Bipolar Bisexual

'The Ice Marathon' - A Tale of A Bipolar Mother

2012-12-24T10:56:00.002Z

The Ice Marathon is the third book by number one best-selling author, Rosen Trevithick, to deal with mental illness.

If you download it today, you can get it for free for your Kindle, smartphone or computer.

When Simon and Emma first meet, they find each other intolerable and are stunned when an angry row turns into sex.

The resultant pregnancy shocks them further, especially since Emma, who has bipolar disorder, relies on lithium to manage her mood swings.

However, only days after giving birth, Emma becomes ill with suicidal depression. With Simon on an Antarctic expedition, Emma entrusts baby Joseph to her ‘in-laws’. On her recovery, she waits anxiously for them to bring him home, but when her father-in-law arrives alone, she knows that something is seriously wrong.

Is the distance between Emma and Simon purely geographical? Will Simon’s return be the key to reuniting mother and son, or is Simon integral to baby Joseph’s disappearance?

A novella by number 1 bestselling author, Rosen Trevithick. ~33,000 words.

This title is FREE from now until Christmas Day.

Download now.

It's National Bipolar Awareness Day

2012-06-27T12:20:00.002+01:00

Today is the first UK National Bipolar Awareness Day. I would like to take this opportunity to wish all my readers a stable day, and hope that the following year runs as smoothly as possible.

For further information, see http://www.bipolaruk.org.uk/bipolar-awareness-day/

If you have a Kindle, Rosen Trevithick is offering On the Rocks for free today, to support the occasion.

Paperback Collection of Humorous and Psychological Shorts

2012-06-09T14:19:00.004+01:00

Rosen Trevithick's short story collection, Seesaw, is now available in paperback. It is loosely based on her experiences with bipolar disorder. Whilst only two of the stories directly concern mental health, the tales alternate between humorous and serious psychological fiction, mirroring the bipolar condition. Rosen talks about her own battle with mental health problems in the preface, which is available to read for free.

The book is available for sale from a number of bookshops, including the Exeter and Truro branches of Waterstones and from Amazon.

Short Story Collection Tackling Mental Health

2012-03-06T10:42:00.003Z

An indie writer with bipolar disorder, Rosen Trevithick, has just launched a short story collection called Seesaw, which contains two stories tackling mental health, as well as eight other tales on a variety of themes.

In the preface she states that she writes to help herself understand the world, which can be confusing for even the healthiest mind. She tells of her delight at making money from writing, after being unable to earn a living for many years, due to her mental health problems.

In order to promote the anthology, Rosen is giving away free copies of one of her short stories, a black comedy called, London, the Doggy and Me. However, it is only on promotion until Thursday, so if you're interested, grab a copy now.

The books are available for Kindle but you don't need an eReader to enjoy them. You can also get Kindle software for PCs and many smartphones.

Dear JJ (AKA "What Crazy Looks Like")

2012-02-27T16:10:00.003Z

Yesterday I listened to an audio clip of Fletch and Vaughan reading some text messages allegedly send from a girl called JJ, to a man she had a one night stand with. The girl was clearly suffering from a severe anxiety episode, yet people all over the globe seem to view this as entertainment.

Since when has a girl having a mental breakdown been funny? Screen shots of the texts have propagated all over the web under the title "This is What Crazy Looks Like Via Text Messaging" and there are literally thousands of comments from people laughing at her.

I really hope that the texts are a hoax. If not, there is a girl out there, who will no doubt be deeply distressed by this mass, disgusting example of digital bullying.

What JJ appears to have experienced, is the involuntary surge of chemicals that follows sex. She felt attached to Kevin, whether she wanted to or not, and any sign that he did not feel the same way, caused her great anxiety. In order to alleviate this anxiety, she texted him again and again. Every time he failed to respond, she felt more anxiety and the urge to text him again increased. She got caught up in a self-defeating loop. Later texts suggest that she loathed the way she was behaving, yet was powerless to stop.

Most of the comments about this appear to see things from the man's point of views. Yes, I understand why her texts may have annoyed him, but that seems negligible given the pain she must have been in to send so many, deeply troubled texts.

So JJ, if you're reading this, the people who are laughing about this are the ones you should feel sorry for. They are obviously to shallow to appreciate that somebody in your position deserves compassion, not public humiliation and mockery. For many people, the emotions that follow sex with a new partner, or overpowering and confusing. You are not the only girl who has behaved in this way, and you won't be the last.

Opportunity for writers of lesbian/bi fiction

2012-01-05T22:26:00.002Z

I stumbled upon Freya Publications, who specialise in offering a diverse range of lesbian fiction.

They are currently looking for submissions for two short story collections. The themes are:

- Sunkissed - short love stories with a summer theme.

- She Bites - short stories with a gothic theme.

They also accept novel submissions.

See submission guidelines.

The Selfish Act - A Portrait of Suicide

2011-12-11T16:17:00.004Z

Following our post about Jeremy Clarkson' comments on suicide, Rosen Trevithick has written a short story depicting a suicidal mind.

On her blog, Rosen posted,

"Clarkson likes saying things for shock value, but the fact remains that an astonishing number of people genuinely believe that this method of suicide, or indeed suicide on general, is selfish."

About the story,

"Morwenna has a very satisfying life, but she's plagued by an undiagnosed mental health problem that she refers to as, 'Too many thoughts.'

When she wakes up the morning after her engagement party, feeling disconnected from the world, her despair drives her to a railway bridge. She finds herself trapped between the reality of phone calls from loved ones and the alternative universe painted by desperate depression."

Rosen added,

"It's not very cheery reading, but it is honest."

Read The Selfish Act.

Clarkson versus Husband of Train Suicide Victim

2011-12-04T20:14:00.011Z

Jeremy Clarkson on what to do after a train suicide:

"Change the driver, pick up the big bits of what's left of the victim, get the train moving as quickly as possible and let foxy woxy and the birds nibble away at the smaller, gooey parts that are far away or hard to find."

Was he joking? Was he sincere?

To be honest, I don't really care. It's not acceptable to make comments like that in sincerity or jest.

In an important radio interview, a man who lost his wife to OCD, discusses the impact Clarkson's comments have had on him.

Following his wife's suicide in front of a train, Glinn tortured himself imagining the parts of his wife that were hard to find. He found comfort in the level of respect with which the rail company treated his wife's body.

Clarkson's comment was part of a wider discussion in his column in The Sun newspaper, in which he argues that suicide is selfish.

Suicide could only be selfish if the person committing it, is fully aware that the destruction that their suicide will cause, is going to be worse than the destruction caused by he or she remaining alive.

"In most Western countries, close to 90 per cent of those who die by suicide have a mental disorder. " - Mind

"Broken down by type: mood disorders are present in 30%, substance abuse in 18%, schizophrenia in 14%, and personality disorders in 13% of suicides." - Wikipedia

This means that most suicide victims have a distorted perception of reality at the time of suicide. Many sufferers of the conditions listed above, are not capable of fully appreciating the impact that their suicide might have on others, especially not during the moment that they take their own life.

In the aforementioned radio interview, Glinn states, "She [his wife] wanted to die because of the effect it [the OCD she suffered from] was having on lots of other people around her." He also said, "She was probably one of the most unselfish people you could ever meet."

It is outrageous, in this day and age, for anybody to view death that is a consequence of an illness, as a slight on the sufferer.

Listen to Glinn interviewed on the radio.

If anybody can tell me what radio station this is from, or who the presenter is, I'd be really grateful. Thanks.

Glee - Santana's Coming Out Episode Utterly Disappointing

2011-12-04T19:28:00.006Z

After Glee's sensitive handling of Kurt Hummel's sexuality, viewers had high expectations for the episode about Santana Lopez coming out to her mother and her high school. Unforgettably, the episode was extremely badly written with an offensive choice of songs, uninspiring covers, poor dialogue and an absence of substance. The fact that it was named after a Katy Perry song was the first clue that it was going to be bad.

Finn Husdon sings Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper. Apart from the fact that the cover was so insipid and lifeless that it took me a long time to recognise it, the lyrics are offensive and kind of irrelevant to coming out. Most girls want to have fun, but very few just want to have fun. Certainly lesbianism isn't as shallow as simply girls having fun.

Then, the female characters cover I Kissed A Girl by Katy Perry. If anything, I Kissed A Girl is an anti-lesbian song. It totally undermines the depth of lesbian feelings and the importance of sexual experiences between women. Far from being a gay anthem, homosexuals everywhere despise it.

I'm not the only one to have hated the episode. Many people online, including autostraddle.com point out that even though the episode is called I Kissed a Girl, no girl actually kissed another girl throughout. In fact, Santana's relationship with Brittany is largely ignored, making the episode rather hollow.

To be honest, I'm starting to wonder if any of the episode's six male writers, have ever spoken to a lesbian.

Free Bipolar Short Story

2011-11-15T18:01:00.006Z

Rosen Trevithick (one of this site's contributors) has just published a free short story, On the Rocks.

Meg and Poppy's friendship begins unusually, when they separately climb Red Rock, for some alone time. They soon become firm friends.

Poppy is a high-functioning twenty-nine year old woman with bipolar disorder. Meg is a fun loving party girl battling what she believes to be teenage angst.

When Meg wakes up to find that her one-night stand has robbed Poppy's house, she realises that things have got to change. Together, the two girls brace themselves for the rest of their lives.

For more details see: http://rosentrevithick.co.uk/on-the-rocks/

The Workshy Disabled Person

2011-10-04T03:30:00.006+01:00

Received by email:

I would like nothing more than to walk to work on a crisp winter morning.

I would like nothing more than a reason to get out of bed each day.

I would like nothing more than to be paid for the hard work that I do.

I would like nothing more that to be able to answer "What do you do for a living?" without feeling embarrassed.

I would like nothing more than to know what a weekend feels like.

I would like nothing more than to unwind after work with my colleagues.

But I can't get into employment because of a debilitating health problem.

Do I sound workshy to you?

UK - Planned changes to Housing Benefit likely to affect bipolar sufferers

2011-10-04T02:27:00.005+01:00

From January 2012, the UK government plans to raise the minimum age for claiming housing benefit for a one-bedroom flat, from 25 to 35. This means that many people with bipolar disorder, will suffer severe disruption to their lives.

The reduction in benefits will mean that people who currently live in self-contained accommodation, will be paid the rate of housing benefit designed for people who rent a room in shared houses. Many people will be unable to afford not to move.

The changes will affect most single people who live alone and claim housing benefit. The changes do not appear to affect claimants of the DLA (Disability Living Allowance) care component at the middle or higher rate. This means that the people most severely affected by bipolar disorder may not have to move, but many others will do.

The symptoms of bipolar disorder are easily exacerbated by stress. Being forced, not just to move house, but to find new people to live with, will have a profound negative effect on vast numbers of people with mental health problems.

Even once the trauma of moving home has passed, shared accommodation will not suit many people with mental health problems. Although most people with bipolar disorder will comfortably adapt to new housemates, others will find that losing their independence has a profound negative impact on their wellbeing.

Being able to live in self-contained accommodation gives people with bipolar disorder a chance to build self-confidence. This has a knock on effect on other areas of their life, and can be an important milestone in helping disabled people achieve other things, such as returning to full time employment.

In some cases, suffering from severe mood swings can put a substantial strain on interpersonal relationships, making house share situations difficult to maintain.

These government plans are irresponsible and do not offer people with mental health problems the protection that they need. People with bipolar disorder have special needs which do not appear to have been adequately addressed in this decision.

To find out more about the impact that these changes will have on vulnerable members of society, see the Crisis Campaign on the Shared Accommodation Rate.

Interview with author of new LGBt novel - Rosen Trevithick

2011-10-02T13:48:00.015+01:00

In an exclusive interview with Bipolar Bisexual, Rosen Trevithick tells us about her new novel, Straight Out of University.

Hello Rosen, the book title begins with the words "Straight Out", are we to assume that it's about sexuality?

Yes. Straight Out of University is about a bisexual woman, Sophie. It's about her journey as she goes from dating women she meets at university, into a relationship with a man after she finishes studying.

So Sophie is "Gay until graduation"?

Oh I hate that cliche. Sophie is bisexual to begin with, and she stays bisexual throughout the book. However, some of the other characters do not see it that way, and she faces a lot of prejudice.

Is homophobia a theme in the book?

Homophobia is touched upon, but much of the prejudice Sophie experiences relates to her opting for a heterosexual relationship after dating women for a considerable time. However, prejudices are just a small part of the book. The story focuses on Sophie's personal feelings and her relationships.

Are you writing from experience?

Everybody writes from experience to some extent. It's not autobiographical. I did a lot of research before I wrote the book. I collected accounts from bisexual women all over the world, and I combined those with my own observations, to create Sophie's story.

So, would you say that Sophie's tale is typical of a bisexual woman?

It's about one character's experience. Every bisexual woman has a different story to tell. For every woman who told me that she settled down with a man, there was another in a long-term lesbian relationship. Most women were quick to refute the stereotype that bisexual women are rubbish at monogamy, but a noticeable number reported that they did indeed enjoy simultaneous relationships with men and women.

What else can we expect from "Straight Out of University"?

Well, it's a romantic comedy so it will hopefully make you giggle. Sophie meets some pretty laughable characters. It's not just about sexuality but also the differences between university years, and later adult life, and between living in a city and living in the country.

Do you think the readers of Bipolar Bisexual will enjoy Straight Out of University?

I hope so! The book's aimed at people across the spectrum. However, I think it will strike a chord with many bisexual women, particularly anybody who's stumbled out of a new boyfriend's shower for the first time and thought, "right, now where does he keep his hair straighteners and lippy?"

Where can readers buy Straight Out of University and how much will it cost?

You can find out more about buying options at http://www.rosentrevithick.co.uk. The book costs £3.

What should go on my blogroll?

2011-09-25T22:12:00.001+01:00

I'm about to update my blogroll and am looking for some really good websites about sexuality and mental health. Any suggestions?

Extract from new novel about bisexuality

2011-09-21T12:59:00.004+01:00

Rosen Trevithick has written a novel about bisexuality, called Straight Out of University. It's due to be released in October this year and is likely to be of great interest to readers of this blog.

Today the first preview has been published. You can find out more about the novel on Rosen's website.

We have an exclusive interview with Rosen planned for the near future. In the meantime, here are some details about the book:

Sophie isn't exclusively gay, but when you're voted Ms Lesbian Oxford in your
first year at university, it does put you under a certain amount of pressure.

Nine years later, Sophie returns to her hometown in Cornwall, where
girls are friends with girls, boys are friends with boys, and queer is an
experience felt when you drink too much cider.

Sophie falls for John, a
sensible, conservative older man, but can they overcome their cultural
differences?

The Real L Word - Really?

2011-01-27T19:22:00.007Z

I've just seen the promo poster for The Real L Word.

Oh my God!

You can practically hear "California Gurls" being sung in the background and we all know how I feel about Katy Perry.

The description on the Facebook page for The Real L Word says "The producing team plans to show viewers that the cast can be every bit as glamorous, fashionable, fabulous and even as cutthroat as their celebrated-but-fictional counterparts."

Yes, lesbians can be glamorous and fashionable but at the end of the day, queer women are a diverse demographic which range from devilishly hot to downright repulsive.

I'm sure you could find delicious, feminine hotties among most groups if you looked for them. Hell, I've seen at least one pretty tasty delivery person but if a show claiming to represent lorry drivers depicted the lives of half a dozen gorgeous ladies, I'd be somewhat suspicious.

Somebody should write to Ilene Chaiken in her luxury LA apartment, and point out that whilst there are cut throat and fabulous lesbians all over the world, she's hardly surrounded by a representative sample of gay women.

Beside of which, are there really no butch or plain lesbians in California, who could have helped to give the show a more balanced approach?
Don't get me wrong, it's great to see the old masculine, frumpy stereotype get rebuffed but it annoys me beyond belief to see something like this billed as "reality TV." Please!

Bipolar Disorder Misrepresented in Shutter Island

2010-06-09T12:14:00.002+01:00

*** Warning: Spolier Alert ***

I enjoyed Shutter Island, the new Martin Scorsese film based on the novel by Dennis Lehane. However it's another example of the irresponsible portrayal of people with bipolar disorder in the media.

A manic depressive woman, Dolores Chanal (played by Michelle Williams) drowns her three children in a lake. Because she is not the main character, her struggles with the illness are not well explored in the script, giving the impression that the bipolar disorder is an adequate explanation for multiple child killings.

Of course writers and directors want to make good, dramatic fiction, but it's particularly unhelpful when bipolar disorder is used time after time to explain away arson, murder and whatever other extreme plot devices an artist wishes to throw at us.

As a general rule, people suffering from bipolar disorder are not dangerous or even necessarily criminal in their behaviour. Would it really hurt directors to acknowledge this? The character Dr. Cawley (played by Dr. Cawley) had quite a lot to say about psychiatry. Perhaps they could have got him to point out that whilst bipolar disorder may have been a major cause for stress in Delores life, it is unlikely to have been the sole cause of her downing her own children.

I kissed a girl and I liked it then I went to hell - Plenty of room for love

2010-04-19T17:22:00.010+01:00

Dave Allison, pastor of Havens Corners Church in Blacklick, Ohio put this rather aggressive sign outside his church:
Then, after numerous emails from passers by, he changed the wording, saying about the first version: "There was no room on the sign to talk about love and forgiveness, simply the consequence."
That's odd, because I managed to fit in all these words:

And please, if you want to attack the lesbian community, pick a focus that we actually embrace - i.e. Not Katy Perry.

To the reader with alarming suicidal thoughts...

2010-04-07T23:03:00.002+01:00

To the blog reader who searched for "10 ways to kill yourself because your bisexual"
1. Please don't.
2. Why 10? And how do bisexual suicide methods differ from straight suicide methods?
3. Being bisexual isn't hard to live with once you come to terms with it. There are many many different support options. If you're reading, which country are you in?

Can bipolar disorder cause homosexuality?

2010-03-25T15:49:00.009Z

Although the causes of homosexuality are the subject of much controversy, bipolar disorder is not one of the leading contenders. Theories of genetics and early environmental factors suggest that your sexuality has already started to cement, long before adulthood so it seems unlikely that something that usually kicks in at about 21, could change something already been largely decided for you.

However, many people believe that sexuality is a on a spectrum, rather than categorical, with most people falling towards the heterosexual end of the scale but not necessarily right at the extremities. Factors such as inhibition and social pressures may prevent someone who was mainly attracted to their opposite sex, from exploring the small part of them that desires same sex encounters. Mania is known to decrease inhibition and raise sexual arousal, therefore being manic could lead increased homosexual activity, if you were somewhere mid-scale. It is also possible that you could be entirely straight and have a homosexual encounter when manic, because mania distorts your thinking - likewise mania might lead a gay person to have a wild night of passion with a straight.

Nevertheless, homosexuality as a result of mania is likely to be a temporary condition which would stop once the mania stopped, with the exception being people with underlying bisexual or homosexual tendencies who needed something to kick-start their self-awareness.

Just as bipolar disorder leading to homosexuality is not a straight forward topic, neither is the debate as to whether or not homosexuality can cause mental health problems. Many theories about mental health problems suggest that an underlying genetic predisposition to an illness could lead to sickness if an individual experiences a stressful life event. Coming out to yourself and your loved ones is very stressful for some people.

So in conclusion, I don't think bipolar disorder can permanently change your sexuality, but mania could cause temporary homosexual activity, or open your eyes to tendancies you've had all along, but been too inhibited to explore.

A public letter to Melanie Vaughan, the bride who ruined her own wedding day by being intolerant

2010-03-23T16:21:00.017Z

Dear Melanie Vaughan,

"It was one of the most embarrassing things I have ever known. It ruined the wedding." you told the press.

You ruined your own wedding day, by being so quick to judge other people.

As you will recall, it, was a photographer named Kate Summers, who had started living as a woman during the months after taking your booking, then known as Dave Stonestreet. Just so you know - most of us prefer to use the pronoun she when referring to a woman.

The gender identity Kate chooses is a matter of personal choice and not really any of your business. However despite this fact, she was courteous enough to mention her change to you before the wedding, something which you claimed to be comfortable with at the time and later retracted, (perhaps when you realised outrage might have more media-potential.)

From your reaction, anyone would have thought Dame Edna Everage herself had walked into your wedding wearing a bikini, not a brunette middle-aged woman with tidy hair and a modest calf-length skirt.

Yet despite Kate's modest dress, you told the press, "I had no idea how bad it would be." Apparently you thought she would come in a trouser suit.

A woman living as a woman, turns up dressed like a woman! What an awful shock that must have been.

I notice that your other female guests are not in trouser suits, nor you, so why would you expect Kate to wear one?

In addition to unacceptable intolerance, you have shown utter hypocrisy by saying, "I'm open-minded" and "I do understand what he's going through." No you don't, or you wouldn't be moaning to the national press that Kate had ruined your wedding day when it appears that she was just to have been trying to earn an honest day's pay! And "I'm open-minded" doesn't even begin to demonstrate open-mindedness if it's followed by "but he looked ridiculous."

I very much doubt that it was Kate's intention to upstage you on your wedding day, she was probably just trying to get on with her life. It is you who has turned an occasion that was supposed to symbolise your love for Anthony, into an attack on the transgender community.

If your wedding could be ruined by a virtual stranger having a sex change, it must have been tottering near the brink of destruction anyway.

What would you have Kate do instead? Live as a man when she feels as a woman? Or would you just rather she just stayed at home and never went out to work?

You say you're not happy with the photos, but what do you expect if you and your guests held such contempt for the lady behind the camera?

By the way, are you the same Melanie Vaughan who went whining to the press when a security guard wouldn't carry your pushchair up some stairs? Granted, your fall-out with The Job Centre Plus is not riddled with bigotry and poison like this most recent complaint, but it does suggest that you might be inclined to view everyday frustrations in terms of their media potential.

However this time it's backfired. Rather than reflecting badly on Ms. Summers, your recent comments to the press have shown you to be an intolerant, spiteful and media-hungry person.

Transgender people pop up everywhere within the community - on buses, in supermarkets, at church and even at weddings, but you don't see other people running crying to "Love It" magazine.

I suggest that you make a public apology, both to Ms. Summers and the wider transgender community, if you want to emerge from this situation with even a shred of dignity intact.

Thanks

Miffed blogger

10 things you can do to protect children instead of ranting about Jon Venables

2010-03-11T17:04:00.017Z

This year over 20,000 children will be abused in the UK. That's a lot of perpetrators who definitely aren't Jon Venables.

You could waste your energy ranting about the crimes of somebody who's already under police custody, or you could take some of these steps to really make a difference.

Donate to The NSPCC to help protect children in the UK.

Donate to Save the Children and make a difference to children all over the world.

Learn the signs of child abuse and consider the safety of children that you know.

If you suspect that a child is being abused, do something about it. You can get advice on how to help from the NSPCC.

Realise that a history of murdering toddlers is not the only sign of an abusive personality. Learn to spot a bully and be extra vigilant about allowing potentially abusive people access to your children.

Volunteer with ChildLine ChildLine urgently need to recruit and train more volunteers to ensure they provide counselling and support to every child who needs it.

Get a job preventing child abuse If you're criticising the people who work with offenders because you could do a better job, go and do it. Or get a job actively supporting children.

Stop looking at porn Do you think child pornography is the only form of porn where any exploitation takes place? Don't have double standards just because the people exploited to pamper to your tastes happen to be over age. If you need something to ignite your imagination, try erotic fiction instead and stop supporting an industry with a child abuse department.

If you're an abuser, get help There are many circumstances which may have lead you to start abusing others and there are many ways to stop.

Stop lynching ex-offenders David Calvert is said to have feared for his life when he was mistaken for Jon Venables. If the public could be trusted not to take the law into their own hands and harm ex-offenders, there would be no need to hide their identities, we'd know who they are and therefore be able to keep children away from those who might re-offend. If you abuse a former peodophile or child killer you're only going to encourage future identity protection, no matter how tempting it might be.

Your own behaviour is the easiest to change. So, to the many people criticising those who work hard to rehabilitate and accurately risk-assess offenders, until you've done everything you can to prevent child abuse yourself, perhaps you should stop throwing stones.

At the expense of the tabloids...

2010-03-08T18:37:00.004Z

The tabloids never impress me, but even by their standard, they've been a disaster in recent months. There was The Sun's Killer Schizo story, The dreadful Daily Mail opinion piece about Stephen Gateley's "unnatural" death, and the ongoing attack on people who claim benefits - because apparently nobody's allowed to suffer from misfortune.
Which is why this gave me so much pleasure. It randomly generates a Daily Tale front cover by fitting classic tabloid victims and villains into classic tabloid headline formats.
Random Tabloid Front Page Generator

If you date a butch girl, you may as well have a man - right or wrong?

2010-02-18T12:52:00.009Z

There are a vast selection of annoying clichés about lesbians but one that stands out, is the assumption that women who date butch women, may as well date men. This is a very shallow outlook on sexuality, and a lesbian's reasons for dating another woman don't change just because that woman happens to have a square jaw.

Here's why:

1. Attraction is about emotions as well as physical chemistry

Although there is much individual variation, as a general rule, males and females have quite distinct personalities. A woman cutting her hair and getting a tattoo won't change an underlying feminine character.

2. She's got a woman's body

Even if a girl has a slightly masculine face and a fondness for baggy clothes, she's still a woman underneath, with female curves and female naughty bits. This a quite a fundamental deviation from men.

3. Sexuality is not a rational choice

Although there is some controversy over whether or not people choose their sexuality, the general consensus among the gay community is that we don't. Therefore there is no point at which a lesbian will look at her butch girlfriend and think, "I could get a man with that haircut, best upgrade."

4. Heterosexuality isn't necessarily the rational choice anyway

Even if we could choose our sexuality, why is having a boyfriend necessarily preferable to having a girlfriend? Why don't people tell straight women, "If you going to date a man, you may as well have a butch lesbian."

Are people with bipolar disorder more likely to be unfaithful in a relationship?

2010-01-31T17:36:00.005Z

Mania and hypomania are associated with lowered inhibitions and increased sex drive, so does that mean that we're likely to cheat on our partners? It's something I'm asked a lot by readers who are considering entering into a relationship with somebody who suffers from bipolar disorder.

A scary number of websites are quick to condemn us despite an absence of any modern data on the topic. Is it reasonable to assume that we're not capable of monogamy or is the stereotype vastly inaccurate?

The first thing I'd say is that every bipolar person is an individual. We have a diverse range of moral values just like any group within society. Some of us greatly value monogamy and trust, whilst others have more casual attitudes towards commitment. Therefore statistically, some of us are bound to be more trustworthy than your average scoundrel.

The second important thing to note is that people with bipolar disorder are not constantly manic. If there is an increased risk of unfaithfulness as a result of bipolar disorder, it will be limited to times when that sufferer is experiencing a period of elevated mood. Talk to your prospective partner, find out how well he/she is managing the disorder and use that to inform your judgement. Some people undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder never experience further periods of mania in their entire lifetime.

Something which is often overlooked when people are ranting about the sexually reckless behaviour of people with bipolar disorder, is that periods of depression are associated with decreased self-esteem and decreased interest in sex. This means that during some periods of time, a bipolar person is much less likely to cheat than a stable person. However having to watch a partner suffer from depression can be a painful experience in itself. I'd rather my partner had casual sex than felt suicidal.

Also, an increased risk of making a reckless mistake when sick, does not translate to an increased risk of ongoing affairs and deception. I can see no logical reason for believing that a person with bipolar disorder would be more likely to be dishonest and untrustworthy on a day to day basic, than your average healthy person.

In summary, get to know the person you want to date. Find out about their fundamental attitude towards relationships and monogamy. Determine how well they are managing their condition. Find out what you can do to help and develop plans for dealing with difficult times. Don't simply write someone off because he or she happens to suffer from bipolar disorder - you could be missing out on a wonderful, healthy relationship.