A Chosen Family

Gendercide: The worldwide war on baby girls

2010-03-08T08:59:00.000-06:00

The Economist details a very disturbing, graphic, first-hand account of gendercide in China, as related by Chinese writer Xinran Xue.

Sadly, I know in my heart that there are millions of untold stories just like this throughout the Asian continent.

And Now The Olympics Are About To Begin

2008-07-21T13:19:00.003-05:00

When we started this process two and a half years ago, I really *really* thought we'd be home with our daughter by now. Everyone assured us that we'd have a complete family by the Olympics. No one could foresee the never-ending wait increasing soooooo much. In fact, I'm fairly sure that people have completely forgotten that we're even still in line. I read on CNN today that Beijing has officially begun traffic control ahead of the Olympics and it got me thinking. So much has happened to us in two and a half years. Life changing things. Moves, a miscarriage, medical scares....

There's really no point to this post, other than to take a minute and reflect on how far we've come, and how far we still have to go.

I Know It's Been Awhile

2008-03-06T10:34:00.002-06:00

We have definitely had a busy 6 months, what with moving across the country and settling into a new house and a new job (at least for the DH). We haven't intentionally removed ourselves from the world of adoption (although I have to admit I haven't had a lot of time to keep up with some of the boards...and I really am sorry about that), but we've been a whole lot more swamped than either one of us had anticipated.

So here's an update: We've now been waiting for almost 19 months. We don't plan on leaving the program. We're still getting settled into our new life in our new state (but we ARE having a blast). We've made some new friends, and we've been able to spend a lot more time with the DH's family. I am still addicted to RQ, and even the husband has been known to log on every once in a while. And I promise to get back into the loop with everybody I've let get pushed to the side during our upheaval. Thanks for being patient with us......That's one thing about this wait: It really gives a person patience.

Chinese New Year

2008-02-07T11:56:00.000-06:00

How many more Chinese New Years will pass until we get our referral? Our agency has 198 families currently in their China program. We've been waiting for 16 months. Currently, the wait seems to be around 25 months. We know we'll wait about 36 months. That means we're almost halfway there. Somehow, it doesn't make sense to me to withdraw now. We started this process 24 months ago, and it honestly doesn't seem like that long ago. That's not to say that we haven't had some rough days, but being able to look at from the halfway point makes it not so bad.

I don't know. Chinese New Year just really got me thinking today. It's tempting to want to dual-track, or to switch programs, but it doesn't feel right to me. Maybe our daughter will be born this year. I think we really can stick this out.

Breaking Radio Silence

2007-12-19T14:33:00.000-06:00

In case anybody was wondering what was up, until today I would have said nothing. Y'all know how it is. Wait, and then wait some more. Not today, though. Today we have actual news.

Today, we've officially made it through Review.

It's A Slow Boat

2007-05-25T12:04:00.000-05:00

We're back. We had a great time on vacation, and now we're settling back into reality. I actually spent the whole week not thinking about "the wait", which I'm pretty sure is a record. No new news, just still waiting. That being said, today I'm surprisingly zen about the whole thing. Sure, I've started the nursery. I've even picked up one or two things for our baby-to-be, but right now, I'm still pretty content to wait it out. Do I wish it was going faster? Absoutely. Is there anything I can do about it. Nope. So we wait. And wait. And wait some more. In the meantime, we've made a conscious decision to live our lives to the fullest, which for us means taking advantage of this last opportunity to do stuff that people with kids can't do so easily. Not a bad way to spend the wait, if you ask me.

Welcome Home!

2007-05-16T23:04:00.000-05:00

To Do List

2007-05-12T20:41:00.000-05:00

1) Sleep
2) Wake up late
3) Take a walk on the beach
4) Nap
5) Swim
6) Kalik
7) Repeat

Vacation

2007-05-10T14:10:00.000-05:00

We're headed to the beach for a much-needed vacation. We will be totally incommunicado (well, mostly), and if you need me, you can find me by the sea with a cold beer in my hand. If the phone doesn't ring, it's me.

Wow. It's May 1st

2007-05-01T10:52:00.000-05:00

May 1st. That mythical and elusive date that we've been clinging to since the new regulations were announced. The whole mentality of "things will surely speed up after May 1st" seems so unlikely now. With the two day batch last month and the six day batch this month, I'm mostly just hoping for things to go back to how they were when they were doing two week batches. Yesterday was the first time I broke down and hit the junk food (thank you Little Debbie, Wavy Lay's, and French Onion dip). I really have been mostly positive throughout the whole process, and things are looking a little brighter today, but I guess everybody has their down days.

So now it's May 1st. I know there are positive things happening at CCAA, and I understand all about the paper-ready baby shortage, but I really do think (call me naive) that a couple of months down the road we will start to see a little bit of a speed-up, because with fewer dossiers coming in after today, there will be manpower freed up to get people through the review room at the very least. Granted, they still have to deal with logging in the in-flux of dossiers of the people rushing to beat the deadline, but I'm holding up hope that come July, we'll see a little bit of a speed up.

So there it is. For friends and family members that read this blog, my intention is certainly not to make you think that this is never gonna happen. It is. We just have a wait ahead of us, and I wish I had a better answer for you when you ask "How's the adoption going?". Right now, I know y'all are all pretty tired of our stock answer "We're one day closer", but really, that's all I can tell you. For the other IA parents, I know you totally get where I'm coming from.

I Found the Formula

2007-04-17T13:36:00.001-05:00

I'm fairly certain I have discovered the mathematical formula used by the CCAA and others regarding our adoption. Here it is:

Homestudy+CIS(fingerprints x FBI clearance) x I-600(171-H)+G4(authentication)+DTC/LID(10-18-06) x wait x wait x wait+Guanzhou(consulate x IR7)+18 hour flight=FAMILY.

Mmmmm....Cat

2007-02-15T06:57:00.000-06:00

This is mostly just a note to let everybody know that yes, we're still here, yes, we're still waiting, and no, we haven't heard anything new. Also, I came across this tidbit today and thought I'd share.

To Watch or Not to Watch

2007-01-11T13:37:00.000-06:00

Yes, I'll probably watch Paula Zahn tonight, if only because I feel that I need to hear first-hand what inane crap is coming out of her mouth. After this, though, that's it. I am frustrated beyond belief at the ratings orgy that is going on at CNN over this topic. Forget the fact that, oh, I don't know, we're at war. Let's focus instead on making adoptive parents miserable. Great idea!

You might be able to tell that I am more than a little fed-up by this. I have gotten an unbelievable number of questions and emails from friends and family who have an opionion formed solely on the CNN piece. Thankfully, they all agree with the rest of us. I want this as far removed from the spotlight as possible. I want to live a quiet life and be left alone with my choices. Mostly, I don't want China to feel like there is pressure due to negative fall-out, since what I want most of all is to see a significant decrease in the wait times. That, and I really want Paula Zahn to shut up.

Yeah, I Watched It

2007-01-08T19:25:00.000-06:00

And while I can't say that I'm completely satisfied, at least CNN chose to respond to the thousands of emails that were sent. I thought that David Youtz did an outstanding job, but I also think they gave Roland Martin waaaaaaaaayyyyyy too much airtime. I also found it interesting that Maldonado was not back on for comment. The biggest surprise? The fact that Cenk Uygur flat-out admitted he was wrong. So. Some vindication, but I still won't trust CNN for my news.

I'm Done

2007-01-05T23:46:00.000-06:00

With Paula Zahn at least. I can't recall anything making me as angry as her show tonight. I've provided a link to the transcript., but suffice it to say that I won't be watching her anymore. If you choose to read the transcript, you'll have to go almost all the way to the end to find the offensive part. And just for the record? I'm not looking to adopt "a China doll". I pretty much just want a baby.

Good Perspective

2006-12-27T10:47:00.000-06:00

If you have a couple of minutes, you might want to check out this article. It chronicles a family who adopted from China, and it includes all the good and bad details. Good: Gotcha Day. Bad: Night terrors once you get home. We feel pretty well prepared at this point, especially since we've been reading everything we can get our hands on, but it's reassuring to read real-life stories of people who have already been there, done that.

Updates

2006-12-21T13:17:00.000-06:00

I've gotten a lot of questions from friends and family regarding the slew of media coverage of the "new" CCAA regulations. First and foremost, I want to assure everybody that none of the "new" regulations affect us in any way. Even if they did, it is expected that all families with LIDs prior to 5/1/07 will be grandfathered in, as the CCAA has a history of doing just this. In addition, there is a lot of speculation (and it's just that---speculation) that these regulations were put into place in order to control the wait times. As of yet, we still don't know how long that will be for us, but we are preparing to settle in for quite a wait. There has been a lot of coverage in the past few days about "tougher" restrictions that could "shorten the wait", but for now, we're prepared to sit back and see how it all plays out. Just thought you'd want to know....:)

File Under: Things I Have to Have

2006-12-20T11:27:00.000-06:00

If I hadn't listened for myself, I would never have believed that "Boys Don't Cry" by the Cure could be transformed into a lullably. Perusing the list of available CDs, I found five or six that I consider "must-haves". Hello.....Ramones?!?!?

These are awesome.

Thanks, The View

2006-11-28T10:26:00.000-06:00

The View featured foster children today, in support of National Adoption Month. While I am fully committed to my own agency's China program, I have to wonder whether or not the husband and I would ever consider fostering and eventually adopting a foster child. I'd sure like to think we would.

Happy Thanksgiving

2006-11-23T08:49:00.000-06:00

From our house to yours, Happy Thanksgiving. I know there are an awful lot of parents-to-be out there who are especially thankful this year, and we are certainly among them. May your holiday be full of all the blessings you could ever want for.

The Name Game

2006-11-14T09:50:00.002-06:00

I was talking to a friend last night, and, of course, the subject of names came up. Now, she has twins, so she had to think up TWO names, and I'm having a hard time settling on one. She was reading an article in Parents magazine, and she shared some of their suggestions. Needless to say, hilarity ensued:

Suggestion #1: Combine the first half of your name with the second half of your husband's.
Problem: We would end up with a kid with my name.

Suggestion #2: Throw a dart at a map and name you child after where the dart lands.
Problem: I really don't want my kid to be named "Scranton" or "Frankfurt".

Suggestion #3: Pick your favorite word......and spell it backwards.
Problem: My favorite word is "monkey", which would mean my child's name would be Yeknom.

For all of you fellow Aparents who have chosen your name already, I am in awe. Sure, we have a list, but it's getting awfully hard to choose. I think it IS a safe bet, however, that I will not name my child Yeknom.

Another Label Milestone

2006-11-01T14:19:00.000-06:00

WE ARE OFFICIALLY LID!!!!!!!!!!! Our LID is 10/18/06. Partying may now commence.

Sorry, Oprah

2006-10-30T22:10:00.000-06:00

Oprah had the guy that started the "Free Hugs" movement on her show today. Apparently, however, this guy would not be quite so welcome in China.

Discipline

2006-10-27T09:31:00.000-05:00

How's this for discipline? I have actually trained myself to check the CCAA website before I check RQ. I am so proud of my self-control.

The Importance of Birth Culture

2006-10-18T15:44:00.000-05:00

Here's a snip from a Gladney article:

Exposing children to their birth culture is beneficial. Most parents agree that knowledge of birth culture promotes their children's self-identity and social adjustment, so it is important for parents to preserve the culture of origin on some level to enable the children to accept all aspects of themselves. Transracial adoptive parents' cultural competence can help children develop pride in their ethnic identities and achieve better psychological adjustment as well as coping skills to deal with racial/ethnic prejudice and discrimination. Such parenting may be associated with higher self-esteem and help prepare the children for questions and stereotypes they may encounter in their lives.

A strong ethnic identity and self-esteem may help protect the child against the negative psychological effects of racism and discrimination. It is protective to have a well-established feeling of one's own worth as a person, which in turn strengthens one's ability to cope successfully with life's challenges. Adoption researchers and professionals believe that adolescents with a strong ethnic identity may report higher pro-social attitudes and less involvement in problem behaviors.

There are many different ways to incorporate your child's birth culture into your family life. Suggestions from other families include: displaying artifacts throughout the house (not just in the child's room), reading multicultural books together, taking language, cooking, or dance classes, attending heritage camps, periodically including recipes from your child's birth country in your family meals as well as including an ethnic dish on Thanksgiving to show how thankful you are for their birth country, and planting a tree or shrub from your child's country of origin each year on his/her Gotcha Day. The importance of maintaining positive adult role models who share your child's ethnic heritage cannot be overlooked. This helps to embrace diversity within your family circle.