The Book of Band Names

Duran Duran = Quran, Quran

2011-06-28T10:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Universe, please find a nice musical group of Muslim lads, to start a Duran Duran tribute band, called 'Quran Quran'. Start with Save a Prayer

We haven't stopped loving you.

2011-06-07T15:28:00.000-07:00

I've spent the last few months coming up with baby name ideas, for my future baby. Let it not impede your band name search any longer.

Jerk Circles [pr: jurk sur-kuhls] - noun, adjective :

A large part of punk rock is spoof and word play, just ask John Cougar Concentration Camp. Keith Morris would probably approve, but look down upon you...for still having a punk rock band.

Heaven or Las Vegas [pr: hev-uhn awr lahs vey-guhs] - noun, conjuction:

You should jump on this, before some shitty Director/Screenwriter use it, for a straight-to-Netflix-InstantPlay, Rom-Com does. No need to sound like the Cocteau Twins, but you should at least like/be able to name a few tracks (other than this one) from their catalog. Come on, we've all lied and told a cute girl we like the Cocteau Twins.

Also Known As... [pr: awl-soh nohn az ] - adverb, verb, adverb:

Let the moniker conundrum and overall hip hop silliness begin! Your album must be full of confusing double entendres, and over-the-top word play. Instead of self-titling your first record, it will be called, "Introducing: Emcee Also Known As... aka 'AKA'." Also, how come hip hop groups don't seem to exist anymore? Just solo rappers?

Two for Thursday

2011-03-10T14:05:00.000-08:00

Intellectual Properties [pr: in-tl-ek-choo-uhl prop-er-tees] - adjective, noun plural :

You smart kid, showoff you. You want everyone to know you have the basics down, of business contracting. You can open for the Editors. It just sounds like an intelligent, sweater wearing night, for all concert goers. You will name your album titles after obscure, high scoring words in Scrabble, like "Qat" or "Qi".

Part Time Saviour [pr: pahrt-tahym seyv-yer] - adjective, noun :

This would work well for a one man act, guitar only. Don't be an asshole, like Jack Johnson, Dashboard Confessional, or John Mayer though. I just wanted to say all those guys were assholes...guess this doesn't necessarily have to be limited to a solo act? We just pictured it that way. We also pictured it done being a lot cooler than the guys we just mentioned...like the video and mp3 below of Matthew Teardrop of Manhattan Murder Mystery. We love MMM.

Matt Teardrop of Manhattan Murder Mystery

Download "A Whole Lot of Nothin" by Matthew Teardrop

More Contributions, from (The Make Up) Ladies Man...

2011-02-24T16:22:00.000-08:00

Long time friend, Cosmenaut.blogspot.com author, esthetician, and whiskey enthusiast Greg Hoffman offers us his take on some band name suggestions...

Archipelago [pr: ahr-kuh-pel-uh-goh] - noun:

Sometimes, instead of naming your band after a geographical location, it's good to name your band after a natural occurrence, like Men At Work. With a name like this, you should have no more than three members, but extremely huge sound similar to Tortoise. But, you know, with fewer people. Suits and ties on stage, maybe all white with silver accents. Then, in public appearances, you wear track suits in the same color scheme. Fake vague European accents. As a joke, you record a cover of Sugar Sugar (by The Archies, get it?) and even though it sounds nothing like your other stuff, it will be your most well known song, catapulting you among the likes of The Butthole Surfers and The Flaming Lips. (Note: Due to reading Greg's transcriptions on an iPhone, we thought his original suggestion was "Archipelago Sometimes"...which we also think rules!)

Rum Soaked Lady Fingers [pr:ruhm sohkd ley-dee fing-ers] - noun, adjective, noun:

It's tempting to take this string of words literally, therefore possibly evoking images of hard drinking, hard rocking, chick-driven awesomeness. Unfortunately, we know the truth: delicious dessert. So, you should be an aging, waist-expanding, sit-down house band at some horrible touristy bar, playing quirky covers of classic rock and country tunes from song books. And taking cake for tips.

Locke & Lowell [pr: lok and lohl] - noun, conjunction, noun:

Consider yourself the bastard lovechild resulting from a quaalude-infused one night stand between later Hall & Oates and early Simon & Garfunkel. To fully commit to this name, the lead singer and the guitarist should legally change their respective last names to Locke and Lowell, parrying any assumptions that your band name is a reference from Sofia Coppola's Lost In Translation. However, just to keep everyone guess, your best song should be a hidden track on your first record, called, "Evelyn Waugh Was A Man". Play some hard rock in mesh tank tops and everyone will love you. Still don't get it?! Ask the next old Japanese guy you see in a strip club to "What kind of music say, The Rolling Stones play?" Locke & Lowell. They can open for Sanford & Sons, I mean, Mumford & Sons.

The Monkey Shines [pr: Mungh-kee Shayns] - noun, verb:

Remember that movie? Don't worry, nobody else does either. It was about a guy who becomes a quadriplegic and gets a helper monkey to help him out. Then the monkey goes crazy and fucks with him and everybody and stuff. Lesser George Romero (might make for a good album name). You need an indie rock sensibility like The Shout Out Louds, Clap Your Hands, Hot Hot Heat. And, as such, only your first record should be really great. Strive to be the sort of band Nick Harcourt won't stop talking about. Go on Carson Daly just to talk shit. If you're not gonna do the Flying Monkey suits from The Wizard of Oz - which you totally should - consider tight, white undershirts as your uniform. Especially for the chick drummer. Kick out the former child star who drinks too much because he's fucking up your dynamic (even though he thinks it's his band).

Make it Hip.

2011-02-09T13:41:00.000-08:00

Here's a few from our East Coast contributor, Kerry McCrohan. If anyone needs a good production guy in the East Coast, contact us, and we'll get you in touch with him! Here's a few suggestions from Kerry:

PAPER GANGSTER [pr: pey-per gang-ster] - noun, noun:

All signs point to dedicating this name to Tom Hanks' other showbiz son, but looks like he's sticking with "Chet Haze". I say this works for a band, or an emcee. The potential irony is limitless!

GESUNDHEIT! [pr: gəˈzo ontīt] - exclamation:

Don't use this, unless you're gonna include the exclamation point in the name, please...we just want it that way. Your hair, your skin, and your clothes, should look something like this. You have keyboards that you kind of play live, and this band, not Kraftwerk, is a major influence.

THE STICK UP KIDS [pr: stik uhp kids] - noun, adverb, noun:

Yeah, we know, there's The Get Up Kids, The Pinehurst Kids, The Cool Kids, and now this. But its been forever since those bands have been around. Haven't you learned anything from the Movie Industry?! If its been done, and people have forgotten about it, go ahead and use it again!

Band Names Suggestions from an actual musician...

2011-01-13T10:45:00.000-08:00

L.A. musician Tom Ackerman, from Skiploader, Sunday's Best, The Kite Eating Tree, and Star Parts, has graciously provided us with his own band name suggestions...cause it seems you still can't properly name your own bands...I'm talking to you, Wicker. Really? Like the baskets?

THE CURL & DRAG [pr: th ee kurl uhnd drag] - definite article, verb, conjunction, verb:

A little hockey terminology comes into play, for this band designation. You should probably look like you don't care much for sports, to fittingly pull this one off. Otherwise it may be too over the top if you're a Canadian band, that sounds like the Barenaked Ladies.

TIGRIS & EUPHRATES [pr: tahy-gris uhnd yoo-frey-teez] - noun, conjunction, noun:

Geography is your good friend with this suggestion. It also tells your followers that you have the basic ability to remember things from 6th grade Geography class. You will play the kind of post-hardcore that earns you a ticket to ride in an Econoline Van, thanklessly touring the country with any of Blake Schwarzenbach's post-Jawbreaker bands.

DO THE MATH [pr: doo thee math ] - verb, definite article, noun :

Rock it hard. Jawbox style. Would look good on the marquee with "+/-" and Do Make Say Think, for overkill.

HAND OVER FIST [pr: hand oh-ver fist] - noun, preposition, noun :

We're going against Tom's post-hardcore recommendation, and asking you to name your emcee crew Hand Over Fist. No cutesy spelling with "Ova". Its been a long time since we've been graced with bad "$" signs photoshopped on rap album covers.

Thanks to Tom Ackerman for this installment of suggestions. For those of you seeking a drummer, Tom is currently looking for a band in L.A. to dedicate his skills to. Email us at bookofbandnames@gmail.com, and we'll get you in touch with him. And if you'd like to send us band name suggestions, we will gladly feature and credit you.

Last of 2010 suggestions...

2010-12-27T14:19:00.000-08:00

YOU KILLED MY FATHER, PREPARE TO DIE... [pr: yoo kild mahy fah-ther, pri-pair too dahy] - pronoun, verb, pronoun, noun, verb, preposition, verb :

Inigo Montoya is the inspiration for this band moniker. No matter what you do, you will not look as tough as you sound. Just ask The Murder City Devils. With this band name choice, you will surely be opening for And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead, in no time.

OPEN YOUR EYES, ESSE [pr: oh-puhn yawr ahys, ess-sá ] - verb pronoun, noun, noun :

We think simply "Esse" will work also. This line is also lifted from a cinematic line, courtesy of "American Me". Either way, the irony of you being skinny, white, and not tough at all, adds some novelty your band. Your name alone beats up the contemporary competition. Sadly, Latinos will not flock to your shows. "Who you trying to get crazy with, 'Open Your Eyes, Esse'? Don't you know I'm loco?"

Here's a few bands we thought we created, but sadly already exist:

Grand Mal

Countach

Controversy = Exposure

2010-12-08T11:24:00.000-08:00

9/11 [pr: nahyn ih-lev-uhn] - noun, noun:

Its taboo. Name yourself after the worst attack on U.S. soil, at your own risk. It will definitely create a buzz for you, we just don't promise the good kind. There's a good possibility the likes of Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck will have heard of you, if you proceed with this name...may even have you on their shows for a one-sided, screamy interview. We recommend heavy, instrumental, brooding music. Think along the lines of Trans Am. Too heavy and controversy inducing for you? Try using the name "The Evil Doers".

KNIFE PLAY [pr: nahyf pley] - noun, noun:

We picture this band as having Afro(hair style)-Latin roots. Think Omar and At The Drive In/Mars Volta. Tough sounding band name, in the ilk of Murder City Devils, or Pretty Girls Make Graves. Skinny pants must match the tightness of your rhythm section.

GYROMITE [pr: jī-rō-mahyt] - noun:

We're no copyright experts, but if you're a playful band that doesn't mind having a music career with a shorter glass ceiling, go on and name yourself after this Nintendo game. I never quite understood how it was supposed to be very fun?

CASSIUS BILL CLAY [pr: kash-uhs bil kley] - noun, noun, noun:

See what we did here?! The name Muhammad Ali's Mama gave him + Alan Rickman's notorious villain role in Die Hard. Your wisecracking attitude will make Fat Wreck Chords court you, like lonely, middle aged white men shopping for a Filipino Mail Order Bride.

A unique idea for a Christmas Party.

2010-12-02T15:26:00.000-08:00

For those of you in L.A., looking for a little holiday fun, I urge you to check out this Facebook Page, for the Secret Santa Mixtape Party. Its a novel idea for a Christmas Gift Swap, making your own 'mixtapes', and you will get as you receive. There will be dollar raffle prizes, and all proceeds will go to help out the wonderful music and art venue, the Echo Curio.

And now, on with the band names:

CHIT CHAT [pr: chit-chat] - noun, verb:

Better have some Casio in your musical instrument arsenal. You need it, to open for LADYTRON. You should have some pretty sweet, angular haircuts.

THE GOSPELS [pr: gos-puhls] - noun:

Better you don't sound like spiritual music, in the sense of a Michael W. Smith, or DC TALK. You should have at least an heir of being pretty bad ass...you know, like Jack White? In fact, if you produce that dirty rock sound, you could even open for any of his band incarnates.

Those are taken.

2010-11-16T16:36:00.000-08:00

One must act fast, is what we're learning. Going through a list of band names we thought we conceived over the years, turns out they already exist! Here's a few we like, and we thought we invented:

Elephant Stone: Bands, when in doubt, name yourself after a song from a band you like...thanks, Stone Roses!

Sweater Weather: We had this idea, and hoped the band would sound along the ilk of BRAID.

Strange Bedfellows: As in, sometimes politics makes for...

Forlorn: We pictured a band that could feign sad, and open for Bright Eyes...turns out this band thought Metal would be more suitable.

Jai Alai: This band is now defunct, not sure what the etiquette is on taking a lesser known band's name? Named after the sport...you know...like the account they fought to keep in Mad Men, when business was going down the toilet.

And now, here's a few suggestions for our growing list of band name suggestions:

TECHNOLOGY IN THE WORKPLACE [pr: tek-nol-uh-jee in the wurk-pleys] - noun, proposition, definite article, noun:

It just makes sense to have a drum machine, or some guitars on loop, with this name. Think along the lines of electronic savvy DNTEL, or Boards of Canada for reference. You guys should look smart also...like your mother calls you incessantly, in addition to checking up on you, for simple computer IT related problems she has on a daily basis.

2 WEEK BENDER [pr: too week ben-der] - noun, noun, noun :

This is reserved strictly for 90's style punk/ska bands...are there any still left? See 2-Tone Records...out of curiosity, this suggestion from a contributor led me to see if Fat Wreck Chords was still in business? Apparently they are.

HELVETICA [pr: hel-vet-uh-kah] - noun:

When in doubt band guys, just open up Word, and see what typefaces and fonts have to offer you. Also acceptable? Times New Roman. With a name like Helvetica, you should probably surround your stage with ram's head skulls. Also makes us think of this fictitious metal band, care of Mr. Show.

Bi-lingual and Hip Hop Suggestions

2010-11-12T14:08:00.000-08:00

Ca Va? Ca Va [pr: Sah Vah? Sah Vah] - Its French:

Anyone with a few years of basic High School French can appreciate this one. If you need a clearer illustration of how this is used in everyday conversation, we defer to The Flight of The Concords. You should look stylish in black. Middle-of-The-Country Americans won't be able to tell if you're a foreigner or not? You will fit in playing at Cake Shop in NYC...bands like The Virgins will love you, and plead with their label to sign you as well.

AGAMEMNON [pr: ag-uh-mem-nuhn] - noun:

Greek Mythology is an untapped resource in my opinion. If you're an Emcee, stuck without a name, please consider. You can get in a crew with the likes of Jeru The Damaja, and Afu-Ra. You can make Agamemnon work...there's words that rhyme with Agamemnon...Tron, Thong, Flan...see? Also works if you're a former member in a band like Glassjaw, and have formed a post hardcore band with other members of defunct bands.

THE CAB BABIES [pr: kab bey-bees] - noun, noun:

This is an incredulous ode to pregnant mothers who unwillingly delivered their offspring in the back of a taxi cab, en route to the hospital...and possibly had to deal with a very flustered Sikh driver in the aftermath. Sound wise? I say use the element of surprise, with this band name. I'd personally show up early, to see the opener for a band like Superchunk, if they were called 'The Cab Babies'. Be prepared for a possible plethora of unwanted parallels to Death Cab For Cutie, though.

Furthermore...

2010-11-11T13:25:00.000-08:00

LOL [pr: el-oh-el] - verb:

You should not proceed with this band name, unless your members are between the ages of 13 to 22. Otherwise you will be older, forced to remain silly looking, and forever stuck in the genre we recommend you sound like...such as these guys. We kinda think "LOL" is annoying to read...why not express yourself with "Hahaha" and pay homage to one of our most beloved Simpsons Characters? You should probably sound more punky than Brewster, but be willing to retire your band after your second year of college.

ME LOVE YOU, LONG TIME [pr: mee luhv yoo lawng tayhm] - pronoun, verb, pronoun, adjective, noun :

You're wacky, you're fun, you're light-hearted indie rock, you watch Stanley Kubrick, or think 2 Live Crew is kitschy. It couldn't hurt to have a cute, female, bass player in the band...who is Asian. Trust me, she won't mind this band name.

THE CHEAP THRILLS [pr: cheep thrils] - adjective, verb:

This kind of creative license allows you to be the kind of musicians that even The Strokes or Jason Schwartzman could easily beat up. But, you still have the potential for a one-record, record deal. You relocated with your bandmates from Oregon, to San Francisco. Your 4.3 Pitchfork album rating earned you an opener slot touring with She & Him. But, you guys are not allowed to look at or talk to Zooey Deschanel directly.

What's In a Name?

2010-11-11T09:51:00.000-08:00

BLACK PORN [pr: Blak Pawrn] - adjective, noun:

You shouldn't be the kind of band that fucks around a whole lot, with a name like this. Ideally, you should have a gimmicky line up. Like only having two band members, and the drummer is the lead singer, like THIS defunct whirl-wind of a band. Your musical credibility should be able to stand on its own merit, and create a sense of enigma...because good luck having your fans try to google and find your info with a name like "Black Porn". Then again, this dilemma could create a good buzz for you, giving your fans an opportunity to chastise their peers and appear elite. They can proclaim things like, "You HAVEN'T heard of BLACK PORN?!"

BROOKLYN [pr: Brook-lin] - noun:

Geography can help you out, if you're stuck in finding a suitable band name. You don't even have to be from that place, if you don't want to. Just ask BOSTON, EUROPE, BERLIN, MIAMI SOUND MACHINE, BEIRUT, CHICAGO, EARLIMART, or THE OHIO Players. Since there's a bevy of parents who've annoyingly named their children 'Brooklyn', and probably have never even been there, its time to for a band to assume this moniker. Maybe you can book a gig with fellow NY reference band HARLEM?

RUNYON CANYON [pr: ruhn-yuhn kan-yuhn] - noun, noun

In keeping with geographical location themes, you should be from L.A. (doesn't have to be originally) ideally, to represent this locale for your band name. For those of you who aren't familiar, Runyon Canyon is a historical L.A. park where you can find that demographic of Los Angelenos that make you question "whether or not they are actually employed?" on any given weekday. Great place for hiking, walking your dog, and being seen. As a band, you're probably going to be in the vein of a Nickelback, Three Doors Down, or anything else we deem un-listenable. The bright side? Those bands get all the chicks!

YEAH, BUT NO [pr: jɛə buht noh] - adverb, conjunction, adverb

This band should consist of a married couple. Music is completely acoustic only. You will release a b-sides album, with bonus material comprised mostly of recorded arguments between songs, because there is nothing worse than listening to a married couple have an argument. You will be the supporting act to fellow cohabitant acts likes Mates of State, and Matt & Kim.

What is The Book of Band Names?!

2010-11-09T16:39:00.000-08:00

The premise for this online resource is simple. For years, we've felt that there's too many musicians out there, who are just incapable of naming their bands. There are sometimes 3, 4, possibly more band members, and yet you can't seem to collectively come up with a moniker that will prevent you from being mocked.

Now, we'll be the first to admit that we're quite fond of some bands with questionable band name choices, however, if you can't overcome your mediocre name with the quality of your sound, then you sirs and m'ams are at an impasse.

That's where we come in. We will compile a list of band name suggestions(as frequently as possible), let you know what we think you should sound like, look like, and the types of drugs we think would aid your creativity/downfall. We'll leave the MySpace band page layout to you.

Before we go any further, here's a sampling of some band names that make us feel shame for you. Come on, 'Doom Tree'? 'Taintstick'? 'Super Villains'? Music is one of those things we think its acceptable to 'judge a book by its cover'...and these covers make us think you should put your instruments and equipment up on Craigslist sooner than later.

We plan on putting our first recommendations for band names up this week...we'd love to hear what you think of them...if you're a band that's stuck, you may even feel free to use these suggestions! Stay posted.

Love,

The Book of Band Names

PS-Check out a video of the recent Descendents reunion, in Austin, Texas last week. Now, there's a good band name..."The Descendents". Makes you think of primal type things, and more importantly, looks good as patches sewn on the back of high school kid's backpacks, after all these years...

The Descendents performing "Bikeage" at The Fun, Fun, Fun Fest in Austin, Texas.

Alphabetical Page View of Band Names

2010-11-05T10:03:00.001-07:00