The BlogSoul Project

Ummm...where did we go?

2009-06-07T19:23:00.002-05:00

Loy? Helen? Did you guys disband The BlogSoul Project? I came to make a post and it's all gone.... Where did you go, my friends?

Wow time flies

2008-07-19T21:32:00.002-05:00

Almost another whole year has passed us by in silence. I wonder how my fellow bloggers are doing? I lost a dear friend and mentor who was like a father to me last week and still trying to get my head on straight. Other than that, I'm doing pretty good. Been working on a new website for my local church where I attend and adding video and audio of sunday services for those who can't attend and I am enjoying that a lot. Its been a year of twists and turns but all has come out in the end. How are you guys doing?

Nearly a year since my last post....

2007-10-18T22:45:00.000-05:00

So are we all still around? Let's see... in the last year I have, got married, got a new job and bought a motorcycle. So what have you guys been up to?

It is cold outside

2006-12-02T13:30:00.000-05:00

Its a cold snowy December day here in North Eastern Missouri.. For all you folks reading this, please take the time to check on your elderly or infirm family,friends and neighbors to make sure everyone has enough food and heat in this cold season. Also don't forget your pets need plenty of water and a shelter during this bitter cold. Thanks for taking the time to care.

Hey are you all still here???

2006-11-22T20:22:00.000-05:00

Helen??? Loy??? anybody???

Yooohooooo.... Is anyone out here? It's kind of lonely in here and I want some company. Where did you all go?

So the baby is almost a year old now and doing well( the pic is her and Mommy), Got my first tattoo about a month ago and i changed jobs like 6 times since we all talked last. How about you guys? Where have you been and what are you up to these days? Miss you all. Later, Larry

Getting Better All the Time

2005-09-07T17:54:00.000-05:00

Hey, a big thank you to all who read my last post and had me in their thoughts. Positive energy helps... We learned last Thursday that Gigi is 4 1/2 months pregnant so maybe I wasn't quite as annoying as she thought I was. perhaps it was a bit of pregnancy...lol... Anyhow we are working things out and while she hasn't moved back home yet we are all seeing a counselor to try and resolve the situations with my sons anger issues and a few other issues. We are hoping to have everything ironed out in a few weeks so we can be a family again. IM GOING TO BE A DADDY AGAIN !!! We are pretty sure its a girl but ultrasound couldnt get a good view to be positive but it was a very moving experience to see ones child in the ultrasound screen at the hospital when she only went to the doctor thinking she had an inner ear infection and a kidney infection... I wish I had a picture of the look on her face when the doctor told her she was definately pregnant. She and I are so happy. We both thought we would never have any other children and now we are going to have the child we both wanted so much. I shall keep you all posted. Hopefully at the next ultrasound they will send some pics home with us and I will scan them in and post them if anyone is interested.

2005-09-01T05:48:00.000-05:00

Every day on this earth there is pain, suffering and devastation. So infrequently it is that we stop and think about those who are victims to these disasters. Many of us stop now in the wake of Katrina. Why is this different? The most obvious answer is media. For some, it is close to home and for others, it IS home. Whichever the case, awareness, gratitude and compassion are are in order. They are order today. They are in order each and every day.
Peace....................

Where do we go now???

2005-08-16T00:11:00.000-05:00

Where does life get so f***ed up sometimes??? Can anyone tell me the answer? My girlfriend of almost a year told me tonight she is moving out. We have shared everything for almost a year now...sorrow, happiness, achievemnet, loss.... We have watched our two boys grow and learn. Now I find that I'm going to be alone again...This isn't in my plans. It isn't even because of something I did. I could understand that... I could make amends for that. But this is totally wrong. It doesn't make sense. I wont tell why shes leaving because this is a public venue and it wouldnt be fair. But how the hell do you share so much with a person and then decide you can't deal with things anymore? I don't understand and I really want to. I told her it was gonna be alright...this is part of life.... I want it to be alright dammit. But its not gonna be... is it?

Growing Up

2005-08-12T22:54:00.000-05:00

Sometimes the little things can mean so much... I've been playing the poor mans blues all week... bills are behind, cars are not cooperating and I have been running like mad to keep up. So I took on a few extra side jobs and I have really underbid myself on them but I wanted to be sure I got them. Believe it or not, even working can teach you a spiritual thing or two from time to time. My parents, my sister and her family and my son went for a trip and I stayed here and worked on a few projects, one being the carpet in my parents bedroom. It was a bigger job than I had planned on and it was a lot of work but it was very rewarding knowing that I was doing something for them. You see my parents are Jehovahs Witnesses. I was disfellowshipped (excommunicated) from that religion almost 10 years ago. I went from being the son who had called his mother every day my whole life to not being allowed to talk to my own parents except under extreme circumstances. My mother was in the hospital Intensive Care unit for three days at one point before anyone thought it important enough to notify me even though I lived less than five minutes from the hospital. My dad and I have always had a strained relationship at best but after becoming a father myself I can understand more of the things he tried to teach me and some of the reasoning behind things. Thats where my spiritual event happened from working this weekend. I've been getting to see more over the last few weeks of how much my anger over things was hurting me. I would have swore a few years ago that my father hated me. I was certain that if I were in physical danger he would help but that he wouldn't like one moment of it. I'm learning I judged a man too harshly. A few weeks ago, I had a bad experience I dont wish to discuss at the moment. My dad came thru for me and helped me get back on my feet. He went out of his way to make sure I was safe and alright and he stayed with me until my girlfriend could arrive to take over. I dont recall much of what happened but i know what she told me... He was afraid for me. The man who was never afraid of anything was worried about me. It meant a great deal more than he will ever understand or know. Still he finds new ways to tip the tables on me when i thought i had him all figured out. In the past ten years, conversation let alone compliments have been sparse with my father. He has even went so far as to pretend to be asleep to get out of seeing me. I understand now that this was not a personal affront. This was a moral decision based upon his beliefs and whether or not I agree with his beliefs I do respect his moral compass. Tonight for the first time in ages, My father gave me a compliment. I called him on the phone to inquire as to the work I had done on the bedroom floor expecting criticism. To my amazement I got a compliment instead. It is a truly enlightening experience to hear words of encouragement from someone you thought would only have judgements. I guess maybe both of us have grown up a bit. I love you dad.

You can't mass produce uniqueness

2005-07-26T11:23:00.000-05:00

Well, I finally made it to California everybody and I'm doing fine here. I've moved into a great place and now I'm ready to start posting again. Trouble is, I don't know what to post about yet, so I've resorted to letting others say my thoughts for me. The following is an article by Charlie Badenhop, owner of the seishindo.com website. I urge all of you to check it out.
__________________________________

You can't mass produce uniqueness

By: Charlie Badenhop
__________________________________
Do you spend part of your time working on and worrying about "self improvement"? If so, it is important to not inadvertently stamp out your uniqueness, in favor of a mass produced version of "perfection."
Here's a story to illustrate my point.
On a recent afternoon I went to a pottery shop outside of Tokyo, and happened to meet the potter who had stopped in to check on her staff.
After looking around the shop I invited the owner over and we chatted. The first thing she talked about was how a potter never knew what was going to wind up coming out of the kiln. Each kiln opening she said, was somewhat like Christmas morning. Sometimes you got many wonderful gifts, and sometimes you wound up with coal in your stocking. Like when most of the pieces explode in the kiln due to severe changes in atmospheric weather conditions. It is the serendipity she said, that makes the work so magical. "It helps you to stay humble, and you learn to surrender to and accept the unknown," she said.
Next, she talked to me about design and functionality. Topics important to most all potters. "No sense in having a good looking piece that is awkward to use, and no sense having a boring looking piece that is highly functional." she said.
Since I was definitely going to buy something, I picked out six pieces to choose from, set them on the counter, and asked the lady to tell me a bit about each piece.
"Let me share with you how I recognize the hoped for imperfections in my work," she said, "By talking about three of the pieces you have interest in."
"Notice with this first piece how the glaze is not of consistent thickness over the inside surface. I tried the best I could to smooth out the glaze," she said, "But this is a very tough glaze to work with."
"Nonetheless, for me, it is the inconsistency of the glaze that makes this piece so interesting." she said. "It is the inconsistency that makes for the range of color that the glaze exhibits in this piece."
"With this next piece you notice that the bowl is not fully round in shape. I am a small woman, and this is a large piece for me to throw on the wheel. In fact it is the biggest piece I am currently able to throw. I love making some this size, because these bowls really test my limits. There is a certain tension present when the shape goes out of being fully round, and this is what draws me to this piece."
"Finally" she said, "With this third piece you will notice that the price is considerably less than the other pieces."
"It is a good piece of work," she said, "but I feel it is a bit 'too good' and thus looks like it could have been machine made. That is why the price is considerably cheaper."
"The shape is perfectly round, and the glaze flows evenly over the entire pot, and thus the piece does not have a sense of uniqueness. I have stopped making this shape and size because I know how to make them all too well. When they come out this perfect I feel like the soul of the pots get left in the kiln.
She bowed ever so much, and said "Would you like some tea? I have some locally grown strawberries, and it is always best to eat them at this time of year, with a warm cup of tea." ___________________________________

About the author:
Charlie Badenhop is the originator of Seishindo, an Aikido instructor, NLP trainer, and Ericksonian Hypnotherapist. Benefit from a new self-help Practice every two weeks, by subscribing to his complimentary newsletter "Pure heart, simple mind" at http://www.seishindo.org/anger/index.html

Found this and wanted to share it

2005-07-17T21:18:00.000-05:00

Hope you enjoy the read.

REAL LOVE CHANGES PEOPLE -----
by Max Lucado, www.maxlucado.com.

When Catherine Lawes' husband, Lewis, became the warden on Sing Sing prison in 1921, she was a young mother of three daughters. Everybody warned her never to step foot inside the walls. But she didn't listen to them. When the first prison basketball game was held, in she went, three girls in tow, and took a seat in the bleachers with the inmates.

When she heard that one convicted murderer was blind, she taught him Braille so he could read. Upon learning of inmates who were hearing impaired, she studied sign language so they could communicate. For sixteen years Catherine Lawes softened the hard hearts of the men of Sing Sing.

The prisoners knew something was wrong when Lewis Lawes didn't report to work. Quickly the word spread that Catherine had been killed in a car accident. The following day as the acting warden took his early morning walk, he noticed a large gathering at the main gate. Every prisoner pressed against the fence. Eyes awash with tears. Faces solemn. No one spoke or moved.

The warden made a remarkable decision. "All right, men, you can go.
Just be sure to check in tonight." These were America's hardest criminals. But the warden unlocked the gate for them, and they walked without escort or guard to the home of Catherine Lawes to pay their last respects. And to a man, each one returned.

Real love changes people.

Didn't God's love change you? Weren't you, like the prisoner, blind?
You couldn't see beyond the grave. You couldn't see your purpose in life until he showed you. And you couldn't hear either. You'd never heard of such love and kindness, and you never would have heard of it, but God spoke in your language. And, most of all, he set you free. You are free! Free to run away. Free to harden your heart. But you don't. Or if you do, you come back. Why?

Because you've never been loved like this before.

From A Love Worth Giving
Copyright 2002, Max Lucado

MY HERO

2005-07-13T01:59:00.000-05:00

It's been a really BAD, Strike that, its been a HORRIBLE day. I woke up with the knowledge that it was going to be a bad day and just kept plowing ahead. My check didn't come in like I had counted on so I borrowed $80 and a smaller car from my girlfriend Gigi because I had a very long trip to make and I drive a big old Ford Clubwagon XL van and up until this afternoon she drove a 95 Chevy Corsica. I was making a trip to Kentucky from my home in Missouri to take my son to spend some time with his mother. The trip usually involves 7 or 8 hours of "pull over, I gonna wet my pants" or "Are we there yet?" choruses of a five year old boy sitting next to me. The trip usually sets me back on my bills for a month or so because you just can't travel cheaply with a young child. They have to be appeased or life is pure hell. Plus I am moving apartments this week so I have enough on my plate already without adding more. But I promised my sons mother that I would get him to her for a visit before school started again so I was making the trip. The first half hour was fine. The I heard the first "are we there yet?" which was quickly followed by "I gotta pee!!!" Of course miles from the nearest station and on a busy highway. That situation was resolved quickly enough. On we went with our odyssey. An hour away from home the real trouble began...
Recall I said up until this afternoon Gigi drove a 95 Corsica. Well, she doesn't anymore. Because the engine decided long trips with no money are a lot of fun and left me stranded on the side of the interstate with a five year old who had to go again and this time couldn't wait and soaked the car, himself and me in the process. So now I have been urinated on, am stranded on the road, my cell phone doesn't work but a really nice lady let me use hers to call my landlord who gave the phone to Gigi who now had to drive my van, The Beast, to come save us. (The Beast made the trip fine by the way.) So we wait in the heat and listen to Clifford the Big Red Dog on the radio... Don't ask me how the kid found it, he just did and I thought he would take my arm off when I tried to change the channel. Luckily Gigi had packed us a cooler of food before we left so we had plenty of cold drinks and food to sit for a while. She got there about an hour or so after I called her and we went to look for a car dolly. Guess what? My van has a hitch. Know what else? You aren't supposed to use a class 1 hitch to pull a car dolly. I learned that today after an hour of looking for a place that even had them. So we called our landlord again from a payphone and she made arrangements for her son and his friend to bring a flatbed trailer and truck to haul the car home on. These guys are lifesavers. We are all so very thankful to them for helping us out. We waited in the gas station lot for a couple hours or so for them to get the trailer and get there and then helped load the car and followed them back. These guys were awesome and only charged $200 and they are letting me pay it over the next couple weeks which I really appreciate. So we got the car back to Macon now and unloaded at the warehouse. Now we go to pick up the baby at Gigis aunts house where her mom is for a birthday party. Nice drive out there and back. On the way back, Gigi recalls a friend of hers got a really good deal on a car the other day and he works tonight so we go by the nursing home where they both work to talk to him. She goes in to talk to John and I sit with the boys in the car. My son, Marc Anthony, is sitting behind me quietly and finally he leans up and pulls on the back of my seat...."Dad?" I jumped because he startled me and asked if he was going to pee on me again and he laughed at me. He smiled and hugged me as he came up between the seats. "Dad, You're my hero." I almost cried... The whole day had been Hell but those four words made everything so much better. Its 2:40 AM now and I am awake writing this to share with all of you if that gives you an idea of how much it meant to me. My heroes are sleeping quietly in their beds. It's not been such a bad day after all. Good Night.

Goodbye Venita

2005-07-07T00:30:00.000-05:00

Today, I found out that a very good friend of mine, a friend that I talked to less than a week ago, is dead. She called me to let me know that her boyfriend would be coming to my house to pick up some items that I was holding for her. She sounded perfectly healthy, if a little drunk. Today, her boyfriend called me to let me know that he would be picking up her stuff and she was dead.

Venita was no saint. She was a little too promiscuous and a little impatient and she had a way with words that would make a sailor cringe with shame but she also was kind and spiritual and she loved her kids. It's odd to know that life isn't as guaranteed as we would like it to be.

As good a friend as she was (is), I don't miss her, because she's not really gone. She is in my heart and in all the hearts of all the people who miss and love her.

Goodbye Venita. You are still here with us.

What Is Personal Transformation?

2005-07-05T00:24:00.000-05:00

I've never met this man, but he has probably saved my life more times than any other person or group. Bill Ferguson is a former divorce(!) lawyer who in 1985, closed his law practice and devoted his life to showing people how to heal relationships and have their lives work. Please enjoy this article from a very special guest.

In one of our workshops, we do an acknowledgement exercise where participants create a cycle of loving, supporting, and empowering each other. Then they walk though a process where they actually experience God in each other.

The result is a very profound state of oneness. People experience a connection with each other and with life that is beyond words. Upsets and problems disappear. All that exists is a deep state of love, freedom, and peace.

Then we look at the nature of this state. People discover that, in this state, the circumstances of life have no power. Fear and upset cannot exist. Judgment disappears, and the past has no relevance. Even the ego and the concept "me" disappear. All that exists is love.

To the extent that you live in this state of love, you are happy, alive, and free. You can flow with whatever happens. You are confident, creative and very effective. Life works effortlessly and great things happen.

When you are in this state, you are living in "the light."

The opposite state is one of fear, upset and resisting. When you are in this state, you close down inside. You get tunnel vision and lose your ability to see clearly. All you can do is fight, resist, hang on and withdraw. Everything you do in this state tends to make your situation worse.

This state is referred to as "the darkness."

The particular state you are in may seem to be the result of what happens around you, but it's not. The state you are in is the result of how you relate to what happens.

A good way to see this is to look at the nature of upsets. When we get upset, the upset seems to be caused by what happens, but let's look a little deeper.

If I spill a glass of water on you, you are going to be wet. This is true no matter how you feel about it. The water, and the circumstances of your life, are outside of you. Your feelings about them are totally irrelevant.

If you are at peace with being wet, or your circumstances, you will have peace of mind. If you fight being wet, you will be upset, and the more you fight it, the more upset you are going to be.

We think that happiness and upsets come from outside of ourselves, but this is an illusion that keeps us stuck forever.

As long as we believe that happiness and upsets come from outside of ourselves, we will be forced to go through life trying to force life to be a certain way. We think that this will bring us the happiness that we seek, but it doesn't. In fact, the more we force life to be a certain way the worse our situation becomes.

Here's an example that illustrates this. Imagine four yellow balloons on the ceiling above you. Now, whatever you do, don't think about them.

What happens when you try not to think about them? You think about them and the more you try not to think about them, the more yellow balloons you get. It's the same way in life.

The very act of resisting magnifies and gives power to whatever you are resisting. Any area of your life that isn't working is an area where you are resisting.

Now think of a time when you were resisting something and then you stopped. You said, "the heck with it", and got on with your life. Notice what happened the moment you let go of the resisting.

The moment you let go of the resisting, you restored your peace of mind and that area of your life cleared up.

Life always works out when we can flow with whatever is going on. It's only when we get our pride and ego in the way that life becomes painful.

We don't notice, but there are two separate realms in life. There is the light and there is the darkness. There is the realm of love and there is the realm of circumstances. When you are in the realm of love, life works effortlessly. When you are in the realm of circumstances, life is a struggle.

Personal transformation takes place once you discover, experientially and emotionally, that (1) the circumstances are an illusion and that the light truly does exist, and (2) that it's more important to live in the light than to have the circumstances be a particular way.

Once this happens, your focus is no longer on forcing life to be a certain way. Instead, the focus is on connecting with God - healing, trusting and letting go.

As you go down this path, miracles become common and you create a life that exceeds your dreams. However, to live in the light, there has to be an awakening.

Something has to pull you out of the circumstances and put you in the light. You need to experience the light in such a profound way, that you always know that it exists.

A powerful way to do this is to attend our weekend workshop, Return To The Heart. You can also do the Mastery Of Life Audio Course.

All of our work is about supporting people in living in the light.

If you haven't done so already, I invite you to read the articles on www.masteryoflife.com.

Bill Ferguson has been featured on Oprah and is the author of the best selling book, How To Heal A Painful Relationship. He leads workshops in Houston and does individual telephone consulting. To learn more about Bill and his work, call (713) 520-5370 or visit www.masteryoflife.com.

What the world needs now...

2005-07-03T21:19:00.000-05:00

My daughter went back home today and before the jeep was even out of the parking lot, I was missing her. A little girl of 7 years who holds my heart so tightly within her hands. She is autistic and will always be my little girl and that is fine with me. I love it when she smiles and says " daddy, Im going to miss you" or when she does something she shouldnt have and says" you broke my feelings" because she was corrected. Those cute little things that remind you how good life really is. The little reminders that life is full of blessings though sometimes they are veiled. She will almost certianly never live independently or hold a job yet I am blessed that she also will never go thru the teen stage of hating her father, If I am lucky. I first met this little girl when she was six months old and had no father. I fell in love and married her mother. The child became my own and I was with her for five years and have watched her grow and struggle and achieve the great everday miracles that she has finally attained to. Her mother and I seperated two years ago but she is still my daughter. In my heart, that will never change. Some people think I am crazy to care about a child who I have no real responsibility too. But they are wrong, I have ties to her that run deeper than blood ever could. Not everyone is so lucky and able to choose the children they are given. She is my family in a stronger sense of the word than most people will ever understand. In the past few weeks, she has been staying with me and every single day has been a gift. I guess this whole article has no real point, except to hear myself rant. But I leave you with a thought, Find someone who makes your heart feel that way and hold on to them... TIGHTLY. The world is a cruel place and takes away so much...Don't let it take that oppurtunity from you. As a tear falls on the keyboard, I close my message here with the words of wisdom from an old song... What the world needs now is Love.

The Brick

2005-06-30T18:22:00.000-05:00

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood
street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for
kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down
when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children
appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He
slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the
brick had been thrown. The angry driver then jumped out of the car,
grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car
shouting, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck
are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to
cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?" The young boy was apologetic.
"Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to
do," He pleaded. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop..."
With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed
to a spot just around a parked car. "It's my brother, "he said. "He
rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift
him up."
Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you please
help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy
for me."
Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling
lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into
the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the
fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to
be okay. "Thank you and may God bless you," the grateful child told
the stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy!
push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.
t was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very
noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side
door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message: "Don't go
through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get
your attention!" God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts.
Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick
at us. It's our choice to listen or not.

Just a friendly reminder...

2005-06-25T13:04:00.000-05:00

As the temperatures begin to soar this summer, don't forget to check in on the elderly or infirm and make sure they are staying cool enough. Many people die every year from too much heat. A tragedy that could often be avoided by just a few minutes of concern for a fellow human being.

Also, don't forget to check your pets water dish and provide them shade if they are outdoor animals. Never leave a living thing in a car with the windows closed.

Enjoy the summer and be safe... We want you blogging with us for a long time to come.

The Miniature Earth

2005-06-24T07:53:00.000-05:00

If the world's population were reduced to 100, it would look something like this. This clip may not be so good for the soul. I suppose it's all in the way you look at it. While it saddens me, it also reinforces my gratitude for all that I have. I am priviledged to be who I am, where I am. We all could use to slow down a bit now and then, consider the situations of others we share our planet with.

It seems so overwhelming sometimes. It seems there is little or nothing we can do. Fortunately, for me, I have always found prayer to be one of the most powerful tools I have.
Peace..........

Good for the Questioning Soul

2005-06-17T11:28:00.000-05:00

This book, to date, has been the most helpful when I have been in my deepest of pits. I have purchased many copies over the years for friends facing difficult times. I even ordered one in Spanish for a dear friend when he lost his mother.
When something tragic happens in our life, it can sometimes seem so unjust. This is particularly true if we try to live a GOOD life. We question our God, our Faith. When my husband died at such a young age, I not only questioned why it happened to ME but why it would happen to HIM. Harold S. Kushner helped me find peace. I could never recommend this book too much.
Editorial Reviews
Amazon.com
Rarely does a book come along that tackles a perennially difficult human issue with such clarity and intelligence. Harold Kushner, a Jewish rabbi facing his own child's fatal illness, deftly guides us through the inadequacies of the traditional answers to the problem of evil, then provides a uniquely practical and compassionate answer that has appealed to millions of readers across all religious creeds. Remarkable for its intensely relevant real-life examples and its fluid prose, this book cannot go unread by anyone who has ever been troubled by the question, "Why me?"

Today is International Webloggers Day...

2005-06-14T16:59:00.000-05:00

...and what better way to celebrate this day than to submit an article to The BlogSoul Project!

Want to share your spiritual experiences? Click here for information on how to submit an article to the Project.

Finding the Hidden Beauty

2005-06-10T21:48:00.000-05:00

I made a purchase at a yard sale today. My boss was hanging out with me and he thought I was crazy at the time but he was a good sport and helped me carry all my newly acquired possessions back to the van. Five small trinkets for my collection that only cost me two dollars. They were dirty and tarnished. two of them have even been used for ashtrays I think. They looked like common ordinary junk typical of most backwoods yard sales but I saw more... And tonight, sitting on my shelf, are five Silver table ware pieces: 3 small pitchers and two things that look like some kind of urn or maybe sugar bowls. All are from numbered collections and worth much more than the two dollars I paid for them. Probably 30 people had went through that sale today and looked for some small treasure... Today I happened to be the lucky one who saw thru a bit of dirt and tarnish and saw something of value and beauty.
It makes you stop and think, what treasures do we pass up every day of our lives just because they are hidden by a thin veil of imperfection? Perhaps the people who seem so different from us could be our best friend had we taken the time to know them. Perhaps the minor differences don't matter at all.You can spend lifetimes looking for perfection and never find it, or you can get out your silver polish and find that hidden beauty... Think about it.

All Experiences are Spiritual

2005-06-10T21:41:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, when the air conditioner is on the fritz, and there’s money missing from my room and the water has been cut off because of a mix-up at the water company and I‘m forty and single and short on relationship prospects, it’s hard to find a “spiritual experience” in my life. When so many things happen in my life at one time I don’t want to sit still for twenty minutes. I want to stay in bed for… well, for the rest of my life.

I mean, what am I supposed to do? Don’t say it, I already know what I’m supposed to do. I’m supposed to “keep my chin up” and “keep doing what I’m supposed to do” and eventually I’m supposed to be this spiritually enlightened being of light that’s supposed to go into the world and bring peace to the masses or something.

But I don’t do that. I don’t keep my chin up most of the time and most of the time I actually do stay under the covers and I especially do not “do what I’m supposed to do“. I growl, I kvetch, I whine and when I get a moment I get up and go to work or I get up to blog.

Sometimes, more often than usual in recent times, when I’m bitching and moaning inside my head and I’m complaining to my inner self about how life isn’t supposed to be this way and I should be this way and whatnot, I’ll shout to this same Higher Self, “Where the hell is my spiritual experience?”

My Higher Self gently speaks through all the complaining, “All experiences are spiritual.”

Even though I’ve heard that still, small voice all my life, it always surprises me when I hear it again.

In her book, There is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate, Cheri Huber tells me that the bitching, whining voices in my head telling me that I’m not good enough, or that life isn’t fair or the endless other complaints I have spoken aren’t spoken by me at all, but by my own Self Hate which started off as a defense mechanism but over many years has grown into something separate from what I truly am. Self Hate pretends to be me, uses my voice to make me feel that there’s something I need to do to be happy. It uses my body to commit acts that I hate, then condemns me for doing them.

But, Self Hate isn’t me.

My true self is the same self that came into this world, innocent and pure. Self Hate tricks me into thinking that I am bad and only by trying harder will I become good.

Lately, I’ve stopped trying. Self Hate notices this and as of now I’m in a state of… non-emotion, let’s call it. Self Hate is trying to tell me to get up and do something, anything. “Go work on your goals!” it screams, “if you don’t work on your goals, you’ll be a loser just like you always have been!”

The voice of my Higher Self gently speaks past the voice of Self Hate and tells me to be still and know.

Know what? I don’t know, but I’ll keep being still and stop looking for the blinding flash of light that comes with enlightenment and just wait for the knowing to come.

I do know this: when I stopped looking for the light, light gradually shines on me and I realize that the still, small voice is right. Even the things that some would consider “bad”, are still life, and life is good, and all experiences are indeed, spiritual.

Heart, Soul and Spirit

2005-06-06T19:22:00.000-05:00

More often than not, they are one in the same for me. At least now they are. I started with just the Heart, keeping me alive day to day. I think I was born with a Soul but didn't recognize it unitl my teen years. That's when I discovered a deep love for music and my Soul became something that was alive. When I listened to music, I could feel it. It would soar, mourn, rejoice, embrace.
The Spirit unveiled itself later in life. It came to me as a result of my past and like the Heart and Soul, continues to grow. It is diffult to describe my personal definition of Spirit. It is so profoundly unique to each of us and all encompassing. It holds my morals, ethics and concious. It is vital that I protect it as it guides my decisions each and every day. As I protect it, it protects the others. So many things affect it's health. My relationships, workplace and living space are huge factors and when things are bad or wrong in any of those environments, my Spirit is damaged.
When we pass, our Heart goes into the ground with our body. Perhaps it is cremated and spread across the land. Even better, it goes to someone else to give them life. Our Soul goes to the heavens as I understand them. But our Spirit stays here. That will stay behind and each of us make decisions every minute of every day about the Spirit we will leave behind.

My thought

2005-06-05T17:54:00.000-05:00

When angels whisper..

I would say I have to agree with Loy's post. Sometimes the most tragic things seem to bring the best out in us. We all watched the world falling apart over the last few years and saw just how cruel and inhumane people could be and then a moment like the attacks on the Trade Centers and people redeem themselves with their ability to help one another. Sometimes the things that hurt us the deepest also wake us up to realize how important the little things are. Thats the main reason I joined this group of bloggers... Ive got kids and I dont want them to grow up in the world I see coming. I hope if a few of us can start something maybe it will snowball and leave this world a better place for my kids and yours. If not, we are in a lot of trouble folks. My suggestion: Hug your kids, let your spouse win the argument today and lend a helping hand to a stranger. Easy stuff to do. Maybe it could make a difference?

a brotherly hug

I Almost Missed It...

2005-06-04T20:38:00.000-05:00

The thing that I find most amazing as I look back at my life is my ability to completely miss a spiritual moment until months or even years after it has passed. Usually, I am down on myself, too hard on myself and as I sit feeling sorry on my bed with my head in my hands a memory passes my inner eye, reminding me of all that I have to be grateful for.

An example: the man shown in the picture below is my stepfather.

For years I considered this man my enemy. In his prime he was an abusive, vindictive, manipulative bastard. If he didn't like something I did, he would hit me as hard as he could on the head, or worse, get the extension cord.

Nothing I did was good enough for him. He called me stupid, he tried to strangle me with my own belt and when I got old enough for him to be afraid that I would fight back, he pulled a gun on me.

For years I plotted revenge. I concocted fantasies most bizarre and gruesome. I would wait until he got drunk, then strip him naked, tie him to a bed and beat him with an extension cord until he passed out. Then when he awoke, I would beat him again. He would beg me to kill him but I would not let him die. I would rather for him to suffer.

I hated myself for feeling this way, for allowing him to get me to agree with him. But I won't deny it. This man was my enemy.

A while back, he had four major strokes in the space of a year. The picture above is of him after the strokes took effect of him but before dementia set in. In this picture he has to use the chair to hold himself up.

He now resides in the VA hospital. I went with my mother to visit him about nine months ago and I noticed that he no longer can talk or walk the same. Every door he passes he compuslively checks, whether to see if it will open or if it's locked I don't know. Sometimes, when he looks at me, it's with some affection.

This is not the same man of my childhood. This is not the same man who threatened to put a hole in my head because he couldn't take the chance that the shouting match wouldn't elevate to a fistfight. This is not the same man who convinced me that going on a double date with the sister of his mistress wasn't so bad a thing.

This was just a man; and there was nothing I could do to him that could top what his own body had done to him. His own brain had turned against him and left him close to being a vegetable.

I was sitting here thinking about the time I went to visit him and I realized something: I no longer hated him. I realized that seeing him like that brought out something inside of me that I thought I was incapable of.

Compassion.

I still have bad memories of the abuse. I still get angry at the things he did to me but I'm no longer angry at him. And I now realize that it wasn't all bad. He was responsible for one of the most wonderful things to ever happen to me. He gave me my sister...

and through her, he gave me my niece, Alexis...

who incidentally revealed another spiritual experiece: unconditional love. From the moment I laid eyes on her I loved her and there was nothing she could do to make me love her more or less than I loved her at that moment.

As I said before, it took years for me to realize that the spiritual awakenings I have had had already happened. All I had to do was open my eyes.

Loy Williams is co-founder of the BlogSoul Project, along with Spyder, Helen and Larry Ray. His other blog, "The Cameraphone Diaries" can be found here.