The Bored Single Bloggers' Club

Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T08:41:00.000+08:00

Ok, my bad....

2007-12-31T17:27:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone. Yeah, it's been a while.

I'm still bored, single, and a blogger.

Perhaps some of my colleagues with this project don't belong to any of the above categories before. Good for them. :-)

I haven't been able to tend to my administrative duties with regard to this community blog as of late, been a bit busy.

Yes, busy. But still bored.

Still trapped in the corporate rat race, but going nowhere fast just like a hamster running in its wheel.

That's my lot in life.

Hey, it's not a lot, but it's my life. :-)

Going back to the topic at hand, if you have a google/blogger/gmail account and you would like to contribute to this blog, please enter your email in the comments and I'll send you an invite to be a contributor post haste.

This blog has seen better days, and it would be a shame to let it die.

The collective experiences of a lot of people are chronicled in this blog, it would be nice to keep the ball rolling. :-)

Again, if you would like to contribute, please give me your email in either the comment box or in the chatbox on the right, and I'll sent you an invite ASAP.

Requirements? Well the basic requirements are that you have to be bored, single and a blogger. But if you're not one or the other, that's okay too. :-) As Captain Barbossa said, They're more like guidelines anyway!

Parley!

And a Happy New Year to all of you!

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-25T17:22:00.000+08:00

Got this flash file from ICQ about five years ago, thought I'd share it with everyone. :-) Merry Christmas!

May all of you find peace, love, joy and God's blessings abundant this yuletide season. Merry Christmas to all of you.

SkyCABLE "One Night Stand" TVC

2007-05-07T11:14:00.001+08:00

I've seen this ad so many times on TV, but I still can't help but grin every time the "girl" says her line. :-)

Maybe I shouldn't laugh. Hey, it could happen to me. I guess I'm just lucky I don't have a nice car. ;-)

Should you or shouldn't you?

2007-03-14T08:56:00.001+08:00

Here's something I posted on my blog. I'd just thought I'd share it here. :-)

What would you do if you've discovered that the significant other of a friend of yours is having an affair, and your friend is totally oblivious to it?

Would you tell him/her?

Or would you rather just keep mum about it?

Not so long ago I was faced with such a situation, and I asked myself that very question.

It's not as if I'm totally alien to that particular situation though, as I have personally been through it in the past. I guess I even had more than my fair share of said experiences, as I know how it feels to be on either side of the situation, if you know what I mean. Of course it's been a while since I last went through either, though sooner or later it's quite inevitable that similar situations crop up with the people within your circle.

Personally I think it's appalling, how people nowadays can be so disloyal or unfaithful at the drop of a hat, with hardly any second thought. And to add insult to injury, sometimes these indiscretions take place in a common workplace, or even worse, within a common set of friends. And it happens more often than we care to admit.

I can relate somewhat. Don't ask me why. I just do.

Have we turned so immoral, so disloyal as lovers, that it is so easy to be unfaithful to someone we have committed ourselves to? Given how often I've heard of such situations occurring, I guess so. These days it is so easy, so convenient to cheat on your significant other. And with most people in relationships expecting the other one to be unfaithful, they become unfaithful themselves, justifying their actions on mere reciprocity.

Shame on them.

Bahala sila. Basta ako hindi ganun.

In my humble opinion, I think people like these are cowards. If they're really unhappy in their present relationships, why not just end it and move on? Instead, these people want their cake and eat it too, that is, they want the stability and security of a commitment, and yet they also want the freedom to have relationships or sleep around with whomever strikes their fancy, "on the side".

People used to be discreet about this kind of things, but now they do it out in the open, with hardly any regard to the sensibilities of others. And with the advent of camera phones which make taking pictures or videos very convenient, oftentimes media of certain individuals in "compromising" poses tend to easily circulate, especially among those who feel that they have a need to boast about their conquests.

But despite the changes in attitudes and technology, one thing remains the same...

It's always the other partner who's the last to know.

Which leads us to the question at hand...if you're aware of such an affair and the person being cheated on is a friend of yours, would you say something?

Alas, I chose not to say anything.

While I do not condone such acts, the dynamics of relationships are such that it is very difficult to be involved in such personal matters. Of course, such circumstances aren't always in black and white, and you'll have to personally weigh if the situation warrants that you tell your friend of what has been happening behind his/her back.

Generally though, I guess it's best not to be involved.

A lot of things can happen. Marriages, relationships can end. Families can be broken. Children can be torn from parents. Suicides aren't unheard of in situations like these. So is murder or other acts of violence. That's a lot of weight to put behind any disclosure that you make, and these are things that are terribly difficult to be responsible for, no matter how good your intentions are.

You know what they say, The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

I don't know. I thought it over, and in my case, I have concluded that it would be more prudent just to keep my mouth shut, as I simply do not want whatever consequences such a revelation would have on my conscience.

Later on I learned that my friend found out, and the effect was quite devastating to say the least.

I felt a slight twinge of guilt for not saying anything early on...but no matter how you slice it, there are just certain things that are too personal, too delicate to be involved in, to intrude in, even if you're just trying to help.

At the end of the day, you can't help but feel bad, even if just a little, just the same.

But it's often best not to stick your nose into others personal lives.

Unless of course...you can live with the consequences.

Born on the fourth of July....

2006-09-08T20:39:00.000+08:00

A true confession I posted on my blog a couple of months ago. Thought I'd share it here. The last few posts were getting kinda sentimental, so what the hell. :-)

Sorry I've been away for so long. I've been preparing for a difficult exam. Currently I'm still taking it. Now, I'm just trying to loosen up so I don't forget what I studied. Hope everyone's doing well.

Yesterday, I remembered.

I remembered an ex-girlfriend, whose birthday was July 4.

Born on the fourth of July. Now who can forget that?

I miss that girl. Unfortunately, it was never meant to last.

It was about six years ago. I was unofficially single at the time, since my ex-wife and I parted ways two years or so earlier, and court proceedings dissolving our marriage hadn't yet concluded.

I met this girl at work. She was about six years younger than I, and she was quite a character. Intelligent, articulate, independent, strong-willed, but with a hint of innocence and naiveté. I wasn't attracted to her at the onset however, that followed.

Her charms were noticed by some other people at work, including a old, high-ranking officer, and a colleague from a different department, and even a officemate that I used to consider a friend. The officer and the colleague from a different unit were both married, yet that didn't seem to deter them from at least making an attempt. The former friend was at least twice as old as the girl, and made his advances behind my back, which earned him the status of former friend.

I made known to her my intentions, and I actually crashed and burned twice before she finally decided to return my affections. For a while, all was good, but like I said, it wasn't meant to last.

Her family hated me. And that's an understatement. Somehow, they prejudged my character on the basis of the fact that legally speaking, I was still married. Her mother was a fanatic religious zealot, who considered me a sinner who would burn in hell for pursuing an "adulterous" relationship with her daughter. I tried on a couple of occasions to reason with her mother, especially since I truly had nothing but good intentions, but it was all for not.

It became even worse. I received harassing calls at home, and calls were even made to my boss, other officers, and even the HR department in the place I work, accusing me of immorality and other serious shit. Thankfully, no one who knew me believed the poisoned calls.

We kept our relationship a secret and even tried to keep it low profile for a while. She started making up pretenses to her family so we could see each other, but as it turned out, lying wasn't such a hot idea. It made her family even more suspicious, and even after days of not seeing or talking to each other, the harassing calls would still come, especially if the girl would go somewhere without her family knowing. They would always assume that we had gone to meet somewhere, even if I haven't seen hide nor hair of the girl.

Things became so bad that the girl wanted to leave her home. I had to talk her out of it, fearing the consequences for everyone involved.

After a while, we finally decided to part ways. It was a hard decision to make, since we never really had any problems with each other. Always it was with other people. Her family hated my guts, and the harassing phone calls have earned the ire of my family as well, who normally never intervened in personal matters.

So, after one last phone call sometime in 2001, I never saw her again.

Just like that.

Then several months after, we got to talk on the phone again. She was in a new relationship. The clincher was, she told me that the guy she was seeing was, legally speaking, also still married. And the guy was even still living with his wife. And somehow, according to her, her family was okay with it. You can just imagine my dismay when I heard this. I could only shake my head in disbelief.

We lost touch again after that, this time, for good. None of my colleagues who were mutual friends seem to have had contact with her again. I guess she cut us all off. I suppose she had her reasons, and it probably is all for the best.

Ironically, I've learned on more than one occasion, that it never seems to be a good idea to be with someone who would lie to other people just to be with you. While it may be touching and flattering at first, it almost always leads to a heap of trouble later on, as the lies spin out of control. After a while, you just don't know what to believe anymore. And so does everyone else.

So, charge it all to experience. I can take small comfort in the fact that I was always true to her then, and to myself, and that I never lied to her about my feelings for her. Well, just like as it was said in the Patty Smyth and Don Henley song, sometimes love just ain't enough. Ain't that the truth.

Wherever she may be now, I hope she's okay, and doing well.

... and the saga continues ...

2006-08-15T18:25:00.000+08:00

So I'd sent my parents [read: mother] and brother an email last week saying essentially "hey, this is a totally tentative date, nothing really discussed or set in stone or anything, but Kosh and I are looking at xth Sept for the knot-tying day, maybe you can make some preliminary arrangements and I'll confirm the date once I know for sure".

It just so happens that my mother has a presentation of some sort on (x - 2)th sept; and I figured it may be ngam-ngam (juuuussssssst barely making it) but she'd be able to get to this side of the world if she/they left on that day itself. Sure, a bit of a tight squeeze, but otherwise they could also arrive on the day itself. Yes yes yes jet-lag and all, but hey, I still wasn't sure about that day even being THE day yet anyway.

And what happens? Can you guess?

My mother cancels that presentation in order to arrive a few days earlier.

Both Kosh and I are like *wtf* is she trying to pull a guilt trip over the clash with *her* schedule??? She didn't need to do that... or at least call & discuss it first... after all, what part of TENTATIVE did she NOT understand???

And even better - it seems my parents are booked for a TEN DAY trip here. Ten frikkin days. Are they going to want to tumpang our 1-bedroom 1-bathroom apartment? With or without my brother? [at least he would only be able to drop by for a few days, due to work] Imagine 5 of us in one tiny place??!! But if they are in a hotel room for that long it would cost a bomb too! And what on earth to "entertain" them with during their stay? I can already anticipate them assuming that I can/will take them all around Chicagoland and that I will be a disappointment to them when I say I *don't* know the city and no I'm not all that keen to go visit museums and wtf do u want to do??!!! My blood pressure shoots up just thinking about it.

I'll just be glad when it is all over.

I have to keep the end in mind, or I'll go nuts.

*sigh*

Breaking away without cutting ties

2006-08-11T09:30:00.000+08:00

I grew up being told I was stupid.

Over the course of time, I knew that I *wasn't* stupid! but WHY would this parent keep saying that? It always seemed as if I was never good enough for her. And what a tragedy that was, for this parent loomed larger-than-life over me: I was constantly in her shadow, not having a thought of my own, constantly parroting her opinions, always trying to get her approval - and failing.

In the younger days, my father was my hero and favourite parent. Perhaps it was part of an Electra Complex, but I know I felt I was more important to him than my mother, perhaps even than golf! One day in my early teens that all changed though - he stood me up for a tennis date because his golf had run late. I felt so betrayed; worse, I could no longer have the illusion that I was better than my mother at something!

Imagine that with my father being cast to the ground, the mother-daughter dynamic changed. Perhaps I felt we now shared the "betrayal by golf" situation so I could relate to her better? Who knows. All I know is, during my teenage years, my father was just this resented presence who came back at 8pm in time for dinner, and spent most of the rest of his time on the golf course. ... And my mother was this overpowering presence that expected and demanded allegiance, obedience and full disclosure.

Oh the QUESTIONS! What was i doing, where i was going, with whom, did i have fun, how did i feel, etc etc etc. ... after a while I became less and less communicative, learning to stop the questions before they even started. Trust me, this is more than the regular teenage-resentment-towards-parents thing.

That scholarship offer to study in the U.S. at the end of high school was a blessing for me, tho I didn't really appreciate is full impact for a long time. My 5 years there - essentially on my own - enabled me to come into my own. Sure I made lots of mistakes but heck, how else to learn??!! And these were mistakes i would never even have had the opportunity to make in Malaysia, or maybe even in England since the Malay[sian] population in universities there is just way too high.

During these university years, I started off playing by her rules - writing home often, gushing on and on about what was going on, regular phone calls... but by the time my senior year came around, I think my stream of communication had slowed quite a bit. I was extremely uncomfortable at the whole feeling I had of her trying to live through me, and the more she asked for information, the more i clammed up. I still think I shared too much of myself, but if you were to ask her, she'd probably say I didn't share enough.

Anyways: upon graduating, I ended up working a very comfortable distance from KL (6 hours by car!), in an environment where once again, I gained experience that I never would have if the parents had had their way: they'd wanted me to get a job in KL & stay with them [and at that time I didn't understand why that thought filled me with unease...]!

Two years later, I got a transfer to KL, citing my father's ill-health but in reality because I wanted to move closer with a significant other based in KL. I didn't move back to the parent's place, but got a place of my own. It was so far away from where my parents were based, so we rarely saw each other. We'd meet up for breakfast at Raju's once in a while - a token getting together time more than anything else; after all, if they found out I'd been at Raju's without informing/inviting them, that would be quite the disappointment, eh? Sheesh!

Fast forward many years: More work, other relationships; moved back in, moved out again, moved in again; bought my own place but kinda let the place just sit there; got more and more depressed about work crap; mother gets diagnosed with [mild] cancer, all seems okay, no need to worry; a few years later it's back, new location, more serious, goes through chemo & radiation, loses hair, etc etc but she cant bring herself to open up to me or accept my attempt to hug her or offer any comfort - fine, you reject me during this time of need, screw you, I ain't bothering with ya; crisis between parents, I end up providing listening/sympathetic ear to mother, but it's soon obvious that she doesn't WANT to move beyond the rut of blame, that she's happier feeling miserable and wronged;

By the time 2004 rolls around, what I feel for my parents is indifference at best. Contempt. Especially the snivelling irrational mother. The mother who used to call me stupid all the time, but over time has proven to me that is anyone is supposed to be labelled that way, it's HER not me.

The last 5 months were spent in KL, with the parents: and boy oh boy were they interesting times... The mother trying to pry for information about my future plans when I myself don't know what they are and have already told her, yet she wants to know and pry - of course I react with anger and sarcasm [you reap what you sow! how did YOU treat me when growing up? What behaviour did I always see you use? How ELSE do you think I would react to you??]. She pushed at me for Kosh's financial information/stability, which to me is none of her business. All in all, her behaviour said that she didn't trust that I & Kosh were making the right decision.

Doesn't matter if she thinks she's being concerned about her daughter's well-being. The MESSAGE she is sending is that she doesn't trust me or Kosh. Niiiiiiiiiice.

So here I am, finally halfway across the world from her.

Rationally, I know I need to forgive her. Just. let. go. Otherwise she will always have this power over me. I know that.

But the past still holds much anger for me. Actually, it's the recent past that really pisses me off.

I've come to terms with a lot of what went on in my childhood. I acknowledge that my parents had their problems: how they dealt [or didn't deal] with these problems, & whether realised that they [HER especially!] were taking it out on the kids - not physically, but definitely on a psychological level - all that really is in the past. If nothing else, a lot of that screwed-up childhood nature & nurture went towards creating the complex person I am today.

But the recent past... maybe from 2000 onwards... my parents' dysfunction seems to grate at me more and more... I look at them and feel more and more of nothing; I see/hear them interacting [haha] and feel exasperation, HATE even. My mother seems to clutch at me, as if desperately seeking MY approval. Hahaha isn't THAT an amusing turn of events? She'll never get it - for her I feel contempt. She put herself into the situation she is in today. She had options to improve her lot in married life [as much as it could be improved at that point in time] but instead chose the path of self-gratification via partner-flagellation, the "you have wronged me so you are doomed to never ever be able to make it up to me ever, but if you don't try to make it up to me then you are nothing but scum", then has the audacity to complain about what an awful situation she is in and how my father doesn't communicate with her... and try to get my sympathy. Get real.

So you see, dear reader... in my mind I know I need to let go of all this, maybe just acknowledge her as a pathetic old woman who just happened to bring me into this world almost 34 years ago; I need to do something so that she doesn't hold such a huge negative presence within me, so that she is not such a huge drain on my energy.

And yet.

Just the thought of "forgiveness" fills me with rage towards her.

My heart doesn't seem willing to forgive.

[i tried to give a flavour without going too much into details of my life... sorry for any incoherence... just needed to vent a bit, on a slightly "safer" site than my own... but I appreciate your opinions if you wanna share, dear reader)

Times have surely changed

2006-06-23T09:53:00.000+08:00

Before the mid 1980s

A program was a television show
An application was .. for employment
Windows were.. something u hated to clean
A cusor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
Memory was.. something u lost with age
A CD was a bank account
If u unzipped in public u went to jail
Compress was something u did to garbage
A hard drive was a long trip on the road
Log on was adding wood to fire
A backup happened to your toilet
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
Cut.. u did with scissors
Paste.. u did with glue
A web was a spiders home
And a virus was the flu!!

Times surely have changed!!

Sex quotes from famous people [Good one!]

2006-06-12T13:54:00.000+08:00

Quotes From The Famous

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
~ Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
~ Rodney Dangerfield

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
~ Lynn Lavner

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
~ Camille Paglia

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant." ~ George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."
~ Sharon Stone

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
~ Tiger Woods

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
~ Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
~ Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
~ Robin Williams

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
~ Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
~ Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
~ Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked'."
~ Jerry Seinfeld

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
~ Robin Williams

"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
~ Joan Rivers

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy."
~ Steve Martin

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
~ Elmo Phillips

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
~ Oscar Wilde

"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
~ George Burns

Poetry to usher in June

2006-06-01T01:36:00.000+08:00

FEMALE POEM

MALE POEM

(NOTE: I claim no authorship to these poems, just thought I'd share this from a recent email I got...)

Don't go upstairs.....

2006-05-22T14:56:00.000+08:00

The story took place during the 7th month of the Chinese lunar calendar and revolved around a young lad named Sam. Sam at that time was working as a general worker, in a small company
located at Tuas. During one particular working day, the whole of Sam's company was requested to work OT in order to meet a deadline due tomorrow. By the time everything was done, it was already past 12 am and Sam was the last person left in the office. He was left wondering whether there were still any bus services at this hour. He decided to try his luck and quickly tidied up the office, locked up and rushed towards the bus stop. The bus stop was situated by a small narrow road with dense forestation surrounding the area.

Sam waited for about 20 minutes and was about to make his way to the main road to catch a cab when a double deck bus appeared from nowhere. He hesitantly waved it down, boarded the bus and! the only person he saw on the same bus was a frail ghastly looking old woman. The old woman was dressed in white samfoo and black pant, attire favoured by maids in those early days or "Ma Jie" as they were commonly known then. Sam felt uneasy upon seeing her and was about to go up to the upper deck when a voice ranged out in Cantonese, "Young man, don't go upstairs. Upstairs dangerous."

.
It was the old woman. Her comment sent a chill through Sam's bones and he figured that the upper deck might be "dirty". He decided to heed the old woman's advice and grab a seat at the lower deck even though he felt uncomfortable by her presence. It was an agonizing 20 minutes journey before Sam reached his bus stop. He quickly alighted and turned to steal a quick glance at the old woman, who stared right back at him by the window. Without further ado, Sam hastened his pace and was fortunate to reach home safely.

.
The next day, Sam was requested to work OT and ended up being the last person left in the office again. It was already past midnight and Sam was contemplating whether to take a cab home but decided against it in the end as money was tight. So he made his way to the bus stop again a! nd after about 20 minutes, the same double deck bus appeared. Sam boarded the bus and saw the same old woman again. He decided to go to the upper deck again when the old woman called out to him, "Young man, don't go upstairs. Upstairs dangerous." Even though, he heard it before, he still felt a certain fear inside him since it's the 7th month. To be on the safe side, he reluctantly took a seat at the lower deck again and reached home with no incidents.

The third day, Sam was asked to do OT again. By now he was feeling dreaded and worried as he didn't want to repeat the same process again. But he obliged nevertheless since it's his livelihood. He was, you guessed it, the last person left in the office again. He made the same journey to the bus stop, occasionally checking his back as he walked.

.
The double deck bus arrived, he boarded it and saw the same old woman again. As he proceeded to go upstairs, the old woman warned him again, "Young man, don't go upstairs. Upstairs dangerous." Sam was fed up with the old woman by now and decided to go upstairs even though he was feeling a bit scared. He saw no one else when he reached the upper deck and slowly made his way to the back of the bus and sat down. Sam's heart began pounding away as he waited anxiously for something to happen.

After 30 minutes, with nothing happening, Sam went downstairs to confront the old woman and asked her why she kept saying it's dangerous upstairs. The old woman turned, stared at him and replied ..............
.

"Young man, don't go upstairs. Upstairs dangerous. Upstairs got no bus driver."

Did I scare you? I hope so. Hehehe!! Tell us a REAL ghost-encounter if you have experienced any for I guess I am lucky that I have not and don't intend on having any either! ;)

How do you know?

2006-05-22T09:25:00.000+08:00

Okay...I'm not sure if this question was ever asked before in the past but my friend had emailed me and I wanted to know your thoughs on it before I send her a reply. Her questions were -

"How do YOU know if you or your other half is no longer in love with you and vice versa?
Should YOU stay in the relationship for the wrong reason - security and not love?
Is love all to it in a relationship?"

Why'd the chicken cross the road?

2006-05-19T13:28:00.000+08:00

JERRY FALWELL

Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see theplain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "otherside." That's what "they" call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, thatchicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. Isay we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that theliberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the otherside." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plainand simple as that.

PAT BUCHANAN

To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

DR. SEUSS

Did the chicken cross the road?Did he cross it with a toad?Yes! The chicken crossed the road,but why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY

To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads withouthaving their motives called into question.

GRANDPA

In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone toldus that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX

It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEINThis was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified indropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGANWhat chicken?

KEN STARR

I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of thepresident of the United States of America in an effort to distract lawenforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoingour highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result,the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaboratescheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For thatreason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunityprovided he cooperates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, thechicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road untilour investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have beencompleted. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leakedinformation to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to behomosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird mayhave to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens haveto cross before you believe it?

FREUD

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the roadreveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES

I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads, butwill lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance yourcheck book-and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN

Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath thechicken?

BILL CLINTON

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken?Could you define chicken please?

LOUIS FARRAKHAN

The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the"black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE

And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS

I missed one?

Which one is your favourite? I have too many to mention! Lol :P

Close...but not quite.

2006-05-14T23:46:00.000+08:00

So BSB's resident tigress, Cat, was on the prowl again Friday night. Still standing after eight shots of tequila and half a pitcher of margarita, she was able to snag a tall, dusky Dutch-Indian expat from one of the Metro's trendiest bars.

They started kissing in the cab, on the way to his swanky hotel room. Cat told herself, This is a sure thing, ha! I'm getting some real action tonight!

The setting couldn't have been better...for a one-night stand that is. And rolling all over the bed, hot and bothered and naked and kissing like there was no tomorrow, he stopped.

What's wrong? Cat asks.

I'm sorry, he says. I made a promise, it's really not fair. A very conservative Indian girl back home, he says.

Oh, Cat replies, thankful she had that much alcohol in her system to depress the reaction somewhat. Thinking of something to say, she asks, How old are you?

Twenty-one, he answers.

No way?! You don't look twenty-one! Cat exclaims.

I'm really sorry, it's not you...I'm really sorry. He apologizes some more.

Cat, being the nice, understanding, inebriated pussy she is, smiles sweetly, rolls over and takes a nap. Two hours later, she leaves.

He didn't look twenty-one, he didn't look twenty-one...she mutters to herself.

(BSB peeps, if you want any more lurid details, like how tiny his member was and how in less than a minute after I put it in my mouth that he, er, came, I'm not telling. And, no, this has never happened to THE Cat before. No man has denied Cat sex once they're alone.)

OLD

2006-05-11T07:38:00.000+08:00

Ladies & Gentlemen...

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!

Stress Management

2006-05-09T08:35:00.000+08:00

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.”

“If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.”

“If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.”

"In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

He continued, “And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on."

"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. "

"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. "

"Relax; pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it!

Watch out for these computer viruses!!

2006-05-08T11:01:00.000+08:00

From a blogworthy email I thought I'd share with BSB-ers:

The George Bush Virus
- Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction.

The John Kerry Virus
- Stores data on both sides of the disk and causes little purple hearts to appear on screen.

The Clinton Virus
- Gives you a permanent Hard Drive ; with NO memory

The Al Gore Virus
- Causes your computer to keep counting and re-counting

The Bob Dole Virus
- Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy

The Lewinsky Virus
- Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did

The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus
- Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back

The Mike Tyson Virus
- Quits after two bytes

The Oprah Winfrey Virus
- Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB, then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 350 GB

The Ellen Degeneres Virus
- Disks can no longer be inserted

The Prozac Virus
- Totally screws up your RAM,but your processor doesn't care

The Michael Jackson Virus
- Only attacks minor files

The Lorena Bobbitt Virus
- Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy ... then discards it through Windows

my faves: the Oprah, Lewinsky, and Dubya ones.

Six Classic Affairs

2006-05-06T06:56:00.000+08:00

Six Classic Affairs

The 1st Affair:

A married man was having an affair with his secretary One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" his wife demanded. "I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon." "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"

The 2nd Affair:

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"

The 3rd Affair:

A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity." So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home. "I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase. "My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?"

The 4th Affair:

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue." "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too." No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing"

The 5th Affair:

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent." "One Cent?" the man thought. He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" "A nickel," the barman replied. "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife." The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."

The 6th Affair:

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess." "There's no need to," his wife replied. "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!" "I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."

Men of the World

2006-05-05T16:15:00.000+08:00

Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to wives, girlfriends, fiancés, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. (to all women in general) These rules are to be communicated prior to the World Cup in June/July this year...

FAILURE TO ADHERE TO THE RULES STIPULATED AS PER BELOW WILL RESULT IN SEVERE REPERCUSSIONS.

List Of Rules.
1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).
.
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it wont happen.
.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day. This rulehowever is discretionary. (please refer to rule 2)
.
6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce (not necessarily in that order).
.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".
.
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:a) I will not go,b) I will not go, andc) I will not go.
.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
.
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch??", the reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".
.
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc.
.
Thank you for your cooperation.
.
Regards,Men of the World

[At times like these, I'm so tempted to box all men in the face!!]

Jekyll - Hyde

2006-05-02T10:00:00.000+08:00

A question for the guys : is it true that guys like their girls to be saints on the outside but sluts in bed? This means that the girl is the sweet, decent, smart person whom your mom adores but behind closed doors, she’s this wild freak who’d dance for you (like Lalita here), use handcuffs and ride you like you’re Sea Biscuit. I’m just citing extremes here, but I guess you get the idea. So, should we girls develop this Jekyll-Hyde split personality?

The Cat in Action!

2006-05-01T00:29:00.000+08:00

Friday night, the merciless Cat was on the prowl. I'm gonna get some real meat tonight, she told herself.

She spotted a hot Ricky Martin lookalike salsa dancing with some old chick on the dance floor. Ooohhh...really, really hot ass there. Cat couldn't wait to get her paws on those absolutely bootylicious butt.

She asks the waitress what if he's a regular and what he drinks. Jim Beam and coke, she replied. Ok, Cat says, send him one on me.

Oh yeah, the Cat buying the drinks. The Cat setting the trap for her prey.

The drink reaches him...he sees Cat, smiles, and walks over to her. Hello, I'm Olivier, he says, in a very thick accent. Where are you from? Cat asks. South of France, he answers. Hoo-wah! French! (He smelled ok....)

They talk some more, and after a few minutes excuses himself.

Cat's cousin, who came to the bar with her, asks, What was that??? He bought you a drink???

Cat smiles as if she had just landed a giant canary. No, I bought him a drink.

Idiot! Cat's cousin exclaims. HE'S GAY!

Masculine or Feminine?

2006-04-28T23:27:00.000+08:00

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that
in Spanish,unlike English, nouns are designated as
either masculine or feminine.

''House'' for instance, is feminine: ''la casa.''
''Pencil,'' however, is masculine: "el lapiz.''

A student asked, ''What gender is 'computer'?''

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split
the class into two groups, male and female, and
asked them to decide for themselves whether
''computer'' should be a masculine or a feminine
noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its
recommendation.

The men's group decided that ''computer'' should
definitely be of the feminine gender (''la
computer''), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their
 internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate
 with other computers is incomprehensible to
 everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long
 term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you
 find yourself spending half your paycheck on
 accessories for it.

(No chuckling... this gets better!)

The women's group, however, concluded that
computers should be Masculine (''el computer''),
because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to
 turn them on; this normally doesn't take long!!)
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think
 for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems,
 but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that
 if you had waited a little longer, you could
 have gotten a better model.

The women won.

the makings of a psycho single female - part 2

2006-04-24T11:46:00.000+08:00

this is a continuation of the story of stella. you may read the beginning here.

Feb 14

Why is the sky blue? Where do we go when we die? How was the universe created? Is there really a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? Are fairies real? Why didn’t he ask me out? Tonight, in my valentine post-mortem, I received a message from him. “I wish for your happiness.” Again, how was the universe created?

**********

April 4

Yesterday, he said that he wanted to meet up. What’s this important thing he has to say that he has to see me in person? It’s been four months since we last went out and this big space gaping in between us simply doesn’t add up to a proposal for a relationship or revelation of deep emotions. The Cinderella inside me hopes that it is good news. The Cruella de Ville says it is good news. “If you’re the type who likes bad news!” says she, and then laughs her evil laugh as my stomach churns for a good fifteen minutes.

*********

April 22

Cruella was right. Happy endings are just the fake versions of any fairy tale fabricated by sissies, in the true version of the story, there never really is any happy ending. Little red riding hood really was eaten by the wolf. The little mermaid didn’t become a human but a sea foam, floating worthlessly across the vast ocean. The news that he has a girlfriend is the real ending to my own tale. He has a girlfriend. I had to write that down again, maybe it would stick this time. A girl he met at the end of December. He has a girlfriend. A girl whose name I couldn’t even pronounce.

Cruella, you really should have been the heroine of the story.

**********

June 7

Nuninuninuninuninu.... I feel like chewing 26 bubble gums today.

**********

the next entries don't make sense anymore so it may not be appropriate to post it here, as they evidently show the extent of her derangedness. at some level, all of us have the tendencies to be a bit crazy when dealt with a hard blow on the heart. sometimes we fall and we fall hard, become a little bitter, lose some of our hopes. to those who've had their hearts trampled on, we know that there's a litle bit of stella in all of us.

Might as well blog about this

2006-04-21T13:51:00.000+08:00

From Mistyeiz

cat : 4 month? i dun get it? u're in an LDR too? i thot u were happy n single? ;) anyway, distance can either make the heart grow fonder OR out of sight, out of mind. you choose babe. plus, affairs of the heart are a little too fragile to b too defined, dont u think? so who's this hunk who has managed to snare the wild cat, huh? SPILL! lol :P

I mentioned him in one of my earlier posts, I called him The Stud.

As I said, it's not much of a relationship. By that I mean that it's defined by what it's not. (Duh.)

TS and I are not "steady." As you said, affairs of the heart are too fragile to be too defined.

We cannot be exclusive. In exchange for fidelity, we can only promise each other "priority."

LDR? More like LD friends with benefits. I'm crazy for him, but I don't let him know that. Oh crap, I already told him that. Fair enough, though. He came clean with his feelings, too. Although we both said, you'll never hear me say this again, ok?

I met him late last year, after Christmas. I was horny, he was hot, we had mind-blowing sex. And guess what? We ended up liking each other, too much to just let it be a one-night stand. Or two. Or three.

I thought his being based in another country was going to make it easier to forget. No such luck. We email and SMS constantly, about everything, from the intellectual to political to the downright obscene. Oh, and yes, we do see each other when both work and time permits.

The tough part is knowing that this isn't going to last. Even if we do agree to commit, be exclusive or what, there is no happily ever after in the horizon. (No, he's not married.)

It breaks my heart to know that he will never be completely mine.

The Bored Single Bloggers' Club

Happy New Year!

Ok, my bad....

Merry Christmas!

SkyCABLE "One Night Stand" TVC

Should you or shouldn't you?

Born on the fourth of July....

... and the saga continues ...

Breaking away without cutting ties

Times have surely changed

Sex quotes from famous people [Good one!]

Poetry to usher in June

Don't go upstairs.....

How do you know?

*Why'd the chicken cross the road?*

Close...but not quite.

OLD

Stress Management

Watch out for these computer viruses!!

Six Classic Affairs

Men of the World

Jekyll - Hyde

The Cat in Action!

Masculine or Feminine?

the makings of a psycho single female - part 2

Might as well blog about this

Why'd the chicken cross the road?