1. The feeling that accompanies an experience of being thwarted in attaining your goals.¹

2. An act of hindering someone’s plans or efforts.

3. That awful sinking sensation in your gut as your eyes dart between the clock, a blinking display reading ‘Paper Jam E-5,’ and the absurdly complex directions on the inside of the copy machine door.

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.”

                              - Proverbs 19:21, NIV

When you get down to it, the issue of frustration boils down to one thing: plans. The very meaning of the word frustration is to have your plans thwarted. You want to do one thing, but something else gets in your way. It may be as little as trying to make copies or as big as trying to start a career – when you want to do something and it doesn’t work out, you feel frustrated. 

If you think about it, you could avoid frustration altogether if you simply gave up on making plans. Nothing can go wrong if you refuse to define what’s right. Unfortunately however, you’ve got to make some kind of plans or you might not bother to get out of bed in the morning. Our entire lives run on plans of one kind or another. Plan to have breakfast; plan to go to work on time; plan a shortcut to avoid traffic; plan to get a better job so you can pay for the ticket you got on the shortcut on the way to work… it’s all plans. We make them constantly. The question is, why is it so hard to get any of them to work out?

And then there are God’s plans. If we’re going to talk about frustration, we’ve got to come to grips with the striking difference between our plans and God’s. As Christians, we live for God’s plan. We pray and seek and strive to discover just what God has in store for us. We love to quote Jeremiah 29:11 and hear God saying to us, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (NIV). Yet for all our searching, the details of God’s plan for each of us remain a mystery. It would seem that God wants us to be content to simply know that He has one, and to trust that it is good. 

I Plan, God Laughs

Discovering God’s plan for my life is not easy, but there is one thing I can tell you about it for sure. Whatever God’s plan is, it is not the same as mine. Not entirely anyway. There are two distinctions that clearly set my plans apart from God’s. First of all, mine are easier. Much easier. Second, my plans don’t usually work out. Not the way I want them to anyhow. God doesn’t have that problem. His plans never fail. They can’t fail. As I understand things, it’s a physical impossibility.  

The real challenge for you and I is knowing whose plan we are working with today. A plan is like a prophecy – sometimes the only way to know whether or not it came from God is to wait and see if it works out. If it fails, guess who’s idea it was. 

On second thought, so what if it doesn’t work out. So what if you fail. Does that always mean that God wasn’t in it? Maybe your plans were the same as God’s, but your goals were different. After all, God doesn’t value the same things that we do. We want success for today, but God values the things that last – stuff like faith, hope and love. God may call you to venture into a complete failure simply to build character. You could feel frustrated with the outcome while God feels quite satisfied. Let’s say you go out for the football team. Maybe you didn’t make the team – but God did some powerful work on your heart during tryouts. Who can put a value on that?

Our plans are easier. God’s plan is better.

It Comes Down to Trust

When we’re talking about plans, the heart of the matter is always trust. Will you trust God when life doesn’t work out the way you want it to? I am convinced that most of life’s frustrations are really lessons in trusting God. If you read the Bible, it doesn’t take long to realize that God is big on trust. I challenge you to find one Bible hero who didn’t go through some major trials to build up their faith. 

As Christians, we trust and believe that God always has something good planned for us. Actually, Christians are very funny this way. Just watch one of us. When life doesn’t work out the way he wants it to, he’ll say something like, “Well, God must have something better in store.” If something bad happens to a Christian, she will tell you that she is convinced that God must have allowed it to save her from something worse. We have this wonderful determination to believe that God is still in control of our crazy mixed up lives no matter what happens to them. 

That kind of a stubborn faith is a beautiful thing. Nonetheless, I would warn you to be careful about just what it is that you trust God for. If you believe that God closed the door on this job “because He must have a higher paying job in store for me,” then you are really limiting God. Since when is a bigger paycheck the most valuable thing God can give you? Maybe God has a lower paying job that will teach you humility and force you to rely on Him every day. Maybe He has wonderful trials in store for you that will build up a faith that is more valuable than pure gold – and far more enduring (1st Peter 1:7). 

One of the great keys to enduring frustration is to change what you value. When you learn to value the things that God does - the things that last forever – then the trials of life appear much different. When you begin to see the perishable stuff like money and success for what it really is – temporary – then you will experience frustration in a whole new light. Then you’ll begin to see that God’s plan for you is indeed good, even if you can’t figure out exactly what it is…or what traffic jams and paper jams have to do with it.

That’s all for today! We’ll come back to the topic of frustration again in the future. Lord knows it will come back to us. I look forward to hearing your comments. I’d love to know what you have learned from frustration, and how you deal with it. If you enjoyed this post, feel free to subscribe and get more – and don’t forget to click the buttons to put a link on your facebook or twitter. Maybe someone you know needs a little encouragement through a rough day too. Talk to you again soon!

Always in the unfailing love of Christ, 

 - Pastor Kris  ( 8-D=

¹ frustration. Dictionary.com. WordNet® 3.0. Princeton University. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/frustration (accessed: November 25, 2008).

Okay, this is a pretty big topic. I have actually been working on it for a while now. I even put together a book idea. One of my preliminary subtitles was “The Theology of Murphy’s Law.” You know the rule, if anything can go wrong, it will. The law is as widely accepted as gravity. Life is unceasingly frustrating. But what causes it? If God is in control… and if His plans for me are always good… then why is it that my plans never seem to work out?

For the record, I don’t recommend attempting to write a book about Murphy’s Law. Apparently old man Murphy declares open season on anyone fool enough to attempt to unravel the mysteries of his infamous law. The other day I called up the bank to follow up on a form that I had sent them in March. For about an hour, I was sent on a toll-free wild goose chase of 800 and 866 phone numbers and on-hold-elevator-music. “I’m sorry sir, this is the wrong department for your question. I will connect you with the refinance department. Hold please…” “Wait! I just talked to them! And they sent me to you!” Elevator music again. Too late. 

 Now I realize that this stuff happens to all of us, and it should come as no surprise (though I was a little surprised when I received two jury summons in the same month this year). What I want to know is why it happens; and I want to know where my faith in God fits in. 

Some of the frustrations are our own fault, to be sure. If you make foolish decisions, life will be more difficult. If you buy a fixer-up ‘93 Yugo, you shouldn’t expect to get to work on time every day. But that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the stuff that you just can’t control: traffic jams at the worst possible time; copy machines that run out of ink only on the day that important papers are due; that kind of stuff. Why does it happen, and how are we supposed to respond in faith?

So that’s my new topic. I have thought about this a great deal, and I have searched the Bible for answers. You may be surprised to find out just how much the Bible has to say about frustration. After all, we’re talking about one of the most consistent elements of life here. Our plans are constantly being foiled. Sometimes it’s big stuff, most of the time it’s just little – but whatever the case, things rarely work out the way we want them to. I am convinced that God is still in control, and that He has a very good reason for all of it. I won’t start in on any of the answers I have found just yet – but I will give you this one verse. It’s a big one, so it takes a careful read to really get it. When you do get it, a lot of life’s little perplexities begin to make more sense. Here’s the verse…

“For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.” 

- Romans 8:20-21

Well, that’s it for today. As we continue with this topic, we’ll unravel that verse, and we’ll tackle questions like “Why does frustration bring out the worst in us?” and “How do I learn to trust God’s plans when none of my plans seem to work out?” I look forward to getting your input on this as well. Please send me your thoughts and ideas. Most importantly, send me some good frustration stories. They’re good for a laugh, and they’re even better for helping me write a good book! Until next time…

Always in the unfailing love of Christ, 

- Pastor Kris  ( 8-D=

1) I am now the senior pastor at Calvary Chapel Bay St. Louis. How exciting is that?! Sunday morning May 10th I preached my first message as the church’s pastor. I am so thankful to serve God with such amazing people in the midst of an awesome work of God’s love and power. Seriously, I love my church. Pastor Frank Griffin served faithfully with great integrity and sincere love over the past few years, and I am honored to take the baton and run the next leg of this awesome race. Thanks to all of you for caring and thanks for praying for me! If you ever find yourself in South Mississippi, come and enjoy some good old fashion southern hospitality at one of the friendliest churches you’ll find anywhere.

2) I just sent in my very first book proposal to a publishing house. Yes, it was the same week as the pastoral change. It’s been a busy week! The book is called, “Why Did God Make Life So Frustrating?” It’s about learning to trust God for His plans when yours don’t work out. In other words, it’s the theology behind Murphy’s Law. The book proposal was a pretty big undertaking, so I decided to take a break from the blog and focus my writing time on that. Now that the proposal is in, you should start to see some blog-posts on the topic of frustration pretty soon. As for the proposal itself, it is in the hands of the publisher now. Again thanks for praying for me!

3) I am still working on the chapter by chapter Bible Guides, and the podcast as well. Those are the main focus of the Bible Sherpa website, so stay tuned. The first guide that will be coming to you is Ezra. I keep you up to date as we get closer.

I guess that’s all the updates for now. I hope and pray that this finds you all well. I read all your comments so keep them coming. Your next real blog-post will be coming very soon. You’ll get the rest of the Love Lie countdown on the way, but first I want to introduce a new topic. See you soon (well, sort of).

Always in the unfailing love of Christ, 

 - Pastor Kris  ( =

Debunking the most common myths about love and marriage & searching for the reality of true love

Love Lie #4: You Complete Me

After a short hiatus, we are back on the love lie countdown. We are up to number four. Once again I want to remind you that the love lies on this countdown are not all 100% lie. In fact, I would say that today’s idea is mostly true. It even has some Biblical backing to it. Let’s take a look…

The Idea: Every man and woman is somehow incomplete inside, and needs that one magical person to make them whole again. 

The Source: This lovely romantic notion was made popular by Tom Cruise in the nineties box office hit, Jerry McGuire. However, the idea has been around for ages. You can trace this all the way back to the day God took a rib out of Adam’s chest to make a bride for him. When a husband and a wife come together, the Bible says that they make one flesh. So this “you complete me” idea makes a lot of sense. After all, the feeling of loneliness can be an awful lot like having a hole in your heart (does anyone besides me remember the Cyndi Lauper song, There’s a Hole In My Heart that Goes All the Way to China? Boy was that an oversight in the ridiculous love song countdown!)

The Verdict: I’d say this one is partially true, but it’s missing something (sort of like our hearts). Finding your one true love does fill a void inside – but it’s just not enough. You’re still not quite whole.

The Bible:  “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men, yet no man can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” – Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NIV, emphasis added).

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy.” - Ephesians 5:25-26 (NIV, emphasis added)

The Truth: Yes, it is true that when bride and groom come together, they become one. Yes, it is true that finding that one magical person can make that empty feeling in your heart go away – but not completely. As I said, this one is mostly true. The problem is that every one of us is missing too much for any other person to fill, no matter how magical they are. I know this from personal experience (see My Story below). Ecclesiastes 3:11 says that God took the trouble to set eternity in each of our hearts. Now that’s a big hole! In fact,it is a God shaped hole. Only God can fill the true void in your heart. Only Jesus can make us whole (and only in the English language can the word hole and the word whole mean such wholly different things). 

That brings me to one of the most important words in the english language: holy. Sadly, it has largely lost its meaning for most of us. Holy has two essential meanings that work together. Holy means 1) whole or complete; and 2) set apart for a special purpose. Jesus gave up His life to make us holy (Ephesians 5:26 & Hebrews 13:12). He set us apart for a special purpose, and only He can make us complete.  

My Story: I am quite familiar with the feeling of a hole in the heart. It was my constant companion for several lonely years. Oh I had good friends and good family, but I just knew I was missing something.  For years I thought, “If I just met the right girl, everything would be okay.” Well, at long last, I met her (okay, so I was only sixteen; but it certainly felt like a long wait at the time). If there is one person in this world magical enough to fill that hole in my heart, it is definitely my Andrea. She is without a doubt the fairest of them all (and the magicalest, for that matter). We fell madly in love and have never looked back. At first, I thought I had finally found it – everything I ever needed. But a strange thing happened – or rather didn’t happen. The empty feeling didn’t quite go away. Not that Andrea wasn’t perfect for me. I still knew that she was. I felt like she had completed one part of my heart, but now I realized that there was another part. This one was much deeper, and it still longed for something that was missing. I couldn’t figure it out – what else could possibly be missing? 

The Problem: So what’s wrong with the idea that some other amazing person completes you? After all, you do have the Adam’s rib story in the Bible, so it does make some sense (I’m sure that every wife can attest to the fact that there are times when her man is definitely not all there mentally). The real issue with the “you complete me” idea is that it puts way too much pressure on your spouse (or boyfriend or girlfriend). When you need him or her to be your everything, that just isn’t fair. He or she is bound to let you down one way or the other. It happens all too often. Some people run away when that kind of pressure is put on them. Other times when a person realizes that their spouse can’t fulfill their every need inside, they go off to find someone who can. It just won’t work. 

The Solution: The healthiest couples are those who have each found their wholeness in Christ. When God has made you whole, you don’t have to put those impossible expectations on your spouse. What’s more, you have so much more to give! Now I don’t claim to understand the inner workings of the heart. However, I do know the Bible and I know my own experience – so this is what I’ve put together: 

I picture the heart as having different parts to it. Mine has a place for friends and a place for my kids; and then there is a very special place for my wife as well. Yet my heart is not complete until I fill that other place set aside for the one I will serve – my King; my God. It is that eternity that He has set in my heart, that only the eternal One can fill. For me, it was a longing so deep that I couldn’t even describe it. Before I had that place filled, I was unendingly self centered – always needing from others, rarely giving. When God completed me, it was like an overflowing. Jesus says that rivers of living water will flow from us so that we will have plenty to give. It was certainly true for me. Now that Christ has satisfied my heart, my view of love has changed from something I need to get into something that I long to give. Jesus has made me whole. (I would like to point out, however, that my Andrea is still amazingly magical).

So what are your thoughts? I must admit that my concepts about love are not what you’d call exact science. Love is a tricky thing to understand, and it would be foolish of me to claim that I’ve got it all figured out. I’m just me, and that’s not all that much. So I’d love to hear what you have to say on the subject. Send in a comment and share it with the rest of us!

That’s all for love lie #4. Thanks for staying tuned to the Bible Sherpa. I am pouring most of my time into getting the Bible Guides ready and preparing to podcast, so stay tuned for those (and please be patient on the love lie countdown!) Lots of thanks to everyone who clicks the buttons below to share the Bible Sherpa on your facebook, etc. Until next time…

Always in the unfailing love of Christ, 

 - Kris  ( 8-D=

The tricky business of asking for a testimonial…

So I was thinking to myself, “Hey Kris (that’s what I call myself when I’m thinking), what if someone comes to check out your website and they’ve never met you before and they just don’t know if they can trust you. You could tell them that you are someone they can trust, but that’s pretty weak – anyone could say that about himself. Why don’t you ask someone for a testimonial about you.” (A testimonial is a quote from someone who knows you, who vouches for you and basically tells people that you rock and they should buy your book or whatever).

Now this is sort of a funny business, asking for a testimonial. It’s sort of like saying, “Hey, would you say really nice things about me so I can tell everyone how awesome you think I am?” On the other hand, you folks need to know if you can trust me, and it just isn’t right to say good things about myself. After all, the Bible says,

“Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips” – Proverbs 27:2

So I decided that it was an important thing to have someone else’s testimony on the website, so I decided to ask for one – trying to keep as much humility as possible (I was careful to ask only for honest testimony).  I asked Pastor Bill Welsh from Refuge – an outstanding Calvary Chapel fellowship in Huntington Beach, CA. He’s a great pastor and a good friend, and I worked with him for several years (he’s also on the radio on K-WAVE in southern California every day at 4:30 – or RefugeFM.com - check him out!).  Anyhoo – Bill was nice enough to send me back two options for testimonials I could use, and  this is the honest to goodness response that he gave. Enjoy…

“Kris Langham’s words are like verbal diamonds – gems that drip with radiant wisdom & effervescent profundity.  His writings vibrate with powerful truth that resonates with both man and beast.  I once saw a herd . . .no . . . it was a double herd of wildebeests pouring over his Ecclesiastes Bible Guide when one of them (believe it or not) speaking in a human voice with a slight Lugandan accent, exclaim “WOWIE WHY DID I NOT SEE THIS BEFORE . . . I HAVE WASTED MY EARLY YEARS WANDERING THE AFRICAN PLAINS . . . LOOKING FOR MEANING.”  He then trotted off to a far more focused life honoring God and living at peace with the Lions and crocodiles and pythons at the base of Mount Kilamanjaro.  So I would have to say . . . I AM SOLD ON KRIS LANGHAM’S DAILY BIBLE GUIDES.  And you should be too.”

or 

“Kris’s Daily Bible Guides were a huge blessing to our fellowship, providing families with common ground for the discussion of the truths of scripture.  Very practical, easy to use and Biblically sound. … And they come in 5 sensational flavors.  Get ‘em – use ‘em – share ‘em – collect ‘em – sell ‘em on ebay – send ‘em to Barak Obama.”

 - Pastor Bill Welsh of Refuge in Huntington Beach, CA                    

Thanks Bill. I think.

And thanks to the rest of you for tuning in to the Bible Sherpa! Please keep on praying for me and please share the website with your friends. Pray for the podcast as I begin recording the first episodes. Lord willing, you’ll see something in the near future!

Always in the unfailing love of Christ, 

 - Pastor Kris  ( 8-D=

Debunking the most common myths about love and marriage & searching for the reality of true love

Definitely not the Greatest Love of All

 

 It’s Valentine’s Day and the Bible Sherpa is back with a special holiday treat. Think of this blog post like a conversation heart – a really big one with a whole bunch of words. Okay, that didn’t even make sense. Let’s get to the point, shall we. Today we are up to number five in the big countdown.  Drumroll please…

Love Lie #5: You Can’t Love Someone Else Until You Learn to Love Yourself (aka the Importance of Self Esteem)

The Idea: You cannot truly learn to love others until you first learn to love yourself. Generally, this is presented as a self esteem issue. Basically they tell you that you must first feel good about yourself before you can show any real care for others. 

The Source: This one is rooted in modern psychology, which puts a major emphasis on self image and self esteem. I heard this idea repeatedly from my elementary school teachers. The idea has found it’s way into pop-culture as well, to the point that it has become a generally accepted idea in America’s cultural understanding. (You may also remember this lie from a song that I sang at my sixth grade graduation – see the Top 7 most ridiculous love songs post for details).

The Verdict: While low self esteem will affect your relationships with others, a high self esteem is not the solution. Whether it is low or high, self-esteem is still self-centered. True love is others-centered (you may notice this is becoming a common thread here in our love lie countdown). The kind of esteem you really need is God-esteem – to see yourself through God’s eyes. 

The Bible:  “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money…lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God” – 2nd Timothy 3:1-4 NIV

“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.” - Philippians 2:3 NLT (also translated “esteem others higher than yourself”)

“Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.” – Romans 12:3b NLT

The Truth: The premise behind love lie #5 is true: if you don’t feel good about yourself, you will probably have trouble being nice to others. According to the worldly lie, however, you can solve this problem by learning to love yourself. Not a good idea. That only puts more focus on you. You already spend enough time thinking about yourself, you don’t need more. The verse in 2nd Timothy 3 (above) tells us that the last days will be full of people who love themselves – and it is definitely not a good thing. 

The Real Solution: When it comes to your love, the Bible calls you to focus on two things: love for God and love for others. On the other side of the coin, the love that you need to receive does not come from yourself – it comes from God. He already loves you, you just need to open your eyes to see just how much. 

“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” - Ephesians 3:17-19

When you really grasp just how your Creator sees you, and just how much He loves you – then love for others will come naturally to you. Basically it works like this: God pours love into us, and we pass it on to others. If you feel lousy about yourself – about your looks or your life – don’t try to build yourself up about how great you are. That just leads to pride, and that’s ugly no matter how you look on the outside. Romans 12:3 (above) calls us to be honest and sober when we evaluate ourselves, with a healthy dose of humilty. We are who we are – strengths and weaknesses, beauty and blemishes. If you want to feel good about yourself, ask God to show you how He sees you. He created you, made you exactly the way He wants you, and has a great plan for you. Jesus sees you just as you are, and He still believes that you are worth dying for!  Not only that, He sees much more than who you are now – He sees who you are going to be.

“…the most important and effective ingredient of a healthy self-concept is to know Him, His love, and His fellowship” – from Josh McDowell’s Handbook on Counseling Youth

Remember.. 

It’s not about self-esteem, but esteeming others higher than you. Then God will esteem you highly. (James 4:10)

It’s not about self-image, but knowing that you are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27)

It’s not about self-confidence, but confidence that God will complete his good work in you (Philippians 1:6)

It’s not about self-love, but love for God and love for others; and knowing the incredible love that Jesus has for you (Ephesians 3:19).

That’s it for Love Lie #5. I hope and pray that you are growing in love and giving more love and you learn to tell the truth from lies. I remembered a great verse that really captures my hopes for you as I write this series:

“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight” - Philippians 1:9.

Isn’t that awesome?! Keep on loving, and keep on seeking after the knowledge of that amazing gift that we call true love!

Always in the unfailing love of Christ, 

 - Pastor Kris  ( 8-D=

Debunking the myths about love & marriage. Searching for the reality of true love

Love Lie #6: Get Married Because You’re In Love

Step 1 & Step 2

Welcome back to the Bible Sherpa. Valentine’s Day is getting closer and we are at love lie number six in the big countdown. Today’s lie may surprise you. Keep in mind that the most effective lies are not 100% lie – they are truth mixed with lie. Let’s see what today’s lie has in store for us.

THE IDEA: One should marry the person they are in love with.

THE SOURCE: About a million books and movies, from Aladdin to Shrek (and just about every other movie that involves a princess), extols the importance of marrying the one you love. Apparently the arranged marriage thing is the bane of the princess’ lifestyle. 

THE VERDICT: This is not so much a lie as it is twisted truth. It is true that love and marriage should be inextricably connected. However, the world has set that connection in reverse. The idea of marrying for love is just fine up through your wedding day. But that only gives you instructions for one day. What should you do after that?

THE BIBLE:  “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” – Ephesians 5:25 

“Then they (the older women) can train the younger women to love their husbands and children.” – Titus 2:4 

THE TRUTH: The world says marry because you are in love. The Bible says love because you are in marriage. The world has it backwards. According to the world, you get married because you’re in love. By that way of thinking, love is a condition and marriage is a choice. While that may work just fine on the wedding day, what really matters happens after the wedding – and every day for the rest of your life. God says give love because you’re in marriage. Marriage is the condition; love is the choice. 

THE REAL LIE: The real lie in this idea is hidden. It is tucked away in the unspoken next step: what happens when a couple is married, but no longer in love? They get un-married of course. Bad idea. Go back to the Word of God and you’ll find His design.

THE DETAILS: As you can see, this idea is closely tied with love lie #7 (falling in and out of love). If you haven’t read that one yet, you might want to go back and read that first. If you have read it, let’s dig into this one a little deeper…  

Love and marriage, love and marriage. They just go together, don’t they? Sort of like a horse and carriage, right?

Yes, they do. Or at least they should. Every one of us in Western culture grows up with the romantic notion that you should marry for love. My guess is that you could spend the next hour coming up with movie and book titles that sell you on this one basic philosophy. How do all these movies end? The hero marries their true love, and they all live happily ever after, of course. 

Enter stage right: reality. If you pay attention, you’ll notice that marriage doesn’t work out so easily. Think about it. Why is it that all the movies sell us on the romantic notion of marrying for love, and all of the TV shows mock the results? Whatever happened to happily ever after?  

How about this reality check: Americans are probably more sold on this romantic ideology than any other people. So why do we have the second highest divorce rate in the world? (According to Wikipedia stats, we beat out Sweden by just one tenth of a percent). Something just isn’t adding up here. Somewhere, somehow, I think we lost the plot in the old book of love.

The World’s Lowest Divorce Rate

Here’s another tough dose of reality: guess what kind of marriages have the lowest divorce rate? Seriously, take a guess… Arranged. According to Wikipedia’s divorce statistics, the country with the lowest divorce rate in the world is India. In a country where well over ninety percent of marriages are arranged, only 1.1% of marriages end in divorce. That should be an eye opener. (Keep in mind that arranged and forced are not the same thing. Most young Indians are given the final say about their parents’ choice of mate). 

Am I advocating that we turn back the clocks and start making deals with the neighbors while our kids are still toddlers? Not necessarily. That’s not the answer that I’m getting at here. However, I am saying that Americans can learn a lesson. The cultures that embrace arranged marriage have something that many of us have lost: a reverent respect for the institution of marriage. I know it doesn’t sound romantic, but it’s a powerful force. Many Indians (as in people for India) will be quick to point out that an arranged marriage does not mean a loveless one. They are often quite intent about finding love with their arranged spouse. They can still put love and marriage in the same boat, they just switch the order. Now before you go packing your bags for India, I believe that there are some things that we can learn here in our own country.

Back to the Bible

Obviously, we’re doing something wrong here in America. I appreciate our romantic ideals, but we’ve got to get real and get back to what marriage was meant to be. I believe the Bible has the answer. God created marriage. He designed it and made it holy and beautiful. If He designed it, then He knows how it’s supposed to work. Though other countries may consider us to be a Christian nation, we are a long ways off from living according to God’s Word. Let’s take a look at what the Bible has to say about the connection between love and marriage:

• Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”
• “Then they (the older women) can train the younger women to love their husbands and children.” – Titus 2:4 

God calls husbands to love their wives, and wives to love their husbands. (As an interesting side note, there are two different Greek words used for love here. Husbands are called to sacrificial love. Wives are called to sisterly or friendly love. However, we’ll save the discussion on the God-given roles of husband and wife for love lie #1). Not once does the Bible command you to marry for love – or even suggest it. It doesn’t discourage it either, of course. There’s nothing wrong with marrying for love per se, it’s just missing the main point. (Note: Marrying for love may be wrong in cases involving temporary blindness. Sometimes “love” can blind you to the fact that you are marrying an idiot). Also, it only gives you direction for your wedding day. What do you do after that? 

Marriage is only an action for one day of your life. From there on out, it is a condition. Love is an action every day. Every day you make a choice – you make the decision to love.

The problem with this lie is not the marrying for love. That’s great. I’ll be honest with you – I got married because I was madly in love. If you have that too – awesome. Thank God for such a gift. The real problem with this backwards way of thinking is the natural conclusion that it brings you to. That’s where this seemingly harmless romantic notion becomes deadly. Here’s how the worldly lie really goes:

The Real Lie

If you believe that you should get married because you are in love, then what should you do when you’re not in love anymore? Get unmarried, of course. That’s the real lie, and it has twisted its way into the minds of countless husbands and wives. The carnage of this lie is endless. Spouses lose the feeling, so they leave the marriage. I am astounded when I hear this insidious logic come from the mouths of Christians. It usually sounds something like this: 

“I’m just not in love anymore.”

“We just fell out of love.”

“I’m not sure if we were ever truly in love.”

They’ve got it backwards. They believe that the feeling of love is the foundation for marriage, commitment is the daily decision, and acts of kindness are the natural result. All three of those are integral parts of love – feelings, commitment, and kindness – but they’re in the wrong order. When the feelings are gone, they decide to uncommit – and the kindness just gets lost in the shuffle. That’s all wrong. It’s mixed up. If you think of love as an emotion that just happens to you, you are bound to fail. Emotions can never make a solid foundation for anything. God’s way is better. 

Building a Marriage on the Right Foundation

The foundation of a Godly marriage is commitment (and the strongest are set securely in the Rock of Christ). The daily decision is love – acts of kindness, romance and genuine sacrifice. That’s the love that God commands husbands and wives to show. And what about the feeling? That amazing feeling of butterflies dancing on your fingertips – that’s the result. It’s lagniappe. The more you sacrifice your own needs and serve your spouse, the more you feel the emotion of love. Too many spouses wait for the feeling to inspire them to show kindness. Get real. If you lose the feeling for a while, don’t worry about it. Just serve more. Do something romantic because you’re married, not because you feel like it. Your feelings will follow your actions. 

Quit Following Your Idiotic Heart

The world says follow your heart, but the world is foolish. The Bible says that your heart can be deceitful and wicked (Jeremiah 17:9) – not a good thing to follow. Rather than follow your lying heart, follow God’s commands. The world says that you cannot make yourself love someone; but God commands us to love on many occasions. Love your spouse, love your neighbor, even love your enemy. But how can you create love that you don’t feel? You just give it. You share care and concern; you show generosity and kindness; you listen and you give. If you treasure your spouse by investing time and money and caring, your heart will follow. Jesus said, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21). 

My Story

I have been happily married to my beautiful wife since August 3rd, 1996. After twelve years, we still flirt with each other like teenagers. I just can’t help it. I have found that when I choose to serve and make sacrifices for her, I treasure her all the more. When I get so busy with work that I don’t feel romantic at all – that’s the best day to go buy flowers and do some of her chores at home. Nothin’ says lovin’ like a bouquet of roses on a clean basket of neatly folded laundry. Remember – do something thoughtful – not because you feel romantic, but because you feel married. Give love because you’re in marriage. 

Well, that wraps it up for love lie #6. I want to thank Rene Lavoie once again for her fantastic artwork for this series. I also want to thank God for smiling upon me so much. Thank You Lord for the incredible gifts of love and marriage. For the rest of you – please tune in again for Love Lie #5 – possibly the most dangerous myth of them all. Until then, I’d love to get your comments, stories and insights. Share them here or send me email at info@thebiblesherpa.com. Also, I’m still taking nominations for the most ridiculous love songs of all time (make comments to that post). Finally – don’t forget to post a link for your friends on facebook (etc.) using the easy little “Share and Enjoy” buttons below. We appreciate it!

Always in the unfailing love of Christ, 

Pastor Kris  ( 8-D=

THE TOP SEVEN MOST RIDICULOUS LOVE SONGS OF ALL TIME

I’ll start off with a few of my nominations, then it’s up to you. Send in your comments with your choices. Either choose some of mine, or pick your own.  

Mmmmm.... cheese.

You’ll probably notice that most of my songs are from the eighties. That is partly because the eighties were full of amazingly cheesy love songs, but mostly because that’s when I grew up. What that really means is that I need your help! Send in your suggestions from any decade. I’ll put them together and come up with the top ten all time. For now, here are my nominations…. (Drum roll, please)…

Nominee #1 Love is a Battlefield by Pat Benetar

The intro is classic, “We are young. Heartache to heartache, we stand. No promises. No demands. Love is a battlefield.”  WHAT?!?!? I honestly don’t have a clue what this song is about. But I still love it. I like to write the lyrics on wedding cards for young couples, just to sound profound. Come to think of it, I think I’ll call up Magic 104 and dedicate this song to my lovely Andrea right now… We are strong! No one can tell us we’re wroooong. Searching our hearts for so looo-ooooo-oooo-oooong. Love is a battlefield.

Nominee #2 The Greatest Love of All by Whitney Houston

When I graduated from elementary school in 1986, every sixth grade kid in the country was learning to sing this song for their promotion ceremony. “I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way.” Sounds nice enough, doesn’t it?  But wait until you get to the magnificent conclusion of the song: “Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all.” WHAT?!?!? Did Satan write this song?  Honestly. We already love ourselves (Ephesians 5:29). Lack of self-love is not the problem. Even for those who have issues of low self esteem, it is still self focused. High self esteem is not the solution, because it is still centered on self. Love is others centered. The kind of esteem you need is God esteem – to know how much God loves you (Ephesians 3:18). Focus on God’s love for you and your love for others (John 13:34). Okay, enough soap box – I’ll save the details of my opinion about this one for Love Lie #5. Nonetheless, the lesson is clear: never take love advice from Whitney Houston. (If you’re reading this Whitney – sorry for that comment. However, the song is sung well, but the lyrics are just wrong. God loves you SO much. The love of Jesus – that is truly the greatest love of all. If only you could see just how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ!).

Nominee #3 Every Breath You Take by the Police.

Okay, so I’ll admit that the song sounds awesome. Come on – it’s the Police. But if you pay attention to the lyrics, it’s just creepy. What is going on there? Hello, obsessive. If your man dedicates this one to you on ‘love songs on the Coast’, it’s time to run girl.

Nominee #4 The theme song from “The Love Boat” 

Sing it with me! “Love…exciting and new…come aboard…we’re expecting you…THE LOVE BOAT!”  This was my mom’s favorite show when I was a kid. Who knows how many mixed up romantic notions of love were planted in my poor little pre-adolescent mind after listening to that catchy little tune.

Nominee #5  Faithfully by Journey

Okay, hear me out on this one. I’m a big fan of Journey, and this is a great song. Journey’s Greatest Hits album is one of the all time best road trip CDs. However, I listened to it recently and I noticed something. The song Faithfully – which is a powerful cry of dedication and lifelong commitment – is immediately followed by the song I’ll Be Alright Without You. Think about that for a second. What’s the deal here?!?!  What happened to “I’m forever yours – faithfully”?  This is one of the many love songs that is great on its own but is made ridiculous because the sentiments are not real. Steve Perry can belt it, there’s no question about that. He is an amazing singer. However, he’s not married. Who is he singing to? Perhaps it’s for Sherri (Shoulda been goooone). I don’t know. What I do know is that I was heartbroken when I – as a naive music loving teenager – first discovered that most of the great rock ballads that I loved were sung by sleezy rock stars who were about as faithful as the lifetime alignment warrantee I got from the Montgomery Ward Auto Center (they went bankrupt years ago – the whole building is falling apart, but the sign on the marquis still reads, “Home of the lifetime warrantee alignment”). Wow, that was a long sentence. Oh well – here’s a better sentence: “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth” – 1st John 3:18. So I dedicate this nomination to all those love songs that are nothing more than “words or tongue.”  Now on to the next nominee!

Nominee #6  Laser Ray of Love by Kris Langham and Paul Taneda

That’s right – that’s my name up there. I couldn’t just point the finger at everyone else for writing cheesy love songs. Back in the day – somewhere abouts the 5th grade or so – my best friend Paul and I decided we’d make a band and write some songs. This song was so catchy that I still remember the lyrics about 25 years later. It went something like this, “I saw a dragon – the other day.  I saw a dragon in the month of may.  I saw a dragon with a laser ray – of looooooove.” Wow, that was an amazing song! If it wasn’t clear to you, the word dragon was supposed to be a reference to a pretty girl. A girl who – well, she just happened to have a laser ray of love. I thought it sounded romantic at the time. Okay, so we were in elementary school. I do recall that we had some delusions of grandeur, though. Somehow we found out that a friend of my mom had made an acquaintance with the guy who wrote What’s Love Got to Do With It. We figured that if we could just figure out how to get him a tape with our songs on it, we’d have it made. I guess some things just weren’t meant to be.  (If you liked Laser Ray, wait ’til you hear our biggest hit, We Are the Gobots. That one rocked.) 

Nominee #7 What Is Love? by Haddaway

What is love? Baby don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me … no more. Ummmm… what? I would try to dig into this one a little deeper, but that’s pretty much all the lyrics. Oh well. Enough of my ideas – it’s time for your nominations!

That’s all from me. Post a comment with your nominations, and I’ll compile a list of the top seven all time. Nominations and votes are due by Valentine’s Day, February 14th. And don’t forget to stay  tuned for the rest of the Love Lies countdown!

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Always in the unfailing love of Christ, 

 - Pastor Kris    ( 8-D=

Valentine’s Day is on the way and we’re talking about love again. In honor of that noteworthy saint of old and the day that honors his name, we’re counting down the top seven lies that the world tells you about love (you may want to read the intro posted January 28). Our hope is to debunk the myths and find the nature of true love as God designed it. Our guide, as always, is the Bible. So without further ado, I give you love lie #7.

The Idea: Love is something you fall into, and sometimes fall out of. You can’t control it, it just happens to you.

Why do fools fall in love?

The Source: This idea comes in large part from the language that we use. It’s a phrase that’s been around for ages. It’s a fitting one though, because many of us have had this very experience. Finding romantic love is a rush, and the sensation is not unlike falling.  

The Verdict: Part truth, part lie. The idea is only true for one kind of love – but not for the sort of love that really counts. You can’t fall into true love, and you definitely can’t fall out of it.

The Bible:  “This is how we know what love is, Jesus Christ laid down His life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.” - 1st John 3:16

 “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but in actions and in truth.” - 1st John 3:18

The Truth: The only kind of love than you can fall into is a feeling. It’s sort of a tingly, joyful sensation; sometimes described as butterflies inside.  While the feeling of love is fantastic and surely a gift from God, it can be deceving. What’s more, it’s not what the Bible calls for. 1st John 3:18 tells us that the deceptive sort of love is all talk, “love with words or tongue.” The real thing is love “in actions and in truth.” That’s the love that you can’t just fall into and out of. It’s a choice, an action, a sacrifice. “This is how we know what love is, Jesus Christ laid down His life for us.”

The Details: I like that verse in 1st John 3:18 because it talks about a love that is “in truth.” Maybe it has a little clue about that elusive true love that we’re searching for. Let’s dig a little deeper.

 The concept of falling in love is so pervasive in our understanding that we hardly even question it. Many of us have even experienced the amazing sensation that we call falling in love. So what could be the problem with such a wonderful feeling? 

Actually, the answer is in the question. It’s the feeling that is deceiving. The feeling of love is amazing. And I suppose, if the feeling were the whole thing – then sure, you could fall into that. But if you fell in love and fell out of love – that’s not love. Not the kind of love the Bible talks about, anyway. Maybe you fell in Jello or something, but not love. (Think about it – when you first fall in, it’s all gooey and jiggly and everything is happy; but after a while it all gets old and you just feel stuck in something uncomfortable. See? It’s Jello.)  

True love is not a feeling. It is not words. It is the choices you make and the actions you take. When it comes to love, the sensation is awesome – but that cannot be the foundation of a relationship. Check out the verse in 1st John 3:18 again, “let us not love with words or tongue, but in actions and truth.” Words can sound romantic, and they can be convincing – but they don’t prove anything. Love is proven by actions, by the choices you make every day. So what sort of actions should accompany love? 

The Marks of True Love  Every teenager wonders at some point, “So how do I know if I’m really in love?” That’s a good question. The only problem is that usually the one asking the question is looking for some particular feeling that will tip them off. What they should be looking for is action (not that kind of action – love is definitely not “made” that way). They should be looking for acts that demonstrate love – not like and definitely not lust. If you want to know what real love is, the Bible tells us directly. “This is how we know what love is, Jesus Christ laid down His life for us” (1st John 3:16). True love is found in acts of sacrifice. If I truly love someone, I will do things that genuinely cost me, entirely for their benefit. You don’t know that you’re really in love until you do things for them that have no payback whatsoever. 

The real danger of feelings is that they are self centered. True love is others centered. A guy might say, “I love you because I feel so good when I’m around you.” Very romantic, right? Be careful. If that’s all there is to it, then girl, that boy doesn’t love you – he loves himself. You just happen to help him in loving himself more. What happens when the feeling fades? Goodbye Lisa, hello Jessica. If love is something that you just fall into, then it is something that you can fall out of too. Clearly, this is not the recipe for a good relationship. If love is something that you fall in and out of with no power to control it, what hope is there for real commitment? (More on this danger when we get to Love Lie #6). 

Now don’t get me wrong here. I feel great when my wife walks in the room. My eyes dance and my toes wiggle just about every time I see her. The Bible talks about that feeling too. Song of Songs is full of it. The verse below is spoken by a loving husband (note that the word sister is a term of affection, not actual family relation):

“You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride. You have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride.” Song of Songs 4:9-10

That sort of feeling is amazing - I thoroughly enjoy it. I like to remind young couples to enjoy each other. Don’t miss the magic of romantic love. It is a gift from God, beyond logic and explanation. It just rocks. However, it isn’t the proof of love. It may inspire actions of love, but it doesn’t prove that love is real. The proof of love is sacrifice. A husband proves his love with hard work to provide for his family, and with a thousand acts of servanthood around the house. A boyfriend and girlfriend prove their love by waiting for a physical relationship – sacrificing the powerful urges they have (for more on this, you’ll have to wait for love lie #2). 

Working hard from nine to five to pay the bills, then coming home to help with dishes and laundry and rub your wife’s tired feet may not feel very magical – but that is love my friend. That is love. You don’t fall in it, and you don’t fall out of it. You make the choice every morning – not to make yourself feel good, but to make the one you love feel good. The funny thing is, though – there’s something about doing those things that….well, it makes the magic come back. 

Well, I hope you enjoyed learning the truth about Love Lie #7. We’ve got six more to go, so stay with us as we count them down. I want to thank my dear friend Rene Lavoie for contributing her amazing artistic talent. You can look forward to more from her as well as we continue the countdown. I also want to thank my wife for loving me so much – and for being so fun to fall in love with every day.

Always in the unfailing love of Christ, 

 - Pastor Kris ( 8-D=

All verses are quoted from the New International Version, unless otherwise stated.

In honor of Valentine’s day, I propose a question: Do you believe in true love?

That’s a tough question for some. I guess it depends on what you mean by “true.” It also depends on what sort of love you’re talking about. For now, lets say we’re talking about the romantic sort. Is there a real deal when it comes to love and marriage?  A lot of folks would say that it just doesn’t exist. At least, they’ve never seen it in real life. They write off true love as the invention of the clever folks at the greeting card companies – or maybe the people who make those little conversation heart candies. God knows they make a pretty penny off of our silly romantic notions this time of year.  

Kris & Andrea circa 2001. Was it the real thing - or did she just love me for my hair?

On the other hand, there seems to be something inside of us that just longs for true love. We feel like there just has to be something to this idea. Why else would so many people spend their hard earned money on absurdly cheesy romantic comedies?  What are we all watching for? Are we searching for some hint of the real thing? And if we’re all searching for it, why is it so hard to find?

The Opposite of True  Perhaps the real problem is lies – love lies. If there is such a thing as true love, then it is by its very nature true. What is the enemy of truth? Lies, of course. When it comes to love, the lies come on thick and strong. I’m not talking about the lies that bad boyfriends tell. I’m talking about the ones the world tells. Subtle lies that you’ve been told in countless movies and songs since you were too young to know any better. Ideas about love that work their way into our hearts and twist our understanding. They obscure the truth of love, making us question whether or not it even exists.

“See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.” - Colossians 2:8

The Bible warns us repeatedly to be on the lookout for “deceptive philosophy” and convincing arguments that can take us captive. Lies are the great weapons of our enemy the Devil. He uses them to attack our understanding and keep us from a knowledge of God. What are his targets? Certainly two of them must be truth and love. Not only are they the two obvious components of true love, they are also both descriptions of the very character of God. “God is love” (1st John 4:16). Jesus is the truth (John 14:6). Whether the lies come from Satan or just from the world around us, they work hard to attack our understanding and knowledge of God. If our concepts of love and truth get twisted, so will our view of God. Yet we are not powerless. We fight back.

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ.” – 2nd Corinthians 10:5

 Expose the Lie, Find the True  I believe in true love. I am convinced that it is a reality. If we cannot see it, it is our vision that has been impaired. Twisted truth, empty philosophies, and worthless ideas cloud our understanding. They gain our trust, lift our hopes, then dash them to pieces.  

My goal with this series is to expose the lies; to show them for what they are. Once you learn to recognize the deception, the true begins to become clear. You can see past the empty promises, and go after the real thing. 

So, in honor of Valentine’s Day, and in defense of the reality of true love, I present to you… The World’s Top Seven Love Lies

Over the next couple of weeks we will be debunking the myths about love and marriage that the world has been feeding you since you were knee-high to a grasshopper. Some of them come from movies, some of them from songs; most are so pervasive in our modern thinking that we couldn’t even pinpoint where we got the idea. I’ll be counting them down as we get closer to Valentine’s Day. (While we’re at it, we’ll have a little fun too. I’ll be asking for your input on the top ten most ridiculous love songs of all time, as well as the all time most ridiculous romantic movies. So start thinking about those now.)

As always, we’ll look to the real source for truth: the Bible. We’ll match the world’s ideas up against God’s word and see what’s left standing. The Bible says a whole lot about love – and it will give you the wisdom you need to tell the real stuff from the fake. Like most good lies, these bad boys put just enough truth into the mix to make you believe – or want to believe – that they’re true. We will examine each one and separate the good from the bad, the gold from the dross, the lies from the truth. Who knows -by the time we’re done, we may just find the keys to unlock the mystery of the ever elusive true love. 

I look forward to your comments. Agree, disagree, or share your story. Again, I should point out that, for the purposes of this series, we will focus on the nature of romantic love. There are many kinds of love, and they are all interrelated. For now, let’s stick to this one. I should also point out my own bias. First, I am a Christian and I believe the Bible is true. Second, I am happily married and madly in love with my wife of twelve years. Obviously, those factors are going to affect my perceptions about love. Yes, I am what you might call a hopeless romantic, but I am also a very practical guy who is firmly grounded in God’s Word. I just figured that it was only fair to let you know my bias ahead of time. See you again when we start counting down at Love Lie #7.

Always in the unfailing love of Christ, 

Pastor Kris  ( 8-D=

“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” - 1st John 3:18 (emphasis added)