Tough song to write about. Tough song to record. Tough song to reflect on. I Choose Alcohol is a moment of anger and frustration towards friends who are alcoholics. The lyrics are a mix of their lives, and me spitting venom at them.

It’s when you’re so frustrated at the concern an alcoholic causes everyone surrounding them, and although you know they have a disease, you just can’t take it anymore and need to lash out.

The music itself if kind of cowpunk, with the feeling that alcohol is being celebrated. I always admired that about certain The Smith’s songs; when Morrissey wasn’t being tongue in cheek, he had some dark lyrics hidden in pop songs.

While the song was a personal release, real life turned tragic when one of the people that inspired the song took their life. I didn’t know if I could play it anymore, but the band loved playing it live. When it came time to record, Scott, the producer, coaxed me into keeping it a rambunctious song. I kept on trying to make it more subdued and heavy-handed, and it just wasn’t working.

In the end, I’m glad we recorded it for the album. I like it and can distance myself from it a bit. What helped was putting It Goes On as the next song on the album (more about It Goes On in the next post), which is a farewell to the departed, and letting them know that they live on in your heart. But, as said, more on that later. For now, here are the lyrics to I Choose Alcohol.

A crying baby
A whiny spouse
A dead-end job
I can do without
All the complaining
Responsibilities
Shred it in ribbons
Spread the debris

I choose alcohol over you
I choose alcohol
I do what I do
I choose alcohol
It let’s me forget
I choose alcohol
I have no regrets

I’m sick of the drama
I’m sick of TV
There’s no miracle ending so don’t pray for me
It’s a conscious decision, this one I’ve made
So stop with the crying or I’ll leave you today

4 in the morning
12 o’clock
All through the evening
I won’t stop
No time’s too early
No time’s too late
To blur the tomorrows
Or forget the dates

I choose alcohol over you
I choose alcohol
I do what I do
I choose alcohol
It let’s me forget
I choose alcohol
I have no regrets

I’m sick of the nagging
I’m sick of good deeds
I’m sick of my family and their concern for me
I’m sick of the so-called friends I don’t need anymore
Just stuff in a duffel bag and throw me out the door

I choose alcohol over you
I choose alcohol
I do what I do
I choose alcohol
It let’s me forget
I choose alcohol
I have no regrets

I choose alcohol

This is a sparse song. It started by just slowly picking through some chords, and I liked the haunting feel of it. Bringing those chords to the band, we fought to keep it sparse (no easy feat with 7 people involved). Chris moved from drums to bass, while Carole switched to violin. For the recording, the violin came out in favor of an accordion and organ, but Carole still plays the violin live. Ben’s piano mirrors Michael’s guitar and Sam does all sorts of crazy-cool whale sounds on his guitar.

All the musical components are rather simple (except for the order of some chord changes – sorry Ben and Chris, I couldn’t help it) so the vocals would remain at the forefront. And speaking of vocals, this is the first song, I believe, that really showcases the blending of Mandi and Tamika’s voices (Tamika recently joined the band as this song was being worked on). Together, their vocals pack a powerful punch.

Lyrically, Michael came up with the chorus and Mandi wrote the verses. The inspiration was that point in time when you realize that the person who you love doesn’t love you anymore. It’s not the end of the relationship; it’s that moment you look back on as the beginning of the end. Very cheery, I know, but we’ve all been there at some point.

 A picture frame
of happiness and love
It’s only memories now
there is no more

Was I blind
or pretending not to see
that I was losing the man
that I adore

A picture frame
of two lovers trapped in time
I wish I could climb back in to relive once more

A family
A future life and dreams
It’s never what it seems
of that, I’m sure

Hazel eyes
there’s no denying it
Hazel eyes
you don’t love me anymore
Hazel eyes
there’s no disguising it
It’s all too clear in your
hazel eyes

I reach for you
You’re in another place
I’m no longer there
you shut the door

Across the room
A smile upon your face
It’s so different than
it’s been before

Hazel eyes
there’s no denying it
Hazel eyes
you don’t love me anymore
Hazel eyes
there’s no disguising it
It’s all too clear in your
hazel eyes

It started with the company acting as our server. Google was blocking our site, so we’d get it straightened up, only to have it blocked again a week later. This eventually led to us taking the entire site down.

As you can see, it’s back up with a new design. Hope you all like it! Most of the site is restored – there are still a few photos and videos missing, but we’re trying to dig them back up to re-post again.

In the meantime, we’ll pick up where we left off, giving you an overview of the songs on our album, Everything. Next one up will by Hazel Eyes.

Cheers!

Michael

Musically, this song really expanded our palette. Before Love, we had some songs leaning more towards rock, but this trumped them all. It came about from listening to a lot of PJ Harvey, My Bloody Valentine, Jane’s Addiction, Love and Rockets, and Nine Inch Nails (very 80s and 90s, I know), so for me, it basically sounds like them all jumbled together. I didn’t really expect it to be a Black Marks song, but once again, everyone jumped on it and added their own unique twists to the beginning idea.

Many band members rank this song as one of their favorites. It’s dynamic, loud and incredibly fun to play. I think Mandi was a bit hesitant at first on the vocals, as she never really sang rock like this, but she completely let loose and it is one of my favorite vocals of hers.

Lyrically, it’s the bad relationship stuff. Being with someone you don’t really like at all but are somewhat addicted to. The two people treat each other horribly but they can’t quite quit the relationship. It’s not my favorite as a lyricist, but again, Mandi’s delivery sells me the lyrics and gets me singing along. Sam’s guitar is beautiful noise and Ben’s keyboard provides the screeches and swells that amplify the tension. This song opened new doors for us, as to how loud we could be and still sound like ourselves.

The lyrics:

Deep beneath the waters
Past the pull of tides
Below the depths of jealousy
Where the animals hide

Lies love
My love

Please break me
Tear me apart
Piece me back together
Swear on my heart

You know you cause me pain
And I do you the same
I binds us both together
It makes me want it again

This love
My love

Our contribution is a song called Beautiful Day, which was a source of band contention that it didn’t make it onto our debut album. So, we’re happy to offer it to everyone through this amazing album:

DIY Musicians for Charity, Vol. 1 by DIY Musicians for Charity

Thanks everyone,

Michael

This song is a weird one, because no one is really playing anything straight on it, except the bass. It’s all atmosphere—Chris is using mallets on the drums, Sam and Michael are making a bunch of guitar noise, as is Ben on keyboards. Mandi’s vocals and Carole’s bass are what are holding it together. We recorded a practice video of this as we’ve never been able to hear it properly—all we typically hear is the person sitting next to us.

The song grew out of a Christmas benefit show our friend Sean Marsh puts together every year for a women’s shelter. Of course, the show date coincided with one of the largest snowstorms in Maryland history, so the date had to be moved until after Christmas. As a result, attendance was low. It wound up being a fairly depressing and lonely night, with only about 20 attendees not associated with the performers, despite the great cause. In this frame of mind, the lyrics came forth, incorporating (hopefully) the loneliness and insecurity of the night and the situation too many women find themselves in.

The music of this song is verse/chorus, verse/chorus. No bridge, no extravagance. At the end of the song, the music just hangs in the air—a metaphor for the mental limbo of being unable to separate from the past and move on to a better future.

Here are the song and lyrics:

It’s a mystery
To everyone but me
But oh, if these walls could talk

You’re all action
I’m all fumbling hands
And oh, my quivering voice won’t give it away

I can’t figure it out
Some days you’re gone and some others you’re begging me to stay
Is this the deal that we made ten years ago
When we took those sacred vows on our wedding day?

I didn’t think so
I hope you know so
May god forgive me
Because I can’t take it anymore

Does this pain you?
Are you dead inside?
Am I closer to the bone?

The kids are crying
Do I stay for them?
I know it can’t be for me

You show them moments of kindness
You show them months of misery
You show them just how much I can take
You show them brutality

Does this pain you?
Are you dead inside?
Am I closer to the bone?

The big D. Yep, a divorce song. Or a break-up song. It’s just about how you feel after a long relationship ends. Everyone tells you that it will be better, and you know it will get better, you just don’t feel like it’s possible until you finally come out the other side. I’d say these lyrics reflect the state of mind I was in a month after the separation, and periodically until 4 or 5 months later, when I genuinely felt happy again.

Musically, I heard a Garth Brooks-type song in my head so I shelved it – I by no means wanted to play a bad 90s country song. I was in a punk rock band at the time, and although I thought it’d be cool to put a Dylan twist on it, I didn’t know how to do it and even if I could, it was such a wrong song for the punk band.

Shortly after The Black Marks formed, I was playing around with it before practice one time, and someone, probably Sam or Carole, asked what it was. They got me to play it to the band, and immediately everyone put that Dylan/Stones/Dusty Springfield twist to it that I wanted but couldn’t figure out how to do. We switched the lyrics to a female perspective, and a song that sat dormant for nearly 10 years finally got a day in the sun.

If you read Mandi’s bio, you’ll see why it’s her favorite song. It’s not my favorite, but it’s up there. I love how the instruments are sprinkled in slowly, and I love the big bridge with the tamborine, organ and piano. To me, that big swell of sound accentuates the lyrics perfectly. And speaking of the lyrics, here they are:

People say the nights are lonely
but the daytime’s just as hard
You talk about all your mixed emotions
til you can talk anymore

Push yourself through the day hoping
just to make it home
Wrap yourself in a cocoon of blankets
just so you might feel warm

And you know that people care
And they say that you’re not alone
And even though they care an awful lot about you
They’re not the one’s who’ve come undone

Daylight breaks another window
leaving your heart exposed
The cool façade of your imagination
can’t fool anyone

In the mirror you see what they see
a broken girl in pretty clothes
It’s time to quit, pack it all up and run
‘cause there’s nothing left in store

And you know that people care
And they say that you’re not alone
And even though they care an awful lot about you
They’re not the one’s who’ve come undone

Yes the days they last forever
when the nights you’re all alone
And those days that last forever
you still hope that he’s coming home

And you know that people care
And they say that you’re not alone
And even though they care an awful lot about you
They’re not the one’s who’ve come undone

–Michael

The song, to me, is about someone who lives their life wanting to impress everyone else around them, even if it causes their real self to disappear.  This woman in the song decides that she no longer wants to impress other people (her significant other in particular) and she wants to break free and live her life for herself.

She becomes angry because he wants her to be this perfect person, “small and pretty” and that isn’t who she is.  He wants her to be this fantasy that he has of a woman he wants, but that isn’t her…not anymore, it never has been.

I’ve had experiences in my life where people expect me to be a certain way and say certain things.  I’m always pegged as the sweet girl and there are times where I want to be mean and angry because I’m not always perfectly happy.  People tend to react differently when I’m having a bad day, wondering what happened to the “sweet” Mandi.  I feel like I can’t impress everyone all the time.  I want be who I am whether it’s happy and fun or angry and upset.  “Everything” really speaks about how people can be portrayed as someone they are not, because they have been given a label for the majority of their lives.  It’s time to be you, I can only be one thing…and that’s me.

You want me small and pretty
You want me a step behind
You want me sugary sweet
You want me undefined
You want me always caring
Never once let emotions arise
You want me uplifting
Never one sour the time

You want me all smiles
Never ugly at the end of the night
You want me in a corner
Never one to toe the line
You want me to follow orders
And play the role that you’ve assigned
But I’m tired and I’m angry
And this show has run its time

I’m no fantasy
I’m no plastic dream
I’m no China doll
I’m the real thing

You want me tripping, stumbling
You want me to fall behind
You want me scared and shaky
You want to leave scars through my mind
You want me small, defeated
You want to take away my heart
But I’m determined, and a survivor
And this world will not break me apart

I’m no fantasy
I’m no plastic dream
I’m no China doll
I’m the real thing

You don’t want me to be anything
But I want to be everything

I’m no fantasy
I’m no plastic dream
I’m no China doll
I’m the real thing

As mentioned, we’re now in the editing phase of the video. By January, we should begin major promotion mode, sending out our CD and video, and kicking off our own label, Grudgematch Records. In another month, grudgematchrecords.com should be live, where you’ll be able to see the video, download the album, order a CD if you choose and check out another artist – Pocket Vinyl – whom we just played a show with. If you can’t wait for grudgematch, a digital download is available on iTunes and Amazon.

In the meantime, this post is the first of nine highlighting the songs on the album, in the order in which they appear. Track 1 – Frozen In Time.

This is one of the most personal songs I’ve written. It’s about my best friend in high school. For a year or so, we were inseparable. However, he got into more and more trouble, and I couldn’t follow him down his path, so to speak. I made a decision to stop hanging out with him. It’s a decision I sometimes regret, and sometimes I think it was the smartest thing I did. Currently, he’s in prison until 2029. There was a manhunt for him in the early 90s, a gunfight, and the wounding of an officer.

In a strange turn of events, the day the mix of Frozen In Time came back to me, I heard word from him, after 20 years of no contact. Currently, I write and talk to him regularly, but not enough. Time crawls for him, and any chance for conversation is a break from his life behind bars.

I’ve learned a lot of what prison is like for him, and it’s caused me to take a whole new look at the prison system. I’m incredibly thankful that the officer survived, and I don’t pretend to know if my friend has paid a fair enough price for his actions. I just know the person he was before his downward spiral, and I believe that person has resurfaced after many years paying for his actions.

Frozen in time has a strange song structure and a different time signature than your straight 4/4. There’s really 3 parts – a verse, 1st chorus and 2nd chorus. After the 2nd chorus, they all cycle through again. The verses are about looking back on my youth with him. Mandi takes the lead vocals, and I double up on certain lines as an echo from the past. The 1st chorus is about my regrets, while the 2nd chorus is about doing what I had to do. They conflict each other, as life, and feelings, often do.

I hope you enjoy the lyrics.
— Michael

A handful of notes
stereos and drugs hidden in my car

Taken from friends
Who were only trying to lend a helping hand

 We did this time and time again
when the high kicked in and the rampage began

Then morning would come
I’d drop you off at home and try to make amends

But you were hurting inside
Lashing out at all who were close
And when you called out to me
I left you hanging alone

You cheated and lied
I couldn’t take it no more
And though it wasn’t me you harmed
I had to leave you behind

Now you’re away
locked up for years in the penitentiary

Doing hard time
for years of abuse and a number of crimes

Do you remember
the warm summer days and the three best of friends

Cause I can’t forget
what happened to you on that fateful path you chose

But you were hurting inside
Lashing out at all who were close
And when you called out to me
I left you hanging alone

You cheated and lied
I couldn’t take it no more
And though it wasn’t me you harmed
I had to leave you behind