The Bumble Books

BLOG TAG about writing

2014-03-31T00:45:00.000-07:00

I was invited to join this blog tag thing by writer extraordinaire BARBARA SCOTT EMMETT. Naturally, I've left it to the last minute to answer these questions.

1) What am I working on?

THE BUMBLE ON BEALE STREET which is the next in the Bumble series. The Bumble (along with the Narrator, Charlie and Priscilla) heads for Memphis - the one in Tennessee not the one in Egypt. Though the one in Egypt might be an interesting destination - The Bumble dressed up as a Pharoah, Priscilla as a Mummy. Well, that'll have to wait for another book. This one involves Elvis impersonators.

2) How does my work differ from others of its genre?

The genre is either tartan noir or comedy crime. Tartan Noir also includes Ian Rankin. My books are nothing like his - they're set in Glasgow not Edinburgh for a start. Though our heroes (and heroine) do visit other places, generally causing havoc wherever they go.

Comedy Crime might include Colin Bateman, Christopher Brookmyre and suchlike well known personages. My books are a bit like theirs but they make more money than I do.

3) Why do I write what I do?

Because nobody has yet threatened me with anything dire if I continue. I get a lot of pleasure out of writing the Bumble books and several people (in double figures at least) claim to find them funny. Also, writing the books gives me an outlet for all that non politically correct bigotry that would just fester inside me if I didn't vomit it up via the Bumble. He allows me to be the liberal, forward-thinking New Man that I am.

4) How does my writing process work?

I sit down in front of my pc and put my fingers on the keyboard. Somehow words appear on the screen. When I've got enough of them I hand them over to my editor who rearranges them, corrects the odd spelling mistake and adds in commas and full stops and proper curly speech mark things, so it all looks nice.

And I know I was supposed to hand this blog tag thing on to three other writers but I got an attack of The Bumble and couldn't be bothered.

Here are links to some other writers worthy of interest though:

Karen MacLeod

Danny Gillan

Frances di Plino

Triskele Books

2014-03-30T15:52:00.000-07:00

THE LONG DROP GOODBYE

by Jimmy Bain

A Bumble Book - It's Criminal!

Available at all Amazon outlets.

And Smashwords for all formats.

2012-11-10T03:48:00.002-08:00

DON'T FORGET

THE BUMBLE'S END

IS ALSO AVAILABLE AT
SMASHWORDS

IN ALL FORMATS - ePUB, PDF, RTF, HTML etc

And look out for it soon at
Barnes & Noble
and
iBookstore

WORK IN PROGRESS

2012-07-30T05:14:00.000-07:00

COMING SOON!

THANKS ALL!

2012-03-18T16:34:00.002-07:00

THE BUMBLE'S END has had a great week!

After last weekend's free promo ended THE BUMBLE started to sell and sell and very soon made it into the paid charts. He stayed there all week rising higher every day.

But now he's started to drop! Oh no!

Time for all yous who haven't yet bought it to scrape together 98 pence-worth of your hard-earned pennies and hand it over to Amazon. Amazon don't need it, but Jimmy Bain does!

Of course, you'll get some benefit as well - you'll get a cracking story and good laugh. What else will give you that for 98 pence?

WORLD DOMINATION AT LAST!

2012-03-07T02:37:00.001-08:00

Not doing too bad in the US and Germany as well!

Now if only people will start paying money for it!

FREE FOR LIMITED TIME!

2012-03-06T10:21:00.001-08:00

Get

THE BUMBLE'S END

absolutely free for the next few days.

And if you read it and like it give it a review!

GET SOMETHING FOR NOTHING!

2012-03-06T06:17:00.000-08:00

FREE
FROM 6-10 MARCH 2012
THE BUMBLES END
by Jimmy Bain
Crime/Dark Humour/Tartan Noir

GET IT FREE IN UK

OR IN USA

(AND EVERYWHERE ELSE!)

ebook published by Pentalpha Publishing Edinburgh

No Kindle? No Problem! Download the free App from the book's amazon page.

MADE IT INTO THE HARD BOILED CHARTS AGAIN!

2012-02-01T10:16:00.000-08:00

Jings!

The Bumble's End made it into the charts again.

Reached the dizzy heights of No. 38 in the UK Hard Boiled chart!

Slipped a notch or two now but what the hell!

AMAZON USA
AMAZON UK

The Bumble's End by Jimmy Bain $2.99 / £1.91
Crime with Dark Humour.

ABOVE MICKEY SPILLANE AND JAMES ELLROY!

2012-01-15T05:07:00.000-08:00

UK SUSPENCE CHARTS

CRIME CHARTS

THE BUMBLE'S END

made it into the crime charts this week!

Let's see it there next week as well.

Excerpt from The Bumble's End

2012-01-06T04:11:00.000-08:00

SUBTLE CHANGE TO COVER NOW CHRISTMAS IS OVER!
Can you spot what it is?

Excerpt from THE BUMBLE'S END

We surveyed the purple walls and the king size bed with its leopard skin headboard and bed cover. A cat o’nine tails hung from the bedpost.

‘Christ! Talk about coitus interruptus!’ said the Bumble. He sat up in bed resplendent in a white singlet that needed the Daz doorstep challenge. I guess we were it. I threw a Marlboro to him then lit my own.

He stuck the cig in his mouth. ‘Got a light then?’ he said, unabashed by our entrance.

‘Sure,’ I said and strolled over to the bed. I took out the can of lighter fluid and sprinkled it over the bedclothes covering his fat carcass.

‘Hey! Whit the fuck are you doing?’ He attempted to get out of the bed.
I pushed him back and struck a match. ‘Move, and your chestnuts get toasted,’ I said. ‘You almost got me and your brother killed, you fucker! Switching the gold bars and loading the gun with blanks – that your idea of a laugh?’

‘You’re still here aren’t you?’

TARTAN NOIR

2011-12-11T07:26:00.000-08:00

Tartan Noir is a term coined by US crime writer, James Elroy, who used the term 'The King of Tartan Noir' to describe Ian Rankin.

Wikipedia says: Tartan Noir draws on the traditions of Scottish literature, being strongly influenced by James Hogg's Confessions of a Justified Sinner and Robert Louis Stevenson's Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. These works dwell on the duality of the soul; the nature of good and evil; issues of redemption, salvation and damnation amongst others. The Scottish concept of the "Caledonian antisyzygy", the duality of a single entity, is a key driving force in Scottish literature, and it appears especially prominently in the Tartan Noir genre.

Jimmy Bain's darkly humorous novels fit this category because the Narrator of the books (the man with no name) has a strong moral streak despite his tendency to flippancy in the face of evil. And though he pokes fun at all forms of religion, it is the funpoking of a man who essentially wants to believe in something beyond the physical.

THE BUMBLE'S END will soon be joined by THE LONG DROP GOODBYE as an ebook.

NEW CHRISTMAS COVER: THE BUMBLE'S END!

2011-12-10T08:59:00.000-08:00

Read an Excerpt from THE BUMBLE'S END

A tale of greed, death and toffees in the run up to Christmas!

Went up the charts!

2011-09-25T14:33:00.000-07:00

Briefly!

For a few precious hours I was in the Amazon.co.uk Humour Charts.

Ah, but it didn't last long!

The Long Drop Goodbye

2011-07-22T06:54:00.000-07:00

The Long Drop Goodbye is the next book in the Bumble Books series and it is being tarted up for publication now.

If the Bumble gets his finger out, it could be ready by the autumn - that's the Fall to you Americans. Funnily enough, The Long Drop Goodbye features a fall - of a fat bloke onto the head of a Yank. Neither came out well from the encounter but you'll have to wait for the expert.. exert... excerpt that's coming soon to find out more.

PS: Apologies to Raymond Chandler for mutilating his title.

I've gone up in the world!

2011-07-11T03:49:00.000-07:00

Well, on amazon anyway.

The Bumble's End by Jimmy Bain

New cover based on one below

2011-07-04T05:18:00.001-07:00

New Cover

Would this make a better cover?

2011-06-09T10:36:00.000-07:00

Or the one with the eagle?

Or is the original one best?

(See lower down.)

Excerpt from THE BUMBLE'S END

2011-05-26T06:22:00.000-07:00

I stepped in cautiously. The flat was dingy and unlit, so I felt around for the light switch and flicked it on. The bright glow revealed a dismal choice of décor. The hall wallpaper was pink and red striped; the carpet mottled green with a swirl of autumnal browns. A solitary picture of a white-robed Jesus,
giving the peace sign, stared back from a calendar on the left hand wall.

A warm sweet sickly odour pervaded the place and made you immediately want to take a shower. Something was dead, of that there was no doubt.

Previous Cover

I followed my nose to the second door on the right and half turned before going in. There wasn’t anyone watching me except Jesus. I pushed the door. It wouldn’t move and I had to put my full weight behind it to create a gap big enough to squeeze through.

Even though it was early afternoon the room was dark. I could just make out the outline of a body propped up against the back of the door, its legs splayed out on the carpet. I tried the light switch a couple of times but the bulb had blown, so I made my way to the window and threw the curtains back. Several pigeons took off from the window ledge. I turned back and looked at the body.

It was Tony McCaffrey, the Bumble’s nephew. I recognised him from the photo I’d been given.

Around his neck was a rope which hung from the brass coat hook. His backside was suspended a couple of inches off the floor and his tongue bulged from his mouth as though someone had stuffed it there, like an apple in the fatted pig. His rigid arms were outstretched as if he was welcoming me, and his long dark hair had fallen over his face. His only item of clothing was the gold crucifix around his neck with the Man nailed to it. Once again I was looking at Christ and he was looking back at me.

I prised open the window to let some fresh air into the room, then sat on the edge of the unmade double bed and lit a cigarette. I surveyed the scene while the pigeons settled back down on the ledge. One of them had a stump for a leg and I wondered what had happened. In America some country singer would write a song about it. On a wing and a prayer with Pigeon Pete, only one leg so hence no feet – or words to that effect.

I snapped the Zippo shut, took another draw on my cig and looked Tony over. I felt his face. He was cold as the proverbial marble. I reckoned he had been dead a day or so. It was then I noticed the deep bruising on his wrists and ankles. He had been bound at some stage prior to death. I couldn’t help but look again at the crucifix. The pigeons began to coo as they became amorous on the windowsill.

Well, I had finished my job. But I was still none the wiser as to why the Bumble wanted his nephew found. My instructions were clear – persuade him to return to Glasgow. That would no longer be a problem, he’d be going as a VIP in a long black limousine.

I stepped over the body and looked out of the back window. There was nothing to recommend the garden. It was a bleak wilderness with a solitary shopping trolley lying on its side. Stumpy the pigeon was oblivious to me, as his love interest circled about on the ledge. He makes a remarkable job of staying upright, I thought, for a one-legged randy pigeon. I took a few more draws and flicked my cig out the window and turned to see I wasn’t alone.

The Bumble's End by Jimmy Bain. UK
The Bumble's End by Jimmy Bain. USA

Do you wish to apply for Legal Aid, Mr Hess?

2011-05-15T04:39:00.000-07:00

‘Do you wish to apply for Legal Aid, Mr Hess?’
I laughed again and he looked even more bewildered.
‘Sorry Mr Schoenberg, maybe I should explain. Reuben
McKenzie gave me your name. The charges for handling
stolen goods were levelled against a slick bunch of criminals
called Nazis.’
Toad of Toad Hall’s eyes widened. ‘Nazis?’ he said.
‘Yes, one in particular. Rudolf Hess... I presume you’ve
heard the story of him flying here and bailing out south of the city?’
He nodded. ‘But I don’t know what this has to do with me.’
I held the flame of my lighter under my cigarette, inhaled and
looked directly at him, allowing tumbleweed to blow through
for a second or so. ‘I came here because Reuben McKenzie told
me you were in a concentration camp or something as a kid and
have contacts.’ I snapped the lid of my lighter shut.
There was a silence. He studied me with calculation then
pruned the end of his cigar with a trimmer. ‘I see you’ve done your homework,’ he said. ‘Carry on.’
‘See, it’s like this. I believe Rudolf Hess brought gold with
him, and was aided by people we would now call sleepers. One in
particular was a well known car dealer in Glasgow, Peter Van Luben.’

Read The Bumble's End

Read a sample of The Bumble's End

2011-05-03T16:20:00.000-07:00

Read a sample of The Bumble's End on your pc- no Kindle required:
Read it HERE!

No 48 in the Amazon Humour Chart!

2011-04-09T14:13:00.000-07:00

The Bumble's End Now out as an E-book!

2011-03-27T14:08:00.000-07:00

THE BUMBLE'S END

by Jimmy Bain

is now available as an ebook for Kindle at

amazon.co.uk

amazon.com

Down the cemetery

2009-02-23T09:55:00.000-08:00

Talk about publicity! Jimmy got his mug shot taken down the local cemetery. No, he's not six feet under pushing up daisies. Seems the local press in Whitley Bay got wind about how I was reported dead in Glasgow. Much exaggerated I can assure ye. Well, as I said the press are now interested and they photographed Jimmy with his account of recent events over the Nazi gold that was recovered by my firm (D. A. Cowan, Private Investigator - no job too shitty, no rock left unturned). Yeh, well, Jimmy says it'll be in the paper down there, might bring in a bit of extra business, maybe an agent for him. Knowing my luck I'll have some mad Geordie bastard knocking on my door anytime soon. They'll feel at home up here in Glasgow.
Excuse me a moment while I spark up, been trying to give up but what the hell somethings got to get ye. Anyway, Jimmy has promised me some of the royalties from flogging the book and after all where would he be without his old pal the Bumble?

Cheers for now

The Bumble

The Bumble's End

2008-11-16T05:13:00.000-08:00