The Bottled Beer Year

Craft Beer In Hollywood.

2012-02-27T20:29:00.020Z

I came, I saw, I drank their beer.

Although, in actual fact, I didn't drink a lot of their beer, and that became a surprising source of frustration.

The truth is that the craft beer scene in Los Angeles - whilst evolving nicely - makes it somewhat difficult for you to get your hands (and, more significantly, your taste buds) on American-brewed craft beer.

How weird is that?

I certainly wasn't expecting it.

Sure, most of the craft beer bars in this part of the world tend to dazzle you with huge selections of taps at any one time, (imagine The Euston Tap on various banned steroids) but I was staggered by the tendency to avoid home-brewed US creations (in my opinion, the most exciting beers in the world at this moment in history) in favour of the European beers which inspired them. A modest portion of these ales hail from the UK, and include titles I was appalled to find being showcased in this new mecca of the craft beer world. Old Speckled Hen and Boddingtons were literally everywhere, as were my tears after a few days.

However, in spite of this apparent institutional reticence to get 'out and proud' about just how excellent their own products are, most other aspects of the scene in LA, particularly in Hollywood where I happened to be based, are extremely positive.

There are three venues I ended up frequenting more than others, and I'm going to say a few things about each, but the final of these mentions is also effectively an appeal, because whilst I was over there this fabulous and much loved joint was forced to close down for reasons beyond its own control and it may never be able to open its doors ever again.

First up, however, is BoHo, which sits in the fairly shocking setting of the H&H complex on the corner of Hollywood Boulevard and Highland Avenue (hence the acronymous name). The H&H is a self-knowingly mighty, ultra modern structure which would appear at first glance only to appeal to tourists or people who enjoy feeling a sense of their own comparative insignificance in relation to giant media-focussed corporations.

Sounds grim, right?

Well, the journey up to the second floor terrace - however harrowing - is worth it every time.

BoHo has an average of 25 working taps, a clearly constructed beer list with knowledgeable assistance freely available from the affable bar-staff, and a great 'taster rack' option (a fabulous concept not unique to this part of the world, but ubiquitous within it) where smaller measures of a selection of beers can be enjoyed before committing to a larger glass of your favourite among them. (Or simply ordering another rack!) BoHo even add the nice touch of serving each measure separately to ensure every one is tasted at optimum temperature.

The décor is typically 'aiming at' a style based on a perception of 'European' reality, but that fails to make it tacky despite the fact that it absolutely should. The food - prepared with equal pride as the beer - is excellent, including the very best French-Fries I can ever recall indulging in.

This is a first class venue, and the one to which I returned most often during my stay.

Second up is Stout - Burgers & Beers (more often known simply as 'Stout') which sits in a far more 'authentic' street setting along Cahuenga Boulevard in between Hollywood Boulevard and Selma Avenue.

I found this place a little irritating every time I went, which was a big shame because so much about it is otherwise perfect and I really wanted to like it more. However, I'll deal with the positive aspects first because they really are very positive indeed.

I couldn't count the taps which jut out of every spare inch of the back wall of the curved bar area, but let's just say there are probably as many taps as there are states in the Union. (Okay, maybe a bit less, but there are plenty!)

Again, the foreign brews outnumbered the domestics, but the selection is large enough to keep you happy without Europeans having to 'go back home' during a session. (Isn't it odd how US and UK beers seem to be revered more by their opposite numbers than by themselves at the present time!) The bartenders are always responsive to a 'geek level' enquiry (partly as I sensed most punters at this place just want 'a beer' and are far more interested in those other items referred to in this venue's full name which, incidentally account for a greater overall chunk of the place's considerable local reputation.)

The open air 'beach hut' feel to the joint is nice and the vibe among the punters is relaxed and unpretentious.

My unassailable gripe was simply with the members staff who work on the 'room side' of the bar, who carry themselves around the place as though it were perfectly obvious that they are of far greater significance within the confines of this establishment than any visitor could ever be. I once saw one poor guy sat near me at the bar ask a passing waitress for a bowl of fries and, with a look of undisguised contempt, she informed him that any customer sat in his position needed to "speak with the bar tender about that". It's one of those places (actually pretty rare in LA, in my experience) where there is no attempt to hide the fact that certain people are only nice to you because of the possibility that you will eventually show your appreciation for such friendliness in the form of a tip. You can almost smell the sense of - "Why be nice to people sat at the bar when protocol dictates that the bartender will eventually be taking their money?"

Making things yet worse, was the staff's tendency to conduct their conversations with each other (about whatever was on the 'after-hours' agenda) across the room at whatever volume was necessary, even if it meant leaving menu-clutching punters open mouthed in the middle of placing their order whilst they waited for the chat to conclude. (Which, on one occasion I witnessed, was a moment that never actually came!...The waitress in question in this case continued a conversation with a colleague across the room - pad in hand with half of the customer's food order already written down - until the folks who were trying to complete that order eventually made a decision among themselves to get up and leave. A proactive measure which the waitress herself remained oblivious to until they were long departed.)

All of the beer at Stout left a great taste in my mouth.

Some of the staff at Stout left an ulcer in it.

This brings me nicely on to the third venue, a place where great beer, great food and great atmosphere was very much enhanced by concious and diligent employees. What this third venue has been let down by, however, is the small print in its own tenancy agreement.

The Blue Palms Brewhouse, situated (or at least it was until very recently) on Sunset Boulevard near Gower Avenue, quickly became a favourite with proper brew loving Los Angelinos, and it's sudden closure - on the very day after I first discovered it - is a cruel blow to the entire craft beer identity of the city.

Totally unaware of the imminent downing of tools, I chose this place to watch the Superbowl (an event which I learned much about from a fellow punter - the generally malt-preferring Brian - who succeeded in revealing to me that American Football is actually pretty damn riveting once you know what the hell is going on!)

It was only after the game was nearing its conclusion that word began to pass through the bar that this was actually its last night of business for the foreseeable future. Details emerged that ownership of the larger 'parent' building next-door (a cinema) had changed hands, and that new owners had ideas of their own about best use of the site. New ideas which were unlikely to revolve around the serving and enjoying of immaculately kept craft beer.

The closest we could get to the truth that night was that the closure was "Temporary... hopefully!" (Three weeks later, there has been little subsequent change in that night's unsettling assessment, and fears of a permanent 'lights out' are growing ever stronger.)

This, then, was a really mixed night for me. The discovery of the (long hidden) joys of the NFL, and the simultaneous discovery of a genuinely outstanding bar, one which was about to be comprehensively undiscovered through no fault whatsoever of its own.

To mention a few things that made (make) the Palms special are the beer list itself (a giant screen looming over the bar like an airport departure board and filled with more beers than you ever thought could coexist under one roof), the sheer quality of the beer which appears shortly after a choice from that screen has been made, the terrific staff members who assist you with that choice and bring the chosen beer to you, and the relaxed but comfortable feel of the place in which you sit back and drink it.

Those marvellous staff members, by the way, deserve far better in my opinion than to be left in limbo like there appear to have been.

As well as the enormous choice on the screen, there is a separate Bottled Beer menu (pictured below, among a few other shots of this venue), and the fiendish lure of this particular list was one which I manifestly failed to resist. (Those of you who know this website will have guessed that I didn't actually attempt to resist it at all. Not one little bit.)

So, all in, the loss of The Blue Palms is one which should absolutely be prevented if at all possible. I can only think to suggest to beer lovers across the world - who view any closures of such places as a seriously bad thing - that they 'tweet' their support to the staff themselves via this link or give a shout out on their own website here, in the hope that a large enough show of support might tip the balance in their favour.

Overall, there are a fair number of other fine craft beer joints in the Hollywood area of LA (Mowhawk Bend also comes highly recommended), and although this city still lags behind many other US destinations in this regard, it is certainly way ahead in a great many others, and the sooner this famous town has as many such bars as it merits the better. In the meantime I'd say it needs to fight as hard as it can to keep the excellent ones it already has.

It would be a bad time for LA to start losing what has become some very healthy momentum.

----

(Here's a badly shot visual flavour of The Blue Palms, including my bottle of Avery Brewing Co's anniversary brew 'Seventeen' - a very decent dry hopped black IPA. Oily, 'roasty', hopped with restraint, and with an alcohol content which must have been deviously concealed by Darth Avery himself, assuming such a malevolent figure exists.)

Yes, I know, the Avery has a big head.

It was the Superbowl!

It's hard to pour beer in that kind of atmosphere!

Day 144, Beer 144 - Einstöck's "Icelandic Pale Ale"

2011-11-15T12:49:00.004Z

Today's Beer

Name – Icelandic Pale Ale

Brewer – Einstöck

Classification – Pale ale

Strength – 5.6% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – Deep, rich orange amber. Not even remotely bad looking.

On the nose – Sharp fruits. Tree bark. Honey roasted blind rage.

On the tongue – Robust, punchy, vividly flavoured. A weapon of Norse destruction.

On the subject – There's one almighty, jaw dropping fact to mention here. It's a fact of too great a scale to reduce into a quick soundbite. You're going to have to read on...

On the market – In terms of the UK, the lucky so-and-so's at Harvey Nichols have exclusive sales rights for the time being. I call upon war-axe wielding warriors everywhere to rise up in revolt against this travesty! Failing that, I suggest they speak to their local MP.

On the whole – 8/10

Full Review

It seems hard to believe, but my sources tell me that beer was effectively outlawed in Iceland for 74 years up until 1989.

Just writing that sentence has given me the shakes.

In fact, hold on a second, I need to take a few breaths...

Maybe just lie down here for a while...

(Several hours pass)

I feel a little better now.

The feeling in my legs has returned and I'm seeing far fewer stars.

I guess I can press ahead again...

So...

One of the ways in which these poor Icelandic citizens try to compensate for that hideous mass of stolen years is by having a national 'Beer Day' on the first day of March each year, which is arguably a concept every bit as sublime as that previous concept is shocking.

Perhaps due in part to this extended period of state organised torture, I can say with a reasonable amount of certainty that today's beer is the first Icelandic ale I've ever tasted.

And for a country who missed out on decades worth of practice, they appear not to have suffered in the slightest – because this is a very decent beer indeed.

The reality is that 'craft' beer, as such, isn't exactly massive in Iceland. It's there, but it can take some finding. A fair amount of 'big' beer brands exist, but Einstöck – the newest kids on the ice block – are almost entirely unique among their peers, having decided to be the first in the country to attempt to mix 'big' with 'craft'.

And on this evidence, this approach is working.

The Viking imagery on the brewery logo is matched here by unbridled bullish strength – both in terms of taste and sheer alcoholic punch – but there is also a notable sense of refinement at work here, not least in the slick smoothness of body and the delicate use of certain fruit and herbal flavours.

I suspect the thing I like most about this beer is the thing that others might classify as its drawback. There is a directness or even a brutishness to this beer, and to achieve this kind of an impact it stands to reason that a certain level of nuance and complexity is reduced. But that's the point of such beers, and I think we need beers like this. We need Vikings among the Romans and the Greeks, otherwise we'd all be taking long baths, sculpting and engaging in endless philosophical debates without ever getting anything done.

But don't misunderstand. This ale is no thug. What this beer does is done with great enthusiasm – but also with great skill. The weapon it attacks you with has been well crafted. The recipe, whilst not being overly intricate, is delicious. It's fruity, bitter, carefully malted, and it's just impossible to drink without having it forcefully grab your attention.

It's one of those beers that gets the job done first and negotiates later.

And I like a bit of that every now and again.

I certainly liked it this time.

Day 143, Beer 143 - Otley Brewing Company's "O-Garden"

2011-10-25T14:37:00.000+01:00

Today's Beer

Name – O-Garden

Brewer – Otley

Classification – Wheat beer

Strength – 4.8% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – Lemon gold, surprising clarity. A notably good looking beer.

On the nose – Apple, incense, Sauvignon Blanc, brandy. Pretty special.

On the tongue – Contains possibly every flavour in existence that I happen not to like. (Read on...)

On the subject – This highly respected Welsh brewery produce one of the most exciting beer ranges in Britain. Today's beer itself was crowned 'Champion Speciality Beer Of Britain' in 2008. I felt strongly compelled to say these things before continuing. I also feel inclined to remind my readers of the widely excepted notion that 'you can't please all of the people all of the time'. I think you can probably guess what's coming...

On the market – Otley's beers are almost guaranteed to be found at specialist beer retailers, and the supermarkets are now joining in too, which was always fairly inevitable. For home delivery, try the brewery's own online store.

On the whole – 6.5/10

Full Review

I suspect our wonderful world would be far less wonderful if every drinker loved every beer.

Sure, we would have the advantage of never experiencing a bad beer, or a good beer we just didn't like – but we'd also lose the concept of favourite beers, and beers that burst into our lives and sweep us off our feet.

What I'm saying is, we all have different tastes and, by and large, that's a good thing.

Personally, I can get a kick out of almost any kind of beer, and whenever I'm in two minds about one particular brew, I always try to find ways to enjoy what's in front of me, as opposed to grabbing at chances to criticise it.

Old world, new wave, dark, light, strong, delicate, sweet, bitter – I can hold traditional browns, contemporary golds and experimental darks in an equally firm embrace.

But sometimes, I don't know, I just hit a wall.

There sometimes comes a point where no feature of an ale holds an appeal, and you find yourself at the mercy of your own personal preferences.

In truth, Otley's O-Garden is the victim of rotten bad luck in the context of The Bottled Beer Year.

Simply put, this is a beer whose every flavour characteristic just happens to be one I don't especially like. And given there are so few things that I actively turn my nose up at - that really is highly unlucky.

Firstly, it's a wheat beer. My occasional allergic reactions to these ales makes me wary of them from the off, and the only reason I drink them at all is to be able to include this important beer style on my list. (What a martyr I am!) Secondly, the spices used in this beer include cloves and coriander. As far as my taste buds are concerned, this is just a monumentally unfortunate combo. Poor drink. I could almost weep for it.

Then there is the 'salt' issue. This moves us onto 'genuine tragedy' territory because salt is one of my absolute favourite things on Earth, but to my taste the sense of saltiness here is actually overdone. For a man who regularly induces gasps from fellow diners when adding table salt to his meals – this is a pretty big deal. Actually, I would never have thought a beer could be too salty until today.

Furthermore, the herbal/spicy notes serve to create a distinctly medicinal feel. 'Medicinal' is a descriptive term which I tend to avoid wherever possible, because I know I find it off-putting when I read that word myself – even though I realise it's a perfectly acceptable characteristic for many drinkers. It just makes me think of illness, hospitals and NHS bleach. But, oh my goodness, there's just no avoiding that word here. This beer contains definite (and quite deliberate) medicinal flavour elements. Many beer drinkers would welcome these elements – I am not among them.

Ginger lurks here too (at least on the tongue, if not on the ingredients list) along with sharp orange peel, some metallic twangs, and a whole bunch of barely ripened fruits.

It's a 'piney' affair. As in Scots Pine. At times, it's almost like drinking the Brechfa Forest. Again, this is something that might work for some, but in amongst all the other stuff I instinctively dislike, it did little to win me over.

Perhaps this is a good time to add that my unofficial sidekick (my globe-stoppingly attractive girlfriend) absolutely adored this ale, so much so that she eventually took the Dickensian step of asking for 'more'. (A most irregular request under normal circumstances – punishable by stern glance and prolonged silence. In this case, however, the workhouse rules were relaxed completely after I permitted her to take repeated further mouthfuls of whatever size she desired.)

The name 'O-Garden' – one can't help but assume – is a play on 'Hoegaarden' – but this is a very different beast, regardless of how similar any ingredients or processes may be. Wheat, coriander and orange peel are all used in both drinks, with almost no discernible similarities resulting from this fact.

Look, I just have to be honest here.

I didn't like it.

The otherwise invulnerable Otley have brewed at least one beer that I simply could not enjoy.

And that's okay.

It is a perfectly acceptable state of affairs in a wonderful world like ours, which remains as widely diverse today as it ever was before.

My girlfriend's Oliver Twist beer-acquisition tactics are proof enough of that.

The Icemen Cometh!

2011-10-20T17:36:00.000+01:00

I received an email the other day from a company who are about to launch a new range of craft beers in the UK, and being the sort of guy who is instinctively hostile toward such an approach - I wrote back immediately telling them in no uncertain terms that they could jolly well send me as many samples as they liked.

And here they are.

Iceland's Einstöck Brewery seems to be the result of a global search for the world's purest water source, and if the PR machine is actually telling us the truth with this (which they can actually do on rare occasions) then these look like being a very interesting couple of ales.

They are (from left to right) -

Icelandic Toasted Porter - (6.0% ABV)

Icelandic Pale Ale - (5.4% ABV)

Availability looks like being tight initially, with Harvey Nichols scoring an exclusive deal for the time being, but from what I recall, Harvey Nichols have a nasty habit of stocking only the finest products.

I can't wait to see if that theory holds weight.

Stay tuned for the reviews.

Day 142, Beer 142 - J.W. Lees & Marco Pierre White's "The Governor"

2011-10-19T10:58:00.000+01:00

Today's Beer

Name – The Governor

Brewer – J.W. Lees with Marco Pierre White

Classification – 'All malt' beer/Bitter

Strength – 4.1% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – Rich, vivid amber.

On the nose – Buttery nuts and lemon zest.

On the tongue – A tale in itself. Possibly the most courageous beer in history... (read on)

On the subject – Manchester based J.W. Lees are one of northern England's most established and most esteemed breweries. This team-up with Marco Pierre White (one of northern England's most established and most esteemed chefs) makes perfect sense on almost every level.

On the market – The Morrison's chain leapt on this one early, but for those without the inclination to leave the house can try the brewery's own online store.

On the whole – 8.5/10

Full Review

Okay, so this is the highly regarded J.W. Lees brewery in collaboration with one of modern cuisine's most celebrated maestros Marco Pierre White.

Basically, what I'm saying here, is that it's hard not to have some very specific expectations growing in your mind when you sit down to review a product such as this. It's so easy to fall into the trap of anticipating something ultra-this or hyper-that which will fly at you with all kinds of bells, whistles and la-di-dah.

Try as I might not to fall victim to this trap, there's no question that I did – and as a consequence, the lid on this bottle was opened with the very same kind of excitement that the younger version of myself would have opened a parcel at Christmas.

But I have to say that things didn't quite turn out as I'd expected.

In fact, by the time I'd taken my first two sips, I was left wearing a similar expression to the one I wore on Christmas Day 1983 when I learned that my biggest present was a giant framed poster of E.T. and not a small snooker table.

Not exactly disappointed, but not exactly blown away.

This beer's initial impact was so remarkably understated, that in those first few moments I could even have claimed that I found it 'lacking'.

There was certainly nothing wrong with it, and the essential 'feel' of the drink was exactly as you would expect from a brewery of such standing. But where was Marco Pierre White? Where were all those years of attention to flavour detail, the diligent assemblage and construction of themes, and the playful interaction of one nuance pitted against another?

Where was the signature of a great artist?

Simply put, I was somewhat bemused. But finding myself convinced that this couldn't be the full story, I downed tools (I put my pen down) and I just sat with the drink for a while – in exactly the way I would have done if beer reviews were not a part of my life.

And, it soon transpired that both the beer and I were greatly appreciative of this unscheduled tea break, because what should begin to emerge after a few extra sips...?

Nothing less than the scrawled, flamboyant autograph of a truly great artist.

What began to dawn on me during these further sips, was that this beer had been subtly tinkering with the workings of my mind. Instead of allowing me to dictate the circumstances surrounding this taste test, the beer itself had taken charge. We were going to do this it's way – not mine – and in the first instance, this required me to kick back and take some proper time.

This beer is not a drink which sets out to bedazzle you upon first contact. In fact, it has no interest whatsoever in tickling your fancy or providing a quick thrill. This beer is in it for the long haul, and it wants to be your friend for life.

By the time I was just over halfway through, I looked back at the bottle and reminded myself of the relatively benign 4.1% ABV, and suddenly the whole thing made sense. I could go on drinking this beer not just all evening, but pretty much forever more.

It plays the long game, skilfully giving you just the right amount of each of its characteristics to maximise the enjoyment of a series of glasses – instead of sweeping you off your feet in an instant, only to become irksome or overwhelming shortly afterwards. (A problem which a great many contemporary 'impact beers' have in spades.)

For a new beer to have the confidence to take this slow burn approach is seriously impressive. Though, I gather 'confidence' is not something Mr White is massively short of, so perhaps it should come as little surprise.

Nutty, lightly fruited by pear, peach and apple, with some lovely sponge cake and caramel undertones, this is a light-bodied, refreshing beer which I simply cannot imagine myself ever tiring of.

I can think of very few beers that I could so confidently make such a claim about.

Some beers are for life, not just for Christmas.

This is one of them.

We've All Been Badgered!

2011-10-14T12:42:00.000+01:00

Last week, the beady-eyed Pub Curmudgeon spotted that Badger Brewery had harnessed the power to rewrite history.

Many of you will know the (now famous) story behind the naming of their widely admired beer 'Tangle Foot'.

Basically, the label told us that the head brewer stumbled slightly at the end of a tasting session, having succumbed somewhat to the inevitable effects of several mouthfuls of beer.

But let's be absolutely clear here.

This was beer which he was obliged to taste in significant amounts in order to properly assess the quality and character of a product which he was chiefly responsible for.

Simply put - he was doing his job.

A vital part of his job.

We wouldn't want to hear that the head brewer of a highly renowned company had merely sipped the drink before approving it and shipping it out across the world. We want to be sure that he has sat with at least a couple of back to back glasses to fully gauge how the drink's appeal changes over a period of time.

I would never review a beer that I'd merely sniffed, and I wouldn't expect the senior person in the brewhouse to do anything similar.

But it seems that Badger have recently developed a sense of shame about this story.

Because they've changed it.

Recently modified Tangle Foot labels tell us that the head brewer did not in fact stumble due to the effects of alcohol - but that he actually tripped on his dog's lead.

I just laughed out loud when typing that last sentence.

Dog?

Lead?

What in the name of God are they talking about?

So many questions are triggered by this - but before you take a look at the two labels (shown below) - here are the questions I'd most like to focus on...

Were those original labels factually incorrect, meaning the new one's are merely setting the record straight?

Or - has the new version merely been altered to suit some present day politically correct agenda?

And if that is so - does this mean that the job of a head brewer is no longer politically correct? Should all head brewers now feel ashamed about carrying out certain aspects of their vital jobs?

Finally, could it just be that both stories are utter nonsense, in which case why not just drop the entire 'tale' and re-brand the beer properly, instead of quietly changing supposed 'facts' hoping nobody notices?

If nobody noticed, it would mean nobody cared in the first place. But many people did care, and those people are now feeling pretty foolish for believing this historical account for all these years.

As I've already said in the comments section over in the Pub Curmudgeon's article, I've absolutely had it with Badger until they either rectify this or explain it. My ardent Badger boycott started last week and it continues.

But now, for your perusal, here is the damning evidence courtesy of my local ASDA - who continue to stock old branded cans and new branded bottles side by side, along with their old and new versions of the truth... (click on the pictures to expand - or find full transcripts at the original Curmudgeon page here)

You're either laughing or crying by now.

If you're crying - or perhaps just feeling a little bit insulted - do feel free to join me in a spot of gentle boycotting.

Day 141, Beer 141 - Sharp's Brewery & Rick Stein's "Chalky's Bite"

2011-10-13T14:05:00.000+01:00

Today's Beer

Name – Chalky's Bite

Brewer – Sharp's in collaboration with Rick Stein

Classification – Aged beer (with wild fennel)

Strength – 6.8% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – Deep straw gold.

On the nose – Vivid high note citrus. Faint aniseed.

On the tongue – A uniquely flavoured 'Belgian' homage. Powerful and immediate, yet equally poised and elegant.

On the subject – Fans of the much loved brewery Sharp's (now under the protection of Molson Coors) and fans of the much loved chef Rick Stein (now under the protection of BBC 2) have been brought together by one of contemporary western society's most cherished concepts – the 'Celebrity Beer Collaboration'. Gentle cynicism aside, the end result is rather wonderful in this particular case, and that's probably because both parties got where they are today on good old fashioned merit. Stein's fondly remembered pooch has two beers dedicated to him, the other being the ginger infused Chalky's Bark.

On the market – Your best chances will be in Cornwall, but word seems to be spreading fast. In the meantime, why not go online and buy from Chalky's former owner himself.

On the whole – 8.5/10

Full Review

Until embarrassingly recently, fennel was out there in the great food unkown as far as my palate was concerened.

I knew fennel quite well, and had eaten it in various dishes over the years, but it was really the point of it that I hadn't grasped.

However, thanks to my blindingly attractive girlfriend and a wholesale change of eating habits – fennel is now among my very favourite edible things.

But drinkable fennel?

Was I quite ready for that?

Well, if my reaction to Chalky's Bite is anything to go by, then I am absolutely ready.

Described as being 'naturally flavoured with wild Cornish fennel', this bottle had me slightly spooked at first glance. But there was something about the names Sharp's and Rick Stein which made me wonder whether this beer could possibly be anything other than very special.

And having now consumed a glassful with the greatest of ease, I can reveal that 'very special' is exactly what it is.

These two giants of their respective trades have come together and delivered on the substantial promise which such a collaboration suggests.

It's a splendid creation. A big, hearty beer with a delicate, genteel soul is how I might sum it up. A grizzly bear with Victorian sensibilities.

The label waffles on (as so many labels love to do) about the various why's and wherefore's behind the product's existence, and amongst all of this is a claim that they were bearing in mind the 'Belgian greats' when they began to concoct the recipe.

Well, it's hard to know precisely what a 'Belgian great' means (about as hard as precisely defining a contemporary British beer), but the fact is that you can really get a sense of that thought process in the final result. It doesn't scream 'I'm brewed in the style of a Belgian great' but it cleverly evokes the feel of such a statement, as though the drink itself is quite literally bearing Belgium in mind as it tumbles into your mouth.

It's very cleverly done.

And the cleverness doesn't stop there.

The flavours have been assembled in the most refined and 'pitch perfect' way, and the sequence in which they occur to you is mesmerising and really quite remarkable in terms of execution. It feels like a whole new batch of precise mathematical principles have been applied to this flavouring process, with one theme leading on to another in an almost endless loop of sublime taste.

It's a spicy, resinous affair, with a warming richness and a tremendous sweet versus sour dynamic which does plenty to keep that Belgian flag fluttering.

Spiced apples, grapefruit and gooseberry from the hops are held aloft in fine style by some richly nutty malts – and all of this is held together by that fresh, vibrant fennel. The delicate licorice, pine and aniseed elements which the fennel brings to the beer are ceaselessly entertaining. I was held in thrall by them to the very last.

To say that I approached this collaboration with high hopes is perhaps an understatement. But to have seen those expectations greatly surpassed has been a genuine thrill.

Chalky bit me very hard.

And I loved it.

Take A Look At Lees!

2011-10-11T11:55:00.000+01:00

When sending samples, some breweries - for reasons I've never felt inclined to question - send me huge lorry loads of beer.

Which is nice.

Other breweries send smaller batches featuring selected items as part of a specific PR push.

This is fine too.

But now I'm having to add Manchester's J.W. Lees into the equation, who have introduced an entirely new approach to this process.

This celebrated brewery's intriguing and rather ingenious plan was to send along just two titles consisting of one sample each, but to then back up this delivery with a short email saying that these beers were merely "to get you started".

Given the impressive nature of the rest of their range, such a message was enough to fully capture my vivid imagination.

And what a way to 'get started' this really is, with not only one of their best loved brews involved - but also their very latest.

The beers are (from left to right) -

The Governor - ('All malt' beer/bitter) 4.1% ABV

Moonraker - (Strong ale) 7.5% ABV

Without meaning to get all giddy over one of these beers in particular, I must admit that The Governor - with its 'Marco Pierre White collaborative' status - does already have me approaching a state of what might be described as 'partial giddiness'.

Whether this develops into a full blown giddy-fit subsequent to tasting remains to be seen - but rumour has it that William Hill have already stopped taking bets on a top ten score.

Stay tuned for the full reviews.

Day 140, Beer 140 - Oakham's "JHB"

2011-10-06T16:47:00.000+01:00

Today's Beer

Name – JHB (Jeffrey Hudson Bitter)

Brewer – Oakham Ales

Classification – Bitter (in a Golden Ale kind of way)

Strength – 4.2% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – Suspiciously like a golden ale.

On the nose – Salted butter, white grapes, savoury biscuit.

On the tongue – One of the first ultra-hopped, high-citrus beers... and still among the best.

On the subject – John Wood, the brewery's original owner, set up a fairly modest venture in the small Rutland town of Oakham at the back end of the last millennium. Things worked out very nicely. These days, the beer is brewed in the rather more mighty Peterborough, and the regime is decidedly larger in scale. The end products, I'm glad to say, are just as good as ever.

On the market – Somehow, despite all their success and their enviable industry reputation, Oakham Ales' beers can still be tricky to find. Fortunately, the ever-willing internet solves this by allowing you to visit the likes of My Brewery Tap.

On the whole – 8.5/10

Full Review

In the world of craft beer, the march of progress has developed into a full blown sprint in recent years, and few beers can better encapsulate the distance travelled than Jeffrey Hudson Bitter.

There was a time – not so very long ago – when this beer was being hailed as visionary, futuristic and ground breaking.

And that's because it was all of those things in the murky wilderness of the late 1990's.

Back then, the concept of a bitter being golden in colour and grapefruit in flavour was practically the stuff of science fiction. Whereas now – just a short industry revolution hence – this description would apply to almost seventy percent of all newly launched beers.

Whether that statistic pleases you or not is one thing, but there's little doubt that this beer (and one or two others) can lay a strong claim to being the catalyst for this new wave of hop dominant ales.

But although this brew now sits on the shelf among an ever extending list of similar drinks, there's little doubt that there's still something a bit darned special about it. Few golden citrus beers that have subsequently appeared on the scene can be said to have bettered it.

It may have been among the first, but it firmly remains one of the very finest.

These beers – much more so than conventional bitters – demand a good degree of chilling. Not as much as a lager would, but greater amounts than a darker, more malt-balanced rendition. The high note fruits simply blur without it, like warm juice would, or any carbonated soft drink.

But at cellar temperature (or preferably just a little below), this beer hits you with a dynamism and intensity which is both refreshing and - speaking quite frankly - utterly thrilling.

It's dry without being harsh, immediate without being aggressive, it's clearly been assembled with enormous amounts of skill and care, and all of this results in a hugely rewarding and memorable beer.

Is it really a bitter?

Given that so many other beers of 'this sort' now exist which can often be found laying claim to many different classifications, isn't it about time they settled on a name all of their own – if only to save us poor consumers from all this post-purchase head scratching?

Well, maybe so. (Especially when these dark brown bottles reveal so few of their secrets...)

But on this occasion I'm really not prepared to dwell on such matters, because the liquid in my glass is absolutely delightful, and that's all I'm inclined to care about.

What was once futuristic and ground breaking is now an absolute classic of its kind.

Whatever 'kind' that may be.

Day 139, Beer 139 - Liverpool Organic's "Honey Blond"

2011-10-04T14:18:00.002+01:00

Today's Beer

Name – Honey Blond

Brewer – Liverpool Organic

Classification – Well, the brewery are calling it a 'Honey Beer', so I'll reluctantly tow the line...

Strength – 4.6% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – Possibly the only honey-like quality of this drink.

On the nose – Sharp citrus, faint fruitcake sweetness. All pretty low key.

On the tongue – Super dry and bitter and therefore something of a riddle in terms of branding. A delicious riddle, but definitely a riddle. (Read on...)

On the subject – This brewery is among the most exciting new companies in the industry. Organic ingredients and exemplary bottle-conditioning are used to enhance some astonishing recipes, amounting to the most consistently impressive range of bottled beers I've yet found.

On the market – This brewery's market presence still has a way to go if its going to make the huge impact which its marvellous beers merit, but the momentum is increasing nicely all the time. For the impatient, the company has its very own online store.

On the whole – 9/10

Full Review

Oh dear.

It's another gorgeous, more or less infallible beer from Liverpool Organic.

Those of you wondering why this would be a problem might want to take a look at the opening passages of this recent review, but let's just say my chart's uppermost section is getting rather congested with this company's products. Basically, they sent me loads of different beers and every new one I try is utterly outstanding.

It's a real nuisance.

Today's beer, needless to say, is no exception to this pesky rule, and now I'm sat here in a state of what I can only describe as 'pleasant torment', taking savagely enjoyable sips of this miraculous stuff and wondering how I can possibly prevent it from entering the top ten.

The funny thing is, I do actually have a gripe, but sadly it's nothing to do with the beer itself, so I can't really use it as a convenient trigger for downgrading the score.

Pity.

The problem I have is with the name.

To be absolutely specific, it's not a problem with the name itself, but about what that name implies.

The use of the word 'honey' implies that this beer is a sweet and syrupy affair.

It is not.

Moreover, the word implies that this beer features the flavour of honey.

It does not.

Now, in truth, I was hugely relieved to discover that this beer's label is a filthy liar, because to have had these implied characteristics would have made this beer just the sort of English ale that I don't much care for. But it does make me wonder what's going on when a beer's given name and its essential nature are so massively at odds.

And boy – are they at odds.

Instead of a lot of syrupy sweetness, we have an ultra-dry, ultra bitter, citrus intense, and gently nutty pale copper beer. Quite where honey is involved is a complete mystery – one which begins at the very first sip and sustains until the very last drop.

As I have already made clear, the absence of any honey-like elements is absolutely fine by me. But the reality is that I would never have thought to buy this beer in the first place – purely due to the mention of honey's involvement, and all those people who would be tempted by the 'honey factor' are almost certain to wind up disappointed. (Or perhaps 'confused' is a better word than 'disappointed' – as I really can't imagine this beer being a disappointment to anyone with a functioning sense of taste.)

Of what can be detected in this beer (setting aside what cannot be detected in it) there are bags of high citrus notes from gooseberry and grapefruit, some lovely savoury layers from the delicate malts, and the sense of 'just-brewed' freshness is typical of this brewery's work.

This is a vivid, dynamic, refreshing and intensely uplifting drink experience.

There really is honey involved in the process (I'm told) and perhaps the aromas do contain the faintest trace of something not a million miles away from such a substance. The colour, too, is perhaps not the least honey-like shade on Earth, but I'm delighted to report that this these are the only real suggestions I could find.

All I can say is, if honey-themed beers are your thing, there's plenty of other stuff to enjoy about this beer which make up for honey's apparent reluctance to transfer itself from the bottle into your mouth.

And if honey is absolutely not something you make welcome in your beer – do not allow this fabulous ale's mischievous name to scare you away.

It certainly scared bees away.

Day 138, Beer 138 - Shepherd Neame's "Canterbury Jack"

2011-09-29T14:34:00.003+01:00

Today's Beer

Name – Canterbury Jack

Brewer – Shepherd Neame

Classification – Bitter

Strength – 4.0% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – Deep, vibrant orange gold.

On the nose – Nutty. In fact, this is a very serious nut-case, bordering on insane. (Yes, I know. Poor gag.)

On the tongue – Well, there's a real story here. (Read on...)

On the subject – Legend has it that the cask version of this started life as an occasional beer, but punter power was victorious yet again, and Shepherd Neame grasped the opportunity to entirely funk-up the recipe as well as the branding. And, for the benefit of all you cynics out there – yes, 'funk-up' was spelled correctly.

On the market – Perhaps not the most ubiquitous title of the Shepherd Neame range, but still found regularly in Tesco. For the housebound, the agrophobic and the downright lazy there's always Tesco.com.

On the whole – 8.5/10

Full Review

What do we really mean by 'proper' beer?

Well, due to the abundant variety of humanoids currently active in this mortal realm, I'd say we all mean something every so slightly different when we use such subjective words.

So let me quickly narrow it down and simply deal with what I mean by 'proper' beer.

I'm feeling the need to do this because as soon as I'd taken my first sip of today's beer, I found myself declaring (actually out loud) that 'proper beer' was exactly what this ale was.

But a few short moments later, and I began to wonder what this spontaneous statement actually meant, and I soon realised it's nothing like as straightforward as I'd first imagined.

Having eventually set aside a bunch of unsatisfactory definitions for 'proper' such as 'superior', 'conventional', 'normal' and even 'as God intended' - I was finally left with the only definition which seemed to comfortably fit with Canterbury Jack.

'Proper, traditional tasting beer'.

However, this was actually quite a surprising conclusion to reach, given the label's claim that this a 'contemporary ale', a claim which is ably enhanced by some uncharacteristically 'groovy' Shepherd Neame branding. (Uncharacteristic, but also rather nice.)

So what had gone wrong here? Why did the label and the branding say one thing, whilst the beer itself was saying something quite different, albeit deliciously so?

It didn't take long for this question to be answered, and the solution came in the form of a few further sips. Sips which revealed that some seriously clever work has gone on in the Shepherd Neame brewhouse.

What they've managed to do here, is create a beer which takes all the best aspects of 'traditional ale' and then puts the most marvellous and ingeniously subtle ultra-modern 'spin' on its own identity.

By steering clear of heavy syrupy malts, by keeping the malt flavour contributions limited to savoury biscuit and nut themes, and by then ramping up the citrus via some vividly bitter hops, they've created a beer which bridges that pesky ever-widening gap between the two increasingly divergent and resolute camps of 'old beer' and 'new beer'.

As such bridging attempts go (and there are quite a few on the market these days) this is easily one of the most successful. Whether these bridge beers will ultimately manage to keep the warring camps connected is yet to be seen. Many would argue that its a question of either/or, and there's no hope for the 'in-betweeners', but I'm pretty sure that fine beers like this one are enough to make anyone stop and reconsider.

I really can't imagine any beer lover not finding this brew 'perfectly drinkable' at the very least, and I can imagine plenty more who would notch it up as an instant favourite. It's just a question of those drinkers and these bottles coming together in the first place, and that all depends on bridging beers 'catching on'.

Personally, I think it's something of a missed opportunity in the industry at present. The recent surge in creativity and experimentation within the world of craft brewing has created a divide, everyone knows it, and these 'bridge beers' should now be announcing themselves as such, taking on a clear self-identity all of their own, rather than trying to appeal to both opposing factions all at once which can make them appear aimless, mercenary, or as something which ultimately reflects nothing that either side really 'stands for'.

With the creation an entirely separate 'third way' camp – a clearly defined middle-ground alternative wherein good all-round, well-balanced beers are the name of the game – a whole new following could be found.

I live in hope...

In the meantime, this is a perfect example of this new, connective kind of beer.

Nutty, biscuity, richly bitter, medium bodied, crisp, dry, and greatly enhanced by dynamic highly-hopped citrus – this truly is a beer to suit every taste.

And, on reflection, perhaps that's what I really meant by 'proper beer'.

Day 137, Beer 137 - Worthington's "Czar's P2 Imperial Stout"

2011-09-28T15:02:00.000+01:00

Today's Beer

Name – Czar's P2 Imperial Stout

Brewer – William Worthington

Classification – Well, quite unsurprisingly, it's an imperial stout.

Strength – 8% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – Elegantly terrifying.

On the nose – Spiced berries and licorice. Bizarrely understated, considering what comes next.

On the tongue – A masterwork. Possibly the most sublime demonstration of 'dark beer' craftsmanship and ingenuity.

On the subject – The story behind this beer is every bit as complex as its taste. Wearing Bass Brewery's diamond emblem, but carrying only the Worthington Brewery name, whilst actually being the work of Molson Coors – this is a reproduction of a beer which used to be shipped over from Burton On Trent to St. Petersburg for the boozy folk at the Imperial Court. Incidentally, the Bass diamond is Britain's second oldest trade mark, which was once widely used to identify the stronger ales brewed by this illustrious company. The very oldest British trade mark also happens to be a Bass Brewery logo, in the form of the far more commonly seen red triangle.

On the market – Well, firstly you'll need to remortgage your holiday villa in Sicily. These very rare beers are more than twice the price of an average 500ml bottled ale. So, once you've liquidated sufficient assets, go online at The Real Ale Store.

On the whole – 9.5/10

Full Review

By the gods, this is good.

It's debatable whether a drink of such rarity, power and complexity should be guzzled at breakneck speed, but I might as well admit that I could not prevent myself from reaching back repeatedly and often throughout the first half-glassful, only slowing down at all in order to collect some thoughts for this post.

The reality is that this beer might be strong in terms of its alcohol content, but it also happens to be among the smoothest, the lightest and the most easy-drinking strong beers in the known universe. Quite how they have managed to unify such boundless complexity with such delicacy, subtlety and nuance is nothing short of bewildering.

But I've never been more happy to find myself in a muddle.

Perhaps a beer of such ludicrous splendour is the inevitable result when you know you are literally brewing for royalty, as the folk working on the original recipe were. But it has to be said that the guys and gals responsible for reproducing that original brew have shown equal skill and flair, with an end result that is monumentally impressive.

The kaleidoscope of flavours includes blackberries, black cherries, plums, raisins, dark chocolate cookies, licorice root, soft spices, roasted nuts, treacle toffee, molasses – with each of these playing at the absolute top of their game. These beautiful individual themes combine and entwine with the most majestic grace and fluency. It's a genuine taste journey, a ceremonious procession through the full sensory spectrum.

But the flavour of this treasure is only one aspect of its gloriousness. The surprising lightness of the body, with its firm, slick, velvety smoothness enhances the moreish appeal tremendously. And although 'these kinds' of beers tend to vary hardly at all in terms of appearance, this ale even manages to look superior, with its creamy ever-present head laying proudly atop like a some dozing polar bear floating on crude oil. I could gaze at it quite happily for hours if it weren't so damned delicious.

The aromas – darkly fruited, slightly spiced, and underpinned with smoky cocoa and licorice – are initially relatively delicate, but they intensify exponentially as the beer warms in the glass, becoming every bit as delicious as the flavour by the end.

It's just unceasingly enjoyable.

With many beer craft beer lovers wary of big companies running micro 'styled' operations, I'm sure there are bottles of this remaining on shelves, victims of silent consumer protest. Add to such misgivings the high cost of this beer, and there's all the more reason for it to be left unpurchased.

But one bottle of this was more than enough to convince me that this ale is in very good hands indeed at the present time.

If you have just under six pounds to spare and 'morale grounds' are your only obstacle, I recommend you put aside those concerns for a few moments and buy a P2.

A 'few moments' is all this beer will need to dispel your fears forever.

Day 136, Beer 136 - St. Ives Brewery's 'Boilers'

2011-09-23T10:42:00.000+01:00

Today's Beer

Name – Boilers

Brewer – St. Ives

Classification – Golden ale

Strength – 4.0% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – Rich, deep and vibrant orange gold.

On the nose – Subtle tree fruit and popcorn.

On the tongue – A rarefied, elegant beer with some delightful citrus and a stunning bitter dryness.

On the subject – With the same entrepreneurial gusto that fuels the creation of so many micro-breweries these days, former licensee Marco Amura decided to ditch the pub and go it alone and is now producing his own beers with the temporary assistance of Wooden Hand Brewery in Truro. There's little doubt in my mind that if enough people discover this beer, it won't be long before he's got a mighty brewhouse all of his own.

On the market – Still only six months old, the reach of this brand is still essentially limited to Cornwall, meaning that Cornish beer lovers get to roll around in a state of permanent ecstasy, whilst the rest of us are forced into buying online.

On the whole – 8.5/10

Full Review

To discover an entirely new brewery is always exciting.

But to discover an entirely new brewery which is producing properly excellent beer is quite something else.

Having spotted a selection of these bottles purely by chance during a recent trip to St. Ives, I quickly telephoned my bank manager and pitched him the idea of my purchasing some. After several hours of heated negotiation, he agreed that I could buy a fifty percent stake in one bottle, with the remaining fifty to be paid back to him via quarterly instalments over the next five years.

I was thrilled to be given the chance, even though I did feel that the final settlement figure of seventy-eight pounds and sixty-seven pence was a little extreme for a single jar of ale.

However, having since opened it and drunk its contents – I think I got myself a genuine bargain

This is a gloriously bitter, dry, citrus-intense beer, with a slick smoothness of body, and a captivating orange zest and wildgrass finish.

There's an understated elegance and composure, a sort of casually aristocratic feel to the drink, the balance is superb, and the overall 'build' is impressively precise.

For a début offering, this is a massively precocious display.

Punchy, immediate, and engaging to the very last drop, its considerable impact is all the more remarkable when you remind yourself this is a relatively low strength beer. At 4.0 % ABV, this is entirely sessionable stuff, and that's just the best kind of reminder to receive when you're reaching the bottom of the glass. If only I'd struck a better deal with the bank, I might have gone on to have one of the best evenings of my life.

I have been blown away by this Cornish golden ale, it's been a real find, and I'd recommended this brewery as one you should rapidly be turning your attention to.

Some beers instantly reveal the promise of their creators.

This beer tells me that Marco Amura is going places.

Day 135, Beer 135 - Crouch Vale's "Brewer's Gold'

2011-09-20T15:33:00.000+01:00

Today's Beer

Name – Brewer's Gold

Brewer – Crouch Vale

Classification – Golden ale

Strength – 4.0% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – Pale gold of the most captivating kind. Just lovely.

On the nose – Granary loaves, white wine and soft spices.

On the tongue – It doesn't lie. (Read on...)

On the subject – The cask version of this beer won CAMRA's Supreme Champion Beer Of Britain in 2005. Not feeling at all content with that, it went and won it again the following year. That's fairly greedy behaviour by anybody's standards, but it's also massively impressive. It's one of only two beers ever to have achieved back-to-back victories in this prestigious event. (Timothy Taylor's 'Landlord' being the other.)

On the market – Not the most massive on-shelf presence in retail history, which is somewhat odd considering its award winning pedigree, but Crouch Vale titles are now appearing more and more frequently nationwide these days, which is fantastic news for all. Try online at Ales By Mail.

On the whole – 8/10

Full Review

It's not often that I 'borrow' descriptions from a beer's label.

Especially not for the opening remarks of a review.

The chief reason being that it might create the illusion that I'm a shocking slacker who is incapable of having any decent ideas of his own.

(Here's a short pause to accommodate your inevitable witty remark...)

(And highly amusing is was too, I'm sure.)

But the other reason for not quoting from labels is to avoid spreading a brewery's public relations 'message', whatever it might be. I think it's important for reviewers to focus on their own reactions and avoid references to any marketing, otherwise we'd wind up having to tell our readers that a company like BrewDog is the cure for a sickness that is the British beer scene which, quite obviously, is a steaming pile of post-graduate level bullshit which has nothing to do with the quality of the beer contained within the bottle.

Personally, I disregard as much of the marketing razzle-dazzle as possible, because I've long since realised that it almost never properly reflects the experience I am about to have, and it can often lead to an anti-climax or a bout of irritating bewilderment.

I also find a great many labels are crammed full of totally irrelevant, boring old nonsense. Many breweries have caught the seemingly un-kickable habit of going into great detail about the 'story' behind a beer's given name – as though the ale might somehow become enhanced if the reasoning behind its title is known by the drinker.

I absolutely couldn't care less why a beer has been called 'Odin's Rash'.

All I need is the name (preferably not Odin's Rash), a nicely executed design, a brief description, and a well crafted beer.

And I'm delighted to say that's exactly what Crouch Vale have provided in the shape of their Brewer's Gold. But what's especially pleasing is that they also happen to have got that 'brief description' element absolutely spot on, and that's why I'm more than happy to borrow it.

“A light thirst quenching brew" is how it reads.

And boy oh boy, is that accurate.

From the moment it's poured this beer oozes with refreshing summertime appeal. With its lightness of body and its gorgeous 'midday sun' pale-gold hue – it literally announces itself as a beer which could rapidly obliterate every single thirst in the room.

And that announcement is no hoax.

Well hopped, crisp and agreeably bitter, this golden ale is blessed with some very keenly judged levels of citrus sharpness (principally orange, grapefruit and kiwi) and this is held aloft with considerable style by some gently nutty and 'woody' malts.

It all makes for a very special overall effect.

The relatively moderate 4.0% alcohol content is worn with pride, no attempt is made to overcompensate with aggressive or overtly 'showy' flavours, resulting in a remarkably 'moreish' feel which many golden beers would envy.

It's a thoroughly enjoyable brew, which just so happens to be everything that its label claims it is.

In an era where so many labels confound us with tall tales, overblown claims and tedious nonsense, this bottle reminds us what is really meant by 'an honest ale.'

Honest... and pretty darned delicious.

Day 134, Beer 134 - Rooster's "Baby-Faced Assassin"

2011-09-14T14:26:00.001+01:00

Today's Beer

Name – Baby-Faced Assassin

Brewer – Rooster's

Classification – India Pale Ale

Strength – 6.1% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – Eerie fruit cocktail. The hazy dawn after a tropical apocalypse.

On the nose – Citrus of jaw dropping clarity, vividness, freshness, immediacy and intensity.

On the tongue – Not applicable. (This fluid interacts in an altogether new way with the human mouth. Read on...)

On the subject – Many of you will know that Knaresborough-based Rooster's Brewing Company has been evolving of late, and the new owners appear to have a determination not just to improve on the considerable success of their predecessors, but also to transport the concept of beer into an entirely new dimension. This sounds like the stuff of delusion and fantasy... until you crack the lid on one of these bottles... whereupon an entire alternate universe begins emerging from within.

On the market – Just 70 'prototypes' have been produced so far, and most of those were claimed well before going on sale. I've heard that 16 are available at Beer Ritz. (Or at least they were yesterday. Don't be too surprised if they laugh loudly for an hour or so when your try to buy a bottle today...)

On the whole – 9.5/10

Full Review

I'm not going to give this beer a perfect score.

In fact, this will come as no surprise to you at all, as you will have already seen the score I've awarded to it and noted that it is not '10/10.'

However, in spite of your prior knowledge, I felt I just wanted to add a little extra emphasis to the point. I want it to be perfectly clear that this beer is not going to be the first beer to get the biggest possible rating.

Oh no, no, no.

It is absolutely not going to be that beer.

No way.

I mean, what beer ever could be 'that beer', speaking rationally?

To score 10/10 would imply that the beer in question was perfect, and nothing - not a single thing whether in the natural world or the contrived world - can be accurately described as 'perfect'. It seems not even God was audacious enough to give perfection a try.

'Perfect' doesn't even exist in any real sense. It's merely a concept, entirely of human design. A fantastic and impossible ideal for us all to waste our time searching, striving and dying for.

Perfection is more of a motivation tool. A metaphorical dangled carrot. It's not an actual state of being.

So to suggest that a mere alcoholic beverage could suddenly pop into existence and defy all logic and possibility would be plain silly, and I'm not prepared to look silly for any drink, not even an outstanding one.

But making the decision not to award this beer a perfect score has presented me with a significant problem, because as a direct consequence I'm now faced with the near impossible task of having to find fault with it.

I'm going to have to identify an element of this beer that is manifestly not perfect, and as much as it pains me to admit it, there is a very real danger that my search for such an imperfection is going to preoccupy all the remaining years of my life.

Talk about a 'raw deal'.

But, for now at least, let me set aside what is not wrong about this drink and focus instead on what is oh so abundantly right about it.

I'm referring to it as 'it' because as much as I love the name 'beer', it just feels clumsy and awkward when applied to this fluid. It's not that 'beer' feels inadequate, it just that it doesn't feel altogether 'up-to-speed' or 'on message' in terms of being a relevant identification. It's almost as though this drink has brought the evolution of beer to a point where it is in need of a new description for itself. A new name. This just isn't beer anymore, not in the sense that all other beers have been up until now. Of course, a great many beers have helped to lead us to this point, and I personally (like many others) give credit to our American friends for triggering this transformative phase in beer's life, but I think this could be the drink that finally draws the line in the sand and steps right over it.

Baby-Faced Assassin is the latest and best evidence that we are in entirely new territory now. It has made it finally feel official.

Upon opening, this beer (which, for the sake of clarity, I'll go back to calling a 'beer') offers forth rich vapours of vivid tropical citrus fruits with a sense of clarity and freshness which significantly outperforms every other beer on the market. It's almost as though an entirely new process has been used to generate this effect. The fact that these aromas also happen to be extraordinarily delicious is almost a side-issue - so overwhelming is the impact and immediacy of the experience. It's one of those smells you can't quite believe is happening.

The great news is that all of these aromas translate directly into the taste, and there's a gargantuan heap of bonus flavours backing up the fruits, thanks in no small measure to some supremely refined and delicate malts.

Bitter, sour, sweet, dry, crisp, rich, savoury, spicy, herbal, light, dark, up, down, left and right, backwards and forwards - it's such an endlessly complex flavour package overall. I'm quite sure you could gather ten people and have them list over a hundred flavours between them, or perhaps even a hundred each. For me, it's those fruits (with blood orange and grapefruit being the most dominant) and the softly spicy, softly herbal bitterness of various 'woody' 'grassy' and 'seed-like' themes which make the strongest impressions.

The body is very 'now' in feel, in as much as it gives you the impression that its in the very early stages of a journey toward becoming a solid. It's not heavy, but it there's a density, rather like you find in a freshly squeezed orange or grapefruit juice. (Which is a very apt analogy on many levels in this case.)

To say you have to try this one for yourself seems not only trite, but also unfair – as only this run of 70 bottles has ever been produced so far. The only silver lining there is that this beer is so ceaselessly exquisite that it will surely see itself in full production before very long.

My only concern about that is that some of the more finely-tuned aspects might be lost in mass production. A needless worry perhaps, but the sense of 'hands-on' craftsmanship here is more than palpable, and it would be a disastrous loss. You can literally taste the thought, the talent and the time that has been invested in this beer. It smacks of the same meticulous attention to detail that is found in a Fabergé Egg, or a Swiss pocket watch.

Elegant, dignified, outrageously classy and enormously enjoyable.

This really is beer of an entirely different kind.

It's a 750ml monument, built to mark a point in time wherein beer itself took an extremely positive forward step into an entirely different era.

This is Next Generation Beer.

It's still not getting that perfect score, but it's going to take many long years of painstaking fault-hunting before I can ever hope to explain why.

Day 133, Beer 133 - Windsor & Eton's "Conqueror 1075"

2011-09-13T11:45:00.001+01:00

Today's Beer

Name – Conqueror 1075

Brewer – Windsor & Eton

Classification – Black IPA

Strength – 7.4% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – Dark browns and and dark reds doing their very best not to look like black. And mostly failing.

On the nose – Smoky citrus. A veritable hurricane of licorice and tree fruit. Sort of impossible. Sort of magical.

On the tongue – A brief, sound bite appraisal? Of flavours such as these? Do me a favour!

On the subject – At this point in time, few breweries in Britain are generating so much unbridled excitement within my beer loving soul as Windsor & Eton. Irritatingly, I am by no means alone. Other pesky humanoids have also spotted the specialness, so it won't be very long before the whole world is singing their praises and they're being taking over by BMW or Microsoft. Success can be so wounding!

On the market – Growing rapidly for the brewery as a whole but this newbie bottle might be harder to find, initially at least. But there's little need to exert yourself, just go online at Beer Merchants or Ales By Mail.

On the whole – 9.5/10

Full Review

However the hell it came about, and regardless of whether its very existence is even possible or not – there's one thing I can safely say about the recently arrived beer style known as Black IPA...

It's utterly marvellous.

It really is.

Today's beer – which is merely one of Windsor & Eton's two renditions of this classification – is nothing less than a mind blowing drink experience.

This is the beer that every lover of dark beer in the known universe should be consuming at their very earliest opportunity. But the truly remarkable thing about these Black IPA's is that this very same recommendation can be given to lovers of beers at the absolute opposite end of the colour/flavour spectrum. If you like light, golden, citrus rich, hop heavy ales – this is your essential beer, too.

Crudely put, this is a vividly hopped, citrus rampant, medium bodied and lavishly malted stout. There's so very much more to it, but that's a pretty decent starting point.

Grapefruit, lime, mango and gooseberry (to name but a few of the huge array of dynamic fruits at play here) swirl and collide with deep swathes of cocoa, licorice, smoked bacon and roasted nuts. It's an astonishing sequence of flavour events, and among the most invigorating taste experiences I've ever known from any source – let alone from a beer.

There are so many elements which make you instinctively disbelieve what your mouth is telling you, but at the same time, the whole thing makes so much sense that you can't understand how these kinds of beers weren't dreamed up sooner.

Quite simply, in terms of the open market, beers like this really didn't exist just a few short years ago, and yet these guys are brewing this one like they've been doing it for aeons.

That's a remarkable achievement.

But then, this is a remarkable brewery. And with all of their usual technical prowess, creative ingenuity and sheer class, they are brewing a remarkable example of a remarkable beer style.

Whatever kind of beer you think you prefer – Black IPA will rapidly replace it.

And be sure to drink a bottle of Conqueror 1075 before you shake your head in disagreement with that statement.

I can guarantee you won't be shaking it after.

Day 132, Beer 132 - Shepherd Neame's "Whitstable Bay"

2011-09-12T17:48:00.001+01:00

Today's Beer

Name – Whitstable Bay

Brewer – Shepherd Neame

Classification – Organic golden ale

Strength – 4.5% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – Rich amber gold.

On the nose – Juicy bitter fruitiness and some lovely 'autumnal forest' deeper notes.

On the tongue – More of those juicy bitter fruits (notably apple, clementine and black cherry) with some herbal and spiced hints, underpinned by beautifully pitched 'woody' malts. Very rewarding.

On the subject – What can be said of Shepherd Neame's beers that hasn't already been said in pubs and homes all across Britain? Well, probably nothing, but here's a hugely verbose review anyway. Having said all that, not all of their brands are as well known as others, and today's beer is one I'd personally never tried before. The 'organic' status of this brew suggests the stirrings of a slightly more 'ethically sound' approach, and when influential market leaders like these guys set these kinds of examples it bodes well not just for the industry and the planet, but also for beer in general, because my experience is that organic beers nearly always taste better.

On the market – Most major supermarkets, and plenty else besides. Those with larger appetites should go to the brewery's own online store, where huge case-loads of these beauties are freely available. (The word 'freely' has various meanings, and this is probably not the one you were hoping for.)

On the whole – 8/10

Full Review

Every ale approaches you in a unique way.

Some sneak up on you, others smack into you like freight trains. Some prioritise first impressions, others prefer to win you over more gradually. There are those beers that scream 'love me love me' until we finally do, as well as one or two that make us break down in tears wishing liquid had never been invented.

But every once in a while you come across an ale that is so chilled-out, low-key and contentedly self-possessed, that it really couldn't care less what you think about it. Such beers don't concern themselves with the undignified business of making an 'approach' to a drinker. They just know we're going to like them anyway, so they simply bypass all the hassle.

Whitstable Bay is one of those beers.

It's one of those brews that you find yourself still ordering at the very end of the night, without having once considered a change. I believe the phrase is 'easy-drinking'. A well-worn phrase indeed, but one which few beers could better encapsulate.

The continuous gentle sway between bitter dryness and zesty fruit sweetness is delightfully hypnotic, and it quite literally never settles on either side. This is actually quite ingenious, and it's a good example of the kind of clever tricks this well-oiled brewing team likes to incorporate into their creations.

There is a sense of freshness and immediacy to the drink, and it could be argued that this vividness stems from the use of organic ingredients. Given what I've already observed during these reviews, I wouldn't be at all surprised about that.

But given that very same set of prior experiences, I can't help but wonder how much more of that dynamic vitality might be enjoyed if this beer were to come bottle-conditioned.

It seems to me that the marriage of organic produce and bottle-conditioning is pretty much made in heaven, and there would surely be no better way to see that theory put to the test than with a beer like this.

Maybe one day they might give that a try. I'll certainly be skipping around like an utter lunatic if they ever do.

There's no question, though, that this beer in its current form is a delicious way to be tantalized in the meantime.

It really is a hugely enjoyable ale.

Giving A Home To Rooster's!

2011-09-09T18:00:00.001+01:00

Didn't this website used to do beer reviews?

Anyway...

Another day brings another delivery, and 'Baby-Faced Assassin' from Rooster's Brewery qualifies as a unique delivery for two reasons.

Firstly, it's the only Bottled Beer Year delivery to consist of just a single bottle, and secondly - it's the first delivery to induce a very loud and very protracted deep guttural moan from yours truly.

Quite literately, I saw this bottle emerge from its packaging and went weak at the knees.

Not only is it enormous (at a standard wine bottle-size of 750ml) but the combination of the Rooster's 'look' and the beer's fabulous name amounts to absolute dynamite in terms of branding. My hat's off to the resident genius over in marketing.

This is a 6.1% India Pale Ale, and I have to say that its life has been in grave danger ever since the doorbell rang.

Tradition dictates that it must join the queue like every other beer - but that doesn't mean I have to be happy about it.

No sir!

Stay tuned for the review.

Windsor & Eton - The Return!

2011-09-08T17:42:00.000+01:00

Transforming my day from a mere Thursday into a glorious landmark occasion is this second batch from Windsor & Eton Brewery.

I've made no secret of my admiration from this mighty micro, and I stand by my prediction that this will go down in history as one of the most successful small breweries of its generation.

My previous reviews of their beers can be found here, but these latest arrivals could well outdo their stable-mates if all the considerable recent hype is true.

The beers are (from left to right...)

Conqueror 1075 - (Black IPA) 7.4% ABV

Republika - (Pilsner Lager) 4.8% ABV

Windsor Knot - ('Royal Wedding' commemorative beer) 4.5% ABV

Geographically speaking, it seems only fair that this brewery should step up to the plate with a beer to mark a certain recent royal event, but it's really those other two beers that are going to keep me up all night with excitement for the next couple of weeks or so.

Stay tuned for the reviews.

A True Cornish 'IPA' Story

2011-09-04T19:34:00.000+01:00

Look, I had intended to post a few bits from here in Cornwall during my visit, but it's all far too lovely and the pubs are far too good.

So it's going to be a four day break for the blog - and I'm far too content to care.

But here's a odd little true story to tide you over...

Yesterday, my strikingly attractive girlfriend and I went to a very lovely pub owned by St Austell's brewery. I will refrain from naming the venue, partly out of common decency but mostly because of an irrational fear of bloodthirsty reprisals. (I am still down here, after all).

Anyway, the pub was completely lovely, as was the barman, and the beer he served up was immaculately kept.

But he and I argued like dogs all the same.

Our epic bar-side battle was fought over the famous, multi award wining St. Austell beer 'Proper Job'.

I'd noticed that alongside the Proper Job pump was another St. Austell brew called 'IPA', and I remarked how interesting it was that two of the four cask ales available were IPA's.

What follows is my best recollection of the dialogue that subsequently developed....

BARMAN - How do you mean?

ME - Well, St.Austell have given you four pumps, and they've got you serving Proper Job as well as another IPA called 'IPA'.

(Short pause. BARMAN's face wears a look of friendly disgust.)

BARMAN - Proper Job's not an IPA.

(Longer pause. Much, much longer.)

(At the end of this truly colossal silence, Cornwall sinks very suddenly into the Atlantic, never to be seen again. At least, that's how it feels...)

ME - (Eventually...) Er....

(ME knows his face is in danger of wearing that very same look of 'friendly despair'. His mind races with a thousand sudden doubts about his knowledge of beer, because BARMAN works here - he actually works for St Austell - so the likelihood of him being wrong is totally minuscule. And yet...)

ME - I'm pretty sure it is.

BARMAN - It's not.

ME - It is, I promise you.

(ME knows that making such 'promises' about the classification of BARMAN's ale is risky, but he's feeling emboldened by the iPhone in his pocket which, among other things, contains his own recent review of this legendary beer.)

BARMAN - (Chuckling with indignation now because this is his job and he serves this beer all the time - so he just knows he's right...) Of course it's not. These two are totally different beers! They couldn't be more different!

ME - Yeah, that's my big bugbear issue about the name 'IPA' at the moment, it's lost all meaning with so many different ales laying claim to it.

BARMAN - Proper Job's not an IPA. The rep from St. Austell might have mentioned it, wouldn't you think?

ME - Yes. I would.

BARMAN - (Tapping the pump marked 'IPA'...) This one's the IPA.

ME - I'd say that's definitely an IPA, yes.

BARMAN - (Tapping the Proper Job pump...) This one's Proper Job.

ME - Which is an IPA too. The name refers to the use of an authentic recipe from years ago. It's meant to be a return to the 'real deal' IPA style, that's what they mean by 'Proper.'

(Another pause.)

(The first stirrings of doubt begin to flicker across BARMAN's face, and ME senses it's time to land the killer blow. He reaches into his pocket for his phone.)

ME - Let me bring in some reinforcements. I'd better check I'm not going mad.

BARMAN - I reckon you already are. (But he's sounding less certain now. He glares sideways at the Proper Job pump like it were the ghost of a dead relative...)

ME - Drat! No signal.

BARMAN - It all depends who your provider is round here. It's a nightmare. Who are you with? (He seems keen to switch subjects now...)

ME - Vodafone.

BARMAN - (Sounding disappointed...) You'll be alright with that.

ME - It keeps going in and out of reception, I'll just give it a second...

(Suddenly, from the very end of the bar, a new voice enters the conversation. A young woman has her mobile firmly in hand...)

WOMAN - Got it here.

(BARMAN's head turns abruptly towards her. Huge beads of sweat now populate his increasingly furrowed brow...)

WOMAN - He's right. It's all here. Proper Job IPA, St Austell, award winning beer based on an original recipe, blah blah blah...

ME - There we go! I have to say that's quite a relief!

BARMAN - (With admirable generosity of spirit...) Well I never!

(At this point, ME's scintillatingly beautiful girlfriend offers up the statement "He does know his stuff..." which could have been taken like a bullet by our BARMAN, but thankfully, he's all smiles now.)

BARMAN - I take my hat off to you, Sir. I doff my cap!

ME - Oh, no need for that. I'm just glad I'm not losing my mind.

BARMAN - No no, you were absolutely spot on with that.

ME - You might want to see what the brewery rep has to say about it.

BARMAN - I certainly will, yes.

(One final pause begins, but this one's a much more comfortable affair, with everyone gazing down at the row of shiny pumps in front of them.)

BARMAN - Anyway. Now that this has all been settled - what can I get you?

ME - Well, as it happens, I really fancy an IPA.

(And with that, everyone collapses into a large heap, laughing their merry heads off.)