The Booze Hounds Inc. Running Team

Flashback Friday: Faster, Weaker

2013-05-17T13:54:00.000-04:00

My arms were powerless. My body hung squirming from the bar. There would be no more pull-ups today. Had the urge to rediscover the puke threshold sabotaged the rest of the workout? Or was it that these weeklong breaks between workouts keep forcing me to take a step back after a step forward? Maybe it was just the heat.

Yesterday's visit to the Sand Run Parcours Trail occurred on Northeast Ohio's return to summery weather, with a temperature in the high 70s, which is probably the hottest it's been during a run this year. Can you say "sweaty mess"? I knew that you could.

Although running the par course has become a weekly event this month, breaks of five or more days between runs remains a fairly regular thing, because obviously these short runs are really tiring. My own frustration over my lack of consistency sometimes causes me to do something really stupid like seeing if I can get myself to puke by starting off the workout in a near sprint. By the time I got to the pull-up bar, my body felt wobbly.

It seems those prescribed walk breaks along the course help you recover from each exercise before getting to the next station. Furthermore, I had forgotten my watch, which I use to time my recovery between each rep at the pull-up bar, and I know I usually spend a good five minutes there. Instead I rushed myself and wasn't able to match my previous outings. My arms crapped out after six pull-ups. OK, maybe it was more like five and a half.

By this time, sweat was spurting from my brow. My body sagged like it had a sad. My mind wandered to cope with the total bummer that were the remaining exercise stations. Do you know what this nice weather reminds me of doing? Running barefoot. I haven't done that in a really long time.

Doing 10 push-ups felt the way it would if you were William "Refrigerator" Perry but had the arms of Kate Moss. Leg lifts seemed to be rupturing my quadriceps. Forget about not embarrassing myself on the balance beam. In the end, though, it was another course record, shaving a full three minutes off last time. Sadly, the puke threshold eluded me.

Boozy Book Club No. 11

2013-05-16T11:35:00.000-04:00

Pull up a chair and pour yourself a soothing beverage because it's story time. Better weather always brings about a lull in my reading, but I've been slowly plodding through my stack of library books and comics.

Civil War Reading List
The Civil War books are on the way, way back burner, but I'm sure I'll get back to it later this year. Unfortunately, a freak accident resulted in my bookmark falling out of the big ass Battle Cry of Freedom, but hopefully I'll find my spot when I return to it again.

Unlisted Reading List
I finished Call of the Wild, but have yet to start White Fang in the Jack London collection I got from the library. Call was a good story and quick read. I was surprised to learn that the book is told from the perspective of the dog, Buck. I'm taking a break from London's writing right now, but I'm looking forward to reading White Fang, as I remember really liking the 1991 movie with Ethan Hawke.

In the meantime, I'm reading Philip K. Dick's The Man in the High Castle, an alternate reality set in the West during the 1950s, after the Axis powers defeated the Allies in World War II, and Germany and Japan have split control of the United States. The story centers on six (or so) interconnected characters and an author who has written a popular but subversive novel about a world where the Allies won.

There are three other novels in this collection, but I don't think I'll have time to read them before the book is due back at the library, but I'm hoping to also read Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? which was the basis for Ridley Scott's Blade Runner.

Comic Book Pull List
Not a lot to get excited about since last report. DC just announced the cancellation of Dial H, a kooky riff on superheroes by science fiction writer China Mieville, and Batman writer Scott Snyder ended his run on Swamp Thing and has been replaced by Charles Soule, who has returned the character to his roots (pun intended).

Until now, I had not heard of Soule, but his original graphic novel Strange Attractors came out yesterday, and I'm tempted to pick it up. The story focuses on a young graduate student who discovers that his aging professor has been saving New York City from collapse by a series of "adjustments." I've requested my library buy it and then reserve it for me. We'll see how that goes.

That's everything I'm reading. Now, how about you? What's keeping your nose inside a book these days?

Thoughts on Training

2013-05-14T15:37:00.001-04:00

This week's running keeps getting delayed. Hanging out with friends, playing music, plans to cut the jungle that is my yard after breaking my reel mower and getting boatloads of rain: These things get in the way. But that doesn't stop me from thinking about the running I'd like to be doing.

Despite my decision to DNB the Akron Marathon this year, there's still a strong desire to crack the 20-mile threshold at some point this year. And so that's how I started to build my loose training plan for the Leave No Trace half marathon in August.

The problem is that my buildup has be a little quicker than I'd usually like, but hey nothing's perfect. Going with more of a "15 percent rule" and three days a week, because let's face the fact that I'm barely getting two days a week of running right now.

I'll be honest, the idea of training is freaking me out a little, just as the idea of parenthood freaks me out a lot.

While these two events don't align on an apples to apples comparison, they are both forms of creation. Both require sacrifice, nurturing, consistency and reigning in chaos to produce the desired results. Am I ready to bring this high-tuned running specimen into the world?

Mrs. Viper and I talk a lot about how we want to be good examples for our child. We agree part of that means being fit and active parents.

Some of my fondest memories of my dad are of watching him race the annual 10K in my hometown. I'd go with him to pick up his bib before the race. We'd see him off at the start line. I'd wear the T-shirt while he ran. We'd eat breakfast at the Friendly's that was on the final hill of the route. I can see him waving backwards as he left us behind and how sweaty-gross he was when he returned.

Not that those memories played a part in my becoming a runner, but the importance of sport was always part of my life. When I did start running when I was 26 and decided to enter my first race, I wanted to run that 10K with my dad.

But he wasn't my only influence. Other early memories were of playing in the lobby of the local ice arena while my older brother played hockey. My sister played basketball, then field hockey. My mom used to be a pretty savvy tennis player. I played little league baseball and ice hockey growing up. Until writing this post, I didn't realize how active we were as a family.

With a kid on the way, I want to encourage exercise no matter what activity it may be, and it starts with me and Mrs. Viper. Right now, I may struggle with the fear of training again, but it's important that I find the will to overcome that anxiety. If you scroll down the right column of this blog, you'll see a quote by Dr. George Sheehan, which seems appropriate here.

"Success rests in having the courage and endurance and, above all, the will to become the person you are, however peculiar that may be," he wrote in On Running & Being. "Then you will be able to say, 'I have found my hero and he is me.'"

Damn Cold Snap

2013-05-13T11:34:00.000-04:00

The temperature dropped, some hail fell, and we turned the heat on again. This weekend looked more like November than May, but from freeze warnings last night, it'll climb back up to 80 degrees by Wednesday. Ah, the Midwest. You really do have to love it or leave it.

The good thing about the recent cold snap is it likely delayed the plague of cicadas due to hit us this summer. The bad, however, was my overall "f#@k it" attitude Saturday evening when the rain cleared and the sun came out at last for what could have been a pleasant run. Instead, I walked the dog.

Sunday was more of the same cold and dreary weather and filled with Mother's Day gatherings and repeated encounters with very long lines. Running trails was usurped by running around, buying greeting cards and plants, then fending off the urge to punch a manager at Panera Bread in the face, or rather coaxing my "hangry," five months pregnant wife not to do the punching.

We visited with Mrs. Viper's family in the morning and early afternoon and then mine in the early evening for dinner. It was enjoyable, albeit slothful weekend. You'll have that.

[Ed. note: Not sure how universally understood is the word "hangry," a portmanteau of hungry and angry, but there you have it.]

Flashback Friday: Finishing Under Par

2013-05-10T11:54:00.000-04:00

Maybe this is becoming a regular thing. Maybe pull-ups are addictive. Maybe there's hope.

Another crack at the Sand Run Parcours Trail yesterday resulted in a new personal best for the course this year. This was the third time in two months and the second consecutive week that I've run the exercise trail.

After last week's doughnut trial, my time this go around was 38 seconds faster, which looks even more impressive when you compare the paces of 22:21 vs. 19:10 per mile.

The par course is a few hairs under two miles and features 20 exercise stations, two of which I skip because they're dumb. (Stretching? Pfft! And I don't even know what "Leg and Arm Hop" means.) The course is on the side of a steep hill, so running involves some decent climbs, mostly the second mile. The pull-up station comes early in the second mile, and it's here where I eat up a lot of time standing still.

Pull-ups and chin-ups are one of those great, all-around body exercises, and they're really danged difficult to do. I can do two in a row, but then I need to take breaks between repetitions. So far, I'm up to eight chin-ups and seven pull-ups, and I think I'm hooked.

Awhile ago, I mentioned the possibility of buying a pull-up bar for the house, but I haven't pulled the trigger yet. The Sand Run Parcours Trail is close and free. Aside from running the complete course, I've also stopped by just to hit up the bar.

It takes me about five minutes to finish my reps, so there's a lot of time I could save by improving my prowess. Overall, the par course is just a kick ass workout. By the time I get to the final exercise station, a three-tiered balance beam, my limbs are wobbly from the effort that I feel like I'm walking the line for a DUI test. Today my legs, arms and chest are pleasantly sore. I gotta get back and do it again.

Back Talk
Wherein we talk about waffles

Miss Zippy, Al and Carolina John want to know: So what did I decide after all the waffling about running the Akron Marathon this year?

Answer: Despite saying I'd wait to make a decision, it looks like the Leave No Trace trail half marathon is in my future. As much as I would like to run the Akron Marathon this year, I don't think I'm ready to climb back onto the marathon horse this year and the concern over my pregnant wife makes this the more responsible choice.

Happy Hour is nearly upon us, teammates! Have a finely brewed weekend. Run well and drink well. Cheers!

Booming Cost of Marathons

2013-05-08T08:00:00.000-04:00

The Akron Marathon is cheap by comparison. If you wait until the expo to sign up for the event, you would pay $115, which is just a couple dollars more than the national average for marathon entry fees ($112). You can still get change for paying with a portrait of Ben Franklin until the end of this month.

With a high of 15,000 participants last year, the Akron Marathon is also pretty small. At the other end of the spectrum, there's the New York City Marathon, which will probably cost more than $250 to enter and include close to 50,000 people. So, it could be worse.

But still, $115 can pay for a lot in my world and the childish world to come. I mean, have you looked at the cost of childcare these days? Not to mention the fact that my wife needs maternity clothes; I've been wanting new strings for my fiddle; and I need some work done on my car that I keep putting off. If I had a $100 to spare right now, I wouldn't sign up for the Akron Marathon.

That seems pretty telling.

As does my reaction to reading the comments on yesterday's post along with this Esquire article, which have me thinking against the marathon this year. I love the Akron Marathon and how it ties together the city's neighborhoods. I love the community support. I love the course. But it may be time to let it go for a while.

Your comments elicited some unexpected responses. There's no way in hell I would drop $100 to sign up now and decide whether to run later. My money is always where my mouth is, and I'm a pretty quiet guy. While I could drop down to the half, there's another half marathon a month earlier that I'm considering, which wouldn't cut so close to the baby's due date.

Of course, I could just wing it. Run like I'm training and pay a premium for signing up late. In the end, this isn't life or death. It's just running. The decision can wait.

To Marathon or Not to Marathon

2013-05-07T10:19:00.000-04:00

Now that everyone knows Mrs. Viper is pregnant, they've started to ask me if I'm going to run the Akron Marathon this year.

My first concern is my wife. The race is Sept. 28, and our bundle of life change is due in the first half of October. Mrs. Viper usually watches me finish, and she will be set to pop. What if something happens while out there on the course?

My second concern is myself. I haven't run a marathon since 2011, when I set my ~~personal worst~~ married PR at 4:58:28. Since then, I haven't raced anything longer than a 10K. Last year, my wife and I joined three others in running the five-person relay at the Akron Marathon.

Right now, I should be laying down a good base for marathon training, but we all know that's not happening. While my running has picked up in recent weeks, it's nowhere near base training levels.

The thought of ramping up to 50 miles per week seems incredibly daunting. The fear of failure fills me with doubt.

There are a number of reasons why I want to run the Akron Marathon again:

Marking personal milestones
A sense of triumphant return
Because it's a great event

But I'll need to make running a priority if it's going to happen. I don't want to sacrifice the limited time my wife and I have left as non-parents.

Taking on the marathon again may require me to do something I've never succeeded at doing: becoming a morning runner. Egads! Not that! It may be my only hope.

Flashback Friday: Par for the Course

2013-05-03T09:54:00.000-04:00

Yesterday's experiment tested the fueling capability of a doughnut.

We had a company meeting in the morning, and the boss brought two dozen delicious delicacies from Spudnut Donuts. I had three. To compensate for my poor choice, I only ate the salad I had packed as part of my lunch. So, to review: one vanilla cream, apple fritter, one glazed and a salad with ranch dressing.

My goal was to hit the Sand Run Parcours Trail after work. Last weekend, I stopped by the chin-up bars for seven reps, so I wanted to top that feat while completing the other 19 exercises along the hilly loop.

Yesterday, I managed eight reps and shaved 42 seconds off the last time I ran the whole course. Although, there was no portal to another frontier this time around.

While I didn't feel particularly great throughout the workout, my measurable improvement (on a much hotter day, mind you) indicates that maybe doughnuts aren't so bad for you after all. Good thing, because there are still some left over this morning.

Back Talk
Wherein we, what, we're talking about butts now?

Nitmos, ever helpful, thinks another temptation may be in my future: "A little junk in the trunk? Soon you'll make a Kardashian jealous. Try PopChips, they're delicious."

Answer: Wait, "the healthier choice" is their tagline? I don't want some healthy alternative when I'm snacking. My healthier choice is bacon-wrapped bacon.

Happy hour is nearly upon us, teammates! Have a finely brewed weekend. Run well and drink well. Cheers!

Maybe in May

2013-05-01T08:00:00.000-04:00

It's May already. The new normal indicates that life will never slow down again, but rather increasingly accelerate toward infinity. Therefore, look back at your own peril. We're already losing time to make up lost ground. Here's April's statistical rundown:

Total Miles: 12 miles (5 runs)
Total Time: 2.99 hours
Highest Weekly: 6 miles
Average Weekly: 3 miles
Average Pace: 13:25/mile
The Monthly Dif: +6

If you're up on your math skills, you'll see that I doubled last month's mileage, which impresses exactly no one. Despite recent trends, I'm feeling hopeful for May's running.

Well, at least for this week.

With an average of 1.25 runs per week, it's hard to gain any sort of momentum. Regular runs early this month started to result in improved times, but still it wasn't enough to effect change on the bathroom scale.

Mrs. Viper dropped some knowledge on me last night, telling me she's observed why I've gained more weight than she has during her pregnancy. To wit, when I stop running, I start eating like a trash compactor.

She had heard tales of my prodigious appetite, but had only really witnessed it in the form of snacking. I'll take down a bag of chips in record time. But those used to be isolated instances, whereas my current habits have exacerbated this quality.

In college, I developed a bit of a reputation among friends and family of being able to eat A LOT without really showing signs of it on my frame.

By the time Mrs. Viper and I met, however, my appetite had become less gargantuan, which can probably be traced to the fact that I was conscientious about what I was eating to fuel my body for running.

It's not that I'm eating particularly unhealthily right now, she said, but I'm eating way more. I'm having a hard time with portion control. Maybe this will be a turning point.

Step Back, Chin Up

2013-04-29T09:27:00.000-04:00

Two weeks ago I was bragging about my improved pace on the trails, how it dropped by almost two minutes per mile, but that was two weeks ago, the last time I ran until Saturday. My pace has since stepped back to about 15 minutes per mile.

Saturday was one of those perfect running days. Blue skies. Warm. Nice breeze. The budding leaves providing enough shade to keep it from getting too warm. The parking lot was packed at the Boston Store, where I picked up the Buckeye Trail southbound.

My 35-minute run provided plenty of hills. After the long layoff between runs, my legs felt heavy and my hips ached. The distance clicked in at just under two and a half miles.

This month's mileage won't wow anybody, but it's already more than double the last two months combined, yet still only about half what I ran in January. My anger at my weight and general lack of fitness is finally starting to create some motivation to shape up.

After my run, I stopped at Sand Run and parked as close as I could get to the chin-up bar on the par course, where I managed seven reps. I'd still like to get a bar for the house, but I'll take free for now.

Despite the long gap between workouts, my legs and arms were only mildly sore from the effort. This week's weather forecast looks ripe for running, and I intend to make the best of it.

Dropping the Mike: Pending Fatherhood

2013-04-22T08:00:00.000-04:00

Amid the fallout from the terribleness at the Boston Marathon last week, there's a better than average chance most of you missed my "dropping the mike" reference at the end of last Monday's pre-bombing post regarding the pending parenthood at Chez Viper.

I had this smart-alecky idea of sliding in our pregnancy news at the end of that post and then doing a bigger reveal the next day. Well, best laid plans, and all that about going astray.

Mrs. Viper and I are extremely excited. She's due in early October, which gives me six more months to totally freak out about having a baby. Everything changes, everybody always says. ZOMG!!1! What does that mean?!?

The prospect of having a child is both invigorating and enervating, but in the aftermath of last week's events I find fearing the kind of world we're bringing him or her (we're not finding out) into and thinking hard on the type of father I want to be and the lessons I want to teach my child.

This is all very normal, I assume.

All these thoughts jump into my head: What if we screw him up? What if she grows up to hate us? What if we can't give him a good life? What if we spoil her too much? What if he becomes a douche bag? What if she turns out to be a True Belieber? What if he turns out to be a terrorist like those kids in Boston? What if she's caught in a terrible tragedy like that?

And then there are the more selfish concerns: How are we going to afford all this? What's going to happen to our marriage? Will Mrs. Viper and I ever go on a date again? What about our sex life? Will having a kid make us want to strangle each other? Will I ever have time to play the banjo or fiddle? I'm never going to run again, am I? I'm going to get really fat, right?

I'm already calling my weight gain "sympathy weight," regardless of the fact that I've been hovering around this heft since before the New Year. Despite running more regularly and trying to eat better, my scale keeps telling me I'm a mere couple pounds from my heaviest.

This is all stupid, I try to tell myself in more rational moments. But, cripes! This going to change everything! To help me cope with this life-changing event, I'm turning to you, dear teammates. In the months ahead, I will post parenting questions for your consideration. Because this is a running blog, the first one will deal with what I can expect on that front.

PENDING FATHERHOOD QUESTION NO. 1: With six months until D-Day and a pregnant wife at home, how much running should I attempt? One last shot at a big race vs. just enough to keep fit or somewhere in between?

Flashback Friday: Runners Unite

2013-04-19T10:15:00.000-04:00

This crazy week continues. My radio alarm crackled on to the sound of news reports about a shootout with suspects of the Boston Marathon bombing. It's amazing how quickly criminal investigations unfold sometimes.

I heard of one Boston Marathon runner who went home to Texas and witnessed the massive fire at a fertilizer plant in West, Texas. Can you even imagine?

And then there's this whole poisoned letters thing. The world is scary sometimes. It's times like these that make me thankful for the communities to which I belong.

The running community has come together to display support for the people of Boston, with organized runs and heartfelt blog posts about resiliency, a lesson we've learned from covering long distances. We don't know why this happened, but we refuse to let it dull our resolve.

There were so many good blogs this week that it seems a bit dickish to select just a few to highlight, but that's exactly what I'm about to do. Please don't take offense that I didn't mention your post, but these three made me think, "Damn straight":

Hopefully, the remaining suspects of Monday's tragedy soon will be brought to justice. We will mourn the lives lost, the three at the marathon and now a police officer. It will be a long healing process for those who have been injured during this ordeal and those otherwise affected. As we try to get back to our normal lives, though, let's not lose sight of the real dangers in life.

"Terrorists are experts at tapping into ancient terrors," wrote Dr. Charles Raison, CNNHealth's mental health expert and an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Arizona. "They don't spend their efforts convincing us to drive faster, smoke cigarettes or eat more processed food, which are the real killers in the modern world."

I was thinking of Raison's words last night when I saw two men on motorcycles racing on the highway. People have been taking advantage of the nice weather we've had here in Northeast Ohio this week, but I've also seen a lot of people behaving recklessly on the roads. Let this be a reminder to be safe out there and be mindful of those sharing the road.

Beer Fans Win
The Yankees' "Craft Beer Destination" has struck out. Team BHI helped expose this sham a couple weeks ago. Now Yankee Stadium is safe again for discerning beer drinkers. Hooray!

Happy Hour is nearly upon us, teammates! Have a finely brewed weekend. Run well and drink well. Cheers!

Boozy Book Club No. 10

2013-04-17T12:00:00.000-04:00

Bring out your books. It's time for another club meeting. After a short hiatus upon completing Paul Auster's Sunset Park, I've got a fresh stack of books from the library to finish up. My comic book pull list requires a bit of pruning, but the last couple weeks have provided some entertaining reads. Let's take a look, shall we?

Civil War Reading List
Still on hiatus.

Unlisted Reading List
On the stack today are Jack London's classic tales The Call of the Wild, White Fang & To Build a Fire, with a collection of writing by science fiction master Philip K. Dick, Four Novels of the 1960s. Earlier this week I finished the fluff travel memoir Driving Mr. Albert, by Michael Paterniti. All in all, a nice variety of genres.

Auster's Sunset Park finished up nicely. It reminded me that there are only a few of his books I've not read, and I'd like to complete his ouvre in the near future. That said, I was once on the path to completing the works of Cormac McCarthy, and maybe I should try to get back to that too. So much to read.

Driving Mr. Albert was a quick and enjoyable enough read, but I was misled into thinking it would be hilarious. The story recounts Paterniti's coast-to-coast road trip with Dr. Thomas Harvey, the pathologist who removed and kept Albert Einstein's brain after his death in 1955. The raison d'etre of them driving from New Jersey to California, which takes up 90 percent of the book, is to return the brain to one of Einstein's relatives, but that doesn't happen. The final chapter recounts what would have been a satisfying conclusion to the story of the three characters (Harvey, Paterniti and the brain), but it feels glossed over. Sort of, "Well, things didn't turn out the way I expected, but here's what happened and now it's over. The end."

Comic Book Pull List
"When two separate events occur simultaneously pertaining to the same object in inquiry we must always pay strict attention."--Kyle McLaughlin as Special Agent Dale Cooper in Twin Peaks

Last Sunday's Cleveland Plain Dealer featured Superman on the front page in celebration of the character's 75th anniversary. The next day, I read this retrospective post on the comic book website iFanboy, which reminded me of a graphic novel I'd once earmarked to read called It's a Bird, by Steven T. Seagle and Teddy Kristiansen.

Over the past few months, I'd actually been trying to remember the title of this book, but couldn't think of which snippet of the Superman tagline it used. I immediately requested it from my library. (Can I tell you how much I love being able to request books online?) It's a Bird is now waiting for me at my local branch.

East of West is a new series by writer Jonathan Hickman and artist Nick Dragotta. Set in an apocalyptic alternate reality, it features the Four Horsemen in a sort of steam punk Wild West. This is the newest addition to my pull list, and I'm hoping Hickman can provide some of the same weird fun that he has instilled in Manhattan Projects, a trippy riff on the great scientists of the atomic age.

My weekly pull list has gotten a bit long, but thankfully there are four miniseries that are set to end in the next few months to bring it back down to a more manageable size. Still, there are one or two titles that may need to be cut if they don't improve.

What have you been reading, teammates? Let's chat in the comments ...

For Boston

2013-04-16T11:20:00.001-04:00

4:09:46

From what I can tell from the videos I've seen, that was the clock time when the first bomb went off at the finish line of the 2013 Boston Marathon. Many runners view Boston as the ultimate goal race. Although my best times would never qualify me for the event, the time the bombs went off were within my best pacing in other marathons.

Those runners were people like me, people I may have talked to or silently struggled along with in solidarity. The people in the stands were people just like my wife, my parents and in-laws, siblings, nieces and nephews, friends, acquaintances, fellow humans all.

There are no words that will satisfy our questions as to why this happened. Three people are dead and more than 100 were injured. In these times that show the worst of mankind, we also witness the best of humanity: Those brave people who rushed to aid those in need. That Mr. Rogers quote is everywhere now and risks becoming trite. But I know how I have felt at the end of a marathon, and I don't know if I could summon the energy to flee such chaos after having run 26 miles without someone's help.

The world can be a bad place if we let it, but tragedies like this can also bring us together. Today, let's remember the people who are suffering and rush to help where we can.

Of Wrong Turns and Speed Bumps

2013-04-15T09:40:00.000-04:00

Sometimes you don't want to take the easy way. My watch had beeped to mark my turnaround point at a fork in the road. Rather than double back on the Buckeye Trail, I chose the less traveled section of the Valley Bridle Trail to return to old Akron-Peninsula Road. What had taken 10 minutes on the former route took five minutes on the latter.

With the prospect of bombing down Initiation Hill back to my car and ending my run early, I instead chose to jump back on the Buckeye Trail toward the Pine Lane trail head, thinking that two long descents would help me end my run closer to my goal time of 35 minutes.

Yeah, no.

Despite flying down the downhills, my second alarm went off 10 minutes before I was actually done. The resulting soreness today indicates a run that was both too long and too fast for what I've been used to doing.

The good news is that my trail pace continued its downward trend, from about 15 minutes per mile a month ago to about 12:50 per mile these past two runs. At about 3.5 miles, this was also my longest run of the year.

Regardless of this aberration, my timed runs have more or less kept the curse of "Too Much, Too Soon" in check. The soreness in my legs today should neither last long nor prevent my next run.

And so it goes.

My loose running plan consists of just a couple runs per week. Eventually, that'll ramp up as I consider any racing plans. This will be a crazy year. Mrs. Viper is pregnant, and considering any major races at this point seems premature. Maybe I should have led with that news.

Flashback Friday: Energize, Mr. Scott

2013-04-12T10:16:00.000-04:00

Little did I know that the cause of my Star Trek hallucination would be the subject of a news segment on our local NPR station during this morning's commute.

Those otherworldly bleeps, sweeps and creeps — hello? name that reference — burst from my car radio speakers and transported me back to the wooded parcours at Sand Run, where the things that would otherwise go bump in the night (i.e., under car tires) are protected with road barriers.

I knew about the salamander migration, but didn't realize where this local phenomenon occurred. With the road blocked off, it's tough to get back there and witness the amphibians making their way to their vernal ponds to engage in lascivious behavior. It's tempting to don my headlamp and go for a spooky night run through the park.

My running clothes have been in a bag in my car the last two days, but April showers are in full effect. We've had some wicked lightning and dreary rain this week, but that's supposed to clear up this weekend. My arms are recovered enough to do too many pull-ups again, and my legs may be ready to expand my distance. How about a run?

Back Talk
Wherein we're talking baseball

Jamoosh takes a break from hating on the Yankees to dispel my theory that the Cleveland nine will lead the Majors in strikeouts: "FYI - Sure, it's early, but the 'L'Astros are on pace to break the major league season strikeout record. So yeah, we've got that..."

Answer: I'll concede the strikeout title to Houston. Thankfully, Cleveland is eyeing another feat, having switched gears to focus on recording the highest ERA in baseball this year.

Happy Hour is nearly upon us, teammates! Have a finely brewed weekend. Run well and drink well. Cheers!

The Final Frontier

2013-04-09T11:38:00.000-04:00

My arms throbbed from too many chin-ups. The next station of the parcours was sit-ups, but as I approached it was as if I had stepped onto the bridge of the Starship Enterprise. The surrounding woods came alive with the bleeps, the sweeps and the creeps.

Maybe it was exhaustion from a tough workout, but the same thing happened the next day while driving through Sand Run park with my awesome wife. Just in this one spot, the crickets, bullfrogs and other creatures were acting out the sound effects from the classic "Star Trek" TV series, none of this "Next Generation" business.

Had this spot been transmogrified into an interstellar portal?

The weekend provided spring-like weather for a change, and likewise provided some motivation to get out and go. A parcours workout on Saturday and a trail run on Sunday have resulted in soreness today, but the scale continues to vex me.

I've been hit or miss with logging my diet. I've been mostly miss with eating healthier. Today's weigh-in marked a new, frustrating high. Such events demand action. Something needs to change before my waistline develops its own gravitational field and pulls in a satellite or two.

Despite rain in the forecast, I've brought my running clothes to work today with plans to hit the trails on the way home.

Hail Baseball Season: Hating the Yankees Now Involves an Obscene Craft Beer Scam

2013-04-02T15:19:00.001-04:00

The Major League Baseball season kicked off Sunday night, but nobody was paying attention to the two Texas-based teams playing. Tonight, my team begins the season in Toronto, against a guy who'll likely make the batters look like they're swatting at flies as the ball floats past them for strike three.

The Cleveland nine will get a head start at leading the league in strikeouts, with that knuckleballer on the mound, while I try to see how difficult it is to play "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" on the fiddle. Because nothing goes better with baseball than fiddle music. Except beer. And peanuts. And hot dogs. But especially beer.

Beer fuels the enthusiasm for your team's success and soothes the pain of my team's demise. Beer tightens the spirit of comradery and loosens the lips that sink ships. And finally, beer strengthens my argument for why the Yankees suck. And nothing makes the national pastime more enjoyable than hating on the Bronx Bumblers.

My morning commute was suffused with joy when an NPR commentator called the Pukes in Pinstripes a "M.A.S.H. unit" because of all their star players who open the season on the disabled list. And guess which team Cleveland plays for their home opener next week? I'm crossing my fingers for a rerun of this game.

But oh yeah, beer.

This has got to be a metaphor for how the Yankees operate. This season, Yankee Stadium unveiled a new beer stand, called "The Craft Beer Destination." Finally, beer enthusiasts were also welcome at the House That Jeter Built. These hop-fans get four — I repeat, FOUR (1-2-3-4!) — selections of "CRAFT BEER," emphasis on the craft. As in, crafty. As in, you shyster bastards.

These four "craft beers" include Blue Moon, Batch 19 Lager, Leinenkugel's Summer Shandy and Crispin Cider. All four of these selections are produced by macrobrewer MillerCoors, and two of them aren't even beers.

Beer enthusiastic baseball fans often must swallow their hopped-up pride and drink the cheap swill sold at 400 percent mark-up in most stadiums. Team BHI long ago embraced "Your Dad's Beer" stand at Progressive Field, which sells the likes of Stroh's, Blatz, Schaefer, Genesee and Pabst Blue Ribbon, among others.

If you want good beer, Great Lakes Brewery and a few other Ohio-based breweries have options available, but you're going to have to pay for this luxury. What's the point of paying more for a beverage than you do for a ticket to the game?

The whole idea of "craft" beer has become a marketing scheme, anyway, with big beer manufacturers releasing beers aimed at people who think Blue Moon is a microbrew. Stick a lemon in it and call it a "Belgian White" beer, and the drunken sheep will follow you to the slaughter. Let the Yankees be your shepherd.

[Hat tip: Deadspin]

Horses Are Hard to Ride

2013-04-01T11:43:00.001-04:00

The problem with "getting back on the horse" is how difficult it can be stay on at first. Let's just say, there have been relapses. Failure to log my food. Failure to not eat like crap. Failure to reduce sugar intake.

There was, however, some activity logged. So at least there's that.

Friday, with the office closed for un-Orthodox Good Friday, I logged some time on the Buckeye Trail, a 30-minute out-and-back run on a sometimes soggy slurry of a path. A game of beat the clock helped me rediscover "Beast Mode," as one final hill stood between me and the final buzzer of my watch alarm.

My run began at the Blue Hen Falls trailhead in Boston Township. The trail starts off with a steep downhill along craggy asphalt that's in the process of being reclaimed by nature. At the bottom is a bridge over a creek with the overlook to the small falls to the right and a rude uphill straight ahead.

I started my timer at the bridge with the goal of making it back to the car before the buzzer sounded. My confidence was immediately boosted when my legs responded well to that rude incline and upward my legs chugged without the need to walk.

My legs were feeling stronger than during other recent runs. Was this a sign of progress? My running schedule has followed more of a biweekly basis, but I walk daily and have added a circuit workout once or twice a week.

The latter exercise includes squats and lunges, which I used to be allergic to but recently discovered that the principle of short strides also applies here. In the past, I would lunge too far and would soon discover my knee hurt from the stress. Don't overstride, people.

My alarm sounded at 15 minutes to signal my turnaround point, which of course coincided with having just descended into another valley. Climbing back up the hill resulted in the first of many walk breaks of my short run.

This section of the Buckeye Trail crosses an overhead utility right of way, which marks about three-tenths of a mile from the parking area. My watch showed less than five minutes to go. This was going to be close.

The hill to the falls was much less rude going down. But that craggy asphalt was hell going up. My apologies to the families who were just trying to enjoy a nice spring day. Beast Mode is not pretty.

Each step that beat the buzzer propelled me ever upward. My legs strained. My lungs screamed. My face contorted. Those poor, poor passersby.

The parking lot neared. Just a bit farther. But then the alarm went off. Close, but no cigar.

Still, though, I was happy with the effort. Running to the alarm provides strong motivation to run hard, but it also governs my distance based on my ability. I've always been a mile marker, but now I enjoy marking the minutes.

Saturday was another good weather day. My legs were tired, but I wanted to run. Instead, I took the dog for a long walk through the surrounding neighborhoods. It was good recovery and good exercise too.

Unfortunately, I followed that up with a terrible diet for the rest of the weekend. This week, I'll do better.

Boozy Book Club No. 9

2013-03-26T10:00:00.000-04:00

Pour yourself a beverage and scoot up to the hearth. It's time for another discussion on the books we're reading and why we love them.

This past couple months has proven to be my most successful stretch of library patronage ever. It used to be that I couldn't read fast enough to take out a book from the library and and finish it before it was due. Perhaps picking up graphic novels at first and establishing a good routine of borrowing has led to my current success.

So what's been on the reading table since last time? Let's take a look.

Civil War Reading List
On hiatus.

Unlisted Reading List
Charles Laughton's adaptation of Davis Grubb's Night of the Hunter was not nearly as good as I was led to believe it was. The pacing was way too fast and didn't set up the terror that the Preacher is supposed to represent. Beautifully shot, granted, but disappointing. I had high hopes for Robert Mitchum as the villain.

Bill Bryson's A Walk in the Woods was a quick, innocuous read. The prose is amusing for the most part, but suffers from an egregious abundance of adverbs.

I'm two-thirds of the way through Paul Auster's Sunset Park. Auster is one of those writers whose work never seems to disappoint. While I can't remember the last "great" novel he's written, Auster remains consistent with this novel set amid the housing crisis of 2008. Miles Heller has abandoned his parents in New York City and works as a "trash-out" contractor in Florida, where he falls in love with a Cuban-American high school girl. What does Herb Score have to do with it?

Comic Book Pull List
Sam Kieth has been my favorite comic book creator since the release of the Maxx 20 years ago this month. From that point on, I built a collection around his work, primarily as a cover artist for Marvel Comics Presents and DC's Detective Comics but also for the first five issues of Neil Gaiman's The Sandman and an entry to Alien's mythos with Earth War (since renamed Female War).

Despite being away from comics for more than a decade, I went to the Chicago Comic Con in the mid-2000s and added more pieces to the collection, as Kieth had ended Maxx and gone on to write and draw a number of personal miniseries, such as Four Women, Ojo and Zero Girl.

Kieth remained busy in the intervening years since that brief sojourn into nostalgia and my full-blown return to comics last year. Aside from picking up new comics, I've continued to search for those back issues that represent holes in my Sam Kieth collection. (ZOMG, this is so nerdy, isn't it?)

All that is to say, Kieth just wrapped up a four-issue miniseries for IDW, called The Hollows, written by publisher Chris Ryall. While Kieth's art remains strong, he sure could have used a better writer for this story. Set in a future incarnation of Japan, which of course has been overrun by soul-sucking zombies, because we live in a world obsessed with the undead, the story follows a scientist trying to save a small community of bottom dwellers from certain doom. If it weren't for the clunky writing, the story would be a fun and heartbreaking romp through a new world set among giant trees, but alas the writing is clunky.

What are you reading, teammates? Let's talk about it in the comments ...

Manifesto for the Betterment and Reclamation of a Man Gone Astray

2013-03-25T14:43:00.000-04:00

You witnessed last week's admission that healthiness has been a thing unheard of in recent months. So what do we do about that?

OK, so first of all stop eating like a Grade A: Glutton. My goodness, man, I've been a walking, talking black hole of empty calories these days. So, yeah, stop that.

The bottom line: My weight is too high, and my activity level is too low. While it's going to take some effort for this immovable object to get his ass in gear, strides can be made on the intake side of things.

Logging my food consumption was the first step in a process of cutting back and realigning my diet, a word that is not meant in today's usual parlance. "Diet" is an oft misused word, erroneously employed as a verb, implying an action that has a start and an end point.

If you want lasting results, then don't enact temporary solutions. A diet isn't something you do, but rather something you follow. And the one I've been following has led me far astray.

I'm addicted to sugar. Sweet, delicious, dopamine-inducing sugar. In addition to those Girl Scout cookies and Malley's marshmallow eggs, there have also been doughnuts, pie, other cookies, ice cream sundaes, corn bread, and oodles and oodles of jelly beans. That's just in the last two weeks.

My willpower is weak. Down the street at Dr. Bob's, they profess the mantra "one day at a time." If it can work for alcoholics, it can work for sweet addicts like me.

But sugar isn't the only problem. There's also the whole issue of eschewing real food in favor of eating what's fast and easy (and more expensive too). Do you know how much sodium is in that stuff?

I've always believed in simplicity. Eat less, move more. What else do you need to know about calories? In the process of limiting sugar and salt, the quality of my diet should also improve by removing empty calories and preservatives.

Tracking my diet is just the first step. Next it's cutting back on calories. Then we start moving more.

Flashback Friday: Step Back in Line

2013-03-22T12:07:00.000-04:00

Everything healthy has gone out of whack. Running is negligible, while eating is abundant. This week, my goal was to take a step toward regaining control of my fitness.

My diet has been terrible and represents the prime culprit in my unpleasant scale readings. Finding new inspiration at Nerd Fitness, I decided to make some changes, starting with tracking my food intake everyday with the plan to eventually reduce my daily consumption by 500 calories.

Starting Monday, I began logging everything I eat. It's such a bore. So far, eating less has been a challenge. Maybe I need to skip a meal.

Tuesday, I actually did a short circuit workout at home before work. You know, squats, push-ups, lunges, planks, dumbbell rows, jumping jacks — simple stuff. Just two reps of this routine exposed long forgotten muscles that have lain dormant for, like, ever. So, naturally, I haven't exercised much since then.

Most mornings I've been able to walk the dog, and I'll do a few push-ups here and there, but nothing you'd consider "working out." But I have to remind myself: baby steps, OK?

So this week, it's tracking my diet. Next week perhaps will be reducing calories, and after that a consistent exercise routine. Soon, running will reenter the picture.

Back Talk
Wherein we talk about other things besides the weather

Ironman By Thirty talks about the whether, regarding a purchase: "Buy a pull up bar? Seriously? The guy who makes his own hippie shoes is going to BUY something that you can make for next to nothing?!?!? hahaha. I made mine with some threaded pipe and flanges and screwed it to the floor joists in the basement next to the treadmill."

Answer: You see, I thought about doing that, but there's not enough head room in our basement. Your chiding is completely warranted. Maybe I'll revisit the DIY approach.

Happy Hour is nearly upon us, teammates! Have a finely brewed weekend. Run well and drink well. Cheers!

Let's Talk About the Weather, Shall We?

2013-03-18T10:54:00.000-04:00

Some people like to complain about people who complain about the weather, but we're just going to ignore those people. Because, seriously guys, the weather sucks.

Last night, my phone lit up with a winter advisory for our region, which last time I looked was three days from the official start of spring. Bring on the freezing rain and more snow for my morning commute!

Immediately upon entering the highway, traffic was backed up behind twin police cars blocking the passing the lane. (That's the leftmost lane for those of you who don't know how to drive.) Just beyond the police cars was a smashed car, which I'm guessing the driver lost control on the icy road and careened into the median divider. It wasn't pretty.

And yes, I'm well aware that there are some strange countries where motorists drive on the left, but we're not those countries. Quit interrupting, please.

For the past week or so, I've gotten into the habit of getting up early enough to take the dog for a walk, but not so early as to leave for work on time. This morning was no exception, except that, hello, the ice? So we didn't walk.

Yesterday, the dog and I took a longer than average stroll around the neighborhood, and would you believe my calves actually feel a bit — not sore exactly — but you know I feel them? These walks and a few push-ups here and there have been the extent of my exercise since that glorious run last weekend.

My diet has been for shit. I stepped on the scale yesterday and holy crap. The number was higher than it's been in several years. Girl Scouts of America, you are to blame. Also, Malley's, you too.

This is sort of a downward spiral. Bad weather, lack of motivation, inertia, bad food, weight gain, inertia, more bad weather, and now it's like the immovable object over here.

In conclusion, I really want to buy a pull-up bar. Do any of you have any recommendations? (Specifically, I'm looking at this or this.)

A Glorious Afternoon

2013-03-12T11:28:00.000-04:00

The trail dropped off at the creek. Newly painted blue blazes indicated a new water crossing farther down, but this looked like more fun. It would require a leap of faith.

Sunday felt like spring. Everyone was outside, it seemed. The neighborhood was abuzz with people walking their dogs, strolling by shop windows, and basking in the warm sunlight. It was the perfect day to return to my favorite running grounds: the Buckeye Trail.

Considering my last run was a month ago, the plan was to run a short but difficult loop starting at the Pine Lane trailhead, going out on the Valley Bridle Trail to old Akron-Peninsula Road and returning on the Buckeye Trail.

My strategy thus far in 2013 has been to run 30 minutes at a time, and this route complied with this plan. However, where such timed efforts usually have netted me about three miles, this run proved to be much shorter, considering the steep elevation changes.

The ground was a little moist, which required some careful navigation of mudslick hills. The Valley Bridle Trail was fairly quiet, despite seeing a horse trailer in the parking lot when I arrived and fresh fecal evidence on the trail.

My feet plodded down and up the switchbacks to and from the shallow stream.

The less aggressive terrain of the bridle trail eased me back into trail running. There would be no such easing on the return trip.

This section of the Buckeye Trail has perhaps the toughest hill in the area. Thankfully, I would be running down it. The long, steep descent has only one switchback before arriving back at the water crossing, probably close to a half-mile downstream of where the bridle trail crosses.

The stream looked much shallower here, and I decided to test an older section of trail that crossed earlier than where the trail markers now indicate. Once I got to the banks of the stream, I realized my folly. The edge dropped off a good four feet into the water, but there was a sandbar that looked to be within my meager leaping limits.

I took a few steps back and started for the edge, but bailed out to reconsider my life. No, you can do this, I thought. Just need to make sure you land square and don't twist an ankle. I took a half dozen steps back, took a deep breath, blinked slowly as if this were my closeup, a glimpse of our hero deep in thought before the big moment, and then the impulse exploded into action.

Once in the air, I got my feet together like a long-jumper. My heels dug into the sand as my knees absorbed the shock and bounced myself forward and kept running. But there are reasons why they remark trails.

Not more than 100 yards upstream, the trail was washed out. My options were either climb down into the gnarled clutches of tree branches in the water and pull myself up along the steep slope of the hill. Down probably would have been a better choice.

Without much to hold onto, I grabbed at the ground to steady myself as I circumnavigated the trail. Next time perhaps I'll follow the blue blazes like I'm supposed to, but first there was one final ascent before this run was over.

The adrenaline from my leap of faith soon dissipated, as the hill took the piss and vinegar right out of me. There were many witnesses to my walk breaks, as the hikers were in full force. The shame helped motivate me to run onward.

OK, so this post is probably a bit overblown for a two-mile run, but damn if it didn't feel more epic. It felt like the start of something glorious.

Boozy Book Club No. 8

2013-03-06T14:53:00.000-05:00

With running on a late winter hiatus, my reading consumption has picked up a bit this last month. Having made peace with the fact that my reading lists will continue to expand at a rate far beyond my ability to keep up, and deciding to let the Civil War list take a breather, my goal of reading at least 12 books a year is off to a good start.

Civil War Reading List
Baseball in Blue and Gray, by George B. Kirsch, proved to be a nice way finish up the first leg of Civil War reading. The books on this list are officially taking a break, as my mind wanders to other interests.

Unlisted Reading List
I've finished both Train Dreams, by Denis Johnson, and Night of the Hunter, by Davis Grubb, and both were really excellent reads. Train Dreams follows the life a loner in the Pacific Northwest during the early 1900s, and Night of the Hunter is a thriller set along the banks of the Ohio River during the Depression Era. Johnson's writing is minimalist and poetic. Grubb's is fast-paced and sort of "Cormac McCarthy light." Both are highly recommended. Night of the Hunter was made into a movie in 1955, directed by Charles Laughton and starring Robert Mitchum. It has been requested from my library.

Since finishing those books, I've picked up A Walk in the Woods, by Bill Bryson, and Sunset Park, by Paul Auster. Both books have been on my reading radar for some time.

Comic Book Pull List
HOLY DEAD ROBIN, BATMAN! That's the big news from last week's reads, as Grant Morrison brought his Bat-Epic closer to conclusion by murdering Damian Wayne, the bastard son of Bruce Wayne and the current ... er ... most recently deceased Boy Wonder.

But is this really the end for the Dynamic Duo's youngest member? The cover of Batman Inc. No. 8 recalls the iconic cover image from Morrison's Batman R.I.P., in which Batman "dies" and becomes lost in time, fighting his way back through human history to return as the Caped Crusader. Morrison wraps up his seven-year story in Issue 12. Stay tuned, Bat-fans. Same Bat-channel, same Bat-time ...