The first time I played air hockey the other kid knocked the puck up off the table and it slammed into my fingers. It took me years to recover from the mental trauma. I could never get the hang of the game because I was always flinching or closing my eyes in anticipation of the pain that is caused by a thin disk of orange plastic against bone.

The first time my dad took me to see the Chicago Cubs play was very disorienting. Everything was so far away and I really had no idea what was going on most of the time. I was so used to the TV giving a running commentary, it’s sudden absence was startling.

Sometimes ice cubes like to play tricks on kids. On a blazing hot summer day I would come in from my daily tree climbing expedition to get myself a giant glass of ice water. Throw a pile of ice cubes into the glass and then fill it to the top with thirst quenching goodness. Secretly, the ice cubes have fused together and cling to the bottom of the glass waiting to strike. Halfway through my first swallow the ice berg releases to simultaneously stab my nose with a sharp cube corner and spill water down the front of my shirt.

Also, come see me at the Emerald City ComiCon this weekend!

I don’t think I have ever successfully kept and indoor house plant. I know when I was a kid I had a cactus but I kept it in the front window with all the other plants that my mom would water. My amazement at how little water it needed probably ignored the fact that it was getting regular drinks from a different source.

Also, come see me at the Emerald City ComiCon this weekend!

For some reason the “World’s largest” food items seem to be on the news frequently. Whenever I see them I always have the same reaction. “That looks like it tastes horrible.” How can you possibly make a 200 pound hamburger and have it taste like anything more than a waste of everyone’s time.

It is so scary when something hits the windshield of the car when I’m driving on the highway. It’s mostly the fear of what might be about to happen. That and the fact that I instinctively close my eyes whenever it happens. They stay closed for longer than they really should be. I guess I’m afraid of what I will see when I open them again.

Washington State Convention Center
800 Convention Place
Seattle, WA 98101-2350

I’ll be sharing booth #206 with Bill and Gene of Unshelved. Come hang out and we can exchange small pieces of paper for a larger stack of paper with funny drawings printed on them. I will even draw on them to increase the total amusement potential held within.

When I was around 7 or 8 years old my little brother threw a teddy bear. I happened to be drinking a glass of milk at the moment. A glass of milk that I was finishing just in time to look through the bottom of the glass and see the distorted image of a teddy bear flying at my head. It has been a few decades since I got that swollen lip. I have yet to get my revenge.

A find the sound of a springtime chorus of crickets to be relaxing. It’s pleasant to fall asleep to. However, an ambitious soloist trapped in my bedroom is jarring and frustrating. It’s one of those sounds that jumps into your head and pulls you out of sleep right as you are about to fall into a dream. Dream ruiner.

I liked to play a game called “find the grasshoppers” when walking home from school. What you did was walk through people’s yards that had tall grass and watch the grasshoppers scatter as you disturbed them. The tricky part was not walking into a tree while looking at your feet.