The Black Nerd

A Struggle to Succeed

2009-01-24T21:37:00.002-06:00

I think that anyone who is striving to be better can understand what I'm about to write. I am referring to those who are truly trying to become wealthier and move up in the class system, both financially and mentally.

There is a certain difficulty about moving yourself up in this world. You lose friends because they refuse to accept your new mentality/schedule. You lose contact with those that mean something to you in your life because of the focus on work and school. You lose compainions. This has been very hard for me to deal with. Over the past year, I have gained many friends and acquaintances. I have lost just as many It makes me almost regret making the decisions needed to progress over the past couple years. I know that it's for my future and for my life, but, at the same time, I also need social structure in order to function properly and I simply do not have that right now. I am trying to find it but struggle to find individuals who will not only understand the situation I am in, but also accept the many things that I still have to work on. Until then, I walk alone, with only a few individuals truly by my side along the way.

Perhaps that's what brings you success. I'd rather it be different...

The Jena 6: Part of the U.S 300 Million

2007-09-20T18:57:00.000-05:00

I have been reading about the Jena 6 situation and how thousands of frustrated and active people crowded the tiny streets of Jena, Louisiana to protest wrongs done to 6 teens. I am not writing to justify the kids' reaction to the wrongdoings because they were also culpable in the situation. The reaction I had was sadness. It's depressing that actions like this still occur all over this country.

Racism bothers me not only because I am African-American. Sadly, Jena 6 is one of many occurrences of bigotry and unfair justice. Most of the time though, it's subtle racism that hurts. A snide look, the 5-second glance not normally made, the comment not thought about. It happens so much nowadays. I have experienced this a lot in my life and reacted badly to comments made without much thought to the impact. I was told once, "Tim, I am happy you are a black man. You aren't like these (negros) at this school. You are smart and different." I don't think that the person who told me that realized how racist that comment is.

I can't think of any minority that hasn't heard some sort of comment like that, especially ones who are intelligent or affluent. My hope is that the 6 boys in this situation get justice. Equal, true justice. The truth is that racism is rampant and uncured and that's the true tragedy of this day: that things like this are normal.

Astronomy Series-Andromeda

2007-08-22T03:03:00.000-05:00

This is the first of hopefully many looks at one of my favorite subjects: Astronomy. I am a big nerd when it comes to learning about the stars and mythology so I figure I'd go into depth on a few of the constellations. I will focus on the summer/fall sky right now for the Northern Hemisphere and start off with my favorite constellation: Andromeda.

A triangle-shaped constellation, it doesn't seem special until you look at it's lowest star. It shares a star with the box in the picture, also known as the constellation Pegasus. The mythology behind this story will be explained more as I get into more summer sky constellations but legend has it that Pegasus saved Andromeda from despair which would explain their connection. The only other notable thing about Andromeda is the galaxy in which it is named after. Located around it's lower arm, the Andromeda Galaxy is the closest galaxy to our own and has the same spiral shape.

Credits: http://www.domeofthesky.com
http://photojournal.jpl.nasa.gov

Simon Says Don't Follow What Simon Says

2007-08-19T15:50:00.000-05:00

I walked outside with raggedy shoes, torn shorts, and a wrinkled T-shirt. I didn't really care much. I told about 5 or 6 of my friends about this and they all agreed with this statement. "Dude, what the hell is wrong with you going out in public like that?" I just shake my head and continue walking. There has always been a societal dress code, but usually it allows for some sort of bending of conformity. I love new styles and how people rock what is different and get accepted. They dare to buck the trends. Yet....in the inner-city, there is no greater example of utter conformity.

There are an infinite amount of clothing brands, styles, and products out there. Everyone in the world can look different every day without wearing the same clothes twice. Why do people look so similar in some situations? The simple game of Simon Says....on crack. For example, my friend's brother's girlfriend's friend wears a certain style of clothing and it looks cool. So I HAVE to wear it. i go to Playmakers or whatever and buy it cause it looks so COOL. I rock it...and I find out that my friend changed his style cause his friend wears something he likes. so I gotta go and buy again and it continues on and on until I'm broke, working 2 jobs, and...looking hood rich. Wooooo. The truth is that it's an addiction, similar to drinking and sex except it won't kill you or make you pregnant. It will just make you look silly to any outsider whatsoever. The example I gave is not as extreme as it seems. It happens...every day.

So I am going to walk outside tomorrow in whatever I find in the closet. It's going to be random and cool. It might look silly but I am comfortable in it...and I suck at Simon Says. I never listen to what the command is.

Why Having Black Skin Isn't Good Enough Anymore

2007-08-19T01:44:00.000-05:00

I look down and i see darkness. Not literally, I don't actually see a lack of light. But I see my skin. There is no shame in what I just said, pure pride of how I was born and raised. I won't go into details of my childhood as of right now but I am very happy that I made it as far as I have with the little tools that I was given besides my intelligence and sheer will to survive. I still see ebony skin. A sheer beauty that makes me smile. I see it...why don't others?

I was raised with a respect of my heritage. I don't know my exact genealogy but I know I am probably from somewhere near the equator in, say, Africa. Usually when people look at me, the first thing they notice is the color of my skin. I'm sure many others have the same first impression. The second thing they notice is my height being 6'3. When I start talking though, the most significant thing they notice is how I do not sound like they think I should sound. At all. I sound...white. Now to folks who don't understand how someone can sound like a color, you can't. Yet, I sound white. Why? Many factors that I haven't been able to determine. It might be the certain twang that is missing from my voice. It might be how I fully pronounce all my words properly. It might be that I don't have a drawl. Who knows? I just don't sound...black.
Sadly, that is the first question or response I get when I open my mouth in certain instances. Not even how are you? or how was your day? but are you white?

I don't even answer the question anymore. I go "look and figure it out" and move on. It seems like such a silly question but one that is deeply rooted in the psyche of so many individuals in this country. It might just simply be a complete ignorance of cultural blending or a sheer reluctance to acknowledge anything that isn't quite what they grew up with. I use the they but I admit I also make the same mistake sometimes. It's a habit...but a habit I try hard to break. At least I notice that I have it. It's crazy though...I look down, and I see black. I open my voice and I apparently hear white. But...I am only Tim. No matter what.

Going to Jam 4 Bullets

2007-08-18T01:18:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow, as I write this, there will be a concert in Downtown Milwaukee called Jam 4 Peace. For anyone who doesn't live in the city, this concert is "supposed" to be for awareness of violent trends in the inner-city. It was a response to a particularly brutal murder that happened quite a few years ago. So, they made a concert to remember that and other senseless acts of violence. Seems peachy keen? Nah. It turns out that the concert, attended every year by a pack of rowdy teens and adults with nothing better to do, simply exemplifies the very reason it was created in the first place.

I don't listen to rap much anymore. I don't even really know any of the popular artists. I do know that a few of them will be in town for Jam 4 Peace. I'm sure that participating in a music event with lyrics such as "beatin up niggas, fuck them bitches, and makin that money, insert other lyrics about hoodrats, hos, money, barely drivable cars, and pointless beef in here" would seem appropriate at a concert that is supposed to be about peace. I don't want to rail against the music industry in general. I do want to point out what happens after the concert.
Now, the crazy thing is that a lot of folks don't go to Jam 4 Peace for the music. That seems insane but they go for the inevitable fights after the concert is over. Fights at a Jam 4 Peace concert? You better believe it. It will be in the news after it's over and leaders will come together as they do every year and try to figure out ways to curb the violence which won't really lead to much.

I decided to rename the concert with a few ideas. If you have any more, please leave them.

Jam 4 Bullets
Bruisin' Music
Bitches in Stitches (with Lil Wayne on the side)
Beastin' East
Music before Hoes
Coon Fest almost forgot about that one, thanks Jazzy