The Book of Biff

#1548 – Folded (No Comments)

Chris — Thu, 24 May 2012 05:00:37 +0000

I remember it was hilarious at the beginning of every school year when gym class would start up. We would start out by doing stretches and it was immediately obvious which students had some sort of summertime athletic activity. Everyone else had reverted to barely being able to touch their knees, let alone their toes.

#1547 – Weighted (5 Comments)

Chris — Wed, 23 May 2012 05:00:49 +0000

When I first went to college I had to do grocery shopping while using public transportation. I had never done this before so I was not prepared for the reality of walking many blocks while carrying bags full of groceries. I had to keep stopping to take breaks and rest my fingers. Later I would [...]

#1546 – Slumber (8 Comments)

Chris — Tue, 22 May 2012 05:00:44 +0000

I’ve never been fired but I did have a freelance job unexpectedly end a few weeks early. Waking up that next morning and see that it’s hours after I would have normally arrived at work was pretty magical. The closest thing to that first Monday of summer vacation I’ve felt as an adult.

#1545 – Bagged (8 Comments)

Chris — Mon, 21 May 2012 05:00:51 +0000

The weirdest thing about camping for me is that I always wake up forgetting where I am. “Hmm, those birds are singing really loudly. Did I leave the window open? Wait that one is coming from the side of the room with just a closet. Oh no. I slept through a tornado and the roof [...]

#1544 – Flaming (6 Comments)

Chris — Fri, 18 May 2012 05:00:39 +0000

There was some weird smell that kept appearing at my old office job. The first 5 or so times I was convinced I stepped in dog poop. There was never anything there. I even took my shoes off and held them right up to my nose in case I was stepping in some sort of [...]

#1543 – Shades (8 Comments)

Chris — Thu, 17 May 2012 05:00:27 +0000

I think the most hilarious sunglasses I ever got were handed to me after getting my eyes dilated at the eye doctor. They gave me a small plastic tube that unrolled into a cartoony 1980′s future pair of sunglasses that conformed to my face. I don’t understand why these weren’t a fashion statement from back [...]

#1542 – Stripe (9 Comments)

Chris — Wed, 16 May 2012 05:00:33 +0000

When I moved away to go to college I freaked out when I realized I didn’t know how to do my own laundry. I was reading all the tags and trying to decipher all the different instructions. Apparently I would have to do 12 different loads to wash everything correctly? I gradually realized that when [...]

#1541 – Tardised (5 Comments)

Chris — Tue, 15 May 2012 05:00:09 +0000

Sometimes I swat a mosquito and I am shocked by the amount of blood that is now dripping down my arm. Is that all my blood? How long was that thing drinking before I noticed? Why does it taste like peppermint? Also, Hugs Bison shirts are back in stock!

#1540 – Strong (8 Comments)

Chris — Mon, 14 May 2012 05:00:23 +0000

I don’t drink alcohol or cola. This really makes me an odd person at parties. Usually there are 12 different kinds of beer plus Coke in the coolers. I luck out at parties where children are present. Then I get my choice of fruit punch or apple juice boxes. Also, Hugs Bison shirts are back [...]

#1539 – Hold (5 Comments)

Chris — Fri, 11 May 2012 05:00:19 +0000

Well I guess I’ll go to the burger place across the street… Come on traffic… let’s go… okay where is their restroom? Where? Down this hallway? It’s locked! Oh dang I have to get a key from the cashier? There’s a line! Wait… there’s a flower planter over by that jewelry store!