NEEDS
1. An Olympus XZ-1 digital camera
2. An IDE enclosure for laptop optical disk drive
3. A salary increase
4. A DLink Network Attached Storage or Buffalo LinkStation Network Attached Storage
5. A display cabinet/case for my toys
6. A Perfect Grade Gundam Astray Red Frame or Perfect Grade Strike Freedom Gundam

WANTS
1. Some Master Grade Gundam kits
2. A 1TB external portable hard disk drive
3. A condo unit
4. An ergonomic gas lift chair
5. A Sony Ericsson XPERIA PLAY or XPERIA arc s

And of course, peace on earth and good will to all. Thank you.

Have a merry Christmas (for believers) and may the season be bountiful and happy for you.

Much love,
Arbet
xoxo

And no, I am not talking about Secretary Leila de Lima’s show of balls (or arrogance, according to some people.)

No, I am talking about the SC’s decision to “bend over backwards to accommodate the request of petitioners for a TRO,” to quote Justice Sereno’s dissent (PDF link). (She was being gracious; what’s on my mind for the past few days was worse: bend over and spread its legs.)

Why is this important?

First, it is instructive to quote several provisions of our Constitution.

ARTICLE II

DECLARATION OF PRINCIPLES AND STATE POLICIES

Section 1. The Philippines is a democratic and republican State. Sovereignty resides in the people and all government authority emanates from them.

xxx

Section 5. The maintenance of peace and order, the protection of life, liberty, and property, and promotion of the general welfare are essential for the enjoyment by all the people of the blessings of democracy.

ARTICLE III

BILL OF RIGHTS

Section 1. No person shall be deprived of life, liberty, or property without due process of law, nor shall any person be denied the equal protection of the laws.

Let me highlight Section 1, Article III, specifically “nor shall any person be denied the equal protection of the laws.”

Emphasis on EQUAL PROTECTION.

The Supreme Court, by giving cognizance to the TRO petition, and accommodating Gloria Arroyo (for example, when it extended its office hours so that it could accept the required cash bond), had inevitably shown the EQUALITY UNDER THE LAW exists as long as you are part of the 1%.

How many of you had parents, grandparents, sons and daughters, nieces and nephews, relatives, and friends who spent a night in jail all because (1) the warrant of arrests were issued close to end of office hours, (2) did not have enough money to post bail (amount of which is not affordable to the 99%), and (3) when money is available, the courts had already closed (even if it wasn’t end of office hours, even for night courts)? This is an example, and I won’t be surprised if this is representative of what’s happening here.

Once we apply different standards of justice depending on one’s stature in society, the rule of law collapses. The so-called constitutional crisis did not begin with de Lima’s defiance, it began with the SC’s bending backwards and spreading its legs. This is the point that most of us missed, and continue to miss.

***

I’ve realized we had an Occupy Movement opportunity, but we missed it. Maybe because we have been so jaded by the injustice and inequality, but I think it’s time we take a stand and put an end to the 1% getting preferential treatment on justice.

Thanks to Ms. Janette Toral, I got to meet AJ Matela.

I can remember that night. There I was, a wallflower to the core, meeting new bloggers (and not-so-new friends) old and young. There was this tall lanky guy in gray long sleeves, tie, and dark gray slacks. He stood out among the sea of bloggers in casuals, so you won’t fail to notice him.

Then Ms. Toral decided to humiliate us all by introducing ourselves, in front, using a mike. I had to use my usual spiel. You know, “My name is Arbet, but you may call me Loggins. But never combine the two.” It got the expected response. I really wanted to just vanish, I am not really used to speaking in front of people – ironic for a once-upon-a-time teacher.

The the corporate guy stood up, introduced himself as AJ, and then said “I blog at Bakla Ako dot com.” I had to do a double-take. Him, gay? As I have said in the blog post linked above, “Mas macho pa boses nya kesa sakin!”

I got to meet him intermittenly after that, during blog events, several Philippine Blog Awards nights, Plurkfiestas and bump-into-each-other-randomly events. When I dropped out gradually from blogging, I had not seen him since. We got to talk on Twitter and Plurk, and some random text messages.

Then last year, he dropped out of his social networks, and that’s when I’ve heard he was sick and hospitalized. It was distressing because he was the second friend of mine who was hospitalized back then, and more distressing – both were near death, though not of the same time. I am glad both recovered, though I was shocked when I saw AJ in photos after his hospitalization.

The last time I saw AJ, it was virtual – he opened a Google Hangout session, and so I joined. I knew how he looked like before I joined the hangout, and I was still surprised by how he looked. He’s been a lanky guy, and he looked gaunt. Never got to talk much that time, as the connection was intermittent. I did not know that it would be the last time I would see and talk to him.

Several days ago, I was informed by friends that he was again in the hospital, and that he might not make it. There was supposed to be a dinner in his benefit last night, but I was not able to go.

And when I got online today…..

I’ve talked about death before, and the way we deal with it. When my paternal grandmother and paternal aunt died, I was saddened, but no tears fell, no surprise nor shock. If a loved one suffered from lingering illness, and knowing that there won’t be a cure, you were confronted with death everyday. You do not know if tomorrow they will still wake up. You do not know if you are prepared for the inevitability of death. You do not know how you’d deal when death comes. You do not know how you’d live after they are gone.

And death forces us to deal with regrets – the laughter and tears that will no longer be shared, food and movies and books to enjoy, seeing the sunset and frolicking in the sea – lost time with a loved one brings the most regret.

I do have regrets: I could have spent more time with him, talked with him more, visited him at the hospital, visited him at their house in Rizal. Yes, there are regrets, but these are nothing compared to the memories shared with AJ. Yes, there are regrets, but AJ’s gone, and all we have are his memories.

AJ’s a brave man, one of the bravest men that I know, even braver than so called straight men. When and where gays are ridiculed, he stood tall and proud. When he was in the hospital, he fought a fight that lesser men would not dare fight.

I admire AJ’s unwavering and unfaltering faith, despite the fact that the leaders of his faith call his kind unkind and un-Christian names. And I am sure his faith has prepared him for this new journey, and I am sure he is happy where he is now.

See you again, AJ. Now you have to pray for us.

“In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night. . . you– only you– will have stars that can laugh!”

And he laughed again.
“And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, so, for that pleasure. . . and your friends will be properly astonished to see you laughing as you look up at the sky! Then you will say to them, ‘Yes, the stars always make me laugh!’ And they will think you are crazy. It will be a very shabby trick that I shall have played on you. . .”

And he laughed again.

“It will be as if, in place of the stars, I had given you a great number of little bells that knew how to laugh. . .”

Antoine de Saint Exupery, “The Little Prince”

So, which of the two should I pay? If the guy who answered the call is to be believed, it should be the first one. Then why label the second one (the smaller amount) as TOTAL?

I’ve been paying SCB in full when I use my SCB card. The SCB bill always confuses the SM tellers. It confuses me, too, and that confusion leads to my previous rants.

So last month, the installment amount was Php2650.31, and the total payment due was Php2585.74. Naturally, I paid Php2600 because I thought the amount that I should pay for was the Total Payment Due. Then to my shock, for this month’s bill, I was charged Php70 interest. For what, my brain asked.

So calling the not-so-helpful SCB guy, the amount due for last month was Php2650.31 and not the Total Payment Due (which was Php2585.74). I kept on arguing and I felt my blood pressure rising so I did not bother anymore. Instead, I had my first card cancelled, and will have the other one cancelled as well, once I have completed the installment payments.

Maybe the way the bill is structured is designed to confuse the cardholder and thus earn more from people like me. Let this be a lesson for future Standard Chartered credit cardholders. There are better cards like BPI.

“Hindi ko pinapaalis, I am just requesting advertisers to have it removed,” Abalos told abs-cbnNEWS.com.

He said the advertisers have already committed to removing the ad.

Of course they will commit, it’s an order from God, right?

But the mayor insists that this is not a moral issue.

“Baka sabihin nila nagpapaka-moralista ako. I’m not very conservative,” he said.

He isn’t? What was his reason for “requesting to have the billboards torn down?

Abalos said that the advertisement was inappropriate, especially since it was placed prominently along a busy area. He added that he was specially concerned about children who see the ad.

Let’s repeat what Fr. Abalos has said.

“Baka sabihin nila nagpapaka-moralista ako. I’m not very conservative,” he said.

Yeah, right.

Citizens of Mandaluyong, you have elected a hypocrite for mayor.

PS: Citizens of Valenzuela, look at the kind of mayor that you have elected – a hypocrite.

PPS: The nearby seminary and the Archbishop’s Palace will be pleased.

OK, my newest amusement: this music video from the Korean boyband B1A4. Seriously, the music is catchy, and that dance step when they sing “I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.”

I know you want to sing along, so here are the romanized words:

OK That’s right
B1A4
OOH OOH I’m closer baby

Cheotneune piri kkojhyeo neo wa na
Love me love me love me Love me love me baby
Eunmuhi jugobadneun meshiji
Tell me tell me tell me now

Namjadeul chim heullimyeo neoman bwa
Love me love me love me Love me love me baby
Cheongsunhan geullaemeoe puk ppajyeo
Show me show me show me now (show me now)

Wae neoeui sumsoriga kkok jumun cheoreom deullilkka
Neol pihal giri eopseo eome ijinghan sarama

OK, girl neoegeman yes man
Mweodeunji da haejulge
OK, girl ijebuteo nikkeoya
I love you~

Naneun ne namja (neoneun nae yeoja)
Yeongweonhi nareul modu gajyeo
OK, girl meoributeo balkkaji
I love you~

Hwansange ppajin deuthan
Modeun geol da gajin deuthan
Meomchweosseum hae i shigan
I wanna get yours be mine (so hot)

Gwiyeoun fox
Dalkkomhan yuhoge geuman pok
Seumyeodeureopseo neomankkeumeun
Yeongweonhi jikkyeojulge kkok

Neol chaja irijeori hemaesseo
Love me love me love me Love me love me baby
Eodie sumeo itta nawasseo
Tell me tell me tell me now

Wae neoeui balsuriga kkok mabeob cheoreom kkeullilkka
Na jeongshin mot charige eodeijinghan sarama

OK, girl neoegeman yes man
Mweodeunji da haejulge
OK, girl ijebuteo nikkeoya
I love you~

Naneun ne namja (neoneun nae yeoja)
Yeongweonhi nareul modu gajyeo
OK, girl meoributeo balkkaji
I love you~

I need you I’ll never let you go
Saranghandago soksagyeojweo
Neol bomyeon nal bukkeureoweo
I’ll never wanna leave you, Kiss me now
Peo peo peobeulkkeom cheoreom
Sujubeun han sonyeo OK

Ingiga manheun neo sashireun na buranhande you~
Haengbokhan bimyeongin geol!

OK, girl neoegeman yes man
Mweodeunji da haejulge
OK, girl ijebuteo nikkeoya
I love you~ WOW OH WOW OH

Naneun ne namja (neoneun nae yeoja)
Yeongweonhi nareul modu gajyeo
OK, girl meoributeo balkkaji
I love you~ WOW OH WOW OH

OK, girl neoegeman yes man
Mweodeunji da haejulge
OK, girl ijebuteo nikkeoya
I love you~

OK

–

English translation:

At first glance, there was a connection between you and I
Love me love me love me love me love me baby
We secretly exchanged messages
Tell me tell me tell me now
Guys look at you and drooled
Love me love me love me love me love me baby

Caught up in your innocent glamour
Show me show me show me now
Why do I hear your breathing as if it’s a spell
There’s no way to avoid you, you amazing person

O.K girl, I’m all yours, yes man
I’ll do everything for you
O.K girl, from now on, I’m yours
I love you
I’m your man (You’re my woman)
You have all of me forever
From head to toe, I love you

As if caught up in a fantasy
As if having everything
Even time seems to stop
I wanna get yours be mine (so hot)
Cute fox, I can’t resist your sweet temptation
I heard a weep and it’s not cool
I’ll protect you forever

I’m searching everywhere for you
Love me love me love me love me love me baby
Come out from wherever you’re hiding
Tell me tell me tell me now
Why do your footsteps drag on like magic
I can’t get my head straight, you amazing person

O.K girl, I’m all yours, yes man
I’ll do everything for you
O.K girl, from now on, I’m yours
I love you
I’m your man (You’re my woman)
You have all of me forever
From head to toe, I love you

I need you I’ll never let you go
After I whispered ‘I love you’, I feel shy whenever I see you
I’ll never wanna leave you, liss me now
A shy girl like bubble-gum
The popular you makes me unsettled
You! It’s a happy scream

O.K girl, I’m all yours, yes man
I’ll do everything for you
O.K girl, from now on, I’m yours
I love you
I’m your man (You’re my woman)
You have all of me forever
From head to toe, I love you

O.K girl, I’m all yours, yes man
I’ll do everything for you
O.K girl, from now on, I’m yours
I love you

(Lyrics from here.)

Got teary-eyed while watching this video. I wonder if it was because of his story, or because of his voice.

UPDATE: I first saw this video over YouTube last Wednesday via Facebook. Back then, the video had a view count of more than 300k. Today, June 9, 2011, the view count was almost 2.5m! Wow.

Been thinking of this video. If you liked it, and caused you to shed a tear or so, what do you think is the reason it made you cry or teary-eyed? Was it because of his story? Or his voice? Or both? Yesterday, I was thinking, what if I just heard his voice but never knew of his background. Would the effect still the same? And what if there was no subtitles in the video? What do you think?

Ok, on the “technical” side of things: I saw several videos over YouTube of people singing the same song. I saw the Paul Potts version, the Russel Watson video, another version by another Korean, and someone by a student. The first two being products of the same genre (TV reality talent show), these two versions are of interest. For some reasons, I find the two inferior; their versions lacked depth, as if their voices were too hollow, too weak. Sung Bong Choi is better, frankly.

(I did saw Il Divo’s version – I excluded them because I couldn’t bear it. Their version’s not too good.)

Basically, that’s the first thought that came into mind. Most of the features are evolutionary, and long time Android users will scoff at these, having enjoyed better notifications, Twitter integration, and cloud services for the longest time.

iCloud and iTunes Match are interesting, and their use-case and tight integration are something that Android users will long for. Google will have to tinker some code in Android so that Android users can enjoy such tight integration with cloud services. And Google Music Beta just became antiquated as compared to iCloud and iTunes Match. In this case, their first-to-market beta approach bit them in the ass.

Overall, not enough for me to switch to iOS. Well, Apple has to make their devices CHEAPER before I dive into iOS again. Now, for OS X Lion, it’s a different matter.

(iOS 5 is now available as a preview for developers.)

My life during the years 1997-1999 were documented in three volumes of journals, erratically written, some entries long, some entries short; there were days where pages are blank. Reading the 1997 volume was draining, because my life back then was, according to myself, like water going down the drain. I was very glad when I got out of that episode, but I guess that era has defined who am I now. I don’t like it, but I was lucky I got out alive. Getting on with it was really an option back then; I would not be writing this now if it happened.

There is another issue that I think makes me dysfunctional – I always get feelings of sadness whenever I see friends being happy/getting into a relationship. I guess it is because I am envious. Upon reflection, I got this notion that I’d grow old alone. The Dark Years, after all, began when I started to lose two of who I considered my best friends – one due to my undoing, the other to love. When things fall apart, and failure in college was imminent, that’s how it began. That my life was tragically unravelling and friends became scarce like the proverbial dodo – that brought me to the dark depths of depression. That was the crux of the Dark Years. I dunno how I got out of it, but I feel that this issue remains unresolved; hence the episodes of loneliness. Hence, the feeling of sadness due to others’ happiness.

At one point, I got this realization that if I accept the fact that I’d die alone, these episodes would never recur. As they say, acceptance is the key. I know that for my mental health I should probably accept it, but some part of me refuses to surrender. I don’t know. I feel that this refusal is not healthy.

Some people tell me that I should not feel this way; that my time will come. But I am tired of waiting and exerting effort that just ends up futile. And let’s face it – there are people who got old alone. Also, it runs with the family – I just saw an aunt died unmarried and alone. It is easy – and tempting – to give up.

Do I believe in fate? I don’t know. Because if fate is true, it can be apathetic, cruel, heartless. It seems wrong that someone is born with his future already set, as if that person’s decisions won’t matter. However, there are times when despite your efforts, everything seems futile. This is where I am now.

It is easy to give up. Being a loser brings some bitterness, but what if that is the truth? What if giving up will end all these negative feelings? What if giving up throws away all this baggage that brings me down?

(Written June 2009)