The trouble is, unless you’re writing in the nineteenth century, or are very very well-known for your poetry or short stories, a publisher is not going to publish you writing short stories or poetry.  The financial calculations don’t add up.

So if you’re a poet or your genre is short stories – what now?  There is one very useful element to writing short stories that may help you to get published.  The short story competition.

It’s good practice for a writer to get something to an acceptable standard where you’re happy to have it judged.  Or at least to a point where you feel you can’t look at the damn thing anymore..

Short story competitions normally charge to enter, but the costs are relatively low.  If you win this is exactly the sort of writing experience you can include in a covering letter. It demonstrates that someone has weighed your writing and found you talented.  This moves you to the top of the slush pile, for when the assessing editor or agent is feeling fresh and enthusiastic.

And poetry?  There are also poetry competitions and they do also carry a certain amount of weight, but even very established poets struggle to make money out of publishing poetry.  Don’t get me wrong, I think the world needs more poems and (probably) more poets, it’s just that the world isn’t prepared to pay for them.

Writing poetry is an excellent apprenticeship for writing generally.  You have to pack so much into such a small space, and let words do a lot of hard work to start the images spiraling out in the reader’s mind like oil drops on a puddle.

There’s an excellent short story competition run by Askance Publishing where a third of the entrance fee goes to help charity – Emmaus – an organisation that helps homeless people gain skills and self-respect.  Why not give it a go – and help others at the same time.

Do you write short stories or poetry?  Do you agree with what I’ve written or do you think I’m being unfairly gloomy?

Now I go with one of my clients, Louise Jordan at the Writers’ Advice Centre and we meet authors to discuss their ideas for children’s books.  Not only are the meetings more spread out, they’re a lot more interesting (and Louise provides sandwiches and wine – which also makes the day run very smoothly!).

I did a post before I went for the Writers’ and Artists’ Yearbook on whether authors should attend, so I approached the day with that question in mind.  What would you get out of it as an author?

Well this year, you could book free appointments with Louise and me if you write for children.  There were some coveted ‘pitch to a real live agent’ slots at the Author’s Lounge.  The stall next to us had free cupcakes and lovely bags..

As I said in my piece for Writers’ & Artists’, the most useful element of the fair is to get a sense of who the main publishers are (the bigger the publisher, the plusher the stand), and what they’re promoting as their lead titles.

Traditionally there was always the Other Room at the LBF where the organisers hid remainder book companies (the dirty truth about where books go to die) and production companies (the tedious truth about how books are born) and a few other oddities.  This seems to have morphed into the Tech Area.  It’s got Very Glossy.

Self-published authors are big business, and the companies are out there to get your attention.  Amazon, Kobo, self-publishing packagers, Ether Books (look them up – they’ve got an extremely interesting approach) are here – and here to stay.

Their stands are professional, and unlike the rest of the fair, they welcome new authors with open arms.  There was a full schedule of seminars and events, and even a couple of waiters circulating with canapes.  Canapes no less!

Did you go this year?  If so, what did you think?  And if not, would you consider going another year?

PS I would write about the book launch I attended at the end of the day – but there were no copies of the book there… I did pick up a copy digitally later, but it doesn’t feel like a launch without a book!

But it was south of the river.  I’m a committed north-londoner (in exile admittedly).  I got off the bus at the wrong stop.  I argued with google maps.  I managed to somehow ‘not see’ a huge brightly coloured building that was clearly labelled with the name I was looking for.  I got lost IN the building.  Twice.

Can  you tell I wasn’t on top form?  It didn’t matter.  I could just lie back and think of Erotica as the day swept me along regardless.  I could write a full report on everything I saw and heard on the day, but it’s been expertly done by the other delegates, so I’ll concentrate on the writing and publishing elements.

The Family Planning Association (along with the Brook Advisory Service) were there to raise awareness of some truly horrendous budget cuts, but also to ask authors to incorporate safe sex in their writing.  As an erotic writer – do you do that?  As a reader, do you find it adds or takes away from your enjoyment?

Maureen Scott from EtherBooks was talking about short pieces being read on a mobile app, fascinating stuff, particularly for a global market as smart phones and tablets are becoming essential kit all over the world.  I’m going to be examining their model very closely (there’s an app relaunch happening soon) as I think there could be some very interesting opportunities for authors coming up there.

My talk was on the importance of editing erotica, the particular elements you need to consider when writing sex scenes and editing in general.  In short, it was an excuse for us all to laugh at some terrible euphemisms and descriptions.

Remittance Girl then blazed through a blistering  and hugely intelligent talk about the cultural history of pornography and erotica which I won’t do justice to, but there will be a drop box on the Eroticon site so I hope you’ll be able to get it from there.  She tackled the thorny question of the distinction between porn and erotica, with erotica doing something to your brain as well as your other organs.  I think the distinction once you have writers of quality is becoming more blurred, but it’s always interesting to ponder.

Hazel Cushion from Xcite books gave a talk on how to submit to their publishing company.  It was very interesting to be on the other side of the fence, listening to a talk I often give.  I’m not sure we have exactly the same view of the industry but it’s a growing company that’s worth checking out if you’re an author looking for an erotic home.  They seem to focus on e-books, with some titles being available through a print-on-demand system, which I’ve not seen from a mainstream publisher before, but it could work as a model.

The last talk of the day before Ruby’s closing words was a summary of self-publishing, from the successful M.K.Elliott.  The promised hook-up with an American writer fell through due to technical difficulties, but MK (Marissa) gave a very competent summary of things to consider when self-publishing, including navigating the tricky tax issues of publishing in America.  She also explained her professional relationship with her editor, someone she described as essential – always nice for an editor to hear!

I was sorry not to be able to come to the second day of the conference, but I’m hoping to be able to attend again next year.

OFFER FOR EROTICON ATTENDEES

If you’d like to use my editorial services, you qualify for a 10% discount!  Just mention something about the day when contacting me, and use the code HUGGYPOPE.

Do not turn up late so that you have to walk past everyone huffing and puffing from three flights of stairs (got lost in the middle of London Fashion Week which was setting up next door).

Do not wear sandals with socks (best crazy woman feet attire) just because you have some issues with painful little toes.  It’s not a good look, particularly when one of the speakers (Susie Orbach) has a great line in fabulous footwear.

Do not wear every mismatched item of clothing you own (washing Armageddon at home).

Do not buy the books by all the speakers, ask them to sign them for you and mutter ‘I’m your biggest fan’ under your breath.  (I’ve just got rid of over 700 books, buying new ones has become a compulsion – print rushing to fill a vacuum..)

Despite all this, I wasn’t thrown out and was able to enjoy the talk held by the Royal Society of Literature.  It was James Lasdun and Susie Orbach in discussion about his recent book, GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU HAVE.

The talk brought up a number of interesting areas for writers and readers to consider.  Lasdun met his stalker on a creative writing course he was running, and initially thought they had a friendship based on mutual writing experiences.  It turned out that she had a totally different agenda, and the stalking has escalated over the years to include threats to his family as well as a concerted effort to ruin his good name, both personally and professionally.

Both Orbach and Lasdun brought up the intense vulnerability an author feels when putting their work up for comment in a workshop setting, and how even positive praise can feel very intrusive when you’re writing about events close to your own life.

In one of those ironies that life is full of, Lasdun had written a novel about a lecturer being falsely accused of sexual misconduct some years earlier– and it’s this written persona that his stalker took issue with, perhaps mistaking him for it in some way.  She constantly used his words against him, quoting elements from his works, or claiming to have written what he’d already had published.

When it comes to reputation, there is always an element who will consider a story such as this and think ‘there’s no smoke without fire’.  It’s precisely this nebulous sense that gossip must be founded in fact in some way that is hardest for the innocent victim to fight against.  The tendency when reading an incredible story is to apply the logic that you or I would use in a situation.  Why would Lasdun’s stalker behave like this if she didn’t have a good reason?  Ergo, he must be lying in some way.  This logic backfires when dealing with someone very irrational.

Lasdun’s book is careful to be very factual, he mentions at one point that he considered conflating a medical condition with one of the events to make a dramatic point, but resisted.  However inevitably by writing about the situation, he has trapped it in print, made it an event bounded by dates and crafted into a fascinating study of personalities, and this – in itself – has blurred the boundaries between fact and fiction.

How does an author write non-fiction? It’s never a simple retelling of facts, it would be naïve to think your own experiences and personality don’t flavour your work.  Lasdun manages to accept and examine those aspects of himself as he works through his thoughts about a very difficult part of his life.

He was careful to refute the suggestion that this work may be viewed as an act of revenge, but it is certainly a rebuttal, and a reclaiming of his name and reputation, and a masterful one at that.

For the last two years my books have been piled.  Everywhere.  Precious first editions nuzzled up next to disposable airport thrillers.  ’Sort out the books’ has been lurking on a variety of lists.

The impetus to get it done has nothing to do with New Year.  My daughter’s Guide troop are raising money for their camp holiday this summer, and someone suggested selling books.  ’Bingo,’ I thought and the Great Book and Bake sale is planned for next week.

The books in the picture are the ones that are going.  I’ve decided classics can go – I’ve read the ones I’ve got a number of times, and I can get free e-copies if I need to read them again.  I’ve let my crime collection go.  I love crime, but I’m more interested in seeing what new books are coming out than re-reading Eric Stanley Gardner.  I have reference books I’ve not referred to for twenty years, they can go.  Cookery books that have failed to provide a single good recipe, gone.  Children’s books that weren’t beloved, gone.

Any that don’t sell next week are going to our local charity shop, Emmaus.  They are gone, gone gone.

Don’t worry though, I still have at least twice that number still in tidy piles, waiting like good citizens for me to care enough to find shelves.  The nice thing about getting rid of Stuff, whatever form that Stuff takes, is that the items left can show themselves rather than be swallowed up by the piles.  I have found at least 40 books that I haven’t read that look very interesting.  Both children have snaffled books that they wouldn’t look twice at if I’d recommended them, and I’ve discovered we have a truly impressive collection of very good cookbooks.

I’m running a small competition – can you guess how many books are in the picture?  I’m busy sorting them into categories, and laying them out nicely, and I’m going to count them.  So far the guesses range from 1 (a cynical friend who thinks the picture is actually a book cover) to over 1,000.  I will be sending a small prize to whoever gets closer – and it won’t be a book (unless you want one!).  Guessing ends midnight on Friday 11th January.

PS I guest blog on the Writers’ & Artists’ site, which is where you’ll find my suggested Christmas creative writing prompts, my summary of the year, and my 10 New Year’s Resolutions for writers.

I’m not going to lie.  The reason Amazon has a smile on the box currently has a lot to do with my last week’s shopping habits (mostly not books though).   I’m thinking of making my next invoice out just to them, cutting out the middle man – although then of course, neither of us would be paying tax..

But there is another way.  My favourite bookshop of all time is Topping Booksellers in Ely.  This photo was taken there last week from their top floor, while I was enjoying a cup of coffee and the view and pretending work deadlines were not relevant to me.

So what do you get from an actual bookshop rather than a cost-cutting giant?  You don’t get Black Friday.  You do get free black coffee.  The smiles come from the staff, not the box, and above all you get a terrific selection of lesser-known titles and quirky ideas for Christmas presents.  They are well known for the signed first editions – most of which are available at the same price as the unsigned versions.

The following books are presented in no particular order and I have not been given any money or books in kind to promote them (if you discount the coffee at Toppings – but all their customers can get that!).  I’ve linked to the publishers where possible.  Please do go to an actual bookshop to buy them.  Or they will die out.  Remember – a good bookshop is for life, not just for Christmas.

If you do go chasing one of these particular titles and it’s out of stock, remember the two great strengths of a good bookshop.  They can get most titles in within a day or two (assuming they’re in print), and, being a knowledgeable book-loving bunch, they can suggest alternatives.

The Twelve Quirky Book Days of Christmas (and a couple of others thrown in)

Looking for a stocking filler for children?  Try anything small published by Usborne.  The ‘Fifty’ series is excellent, wipe-clean cards on a variety of topics - I was particularly taken by  this one but any of the series work well, last well, and fit into most sizes of stocking.

If you have a child who has an uncomfortable desire to always know the details of everything this is the book for them.  THE TRUTH ABOUT CHRISTMAS by Philip Ardagh will keep them quiet for an hour or two at least.

This charming little book was originally made for Queen Mary’s Dolls’ House in 1922, and is the story of a fairy who was blown into 1920s London.  A beautiful object as well as a lovely story, this is a step above any Fairy Magic series of books.

Do you remember the I-Spy series of books?  Have you ever tried to drive for more than 30 minutes in a car with a child?  I would like to offer the perfectly named ‘I Spy Everything on the Road’ for a mere £2.50.

And now a few books for the awkward adult in your life…

 Susan Hill’s latest creepy offering – DOLLY has been getting shudderingly good reviews and again, a beautiful book object that would look appealingly sinister peeping out from some tissue paper.

 Patricia Ferguson’s success is an example of how a good bookshop can really ‘make’ an author.  Toppings recommended this title – word of mouth and with a handwritten review wrapped around the book, and sold over one hundred copies.  Buy a copy and see what the staff liked so much about it.

 Instead of sending a Christmas card, why not try TWELVE POEMS OF CHRISTMAS – selected by Carol Ann Duffy.  There are three volumes – all beautifully presented and a bit more thoughtful as a gift.

For the retired Telegraph reader in your life, this is a collection of unpublished letters with the traditional tones of polite outrage and disgust, titled  IMAGINE MY SURPRISE.

 YOU ARE NOT SO SMART is a great gift to give someone who you feel is a little bit more fond of their intellectual abilities than you think they should be – but is interesting in its own right – the full title goes on to say:  Why Your Memory is Mostly Fiction, Why You Have Too Many Friends on Facebook, and 46 Other Ways You’re Deluding Yourself.

 Who doesn’t enjoy a mean sense of pleasure at someone else’s misfortune?  The perfect book for listing the various different ways one can revel in dire situations, SCHADENFREUDE is an elegantly packaged collection of snippets of hatred.

And at the other extreme – this lovely little book of clouds has been produced with the Met Office.  It’s not the only small cloud book – it’s spawned a heap of imitators but this is one of the best.

 Talking of clouds and rain and nice weather for ducks, the ‘Know Your‘ series has also become more popular than you’d think the topic warranted. I like ducks, but you can also garner information on more farmyard animals and a variety of machinery.

Two more suggestions that aren’t really books but still come under paper goods:

The Ordnance Survey maps produce historical editions of pretty much most of the UK  - a good present for anyone interested in their own local history.

If you’ve not already snapped up the Penguin and Puffin cover postcard boxes (100 in a box), they’re an excellent addition to anyone’s list, but this year’s topical favourite has to be the James Bond postcards with props, stills and posters from the films.

I hope you found something useful and beautiful in this list, and remember – use your bookshop.  No amount of ‘customers who bought this item also bought this item’ will ever replace a talented bookseller.

PS if anyone’s looking for my Christmas list, these top ten notebooks would do nicely!

I’m a huge fan of editing (not just because it keeps me in coffee and gin) but there is a time and a place for it – and that moment of white-hot inspiration when you’re in flow is not the time to be wondering about whether your sentence structure is perfect.

A couple of things I’d like to say to you NaNoWriMo-ers:

Firstly – and this is meant most sincerely – well done.  You have moved from ‘I’ll write a novel one day’ to having written the bulk of one in a month.  You’ve ignored dirty houses, screaming children, sleep (it’s for wimps) and done something amazing.

Secondly – when you get to the end of your month and you have your 50,000 raw words – what next?  If you do nothing else, I would strongly recommend that you put it in a drawer for at least a month and let it fester.  Come back to it with fresh eyes and you’ll be able to see what needs doing much more clearly.  Also after a month of writing non-stop you probably need to wash, sleep, remind your family you’re alive etc etc.

I would like to extend an offer to anyone who successfully completes NaNoWriMo this year.  If you sign up to my newsletter (box to the right – tick the option for blogs and news rather than just blogs), I will give you a special 10% discount on any of my editing packages that you book before the end of February 2013.

If you’d rather have someone look at what you’ve written straight away, I’m offering a special NaNoWriMo Sifting Service.  I’ll read all 50,000 words and send you a two page report, outlining your strengths and weaknesses as a writer, and including a plan for taking what you’ve written forward.  This will cost £220 – again you’ll need to sign up – and will be valid for anyone who books before February 2013.

How’s NaNoWriMo going for you?  (grunts are acceptable as comments..)

Today I’d like to thank three places I regularly go to to write that suit me perfectly – and may suit you too if you’re in the area.  No money or goods have changed hands for these reviews, and they are my own unvarnished opinions.  (I will gracefully accept coffees in recompense though…).

My first spot is very local to me – CJ’s Cafe in Waterbeach.  It only has two booths but is perfectly situated on the village green.  CJ (Cheryl) makes terrific hot food (all kinds of all-day breakfast) at very good prices, decent if not spectacular coffee, and service is always friendly.  I use CJ’s very specifically if I need to turn off the internet as they don’t have WiFi and that concentrates the mind wonderfully.

Slightly further afield is Caffe Nero’s in Ely.  One of my favourite chains anyway, this light and airy cafe offers plugs for your laptop, and also free WiFi -so allows for frequent browsing and writing.  Coffee excellent, chairs comfortable, and very close to the lovely Topping & Co Bookshop for browsing if you decide you need to do more research.

I’m often in London and needing to work inbetween meetings, and have various good spots – but a new one is The Merchant of Bishopsgate, a cafe/pub/wine-bar/ restaurant right in Liverpool Street Station.  It’s a home from home (if my home was stocked with delicious food and helpful serving staff of course).  They offer a range of nibbly snacks, perfect for grazing on as you work, along with bigger meals, good coffee, and very good booze for when your writing isn’t going as well.  They also offer plugs and free wi-fi and I got three reports written up last time I was there.

I was as curious as anyone, and rather disappointed to read that the rumours that she’d written a crime novel weren’t true.  Before we left on the school run, the door bell went and my fat copy (cheaper in print than as an e-book) was delivered, to tease me all day as I got on with all the other bits of the day that I couldn’t postpone.

I finally got to sit down with it at 9pm.  By 11.30pm I’d finished, and being asked on Facebook chat whether I would recommend it.  Would I?  I’m honestly not sure.  I’ve heard that other early reviews have been largely negative but I avoided reading them, wanting to get as unbiased a read as I could manage.

What if this had appeared on my slush-pile?  Would I add myself to the long list of professional readers who turned JK Rowling down before her professional writing career had taken off?  I think my response would have been to pass THE CASUAL VACANCY on to an agent with some caveats.

So what’s it about?  Set in a village which has become a suburb of a larger sprawling town, the novel starts with the death of a charismatic friendly parish councillor, and the ensuing battle to gain his seat.  The parish council are fighting about relocating their ‘trouble’ estate back into the town’s catchment, and whether to shut down an addiction centre which has limited success.

JK Rowling then proceeds to do pretty much everything I recommend authors don’t do.  She head-hops furiously, with at least twenty different points of view.  She tells the reader a lot that she could show them, making them work harder.  She kills off characters (despite the lack of crime) with teenage abandon.

And does all that rule breaking work?  I’m sorry to be so mealy-mouthed, but the answer seems to be – yes – in parts.  Reading JK Rowling’s adult fiction has crystallised for me what her strengths are.  She’s an accomplished story-teller, a weaver of strands of different but convincing events that mesh to give a satisfying picture.

Despite the fact her characters tend towards cliches (no surprises in the way any of them speak or behave) the polite antipathy of a small community is beautifully drawn. The claustrophobic reality of having your political enemy treat your embarrassing rash in their role as GP is horribly accurate.

Read it and enjoy it for what it is – an unravelling of a community all hiding their own secrets.  And come back and tell me what you thought.

We work through various exercises which focus on different areas – such as description, characters, or plot development – and everyone reads out their efforts.

This month we were writing about feet, then trying our hands at haikus (which none of us had written before – at least in English  - one of the attendees had written them in Japanese), then looking at using a colour to convey an emotion.

Everyone was very pleased with the haikus – although you can find yourself with haiku hangover – where everything has to be in haiku form – so I’m putting a few sample ones up.

Our haikus were inspired by feet – and by this picture of a cat.  The cat was seen as a retired major type pontificating on mice capture, a hungry cat, and a superior owner of a human.

I am a hungry cat

Sniffing smell

mmmm, meal is fish! - Mayumi

Cat may look at me

Whiskers point elegantly 

Queen in a fur coat. – Cressi

Tiny toes curl downwards

Trapping Grandad’s knotted ancient

finger in their vice. - Dave

Foot on a pedal

Too fast to follow, flies past

Pushes, gone away - Chris

Feel free to add your own feet, cat, or even cat feet haikus in the comments.