The Chaos that is our Life

So, how goes it?

noreply@blogger.com (Allen Andersen) — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 21:10:00 +0000

It's been a long time since I've posted here. Things happen. Life happens. Kids happen.

And it seems that every time I come to post here all I really have to say is "well, nothing new around here, school, blah blah, kids doing good, blah blah, health still going down, blah blah.

Wish I had more to say than that right now. Honestly I've been so buried in pain that I don't notice much of what is going on around me. It's like trying to view the world through a telescope. I can focus on one thing, but everything else going on is outside the viewable field. It's a sucky way to view life, but it is what it is.

Anyway, here's a picture of my dog.

Kids at church

noreply@blogger.com (Allen Andersen) — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 23:47:00 +0000

Neglected. I'm sorry.

noreply@blogger.com (Allen Andersen) — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 20:05:00 +0000

Has it really been since AUGUST that I have posted here? I see in my drafts that I started a post in October, but never finished it.

Dang.

I'm sorry.

But every post is pretty much the same when I'm talking about family news. We are really astoundingly boring people. Everyone but me goes to school, we watch bad movies on Netflix, and pretty much just live a nice quiet life.

But that doesn't mean we don't do stuff.

For Halloween we did "Trunk or Treat" at our church. If you're not familiar with that, it's using your car instead of a house and you get a bunch of people to line up in a nice, safe, well lit parking lot and try to herd all the kids in the neighbor hood.

We tried to do it up big. We used our big ol' van and brought our Jack-o-lanterns and we all dressed in costume and had a fog machine and everything. We didn't get a very large turnout and some of the people left very shortly after we got there, but we had a lot of fun.

November kind of blew by us. I'm not even sure what news I have to share. Miss R turned 4 and got a nice haul of gifts including her favorite - Tinkerbell. I turned 44 and my son bought me a blu-ray player. Thanksgiving was nice and quiet. Pretty boring actually.

And now we're into December. The holiday season is either going to be totally insane or pretty mellow. So far, it's pretty quiet.

Well, except for one thing. Let me tell you the story.

Chenisse, our second eldest, has been seeing Steven for.... well, I'm not sure how long, about 6 months? Not even? They are both in college and that's where they met and spend most of their time together. But anyway...

Chenisse has been part of a Jazz combo and they performed at a little local coffee shop. Somehow or another Steven got involved and he and Chenisse did a duet of "Baby It's Cold Outside" during the second set.

During the break, however, Steven shocked everyone, especially me and Anna by doing something really, honestly, totally insane.

He proposed to Chenisse.

Now, before we get into discussions about "they haven't been together long enough" and "aren't they a little young" and all that stuff, let me provide full disclosure by telling you that I proposed to Anna after 10 days and by Chenisse's age we already had our first child.

So who am I to judge and second guess love? He asked, and she said 'yes'.

Tonight we have our only Holiday concert to go to. Mr. I and his 6th grade band are performing tonight. While I am excited to see him perform, I am glad this is the only one we have. In years past we've had many and it was just insane from a time management perspective to make sure we got to everything.

Well, that's about all for now. What did I miss? I don't know. Ask me about something if you know of something I didn't mention.

A Ramble.

noreply@blogger.com (Allen Andersen) — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 18:01:00 +0000

...I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the earth. No single space project in this period will be more impressive to mankind, or more important for the long-range exploration of space; and none will be so difficult or expensive to accomplish... - President John F. Kennedy, May 25, 1961, Special Message to the Congress on Urgent National Needs. Courtesy: John F. Kennedy Library and Museum

Apollo 11 landing on the moon was a huge undertaking. In the beginning scientists were practically saying it was impossible. It took seemingly endless discussions for them to even figure the design for the spacecraft. A whole new kind of rocket had to be built just to get the astronauts away from the Earth.

And they failed. The mission designated as Apollo was was meant to be an orbital test of the spacecraft design. As the astronauts sat in the capsule awaiting launch, somewhere in the miles of electric wires a spark jumped. In the oxygen rich atmosphere of the capsule a fire started and within seconds consumed the capsule, and the three brave men inside.

Those men, Virgil "Gus" Ivan Grissom, Lieutenant Colonel, USAF, Edward Higgins White, II, Lieutenant Colonel, USAF and, Roger Bruce Chaffee, Lieutenant Commander, USN, knew the risks. They knew what they were doing when they signed up. And they knew that failure was going to happen. They didn't let fear get in the way of moving past failure to eventual success. Their sacrifice led to a redesign on the craft and to the eventual safe landing and return of the Apollo 11 mission, just two short years later.

I am telling this story for my kids, and for other kids, and for those of you out there who might be struggling to find a direction in life. The lesson to learn from this can be stated this way:

Don't let fear of failure keep you from doing the impossible. Any dream worth achieving is worth failure in trying to get there.

And you will fail, probably multiple times, before you get there. That's no reason to quit.

Dream your dreams, then go make them the truth.

Success will take sacrifice. But in the end, sacrifice and failure will get you where you need to go. You cannot have success without both failure and sacrifice.

----

If you dream is to write, then write. Write your heart out. Write every day. Write until your fingers bleed. Then, when you have something you want to share, then put it out there. If you think it's worth putting in a book, send it to publishers. You will get rejected. I will tell you that right now, you WILL get rejected. And rejected a lot. But in being rejected you will learn. And in learning you will become better. Eventually, you will be accepted, if you work for it.

If you dream it to paint and draw, do it. Just DO it. When you produce something you want to share, then share it. Maybe someone will buy it, most likely they won't. But by putting it OUT THERE, you will learn. And in learning you will become better, if you work for it.

And a final PS, don't let stupid crap stand in the way of your dream. Life is work. Life is pain. You are going to have to deal with a lot of crap in the course of your life. But crap shouldn't define you and the person you are. Be the person you dream yourself to be, even when you don't feel it. Push the stupid life stuff out of the way and work on your dream. Yes, you still have to deal with it, but that doesn't mean you should let it keep you from dreaming.

Vacation pictures - slideshow

noreply@blogger.com (Allen Andersen) — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 15:20:00 +0000

July news and such.

noreply@blogger.com (Allen Andersen) — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 19:40:00 +0000

Om nom nom.

So, here it is, July already. I've been really poor at blogging. I say that every month, and I know I need to share more, but I know you understand.

For the most part, no news is good news. We haven't had any catastrophes (knock on wood) and there haven't been any major changes in my health. Anna's busy with school and tutoring. So pretty much smooth sailing lately.

This jeep is COOL!

My health does continue to be an issue, but while it continues it's slow, downhill, movement, there haven't been any major "leaps" in "badness". So I guess that is good, right?

School is coming up really fast. The kids go back on the 15th of August. That seems really early to me. Especially in this part of the country where summers are so brutal. But I guess they have good air conditioning. I remember when I was in school, the only room in the whole building that had AC was the principal's office.

July 4.

We've already done a lot of back to school shopping. I think the kids are set as far as clothes. We stocked up on a lot of the pencils and paper and all that kind of stuff they will need. We got their supply lists from the website and it looks like we're pretty much good to go. I can't believe all the stuff they have to get these days. It's like each kid has to fully stock the classroom. And they're not allowed to label anything so it's not like this is "Mr. A's" glue bottle. It belongs to the class. I don't like it, but I guess that's how things go.

The Lego robodog.
It eats and poops.

We are trying really really REALLY hard to plan a road trip next month before school starts. I haven't said anything to anyone because I didn't want to get their hopes up of seeing us and then we not be able to make it. We're pinching pennies, planning routes, figuring out if we can sleep in the van. Our main purpose for going is to see our grand baby. In case you hadn't heard, he was born in May, so he'll be three months old before we get there. I can't promise we will get to see everyone on this trip. We'll only be there a couple of days. That's how it has to work out this time around. The college summer session ends on the 5th and the kids go back on the 15th, so we need a day or two at the end for them to rest up, so that cuts it back to the 12th. Then two days driving on each side leaves us from the 7th to the 10th that we'll be there.

Sheep head.

Here's a few more picture just for fun. Enjoy.

Grouchy face after
the pretty hair
exploded.

Miss G and friends
doing a special at
church.

Self portrait during VBS.

Miss D with face paint,
just for fun.

Miss G, extreme closeup.

And now it's June...

noreply@blogger.com (Allen Andersen) — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 21:23:00 +0000

Hi everyone. I haven't been a good blogger, and I'm sorry. The truth is... well, I really don't have an excuse other than it's just the joy of being me that sometimes it's difficult to get things done. Even something as simple as typing a few paragraphs for friends and family.

So what news? School is out for the summer. It's only been a couple of weeks and already I'm ready to lose my mind. It's hard living here because even on nice days, when it's not too hot, the yard is just sand and rock. There's cactus instead of dandelions and desert scrub instead of trees. There's no playgrounds near by and without a driver, I can't take the kids anywhere. So we're here in the house where all the books have been read and all they want to do is plug themselves into the TV or the computer and waste their summer in front of a screen. And I can't blame them, there's not much else to do.

This week, three of the kids are at camp. We're a little frustrated with how that whole thing went down, but they are there. Not sure how we're going to get them home... but that's another story. Camp is great for them, I wish it was an all summer thing.

What's going on with me? Well, pretty much nothing. Things are up in the air waiting to get an appointment with the neurologist. The one I was seeing left town, and the new one doesn't return my calls, so I have to keep trying. It's frustrating, but short of driving to Albuquerque (3 hours from here), I don't have any options. (Yes, there's doctors in Durango, but even though that's closer than Albuquerque it's another state and Medicare won't let me do that. Stupid? Yes, but it is what it is.)

What more to say? Well, gee, there's one really big piece of news that I kind of figured most of you know, but in case you haven't... We're grandparents now. Micah Nathan was born May 11th. I never thought I'd live long enough to be a grandfather, but I am. Don't know how that makes me feel, but it is what it is.

I will eventually get around to posting pictures and video. Really, I will. I promise. When? Uh.... soon. Yes, that's it, soon.

The Head Shave

noreply@blogger.com (Allen Andersen) — Thu, 26 May 2011 00:11:00 +0000

So I decided it was time to do away with my long hair. I loved my long hair. I wanted to keep growing it forever and be totally a long haired hippie looking kind of guy.

But, my health being what it is and my general constitution slowly growing weaker and weaker, I started having really bad neck pain. Could it be the weight of the hair? Maybe. But either way, it was rapidly becoming more and more difficult for me to manage.

So I shaved it. Every bit of it. Yes, I could have just cut it, but I figured if I couldn't look hairy, I'd go the opposite extreme. Why? No reason, other than it amuses me.

My hair was a little bit longer than 10 inches, so I thought I would attempt to cut it in a way that I could send it to Locks of Love and maybe they could use it. What follows is a pictorial of the head shaving event:

Here's a before picture. Hairy and scary.

As you can see, it's pretty long. I had it trimmed, but not seriously cut in 2 years.

As directed on the Locks of Love website, I put the hair into pony tails. Since the lengths were all uneven, one big one wouldn't have worked, so I went this route.

No turning back now!

It's all gone!

Here's the resulting hair cluster. Sadly, I don't know if Locks of Love can use it. The end from my scalp came out pretty ragged. But it is long enough. I'll send it to them anyway. If they can't use it, at least I tried.

So, yes, I am going the whole way, razor and all. Figured I'd get my cheeks while I was at it...

And here it is. My shiny bald head.

And here's the back. You can see that I need practice with the razor.

Once it was done, I could feel the difference in my neck, so I guess that's good. It's really kind of cold in here, though.

If you are reading this, please consider making a donation to Locks of Love. This is not a sponsorship or a paid advertisement. I just think the work they do is really great. They accept more than hair and need financial support as well. If you have a couple of bucks, please send them their way. Thanks.

Under the tree

noreply@blogger.com (Allen Andersen) — Mon, 23 May 2011 21:05:00 +0000

A story.

noreply@blogger.com (Allen Andersen) — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 00:55:00 +0000

Thanksgiving. We had moved to middle of nowhere New Mexico the year before and while a lot of kids were singing "over the river and through the woods", my kids were whining "can we turn on the air conditioner?"

My eldest, bless her heart, wanted to do Thanksgiving dinner all by herself. I, who hated to cook, said "sure, why not". My wife, who was normally like Martha Stewart on meth during the holidays, decided it was OK to put away her recipe for homemade cranberry free cranberry sauce, and let her have at it.

The process was going well, as far as we could tell. The turkey was smelling great, the potatoes weren't lumpy, and the green bean casserole had those fried onion thingys on it.

Now, at this point, we're not sure what happened. Maybe the dog was getting into the garbage, maybe gravity decided it was time to play a practical joke. But whatever happened, a can with the lit still attached to it and poking out with it's cartoony jagged edges just waiting for someone to come by.

Unfortunately, it was the chef.

Suddenly, there's a scream from the kitchen. My wife and I take of running to see what happened.

Now, I think of my self as a tough guy. Granted, I wasn't a jock in school or anything like that, but I think when the spit hits the spam, I can hold my own.

The events that follow are reconstructed from what others have told me because the moment I looked into the kitchen, I went over like a cheap lamp. Apparently, blood and I aren't friends.

Our chef had a cut on her foot from the can lid. If you look at your foot, you can see a blood vein running across the top of it. The cut was right through there, and deep enough to need stitches. It wasn't super serious, but since it hit that vein, it bled a lot.

A lot.

So here I am, Mr. Tough Guy who thinks when the robot-alien-zombie-nazi apocalypse comes, he'll be all Bruce Campbell on their butts, running to the kitchen to the rescue, only to end up face planting on the carpet.

Apparently, when the robot-alien-zombie-nazis attack, I will pass out and miss all the action. They won't even bother assimilating me because I'm totally a wuss.

So, apparently, what I tried to do was call an ambulance because I was totally sure that she was bleeding out and was going to die. I managed to get up and get to the phone, but when I looked back at the scene, which in my mind was a recreation of a scene from a Wes Craven movie, I ended up face down again.

My wife, totally calm, begged me to sit down. She was sure that I was going to fall and split my head open on the dining room table or something, which was a very real possibility. The last thing she needed was to have to take two of us to the emergency room for stitches. But NO! I was a MAN! I was going to do what I had to do. Unfortunately, I really had no idea what that should be because all the blood was rushing from my head and I couldn't really see from my view of the carpet what needed to be done.

In the end, Mom saved the day, dad proved how much of a wuss he was, and the other kids cleaned up the blood because it was really only a few drops. The moral of the story is, don't go to dad when you're bleeding.

Another month, again. And again.

noreply@blogger.com (Allen Andersen) — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 18:05:00 +0000

Jazz Band

Is it really the end of March already? The year is going so fast. The schedules this semester have been insane and all we're doing is running and running and running. Well, everyone else is, I'm sitting here with a confused and lonely look on my face as everyone runs past me.

In less than 2 months, our third child graduates high school. Shortly after that, we'll have our first grandchild. Then, in the fall, one of our youngest starts Kindergarten. That is a level of insanity that only those with large families will understand. Not to mention college planning and packing and moving, summer jobs, Senior pictures and announcements and on and on and on....

Barbie Cupcakes for a 20th birthday
celebration.

But we do what we do because we love it and wouldn't have it any other way. So this weekend we're praying for good weather to get the Senior pictures done, then we'll make the announcements and have the computer print the envelopes. While we're out, we'll try to get a tux for the prom, run any errands we have to do at Wal-Mart and wherever else... multitasking, it's just how it is.

When people find out we have so many kids, there's two questions the inevitably ask (at least in this part of the country). The first is "Are you Mormon or Catholic?" and the second is "How do you do it?" The answer to the first is, of course, "neither". The answer to the second is "Just keep moving". Yes, if you look at the details, it looks hard. Especially when I am disabled and can't work, my wife is working part time and going to school full time and our finances are scary to say the least. But step back and look at the big picture. We have clothes on our backs, food in our stomachs, and a roof over our heads. The rest is luxury. And we have many luxuries.Others might not see it that way, but compared to 99.9% of the world, we're insanely blessed.

First Jr. Band concert. Lots
of nerves.

The trumpet. It's loud.

I do think, however, we need to find a moment to breathe. While we love having a big family, there does come a point where the stress level is in the red. Not just in the red, but breaking the scale. We need to find a vent, a release valve. As a couple, my dear wife and I need to find a time and place we can be grown ups in love. As parents we need to find a time and place we can enjoy our children without worrying about getting this or that or running here and there. I don't know what that should be, but we need to find it. Soon.

I'm still on the downward slope, health-wise. Though it is slower. Still trying to get in with the neurologist. No matter how many times I call, I just get the voicemail and they never return my calls. Frustrating. But I seriously think that I"m at a point where everyone is throwing up their hands and saying "we don't know what do to, sorry, go off somewhere and die". But maybe now that I have insurance, that will make a difference.

Speaking of insurance, it's is a huge blessing. My meds run about $500 a month. We went to get refills and the bill, with the insurance, was $5. That's 1% of what we were spending. And on top of that, they gave us 3 months worth. So if you do that math, we spent a third of a percent. That's unbelievable.		What else can I rant about? Well, all our school age kids are on the honor role. Our sixth grader had a book of poetry published. They're doing standardized testing this week, so everyone is bored bored bored.
	Star Wars cake. With ninjas.

The weather has been miserable. The wind is tearing up our house. I need to get some pictures and file a claim on our home-owner insurance to get it fixed before it gets worse.I wish we had a wind turbine because with all this wind it would generate enough electricity to power us for a year.

Well, that's enough rambling. Have a happy.

Gorilla. Eating poo.

Another Month Already?

noreply@blogger.com (Allen Andersen) — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 22:06:00 +0000

I was updating pictures and realized that another month has gone by without my making a "how we're doing this month" post.

But guess what? I really don't have anything to update. Miss C is 20. That's about it. Not much else to report. Not doctors appointments, no lottery winnings, no major life changing events.

Sorry. We're kind of boring people.

Our Daily Photo - this week.

noreply@blogger.com (Allen Andersen) — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 22:03:00 +0000

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Happy Fishlipsday

Posted: 07 Mar 2011 04:31 PM PST

dadandersen posted a photo:

Here's one I took 4 years ago today that I promised never to share with the public...

Barbie Girl in a Barbie (cupcake ) World

Posted: 06 Mar 2011 05:03 PM PST

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Birthday Cupcakes

Posted: 06 Mar 2011 04:59 PM PST

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Drummer Man

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The Epic Cute

Posted: 05 Mar 2011 06:32 PM PST

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Sock! Monkey!

Posted: 27 Feb 2011 03:52 AM PST

Sock! Monkey!

Chocolate? Where?

Posted: 20 Feb 2011 08:22 PM PST

Chocolate? Where?

Hiya!

noreply@blogger.com (Allen Andersen) — Sat, 12 Feb 2011 20:43:00 +0000

It's been a long while since I've actually written a post here. I hope you have been enjoying the pictures I've been sharing. I will be lining up a lot more and hopefully have it set for a whole year's worth in the near future. I'm in the process of archiving all our old pictures so there will be some awesome ones to share.

So what news can I share? Well, there really isn't much. Things are going on much as they always are. School, work, doctors, etc. etc. etc. In some ways that's good. A certain level of normalcy and routine means things are stable. On the other hand, that can also mean we're really bored. That we're in a slump. I don't think that's true, I think these are the Salad Days. All is well and good. Wife and kids are all healthy, my health is - well - normal for me. We're good.

Things are very busy though. Due to just he sheer craziness of this semester, we decided not to do wrestling. Mr. I is really cool with it because he's feeling the pressure too. He and Miss D are in Jr. Band this semester. He's playing trumpet, she's playing flute. Mr. I really seems to like it. He's able to actually get a pretty good sound out of his horn. Miss D, on the other hand, isn't enjoying it so much.

This semester really is pretty nuts. Mr. D graduates in May. But what we didn't realize is that Anna also graduates with her Associates degree this may as well. So we're in the big push to get them both to that point. Caps and gowns and rings and so on and so forth, etc. Etc.

Our Daily Photo - weekly edition

noreply@blogger.com (Allen Andersen) — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 18:32:00 +0000

From a decade ago… I can’t put my arms down.

Posted: 26 Jan 2011 11:14 AM PST

From a decade ago… I can't put my arms down.

Another from about 10 years ago. Cake. Yum.

Posted: 27 Jan 2011 10:30 AM PST

Another from about 10 years ago. Cake. Yum.

Grass rolling (no, not that kind, stoner.)

Posted: 29 Jan 2011 10:30 AM PST

Grass rolling (no, not that kind, stoner.)

Bride with the ‘maids.

Posted: 28 Jan 2011 10:30 AM PST

Bride with the 'maids.

That morning thing happened again.

Posted: 30 Jan 2011 10:30 AM PST

That morning thing happened again.

2007 - pile o’ pics.

Posted: 31 Jan 2011 10:30 AM PST

2007 - pile o' pics.

Pajamas!

Posted: 01 Feb 2011 10:30 AM PST

Pajamas!

1986

Posted: 02 Feb 2011 10:31 AM PST

1986

Sunrise. Or sunset. But the latter always brings the former.

Posted: 03 Feb 2011 10:30 AM PST

Sunrise. Or sunset. But the latter always brings the former.

Click Here. Let it play for a while. It grows on you

Posted: 04 Feb 2011 10:30 AM PST

Click Here. Let it play for a while. It grows on you

1987. What’s with his hair? I can only plead insanity.

Posted: 05 Feb 2011 10:30 AM PST

1987. What's with his hair? I can only plead insanity.

1985-86. Yes, I married the cheerleader. Cuz I’m awesome...

Posted: 06 Feb 2011 10:30 AM PST

1985-86. Yes, I married the cheerleader. Cuz I'm awesome like that.

Our Daily Photo - This week

noreply@blogger.com (Allen Andersen) — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 02:33:00 +0000

Bride and Groom

Posted: 22 Jan 2011 12:16 PM PST

Bride and Groom

Yes, he can sing.

Posted: 09 Jan 2011 10:35 AM PST

Yes, he can sing.

Dreaming of…

Posted: 08 Jan 2011 10:30 AM PST

Dreaming of…

Pokemonia!

Posted: 07 Jan 2011 10:31 AM PST

Pokemonia!

Did you say “candy”?

Posted: 06 Jan 2011 10:32 AM PST

Did you say "candy"?

Toy Story Christmas

Posted: 05 Jan 2011 10:33 AM PST

Toy Story Christmas

Smile!

Posted: 04 Jan 2011 10:33 AM PST

Smile!

I clean up pretty good, eh?

Posted: 03 Jan 2011 10:33 AM PST

I clean up pretty good, eh?

Spring. How I miss you.

Posted: 02 Jan 2011 10:38 AM PST

Spring. How I miss you.

School starts Monday! Yay!

Posted: 01 Jan 2011 01:13 PM PST

School starts Monday! Yay!

An Oldie But A Goodie

noreply@blogger.com (Allen Andersen) — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 22:56:00 +0000

The Wedding Pictures. Really fast.

noreply@blogger.com (Allen Andersen) — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 17:31:00 +0000

Huge huge HUGE thanks to Chris and Dagmar of Hippie Boy Design for all their hard work. Look them up if you need photos.

Happy New Decade.

noreply@blogger.com (Allen Andersen) — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 19:59:00 +0000

Everyone is in an introspective mood today. Or maybe it's retrospective, looking back over the year. And maybe it's corny and cliche that I do a blog post about it, but I can't help myself. I too am looking back while looking ahead and feeling that weird emotion that is a combination of nostalgia, anxiety, and maybe a little fear.

At the beginning of 2010, I had no idea what the year would bring. I won't go into all the details, but we had some very low lows and some amazing highs. My head is spinning trying to encompass everything that went on.

2011 is going to be challenging too. We have a graduation along with the shipping-off-to-college that is to follow. We're also expecting our first grandchild. Come fall, we have one going off kindergarten, another going into Jr. High.... big families are a combination of insane that many people just don't get. And I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Happy new year! I hope many of you will follow us on our wild ride!

Snow. I hate it.

noreply@blogger.com (Allen Andersen) — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 01:37:00 +0000

One of those Christmas Card letters everyone writes.

noreply@blogger.com (Allen Andersen) — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 03:24:00 +0000

Dear family/friends/acquaintances/random people I barely know,

Well, it's Hanukkah/Winter Solstice/Christmas/Kwanzaa/Weasel Stomping Day again. I thought I'd take a moment/hour/day and a half/7 brain wracking days to write to you and let you know how we're doing/brag about my kids/lie about my job/give the impression we're a nice normal family.

This year we (fill in the blank) and (tell a lie about doing something exciting) all the while (make your job sound like more than playing solitaire) and (avoid mentioning that time you were arrested).

We hope that you are doing well/doing worse than we are/rotting in he**/still a violent drunk so I look like the "good" relative. We hope you have a joyous and merry Hanukkah/Winter Solstice/Christmas/Kwanzaa/Weasel Stomping Day.

Love,
Us