The Chrysalis Blog

Dealing with Offense part 3

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 16:00:00 +0000

¹ The word of the LORD came to Jonah son of Amittai: ² "Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me." ³ But Jonah ran away from the LORD and headed for Tarshish.

Today I want to look at someone who did things the wrong way. Everyone knows the story of Jonah being swallowed by the whale and how God rescued him, and a few people know why he was in the whale in the first place. But do you know why he was running from God? You may have guessed from the title, but he was OFFENDED!!! God wanted him to go and preach in the one place that Jonah hated more than anything else. We don't understand slavery and oppression like he was going through, but we do understand what it's like to get picked on.

I think Jonah knew God, and knew that He would punish people who did evil. In fact, the only thing that was keeping Jonah going was knowing that God would punish the people of Ninevah for all of the horrible things they had done. I wonder if he often prayed for the destruction of that city. I bet he did. So imagine his surprise when one day God tells him to go to Ninevah and preach repentance. He didn't want them to repent, he wanted them to SUFFER!!! So instead of following God's plan, he decided to try and avoid God, and because of that He was swallowed by a whale.

The moral of todays story? Let go of your offenses and listen to God, or you might end up somewhere you don't want to be.

-Jeff-

Dealing with Offense part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 16:00:00 +0000

¹But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. ²At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. ³The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group ⁴and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. ⁵In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" ⁶They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. ⁷When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." ⁸Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

⁹At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. ¹⁰Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

¹¹"No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

Often when we read this passage, we focus on the people and their intent to trick Jesus (otherwise, why didn't they bring the man? It takes two...). And it's true. The only reason they brought this woman was because they wanted to see what Jesus would do. But I want to look at this passage from a slightly different angle.

Leviticus 20:10 says this:

¹⁰ " 'If a man commits adultery with another man's wife—with the wife of his neighbor—both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death.

These men had the law on their side. Forget the fact that they were probably waiting outside her house so they could capture her, they were in the right. The law clearly says she should die. And no one would have given Jesus a hard time for agreeing with the law. But instead Jesus says "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." And at that, the men dropped their stones and walked away.

We've all been in situations where someone has hurt us, and according to the law we have the right to get them back. We say things like: "It's okay for me to hate them, you don't know what they did to me." or we talk to our friends and say: "Just thought you'd like to know, so and so did this to me." And you take those rocks in your hands and begin to throw them at the person, because it's your right to do so.

But Jesus had a different take on this. Have you ever sinned? Have you ever cut someone off in the hallway at school? Have you ever gotten carried away and done something you regretted? If you have, and you've been offered forgiveness, it is your responsibility to do the same to others. When someone hurts you, you have a choice to make. I can take the stone in my hand and throw it at them, or I can drop it and walk away. But as you're thinking about your choice, remember that God took the rock that had your name on it, and instead he threw it at Jesus.

-Jeff-

Dealing with Offense part 1

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Thu, 28 May 2009 19:32:00 +0000

How important is respect? When I asked this question in youth last night, nearly everyone in the room gave it a 4 or 5, on a scale of 1 to 5. As I was mulling over last nights activities, I thought of a few other examples of what we talked about, but rather than dragging this series on for another 3 weeks I figured that I could just say what I need to in a couple blogs. But before I get to the topic, here are a couple quotes on respect:

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

If you're breathing, respect is probably a big deal for you. Last night in youth we talked about the how hurtful offense is, and how it gives the enemy a foothold in our lives. I'm convinced that this is one of the number one ways that he attacks us, because it makes us ineffective in the Kingdom of God. Ephesians 4 says this:

²⁶"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, ²⁷and do not give the devil a foothold.

When we allow ourselves to harbor bitterness, we give the devil a chance to attack us without even realizing. The problem with offense is that often times we have the "right" to be angry. If someone hurts us, we feel justified talking about them behind their back. But that's not what God wants for us.

I'll explore this more in later posts, but this one is getting too long.

-Jeff-

Comments

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Wed, 27 May 2009 16:00:00 +0000

Sometimes the most innocent posts can end up with the strangest comments...

I laughed for quite a while about this! If you're having a hard time reading it, click on the image and it should get bigger.

-Jeff-

She has no idea

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Tue, 26 May 2009 22:03:00 +0000

I don't know why, but for the last few months my kids have been doing a lot of complaining about the work distribution in our house. Usually, the biggest problem is with Tiffanney folding the laundry and then asking them to put it away. They see themselves running all over the house, while Mom gets to sit there and watch Dr Phil (nevermind the fact that she IS making a human!).

I got to thinking about this as I was reading this post from Perry Noble. Here is an excerpt:

She has no idea what I am capable of…or the things I do behind the scenes of her life that she benefits from…but remains unaware of.

She wants a cup of milk…but I am making preparations for her to attend college one day.
She wants to go outside…and I am working hard to buy toys that she can play with while she is out there.
She wants to go to bed…and I do all that I can to make sure we have a safe house to live in so she can sleep.

We see the immediate needs and how God provides for us, but what about the things we don't see? Because God is constantly working on our behalf.

-Jeff-

Blogger Love-Hate

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Tue, 19 May 2009 22:50:00 +0000

I'm going thru a bit of a love-hate relationship with Blogger right now. For some reason I can't change parts of my blog layout, which sucks because my other site, www.realityyouthonline.com, looks pretty messed up with no way to fix it (unless I delete everything and start over). I've tried searching the help forums but it seems like there are waaaayyyy more people with questions on there than there are people to answer them. So, what should I do? Maybe the answer is to scrap it and start a new blog somewhere else. But that takes a long time. So I guess I'll just sit and wait for them to fix the problem, whenever they get around to it.

BTW, my blogger error code is: bX-gcjf62, if you're getting the same code, let me know and maybe we can talk through the problem together.

-Jeff-

USS Enterprise vs the Death Star

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Mon, 11 May 2009 16:00:00 +0000

I saw this and just had to post it! Have a Happy Monday!

-Jeff-

Mother's Day Video

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Sun, 10 May 2009 08:58:00 +0000

It's not too late! If you're looking for something to do for your wife or mom for Mother's Day, here is a great idea from Animoto.com. All you do is upload 12-15 pics and select your music, and they do the rest! You will need to sign up for an account before making the video and at the end you click send as Mother's Day video. Here's how our video turned out.

-Jeff-

What I learned while swinging.

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Fri, 08 May 2009 16:28:00 +0000

My daughter just taught me something interesting. We were out on the play ground and I was pushing her on the swings. Suddenly, she turns to the girls next to her and says, "Haha girls, I'm going higher than you!" BUT I WAS DOING ALL THE WORK!!!

As I stood there thinking about what she was doing, part of me wanted to walk away and see how well she could do on her own! But in that moment God spoke, "How often do you take credit for the things that I'm doing?" And it's so true, I'll spend time praying and fasting for a sermon, and then when it goes well I take the credit! Like I made those people get saved! Let's just say it was a humbling experience.

And in case you were wondering, I typed this whole blog while pushing her on the swing (she thought I was texting!).

-Jeff-

Using Twitter beyond Status Updates

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Fri, 01 May 2009 21:43:00 +0000

Hey there Tweeple! So maybe you've made the jump into the Twitterverse, and maybe you're still sitting on the fence. Here are 10 reasons why you should be on Twitter!

1) Imagine being able to update your Facebook status via text message.
2) Imagine never missing a status update because they're sent to your phone via text message.
3) If everyone was on Twitter, we could send out announcement reminders to help you plan things easier.
4) If you own a blog, you can set it to update your status everytime you post something to it.
5) If you own a blog, you can set it to update your blog everytime you post something on Twitter.
6) Youth Pastors/Leaders can quickly update parents about changes to events, or let them in on things that are happening on a retreat or missions trip.
7) Twitter is an easy way to get pictures on the internet (check out Twitpic).
8) Twitter is a great way to stay up on current events (go to search.Twitter.com).
9) Twitter is great for networking. Maybe you'll never get a reply from @aplusk (Ashton Kutcher), but many interesting people in different fields use Twitter, and they're ready to talk.
10) Lastly, Twitter is fun when there are a lot of people on it. But do me a favor, post jokes or things you find interesting, not just what you're eating for lunch. Do that, and Twitter will be fun for everyone.

Hopefully I've convinced you, if you have questions about how to do any of the things listed above, leave me a comment.

-Jeff-

I am Barabbas

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 19:43:00 +0000

Let me start off by saying that I love Mark Batterson. I just finished reading his book, Wild Goose Chase and I'm still chewing on some of the things that were in that book.

But the reason for this post is to talk about something he said on his blog: I am Barabbas. You remember Barabbas as the man who was traded for Jesus. Click the link above to read Mark's thoughts, and remember that Jesus took our place.

-Jeff-

UnCommon Promo

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 23:15:00 +0000

Here is a little video that I put together to advertise for our Discipleship Retreat. It's gonna be great!

-Jeff-

Guitar Hero Ministry Mentality

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 22:28:00 +0000

This post from Steve Furtick is so good that I've shared it with all my youth leaders, and even mentioned it in my sermon on Wednesday night. Here's an excerpt:

If my generation isn’t careful, we may fall into a Guitar Hero mentality toward ministry:
Everybody wants to be a rock star, but no one wants to learn the chords.

The rest is just as good, click over here to read it.

-Jeff-

Save the Executives

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 18:56:00 +0000

This video touched me in a very profound way. Watch it, and then I'll offer my commentary.

What's really great is this was put together back in October, well before the current round of AIG bonuses. Thanks to Ray Hansen and Pastor Rich Smith for sharing this with me!

-Jeff-

Explanation or Obedience

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 21:32:00 +0000

Here is a great post from Perry Noble, Pastor of New Spring Church. He does a great job asking (and answering) the question, "Does God owe us an explanation when He asks us to do something?" Too many times people get stuck on why God wants us to do something (witness, go to college, find a job, start a new ministry) instead of merely obeying Him and trusting Him with the results. The results are up to God, our job is to obey! Here is an excerpt of what he said:

One of the problems I have constantly faced as follower of Jesus Christ is the mistake that believing that God owes me some sort of explanation every time He commands me to do something…

…which has caused me, many times, to expect God to explain Himself rather than me simply trusting Him enough to do exactly what He says.

...

BUT…I believe ONE of the reasons He doesn’t waste time with explanation is because it would lead to negotiation on our part…we would hear His plan and try to “improve” upon it because; after all, we are smarter than Him, right?

...

By the way…when we want an explanation and try to enter into negotiation…the result is always frustration.

We get in trouble when we expect God to do things our way. When He doesn't, then we balk at Him rather than trusting Him to know what's best for us.

-Jeff-

Get out of Purgatory Free (Almost)

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 18:00:00 +0000

I got this story from Randy Cassingham over at This is True. If you're a fan of weird but true news, click over there and get a FREE newsletter subscription from his site. Anyways, I wanted to post this article because I watched the movie Luther on Saturday, and here's what I posted to my Twitter account (btw, if you're on Twitter, follow me here):

PAGING MARTIN LUTHER: The Roman Catholic Church is bringing back Plenary
Indulgences -- a sort-of Get Out of Hell Free card from a priest. "Why
are we bringing it back?" offered Bishop Nicholas A. DiMarzio of
Brooklyn, N.Y., who supports indulgences. "Because there is sin in the
world." Indulgences were dropped by the church in the 1960s after the
Second Vatican Council. Church doctrine notes that even after a priest
offers absolution after confession, sinners still face punishment after
death. Indulgences supposedly cancel the punishment in purgatory. They
cannot be purchased -- the church outlawed that in 1567 -- but a
contribution greases the wheels. A parishioner must confess to get one,
and there is a limit of one per sinner per day. "It was always there,"
Bishop DiMarzio says. "We just want people to return to the ideas they
used to know." (New York Times) ...So parochial school nuns can get out
their rulers again.

If only AG churches would follow the same model... So here's a question, how much would you pay to get yourself or someone you love out of Purgatory? Obviously I don't believe in Purgatory (show me where it is in the Bible, then you'll get me interested), but if I believed for a second that I could shorten my stay there, I'd empty every dime out of my bank account to make sure that it happened. Anything less would indicate that I didn't really believe what I said I did.

So to flip that around, what are some things we believe in that we don't sell out for ?

-Jeff-

I Love Youth Leaders

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 19:31:00 +0000

Last night I had a unique experience. A lot youth pastors will laugh when I say this, but there are several out there who are going to nod knowingly, and a few who will be jealous. I say unique because it's something I've rarely had happen to me. So enough stalling, here it is: Our small groups happened and succeeded without Tiffanney or I there. Our leaders are really stepping up, and they've taken small groups to a level that Tiffanney and I could not have gotten them to on our own. It feels like our group is multiplying! I'm loving it!

-Jeff-

New Reality Logo?

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 21:25:00 +0000

Probably not, but we'll need to find a way to use this. I think it's pretty cool.

I guess you could say I'm having a hard time concentrating today,

-Jeff-

Dilbert has an addiction.

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 01:34:00 +0000

And the only solution is more smartphone!!! I laughed when I saw this, 'cause Tiff makes fun of me all the time for my crackberry addiction. Although I will say that I still prefer my wife over my phone... Love you babe!

-Jeff-

100 posts

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 18:17:00 +0000

This is it! Post #100!!! At times it seemed like I'd never make it, and for sure there have been times when I've quit blogging altogether, only to pick it back up when the time was right. If you are new to reading this blog, I'm going to take a few paragraphs to highlight some of the ways this blog has changed in the last 100 items.

It's funny going back and rereading some of my old posts. I've been blogging for two years now, and a lot has changed in my life since then. My first post was right after a lock in, and includes the prophetic statement "I think Myspace is outliving it's usefulness anyway." That's right, I called it two years ago! Back then I was concerned about the ads that were so prevalent (and still are), now I'm concerned (not really) that no one uses it.

I posted three times in the first 8 days, then took a three month break because it was getting to be too much (really I was just lazy and didn't think I had anything interesting to say (I still don't)). I hit my blogging stride though shortly after that as I posted 10 items during our missions trip. I haven't done that since, but I really need to because it was a great way to decompress and to let parents know what was happening in the ministry.

The blog took on a new direction for a little while as I tried to apply the Bible to current events, which was a noble goal but I didn't have the time to search out new information. In December 2007 our house was flooded, so there are several posts relating to that.

During that same time period our senior pastor left, and I was the interim pastor at our church. This was the one time when I could seriously say I was too busy to blog, it was all I could do to keep my head above water.

Sometime in 2008 I decided that my writing needed to be focused more towards youth pastors, as one of the things God has called me to do is to help resource the next gen of youth pastors out there. So I started a few different series, and each time they ended up being too much work to keep up with. Tools I use in ministry and What Should I do after I get Saved flowed from this line of thinking, and each one took months to complete.

In June we stepped down in Oakville, and for a while this blog became a way for me to get my name out there. When we moved to Lake Stevens, the blog became more a way for me to connect with our Youth Leadership, and to start a discussion about Youth Ministry.

So that's where we've come from, as far as where we're heading, maybe the next 100 will make that clear.

-Jeff-

3 Tools for Reading the Bible Online

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 01:06:00 +0000

Recently I've had a couple students ask me about getting their hands on a Bible reading plan. This is obviously very exciting because it means they're interested in getting into the word for themselves! You know God is moving when students actually want to study!

I thought it would be good to post a few different resources so you guys can get a little variety. Here's what I use:

1) Bibleyear.com. if you've ever wanted to read the Bible thru in a year, this is the place for you. What I did was selected the plan I liked (chronological, New Living Translation) set the start date for the closest date, and then I bookmarked the page that came up. I also printed a copy to stick in my Bible. Then when I sat down at my computer in the am, I'd click the bookmark and click the date and voila! All my daily reading is right there on the screen. I have loved it for the last year or so. Next time I'll do a plan where you read both the OT and NT at the same time (the reading got a little lean at times in the OT, and now I'm reading whole books of the NT in one day.)

2) Youversion.com. I downloaded their blackberry app and it's the best free Bible reading program that I've found for my phone. As cool as that is though, their webpage takes Bible reading to a whole new level by making it community oriented. Users can post comments, audio or video about certain scriptures. It's nice to be able to read what others are thinking. It's a great concept and it's easy to get lost for a long time reading the Bible and what others have to say about it.

3) Reality Student Ministries Online Devotions. We're trying out something new in our ministry, online devotions. It's like God's word for today, but written by me and our youth staff. We've had fun with it in the first week, and I'm excited to see where it goes from here.

So those are a few ideas. What plan do you use?

-Jeff-

NYMC Announcements

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 03:28:00 +0000

I thought these videos were funny. Anyone of my students want to volunteer to be the guinea pig during announcements?

How to Confront in Love

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 17:12:00 +0000

I hope this works, I'm blogging from the berry today! These are notes I took from one of our interactive sessions by Dan Hunter:

How to correct someone:
1) Get God's wisdom
- Hebrew 12:10-11
- If we get God's wisdom, it will always lead back to His grace.

2) Select the right moment.
- Praise in public and correct in private. - The right moment is not when you're angry. If you're angry, walk away. Get someone else to talk with them first if you need to.
- The wrong moment can make the right correction wrong.
- The goal isn't to be right, it's growth.

3) Be genuinely concerned.
A) listen to them, let them talk
B) watch their reactions
C) help them grow

4) Let them teach themselves
A) ask general questions
B) ask specific questions
C) ask forseeing questions
D) ask loving questions

5) Address the issue directly
- If we beat around the bush, they may leave the meeting without a clear picture of what they did wrong and how to fix the problem.
- don't talk in code, and don't avoid the main question because you're afraid to say the words

6) Go to the root of the problem

7) Challenge them throughout the meeting
- Let them know the mistake they made will not haunt them the rest of their lives.

-Jeff-

What would I change in our ministry

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 05:56:00 +0000

Today at Summit our DYD(?), Jeffrey Portmann, challenged us with the question: "If you could change one thing in your youth ministry over the next year, what would it be?" I've been mulling that question over in my head all day long, and I haven't been able to come up with a great answer. Tonight I even posed it to two of our youth leaders who made the trip with us, and couldn't get a great answer from them either. Part of that is because we've only been at the church for seven months now, so there are a lot of things we're slowly changing, but the biggest reason is that things are going so amazingly well right now, it's hard to find anything that's really that wrong. And that's a great place to be.

I case you're curious, here are the things we talked about:
1) More small group involvement by our students.

2) Visitation. This is a pretty big one, and the closest we got to a great answer. We need a plan to follow up with our visitors.

3) Connecting more with students on Wednesday nights.

Well, it's off to bed for me, good night.
-Jeff-

Brainstorming: What to do with our Adult Leaders

noreply@blogger.com (Pastor Jeff Graham) — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 18:56:00 +0000

How many leaders are too many? God has been blessing us with leaders, in fact I think I could have 5 more if I asked specific people in our church to do things, yet I'm not sure how to keep the leaders I have busy. This Sunday we're having a leadership meeting, and I've been brainstorming tasks to keep them all involved. I LOVE OUR LEADERS, AND I COVET HAVING THEM AROUND. I hope none of them ever feel like they're unimportant to the ministry, because I know that it's crucial to have them around.

I don't want to give them busy work, because I know that they're far too talented and busy with their lives to be doing menial tasks that I could easily accomplish during the week (or give to our equally amazing student leaders). These tasks are above and beyond their main job of loving students and pouring into their lives. So I'm looking for tasks that are essential to keeping the youth ministry running smoothly, and here's what I've come up with so far:

1) Security. Every few weeks we need one of them to be in charge of walking the building and getting stragglers back into service. Also we need them to be watching the students who leave the sanctuary, and we need them to watch the sound booth to ensure there are only two students at a time up there.

2) Prayer time. It would be nice to have one of them in position at 6:30 to get the prayer time started and running smoothly. Tiffanney and I usually get caught talking, so it would be nice to not have that worry.

3) Visitation Ministry. I need someone whose organized and would want to either come in for an hour on Thursdays or work from home but who would put together the youth database for me.

4) Online Presence. I need someone who will start and facilitate discussions online, make the youth group myspace look cool, and other things like that.

5) Setup/Teardown. This is already happening, but I want to mention it because I value it so much. Every week we put up these moving walls in the sanctuary to make the space feel more intimate, and these things are a pain. It involves taking them out of the closet they're stored in, handing them to someone on the main floor by passing them over the edge of the balcony, and then getting them in their correct spots. And then we reverse the process at the end.

6) JR High event planning. As we grow bigger, I'd like to see us do some events that are targeted more at different age groups. It would be really cool to have someone step up and start doing Jr High only events, as well as HS only.

7) Small Group Leaders. Is there a dumber name to call small groups than small groups? Yet that's what we're doing right now 'cause I'm too lazy to switch them over to Cadres or something cool like that. Anyway, we will need leaders as the groups get bigger. John is doing a great job with the Sunday School class, and I'd include that under small groups (not saying we need a leader, I'm brainstorming all of the jobs that are needed in the youth ministry).

Those are just a few ideas. If you're one of my leaders and you're reading this, leave a comment telling me what you'd like to do, or suggesting something else I haven't already thought of. Also, come ready on Sunday to talk about where you'd like to get involved.

Am I missing anything? Leave me a comment and let me know.

-Jeff-