The Brighter Side of Dirty Diapers

Married with Friends

2013-08-30T18:26:00.003-08:00

This was a phenomena my best-friend, Steph, and I realized years ago. Probably shortly after I had met and married Aaron. We married each other.

Aaron and Steph are so much alike, it's ridiculous. Have you ever compared your best friend to your spouse? The things that bother you? The things you love? The similarities? Do it now, I dare you! It's super eery.

Steph will say her husband and I are so much alike, too. This is the reason he and I get along so well. Just like she and Aaron get along. But this phenomena didn't stop with just my best friend.

Today, another friend and I were talking about our houses. And she pulls the "You're just like 'George'." (name to be kept private) I, at some point in my life, have decided I didn't want to be like someone .. or that others spouses were insane.

But I realize, being married with friends, means I'm friending Aaron over and over again. And it's kinda cool!

I keep finding people that are driven, goal oriented, focused on improving themself. I do notice that when I force friendships with people who are like me, I get frustrated. I start to feel like it's pointless. And that I am their doormat. It's a painful experience.

The hard part about finding friends that are like Aaron, their spouses aren't always like me. Which makes being married with friends difficult at times. How do you find those friends that are couples? Those that you both connect with?

What more do you need?

2013-05-23T12:23:00.004-08:00

The other day I got so super frustrated with my kids asking for more more more!!
It was one of those moments where I snap and said "You have enough already, what more do you need?"

That moment was quite a realization in my "demands" on my own life when I'm praying or talking with God. I wonder if he ever snaps in with a "You have plenty, what more can you want or need?"

It was very sobering. How much more can one want?
What else does one need?
I breath.
I have a home that is safe.
I have food on the table.
Healthy kids.
Loving husband.
I can pay my bills.
Clothing.
I have health insurance.
Two cars .. even a four-wheeler.
Half acre of land.
A dog.
I'm a stay-at-home mom without financial burden.

What more really could I need?

When I snapped at my kids, I realized I have probably many many times pulled the same stunts with God in begging for more money, bigger house, newer cars, warmer, sunnier place to live, skinnier thighs. Oh yeah .. the thighs I beg for often.

But I realize, that regardless of my thighs, my house, my cars, God is still providing. Everything that I have does exactly what I need it to do, and more.

I think about missionaries in foreign countries that are in hiding. Because to come out that they are on mission for God would be life or death for them. They are converting people left and right to the faith of the eternal kingdom. They are living with means far below my own. They are living to serve God and all they ask is for His protection.

So my question becomes, how do I teach my kids that they have enough? That they don't NEED more. We aren't shoppers. We don't have the newest gadgets. We have a scratch in the middle of our TV screen that drives me insane when light shines on it, but we don't have any plans on getting a new TV. That really has nothing to do with needs. Only wants. :)

But how? How do we teach them that enough is enough? That God is providing all our needs daily, minute by minute. I suppose it must start with me. And my realizing that I have all I need and more. Being grateful for what I do have. Even my thighs! ;)

How Great Thou Art

2013-05-20T21:11:00.001-08:00

Where did the time go? I can't believe my exercise in Facebook detox has closed. I signed back in, nervously, Thursday, last week. I say nervously, because I didn't quite know what to expect or what to post as a status. This might seem silly. But I pretty much was an open book on Facebook. I posted nearly everything about my life on there.

With resistance I logged in and realized after about 30 minutes I was bored. It was like I had said the word "label" over and over and over again. It lost it's value and purpose. Try it. Say the first word that comes to your mind 10 different times in a couple minutes. It will soon just be a sound, without meaning. And then, you'll have to use it in a sentence to give it meaning again.

Facebook is that way for me, at the moment. It has no meaning. It's value is lost. And it's just something that I use to waste a lot time, energy, and emotion on. But it still has purpose. I get that. You don't have a successful social media outlet without it having a direct and effective purpose.

All that said, I am back on Facebook. But I can confidently say my view of the social media outlet is very different. In a more positive and spiritual way. How can Facebook be spiritual? Many MANY ways. In fact, all things in life are spiritual if you allow yourself to let go of control even for a moment.

Spiritual connectiveness comes in all forms; from human contact to nature to animal. We are all connected. Facebook is just one more avenue to spiritually connect with others. And I am so glad that God taught me that over those 48 days. I learned so much in those days. Not just because I wasn't on Facebook, but because I was trying to focus on God's purpose and plan for me. Trying to make His desires mine. I simply can't say I am 100% desiring what God wants. That would be a lie. What I can say is that I am learning to recognize God's desires. Realizing is the first step. Grasping that concept and running with it, is another.

His plan for my life is incredible. Even though I don't know what it is. I do know that it's incredible. His plan for all lives is incredible.

I started this blog post with the idea in my head that I was going to tell you about how I spent those 48 days. About the things I did or didn't accomplish. But quickly realized that the biggest message I wanted to share with you, is that God in my life has been the biggest and most incredible change. Realizing that I need to put Him first, above anything else in this life to make everything in this life matter.

I will end with the verses of my favorite hymn of all times;

"How Great Thou Art"

O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

When through the woods, and forest glades I wander,
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees.
When I look down, from lofty mountain grandeur
And see the brook, and feel the gentle breeze.

And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing;
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin.

When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim: "My God, how great Thou art!"

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

Idols .. They Are Not What You Think They Are

2013-05-13T23:09:00.002-08:00

Half way through May and I haven't written one post. It's not that I am out of material. I just get writers block. I don't know where to begin, or sometimes, I forget the topics I come up with to write about.

Recently, I led a class on idolatry. This is hefty topic. Not to be taken lightly. And you are left feeling very raw when confronted with truth. Truth isn't so bad, in and of itself. It's the realization of that truth that hurts. Knowing that you cannot simply turn away from truth in ignorant denial, any longer. That is what the study of idolatry did to me.

I thought, originally, that Facebook was my idol. But as I proceeded through the study I found there were many more things I placed on the throne of my heart, instead of God. Logically, I know that God is a jealous God. He isn't interested in sharing my heart with anything. But I am human.

As we met week after week, my intimate class of four and I, we learned a lot about each other. I found out that in a group whose background is no where near as sad, risky, stupid, and dark they still loved me. They still accepted me. I was still their sister in Christ, and would continue to be.

See, I thought Facebook was my idol. Not true. My truth in idols came out in allowing my past choices to dictate the level of closeness, vulnerability, and spiritual dependence on other Christians. My idol was my past Me.

That might be hard for someone to understand, especially if you aren't a Believer, or even if you are. So let me explain, only a little bit.

As a child, I was introduced to sex at a very young age. Not by choice. As a preteen, I didn't understand it, so I explored in ways the seemed natural. As an adolescent teen, I was very much prudish about the topics of sex, alcohol, drugs, money, true friendships, and honest healthy boy/girl relationships. As a college student, my ignorance in those things came out in irresponsibility, bad choices, unhealthy drinking and drug use habits, and promiscuity. Insecurities grew with me in relationships with friends, family members, and acquaintances. I convinced myself over and over again that people interacted with me for some reason. Not because they wanted to be my friend or they cared about me. But I 100% believed they had an ulterior motive.

I had what most would think as a "normal" family life growing up in the military. As normal as that is. And then moving at age 12 to a new place upon my dad's retirement.

Look, I'm not here to rehash the past. In fact, all that has been locked up in the vault for God. He has removed all those things from my heart, and I am focusing on putting Him as King on His rightful throne of my heart. My point is, ALL those things made me put God second, third, 100th, somewhere in the line of priority.

I was forced during this study to be vulnerable. To open up to a group of people that I hadn't really had any sort of deep conversation with. I really hadn't had much of a conversation with any of them outside a church setting, to be honest. And God walked me through the entire process. Prompting me when to share and when to stop. And I listened. BOY HOWDY did I listen. Because if it were up to me, my lips would've been left glued shut and likely our class would've sat silent for the hour and 15 minutes. :)

At any rate, I will be practicing listening to God everyday. I have to practice, because I am one stubborn bullheaded red head!!!! And that is no joke!

My friendships have deepened to incredible spiritual depths since releasing those heavy loaded burdens I was unnecessarily carrying, and idolizing.

Look, friends, an idol isn't necessarily a golden calf, a fat bellied man sitting cross legged, or a dollar bill. An idol is something that you put before God. ANYTHING you obsess on, go to for comfort, think about, worry about, or try to control before you ever consider God.

I pray that you will allow the Spirit to show you your idols in your life. Be open to His truthful conviction, but know confidently that He is only showing you these things in love. Not to punish you. But to bless you and glorify our Holy Creator!

Peace

31 days

2013-04-30T21:31:00.002-08:00

It has been 31 days since I deactivated my Facebook account. I wish I could say it's been easy flowing this whole time. But there are days, moments, and times I would REALLY like to share something on Facebook. But also, I want to use a few of the pages on there to sell things, or just see how people are doing.

Even though I miss some aspects of Facebook, I have come to realize that I don't NEED it like before. I don't need to find my worth there. My value. I don't need to see and KNOW what people are doing. I'm still struggling with figuring out how to get people to communicate with me about various things.

It's been funny when I hear stories about things in peoples' lives and they always respond with "Oh, right, you're not on Facebook." :)

My kids have finally stopped saying "You should Facebook that, Mom." Who know such terminology would come out of the mouths of a 4 and 7 year old.

Habits are hard to form, and with 19 definite days left of Facebook free, I wonder if I will activate it again, because I am worried that I will allow it to be such an influence on my life, again. I worry that I will lose the whole focus and understanding of this exercise.

God has been awesome with me. I still fail so miserably in daily prayer, devotion, time with Him. Allowing the Spirit to converse with me. Being in the presence of the Lord. But it is becoming more frequent. Learning to put God first in EVERYTHING I do has been a lot more difficult than I imagined it would be. My friends have been so supportive and often check on me wondering how I am doing without Facebook. (They all still have it.)

People at church are beginning to remember that I don't have it, and update me in person about events, or other things. It has been amazing seeing the transition in personal relationship with people and me. A friend recently deactivated her account just to see what it would be like. Knowing that it doesn't have to be a permanent thing helps make the decision.

God working through me has been my goal. The study at church has forced me to be more open about my life. The choices I made, as well as how the choices others made have influenced my life.

The most important thing I have noticed in this exercise, is that I have been more open to God in showing me where my heart is being led in the wrong direction, as well as the right. I am more patient with my kids. I am more loving with my husband. I am more accepting of faults, realizing that people aren't perfect.

31 days without Facebook. Seven months of the year have 31 days. I wonder what it would be like if everyone took a one month a year hiatus from social networking?

Challenge! And go!

Throwing in the Proverbial Towel

2013-04-28T20:43:00.002-08:00

That is it!!! I am throwing in that proverbial towel! I can't keep up with all this perfect mom, parent crap!!!

Do I cloth diaper or disposable .. hell why not just let them go naked!?!
Organic or processed?
TV or NO TV or is 2 hours a day on average .. or what about all day?
Home school is better.
No public school is better.
No private school is better.
Wait .. what about unschool, let's just let the kids decide what they wanna learn.
Chicken or beef?
Sugar .. stevia
Agave or honey
Vegeterian or Vegan
Paleo or Modern
Republican or Democrat ... or Libertarian .. or Run and hide in the hills with ammo and guns.
Family pictures every year or not
Daily crafts with the kids make you a better mom .. how about I punch you in the face?!?!
Remember to have your kids read, write, recognize, say the sounds of each letter of the alphabet....
And if you REALLY want to be a good mom, they will be reading before kindergarten.
Homemade laundry detergent .. or store bought
Line dry or electric dryer
You're a better mom if you spend 42.5 seconds a day looking into your child's eyes.

You're a better mom if you have every meal planned out for the month, plus bills paid, a back up plan for each meal, groceries bought and put away in 33 minutes, your list prepared, AND a binder for the family!
WHAT!?!?!

What the hell is going on that our motherhood experience is under attack by so-called perfect mothering methods??? Seriously!

I'm over it. I can't do it anymore. I'm not perfect. My house isn't always cleaned up. My kids don't always have clean socks ready and folded perfectly smelling like flowers waiting for their placing upon their perfectly cleaned toes. Sometimes I have to throw a panic load of laundry in the wash on the short cycle first thing in the morning and dry only what's needed at that moment for the day. So what!?!

I feel so much pressure from all these "1001 things to do to ensure your child grows up perfectly" blogs, posts, and crap!

Why can't mothers just be moms. Talk to your kids. Walk with them. Play with them. Why does having designated scheduled craft time daily make you a better mom than any other mom? Why does feeding your child hormone free homemade chicken nuggets make you a better mom than a mom that gives her kids Tyson's chicken nuggets from the microwave?

I am done. I'm throwing in my towel. I will feed my kids what I deem fit. I will play with my kids MY WAY.

Be the mom you are to be! Be the wife you are to be! Your kids and your husband are not anyone elses!!!!

Peace OUT!

My Drink Order is a Bota Box...The WHOLE thing

2013-04-24T17:18:00.000-08:00

SOMETIMES I WANT TO SCREAM, HOOT, HOLLER, and CARRY ON LIKE A

TANTRUMMING TODDLER!!!!

Like, seriously. Like, no joke. Like right now!!!

Consider this post a therapeutic one.

My patience is non-existent today. My personality is negative. My idea of success is just that we will make it through the day all human bodies in tact, alive and breathing. Today, that is success!

The 4,000th time of saying no. The 4,000,000th time of disciplining. The 400,000,000th time of asking one child to accomplish one single freaking task! Screw this, I'm out!

Today is the day that I will consider a HUGE success that my kids make it all the way to bedtime alive. Breathing. Unbruised. And by a miracle, there will be minimal whining.

You know that tone, that whining tone that is piercing to the soul? That one has been my background noise all day. ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL DAY!!!!!

If I had the money, today I would've purchased a one-way ticket to Tahiti with an undetermined return date.

I'm sorry that Aaron had to come home to this. Usually by the time he gets home I have pulled myself (and the offspring) together as one cohesive and happy family unit. Usually with painted smiles, cartoons, or dinner ready.

Not today. Today, I want a glass of wine, no make that a 750ml bottle. No make it a box, a Bota Box.

Taking Back the Family

2013-04-23T15:09:00.002-08:00

This post is probably going to be one of my more polarizing ones, so consider this your warning.

I am a stay-at-home-mom. And this title didn't come easy to me. I have had a hard time accepting it, working with it, and identifying with it. I am a wife to a husband who works to provide for our family. He IS our bread winner. As it should be, in my opinion.

A few days ago, I was watching an episode of Katie and she was interviewing a pro-volleyball player turned wife/mom, Gabby Reece. She is very blunt in this book, claiming that she is a submissive wife who takes care of the home, children, and her man.

Why would something like that be soooo offensive to women? I realize that decades ago women fought for equal rights to vote, wear pants, drink socially, etc. I realize that women fight for pro-choice, still equal pay, and it seems more now than ever, the right to have children WITHOUT the presence of a father. I have many many problems with several of those statements.

But I will stick to only this one: the family.

The family in today's society has been redefined in the shadows of women's rights. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to be able to wear pants, vote, have an occasional drink in a public environment. But let's not forget that men and women are different. And we are made that way for a reason.

Why is it so necessary to redefine the man? Or the woman? When did it become the norm to have families without one parent present (if that parent isn't a tube)? Disclaimer: I'm not against IVF or any of those sorts of fertility treatments.

My problem lies herein with the fact that more kids are having sex at a younger age; more kids are experimenting with drugs at a younger age; more kids are growing up to having babies when they are still babies themselves. And more boys and girls are very confused about their gender. Dads and Moms have important roles in the family. And kids need BOTH parents active in their life to grow. Now, that said, there are situations where dads and moms should not be involved because of their own lifestyle issues and/or abuse.

Today, I turned in my notice to my boss that I will not be working after May 31 anymore. I have felt compelled to be that submissive wife that Gabby talks about in her book, My Foot Is Too Big For The Glass Slipper.

Women have been redefined as hard, callous, and having to be mean, bossy, and successful in the business world. And because careers are taking precedent over family life, and building families, women are also having children at an older age. Don't even get me started on those risk factors, not to mention how old they will be when their own grandchildren are born.

Look, I am here to claim my ~~attempted~~ mark as a submissive, soft, tender, and family driven wife ... or at least striving to be one. I find therapy in folding the 3rd load of laundry for the day. I find pride in my children's well-behaved smiles. I find joy in a happy husband who can come home from work and play with his kids. I find success in a clean, well at least tidy home. And I find career in paying the bills.

I am here to stand up for the rights of the family institution. Not to place blame on any one party or group for destroying it. But to ask questions as to why we can't have this family dynamic back to the way it was originally designed? Why can't we have women home without being labeled incompetent? Or lazy? Or just living off the husbands?

Damn straight I will live off my husband!!! He is a man. It is ingrained in his DNA to work hard, hunt, provide for his family. And I will not be the wife to damage that calling on him!

And also, I am not incompetent. I have a bachelors degree in PR/Journalism and a masters degree in Elementary Education. Just because I choose to raise my children instead of use my college education outside the home does not make me an idiot. In fact, it does the opposite! If something were to happen to my husband, I could work.

In closing, I just want all women out there to take back their positions as wives and mothers! Be proud! Stand tall! Work or don't work, but only make that decision because it is what's best for YOU and YOUR family. Not because some government official says, or your neighbor, friend, or mom!

Nearing Our End of Our First Year of Home School

2013-04-22T22:24:00.002-08:00

It has been a while since I posted about our homeschooling experience. It has been quite the experience, and while I am 66% sure we will not home school next year, I can't guarantee it. I am motivated only because our boundary school is awful, in my opinion. And boundary exempt schools are quite far away. Though second grade will be our next year with Kara, and that is my prime grade for teaching. I LOVE it.

I taught second grade a few years ago and loved every single stinkin minute of it. I could teach second grade till I died if I was able. :) So I'm unsure about not homeschooling next year.

We home schooled Kara this year because it felt right, she was bored at school, and many other things. See This Post about why we chose to home school this year.

In all, the year has been spent with blood, sweat, tears, and joy. My daughter, whom I love with all my heart, is a mini-me!!! Through and through. And because of that we can get along famously or battle to the death with our matching stubbornness.

I have loved most of the homeschooling experience with her. I home school preschool with supplementary private preschool for learning appropriate behaviors in a classroom situation. I home school because I love my children (not saying that those who don't home school don't love their children). This year has definitely been filled with ups and downs.

But when things like the unfortunate shooting in New Town, Conn., took place, I was happy to have my daughter safe and sound at home with me.

We don't full time home school. Kara attends an agricultural science-based school, Louise's Farm School. Kara LOVES it. Initially, when we started this home school path, Kara was weirded out by the whole thing. She thought the kids she went to LFS with, also went to public school. Not realizing that each of those kids were also home school kids.

I have had a few realizations over this time.
1) If I wasn't working, I would've been a better homeschooling mom/teacher.
2) If I was more dedicated to a schedule, it would've flowed better with more commitment.
3) The first year is really a learning experience with home school. (as I was told by many)
4) Just because I have a masters degree in elementary education, DOES NOT mean that I will be able to keep my cool in our home school room while teaching double digit math.
5) My relationship with my daughter has been significantly enhanced because of this experience.

What will next year bring? Only God knows. He is the reason we chose this direction, and He will be the reason we continue or not.

Here are some pictures of what we've been doing...

Snowshoeing with Flat Stanley at LFS

Learning how to test for avalanche risk at LFS

Midday schoolwork .. working together

Nothing like daddy rides

Nature journals

Home Ec? Baking blueberry muffins in the Easy Bake

Buffing up grammar .. Work Sample Finals

Science experiments .. Gummy Bunny (bear) in water
Growing an avocado tree

Peace!

Seven Reasons

2013-04-18T16:22:00.001-08:00

It has been a few days since I posted last. And right now, I have a semi-quiet moment while my children are outside suffering through ~~winter~~ .. spring. Because, here in the great state of Alaska, we received an extra dose of winter last week. Yeah, don't get me started on that one! :) Be glad be glad be glad and rejoice!!!

Anyway, there has been a lot going on in my head. I've written about four different posts there, hidden somewhere in the dark treasures of my brain. But I can't seem to put it on paper .. well online.

So much has been going on in our world. So much that frightens and delights me. So much that I am having a hard time processing.

1) My children will never grow up in a world without metal detectors, scary people next door, or ample police coverage at events like marathons, fairs, airports. They will never know the innocence I knew as a child in playing in my neighborhood, front yard, or down the street without me worrying. My children will grow up long before they have to, because of the world we live. I wonder if my parents felt the same way when my siblings and I were growing up.

2) My heart breaks for those that are effected by so much hatred and anger in a way of being maimed. My heart breaks for the people who feel it is their duty and just right to cause such injury, physically and emotionally, to people, cities, nations. My soul cries out for the redeeming qualities of Christ. To reach those who are lost. Who feel the only way to make a difference is to spread hate, intolerance, violence.

3) When confronted with bitterness, rage, and anger, where do I seek refuge? Who or what am I calling on for comfort and guidance? I am hoping that it is MY Lord and Savior Jesus. I am hoping that I am strong enough to fight the urges of emotional instability, that I would seek other ways of dealing with fits of rage, irritation, fear. Jesus is the saving one, and He is simply just waiting there for us to say the words, "I need you."

4) Not having Facebook has made me realize a great deal in how much I sought out the approval of others. I often think about if anyone notices I'm not on Facebook. I let my mind wonder to the pictures and bragging facts I could be posting about my kids or life. Knowing that Satan is using all of this to wedge his way into my family. And he will, don't you forget that! Satan will.

5) I have the most amazing husband. Satan tried to blind me of this fact!!! I'm not joking. You might call me moody, you might say I was just having a bad day. But when I started this Facebook Detox, this idolatry detox, Satan finagled his way into my thinking. Into all that space I just cleared for Christ. He caused quite a ruckus But thanks to prayer and my many friends that prayed when I asked, Christ is filling into those spaces that should only be for him.

6) My kids are images of God. Their ease in forgiveness, their faith and trust in me and Aaron, their spontaneity all images of God. They remind me that I, too, have a Father that is faithful, spontaneous, and forgiving. They remind me that I am a child as well, and just because I'm an adult, I can still forgive, have faith, and be spontaneous like them. My kids are images of heaven. The innocence in their smiles, their laughter, their actions. All learning by my (and Aaron's) direction. Seeking knowledge, understanding, and approval. Not wanting to disappoint. Simply being children. If only I could be as a child ALL the time.

7) God is the most wonderful redeemer! He clears our paths, lays a guide, even sometimes gives us a peek at the road map he has set out for us. He is always there. When we fear, when we love, when we hate, when we disappoint, when we cry, when we laugh, when we fall, when we hurt. He has felt and experienced ALL of that! There is nothing better than my God!

With all that in my head, you might could see why I couldn't put together a post!

19 Days Facebook free! :)

Peace

Dairy Free Seafood Quiche (crustless)

2013-04-13T13:18:00.003-08:00

Do you ever have brunch with friends? Not at a restaurant, but like at your home where you make some fancy breakfast food, they bring a food, the kids play while you talk over mimosas (or in our case virgin mimosas cause my friend is pregnant)? Do you?

I hadn't, until today! And it was such a lovely time.

I imagine brunch being something that rich women did when their husbands played golf. They sat around in their pretty tea length dresses, sipping on REAL mimosas, eating things like breakfast cookies, fruit and quiche. While, I'm certain my imagination of such events isn't too far off, I can't help be be pleased that my friend and I didn't stray TOO far from my imaginary experience. :)

We aren't RICH, necessarily, and we definitely didn't have dresses on. We didn't have breakfast cookies or biscuits But, there was fruit and quiche! :)

Dairy Free Seafood Crustless Quiche

And I made it! A crustless, dairy free, seafood quiche. My original plan was to make a crusted quiche, but I simply just ran out of ambition. :)

I have no idea if a quiche is suppose to look like that. I have seen some incredible fluffy ones. And, perhaps, this one isn't as "fluffy" because it's dairy free. But it was yummy! Even my friend says so! :)

So here's the recipe!

I hope you have many brunch-filled Saturdays in your future! :)

Ingredients:
4 eggs
1.5 cups of dairy free milk
1/2 flour
1tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt

1 clove of garlic
1/2 yellow onion chopped

1/2 portbello mushroom chopped
1 oz cod chopped
1 oz crab meat chopped
6 21/50 ct shrimp chopped
Olive oil

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350*

In skillet heat up olive oil and smash clove of garlic, drop it in the EVOO to just simmer with the garlic until the clove starts to turn brown, pull clove from oil. Place chopped onions in oil, stirring around until transparent; then add mushrooms, and seafood. Sautee the mixture for about 4 minutes until everything is cooked thoroughly. Pour into a large bowl to cool

In a blender, blend eggs, milk, flour, baking powder, and salt. Pour over the sauteed mixture and stir together.

Lightly spray grease a pie pan. Pour Quiche batter into pan. Place in oven for 50 minutes. Time might vary if you are baking with a convection. About 4 minutes shy of 50 minutes.

The top will be a golden lightly crisp shell. Toothpick test it. And serve!

Dairy and Sugar Free Chocolate Peanut Butter Banana Oat Flour Muffins

2013-04-10T15:06:00.002-08:00

Let me first say I am NOT a food photographer. But I am pretty darn proud of this picture.

Since we are mostly a dairy free home (thanks to my adult onset food allergies), I try to make yummy things that both my kids and my husband will enjoy, and that is allergen for me.

Today my son and I made these muffins in my sweet new Pampered Chef brownie pan my mother-in-law sent me. I LOVE it! It's so awesome!!

These little yummies I just kinda put together in my head, unsure of how they would turn out, and I have NO NAME FOR THEM! So here goes the name:

Dairy and Sugar Free Chocolate Peanut Butter Banana Oat Flour Muffins ... PHEW!!!!

Ingredients:
1 banana
1 egg
1 cup non-dairy milk ( I used Coconut Milk)
1/4 tsp liquid vanilla Stevia
1 tablespoon natural peanut butter

3/4 cup rolled oats
1/4 cup oat flour

1/4 cup dairy free chocolate chips
1 teaspoon baking powder

Directions:
Preheat oven to 375*

Blend all ingredients in your blender. Put all the wet ingredients at the bottom on the blade, milk, egg, stevia, peanut butter and banana, blend together; then add dry ingredients.
Spray oil or line muffin tins with cupcake liners or parchment paper.
Pour batter into muffin tins.
Bake for 15 minutes. Baking time might vary if you aren't using a convection oven. I use the tooth pick test to determine if they are done.

Makes 11-12 muffins

Enjoy!!!

Strawberry Crumb Coffee Cake and Day 10

2013-04-09T10:35:00.001-08:00

I made the most incredible dairy free, low sugar strawberry coffee crumb cakes! EVER! No joke! I also used whole wheat flour, because I don't have the fancy gluten free ones. But I think in the future I will attempt to make it grain free.

Recipe:
Filling Ingredients-
1/3 cup stevia
1/3 cup sugar
1/3 cup cornstarch
3 cups sliced strawberries

Cake Ingredients-
1 cup white flour
2 cups whole wheat flour
1/2 cup stevia
1/2 cup sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup cold non-dairy butter
2 eggs
1 cup alternative milk (almond, rice, coconut, soy) + 1/2 tsp Lemon juice
3/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon vanilla liquid stevia

Topping Ingredients-
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup + 2 tablespoons wheat flour
1/4 cup cold nondairy butter

Directions-
Preheat oven to 365

In a sauce pan combine all filling ingredients, bring to a boil stirring rapidly. Then turn off the stove and let set in pan to thicken up.

In large bowl mix dry ingredients for cake; flour, stevia, sugar, baking powder, baking soda. Then cut in butter to make a crumbly mix. In separate bowl, mix wet ingredients; eggs, milk, vanilla extract and liquid stevia. Then combine with dry ingredients.

Spray grease a 9x13 baking dish. Pour 2/3 of the cake batter into the baking dish. It will be sticky, so you will have to do some finagling to spread it around. Then spoon 3/4 of the filling mix on top of the cake batter in the baking dish. Pour remaining 1/4 filling in to the bowl with the remaining 1/3 of the cake batter. Mix well. Pour this on top of the filling layer and carefully spread around.

Next make the topping. Mix all ingredients by pinching in the butter into the flour/sugar mix. Then crumble over the top of the cake.

You can add crushed walnuts, almonds, peanuts, chocolate chips, shredded coconut, etc. into the topping mix. about 1/4 cup.

Bake in oven at 365 for 47 minutes. Serve warm. YUMM!!!

I hope you try it! It is super yummy!

On another note; I am going on day 10 of no Facebook. And it is going well. I still have those moments of desire to reactivate it. But at the study Sunday night, I realized that I will be needing to choose God daily over this vice. To some, this will definitely seem silly. But it isn't.

Anything you put before God, that has been created, is an idol. God, the creator of all, is worthy of my whole heart and focus. Anything created that I put in front of my Creator is idolatry. And I know there are probably other idols in my life that I am unaware of at the moment. But I am feeling closer to Jesus now than 10 days ago.

I need to get better at reading the Bible daily. I do a few studies, devotionals, etc., but I don't really read the Bible. In Joshua 24, Joshua says to choose your god you will serve. You can't not serve anything. You serve God, or money, or trees, or people, or material things. But you will ultimately choose a god to serve. I choose God the Creator!

Heave it and Leave it

2013-04-07T14:48:00.001-08:00

I went to a women's retreat Friday night to Saturday afternoon. This was one amazing learning and spiritual experience for me. For the first time, likely, in my adult life, I allowed the Spirit to lead my words, my heart and my mind. I opened up to seemingly strangers.

The theme of the retreat was "Diamonds in the Rough." No truer statement about me than this. I feel like I have been rougher than rough. But true to form, Jesus the master jeweler, never stopped polishing me. I am not finished, by any stretch of the imagination, but after this weekend with some amazing women, I realized I don't have to be, yet. And I won't be until God calls me home.

The main thing I learned at this retreat was that things that happened in my past do not have to have any impact on me today or in the future. Because of choices I made, I have had one helluva time forgiving myself for them. But after this weekend, I started forgiving myself. God had already forgiven me, but he was so patiently waiting for me to forgive myself, move past the shame and embarrassment. Allow myself to feel worthy and valuable. Priceless.

Many of the women I spent time with this weekend knew very little about me, and in the bigger scheme of the words, still only know very little about me, but it was so refreshing to be able to heave and leave behind issues of my recent past. With the goal in mind of God perfectly polishing me from the inside out.

Each one of those women have such a special place in my heart. Hearing two testimonies of their faith, two women that come from similar backgrounds but their testimonies have very different paths. We aren't on the same path. Our lives are different. And just because our paths are different, doesn't mean they don't end up in the same location.

Jesus wants women to value themselves. To see, feel, and understand their spiritually led internal worth. It's funny how we put so much value on our outer appearance. Meeting someone for the first time, you will NEVER know the battle they are facing on the inside. With the occasional open book exception of some people who don't have any problems with opening up. Typically speaking, you won't know.

This was the case with me. I felt I had led some of those women to believe something different about me than was true when we all first met two years ago. I was struggling with a drug addiction, a pain pill addiction. And in the midst of momentary sobriety I accepted Christ in my heart. That didn't clean me up over night. I had months ahead of me of detox and relapse. But I haven't had one pain pill (minus the occasional Ibuprofen) since August of 2011. That is all because of Christ.

If you don't believe that Jesus can save you from yourself, I'd love to share my story with you. Not just because I have a recent experience, but because my testimony of Jesus starts back when I was a very young child.

I am so very thankful to the women who planned the retreat. Thankful that God put me and those women in that place. Because I know that he hand picked each of us to experience the spirit that evening and morning together. I am so thankful that Jesus loves me, even when I'm not loving myself. And that he is so willing to show me where my value is, instead of where I think it is.

Facebook Detox Day 5

2013-04-04T13:59:00.000-08:00

Funny thing ... I don't have Facebook so my house is actually getting cleaned and I'm actually working and marketing, and ya know .. being a mom!

How weird!!! :)

Until yesterday, I didn't have a clue that my social media usage had such an impact on my life. I didn't realize that I was on it so much. Yesterday, was the first day that I didn't miss it, per say. But out of habit as I was working, I would reach to click over to a different internet tab to check my FB account. Only realize, it wasn't there. Old habits.

I am so loving not having that account. At this point, I am unsure if I will ever reactivate it. My life is so much happier. How is that possible? Only 5 days into this exercise and I'm already happier, less stressed, feelings of hurt aren't being triggered daily, and my brain isn't exhausted with all the unnecessary information I was picking up.

To be honest, I wonder if I worked outside the home if I would have such an attachment to Facebook?!? I know that being home is my "job," but it allows me so much freedom to pretty much do whatever I want, while being at home.

Not using this account has been such an amazing mind clearing and detox practice.

It took nearly 5 days for people to realize I wasn't on facebook, and I am trying REALLY hard to not take offense to that. Because I probably would be about the same time frame if someone I knew was doing the same thing.

That said, why do more people not call or text or e-mail? Why is Facebook the only way many people connect with one another? How did we get to this point in life and culture that our whole being is defined by interacting with one another in a non-personal way?

I miss the days of the telephone. Not the cell phone, though the beginning of the cell phone days weren't too bad either. But you know, the days where we had to pick up a phone for a conversation. Where I would get in trouble for being on the phone for too long with my friends. Or my mom having a conversation with her siblings or friends or mom for an hour. When calling someone across the country was a scheduled event and everyone waited for that call. Personal contact was so personal and important.

How did facebook become the way we define personal contact?

Today is Thursday, April 4, 2013 and I am detoxed from Facebook! I LOVE IT!

Facebook Or FOOD ..

2013-04-03T12:14:00.001-08:00

How does one go from ending one idol to replacing it with another? I'm not sure, but I have to be EXTREMELY careful.

Yesterday, I was just bored bored bored .. but only in one aspect. I had plenty to do, and was doing it. But my mind kept going to checking facebook. Even though I haven't checked it in more than 3 days. You never realize how much of a part a simple thing like Facebook plays in your life.

I didn't really CREATE a new idol, but rather replaced one addiction with a filler ... food.

Every time I passed through the kitchen to switch the laundry I would grab a couple of truffles, a cracker or two, or something else. Completely unnecessary. To some that wouldn't seem to be a big deal, but through out the day, it adds up.

I'm not on a "diet." But I would like to get out of this experience without weighing 400 lbs.

I know that this whole exercise of Facebook detox may seem silly to many people. After all, many do not have a belief in God. I, however, have this wholehearted belief that everything in my life will be fantastic (hard or easy) if I have God as the central focus.

Jesus didn't just come to save sinners, he came to teach and love. I am excited to say, that I did not fall down with food again today. ~~except for those 8 chocolate chips~~

Day 3, Yesterday, was a success! Even with the eating.

Because I fell asleep so early last night, I didn't get to blog about the day. So there will be another post this evening. Fair warning :)

Realizations, Goals, Understanding Godly Designed Plans

2013-04-01T22:39:00.002-08:00

Coming Soon to Alaska!

I was very VERY bored today. But without cause. See, I realized HOW MUCH TIME I WASTED ON FACEBOOK! Yes, I just capitalized that because it was VERY evident to me, and I want it VERY evident to you.

I sat on my couch, during the normal times I do, and realized I didn't have Facebook to use. Not to mention the loneliness I suddenly felt from all the conversations I had daily on FB.

I use to speak to 8-10 people a day using the messenger. Today (and yesterday) I talked or text with maybe 2 or 3 of my friends. This isn't saying anything bad about anyone I talked to on Facebook. Just a realization of my dependence on the messenger versus calling or whatever outside that website.

I text my friend, Kristina, and said I was bored, what do I do? She promptly responds, "Read the Bible."

UM DUH!!! Wasn't that the whole reason I stepped away from Facebook for a while? HELLO!!!

So I did. And it made sense that I spent that time doing a study. :)

I am about to start a new clothing business in Alaska as a distributor for a clothing line that is just booming in a the lower 48 and Hawaii. I cannot wait to be the sole distributor in Alaska. The promise of this business is amazing. And I know that God prompting me to separate myself from Facebook for a time is preparation for focusing on this career that will allow me to interact with MANY women across Alaska.

For a long time I felt the calling to minister to women in a way that wasn't through books, church, or mission outreach groups. Women have such a big issue with their appearance. When I came across this specific clothing line, I felt the prompting of God to contact the owners of the company and see how they would feel about expanding their line to Alaska.

Long story short, it is all moving VERY fast!! And I am incredibly excited. My freshman year of college was spent studying fashion merchandising. Which is very strange, because I left that school and program vowing never to deal with fashion again! Yet, here I am. Coming full circle from age 17 to 31 to fashion merchandising! The most expensive year of education, showing its promises. :)

God is so good! He works in the best and most apparent ways. When we are constantly in tune with the Spirit, His messages are clear and not coded. I am super excited to see where God is taking me and my family's future!

Vanilla Bean Cake Review

2013-04-01T12:10:00.004-08:00


Vanilla Bean Cake Photo Courtesy of The Spunky Coconut

Side note: Yes, my cake looked EXACTLY like this!!!

For Easter dinner, I decided to make a grain, dairy, and sugar free dessert. The problem: usually such desserts are disgusting!!!! No joke, DISGUSTING.

So I searched and searched. Found a recipe called Vanilla Bean Cake posted by the author of The Spunky Coconut.

It was DELICIOUS!!! Five Star rating from even the most difficult of critics (i.e. my husband)

This recipe called for things you wouldn't normally consider put in a cake. White beans. Who puts BEANS in a cake and then call it a DESSERT!?!?! Not me.

But I gave it a whirl. I had not ever cooked with a springform pan before, so I was a little worried. And my guinea pig dinner guests had NO IDEA that this was my first time making this cake. Let alone, they didn't know it was made with beans, eggs, stevia drops, honey, vanilla extract, coconut oil, coconut flour, baking soda, baking powder, and some salt. Seriously!

It was the most moist cake I have ever made. The texture was somewhere between puffy cake and cheesecake. My friend who doesn't even like cake or frosting, devoured two slices. And why not!?!? It's loaded with healthy proteins and has no sugar. The fats all come from the coconut, which is a healthy fat. And the flavor was nothing to be forgotten.

One would NEVER know it was made from white beans if one didn't know. I will definitely be making this recipe again. Cupcakes, yes, cupcakes!

I really suggest you make it!

Being In The Know

2013-03-31T22:54:00.005-08:00

Today was a bit different than in the past. I didn't use Facebook for the first time in a long time. I'm a Facebook junkie. It's weird voluntarily not using FB. I have gone a day or two in the past not using it because of camping, lack of service, or being sick but never because I was choosing to not use it.

I use it for so many things other than just FB stalking people. I used it for my photography business, for my boss' real estate business, to solicit prayer, keep family updated, and so on. The list is never ending. And so were my excuses to not get rid of it.

Literally speaking, I am addicted to Facebook. I find the whole thing fascinating. But all too consuming. My life started revolving around checking it when I got up in the morning, before I went to bed, 90,000 times during the day. It is quite a problem.

When my pastor asked me to lead a study on idolatry, I thought about it and was confused. Why would God call me to lead a study on idols? I don't have a thriving career; I'm not a materialistic person; I'm not consumed with thoughts or actions of money, power, sex, etc. So really, why would he choose me? I was sitting on my couch, talking with my cousin on Facebook, telling my kids to wait for the umpteenth time, when it hit me.... Facebook.

I could almost hear God say "ding ding ding ding ding!" Like I had hit the jackpot.

The conclusion made me think about how much time I had spent on Facebook, and it was quite a bit. I also realized I was pushing my kids needs and desires aside to look at one more picture, have one more conversation, share one more pointless picture.

Facebook isn't bad. The idea is genius. The connections made are awesome, but the reality is, it's a very consuming Website.

We live in a society and culture that is always "in the know." I'm in the know as to who is pregnant, in the know of who is back stabbing who, in the know of who is drinking what where with who. In the know isn't necessarily a good thing. Being in the know also means, you know what your friends are doing and that they didn't invite you. Being in the know also means that you know more about other peoples marital and/or relationship problems more than you need to. Being in the know means you are likely sharing MORE about your personal life than you need to. Being in the know is what helped me realize I am TOO much in the know.

I am thrilled to say I have made it through day 1 of 50 days without Facebook. I say 50, because after realizing that Pentecost (10 days after the final ascension of Jesus and the day that the Holy Spirit came upon the Apostles) was 50 days post Easter, I thought "why not?" I am trying to work on my relationship with Jesus. Focus on him. Remove all idols from myself to let him be in charge of my path, and follow in his light.

I have no idea how I will change at the end of this process, but I know that God does!! And that is just fine with me!

I hope you had an AMAZING Easter celebration. We celebrated with six of our friends and their kids! It was beautiful!

Risen Redeemer

2013-03-28T22:10:00.000-08:00

Easter is in a few days. Christ was risen lifetimes ago. He lived, served, died and rose for one and all of us.

This year, our culture in the U.S., is responding to desperate desires of human rights. I read a blog post a bit ago about Satan's games. And boy does he have a bunch. This post on being Distracted, is exactly what Satan will do to divert any attention he can from the Risen Redeemer.

Please don't let this Easter Season be bogged down with disagreement, debate, or issues of diversity. We are all love equally by our Creator. He sent Jesus to die for all of us: John 3:16. The WHOLE WORLD can be a recipient of our loving Christ!

Tomorrow is Good Friday. It is my hope that tomorrow, everyone will realize what Jesus suffered for all of us. There is not one person that is a better recipient of Jesus' sacrifice than anyone else. We are all creations from a perfect and loving God!

Good Friday to all!

A Mother's Responsibility

2013-03-26T16:48:00.002-08:00

There has been a lot of well-made arguments spread lately as to the "distasteful" nature of a clothing line, or how our girls are being taught and perceived as objects. While, I agree to an extent this is taking place, I can't help but also disagree.

I am a mother of a daughter. With that, it means I am responsible for encouraging her self-image. She also has a father. He is also responsible. As parents, this means we take on responsibility for her, her upbringing, her well-being, her self-interpreted image.

Mothers have a HUGE responsibility in creating an environment that promotes self-positivity. If moms are constantly trying new fad diets, starving themselves, belittling various aspects of their appearance, always looking to better their appearance for vain purposes, what chance do our daughters have in growing up with a healthy self-image?

There is a significant absence in father/daughter relationships. Dads really have no idea the impact they have on their daughters self-esteem. It is my personal conclusion that if daughters had more interactive dads, clothing lines like the new Victoria Secret one, or shows, magazines, and other media wouldn't have much of a market.

Teaching our daughters their self-worth doesn't come from a clothing line. It comes from the home. It is my goal as a mother to be sure that I encourage my daughter in all things she sets her mind to. To encourage her to make healthy decisions, not because that will make her slim and "hot" but because it's important for our bodies that we make healthy choices. It is my goal as a parent to encourage healthy physical activities for my kids. It is also my job to raise them to be adults.

The actions I take as a mother now, will have unknown impact on my daughter's adult life. If I am concerned with being skinny or objectifying myself, I can only expect that she, too, would view herself in the same manner.

Teaching our daughters that loving their body doesn't start with preventing a clothing line from developing. It starts with the words and actions we take in our homes, the result would be less provocative clothing.

Susan will NEVER be forgotten!

2013-01-15T22:39:00.000-09:00

The quick and abrupt passing of a friend, Susan Giani, this past Saturday immediately caused shock waves through families and friends of her and Chris. She was one amazing person. The type of person you wanted to be around more. Just a good heart, giving soul, goal driven, hardworking, understanding, loving person.

Susan was one of a kind. And by the blessings of God, I got to know her. She married one of my husband's best-friends. They lived just hours from us. We spent time together at their home, camping, playing, just being friends. She worked as hard as she played. And she wasn't about to live this life to any boring fashion.

Susan died in a freak tubing accident. They were doing what they loved to do, enjoy life together with friends. Her life and death were never in vain. And as I soon heard of her death, as shocking as it was, I was comforted immediately by the Spirit knowing there was a bigger plan at work. Her death will impact many.

Personally, I know it has already impacted how I view my husband and children. Knowing how quickly life can end; how fragile it is. Knowing that at any moment one could no longer be on this Earth, leaving loved ones behind.

You know what was the most impactful part of losing Susan? Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE knows how much she loved them. How much she cared for them. There isn't a doubt in ANYONE!! That is amazing. She lived as she loved! Deep, lively, purposeful.

Because of Susan's death, I have chosen to love deeper, live bigger, and laugh more!!! I will NOT allow the meaningless things in life anymore to dictate it.

Jesus loved like everyday was his last (though knowing it wasn't). Jesus loved everyone because of who they were, not who they could become. Jesus was an amazing example of living life. And I believe that Susan exemplified that example of Christ.

"Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:16

Our days are numbered. They have been written in the stars already. God knows when our lives on Earth will end and our lives with Him will begin. I want to make sure that I am living like today may be my last. I want to be sure to show and love and care for everyone I meet with the same deep emotion that Jesus did.

Susan's days were numbered. Her death has purpose. And even though I will miss her so much, I know that God's plan is bigger than my sadness! I know that He is leading all of us that are heartbroken by the shock of her passing, and he is comforting each one of us. Guiding us in the way that is eternal.

"Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12

Thank you, Jesus, for blessing me with my friendship with Susan! Thank you for having her be such an amazing person, to be such an example of acceptance, love, and compassion to all! Thank you, God, for creating Susan!!!

Second Semester Startup

2013-01-06T22:18:00.001-09:00

It is weird reading all the posts on Facebook about kids going back to school tomorrow. Or friends getting ready to go back to work. Parents getting ready for the morning rush.

And I, sitting here on my couch, am wondering what time my first grader will rise tomorrow? Do I have anything properly planned? Should I do it now, or in the morning while she calmly eats her breakfast? Do I need to sharpen her pencils now or later? Will we do school in the morning or afternoon? Will we even get dressed tomorrow?

Oh yes, homeschool definitely has it's benefits! :)

I do have a bit of "buyer's remorse" in all this, Christmas break doesn't end with my child leaving for the day.

But as I look at our adventure in homeschooling this year, I am growing in confidence in my parenting. Don't get me wrong, five out of seven days a week I feel defeated and like a screw up. LOL But that Monday and Tuesday, I sure feel like a winner!!

Homeschooling my daughter means I get to spend more time with her. Listen to her. Encourage her. Be a part of her educational process more intimately. And experience all over again those moments she gets it. I get to see her light bulb light up. I get to see the look of accomplishment on her face.

Do I ever wish she was in a traditional school setting? Of course, but only so much as that she could have a break from me. I know I'm not always pleasant.

Does holiday break end here? Mmmmm not really! We are always on a holiday break it seems. We do things on our own time, how we see fit. We don't worry about a specific time schedule, although, a schedule always works itself out because of convenience.

Tomorrow we have math, social studies (Penguin study), language arts, and reading. She also has xcountry skiing (PE).

Here's to the start of second semester .. for ALL kids! :)

EDIT: I realize that Penguins might not seem like "Social Studies" more like Life Science .. but we are actually studying the Arctic: Geography, cultures, life there, and animals. :) Penguins are part of Antarctica life. :)

My Rescue

2013-01-05T12:18:00.000-09:00

My rescue started as a teen, only I wasn't aware of this.
I spent a week at a Christian Camp in Utah. That week sparked the Spirit inside me, that I wouldn't fan until my 29th year of life. Recently, I have been exposed to a lot of thing regarding flames and fire. A simple spark gets a fire going.

As I matured into an adult, I fell away and back frequently to Christ. I got mixed up in drugs, sex, and alcohol as a young adult in my early years of college. Like a lot of lost souls do. I nearly failed out of college. Actually I did. They literally kicked me out after my second year because my grades weren't worth the paper they were printed on.

That moment that I had to apologize and defend myself just to stay in college was a defining moment. But it would only take me as far to focus on my education. I still did everything else. I just managed to pay attention more to my studies and homework.

Alcohol was a huge part of my undergrad. I was working two jobs. One to pay my rent, the other to pay for my habits. I am confident that had I not been working two jobs, I would've achieved much better grades in college.

When I met Aaron in 2004, I was on my up from the ditch that I had dug for myself, and even buried myself in. Life was on it's way going in a good direction. He was a second spark from Christ.

My family has had a lot of turmoil in it the past 10 years (probably longer but I have only paid attention the past 10). It was hard watching my parents divorce as Aaron and I got engaged. It was extremely difficult knowing my mom was in jail. It's hard not having the relationship with my sister I so desire. Losing my grandparents in the past six years was/is so difficult. They were always there for me to talk to, confide in, ask advice from.

And even in all of this, Jesus was still walking with me. Even though I was pushing him aside through those few years of crap (no other word fits).

In the midst of the extreme stress in my family, God plucked our family up and planted us in Alaska. He literally did. I won't give any credit to anyone else. Because there is no way that I would be here today married with two children, living life with love, if it weren't for Him.

That was my rescue. Jesus rescued me from myself, the contamination of others, the influence of evil, and placed in my path a life that was promised. It would be years before I recognized that I needed Christ. And it was in the midst of, yet another, addiction problem. Pain pills had become my way of dealing with life, depression, lack of family, lack of friends, and in all the lack of knowing my worth.

Jesus did not just give me a spark then. He rescued me (again). He took over my heart. He helped me realize that I have a man in my life that loves me. Two kids that need me. A life worth living. Jesus rescued my heart, but not just my heart, he rescued my mind.

I still battle my thoughts, but now I battle them with the power and love of the Holy Spirit!

This year I have set a personal goal for myself to forgive the past, move on from it, draw nearer to Christ. But, most importantly, make myself vulnerable. In my life I have had some pretty sad things happen. And I have allowed them to dictate how I perceive people, events, circumstances, and even simple, innocent statements.

Vulnerability is new to me. And I know I will struggle with it. I'm a pretty cold and emotionless person. I am so glad that Jesus doesn't give up on anyone!

Christ rescued me a long time ago! He is still rescuing me today!

A new day, new month, new year ... What beholds us?

2013-01-01T11:02:00.002-09:00

I have toyed with the idea over and over of closing this blog and starting a new one. But I can't seem to come up with any catchy titles. Such a bummer that something about diapers seems more fun than anything else. :)

I wasn't sure I would write 2013 Resolutions. Mainly because I have a hard time really sticking to any one goal. But maybe that is my problem with goals. I don't stick to them, so I get disappointed and quit. Forgetting all about the whole purpose of setting goals in the first place.

This year, WE have set some 2013 Resolutions. Aaron and I sat down a while back and laid out our goals, individually and collectively. My hope is that I will improve myself through these goals. Unfortunately, some of my goals require me to cut the fat. And I don't mean on my body (although that is one goal). But I mean in life. With people, circumstances, commitments. Other parts of the goals are general self improvement and family improvement.

My Top 5 PERSONAL 2013 Goals:
1) To draw closer to God.
2) To cut people out of my life that are fair-weather or negative, and replace them with genuine people.
3) To be an example of kindness and hardwork to my kids.
4) To spend less time on social media and more time out in the great outdoors.
5) To clean one room in my house, completely, everyday.

Our Top 5 FAMILY 2013 Goals:
1) To have Jesus as our center focus, by collaborative reading of the Bible with our kids, through prayer, through practice.
2) To finally be debt free!
3) To spend more time as a family experiencing life.
4) To take our kids on a vacation.
5) To build our food storage.

Recently, I went to a book store and found this book......

I am super excited about this outline for the Bible, because I have always wanted to read the Bible cover to cover, but man that would take forever. And yes, this will take the year, but it will be with my kids and husband. And it will be a great experience to see what God's word will do in our lives as a family unit!

2013 holds a lot of promise for everyone. Everyday we are given is a new day to change the direction of our lives. We don't have to hold on to anything in the past. What's the point?? It's done and over with. Our perspectives and practices are what will define our purpose and our future.

Kara and I watched "Anne of Green Gables" yesterday and I was reminded of my most favorite quote,

"Tomorrow is always fresh. You have no mistakes in it."

That will be my mantra for the whole year. I know that I'm not perfect. I will have some down times, and others will too. I will make some mistakes and others will offend me. But, if God wills it, there will be a tomorrow to move on from today! And, thanks to God, we have a whole new year to be better people. To each other, to ourselves, to our Lord.

Since I'm not cancelling this blog, I will be changing the direction of it. I will be using it as a means of therapy. To write about my days, meals, choices, kids, family, in a different way. I will be prayerful about what I'm writing. I will be writing more often. And I will, hopefully, be able to grow.

Peace be with all of you in 2013!