I can’t believe one year ago today I got a phone call from the hospice center saying Mom was gone. I called Dad and we met there, with my wonderful young cousin Wendy who had spent the night with her, and we said goodbye.

I can’t believe that when something good happens to me I can no longer pick up the phone and tell her the good news.

I can’t believe that when I’m confused, or have something bad happen, I can’t ask for her advice or guidance in trying to fix the problem or make the situation seem clear.

I can’t believe Kris and I lost such an incredible Mom, Dad lost his wife and partner of almost 45 years, my Grandma lost a daughter, her brothers and sisters lost a sibling, Kaye lost a best friend, Magaly lost her American matriarch and many others lost a colleague and friend.

I can’t believe cancer is such a horrible, destructive disease and that there are cures for baldness and impotence, but not for this ridiculous killer!

I can’t focus on all of the negative. While there are so many things I could say today, just like on other days about Mom and how much losing her has been horrible, today I will reflect on the love and happiness that Mom brought to me and so many around her while she was healthy and living the life she wanted.

Her eyes would light up when we talked about Treasure Lake, Chuck and Jean, Kris and Magaly be married and our visits to Panama,  Dad enjoying his retirement, me finding a group of people I cared about in Michigan through Relay, spring breaks on Sanibel island, her great friends at CSU and in the nursing commuity and much more. She even grew to love my dog Riley (and he loved her) even after she initially poo-pooed his adoption. 

So many positive and beautiful things happened because Mom was in my life – and in many of your lives too. 

I remember her today and every day as the strong woman she was, and while it is hard to see that in my mind after seeing her sick for nearly two years, I think back to the days after her death when I was writing the eulogy and what I thought about then. How do you put into words a loss of a 65 year old woman as dynamic as Mom?

I focused on the core of who she was, what she did and how she always had time to listen to everyone and help as many people as she could, being selfless with her time, because she wanted to help people and give them the skills they needed to succeed.

Today I focus on her love for family, friends, work and the Cleveland community, and hope that I can even begin to accomplish her feats of greatness in my lifetime.

Love you Mom! We miss you so very much. Hope hope you’re enjoying the view from above!

I’ve emerged from the world of layoffs and unemployment to become the new Manager of Marketing and Communications for the Visiting Nurse Association (VNA) of Ohio! I’m staying in Cleveland and working in health care – How cool is that?

I started on Monday and am still learning my way around here, but wanted you all to know that I think Mom must have had a hand in this, because now I have all sorts of nurses around me at all times. She is making sure people watch out for me, or maybe she’s just orchestrated another nurse to keep me in line if she can’t physically be here.

It makes me happy when someone brings up Mom’s name and it also makes me feel close to her, while so much of the time I miss her desperately.

On my second interview, our CEO Claire told me how much she admired  Mom and what a loss it was to everyone personally and professionally in the Cleveland nursing community when we lost her. It was nice to hear such things even before I was hired. The funny part was that Claire was the first person I met who knew Mom, as much of the organization has changed and is new to the industry even, but slowly I run into people who have known her. It is a comfort every time I see the CSU Faculty office on site that she had a history here, while at the same time incredibly sad that I don’t get to share ideas, stories and more with her as we probably would have worked together on a cross marketing project.

Speaking of which (WARNING: SHAMELESS PUBLICITY PLOY) one of my first projects will be promoting with CSU (Cleveland State University) a play called “The Shadow Box” on July 25th at 8:00pm, where half of all ticket sales will go to the VNA. YEAH!!! The play involves a hospice situation and is the only performance that has money going towards VNA, so when you call the ticket office at 216.687.2109, make sure to ask for this date and performance and mention the VNA and both organizations will make some nice money! Of course I’ll be there and you should too. Plus, how cool would it be if on my first project I created a sell out crowd??!!

However, back to my story…

I’m now back in the working world and am excited to help publicize all the great services provided by the Visiting Nurse Association (VNA) of Ohio. Please stay in touch and let me know if I can every collaborate with all of you wonderful folks who knew and/or worked with Mom for all those years in Cleveland.

August 3rd will be one year since Mom slipped away from us after her valient 20-month fight with cancer.  Say a little prayer that day for me, Dad, Kris and Magaly and the rest of our family — and of course Mom, if you would. I know she is watching over me and am aware of her love for me and all of her friends and family even when she’s not physically here. However, that doesn’t stop me from still dealing with the intense grief that came from losing a vibrant and strong woman who was much too young — and questioning why she was taken away from us. Luckily with the support of my friends and family — and all of you I’ve only met through Mom’s illness and passing — I’m remaining optimistic and open to the understanding that time will bring me.

A move to Cleveland to be with Mom, losing her while gaining new friends and colleagues at work. Loving being close to Dad and family after so many years away. Coping and moving forward together.

January 15th I lost my job.

So, according to all the therapists in the world, I’ve experienced all of the most stressful events that people are expected to handle in their lifetime, but since I’m an overachiever, I’ve done it all in the span of a year: loss of a love one, a household move, and loss of a job.

So, why am I surviving and currently living in Caldera, Panama?

Subscribe to my new blog and see what leads to my optimism, hope and love of life, even when I’ve been tossed into such negative situations…..

http://livingthroughlayoffs.wordpress.com

Take care – and if you are in the snow – stay warm!

Oh boy, I have a doozy of a story to tell you!

Karen and Ron and I went to Guatemala on the big trip I told you about for the alternative therapies, based on everything we were told by Melissa about kinesiology and other energy practices. Just before we left Melissa cancelled on going with us, so the three of us ventured out alone and took our chances.

All in all we handled things well, but when I came back I had brough an additional little visitor with me, a parasite or some sort of little stomach/intestinal bug.

In a move I thought was quite inspired, I spoke to an herbalist where I got ‘the bug’ and she gave me some treatments to try but my stomach was still feeling kind of icky after several days, and I made it back in the states. So, of course I wanted to call you and pretty much already knew that you would say get to a ‘real doctor and get some real medicine, don’t mess around with parasites!’ but I went ahead and called Vida and Izzy to see what they said. They were both very helpful and of course have stepped in as “Moms” to get me to do the right thing. They said make sure that if I don’t feel better in another day, to go see a doctor and I got some names.

Amazingly, the herbal remedies worked, but I want you to know that your nursing friends are watching out for me (and Dad) down here on earth. I thought that would make you feel better to know about me getting rid of the stomach bug and surviving a third world country adventure –  and your wonderful friends becoming my friends too!

As always, I miss you and love you!

Mary

p.s. In case someone is looking for help here, The herbs involved in the healing are: quassia, chaparro-amargo, jacaranda, black walnut, reem and wormwood. The cleansing diet involves beans, brown rice, garlic, onions, carrots and zuchinni, only with butter and olive oil and no major spices. No alcohol, no fruit, no chocolate, basically nothing good and nothing acidic! Write me if you want more info.

While I was nervous about what I was going to say, I was happy to find that I was one of many speakers, including some of Mom’s closest friends and colleagues and we were surrounded by wonderful people wanting to celebrate my Mom.

Sheila had lovely stories to tell about my Mom’s fascination with collecting figurines of old people and sharing them with her, Dorothy shared her gratitude for Mom and her adherence to the Florence Nightingale creed of nurses, Jane shared her love of traveling with Mom, shopping together and sharing stories about the two Davids (her husband and my Dad). It was also great to hear Dad ask some funny questions of the gathered group of nurses and to also tell the story of meeting Mom and marrying her in just a few short weeks, and finding out when acquiring the marriage license that they were both Scorpios, which later meant that the way to work together was to make all decisions as a team, otherwise their two strong personalities could never work in tandem. Lisa read a beautiful psalm she felt related to Mom and the description of the Mom’s voice of reason but always being a Wild Card at a meeting. All the other speakers brought out something special that kindly and sweetly memorialized Dr. Cheryl, a nurse of 45 years and a friend to many in the room for 20 plus years!

I chose to go another route, because of course, Dr. Cheryl to me is Mom. While I can’t even begin to say how much I miss her, I thought I would discuss the revitalized Cleveland and how I thought Mom might appreciate the work being done downtown.

You can see the letter in my Letters to Mom section of the Web site posted Monday. This is what I said to introduce the letter. As always, Dad and I (and my brother Kris and the rest of our family) thank everyone for their support and especially Vida in hosting the memorial service. We appreciate all of your beautiful words, sentiments, stories and love for our family.

Memorial Service: 10/23/08 3:00 p.m.

It was just a year ago I was here in this very place telling you tales with Mom sitting at the table beside me, celebrating her retirement.

As you’ve heard tonight and know from your experiences with her, Mom loved CSU and really had no desire to retire – and she certainly wasn’t ready to stop living her life.

But some choices are beyond our control and I always believe that there is a silver lining within even the worst horrible gray cloud. That has to be my chance to meet all of you, all of her wonderful friends and colleagues and to meet all the people who helped our family and surrounded us with love when Mom’s days were numbered.

While I think I was mostly in a daze the week after we lost Mom, I do remember several things that people told me about her during visitation and services at our church. The two that I share today stuck with me the most. First I was told: Your Mom always had time to help, no matter how small or large the problem. I knew I could count on her to be there. Second, someone told me thank you for sharing your Mom with us. I was so stuck by this. She loved this place! I should thank you all you for sharing her with us!

My Mom gave and gave and over the last two years even when she became increasingly ill and I hope I was able to give back just a fraction of what she gave to me, to you and to our family and friends away from CSU. I hope I will be able to take her caring and kind legacy in my life.

Since May, I’ve written a blog to keep people informed about Mom. As a journalist and public relations professional, this gave me the chance to inform and hopefully entertain along the way. Humor kept me going thru the hard times and I hope it will keep me going for the rest of my life.

Since I no longer can call her and tell her all the things going on, I’ve started a new segment called Letters to Mom – look for it in book stores someday about dealing with grief!

I want to share a new letter that I’m writing to Mom that I think will have special meaning to all of you gathered here to day as we’ve seen the changes in Cleveland over the last few months.

 Dear Mom,

 It’s a miracle! I know you are not going to believe it, but the RTA new HealthLine system is opening up this weekend! I know, it’s a shock that it is finally here and running, but it is true. I hadn’t seen the changes on the far east end of Euclid, but when I came back to work after Labor Day, there were no more construction barrels, loud noises or anything going on at Euclid by Public Square and East Fourth Street, where my colleagues and I walk to for lunch. In fact, all that I saw were nice, clean streets, sidewalks and the new bus terminals.

While CSU’s area of Euclid was done, we were waiting for the rest of it to be finished and on Saturday it officially opened. I know you’d be proud of Cleveland for making it easier for students to get to CSU from wherever they are with the expanded bus system and the more direct routes. It means the next time I come from work on Public Square to CSU, I hop on a healthline bus, go 20 blocks, and hop off. Much easier, and hopefully a way to see CSU – along with all the other businesses thrive.

It really didn’t seem real to me until last week when I walked to meet Dad at the Palace at Playhouse Square. We went to see the Chorus Line, which was good, but you totally would have fallen asleep during since there were some slow moments. But I digress… I know you would have been pleased to see the construction end and perhaps help the downtown areas revitalize by welcoming some more restaurants and stores to the areas that are now empty.

It is ironic – and maybe even more sad – that by the time I came home to Cleveland and worked downtown, just a few blocks away from your office, we never had a chance – or an easy way – to visit with each other.

If you were still at CSU, I would now just hop on the new double-long HealthLine (which looks pretty cool by the way) and surprise you for lunch.  But, let’s face it, even if you were here, you would smile and be happy to see me, but then not have time to eat because you’d be faced with solving all the issues of the semester in the nursing department.

But, I don’t want you to worry. Your work here on earth is done. Those who are left here have you covered.

Take the rest you deserve, keep an eye on us from above and know that as always, I love and miss you, as do so many others whose lives you touched in your 45 years of nursing – and mostly of caring.

Love,

Mary

Kaye gave us her Indians tickets and Dad I spent Saturday afternoon of Labor Day weekend downtown at Progressive Field, but to our family and so many other Clevelanders, we’ll always call it ‘the Jake for Jacob’s Field! I know Kaye wishes she could have taken you to the game and I know how much you love the Indians and I can’t imagine I’ll ever go to a game again without thinking of you. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I’ll ever go anywhere where I’m not thinking of you. I miss you all the time and I know so many others do too… I hope you are looking down at us from Heaven – and if you have a chance – can you put in a good word for me… and the Indians? 

I’m just kidding, sort of. I love you! Pictures of Dad and I are below….

Go Indians!Under the Sun in the 8th!