Riot police stormed a 30th birthday party for just 15 people and shut it down, thinking it was a rave because it was advertised on Facebook.

Four police cars, a riot van and a helicopter were involved in the swoop on Andrew Poole’s gathering for his family and friends.

He was just about to light the barbecue and had not even turned on the music when the gazebo suddenly started flapping wildly and the sound of chopper blades filled the air.

Eight officers wearing camouflage trousers and body armour jumped out and demanded that the ‘rave’ to be shut down.

Mr Poole said: ‘We were nowhere near anyone. We weren’t even playing any music. What effectively the police did was come in and stop 15 people eating burgers.

Yesterday, police insisted they were right to end the party. ‘We were extremely concerned how the event had been advertised on the internet as an all-night party,’ a spokesman said.

That’s true. Whenever I see someone offering to party all night, I end up with cocaine on my upper lip, a throbbing incessant erection, and a sore bottom for days with no clue how I got there or where exactly my gerbil ended up. So see, the police are just looking out for us. Or the gerbil. But someone, for sure.

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The Bellevue City School Board received numerous complaints against Superintendent William “Bud” Martin and Assistant to the Super Darrell Hykes, saying they’ve created a hostile work environment with their continual racy comments.

News 11 has obtained a copy of the allegations against Martin and Hykes. Before you read further, we want to warn you some of them are disturbing. Now, both men have 10 days to respond.

By law the Bellevue School Board says it addressed allegations against Assistant to the Superintendent Darrell Hykes: things like presenting a “Wet T-shirt” ad to “office staff” and suggesting they attend “as a team.” And talking about “various females that (he visits) and sexual activity that (he is) involved with them.”

Allegations against Superintendent William “Bud” Martin include comments about a meeting saying it “was as much fun as the inside of a prom queen’s thighs on prom night” and referring to a female principal as “here is my hottie honey.”

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That is so much more touching than the ending of The Dark Knight. Yeah, I could learn a lesson about accepting one’s place in society and how we can all contribute to the needs of the whole (wow now that I write that out, that’s a pretty Communist lesson for a movie about a billionaire playboy who decides it’s a good idea to punch clowns in the face as a side venture) ORRRR I could watch Asian Batman remove his mask and get pretty close to making out with a make-upless Joker while a midget Spiderman dances in the background. The choice seems pretty simple. I thought Asians were supposed to be smart or something, isn’t that their mythology?

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An East Chicago man who took his computer in for repairs has been charged with possession of child pornography.

Bryan S. Johnson, 47, of the 4000 block of Butternut Street, had about 1,000 photos of children having sex and engaging in sexual activity with adults, records state.

Johnson dropped off his computer May 1 at Computer Bay Store in Schererville, Ind. A technician working on the computer discovered a folder called “had sex with a 12-year-old.”

Nothing that appeared to be child pornography was inside the folder, but police then confiscated the hard drive as evidence, obtained a search warrant and discovered the questionable files.

That isn’t very savvy at all. Now, assuming this is your thing, what you need to do is name the folder “NO CHILD PORN HERE! NO SIR!” Because then the technician would assume there’s no reason at all to look there because the folder clearly states that it’s clean. That’s all technicians really want…trust. And kiddy porn. Those two things.

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I’m pretty much the most amazing at oral sex as anyone who’s ever existed, mostly due to my desire for a food with the substance of roast beef but the flavor of tuna, but even I have to admit that oral sex isn’t a great consolation for girls. It might be my fault though. I think words like “pussy” are too vulgar, but then when you say, “Mmm I’d love to rub my tongue all over your vulva and clitoris,” it sounds a bit too much like a creepy gynecologist. Which is probably why I didn’t get into med school.

Man, being an artist is some kind of racket. I’m not saying that you needed to be able to be a soothsayer and know that Michael Jackson was going to bleach his skin and get tons more work done and end up looking like a sexy Skeletor, but this is lacking in effort a bit. I could age people in the same manner too, just drawing a fake mustache and frown lines on it. I already do the same thing when I do my yearly “What if so and so were Mexican” illustrations. Though they look suspiciously more like they were done in MS Paint with poorly done images of sombreros and tequila cut and pasted in. It’s art, man, it’s subjective.

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