"The Billionaire's Butler"

FAQ: "Do You Recommend Domestic Service as a Good Career?"

2013-05-13T23:06:00.000-04:00

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Since beginning this blog three years ago I've had many, many inquiries from readers all over the world interested in the possibility of going into Household Service (whether as Personal Assistant, Nanny, Executive Housekeeper or House Manager like me), and how to go about it.

Just off the top I'd say that experience and/or training seems to be the only way to get in the door.

Due to confidentiality for the family I work for, I can't reveal personal details of course. But there are several good schools both here in America and abroad that can lead to careers in household service - some even offer courses online so you don't have to quit your day job. And any good school will also function as a placement agency. (Otherwise, don't go there!)

A diploma from any of these schools will show serious commitment on your part, as well as having the knowledge to care for your potential employer's prized possessions, whether that be their children, pets, three-hundred year old French antiques, or a half -million-dollar Bosendorfer grand piano.

But here's the thing: in spite of all the hype, in the last decade there's been a serious downturn in the economy. And the job market is very tight. Salaries for house staff has steadily declined, and job duties have been expanded to the point of overload.

In addition, the success rate for these schools, no matter how prestigious, in placing their students in jobs is obscure and not well publicized.

Now, having said all that, the dream jobs are still out there. Rich people cannot run their own lives without help. But again, these high-paying fun jobs are few and far between.

One thing's for almost certain, though. You'll need training from one of these schools mentioned above to come close to getting in the door. Experience might not be enough. (You can use the google search words "Domestic Staff Schools" to get started.)

But do be cautious.

In addition to the tight job market and the necessary training and experience, you'll need good references, a whistle-clean criminal background check, and you need the kind of personality that can stomach the eternal whining and complaining these rich people can dish out.

I know it can sound like a glamorous, fun, high-paying job. And sometimes it is. But it would be a disservice to you if I didn't spell it out like it is.

There's a great deal of luck involved in finding the dream job, and you could just as easily wind up with some crappy rich employer full of arrogance and self importance who treats you like doggy-do.

Sorry that I can't be more helpful or encouraging. But I don't want to be guilty of leading anyone down the garden path. House Management Schools are expensive. And the job market is tight.

I hope this has been helpful.

As always, thanks for reading and following along.
Andrew

Affineurs to the Rich!

2013-05-06T21:09:00.000-04:00

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I recently received an interesting comment on the article about cheese, published back in October of 2012 entitled "Expensive Cheese for the Rich".

S.T. asked, "Do you buy cheese from an affineur or do you just stock whatever comes to hand?"

The thing is S.T., this not being Switzerland, I don't personally know any affineurs who offer direct retail sales to the public. So I guess I fall into the "whatever comes to hand" category.

Most affineurs release their finished products to upscale retail delicatessens, which is where I look for a good, well-aged cheese. Although out of boredom I do sometimes go online to Fortnum & Mason in London and order some of their carefully-matured varieties.

It's no secret that most cheeses are released to market much too soon, after only six or seven months of aging. Which can account for a seriously bland or rubbery taste.

But a Master Affineur might patiently age his cheese for two to ten years or more - depending on the type of cheese and the desired result. And of course, the more fuss and attention the cheese gets, the higher the price.

While once just a peasant's task to keep his family's food supply from spoiling, the process of aging cheeses has now become a high-paid career. And I think in my next life I'd like to be an affineur, for sure.

Think about it.

You don't actually make the cheese yourself! You just buy it in full wheels from a local artisan cheese maker. Then you take it home and put it down in your cellar, where the temperature and humidity are constant and steady.

Then you go upstairs and watch TV.

Every couple of weeks, however, you have to put your Tivo on pause, run down to the cellar and turn the wheels over, or maybe give them a salt bath to knock off the mold.

Then you go back upstairs and hit "Resume".

After a few years of this intense and vigorous labor, you load up your well-ripened cheese, haul it off to an upscale retailer and go back home with a small fortune in your pocket.

Of course, then you have to buy some new wheels and start all over, right?

Unless you're the real go-getter type. In which case you'd buy freshly made wheels every year (or even every month) and have them coming to maturity at regular intervals.

All of which increases your labor and trips down to the cellar of course. Which destroys the whole essence of serenity and tranquility in the workplace. But who am I too judge? You can have as many cheese wheels, stinking up the entire house, as you wish. It's none of my business.

But the next time we pay a small fortune for a tiny wedge of cheese at the local deli, we should appreciate all the labor involved - not only from the producer down on the farm but also from the affineur who has given his heart and soul to your dining pleasure.

Thanks for stopping by tonight.
Andrew

The First Day of May!

2013-05-01T21:14:00.000-04:00

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Just dropping in to say say Happy May Day!

We've made it through winter, spring is in full bloom and summer is just around the corner.

It's a crazy day, celebrated all over the world in some way or another.

The pagans and Druids certainly had their own special ways to celebrate what they considered the half-year point on the calendar.

From the Middle Ages children have danced around May Poles. But the Puritans in America soon put a stop to that licentious nonsense.

And in socialist countries, it's traditionally a day to rise up and show strength in numbers for workers' rights.

Around here in this billionaire's home where I work, it's nothing more than another opportunity to have a nice catered cocktail party, with everyone dressed up in their latest haute couture, dripping in diamonds.

But for me personally (and I could lose ten-thousand readers over this!) May Day is when I always listen to Janette MacDonald sing her famous "Will You Remember?" from the film Maytime.

And least you think I'm totally nuts, it was the top grossing film of 1937. (Thank you Nick at Night!)

Here's the YouTube link to "Will You Remember?" . And you have to listen all the way through to the end to hear the extraordinary range of MacDonald's voice.

Hope you enjoy!

And Happy May Day!
Andrew

PS: And yes, I had a couple of martinis at that boring cocktail party tonight. But so what? It's May Day!

Patek Philippe - Horology for the Rich!

2013-04-28T00:51:00.000-04:00

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The first time I ever heard of Patek Philippe was quite a few years back when my friend Ray in New York told me he was going to sell his father's hand-me-down watch to help raise cash for a new business venture, a film he and his colleagues were trying to put together.

I tagged along that day, expecting to schlep around to all the high-end pawn shops in midtown Manhattan and jewelry exchanges in the diamond district.

But instead, we took a taxi to York Avenue on the upper east side where he turned the watch over to Sotheby's Auction House. And a few months later my friend Ray received a check from Sotheby's for $33,500. (Whoa! Some hand-me-down, right?)

Then a few years after that while staying with friends in Switzerland, I used to walk past the Patek Philippe Museum in Geneva (Geneve, as they spell it) almost every day of the week for the entire summer - and never went in!

What was I thinking?

Horologists to European royalty and rich people all over the globe, Patek Philippe has been around since the early 1800's and if I'm not mistaken, holds the record for the world's most expensive watches, at over a million dollars!

But wait a second. They're not all million-dollar watches, of course.

They do have a middle range in the mere hundreds of thousands -- anywhere from $100,000 to $900,000.

In addition, for all the ladder-climbing executives and otherwise homeless and poor, they also have a low end. With no trouble at all you can find a nice little watch in the $10,000 to $50,000 range.

The reason this all came up is because the new Missus had a birthday this week. And Ester the Upstairs Maid reports there's an open, empty watch box in the boudoir with the label Patek Philippe.

Of course I can't wait to see it and figure out if it's low end or high.

I suspect high, as the relationship is so new. (It's the diamonds surrounding the face of the timepiece, by the way, that jacks the price of a lady's watch sky high!)

Any how, I'm really kicking myself tonight for not having gone into that museum in Geneva. How dumb can you be?

I think it was Aristophanes who said, "Ignorance can be educated, but stupid is forever."

As always, thanks for stopping by.

Good night,
Andrew

What News Channels do Rich People Watch? The BBC World News!

2013-04-18T22:37:00.000-04:00

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As I'm writing this tonight, there's been a lot of chaos going on in America this week.

The murders and unmitigated suffering at the Boston marathon, ricin in the mail for political leaders, a devastating explosion in Texas that has killed many and destroyed a small town, and the 'esteemed' United States Congress dropping to its knees before a powerful lobby group.

This rich man's house where I work is not immune to all the events and sadness, and we're all paying close attention to the news.

Perhaps rightfully so in this country our news channels, both network and cable, focus almost exclusively on American problems - often however to the exclusion of everything else going on in the world.

But the thing is, rich people have involvements and investments all over the world, and it's important for them to know what's going on abroad, not just here in America.

During this week of chaos, for example, we haven't heard a peep on American tv about the recent threats and blustering from North Korea, which rattles an entire region. We haven't heard a word about what's going on in Israel or Iran, or the deadly earthquake in Pakistan.

Yesterday was Margaret Thatcher's funeral at St. Paul's Cathedral in London, with many world dignitaries on hand including Regina herself, Elizabeth the Queen - but not even a blip about this on American tv.

I've often been asked "What news channels do rich people watch - FOX, CNN?"

Of course I can't answer for all rich people, but in this house the family gets their morning and daily news from the British Broadcasting Corporation, the BBC.

This news-gathering organization is absolutely awesome.

Not only does it cover all the events and tragedies going on here in America, but it succinctly covers all the news going on everywhere in the world (including Britain, of course) in a steady, calm, quiet and most importantly unbiased manner.

It's available on cable tv, and also on the Internet. In fact, the BBC is my home page each time I open my laptop.

Most certainly I don't have investments all over the globe like my employers. But I do have a curiosity about what's going on in this amazing, evolving and ever-interesting world we live in.

Here's a link to the BBC News. You can click on any region of the world you're interested in, and I promise you'll not be disappointed.

I might also mention it's absent all the hype and entertainment value we're accustomed to on American news, and might come across as dull or boring. But you get addicted to this steady calmness in no time, and will find it's the best, most unbiased news we can get from any source, hands down.

Thanks for stopping by tonight. God bless all of us during these stressful times.

Good night,
Andrew

Do Dogs Wander Off to Die?

2013-04-09T19:10:00.000-04:00

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Last week I told you that Gina, our tiny little Yorkshire, had disappeared.

It's been over ten days now without any word.

And my rich employers, as well as all of us in the house staff, are still befuddled and saddened by her absence. No response to the reward posters, no calls from vet clinics or the local dog catcher, and no ransom calls from my imaginary kidnappers.

Edna, the groomer who comes here to the house every week, has been taking care of little Gina for many, many years and is equally distraught.

She's been grooming animals her entire life, with thousands of clients over the years. And in her wisdom she said, "Older dogs know when they're about to die and wander off to be alone."

Having never had pets, I'd never heard this before.

But indeed, on the morning after Gina's disappearance we discovered where she'd thrown up on the sofa in the family room, where she likes to sleep and watch tv with the family. And Ester the Upstairs Maid said Gina had thrown up in two other places in the master bedroom.

So maybe that's it? Little Gina was sick and wandered off to die?

Edna said scavenger birds would probably have carried off her lifeless carcass. I don't know. But maybe that's a little less gruesome than owls snatching her away while still alive. (Nature really sucks sometimes!)

I immediately did a Google search, asking the question "do dogs wander off to die?" And over two million results popped up! Some people say yes they do, and others say no, they wouldn't leave the safety of their families. So I'm still in the dark.

All said and done, I guess we're accepting the fact that little Gina is not coming back. Even little Rex is starting to perk up and play with the Danes again. Being smaller and faster than these two loping mules, he always manages to get the ball first when we throw it, and struts around like Little Lord Fauntleroy with that ball in his mouth, showing off to the Danes.

So I guess we're getting back to abnormal around here.

Thank you so much for all the comments on the blog and emails offering condolences and support. I never realized what emotional distress is involved in losing a beloved pet.

And as always, thanks for stopping by,
Andrew

Losing a Pet!

2013-04-03T20:54:00.000-04:00

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The most awful thing has happened.

I know I've told you about the two Great Danes living here on this billionaire's estate, but I don't recall ever mentioning the two little Yorkshires.

Rex the little boy, and Regina the little girl (whom we call Gina), are our house pets and have been part of this family for nine years. Absolutely adorable, and everyone around here loves them dearly. Including me.

So imagine our shock and sadness when three nights ago little Regina slipped out the door during a cocktail party, which she has a tendency to do, and no one has seen her since.

She has a collar with a phone number, and she has a chip that can be scanned for identification. But so far, nothing.

I've followed all the usual steps; notifying animal control for the city, putting up "Lost Dog" posters throughout the neighborhood (which includes a reward), and contacting all the vet clinics in the area, as fellow pet owners who find a lost animal sometimes take them to their own vets for identification.

But again, so far nothing.

While there are rumors of coyotes in this area (which I prefer not to believe), we most certainly have plenty of owls that snatch off rabbits and cats in the blink of an eye.

And little Gina, at four-pound six-ounces, would be no match for these birds of prey.

So this house is in pause at present. And the grief at Gina's disappearance is palpable, especially on the part of the Mister since Gina goes all the way back to his first wife who died some years back.

I have to admit that except for a couple of goldfish and a parakeet, I have no experience at losing a beloved pet. And the whole concept of coyotes and owls is too gruesome to contemplate, albeit nature at play.

So in my mind tonight, Gina has simply been kidnapped from a rich neighborhood. And we're all just waiting for the ransom call. (But after three days, I must say these kidnappers are playing it very coy, with no call whatsoever to date.)

Coyotes? Owls? Kidnappers?

Where are you little Gina?

I miss you running up to me, pawing the ground and lifting your little head up and down, the clear signal being "Touch me! Pick me up! Hold me!", which I've done day after day for years, since the first day I worked here.

So, ouch!

Sorry for stressing you with this. But as I said, this house is currently in pause. Not unlike a death in the family. Rarely do I get to see the tender side of my rich employers' hearts, but this is one of those times.

Will let you know the outcome of all this, of course.

But honestly, I feel little Gina is gone for good.

Thanks for stopping by tonight,
Andrew

"The Billionaire's Vinegar"

2013-03-27T20:57:00.000-04:00

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This evening I got a call from Miss Helen.

She'd just read a post I'd published a little earlier in the month about expensive wines.

And being an aficionado of great wines herself she asked, "Have you read The Billionaire's Vinegar? Your readers might be interested in that book."

And I think she's right.

The post I'd written entitled The Judgement of Paris attracted many-thousand readers from all around the globe, interested in the subject of valuable wines, and my horror at having to pour a ten-thousand-dollar bottle of wine down the drain!

So to those readers, you might also be interested in Miss Helen's recommended reading.

The Billionaire's Vinegar by Benjamin Wallace is a superb non-fiction mystery novel about the most expensive bottle of wine ever sold!

In a renowned and shocking 1985 auction at Christie's of London, this 1787 bottle of Chateau Lafite Bordeaux (once supposedly owned by Thomas Jefferson) ultimately sold to a bidder from the Forbes family for over $150,000! (To spell it out, over one-hundred-and- fifty-thousand-dollars!!!)

The history and mystery behind the discovery of this controversial bottle of wine is the subject of the book, of course. And seriously absorbing!

So if you love a good bottle of wine, and if you love a good mystery, this might be a must read!

The author Benjamin Wallace has his own intriguing website for this New York Times best seller. And he's kind enough to tell us where it can be purchased, including Amazon.com.

But be warned, his website will instantly drag you into this true-life mystery!

Here's the link to The Billionaire's Vinegar.

Now, having written all that, I just might close out this evening with a bottle of wine myself. (Albeit hardly in the above category!)

As always, thanks for stopping by tonight. And thank you Miss Helen for bringing this up!

Good night,
Andrew

The First Day of Spring!

2013-03-20T11:38:00.000-04:00

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Wow! What a whirlwind lately!

Winter storms one right after another, a meteor hits the earth, Pope Benedict hits the road, Lent begins without him, Regina gave us a scare by spending a few days in a London hospital, a new Pope pops up, and daylight savings time is still kicking out behinds.

But todays' the first day of spring, and welcome it is, right?

In my crazy world as butler to a billionaire, right about now rich people all over the globe are returning home from their mysterious deep-winter retreats to Switzerland -- not just for skiing, mind you, but for their annual nips and tucks .

And with their new face lifts and tummy tucks, they're ready to face the grueling spring social season, already in full swing.

Due to the divorce I told you about earlier in the year, I'm not really sure how much this house will be participating.

There's a few small cocktail parties scheduled, but no big events or galas. (Which seems proper in my opinion.)

Apparently around here we're still in the process of figuring out who's on whose side, and who are still our friends.

Anyone who's ever gone through a divorce has had to face this same thing. Former friends of the married couple are suddenly faced with choosing sides as to which one they'll stick with.

In the world of the rich, however, it's been my observation that most people just step back and wait for the dust to settle. Which ever party winds up with the majority of the fortune intact gives them a better idea as to whom they should align themselves.

And there's some logic in this, by the way, in that the courts will decide for them who's in the wrong, if anyone, or if the split was amicable and everyone can go on happily about their business. All said and done, the rich stick together -- and the losers slip by the wayside.

It's just the way things are in their world.

As always, thanks for visiting tonight.

And Happy Spring!
Andrew

Wine Care! Who Cares?

2013-03-07T21:50:00.000-05:00

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In the last post entitled The Judgement of Paris I told you about an insanely expensive bottle of wine that had turned to vinegar, and my horror at having to pour it down the drain!

This article brought a flurry of comments and emails regarding the proper way to store and age wine. And while I don't pretend in any way to be an expert in the field, still there are some basic things we all need to know to keep our wine purchase from turning into an expensive bottle of vinegar!

Most wines released to the market today (which I'll refer to as 'table wines' if that's ok) have already achieved their maturity potential and do not age well beyond the release date. They're meant to be consumed now, or within the next two years at most.

But some wines (usually quite expensive) have the required ingredients to age for many years and decades, with the taste and value increasing right along. Which inspires the serious hobby of wine collecting for fun and profit. And auction prices can be in the many thousands for one particular label or year!

But it's a huge gamble!

Here's the thing - both inexpensive table wines and notable collector wines are capable of going bad! (In fact, with any wine whatsoever, vinegar is always lurking in the shadows!)

Most vino fans already know how to care for their wines, but it doesn't hurt to go over the basics. The first three on the following list will take care of most of our needs:

-Wine needs to be kept cool! Between 55 to 60 degrees for collector wines seems to be the consensus. For our table wines, however, air-conditioned room temperature (at about 72 degrees) is ok for a while. For serving, they can be chilled down in your fridge. But refrigerators are actually too cold for long term storage.

-No sunlight! Just leave your bottle of wine sitting out on the counter with sunlight streaming in through the kitchen window and see what happens. ("Vinegar, anyone?") Most wine bottles are tinted to reduce the amount of light penetrating the bottle, but it's not enough. So keep it in a darkened place. Even counter-top wine racks usually have some sort of cover.

-Store them on their sides! This keeps the wine pushed up against the cork, which keeps the cork moist. Any household wine rack will have a tilt already built in for this very purpose. There's absolutely nothing worse than a dried-out cork that crumbles when you try to open it. (When that does happen, you can salvage the wine by pushing the cork all the way into the bottle, then pour it through a fine strainer into a decanter.)

-Humidity! Ok, most of us never have to worry about this! But serious wine collectors do. You see, while the inside of the cork can be kept moist by laying wines on their sides, the outside of the cork is exposed to the air around, and over the years can dry out and crumble. Which may let oxygen into the bottle and spoil the wine.

-Do Not Disturb! Collector wines should not be turned or subjected to vibrations. In fact, in most famous wine cellars even dusting is not allowed.

The truth is, no one knows how a wine will age. Not even a rich collector. And when you pay a small fortune at an auction for a famous label or year, you have no idea how the wine has been stored over the years, and may very well have just purchased a bottle of vinegar!

In any good restaurant there's a long-established custom where the waiter pours a sip of wine into the host's glass (whether it's a cheap twenty-dollar bottle or a two-thousand dollar bottle) just to see if it's ok, right? This is not a wine-tasting moment to accommodate the host's quirky tastes, but simply to see if the wine he's specifically chosen from the menu has turned to vinegar or not!

In the last post I received a comment from Ben Reierson (who inspired this particular post, btw) about above-ground wine closets.

Rich people who are lucky enough to have a wine cellar can control all the above requirements for storing wine: a steady year-round temperature down in the cellar, away from sunlight, and cellars always have a certain amount of humidity.

But what about billionaires living in high-rise penthouse apartments? (And those of us living in homes without basements or cellars?)

Specially designed wine closets are the only option. And there's some amazing models out there that control all the storage factors, they'll electronically track your inventory and some of them even suggest a particular wine in your closet to match whatever your Chef has prepared for dinner.

But these closets are subject to air-conditioning breakdowns and power outages, right?

So if you're a serious investor with a multi-million-dollar collection of fine wines, there are professional companies in most major cities that will store your wines under guarded, guaranteed conditions, with back-up generators and there is insurance available against any loss you may suffer.

The subject of wine collecting and wine aging is not only fascinating but can be seriously lucrative when it comes time for auction!

But it's not for the faint of heart!

For more info on the topic just Google "wine storage" or "how to age wine." And you'll find yourself with millions of interested parties.

Gosh! I didn't mean for this to be so long! But I hope it's been fun and informative.

Whatever the method of delivery tonight, whether it's a box of wine, or a screw-cap bottle or one with a proper cork, lets just enjoy "In Vino Veritas", the Italian way of saying "In wine there is truth."

Good night,
Andrew

The Judgement of Paris!

2013-03-01T23:33:00.000-05:00

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I'm still in shock from something I had to do last night!

But let me back up a moment to explain.

Not all of us in this world (including me) are wine connoisseurs, right?

In fact when I do buy a bottle of wine the only thing I rely upon is anything labeled "Chateau So-'n-So" -- whether a Chardonnay or a Cabernet Sauvignon or any other kind.

The simple and naive assumption on my part being the word "Chateau" (meaning a country house for nobility, where wine might be produced) involves family pride in the wine making process!

And Chateaux always have such beautiful drawings and old-world type labels, don't they?

So how could you go wrong? Right?

Even if it only costs ten bucks, it's still a Chateau! (ha!) .

But last evening my employers opened a bottle of 1973 Chateau Montelena Chardonnay from Napa Valley, which gave me quite a shock in the first place..

You see, this famous and amazing wine won the wine-tasting contest at the Judgement of Paris in 1976, which caused a great scandal at the time!

But it proved once and for all that American wines, such as those in Sonoma and Napa Valley in California, are every bit as good as their world-famous French counterparts! (And I'm very much aware of the still-raging dispute of the French. lol!)

This forty-year-old wine, of course, is no longer available for sale, and can only be purchased at private auctions.

And I have no idea if my employer bought it when it was first produced back in 1973 for about fifteen bucks, or if he paid one of the escalating auction rates over the years - valued at $2,000 some decades ago, and up to $10,000 today.

But whatever the case, this world-famous wine, when opened last night, had turned to vinegar!!!

Poor storage, no doubt, over the last forty years at uneven temperatures, or not tilted downward to keep the cork moist. And the cork, in fact, was brittle and crumbled when opened, and the wine had to be strained and decanted.

But still, it had gone sour!

And my nerve-shattering task last night was to pour it down the drain!

Oh! My! God!

Ten thousand dollars down the drain!

And being tired after the cocktail party and not thinking clearly, I set the empty bottle along side the plastics and papers for the recycle container.

But waking up late today I realized even the empty bottle had value. And heading straight to the recycle bin I discovered it too had already been picked up and sent down the drain!

So good by Chardonnay Montelena.

Good by ten grand!

Such is life around here.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for any sympathy you might send my way! (lol!)

Good night,
Andrew

Is Anyone Doing Lent This Year?

2013-02-25T19:20:00.000-05:00

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You know, I've complained before about this nutty Gregorian calendar we follow, but it didn't do one bit of good, did it?

The holidays are never on the same date. None of us can keep up. And the whole thing is so imprecise that we need a leap year just to get back on track.

Julius Caesar (back in the BC's) and Pope Gregory XIII (in 1582) gave it their best shot to work this calendar out. But it's still so messed up!

Last year Lent began on February 22, right?

But this year really takes the cake!

It began on February 13, the day BEFORE Valentines! How messed up is that? What if you wanted to give up champagne and chocolates for Lent?!

It's just too much!

I don't know about you but this year I don't have the heart to go through Lent anyhow. And to make matters worse, Pope Benedict has announced he's going to bail. So he won't even be around during the whole blessed event!

Have been toying with the idea of giving up Lent for Lent. It's a technicality, of course, but follows the letter if not the spirit of the law. Do you think that would work, or is it a sure-fire way to spend a little time in Purgatory?

My rich employers are not Catholics, so there's no pressure around here to participate.

If you are doing Lent this year, remember it's only six days a week. In fact last year I brought this up in an essay entitled "The Truth About Lent". (On Sundays we can party down and briefly get back to business. Ha!)

To all my Protestant readers, I know you don't understand this, or have to deal with Lent at all. But you're still obliged to get done up in your Eastern bonnets and go to church on Easter Sunday, the last day of Lent. Right? So we're all in this mess together.

Alright, I'll stop.

Just wanted to drop in and see if anyone's doing Lent this year. And good luck to you if you are! (I myself am reeling from guilt at not participating. Might have been easier to just shut up and participate. Ha!)

All the best,
Andrew

The Package from Bijan: Mystery Solved!

2013-02-18T19:25:00.000-05:00

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Last week I told you a package for the Mister had arrived from the House of Bijan, and that no one was home to open it!

Ester and I have waited quite impatiently for almost a week to find out what's inside! And finally our employers returned this morning, around ten-thirty.

Right next to the elevator there's a long narrow side table where things are placed that need to go upstairs, including the daily mail and packages.

In fact, it's my job to separate the mail each day into His and Her piles, further organized by their personal letters, cards and invitations on top, business mail underneath that, and overnight letters from Fed Ex and UPS underneath that. Next to these two stacks, magazines are separated into those the Mister has subscribed to, and those the Missus wants to receive. Department store magazines and other junk mail are next to that. And at the end of the table is where we place packages.

When they arrived this morning they left the luggage up to us, picked up their respective piles of His and Her mail and went straight upstairs to their separate offices.

Ester and I looked at each other with fallen faces! (I actually thought she might have a momentary psychotic break!) Apparently packages were the last thing on their minds at the moment.

At one o'clock they came down for lunch. I was out running errands, but Ester sent a text that said the Mister had taken the package upstairs right after lunch.

She is, after all, the Upstairs Maid and as soon as appropriate she scooted upstairs to snoop around. By the time I got home she was full of news!

It seems the package was a gift from the Mister's sister -- which was somewhat of a disappointment since we had hoped the old cheapskate had actually been shopping there himself.

And while we had been hoping to see some exquisite accessories, it turned out to be just a shirt and tie.

But having said that, Bijan's shirts are limited editions, of course, and can cost anywhere from $350 on up! And the tie, also a limited edition, is signed and numbered. Only God knows the cost of that.

So the big mystery's over. And while we may have been disappointed, at least now we can say there are Bijan labels in the Mister's closet. (And no one needs to know it's just two!)

Thanks for stopping by, and for following along. (Hope you're not as disappointed as we are.)

Good night,
Andrew

Bijan - Beverly Hills!

2013-02-09T20:06:00.000-05:00

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Earlier today in a post entitled "Rodeo Drive" I told you about a package that had arrived with a Rodeo Drive return address.

I also told you there's no one home to open it! And that Ester and I are on pins and needles, dying to know what's inside!

What I failed to mention is the name of the shop.

You see, the package (addressed to the Mister) is from the House of Bijan - renowned haute couture for men.

This boutique is so exclusive you can't get in the door. Literally!

It's by appointment only, and I have a feeling designer Bijan Pakzad himself decided who might cross the threshold. While his client list is not well publicized (except by the paparazzi, of course), he's said to have dressed over thirty heads of state, including US presidents, European Royalty and the rich and famous from all walks of life.

In addition to couture, he's also known for his fragrances, sold in major department stores worldwide. And he has a line of exquisite jewelry and watches for both men and women.

To top it off, he also designs the exterior and interior of custom-made Rolls Royce's and Bugatti's on a per-client basis. How awesome is that?

Here's a link to Bijan's amazing world. And get ready to be enthralled!

More than once, even by the designer himself, the House of Bijan has been billed as "the most expensive store in the world!"

And then you'll understand why Ester and I are so agitated! (lol!)

Again, thanks for stopping by today.

Will let you know what's in the box the minute the Mister gets back next week.

Good night,
Andrew

PS: You may know that Bijan, as he liked to be called, died just recently in 2011. But his legacy and shop lives on, under the direction of his partner and the world-famous designers who continue to showcase their wares in the inventory.

Where Rich People Shop: Rodeo Drive!

2013-02-09T13:01:00.001-05:00

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A package arrived this afternoon with a Rodeo Drive return address.

There's no one home to open it and it's driving me and Ester (the Upstairs Maid) crazy!

We've considered ripping it open and blaming it on Fed Ex. But I'm afraid we've done that too many times to keep getting away with it!

In north American speech (and in cowboy movies) the word rodeo is pronounced row-dee-o. Right?

But in Beverly Hills the original Spanish pronunciation is employed and you'll hear them say row-day-o when referring to the world-famous shopping district known as Rodeo Drive.

Cowboys on Rodeo Drive are few and far between. And the only horses around would be found inside the engines of Ferrari's, Bugatti's and Lamborghini's.

Remember the film Pretty Woman where Julia Roberts gets a makeover and goes shopping for a new wardrobe? That's Rodeo Drive.

Full of high dollar shops and boutiques that attract the rich, the famous and the powerful from all over the world.

From Fendi and Frette to Valentino and Van Cleef, the worlds finest designers display their wares in one small but exquisitely glamorous area of Beverly Hills

If you think this would be a good place to star gaze, you're absolutely right. But to see your favorite star up close you'll have to wade through a small army of paparazzi, valet parkers, doormen, security guards, personal assistants and sometimes body guards.

Just take a look at this link to Google Images to see what I'm talking about.

So, absent an x-ray machine, I guess Ester and I will just have to wait it out until our employers get back next week.

Which is not an easy thing, mind you. During this time of year in between social seasons, things can get pretty dull around here.

Thanks for stopping by. And will let you know what we find out.

Good night,
Andrew

Where Rich People Shop: "Coach Leatherwear"

2013-02-04T21:35:00.000-05:00

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Dear God!

It's February and Saint Valentine's Day is just around the corner!

(I'm hardly over Christmas and a massive Super Bowl hangover, but here we go again!)

To my guy readers, sure, flowers and chocolates are in order. If not expected.

But in this world of the super rich, it's also a time for major gifts: diamonds, perfumes, tickets to the opera or a booking on a Mediterranean cruise.

There's so many options as to what to do. But to help out in this situation, let me tell you the rich sometimes resort to a terrific boutique called Coach Leatherwear.

This venerable old company has been around since 1941, and currently has about five-hundred stores around the country. And you can even shop online.

Here you can find all kinds of great stuff for your loved one; designer leather hand bags, wallets, sunglasses, perfumes, watches, jewelry, even tech accessories and shoes. And at this point, ten days before Valentine's, they can still get your gift delivered on time by Fed Ex or UPS.

And while you're browsing there, guys, you can find a nice briefcase or leather back pack for yourself in the Men's Gifts category. Here's a link to Coach's dazzling web page.

But now, if you're just going to go with chocolates, then you'll need to browse the web and find something wonderful from Switzerland or Belgium. Godiva and Neuhaus come to mind. Or a boutique chocolatier like Pierre Marcolini.

(The Missus here where I work is more fond of Belgium over Swiss, while I myself can't taste the difference between a Hershey Bar and a Butterfinger, except for the peanut butter, of course.)

In any case, there's just ten days left!

So it's time to get busy guys!

Dear Lord!

Is there any month in the calendar year when we don't have to buy gifts? Birthdays, Anniversaries, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Secretary Day? Christmas and Valentine's?

I need to sleep.

Good night, and thanks for stopping by!
Andrew

Chicken Wings and Caviar! Super Bowl 2013

2013-02-03T22:47:00.000-05:00

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God forbid I could see the Super Bowl game today with my friends!

My employers were supposed to go to a party at one of their friend's house, but there was some kind of "incident" (no doubt involving alcohol) and the party had to be canceled at the last minute!

So they decided to have a few friends over here to watch the game!

Damn!

Being always suspicious of changing plans (and like a Boy Scout, always prepared), I did indeed buy a bag a frozen chicken wings at the market this week, a package of Little Smokies and a couple of jars of cheese dips and chips.

So I'll heat up those stupid wings and sausages, add a cheese platter with a nice Wensleydale and Brie I have on hand, along with grapes and nuts. And I'll open our last tin of caviar. This crowd would expect nothing less.

So that's it. What else could I do?

Not enough time to notify the caterers, who were all busy anyhow.

Not enough time to prepare anything myself.

So chicken wings and caviar it is.

I did get to see the game at least, while refreshing eveyone's champagne and ladling out the gin.

But it's just not the same! Ha!

Hope you had a fun Super Bowl day!

But watch out!

For some crazy reason in this country the day after Super Bowl is NOT a holiday! So there's very little time to recover from any unfortunate hangovers we all might be experiencing. (If you're scheduled for open heart surgery tomorrow, you might want to put that off a day or two!)

Good luck tomorrow!

And thanks for stopping by!

Andrew

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FAQ: "What's the Worst Part of Your Job?"

2013-01-28T19:37:00.000-05:00

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That's a fun question!

All employment has it's ups and downs, right? And trust me, this situation is certainly no different.

In this live-in job where I serve as house manager, the ups outweigh the downs, I must say. (Good pay, fun work and a constant demand for creativity and learning.)

But the downs are seriously down.

Not being able to spend holidays with my own family and friends is hurtful to the soul. (But that's the nature of the job and I knew that before I started, didn't I?)

Then there's the unpredictable hours. Maybe I've made plans for dinner and a movie with friends, but suddenly there's an unexpected cocktail party that pops up. Or maybe the heat goes down in the middle of the night and I'm called out of bed. But again it's the nature of the job, and I have little room to complain.

So I guess what I'm going to say is the worst part of this job, as you might can imagine, is living in an environment where you're not loved.

Most of us have the luxury of going home to our family, friends, roommates or at least some friendly neighbors or even pets.

But when I come home from the gym or an evening out with friends, there's just this incredible isolation. Locked behind two sets of gates to get into this place.

I didn't realize how difficult this would be, having never experienced anything like it before. And when I do move on someday, it will definitely be to a live-out situation. Try to imagine what it would be like to live with your boss and his or her family 24/7. (What was I thinking?)

Thanks for stopping by this evening,

Good night,
Andrew

Luxury Candles for the Rich!

2013-01-22T13:07:00.000-05:00

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Before my employers split up, they used to argue about the silliest things.

More often than not it was about money (as if they had to scratch up the rent or something), and about the extravagant needs of the Missus. Some of which I've mentioned over the past couple of years.

About a month before she hit the road they had a completely overblown fuss about candles, of all things.

There was a huge fundraiser coming up and all our candles were just about burned out. There's roughly a hundred and fifty vital points throughout the house and gardens that require candle light. And the house is known for this touch of splendor.

The Missus and I always bought beautifully scented soy candles at about forty dollars each. Which is roughly six-thousand bucks to cover the whole house.

Bear in mind these fundraising events can easily raise a million dollars if the guests are adequately dazzled and pampered into a champagne stupor. Not to mention the fact the candles will last for two or three parties.

But the Mister had other ideas. He wanted me to light the house with votives from the Catholic diocese gift shop at about forty cents each. Which would be sixty dollars to cover the house, rather than six thousand.

So you see the scandalous penny pinching she and I were having to put up with? And the older he was getting the worse things got!

To be fair to her, she wasn't being all that extravagant since we could have paid much more than forty dollars for a candle!

There's a company called Welcome Home Candles that has a nice Champagne Noir scented soy with a diamond-encrusted necklace for a mere $6,495.   So let's see -- a hundred and fifty of those could have cost the old man $975,000.

See what I mean?

No wonder she took off!

The cheapskate.

Hope all is well, and thanks for stopping by tonight.
Andrew

Lillian Hellman! Thanks for Everything!

2013-01-15T01:15:00.000-05:00

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I don't know about you, but I'm having a lot of trouble right now recovering from all the hoop-lah of the holidays.

In fact, I wrote about this very subject a couple of years back in an essay entitled "Post Holiday Blues".

But it's not just that.

This divorce business, which I mentioned in the last post, is really a difficult process to deal with, for all of us who live and work here on the estate. Almost like a death, with all the feelings of loss involved.

Normally our employers would be off to Switzerland this time of year for their annual nips and tucks.

But not this year.

Everything is different.

Today my mind is wandering, and I've been thinking about the lovely and precious Lillian Hellman, once called "the most famous woman playwright in the world".

Her stage play "The Little Foxes" has been going through my mind all day long, all about the corruption and evil schemes of the rich.

While the slightly-scandalous Tallulah Bankhead (way back in 1939) was the original Broadway star, my memory of this play is from tv re-runs of the film adaptation with Bette Davis as the lead..

Miss Hellman herself, of course, was brought up on charges before the infamous and entirely discredited McCarthy Committee on un-American Activities, which also placed her on the revolting Hollywood Blacklist -- accusing her of being a communist for her fearless and enlightening literary depictions of how rich people behave.

And I guess a blog writer like me, talking about more or less the same things, would be on his idiotic list as well.

But thankfully times have changed.

Social media today would have stopped this deranged man in his tracks, long before he could have destroyed so many lives and careers.

Ok, I don't know where all that came from, and please forgive me that outburst. It's the exhaustion from the holidays, I suppose. But the Missus moving out and the on-going divorce is just so very, very draining.

Thanks for stopping by tonight, and for following along.

I hope you're recovering from the holidays somewhat better than I am! Ha!

Andrew

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A High Society Divorce!

2013-01-05T21:36:00.000-05:00

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As the New Year begins, I need to confess about what's going around around here right now.

I haven't told you before because I didn't really have a clear idea of what all's going on.

In this billionaire's home where I serve as house manager, which is to say the butler, I've been hinting for the past year that things between my employers haven't been going so well, right?

Well, the Missus moved out a few months back, which I thought was only a separation. And during the recent holidays they did come together to fulfill all their social and fundraising obligations. (The gossip, however, had already started, and the parties and events were less well attended this year.)

So now that the festivities are over, it's become official and public: they're getting a divorce!

It's contentious unfortunately, involving allegations on both sides. Which leads to scandal and more gossip.

This kind of thing sends shock waves through the enclaves of local high society. And everyone starts backing off, or inevitably taking sides. Difficult for everyone involved.

As for me, I'll be staying on here with the Mister. But I don't mind telling you I miss the lady of the house. We were a great team, and could put together a gala for a thousand guests in nothing flat, with hardly a glitch.

And as I'm known around town as her personal assistant, I can't help but notice these days the questioning looks, the whispers and the lifted eyebrows when I walk in somewhere.

So this transition is a difficult time.

I should also tell you that the Mister already has a new girlfriend,. It's been going on for awhile.

But I like her a lot. She's elegant and charming, with not a hint of arrogance or pretension. She doesn't quite know what to do with a butler hanging around all the time. But we're getting along well. I already have her favorite breakfast foods and snacks in the house.

So things are ok.

Just different.

And in the future when I write about "the Missus", you'll know it's about someone new.

As always, thanks for stopping by.

And again, Happy New Year!

Andrew

"Auld Lang Syne" - For Old Times' Sake!

2012-12-27T20:38:00.000-05:00

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We hear it every New Year's eve and perhaps even sing or hum along, whether we know the words or not.

An ancient song from Scotland, Auld Lang Syne has been translated into practically every language in the world. In many countries it's a tradition at New Year's, of course, but it's often played on other occasions as a farewell song -- bon-voyage parties, graduations, even funerals.

The title translates several ways into English as "old times", or "days gone by", or "for old times' sake", or, "for the sake of old times" -- and the lyrics remind us to remember old friends and loved ones from days gone by.

Which, as we all know, can easily bring a tear.

If you don't know the words and want to sing along this New Year's eve, I'm going to jot down the English lyrics to the first verse. (And to my readers abroad, you already know how to hit the translate button.)

Auld Lang Syne

Should old acquaintance
be forgot,
and never brought to
mind?

Should old acquaintance
be forgot
and old lang syne?   (days gone by)

For auld lang syne, (for old times' sake)
my dear,
for auld lang syne,   (for old times' sake)
we'll take a cup of
kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.   (for the sake of old times)

And of course now we have to hear it, right?

I sincerely hope you have time this evening to hit this YouTube link to a rousing and heart-warming version of Auld Lang Syne.

And while it's playing, let me take this opportunity to say to you, and to my readers around the world, thank's, as always, for stopping by, and ....

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Andrew

Happy Holidays?

2012-12-20T23:30:00.000-05:00

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Sorry for the recent silence.

While things have been busy around here, all the holiday receptions and parties this year have become suddenly subdued, and rightfully so.

Seeing little children going to their graves in Connecticut just a week before Christmas has given everyone pause. And all our hearts are hurting.

Not only those of us in America, but people across the world.

Surely something must be done.

Perhaps Christmas, with its promise of enlightenment, joy and peace can help us through this most difficult of times.

I don't know.

All our hearts are hurting.

As always, thanks for reading.

And God bless us all.

Andrew

Where Rich People Shop: Treats from Harry and David!

2012-12-13T22:13:00.001-05:00

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As you might suspect, rich people have an enormous gift list about this time of year, and the utter task for them can be quite overwhelming.

But not to worry. They have hired help in this area, all the way from shopping, to wrapping, to delivering or shipping.

Secretaries, Personal Assistants, House Managers and Butlers (like me), and Personal Shoppers in their favorite department stores are all involved in this annual nightmare.

Around here, my employers usually do their own shopping for their family members and closest friends. (Which, by the way, still doesn't exclude the house staff from wrapping, delivering or shipping.)

But what about the vast number of acquaintances, business associates and corporate employees -- some of whom they like or dislike, or maybe even loathe?

For these perfunctory gifts they often resort to food and booze. An expensive bottle of brandy or champagne, gourmet foods from a specialty shop or an upscale department store (ie: Harrods of London), or a selection of expensive and fancily-packaged nuts or candies. And lately gourmet fruits, especially pears, have become fashionable.

Meant to show respect rather than intimacy, these gifts are perfectly ok, and the recipients more or less understand the sentiment. The trick here is how big or how much the treat package should be. In fact, it's more about making a statement than about the cost.

For example, there's a company the rich often resort to called Harry and David that specializes in corporate gifts. This excellent company has been around for seventy-five years, and has categories of fun and nicely-packaged goodies from $50 to over $200 per package.

No muss, no fuss. Just call them up and read down your gift list, including the price range for each recipient, and they'll do all the rest -- including a gift card.

And the fun thing is, if you're on the receiving end and get a gift from a company like Harry and David (or Harrods or Macy's), you can go to their websites and see exactly how much the sender paid, and where you stand in their fickle esteem.

If it's small and in the fifty dollar range, you've still got lots of work to do. But if it's big and grand, two-hundred bucks or more, then you're moving right along, and may someday arrive on their personal gift list. (Just be sure that's what you want. When dealing with the rich, there's always a price to pay for their notice, kindness or generosity.)

If you haven't completed your Christmas shopping yet, as of today there's still almost a couple of weeks to get in touch with Harry and David or other similar stores, and still enough time to have your gifts shipped on time. And yes, there's always overnight air for last minute oversights.

Here's a link to their beautiful world of gourmet treats, and their widely-famous Comice pears. (And again, you can click on the price categories to see just where you stand if you receive something from them. ha!)

Hope this has been helpful, but more importantly I hope you're nearing an end to your shopping chores. Last minute rushing around can be such a pain!

Thanks for reading, and good night.

Andrew

Addendum to "The Champagne Daze!"

2012-12-07T20:12:00.000-05:00

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In last night's post entitled "The Champagne Daze", I was pointing out that usage of the word champagne is protected by treaties and should apply only to sparkling wines produced in the Champagne region of France.

But I entirely forgot to mention the wines should also be produced under the rules of appellation, even in France. And I also failed to mention a couple of major loopholes:

One being that not all countries signed the treaties and don't give a hoot about the rules.

The other being that it's grudgingly allowable and more-or-less ok to use the word champagne -- as long as the country or region of origin is also clearly present on the label, to distinguish it from sparkling wines produced in the Champagne region in France.

Thus in the United States, for example, you'll see some vineyards will label their sparkling wines as "American Champagne", or "California Champagne".

Sorry for the oversight and confusion!

But I was a little "dazed" myself last night when writing the article! ha!

Anyhow, enjoy the bubbly, no matter where the heck it comes from.

Thanks again for reading,

Andrew