The Chronicles of Moobs-Satire, Comedy

portland sandwiches

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Sun, 30 May 2010 23:56:00 +0000

http://portlandsandwiches.wordpress.com/

Great Story on the KFC Double Down

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Fri, 14 May 2010 04:21:00 +0000

Elvis and Karate

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 00:19:00 +0000

"As a student of the martial arts, Elvis was one of the best. He was physically strong and his technique was excellent. Elvis was a master entertainer and a master showman, but he was also a Master Human Being. He demonstrated love and respect with sincerity and humility. Elvis taught me more than I taught him."
Master Rhee Elvis' Sensey

Elvis first came across Karate in the Army.
Elvis achieved a rank of 7th degree black belt.
Elvis showed no mercy.

In the dojo during training, Elvis would only go by Mr. Tiger or Tiger Man, which was his designated animal spirit.

Here is the most important Karate montage of your life.

Elvis in attack mode

Sign on as a Twitter Follower And Win Some Sweet/Quasi Shitty Prizes

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 02:47:00 +0000

Thats right, we are trying to expand our twitter following. If you sign up you can win one of the following prizes.

1) A limited edition signed copy of the first Chronicles of Moobs News Letter. Antiques Roadshow recently appraised its value in the thousands (pesos).
2) A sub sandwich certificate. (I hope you live near).
3) A photo of Norm from Cheers.
4) A photo of a photo of Norm from Cheers.
5) I signed "I love Snacks" T-Shirt by the Moobs staff.

Sign up today.

Who doesn't like the Sham-Wow

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 05:06:00 +0000

Check out our topic posting on Cracked. You can find it at Sham-Wow

Important Flyer That Needs To Be Distributed In Your City

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 00:24:00 +0000

Top Five Reasons Crystal Clear Pepsi Failed

Crystal Clear Pepsi

Who doesn't remember where they were when they enjoyed their first can of Crystal Clear Pepsi? That sweet citrus and cola combination was destined to gobble up marketshare in the ruthless carbonated beverage market...or was it? Were there shadowy characters steering this brilliant idea towards doom?Were the Russians involved? Perhaps, or was the introduction of Tab Clear responsible.Web petitions have been popping up all over the internet with people demanding the re-release of their favorite short lived soda.To move forward we first must learn about the past of this delicious drink.

Crystal Clear Pepsi 1992-1993

1) Van Hagar-Any time Sammy Hagar is pitching your product, night night.

2) Tab Clear By Coke-Split the market.

3) It was just to freakin’ AWESOME.

4) The Russians-Still working on this theory.

5) Colonel Sanders

6) Ringling Bros

http://www.thechroniclesofmoobs.blogspot.com/

The Chronicles of Moobs

A Comedy Blog

The People Have Spoken!

Check Out Our Posting On Cracked

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 04:25:00 +0000

Important Events In The Universe

100 Billion Years Ago-The Universe Formed
1492-America Discovered
1934-Nachos Invented
1949-Ric Flair Born

Rick Flair Bio and History

Ric Flair For President-Woooooooo!

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 05:57:00 +0000

Check Out Our Story On Technorati-Great Satire and Comedy From The Moobs Team

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 01:20:00 +0000

Satire: Grimace Eliminated by McDonald's, No More Gender Neutral Characters

Mayor McCheese

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 01:16:00 +0000

No post to report-Just need to share this photo.

Check out The Story We Wrote For Technorati-Great Satire and Comedy

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 01:12:00 +0000

Satire: Fraternity Party Sets Record For “Dudes” and “Bros”

Famous Andy Kaufman Sketch From The Show Friday's

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 05:02:00 +0000

What makes this so brilliant was that it was on live TV. It starts out as a lame sketch and ends in a whirlwind.

Check out the Story We Wrote- Published On Technorati-Great Satire and Comedy

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 17:35:00 +0000

A spoof on the show The Bachelor

Satire - The Bachelor's Jake Pavelka Narrows List To Three...For His 2009 Tax Returns

Early Jim Carey Stand Up Comedy

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 15:18:00 +0000

As the Title Says Fat Kid + Sword + Ponytail + Sweats = Magic

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 19:57:00 +0000

You will not be disappointed

Buffalo Bills Look Forward To Possiblilty Of Loosing Another Super Bowl in 2011

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 04:19:00 +0000

At his first press conference as the Buffalo Bills head coach, Chan Gailey announced his desire to lose the Super Bowl in 2011. “We have gone before and lost before and I think we can lose again.”

The Buffalo Bills, who have lost a record four straight Super Bowls (1991-1994) are determined to return to their postseason ways.

“Our goal has always been to get back to the Super Bowl and loose,” Coach Gailey said to Chronicles of Moobs head writer Marty Bubbles, “We want to have a team that is good enough to get to the big game, but not close it out.” “For years people have always thought our team was a satire or comedic version of a Super Bowl team, but people don’t understand that we enjoy getting to the Super Bowl-we just don’t want to win.”

The last couple of seasons, the Bills have failed to qualify for the playoffs-coach Gailey is intent to turn it around, “we hope to improve, but not too much.”

When Bills owner Ralph Wilson was informed of the coach’s quote Wilson replied, “That’s why I hired him in 2011 I know we can lose the big one.”

Doc Science Again Answers Your Questions-Smart and Otherwise

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 07:19:00 +0000

Doctor Science is a monthly contributor/guest to the Chronicles of Moobs. She answers any science questions our readers have. If you have a question for Dr. Science please email us at chroniclesofmoobs@gmail.com.

Dear Dr. Science- Over the holidays I received a Cryptex similar to the one featured in The Davinci Code. I can't get the word tacos off the front of the box. Do you why this is?

Taco Confused in Baltimore

Dear Taco Confused-The power and mystique of tacos has long baffled scientists. Congrats on your discovery.

Dear Dr. Science-I purchased a Hogwarts bookmark from a Sky Mall catalog. So far the only thing that the bookmark does is hold my page and has not delivered any damsels dressed like Princess Leah in Return of the Jedi at Jabba’s cantina. Any ideas?

Longing for Jabba

Dear Longing for Jabba-Hogwarts bookmarks are very special-however please be weary of cheap imitations. Sounds like Sky Mall is selling a bum batch.

Chris Botti To Play Entire 2010 World Tour From A Trumpet Made Out Of Sausage

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 04:20:00 +0000

Moobs HQ-

This summer Chris Botti will take on the challenge of a 50 city world tour playing from a trumpet made entirely out of sausage. He has already mastered his craft with a brass instrument, now it is time to do it with cured meats.

At first Botti was challenged with what type of sausage to use. Breakfast links would provide more of a kazoo sound. Italian sausage had a better sound; however it didn’t have the range. It wasn’t until a cookout out at his friends Todd’s house that he discovered the sound of summer sausage. He claims the sausage allows him to hit all the same notes and pitches as his brass trumpet; however the summer sausage has a meatier sound.

This summer after each song Chris wants to cut off a piece of his sausage trumpet and feed it to the crowd. He has always liked the intimacy of sharing his sausage with people. All fifty sausage trumpets will be made before the tour and will require a 50,000 dollar refrigeration system to keep them cool and fresh. Chris mentioned that he played on a bad sausage in New Orleans last year and he doesn’t want to experience that again, it really hurt his stomach.

Confirmed: The Rose City to Host Richard Karn Festival

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 17:35:00 +0000

Chronicles of Moobs HQ Portland OR-

The much anticipated Richard Karn Festival has been confirmed by city hall according to a reliable source close to Moobs. The festival is to be held next year along the Portland Waterfront and will coincide with the Rose Festival running from June 7th through the 9th. Apparently a request was made by Navy Admiral Arliegh Burke who wanted the Karn festival to run along with fleet week. The Navy is a huge fan of Karn and may plan to make him an honorary ensign.

Local economist Fred Turner said The Karn Festival could bring a “multi-million dollar boost to the economy, those are the types of numbers he brings.” At first it was indicated that the three day festival would focus around his work as Al Borland on the hit series Tool Time. However, festival organizer Tim Johnson said this is a celebration of Karn as “whole performer.”

Day one of the festival is set to celebrate the actor’s work as a game show host, from his work on The Family Feud, to his work as the host of Bingo America and also as the pitchman for the ladder the Little Giant. Day two of the festival is set to honor the actor for his work in film. The actor has appeared in such films as Air Bud Seventh Inning Fetch and MVP: Most Vertical Primate. Day three of the festival will be a celebration of his work in Tool Time. Tim Allen has been confirmed as a guest on day three, as well as his neighbor Wilson, however he will only be appearing from behind a fence.

Tickets will be going on sale soon, stay tuned.

Portland's Hottest New Food Cart Sphinx-Ster Taking the Rose City By Storm

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 06:19:00 +0000

Portland Oregon-

Portland’s hottest new food cart Sphnik-ter is taking the city of roses and its foodies by storm. The ultra hip food cart changes locations on an hourly basis and where it shows up next is a total surprise. Sphink-ter is the first food cart of its kind to blend Eastern Block comfort food with Peruvian and Galapagos Island fusion. Chronicles of Moobs head writer Marty Bubbles was recently able to interview the mysterious food cart owner Crimson.

Marty B: Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk to us about Sphink-ter. Where did this idea come from?

Crimson: Yes. It came from a need to have East meet South America. I had traveled to Peru and was amazed by the people and the animals, in particular Yaks, I named my child Yak. One day I was in some sort of altitude trance and I had a vision of a dish of simplicity and complexity, pain and happiness and rain and drought. It was my inspiration.

Marty B: Interesting, tell me more of your signature dish?

Crimson: The Chimbote Nest is a dish that is very dear to me. We take pubes of Peruvian Sherpa and burry it in the ground for a month. Then we dig it up sprinkle it on quinoa that has been boiling at high altitudes and serve it in a conch shell.

Marty B: Your food cart used to have wheels but now it doesn’t please explain?

Crimson: We now only travel by hot air balloon. It is more gratifying. We have a large balloon that we attach to the cart that allows us to fly away when needed.

Marty B: Any new projects in the works?

Crimson: I have a new cart that shall be around soon. All we will be serving is hot flavored steam. The name of the cart will be hot steam.

Edited for clarity and content

Jasper Jowls to Quit 82nd and Foster Chuck E Cheese Band

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 04:52:00 +0000

Portland– Its official, Jasper T Jowls has turned in his banjo for the last time, at least with the 82nd Ave Pizza Time Players. Jasper T Jowls quit the group last Friday. As one of the founding members of the band who was credited for writing such hits as “Pizza Smash” and “Throw Pizza at your Face” is citing irreconcilable differences for stepping away. Rumors for months have been swirling that Jasper is upset for playing second fiddle to Chuck E Cheese for so long. An insider interview under request of anonymity was quoted as saying that it is time for Jasper to “spread his wings in the solo world.”

Recently, other reports have surfaced that are bit more messy. After Jasper’s bitter divorce to Helen Henny reports came out that infidelity by Ms. Henny and Chuck E Cheese may have played a factor. Chuck E Cheese has a history of womanizing with a recent list of women companions such as Krusty the Cat and Dolly Dimples. When asked for an interview Chuck E Cheese denied saying “ Let’s Rock.”

Moobs Scoop: Kris Kristofferson Running For Govenor of Oregon

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 05:05:00 +0000

AP Portland-Breaking News

Portland-In an announcement on the steps of the state capital in Salem on Tuesday singer songwriter Kris Kristofferson announced he is running for Governor of the state of Oregon. The man who cleaned up rock n roll and country music wants to clean up the beaver state.

"Today I come before the people of Oregon to say it is time to get things a moving doing stuff cleaning things up," Kristofferson said, "I have had enough of the crazy stuff."

Kristofferson announced he is running as an independent, “I don't like labels," he gruffed.

When asked about his experience and how he can help the state, Kristofferson offered this reply, "You ever see the movie Blade? I fought vampires in that movie-vampires damn it; name someone else you know who has done that. When Blade was feeling all bad I helped him out. Now ask me a real question."

Cont pg 6

Nicholas Cage Found! Real Nicholas Cage abducted by Nicholas Cage Robot-Explanis String of Shitty Movies

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 01:08:00 +0000

From the Portland Comedy News room-

Today the world was shocked to find out actor Nicholas Cage has been held captive in the Sandwhich Islands for the last 4 years. Apparently he was tricked into capitivy by his arch nemisis and Nicholas Cage look alike Tron 2000. The real Nicholas Cage (pictured on the right) and Tron 2000 (on the left) have been sworn enemies for the last 20 years. The disaperance explains the sudden rash of terrible movies the actor has made. Tron 2000 apparently has held Nick Cage hostage since he first agreed to do Ghost Rider 1.

Local Portland Pizza Too Extreme:Man's Looses Head

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 22:13:00 +0000

Portland Oregon- Tom Jeffers loves pizza. So, when Crazy Pizza opened down the road from his house, he had to be the first one to try it. "The owner said be careful because the Pizza was pretty extreme," said Tom over a phone interview with the editor and Moobs publisher Fred Spanish, "I rolled my eyes and that yeah right-I have had extreme pizza before and I think I will be the judge of that."

Mr. Jeffers went home and took a bite of his pizza, next think you knew part of his head exploded in sheer extremeness. "I have had som eextreme things in my life-however that took it up a notch, crazy pizza is the real deal," said Tom.

Cont pg 10

New Michael Moore Movie Called Hats: a story of why Michael Moore always wears hats

noreply@blogger.com (Dr. Fred Spanish) — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 05:16:00 +0000

AP-Michael Moore likes alot of things; movies, Flint Michigan and hats. His newest movie will get to the bottom of the subject. A representative for Mr. Moore said his new movie will cover the directors love of hats and all things hats. Look for it in theatres soon. An apperance by jester cap has neither been confirmed not denied.