The Burbz

honesty is usually the best policy

2009-11-17T16:06:00.004-06:00

I've never been the confrontational type. Well, I take that back. I'm confrontational only at the wrong times... say when I've let the pot boil a little too long and it's ready to explode (the pot, of course, being a metaphor for my emotions).

One of the things about therapy is looking at how you deal with your emotions. And really, I've never done that before... not with any other therapist, anyway. And me? I tend to lock things up. I've seen one to many explosions in my day and I try to avoid them.

Which, of course, leads to one anyhow.

So, I've been stating how I feel. Maybe not right in the heat of the moment, but after taking a few moments to settle down... otherwise, it comes out more of an accusation then a fact.

WHY ARE YOU ANNOYING THE CRAP OUT OF ME?!?!

as opposed to...

I was annoyed by the tone in your voice.

subtle differences.
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In other Burb news, LilB got his first round of Botox last Friday. The doctor actually decided to do less injections then originally planned because she was so impressed by his progress.

It's really nice to hear that, from time to time. I mean, we do our best, but we see LilB everyday; the differences aren't so obvious to us.

Anyhow, LilB did great. Of course he cried; I'd cry too getting injections into my muscles. MrB had to step out with NB. I wasn't going to take the chance of him passing out; he almost did when I got my epidural with LilB.

But they gave LilB a med that is pretty much like Tylenol 3, to calm him. He was sooo calm and silly! I wish I had videotaped it. He was very giggly.

The Botox is suppose to start working in 7-10 days, but I've already noticed a difference; his hand isn't as tight, he's moving around more, and he's tolerating positions (like sitting) for longer periods of time.

For those of you who think I've gone crazy and tried to get rid of my babies wrinkles: Botox is also used to reduce spasticity... meaning, the tightness in muscles, called tone. In a lot of CP cases, people use their tone to do things instead of using their muscles normally... like my son uses his tone to straighten out his left arm. It happens most often when he's frustrated. Botox will take that tone away and allow us the opportunity to show him the correct way to use his muscles. We're suppose to start intense therapy but I bet it won't start till after Thanksgiving. Very frustrating.

We also had a team meeting before out Botox appointment, with all of our therapists. But I'll leave that for another day.

Oh, and to leave on another great note... LilB has gained 2 lbs!!! It doesn't sound like much, but really, it's leaps and bounds for him.

Miracle Veterans

2009-11-04T16:15:00.003-06:00

Candace is having a contest for those of you have experienced or witnessed miracles out there. Thus her coined term, Miracle Veterans.

Lord knows we've had many miracles in our family. LilB has had countless. Sometimes I don't even realize the miracle that has happened until much time has passed. An ER episode reminded me of an experience LilB had.

When LilB was born, he had to be intubated and hospitalized. A few days after being hospitalized, they had to extubate him. I'll never forget the doctors words, forced through his thick accent.

We will see how he does and go from there.

I never realized he wasn't expecting LilB to breathe on his own. But he did. Days later, another miracle happened the doctors didn't expect. He took a bottle. The very next day he was breastfeeding.

My heart still aches, thinking about those long, blurry days. The following pictures may not seem like the happiest, but we were so proud of our little boy. He's a fighter. I like to keep these around to remind me to of the struggles we've gone through together and to be thankful for every day of them.

realizations

2009-10-28T07:38:00.003-05:00

My eyes dropped from his, glancing around the room, not really noticing anything in particular. I shifted in my seat, under his glaze. Finally, I looked back to him. He was waiting patiently.

What makes this time different? He rephrased.

Everything. I need to change. I'm tired of acting the way I act, of thinking the way I do. I want to be better, for MrB, for my kids, for me...

He nodded. You've been through this before. You can steer me towards any path that you want. But this time, you're really in it.

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Who in your life would you want to be like when it comes to managing your anger?

....... no one.

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Do you think I'll ever see you upset or angry?

Probably not.

Do you think it would help? Would it help if I could see a tape of you getting angry?

I think so.

Would you want to see it?

Definitely not.

How come?

I'd be really disappointed in myself.

So you hold a higher standard for yourself when it comes to handling your anger?

....I do.

I'm not okay

2009-10-21T16:36:00.003-05:00

You may have noticed my lack of posts (or not). I just haven't found any motivation to blog about the many events that have been occurring.

I found some inspiration, though. Read Nicole's post for some raw honesty.

Depression is not something people talk about. Sure, you see those commercials for medication and you hear about suicide tolls rising, as our economy is sinking. But an actual discussion?

There are a few, amazing bloggers who really put themselves out there. And while they've had some criticism and judgement I would expect, they also received an overwhelming amount support.

I'm scared to admit I'm not okay. I'm scared to talk about things that have been building up. I'm scared of being judged and not understood. I'm scared of being alone.

I was scared to make that phone call today. I was scared to walk through those double door this afternoon.

I'm scared of so many things.

I'm not okay.

But, I think I will be. Which is more then I could have said yesterday.

Makes me smile everytime

2009-10-08T15:56:00.001-05:00

One minute at a time

2009-10-06T12:53:00.003-05:00

I'll be straight with you; I've been in quite a funk lately.

It's been a roller coaster here. MrB is looking for a job. We've pulled money out of every savings, including our 401k to pay the bills. And really, we haven't been paying all of our bills. It's like we've worked so hard to get out of that place and now we're right back in it.

I've been working more, which means less time with LilB. Not that I've been spending tons of time with him because NB is still on the, "Someonepleaseholdmeanddon'teventhinkaboutsettingmedown" stage.

Of course I feel guilty about not working with LilB, too. I guess lately, I've been thinking a lot about his future. We're suppose to start looking into schools Dec/Jan (because the school he would go to doesn't have a Special Ed dept).

I follow a lot of blogs that have kids with special needs too. I'm excited for a lot of the progress their kiddos make but at the same time it breaks my heart.

Like watching NB accomplish milestones, easily.

I guess that's the life of a parent with a special needs kid, though. Sometimes your at a place where you've accepted what will be, will be. And sometimes, you go back to that point where your heart was breaking because you knew something was terribly wrong.

Give me wisdom, give me peace!

2009-09-15T15:08:00.002-05:00

Remember when I was still pregnant with NB and had to get that extraction? Fun times!

Well, the other day, while I was scarfing down some food, I felt something on that gum area. At first, I thought maybe it was food. Then I thought, maybe I had scratched it. But what I felt was too hard.

Then I noticed my jaw and gum was pretty sore.

I realized that I had a tooth coming in! My wisdom tooth that didn't want to come out during the extraction of the previous tooth that occupied that space.

I still don't have dental insurance so I'm really not sure if this is bad. It feels like there's room in there, and it would be nice to chew back there again.

But now I'm way more sympathetic to LilB. Because being 24 and teething? Not so fun.

FlyLady!

2009-09-11T09:57:00.003-05:00

I was on one of my many community boards when a commentor mentioned FlyLady.net and insisted how amazing it was and how it helped her get her house in order.

I'm all about using online tools when I can. Especially when it comes to keeping up with day to day chores.

I admit, it seems a little overwhelming at first. 10 emails a day? Like I don't already have enough in the inbox. But FlyLady doesn't pressure you to read every email. In fact, she insists on using the delete button to quell any anxiety.

I haven't quite got the hang of it yet. Right now, I'm picking things off my first list, such as getting dressed for the day (hair, makeup, teeth) and cleaning out my purse. The email has a short list at the top and then breaks down into two zones, which I haven't quite looked at yet.

As FlyLady says, you're not behind! You're just getting started!

2009-08-20T11:01:00.004-05:00

I admit, it's been tough. Having two kids is not like having just one. And when one has special needs, it can be a real struggle. Add to that, some post-partum hormones, and we got ourselves a melting pot.

LilB is getting his second molers in. Which is slow and painful... for all of us. He wakes in the middle of the night, crying. He hasn't been eating well. And he's been biting himself, again.

Lots of changes these past few months, so let me catch everyone up. Rehab Institute discharged LilB and said they would call us in a few months to re-evaluate and see if he needs to come back. Since there was never really a clear answer as to why, this left both MrB and I frustrated. I mean, he's doing so well and we just got a walker for him! (pictures of that to come!)

Our state cut funding for education and while budget cuts are all around, special education was hit pretty hard. All of the part time therapists were let go, which meant we had to say goodbye to our OT, Amanda. We miss her. Especially since we've had a temporary one. Next week our permanent Rebecca is suppose to come. She's actually from the same place as our vision teacher, Kelly, which means she understands his cortical visual impairments. I'm excited to see what she has in store for him.

We saw a speech therapist (Teresa?). We'll be seeing her for about once a month now. We got LilB a Big Mac, communication device, but right now, he just plays with it. I know he understands it (we have it saying, "More please" for food) but that big red button is just too fun not to play with.

Aquatic therapy is going great. LilB has a love for the water and especially loves it when his dad takes him to the pool in our complex.

LilB has also been spending 45 minutes, twice a day, in his stander, which is excellent!

NB is starting to learn how to play. He loves to be held upright, which some have said could be a sign of reflux, but he doesn't spit up much. I think he just likes to see the world. It's amazing to watch him grow so fast. I notice all of his milestones, not matter how small. And while I cherish all of these little moments, they also make me sad for LilB. I've never had such conflicting feelings in my life.

They definetly listen to each other, though. When NB cries, LilB thinks it's funny. When LilB cries, NB sticks out his bottom lip with the cutest sad face. It's almost as good as what LilB use to use on us.

As for us parents? We're beat. Yesterday was MrB's birthday. We celebrated by staying home and drinking a beer. I know, we're party animals.

Raw emotion

2009-08-04T12:57:00.004-05:00

I've missed you guys.

I've missed blogging, reading blogs, leaving comments... but it's been crazy around here.

In the past month, alone, our car has broken down 3 times, been in the shop twice (it's currently there now), all but MrB has had a doctor appointment, along with all regular PT, OT, Vision, and Rehab therapy (our last day of Rehab was Friday for a few months...not sure why). I've been working from home in between diaper/feeding/playing duty, along with trying to keep up with a new business I started right before NB was born, selling jewelry. MrB had been going into work at 8 and leaving at 7. The house has still not been cleaned since NB was born and I still haven't caught up on laundry. I barley have time for a cup of coffee (oh sweet caffeine, how I've missed thee).

And today, MrB got fired/resigned. Because the people he worked for? Idiots.

I feel so bad for him. He's worked so hard in his business; to balance work and home. To help me with LilB. He put time and effort into helping others that people said weren't worth it, financially. He was the top of his co-workers. And they threw it in his face.

The nurturer, the protector, in me wants to go kick someones ass.

I know we'll get through this. We've been through worse. Rent is paid and I'm still working. I'm just praying that he catches a break. He deserves it and so much more.

MIA

2009-07-20T14:06:00.003-05:00

I know, I've been a total slacker. Reasons I've been MIA...

We've been exhausted! But we're adjusting. Hopefully some quality posts will be in the near future.

Meet the new Burb

2009-05-18T18:02:00.003-05:00

Noah (NB) was born Tuesday, May 12 at 3:59 pm. Birth story to come, but just wanted you all to know we had a healthy baby boy!

Preggo Pic: 38 weeks

2009-05-04T14:46:00.004-05:00

Home stretch! I went to the doctor today and I'm a tight 3cm dilated and 60% effaced. TMI, but he stripped the membranes and I've been a little crampy for the past hour. I haven't wanted to nap because I don't want it to stop.

We scheduled an induction for the 12th and I go in again next Monday to check my progress. Send me labor vibes, as I would love for this to happen naturally. Though I have contemplated the much debated Castor oil... I think I'm miserable enough, though. We'll see if I get desperate.

From Saturday, out walking.

After our doctors appointment.

Easter Craft

2009-04-24T15:11:00.003-05:00

Though we really haven't "celebrated" in awhile, I really like Easter. We usually go to church in the morning and then have a delicious brunch. This year we went to Red Lobster.

We haven't dyed eggs or gotten or made Easter baskets in a long time. LilB really doesn't need candy and I don't think he would really care about a basket. Maybe next year. MrB's mom usually gives us some candy along with a few of MrB's favorites.

The night before, I decided to start working on a project I've been wanting to do for a long time. It took a lot longer than I thought, so I had to finish it on Easter. It was still a lot of fun and I think next year I'll get more creative with dying. And I'll probably dye the eggs after I blow them, so when I rinse them, it won't ruin my dye job.

How was your Easter?

Preggo Pic: 35 weeks (and counting)

2009-04-14T19:37:00.002-05:00

So far, so good. Had an ultrasound this week and baby is measuring 5.5 lbs. I'm sure it's up since Monday, though.

I can tell he's growing because he's all up in my ribs. And down in my business. Waking me up 2-3 times a night to go potty. Lovely.

I'm really trying to make headway on my to-do list. This week we got the carseat installed. I still have lots of cleaning to do and other not-so-fun things.

We still haven't picked out a name. Any suggestions?

Donate 4 Dachshunds!

2009-04-01T10:49:00.003-05:00

As you probably know, I contribute to Who's Your Dachshund. The following post is copied from there to help explain a project Ben and the other contributors are working on. I love that my fellow bloggers are working to help our four-legged friends in need. Please read the post and help spread the word. We appreciate your support.

THE IDEA...

Being the owners of smaller canine companions – physically at least – we know first-hand how something so small can have such a big impact on our lives. I’m not even going to bother asking if you could imagine a life without your pups. For that reason, it’s only natural that we as animal lovers come together to accomplish something BIG to change the lives of vulnerable animals around the world.

Over the past month, the ten contributors of WYD have connected with nearby animal shelters from Nova Scotia to South Africa; each one filled with incredible people giving abandoned animals the love and attention they deserve. So we figured, why not give each of these shelters a little love and attention of their own?

THE CHALLENGE...

...collect as many donations as we possibly can by the end of April to split between these phenomenal shelters. You can donate securely using our ChipIn widget below. We will be over the moon with even the smallest contributions :)

If you aren't able to contribute financially, there are plenty of other ways you can help spread the word that will be just as appreciated! You can even click 'Copy' on the donation widget to get the HTML code that you can use to include the widget in your own blog posts!

The widget is having a hard time keeping up with us. Until I get it sorted out,know that we're well over $500 already. Not bad for day one!

THE DIFFERENCE...

Here are the organizations that we'll be working with over the next month. We'll give you updates and insights into the world of animal rescue and the massive benefit that they have on the lives of millions of animals worldwide. Look forward to video diaries, messages from volunteers, amazing adoption stories and lots of prizes!

Bide Awhile

Tiny Paws Dog Rescue

Midwest Dachshund Rescue

All American Dachshund Rescue

Dachshund Rescue of North America - Maryland Chapter

Dachshund Rescue NW

Central Texas Dachshund Rescue

Second Chance Animal Refuge Society

Kitty and Puppy Haven FACE Low-cost Spay/Neuter Clinic

Where's the Whiskey

2009-03-25T12:28:00.001-05:00

Have you ever heard about those stories where an older folk swipes some whiskey on a young teething baby? And you thought, WTF? I figured it worked because that stuff taste like crap and they'd be so distracted by the taste, they'd forget their pain. Still, I've never considered doing it.

This past week, I admit, I've thought about it.

LilB has been just loads of fun. Like, I'm ready-to-rip-my-hair-out fun. Please talk me back from the ledge, kind of fun. For the love of God, if you don't stop screaming I'm going to make myself go deaf, kind of fun.

Yeah, he's been grumpy. His appetite has been sporadic. I've told therapist, after therapist that he's teething. I've told MrB I'm tired of giving him that excuse, until he gently reminds me that his gums are still very swollen.

Oragel does not work long enough. Teething tablets are not strong enough, not for as many teeth he's getting at once. I've been doing the Motrin thing on particularly bad days, but have been trying to lay off of it because I feel as if I'm drugging him.

But really, Motrin is the only thing that helps. Sometimes biting on a cold cloth, but mostly? It's the Motrin.

Seriously, it's been months. And so far it's mostly the left side of his mouth that's teething (top and bottom). So I assume I have more hell to look forward to since the other side of his mouth has yet to have molar appearances. Oh, but they're there. Waiting. Waiting for the other teeth to come through so they can start taking their sweet time coming in.

I feel for the little guy, really, I do. But I think his teeth have caused me more tears then they have him.

Preggo Pic: 32 Weeks

2009-03-24T14:47:00.003-05:00

I've been really bad about this. What can I say though? Who really likes to see themselves get bigger? Last week, I gained 3 pounds.

According to BabyCenter, little one is almost 4 pounds now and is about 16.7 inches long. I should be gaining about a pound a week... He now has toenails, fingernails, and real hair (we'll see about that.

One thing I am liking about my body? My lady lumps are very prominent. And I'm not just talking about the girls.

I know it's usually a no, no when you're pregnant to change your hair, but I've never been afraid of change. I'm thinking bangs. Thoughts? Suggestions?

Glad you approve

2009-03-11T12:08:00.002-05:00

Well, we missed a week of therapy with the Rehab Institute because the insurance wanted to make sure we weren't duplicating services with EI (our current therapists) and to make sure we basically didn't have the same goals.

Which is a little ridiculous to me. I mean, all of our goals tend to be along the lines of LilB reaching his fullest potential and being as independent as possible.

Of course, the Rehab Institute is a medical facility. They'll be applying intense therapy with the loads of medical equipment they have access to. They'll work him to a bone for the 2 hour sessions he'll be there, twice a week.

Our EI therapists come to his natural environment (our home) and teach us how to do things on a daily basis that will help him. They teach us how to use ordinary things for therapy. It's not the most intense therapy but it's not something I would drop either. They've been extremely helpful in helping us find our way and coping with this journey. I just know it's time for LilB to do more.

So needless to say, I was a little frustrated with the insurance company. It worked out though, thanks to the collaborative efforts of his coordinators at both EI and the RI. We start this Friday.

I still have yet to hear from the aquatics people, though. If I don't hear anything by next week, I'm just going to let our EI coordinator handle it. I have so many appointments to keep up with, my head is spinning. Plus, I'm seeing my own doctor every week now. More on that later.

I've really been inspired by a fellow blogger who's son is in a similar situation. His parents work really hard for him and while others tell me I'm doing so much for LilB, they've really inspired me to do and seek more. Check out Elijahland.

The Rehab Institute

2009-03-03T07:39:00.005-06:00

Last Friday we went to the Rehab Institute for our two our evaluation. It was a different feeling, walking into this place and seeing all the children work, all the equipment they had. I was overcome with excitement.

We met with the speech therapist first, which I was thrilled about. I've asked for a speech therapist through our EI services (who our current PT and OT work from) but they didn't think he was ready.

The speech therapist thought she could help him learn some communication tools as well as help strengthen the mouth for feeding.

Then we met with the OT and the PT. They were wonderful. They checked his tone, did stretches, and did a mini-session of sorts. We discussed goals, his current therapy sessions, and equipment they could help us obtain. Then, with pedi-wraps on his arms (keeping his elbows straight) and with hardly any support, they had him sitting. Sitting. I could have cried right there.

He fussed and cried for a good part of the session, but it wasn't any worse then it is with Amanda and Megan. In fact, they said he was dealing with it pretty well, considering all the things they were doing with him.

They recommended we come twice a week, for two hours. The OT said she'd like to co-treat with both the PT and the Speech Therapist, she'll just need to get it approved. They talked about a third day, but wanted to wait and make sure the insurance would approve this first.

We're going to be busy. I'm still waiting on EI to contact me about the aquatic therapy, which I'm hoping we can do every week as well. That will be 6 therapy sessions a week, on top of my weekly doctors appointments and his other doctors appointments. I think it's good, though. I know LilB can do so much more, he just needs to be pushed the right way. Doing the same thing we have been doing was fine, but it wasn't producing the results I would like... that I know he's capable of. Sometimes I feel like we're on the cusp of making another step. but we just can't seem to find a way.

I'm really excited. MrB and I felt so good after the session. We'll be sacraficing a lot, like time at work, but there's no question on whether or not we'd do it.

The best part is, he gets to be interactive with other children, preparing him for his baby brother. And when they had finished the session? They held him till he stopped crying before giving him to us.

I almost cried again.

Interview with MissB

2009-02-21T12:19:00.001-06:00

Interview questions by Sarah from Sensibly Sassy.

1. When you drift off to sleep what is usually your last thought?
Usually my mind is racing at bed time, no matter how tired I am. I'm always thinking about appointments I have, appointments I need to make, or ways I can better my son, LilB's therapy. Lately, I've started counting down from 100 so I can go to sleep sometime within 30 minutes, lol.

2. Being a mama is a full time job, what is something you enjoy doing just for you?

Honestly, I don't take enough time for myself. I think most moms do that, but I feel especially guilty of not doing so because my son has special needs. Last weekend, though, I had to get out. I went shopping for shoes, but didn't really find any. I ended up buying stockings and something for my son. I like to read a lot, but don't seem to have time for it.

3. Would you rather be on vacation with friends and family forever but be permanently seasick or would you rather have a job you love, with benefits, great pay but not get more than three days off at a time?
Ahh, this is a hard one! I've never been seasick, but I have been car sick, and that was NOT fun. I think I would actually take the job. I surprise myself with this answer, but I figure if it's a job I truly love, then it won't feel like work. I'd just have to get past the guilt of not being at home with LilB and the other one one his way.

4. If you were a piece of clothing (shoes count too) what would you be and why? I would be a pair of stilettos. I have a small shoe obsession and I think those are something you could add to almost any outfit and make it classy. I love looking classy, although you'll usually find me in a pair of tennis shoes. or house slippers, lol.

5. Why did you start blogging and why do you keep doing it?
I started blogging because my son was born 41 weeks (everyone always asks if he was a premie) with a lack of oxygen and thus has cerebral palsy. It was a really hard process for me to deal with and I really secluded myself, with just him and me. I needed to be able to just get it out there, no matter how painful it was and try to connect with others, even if it wasn't through other special need mamas, and just regular 20-somethings out there. I continue blogging because I enjoy the outlet, but it also helps me keep track of his progress, and my own. Plus, it's an added bonus when I can help anyone else out there going through a similar, or not-so-similar experience.

Rehab Appointment

2009-02-20T07:40:00.005-06:00

Last Tuesday we went to the rehabilitation clinic to see Dr. Rehab. Our PT had expectantly let us down and failed to email the notes we went over, including adding some of her own, to discuss with this doctor. I had felt like the first appointment was a complete and utter FAIL. But of course, all the other doctors would take 6+ months to get into, so I did my research, and put my Mommy Pants on.

We ended up waiting awhile for the doctor. I could tell that if this appointment wasn't going to well, MrB would be speaking his mind, and really that's not something I'd like unless necessary. I can find a way to be cordial, mostly, and still be firm. MrB is a no nonsense kind of guy, especially when it comes to care for his first born. I do love that about him.

We discussed his equipment and some of my problems with it (stander is old and missing parts, left splint slides off during therapy, denial of high-low folding booster base for kid cart). She agreed he probably needed to be fitted for a stander, wrote an order for new splints, and said she would talk to the United Seating people about the denial, to see if she could do anything. She also said she'd order Pedia wraps, which are kind of like ace bandages but better, to wrap around his knees while we're waiting for the new stander. She said we could then use them during therapy around his left arm.

I then went into therapy with her, telling her a little bit about his therapy and how I thought he should be progressing more then he was. That he works well enough with the therapists but it seemed like he had done better with his first (Denise) and I wasn't sure if it was them, him, or what, but that I'd really thought he could be doing more. I asked her what her opinion was on the amount of therapy we were doing weekly, and she never really gave me a direct answer. She did, however, say she'd refer us to the Rehab Institute (Children's Hosp had a waiting list) for an evaluation and that they were excellent.

I then discussed aquatic therapy. I told her I thought he would greatly benefit from it, that even some of the therapists had recommended it at some point. She agreed but was concerned about the waiting list, again. She said they could do a couple of sessions and teach me some things, but she wasn't sure they'd be able to do a regular schedule. We shall see.

We touched a little on Hippotherapy (horseback riding). She thought it would be great for him when he was a little older. Maybe by next visit, he'll be ready. GrandmaB has already talked to some people about it. I'm concerned about cost, so I've been thinking about ways to raise funds for him. I've heard nothing but good things about this therapy. It helps with balance, trunk control, and there's just something soothing about horses.

I can tell LilB is ready to do more. He flips on his tummy, puts his butt in the air, and whines like, what the hell do I do from here? So this next few weeks, I plan on working with weight bearing through his arms.

I am really excited about what we got accomplished during that session. When I talked to our PT later (who felt awful about forgetting the email), she said there was an aquatic therapy through EI (Early Intervention-where she's from) and that it wouldn't replace normal PT. She said she'd call our coordinator and tell her we were interested. I thought that was great, but it kind of left me wondering why no one had mentioned this before??

Valentines Day/4 year Anniversary

2009-02-18T09:06:00.004-06:00

After an hour and half of prepping myself, not including prepping the house and LilB for GrandmaB to babysit, I was satisfied with my hair, make up, and attire. I would later discover that my hatred of thigh-high stockings are just as strong, and no matter how big your thighs get, there isn't much short of a rubber band that will keep those bad boys up.

(I finally took Tiffany's advice and bought some trouser socks and pretty purple tights, Monday evening.)

MrB recently won/earned a $75 gift card from his work to Brio and was smart enough to make reservations in advanced. This did not prevent us from standing in line, while countless people tried to bribe, schmooze, or beg their way in, all the while leaving the door open and a nice breeze drifting up my dress. That's okay though; being 7 months pregnant tends to make you warmer.

After 15 minutes of waiting, we were seated on the second floor, in a crowded room, each table adorned with a tea light candles. We drank water out of wine glasses and spent a good amount of time looking over the small menu before asking the waiter his opinion. When MrB looked questioningly at me, I simply shrugged; I couldn't hear a damn thing the waiter had said.

We settle on each trying the recommended Lobster Bisque, while we figured out what we wanted. By the time he came back with it, we were ready. I was going to have the Shrimp scampi and angel hair pasta with a Bistecca Insalta (wedge of lettuce, Gorgonzola-yum-, bacon, Roma tomatoes and Parmesan dressing). MrB ordered the Gorgonzola lamb chops (Individual chops grilled with Gorgonzola crust, sautéed spinach and a red wine veal sauce and a lemon oil drizzle).

The salads were to die for. But then we waited. And waited, and waited. About 35 minutes past, and the people who arrived after us started receiving their main courses. MrB and I mostly sat quietly, gazing into each other's eyes-or looking at the people staring at us- enjoying the time not having to tend to someone else. The waiter came and apologized twice for the delay, so I decided to use the ladies restroom, where I walked in on another woman doing her business. Oops.

When I came back, our meals were there. MrB said the chef had come out and apologized. I was sorry I missed that, since I would have demanded a free desert or something, but we were still enjoying our time away, so we ate. MrB's was wonderful. Mine was possibly the worst thing I've tried from an Italian restaraunt, which is saying a lot, since one time I had ordered a lemon chicken pasta and it was quite lemon-y. I had taken the dish home, for some reason or another, and tried it again, only to find it was much better the second time around. This dish, however, was just not good. The pasta wasn't good, and I'm not picky, and the shrimp was worse. I had wished I'd eaten the rest of the lobster bisque instead of saving room.

The waiter was confused at why we gave him both gift card and credit card, and said he had to run the card for something. This confused MrB a bit and so he ended up telling the waiter to use only half the gift card and run the rest on the card. This ruined my plans to stop by my favorite chocolate shop we never visit, due to the location, and thus my hormones kicked in. The meal, which was horrible but I wasn't too upset over, instantly became a major disappointment. MrB offered to take me to Panache but I was much too hormonal to give into my cravings.

We went home, where LilB proceeded to cry whenever I put him in his crib or lied down with him, which invoked my own tears, especially when he quieted for MrB immediately. I spent the rest of the night crying myself to sleep, despite the beautiful roses and Godiva gift card that lied on the coffee table.

Man, I love being pregnant.

And thank you to GrandmaB who somehow managed to take the worst, out of focus pictures of us.

little man with the plan

2009-02-12T07:24:00.003-06:00

So I've been feeling out of sorts lately, hence my lack of updates. I'd like to blame third trimester hormones but I'm sure a lack of social life combined with no hobbies, also has something to do with it.

Anywho, the therapists meeting went pretty well. I was a little nervous about telling them how to do their jobs, but they were very receptive. Plus, they really couldn't take offense when their boss, LilB's coordinator, was there. She helped me through the process, and I didn't even call her beforehand.

I suggested a notebook, where they write what they worked on weekly, so I could see and understand what we were working on and so could MrB, or anyone else for that matter. I also suggested getting a big white board and planning for monthly mini-goals (we have much larger, 6 month-1 year goals) that would get us to our larger goals and keep us focused. I suggested they give me something to work on every week, and with a calendar staring right at me, I was bound to do an hour of therapy with LilB, on my own.

I talked about some things I wanted him to do or work on, like increasing function in his left arm/hand, and not just using it as a support arm. I want him to start feeding himself, communicating with me, playing with more advanced toys. I want to push him. I know he can do more. I don't want him to get comfortable with mommy doing everything for him. Mommy is getting really tired.

LilB's coordinator suggested we have team meetings like this every 3 months, to re-evaluate.

I still need to pick up those things from the store, we've just been waiting for that paycheck to hit the bank. I plan to use the white board for keeping track of feeding as well. Feeding has become a little bit of a pain again, recently. For awhile I blamed it on his two teeth coming in, but more recently it seems to be that he's just distracted. We've sat in the high chair for up to an hour before. And I feed him every 3 hours.

This weekend will be nice. It's our 4 year anniversary this Saturday and MrB is taking me to a nice Italian restaurant where I'll be served (hence, the WAITER), order desert, and not have to do the dishes afterwards. And I get to get all pretty. I just need some cute, flat shoes.

Unusual events...

2009-02-02T13:23:00.003-06:00

MrB isn't really one to want to go chill with my dad or anything, but since discovering my dad had quit drinking, he agreed quality time should be had, especially with him and LilB.

My dad had to have the sonogram thing done, to check his liver, along with another blood test. He started eating red meat for the test so it could show normal results... plus, I'm sure he was dying for some steak. He's a meat and potatoes kind of man.

Well, the tests came back and there was no permanent damage (lucky guy). We didn't really go into detail, but I was able to muster up some courage and ask, "So as long as you don't drink, you can eat all the steak you want, right?"

He agreed.

Still, after years and years of dealing with his alcoholism, I was skeptical. Hopeful, but still skeptical. I thought it would be a good time to go to his house, the first time we've been since we moved out, and leave MrB and LilB while Cassy and I went shopping.

I know, right? Cassy and I shopping. Together. To all you that don't know, let's just say that my dad's wife and I aren't exactly best friends.

She bought me clothes and we had a wonderful time. My dad did not initiate any intense conversations with MrB, which he's been known to do while drunk, though I think my dad was a little nervous because he didn't ever hold LilB. MrB said that it's probably because we're so use to LilB that we don't realize he's not like every 2 year old. You don't hold him the same.

We all ate lunch together and while Cassy and MrB didn't exactly talk, there wasn't any... I don't know, weird feelings. Animosity, hostility. It was like a family.

I've been waiting for this for 23 years.

More on LilB's therapy review tomorrow!