I would have loved to wear a red dress on Vday, but since it falls on a Tuesday and I have to work I’m keeping it simple with a LBD and red lipstick/accessories so that I can transition easily from day to evening.

Also, even though these pieces are worth every penny, I know Igigi’s items can be a little out of the price range for some PSP’s. So I’d like to give a $50 gift card to one reader… details below!

Want to win a $50 gift card from Igigi? You can 1.) Leave a comment below 2.) Tweet @thebiggirlblog and @igigi telling us your favorite dress or 3.) Leave a comment AND tweet us to double your chances to win!

Also, check out Igigi’s Art of Fashion in Motion video… swoon!

The note above came from a reader who comments on TBGB often named Piper. I love Piper, she’s supportive, opinionated and keeps in touch via the blog and facebook fan page. When I read her comment, it kind of caught me off guard. I feel like I’m pretty open about my health goals but if she’s feeling like this maybe other people are too. So I’ll address her note and hopefully clear things up for anyone who has questions/concerns about the weight loss aspect of this blog.

What is the reason for you wanting to lose weight?

I have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and weight is directly connected with the side effects of that condition. When I keep my weight down my periods are regular, my face is clear and my testosterone levels come down. Many women with PCOS have to lose weight before they can get pregnant. If I can lose weight now, maybe when the time comes for me to have kids, it wont be so hard.

Your blog is called The Big Girl Blog, but maybe you should change the name?

My blog is called The Big Girl Blog, not The Curvy Girl Blog or The Thick Girl Blog or anything like that. I am not curvy or thick… I am a Big Girl. Seriously, I could lose a significant amount of weight and still be plus size… As I’ve said before, I’m 99% sure I will be plus size for the rest of my life. It seems like that’s what my body is designed to be, I just think it will be healthier if I’m on the smaller end of plus.

I’m not judging you, every one has to do what’s best for them, but I feel like you should be careful about falling into the trap of another plus-size princess who advertises her site as a place where readers can come to read about your adventures, but you also share weight-loss tips.

You are judging me… and I’m okay with that haha! By sharing the intimate details of my life here I have to be prepared for judgement. This is a place where readers can come to read my adventures and part of that is weight loss. If something works for me, I’m going to share it just like I share the clothing brands I like. TBGB is my story, and weight loss attempts are a part of that– I’m honest with you guys about everything and I’m not going to start censoring myself.

My problem with dieting? Most people gain the weight back and then some within 5 years. Maybe you won’t…

I don’t think you ever hear me use the word “diet” because that’s not what I’m doing… I’m on a journey to be as healthy as I can. Weight loss comes with that. I’ve lost 60+ pounds on diets before and you’re right… I did gain it back. But again, I never ever said I was dieting. I talk about fitness goals and health goals but not dieting. I hope you’re not projecting what you read on other blogs onto mine, be sure to read what you see, not what you think I’m saying.

Anyway, good luck on your exercise journey, and if you are trying to lose weight, I hope you are doing it for the right reasons.

Thanks Piper! Thanks for your concern and voicing your opinion. You’re a long time reader and supporter of TBGB. I appreciate you and I love that you feel comfortable enough to tell me what you’re thinking… hopefully I’ve answered your questions and put you at ease that I’m being true to myself.

xoxo,

CeCe

I saw your Plus Size Boudoir blog post… where in the world to you find cute lingerie for “PSPs” that are OUR age?! I’m always looking for stuff, and I have the HARDEST time!

Thanks,

S.B.

Hey S.B.,

Finding Lingerie for young PSP’s can be a little tricky, but since you asked nicely I’ll let you in on how I build my Plus Size Lingerie collection: Valentines season at Lane Bryant!

Every year, Lane Bryant comes out with an awesome collection of cute babydolls, corsets, panties and bras that are fun, flirty and youthful (check out their full collection here). I’ve put together a great stash of adorable night wear by stalking their stores/website during the Valentines season. I go back to them every year because they make great lingerie with underwire! (let’s face it, with my DDD’s I’m always happy to have a little extra help/lift).

Sometimes I risk it, and wait for the post-valentines day sales but if you’re looking for something to wear this Valentines Day, I’d recommend checking them out now. I just scored the Pointe d’esprit babydoll and I really love it. My other top picks from Lane Bryant’s Valentines Day collection are below… hope this helps!

xoxo,

CeCe

One last tip: The babydolls are sized like dresses and because I’m bustier, I tend to go a size up.

“Um… we’ve kind of said it. I dunno…” Jay seemed a little uncomfortable with the question as he looked to his friend Omar for a rescue. Omar quickly chimed in, “well, they haven’t been boyfriends for very long… only a few months, right?”

It was Sunday Brunch at Papasito, a restaurant I discovered on the Upper West Side. Papasito does an all you can eat/drink brunch buffet featuring unlimited mimosa, Bellini, tequilla sunrise etc. and an endless supply of traditional Spanish food, an omlette station and the best french toast I’ve ever had… not weight loss friendly, but DELISH! Oh, and its only $20!

5 Gay men + 1 Plus Size Princess + Unlimited cocktails = lots of girl talk… or as we like to call it “gurl talk”.

Dean motioned for another round of drinks for the table, “but if they’re boyfriends, doesnt that mean they love each other?”

“Not necessarily,” Adam chimed in.

“I don’t make someone my boyfriend unless I love them,” Dean said. “I date them and once I know that I love them, we make it official… exclusive… or whatever.”

The table was quiet for a moment while everyone pondered that statement.

“I feel like, having a boyfriend means exclusivity more than anything else,” I said through bites of my juevos rancheros. “If I decide to date someone exclusively it’s because I like them the best out of everyone I’m seeing, so I want to devote 100% of my dating energy to figuring out if I could love them and see a future with them.”

“Right,” Adam continued, “you make someone your boyfriend and then hopefully you grow to love each other.”

“Interesting,” Dean said. “I didn’t know people did that.”

Once I got home and the alcohol wore off, Dean’s theory was still in the forefront of my mind. I’ve had girl friends who felt that after ___ months it was time to say “I love you”. I’ve always felt that love was something that grew with time, but based on what Dean was saying, every boyfriend he’s ever had has been a time he was in love.

Robert and I were such close friends when we started dating, that I already loved him. With Robert its been more about watching that love change/grow/evolve. But in general, I’m guarded and very slow to say “I love you” so the idea of having a boyfriend that I don’t love is fine with me.

I’m wondering if that’s not normal, though… do most girls automatically love their boyfriends?

Thoughts???

This bra closes in the front, is wire free and provides comfortable support for “the twins”. I’ve been sleeping in it for a while now and I am so happy to have discovered it. I even doubled it under a sports bra I have and was pleased with the added support.

Leading Lady makes a variety of bras for Plus Size Princesses (even those with small breasts!) They have sizes 50A as well as sizes 52H and EVERYTHING in between. I tried a variety of their bras and I love them all. I have one bra to giveaway to a TBGB reader. Giveaway details are below…

I don’t know how many times I’ve had a girl friend go to see an ex that “did her dirty” using the closure excuse. They all say the same thing, “I know I shouldn’t give him the time of day but– I really need closure.” I just always assumed that I was missing something because closure didn’t make sense to me, but when I tried to find closure with a guy from my past it was a HUGE disappointment.

In sharing that story last week, I said “…the truth may be that people hurt people… and then they move on! Maybe we should move on too.” One reader (@missmeandi) responded to that statement: As you said, people hurt people and then they move on. Sometimes, an apology is just an excuse for bad behavior that had no real meaning in the first place. I’d rather not be placated with an empty apology. In the end the why of a break-up isn’t even really important, once you’ve moved on. The way one handles the break-up is the only thing that matters. At least, that’s how I feel about it. (Now, my answer is completely different if the break-up DOESN’T REALLY HAPPEN but the couple kinda just stopped talking to one another. LOL Somebody got some ‘splaining’ to do!)

Oh @MissMeandi, I think you may have just called me out! There are two sides to every search for closure and a few months ago, I found someone looking for closure… from me. Let me explain:

Rewind to 2 years ago, I was in California for Christmas talking to Grant, who I affectionately referred to as my “gay husband”. The title was more than applicable in many ways. Grant took care of me during bad times, visited me at my thankless job with a funny joke or a soy-mocha, was my +1 for everything and I truly loved him. One year when all of my friends bailed on me during a move, I called Grant in tears and he left his summer class at Columbia to come and schlep boxes with me. He was the perfect boyfriend (except for the whole gay part). The only negative thing about my relationship with Grant was that we fought. Often.

Anyway, Grant had just returned from a summer abroad and for some reason things were tense between us. Grant was staying in my apartment for a few weeks while I was away and I felt like he was mad at me but I didn’t know why. Our communication styles were very different (one of us direct, the other passive aggressive) which caused a lot of confusion. That particular day, during that particular phone conversation we were both on edge. Things were said, words were misconstrued and while this had happened with us a thousand times before, on that day I decided I was done.

Although, Grant was easily one of the best friends I’d ever had, I didn’t think it was healthy to have someone in my life that made me so angry.

The only problem is, I never told Grant how I felt. I just cut him off.

Looking back, I think I just didn’t know how to “break up” with someone who I wasn’t actually dating. So I just stopped the routine of our friendship.

Overtime, we made our way back into each others lives on a “birthday’s and holidays” basis. I’d attend his birthday, he’d attend mine– we’d even meet for a quick drink now and again, but we never discussed how/why we “broke up”.

A few months ago, Grant decided to move to LA, he emailed me asking for, you guessed it… closure. We agreed to meet for breakfast and talk about that tense time and how it translated into the end of our friendship. We rehashed it all including that fateful phone call when I was in California. Grant looked at me and said, “I hung up that day and told myself I’d wait for you to call me back… and you never did.” My heart broke.

Hearing it from his perspective made me regret the way I handled things. I could have done things in a more caring way. I could have respected the history of what we had and what we’d been through. Although we both agreed that our friendship ended due to missteps and mis-communication on both parts, I feel like I was the “bad guy” because of how I chose to end things.

Since sitting down with Grant to give him closure, we’ve been in touch a lot more. He’s still one of the best people I know and I’m glad he’s in my life.

In this case, I feel like closure was achieved, but only because both of us were interested in finding it. A situation like this, from what I’ve observed is still pretty rare, which still leaves me wondering whether in romantic relationships closure is a viable option.

I’ll take one more look at closure next week… in the meantime, share your thoughts below! Have YOU ever been the one to give closure? Ever had an ex or friend where you BOTH needed closure?

Standing near the stairs, holding out a towel for me was Vin, a guy I dated heavily for a few months. “Towel?” he said extending his arm so that the towel was inches from my body. Although he was talking to me his eyes were planted firmly on my breasts in my bathing suit. I snatched the towel from his hands and quickly covered up. “You always were modest,” he said with a chuckle.

I said nothing. The anger I felt had me stunned silent.

“CeCe, it’s really good to see you, how have you been?”

“Fine.”

“Is it good to see me?” he teased.

“Not really,” I said eyeing the door to the ladies locker room.

“Ouch!” he laughed, clutching his heart.

I don’t want to get into the details of how things ended with Vin, but I will say that within a month of our breakup he was married to someone else and the only one who was surprised by that was me. Once I found out that Vin was married I deleted him from my life no facebook, email or phone numbers were kept. Although I was hurt and had many questions, I didn’t see the point in going down that road with a married man.

“Well, take care…” I said, sidestepping to get around him. Then I stopped myself. In a flash the idea of closure came to mind. I don’t know where it came from, but it seemed logical to take advantage of this moment and get answers to the questions I had about why this guy had hurt me/deceived me/made selfish choices. “Actually, wait– I have a question…”

I took a deep breath, “when we broke up you made me feel like everything was my fault, when the reality was that you were about to get married! Why did you do that?”

I was so proud of myself!  I had nailed Vin to the wall for the way he treated me and I couldn’t wait for him to feel the guilt of what he had done. I waited for him to squirm and apologize, maybe even ask for forgiveness. He looked at me for a while and then said, “CeCe, lets not dwell on the past. Life’s too short.”

And with a patronizing smile, he patted my arm. “It really is good to see you– you look good!” he said, and then he made his way to into the pool to swim laps.

That was it?!

I’ve heard so many people talk about needing closure, seeking out exes and past loves to get closure. Is this what they’re looking for?

Part of me understands the search for closure but a part of me is starting to think it doesn’t exist. People hurt us, and knowing why they did it wont help anything. Knowing that they feel awful wont lessen our pain. Even if Vin had confessed that he made a mistake by treating me the way he did– it really doesn’t matter. He’s married, I’m happily involved with someone else so apologies won’t change anything.

I’m starting to wonder if the search for closure has more to do with pride than anything else… we walk around wondering how could HE hurt ME like that? When the truth may be that people hurt people… and then they move on! Maybe we should move on too.

I’ve got two more “closure” experiences that I’ll write about in the next week or so but I’d love to hear your thoughts as I mull things over… Do YOU believe in closure?

If you follow me on twitter/4Square you always see me checking in at the gym, but every once in a while I like to try working out at home, especially in the mornings (waking up is hard!)

As 2012 begins and my fitness goals are renewed, I’ve been lucky enough to start the New Year with a preview subscription to Gaiam TV. Gaiam TV is like Netflix for those of us who want to get fit. They’re the first streaming video subscription that specializes in health, wellness, yoga, fitness and personal development and its a great way to try something new, like yoga or a crazy Jillian Michaels workout in the privacy of your own home.

The channels are all rated by viewers and I was able to select based on my goals (i.e. weight loss, strength, etc.). Instead of buying DVD’s that will ultimately bore me I can switch it up each week based on what I want to learn and best of all, I can use the service on my phone/iPad!

For $9.95 a month Gaiam offers unlimited viewing and they’re offering a free 10-day trial to TBGB readers.

Enjoy!

Before my appointment I browsed their website to see which dresses I wanted to try on. I ultimately ended up choosing the Odette dress in Olive, a whimsical color I don’t have in my closet. The dress is curve hugging without being restrictive and is daytime & evening friendly. I styled it with fishnets and sueded boots and wore the dress to church on Christmas Day.

What do you think?

Every time I take a trip I try to do something adventurous. I’ve gone parasailing in miami, snorkeled with seals in La Jolla and each time that I do something like that I find that I conquer a fear of mine in some way. This year, when I went home for Christmas, I decided to conquer a fear that I’ve had forever– going places by myself. Its hard for me to have a cup of coffee on my own without a book or my laptop in front of me. So when I decided to take a trip to San Francisco on my own… I was beyond nervous.

The first thing I had to do was make sure that I could travel in an affordable way, I did that using two of my favorite discount sites.

Ideeli

Ideeli is primarily a fashion site that sells high end fashion at huge discounts. I love them because not only do they offer brands like Betsey Johnson and Rebecca Minkoff but they do regular “Plus Size Perfection” sales that are phenominal. A few months ago, they had an offering for a Travlocity.com gift card. The gift card was worth $100 but I was able to buy it for $50. I used the $100 gift card to book my hotel, so I was able to get 4 days/3 nights in the heart of San Francisco for $200! (This site is for members only, but you can sign up for Ideeli here).

Groupon

I am a Groupon fanatic! When I’m headed to a new city, I always sign of for groupon deals there. This trip I did something a little different though. I used the Groupon app on my phone and took advantage for “Groupon Now” deals for my meals. Groupon Now uses your GPS location to tell you what restaurants are offer discounts on dinner/drinks at that very moment. When I got hungry, I would see who in my area of San Francisco was offering a deal on lunch/dinner and if it was something I liked, I’d head over. It was a fun way to explore the city and find restaurants I wouldn’t know about otherwise. My favorite meal was at a restaurant called infusion, for $10 I got $20 in food and drinks (their edamame was AMAZING!) after a good meal and a glass of wine, my total was like $24. Score! (join groupon here).

All in all spending a few days in a foreign city was a lot of fun. I think 4 days was the perfect amount of time. Thanks to everyone who gave me tips on where to go via facebook/twitter, I used a lot of your recommendations.

Have YOU ever done a solo vacation?