, it really sat with me and I was like damn, you're so right. I don't offer no fashion tips or food recipes or anything of real “value” if you will, it's literally just my life and my experiences, some advice here and there...why wiuld the average person that doesn't know me care or even be remotely curious about my blog lol. In that context, I understoof and was like yeah, my blog probably will never blow up. But then I camme to this new realization...of like sure maybe the blog will never blow up, I'll never influence millions of people, but maybe that's not the purpose of this blog. Maybe the path I'm on is to influence and affect the circle and the people around me. Like over the years I've received a lot of dope messages from friends, old classmates, social media buddies who were like yo I really related to this post or I really liked this post or this post really nelped me out and those words meant the world to me. I thought o myself like yeah some people are meant to influence, inspire and encourage large crowds and bodies of people, but maybe some peopleare meant to just do that to a small handful of the people that surround you. I kinda imagine some like motivational workshop or something, just because like 10 people attend your workshop vs 100 at another person's workshop doesn't make what you're saying any less important, it just means you're only speaking to the 10 people. I kinda feel simiar to that of like well maybe the blog will never blow up and I'll never inspire the masses LOOOOL but like maybe I'm just meant to encourage, inspire and motivate the people around me and that in itself was such a dope and reassuring feeling. I remind myself of that now and it helps me to keep moving forwad, even if I can help one person who's going through a difficult situation by giving them some insight, or maybe some comfort or whatever, that's good enough you know. Again, I just think back to all the people that have reahed out to me over the years and I'm super thankful to even have this platform and have this voice for people to read, relate, laugh, enjoy, etc. So yeah, with that...I'll see y'all next week, GUEST POST ON MONDAY!

Guest Writer #37: Inner Self

2021-03-01T21:56:00.038-05:00

#1: SpeakingMyMind

#2: Letters To You

#3: TC

#4: Anonymous Queen B

#5: Someone You Used To Know

#16: Someone You Used To Know

#21: Free Spirit, Wild Heart
#22: Inner Self

#23: G

#26

#31: WG

Hello friends, I'm very excited to be bringing back to y'all the guest posts but only for the month of March! Meaning I'm gonna hit you with a guest post every week of March. So I originally thought to myself that I wanted to retire the guest posts at 50, but tbh it's pretty hard to find guest posts cuz I don't really have that many friends and the guest posts are definitely more personal and take a lot more openness and honesty which not everyone is comfortable with which is totally understandable. Which is why I wanted to end it at 40 since it's a round number and shift my focus to the Ask TheAudience series because it's definitely more casual and easier to simply ask people questions rather than having them write an entire post. But with that, if y'all are new here, the guest posts are something that was created super organically. One of my friends hit me up a long time ago and was like hey can I write a post on your blog and I was like wtf that's so random, it's my blog...but then I thought about it and was like yo, that's a dope concept, having different people write posts about whatever they choose and give y'all different insights and perspectives. And with that I opened the door for friends or people in general to reach out to me if they wanted to write a post on my blog and over the years I've been super blessed to have so many different friends, peers and the likeness write some super dope, funny, personal, inspiring and encouraging guest posts. So I hope y'all enjoy and also take the time to show some of the previous guest posts some love cuz it def took time, energy and courage to write one. Enjoy, and I'll see y'all soon, peace!

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Forward

So far 2021 has been a pretty busy year. I’m currently about to finish school and it’s been kind of crazy as I am also in the process of prepping and applying for jobs. It just feels a little overwhelming as it seems like a lot is slowly piling up. As much as it is stressful, in a way, I’m really happy that I have a goal for what I need to do after school is over. I have a clear idea of what I want to do, where I want to be and how I can get there but at the same time, I doubt myself a lot. I definitely have these negative thoughts where sometimes I feel like I’m behind or I’m not where I’m supposed to be… Something that I’ve learned about myself is that I often check up on my friends and they’ll tell me how they’re doing and somehow, I’ll just start to compare myself to what they’re doing in life even when we’re not in the same stream of schooling or work. So, I have this one buddy of mine and we’ve been boys since high school. I think he’s really successful and I definitely look to him as someone that motivates me. So, one time I had a heart to heart convo with him on the topic of work and success. I told him how it’s always a good time catching up with him but then it sucks at the same time because I can’t help but compare myself to him when he tells me how well he’s doing. He told me not to do that because we’re all doing different things… and what’s the point of comparing anyways. I’m not in a race with him or anyone. I’m in my own marathon. As long as I’m taking proactive steps to get closer to my goals then I can’t be too hard on myself. Even if it’s one tiny step closer. I know this is common sense, but you know how sometimes perspectives just hits differently when it is coming from someone you got a lot of respect for you know? But ya.. I guess what I’m trying to say is I hope you all are moving forward and getting closer and closer to your goals. Don’t compare yourself with anyone and just continue to focus on improving yourself!

The Luxury Of Closure

2021-02-27T22:57:00.000-05:00

I feel like I'm somebody who always likes to ask why and sometime that feeling of always wanting to ask why gets me into trouble or it makes me seem like I have a problem you know. A long time ago at church, I would always wear birks (sandals) to church and these adults would always be on my back about how I'm not looking my best or something like that and it would irk me to no ends and I would always be like well what's the problem, why can't I wear sandals to church in the summer. Another instant is like when they told us we couldn't play basketball at church anymore and I was likek well why and I remember them distinctly being like why can you just listen when we tell you something, why do you always have to ask why. Like I swear I don't have a problem with authority, but it's just this need to know like well why, tell me why this is happening or why this can't happpen, why did you say this, why did you do this you know. So when ti comes to girls, and specifically girls that don't end up working out, the natural question is why, and the need for closure for me at least is like super high. And I've always been like that, whether it's girls who I saw and dated once or maybe saw and went on multiple dates with, if or when it didn't work out, there's always that need to be like well why. When my best friend didn't like me back, it's like well why and that bothered me growing up for the longest time cuz I just never got that closure. But as J'm getting older I'm kinda adopting the mentality and learning and reading a lot that well sometimes you don't always get that closure and you won't always get to know why and that's perfectly fine, you just keep moving forward. I dunno I'm always just so curious when say something doesn't work out with a girl, well why...like was it chemistry issues, something I did, something I said, someone else. But see all these things are also why I try to tell myself getting invested in things like dating apps are probably the worst thing for me cuz it's literally surface level (for the most part) and hardly ever do you really get to find out why things don't work out cuz people go ghost or just let you know it's not working out. Someone told me one time that you kinda have to go in with the mentality that she's probably talking to and seeing other people, which makes sense cuz I'm definitely doing the same thing too. But yeah sorry don't wanna tangent too much. I feel like I'm just starting to see closure as like a luxury, something that you aren't necessary owed but something that would be nice to have. Like at the end of the day, if I don't like someone, I don't really owe them an explanation as to why it didn't work or maybe there was no reason. That's kinda how I'm seeing things lately, where if say a girl goes ghost, or maybe things are going well then she suddenly uts it off, yeah it would be nice to know why and I probably would still ask...but they don't owe you anything, from my perspective like yeah it would be super dope and the respectful thing to do but not everyone sees it that way and that's perfectly fine. You don't always get closure and that's okay, you also shouldn't let it keep you from moving on and moving forward from whatever it is. The more I think about it now, the more I feel strongly that closure really is a luxury, asking why and getting a proper response as to why something doesn't work out or isn't working is always nice, but certainly isn't owed. That's just just something I've kinda had in my mind for some time, but was definitely triggered and brought to light recently lol and by recently like right now LOL. See y'all soon, peace.

The Ugly Truth

2021-02-24T21:50:00.000-05:00

What it do y’all, hope you’re doing well, staying safe and staying sane. So I was thinking to myself the other day and I was like man, certain qualities in a person are just so unattractive that it actually decreases their physical attraction as well. The flip side to that is some people have such great and endearing qualities that it makes them look more physically attractive. Now I know what you’re thinking, bro this is common sense…and it is, but lemme paint you this picture. So I have this girl on social media that I was seeing for a short period of time and she loves taking selfies, I’m talking like posting pictures on all platforms, constantly changing profile pictures on all her socials, which is cool and all you do you boo boo. But for a split second, I was like oh damn she lookin’ good, she hella cute still. Then I kinda came back down to earth, thought about why it didn’t work out and her red flags and the qualities in her I didn’t really like and was like oh yeah, she cute but like not that cute if you know what I mean. I’m sure y’all have experienced both sides of the spectrum where you see someone really good looking but then they have qualities you don’t really like and they become less good looking, or you see someone unattractive to you but then find out something dope about them and they become more attractive. There’s like some quote where it says physical beauty is temporary but inner beauty lasts forever, something corny like that. But it really is true thoyou don’t chill with your friends because they’re good looking but because they’re dope and fun to be around. Similarly for me, I wanna find someone who has a dope personality, but obviously she still has to be physically attractive to some capacity cuz that’s just how it works, physical attraction and sexual attraction is still a thing lol. But it’s like a see saw right, some people are gonna value one side more than the other, someone might value physical attraction slightly more than personality, or vice versa and it all depends on who you ask. For me it was just a really random but powerful reminder that a whack ass personalty or like some serious red flags can make someone look really ugly. That’s all I gotta say lol see y’all soon, peace!