The Biblio Phile

Ibn Battuta

2014-02-23T21:51:00.000-05:00

Ibn Battutah (shortened here as IB) was of Berber descent and was born in Tangiers, Morocco in 1304. In 1325 he set out on the haj, the pilgrimage to Mecca. His trip would last an incredible 29 years and would cover most of his culture's known world. It would be three times the distance claimed by Marco Polo. Little is known of his final years. He did not keep a travel diary and the account of his journey was dictated from memory to a friend. He died some time in 1368 or 1369 in Morocco.

Writing Set - Ottoman 19th century

Unlike the modern Western tourist, IB often visited important tombs and holy places. In the Muslim world, this tradition continues :

Tomb of Mahmud II (plaque)

Tomb of Mahmud II (Istanbul)

Having studied Classical Arabic at Oxford (the language of the Qur'an) Tim Makintosh-Smith left home and settled in the Yemeni capital of San'a. Living openly as a Christian, he never set foot in a mosque.

Serendipititiously chancing upon IB's memoir, Makintosh-Smith decided to follow IB's trail across northern Africa, over the Arabian peninsula, down the African coast, up through Istanbul and across Asia to India and China. Unlike Sir Richard Burton, he made no attempt to pass himself off as a Muslim and thus gave Mecca a pass.

Although Constantinople remained Christian and did not fall to the Turks until 1453, Muslims lived in the city and IB was able to visit. Makintosh-Smith paid a visit to the monastic Church of Christ of the Chora (now a museum), built a decade before IB's arrival. Although there is no firm proof of IB's presence, surely knew of it:

Mosaic in the Church of Christ of the Chora.
Note that although the tesserae appear to be of gold,
they are actually of glass-coated gold leaf.

The only church IB is known to have entered is Justinian's Hagia Sophia, its splendour much reduced during the sack of the city in 1204 under Enrico Dandolo's crusaders, but still magnificent. Converted into a mosque under Muslim rule (1453) and turned into a museum by Ataturk, Mackintosh-Smith marvels at the juxtaposition of Islam and Christianity. Where else would one expect to see an image of Mary and the infant Jesus accompanied by giant roundels dedicated to Allah and Mohammad, His prophet?

Hagia Sophia - A Byzantine
Mary and Jesus

Hagia Sophia - Two of the many
Arabic roundels

TIMELINE (some dates approximate and/or disputed)

356 BC   Alexander the Great is born in Pella, heart of an expanding Macedonian kingdom.

323 BC   Alexander, aged 33, dies in Babylon following a banquet.

476   Fall of the Western Roman Empire.

537 The Hagia Sophia basilica is built by Justinian I, emperor of the Eastern Roman Empire.

610 Beginning of the Qur'an through the revelations received by Muhammad, then aged 40.

632   Death of Muhammad (founder of Islam).

c 697 Establishment of the Venetian Republic.

711 - 718 The Moors conquer Christian Spain.

c 910 Development of paper money in China.

c 1000 Leif Ericsson visits three (location disputed) sites in North America, one of which he names Vinland.

1204   Sack of Constantinople by crusaders under the command of Venetian doge Enrico Dandolo.

1206 Temujin unites the Mongol tribes and takes the name Genghis Khan.

1215 King John of England fixes his seal to the Great Charter, or Magna Carta, in a meadow called Runnymede.

1260 Election of Kublai Khan, a grandson of Genghis Khan, as Great Khan of the Mongols.

1271   Marco Polo and his two uncles depart for China.

1298 Marco Polo, now in a Genoan prison, is convinced by a fellow prisoner to narrate his adventures.

c 1300 Flying buttresses begin to appear on the exterior of Gothic cathedrals.

c 1300 Bankers in northern Italy develop double-entry bookkeeping.

1304 IB is born in Tangiers to parents of Berber descent.

1306 Robert de Bruce is crowned king of the Scots at Scone.

1307 Edward II becomes king of England on the death of his father, Edward I.

c 1307 Dante, exiled from Florence, begins work on The Divine Comedy, completing it 14 years later, just before his death.

1309 The papacy moves temporarily to Avignon for an unexpected seventy-year stay.

c 1320 Florence, now an international financial centre, sees the Bardi and Peruzzi families becoming bankers to the rulers of Europe.

1325   IB sets out on his haj to Mecca.

1326   IB arrives in Egyptian Alexandria (part of the Bahri Mamluk empire).

1327   French-born Isabella forces her husband Edward II to renounce the English throne in favour of their 15-year-old son, Edward III.

1331   IB visits Mogadishu (Somalia's modern capital), then at its zenith, under the rule of Somali Sultan, Abu Bakr ibn Sayx 'Umar.

1332 or 1334   IB arives in Constantinople, meeting emperor Andronikos III Palaiologos and visiting the Hagia Sophia.

1334   IB begins an 8-year stint in India.

c 1336   Establishment of a Hindu empire in southern India with its capital at Vijayanagara ("City of Victory").

1337   Philip VI of France confiscates Guienne setting off the Hundred Years' War.

1345   IB arrives in Quanzhou in the Fujian province of China, then under Mongol rule.

c 1345   The Aztecs settle in a lake on an uninhabited island, naming it Tenochtitlan (now covered by Mexico City).

1346   The plague (aka the Black Death) makes its first appearance in China.

1346   The English, using Welsh longbows and infantry, defeats the more numerous but heavily encumbered (by crossbows and heavy cavalry) French forces at Crécy.

c 1349   Boccaccio begins his Decameron, describing the Black Death, now making its way through Europe, in vivid detail.

1354   IB settles in Fez to dictate his memoir A Gift to Those Who Contemplate the Wonders of Cities and the Marvels of Travelling to a scholar whom he had met in Granada, Ibn Juzayy.

1356   The battle of Poitiers ends with the capture of the French king, Jean II.

1368   Chu Yüan-chang ushers in the Ming ("brilliant") dynasty by driving the Mongols from Beijing.

1368 or 1369   Death of IB in Morocco.

1377   Following the death of his grandfather, Edward III, 10-year-old Richard II accedes to the English throne.

c 1387   Chaucer begins the Canterbury Tales, completing only 24 of the planned 100 by the time of his death.

1405   Chinese admiral Zheng He begins the first of seven expeditions west.

1415   Henry V succeeds at Agincourt against a much larger but more heavily armed French force.

1453   Constantinople falls to falls to a 21-year-old Ottoman Turk conqueror, Mehmed II, bringing an end to the Eastern Roman Empire.

1469   Machiavelli, author of The Prince, is born in the Florentine Republic.

1492   The fall of the last Islamic state in Grenada to Fredinand and Isabella (parents of Henry VIII's first wife) ends the Reconquista, the 781-year reconquest of the Iberian Peninsula, freeing up funds for Christopher Columbus to set sail.

1497   John Cabot reaches Newfoundland on his search for a trade route to China.

1501   Italian navigator Amerigo Vespucci sets sail for the New World from Lisbon.

1600   The East India Company is established by Elizabeth I's charter to a "Company of Merchants trading into the East Indies".

1797   Napoleon deposes the last of Venice's doges, putting an end to the Serenissima Repubblica, owner of forts and trade-routes throughout the Mediterranean.

SUGGESTED READING, LISTENING AND VIEWING

1) Author Tim Mackintosh-Smith website

(a) Travels with a Tangerine: A Journey in the Footnotes of Ibn Battutah

This volume covers IB's departure from his home in Tangiers and ends with his arrival in Christian Constantinople. Hardcover published 2001.

(b) The Hall of a Thousand Columns: Hindustan to Malabar with Ibn Battutah

This volume covers IB's Indian adventures and was published in March 2005 (paperback 2006).

c) Landfalls: On the Edge of Islam with Ibn Battutah

This volume covers the Travels from Zanzibar to the Alhambra, via China and Timbuktu. The hardcover was published in August 2010.

2) French translation of IB's diary:

Traduction de l’arabe de C. Defremery et B.R. Sanguinetti (1858)

Un document produit en version numérique par Jean-Marc Simonet, bénévole, professeur retraité de l’enseignement de l’Université de Paris XI-Orsay

a) Volume 1 (De l’Afrique du Nord à La Mecque)

b) Volume 2 (De La Mecque aux steppes russes)

c) Volume 3 (Inde, Extrême-Orient, Espagne & Soudan)

3) The Travels of Ibn Battuta: Translated with Revisions and notes from the Arabic text edited by C Defremery and B R Sanguinetti by H A R Gibb and published by the Hakluyt Society in 5 volumes, the last being an index.

"Founded in 1846, the Hakluyt Society seeks to advance knowledge and education by the publication of scholarly editions of primary records of voyages, travels and other geographical material."

4) BBC Radio show In Our Time episodes covering discussions about the Muslim world around the time of IB. Each episode's web page also includes a short bibliography:

a) Ibn Khaldun. The life and ideas of the 14th-century Arab philosopher.

b) The Abbasid Caliphs. A dynasty that ruled a Muslim empire extending from Tunisia through Egypt, Syria, Arabia, and Persia to Uzbekistan and the frontiers of India from the mid-eighth to the tenth century.

c) Al-Kindi. An Arab philosopher born in the early ninth century. He was heavily influenced by Classical philosophy, supervizing the translation of works by Greeks such as Aristotle into Arabic. He himself wrote more than 250 works on subjects ranging from optics to mathematics, music and astrology.

5) One Man's Odyssey — Heather Jones, 2011. A TIME magazine interactive map comparing the journey of Ibn Battutah with the Chinese admiral Zheng He (his seven voyages west including the Middle East and Africa between 1405 and 1433) and Venetian Marco Polo 24-year trip to China (began 1271).

6) Empires of the Word: A Language History of the World by Nicholas Ostler (2006). A discussion as to how and why languages rise and fall. Includes the story of how Arabic spread and provides the information as to the perils and pitfall's Mackintosh-Smith faced in communicating with the locals in his quest to follow in IB's footsteps.

7) The Lions of Al-Rassan by Guy Gavriel Kay (2005). A fantasy novel set in a fictional medieval Moorish Spain. A good introduction to the best of the lives of Christians, Jews, and Muslims under Islamic rule. For those who enjoy historical fiction with a twist.

8) The Ornament of the World: How Muslims, Jews, and Christians Created a Culture of Tolerance in Medieval Spain by Maria Rosa Menocal (2003). A popular well researched history of Spain under Muslim rule explaining how it came to be and why it fell apart.

9) Alexander the Great by Paul Cartledge (2003). The maps make it interesting for a quick comparison of the extent of Alexander's empire to IB's world.

10) Liberty in the Age of Terror: A Defence of Civil Liberties and Enlightenment Values by A C Grayling (2000). A discussion by a popular philosopher regarding Islam (militant and mainstream) and the West as well as for comparing the post-Enlightenment in the West to IB's Muslim world.

11) Journey to Mecca - Story of a traveller Ibn Batutta. Interesting video found on YouTube.

12) Wikipedia articles:

(a) Ibn Battuta. A detailed account of IB's travels, including those places unvisited by Makintosh-Smith with links to articles on many of these. Includes maps and itineraries.

Caravan of pilgrims in Ramleh

b) History of Islam. Note that Ibn Battuta lived during the so-called Decentralization period (900s to the early 1500s).

The Fragmenting Caliphate in late Abassid Era (750-1258)

c) Muhammad (the Islamic prophet). The life and legacy of the founder of Islam.

Prophet Muhammed's name with Salat phrase written in Thuluth, an Arabic Calligraphy

d) Islamic Golden Age. From the mid-8th century Abbasid historical period to the Mongol conquest of Baghdad in 1258.

Silver dirham of the Umayyad Caliphate, minted at Balkh al-Baida in 729-30

e) Reconquista. The Christian reconquest of the Iberian Peninsula from the Moors.

Maps representing the advance of the Christian Reconquista in the Iberian Peninsula from 790 to 1300

f) Al-Andalus. The medieval Muslim ("Moorish") state at its peak consisting of what are now most of today's Spain, Portugal, Andorra, and section of southern France.

Image of a Jewish cantor reading the Passover story in al-Andalus, from a 14th century Spanish Haggadah.

Boston Zombies

2011-07-01T21:37:00.002-04:00

We're undergoing an onslought of the undead these days -- zombies, vampires, werewolves, and their ilk. According to author Daniel W Drezner, it's just one more crime to shovel onto those responsible for 7/7 and 9/11.

amazon.ca

I was in the Boston area the other day and picked up Theories of International Politics and Zombies on display at the Harvard Coop. It's a tongue-in-cheek, but serious, mash-up textbook published by Princeton University Press. This small tome's also an excellent way to brush up on your political theory while ruminating over zombie culture.

Theories tackles the authorities' reactions to infection across the political spectrum -- from Western democracies to police states. Its author predicts American neocons to lobby for an attack on their old standby, Iraq as well as setbacks caused by civil rights groups demanding protection for their formerly human compatriots.

amazon.ca

The book also provides a humorous review of the popular zombie literature and movies. Not unsurprisingly, not all zombies were created equal. In early appearances, the undead, such as those in Night of the Living Dead (1968, B&W; 1990, colour), were portrayed as dumb as doorknobs and deathly slow. But by the time they hit London in 28 Days Later (2002), they're faster, and much angrier. And, at least some of the American afflicted in Zombieland (2009) have acquired the ability to open doors -- potentially a big improvement over the old smash-and-grab standby.

amazon.ca

Infection rates have always been close to a standard 100%, although incubation times vary from a few seconds (eg, 28 Days Later [2002]) to several hours (eg, Night of the Living Dead [1968, B&W; 1990, colour]). Human responses to the ghouls are expected to vary, based on factors such as motivation and nationality. For example, the zombification of a former loved one my be hidden or denied. And Americans are generally more vociferous upon discovery of an infestation that the British, who tend not to want to cause a bother. However, whatever their nationality, when push comes to bite, ordinary humans, such as Shawn in Shawn of the Dead (2004) and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies' Elizabeth Bennet and Mr Darcy, generally manage to take charge and organize a resistance against the zombie menace.

amazon.ca

One theme that remains unchanged throughout the zombie literature is organizational incompetence. Especially in government organizations. Most are incapable of thinking outside the box, or even acknowledging that they face an situation requiring a non-standard response. For example, in World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War, when a general is stricken and a soldier takes the initiative of killing this new zombie, he is killed before he can carry out the task.

amazon.ca

Perhaps the worst behaviour is saved for those to whom government tasks are outsourced. In Resident Evil, while the army quickly loses contol of a new outbreak, despite draconian control measures, the infection is spread, even though the Umbrella Corporation has a cure available.

Why not check Theories of International Politics and Zombies out? It may spur you into reading Max Brooks' World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War, whose film version is expected to be released next year. Or you may want to take in a few movies, some of Romero's Dead franchise, or one of the two 28s.

Books mentioned:

Tripped Advisor

2011-06-02T19:41:00.003-04:00

For years, people have been relying on Trip Advisor's unbiased travel reviews to plan their business trips and holidays. Recently, the culmination of a number of experiences has made me question Trip Advisor's fitness as a travel advisor.

rottentomatoes

According to Wikipedia, Microsoft (aka the Evil Empire) set up Expedia, Inc in 1996, selling it three years later to Ticketmaster, who spun it off in 2005. Trip Advisor (TA) was founded in 2000, and became connected with Expedia, Inc (EX) in 2004. Yet as subsidiaries of EX, TripAdvisor Media Group would appear to have certain vested interests in the travel industry. After all, how many other companies have caved in to advertiser displeasure?

If you've watched The Corporation (2003)¹, you know what I'm getting at. It's not a good idea to bite the hand that feeds you. Consider the fact that web sites such as TA and Ancestry encourage you to work for no remuneration. Then they use your work for gain. Something to keep in mind when next partaking of their "free" services.

* * *

Any ideals I had regarding EX died after a stay at Chicago's Club Quarters. Still rated three stars on EX, my room had a shower and one skylight, but no tub or windows. I stayed just over a week and was awakened almost nightly by a cacophony of clanging. Not once, but throughout the night. The bed was comfortable, but who cares when you don't sleep? We were there during a huge conference, so the room was far from cheap. The last night we were finally offered a discount, which disappeared by morning.

Cute, but not me.

Courtesy Sandos (from Wikipedia)

At home, I telephoned EX to find out what constituted 3-star accommodation in a big US city. It took a great deal of probing, but the answer was enlightening. The owner says so. Incredibly, EX had no verification procedure. Apparently, EX prefers to rely upon travellers like us to keep its hotels honest. I spent a long time on the telephone and spoke to several people. My reward? A $50 credit. I didn't use it.

Other people are welcome to act as guinea pigs. It's been years since I booked any travel on EX. It's great for comparison shopping, though. If you can't find the same place cheaper elsewhere, try harder².

* * *

But Trip Advisor has good and bad reviews, right? And there are procedures to weed out bogus and malicious posts. So what's the problem?

I've been travelling without my parents for more than 40 years. Over a number of years, I've tried to post two reviews about accommodations that have taken the cake for exceptionally bad service. The first was a place right on the beach, newly renovated. It had great reviews before the construction and had reopened with some enticing offers. What they failed to mention was that the poolside bar/restaurant had a calliopean live band. The stage had more speakers facing outward than into the bar/restaurant. Seven floors up, I tried everything to drown out the noise. Days later, they offered a new room close to a noisy construction site.

Former construction site
(T Thurston, from Wikipedia)

Finally, we were moved to a room on the other side of the hotel. The balcony doors were enough to close out the sound. All of this took days. I only found one decent employee in the whole place, a bell boy. When I asked if there were anywhere, in the entire hotel, where I could sit down and read in peace, he suggested I try the lobby of the hotel next door. He reiterated that there was nothing at the place I was staying.

With hotel speakers also braying towards the Pacific, there would be no peace at the beach, either. And if only the noise had been the sole problem. I've never been so happy to leave a so-called vacation spot in my life!

Thinking Trip Advisor (TA) would be a good place to warn people, I posted a review on the site. I spent hours editing out most of my anger. The result? Rage.

* * *

Bad trip: Sole subject of my beach
photos. Now doubling as TA avatar!

Now I'm back from being ripped off in Florida and my negative review on TA has been pulled. "Pending" it says. I had laboured to keep it factual, but I know some anger remained. First, I received a automated message asking me to confirm that I was referring to the right location. Reasonable, I thought, given that the other reviews were favourable. But then they tended not to be about my room, the one with the biggest problem.

I know this for a fact, because I spent hours in the second "condo" and spoke to inmates of the other two. When my review didn't reappear after a couple of days, I sent an inquiry. The 48-hour promised response deadline passed, so I sent two more. Only the hiss of silence.

Perhaps my mistake was having posted a question on TA's Siesta Key forum: Was the quiet place I expected really a party town? Big mistake. Now, I'm accused of tarring the whole island with the same brush (when?). I've been told I should have researched the location (it came highly recommended from a trusted source and TA loves it). I'm apparently so stupid, I booked a room over a bar (yeah, it would have been, had I done so). Others have stated they've been there so my description must be untrue (funny, I thought I was alone in the Siesta Pit).

On the basis of two other less than stellar reviews, I've been summed up as incapable of being happy anywhere. Well, that should have been easy to fix. I posted some very good ones, excellent too³. Does that count as rehabilitation?

* * *

Apart from the vitriol, it's the disconnection between what I have written and the accusations pitched at me. Talk about off topic. do commenters actually read what I have to say before launching into the attack, or are they simply reading-comprehension challenged?

Not to be confused
with Boethius
(amazon.com)

Of course, these splenitive characters have their own agendas and what they write has more to say about them than it does about me. If Humptydumptism is their thing, fine. I've even worked with people who insisted that every discussion end in consensus.

Unfortunately, I've seen the result of mental and physical abuse and I know that not speaking up is often interpreted as acquiescence⁴. One thing I've learnt is that when you stand up for yourself, the more the other person is in the wrong, the harder they argue that everything is your fault⁵.

Philosopher Alain de Botton suggests in his The Consolations of Philosaphy, that Socrates has an answer to unwarranted criticism. The people refuting my statements haven't put on my shoes, let alone walked in them. What do they know of my experiences? The more a person knows about a subject, the more valid their criticism. Hence, worthless. Completely ignorable.

Does Trip Advisor speak with a forked tongue? Caveat emptor indeed. Ta ta, TA.

* * *

Notes

amazon.com

¹ Should you enjoy demonizing the corporate world, you may love Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work. Written by experts on psychopathic behaviour, you'll learn how to protect yourself and discover why these reptiles are so successful in gaining employment. Note that you don't obtain the skills necessary to identify these monsters. However, you may be convinced that they view normal humans as prey, and be assured they are rarely long-term employees.

I found this tome absolutely fascinating. But I'm a people-watcher. I've also worked with some pretty miserable characters, none of whom had the requisite cocktail of evil traits. Lucky me.

amazon.ca

If you're into bad behaviour, you may find Lawyers Gone Bad a lively read. Written by legal insider, Philip Slayton, is a veritable feast. The non-fiction version of the ever-popular lawyer joke.

Payback. These are the people who characterized members of my profession as "Sons of Satan" and "International Buccaneers".

A long time ago, when I was following post-graduate studies at McGill University, one of my instructors told us of a US study comparing various occupations with public perceptions of trustworthiness. As expected, car salespeople were scraping the bottom of the barrel among the pond scum. I forget whether lawyers ranked just above or just below. The real kicker was that the lawyers were said to be happy with this.

Here's the equation:

Low rating = Fear = Respect + Success

Apparently, we understood, legal clients, adversaries and juries could be counted upon to act according to a lawyer's best interests. No wonder Dick the Butcher suggested killing all of them.

² It's always a good idea to check the accommodation's own web site. Even mentioning where you've found a lower rate elsewhere may get you a reduction. The bonus is that you generally pay at the end of your stay, while EX's same or higher rate will likely be a "special deal" requiring payment up front.

I wouldn't bother with Travelocity's gnomes either. Orbitz always disappoints too. And be careful of Priceline's European subsidiaries, I had the price on a London hotel increased after I booked. After many communications by email and telephone the booking agent's approach was tough, you've been upgraded to a more expensive room.

I'm not living in the US, so I have not been able to sample Priceline or Hotwire. To me, their advertising screams caveat emptor.

³ One of those five reviews. Hopefully all removed at my request. Let someone else write free review to earn money for Expedia and its ilk:

"Bibliophile Heaven

5 Stars

I discovered this gem a few years ago and now I don't feel my visit to NYC is complete without stopping by.

See it for the art, the architecture, the books and manuscripts, the films, and the shop. My only complaints are that the place is too small (I'm greedy) and that it doesn't have ridiculously long hours (selfish, I know).

Some temporary exhibitions I've really enjoyed have been Demons and Devotion: The Hours of Catherine of Cleves and A Woman's Wit: Jane Austen's Life and Legacy. The colours and attention to detail of the illuminations were incredible. It was marvellous to see the film and hear comments from people who had been given access to Jane Austen's letters and then to be able to view the letters. I only wish there had been fewer visitors, so I could have spent more time reading them!

Visited January 2011"

amazon.ca

⁴ The Oscar-winning, In a Better World (2010), is a wonderful exploration of methods of responding to bullying, from the school yard to the theatre of war. The various characters take different stands, learning the consequences of their actions and the difference between theory and practice.

No concrete answers, but plenty to think about. In English and subtitled Danish. Recommended.

⁵ Here's a sample.

My attempt at a neutral defence after being told the "truth" about the location. Please note that the hyperlink addresses have been replaced with hyperlinked descriptions:

"Proof:

See map with Siesta property (2) on Avenida Navarra, smack in the heart of the village and one block from the beach: map

See map with Oyster Bar described as restaurant. As the Siesta property's manager [Eileen Town] said, no bars [close by]: map

See videos of quiet Siesta property, taken in and beside room:

(1) Outside noise from inside the Pit

(2) Immediately outside the Pit's door walking towards the side and the in the direction of Avenida Navarra

(3) Walking past the Pit's door with additional noise provided by Oyster Bar speakers"

Response from a Florida "expert". Note that each of the several nasty posts by this UK "writer" was blessed with errors galore:

"Save your proof for your complant [sic] to the Better Business Bureau. I already looked it up via Google maps and there are planty [sic] of places between Pearl and the Beach [I had described the Pit as being a block from the beach, which it is].

As I said, I think you have a claim on the Noise and the Wifi [sic] Front. Arguing here isn't going to help you get your money back, so put all your energies into that.

The rest of us Know [sic] the SK [sic] has the best beach int he [sic] USA, and plenty of nice quiet places to stay outside of the village area. So sorry you didn't book one, you would have had a great time [maybe].

At least you didn't book yourself into "quiet' [sic] Miami Beach which recently had the Urban festival and the crowds and bab [sic] beahviour was rampant and made the national news. I imagine then you would have heard a real noisy party town [no comment on the grammar, sorry]."

Nobody's perfect, but give me a break. What can I say, I sent her a private message stating that spelling and factual errors detract from one's response. Then I blocked communications. Didt wont Mor ab-yuss.

* * *

Books mentioned

The Consolations of Philosaphy
Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work
Lawyers Gone Bad

The Siesta Pit

2011-05-21T12:36:00.006-04:00

Have you ever considered the variance between your holiday expectations and the experience itself? When planning and anticipating a trip we tend to discount the mundane. The petty annoyances of packing, travelling to the airport, and the whole security nightmare once you're there get left by the wayside.

That's why I try to re-read philosopher Alain de Botton's The Art of Travel before I depart on holiday. He reminds us that expectation and reality are often at odds. That our fantasy trip is just that -- fantasy. He looks at why we travel and what we expect from our experiences. It's a good way to help keep everything in perspective when you run into the inevitable headaches of travelling.

amazon.ca

Anyone who's spent any time on the road understands that no holiday destination will be exactly as advertised. That's why web sites such as TripAdvisor are so popular. But sometimes members of the hospitality industry outdo themselves by painting a far too rosy picture of the situation. Why not check out my post on weasel words, Humpty Joins Weasels: Toad Hall to Fall?

That's what's happened to me in Siesta Key, Florida. Two weeks of sun and sand in a relatively sedate community sounded like heaven. On the outskirts of the Village, I'd be within walking distance of everything. And just a block from the beach.

I could have breakfast outside every morning and barbecue my dinner. Grocery shopping and a myriad of restaurants were only a few blocks away.

So much for the fantasy. The reality was a nightmare of unremitting loud noise. Yes, there were a table and chairs, as well as a barbecue at the Siesta Pit¹. But there was also a big rooftop air conditioning unit on the next property and disturbingly close to my door. So much for spending time outside. Then I discovered the Oyster Bar² . I could even feel the so-called music in my room, it was so incredibly loud. Amplified so you could hear it for blocks!

Outside my door at the Pit:

I bet you'd get into serious trouble subjecting animals to this kind of cruelty.

And thus my fantasy week of sun and sand turned out to be more like heat and dust. Two days wasted attempting to get the promised WiFi working (it never did, not properly), migraines and misery. Yes, a few hours at the beach. But even that was marred by the speedboats roaring back and forth, dangerously close to shoreline swimmers. Apparently, the boats can come as close to shore as they wish, despite the swimmers. The key is not to behave recklessly. Or so I was told by the sherrif's office.

Needless to say, I'll not be taking advantage of my second week's rental. I've already fled Siesta Key. I must admit it's an experience I'd yet to enjoy, paying for two accommodations at the same time. So much for the Siesta Pit. And so much for Florida too. At least I'll be saving money on the souvenirs. Why would I want any? I haven't even taken any pictures.

* * *

Notes

¹ Actually the Pearl, but I'm not one for weasel words.

² Incredibly, this place advertises itself as the "Home of the Village Idiot". They've got one thing right.

* * *

Book mentioned

The Art of Travel

Beach and Other Booking

2011-05-18T00:23:00.003-04:00

It's generally taken as given that beach and other holiday reading is on the light side. But must this always be the case? Why not read something worthwhile on holiday this summer?

I travelled south to Florida about a week ago armed with my usual Rough Guide, three non-fiction books (including a biography) and a half-read mystery. I can't say I planned it this way, they were the first volumes on my bookshelf to take my fancy. And not that the mix really matters. It went without saying that I'd be picking up a few volumes while I was here.

However, my book-buying didn't go quite as planned. First, the places I visited, not being at the top of the tourist trail, didn't have the wealth of local interest books I'd imagined. The two State Parks provided a variety of bird-watching, tree-, plant- and animal-identification guides, as well as some thin local history tomes and kids books, but I was looking for something meatier.

When I asked at my hotel, I learnt that the local Borders had closed its doors a few weeks earlier, and the owners of the best independent shop had tossed in the towel several months ago. I was in a veritable book desert. Or so it appeared until I began my Internet search. I soon located a Barnes and Noble (B&N) not too far from my planned outing for the day, and so I was off.

Of course the B&N location only looked close on the map, the road, much busier than expected, was home to a good many strip malls. I found Borders with little problem. And yes, it was closed. Getting to B&N required going in circles a few times, but it yielded up some items of interest that I hadn't seen at home.

* * *

amazon.ca

One of the books I brought with me, was The Widow Cliquot: The Story of a Champagne Empire and the Woman who Ran It. It's a must for those who enjoy a bottle of the Widow. This is a relatively slim volume about a remarkable woman who seized her chance to make her mark upon the champagne industry. What's even more interesting is how small her window of opportunity was.

Widowed before she was 30, the Widow Cliquot sought and surprisingly, received the necessary family backing to produce and market a product that was quite different from what we know today. The secrets to her success included the development of a cheaper method of production, audacious marketing and a willingness to adapt her product to a changing market. Nevertheless, the impact of the politics of the Napoleonic Wars on international trade was almost her undoing.

amazon.ca

Andrew Taylor's The Barred Window was a very different sort of read. A story of manipulation and immorality, it's easier to decide which character to dislike. The lives of two cousins, one rich and the other poor, slip onto the same path after a suicide.

Thomas Penmarsh has alway's been looked after by Esmond, but it hasn't been easy. Mrs Penmarsh treats Esmond like a son, a preferred son. While Thomas' ambitions have been stifled, keeping her true son under Mother's thumb well into adulthood. Despite this, Thomas has managed to father a daughter, Alice.

Alice, now grown, and heir to Mrs Penmarsh's estate is coming to visit. How will Esmond and Thomas manage to continue their comfortable life? A creepy but compelling read with the type of nasty characters Taylor portrays so well.

amazon.com

Fans of Patrick O'Brian's Aubrey and Maturin series will enjoy Under Enemy Colors. Royal Navy Lt Charles Hayden has been denied his own command, his loyalty questioned because of his mother's French birth. Instead, he's to be 1st Lieutenant to Captain Hart, with a secret order to spy upon this fellow naval officer.

It doesn't take Hayden long to discover what's wrong with the despicable Hart. Hayden's life is quickly reduced to matter of survival. With so many enemies -- Hart and his supporters, mutineers, Napoleon's forces -- what's Hayden to do?

A very enjoyable read, full of interesting sailing terms. My favourite was "scandalize the sails". A pity it wasn't explained.

* * *

amazon.com

Charles Cumming's A Spy by Nature tells the tale of Alec Milius, a London School of Economics graduate whose life suddenly takes a heads up when he's interviewed by the British Secret Service. The trouble with Milius, is that he's still in love with Kate. So he mentions her in the interviews. Rather than tell the truth, he lies. He does that often. Lying.

Much to his surprise, he doesn't get an offer. But all is not lost. He's given a chance to run a scam -- the victims being an American oil company and two CIA operatives working with it. If he succeeds, that job offer will be back on the table.

The result leads right into the sequel, The Spanish Game. Milius is now in hiding in Madrid, terrified the CIA and MI6 are after him. He keeps his head under the radar and uses all the spycraft he's learnt to maintain his anonymity.

amazon.com

Then he gets a visit from his former best friend, Saul. Is Saul on the up-and-up or is he part of an MI6 plot? Or have the CIA got to him? Is there anyone Milius can trust?

Or is Saul right? Is Milius small fry, long forgotten by the denizens of the spy world?

Gritty and hard. A thought-provoking story of a man with dubious morals in a game lacking any morals at all.

I was on a roll, so I picked up Cumming's Typhoon. This time, the main character is a decent spy. It's his counterpart at the CIA who's no good.

A Chinese man makes the dangerous night swim to Hong Kong from the mainland just before the British handover to the Chinese. His excellent command of English and insistence that he has information of vital political importance, convinces the soldier who finds him to turn the man over to SIS, rather than the Chinese.

amazon.com

Joe Lennox is too far down the feed chain to conduct this type of interview, but everyone else is busy. The Chinese mainlander spins a gruesome tale of torture and murder, and Joe falls for it, head first. But next day, Joe discovers the man has disappeared, the explanation being he was a liar known to the CIA and has been returned to mainland China.

Eight years later, Joe's back in China. This time in Shanghai. So is everyone else of importance from the Hong Kong Fiasco. He wants another chance to put things right. He also wants a chance to win back the woman he loves from Miles, the unprincipled CIA agent who stole her all those years ago.

Another enjoyable read from Cumming, this time with a hero you can cheer for without holding your nose.

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Books mentioned

Museum Memories, Act 1

2011-05-13T19:18:00.186-04:00

I posit that a strong correlation exists between digital camera ownership and picture-taking of massive volume. The key concept being that publishing every shot is never in the picture.

Dancing Maenad, detail
(Met Museum, New York)

Since laying my hands on one of these infernal machines, I've taken to photography as if there were no tomorrow. My subjects de préférence are museum/gallery displays and architecture (including archaeological ruins).

I take it as given that snapshots are to objects of breathtaking beauty as potato chips are to snacking¹. So my routine after the plain vanilla, straight-on shot, comprises looking down from above (interior shot), the underside, and from the right and/or left (this is usually an impeded view). In these days of cheap imitation, context is everything. I may snap a group of objects as evidence of relative size. A single item of interest may require a floor-to-ceiling dimensional spotlighting. The more the merrier encapsulates my overall theme.

The Three Graces. Roman
copy of a Greek original.
(Met Museum, New York)

Years of pictorial self-struggle have at last borne fruit. I've finally come to accept a person or two in my composition. Not only do they lend veracity, they act as living yard sticks (metre sticks in Canada).

To say nothing of the dogged² detail shots. My favourites are bits of drapery and the details that you wouldn't expect to see in a book. The type of thing you'd only see in, well, a museum.

Have you ever been to New York's Metropolitan Museum³? It's chock full of antiquities from around the world. If you've been, close your eyes and imagine the view into the Greek Galleries' classical statuary with your back to that huge chunk of fluted column behind you. Whatever you see, I've probably snapped it.

Lapith and Centaur, still at it.
(British Museum)

Perhaps the British Museum's Duveen Gallery is more your cup of tea. Been there? Then close those eyes. Yup, I've likely a snapshot of that too. Need convincing? I've spent so much time in the gallery's heady air staring at the Marbles⁴, that at one point, one appeared to quicken. If you've seen the dark grey copies in New York City's Onassis Cultural Center, you've only glimpsed a faint shadow. Without the marble, at best, they're dead meat. Sorry NYC.

I live within commuting distance of a city with a museum that's the pride and joy of many, or so I assume. Yet I find myself blasé. I rarely visit. I admit it: I'm spoilt rotten. Given the big picture (there's a finite quantity of quality antiquities), I'm disgracefully so.

Nevertheless, I'm unrepentant. If I can't spend an afternoon in the company of ancient statuary, jewellery, grave-goods et al, I'll take photographs in museums that live up to their name. Then I'll do my utmost to relive those moments.

It's an expensive fix, but apart from travel (I do so wish), what's the alternative?

* * *

Notes

¹ One is never enough.

² Apologies to Jerome K Jerome.

amazon.com

³ When visiting New York City, the Met is not to be missed. My favourites are the Greek and Roman Galleries, not just for their sculpture, but for their pottery, furniture and wall painting. I also enjoy the Egyptian and the Medieval galleries.

If you're planning a visit to NYC, why not take a look at these:

If you love museums, one day is never enough. The Metropolitan Museum of Art Guide is a great way to help you to prioritize and spend your time wisely.

It also makes a great souvenir. And better still, is an enticement to planning your next trip!

amazon.com

If painting is more your style, you should love, 100 Best Paintings in New York by Deanna MacDonald and Geoffrey Smith. This handy guide will aid you in locating the best of the best. Take in the Frick Collection, the Guggenheim, the Met, MOMA, or wherever takes your fancy.

Apart from being a wonderful souvenir, this is another volume that will spur you into preparing your next visit to NYC.

⁴ Who wouldn't want a book on the Parthenon Marbles? Not anyone I'd want to rub shoulders with. Let's see now:

amazon.ca

The Parthenon (part of the Wonders of the World series) by Mary Beard is a gem of a book. Along with a short history, there are two "if you visit" sections -- the building (in Athens) and the Marbles (in London). A must for both the armchair and the airplane traveller.

I dare you to read it and then not be desperate to visit both Athens and London!

amazon.ca

The Parthenon Sculptures (aka The Parthenon Sculptures in the British Museum) by Ian Jenkins, Senior Curator in the British Museum's Department of Greek and Roman Antiquities, is primarily a coffee table tome. If you're looking for pictures, this is the one!

amazon.com

The Parthenon and Its Sculptures by John Boardman, is a great book filled with detailed historical information about the building and the carvings. I found my copy at the British Museum on display in the main bookshop.

The book you want if you're after both pictures and history.

amazon.ca

The Parthenon Marbles: The Case for Reunification is Christopher Hitchens' impassioned plea for their return to home. I bought the last edition on Berlin's Museum Island and enjoyed his arguments. I've been to Athens. It's expensive to get there and not an easy place for a retiringly polite Canadian. None of the marbles were on display at the new museum, despite having been crated up and moved months before. Nor would they available for many months to come. If I'd wanted to see copies, I'd have skipped the Athens subway and taken the bus to New York City. Self-centred, I know, but for now I'm with London on this one.

* * *

Books mentioned

The Metropolitan Museum of Art Guide
100 Best Paintings in New York
The Parthenon
The Parthenon Sculptures (aka The Parthenon Sculptures in the British Museum)
The Parthenon and Its Sculptures
The Parthenon Marbles: The Case for Reunification

Rhetoric and Civic Duty -- Third Time Lucky?

2011-04-29T01:33:00.057-04:00

Ever noticed the frequency how often people talk about their rights and privileges as opposed to your duties and obligations? Some would place the source of this conundrum squarely upon the shoulders of politicians. I couldn't possible comment.

I regularly come across characters with the most unusual interpretations of their rights and privileges, generally vis-a-vis the hoi poloi. Self-proclaimed lawyers, constitutional experts and United Nations' Human Rights pros, they live in an amazingly pleasant fantasy world. So, from time-to-time, I find myself on the auditory end of some real doozers. Ah, how ignorance must be bliss.

FU, courtesy amazon.ca

My favourite character is the office worker, cum self-proclaimed legal expert, who firmly believed that every day graced with a name in the Quo Vadis planner (eg, Anzac Day) was a legal holiday. A no work for full pay day. It must have taken a good 18 months or more of daily interaction before this fantastic interpretation was revealed to me.

Imagine! Not only could I anticipate October's Thanksgiving with relish, there'd be another one in November, courtesy of the USA! Needless to say, life didn't work out that way. What kind of person believes this stuff? As slithery House of Cards' Francis Urquhart (the great Ian Richardson), was wont to hiss, I couldn't possibly comment¹.

Potter (amazon.ca). Going postal?

Then there's Magic, the age-old solution to the imponderable. According to Henry Hitchings' The Secret Life of English: How English Became English, "influenza" spread to English via the Italian Renaissance. With no understanding of modern disease control, the flu was believed to be the result of malicious influences. Jeremy Irons' Renaissance Borgia would have understood this concept of magic and malefactors. So would Harry Potter fans. Black magic -- much more fun than accusing the modern wet-blanket germ.

A Beak Doctor.
Magic anyone?

I found similar reliance on magic from low-level vultures in the local Health Ministry pecking order to be much less understandable. Assuring me that I was protected by a magic ring, I was denied access to government mandated health services. This contemporary beak doctor was actually proud to have refused several of my kind that day.

Flabbergasted, I dialled local medical officials (beakists?), along with number of government help lines, to grouse. Famous Grousing would have been more of a pleasure.

Not that anyone I spoke to was flustered. In fact, I was informed that a magic-based explanation was "normal"⁵. A legitimate case of freedom of religion², insisted another person who couldn't possibly have commented further. Convinced I had been gaslighted, I contacted my MNA, a national (dis)assembler if there ever was one. I was thanked for my "precious information". You'd think I was stuck in a very bad Lord of the Rings³ loop. At least with Tolkien, most of the characters were in agreement that Gollum was bad news and not to be trusted.

Chill double bill: Gollum
& Rotund Birds Character

Despite the self-confessed lawyer and the health magician's strong showing, the Cherry on Top Award goes to a Quebec human rights expert. This enlightened⁵ individual smugly informed me of the human right regarding the illegality of filming without the consent of all characters in your viewfinder. Perhaps it was related to the magical belief that the camera captures your soul. Dangerous stuff, that.

With self-righteous zeal, I was ordered to stop filming a mid-road exercise class for immature adults⁵. Perhaps the right stems from the magical belief that a camera captures your soul.

Silly me, I had thought my responsibility as a pedestrian was to leave the road free for automotive traffic. Conversely, that it was my right to walk on the sidewalk unimpeded by cars. Look both ways, cross at the corner and all that. I'm not talking about a city street voluntarily blocked for a game of street hockey. Nor is this a case of joggers running single file against the traffic.

These characters⁵ were acting as if a public road was their own private gymnasium. Since when was it a human right to attempt to cause a traffic accident?

A method guaranteed to keep life from becoming dull. Good for the economy too⁶.

* * *

Notes

Courtesy amazon.com

¹ Michael Dobbs' fictional Francis Urquhart, MP may be best remembered for the catchphrase "You might well think that; I couldn't possibly comment." Totally self-serving, FU was a real reptilian. Not a nice guy either.

Dobbs' trilogy comprises House of Cards, To Play the King, and The Final Cut.

The 1990s miniseries (one per book) were a joy to watch. Together, the three series rank 84th in the British Film Institute's 100 Greatest British Television Programmes.

² Magic rings? A valid religion? Give me a break.

³ Gollum first appears in The Hobbit. His magic ring (the One Ring) had a malevolent influence. Tolkien was not pretending to write non-fiction. Gollum, once a variety of hobbit, has a habit of muttering to himself. In Tolkien's time, this was considered as an indication of madness. Today, it's generally a conversation on a cellphone.

⁴ Quebec has been described as the toughest jurisdiction in North America to practise photography.

⁵ I don't endorse the clothing, just the message. Should the links be broken, they were just T-shirts. As to the numbering, consider the comments as out of order.

⁶ Auto repair shops, insurance companies, and health professionals, for a start.

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Books mentioned

House of Cards trilogy: House of Cards, To Play the King, and The Final Cut
The Secret Life of English: How English Became English
Harry Potter series
Lord of the Rings (trilogy)

Political Rhetoric, Part Deux: The Spanish Rule

2011-04-27T23:08:00.075-04:00

If you've received an email from an unknown Nigerian sender, it's likely you've been marked for a current version of The Spanish Prisoner con. Don't bite. Delete the message and cease despairing, you're in exalted company.

Wikipedia

Watching the latest instalment of The Borgias the other day, I wondered how many of our lawmakers experience life in a manner akin to Jeremy Iron's Pope Alexander VI. Surrounded by fawning minions (even family members are required to employ the ironic "Your Holiness") how many have more than a passing concept of existence under their rule?

Courtesy amazon.ca

Life is tough for the up-and-coming pope. Vikram Seth's gargantuan A Suitable Boy¹ is definitely small "m" monstrous compared to the monstrosity committed by the Borgia boys to secure their sister's wedded bliss to the equally illegitimate Giovanni Sforza. Being a little short of the ready, the gotta-do-what-you-gotta-do situation of murdering their Turkish houseguest provided a cool 400,000 ducats.

The value in today's money? Put it this way. There was a war to fight and a reluctant groom. How much would an aristocratic you demand to wed the illegitimate child of a despised foreign upstart religious leader rumoured to have failed the minimum requirements² for his position?

Courtesy amazon.ca

Similar to today's rulers, Alexander VI wrestled with divided loyalties. Father to his flock and his biological children, he was faced with the usual bunch of fools and ingrates. They talk back, but they grudging obey his orders. To the minimum extent possible.

Unlike Colonel Cathcart of Joseph Heller's Catch-22, who volunteers his squadron for any mission that might interest Newsweek (or was it Life?) and thus propel him into a general's uniform, Alexander's contemporaries acquiesced to less subtle manoeuvring. The Borgia sons could step in and have the most annoying troublemakers poisoned, or otherwise eliminated. Some of Heller's military brass would have approved.

Courtesy amazon.ca

I quite enjoyed reading Catch-22 after having watched the film. Movie-book comparisons are sometimes disappointing, but in this case, the reading provided additional background to the movie. I loved the movie adaptation, Catch-22 (1970), with its cast of characters I've never forgotten.

Doc Daneeka (Jack Gilford) who first describes the non-existent "catch". Singer Art Garfunkel in the role of Lt Nately. Jon Voight playing 1st Lt Milo Minderbinder, the amoral black marketer who arranges for the squadron to bomb their own base. Comedian Bob Newhart as the aptly named, but ineptly promoted, Major Major Major Major. I can't remember the actor, but the image of Hungry Joe and the flathatting plane are forever burnt into my retinas.

Legislation tends to be the solution for governments today. Of course the courts, like Cesare Borgia's inept assassins, manage to foul things up with unexpected and unwelcome interpretations.

Don't weep too many crocodile tears for our so-called public servants³. We're the ones jammed between a rock and a hard place.

* * *

Notes
¹ A monstrous omnibus of a tome that's actually a trilogy. Lata's family search 1950s India for a suitable spouse. Everyone has an opinion, even the bride-to-be. More than a simple soap opera, take it to the seashore and lap it up. I loved it.

² The Spanish Borjia (Italianized as Borgia) family was rumoured to be Moriscos, or descendents of Spanish Muslims who converted during the Reconquista. This led some contemporaries to ask, "Is the Pope Catholic?" These days, Granada celebrates the end of the Moors in Spain annually in the Alhambra. Its US counterpart is known as Columbus Day.

³ Don't worry if the link's broken. It was just a T-shirt. Only Diamonds are forever.

* * *

Part Deux refers to the rhetoric spewed by the political classes.

amazon.com

After reading the Catch-22 version of the prisoners dilemma, you might be interested in seeing The Spanish Prisoner congame in action.

Take a peek at Charles Cumming's The Spanish Game. British expat and former spy, Alec Milius, doesn't dare return home from Madrid. Paranoid, he knows the CIA's out to get him. MI5 and Six are probably still on the warpath to.

Not that Milius doesn't deserve a bad rap, seeing that he's cheating with his British employer's beautiful Spanish wife. After a Basque kidnapping and torture, it doesn't take much for Milius to agree to cheat on her as well.

In this wheels-within-wheels espionage thriller, who's the reader to trust? And why is Milius suddenly so much in demand? A most enjoyable read.

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Books mentioned

Power and Entitlement: First, A Cultural Perspective

2011-04-25T03:30:00.003-04:00

Democracy. Power and entitlement. Rights and responsibilities. Think you understand them? Think again, for the language of political rhetoric stretches, bends and compresses these familiar terms out of all recognition and meaning.

amazon.com

It's been a long time since I read 1984. It may be high time I dusted off my copy and re-read it. My memory of Orwell's doublethink is gentler than the current political doublespeak practice in which politicians contradict themselves within the same sentence.

Could it be that today's crop of voters' darlings are so busy multitasking, they have neither the time nor the inclination to give us the courtesy of waiting until the next paragraph to repudiate the heartfelt beliefs³ they so recently held? Or could it be simply that millionaires don't care. Say it aloud -- there's a nice ring to it.

Courtesy amazon.co.uk

You'd think foul mouthed bully Malcolm Tucker (Peter Capaldi), star the BBC's riotously funny political comedy, The Thick of It was back to his old tricks, ranting and screaming into their Ministerial earpieces. Give it to this Chief Whip, he's certainly never boring, but then not every actor who has his own swearing consultant.

A true monster, Malcolm personifies the nightmare boss. Utterly controlling, he's loyal to the firm. Get in his way, and you'll wish you were never born. A great guy³ to watch when you think those in government have it too easy. Anywhere else, and they'd pull out the straight jacket, lock him up, and throw away the key.

Courtesy amazon.ca

It's unfortunate that many of us on this side of the Atlantic were only introduced to In the Loop's Malcolm. By then, the vicissitudes of political life had reduced him to attack puppy from rottweiler status. He would have been better off leaving Washington and visiting Chicago, had he truly wished to be in the loop. I've been.

Outside the political arena, English has difficulty handling the verbal volte-face. But in that rarefied air, the threat/opportunity of an upcoming election is always on the agenda. Government rhetoric has morphed into one incessant, neverending poll, twisting and turning in the statistical wind like a scarecrow in a hurricane. With elected officials' and their wannabes' spin doctors in lockstep, verbal gymnastics is the perennial prescription.

The adage "You can fool all the people some of the time and some of the people all the time but you cannot fool all the people all the time" now has a new twist. Tellingly, the phrase is attributed to PT Barnum (circus attribution) and Abraham Lincoln (government).

Today's politicians focus on placating a statistically³ significant portion of the population all of the time. It doesn't need a blamestorming session to skewer the guilty party. The problem is, we plebs can't make up our collective minds. Or so goes the blame-the-victim, ever-ready scapegoat, line of thinking³. Hence the voting process in many countries, including Canada, is more a revolving door spin, than a four-year entrenched position.

More often than not, it's Animal Farm all over again¹, and we end up as Turkeys Voting for Christmas².

* * *

Notes
¹ According to the pigs, some are more equal than others. Apologies to Babe Ruth.

² A multitasker of a phrase, this is the title of a BBC Radio two-parter showing how voters are being tricked into voting in their own worst interests. The pitch? Sincerity.

³ T-shirt link make be broken. Don't fret, it's just a ph(r)ase. It's out of order, too.

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Books mentioned

Cabinet of Curiosity Redux

2011-04-01T17:55:00.015-04:00

Many contemporary cabinets of curiosities may pay lip service to 3-dimensionality. Yet as long as there are souvenirs, and souvenir hunters, the old-fashioned curio cabinet may live on.

To celebrate April Fools' Day, here is a short ode to part of mine.

Lewis Chessmen. And women,
Long-ago walrus-tooth Scandinavians.
Dyed red, says Scottish white,
Stains, so black is England's.

Resin Scots, Swedes, and English people,
Modern, life-sized and miniature.
Kings, queens, warriors,
A tiny bishop and a berserker.

A silver llama and a Venetian pachyderm,
Souvenirs of a well-travelled speaker.
Delicate French demitasses and a Greek vase,
Was she sketched and dressed by her painter?

Cup, saucer, Limoges box and basket weave,
Dijon honey pot.
Viennese demis and a cardinal perched
On a Karlovy Vary spa cup – hot!

Hungarian urn from the antique fair,
Herend -- a real find.
Venerable Chinese resin. Tang zodiac,
Divided by empty Indian kohl. Brass, mind.

Rural relaxation, eh?
Rough and wooden.
Museum replica netsuke,
Grain-gorged rats and carped monkey.

* * *

Note

Courtesy amazon.ca

Red on the Lewis Chessmen has been interpreted as colouring or as unwanted stains. You’ll see Harry Potter playing with the red-and-white set in one of the films. Remember, JK Rowling has lived in Scotland. I found the brown pieces in Stockholm’s Gamla stan. The berserker’s biting his shield and the bishop is small because the large variety wasn’t sold separately. Want to know more? Take a gander at The Lewis Chessmen (British Museum Objects in Focus).

Courtesy amazon.co.uk

The bodies of people on the originals of white ground lekythoi (the type of Greek vase shown) were sketched first and then clothed. As the paint fades, so does the clothing. Like to know more about Greek vases? The History of Greek Vases is an exhaustive work. I found my copy at the ROM shop a few years ago. You might also enjoy A Handbook of Greek Art: A Survey of the Visual Arts of Ancient Greece. I’ve had my copy for decades.

The water at Bohemian Karlovy Vary (aka Carlsbad), the Czech spa, comes in a variety of temperatures, all hot. Drinking from the spout keeps you from burning your mouth. Should you be in the Prague area, it’s a fun and picturesque day trip. Check it out if you can. The water’s cheaper than that on offer in Bath’s Pump Room, and has more taste than the free water at Evian. Not that you want to be guzzling it.

I found the replica Tang dynasty Chinese zodiac figures (dragon and snake) at a Harvard museum gift shop several years ago. The monkey on the carp is older and came from Toronto’s ROM. The Peabody-Essex Museum shop has had a wonderful selection of replica netsuke both times I visited it in the past year. So the rats on the bag of grain and the pig on the leaf (not shown, to the rats' left) are from Salem.

The man on the rocker has a female companion. They’re from a trip over a decade ago to the Gaspé. There's a similarly-sized, but painted sailor behind them. He’s an antique from who-knows-where.

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Books mentioned

Dictionaries (3): English as Lingua Franca

2011-03-31T00:03:00.005-04:00

One of the best things about the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) is the word origins. As an elementary student, I learnt that the best way to become a good speller was through etymologies. I remember my homework that day -- look up the root word for "satisfy".

"Origin: late Middle English: from Old French satisfier, formed irregularly from Latin satisfacere 'to content', from satis 'enough' + facere 'make' " (Oxford Dictionaries)

From then on, I was hooked. I love words, their history and just about everything about them.

Courtesy amazon.com

I thoroughly enjoyed Henry Hitching's Defining the World, so when I came across The Secret Life of Words: How English Became English, I grabbed it and began reading immediately. Organized in the same one-word-per-paragraph style as his earlier tome, Hitchings tackles etymology this time. Influenza is one word story that's stayed with me. Caused by bad influences? I'll buy that. Keep your distance, sickos!

"[A book] about people and ideas on the move, about invasion, refugees, immigrants, traders, colonists and explorers. ... The author’s zest and grasp are wonderful. [Hitchings] makes you want to check out everything ... Whatever is hybrid, fluid and unpoliced about English delights him." (The Economist)

Courtesy amazon.com

If you buy into the reasoning that the modern Romance languages¹ are the modern equivalent of localized Latin, you should enjoy Nicholas Ostler's Ad Infinitum: A Biography of Latin. My copy was on display at the British Museum. I've yet to go wrong yet in choosing tomes this way. A wonderfully edifying read.

"Erudite, informative and enjoyable, this is a lesson in how closely language and power are linked." Brandon Robshaw (Independent)

Courtesy amazon.com

Perhaps the best of my bookshelf's word hoard is Ostler's Empires of the Word: A Language History of the World. I chose it as a follow up to Ad Infinitum. An investigation into what makes languages popular and long-lasting, from those of conquerors (not always successful) to linguae francae, it's a small brick that will set you pondering. A must for angryphones.

"This book [recounts the history of the world] through the rise and decline of languages. It is a compelling read, one of the most interesting books I have read in a long while." Martin Jacques (Guardian)

The history of the world is the history of the word. Let self-proclaimed language arbiters and government bureaucrats do what they may, ultimately, it's the people -- the speakers -- who have the final say.

* * *

♥ ♥ ♥ The Secret Life of Words: How English Became English. Ever wonder were certain words originated? Or why their apparent meaning has nothing to do with what we wish to communicate (eg, influenza)? Hitchings recounts several of the most interesting's histories.

♥ ♥ ♥ Ad Infinitum: A Biography of Latin. Forget everything you've been told about Latin being a dead language. We may not even be certain how classical Latin was pronounced (eg, try comparing the English and French versions), but we still have the Romance languages. These being the various provincial Latins spread by Rome's soldiers. Hence the modern French tête, descendant of testa, soldier slang for "head". Great stuff.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Empires of the Word: A Language History of the World. Wonder why English, a Germanic language, looks and sounds so little like German? What about the popularity of Arabic and Chinese? And what does it take to become a lingua franca, positions previously held by Greek and Latin? Conquest and disease play important roles, but not necessarily as expected. Fascinating.

* * *

Notes
¹ Nothing to do with romance, it simply refers to the Latin of the Roman provinces.

* * *

Books mentioned

Dictionaries (2): Writing and Reading

2011-03-29T18:41:00.006-04:00

The Oxford English Dictionary (OED) wasn't constructed in isolation. James Murray and his team's opus drew heavily upon, and finally replaced, Dr Johnson's Dictionary.

It took 70 years to produce the first edition of the OED, as I discussed in my last post. But that's only part of the tale.

Courtesy Amazon.ca

I came upon Henry Hitchings' Defining the World: The Extraordinary Story of Dr Johnson's Dictionary (aka Dr Johnson's Dictionary: The Extraordinary Story of the Book that Defined the World) while on holiday in England. With pride of place on a display table close to the bookshop entrance, it was hard to miss. Johnson redefined dictionary-making and his over-the-top tale of too-high expectations and too-little money would be mirrored by Murray and the OED.

"In this lively and erudite survey, Hitchings embraces the vitality of Johnson's language, unravelling roots and meanings with energy and enthusiasm ... [urging] the reader ... to re-engage with the vitality of the English language." Gemma Read (Observer)

History is only one facet of the story. There's plenty to read and read about when it comes to the OED.

Courtesy amazon.com

For example, last year, I came upon Ammon Shea's Reading the OED: One Man, One Year, 21,730 Pages, a magnificent tale of worsening eyesight and dictionary-reading. Letter by letter, we're treated to a summary of Shea's reading experience along with some of the best words the letter has to offer. A logolept's (diary par extraordinaire. At less than 250 pages, this great read was too short to my taste.

"[O]nly a man who lives and breathes dictionaries could have completed the task ... [and s]omewhere near the word 'avenge' he experienced ... proof that spending ten hours a day squinting at a dictionary is unhealthy when his vision turned grey for several hours. ... [A] tale of physical deterioration, endless cups of coffee and emotional disintegration." Ben Hoyle (The Sunday Times)

Courtesy amazon.com

During a recent visit to Massachusetts, I landed upon Lynda Mugglestone's Lost for Words: The Hidden History of the Oxford English Dictionary. I hear a periodic screech from the bookshelf as this scholarly tome demands to be read.

"Mugglestone describes the chance discovery that motivated her to write Lost for Words: innumerable proof sheets, ... letters and other archival resources [at the Oxford University Press and Bodleian Library]. Mugglestone imparts particularly well the endless controversy over the dictionary's scope versus time constraints." Katherine Bailey (HistoryNet)

There's more to dictionaries than meets the eye. You can read them, read about them, and learn about the logistics making them readable.

* * *

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Defining the World: The Extraordinary Story of Dr Johnson's Dictionary (aka Dr Johnson's Dictionary: The Extraordinary Story of the Book that Defined the World). Predecessor to the OED, the history of Johnson's dictionary is no less extraordinary. Nor less important.

♥ ♥ ♥ Reading the OED: One Man, One Year, 21,730 Pages. This is dedication. Entire days spent at home and in the New York Public Library. Shea read the books, not an on-line version. Take one look yourself, and you'll understand why he began having eyesight problems: a variety of typefaces, myriad abbreviations, Greek, and more. It gave me the urge to read a dictionary, but something way smaller.

* * *

Books mentioned

Reading, and Reading About, Dictionaries

2011-03-26T20:31:00.069-04:00

Some people consult dictionaries, others read them, while many do both. I belong to the last group and my word book de préférence is the Oxford English Dictionary (OED).

As I described in an earlier post, there's been a member of the OED family in my house. And I used one of my first pay cheques to procure a hardcover Concise Oxford Dictionary I could call my very own. As a translator, I've acquired many dictionaries: technical, specialized, bilingual, bilingual technical and bilingual specialized. But none has replaced the my OED family.

Courtesy amazon.ca

I began reading about the OED when a family member lent me an amazing paperback, Simon Winchester's The Professor and the Madman: A Tale of Murder, Insanity, and the Making of the Oxford English Dictionary (aka The Surgeon of Crowthorne: A Tale of Murder, Insanity, and the Making of the Oxford English Dictionary).

"Winchester['s] elegant and scrupulous retelling [of ] The Professor and the Madman, proves ... to be more complicated [and] stranger ... than the yarn that preceded it. ...[T]here is also a cruel irony in the fact that today's ... treatment and drug therapy might have removed [Dr Minor's] symptoms." David Walton (New York Times)

Courtesy simonwinchester

After reading the sad tale of Dr WC Minor one of the Dictionary's most prolific volunteers, I moved on to its context, The Meaning of Everything: The Story of the Oxford English Dictionary. I'd never thought of the OED as special before reading its history, but now I have an inkling into why I prefer this attempt at all-inclusiveness to the competition.

"[The Meaning of Everything] is a fascinating history. ... [Winchester] is particularly entertaining when describing the vast and quirky brigade of unpaid readers who supplied the material for the dictionary's famous 'slips'. ...[A] more recondite but equally pleasurable account of the dictionary itself." Andrew Rosenheim (Independent)

Courtesy tolkienlibrary

Once I discovered The Ring of Words: Tolkien and the Oxford English Dictionary was about to be published, I set about inviting one into my home. I still find the concept of an entirely invented language, words, grammar, syntax -- the works, amazing. The idea that Tolkien began as a small child is mind-boggling.

"[The authors] are in a perfect position [being] among the current editors of the dictionary ... [A] book that is effortless to read, appealing to the layman as much as an academic. I would happily reccomend this book." (tolkeinlibrary.com)

Courtesy amazon.com

It was serendipity that put Caught in the Web of Words: James Murray and the Oxford English Dictionary into my hands one day as I trolled through row-upon-row of remaindered volumes. A biography, this is the Murray family's tale of the OED's genesis. It adds a wonderful dimension to The Meaning of Everything: The Story of the Oxford English Dictionary.

"Drawing on both family papers and the archives of the OED, [the book] is a sensitive, perceptive appraisal, showing the complicated interrelationships of institutions and personalities." Raven I McDavid, Jr (Modern Philology, Vol 77, No 4)

James Murray and his team worked in the "Scriptorium", a too-small, damp structure purpose-built in his back yard. And you had always imagined dictionaries were created in the refined and rarefied air of an exclusively small number of ivory towers.

* * *

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ The Professor and the Madman: A Tale of Murder, Insanity, and the Making of the Oxford English Dictionary (aka The Surgeon of Crowthorne: A Tale of Murder, Insanity, and the Making of the Oxford English Dictionary) Worth reading for both Dr Minor's tale as well as the OED's. An extraordinary partnership.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ The Meaning of Everything: The Story of the Oxford English Dictionary. The amazing story of the epitome of dictionaries. Seventy years in the making with a third now in production.

♥ ♥ ♥ The Ring of Words: Tolkien and the Oxford English Dictionary. Tolkien was one of several now famous people who helped bring the OED to fruition. Known to many as a novelist, his true love was language.

♥ ♥ ♥ Caught in the Web of Words: James Murray and the Oxford English Dictionary. James Murray is synonymous with the OED. This biography is his granddaughter's take on the tale.

* * *

Books mentioned

Mashups - Get Serious

2011-03-21T02:09:00.019-04:00

With so much to read and so little time, who wants to read fluff? It took me about a year to fork over the cash for a mashup book. On a whim, I'd picked up Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters after seeing Jane Austen's letters at the Morgan Library and Museum.

Courtesy amazon.ca

It's been decades since I read any Austen, and Sea Monsters was a fun way to reconnect with an old friend with a twist. Retaining much of its early 19th century feel, I recognized the storyline of Sense and Sensibility (1811), and enjoyed the anachronistic Jules Verne, Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea (1869) style touches, and other Sea Monsters additions for the light-hearted fluff they were. Although the aquatic monster theme is absurd, it should be remembered that Austen lived during the periods of the French Revolution and the Napoleonic Wars. The threat of an invasion from the sea was uncomfortably real.

Courtesy amazon.ca

Although it too retained the original's storyline and much of it's period feel, Jane Slayre doesn't shy from anachronism. My favourite is the stake-o-matic, Jane's mechanized stake-in-the-heart vampire dispatcher. The Bronte-based Slayre is correspondingly darker than the Austen tales, but the spin is a more amusing Shaun- than a gory Dawn of the Dead. It's the book's refusal to take itself seriously that makes the stake-o-matic and friends work.

Revisionist history can be absurd, and revisionist fictional history even more so. If you're a proponent of the concept of a multiverse of possible worlds along with with a taste for the silly, Henry VIII: Wolfman might be just what the doctor ordered. Not too heavy, in several senses of the word, this tome is an enjoyable companion when you need a pick-me-up. Historians have a variety of explanations for Henry's well-known alteration in behaviour. Wolfman is simple, there's only one.

Courtesy amazon.ca

As expected, Thomas More is martyred, but this time it has more to do with nasty co-workers (especially Thomas Boleyn) and enthusiastic entrepreneurship (Witchfinder and Wife). Anne becomes Queen, but this time, Henry's insistence that they're soul mates is much easier to swallow. The history books tell us that Henry was torn between his personal life and his role as king. Whatever you feel about the real man, Wolfman hammers home the terrible dilemma faced by this wolf-man. He really couldn't help himself.

One of the things I liked best about this volume is the political humour. A really Bad Guy, an emissary from Belgium (yes, Belgium); selfish and nasty nobles; Vatican meddlers seriously out of their depth; and a truly fiendish conspiracy. A light and humourous take on a deadly serious slice of history.

* * *

♥ ♥  Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters A fun way to spend a few hours getting re-acquainted with Jane Austen and some creatures more successful than the French.

♥ ♥  Jane Slayre Light-hearted Charlotte Bronte-style vampires and friends with some bizarrely modern twists.

♥ ♥  Henry VIII: Wolfman Finally, revisionist history we can all agree upon. Henry really was a monster.

* * *

Books mentioned

Why Read a 1740 Novel?

2011-03-20T19:54:00.004-04:00

Perhaps the first modern English novel¹, Samuel Richardson's Pamela: Or Virtue Rewarded was published over 250 years ago (1740), but its theme continues to resonate today.

Courtesy amazon.co.uk

There are several reasons I've recommended this title. Most importantly, it's a good read in a surprisingly contemporary format. Think of it as a kind of 18th century Bridget Jones's Diary with a suitably less worldly heroine writing home to her family rather than confiding in a journal.

If Bridget isn't quite your style, consider Pamela's place in literary history. Controversial when first released, it still is. The modern reader may dismiss this tome as one more English Lit costume drama, Pamela as Pollyanna, but a closer look shows she's smarter than she seems; more than a match for a man we all know should have been certain to get his way.

Courtesy amazon.ca

Still unconvinced? Henry Fielding, author of the classic, The History of Tom Jones, a Foundling (1749) aka Tom Jones, hated Pamela with a passion. So much so, that he took up his pen and produce the self-explanatory An Apology for Mrs Shamela Andrews aka Shamela (1741) and the next year, The History and Adventures of Mr Joseph Andrews and of his Friend Mr Abraham Adams aka Joseph Andrews (our heroine's wimpy sibling who also winds up with his virtue under siege) in addition to the self-explanatory Shamela. Yet without Pamela, Fielding could have been another nameless magistrate. Say goodbye to Britain's Channel Four's wonderful award-winning City of Vice, another chance to watch Ian McDiarmid, Star Wars' Senator Palpatine, later Emperor Palpatine², in action. Against the Dark side, no less.

* * *

♥ ♥ ♥ A great book, but as a read, I'd say Tom Jones has aged better. Get them both and decide for yourself.

Bonus extra: I once knew a person who claimed to have used Tom Jones to learn English.

* * *

Notes
¹ As per UniversalTeacher.org.uk's Brief History of English Literature: Prose Fiction and the Novel (search for "Pamela")
² According to Starwars.com, the only time McDiarmid didn't portray Palpatine was in The Empire Strikes Back (1980): "He was played by an old woman [Elaine Baker] wearing prosthetic makeup, with chimpanzee eyes superimposed in post-production into darkened eye sockets."

* * *

Books mentioned

Pamela: Or Virtue Rewarded
Tom Jones (originally published as The History of Tom Jones, a Foundling)
Joseph Andrews and Shamela (combined edition, originally published separately as An Apology for Mrs Shamela Andrews and The History and Adventures of Mr Joseph Andrews and of his Friend Mr Abraham Adams)

Greem Day Packing

2011-03-18T00:40:00.009-04:00

Never heard of the colour greem¹? Perhaps your reading list is a tad anemic. Unlike some, I'm not one for coining colourful neologisms. But sometimes enough is just too copious.

When I espied SWEDOW, an NPO acronym describing how unvendible garbage can be transmogrified into a tax credit or deduction (depending on your tax jurisdiction), I drew a line in the sand and avowed solemnly "Yes, by Vectron's jewel-encrusted virtual cosmic æstel!".

Mitchell and Webb and Vectron went down to the sea to bathe ... See who wasn't saved:

Note to workaholics: This is exactly what can happen when you take a day off

Now, it's not that there aren't multitudinous methods of describing my neologism's sentiment, it's just that those that come to mind tend to be unprintable (ie, as unspeakable as the meaning they're meant to convey).

In the spirit of Vectron, I propose "widoa" (wid-O-AH), or, Words I DOn't Appreciate. I have the hunch this will entrench itself in my vocabulary, so I ditched the caps (prenatally, so to speak -- think widoa, not WIDOA). Thus, to paraphrase Shakespeare's² third witch, Widoa: ditch-delivered, but no(t) drab. Nope. No need for Madame, no blots (spots) in its copybook.

Highly recommended London
Coliseum, scene of the
Unspeakable. Courtesy ENO.

Require the dictionary-dictated example of usage? How about the phrase waiters (waitpeople? waitpersons? servers?) use to interrupt your meal (for should you actually require their attention, be assured, they pointedly ignore you). Nothing more warranted to turn your temper, and your stomach, than the faux-sincere "How's your food, everything OK? Good!"

Another stock weasel usage: "Did you find everything you were looking for?" Ever stood in a checkout line waiting for your chance to describe the hour of futile searching for an essential product and/or help? How, frustrated, you accepted the pricier third- or forth-best? And, as customer after customer responded "Yes", you were busy polishing your soliloquy: "No ..."?

Eagerly awaited 3rd edition
Courtesy amazon.co.uk

Yet, when your turn blissfully arrives, it's grunts and gestures, rather than speech, from the clerk. Foiled again by the tell-tale signs that alert salespeople the word over that they're about to be taken literally. Yes, they can tell when the answer will be negative, and so desist in the posing.

Rather than playing their game, I slither into the role of satisfied customer. Given the opportunity to say pleasantly "Yes", I'll say, "Well, no. I'd hoped the books I want would be cheaper. And I've been waiting for X to come out in paperback. The hardcover's still too expensive".

For some reason I've yet to receive a response.

* * *

Courtesy amazon.co.uk

Yesterday, I had no choice but to contact † The Organisation †³ whose unofficial motto is "We Always Use Voicemail" (WAUV). Telephone and ask the receptionist to speak to X. I guarantee you will be connected to X's voicemail. Confronted with WAUV, I always call again to explain I requested a human being. Very rarely, it works.

Yesterday, call One served to inform me that I was using the wrong terminology (logo, never symbol). Two's let me know the object of my search, had (unlike Elvis) not left the building. If I were to leave a message (done) she would definitely "take my phone" (the dreaded widoa). Less than two hours later, at ten minutes to five († The Organisation † does not keep 9-to-five hours), I was goaded into recording a few more messages ...

* * *

Courtesy amazon.com

Eureka (see, I speak Greek too)! Last night, I stumbled upon the website of pseudonymous author Robin Cooper. Several years ago, I serendipitously⁴ read The Timewaster Letters and its sequel, The Return of The Timewaster Letters, two amazing collections of the opportunistic meeting the cretinly credulous, or what Cooper might be prodded into saying, the greemly green¹.

"It's Robin Cooper here. Sorry it's taken me a while to get in touch. My wife's wretched ankle has been playing up of late, and we've had to change her ankle specialist, as she became frightened of Dr Hemsley (she thought his face resembled that of a horse's skull)" Robin Cooper (From the author)

My sequel copy is especially noteworthy because I picked it up in a Viennese bookshop that also housed a Canadian culture book whose contents could have been lifted from Rick Mercer's Talking to Americans. Talk about misclassification. Here's what I thought was an apology for Mercer having convinced those Harvard, Princeton and Stanford professors and all those politicians for making fools of themselves, but it turns out I may have been wrong.

Warning: A self-described passive-agressive so-called "apology" in very poor taste.

Its stuff like this that justifies our current government's slashing of the

Exploding Pizza Channel's (aka CBC) budget, yet again

BTW, if you want to do as Rick suggests, and take it out on Bouchard (currently Quebec's fracking poster boy) and Gilles Duceppe (the shower cap fashionisto) and Yuck, Rick's "Eskimo prime minister". Many of my fellow Canadians would be more than happy to support you. In fact, they already do.

* * *

Courtesy amazon.com

Taking the same approach as the first modern English novel, Samuel Richardson's Pamela: Or, Virtue Rewarded⁵, the non-fiction, Timewaster is a series of back-and-forth (mainly forth) correspondence. Ever had the urge to tell someone in a secondary sector (eg, secondary metals) to grow a backbone, rather than playing second fiddle to a bunch of stuck-up A-listers (ie, primary metals)? Or, since they're the so-called experts, asking a member of one of the "psych" professions why you chose to communicate (eg, write a letter to her)?

If you're the creative type, how about asking royalty to subsidize you? Why not emulate Cooper who petitioned the guy with the three ostrich-feather heraldic badge⁶ to foot the bill for a (class-segregated) hound (upper) and dog (working)⁷ abode? Especially since he quit his day job (if I remember right) to work his way into architecture.

"In Return of the Timewaster Letters, [Cooper] delivers another wonderful collection of his polite, persistent and peculiar correspondence. Whether he is raising money for his nationwide hair-drying tour, booking a hotel room for his robot calf, or just trying to get rid of half a ton of unwanted herring." Amazon

Courtesy amazon.com

In this book, it's not a question of why anybody would bite the proffered hook, but how long the target will continue responding. The bait includes Cooper's wife's continuing ankle woes, his children's army-worthy bad behaviour, bizarre pets (eg, Comfy the boar), threats of having quit his job or destroyed his masterpiece, the personification of the ping pong paddle, and the alleged absence of a telephone (although Robin contradicts himself on his website).

Off tangent and back on track. Never too old to learn, I listened to a some of Robin's calls (telemarketer and airline) and decided: The Timewaster's track (TT) was the one for me!

* * *

I rang † The Organisation † today to complain my phone "was not taken". Apparently, it's because I said I'd be "out today". Yeah, that's why I was worried -- I'd rather a ring at the door than a break-in. This time, I specified a human, not a machine, and (miracle!), I got one.

Refusing to use PC terminology, I pitched my demand to the phone pincher, including my phone loss concern. She went into broken-record mode, so at every pause, I answered TTishly, "If you wish". Prepared for her email address request (my version of Cooper's no-phone excuse), I answered, "I'll give you my fax number", complete with the TT inclusion of my historical statement mnemonic.

A ring at the door? Courtesy starwars.wikia.com

After my telephone?
Courtesy wikipedia

Success! The phone went "click" and happiness ensued. Although it took longer than the promised ten minutes, the fax arrived. Waste not, want not, so I used the interim to bring † The Organisation's † receptionist up to speed on the phone pincher's pilfering threat denial. This time it was my turn to replace the receiver when, tables turned, my perplexed tormentor (in denial mode) attempted a pincher re-connection. Thank you Robin Cooper for a thoroughly satisfying land line experience!

Even if you're disinterested in The TT approach to telemarketer telephony (my nonce word) -- telephone as anonymous instrument of torture -- you should love Timewaster and Timewaster Two.

I word of advice. Avoid on a full stomach (you may laugh yourself sick) and use caution when in public (your hilarity may be mistaken for madness).

* * *

PS: I still have all my phones -- plain vanilla landlines, cordless, smart cell/mobile and retired (unsmart? stupid? challenged?) now immobile cellular.

* * *

Notes
¹ An inspecific colour dreamt up by Timewaster author Robin Cooper.
² Hey, there's a superstition about naming this play. I've been told the unspeakable occurred in the London Coliseum. A place I've been in several times, but only after becoming horribly lost. Something to do about St Martin. Don't ask me what, the guy in the Coliseum's ticket booth told me to enquire at the church. As if I could find that either. At least this Coliseum doesn't have vomitoria.
³ Name withheld to protect the guilty, since † The Organisation † enjoys intimidation, -- "Your name had better not come to my attention again, or else (spit, hiss, gurgle, pop)!" -- I'm virtually mum. I like to think of † The Organisation † as a highly-flawed version of what the white mice would have commissioned had they chosen the HO of Pandaemonium's property managers. That is, if Douglas Adams had given up on the Hitchhiker's Guide and decided to channel Milton instead.
⁴ Serendip is on my travel list, under a non-PC aka.
⁵ Harold Bloom told me it was a wonderful book. Who am I to disagree?
⁶ Attributed to that scourge of the French, the Black Prince, the guy with all that paraphernalia on display at Canterbury.
⁷ The upper class, leisure-loving, hound was compared to the common-as-dirt, working class dog, in an episode of the BBC's Balderdash and Piffle. Although the show's links no longer work, an echo remains on BBC News' Gordon Bennet! Who was he? page.

* * *

Books mentioned

Macbeth (Arden edition)
The Timewaster Letters
The Return of The Timewaster Letters
Pamela: Or, Virtue Rewarded
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe (omnibus edition)

Contemporary Cabinets of Curiosity

2011-03-14T01:46:00.019-04:00

We all know how dogs mark their territory. Ever considered humans?

Steal a glance at a friend's fridge. While some are as barren as Voltaire's few acres of snow, others resemble modern cabinets of curiosities¹.

Chill out with mine: two doors and one-and-a-half sides exposed. Bare when we met, that is. It's all dressed up since the family's had places to go. Broad and gleaming, it's the perfect showcase. And a great spot for storing papers at risk of misplacement. Stick on a magnet, and milk-bag slicers and bottle openers transform into paper-hugging multi-taskers. Ditto for wallet-sized photos of family and friends. Souvenir heaven.

Full Frontal Fridge (detail):

Stormy weather in Algonquin Park by Tom Thompson (locale is northern Ontario; magnet was acquired in Ottawa). Churning on a Chrysler Building postcard background.

Colourfully green and blue,
not red (read) all over

The lightning-struck Eiffel Tower (souvenir de Paris) set off by a kiss from the goldworker's son (secured from the canvas' Vienna home gift shop.

Breathtaking Ishtar Gate dragon in dazzling lapis-blue glazed brick (from Berlin's amazing Museum Island), a mix of ancient and reproduction. Set off by the oh-too-solid walls below the magical glass envelope of the St Chapelle (Paris again). Then glimpses of Dublin (a cheapo Ryanair day trip) and more Eiffel.

Postcard Pompeii's plaster victims vicariously revisiting the fires of Vesuvius. Flanked by upstart frogs (New York's Lincoln Center promo item and a Boston novelty shop find). New York spins Aristophanes.

Finally, a diametrically opposed Klimt, this time keeping Harvard Square (Massachusetts) under cover.

(Close-up) Left Side, Bottom Right:

Snow-dusted Edinburgh, did the sun soon dust off your frost? A double meaning: Pinned down, first by St Lazare Station, iron horse stable and conveyance to Monet's Giverny (Paris locale, from Chicago's Art Institute), and second, by Tolkien's face of Obsession.

Harmony in Blues,
not in blue and silve r

Freedom! Glide implausibly from the Golden Gate (San Francisco souvenir) to Venice Beach (California). While Calgary, sans Stampede, meets New Orleans' lunar tomato paste (Louisiana).

Birds costume designs personify the hollowness of life in Cloud Cuckoo Land (memento of an unforgettable Stratford performance).

Cynically crash land to the disappointing finality of South Beach nostalgia with style (not quite MIA, Florida²). Bad trip.

I learnt recently that you can skin a refrigerator. A monstrous sibling to those peel-and-press cell phone decals and surface protectors. Fasten a statement to your phone, laptop, and now your icebox. No thanks. Stick with the little guys.

* * *

Notes

¹ "[A]n encyclopedic collection in Renaissance Europe ... Modern terminology would categorize the objects included as belonging to natural history (sometimes faked), geology, ethnography, archaeology, religious or historical relics, works of art ... and antiquities." (wikipedia)

I first came across the term when I read The Cabinet of Curiosities by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child. It's light reading, suitable for the rigours of travelling.

I visited Sir John Soane's House cum Museum in London several years ago. Although it's bereft of a natural history slant, it's my cabinet gold standard.

²The letters MIA stand for "Miami International Airport" and "Missing in Action". I arrived at MIA, but was almost MIA before my flight home. I should have stuck to South Beach.

* * *

Books mentioned

Mash Up a Cure for Rage

2011-03-13T00:25:00.010-05:00

Cell phone rage, checkout-line rage, air rage, road rage, wrap rage, IT rage -- "rage" is all the rage these days. In restaurants, museums, even libraries, so-called adults throw public tantrums.

Euphemism's magic wand may pretty things up, but can't transmogrify rudeness and its ilk into acceptable behaviour. Brains. Use yours; don't act like a two-year-old.

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains." Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

It takes brilliance to come up with the series of well-reasoned put-downs that comedians Rick Mercer and Charlie Brooker call rants. Nothing is sacred and the bloodthirstier, the better. What people forget is comedy is an act -- not a model for social interaction.

Rick's advocating for kids here, not emulating one:

Rick Mercer ranting on killjoy, anti-snow-day, wet

blankets. Hasn't he learnt that T.O.¹ gets slush, not snow?

Yes, infantile behaviour is enough to give a person rage rage.

* * *

Courtesy amazon.ca

I see the problem as a blurring of the line between private and public life. As sociologist Erving Goffman would have put it, between on- and off-stage behaviour. Written in the 1950s, The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life, continues to speak to us. It may not be a page-turner, but it's sometimes compelling reading.

Presentation's basic premise is that we all play a variety of roles; we're not the same person at work, at home, or with our friends. Would you expect restaurant staff to behave the same way in the kitchen as in the dining room among the customers? Imagine what life would be like if we all played a single role. Not pretty. No fun either.

* * *

So, what to do when you feel the next bout of gallery rage or even Stendhal's syndrome descending?

Here are a few suggestions:

(1) Seek consolation in philosophy.

(2) Lose yourself in a mashup book. Each a new storey built on a multi-layered old favourite. Think of these spun classics as you would spun sugar: light and airy with a bit of a crunch.

"What makes these novels so funny is that the characters will be going along, acting in their Victorian way, then suddenly bust out with swords (and heads) flying, and afterward simply tidy up the mess and continue on with their uptight lives." Literally Booked

Courtesy amazon.ca

Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters takes the Regency romance to a new level -- sea level -- and gives a new definition to seafood. A tentacle-faced Colonel Brandon, underwater cities and the notorious Devonshire Fang-Beast. Blood and gore, Jane Austin style. By an author attacked by the plural of octopus. Fancy a visit to the seaside?

"It’s hard to say, in the end, if this is an homage, an exploitation, a deconstruction, or just a 300-page parlor trick. Although the sea-monster subplots, considered independently, rarely rise above pulp clichés, the book’s best moments do achieve a kind of bizarro symbiosis." Sam Anderson (New York Magazine)

Courtesy GoodReads

Louisa May Alcott's classic Civil War tale, Little Women gets a new slant with the incorporation of werewolves. In a climate of speciesism, the poor March girls of Little Women and Werewolves, take on another burden by promoting interspecies understanding. In addition to the danger of consorting with werewolves, they face the xenophobic intimidation of vigilantes known as The Brigade. Marches marching between a rock and a hard place?

"3/5. By turns heartwarming and blood-curdling, this rejuvenated classic will be cherished and treasured by those who love a lesson in virtue almost as much as they enjoy a good old-fashioned dismemberment." GoodReads.

Courtesy amazon.com

Ever wish you would wake up one day to discover you were the long-lost child of royalty? Tired of living in the dark, the young Jane Slayre is being raised by vampires. Fed up with her cousins' murderous threats, she knows she was meant for better things. The stake-o-matic², for one. For some people, it's in the blood.

"I’m not a fan of the literary mash-up ... I'm unlikely to read many more in the genre but I would recommend Sherri Browning Erwin’s Jane Slayre as a great way to enjoy the best the genre currently has on offer." Gerard Wood (Science Fiction World)

Courtesy GoodReads

We've all heard that history is [re]written by the victors³. The historically revisionist Henry VIII: Wolfman, puts an entirely new spin on this enigmatic king. Discover the real reasons for Henry VIII's bloodthirsty reputation, Thomas More's downfall and what Henry found so special about Anne Boleyn. And why did that special envoy, with the underworld ties, hail from an anachronistic Belgium?

"7/10. [T]he cutting humour of The Thick of It – Moorat's Cardinal Wolsey is very much an ancestor of Peter Capaldi's spin doctor Malcolm Tucker. Couple that with some well-told moments of lupine mayhem, and conflicting urges within a werewolf, and you've got a highly enjoyable novel." Paul Simpson (Total Sci-Fi OnLine)

(3) Get some exercise. Go for a walk. Take some time off. A change of air often puts things into perspective. Watch Rick Mercer bond with budding engineers. If these were real-world conditions, there would be cracks in the cement and rebars rotten with road salt rust. Watch and see how many racers finish their run. As a bonus, learn the transgendered French for "Good Luck!"

Is concrete tobogganing an improvement over the traditional wood?

Now, take a deep breath, try to relax, and get on with life. Mañana⁴.

* * *

Notes

¹ Toronto. You can tell from his pronunciation that Mercer's an out-of-towner. "Toe-ron-to". Good grief.
² One of Jane's inventions. Efficient and effective.
³ Churchill, maybe. Or maybe not. It depends upon who you ask and if you're willing to accept variations (eg, Machiavelli, attributed to Napoleon, and Eric Blair.)
⁴ Spanish for "tomorrow". When on holiday, rather than driving yourself crazy waiting for an overdue tour bus, guide, or be what may, repeat this word to yourself. Remember, you're supposed to be relaxing and having fun, not a heart attack. If it works, see if it transfers successfully off-holiday. Best of luck!

* * *

Books mentioned

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life
Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters
Little Women (original)
Little Women and Werewolves (mashup)
Jane Slayre
Henry VIII: Wolfman

Taking Back Toad Hall: Weasel-Fighting Tools

2011-03-07T23:14:00.008-05:00

Political pundit Rex Murphy on what happens when a politician is truthful

Tired of the verbal gymnastics government and marketers use to confuse you? Why not give them a taste of their own pharmaceuticals?

Courtesy amazon.co.uk

I took on weasel words and Humpty Dumptyism in an earlier post. Insidious, but ubiquitous, how can they be spotted? Take a gander at Don Watson's Weasel Words website for some examples. You might even be inspired to purchase one of his books. I'd be tempted to investigate this one on the basis of its great cover illustration. Think Badger can be fooled by crocodile tears from weasels and stoats? Think again. These were the barbarians who, against all decency, trashed Toad Hall in The Wind in the Willows.

Friendship after the deluge.
Courtesy amazon.co.uk

This large print edition may not be for you, but however you size it The Wind in the Willows isn't just for kids. There's much to admire about ethics and friendship here. Written in 1908, by the Secretary of the Bank of England, it was nominated 16th in the 2003 BBC Big Read. A wonderful book with meaning for all generations. Some catchy ditties too.

* * *

Be your community's Badger, it's not just Toad Hall at stake this time! Here are a few tools to help you on your way:

Postmodern philosophy, has a habit of attracting derision. It certainly doesn't qualify as easy reading. That's why The Postmodernist Generator, described by Richard Dawkins as "a virtuoso piece of computer programming", could spit me out absolute nonsense disguised as a professional article. Entitled Reinventing Constructivism: Marxist capitalism and neomodernist narrative included this drivel:

"However, in The Last Words of Dutch Schultz, Burroughs deconstructs the postcapitalist paradigm of discourse; in Port of Saints he affirms Marxist capitalism. The main theme of the works of Burroughs is not, in fact, narrative, but prenarrative."

Marxist capitalism? Prenarrative? Big words and lots of meaningless jargon. Sounds great to me, so long as I'm not the recipient of this stuff.

Why not give it a go and let the Generator provide you some great inspiration?

Worried about not taken seriously because you don't walk the walk and talk the talk? The Ready Reckoner for Business Writing promises help "that will numb your readers' minds". The logistically similar Buzzword Bingo encourages subversivism to "take back the English language". It comes with handy game rules. A wonderful opportunity to let off steam with friends!

Courtesy amazon.ca

As the husband tells us in Julian Barnes' Love, Etc, it doesn't matter whether you understand my insult, it can be enough that I do. Read the book and see how true this is for yourself. This portrait of a love triangle from each player's standpoint, will keep you thinking long after you put it down.

Lost for words? Try the Oxymoron List, with its alphabetically ordered myriad of corkers. Imagine your enjoyment after your employment of "amateur expert", "Civil servant", "government organization", "Microsoft Works", "no comment", "public service", "unbiased opinion", and their friends.

Wrap it up with a bow on top by honing your reasoning skills with Bad Arguments, the argument analysis skills tester. A double-edged sword, you'll be spotting the porkies in no time and have morphed into an economic whiz with the truth¹.

Not to be used on children, at least, not your own.

Having problems seeing the forest for the trees? Here's some TLC from Rick Mercer with advice on softening and smoothing your world:

I once had a friend allergic to newspaper ink. It was either the oven or the iron for her.

It's high time loins were girded and the creep of categorical inaccuracy stopped in its tracks. Down with language that allows a hospital cleaner to be known as a Patient Support Officer² Join in the struggle to keep the weasels out of Toad Hall!

* * *

Notes
¹ "To be economical with the truth", ie, lie.
² " 'Queensland Health has advertised for a Patient Support Officer. Sounds like a counsellor, social worker, advocate, etc. It is in fact a cleaner.' (thanks to Tim Goodwin)" from Weasel Words' Advertising Crimes page.

* * *

Books mentioned

Humpty Joins Weasels: Toad Hall to Fall?

2011-03-07T00:51:00.035-05:00

Newfoundlander Rick Mercer ranting about government mendacity.

Are you fed up with the rise of disinformation? Believe weasel words and Humpty Dumptyisms belched out by government and corporations smother truth like a miasma? Then pull Philosophy off its pedestal and make it personal. Draw a line in the sand and listen to some modern philosophers.

Alain de Botton's practical The Consolations of Philosophy¹ illuminates our path to consolation by pairing some of the greats with a common problem. He puts it all into context through his wonderful examples of a man desperately in need of advice -- himself.

Courtesy GoodReads

Think for yourself and ignore the ill-informed critic (Socrates) and take pleasure in simple things (Epicurus). Drop that misguided sense of justice; the universe doesn't operate on moral grounds (Seneca) and allow Montagne's help your loneliness. Don't equate love with happiness (Schopenhauer), but strive to find joy (Nietzsche).

"When I use a word it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less." Humpty Dumpty in Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking Glass)

Tongue-tied when asked a deliberately confusing question? Why not do the unexpected and give a frank answer? It's easy, watch de Botton:

Not the answers you'd expect from a Philosopher.

Offering pertinent advice in an easy-to-read format, Consolations provides much more than an enjoyable introduction to Western philosophy. I would have preferred colour to the black-and-white pictures studded throughout my paperback's text, but you can't have everything. As Consolations reminds us, the grass is always more verdant on the other side of the fence:

"If Alain de Botton weren’t a friend of mine, I think I would probably hate him. In fact, I know I would hate him because even when he wasn’t as disgustingly famous and successful as he is now, I found myself loathing his guts on principle." James Delingpole (Spectator)

* * *

Courtesy GoodReads

Business School taught me you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Higher education is too late in the continuum for instilling ethics. However, it can teach pragmatism, the logistics of putting ideals into action.

In the Agora of difference between theory and practice, I struck gold with philosopher Martin Cohen's 101 Ethical Dilemmas. These pertinent predicaments are not trick questions, and Cohen's topical remarks comprise a significant portion of the book. Given the situation, the pros and the cons, you make the final decision. Here's to hoping yours pass the smell test.

"[A] chatty, jokey journey through philosophical dilemmas ancient and modern: from magic rings and frog kings to designer babies and the photocopier's dilemma." Fred Pearce (New Statesman)

Back in the barnyard, moo-ve on to Julian Baggini's The Pig that Wants to Be Eaten: 100 Experiments for the Armchair Philosopher. Inside, you may be lured by its user-friendly look. A 101 Ethical Dilemmas Lite. If Pig were truly a downmarket book, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe² reference would have been nixed. Don't be fooled, the quandaries and discussions aren't shallow. As a bonus, Baggini provides some background sources for his dilemmas.

This animal has class. Watch him expound on vegetarian cruelty:

Meeting the meat at the upscale restaurant. Want casual? Try the
Big Bang Burger Bar. From The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe (1981).

Courtesy Good Reads

"Baggini offers us a tempting smorgasbord of some of the most baffling, weird and occasionally downright creepy scenarios ever envisaged." Stephen Law (Guardian)

Perfect for the smallest room in the house's bookshelf, neither volume is a cover-to-cover read. Since you're expected to learn as you go along, it's best to stick to the beginning at first. Find the subject a bit daunting? Go for Pig. Otherwise, 101's a more effective use of your money.

Fed up with advice from the feedlot? Try Dilemmas: What Would You Do? A highly portable little tome of the short and sweet, string a few together and everything turns complex. Thought-provoking questions. There's no guidance to help in assessing the situation. You're on your own here.

* * *

Action-oriented? Pick up the the standard in the fight against disinformation and fight fire with fire now! Give your elected representatives a taste of their own obfuscation. Make liberal use of weasel words, Humpty Dumptyisms, buzzwords and fallacious thinking. Better yet, buttonhole any fool on the campaign trail to waste some of their time.

Buttonholed in a bookshop, Rex Murphy's more than happy to let Canada's youth in on the secret of responsible citizenship:

Political pundit Rex Murphy on the current leadership vacuum and thinking for yourself

It's high time loins were girded and the creep of categorical inaccuracy stopped in its tracks. Give Humpty another shove off that wall. Are you with me?

* * *

Notes

¹ The Consolation of Philosophy title was already taken by Boethius.
² Second of the The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe series. And no, that's not a sci-fi pig.
³ " 'Queensland Health has advertised for a Patient Support Officer. Sounds like a counsellor, social worker, advocate, etc. It is in fact a cleaner.' (thanks to Tim Goodwin)" from Weasel Words' Advertising Crimes page.

See my Taking Back Toad Hall post for information on Toad Hall and tips on how to fight fire with fire.

* * *

Books mentioned

The Consolations of Philosophy (de Botton's modern spin)

The Consolation of Philosophy (Boethius' original)

101 Ethical Dilemmas

The Pig that Wants to Be Eaten: 100 Experiments for the Armchair Philosopher

Restaurant at the End of the Universe

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe (omnibus edition)

Dilemmas: What Would You Do?

Madness, Murder and Dictionary-Making

2011-02-28T00:32:00.621-05:00

In June 2009, Texas-based Global Language Monitor (GLM)¹ announced that "Web 2.0" was English's millionth word (or, more correctly, term).

"Currently there is a new word created every 98 minutes or about 14.7 words per day. ... [T]he recent Google/Harvard Study of the Current Number of Words in the English Language is 1,022,000. The number of words in the English language according to GLM now stands at: 1,008,879..." The Global Language Monitor (3 Feb 2011).

Some people cheer at these sorts of announcements, while others shake their heads in derision, insisting upon the impossibility of such a tally. So, how did they do it? Take the most up-to-date dictionary and add all the new words not yet included?

Reasonable, right?

Absolutely not, and the reasons why can be found in Jack Lynch's recent book, The Lexicographer's Dilemma. I came across it at the Main Branch of the New York Public Library's bookstore, home of some of the only books you can remove from this non-lending library. Let this Associate Professor of English at New Jersey's Rutgers University, treat you to a whirlwind tour of just what constitutes a dictionary entry -- a word (term), in other words -- and how it qualifies for inclusion in a standard dictionary.

Courtesy amazon.co.uk

To start, the lexicographer must make some basic decisions: What kinds of terms will the dictionary include? When does a word become archaic? Obsolete? Should I include them? What makes a new coinage stick worthy of recognition? What about nonce words?

We also learn that a so-called all-inclusive dictionary is really only a subset of the tongue. Technical terms (eg, chemicals) exist for both known and theoretical compounds, yet the only ones you'll find will be those in common use. For the rest, consult an all-inclusive specialized dictionary. Note however, there some omissions always remain.

Prefixes and suffixes present another dilemma. Take "un-" and its cognates. They can be attached to almost any noun, verb, adjective and adverb -- the list is virtually infinite. So what does the lexicographer do? Include the prefixes and suffixes themselves and their common children. Leave it up to the reader to put the rest together, says Lynch.

But Dilemma goes further than describing the mysteries of dictionary compilation, it also discusses the rise and continued fascination with the concept of "proper" English. For example, while the French, Italians and Spanish, among others, each have an official body (eg, France's Académie française) to rule upon what is proper, English has always been laissez-faire. Says Lynch:

"There are at least three reasons for the failure [to set up an Academy], the first of which is specific to English. The world's English-speaking countries, with their long tradition of favoring individual liberty, have never supported the kind of absolutist, top-down government that linguistic regulation seems to require. Britain, the United States, Ireland, Canada, Australia, New Zealand -- all distrust centralized regulation." (The Lexicographer's Dilemma)

Some people recognize Canadian English

Our author has slipped up on Canada: The QOLF (OQLF in French) aka Quebec's Language Cops routinely castigates France² on it's improper use of its language and others'. One commission of the QOLF, determines the correct language of place-names, resulting in changes to the spelling of the names of many cities, towns and villages (eg, the former St-Sauveur is now Saint-Sauveur). The names of hundreds of streets have adjusted along with alterations to their spelling (eg, Longueuil's Lafayette Blvd sometimes appears on signs as "La Fayette". This commission also issues pronouncements regarding the English language, for example, it forbids the phrases "in Quebec City", "in Quebec" and "in the city of Quebec" stating that the only "in the city of Québec" is correct. So,it's back to school for the lot of you!

* * *

Noah Webster³ was perhaps the most successful person to impose his will upon the tongue, using his new dictionary to differentiate his new nation's speech from that of the old. Choosing one pronunciation among several for the letter "Z" and dropping the "u" from words such as "colour" and "honour" are among the most famous.

Anyone with an interest in dictionaries and the evolution of modern English will derive much enjoyment from The Lexicographer's Dilemma. (lol -- I did.)

* * *

Murray wanted the entire
English language included.
Courtesy simonwinchester

If you enjoy dictionaries as I do, you'll love Simon Winchester's two volumes on the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) -- The Meaning of Everything: The Story of the Oxford English Dictionary and the more specific, The Professor and the Madman: A Tale of Murder, Insanity, and the Making of the Oxford English Dictionary (aka The Surgeon of Crowthorne: A Tale of Murder, Insanity and the Making of the Oxford English Dictionary). A so-called all-inclusive dictionary, the OED was originally meant to include the entire language, but once the work got under way, choices, such as those discussed in The Lexicographer's Dilemma were made. Since no other lexicographic work had the scope of the OED, its editors made up many of the rules as they went along. Never dry, Winchester describes the ups and downs, false starts and wasted effort with aplomb. Back then, people were expected to learn through their mistakes. None of today's ubiquitous blamestorming.

While many Americans may not be familiar with the OED, as a Canadian, an abridged version has always been my intimate, both on the bookshelf and at school. I procured my own copy of the Concise Oxford Dictionary from an early pay cheque. Now in its eleventh edition, the current hardcover version is 1728 pages long and includes over 240,000 entries; mine pre-dates the second edition of the full OED and ends at page 1566. The next full edition, nicknamed OED3, is under way.

The Meaning of Everything: The Story of the Oxford English Dictionary is also the story of Professor James Augustus Henry Murray⁴, a self-taught polyglot Scot. A man with little formal education, he spent close to 50 years leading the production of the first edition. Nobody had any inkling of the actual time (70 years!) and cost involved (it has never turned a profit) when Murray was hired, but the results were beyond everyone's wildest dreams. If you don't love the OED before you read Winchester's book, you should after. I've read, not just consulted the dictionary since childhood, and let's just say, Winchester made me feel vindicated.

However, the task facing Murray and his team was impossible without the help of hundreds of volunteers. Working from home or elsewhere, and using the materials Murray et al provided, they produced the famous "slips"; the raw material of the dictionary's entries. The sub-editors verified and completed the entry information.

Courtesy amazon.ca

In The Professor and the Madman: A Tale of Murder, Insanity, and the Making of the Oxford English Dictionary (aka The Surgeon of Crowthorne: A Tale of Murder, Insanity and the Making of the Oxford English Dictionary) we encounter the sorry tale of Dr WC Minor, one of the most prolific volunteers, with over 10,000 contributions. When invited to a dictionary-related celebration, he sent his regrets -- he was a Broadmoor inmate (an asylum for the criminally insane). A medical doctor, he had travelled to Britain hoping to alleviate his mental problems, but had grown worse and landed in jail after committing murder. Professor Murray and his team eventually helped the American Civil War veteran return to his family's care. Over the years they had come to know and respect this meticulous but troubled man:

"The unique manner of his procedure was soon to become a hallmark of Minor's astonishing accuracy and eye for detail. His work would win the admiration and awe of all who were later to see it; even today the quires preserved in the dictionary archives are such as to make people gasp." (The Professor and the Madman aka The Surgeon of Crowthorne: A Tale of Murder, Insanity and the Making of the Oxford English Dictionary)

Paul Martin of BBC2's Antiques Roadshow wannabe Flog It investigates the story of the OED [possibly the 1 Nov 2010 episode of Flog It] and sees some of Minor's "slips":

* * *

Incredibly, the Dictionary's history is even more far-reaching. To read The Ring of Words: Tolkien and the Oxford English Dictionary is to delve into the life of JRR Tolkien, whose first job as an Oxford graduate was to spend two years as a sub-editor of the OED.

Courtesy tolkienlibrary.com

And what a sub-editor! As a small child, Tolkien was unusual. He invented his own languages. Not just words -- languages with entire grammars. So, although most of us know him as a novelist, he was primarily a philologist and professor. Specializing in Anglo-Saxon and the rest of the Germanic language family, his legacy within the OED lies within the letter "W".

Histories of a variety of Tolkien's own words can be found at the end of the book. These provide fascinating insight into neologisms initially developed for his stories, some of which have become commonplace in the realm of fantasy writing and gaming.

As a novelist, when JRR employed fantasy tongues -- he wasn't just using individual words; he was using entire fantasy languages. An intriguing tale of an unusual ability, and for lovers of The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings series, and Tolkien's other works, consider The Ring as the ultimate prequel.

* * *

Courtesy: Amazon.ca

If you want to learn more about the inspiration for the methods used in the OED and many earlier foreign dictionaries, pick up Henry Hitchings' Defining the World: The Extraordinary Story of Dr Johnson's Dictionary, the tale of Samuel Johnson and his ground-breaking A dictionary of the English language in which the words are deduced from their originals, and illustrated in their significations by examples from the best writers. I picked up my paperback, under the name of Dr Johnson's Dictionary: The Extraordinary Story of the Book that Defined the World, while on holiday in Oxford and became hooked after a few pages. Close to 500 words from the Dictionary are discussed and each of the 35 chapters is named after a dictionary entry, eg, "bookworm" (ch 4), "lexicographer" (ch 14), the famous⁵ "patron" (ch 24), and "triumphant" (ch 30).

Selection from Johnson's

Dictionary. Courtesy

amazon.com.

Johnson's work was THE tome to consult for 150 years or so, until it was surpassed in 1928 by the OED's first edition. Johnson is still available in print, and abridged editions abound. If you're looking to pick up an original version, be prepared to pay for the nose -- Johnson remains popular. The English poet TS Eliot praised Johnson and the erudite American literary critic Harold Bloom, author of The Western Canon: The Books and School of the Ages includes his works in the canon.

"What makes the dictionary so unique -- if not eccentric -- are Johnson's personal definitions. He was a man of many peeves and freely notes his disapproval when a word offends him ..." Matthew Price (Boston Globe, 27 Nov 2005)

One of many abridged editions is Johnson's Dictionary: A Modern Selection (Dover). From abbey-lubber (a lazy person living under false pretenses in a religious house) to zootomy (animal dissection), it's 465 pages of definitions and illustratory passages (many written by Johnson himself). Included, of course, is the term "excise", an inclusion that landed the author in court. Who won? Hint: Judges don't like paying taxes either.

* * *

Notes

¹ According to BBC News (10 Jun 2009), once GLM finds a word on the Internet 25,000 times, it is recognized as a neologism. "Web 2.0" won over Slumdog Millionaire's song "Jai Ho" and "slumdog" as well as the gaming "n00b", a derogatory term meaning neophyte.

² Montreal Gazette political cartoonist Aislin's take on his government's in meddling overseas.

³ The staid Noah Webster was not a fan of the sometimes flippant Samuel Johnson (discussed elsewhere in this post).

⁴ Should you be interested in reading more about Murray, try his granddaughter, KM Elizabeth Murray's excellent biography, Caught in the Web of Words: James Murray and the Oxford English Dictionary. My paperback weighs in at a satisfying 386 pages, and while there is no photo plate section in the centre, there are plenty of pictures throughout.

⁵ Johnson wrote a famously insulting letter to Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl of Chesterfield, his erstwhile patron.

* * *

Books mentioned

What! Blue and yellow don't make green?

2011-02-20T10:55:00.203-05:00

Ever wondered why the Bible's Mary is so partial to deep blue robes or the reason the Dutch were once so enamoured of sober black, despite their lavish still lifes and intricate landscapes?

My Canadian copy's title & cover,
Colour: Travels Through the
Paintbox. Courtesy amazon.co.uk

"Full of forgotten facts and beguiling anecdotes ... it would be hard to confront a painting ever again without seeing in it a kind of coded map of the world." (Telegraph)

Ever since I read Victoria Finlay's Colour: A Natural History of the Palette a few years ago, I've looked at colouring in a new light. Ditto for pearls and stones -- precious and semi-precious -- after Jewels: A Secret History. I think Colour is by far the better book, with its low-down on the most famous pigments used throughout the ages. For example, Finlay visits the fabled home of Ultramarine -- a colour so valuable, few, other than Mary herself, deserve to wear it in Renaissance master paintings.

Courtesy: Amazon.ca

Finlay travelled far and wide seeking out evidence of the fascinating world that existed prior to the introduction of chemical pigments and dyes. Australia's ochres were no pedestrian dirt, but a spectacular variety of colours. Simple and more complex blacks -- great pigments, terrible dyes. Other soils -- our Burnt Umbers and Siennas.

Terre Verte -- the earth colour under all those wonderful pink Renaissance skin tones. I once asked an art teacher about the practice of Terre Verte underpainting -- what an earful -- all those necessary glazes on top. Not a method employed by artists today.

And not so yummy Mummy Brown's gruesome key ingredient -- exactly what the name says -- ground-up corpses. A once popular white -- once based on highly toxic lead. Vermilion, so ubiquitous in Japan -- another toxic tint. Bizarre yellows from India and Cambodia as well as a poisonous green that caused a mysterious death-by-wallpaper. Plus orange, and blue jeans' indigo plant. An over the top violet we know as Royal Purple -- the reason for ancient Tyre's humongous shell middens -- and the sunny secret to its dye. Mass-murder of the shellfish kind.

* * *

Needless to say, the most toxic ancient pigments are now only available by permit. It wouldn't do to have museums restoring their treasures with the modern chemical variety. And, despite the strides in safety provided by modern pigments, check out those expensive jars in art supply stores. Many still aren't safe to use without taking precautions.

Check out The Phrontistery for some unusual colour terms, from aeneous (a bronze), to glaucous (a green), to zinnober (another green).

More green, not an easy colour for Kermit:

* * *

Courtesy amazon.com.

Bitten by the colour-bug? A Perfect Red: Empire, Espionage and the Quest for the Color of Desire is another fascinating tale. Each new fashion season tempts us with a "new black", but did you realize that red is the "old black"? Although there were a variety of red dyes, the Aztecs' cochineal stood out in brightness and colour-fastness. From a source the Spanish did their utmost to keep concealed, it was affordable only to the rich.

"Europeans tried to crack the enigma of cochineal. Did it come from a worm, a berry, a seed? ... all joined the chase ... a chase that lasted more than three centuries." (From back cover.)

* * *

Courtesy amazon.com.

For the true die-hard, Michael Wilcox's colour-theory Blue and Yellow Don't Make Green is a treat. Of course, they sometimes do -- but it all depends upon which blue and which yellow. After going through its colour charts and other detailed technical information, should you find yourself backsliding, just remember the "green and yeller" of Pete Seeger's Henry my Son. That should give you pause.

"Where have you been all the day, Henry my son?

Where have you been all the day, my currant bun?

In the woods, dear mother. In the woods, dear mother.

Mother be quick, I got to be sick and lay me down to die.

. . .

What color was those eels, Henry my boy?

What color was those eels, my pride and joy?

Green and yeller. Green and yeller.

Mother be quick, I got to be sick and lay me down to die.

. . ." (lyricsvip.com)

A wonderful album. Looks like something out of
the '70s, doesn't it? Courtesy amazon.com.

I still have my 1975 double album, Pete Seeger and Arlo Guthrie Together in Concert, where I first heard Henry my Son. The misery of "green and yeller" have been with me ever since.

* * *

Books mentioned

The Saxons are Coming!

2011-02-17T01:38:00.009-05:00

Anyone who spends much time trolling the Internet doing genealogical research quickly learns that once you go back a thousand years or so, just about everyone is, or claims to be, related to the leading figures of the day. Or so it seems.

Hence, Bernard Cornwell, author of the Sharpe novels (dramatized with Sean Bean as Sharpe), claims to be descended from Uhtred of Bebbanburg (the present Bamburg Castle, Northumberland), Saxon son of Uhtred; aka Uhtred Ragnarson, adopted son of Ragnar, the Dane.

Don't let the design fool you, around
Uhtred, weapons are usually
accompanied by another kind of red
stuff (cover courtesy amazon.ca)

The Lords of the North, the third instalment of Cornwell's Saxon Stories, is the continuing tale of Alfred the Great's quest to become overlord of England by uniting the various English kingdoms. Uhtred, a follower of the Norse gods, is rarely on the same wavelength as the manipulative Alfred, outwardly an almost comically pious Christian.

Lords begins in 878 with Uhtred, fresh from saving Alfred's Wessex from the Vikings, travelling north to reclaim his Northumbrian birthright. As in the series first two instalments, The Last Kingdom and The Pale Horseman, Uhtred, the famous warrior, is waylaid by those who either seek to benefit from his skills or exact revenge for past defeats.

As with many historical novels, several of the characters are based upon real events and people. Given the lack of unbiased evidence for what actually occurred, Cornwell has a fair amount of latitude in recounting Uhtred's story. Thus Uhtred, no better than a marauding Viking to Alfred's civilized Christian, becomes a compelling and sympathetic character. We come to trust in his advice and root for him, all the while knowing that Alfred's despised way of life will eventually win out.

In all, while far from scholarly, Cornell performs as expected, with a compelling, believable period tale.

Books mentioned

Love, War and Remembrance

2011-02-16T19:19:00.143-05:00

Civil unrest in the Middle East has been in the news these last few weeks. In unconscious sympathy, I read two war novels this week, Birdsong, a tale of WWI, and The 6th Lamentation, a WWII story.

Courtesy amazon.ca

Sebastian Faulks' Birdsong is a haunting story of love among the ruins.†

The tale begins in 1910 with orphan Stephen Wraysford's arrival in the Somme town of Amiens on a mission to learn about the local textile trade for his English employer. Stephen next proceeds to do the unthinkable -- accepting the hospitality of a local family, then falling in love with the woman of the house, Isabelle Azaire, and convincing her to run away with him.

However, as with Tolstoy's heroine, Anna Karenina, Isabelle's guilt drives her to abandon the young Englishman.

Fast forward to 1916 and the Battle of the Somme (1 July to 18 November). Stephen has returned to England to enlist in the Great War to fight for his home country, rather than for the French. His education and fearlessness quickly lead to promotion out of the ranks.

Battle landscape on a good day.
Image courtesy cwgc.org, image #42

Yet what his superiors fail to see is that Stephen's belief in never having been loved has lead him to take the military propaganda -- be blood thirsty towards the enemy -- to heart. He focuses all his energy towards avoiding connections to his fellows and lives to kill.

Most of the book is concerned with survival amid the unspeakable horrors and agony of life in the trenches. However, interwoven with this is the "contemporary" (1970s) story of Elizabeth Bensen, a solitary woman in search of information about the grandfather she never knew -- Stephen Wraysford.

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Nevertheless, the story ends on a positive note. It's a vindication of sorts -- the atonement so missing from Ian McEwan's excellent love story Atonement and equally compelling film version with James McAvoy and Keira Knightley. So, despite the crushing gloom, Birdsong does deserve its BBC best book ranking.

After reading Birdsong, William Broderick's mystery thriller The 6th Lamentation* was almost a breeze. I picked it up a few weeks ago because the title rang a bell. It certainly didn't disappoint. Agnes Aubret, failed mother and slightly more successful grandmother has a secret that's been gnawing away at her soul for fifty years. She's just been diagnosed with motor neuron disease with only a short time to live. So her granddaughter, Lucy, may understand the origins of the fault lines within the family, Agnes decides to dictate her story.

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Father Anselm, monk and former hack lawyer, has a story too. A story to track down. For he's the Vatican's chosen investigator into the claims of suspected Nazi war criminal, Edouard Schwermann, who recently demanded sanctuary at Anselm's home priory.

Schwermann claims he's innocent and to back this up he cites his having been received sanctuary at this same priory and then smuggled into England at the end of the war. With the blessing of the authorities he began a new life under a new name. The justification? As an SS officer based in occupied France, he helped smuggle Jewish children to safety.

Every survivor connected to the running of this smuggling operation has something to hide, but they appear to have one belief in common -- fellow smuggler Agnes and her child perished in the concentration camps. It's up to Lucy to decide what to divulge during Schwermann's trial.

I quite enjoyed this book. While still dark, its mood was considerably lighter than that of Birdsong. And while it remains true to the theme of senselessly wasted lives, there is more joy to its ending.

I'd say Birdsong's is the greater book, but Lamentation the easier read.

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Should you enjoy Sebastian Faulks' writing, you might be interested in the current BBC2 4-part series, Faulks on Fiction, and the accompanying BBC publication Faulks on Fiction: Great British Characters and the Secret Life of the Novel. Each episode of the series focuses (sequentially) on the Hero, Lover, Snob and Villain.

If you want more of Father Anselm, try Broderick's murder mystery The Gardens of the Dead and A Whispered Name, a novel of the 1917 Passchendaele campaign.

Notes

† Apologies to Browning, Waugh and Burne-Jones.

* The book explains that the Bible contains five Lamentations and that the Holocaust may be considered a sixth.

Books mentioned

Navel-Gazing or The Centre of the World

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(cover image courtesy
chapters-indigo.ca)

Russell Shorto's Island at the Center of the World isn't about Delphi, location of Omphalos, the earth's belly-button, it's Manhattan -- Dutch New Amsterdam.

Gold medal winner*, Island tells the fascinating story of a multi-ethnic city, under traditional trading post rule by the Dutch East India Company, versus its residents, notably Adriaen van der Donck, student of the Enlightenment, who saw its potential for greatness. When James, Duke of York, brother to Charles II, took the city in a bloodless coup, the Dutch monopoly on world trade commenced its inexorable decline, and England, its rise to empire.

Note

* Winner of the Holland Society's Gold Medal for Literary Excellence and the Washington Irving Prize for Contributions to New York History.

Book mentioned

The Island at the Center of the World: The Epic Story of Dutch Manhattan and the Forgotten Colony that Shaped America