Claire came to therapy overworked, feeling bad about herself and sleeping poorly. She wanted  help to figure out her problems at work. Was her boss right? Was she really badly organized and inefficient?  She was always running yet she could never catch up. Was there something wrong with her? Highly experienced, ten years in a field she loved, Claire felt overwhelmed and confused. What could she do to feel better?

The psychology of stress shows us that the distinction between “good” and “bad” stress is subjective. A certain level of challenge keeps us alert, on our toes and brings us the “good” stress that makes us feel alive. Beyond a certain threshold, however, when the intensity of an experience or requirements and requests surpass our capacity to adapt, our inner warning bells ring. This “negative” stress is the distress that motivated Claire to come in for help.

We began with the ABC’s of stress management: gathering as much information as possible about the Activating event and stressful situation, in Claire’s case, overwork. We also paid close attention to her Beliefs, thoughts and perceptions about A.  At the outset of therapy Claire had a belief combining self-blaming and silence. She thought the work problem might really be all her fault and that she shouldn’t talk about it. So she just worked harder and harder. Holding these Beliefs about A resulted in the Consequence, the distress bothering Claire, manifested in  the symptoms she complained of like muscle tension, headaches and insomnia.

Claire had gotten totally discouraged and her worries were spilling over after work into her family and social life. Action often has an anti-depressant effect. Coming to the psychologist’s office brought some relief since Claire was able to get things off her chest and feel understood without feeling judged. She increased her awareness of the many factors contributing to the problem at work, the Activating event.

We used EMDR to identify and free her from the negative Beliefs she held impeding her ability to speak up and counter criticism effectively. She now has somewhat new and more positive Beliefs about herself.  As she gained self-assurance her analysis of the work problem became clearer. She found ways to have an impact on the Activating event, overwork, using the correct channels to influence her  bosses and co-workers.

Some time in each therapy session was devoted to learning tools like breathing or relaxation she could use to diminish her symptoms of discomfort deliberately. She was able to determine the best ways for managing her stress with new knowledge of a range of options available to her. As she got results at work, her mood steadily improved, her symptoms began to clear up.

It may be time you got some counseling for your distress, to enhance awareness, modify limiting beliefs, gather tools to relieve uncomfortable symptoms and determine the best ways for you to manage your stress. It may be time you work with a therapist to learn the basics of dynamic stress management.

Related posts:

1. Therapy for tackling “small t” trauma
2. EMDR Therapy to Overcome a Block, Part 1
3. 15 Ways to Help You Choose Your Therapist (Part 2)

Disclaimer: Names and details have been modified for confidentiality. The article below is brought to you with the full consent of the patient.

An impressive number of people have contacted me over the past few years in my capacity as a psychologist asking me to help them through a sticky situation. Some have come through the Counseling Center at the American Cathedral, others via a French public health network and others via their general practitioner or psychiatrist.

The patients I am referring to have had one thing in common: a work or personal dilemma with legal overtones.

Vanessa arrived for her therapy session huffing and puffing, plopped down into her armchair across from mine, and blurted out, “Am I going crazy or what? I am so tired.” She grabbed for a couple of pages in her purse and began reading her manifesto: “A cry for justice!” which she wanted published on Youtube.

I already knew, from her first session at the free drop-in clinic held at the Counseling Center at the American Cathedral, that she is not crazy. She is well-oriented, busy and functions both at work and in her closest relationships with her partner and children.

Yet she is overwhelmed and not everyone can understand her. Had she been in a car crash or a bank robbery, others would consider her a victim of trauma and would instantly comprehend and feel sorry for her. Everyone acknowledges the overpowering experience of unmistakable “big T” trauma like life-threatening events, natural disasters, sudden out-of-the-ordinary experiences which entail violence or physical injury.

The ordinary human response to danger is a complex ensemble of reactions of the body and the mind. Threat kicks off the sympathetic nervous system into arousal. Attention is focused on the immediate danger, perception of other needs is diminished and the emotions of fear and anger are intense. The person is ready to face the danger, to fight or to flee for survival. (SEE Judith Herman’s work, TRAUMA AND RECOVERY)

Vanessa’s situation, as traumatizing as it is, is ongoing and not so clear-cut. We could call this “small t” trauma. She is facing an ordinary, extremely unpleasant battle of everyday life. Water damage in her building made her apartment uninhabitable. She had to move out and find a lawyer, who indeed charged regularly and worked on her case irregularly. Vanessa had to change lawyers and move into public housing. It has been many years and she is still waiting for justice to be pronounced.

Gradually she is getting exhausted and depressed. Her body and mind are ready to fight, however the danger is not imminent. Instead she is continuously exposed to chronic and recurrent reminders of insecurity in her life.

From studies in the psychology of trauma, we know the basic goals we need to help Vanessa reach. In her psychotherapy sessions, our aim is for her to use, both inside and outside the office, these basic tools to rebuild her strength.

Some first stage objectives include:

• attain a minimum feeling of personal security in her relationship with the therapist
• find some calm and physical rest to reverse the physiological signs of threat
• assess the current situation rationally
• select specific actions she can successfully take now
• rebuild her sense of self-esteem
• reinforce her usual effective personal coping skills

EMDR

• use her broad social, personal and medical resources

Our work together aims to reverse her sense of helplessness, so that she can surpass the ordinary human response to danger.

How familiar are you with “small t” trauma and the best ways to overcome the danger?

Debra Berg, Bilingual Psychologist in Paris

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1. Therapy case study: “My job is killing me”
2. Therapy for Overeaters: Getting rid of the Binge
3. EMDR Therapy to Overcome a Block, Part 2

In Part 1, with Christine we did the preparation work for the EMDR treatment.

In my role as an EMDR therapist, I guide Christine so she can begin the therapy work for this session.

She selects a situation which she describes in detail where she feels the inertia which is disturbing to her. She hones in on the image of herself, sitting on her living room couch, looking at piles of papers on the floor.

She feels paralyzed and amorphous. She feels depressed, frustrated, frightened and angry.

Physically she feels a tremendous weight on her shoulders preventing her from budging. The task of tidying the papers seems overwhelming.

We begin sets of bilateral stimulation with the buzzers Christine is holding in her hands. She lets her thoughts, feelings, sensations arise and change spontaneously without any judgment. The images change rapidly as they might in dreams.

At first she sees an enormous black cauldron filled with a stagnant dark liquid. Then she imagines herself as a fetus in her mother’s womb. Then she is near a volcano and trying to emerge from the lava. She has a heavy cough and spits fire. A lion with its mane jumps through a hoop in flames and becomes a tiger that appears in her living room.

The tiger roars at her and pushes her to get up. Then it becomes friendly and soft to the touch and hops onto the couch next to her, nudging her from time to time to stand up.

A gust of wind sweeps through the room and picks up all the papers and swirls them into a whirlwind. At this point, Christine starts giggling. And then the “paper fairy”, dressed in a light veil, arrives to finish tidying the papers.

Christine feels quite tired now and sees herself sleeping in a great white bed watched over by 4 guardians who await patiently while she finishes her restful deep sleep.

This is a good point to end the EMDR session. We conclude with some relaxation and debriefing so that Christine leaves my office feeling calm and safe. She is aware that in between sessions she can get in touch if necessary.

We don’t yet know how this EMDR session will impact Christine’s block in dealing with paperwork.

At her next session however, she reports feeling more alive and energetic. She is no longer glued to her couch watching television. She readily tackles paperwork and the piles are quickly diminishing.

She is enthusiastic to treat another area of difficulty in her life. As her therapist, I’m pleased to assist her in selecting the next step in her psychotherapy with EMDR.

Is there a problem in your life that you would like to overcome using EMDR?

Debra Berg, Psychologist in Paris

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1. EMDR Therapy to Overcome a Block, Part 1
2. Psychology of Procrastination, Part 1
3. EMDR

Like many who come to see me in my psychology practice she was highly motivated and determined to make a change. Her therapy began by her telling me her relationship and family history. Whatever we spoke about, Virginia pursued with curiosity and courage outside my office between sessions.

In my role as her therapist I recommended she ask herself just one question, every time she was about to eat.

“Am I hungry?”

This question made her laugh at first. How amusing that a serious psychologist would suggest she ask herself this question. After all, Virginia had rarely been hungry at all in the past 20 years since she had begun binging.

Her days revolved around food, shopping for it, cooking it, eating it, receiving what others could not finish on their lunch trays at work, digesting it just enough to imagine what she would eat next.

She decided to try out the question just before opening the fridge or the cupboard, before selecting foods on line at her work cafeteria and before filling her plate at a family meal. Every time she was about to eat she stopped for just a few seconds. And in these few seconds Virginia asked herself this one deceptively simple question, “Am I hungry?” Then she waited a moment to find the answer, within herself, within her body.

Often her answer was, “No, I am not hungry.” Then Virginia could eat or not eat, since we made it clear in her psychotherapy that eating was not prohibited. But, the little pause, to ask and answer the question, slowed her down.

Suddenly, in the presence of food, she was able to think. Taking a moment to think, before grabbing food, before putting anything in her mouth, began a little revolution in Virginia’s life.

By the third session of psychotherapy Virginia was no longer binging. When she asked herself the question, “Am I hungry?” and she realized she wasn’t, she was able to wonder about what she really wanted or really needed.

Her answers were brand new and surprising. She wanted things often having nothing to do with food, like comfort or company, like mental stimulation or physical rest.

Are you ready to discover a life far broader, more challenging and fulfilling, than a life confined to the food you put in your mouth?

Debra Berg, Psychologist in Paris

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Social psychologists study groups. Experimental psychologists do research, in order learn more about animal and human behavior. Vocational psychologists help people make career decisions and find work. Finally, clinical psychologists aim to understand people and their problems, and help them solve their difficulties.

You can select a psychologist according their specialty areas (depression, trauma, relationships, etc.), the kind of approaches and techniques they use (EMDR, family therapy, etc.) and according to the groups their usually treat (children, teens, individual adults, couples).

I’m a clinical psychologist. I work with individual adults and couples. The approaches and techniques I use include a psychodynamic approach (also known as insight-oriented), systemic therapy (also known as family or couples therapy) and EMDR.

More about my services

Debra BERG, Psychologist in Paris

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2. About me
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Make sure you don’t just find any therapist close to your home or work, find one that works for you. This might take a little time and experimentation, but finding the right fit is important for your therapy to be efficient and successful.

I encourage you to consider the following ideas. Look for a therapist who:

(11) Is results-oriented. Helps you achieve relief as well as your therapy goals. Gives you feedback and helps you track your progress. You and your therapist should be setting ultimate and intermediary goals, and should be striving to reach them. However, be wary of a therapist who “guarantees” results or “predicts” exactly how many sessions your therapy will take. Time spent and number of sessions is not a good indicator of the success of your therapy. Focus on the goals.

(12) Addresses the possibility of your bumping into one another outside the office and how you might handle this. You and your therapist are may bump into one another in the street, at the supermarket, or at gatherings. So that such a situation is not awkward for either of you, your therapist should be open to talking this matter over with you.

(13) Will provide testimonials when asked. Mental healthcare professionals must keep their patients and their patients confidential. It is therefore not always appropriate or even possible for a psychologist to ask and gather patient testimonials. However, testimonials of past patients, word-of-mouth praise, references and even endorsements of other healthcare professionals, clinics or hospitals, can be indicative of the quality of the service your therapist provides.

(14) Has an online presence. Google the therapist’s name. Does he have an online presence? A web site? With what content? Is the information you find on your therapist professional, or is it all mixed in with personal information. The information you may or may not find on the Internet could be telling.

Trust your gut feeling! Your first impression is one you should listen to. At the end of the day, after you’ve gathered all the information you need to have an opinion, it is how you feel about the therapist that should guide you. Do you feel there is a good fit? Do you feel there is a connection? Use this mini-guide to gather the information, think it through, and trust your gut feeling.

I hope the ideas I have shared with you here will have been helpful. Please share them with your family and friends if you believe they need help choosing a therapist.

For any questions, comments or other ideas you believe could be constructive, don’t hesitate to contact me.

Debra Berg, Psychologist in Paris

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1. 15 Ways to Help You Choose Your Therapist (Part 1)
2. 15 Ways to Help You Choose Your Therapist (Part 2)
3. EMDR Therapy to Overcome a Block, Part 1

Make sure you don’t just find any therapist close to your home or work, find one that works for you. This might take a little time and experimentation, but finding the right fit is important for your therapy to be efficient and successful.

I encourage you to consider the following ideas. Look for a therapist who:

(6) Maintains clear and healthy boundaries. Your therapist as well as you should avoid blurring the boundaries between your therapeutic relationship and personal lives. Run if your psychologist starts giving you accounting advice or tips for your next vacation. You want your accountant to do your accounting, your travel planner to plan your trips and your psychologist to assist you with your emotional distress. Maintain clear and healthy boundaries.

(7) Is emotionally stable. It can be a huge plus that a professional has experienced what you are going through since he has and brings real-life knowledge and understanding to his work. Make sure he is now in a position to help you. You do not want to start a therapeutic treatment with someone who needs help… when you are the one in need of his expertise. Seek out a therapist who is emotionally healthy.

(8) Treats you as someone he can help, not just as another case with such and such a pathology. Make sure your therapist really listens to your story, to your issues, and treats you as a human being he is going to help. Avoid the therapist quick to label you with the sole purpose of applying a technique.

(9) Is non-judgmental. Is genuinely caring and attentive to your story, your pain, your issues. Your therapist is not there to judge you, his job is to work with you to solve your problem. Avoid a therapist who might seem distant or aloof, either on the phone or during your first consultations.

(10) Provides clear office policies and pricing. It is always reassuring if you can count on clear policies from your therapist: no sex, no business other than the service you are paying for, no partying, etc. It is also normal for your therapist to either explain to you or provide you with a document detailing how they work, what you can expect from them and what they expect from you. Finally, your therapist shouldn’t be charging fees that go through the roof, just as his fees shouldn’t be too low either. Seek out a therapist who provides great value, and understand that such service also has a price.

The third and final part of this series will be available shortly.

Debra Berg, Psychologist in Paris

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2. 15 Ways on How To Choose Your Therapist (Part 3)
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I encourage you to consider the following ideas. Look for a therapist who:

(1) Has the training and education to help you. Degrees aren’t always indicative of competency. However, just as you for a doctor, seek out a therapist who has a degree and specific education and training. Training and education modalities may vary from state to state or country to country.

(2) Has the clinical approach and techniques which fit your needs. In psychology and mental healthcare treatment in general, there are many types of therapies, many different techniques, many schools of thought. Most healthcare professionals will believe that their approach and techniques are the best. However, you should find a therapist whose approach and techniques are not the best, but are the best suited to your needs. Do you need to see a psychiatrist, a psychologist, a psychotherapist, a psychoanalyst, or a counselor? What type of therapy? Psychoanalytic therapy, gestalt therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy, family/systemic therapy, EMDR therapy? Be aware that there is a wide array of approaches and techniques. You shouldn’t have to adapt to the therapist’s approach. Find a therapist with an approach that fits you.

(3) Seems professional, knowledgeable, experienced, and an expert. Does your therapist have a professional demeanor? Is he knowledgeable in a specific or a limited, number of well-chosen therapies and techniques? Is he experienced working with certain types of patients (adults, men, women, children, teens, gay/lesbians, the elderly, etc.)? With a limited number of pathologies or conditions? Does he seem to be an expert in his field, at his craft?

(4) Encourages you “to shop around”, to explore other therapeutic options if it’s in your interest, or if he cannot help you refers you to colleagues. A therapist committed to your recovery and well-being will encourage you to pursue a treatment he truly believes caters to you needs. Find a therapist really intent on helping you, even if that means losing your business.

(5) Makes you feel comfortable and makes you feel you can trust him. You are going to spend time with your therapist, so you want to make sure you feel at ease in his presence. You need to feel comfortable telling him your story. How is the office, the environment in which you do your therapy? Does he seem serious and committed? Does he seem to have a sense of humor? Does he seem professional and trustworthy? Do you feel your privacy and confidentiality will be respected?

Part 2 and Part 3 of this three-part series.

Debra Berg, Psychologist in Paris

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She writes her own shows and has been on stage but somehow her creativity dried up a few years ago. She wants therapy to overcome this and came into my psychology office a few weeks ago complaining, “I used to be able to write. Now I’m blocked. I always start projects but never finish anything. I have to first clean up everything in my apartment if I’m ever going to succeed. Don’t you agree?”

We do agree to use EMDR, a psychotherapy approach named for the back and forth eye movements often used within this therapy to stimulate brain function.

To begin I have Christine find and focus on a scene where she can really feel the blocked feeling. The image is key: she sees herself sitting at home on her couch, immobile, with her files in front of her on the floor.

She puts the other aspects of this experience of being blocked into words. She describes her beliefs about herself as she looks at the scene, the intensity of the disturbance, her emotions and her bodily sensations. This thorough preparation will allow effective adaptational re-processing of the information stored in her brain.

My job as the EMDR therapist is to guide. Christine is holding 2 little buzzing devices in her hands which will vibrate, left then right. She is paying attention to the image and we begin the bilateral brain stimulation with pauses for her to recount whatever comes to mind.

That’s what EMDR looks like.

Debra BERG, The Bilingual Psychologist in Paris

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2. What is an EMDR session?
3. EMDR

Debra BERG, The Bilingual Psychologist in Paris

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Breathing-relaxation is just one of these “simple gifts”. It is one of a variety of relaxation techniques I may teach you to use when you come see me in my psychology office. You learn to give yourself a break, both physical and mental, a breathing space. In a few minutes time you enhance the benefits of therapy and take home a weightless tool which you can bring conveniently along with you anywhere you go.

Your mind is darting around nervously from one topic to the next but you are unable to take action? Breathing-relaxation can help calm you down so you can focus your attention effectively on one task. Your complaint coming in to the office was about worries and sleeplessness? You will probably leave your psychotherapy session feeling lighter having worked on some of your concerns. We may also use breathing-relaxation before the end of the session to be sure you leave my office peaceful, energized and ready to face life’s challenges.

In the past, counseling people meant using words and ideas. However your experiences leave a trace in your body and can be uncomfortable or painful. Today we know that using both verbal and physical means, you can begin treating some of the signs of your distress. You can learn and benefit from the self-healing potential of breathing-relaxation, one of life’s simple gifts.

Debra BERG, Bilingual Psychologist in Paris

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2. Dynamic stress management
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Debra BERG, The Bilingual Psychologist in Paris

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The technique looks odd because it includes alternating bilateral brain stimulation where your eyes look right and left following an object I will move in front of you (Eye Movement). Although the technique was named for these eye movements, the bilateral brain stimulation may also occur using other sensory channels. For instance, I may use vibrating buzzers you hold in your hands, snapping sounds in headphones or my tapping on your hands. The alternating brain stimulation may have a soothing effect, which favors a calming and distancing process (Desensitization). Within the specific treatment approach, you will revisit and rethink through the traumatizing situations (Reprocessing).

Debra BERG, The Bilingual Psychologist in Paris

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1. EMDR
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3. EMDR Therapy to Overcome a Block, Part 2

Nina came rushing into my psychology office and barely seated, exclaimed: “I’ve never seen a psychologist before. How do you work? Can you help me figure this out?”

Most evenings and weekends her French husband was in front of the TV with a beer in his hand. It went without saying that Nina had to handle all household tasks, take care of her 8-year-old son, do her housekeeping job for another family and be a tender loving wife at night. She had long been able to meet her husband’s expectations but recently her mood had been slipping. Her employer was alarmed and recommended she see a therapist. Nina’s husband’s drinking had worsened and he’d tried to hit her and insulted her regularly with little cause. She was getting depressed from the relentless tasks with no relief in sight, the lack of dialogue, the fear her husband would strike her. As the violence increased, she was shrinking.

In therapy she expressed the many facets of her unsatisfactory marital life. Despite her fears about how she would support herself and raise her son, she decided she would leave her husband who was unreceptive to getting counseling for his alcohol problem. The simple acts of talking things through and being heard at her weekly therapy appointment was improving her morale and so she nicknamed me “her bottle of anti-depressants.”

Having learned assertiveness, she arrived each week in my office standing taller and more alive. Less focused on how to please or dodge her husband, she had some energy to spare. She was smiling again. In her native country she had gotten an education. A job lead brought an interview abroad. They flew her over for the interview. We role-played it; she got the position and less than 10 sessions after the beginning of psychotherapy left Paris to begin her new life.

Are you thinking about making radical changes in your own life?

Debra BERG, The Bilingual Psychologist in Paris

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A husband or wife calls up the psychologist and asks me a now-familiar question in a pained voice: “Can you help us? I just found out my partner’s been having an affair. He (she) is willing to see a therapist. Should we come alone or together? How do you work?” After a call or two, we find a time where usually the couple and I meet in my psychology office.

Dan and Maria thought they probably wanted to stay together but needed immediate counseling to handle the challenge of recently released intense emotions: pain, anger, guilt. They had thought they were happily married. Maria was plunged in fear and jealousy, and Dan was awkwardly seeking how to act to restore calm amidst turmoil.

Soon the circumstances that had strained their marriage became more evident. In the safety of my office they were making progress in couples’ therapy, expressing what had been annoying, distressing or unfair, naming their frustrations, resentments and discontent accumulated over many years.

Maria’s obsessive worry that Dan would secretly see the other woman left her exhausted and Dan exasperated. They agreed Maria could see me, the psychologist, alone. Therapy techniques from EMDR proved effective in freeing her from now outdated intrusive thoughts and feelings linked to the impact of the moment she learned about the infidelity.

As the couple used time outside the psychology office to meet new parenting demands on them successfully, have fun again, appreciate and enjoy on another, trust was rebuilt.

Have you, or a couple close to you, been hesitating too long to get therapy needed to recover from a crisis?

Debra BERG, The Bilingual Psychologist in Paris

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For some people, psychotherapy is not advisable. In certain circumstances, these people may require a treatment setting like a center or a clinic where various mental health practitioners are available. As a psychologist, if upon evaluation I believe you need such treatment, I will inform you of treatment possibilities better suited to you.

Debra BERG, The Bilingual Psychologist in Paris

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Alone or with the help of your psychologist, you will learn how to cut the target down to size. Rather than giving the task you have postponed inordinate importance, you are going to lower the stakes. You may take a new look at your thinking and behavior thanks to cognitive therapy. You will learn to chop your goal down into do-able matter-of-fact steps so that you can bypass your anxiety alarm system.

You can imagine the manageable steps you will take from start to finish before you begin to do what you’ve been procrastinating on. You can work with me in my psychology office to acquire relaxation techniques you can combine with visualizing your taking action step by step. You may also enhance your ability to overcome procrastination using EMDR. Soon you will have the pleasure of discovering firsthand that “Life by the yard is very hard; life by the inch is a cinch.”

Debra BERG, The Bilingual Psychologist in Paris

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Shame is an emotion that will be explored and treated in therapy. Your consultations are totally confidential, and nothing will be communicated to anyone else without your prior authorization. In extreme circumstance, such as child abuse or violence, there can be a legal requirement on my part in which case I will also inform you.

Debra BERG, The Bilingual Psychologist

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It depends.

Treatment plans often include consultations on a weekly basis to be most effective. When you first begin therapy, the intensity of your motivation to change will foster your progress. The keyword here is intensity.Building your relationship with me, the psychologist, from week to week, also greatly enhances your ability to get better.

Adaptations however may be preferable and should be discussed with me. For instance, imagine you come in to see me with your spouse in couples therapy. Meeting on a weekly basis does not necessarily give you and your spouse enough time to consider and practice what you’ve worked on in the therapy session.

On the other hand, imagine the course of your therapy would require ten sessions. It would probably be most beneficial for you to concentrate this effort over ten consecutive weeks. Spreading it out over ten months would probably be quite ineffective.

So in a word, naturally it depends on what your problem is. It’s unlikely you’ll be coming in once a month or twice a week. Once a week or once every two weeks is probably going to be an effective rhythm for therapy. We’ll have to talk about it!

Debra BERG, The Bilingual Psychologist in Paris

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Understanding why you procrastinate may help you overcome procrastination. Have you ever wondered why you procrastinate?

It may be the unacknowledged meaning you give to what you have been postponing that has made it so daunting for you to tackle it. Or the tacit sense, referred to in psychology 101 as a self-fulfilling prophecy, that you are trapped in your habit of procrastination, unable to modify this view of yourself and to overcome your annoying inertia. Part of my task as a therapist is to counter your negative mindset and help you harness your under-used ability to move forward past your obstacle so it becomes a thing of the past.

In my office, once you have uncovered some of the background and connections between procrastination and the rest of your life and relationships, you will be ripe in therapy for learning and applying a cognitive and behavioral approach personally tailored to you. Therapists know that procrastinators are often idealists who get swamped in steep demands they make on themselves. Counseling helps you examine unrealistic goals you have imagined with no limits on your time or energy.

Perhaps you never thought how with the help of a psychologist you could learn a new way to better handle what is difficult to do in your life.

Debra BERG, The Bilingual Psychologist in Paris

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If you are suffering from problems you have not been able to solve yourself, consulting a psychologist can bring a fresh perspective. What helps is the insight of a professional not involved in your personal life.

Debra BERG, The Bilingual Psychologist in Paris

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A psychoanalyst uses an traditional form of psychotherapy developed by Freud, stressing dreams, associations and transference. The psychoanalyst learns this treatment approach in special psychoanalytic institutes.

A psychologist has a university degree, involving five or more years of study, and specializes in the mind and relationships. Most psychologists use one or more treatment approaches and are sometimes certified practitioners in specific therapy techniques. Learning and training continues on an ongoing basis during professional practice. A psychologist has a broad conceptual base in order to use the appropriate approach to help clients.

A psychotherapist has training and is certified as a practitioner in a specific treatment approach but is not required to have a university degree. Although psychotherapists may be good with the specific treatment approach they learned, they may constantly use the same tool regardless of your specific situation.

I am a clinical psychologist.

Debra BERG, The Bilingual Psychologist in Paris

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3. Are you going to lay me down on a couch and hypnotize me?

Then one day I bumped into her at the supermarket. Several days later she called to ask if it would be possible to do couples counseling alone with her. Her French husband felt uncomfortable about seeing a psychologist but still wanted my help as a therapist to weather their marital crisis.

The wife came in alone and brought me up-to-date on how her life had been since terminating psychotherapy years before. Quickly we focused on the couple’s difficulties which by the following session were totally out in the open. Parents of two small children, yet thinking they would have to divorce, husband and wife began to inventory their furniture to split it between them. At the next session, she recounted that they both broke down in tears and expressed their commitment to use therapy to transform their marriage.

Each week the woman came alone and left with a page of ideas we worked on together in her therapy session drawn from research in psychology on couples. At home she and her husband discussed and practiced these tools, ones that therapists usually show couples who consult together. The couple reached a positive turning point rapidly and the wife discontinued therapy. Last I heard they had purchased a larger home with an additional bedroom for their new baby.

If your couple is in trouble and you are still hesitating to get counseling help because one of you can’t imagine coming to the psychologist’s office, perhaps it is time to re-consider using a different format for therapy.

Debra BERG, The Bilingual Psychologist in Paris

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2. He’s having an affair!
3. EMDR Therapy to Overcome a Block, Part 1

Therapy is different.

If a psychologist gives you an exact answer to this question, you might want to go elsewhere for therapy. In psychology, part of the therapist’s job is to glean all the information possible to help you solve your problems and feel better. Therapists may even gather sufficient information quickly. Another part of the therapist’s job however, is to help you discover what you need to know at the right pace for you.

To put it simply, when the mechanic figures out what the problem is, how long will it take for the car to understand the problem and then repair itself, with the mechanic’s help? Or once the tailor has seen what alteration is needed, how long will it take for the slacks to measure the length and make the hem, with the tailor’s help? An effective psychologist will nudge you along in learning for yourself emotionally, not only intellectually, using an array of techniques from counseling and psychotherapy.

How long will this take you, with the psychologist’s help, to solve the problems you first stated? It’s hard to say. Therapy is dynamic, the pace of your progress will change. It will take active engagement and participation on your part. And probably more.

Debra BERG, The Bilingual Psychologist in Paris

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Many patients of mine who are in therapy complain about their inability to organize piles of papers, books or clothing. Others know they need medical attention but don’t call for a doctor or even a psychiatrist’s appointment. Others list their major life decisions they never get around to making. Here is where the therapist can help.

Procrastination, putting off to later what seems impossible to do now, is an often used reflex mechanism in psychology to reduce uncomfortable feelings. The discomfort aroused by the sight of the papers, the thought of the medical concern or the major decision that must still be made is temporarily reduced by a distraction. Doing something else simply feels better. These pleasant if short-lived feelings reinforce the habit of procrastinating, of never doing whatever seems difficult.

The typical counseling recommendation “Just do it” does not do the trick even if behavioral change is certainly needed. Most therapists encourage self-knowledge and an understanding of some frequently made cognitive errors which can effectively help you find the way out of the painful trap of procrastination. Have you already tried a combination of these in psychotherapy?

Debra BERG, The Bilingual Psychologist in Paris

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2. Psychology of Procrastination, Part 3
3. Testimonials

How could he use what we know about psychology to handle this work stress? As a therapist I used a wide array of techniques from counseling and psychotherapy. He learned and used stress reduction techniques and tools adopting the ones best-suited to him. EMDR, cognitive re-framing including an on-going dialogue about his professional and personal strengths, brief relaxation methods and visualization techniques were helpful. A daily walk going to work, a long swim every weekend, a warm bath to relax in the evening and a tad bit of medication countered anxiety, promoted calm, optimism and better sleep. Using his leisure and vacation days to thoroughly relax and making small changes in his work methods further improved his state of mind.

Therapy was working. As a psychologist, it was gratifying to see him feeling better in spite of the challenges. With a tight job market and only a basic degree, he wouldn’t be able to land a new job easily. Brainstorming in therapy about his options, leaving work at work, re-doing his C.V. and discovering unknown channels for his job search encouraged him.

Four months into therapy, boosted and well-prepared, he began interviews and landed a much better job. He gave notice and applied the approach learned in the crisis to tolerate the old job gracefully, leaving it with greatly improved self-confidence.

This work reminded me as a therapist how attentive listening and on-going support can enable you to use everything you learn with the therapist to truly improve your life. The question is if you’ve already imagined this type of therapy approach for you.

Debra BERG, The Bilingual Psychologist in Paris

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In response to a piece of good news a terribly unhappy young woman once told me,“I should be happy” obviously omitting the tacit end of her statement, “but I am not.” The good news alone could have brought happiness but did not because of her life circumstances. Instead, the result was a flood of tears. The contrast between her rational mind’s idea “I should be happy” and the reality of her overwhelming sadness, left her confused and paralyzed.

Emotions like happiness are not products of rational will. Emotions arrive unannounced as agitations of the mind, feelings or passions. The main families of emotions are anger, sadness, fear, enjoyment, love, surprise, disgust and shame. Implicit in each emotion is the impulse to act. By accepting and patiently investigating her emotions, she will be able to gather useful information motivating her to take appropriate action to construct for herself a truly happy life.

Debra BERG, The Bilingual Psychologist in Paris

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