Is this just a “guy thing?” 

I’m not sure—I can only be certain of my own experience and perspective, and I confess: I’m a guy, so my perspective is what it is!

But it’s certainly a “communication thing” and that is something I have studied and grappled with my whole life!  As I have learned and tested better communication in my own situations, I have endeavored to share those insights and skills in my training seminars and coaching sessions.

So I offer the following four phrases as helpful tools that support more positive relationships, particularly with that special person with whom you share your life and goods:

Phrase #1:  What can I do to help?

It can be difficult to know how to respond to a person who seems to be upset with YOUR lack of involvement, help, or support.  That’s when this phrase becomes so helpful. 

First of all, it immediately ends any perception on the other person’s part that you are intentionally ignoring their need or ducking your responsibility or (selfishly) avoiding any involvement! 

Second, it quickly shifts the focus of the discussion to identifying practical steps to move forward toward a positive resolution of the need. 

Third, it forces the other person to make the next move in the conversation, and respond positively, and productively!

Fourth, it can result in giving the questioner a clear, concrete, productive assignment—something practical they can do, to make the situation better and demonstrate their willingness to help! 

But…what happens if the complainer is just venting about a difficult situation, and not really expecting the listener to solve their problem???  That’s when the next phrase comes handy:

Phrase #2:  I’m sure you’ll figure it out.

The clue that identifies the need for this response is when the complainer responds to the FIRST question with something akin to: “I don’t know” or “I don’t think anyone can really help me at this point.”

Another clue is when the complainer rebuts any ideas with a phrase that begins with “Yes, but…”  That’s usually a sign that the complainer isn’t really looking for your help or expecting you to rescue them with a solution.

That’s when this phrase is helpful—in two regards:

First, it creates a focus on the other person’s “internal locus of control.”  This is a strongly positive psychological perspective.  It sends the message to the complainer:  YOU ARE NOT HELPLESS.  YOU ARE NOT AT THE MERCY OF EXTERNAL FORCES.  YOU CAN DO SOMETHING TO CHANGE THE SITUATION.

By the way, this is one of the most important things I do as an executive coach! 

My goal in each session is to help the client identify whatever actions they can take, to make their situation better.  This eliminates any view or feeling on their part that they are helpless victims of circumstance and powerless to make any move or take action.

Second, the words, “I’m sure…” send the message, “I believe in your ability to succeed!”  Psychologists tell us that external perspectives can be powerful influencers on our own self-image and self-assessment.  That’s why the opinions about us that we receive from coaches, mentors, teachers, (and other people we respect) are so inspiring and motivating for us!  Those “other people” enable us to believe what THEY believe…about us! 

Up Close and Personal

When I was contemplating the shift from organizational life to self-employment, I had the good fortune to participate in a unique executive training program.  I found myself rubbing shoulders with a number of successful entrepreneurs, consultants, and company founders.  Some of these individuals became true friends who encouraged me to start my own consulting practice.  They told me, in no uncertain terms:  “You can do this!  You should do this!  You have the ability to help people in a substantial way!”  Their encouragement was paramount to my leap of faith and was the “external perspective” that proved—to me—that my ambitions were neither blind nor unrealistic.

PHRASE #3:  I’m sorry, I misunderstood.

I am convinced:  Clear communication is one of the biggest challenges we face as human beings!  Sociologists agree.  The barriers of individual “filters” and differing points of view are the main contributors.  Those difficulties will never change for us as humans.  They are “hard-wired” into our modes of perception and thought.  My conclusion:

Confusion and misunderstandings are inevitable in life and in relationships!

What’s a person to do?

Be prepared to make mistakes and respond accordingly.

Thus—the value of this simple phrase.  When misunderstanding occurs, this simple apology and explanation reorients the conversation immediately in a more productive direction.

REASON #1: The phrase, “I’m sorry” is a simple apologetic.  It is a humble expression of regret that sends a message of concern and support to the other person.  It also reinforces the underlying meaning of the next phrase.

REASON #2:  The phrase, “I misunderstood” clearly identifies the speaker as taking responsibility for the error, rather than trying to shift blame or point the finger at some other person or agent.  Trust me in this:  People respect others who are willing to accept responsibility, rather than avoiding blame.

REASON #3:  The use of the word “misunderstood” also positions the problem as unintentional in nature.  That puts the resulting conversation on “neutral” grounds, defusing the strong emotions that often accompany attempts to blame or vilify.  That allows for much more productive correction and collaborative problem-solving.  Now for the final phrase:

PHRASE #4:  I guess if I were in your situation, I would probably feel the same way.

This is a clear, straightforward expression of emotional validation. 

Emotional validation is powerful, because it sends a two-fold message:

ONE: I understand why you feel the way you do.

TWO: The way you feel is understandable—it’s not unique, unusual, or irrational.

Emotional validation is the ability to communicate cognitive empathy.  Cognitive empathy is the most basic form of the three types of empathy.  Cognitive empathy means having a mental understanding of another person’s experience.   It means you understand another person’s point of view.  Emotional intelligence expert, Daniel Goleman, describes it as:

“Simply knowing how the other person feels and what they might be thinking. Sometimes called perspective-taking.”

Some people struggle with the concept of empathy, because they resist the other two types of empathy, which require more than just an intellectual understanding.

For example, the second type of empathy— emotional empathy—occurs when you actually feel what the other person is feeling.  Goleman puts it this way:

“…when you feel physically along with the other person, as though their emotions were contagious.”

In some situations, we might not actually feel the way the other person is feeling, even though we understand why they might feel that way.  That can happen when the other person is experiencing intense emotions of grief, anger, or depression.

The third type of empathy is compassionate empathy.  This type can also be a bit of a challenge to experience.  Compassionate empathy is the ability to respond with care and action.  Goleman describes it this way:

“With this kind of empathy, we not only understand a person’s predicament and feel with them but are spontaneously moved to help, if needed.”

The challenge is that we may not know how to help!  [See Phrase #1 above.]

This predicament is not uncommon—when we are faced with another person’s care or concern and unable to offer any practical help, to address the situation or resolve the difficulty.  I think of problems in the workplace, for example.  When a spouse vents about a difficulty at work.  Is it really realistic that they are expecting their partner to fix the problem?  I don’t think so.  But their partner can reasonably express understanding and empathy using the phrase I suggest.  That can go a long way towards easing the pain of the other.

This phrase has real value, because it is an antidote to one our culture’s worst communication bad habits, and that is to stigmatize true emotion and invalidate it.  Here’s the most common offending phrase that is used:

Oh, you shouldn’t feel that way!

OUCH.  That sends the opposite, counter-productive message to the individual.  It tells them that their feelings are irrational and don’t make any sense…that there is something wrong with the person, emotionally.  I don’t think most people are thinking that when they use this phrase.  I think most people who respond this way are thinking that it will help the other person!  But in their ignorance, they just make matters worse. 

It is much more positive, supportive, and helpful to say:

I guess if I were in your situation, I would probably feel the same way.

You don’t have to actually feel the same way or feel responsible to take action in response.  You just have to understand. 

It’s so simple…but so powerful.

So…the next time you are having a rather energetic conversation with that important other person in your life, and you are tempted to say something like, “Oh baby…you shouldn’t be mad about this!”  Open up this blog post.  Read Phrase #4.  Then repeat it to that other special person.  I guarantee the conversation will proceed on a much more positive note!

By the way…

If all of this advice sounds a little like the kind of ideas you might receive in a customer service training seminar…you’re not too far off the mark.  I’ll accept that reference, since customer service training content is something I have created and delivered for a number of my clients.  But should it surprise us that good communication skills and tools can have a very broad application in human relationships?

If you want to be a better communicator and a better leader—you can!  Take advantage of the straightforward advice in this article, and stay tuned for more great insight and direction RIGHT HERE.

Until next time… Yours for better leaders and better organizations,

Dr. Jim Dyke – “The Boss Doctor” – helping you to BE a better boss and to HAVE a better boss!

You have WAY more power and influence than you realize!

Unfortunately, many leaders of organizations have embraced the false notion that the strongest factor in employee engagement is the nature or culture of the organization.  Granted, there are many companies today that emphasize the value and importance of their culture in attracting and retaining talent:  Meta, Google, and Apple, to name a few of the most well-known.  However…

My experience in management consulting has led me to challenge the assumption that corporate culture is the most determining factor with regard to employee engagement, retention, and productivity!  It is NOT.  Rather…

I have found that the team leader has the most influence when it comes to motivating and engaging employees; managing workers for high performance; and retaining talent over time.

Author and management thinker Marcus Buckingham agrees with me on this! 

In his recent book, Nine Lies About Work, he says this:  “The good news …for you, the team leader, is that what people care most about at work is within your control.”

Here’s another heartening reality that results from this truth:

You can have a great team, even if the organization you’re in sucks!

I have seen this countless times—a leader with an exceptional team, surrounded by mediocre peers and low-performing teams in an organization that is struggling to achieve consistent productivity in its workforce. 

Up Close and Personal

I once took time to interview one of these skilled team leaders in depth.  I wanted to understand his experience and the challenging situation within his organization.  I asked him, “Did your boss ever hold meetings with you and the other team leaders in your department?”  His answer surprised me:  “Oh yes,” he replied, “We had regular meetings with all of us team leaders together.”  I pressed him for further details:  “In these meetings, did your boss ever invite you to share with the other team leaders what you were doing that was producing such great results with your team?”  “No,” he said, “Never.”  THE GOOD NEWS:  That didn’t stop this exceptional leader from continuing to have an awesome team!

This sad reality is common in many, many organizations!  So…

What can you do, to have a team culture that empowers, engages, and energizes your people?

My suggestion:  Start with this important truth:  

Information is the life-blood of an effective team. 

If that’s true (and many management experts agree with me on this!) then communication is the cardiac action that is required to circulate that information and make it available to the team!  It’s also how your team can share important information with YOU. 

Here’s how:

Regular, informal check-ins with each team member will turbo-charge your team!

Buckingham explains how simple it is to keep the lines of communication open with employees:

Team leaders can do this on the team level with weekly check-ins with each team member.

…in simple terms it’s a frequent one-on-one conversation about near-term future work between a team leader and a team member.

            He also has some suggestions for good questions to ask:           

So, each and every week these leaders have a brief check-in with each team member, during which they ask two simple questions:

            (1) What are your priorities this week?

            (2) How can I help?

This insight is not new!  ALMOST TWENTY YEARS AGO, author Cynthia Shapiro gave this advice to leaders in her excellent book, Corporate Confidential:

Be an inspirational and solid foundation for your employees.  Walk your department at least once a day the way a good waiter checks on his tables.  “How’s it going?  Do you have everything you need?  Let me know if you need any support on that project, I’d be happy to help.”  This will create a caring and supportive relationship with your team.

In other posts, I have shared a host of strategic questions for bosses to use in these one-on-one conversations.  If you want to know what to ask your people, start with this series of five key blog posts I published, beginning with this one:  https://thebossdoctor.net/2022/5-questions-every-boss-needs-answered-by-their-subordinates-1/

And if you’re hungry for more, check out this additional post:  https://thebossdoctor.net/2022/more-great-questions-every-boss-needs-answered-by-their-subordinates/

Buckingham summarizes:

            Each check-in, then is a chance to offer a tip, or an idea that can help the team member overcome a real-world obstacle, or a suggestion for how to refine a particular skill.  Check-ins can be short—ten to fifteen minutes…

He also echoes Shapiro’s advice with this important principle:

…one of the most important insights shared by the best team leaders: frequency trumps quality.

In his book, Buckingham cites the extensive research Cisco performed, studying employee engagement at the company.  They found:

…team members who check in with their leader frequently have an enhanced sense of being able to use their strengths every day, of being recognized for excellent work, and having opportunities to grow.

They concluded:

            …any attention [team leaders give their team members] is better than no attention, that frequent attention is better than infrequent attention, and that the type of attention a leader gives matters.  When the type of attention a leader gives to his or her team members includes a live discussion, we see the highest levels of team-member engagement and the biggest positive change in team-member engagement over time, irrespective of the conversational skill of the team leader or the quality of the conversation.

I like that last part: irrespective of the conversational skill of the team leader or the quality of the conversation.

That means that “plain vanilla” team leaders—people without a ton of communication skill or gobs of talent—can still have an incredible impact on the work of their people!  I LOVE THAT!

If you want to be a better leader—you can!  Take advantage of the straightforward advice in this article, and keep your eyes open for future tips RIGHT HERE.

Until next time… Yours for better leaders and better organizations,

Dr. Jim Dyke – “The Boss Doctor” – helping you to BE a better boss and to HAVE a better boss!

Gartner surveys reveal that 49% of people promoted within their own companies are underperforming up to 18 months after those moves.  McKinsey reports that 27% to 46% of executives who transition are regarded as failures or disappointments two years later.  These numbers raise serious questions about what organizations are missing in their on-boarding efforts and their leadership training content.

In reflecting on this sobering reality, I am reminded of the advice I found in a Harvard Business Review column published years ago.  In it, the author gave the following advice to anyone stepping into a new leadership role:

Your #1 Priority as a New Leader is to NETWORK.

I wrote about this in a previous blogpost.  It includes a link to a handy planning form I created to help guide your process of building effective collaborative connections.  You can access the post with this link:  https://thebossdoctor.net/2020/build-internal-business-alliances/   I highly recommend this resource as a starting point for exploring this topic!

Here’s the important thing to remember:  Networking like this is not just a “helpful” strategy.   According to the experts, it is essential!

An insightful article in HBR Magazine by Rob Cross, Greg Pryor, and David Sylvester (November—December 2021 issue) highlighted their findings from researching over 100 companies and interviewing over 160 executives.  They came to this astonishing conclusion:  Transitioning leaders who were the most productive, innovative, and engaged in their new roles were those who quickly established broad, highly collaborative, and mutually beneficial internal networks.

Sadly, research by others revealed a broad lack of organizational guidance and support for this all-important activity.  Individual managers in most companies are largely on their own in developing strong, collaborative relationships with key coworkers.  Further, poorly executed leadership transitions have negative impacts that are emotional, material, measurable, and financial.  According to Gartner, when a transitioning leader is struggling, their direct reports perform, on average, 15% worse than those who report to a high-performing manager.  Worse, those same subordinates are 20% more likely to be disengaged at work or to actually leave the organization!  Further, research shows that the productivity of peers also suffers if their work depends on the struggling transitioning employee.

This challenge is only accelerating.   More and more organizations are becoming increasingly reliant on highly collaborative business models in order to address the new marketplace demands for ever-greater agility and efficiency.  This is the hard truth:  Transitioning leaders simply don’t have the luxury of allowing their network connections to form by themselves.  Leaders must become much more intentional about investing time, effort, and wisdom to build their networks quickly and collaboratively.

Here’s how experts recommend you do this…

1.  Start making broad connections immediately.

As quickly as possible, identify the individuals you will need to collaborate with on a regular basis in order to succeed in your work.

• Learn about their group—how it operates; what pressing concerns it has; any problems or barriers that challenge its efficiency and effectiveness.
• Find out what they need from you and your team, in order to do what they need to do; and to do what you need them to do.
• Get to know the key individuals personally—by name; background; driving motivations; interests; hobbies.
• Ask them about other key individuals in the organization who might be of help to you in various ways…

Colleagues in other business units, corporate functions, levels, and locations who might have a positive or negative impact on the successful implementation of your work

Assistants or gatekeepers of formal leaders, who can help you learn about their boss’s goals, motivations, interests, schedules, and workloads so that it becomes easier to make efficient and effective use of their time and effort

Colleagues in functional and support roles, who can help with successful implementation

Peers, who can be sounding boards and sources of helpful information about corporate culture, opportunities, land-mines, influencers and other key players

Up Close and Personal

In one of my new roles, I joined an organization with the assignment to “rescue” a department that was failing in obvious and alarming ways.  I was curious about the history of the department, especially because I was familiar with its remarkable success years earlier.  At that time, it was under the leadership of (l’ll call him) “Dave.”  Dave had impressive metrics of success during his tenure.  He was actually somewhat of a celebrity in the industry.  I wondered what he did; how he succeeded; why he ultimately left; and what his successor did or didn’t do in order to carry on after his departure.  So I sought the advice of a “rabbi” in the organization—a long-time leader who had been there during Dave’s tenure. 

This individual was familiar with the situation, and was an “insider” with the kind of information I needed.  I still remember the straightforward assessment he shared with me:  “Jim, the thing you have to know about Dave is:  He needed an ambulance to follow him around to pick up all the wounded and dead leaders he left in his path.”  Dave’s authoritarian style got results in the short term, but ultimately led to his demise in the organization.  He was simply impossible to collaborate with, and the organization suffered as a result.  Many emerging leaders with great potential simply left.  With my rabbi’s advice in hand, I was able to easily demonstrate a much more open, engaging, and inclusive leadership style that quickly led to the kind of measurable success higher-ups were demanding.

I share this story to underscore the value of people in the organization who can supply a new leader with valuable information about the organization—its culture, history, style, leadership, strengths, and weaknesses.

2.  Build influence with other leaders.

You want to become a leader that other people in the organization actually LIKE.  (I know.  That sounds so superficial and almost juvenile!)  But so much of your collaborative success depends on your “personal” power—your influence as a person—not the “positional” power of your authority in the organization.  How, exactly, do you become a “likeable” person?  If you have done a good job in your initial step of relationship-building, you are already way ahead of most leaders in the organization:

• Be a good listener, to better understand other people’s needs, goals, and point of view.
• Demonstrate curiosity about your colleagues’ personal and professional interests, what you all have in common.
• Recognize (and respect) the status, authority, value, and contributions of others.
• Show your willingness to support your colleagues and contribute to their success.
• Be willing to listen to other people’s ideas and receive feedback without defensiveness.
• Adjust your style and approach to fit the culture of your network.

And this all-important step: Work towards creating mutual successes that benefit others in your network as much as they benefit you.

If you want even more, simple (but powerful) ways to become influential, download my special paper on The Top 10 Habits of Highly Likeable People.  You’ll find it with this link:  https://thebossdoctor.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/LikeableArticle.pdf

3.  Identify where and how you add value to the organization and who can help you add even more.  

Here’s how authors Cross, Pryor, and Sylvester describe this important aspect:

“Transitions invariably create skills gaps… Most of us either fail to see them or try to bluff our way through.  But fast movers get clarity on their value add and then work to improve in the areas where they’re weak or find people whose knowledge and skills fill the gaps—which is often a faster and more effective way to come up to speed.”

Up Close and Personal

In one organization I joined, I found myself in yet another “turnaround” situation.  What helped me gain a quick and helpful perspective was my actual job interview.  The CEO and Exec were crystal clear about what they needed from me.  It was also apparent what I could bring to my position AND to the organization that would be of help to continued growth and overall success.  When I embarked on an ambitious project to create video-based training content, I realized immediately that I needed to connect with media experts and partners who could bring me up to speed on the technical aspects of the project, and do so quickly and effectively.  The successful results I achieved were every bit a product of their contribution as mine. 

No matter what your strengths are, you will always find gaps.  This becomes increasingly true as you climb the corporate ladder!  Highly effective leaders seek out alliances with others in the organization who can fill those gaps and add value to their ideas, their projects, their challenges, and their impact.

The authors put it this way:

 “Fast movers… tap their networks for both ideation and implementation—that is, they seek help from innovators across the organization who can offer novel solutions to pressing problems and from influencers who can help execute on, spread, and sell those ideas.”

Start by identifying the different types of people in the organization who can help or hurt:

Hubs—Leaders who already have a large informal network of people with whom they share ideas and support.

Spanners—Colleagues who are good at bridging organizational silos, locations, and sub-groups.

Dynamos—People with positive energy, enthusiasm, and passion who can build broader influence and support by engaging others across the organization.

Inertials—Individuals who, by nature, are resistant to change and innovation—people whose points-of-view and strong opinions must be addressed early-on in order to improve ideas and gain support.

4.  Build relationships with people who can provide emotional and personal support as well as professional support.

ALL successful leaders (not just transitioning ones!) develop a strong network of people they lean on for emotional and personal support.  These are trusted individuals that leaders can go to for advice, feedback, and venting.  Here are some suggestions:

Peer Co-Mentors—These are people in your industry who also work at your level (not necessarily in your organization)—people you trust to give you honest opinions and views (especially about YOU!).  Keep in mind—this is a mutual relationship.  Expect them to seek the same honest input from you about them.  My advice: Find these people early in your career!

Industry Professionals—These are people in your industry at other organizations and at various levels.  Professional organizations and associations are helpful places to find these people and build these relationships.  There are other helpful people you often find in such organizations:

Role Models—Professional associations often give successful leaders the kind of exposure and visibility that allows them to share their experience, wisdom, and advice more broadly among emerging leaders in their industry. 

Mentors—More and more organizations are investing in strategically led mentoring initiatives.  Mentors can accelerate the learning process of emerging leaders, and can also supply badly-needed perspective and wisdom for leaders facing new challenges.

Colleagues—Yes, individuals within the organization with proven skill, wisdom, insight, and leadership.  These are people that transitioning leaders can reach out to—for a broader perspective, helpful ideas, and practical approaches.  One additional reminder:  You may have an extremely helpful “colleague” right under your nose—one of your own subordinates!  Don’t overlook the value of your own team members, simply because they report to you.

All of these are examples of the noteworthy insight of Ken Blanchard:

None of us is as smart as all of us.

If all of this information seems a bit overwhelming, keep this in mind:  You don’t have to build a big network, just a strategic one.  Some of the most effective fast-rising leaders have made it a point to focus on connecting with a small, but highly-helpful group of people.  You can do the same!

If you would like some help in identifying and connecting with your highly-helpful group, we can help!  Our executive coaching services can equip you for masterful networking and collaboration.  We’re just an email away! 

And if you want to do better for your organization’s transitioning leaders, we can help you as well…with…

• Strategies that pair newcomers with veteran employees as “sponsors”
• On-boarding programs that are structured for the entire first year
• Leadership training that intentionally spans levels, departments, and silos
• Mentoring and coaching initiatives to flatten the learning curve and share best practices

Until next time… Yours for better leaders and better organizations,

Dr. Jim Dyke – “The Boss Doctor” helping you to BE a better boss and to HAVE a better boss!

Studies in the areas of neuroscience, trauma care, and attachment theory have given theorists and therapists a better understanding of how we humans react to various degrees of stress in our lives.  The work of Dr. Peter Levine, in particular, led him to develop the concept of “Somatic Healing,” which taps into these disciplines and areas of study.  Other researchers have built on his work, adopting the concept that, over time, we develop three primary “selves” and use them (mostly unconsciously) to cope with the different demands we face in life, especially those that are accompanied with stress and the damaging effects it creates.  This post presents a number of ideas reported in key articles published in the Harvard Business Review, by authors Tony Schwartz, Emily Pines, and Kashera Booker.

The 3 Selves—What They Are and What They Do

1.  The Child Self

The Child Self appears as soon as we’re born.  It’s the most playful, curious, and wonder-filled of the three.  It’s also the most under-resourced: immature, helpless, vulnerable, easily threatened, and easily overwhelmed.  The Child Self reflects the reality of the child’s world.  Children function with limited ability and autonomy, relying on more powerful and capable adults to take care of them.  But as we age and mature, this experience of vulnerability becomes less and less desirable, and so we form a second self to help us cope with the challenges, demands, and threats we face.

2.  The Defender Self

The Defender Self is like a psychological bodyguard—aware, focused, and productive; aimed at surviving and winning, and even, at times, is supportive and compassionate.  It’s what a growing child needs, in order to possess a greater sense of autonomy and capability. 

The Defender Self can draw on any number of reactions in order to protect us from those early child’s fears of vulnerability, helplessness, or unworthiness.  If you have ever been “triggered” by an emotionally-charged event, you likely experienced one of them: defensiveness, anger, blaming, rationalizing, emotional repression, or even self-criticism.  These defense mechanisms are part of the way we react to trauma and protect ourselves psychologically.

But psychologists caution us that this Self is hyper-vigilant and super reactive to any perceived threats.  It’s this Self that drives the “fight or flight” state that fuels our impulsive, reactive, illogical, and often counter-productive responses.  In that state, our logical and clear-headed thinking gives way to narrow-minded impulse.  One observer puts it this way, “Reactivity replaces deliberation.  Threat can help mobilize our attention, but when it comes to solving complex problems that have multiple variables, we need our highest cognitive resources.”  In other words, we need a more mature and stable frame of mind. 

3.  The Adult Self

Our most capable and mature self is our Adult Self.  When we inhabit our Adult Self we are able to access those higher thinking capacities that enable us to grasp a wider field of awareness, ideas, and points-of-view.  It’s also in the Adult Self that we are able to take charge of our emotional responses; address challenges and threats with clear-headedness; and thus make it safe for our Child Self to express its best qualities of curiosity, creativity, spontaneity, generosity, and compassion. 

The Adult Self equips us for success in the workplace.  It supports high levels of decision-making, problem-solving, conflict resolution, collaboration, and creativity.  One of its most helpful strengths is to enable us to understand and validate another person’s unique experience and perspective nonjudgmentally—to be empathetic in the truest sense.

The Adult Self is also capable of observing our emotional state with mature awareness and objectivity.  It can add understanding to strong emotions, and treat them with compassion and insight.  It can challenge the often distorted thinking that arises with strong emotions, and provide a clearer, calmer frame of thought.  That can be soothing and reassuring to our hyperactive Defender Self.  It can also prevent us from impulsively “acting out” on those strong emotions with destructive and counterproductive behavior.

In short, the Adult Self is just what we need when the heat is on and stress is at its highest levels.  But it can be ironically difficult to access our Adult Self during those times when we need it most!  The experts recommend that we begin that process with a simple first step of awareness.

1.  Identify the “self” that you are currently inhabiting.  For most of us, under stress, it is the Defender Self.  Sadly, researchers have concluded that the majority of people inhabit their Defender Self… as a matter of course.  The authors I noted previously tell us that the Defender Self…

”…ultimately becomes the dominant player in our lives. It doesn’t show up just when we feel threatened and we move into fight-or-flight. Rather, it’s the primary self we inhabit for most of our lives. Think of it as the persona we wear in the world.”

The main challenge for many of us, therefore, is to become aware of what we generally experience unconsciously—including the often counter-productive responses that follow.

2.  Take steps to calm yourself and shift into self-regulation.  A number of techniques can be useful in this step:

• “Freezing”—deliberately NOT doing or saying anything, in order to avoid impulsively acting out, which then gives you the opportunity to start the calming process.
• Self-talk that reinforces your mindfulness—“Slow down, self!”
• Deep, calming breaths that remove the stress hormone cortisol—in as quickly as a minute or so; and
• Movement of some kind—any burst of physical activity that raises the heart rate and respiration (climbing stairs; brisk walking; even a few jumping jacks).

Up Close and Personal

One of my executive coaching clients struggled with a lack of impulse control—a habit he had developed over most of his life, including as a professional.  He was further hampered with a tendency to catastrophize—to imagine the worst case scenario, regardless of the facts or true nature of the situation.  Coworkers found him extremely difficult to work with, as did his boss!  I taught him the “S.T.O.P.” method, to help him address his pattern of counterproductive “acting out.”  This method is a simple four-step approach to impulse control:

S = STOP – Freeze.  Don’t say or do anything.

T = TAKE A BREATH.  Take calming breaths and de-escalate your emotionality.

O = OBSERVE CAREFULLY.  Externally, what is happening in the situation and in other people.  Internally, what is happening inside YOU both mentally and emotionally.

P = PROCEED WITH CAUTION.  Take appropriate action after exercising better management of your thoughts and feelings.

His experience with this method was what you might expect for someone trying to reverse years of poor impulse control.  In one of our coaching sessions, he blurted out, “This is HARD!”  But as difficult as this process might be, it is a necessary precursor to the steps that follow.

3.  Once you feel calmer and more able to reflect, mindfully step into your Adult Self.  This allows you to take the time you need to…

• Step away from strong emotions and prevent impulsive behavior
• Avoid employing counter-productive defense mechanisms
• Engage thought processes more objectively and constructively

4.  With our Adult Self in charge, we can then step back and gain a different perspective—one that is broader and more realistic.  I often tell my seminar participants: “Emotional Intelligence is all in your head.”  What I’m referring to is the powerful role our thoughts and beliefs play in the emotions we experience and the responses we make as a result.  The challenge we often face is to distinguish between a fact or true belief and a false or subjective perception.  Under stress, it becomes almost impossible to tear ourselves away from our impulsive and panic-driven thinking in order to gain a clear-headed, objective view of our situation.  It’s a classic tug-of-war between our Defender Self and our Adult Self. 

Through my many years working in the recovery movement, I have discovered that the Adult Self gives us the ability to view our situation with a third-person perspective.  We are able to see everything more clearly, with greater understanding and also greater compassion.  We are able to accept ourselves more fully—including making peace with our limitations, weaknesses, mistakes, and failures.  That makes us a lot less defensive, and better able to interact with colleagues and collaborators in the workplace. 

Higher levels of emotional maturity also equip us to respond more constructively to challenges of any sort—especially by tapping into the creativity, wonder, openness, and empathy of our Child Self.  This enables us to continue to learn, grow, develop, and explore new ideas and achieve new successes—without the impulsive defense against change or the rigidity of dogma.

So…what “self” are you inhabiting today?  And where do you need the strengths of each one?  Executive coaching can help.  Give me a call—I’ll be happy to explain how coaching sessions can help you overcome your obstacles to personal growth and success!

Until next time… Yours for better leaders and better organizations,

Dr. Jim Dyke – “The Boss Doctor” helping you to BE a better boss and to HAVE a better boss!

Executive coach Cynthia Shapiro puts this under the heading, Your company’s real motivations:

Motivation 2: Money – Their money, not yours.  If they feel you value your money more than theirs, you will be gone.  The best defense is to always treat your company’s money as if it were your own.

Authors Danny Cox and John Hoover point out the true focus of this principle in their excellent book, Leadership When the Heat’s On.  They claim it’s all about profitability:

“Almost every successful person I know has a keen sense of profitability.  …This doesn’t mean we should become obsessed with profitability.  It means we need to be driven, in part, by awareness of how our efforts transform into dollars and sense (sic).”

[Yeah…I like their pun, too!]

It Starts with YOUR Use of Company Money

Steven Schragis and Rick Frishman also weigh in on this topic in their insightful book, 10 Clowns Don’t Make a Circus…and 249 other critical management success strategies.  Their advice for budding executives is straightforward:

“It’s easy to treat an expense account as an open invitation to live large.  Lots of people do just that—but don’t be one of them.  You don’t have to count paper clips or eat at greasy-spoon diners—simply recognize that in your professional role, you’re being entrusted with (among other things) the responsibility of acting as the company’s caretaker of cash.”

They summarize:

“Treat the company’s money at least as carefully as you handle your own.”

Stuart R. Levine (former CEO of Dale Carnegie & Associates, Inc.) agrees:

“When you travel, don’t stay at the most expensive hotel in town and don’t order the lobster.  …travel as if you could be spending your pay raise.  …Can you send that pack out two-day air rather than overnight?  Would you request overnight service if you had to pay for it yourself?  If the answer is no, use a cheaper service.”

“Every penny your company spends comes out of the same pot as your bonuses, pay raises, and base salary.  Don’t spend money on things that won’t bring money back into the organization.”

Up Close and Personal

My perspective on this issue changed immediately and significantly when I started my own business.  When I became the chief producer (and consumer) of income in my consulting practice, it was easy to see how every penny I saved in travel expense went directly into my own pocket as personal profit.  Trust me, when I tell you that I quickly became accustomed to “comfortable” accommodations on the road, versus “extravagant” ones. 

Teach the Same Perspective to Your People

Schragis and Frishman encourage this thinking as a part of your management regimen:

“Discuss expenses with your coworkers and staff.  Question anything you don’t understand.  You may be viewed as a bit of a killjoy or tightwad, but the bottom line is that it’s not their money—and part of your job is to be prudent about all expenditures.”

Additionally, they encourage managers to help employees see and value what their organization is spending on them—not just in salaries, but in benefits and investments in their training and development:

“Making people more aware of how much money the company is spending on them can be a good management communications strategy…”

Up Close and Personal

In my career as a management consultant, I have worked with organizations of every conceivable industry, size, and shape:

• For-profit and not-for-profit
• Public sector and private sector
• Fortune 500 and Fortune 100

I have had many managers and supervisors tell me, “We’re different…we’re not like other organizations.”  But I have discovered that organizations have much more in common with each other than they have differences.  In particular, one thing that ALL organizations have in common:

All organizations require money to operate.

In my management seminars, I encourage a “profitability focus” for the participants—to help them understand that one of their primary responsibilities is to contribute to the organization’s “bottom line.”  And there are only 3 ways to do this—by INCREASING…

• Revenue
• Savings
• Productivity

I tell my management students, they’ve got to figure out how to MAKE it; SAVE it; or STRETCH it.  (The “it” being money, of course!)  In one of my past articles, I point out the importance of identifying one’s “critical path” to achieve this purpose.  You can read about it with the following link, and access a valuable planning form that will aid in the process:

Authors William Doyle and William Perkins call this The Principle of Profitable Proximity and summarize it this way:

Find the bottom line and tie your career to it.

And, of course, the principle of respecting your organization’s money extends to your budget, as well! 

Respect Your Budgets—Work WITH Them, not AGAINST Them

I have discovered that higher-ups have a keen appreciation for leaders who can perform successfully within the required temporal and fiscal parameters.  In other words, they value leaders who excel at delivering results ON TIME and UNDER BUDGET.    

You need to be that kind of leader, if you want to succeed!

That’s another reason why it is important for you as a leader to keep your team focused on the kind of thinking that will enable you—together—to deliver great results consistently!  Jeffrey Fox encourages managers to embrace the challenge of budget limitations:

“Tight budgets promote creativity, ingenuity, and inventiveness.  Look upon a tight budget as a challenge.  Find new and less expensive ways of doing things.  The corporation will be improved.  You will be appreciated.”

I teach managers to tackle this challenge with their team—to continually talk and think with their people, to explore ways to do their work:

EASIER / BETTER / FASTER / SMARTER / CHEAPER / or SAFER

This requires thoughtful creativity—the ability to think INSIDE THE BOX—to exercise innovation within the restrictions of the resources available.

And yes, I wrote about this in a previous article.  You can access it here:

The advice in today’s article may seem a bit obvious, but you would be amazed how many managers and supervisors ignore it.  There’s an old saying, “Common sense ain’t as common as you think it might be!”  That is certainly true, even in management circles.  That’s why I find myself continuing to dispense a lot of “common sense” to managers, supervisors, and executives in the course of my work as a consultant, coach, and trainer!

If you are looking for more great advice that will help you stay on track for personal and professional success—stay tuned to more helpful and practical ideas coming your way in future editions!

Until next time… Yours for better leaders and better organizations,

Dr. Jim Dyke – “The Boss Doctor” helping you to BE a better boss and to HAVE a better boss!

The Secret of Opportunistic Masochism

In their wisdom-laden book, Smash the Pyramid—100 Career Secrets from America’s Fastest-Rising Executives, they share the advice of a successful 37-year-old Senior Vice President of a Financial institution:

Finding opportunity often is finding something that looks tough to do, and taking it on when other people aren’t that interested in taking it on.

So…Why is that a good idea?  What about the possibility of failing with a tough job???

The executive explains the advantage:

Don’t be afraid of a “crummy assignment.”  The worst that will happen is that you’ll fail, and that might be understood if it were truly crummy.  Whereas if you make it work, or you at least impress people on the way, that’s a big win, isn’t it?   …Don’t automatically reject a “lousy assignment.”  It could be a career maker.

Up Close and Personal

In one of my organizational roles, I found myself participating in a discussion in an executive team meeting, where the conversation centered around a strategic initiative that everyone agreed was necessary, but no one wanted to take on.  (Who really wants more work to do, right?)  As I looked around the group, I realized that my team and I were actually ideally positioned to handle the initiative with success.  Eventually the meeting ended, but with no one stepping forward—including myself. 

To be honest, I was like every other person in the room.  I had plenty on my plate, and wasn’t anxious to take on more work.   But I also knew it was only a matter of time before the CEO figured it out and would come to me with the assignment.  I decided to head him off before he came to me, and make myself the heroic volunteer instead of a coerced complainer.  Later in the afternoon, I went to his office and said, “Boss, I think my team and I are positioned to be able to take this on and do a good job for the organization.  We’ll do it.”  He gave me a wide grin; shook my hand; and (imitating that famous beer commercial) said, “I LOVE YOU, MAN!”

My reply was straightforward:  “But Boss…I don’t have any budget for this in my department.”  He didn’t hesitate:  “Whatever you need…just let me know!” 

Now…I ask YOU:  How tough and dirty was this job once I had the money to outsource the toughest and dirtiest part of it???   Yeah…it was a great success; I was the hero; and there were no complaints from any of the other executives.  (They were smart enough to know that if they complained, they would be likely to be given the NEXT tough and dirty assignment!)

Author and executive coach Cynthia Shapiro explains the value of taking on what she calls a “hot potato” assignment, especially as a volunteer.  In her book, Corporate Confidential, she reminds her readers:

One of the little-known secrets to job security is taking the tasks and projects no else wants.  …If you take on a task no one wants, and do it well, no one in the company will risk removing you for fear they will have to pick up the hot potato.

Authors William Doyle and William Perkins describe this kind of wisdom with the expression:

Counterintuitive Ambition

One of their contributors—a 29-year-old Senior Vice President—puts it this way:

Give me a challenge.  Give me a way to justify my existence.  Give me a way to let them know three months down the road that I…matter.  I count.  I stand out, I’m making an impact.  If I’m working on a business that’s automatically growing 15 percent a year and everyone is getting along just wonderfully, what the **** do they need me for?

Shapiro points out the additional advantage to volunteering for tough assignments:

Most employees hate to volunteer for additional work because they’re already doing so much.  But what a company won’t tell you is that it looks at volunteering as a sign that an employee has grown beyond her current position and might be ready to be promoted. 

Management consultant Debra Benton puts all of this under the broad category of “Courage to Initiate.”

In her excellent book on executive success—Lions Don’t Need to Roar—she advises:

If you want to get to the top, you cannot wait for others to show you the way or make you feel comfortable.  You have to initiate.  Speak up.  Take action.  Make the first move.

What happens when you become an Initiator???

1.  You immediately stand out from the crowd.  The vast majority of people in corporate America are content to “play it safe” by remaining in their comfort zone of skill, responsibility, and relationships.  When you take initiative—especially to take on new or challenging assignments—you show higher-ups that you are capable of rising above the “herd.”  You also step out from “behind the scenes” and gain valuable visibility in the organization!

2.  You will very likely find the help you need to succeed.  Most people admire the person who is willing to step forward and lead the charge!  Most people also want to be associated with a person like that, and the success that kind of leader often produces. 

3.  You are likely to gain more opportunities for success.  The visibility you gain with higher-ups makes it easier for them to think about giving you more responsibility in the future.  It’s a simple, but powerful formula:

Visibility + Success = Opportunity = More Success

Here’s another way of seeing this:  The more you succeed, the better your reputation; the better your résumé; and the better your chances of attracting high-quality people to your team!  (Everyone wants to be associated with a winner—that’s just human nature!)

4.  You will develop a level of competence and self-confidence that will serve you well in the future.  Leaders of every kind of organization have a keen appreciation for people who are proven problem-solvers and obstacle “overcomers.”  The only way to develop that kind of capacity is through difficult and challenging experience.

One successful executive puts it this way:

It’s only the person who’s been through the tough times and the street fights and all of the tough things that companies are being asked to do today, who can respond to a tough competitive situation or a market slowdown.

If you are looking for more great advice that will help you lower your learning curve and put you on the fast track to success—stay tuned to more great ideas coming your way in future editions!

Until next time… Yours for better leaders and better organizations,

Dr. Jim Dyke – “The Boss Doctor” helping you to BE a better boss and to HAVE a better boss!

There are two powerful components of the brain that determine thoughts and actions.  The first is the rational system that resides in the Pre-frontal Cortex.  This is where logical, analytical, and strategic thinking takes place.  It allows us to weigh information from many sources; synthesize solutions to problems; and construct plans for the future.  It is complemented by the limbic (or emotional) system, which serves a much different purpose.

The limbic system resides in the Amygdala, which takes control and functions when we are under stress or panic.  It produces mindless “knee-jerk” behavior that is emotional and reactive, rather than logical and thoughtful.  It is designed to provide us with an immediate response to a dangerous or life-threatening situation.

Most of our day-to-day activities are better directed by the rational part of our mind residing in the pre-frontal cortex.  But when we are under pressure and stressed out, cortisol levels start to rise in our bodies.  This can build to a critical point and leave us vulnerable to a “trigger” event.  When that happens, any setback or bad news can create a response in the amygdala.  That response overrules our logical mindset and results in a panic-based, mindless reaction.  That’s a recipe for bad decisions and dangerous actions.

It can also increase our anger!

According to neuroscientist R. Douglas Fields, when we face chronic stress or trauma, our brain “rewires the rage circuits.”  In other words, the sustained level of stress and fear we experience every day when we’re under pressure depletes our emotional resources, making us much more likely to get mad, even at minor provocations.

Here’s what recent studies have revealed:

1.  At one large company, managers who felt most pressured by job demands ran teams with the lowest performance and profitability numbers.

2.  Financial losses are “processed” in the same areas of the brain that react to life-threatening danger.

Up Close and Personal

An executive I know personally was hired by an organization that badly needed expansion, growth, and success in his area of expertise.  Within a year, he was able to put initiatives in place that bore fruit effectively and dramatically.  By the next year, however, he was summarily terminated in spite of his success.  What happened?  A badly managed major construction project had gone off the rails; litigation resulted; and the organization was hemorrhaging cash.  The executive was one of the higher-paid staff.  And in spite of the success he was bringing to the organization, panicking leadership felt his termination was a quick and easy solution to the financial pressure on the organization.  As a result, the executive’s initiatives prematurely died on the vine, and the organization paid the price for the loss of the positive impact the programs were making on the bottom line.

So… If you put your team under pressure by over-challenging them, you may be setting them up for panic-based failure.  Instead, break down those big, challenging goals into smaller, believable and achievable steps.  Then celebrate each success.  You will be building your team’s confidence and actually equipping them to believe more strongly in their potential success, which in turn will create a likelier chance that they will actually achieve that potential!

Up Close and Personal

Danielle Menkens, executive producer at Ready Set Rocket, a New York City-based marketing and advertising firm, revealed how she adjusted her management style, to help employees work more effectively under the pressures of the CoVid pandemic.

In a recent issue of Harvard Business Review, she described how she made it a point to “celebrate smaller wins” more than she usually would and make liberal use of Slack to praise employees’ good work and individual successes.

These are simple practices that any manager can adopt with their team!

We’ll be sharing more practical insights from this field of study in upcoming issues of this newsletter.  Until then, if you need help building a successful, high-performing team in your organization, then give us a call – we can help!  We can give you and your team exactly what is needed to perform, produce, and succeed.  We can bring fresh ideas and practical tools to your organization through a one or two-day training event; a half-day event; or even a two-hour “lunch and learn” if your time and resources are limited.  Call us today!

In the meantime, stay tuned to this newsletter—we have more great ideas planned for future issues!

Until next time… Yours for better leaders and better organizations,

Dr. Jim Dyke – “The Boss Doctor” helping you to BE a better boss and to HAVE a better boss!

“We’re all used to hearing about stretch goals, and when you feel empowered, stretch goals are useful ambition teasers.  But when you feel overwhelmed, stretch goals are a recipe for paralysis.” 

In difficult times, Chip and Dan recommend the use of “whisker” goals – smaller, more modest steps that help us get past the “startup costs” – the apprehension and fear – that keep us from tackling the tough, unpleasant work we hate.  Their word of encouragement is simple:

Change can start with small measures, and it can be rewarded with small prizes.

In their column, they give the example of the 5-minute Room Rescue, an idea proposed by the FlyLady, a “home executive” turned organization guru.  Here’s how it works:  When you are faced with the unpleasant and overwhelming task of cleaning your house, you set a kitchen timer to five minutes. Then you run to the dirtiest room – the one you’d dread others seeing – and, as the timer ticks, you start making whatever progress you can.  When the timer goes off, you can stop cleaning without feeling any guilt about it.  Simple.

Chip and Dan tell us why this works: 

“The trick, of course, is that the dread is always worse than the thing that’s dreaded. So once you start cleaning house, you probably won’t stop at five minutes, especially when you see progress.”

I have explained the link between behavior and emotions many times before in my own training seminars.  Most of us agree that our emotions affect our behavior.  But few understand that it is a two-way street:  Our behavior also can affect our emotional state… our mood!  You have experienced this yourself I am quite sure. 

Think of a time you have rolled up your sleeves and tackled a difficult, unpleasant task.  Even if you were not “in the mood” at the outset, after a few minutes of making progress, you (surprisingly) found yourself “in the groove” – (a) feeling good about accomplishing something; and (b) motivated to continue until finished!

So… set the timer and let the games begin!  (Seriously… use a timer… it’s fun and it works.)

1. Set aside a small measured portion of time (5 to 15 minutes). 
2. Challenge your team to tackle the hated tasks. 
3. Give small, simple prizes to team members who make some progress!

Another helpful “brain hack” I discovered is the motivational power of measurable progress.  It seems that we humans are more motivated by seeing how far we have come versus how far we have yet to go.  This is the basis for the motivational impact of that old hat device we call the “thermometer graph.”  I wrote about this in a previous post.  You can access it here:

Up Close and Personal

As an Eagle Scout, I had the opportunity to backpack a major portion of the John Muir trail in the High Sierras of California.  Some of that hiking required a substantial increase in elevation over a long and tortuous series of “switchback” trails that crisscrossed the face of the mountain, allowing for a gradual (but exceedingly long) ascent.  The result is a long and painfully slow climb that challenges the patience and endurance of the hiker, especially when they are encumbered with a fully-loaded backpack.  Trying to measure the length of trail required to reach the peak is impossible.  But…the occasional pause to view the trail already covered quickly tells the tale of progress, and gives the weary hiker a sense of accomplishment that is motivating enough to encourage the continued climb.

So What????

Leaders can easily tap into these cognitive principles by breaking down major, longer-term goals into smaller, incremental “bits” that can be measured (and rewarded!) over shorter (and more frequent) time spans.  That simple approach can be used to markedly increase team motivation and morale.  And yes, marking progress with a visual “marker” of some kind may sound “corny,” but it works—it engages interest and supports continued performance!

In the next issue, I will explain the neuroscience behind this simple approach.  Stay tuned!

And if you are interested in more ideas that can help YOUR team succeed, then give us a call – we can help!  We can give you and your team exactly what is needed to perform, produce, and succeed.  We can bring fresh ideas and practical tools to your organization through a one or two-day training event; a half-day event; or even a two-hour “lunch and learn” if your time and resources are limited.  Call us today!

In the meantime, stay tuned to this newsletter—we have more great ideas planned for future issues!

Until next time… Yours for better leaders and better organizations,

Dr. Jim Dyke – “The Boss Doctor” helping you to BE a better boss and to HAVE a better boss!

One of the most important things I’ve learned during my long career in organizational life and as an independent management and leadership development consultant:

Higher-ups have a keen appreciation for people who can GET STUFF DONE!

My advice to any aspiring leader is simple:  Be a producer!  Make a decision right now that you will be a person who makes things happen.  In my experience, there is a lot more talking than doing in organizations today—lots of rhetoric but not much action.

There is a crying need in organizations everywhere for leaders who are willing to think and act outside of their administrative comfort zones and get real results.  One executive recommends, “Don’t talk about how good you are.  Prove it with action, over and over.  Remember WACADAD—Words are cheap and deeds are dear.” 

Add Measurable Value to Your Organization

Before Stuart R. Levine launched his international consulting company, he served as CEO of Dale Carnegie & Associates, Inc.  In his excellent (and very practical) book, The Six Fundamentals of Success, he advises his readers to add value to their organization by focusing on “important things.”  He defines that term and then lists examples:

Important things help companies make money in seven ways:

• Getting new customers
• Keeping existing customers
• Delivering great value
• Improving quality
• Reducing costs without compromising value
• Managing risk
• Advancing the business strategy

Take Charge of Your Success

Jeffrey Fox—author of the book, How to Become CEO—has an insightful chapter in the book entitled, “Don’t Expect the Personnel Department to Plan Your Career.”  He underscores that your success is your responsibility—to plan, work out, and achieve.

In my very first blog post, I emphasized the need to take control of your own success by mapping out how to best add value to the organization that hired you.  It includes directions in how to identify what I call your “Critical Path” to achieving that “added value.”  The post also includes a link to a planning form you can download and use to think strategically about this concept of adding value.  It’s free, and you can find the content with the following link:

Most Challenges and Problems Require New Thinking

One of the things I discovered early on is how easy it is to get stuck in our thinking and doing.  It’s human nature—to stay in a comfort zone, even if the familiar no longer becomes productive.  It’s why companies pay such exorbitant executive salaries.  It is a rare leader who has the ability to think differently and act differently in a situation that has aged into obsolescence.  But there is an important caveat:

Creativity, alone, is insufficient for success.

Ted Leavitt of Harvard Business School puts it this way:  “Creativity without implementation is irresponsibility.”

This is the simple truth: Ideas without execution are worthless.

Now, here is another reality:  Very few things work perfectly the first time.  So be willing to evaluate and revise everything you do!  Most ideas need tinkering and fiddling to become workable and really effective.  Here’s a case in point:  The Doritos taco shell became a huge success for Taco Bell.  But it took A LOT of tinkering to make it workable—hours and hours in the cooking lab to translate the taste and seasonings into a usable product that really worked.

Here’s what Jeffrey Fox advises:

Nurture the good idea.  Spend a little, not a lot.  Don’t risk big money in the embryonic stage.  Get feedback.  Tinker with the concept.  Tailor it to better fill the needs of the target audience.  Most importantly, try something.   Try this, try that.  Don’t talk, don’t have meetings, don’t write memos.  Do something… Then tinker some more, tailor it a bit, and try again.  If it’s a bad idea, you’ll know it.  Drop it.  If it’s a good idea, you’ll now be able to sell it…

And when you end up with a good thing—pour the coals to it!  Support it with resources, energy, and focus so that it will succeed at its highest potential.

Up Close and Personal

Some of my own greatest success came as a result of this kind of “tinkering.”  Most of my jobs required me to “turn around” the area I was hired to oversee.  This would often require me to do a post-mortem to find out what the problems were—in the first place—and then create a solution that would succeed in a measurable way.  In the process of doing this (a number of times, actually!) I experienced something that really blew my mind:

ME AND MY TEAM WERE CONSTANTLY LEARNING NEW THINGS WE NEVER EXPECTED OR ANTICIPATED.

That’s the way it is with “tinkering.”  While you are trying to accomplish “A” you unexpectedly learn “B.”  And it’s often the “B” reality that enables a leader and their team to “break through” and succeed!  It’s what made my turnaround work so interesting, engaging, and motivating! 

If you need help to move your team and your ideas forward, we can help!  Call us and find out how we can bring you training and coaching resources that will help you and your team think, work, and succeed with creativity and high performance!

Until next time… Yours for better leaders and better organizations,

Dr. Jim Dyke – “The Boss Doctor” helping you to BE a better boss and to HAVE a better boss!

There’s an old adage that says, “You can’t win an argument with your boss.”  Assuming that the boss is human and not perfect, doesn’t that imply that there are times when maybe the boss should lose an argument?  If you’re the boss and you’re smart, you will want your team to be able to disagree with you, otherwise you’ll end up with a forced consensus and false self-confidence.

As the boss, you are the key to unlocking the power of constructive conflict in your team.  But everything hinges on this: are you “disagree-able”?  In other words, can your people disagree with you?  Do you allow them to?  Do you invite them to?  Do they know that it’s safe (even acceptable) to challenge your ideas and your opinions?

5 key questions will help you explore your capacity for constructive conflict.  This issue will introduce the questions—the expanded paper on the Resources page of the blogsite (https://thebossdoctor.net/resources/ ) will continue the presentation with more details and practical application.

5 Questions you need to ask about your “Disagree-Ability”

1. Can you LEARN?  Are you teachable?  Are you willing to admit that you don’t know everything about your work and your people?  Check out the paper on the Resources page for Marcus Buckingham’s 5 questions that unlock the secrets to leading your team members well.
2. Can you LISTEN?  Ken Blanchard says that “feedback is the breakfast of Champions” but can you really listen and accept it from your team?
3. Can you FEEL?  The ability to empathize with you team is key to managing change effectively and building respect with your people.  Can you tune in to someone’s emotional reality when the time comes?
4. Can you FAIL?  Can you tolerate mistakes—especially your own—and embrace failure as a necessary part of innovation and life?  Take the inventory on the expanded paper on the Resources page and find out if you are “failure-phobic.”
5. Can you FOLLOW?  Are you secure enough in your own abilities and leadership to be able to turn the tables and let your people lead you when it’s appropriate?

Don’t just breeze through these questions and toss this issue in your files—check out the expanded version of this article and discover some practical ideas that you can use today to take your leadership and management to the next level.  You can find this expanded paper on the “Resources” page with this link:  https://thebossdoctor.net/resources/

If you are dealing with a combative and contentious team, send up a flare! Corporate Leadership Initiatives has experience helping team leaders like YOU. We can help! In the meantime, stay tuned–we have more great ideas coming your way!

Until next time… Yours for better leaders and better organizations,

Dr. Jim Dyke – “The Boss Doctor” helping you to BE a better boss and to HAVE a better boss!