The Blueprint for Manhood

4 Things Women Want From a Man

2016-07-14T09:56:00.001-04:00

Greetings to my brothers and sisters who read the Blueprint for Manhood!

It has been a long time since I have blogged. Whew!

Someone might say, "Where you been?"

I've been working on my Doctorate of Ministry at Alliance Theological Seminary. No time for blogging.

But now that I graduated I am hoping to blog a bit more.

I look forward to talking about manhood, brotherhood, and even what my dissertation focused on; sexuality.

But for now I want to encourage you to either purchase or finish reading Four Things Women Want From a Man by Dr. A.R. Bernard.

This is a must read for anyone who is:
1. Considering marriage
2. Desires to understand relationships from a biblical perspective
3. Any pastors, counselor, or men's leaders who do premarital or marital counseling

Invest in yourself and share with others, the 4 things, God, and women, want from a man!

What do you value?

2012-04-10T21:19:00.000-04:00

What do you value?

Every test reveals what we value.

Every temptation to sin against God is a value judgment.

Temptations reveal what we really believe and value. Being tested can demonstrate whether our values are convictions or preferences. You can value worship on Sunday and stealing from your boss on Monday. Crazy. But true.

And we live in a social order with a rebellious and Satanic value system. The roots of this value system are known as the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life.

What do I mean?

First, the lust of the flesh is the temptation to “feel good.” We see this value in society as unrestrained passion and sexual immorality.

The second temptation is the lust of eyes and this is about possession and salary in society. This temptation comes at us to spend on what “looks good.”

Finally the pride of life is sold to us as a value for position and status. This is all about “being” important and envied.

Jesus Christ faced all three of these temptations in the Wilderness.

The lust of the flesh came at Jesus when he was hungry and tempted to turn rocks into bread.

Jesus was tempted by the lust of the eyes when the devil showed him all the kingdoms of the world.

And Jesus was confronted with the pride of life at the highest point of the Temple.

You face them everyday. Think about it. Almost every TV commercial is based on one or more of these three values. The body wash for men commercial is all about the lust of the flesh (sex sells!) and the pride of life (the thought of being “the man!”). Automobile commercials appeal to the lust of the eyes (this is nice!) and the pride of life (look at what I’m driving!).

The world and the devils know that sex sells. They know that we want what looks good. And most men, in their hearts, want to “be the man!”

Feeling good isn’t the problem. Sin is. Having nice things isn’t a problem as long as those nice things don’t own our life. Being important to others is good. Believing we are better than others is a sin.

In my next post I will discuss how Jesus responds to the Devil’s attempts to lure him through these three values (review Matthew chapter 4 yourself).

Please share your thoughts below.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

Standing on the Revealed Word

2012-02-11T03:36:00.000-05:00

"Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And after fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. And the tempter came and said to him, "If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread."But he answered, "It is written, 'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" (Matthew 4:1-4 NIV)

My dear sister in Christ, Sarynette (shout out to big Will and the tribe Guzman), reminded me of an important lesson in this chapter.

Previously in chapter 3, God the Father spoke a clear affirming and loving message to our Lord Jesus.

But as far as we can tell, through the Wilderness, the Father is silent.

What does that mean for us?

One of the tests through the Wilderness is to see if we will stand on what God has already revealed.

The Spirit leads us into the Wilderness to see how much of the Word is really in us.

Jesus Christ dealt with Satan by turning to Scripture. The Scriptures reveal the character and power of God.

It is upon God’s revealed message found in the Bible that Christian men must build their lives.

Sometimes we fast, pray, and practice spiritual disciplines to “hear” from God.

But quite often, when times get dark, the Father may not speak a direct message.

Instead we are tested to see if we will stand on the Word that God has already spoken.

How much of the Word is in us? When we are hungry, angry, lonely or tired, do we turn to the Word or to the fastest way to meet our desire?

How have you learned to stand on the Word when Satan begins to question you?

When Israel passed through the Wilderness their hungers, thirsts and the "silence" of God caused them to rebel.

Thankfully Jesus the Christ was victorious through the Wilderness. We can learn and stand on his victory and thankfully we have the Spirit to lead us.

Please post your thoughts below.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

Why It’s Hard to Be “Friends” First

2012-02-09T21:46:00.000-05:00

Christian singles are often told to be “friends first” before becoming emotionally involved.

It’s good advice. Long lasting marriages are also deep friendships.

So why is it difficult for single Christian men and women to be friends before becoming romantically involved?

One obvious reason is that physical and emotional attraction kick-start the sex drive.

Most men are drawn to the physical first. It is difficult being friends with someone who catches your eye and then your imagination concerning your future.

The Bible doesn’t say anywhere to “be her friend first.” But the Bible does say to treat her as a sister.

“Treat the older women as you would your mother, and treat the younger women with all purity as your own sisters” (1 Timothy 5:2 NLT).

Regardless of what we are feeling on the inside, the Word of God puts it on us to act like a brother. How? Some ideas…

Be real. Admit your attraction or interest in a woman to the Lord first and accountability partners.

Be holy. Holiness is about creating spiritual and moral boundaries that reflect the character of Jesus the Christ.

Be focused. Your goal is not to “get her” to be interested in you. Your goal is not to be sure that she likes you too. Your goal is to see past how FINE she is in order to see her character.

Be slow to speak. You will need to discern when to be honest with her about what you feel. Especially if you are confident that she is also interested. But this can only really happen if you are also clear about where you are going in your own life.

When you treat a woman like a sister you want the best for her life. After all, until marriage, she is your sister in Christ first.

Please share your thoughts below.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

Where I've Been

2012-01-30T22:54:00.000-05:00

What’s up family! First, I do want to thank all of my brothers and sisters for reading, sharing and supporting the Blueprint for Manhood Blog.

Second, Happy New Year! A couple of weeks late but I still hope that there are new blessings manifesting in your life.

Where have I been? Well, in Brooklyn mostly but you know that’s not what I mean. Blogging or writing has been challenging for the latter half of 2011. And I’m trying to get back into the swing of things now in 2012.

First, I started my journey toward a Doctorate in Ministry at Alliance Theological Seminary. More than an education, this has been a new encounter with the Lord.

This is a whole new level of researching, reading and writing for me and taking the time for this blog has been difficult.

The beauty of this Seminary experience is the intentional mentoring and coaching from the Professors. It has been both humbling and inspiring to also be in a class full of colleagues in ministry. My classmates are doing incredible things for the Kingdom yet they’ve joined this program to continue their growth.

Second, there have been significant changes in relationships and in ministry that have made my life a lot more hectic. The changes have been like cutting off my right arm but they were necessary. Right arm or not, when change is necessary, not to change is destructive.

And I am not simply making a comeback. I am also going to launch a new blog focused on Life for everyone. I will continue to minister messages targeting men through the Blueprint. But I do want to begin a blog about life and specifically life in Christ.

Thank you again for your support and please continue to keep me in your prayers.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

Lead to the Fight

2012-01-30T22:41:00.000-05:00

“Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.” Matthew 4:1 NIV

Jesus is thrown into conflict immediately after being affirmed by God the Father and the Holy Spirit.

And guess what? It was the will of God that Jesus would face Satan in this cosmic showdown.

What is the wilderness? The wilderness is an uncultivated place and needs to be transformed. It can be a dry place where it is hard to find nourishment. The wilderness can seem to be a lonely place or at least a hard place to sense or feel God’s presence.

Wow. This is a rough way to end what would seem to be a great spiritual and emotional high. Only a verse before this chapter we read the Father’s words, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”

Here are a few reminders for us from this verse:

1. The Spirit of God leads us into and in the wilderness. No matter what your life looks like or feels like right now believe that the Spirit of God is with you.

2. Affirm your identity as a son of God. Being tested doesn’t mean you stop being a son of God. Being tested is the opportunity for you to stand as a son of God.

3. Depend on the Holy Spirit. You cannot defeat the devil in your own strength and wisdom. The Spirit leads you so that you could also lean on His strength.

4. The Lord promises never to test you more than you can bear. And with every test there is a door of escape.

- What are your thoughts on the Wilderness?

- What are your questions and thoughts about the passage in Matthew?

Please share below!

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

Grounded in Christ

2011-10-06T07:26:00.000-04:00

"Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John. But John tried to deter him, saying, 'I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?' Jesus replied, 'Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness.' Then John consented. As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, 'This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.' Matthew 3:13-17 (NIV)

It is fair to say that the identity crisis is common to all human beings.

Many people ground their identity in their looks, their work or worse still what others think. Others have been “named” or “labeled” by parents, experiences or society often in negative ways like “stupid”, “no good” and worse.

Who are you? And to what degree is your identity rooted in your relationship with Jesus Christ?

Trials, tests and temptations reveal the anchor of our soul. Crisis reveals character, values and true beliefs. But it is also through these things that God wants us to hear his voice.

I love the passage of Scripture above because it is a reminder that in Christ, the Father says to us, “you are my son, chosen and marked by my grace, I delight in you.”

Jesus the Christ receives a direct message from God the Father about who he is and how God sees him right before being tested.

The key to pass any test and overcoming any crisis is what we believe about God and what we believe about ourselves.

It is critical to know that when we are tested, tempted or when we fall that the Father loves us. It is important to remind ourselves that we belong to God.

Our identity is what the Enemy is going to try to steal and what the world will ridicule.

But our identity, our true selves, is what the Father wants to affirm and develop in us by the Spirit and the Word.

In the midst of the storm, the trial and the noise, can you say, “I know who I am”? Can you hear the Father say, “You are mine”?

Our identity is both a gift and a journey of renewal with God through Christ.

Heavenly Father, help us to know you, so that we might know ourselves.

Please post your thoughts below.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

The Beauty of Respect

2011-09-30T20:51:00.000-04:00

Respect is a beautiful thing. Respect is foundational for any healthy, long-term relationship. Especially marriage.

Respect is synonymous with being honored or esteemed.

Husbands and wives need to honor and esteem each other in very unique ways.

When a husband honors his wife he can see all the women in a room but his eyes are on his wife. A wife needs to be esteemed as unique by her husband. A woman’s uniqueness is one reason why God always intended marriage to be monogamous.

Even single men need to know that a wife who respects them is better than marrying a supermodel. That supermodel is going to look really ugly when she cuts you up with her words or acts disrespectfully. The way to a man’s heart is to honor him: to make him feel like he is ten feet tall.

To bring the beauty out of your marriage, husbands should honor their wives by:

Being consistent. Honor your wife by making sure that your actions match your words.

Being decisive. But talk about and plan family budgets, decisions and dreams together. Honor your wife’s views, opinions and dream together so you won’t grow apart.

Being her one and only. Make sure that your wife knows that you cherish her. Honor your wife in your private prayers, in your thought life and in your actions with tenderness.

So tell me brothers, what truths about respect do you wish more women understood?

And tell us, what advice would you share with men about the value of respecting women?

Please post your thoughts below.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

A Chosen Lifestyle, Part V

2011-09-08T18:09:00.000-04:00

A Man’s Work

Work is part of a man’s design. The first thing that God gave Adam was a job to do: To work and keep the garden.

Work is both a reward and a burden because we live in a fallen world system. Because we live in a sin-sick world most of our work is under a “curse.” What do I mean? We can be productive but its only through blood, sweat and tears. Even when we land our “dream job” we will find crabby coworkers, insufficient resources or even a tyrannical boss.

A Framework for Life must start with examining your heart, your strength and your relationships. Work is a means to an end, not an end in itself. Too many men make work their main relationship and source of identity.

Look, I believe I’m called to be in fulltime ministry. Someone reading might be called to be a doctor. Both are “noble” callings that “help” lots of people. But it would be wrong for any work or calling to take precedence over God, our own health and our relationships.

After all, what happens if you can’t “work” any more? I’ve seen too many men go through an identity crisis after being laid off or having to retire. Being jobless is very often a crisis. But job loss shouldn't become the ground for an identity crisis.

At the same time, work is a call from God. We need to see our work as a calling no matter what we do. Some callings are for a lifetime and others are only for a season. In either case our Father still expects us to be faithful and work like he is our direct boss. Remember, God is who we really work for.

What’s the hardest part about your job?
Do you see your job as a call from God?

Please post your thoughts and questions below.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

The Spirit of the King

2011-09-03T07:24:00.000-04:00

Most of the men I know want to be the king of their home. But Jesus the Christ is the King of kings. Meaning that our little “kingdoms” need to be subjected to the character, standards and motivations of Christ. There should be a throne at the center of our lives with the name of Jesus written upon it. We are called to rule our lives in the Spirit of the King who laid down his life to save us.

Few kings, rulers and leaders have ever embodied the true spirit of leadership. The true spirit of leadership, as Reverend AR Bernard has taught, is the Spirit of dominion. When God created man he commanded him to have dominion. You see, the dominion spirit brings the best out in others. The dominion mindset understands that we own nothing but we are called to be faithful stewards of everything.

The spirituality of many kings and rulers has been the satanic spirit of domination. The domination spirit uses lies, manipulation and fear to take and keep its rule. After Adam rebelled against God by eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil this became the mark of humanity's leadership style.

The challenge is simple; in what spirit will you lead?

Leadership books are great. And it is great learning about principles of leadership.

But we need to grow in our relationship with God through Christ to embody His Spirit of leadership.

Would our families say that we bring the best out in them
Would our employers say that we were faithful?
Would our friends say that we lie and manipulate to get our way?

I pray that our Father would help us to lead like Christ, in the power of the Holy Spirit.

Please post your thoughts and questions below.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

It is Good to Be King

2011-08-24T22:40:00.000-04:00

God, Man and the Image of the King

One of the most powerful images in the hearts of men is the image of the King. The King is an archetype deep in every man’s psyche. Kings still abound today whether we call them Presidents, Prime Ministers, or even CEOs.

This is because we’ve been made in the image of THE Supreme King. We were mandated to work (develop) and keep (protect) the garden. So we are also called to “rule” over a particular territory or “garden.”

What’s our “garden” today? You might say it begins with our relationship with God, with others and God’s purposes in our lives.

Christ Jesus still calls us to have dominion over our lives. How? Here are a few quick thoughts:

Be defined by your relationship with the Father. Don’t be defined by your work, your past or even what you lack. Define yourself as a son of God. If you allow others to define you then they can control you.
Get a vision from God for your life. Kings need to have a vision for every area of their kingdom and for the future. The clearer your vision the greater the direction of your leadership.
Invest in the future success of others. Our rule doesn’t last forever and kings were meant to raise up others to rule. Who are you mentoring? Who will take your place and position on the job, at the church and in your family? There is no real success without a successor.

Christ Jesus covered all three of these bases: identity, vision and investment.

Do you have these three bases covered?
Do you consciously think of yourself as a son of God?
Do you consciously rejoice in being made spiritual royalty?
Are you confident in your vision for your life?
If you have ever been mentored, who was the “king” that helped you walk into your own dominion?

Please post your thoughts below.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

A Chosen Lifestyle, Part IV

2011-08-20T16:38:00.000-04:00

A Man’s Relationships

Maintaining quality relationships doesn’t come easy for many men. There are lots of reasons for this that I can’t explore in a blog.

But our Father calls us to be good stewards of our relationships. The Holy Spirit will even send us back into existing relationships to renew them or to broken relationships to restore them.

One of the first things the Spirit of God told me to do after converting was to ask my father for his forgiveness. My dad didn’t change but I did and our relationship was transformed. Our Lord is concerned with us trusting him and being his vessels not simply getting our way.

I give this example because too many men say “Christ is the center of my life” but it’s not evident in our relationships. For some Christian men their most important “relationship” is with their work.

That’s backwards. The goal of the Christian life is to love God and to love others. If we aren’t practicing love – or charity – which means giving for the sake and needs of others at the expense of self – then we are failing in life.

How should we develop and manage our relationships?

Here are two suggestions:

First, let’s define our roles. Categorize the roles in your life (husband, father, church member, etc.) and then define the key people associated in each role. Then prayerfully decide how you can intentionally fulfill your role from God’s point of view.

Finally, secure three key levels of relationships with other men. The first level is having brothers that you can pray with, hangout with and simply talk to on a regular basis. The second level is to pray for male mentors/role models in your life. And the last level is to make yourself available to be a mentor.

This doesn’t have to be mentoring only other Christian men but a boy or young man in need of a consistent positive role model in his life.

Relationships need to be prioritized. But work should never come before relationships. And we can’t say we love God with all our hearts and yet fail to be good stewards over our relationships.

So tell me, how do you prioritize your relationships?
How do you cultivate and manage your relationships?
In your opinion, do you think most of the men you know have shallow relationships? If so then why?
And tell me about a time when God’s grace came to you through a relationship(s)?

Please post your thoughts below.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

A Chosen Lifestyle, Part III

2011-07-22T12:52:00.000-04:00

A Man's Strength

Men seem to be obsessed with strength.

From health magazines to action figures, muscle is often the measure of a man. We want to “appear” strong even if we are not. Among many men weakness is a source of shame and never admitted.

But strength needs to be renewed and the Christian man understands that true strength is spiritual.

We need to renew our emotional, spiritual and physical strength.

Renewal is one reason to observe the principle of the Sabbath. I’m not talking about worshipping on Saturday but having one day during the week for rest.

This day of rest isn’t simply about sleep, but worshipping God and enjoying healthy recreation. Consecrating a day (or a solid block of hours) for rest helps us to lead balanced lives.

A balanced life honors God. It keeps us from becoming workaholics, forces us to slow down to make sure our priorities are in the right order.

I find rest and renwal being with my family and seeing them smile.

Much like the principals behind tithes and offerings, a day of rest helps keep us free from stress, anxiety or slavery to the world system.

The Sabbath Principle helps us to keep Christ at the center and to rely on the strength of God.

I include three other key areas for a man’s strength:

Regular exercise: You need to spend energy in order to stay energized.

A man’s diet (including fasting): Jesus expected us to fast. It is also very important to have healthy eating habits.

Simplicity: Overspending and debt create stress. We can give to church and charity and still be slaves to materialism. Learn to live a simple life so you’ll be stress free and free to be generous.

These first two parts of “The Framework for a Chosen Lifestyle", a man’s heart and strength, is the foundation for who we are in spirit, mind and body.

What are your thoughts?

What spiritual disciplines/practices fit you best?

What books besides the Bible have helped you to grow in your relationship to God?

How do you guard your time?

How do you renew your physical strength?

Please share your thoughts below.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

Inspired to Worship

2011-07-18T23:14:00.002-04:00

Overwhelmed by the Weight

What inspires you to worship?

Is it the beauty of a sunrise? Is it a particular song?

My children have led me to prayer and worship in so many ways and for so many reasons.

Responsible for Greatness

When I consider my role as a father I instantly feel overwhelmed by the weight of the responsibility.

Our children are not only “ours.” They belong to God. Our children don’t just look like us. Our sons and daughters are made in the image of God.

So I pray. I ask for a wise and understanding heart. I pray for God’s eyes to see my children. Their potential is incredible. And I pray to cooperate with the Spirit to bring the best out of my children.

My children are young but I’m not going to wait until they are under peer pressure or rebelling to pray.

I need God right now in order to lay a solid spiritual, intellectual and emotional foundation.

In Awe of God

I’ve always been in awe of beauty. The beauty of a poem or the blue sky has often filled me with reverence for God. Our Father has given me eyes to be in awe of the beauty and wonder of my children.

I’ve learned to worship God while holding them, feeding them or cleaning them up. My children have repeatedly intruded and changed my devotional life. Most of the change is because they don’t sleep at night. But no matter how early I wake up to pray my children always find a way onto my lap.

So I worship God in song, in stillness, and in holding and laughing with my children.

Prayer and worship are part of my lifestyle with my children. We don’t just pray when I’m tucking them into bed. Prayer is part of my conversation and relationship with my children. I’m grateful for God working that in my heart.

I share this as a prayer for fathers (and mothers). I pray that you would be humbled by the revelation of your responsibility and run after God. I pray that you would see the handiwork of the Creator in their faces and be in awe of your Heavenly Father.

Thank you for reading this meditation. Hope you feel me.

And please feel free to share your thoughts.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

A Chosen Lifestyle, Part II

2011-06-30T07:19:00.000-04:00

What’s the goal of Christian living?

Simple: To mature in our love for God and our love for others (Matthew 22:34-40)

We don’t get here over night. This goal is a lifelong journey.

Designing a Framework for Life helps us in our walk with God.

So let’s look at the first part of the framework:

A Man’s Heart

Our heart represents the inner life, our character and central motivating factors. In other words, our heart is what we really are when no one is looking.

Think of the heart as the foundation for everything else in life.

Here are some things to build toward:

An increased sensitivity and awareness of God’s presence
Familiarity with the character and power of God through Scripture
A confidence in who you are as a Christian
Experiencing divine strength, peace and joy

There are practices that help us tune into the life, presence and voice of God. Such practices include prayer, reading Scripture, solitude, the study of Scripture and material related to the Christian life.

Two important notes:

First, try different Christian practices/disciplines until you discover what fits your design. For instance, God connects with me when I’m alone and reading. I know another brother who connects with God through praise and worship songs.

Second, focus on consistency throughout the week and don’t give up when you fall short. Life is full of ups and downs and changes. For instance, if you miss morning devotion then go to lunch by yourself and be with your God. Don’t sulk. Get back on track. Seek your Father in secret and with all your heart.

Please remember that Jesus Christ is personally discipling you through the Holy Spirit. We believe that the Holy Spirit lives in us and gives us the life of God. The point is to get started on the journey to building up the area of your heart.

So please share:

What spiritual practices/disciplines have you enjoyed the most?
What has been the greatest challenge in cultivating your heart?

Please post your thoughts below.

Next time I’ll share concerning “A Man’s Strength.”

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

The Heart of a Hero

2011-06-22T22:45:00.000-04:00

Who was your favorite hero growing up?

Was it just entertainment or something more? Did you want to be Batman, Superman, or someone else? Or maybe as you got older more realistic heroes dominated your imagination.

One of the major images or archetypes for men everywhere is the “hero.”

But how should we define a “hero”?

First, a hero leads the way. It takes courage to be a hero. Heroes usually have to lead themselves and accept personal responsibility; the buck stops with them. Then a hero is someone willing to take responsibility for others in need. Heroes have big ideas and visions that inspire others to follow. A hero knows that he is setting the pace and an example for others to imitate.

Second, a hero saves the day. A hero makes his mark through sacrifice. A hero finds his reward in a job well done. Heroes aren’t concerned with the spotlight but they do want to bring the best out in others. Heroes lay down their lives for a cause and a people. They die so that others can live. A hero understands that his power is meant to serve and protect others.

Finally, a hero “gets the girl.” There is a beauty to love in almost every heroic tale. Why? Well most men want a woman to love and most women want a man who will righteously lead the way and love sacrificially. After accepting responsibility and learning to put the needs of others first, the hero can receive his love. Vision and sacrifice precede the reward of a bride.

How do you define a “hero”?

Who are your favorite fictional heroes?

Who would you consider a hero today?

Let me know! Please post your thoughts below.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

Staying the Course

2011-06-21T08:13:00.000-04:00

The greatest challenge in our busy lives is consistency.

As men we know this to be true. We are performance oriented and we want results. Many men take a long time to make a commitment because they don’t want to fail.

I can’t encourage you enough to buy the book “The Blessing” by Trent and Smalley.

But my last note concerning the final element of The Blessing is a personal plea.

My brothers, those of you who are fathers, stay the course.

Active commitment is the last element of The Blessing and it is the foundation for everything else.

Farmers don't immediately see the fruit.
Farmers (like fathers) sow and labor by faith.

You can’t regain by sacrifice what you lose through disobedience. How often do we hear of fathers trying to “buy” their child’s love or make-up for lost years?

Meaningful touch only counts if we are consistent. A spoken message will only be heard when it is consistent. Consistency immediately speaks high value to our child. You can’t help picture a special future for your child if you aren’t in his or her present reality.

There are two major reasons why a father will fail to be consistent.

The first reason is that a man’s own father never blessed him. Look, get over it in the Name of your God and Savior Jesus Christ. How dare you help bring a child into this world and continue to be so self-centered! Walk in the blessing of your Heavenly Father and by blessing your children YOU will experience healing. Period.

The second reason is that most men desire to see immediate results. But fathering is like being a farmer. You cultivate the soil, plant the seeds, water the earth, protect from creatures and wait by faith believing that God will bring the increase.

Remember that The Blessing is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance. So keep being a blessing no matter what you see or how your child responds! You will reap a wonderful harvest if you faint not!

I encourage you to find other fathers, read The Blessing together, and form a brotherhood of blessing.

This is the heart of biblical patriarchy: A redeeming and sacrificial commitment to love.

Remember, it is never too late. But the time is now so don’t waste it.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

A Chosen Lifestyle, Part I

2011-06-15T06:29:00.000-04:00

Designing Life’s Framework

How does a Christian man stay in step with God in a busy and noisy world?

Adopt the Rule of Life. This is an ancient way to cultivate an “ever increasing relationship with the Master.” The word for “rule” comes from the Greek word for trellis. A trellis is a construction that helps plants, like grapevines, grow upward. By getting the plant off the ground the trellis helps it bear more fruit.

The "Rule of Life" is more than a list of things to do. The "Rule" is a guide or a framework for designing a Spirit-filled lifestyle.

In this framework, map or chart for your life, there are four key areas.

A MAN’S HEART

Think of your heart as the seat of your will. Your heart is synonymous with your central motivating factors; why you think, believe and do what you do.

A MAN’S STRENGTH

Our muscles don’t simply need to be flexed they need to be refreshed in Christ.

A MAN’S RELATIONSHIPS

The quality of our relationships is a direct reflection on the quality of our relationship to God.

A MAN’S WORK

Our work is most meaningful and successful when we see it from God’s point of view.

Our Father has charged us from the beginning to "work" and to "keep." This is the Masculine Mandate to cultivate productive lives and to protect from danger. This framework helps us to see the landscape of our lives with Christ at the center.

In my next post I’ll connect each part of this framework with the practices that will:

Help us stand in Christ
Shape our character
Keep our lives purposeful and productive

What’s your framework?

Are you familiar with the “Rule of Life”?

How have you connected spiritual disciplines or practices with your relationships and your work?

Let me know your thoughts. Post below.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

What Do You Say?

2011-06-09T05:37:00.000-04:00

Strategic fathers who make “The Blessing” a study understand the power of a spoken message.

A father’s spoken message should:

Attach high value
Picture a special future

What does this mean?

Knowing Their Worth

A strategic father searches for the right words that will “attach high value” to his child. Our children need to know that they have intrinsic value. My daughter is always “my princess” even when she misbehaves. My sons are always “champions” and “my warriors” even when they don’t win a game.

The sin in our children, the seduction of the world and attacks of Satan seek to undermine a child’s self-worth. So a father’s message should say, “you are born special” and then highlight that uniqueness by “naming.”

Seeing Their Future

The second element is incredibly important. Helping a child picture a special future based on their intrinsic self worth, the uniqueness of their gender and their gifting. A lot of parents send their kids to school and don’t intentionally discern a child’s gifts.

I’m not talking about “forcing” a career or some unfulfilled dream on your child. But at every phase of a child’s development we should be speaking life. We should declare the wonders of our child’s gifts and suggest the different pathways available. My son devours books and loves to draw so we talk about making movies. My daughter is brilliant at mathematics so we talk about banking. Oh and there is more because they’ve just started!

However, be warned:

Your actions need to match your words otherwise you are a liar
Your actions should never jeopardize the special future that you picture for your child

Tell me:

How do your messages attach high value to your child?
Does your child know that they are special?
How do you help your child picture a special future?

Please post your thoughts and questions below!

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

From Strangers to Brothers

2011-06-01T20:38:00.000-04:00

Who do you call when you are in a jam?

Please don’t say Ghostbusters. And please don’t say “my wife.” And if you tell me “mommy” then you aren’t old enough to read this blog.

Sure our wives should be our best friends and confidants. But you have an unhealthy Christian walk if you don’t have ONE other Christian man that you can call.

How do men become brothers?

First, men start out as acquaintances. Our association is based on one thing: We respect each other. But the relationship is still shallow.

Men become friends when we are encouraging each other. What brings us to this stage is sharing a common enemy, obstacle or goal. So men on a softball team are going to become friends because they learn to stand side by side. Basically, we want the other man to do better.

But friendship is not brotherhood. The camaraderie looks like brotherhood. But there is a big difference.

We become brothers when we are willing to hold each other accountable. Men become brothers when we are being transparent. Accountability without relationship and trust is legalism or even cultish. As brothers we meet face to face but work back to back.

Men don’t arrive here overnight. Most men are raised to value autonomy, independence and strength. We are raised to distrust other men. We are afraid of being “kicked out of the club” for appearing weak. Some men take years to peal away the layers of “masks” and lies we hide behind.

Brothers encourage each other to do well and invest in each other’s success. And brothers hold each other accountable and offer correction when needed. In brotherhood you can pull my collar and challenge me on my motivations and actions.

The tool of our spiritual enemy is to keep us isolated. But the gift of God in Christ is the company of Christian brothers. Because we don’t grow in isolation. We grow in community.

But what kind of community? A community with a vision for men’s ministry.

Men united around a common principle; that manhood and Christlikeness are synonymous
Men sharing a common purpose; to train and be trained
Men holding the same values; integrity, brotherhood, family and service
Men who are not about religion but grace and truth

Shout out to my brothers in ICB. Ahoo!

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

P.S. This blog is based on a presentation from Brett Clemmer of Man in the Mirror Ministries

A Father's Message

2011-05-29T19:41:00.001-04:00

There are times when silence is golden. Other times when silence is just plain yellow.

When it comes to children silence is not golden. Silence can be deadly. It is cowardly to remain silent and not boldly declare our love.

Children don’t need “the strong silent type.”

Children need a father who speaks to them when they are in their mother’s womb. A father sows faith in his child by reading scripture to his child. Wise fathers know that nicknames like “champ” and “my super star” affirm a child’s self-esteem.

Silence communicates confusion to a child.

It is not enough for a father to think he “shows” his love with material things. Human nature requires a spoken message that expresses “the Blessing.” They need to hear the blessing; Children need to hear that we love them and why we love them.

To see the blessing bloom and grow in our children we need to verbalize our message. Good intentions aside, good words are necessary to provide genuine acceptance.

Strategic fathers understand the power of words.

Our words have the power of life and death. So speak life! We are made in God’s image and his words are synonymous with life, light, liberty and love. To withhold our words is just as bad or worse than a father who speaks death to his children.

Often fathers start out with a positive spoken message but we can become distracted by work, bills, etc. But also I think we fail to balance discipline with affirmation. If most of our words are correcting, training and scolding then we can create emotional distance.

Bridge the gap with a spoken message of unconditional love and acceptance.

Words not only have the power to create something special in our children, words have the power to draw out potential. We bring out the best in those we bless.

Remember that “The Blessing” provides children with the foundation for identity, validation, affirmation and sense of purpose.

You don’t wait for a ceremony to be a blessing to your child. To quote Trent & Smalley, “you never know what small act of love will be the one that your children, spouse, or friends remember as the most significant time you blessed them.”

It is a father’s intentional, consistent, positive, everyday actions and attitude that communicate the blessing.

Remember, it is never too late.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

Calling All Heroes

2011-05-29T19:38:00.000-04:00

Hollywood has finally caught up to what most little boys have always known.

Superheroes are awesome!

And this summer we are FULL of superheroes.

The Mighty Thor
The X-Men
The Green Lantern
And Captain America

I’m amazed as I watch men talk about the lessons in Thor. I can’t wait to start hearing men discuss the other films.

WOW! Is our culture trying to tell us something? Is Hollywood just making a buck and taping into the inner child in many men?

Or is God using Hollywood to send us a message?

Our world still needs heroes.

Are you answering the call?

Wives want to be held by their hero husbands who lead with vision and love sacrificially.

Children need a father who will speak magical words like “I love you” and “you are special.”

As the summer heats up, organizations need men to help a summer outreach, a basketball camp or be a big brother.

And no matter how hot it gets, and how much some sisters are showing, godly women want a single man committed to sexual purity. They want to be loved not lusted.

The world needs a real Thor who honors his Heavenly Father. Will you be the hero to do what is right, love mercy and walk humbly with your God?

The world needs a team of men united by a common purpose. Men who aren’t trying to fit into the world around them but to be the change the world needs.

God has called us to be a light that brings life to others. To be a light that dispels fear and darkness.

And this nation needs men who will declare that we are not made great by hedonism, materialism, or humanism. But what makes us great is a willingness to lay down our lives for others.

What do you think of all the “superhero” movies?
Who was your favorite hero growing up?
Are you taking your children to any of these movies?

CALLING ALL HEROES!

Answer the call.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

Key to Freedom

2011-05-11T07:04:00.000-04:00

What is a major key to spiritual and moral freedom?

It is found in one word. Oh it’s an ugly word for many men.

That one word is submission.

If you fail to submit to God then you have no power over the flesh, the world or the devil.

Men look for everything else but submission. We love the illusion of independence and autonomy. We run to the altar thinking some preacher will just “lay hands” and we will be “delivered.” Now that does happen. But you still have to submit in order to maintain the new territory given to you.

Submission is trusting God enough to do things his way.
Submission involves the humility to let God dictate how you live.
Submission and freedom in Christ are synonymous.

In other words submission to God involves a process of accountability and lifestyle change.

What does submission to God look like?

It looks like a man paying for Covenant Eyes so that trusted brothers monitor his Internet use.
It looks like a single man choosing to live with other godly men instead of boasting in a bachelor pad.
It looks like a married man who doesn’t keep secrets from his wife.
It looks like the brother who will check into rehabilitation and cooperate with counselors.
It looks like a man changing his diet and going to the gym instead of praying the fat away.

Oh yes, I know what I am saying isn’t “sensual” or “sexy” or easy. But it’s the truth. The truth sets you free.

God delivered me from drug addiction. But I needed to submit to a process and to godly counsel for my negativity, purity and pride.

You see pride is the strength of sin. And God will give you a process to submit to in order to break that pride.

We couldn't save ourselves from hell. Jesus Christ did that. And we still have no wisdom or power without God.

How is God calling you to submit?

Remember, God goes against the proud, but he gives grace to the humble.

If you are humble then you are adaptable. If you are adaptable then you are submitted. If you are submitted then you receive wisdom and power from God.

Please post your questions and thoughts below.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

The Father's Touch

2011-05-07T08:20:00.000-04:00

A hug. A kiss. Holding hands. It is never enough to simply say, “I love you.” We have to show it.

God has called fathers to connect with our children through meaningful touch. This is the first element of “The Blessing.”

It should start when your child is in the womb laying hands on the belly with tenderness and prayer.

Trent & Smalley define meaningful touch as, “a gentle touch, stroke, kiss, or hug given by significant people in our lives (a husband or wife, parent, close friend and so on).”

Some fathers start off affectionate but then get distracted by work. Sometimes we stop giving meaningful touch because our child “feels” different. Our sons begin to “feel” muscular and strong and so we back away. Our daughter’s bodies begin to mature, no longer like little girls, and we back away.

No. Don’t do that. They need the father’s touch.

Meaningful touch is a symbolic transference of power, authority, validation and acceptance.

This is one of the reasons why Dr. James Dobson advises parents not to use their hands to discipline children. Our hands should always signal acceptance and love.

And God forbid that you would withhold meaningful touch as punishment! Learn my brothers to discipline in love and never to withhold love!

Never withhold your touch. That is cruel. And you will reap the whirlwind.

No matter how old your child, repent and engage by faith in a consistent demonstration of meaningful touch.

You have to read the book but here is an example of the power of meaningful touch:

“Repeatedly Dr. Krieger has found that hemoglobin levels in both people’s bloodstreams go up during the act of the laying on of hands. As hemoglobin levels are invigorated, body tissues receive more oxygen. This increase of oxygen energizes a person and can even aid in the regenerative process if he or she is ill. A number of physical changes take place when we reach out and touch. Studies show that touching can actually lower a person’s blood pressure. Low blood pressure is an important part of staying healthy. In a recent study UCLA found that just to maintain emotional and physical health, men and women need eight to ten meaningful touches each day. At times, the smallest act of touch can be a vehicle to communicating love and personal acceptance.”

Reach out.

There is power in the father’s touch.

Please share your thoughts and questions.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

Remember to H.A.L.T

2011-05-04T18:06:00.000-04:00

How do you respond to physical discomfort?

For instance, if you feel pain in your hand don’t you check to see what is wrong?

Our feelings or moods function the same way. They let us know to stop and check the condition of our heart and mind.

If you fail to check your heart and mind you become vulnerable to spiritual distraction or deception.

Remember that most temptations to sin against God are based on unmet desires or needs.

Too many Christian men fail to be honest about what they are thinking and feeling.

Instead of being honest they live in denial. They think they can handle temptations in their own strength.

And so they end up sinning against God and their families.

Charles Stanley used the acronym H.A.L.T. as way for us to recognize when we are vulnerable and need to check in with the Lord.

H for Hungry: There are all kinds of hunger like the emotional and spiritual hunger for success, validation or control (to name a few). Sometimes God has you wait on his provision. Sometimes we just have to hunger more for God.

A for Angry: Anger is a secondary emotion. This means that anger is often based on some kind of hurt. I will also add that many brothers manifest anger because they are depressed and don’t know how else to express it. How do you respond when you are hurt?

L for Lonely: Loneliness can hit a man hard. Why? What many men value most is autonomy and independence. We grow up thinking that we don’t need anything or anybody. But we are designed for relationship and intimacy.

T for Tired: I have a confession. When I am tired or disturbed from sleep I am the most ornery, irritable and bad tempered brother. Maybe I am not alone? But being tired is not simply about the physical. We can become emotionally and spiritually weary and faint.

Ah! There is so much more to say, not just about H.A.L.T, but fear, sadness, frustration, anxiety, guilt and more!

My point: What you feel is not the sin. What you feel is a warning. A warning to HALT! Stop! Turn to God and not your own strength.

Through His grace God will keep you from falling.

But build your walls of protection by:

Living life on purpose
Designing protection and accountability into your life
Having brothers you can call
Renew your thinking by reading, studying and memorizing Scripture

Please tell me what you think and post your thoughts below.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio