the Bluebird & the Robin

Anxiety Diaries | Time To Talk Day

2014-02-06T10:21:00.000+00:00

Time To Change is a programme dedicated to breaking down mental health stigma, led by Mind and Rethink Mental Illness. Today marks Time To Talk Day, during which thousands of people are starting conversations about mental health, offering support and a friendly non-judgemental ear. With this in mind I thought I'd write up a special Anxiety Diaries post, touching on the mixed emotions I've been experiencing recently towards anxiety. Talking is so important when it comes to mental health, so don't be afraid to reach out and start a conversation, whether you suffer from a mental health condition yourself or know someone who does. It's #TimeToTalk

For the past few months I've been feeling ashamed, angry, irritated. I could barely bring myself to say the word 'depression' and I cringed every time I heard the word 'anxiety'.

I didn't want to be associated with anxiety anymore. I didn't want anxiety to be associated with me anymore. It had ruined enough experiences in my past to make me angry with it, and the spark for my sudden strong anger was realising that not everyone is so receptive to hearing or speaking about mental health issues. Not everyone understands, and rather than accepting this and carrying on speaking about my experiences I decided this must mean I should be ashamed. I should shut the hell up about it. I should stop writing about it.

Anxiety is a thief. Anxiety is a liar. It robs me of confidence and determination and it tells me I'm stupid, pathetic, incompetent. It tells me there's something wrong with me. It tells me I desperately need to change, that other people recognise I need to change and that I won't ever succeed until I change. I closed the door on acknowledging anxiety and decided it didn't exist anymore. I hated it, so I'd make it go away by refusing to think about it.

Social situations began to exhaust me. 'Where are you working at the moment? 'When do you finish your degree?' Every question felt loaded. I began to panic about being asked anything about my life, which made me feel even angrier. 'Where are you going to live now that you're married?' 'What's your plan?' 'When are you going to have a baby?' Every time I'd scramble around for an answer I'd remember how anxiety had taken a wrecking ball to so many opportunities in the past, and I'd panic silently about how many opportunities it could destroy in the future.

Ignoring anxiety felt like the best option. I was sick of it. I felt exhausted by it. I grew angrier.

I've written a lot about anxiety generally in the past but I've never really pinpointed in detail what my anxiety is all about. I have work related anxiety which means I'm afraid of going to work, of holding down a job, of being in an office environment. I'm afraid of working under the direction of others, of being given too much independence, not enough independence. Of being bad at the job, good at the job, bored with the job, feeling trapped by the job. Of never reaching my potential, of never finding a 'vocation'. Of never being good enough or passionate enough about something. Of people thinking I'm incompetent, too quiet, pathetic. Sounds a little self-centred, right?! Anxiety can be quite the delusion generator!

I worked as a Learning Support Assistant for four years from the ages of 19-23 and battled anxiety throughout. I'd panic that it wasn't the right role for me; that I couldn't discipline students properly; that teachers thought I was incompetent; that I was wasting my potential as I wasn't given enough freedom. I moved to a well paid role as a Careers Information Officer at a university last year and panic set in almost instantly. I felt overwhelmed with the workload, frustrated by being in an admin role, anxious about answering the phone every five minutes. I panicked that colleagues thought I was too shy, too quiet, not qualified enough. I felt as if I kept making a string of annoying mistakes. I felt permenantly embarrassed.

Every evening for the first two or three weeks I came home and cried. I felt so, so sad and desperately missed my previous job. I began having panic attacks at home after work and during the day at work. My heart rate became permanently elevated, I had the shakes constantly and I would cry on and off throughout the day, always hidden in the toilets. I would clock watch constantly. Eventually my brain sort of disengaged and I couldn't concentrate on anything. I went to my doctor in tears and was signed off for two weeks. Two weeks turned into four, and then four turned into never coming back.

I immediately threw myself into a new role as a Teaching Assistant in a primary school. Pretty much from the get-go the same anxious feelings returned, and I lasted little over a month. The kids were amazing, so sweet and engaging, but I felt useless, bored, frustrated, trapped, and as if other people thought I wasn't up to the job. I had a big panic attack on the way into work one morning and quit after being threatened with being fired for poor attendance.

Urgh. I'm cringing as I type because I feel so embarrassed at how the last year or so played out. I'm worried it all sounds so self-indulgent and ridiculous. I really would like to return to the workplace now, after having Cognitive Behavioural Therapy sessions and talking therapy but I'm still scared and I'm worried about how I'll feel when I get there. I applied for a Christmas job, scored an interview, and then didn't show up. I felt so angry with myself and so ashamed. Had I really made no progress over the past year? Was this really my life still?

What if I can't cope? What if I feel so self-conscious and paranoid again? Or seem so shy and quiet and withdrawn? It's doubly frustrating because I'm really not actually that shy! Outside of work I'm pretty confident and assertive and articulate. Anxiety leaves me tongue tied which makes me feel even more angry with myself. And even when I recognise the truth behind fears, such as recognising that no job is forever and that actually, I'm not incompetent, and that worrying so much about finding a 'vocation' is exhausting, and that I really, really need an income, the physical symptoms of anxiety always seem to win.

The worst part of anxiety is that it makes me sabotage paths to my one true dream and goal, which has always been to marry the love of my life and raise a family together. How can I possibly be a good wife or a mother if I can't hold down a job and bring in some sort of income? If I can't be an example to my children of someone who works hard? Thinking about this makes me feel so angry with myself. If I want a family so badly, why do I keep sabotaging myself?

That's anxiety talking right there. I'll always be like this, I'll never have a job, I'll never have children, I'll never be a good wife or a good person. But, you know, anxiety can go fuck itself. On good days, days where I do my CBT homework and practice mindfulness and take things one step at a time, I can see something beyond anxiety and its beauty is what keeps me going. I see building a home with my husband, paying off my credit card bill and overdraft, gaining satisfaction from my job and raising children. I'm still working on how to get from here to there, but surely there's a way? There must be a way. There is a way and I'm the one who has to make it happen.

I'm looking into volunteering to get used to the workplace again, and I've referred myself for another course of CBT to tackle specific workplace anxiety. I'm developing two new blogs and pouring my heart into writing, and I've started keeping a diary again which is really helping me track my thoughts, behaviours and anxiety patterns. I've set myself the goal of doing one small thing a day, just one small thing when I'm feeling super anxious, to move me forwards. Yesterday I contacted my local IAPT team for information on further CBT sessions; today I'm developing my tarot website on Wordpress. Physical proof that I'm not in the same place as yesterday, as last week, last month, last year.

I know I shouldn't be ashamed. So many people, too many people, fight anxiety and depression every day and there is nothing shameful about it. It is often a complicated, frustrating illness, but it can be overcome and I won't be in this situation forever. During good days, like today, I find strength in this and promise myself I am doing OK and making progress. I don't want to be so angry with myself anymore. If someone doesn't understand or has no interest in understanding, well, that isn't my problem, it's there's. Don't feel you should be silenced by stigma or ignorance. Sometimes people really don't understand or they feel uncomfortable for their own reasons. Encouraging conversations about mental health brings it out into the open and creates a safer, less threatening and less scary environment for everyone.

I haven't wanted to write an Anxiety Diaries post for a long time as I was determined that anxiety wasn't a part of my life anymore. But it is and that's something I'm slowly coming to terms with. It might be a part of my life forever, but that doesn't mean it will rule my life. There is no shame in talking about how you're feeling, or in asking a friend how they're feeling. I'm grateful for Time To Talk Day, as it's made me realise I don't need to be quite so angry, or quite so silent, anymore.

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Wedding | Our Engagement Party

2014-01-13T16:38:00.002+00:00

As of today I can officially say I'm getting married next week! Next week! Heart palpitations and sweaty palms aside, I found the following post hidden amongst various others on the blog I used to write before the Bluebird & the Robin. As the Bluebird & the Robin is my blog home it seemed right to include our engagement party memories on here, with all the other wedding planning fun! I can't believe how fast time has flown, and reading over this made me feel so happy and excited for the big day next Friday.

May 2012

There was a moment yesterday, having been handed an envelope containing an amazingly generous cheque, contributed to by a group of mine and Chris's greatest friends, that I was asked to give a little speech. Of course, I couldn't think of anything and resorted to repeating everything Chris had said, in the same order and with the same wording... typical! Put on the spot and I couldn't think of what to say. Of course, about ten minutes later I realised what it was I'd wanted to say, but alas the time had passed. So I thought I'd take to this here blog and type up my 'speech' instead.

Twice last night I burst into tears due to the realisation that we have the greatest, most generous, supportive, loving, kind friends you could wish for. There's no better feeling than realising you have a whole garden full of people who love and support you and want you to be happy. I've known most of my close friends since school, and have also been fortunate to pick up a couple more since then, from uni and various other places. And I must say, if my friends are this amazing then I sincerely hope I'm a good friend in return, because they're all bloody brilliant! I'm definitely guilty of not always making an effort to organise regular meet-ups and it's stupid because when I see them I immediately think 'these guys are hilarious- I need to make more of an effort!'

There's my beautiful Maid of Honour, Alice, who is more like a sister than a friend, having been introduced when we were little and having stayed besties since (although we once fell out over a Sylvanian families fridge. But let's not go there..!) Not only is she super organised, an excellent baker and a brilliant shoulder to cry on, she's also funny, quick thinking and absolutely beautiful. I know I can trust her to sort my hair out on the big day... and that's all that matters. Jokes! She might also come in handy for the dessert table... I'd like to say thank you to her for always having my back, and for sharing so whole-heartedly in mine and Chris's happiness yesterday. I can't think of anyone more suited to the role of MOMFH ;)

And then there's Zina and Lucie, my two bridesmaids who I know I can rely on to help me get this wedding thing sorted! I've known Zina since we were eleven and I think it's safe to say that neither of us can quite understand how we're now suddenly 23?! Insane! Practical, straight talking but always kind hearted, she's taken care of me when I've been through bad patches and the stack of notes she's kept from our school days always provide a nice trip down memory lane! Zina was partly responsible for getting me and Chris together after I told her to tell him I liked him over MSN (those were the days!) I seem to remember typing A LOT of expletives when she informed me he felt the same way... And Lucie, my uni neighbour who basically got me through the whole horrible year when I thought a history degree was for me! The best cook, and the most adventurous, proactive, determined, positive, busy person I've ever known! And of course the inspiration behind my 'what would L do?' moments :p

Of course I could go and on about all my other friends, but I figured I'd stick to the bridal party or I'd be here forever! I love them all and there isn't a single bad egg amongst them ;)

And Chris's friends. This is the bit I really wanted to say in my little speech, as I've wanted to say it for a while but haven't had the chance. I can't imagine how awful and awkward it would be if your fiancé's friends disliked you or if you disliked them. So thank God Chris has amazing friends! Together they challenge any gender stereotypes about men always treating women like crap, as they all seem so gentlemanly and they're all friendly, welcoming, sweet guys. I was so nervous when I first met some of Chris's friends at his 18th birthday meal, because I really didn't want them to hate me, and I can be really shy when I first meet new people so it took me a while to come out of my shell around them. And now I can't shut up around them!

We really couldn't ask for better friends, and that's why, upon opening the envelope to see a card full of our friends' names and an extremely generous cheque to kick-start our wedding fund, I started to cry. And that's why I just had a little cry writing this blog post. And that's why I know our wedding day is going to be the BEST day of our lives.

Baci e abbracci,

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Wedding Worthy Beauty | Body Care

2014-01-12T17:15:00.001+00:00

I'm getting married in 12 days! That's less than two weeks, people! I figured a great way to prevent falling into wedding planning meltdown (believe me, it's easily done) would be to write up a series of beauty based wedding posts. What could be more relaxing than chit chatting about beauty products and snapping photos of bath time treats?!

Today's post is on wedding worthy body care, featuring the products I've been using to whip my skin into tip top condition for the big day.

First up is a selection of bubbles, scrubs and gels that have become firm favourites over the past month or so. Soap & Glory is, in my humble opinion, one of the best high street bodycare ranges available in the UK. I'm a huge fan of pretty much every product I've tried from them and The Scrub Of Your Life (£7) is brilliant at sloughing away dry skin. It's particularly good at smoothing bumps on the back of the upper arms, something I struggle with during winter. My skin feels super soft and moisturised after using this and it takes pride of place in the bathroom as my number one scrub.

I've developed a slight obsession with Jenny Packham's Salonniere range, which debuted at Boots as a 2013 Christmas range. The Body Wash and Bath Creme, available as part of the Salonniere Bathing Collection (£10) share the same delicious rose scent as the Hand Cream, and both Body Wash and Bath Creme are a rich gold colour which makes any bathing experience feel a touch more luxurious than usual! My skin feels soft and smooth after using these and the scent is so relaxing. Perfect for when I'm feeling frazzled from non-stop wedmin...

I don't care what anyone says, wedding planning is stressful at times. Trying to juggle and coordinate multiple suppliers, sift through all sorts of logistical requirements as well as trying to create a day that people enjoy (and most importantly that you and your beloved enjoy!) isn't always an easy task, and I have had a number of sleepless nights spent tossing and turning while creating mental check lists of wedmin tasks still to do. I received an adorable travel sized Aromatherapy Associates Revive Morning Bath and Shower Oil as a Christmas gift and boy, does it wake you up! The zingy citrus scent works wonders at perking me up in the mornings, lifting my mood if I'm feeling stressed or tired.

I've been a loyal user of Soap & Glory The Righteous Butter (£10.50) for years. In fact, I think it was one of the very first Soap and Glory products I tried upon their release. I've remained faithful for good reason: this stuff is incredible! From the fresh, sweet scent to the richness of the cream and the way it delivers an intense moisture boost without being sticky or oily, this is my holy grail body moisturiser. It works especially well when applied to still-damp skin, and I love heaping on a generous amount before bedtime. The tub lasts absolutely ages, making it a total bargain.

However, my Righteous Butter addiction doesn't mean I never stray in favour of a new discovery... Sanctuary Spa Relax Cocooning Body Butter (£9.50) has been a favourite since I stumbled across it a few years ago. It has a comforting sweet, creamy scent and it moisturises well without feeling at all cloying or heavy. I'm also a huge fan of Champney's Distant Shores Body Butter, which came as part of their Distant Shores Travel Collection (£12), especially when I'm in the mood for a lighter, floral scent. Whenever I apply a handful of this I'm transported to an image of a tropical beach, white sand under my toes, waves lapping at my feet... *sigh* This will be the body cream that makes it into my honeymoon suitcase!

Another Jenny Packham Salonniere goodie, the rose scented Hand Cream is an absolute must for getting my hands into great condition prior to the big day. I'm usually awful when it comes to remembering to apply hand cream but I'm a girl on a mission at the moment! I know there will be plenty of pictures taken of our wedding rings, and therefore our hands, and I want to show my bling off with pride, meaning hand TLC is a top beauty priority over the next 12 days!

What's that, I hear you cry, another Soap & Glory product?! It only hit me last week that I might want to pay my feet some attention as I really, really love my wedding shoes! Which means smooth skin and freshly painted nails are a must. I've been slathering on a layer of Heel Genius (£5.50) before popping on a pair of socks at night, letting the gel cream get to work while I (try to) snooze. My heels feel much softer while my feet in general appear much more presentable, so I'll be continuing my tootsie pamper routine right up until the wedding.

Over the next week or so I'll be posting my wedding worthy hair care, skin care and makeup picks, in between last minute wedding planning! Are there any products you love reaching for before a big event? I'm always open to recommendations!

Baci e abbracci,

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Beauty | Midweek Picks #1

2014-01-08T07:30:00.000+00:00

Happy Humpday! Today marks the start of a brand new beauty series on the Bluebird & the Robin, Midweek Picks, designed to give you a taster of the products I've been reaching for most throughout the week so far. Let's kick things off with the following four gems!

Perhaps predictably, I'm a big fan of a berry lip during Autumn/Winter and Bourjois Colour Boost Lip Crayon (£7.99) in '06 Plum Russian' is just the ticket for a delicious plum pout. The shape of the crayon makes it quick and easy to apply neatly, and the moisturising formula feels so comfortable to wear. It gives a slightly darker kick of berry than other berry toned lip crayons I've tried, which I like as it makes it a little more glam.

Ooh look, another celebrity fragrance! I'm making no apologies, being a huge fan of all of Britney's perfume releases to date! While 'Radiance' is my favourite of the bunch, 'Fantasy'(£22 50ml) (pictured) comes a close second, and I've been craving its sweet scent over the past week or so. When I say sweet, I mean sweet; sugar loaded with hints of creamy vanilla, this is a really romantic concoction. Mmm! While I do like musky scents, sometimes I feel like being girly and 'Fantasy' is what I reach for. I actually snagged this 50ml bottle as part of a set for only £15 in the Superdrug sale, so do have a look and see if it's still available if you're a fan!

I reviewed Seventeen Skin Wow! 3 Way Highlighter (£5.99) upon its initial release, but it's only now that I've fallen properly in love with the glow it's capable of giving on cold Winter mornings! I tried using this with my favourite summer foundation, Maxfactor's Facefinity 3 in 1, but found that due to the matte texture of the foundation I had a hard time applying Skin Wow! on top. However, now that L'Oreal's Lumi Magique foundation has become my base of choice for Winter I've been able to make great use of Skin Wow! due to the dewy finish of L'Oreal's base. I tap a little Skin Wow! cream coloured lotion along my cheekbones, brow bones, nose and temples and I LOVE how it instantly adds a pretty glow!

Last but by no means least is my new hand cream obsession: Salonniere By Jenny Packham Hand Cream. This came as part of a £10 Christmas set available at Boots (now half price!) and I quickly picked up plenty more in the sales. A true rose scent with hints of violet, geranium and sandalwood, the Salonniere range smells divine. My hands tend to get very dry all year around so a good hand cream is vital, and Salonniere's offering doesn't fail to impress. Satisfyingly thick and creamy yet easily absorbed, with pretty pink and black packaging and a gorgeous scent, this takes pride of place on my dressing table while another tube resides in my handbag for on the go application.

What have you been loving this week so far? Are you reaching for new discoveries or trusty old favourites? Spill the beans below!

Baci e abbracci,

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If you only do one thing

2014-01-06T16:49:00.001+00:00

We set resolutions with the best of intentions but sometimes they can start to feel a little overwhelming. Bridging the gap between dreams and reality isn't always easy to visualise, and although I do want to write a series about detailed SMART goal setting I think it's worth bearing in mind that baby steps and a smaller focus can work wonders in building confidence and instilling a sense of success.

I felt a little overwhelmed this morning when reading through my resolutions and couldn't figure out where to start. Which resolution comes first? Should I work on them in tandem? How should I begin each one? What should the first step be?

It occurred to me that by wrapping my resolutions in the above quote I can cut myself some slack, take time to breathe, and begin making my dreams a reality. If I make it my mission to do one thing every day that moves me forwards in some way then I can safely say I'm on my way to accomplishing my goals. Plus, through doing one thing every day in relation to those dreams I hold so dear I'm actually living out an aspect of the dream right now, in the present moment, no matter how seemingly small.

Tracing each little step definitely delivers a self esteem boost, particularly handy when anxiety strikes and sends me into an action coma. Today I decided to contact my local Mind centre to ask about the discounted Reiki sessions and relaxation sessions they offer. This one thing connects to many of my goals: training as a Reiki healer by experiencing Reiki as a 'patient' first hand; finding healthy and productive ways to handle my anxiety; and getting out there and meeting new people, building links with the community as a step on my path back to work.

One small action, but one connected to my goals and dreams. I'm not sure yet what tomorrow's action will be, but by sticking to one overarching resolution of doing one thing every day to move myself forwards on my path I know I'm well on my way to accomplishing all I've set out to do this year.

What will your action be today?

Baci e abbracci,

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Beauty | New Year, new purchases!

2014-01-04T16:09:00.001+00:00

Gosh, it's been a while since I last blogged a beauty post! I'm trying hard to stick to a schedule but with the wedding fast approaching (three weeks from today!) it's proving mighty tricky to post as often as I'd like to *sad face* I thought I'd do a little 'first impressions' post of the beauty booty I've been hauling lately, seeing as it's a brand new year which can only mean one thing: new beauty discoveries!

While I may still be on first impression terms with some of the goodies pictured above, I've already started full blown, long lasting love affairs with one or two things!

'Taylor', Taylor Swift (£11.50 on sale)

It's true, I'm a sucker for celebrity perfume! I always pick up a new bottle in the January sales. This year I went for 'Taylor', Ms Swift's 3rd perfume offering, and oh my is it a beauty! While 'Wonderstruck' and 'Wonderstruck Enchanted' are quite sweet and 'fruity floral', 'Taylor' has more of a musky aroma and as such makes for a wonderful Winter fragrance. I picked up this 30ml bottle as part of a set including matching shower gel and body lotion in the Boots half price gift set sale, meaning I paid only £11.50 for this beauty! Bargain! (Last time I checked there are still sets available online!) And can we take a moment to admire the bottle? How cute is the little pearl detailing around the neck? Adorable!

Maybelline Baby Skin Instant Pore Eraser (£7.99)

I can't resist a primer, and so upon spying this colourful little tube in Boots (and after having sneaked a peek of a review over at Kirstie's gorgeous blog) I had to give it a go. Claiming to 'instantly vanish pores', Maybelline's Instant Pore Eraser promises perfectly smooth skin. It's clear in colour and has a strong 'silicone' texture (which I'm not a huge fan of, to be honest), but I've found it does a pretty good job of smoothing out my pores and lessening any redness and uneven skin tone, so all is forgiven on the silicone front. I reckon if I had clear skin I would wear this without foundation on no make-up days, as it makes my skin look nice matte and smooth, but alas because of my current skin woes I'm loathe to do this yet...

OPI Nail Lacquers 'The More The Marry-ier Minis'

Aren't these colours adorable?! So romantic and perfect for a wedding..! I received these as a Christmas present and I love them! I'm a huge fan of pinks and nudes and these are no exception. I haven't given them a try yet but I'll be sure to report back with my verdict! I had to include them in the photo as they're so mini and cute in size, haha.

L'Oreal Lumi Magique Light Infusing Foundation (£10.99)

I usually go for a matte base but recently I've found my skin looking a little dull, which isn't helped with it being so grey and miserable outside. I decided to try this out as with the aim of injecting a bit of a glow to my Winter worn complexion! So far I'm loving the results, as my skin definitely looks less dull after smoothing this on, although I do need to set it with a little powder as there's a fine line between dewy and greasy. It's super comfortable to wear and the colour match is pretty good with my pale skin, which is something of a relief! Coverage is medium, I'd say, meaning I do need concealer on problem areas afterwards, but this is something I've come to expect when using a high street foundation so it's not really a problem.

L'Oreal Le Blush 'True Rose' (£7.99)

I've been on the lookout for a brighter blusher for a while and this little pot has just the right amount of punchy colour and shimmer to satisfy my blush requirements. I team this with my Real Techniques blusher brush for a gentle flush of colour. It definitely helps perk up my ghostly complexion in the mornings!

Soap and Glory Sexy Mother Pucker XL 'Pink Out Loud' (£10)

This came as part of Soap and Glory's 'The Yule Monty' bumper gift set, which is packed full of amazing Soap and Glory products! As a super fan of the brand I was excited to give this little gloss a go, and it has quickly become a firm favourite of mine. It gives a very slight hint of colour and tingles like crazy, which I really like! My only word of warning would be to avoid wearing it with your hair down if it's windy outside... I keep making this mistake and getting gloss all over my face, which isn't particularly attractive. Oops!

L'Oreal Glam Shine Balmy Gloss 'Sin For Peach' (£6.99)

A bit of an impulse buy, I realised after purchasing this that I already have quite a few nude balm sticks... Ah well! I actually love the texture and colour of this one as it's a little darker than others I've tried and it feels really moisturising. It's easy to apply and doesn't require a mirror, making it handy for on the go application. I'd like to try some of the more adventurous colours in the range such as the plum coloured stick as I fear I'm becoming too comfortable wearing nudes!

Makeup Academy Undress Your Skin Radiant Under Eye Concealer (£3)

This is in fact a repurchase of a much loved product; it's bloody brilliant! From the thick and not at all watery texture to the light reflecting particles that instantly help deflect attention away from my tired peepers, this is one of my makeup bag must haves. And it's a total bargain! I don't often repurchase makeup from cheaper brands as I usually end up falling for base products from slightly more expensive ranges, but this is without a doubt one of the best bargain finds I've ever come across during my Superdrug sprees. Run and get one right now, I urge you!

Seventeen Miracle Matte Loose Powder (£5.49)

I like applying a light dusting of loose powder to set my makeup and I decided to try Seventeen's newest offering, in part due to it's matte promise. Now I know that might seem to conflict with my aim for more 'radiant' skin, but actually this works really well with L'Oreal's Lumi Magique foundation! As far as I can tell Seventeen's Miracle Matte comes in one universal translucent shade, and it works with my pale skin perfectly. I've found I don't need to re-powder much throughout the day when using this (although I do have bit of an addiction to powder so I can't say I've stopped completely!) The only gripe I have with it is the packaging, as there isn't a powder puff included and although powder puffs are generally rubbish for applying product, they do come in handy for preventing spillages when the pot is rolling around in my makeup bag! When opening this I have to be careful as often a lot of powder has collected right underneath the lid.

Et voila, we've come to the end of my new purchases rundown. I've got some fun wedding related beauty posts lined up over the coming weeks, so hopefully there won't be such a long gap between beauty posts throughout January! Have you purchased your first products of 2014 yet? I'd love to know what you went for!

Baci e abbracci,

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Hello 2014!

2014-01-01T16:56:00.000+00:00

Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a wonderful time ringing in 2014. I spent the evening having dinner and champagne with Chris, watching the fireworks on TV and toasting what will be a very special year for us: we're getting married in 23 days!

I've got lots of goals for this year and I'm going to be writing up detailed goal setting posts over the next week or so which I thought I'd share here. One of the handy lessons I learned during the employment and careers advice workshops for those with anxiety that I attended in the summer is the importance of SMART goals, a mnemonic developed by Peter Drucker (you might have heard of SMART in school, it certainly rang a bell for me!) SMART stands for specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-bound, the perfect blend for effective goal setting!

One of the main triggers of anxiety for me is feeling as if I have no control over what I'm doing or where I'm going. There's nothing more frustrating than knowing what you want to achieve but not quite being able to get there, and so this year I'm delving in deep when it comes to goal setting. Last year brought me the tools needed to work on my inner self and tackle anxiety; this year it's time for outward action!

I'm grouping my 2014 goals into the following sections, and for each section I'll be writing up a special Anxiety Diaries goal setting post, developing concrete SMART goals and working towards achieving my 2014 dreams. What are your goals for the coming year? I'd love to know! Nothing beats buddying up with fellow goal setters for moral support!

Career

Launch my tarot business (I am thrilled to be working on this! I have so many plans bubbling away!)

Study

Graduate with a BA (Hons) English Literature
Train and qualify as a Reiki Practitioner
Attend another tarot course

Relationship

Have a dream honeymoon!
Visit New York in December before Christmas

Home

Have a bedroom free from clutter!
Cook more meals from scratch
Indulge in more baking

Quite a few goals, right?! With a little dose of SMART planning they become a lot more manageable and a lot more likely to happen! I'll be posting the first of my in-depth goal setting posts this week, so keep your eyes peeled. I also have one or two secret goals... You'll have to wait until New Year's Eve 2014 to find out if I managed to achieve those ones! Something tells me, though, that I'm in with a really good chance.

May all sorts of great things happen in 2014!

Baci e abbracci,

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Goodbye 2013!

2013-12-31T16:08:00.000+00:00

2013 has been a wonderful mixture of difficult yet amazing. To an outsider 2013 might not look too positive for me, what with leaving two jobs due to anxiety. Yet I do believe everything has unfolded how it was supposed to unfold in order for me to learn some pretty important and profound lessons. I'm waving 2013 a fond farewell and embracing 2014 with the understanding that 'everything you want is on the other side of fear' as said by Jack Canfield, and although 2013 has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster I wouldn't change it. I've learned too much to go back!

The ultimate lesson I've learned this year is to follow my intuition and quit hiding from what my soul is seeking. I thought I'd love moving from working in a school to having an office job as it seemed like a 'grown up' transition, leaving the school I had both attended and worked at for somewhere new. I told myself I'd enjoy a more administrative role, but of course I didn't because deep down I knew I didn't want to be an Information Officer. There's nothing wrong with the role itself, it's just not me! Then I tricked myself into thinking a-ha, if I return to a school environment I'll be happy again! It will feel safe and comfortable and cosy! But that isn't the role for me either, and that decision ended up exacerbating my anxiety rather than abating it.

This time last year I was signed off from work on long term sick leave after having panic attacks and bouts of anxiety at work and at home. I felt stuck, confused and helpless. And yet in the midst of all those feelings, I also felt a sense of freedom. While some may suffer from anxiety out of the blue, I felt, and now feel very strongly, that anxiety was my body's way of sounding the alarm and alerting me to a truth I had been desperately trying to avoid. I was on the wrong path, and I was clinging on to the the wrong path out of a choice rooted in fear rather than in intuition. A year later and while I haven't re-entered the workplace yet I have a much better idea of who I am and what my soul needs.

2014 is going to be the year I launch my tarot reading business. It's the year of business cards, tarot reading bookings, tarot events, tarot blog content and a tarot website. I am SO EXCITED to get the ball rolling and follow my dream of running my own guidance and healing business! I'm also planning to train as a Reiki healer, something I wouldn't have considered this time last year. I no longer feel lost. I made a conscious decision in 2013 to switch my thinking from 'I am lost' to 'I am found' and the effect has been astonishing.

I believe embarking on a course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy this year has 'saved my life' in terms of giving me the tools I was desperately searching for to live a life of happiness, and to carve out a path for myself that 'fits' with who I am and what I love most. CBT has enabled me to take full responsibility for my actions and choices, and to understand with greater clarity that thoughts are not facts... they're just opinions! The greatest discovery of all is that I can change my thoughts for the better, in doing so empowering myself and enabling positive growth and change.

While my life might not look too different on the outside yet, I feel transformed on the inside, and I think it's beginning to show. When I talk with my friends about plans for the future I no longer feel so anxious or uncertain, and I think this change comes across in my tone of voice, facial expressions and frequent smiling! I'm happy that CBT has made me realise that I am the only one who can create the path I most desire, it's in my control and if I want something badly enough I can jolly well get out and make it happen! I don't feel as if I need anyone to 'confirm' my plans for me in order for them to happen; I am making a conscious choice. It feels exciting!

My favourite moments from this year include meeting my long lost cousins Pamela and Olivia, thanks to Ancestry and Twitter! It was amazing catching up in person and sharing family stories. I can't wait to see them again in 2014! I also loved attending an eight week tarot course in January 2013, as it strengthened my love for the cards and reaffirmed to me that I want to 'go pro'. It was awesome meeting fellow tarot enthusiasts, and I'd love to sign up for another course in the new year. I've read tarot for so many people this year, both those I know and for strangers, and it has been an absolute honour. I can't imagine my life now without tarot, as it's such an integral tool for me! Whether for meditation, self reflection or for reading for others, tarot has been my constant side-kick this year.

Planning the wedding has taken up a huge chunk of 2013, and I can't quite believe that it's almost here! In 24 days (that's less than a month! Eek!) I'll be marrying the greatest person on the planet (not that I'm biased or anything) and we'll starting a whole new adventure together. I can't even begin to describe how happy and excited I am, and how much I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with the love of my life. The countdown begins as soon as the clock strikes midnight!

Another favourite moment from this year has to be my hen do which was just perfect! I had the best time with my friends and I'll never forgot everything Alice did to make it so special.

2013 also saw the redesign of this here little blog! Before the Bluebird & the Robin my blog was called 'Thoughts on Things' which seemed rather boring! I thoroughly enjoyed renaming and then redesigning everything, Googling my heart out while wading through HTML and CSS, all of which I've completely forgotten now of course! I felt such a huge sense of achievement every time I managed to tweak the blog layout slightly, and when I finally managed to get a new header sorted I felt completely overwhelmed! Haha, I'm really proud of the Bluebird & the Robin as it was a real labour of love, and I'm looking forward to posting my way through 2014.

With the revamp of the Bluebird & the Robin came my Anxiety Diaries series, which I've loved writing. I've always believed writing to be therapeutic and through typing out my thoughts and discoveries while battling anxiety over the past year I've come to understand so many things that I might have chosen to ignore in the past. I particularly enjoyed writing up a CBT based post exploring anxiety thought cycles, as well as the 'Do not be afraid to blossom' post and a post exploring the transformative power of 'I Am Found' thinking. I've got plenty more Anxiety Diaries scheduled for 2014!

I've 'met' some wonderful, wonderful fellow bloggers this year. Megan from Southern Charmed in particular has been a fantastic anxiety cheerleader over the past year, always reassuring me when times have felt tough and lifting me up with encouraging and inspiring words. I value our friendship so much and it's all thanks to the world of blogging that we connected! I can't wait to see the unveiling of her revamped Southern Charmed blog at the start of 2014, as I know it's going to look amazing and be jam packed with incredible beauty and lifestyle content. Swing by and say hi, I promise Megan is the friendliest blogger out there!

While 2013 has been a real struggle at times, the learning I've undergone has made it worthwhile ten times over, and I'll be forever grateful for all of the opportunities I've had this year to cultivate inner change. 2013 has most definitely been a year of inner work, whereas I'm predicting 2014 will be the year of outward change; a year of implementing the lessons I've learned and of using the tools I've gathered to create an exciting outer path for myself. I usually feel very uncomfortable on New Year's Eve as I don't like the 'unknown' that a new year represents. This time, however, I'm happy and excited to leap into 2014 and get to work!

I've planned a separate 'Hello 2014!' post to follow this one, so I won't ramble on any longer! Wishing you a wonderful new year full of peace, happiness and joy.

Baci e abbracci,

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It's Christmas Eve!

2013-12-24T07:00:00.000+00:00

Happy Christmas Eve all! I'm spending today picking up some last minute stocking fillers, having lunch with family and then dinner with Chris's family in the evening. I can't wait! We open presents at midnight at Chris's and it's always so much fun wishing everyone a merry Christmas just as the clock strikes midnight.

On the eve of the big day I thought it would be nice to post a festive roundup of the things I've been loving in the run up to Christmas. Enjoy!

On Saturday (21st) I celebrated Yule with some chocolate Yule log and a warming cup of tea. Yule celebrates the triumph of the Oak King over the Holly King and the welcoming of brighter days after the Winter Solstice.

You can't go wrong with some festive Yankee Candle melts! I've been burning a Spiced Red Apple wax tart over the past few days and it smells so Christmassy. I'm looking forward to opening Christmas Eve tonight!

A little Lush pampering is always a great antidote to tired legs after hours of Christmas shopping. I picked up this little Marshmallow Moment bath bomb because it smells absolutely gorgeous, just like a marshmallow funnily enough!

How beautiful is this Christmas card? My friend Michaela designs the most amazing festive cards every year and I love the detailing on this year's reindeer design.

I couldn't resist ordering a copy of Linda Raedisch's The Old Magic of Christmas. Packed full of all sorts of folklore and Pagan wisdom, this is my festive reading of choice right now.

I picked up a few beauty bits and bobs while out Christmas shopping and these are my current faves of the bunch! I purchased the Bourjois Happy Light concealer pot and Color Boost Balm crayon and received a free Bourjois gift pack in Boots, which is always a nice bonus! It contained the red lipgloss and smoky eye palette pictured above, as well as a red nail polish and black mascara. In Lush I purchased a mini Charity Pot hand and body lotion for £1 (the proceeds go to charity) and it smells AMAZING. So sweet with cocoa butter and almond, it's seriously good stuff. I also picked up a mini Benefit skincare set from Boots for only £12.50 and I've been enjoying using the It's Potent! eye cream.

I hope everyone's having a lovely Christmas Eve! And Merry Christmas for tomorrow :)

Baci e abbracci,

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Tarot Diaries | Christmas reading

2013-12-23T16:57:00.002+00:00

The countdown to Christmas has well and truly begun in the Massey household! I've been wrapping presents, eating minced pies and watching a whole host of classic holiday movies over the past few days. Oklahoma! is on in the background as I sit here typing, and earlier today I watched the Crimbo classic The Santa Claus. You can't get more Christmassy than that!

I thought it would be nice to pull a few cards to keep in mind over the festive season. The Four of Wands is a wonderful card depicting celebration, home and family, which seems pretty appropriate! I absolutely love Christmas, from sharing presents to eating a huge family Christmas dinner and everything in between. No matter how busy you've been over the past year it's lovely to gather around and reconnect with family and friends, and the sense of excitement and anticipation in the air makes for seriously fun times. As always I'm in charge of the pickle bar (!) and encourage everyone to wear the paper hats that come with the Christmas crackers. I can't wait for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day to spend some quality time with my family and stuff my face with lots of delicious festive treats!

I smiled upon seeing the Page of Pentacles as to me he represents the giving and receiving of presents; particularly the giving. He admires the golden pentacle in his hands and truly appreciates what he's about to deliver. I bet he's great at choosing meaningful gifts for his loved ones! I really enjoy Christmas shopping as I love choosing presents for my loved ones, and I get a thrill from coming across the 'perfect' present. I spend quite a lot of time wrapping gifts with ribbons and bows; I'm quite an attentive gift wrapper!

Perhaps the most important gift you can give at Christmas is time. Material gifts are nice, but 'emotional gifts' are even better. The gifts of listening and love will see you through further into the New Year than a Christmas jumper will ;) The Five of Pentacles reminds us that Christmas isn't always the easiest time, and it can feel incredibly difficult if it's not a stress-free period. Families always tend to have one or two problems, big or small, and spending a lot of time together over Christmas can get tricky after a day or two! I'm going to make an extra effort to act out of love throughout the festive period and to be understanding and appreciative of peoples' different needs and feelings, in order for no-one to feel left out or pushed aside.

Wishing everyone a wonderful Christmas,

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Anxiety Diaries | Victory

2013-12-13T19:11:00.003+00:00

It will have taken me seven years to graduate by the time I wrap up my degree next summer. I left school with straight A's at A Level in 2007, but it's taken me until now to race towards the graduation finishing line. Why so long?

I've found one reason after another to delay finishing my degree for the past two years or so, and at the heart of each 'reason' is fear. I started a Twentieth Century lit module, and dropped it pretty soon after because it wasn't what I'd expected. I signed up for an advanced creative writing course having loved the intermediate course I'd completed the year before, only to withdraw due to fear of developing writer's block and failing the course completely. I started a history course but decided I didn't like that much either, so I deferred another year and signed up for a Shakespeare course. Along the way I've tried various different subject areas, studied part time, full time and then part time again.

Which brings me to now. Two weeks ago I reached breaking point. I was in essay hell battling Macbeth and every fiber of my being wanted to quit. Not only was I in essay hell, I was in panic attack hell, insomnia hell, headache hell. I couldn't concentrate on note taking, I couldn't seem to string a coherent sentence together. I felt absolutely horrible. An all too familiar string of thoughts began playing through my mind: 'It's not the right course for you... You're just not clever enough to do well... If you mess up your final course it will bring down your degree classification... Wouldn't you prefer to try another history course instead?!'

In the past, I would have listened to that voice wholeheartedly. Woohoo! Freedom! Another chance to get it 'right' next time. Yet this time, something stopped me. Whereas usually this voice would dominate, I could sense another voice, very faint but definitely there: 'pick up your pen. Pick up your pen. You're the only one who can work through this. Pick up your pen'.

I didn't pick up my pen. I resisted, and resisted and cried and panicked and resisted some more. The voice was patient. It wasn't going anywhere. It was as if I knew, on some small level, that I had to keep going, and that this was it: this was the test, a chance to change my previous patterns of behaviour. This was a chance to build resilience and it was a chance to be brave, even if the thought of hiding away was infinitely preferable.

I was curious. What was on the other side? I'd been running for so long, out of fear of failure and fear of the next stage of my life being a blank page that I hadn't stopped to consider that the other side, post fear, post running away, post graduation, might be nice. The other side might be a good thing. I might like it there. 'The best way out is always through' so said Robert Frost, and I started to wonder if he was right. Wouldn't it be a shame to never find out? Hadn't CBT taught me that I am responsible for my thoughts, feelings and actions? That I have a choice and I can choose to stop running? I can choose to be... happy.

It might not seem like much of a moment, but this was significant for me. It meant that over the past six months or so I've been growing a stronger voice within without even realising it, a voice willing to speak up when I'd rather take the easy way out. I was holding myself accountable and not letting myself get away with running. I was telling myself 'you have to face this'.

So, after a prolonged struggle, I did. I chose to face it head on. I requested an extension for the essay I was supposed to be writing, and I managed to slowly piece together an essay plan. I wrote the essay, sent it and gradually began catching up on all of the reading I'd missed. I'm still a little bit behind but I'm still here, I'm still on track for graduating this coming summer! I'm still ploughing ahead, even though it feels scary at times.

I've grown tired of having to respond to comments along the lines of 'wow, so... When exactly will you graduate?' I'm tired of letting fear dictate my life. I deserve to graduate; I work hard and my hard work should pay off! I deserve to move on to the next stage, be that further study or carving out a career path. Or both. Who says I can't do both?!

I've always thought I lack resilience, but I'm learning that with every victory, big or small, comes an inner strengthening and a stronger voice. I don't want to bury my head in the sand anymore. I won't let myself off the hook so easily. Victory feels pretty darn good!

To anyone reading this and wondering if fear has the upper hand: you can do it, whatever 'it' is, whatever your fear. I promise.

The other side is already shaping up to be all kinds of wonderful.

Baci e abbracci,

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Tarot Diaries | Change

2013-12-09T18:54:00.000+00:00

Universal Waite Tarot Deck

New series alert! Welcome to the Tarot Diaries. I've wanted to create a tarot series for a while and have pondered long and hard about the approach I'd like to take. There are plenty of brilliant tarot card-by-card resources out there, and I wanted to try something a little bit different.

the Bluebird & the Robin is a very personal blog in that I'm always writing about my thoughts, feelings and experiences, and writing a generic interpretation of the cards just didn't seem to be working for me. A few weeks ago I started posting daily three card 'tarot trios' on Instagram in which I take a personal, rather than general, approach, outlining how the cards relate to specific experiences I'm going through. It suddenly hit me that this is the angle I should take on my blog; a personal approach simultaneously allowing personal reflection with a chance for readers to see how tarot links directly to 'real life'. And in line with my Anxiety Diaries series, naming the tarot series was a no brainer!

I really hope readers find the weekly Tarot Diaries posts interesting and insightful, and if you're new to tarot then welcome! Take a seat and settle down for some personal tarot 101...

3 of Wands | 3 of Swords | The Hermit

The above tarot trio is one taken from two weeks ago. I chose to feature it as the first Tarot Diaries post as it carries some very striking imagery and the situation it pertains to is something ongoing today, albeit from a more peaceful place now.

Immediately after drawing the cards I was struck by the two '3' cards, the number 3 in tarot suggesting movement and growth. The 3 of Wands, with it's flourishing energy encouraging putting plans into action, links directly to the energy surrounding wedding planning. We're in the final stages now and it's surprising how much we've still got left to do! It's a very exciting time and it's thrilling to see how our plans are becoming real.

Yet with the exciting and energetic 3 of Wands is the 3 of Swords, which suggests an element of pain in moving forwards. The 3 of Swords links to a friendship breakdown, rife with miscommunication and unintentional pain, built up over a long time most likely due to not knowing what to say to make things better. No malicious intent; just miscommunication and buried feelings. Growing through this type of change is painful.

Sometimes you need to sit with your pain and accept how rubbish it feels in order to understand it. I spent a lot of time a fortnight ago crying, shouting, and basically wallowing in how I was feeling, and sometimes that's necessary in order to work out what's really going on inside. I battled with a series of questions: Have I acted in the best way I could have? Have I been accountable for my actions? What am I really upset about?

The Hermit encourages taking time to sit with your feelings and ask questions in order to heal. We can't ignore pain. What am I really afraid of? That's the question I felt The Hermit was asking of me. My sadness felt disproportionate in some ways. I couldn't stop crying and I had a big panic attack and came down with a wretched cold and sore throat. It was as if my body caved in under the fear and upset I was feeling. I dug deep and realised that as well as being upset by the situation at hand I was also upset for other reasons beyond what was happening at the time; I was terrified of change in general and the uncertainty change brings.

Change doesn't always feel comfortable and I hate feeling out of my comfort zone. Change is something I've always struggled with, yet through the CBT sessions I've had over the past six months or so I've started to develop healthier coping strategies and I know I'm much more equipped to face change head on. There's no reason to feel so terrified anymore.

As soon as I hit on this realisation, I started to heal. Change can be a real bitch at times but it's a part of life. I gradually started to feel less scared and less shaken over the past few weeks and I have a fresh determination to act from love and compassion instead of from anger and fear when facing change. The heart in the 3 of Swords may hurt, but it's also a vivid symbol of our ability to love.

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Sunday Gratitude | December 8th 2013

2013-12-08T18:22:00.001+00:00

Happy Sunday! I intend on spending the evening snuggled up on the couch watching Christmas movies and chomping on some healthy snacks (more on that later!) I've had a pretty chilled week and weekend, spending most of yesterday indulging in a How I Met Your Mother marathon, and I don't feel bad about it one bit! I'm definitely a homebody at heart and love spending time pottering around the house. Here's what I've been feeling grateful for over the past seven days.

I'm grateful for Prayer

Last night I was browsing blogs and came across With Great Expectation, a blog written by a woman named Logan who shares her journey of living with PCOS and her experiences undergoing infertility treatment in the US. Logan and her husband Andrew are finally expecting their first child which is so exciting! What struck me after reading through a number of Logan's blog posts is her faith in God and her dedication to prayer. Logan and her husband have been through a hell of a time and their journey hasn't always been an easy one, yet she remains so positive and proactive. I find that sort of confidence very inspiring and uplifting. She peppers her posts with meaningful quotes and anecdotes about prayer, and I was completely absorbed in her story for hours.

Although I was raised Catholic I'm more spiritual than religious now, but I believe faith and prayer transcend religious boundaries and are open to all. Prayer has always brought me comfort, and I see it as a form of 'targeted meditation', a chance to reflect on situations and put my feelings and thoughts into words, in doing so beginning to process them. I guess you could even say I 'pray' with the tarot, in the conversations I have with the cards about the situations they bring forward and illuminate. I often pray intentionally to the 'universe' rather than to one God, and I find it a very grounding and comforting thing to do. I'm grateful that I'm able to pray in my own, and I'm grateful for the example of others who incorporate prayer into their lives in such a positive and empowering way.

I'm grateful for Choices

Don't you just love strange coincidences?! As I was applying my makeup yesterday my mind randomly recalled a psychic reading I'd had emailed to me a year or so ago. Now, a lot of what was in the reading was nonsense and didn't transpire, such as me having a baby by the end of the year (as far as I'm aware, I'm not nine months pregnant). One thing she did say, though, was that a 'flair for numbers' runs through my family and that my future sons would be accountants as that's a career path tracing back through my family tree. At the time I thought this was crazy, as maths was without a doubt my least favourite subject at school and I wasn't aware of any accountants in the family. It then transpired that there are accountants in my family and it is a career that traces right back through my family tree for generations. Hmm!

This morning while having tea with my mum I mentioned that I'm missing working and really want to start looking for a job, but I'm still unsure of what I should be looking for. I want something that I find fulfilling and interesting, in order for me to save up enough money for the alternative therapy courses I've got my eye on. My mum randomly said 'well, have you thought about doing something completely different to what you've considered before? How about that accounting idea you had a while ago?'

Spooky coincidence alert! While I'm not convinced about this whole accountancy thing, I do think that looking in other directions could prove interesting. All I've ever really known is working in education and that's not really something I'm keen to get back into. I'm feeling grateful that I'm in a position that enables choices, and that I'm able to spend some time researching the different avenues open to me. While I'm not sure where I'm headed yet, it's quite exciting to be looking at a clean slate and feeling ready to move forwards. Wish me luck!

I'm grateful for Time

Some days it seems I get hardly anything ticked off my to-do list, other days I feel super productive and everything falls into place effortlessly. Monday was one of those days! I managed to get a fair bit of uni work done, scheduled a blog post, sent lots of wedding related emails and had a good clear out of my room. One of the annoying things about living at home is that all of my things (and Chris's things) need to fit into one room, my bedroom, and there just never seems to be enough space. I decided to embark on a huge clear-out in time for January, as I refuse to begin married life surrounded by outdated clutter!

As much as I love my huge CD collection I knew there were CDs in there that I would never listen to again, such as freebie CDs from magazines and random singles purchased in my teen years. I bagged up a huge stack which freed up room for more books on my bookshelf, something I'm in desperate need of!

I also gave my room a thorough dust and hoover (I do that regularly, of course, but I made an extra special effort to polish!) There are still lots of things that need to be either taken to the dump or bagged up for the charity shop but my room is looking much better and my desk area in particular is looking very neat and tidy. Phew!

I'm grateful for Willpower

Speaking of the wedding, I'm determined to try my hardest to improve my skin as much as possible by the end of January and a major break-out on my chin this weekend has made me even more determined to feed my body better. I've been wondering for a while if dairy could be triggering my skin problems and after spotting a few bloggers discussing it on twitter I've decided to lay off the dairy for a while and see if it makes a difference. I've swapped cow's milk for soya milk and regular yogurt for soya yogurt, and I'm aiming to cut down on cheese as it seems to be all I ever eat! I know it's important to have a calcium rich diet so I'm researching calcium rich foods to ensure I won't be missing out.

I'm also making an effort to swap 'normal' tea for anti-inflammatory packed green tea in a bid to clear up my skin, and so far I've been finding this quite easy to do. I love the taste of plain green tea so chugging back three or four cups a day is proving rather easy! The only problem is it's not great for biscuit dunking, but I guess that's a good thing really as I've been consuming waaaaay too much sugar recently, another thing I'm aiming to change.

I've set myself the goal this coming week of starting the day with a healthy breakfast. I usually eat the same old slices of toast or bowl of Weetabix, so there's definitely room for experimentation! I'm thinking poached/boiled eggs, porridge with chopped almonds, yogurt with chopped banana... I figure if I can start the day with a healthy choice I'm more likely to eat better the rest of the day. Here's hoping!

I'm fed up of eating unhealthy snacks throughout the day, so I'm on a crisps and biscuits ban and am aiming to snack on healthier options: banana with Nutella (so good!), rye bread with cream cheese and baby tomatoes, various fruits and veggies etc. I'm a pretty small person and weigh around the 8 stone mark but I am such a snacker and I always seem to reach for biscuits, crisps and chocolate coated cereal bars. I end up feeling sluggish and bloated and I know so much sugar can't be doing my insides any good! I'm feeling grateful for the willpower I've shown this weekend and I'm hoping it will see me through next week and beyond!

Reading back over what I'm grateful for, it seems this week has been a rather reflective one. Funny how some weeks it seems lots of external things happen, and other weeks it's mostly on the inside. I wonder what next week will bring!

Baci e abbracci,

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Beauty | Christmas Nails

2013-12-06T17:40:00.002+00:00

Glitter and sparkle, glitter and sparkle! I must admit I usually keep it very simple with my nails, sticking to classic nudes and rich reds, but seeing as I'm feeling so festive and in the Christmas spirit I thought I'd add a little sparkle to this week's manicure! I used to love wearing glitter polish when I was little, and who's to say you can't wear it at 25?! The book I'm resting my hand on is a copy of one of my Christmas favourites, Dickens' A Christmas Carol. Christmas nails and Christmas reading, a perfect combination!

For the red base I used two thin coats of MUA Nail Polish 'Fever Red' (£1) which gave a lovely opaque coverage, followed by a thin layer of Orly 'Hair Band' (£5) which I received as a freebie with last month's Cosmopolitan magazine. I'm a big fan of teeny nail polish brushes and find MUA's little brushes really easy to work with, especially as I'm a bit of a polish klutz at times! I'm so impressed with the opacity and quick drying time considering the £1 price tag, and I've got quite a few different colours in my collection as they're such excellent value and great quality.

Orly Lacquer 'Hair Band', MUA Nail Polish 'Fever Red'

I have a theory that the cheaper the polish the better in many cases... I used to use a 2True top coat that I got from Superdrug for about £2 and it was amazing! It kept my nails chip free for over a week at a time and it was super shiny too. I do love more expensive brands such as Essie and OPI but I don't really see the point in always spending over a fiver on nail polish as more often than not I use a bottle two or three times and then move on to a different colour. Ah, fickle heart!

I love the little gold glitter pieces in Orly's 'Hair Band' and the cute little bottle. Plus, it dries quickly which is always good in my book. I'm not sure I'd pay £5 for it though as it is tiny and I wouldn't say it beats it's cheaper MUA counterpart. Still, it adds a gorgeous festive touch to my mani, which can only be a good thing at this time of year!

What are your favourite festive nail picks? I'd love to hear recommendations!

Baci e abbracci,

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Anxiety Diaries | Self Care

2013-12-06T11:41:00.002+00:00

I can often sense when I'm headed for anxiety city, yet there have been so many times where I've ignored the signs instead of implementing damage control. It's important to look after yourself and listen to your body and mind, especially when it comes to anxiety. Based on my experiences with anxiety, panic attacks and low mood, these are my top tips for looking after yourself when you can sense anxiety is about to come knocking.

Sleep, sleep, sleep

When I can sense anxiety creeping up on me, by tuning into how my body feels and the thoughts occupying my mind throughout the day, I know it's time to make sure I get enough sleep. I usually go to bed around midnight and get up at 7.30am, but if I'm feeling all over the place with anxiety my body craves a longer dose of rest. I try to be in bed at least half an hour earlier than usual, if not an hour, and I also take a short nap in the afternoons if I'm home. While it might not always be possible to squeeze in a siesta, adding an extra hour to your nightly sleep quota can make a significant difference to steadying your mood and calming your body.

Eat well

Admittedly I don't have the best diet in the world. I'm a total sugar fiend and LOVE all things chocolate coated and I also love salt, so not the best combination! I have a tendancy to eat small meals and snack in between, but when I can sense anxiety bubbling away beneath the surface eating junk makes me feel even worse. Psychologically it feels good to take care of your health by making an effort to eat well, so I try to swap unhealthy snacks like biscuits and crisps for healthier choices.

Almonds, Brazil nuts, satsumas, bananas (sliced and served with Nutella if I really need a choc fix!), apples, raisins, celery sticks with peanut butter, wholemeal toast, Babybel cheese, crispbread with cream cheese; there are lots of snack options available that require minimum effort, perfect for times where I'm suffering from a creeping anxiety induced lack of motivation. I also make it my aim to prepare at least one healthy meal a day, be it breakfast, lunch or dinner. A jacket potato with cheese or baked beans and a mixed salad on the side is one of my favourite choices, as it's warming and filling. The ultimate comfort food!

Get outside

The last thing I want to do when I can feel panic, anxiety and low mood descending is to leave the house for a walk, but once I'm up and about I instantly feel better. Leaving your house allows you to gain a little distance from your thoughts; your worries aren't going anywhere, so don't worry about 'forgetting' them for a while! I'm lucky to live close by to some lovely parks, so I usually head out for a stroll around one of them. I like snapping pictures on my phone as I go, as it gives me something external to think about and focus on. Plus, walking is exercise and your body and mind love the benefits of exercise. I always feel a little better about myself after taking a walk, and pounding the pavement helps expel some of that anxious energy otherwise causing the jitters. If I can't face a walk around the park I'll start with a walk to my local corner shop for a newspaper or magazine, and that usually gives me the boost I need to venture further.

Write it out

I attended a guided meditation session at the beginning of the year that involved walking with wolf animal totems. I was skeptical at first as I'd never participated in an 'active' meditation before, one that involved movement and 'acting', but it was an amazing experience and I found it a wonderful way to tap into my intuition. This was when I'd had been signed off sick from work and was in the grip of panic attacks and daily anxiety. Towards the end of the workshop we wrote down any messages we had received from our animal totem, and I instinctively touched pen to paper and wrote 'write yourself free'. It's only now, looking back on that day, that I've realised the truth of what I wrote. I really have written myself free in many ways.

Through penning this Anxiety Diaries series, sharing my thoughts and working through my feelings and fears, I've started to get to grips with anxiety and am no longer letting it totally run my life. I'm proud to say I've come a long way over the past year and I'm feeling very positive about the present, and the future!

You don't have to write blog posts about anxiety, of course, but writing in some form or another can feel very therapeutic and freeing. It could be a word repeated over and over, a phrase, a sentence, a paragraph. It could be a poem, an unedited stream of consciousness, a letter, a postcard, a quick scribble on a post-it note. Writing helps me unload and work through whatever it is I'm feeling uneasy about, before it begins to feel overwhelming and suffocating. I often ask myself questions when writing: 'why am I feeling wobbly? What am I really upset about?' in order to try to get to the root of the problem in its early stages. It's amazing what a difference writing has made to my anxiety journey.

Set small goals

I mean teeny tiny goals! When I'm caught up in an approaching anxiety web I find it extremely hard to motivate myself to do anything that needs doing. Deadlines loom ever closer, uni work piles up, blog posts go unwritten and all I can feel is a strange mixture of panic and inertia. Urgh, it sucks! To combat this I've started doing two things: reassuring myself that this mood won't last forever, and setting myself very small goals every day. Things as simple as 'hoover my room', 'read two pages of a textbook', 'write the first paragraph of a blog post', 'read three pages of the book I'm currently reading'. I attach deadlines too, to really help add solid structure to my day. Reading might be given ten minutes, note taking fifteen, hoovering and cleaning twenty. Once finish a task I congratulate myself on finishing and refuse to get mad at myself for not accomplishing what I'd usually accomplish in a better mood. You've got to be your own cheerleader when the going gets tough!

Meditate

I used to feel that I didn't know 'enough' about meditation to practice it 'properly' but now I go right ahead and meditate in my own way and it really helps calm the nerves and soothe the soul. All you really need is your breath and you're set for a meditation session. I tend to meditate in the morning, sitting cross legged on my bedroom floor with my back resting against the bed. I start off by shaking out my arms before resting my hands palms up on my knees, eyes closed. I take a slow and steady breath in through the nose for the count of eight, then out through the mouth for a count of eight, repeating around five or six times.

Once I feel settled and comfortable I start a meditation technique I learned during CBT sessions, which focuses on tuning in to the world around you in order to gain distance from pesky non-stop anxious thoughts. I begin trying to identify as many sounds as I can hear, which might sound a bit frantic but actually it's very relaxing! I don't pass judgement on anything, so there's no 'that sound is SO annoying!' I simply register the noise and move on to the next.

A list in the morning might consist of 'the radiator humming; a car driving past the house; a baby crying; leaves rustling in the wind; a window rattling; a front door closing; a faint hum of a TV; a wind chime'. I settle right into it and am always amazed at the amount of sounds I can detect beneath the noisiest ones! It's a great way of gaining distance from anxious thoughts and it brings my heart rate right down. I finish the meditation with another round of slow and steady breaths.

After a single meditation session my mood improves and steadies, and I feel far calmer and better able to embrace the day ahead. I can only imagine the benefits that come with daily meditation, my current anxiety busting goal! It's a work in progress, but I'm getting there! Meditation is for anyone and everyone, so don't be afraid to give it a go.

Be kind

Perhaps the most importance self care step of all: be kind to yourself. Cut yourself some slack. Remind yourself that you won't feel like this forever and that you're allowed to take things one step at a time. Remind yourself of all of your fantastic qualities and achievements. Remind yourself that today is not the end of the world, and you will be OK tomorrow. Give yourself credit for trying to implement self care steps and heap on the praise when you do something to help look after yourself. Heap on the praise when the teeny tiniest thing on your to-do list gets done, and give yourself permission to step back from your inner critic with a firm 'Hush! I'm not listening to you today!' Think about how you'd speak to a friend in the same position, and be gentle with yourself. Do what you can to boost your mood but don't beat yourself up if you spend the day in bed watching movies on Netflix while eating your way through a bumper bag of popcorn (just me?!) Things will get better.

What are your self care tips for fighting anxiety? I'd love to pick up some more strategies so do let me know if you've got something that helps!

Baci e abbracci,

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Getting Sh*t Done | The Blog Schedule

2013-12-05T07:00:00.000+00:00

I'd say I'm a pretty organised person, what with my love of to-do lists and ability to study for my degree from home (I'm a whizz at managing my time while in my PJs!). Yet when it comes to blogging I often fall at the first hurdle due to wanting to write EVERYTHING, all at once, which often leads to overload and a sad case of blogging paralysis.

I've been trying to come up with a manageable blog schedule for a while but was finding it hard to resist penciling in a new post every day. As much as I love writing, I don't always feel I can write 'under pressure' and I kept making myself miserable by setting ambitious targets and 'failing' to meet them. Blogging is supposed to be fun!

Over the past few days I've spent some time devising the blog schedule above, based on what I feel I can best handle blogging-wise throughout the week. How exactly do you go about creating a blog schedule that suits you and your needs? Here are my top five tips:

1) Brainstorm ideas

I brainstormed the topics I really wanted to focus on and that I focus on already, and came up with the following: tarot, beauty, anxiety and personal development. I figured these make up the core of my blog, as they're the topics I most frequently find myself penning ideas for and writing posts about. It makes sense to shape a schedule around the topics or types of posts that are most meaningful to you and that you're already focusing your energy on.

2) Be realistic

I find writing and publishing new posts every day a little intense and overwhelming at times, so I decided to set myself the target of blogging every other day. I figured this will leave me with time in between posts to edit and refine what I've written, as well as to post other non-core topics should I feel like it, and to rest! I work best when I have a little downtime to gather my thoughts and sift through ideas. Of course, you might find you prefer blogging more or less often than this, and that's totally fine. It's all about creating a personal schedule that works best for you (with this in mind, you might not even want to create schedule at all, and that's OK too!)

3) Time your topics

I decided to get a little strategic with my scheduling in order to tap into the times I'm most likely to be thinking about certain topics and the times people are most likely to swing by my blog and have a read. Not that it's all about readers, of course, but there's no harm in wanting to gently nudge people towards your hard work, especially if it happens to focus on a topic that might interest them.

I decided to post Tarot Diaries on Monday because Monday marks a fresh start and this ties in with my Tarot Diaries aim (check out the first post in the series next Monday!); beauty on a Wednesday to tie in with the #bbloggers twitter chat which I love getting involved in; Anxiety Diaries on a Friday (which I've been posting for some time already on Fridays) to coincide with winding down for the weekend; and Sunday Gratitude on a Sunday, because, well, duh, it's Sunday (!), and I've been writing these posts for a few weeks now. If you spot any patterns in your posting from the get go, consider popping them straight into your schedule.

4) Take care of blogmin

The other benefit of blogging new posts every other day is that I should have a little more time to see to 'blogmin' in between. Tasks such as tweaking my blog design, creating new badges, editing photos in Picmonkey, taking photos of products, replying to comments and brainstorming post ideas can be reserved for non-posting days. Alternatively, if I'm writing post content on the 'off' days, ready for the day after, I can complete blogmin tasks the day posts go live. I've found in the past that blogmin often gets bumped to the bottom of the list if I'm trying to post every day, but of course that's very much down to the individual. Whatever works best for you!

5) Flexibility is key!

Don't be afraid to review your schedule if you feel it needs adjusting. I've been through various schedules in the past and it's through a process of blogging trial and error that I've devised a schedule that feels manageable for me and that should ensure blogging remains a fun and exciting experience, which is what we all want it to be! No schedule is set in stone, so if you want to make changes go right ahead! The key is working out what feels most comfortable for you, regardless of what anyone else's schedule might look like.

I can't wait to put my schedule in place properly next week! I've got a couple posts lined up already and I'm feeling confident that I've devised a schedule that meets my needs. What are your top tips for blog scheduling? Do you have a timetable or do you prefer to go with the flow? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Baci e abbracci,

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Feeling Festive! | The Christmas Tag

2013-12-04T13:31:00.005+00:00

I've seen heaps of Christmas themed tag posts floating around but thought I'd create my own so that I can ask all the questions I'd like to answer! Control freak, moi?!

I start to feel Christmassy when...

The mince pies come out! My mum is a mince pie fan and from the start of December onwards it's mince pies and tea on tap. I'm not a massive fan but I always seem to find myself eating them anyway, in the name of tradition! I also begin to feel super Christmassy when December 1st rolls around and I pop Mariah Carey's Christmas album on, and when I open the first door on my advent calendar. I've gone for a Marks & Spencer chocolate nativity calendar this year, although I'm so jealous of the Benefit beauty calendar Megan is unveiling day by day over on her blog Little Miss Average. Take a look at the treats she's received so far!

I start my Christmas shopping...

When I was younger I used to get all of my shopping done in early November, but apparently the older I get the poorer I get (isn't that the way!) so now it's more often mid December. I'm quite organised and love making lists so I usually know what I'm looking for in advance and budget accordingly once I've scraped the pennies together. This year I'm hoping to find smaller, more meaningful gifts what with most of our money going towards the wedding at the moment. It might be a Christmas on a budget but I think smaller, personal gifts can have a lovely impact.

Our Christmas tree goes up...

We usually buy our Christmas tree from the local garden centre in the second week of December and then it inevitably stands naked or a few days because none of us are particularly keen Christmas tree dressers! My mum eventually drapes the lights on and then I help add various baubles we've collected over the years. I always make sure my special pink and gold bauble takes prime position! I love it when the tree is finished as it makes the living room seem so cosy and wintry. The colour scheme tends to lean towards reds, greens and gold for a classic Christmas look. As you can probably tell by now, I do like upholding traditions!

My favourite Christmas song...

It has to be Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas Is You, I can't imagine ever getting bored of it! It's the ultimate Christmas song to sing along to, it's romantic and it's so sweet. I have both her Christmas albums and as soon as December hits they're on repeat right through to Christmas day, along with anything by Michael Buble, obviously.

My favourite Christmas film...

Oh man, I LOVE Christmas films. Elf, Little Women (it has a Christmas scene!), Home Alone, The Muppet Christmas Carol, Love Actually, The Santa Clause, Fred Claus, The Grinch, and every Disney film ever made just because they feel so cosy and comfortable and Christmassy. I have a soft spot for Home Alone, which I watch every year, and every Christmas I watch the original Footloose because you can't go wrong with a classic musical! I love watching old favourites like Grease and Dirty Dancing too, even thought they're not *technically* Christmas films... Basically Christmas time is a time to indulge in any and all movie favourites!

My favourite Christmas read...

A few years ago my mum bought me a beautiful hard back edition of A Christmas Carol and I re-read it every year during December. I always find myself returning to Little Women as well, which I received as a Christmas present when I was younger. It's such a comforting read and always has me in tears at the end, in a good way! I used to idolise Jo March (I kind of still do) and wanted to be a writer like her, although I still can't forgive her for rejecting Laurie...

Pre- Christmas traditions include...

Last year I celebrated Yule on December 20th, the winter solstice, and it was such a nice occasion that I'm going to do it again this year. Yule celebrates the triumph of the Oak King over the Holly King and the promise of brighter days and shorter nights to come. I took part in a guided meditation and it was extremely peaceful and comforting; I set about planting 'seeds' for the future in writing out my intentions and hopes, and celebrated by decorating my room with gold candles, berries and mistletoe from outside, and by burning frankincense. I also bought a chocolate yule log for the family to share which was yummy! It's nice to take a moment to slow down during the pre-Christmas rush and Yule is all about slowing down and being at peace.

On Christmas Eve I...

Chris's family have a big Italian Christmas dinner on Christmas eve and exchange presents at midnight, which I joined in with for the first time last year. It was so much fun! I loved having a big meal on Christmas Eve because it made Christmas last longer and it means you get to stuff your face with even more amazing Christmas food. Mmm. Plus it means more time with family, coming together to share a meal and hang out, which is always lovely.

This year Chris and I will do the same and head on over to his in the evening with presents in tow. At around eight or nine we'll sit down to a delicious dinner (Chris's mum is an amazing cook!) of roast beef with all the traditional Christmas trimmings! Chris's mum stocks the cupboards with lots of Christmas snacks so I'll no doubt end up stuffing my face all evening ;)

Last year I exchanged presents with Chris's family at midnight, which was awesome, but I couldn't bring myself to open everything as I'm so used to waiting until Christmas morning! Once the meal has been eaten and presents opened, we'll hang out for a while chit chatting and watching TV before making our way to bed in the early hours.

On Christmas day I...

Christmas day is the main event at my house, so in the morning Chris and I will be waking early at his and heading to mass where my mum will join us before coming back to mine afterwards. I've always gone to church on Christmas morning (sometimes on Christmas Eve instead) and it's such an ingrained tradition that I don't think I could ever not go. I really like the community feel of it and the excitement in the air. The 8am start is a little difficult (!) but it means I'm up early. I don't want to waste a second of my Christmas day!

Once at mine we'll gather around the tree with my mum and older brother and exchange presents. While I'll no doubt have torn through mine in about twenty seconds my mum always takes what feels like hours to open hers, which always drives me a little bit nuts! I still have a stocking because I absolutely refuse to give that tradition up; it's the best part of Christmas morning! My mum used to hang my stocking on the end of my bed when I was little and I'd have to force myself to stay in bed and not open it at some point during the night. So tempting! We usually fill each other's stockings with little bits and bobs like chocolate coins, a Chocolate Orange, toiletries and other small gifts. Last year I made sure Chris had a stocking too, and tradition dictates that stockings are to be opened before any under-the-tree presents.

Once the presents have all been opened it's breakfast time. Every year since my brother and I were little my mum has bought one of those cereal selection packs, so I always end up munching my way through a few packets of Coco Pops with a cup of tea. Sometimes we'll have Bucks Fizz and croissants, although I'm a stickler for tradition so I'm hard pressed to give up the cereal! After breakfast I have my 'Christmas bath', which involves using a selection of the toiletries I've received as presents (hint hint!) and then I put on my pre-selected Christmas outfit!

Sometimes we have neighbours over for Christmas drinks at midday, and I always see Alice to exchange gifts. My mum is in charge of cooking the turkey and we eat at around 3pm. Roast turkey with all the trimmings, it can't be anything else! I particularly love sausages wrapped with bacon, and I'm obsessed with roast potatoes cooked in goose fat.. So crispy! I'm in charge of the 'pickle bar' which usually opens in the evenings when we have smoked salmon, crackers, various cheeses and pickles for dinner. Mmm. After lunch we laze around watching TV, napping, playing with presents, eating our way through chocolate selection boxes and generally taking it easy. Perfect!

Writing this post has made me feel thoroughly festive (and also quite hungry. Bring on the Christmas treats!) I'd love to hear how others celebrate Christmas, so do feel free to have a go at the tag!

Baci e abbracci,

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Beauty | Winter Favourites

2013-12-02T15:42:00.002+00:00

Brrr, it's cold outside! I'm so excited that we've finally hit December. Christmas is just around the corner and I've been busy prepping my Christmas beauty wishlist! I thought I'd share a little roundup of the products I've been loving recently, before I stock up on all the Christmas beauty offers available... I would say I won't go crazy this year but I'm a sucker for Boots 3 for 2 and I have my eye on so many things!

Over the past week or so I've been reaching for products to soothe my winter worn skin, what with constant central heating and cold winds causing havoc with my sensitive combination complexion. Superdrug's popular Vitamin E Hot Cloth Cleanser (£4.99) is extremely gentle and moisturising, and removes make-up and grime in only a few swipes. There's something very comforting and relaxing about taking makeup off with a warm muslin cloth and this beauty is helping to keep pesky dry patches at bay.

I always find myself in a bit of a pickle when it comes to moisturiser in winter as I don't like the feel of heavy creams but I do need a gentle moisture hit after cleansing. I was very kindly sent an Elemis Here We Glow Collection (£15) kit a few weeks ago that includes a mini tube of Softly Softly Daily Moisturiser and I've been loving it so far. It has a light lotion consistency and a divine lavender herb scent that proves super relaxing before bed. It sinks in quickly, making it a great base for makeup in the mornings and it doesn't leave a greasy residue. Perfect!

I can't be without a good lip balm throughout the winter months (actually, I'm obsessed all year around and can't sleep unless I've slathered on a layer!) and Smith's Rosebud Salve (£8) is my current prized possession. I spied it in Selfridges during the summer having lusted after it for months and had to grab a tin. It's a little more costly than what I'd usually pay for a lip balm, but I'd say it's very much worth the money. Aesthetically speaking, the tin is adorable and appealed to my superficial side instantly..!The balm itself is a multi-purpose, rose scented wonder and can be applied to lips, brows, cheekbones, eyelids, cuticles, etc. I've been using it primarily as a lip balm and love how it leaves a subtle rosy tint. It packs a real moisture punch and smells gorgeous, and the tin is pretty big so it should last a good while longer.

My hair has also been in desperate need of nourishment and my oil of choice at the moment is Got2b Oil-Licious Styling Oil (£2.99). It has a nice thick-ish consistency, smells yummy and makes a visible difference to the frazzled ends of my hair. Plus, it's a total bargain!

Makeup wise I can't get enough of a darker lip and two of my favourites are Collection Deluxe Lipstick 'Prohibition' (£3.99) and Barry M Ultra Moisturising Lip Paint '156' (£4.49), (the pink tube!) both of which I spied in Superdrug a few months ago. I'm quite fussy when it comes to red lipsticks as anything too bright or yellow based makes me look washed out, so I tend to favour a darker berry red. 'Prohibition' is a gorgeous deep red colour that I've been reaching for in the evenings, while Barry M's '156' is more of a pinky purple berry colour that I've been loving during the day. I've been teaming them both with Rimmel's new clear Moisture Renew Lip Liner (£3.99) which is AMAZING. It eliminates lipstick application mess, which is great for a lipstick clutz like me! It also helps lock down colour when applied all over as a base before lipstick.

I'm determined to branch out with my eye makeup and have started experimenting with colour, hence the inclusion of MUA's Pearl Eyeshadow '25' (£1). I love the cranberry colour and the pigmentation is pretty good considering the price. The shimmer it gives is lovely; you can't beat a shimmery eye look, especially for Christmas! I've been adding this to a slight smokey eye although to be honest I think I need to make more of an effort as it's so easy to resort to my tried and trusted neutrals! One thing I'm never without at the moment is Rimmel Scandal'Eyes Waterproof Kohl Liner 'Nude' (£3.99) which works wonders at making me look refreshed and awake on cold winter mornings. I apply it gently to the waterline of the eye and it instantly eliminates redness.

Unfortunately I have a sad tale to tell about the B. Cheeky Blusher 'Candy Cane' (£5.99) perched in the top left of the photo above *Sobs all over laptop* I love a light pink blush in winter to compliment my pale skin but alas on my hen night a few weekends ago I somehow managed to smash this little beauty to bits in my handbag! Sad times. Prior to it's unfortunate departure from my makeup bag I was using it everyday and loved it for its pigmentation and staying power. Now that it's gone I've rekindled my love for Natural Collection's Blushed Cheeks blushers (£1.99 each) especially 'Pink Cloud' which is a really lovely alternative... But I still miss my B. blush like crazy!

I'd love some recommendations for other wonderful winter products, so if you've got something in mind let me know!

Baci e abbracci,

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Sunday Gratitude | December 1st 2013

2013-12-01T17:16:00.001+00:00

Happy 1st December! The countdown to Christmas begins today, and I thoroughly enjoyed cracking open my advent calendar this morning and munching on some chocolate! I'm settling down to write today's post with a warm mince pie and cup of tea to hand, feeling very snug indeed. Here's what I'm grateful for this week...

I'm grateful for a lesson learned

The past few weeks have been a little up and down, and I've really wanted to throw in the towel with uni work on numerous occasions. I had to request an extension for an essay as I was finding it impossible to tackle the research and writing required, and once the anxiety gremlins take hold it's really difficult to kick them to the curb.

. However, rather than give up and run away from it all, I decided to keep going, one step at a time, slowly slowly. I've now typed up my assignment and just need to edit it a little tomorrow before sending it off. Even though it isn't brilliant I feel so proud of myself for pushing through and at least giving it a go, as I know it was important to face the fear and not run from it as I've tended to do in the past. A hard lesson to learn but an important one.

I'm grateful for Christmas movies

I've stumbled upon a wonderful antidote to anxiety and panic attacks this past week: Channel 5 afternoon movies! They all seem to be Christmas themed now that we're getting closer to the 25th, and it turns out there's nothing more relaxing than a cheesy American made for TV movie! I've managed to watch quite a few this week, in between studying and wedding prep, and I'm not in the least bit embarrassed to admit I've really enjoyed them!

I'm grateful for tarot

This week I've started a new routine of randomly selecting three cards every morning, and I'm finding the process of reflecting on the cards and recording my thoughts very therapeutic. The

Tarot has proven to be a very gentle and comforting tool lately and I love how reflecting on the cards allows me a little daily meditation time. I've been posting Tarot Trios on Instagram and am hoping to start including them on the blog as well. Keep your eyes peeled!

I'm grateful for bus journeys

A bit of a random one, I know, but I love bus rides, especially in winter. Waiting in the cold makes nabbing a seat feel even better! Yesterday I indulged in some people watching and loved seeing families heading to the local park, kids kicking up leaves, dogs running around. Everything looks crisp and fresh, Christmas lights are springing up everywhere and shops are looking so cosy and festive. It's nice to get out and about and see the sights from the top deck!

I'm grateful for reaching 300 followers on Bloglovin'!

This morning I received a lovely email that instantly put a smile on my face: I've made it to 300 followers on Bloglovin'! This was such a welcome surprise as I've been finding it quite difficult recently to write up posts, so I'm thrilled to know that people are still taking a peep at the Bluebird & the Robin. I've got lots of ideas bubbling away for 2014 and reaching milestones like this gives me such a boost during tricky anxiety ridden times. I'm going to keep on writing and doing my thing!

What are you grateful for this week?

Baci e abbracci,

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Anxiety Diaries | Trust yourself

2013-11-30T17:46:00.004+00:00

I've learned over the past few weeks that even when it feels as if everything is complete chaos, a part of me has it covered underneath the surface. Underneath the panic attacks, the fear of not being able to write or study, the feelings of frustration, the sadness that comes with feeling misjudged, the sadness that comes with uncomfortable change, somehow I've got it covered. My subconscious, my soul, my something has got my back and it will be OK.

When I couldn't seem to write or study or rest, somehow underneath it all I was picking up what I needed to and soaking in more than I realised at the time. I'm still feeling a little wobbly and I'm finding it frustrating that I can't seem to write what I feel I need to write, but I think that's because I'm processing and reflecting and sifting through things. It doesn't mean I'll never be able to write! It just means I need to take it easy and ease the pressure.

Whatever you're finding difficult, trust that your soul is doing what it needs to do to make sense of it all. Don't give up!

Baci e abbracci,

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Life Lesson | Be Accountable

2013-11-29T16:00:00.000+00:00

Have you ever had an argument with a friend during which you've swung from anger to sadness, guilt to outrage, confidence to insecurity, back and forth a million and one times? Only for that argument to be swept under the carpet in the hope of avoiding further upset or the discomfort that can arise when having a frank discussion of your feelings and the feelings of those involved? Ever noticed how these arguments tend to rear their ugly head again months or even years down the line, as if out of nowhere? Unspoken feelings tend to fester.

Being accountable means spending time figuring out what your real feelings are, behind the anger. It means being honest with yourself. Without honesty you can't apologise sincerely. Without honesty you can't be kind.

Being accountable means accepting and understanding that everything you do stems from the choices you have made. You always have a choice.

Being accountable means truly apologising for the hurt you have caused through your words and actions. It means owning and apologising for your part to play, regardless of how the argument started.

Being accountable means having, or at least attempting to have, an honest and open conversation with whoever you have argued with, and it means doing this soon after the argument, before it can be brushed aside or shrugged off.

Being accountable means listening with love. You owe it to yourself and to whoever you have argued with to really listen, without a hidden agenda.

Being accountable means keeping an open heart and mind, a willingness to appreciate hindsight and alternative perspectives.

'He/she started it! Why should I be accountable? They haven't!' Because to be accountable is to be at peace. It's not about feeling forced to claim sole responsibility for a situation or 'admitting' things are all your fault, as everyone has their part to play and life is more complex than that. But you can't reach a place of inner peace, understanding and love, or understand and love a friend if you refuse to really dig down deep and get to grips with the emotional roller-coaster you've experienced, and take responsibility for the part you've played.

Acknowledging and articulating your feelings may be frightening and uncomfortable at times but it enables an understanding of why you acted or reacted the way you did. You know the saying 'knowledge is power?' Self knowledge really is self power. When you're willing to try to understand your feelings you're far better able to accept responsibility for your words and behaviours, your moods and emotions. You're no longer at risk of playing the perpetual victim.

You own your shit.

You're far better able to listen and listen properly. I know, I know... It isn't always easy to be accountable! I struggle with it and it's difficult when you're wrapped up in what the other people involved have said or done instead of focusing on your own part to play. I find that questioning myself, asking myself how I really feel, leads to a tentative understanding of my true feelings. What is my anger masking? What's really at the heart of the matter for me?

Once I've started asking questions and demanding answers from myself, there's a far better chance I'll be able to understand myself, explain myself, own my shit and apologise from the heart. There's a far better chance I'll be able to listen properly and understand where other people are coming from. Brushing your feelings or the feelings of others aside constitutes a false apology. You want and need to develop an apology rooted in truth.

Once you've had that conversation with yourself, you can instigate or participate in a proper conversation with the person or people you've argued with, aiming at really listening to each other and understanding and respecting each other's true feelings. They might refuse to engage, and that's their choice; but even so, through the process of being accountable you will start to feel far more at peace than if you agree to brush a situation aside and hold on to anger out of fear of momentary discomfort. It's better to at least try.

Don't let things fester.

Own your shit, be accountable, be at peace.

Baci e abbracci,

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Wedding | Menu tasting

2013-11-21T17:12:00.000+00:00

A lot of wedding planning tasks are undeniably fun. I loved trying on wedding dresses, I loved visiting our venue for the first time, and I loved finding our wedding cars. But the wedding menu tasting was without a doubt the most fun Chris and I have had together throughout the wedding planning process. Eating plate after plate of delicious food isn't exactly stressful! It's pretty much the best date ever as you're being waited on hand and foot, a never ending supply of wine and food being brought to your table. Yes please!

The menu tasting fell slap bang in the middle of a hectic wedding planning/hen do/stag do week and it was most definitely the break we needed to chill out and have some fun. We both want great food at the wedding and getting to try all kinds of different dishes was awesome. Neither of us had been to a tasting before so we weren't quite sure what to expect. It turns out the only rule is to go with an empty stomach because you get given SO MUCH GOOD FOOD! I hadn't eaten all day, which was perfect, and I more than made up for it!

First up were glasses of Prosecco followed by various different red and white wines. Now, neither of us are exactly wine connoisseurs so we sort of bluffed our way through it but we were eventually able to decide on which wines we liked best! We joked that as we'll be so busy on the wedding day we should treat the tasting like our very own wedding meal, so there was lots of clinking of glasses and toasts between the two of us. It sort of felt like we were celebrating our wedding and marriage together, just the two of us, in secret before celebrating with everyone else on the day itself.

We tasted six canapes, all of which were incredible, and we ate every last bite of the dishes brought out to us. I brought along my trusty wedding planning notebook to make notes, all of which went along the lines of 'amazing, delicious, fab, to die for'. There wasn't a dud canape to be found! We tasted three main meat courses, plates piled high with lamb, chicken, beef, potatoes, veg, Yorkshire pudding, gravy... There's something super luxurious about having someone constantly bring you plates of fine food! We polished off the lot and again there wasn't anything we really didn't like. We also tasted a vegetarian option which was delicious, and I made sure I tucked into every helping of roast potatoes brought out as HELLO, roast potatoes are insanely tasty.

Next up was pudding, aaaah pudding! The best part of any meal! We tried apple crumble and custard, creme brulee, chocolate brownie and ice cream and once again managed to finish absolutely everything. I've never felt so well fed in my life! The atmosphere at our wedding venue that evening was magical. Everyone was so friendly and welcoming and excited for us; it only served to confirm that we've picked the right place and we left feeling even more excited about the big day. With only months to go I was starting to flag and needed something to give me a wedding planning boost! The wedding menu tasting did just that!

Trusty notebook at the ready

Post dinner cocktails!

As for what we picked... Well, that would be telling! You'll have to wait until January to find out ;)

Baci e abbracci,

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The hen do | Ladies who limo!

2013-11-18T07:00:00.000+00:00

He put a ring on it!

I feel a little bit sad writing this as my hen do last weekend was absolutely perfect and I can't believe it's all over so soon! It really hit me that the wedding is only two months away and after almost two years of planning it's all about to happen! I've already read up on post-wedding blues to prepare myself for the wedding planning hole in my life I'm bound to feel, haha, I've got lots of goals to crack on with come February to see me through!

My incredible Maid of Honour (or, rather, Maid of M***** F****** Honour) Alice organised the hen do and it was everything I could have wanted and more. She knows me so well as every aspect of the day and night was perfect! It felt so 'me' and I loved celebrating and having fun with such a wonderful group of girlfriends. I didn't have a clue what we would be doing, everything was kept a surprise and it was so much fun discovering things as they happened on the day!

Festivities kicked off at 11.30am when Alice and I had our hair and makeup done, and people started arriving at Alice's at around 2pm. She had set up a gorgeous afternoon tea in her dining room complete with homemade sausage rolls, rocky road pieces and heart shapes scones with jam and cream, as well as lots of adorable decorations. We had Prosecco and pomegranate to drink, complete with willy straws of course! Alice also sourced a box of my all time favourite snack, Cheeselets, and there were plenty of sweets on offer too.

So many homemade sweet treats! All delicious of course! And check out the party bags on the table to the right, so cute!

Ever so slightly embarrassing photos taken by Alice when Chris and I got engaged!

Cute love confetti

After general mingling and picture taking Alice started the party games. I don't think I've laughed so much before in my life! My cheeks actually ached from laughing, it was all so much fun. We played pass the parcel with a twist; for those who didn't find a present hidden in their layer of the parcel, a cheeky shot of cherry liqueur was required. We played 'dress the bride' which was hilarious! Myself and Marie-Claire were the brides and we each had a team of 'designers' making our perfect wedding dresses for us. I was impressed with the attention to detail that both teams showed and it did get quite competitive! Unfortunately my team didn't win, meaning even more shots for us...

Me and my amazing MOMFH Alice!

Bargain Primark rocks at the ready ;)

Marie-Claire, me, Michaela

Marie-Claire, me, Victoria

My tiara and sash! And my last minute dress and shoes!

Shot time

Marie-Claire and her sweetheart neckline, traditional ballgown wedding dress!

It was all too much! Getting emotional in my beautiful mermaid fit gown :p

Bride wars!

Ripping off the dress after throwing our bouquets!

We played a game of 'inappropriate' charades... Needless to say a lot of laughter was had by all!

After the games we made our way outside to have a toast with sparklers which was a really nice touch. Alice gave a little speech and then I blubbed my way through a few words, trying hard to compose myself but losing it completely when thanking Alice for everything she's done as Maid of Honour. She really has been incredible and I couldn't be without her *starts blubbing again*

Raising a toast with sparklers

Trying hard not to cry!

The BIG surprise was the limo that pulled up outside after the toast. I've always wanted to ride in a limo! Haha, we became the definition of tacky hens but in our defense we weren't too rowdy! We did crack open a bottle of bubbly and sing along to Beyonce's Single Ladies on repeat, but you've got to love a cliche once in a while! And it really was awesome, the limo was amazing inside and it felt pretty surreal driving through the neighbourhood in a Hummer limo! We were dropped off at a gorgeous American restaurant in Shoreditch and all of us pretty much stuffed our faces with the best burgers EVER. We played a few rounds of 'never have I ever' while waiting for our food, always an interesting game to play..!

Clearly VERY excited about the limo

With my GPs

Well, a hen do wouldn't be complete without a willy straw!

After dinner we headed to a cocktail bar where we had a few cocktails and a dance. So many of the songs reminded us of being in school, so it was a rather nostalgic blast from the past! Admittedly I usually hate dancing in public but I made an exception as I was wearing a tiara and sash and felt special! Haha, so I joined in and discovered that once you start you sort of don't want to stop... Until your feet start to hurt, stupid shoes! I loved every minute of it, it was such an awesome night.

Once home Alice came to mine for a cuppa and a chit chat, a fitting end to an awesome day. I refused to take off my tiara until I climbed into bed and immediately put it on again as soon as I woke up the day after, along with my sash! Alice came over in the afternoon and we ordered a well deserved and much needed Domino's for lunch, and a marathon of Say Yes to the Dress and Brides of Beverly Hills topped off the weekend nicely!

I honestly couldn't have asked for a better hen do, it was absolutely amazing and perfect, and I'm so happy that I got to celebrate with my wonderful friends. Everyone was so enthusiastic and game for a laugh, it was so much fun and hopefully you can tell from the photos that we had a great time! With only two months to go until the wedding a weekend off from wedding planning was just what I needed to unwind and let my hair down.

Thank you so much Alice! #MOMFH

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Sunday Gratitude | November 17th 2013

2013-11-17T21:34:00.002+00:00

Happy Sunday everyone! Once again I've fallen behind on the blogging schedule (oops!) BUT this week has been full of nice things so I'm trying not to be too annoyed at myself. Here's this week's Sunday Gratitude list!

I'm grateful for popcorn and chocolate

Chris has had the week off work so we've had lots of time to hang out and plan wedding things, as well as laze around! We started a new movie night routine this week involving blankets, DVDs and a big bowl of popcorn mixed with all kinds of chocolate treats. Not the healthiest snack in the world but soooo tasty and as I'm such a homebody it's been really nice snuggling up inside from the cold with snacks galore and movies on tap.

I'm grateful for celebrations with friends

Last night was my friend Michaela's engagement party, which was so much fun! Michaela and her fiance Josh are such nice people and make a perfect couple, I'm so happy for them! Lots of dancing, eating amazing food and catching up with friends. I'm so excited for their wedding! Last weekend was also full of celebration as it was my hen do! I'm planning a post all about it, aaah it was the BEST day and I had such a great time celebrating with my friends and getting excited about the wedding. Only two months to go!!

I'm grateful for a successful spending ban

What could be fun about a spending ban? Especially a ban borne from necessity rather than choice... For the past three or four weeks all my pennies have gone on bills and bills only, but I actually haven't missed buying things, which is quite a big deal for me as I often use shopping as a way to hide from anxiety. In the summer I wasn't able to go inside a Superdrug without buying a heap of makeup, whereas now I can browse and not feel such a tug towards anything. I had a little bit of money to buy some hen do bits and bobs but only felt the need to buy one lipstick and one lipstick only! I tested a million makeup items but just didn't feel an urge to purchase anything, and it felt amazing! I'm sure a time will come when I want to spend spend spend instead of dealing with anxious moments but at the moment I feel like I'm doing really well at working through CBT exercises instead of distracting myself in unhealthy ways.

I'm grateful for November walks

On Friday Chris and I went for an afternoon walk (got to burn off all that popcorn and chocolate!) and the weather was absolutely gorgeous. Clear blue skies and a crisp Autumn chill in the air. I love this time of year when the weather is clear and everything feels so fresh. Getting outside and stepping away from my laptop always makes me feel a hundred times more motivated and mentally refreshed, and it gave me a nice early weekend boost.

I'm grateful for hot bubble baths

There's surely nothing better than soaking in a bath full of bubbles after a long day, especially when your feet are killing you due to evil ill fitting Primark shoes! I much prefer baths to showers as you can bring in a stack of magazines or a good book, a nice cup of tea and lots of pampering products. I've been using a brilliant Elemis body scrub perfect for perking up winter skin, and a scrummy smelling Dove bath soak. Bliss!

Until next weekend!

Baci e abbracci,

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Love, Health, Purpose

2013-11-08T08:00:00.000+00:00

I am a stress head. I find molehills and turn them into mountains. I pick, pick, pick at teeny tiny issues until they're suddenly 'The Most Pressing Issues Ever' and I'm tearing my hair out with worry. I am the queen of catastrophe! However, I also have moments of recognition, of realising that I'm actually blessed to be able to worry about such small things when there are far worse circumstances I could find myself in. My life is filled with good things.

I'm healthy, my family and friends are healthy, and I am loved. I do not want for food or shelter, I am fortunate to have an education and I have gifts and talents I am fortunate enough to be able to cultivate and share. I realised just how blessed my life has been so far when my soon to be father in law was rushed to hospital a month or so ago. My fiance and I caught the bus into central London at 12.30am that night, walking part of the way and saying silent prayers. When someone you love is sick, every other worry pales in comparison. Material concerns suddenly seem wickedly indulgent. Love and health become everything.

My father in law has made a full recovery, thankfully, and the relief felt when his good diagnosis was given was incredible. I do believe love is tangible; the energy in that small hospital room was strong, and although the result of difficult circumstances I'm sure we all gained a lot from spending so much time together that week. Before we knew what was wrong I spent some time meditating with my tarot cards, wondering if I should do a reading and if I was able to accept whatever might show if I did. I felt a huge responsibility all of a sudden; reading tarot is no joke! When I read for someone I'm taking their situation and holding it gently in my hands while being trusted with the task of aiding clarity and understanding. Tarot has the amazing ability to heal, and to read tarot for someone is always a healing experience in some way.

I did go ahead and conduct a reading and it was the right decision as everything suggested by the cards unfolded and reaffirmed to me that I'm on the right path. The cards taught me in that moment to trust in myself, to share love with my loved ones and to appreciate the incredible blessings I have in my life. I've felt quite low and despondent recently, yet when I think back to my father in law being in hospital all I wanted for was good health and love. How easy it is to forget that so quickly! I have three incredible gifts in my life right now: love, health and a recognition of my purpose. With health, love and purpose anyone can achieve wonderful, spectacular things. Incredible things!

I urge you to take a moment to stop, look around and count your blessings. It isn't always easy, by any means. Hello, I'm the queen of the catastrophe! Force yourself to do it. Be strict with yourself, discipline yourself, write a list if you have to. Commit pen to paper and commit to remembering your blessings. I promise your mood will begin to lift and your strength will grow. Great things will happen! Not least a deeply felt sense of gratitude for the good things in life, both big and small.

Baci e abbracci,

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