The Better Man

REVEALED! An Awards Show Pries Out One Of My Deepest Secrets

Chris — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 01:47:56 +0000

I hate watching award shows, for the most irrational of reasons – I’m mad I wasn’t invited. Of course, even when I have been invited I didn’t really like going – they were a pointed reminder of how little I’ve accomplished in life. So it’s no surprise I’m not watching the Juno Awards on TV tonight (for the uninitiated, the Junos are the Canadian equivalent of the Grammys but with fewer grandiose performances, or the Brit Awards but with fewer fights).

That said, I am curious to know how it goes – William Shatner is hosting this year. Having someone …

A Belated Valentine For Baby Mama

Chris — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 05:54:04 +0000

I suppose it’s a sign of precisely how new a new father I am, but it’s absolutely thrilling to have Ava here, in the world. I know it’s a cliche even bigger than cops at donut shops, but seriously – every day brings a new miracle. You want to see real wonder? Watch an infant make a noise like a dolphin, realize she made it, then repeat it over and over. It kills me. I used to think the lighter I was, the farther I could travel. I think of that time alone – riding motorbikes, SCUBA-diving with sharks, jumping …

Less is More: A Birthday Lesson from The Thin White Duke

Chris — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 04:35:40 +0000

About 7 years ago, I went to see a reunion concert by the modestly successful post-punk band Gang of Four. My excitement couldn’t be understated – these English blokes were huge to me, albeit for completely self-aggrandizing reasons. As effete music snobs, my high school friends and I would try to distinguish ourselves from the rabble by the obscurity of the music we listened to. In Saskatchewan circa 1986, where everyone dressed like they’d stepped right out of Heavy Metal Parking Lot, it was hard to find a band more obscure than Gang of Four.

No doubt the Gang …

WHAT I’VE LEARNED: Opinions from a Man Whose Opinion You May Not Care About

Chris — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 18:10:25 +0000

By now I think we all know that celebrity interviews are complete horseshit. They exist mostly to help the celebrity promote their latest movie/tell-all memoir/Playboy spread/prison release. Illumination is not a part of the design.

Personally, I’ve been party to the most craven of celebrity interviews – the movie press junket. Studios will spend millions flying journalists in from Wichita or Reykjavik, put them up at a four-star hotel, and grant them a five-minute audience with the stars of the flick being promoted. In exchange for their largesse, the studios insist the discussion be limited to the movie, and that …

Words of Hope from a Better Man

Chris — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 04:44:23 +0000

Vaclav Havel 1936-2011

I’m amazed I still have it – a dog-eared copy of Esquire magazine from October 1993. It was a 60th Anniversary edition, titled “60 Things Every Man Should Know”, filled with essays from big thinkers like Norman Mailer and Ice-T, ruminating on such pressing subjects as boxing and sex doggy-style. It sits in a tin box in my storage unit, along with a stack of somewhat less-distinguished publications, like my signed copy of Playboy with Katarina Witt on the cover, or the low-rent trade journal featuring the first article I ever got paid to write.

To be …

I Got Your Moment Right HERE!

Chris — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 06:09:00 +0000

For years, I’ve been making myself appear smarter and more interesting than I actually am by quoting dialogue from director David Mamet’s films. At some point, anyone who knows me well has been amused/bored/irritated by some of the following nuggets:

From the movie Heist:

Jimmy: So, is he going to be cool?

Pinky: My motherfucker is so cool, when he goes to bed, sheep count him.

[In a bar]

Betty Croft: Take it easy, baby, that stuff’ll rot your stomach lining.

Fran Moore: Yeah, but I get to drink it first.

From the movie The Spanish …

PROJECT IRON FIST: The Things You Learn When You’re Punched In The Face

Chris — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 14:17:22 +0000

It’s now been a while now since I started training with my affably sadistic Muay Thai coach, Derwin. I’m probably a few decades away from stepping into the Octagon with Georges St. Pierre, but nonetheless I’ve improved: my punches come with a nice little snap; I no longer have to remind myself to rotate my hips when I throw punches; I don’t drop my hand and expose my jaw when I initiate a swing kick; and my combinations don’t unravel into series of painfully awkward bitch slaps (as much). Derwin has used a lot of great methods to …

Getting Schooled: Five Things My Infant Daughter is Teaching Me

Chris — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 04:52:24 +0000

I’ve neglected the blog of late. I could tell you it’s because I’m knee-deep in shitty diapers, trying desperately to console a wailing infant and wondering if I’d be criminally liable in a case of Shaken Baby Syndrome. But that’d just be an excuse.

The truth is it’s work that’s keeping me from blogging, not my child. Ava is lovely – quiet, gorgeous, and sleeping most of the night. Admittedly, she does have legendary poos. Baby Mama was recently victim of an IED (Infant Exploding Diaper) – apparently, the force of the dookie blew the diaper right off Ava’s body. …

JACK LAYTON: A Better Man in Full

Chris — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 19:49:33 +0000

I worked at MuchMusic for almost a decade, and unquestionably my biggest contribution to music that whole time was being producer/cameraman/bodyguard to Nardwuar the Human Serviette. I love Nardwuar like an annoying brother – which is to say I appreciate his merits while admitting that few people on earth can frustrate me as much. Anyone who has watched (or been a subject of) his interviews probably knows what I’m getting at.

In Nardwuar’s defense, the man has no guile. He’s not Sasha Baren-Cohen, playing a polarizing character for laughs. He’s not malicious, or calculating, or daring. Nardwuar is just…Nardwuar. He …

No Country for Better Men

Chris — Sun, 07 Aug 2011 04:47:46 +0000

About a week ago, I was writing a post called “D-Day plus 10”. Essentially, it was a self-congratulatory note on how prepared I was for the imminent arrival of my first child, and how 10 days after the original due date, the waiting had grown tiresome. It was perhaps one of my best – witty, poignant, self-effacing, with a life lesson for any Man on the road to Betterment. I can tell you all of this, of course, because I’ll never publish it. To do so would be moot, since halfway through writing I was interrupted by the arrival of …