The Chum Bucket

Game Over

2010-06-23T11:30:00.000-07:00

I'll miss ya dude. Ridiculously consistent but only occasionally spectacular. Somehow managed to be underrated but overpaid. Good luck wherever you land.

As long as it's not LA.

2010-2011 Schedule Released

2010-06-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

So I'm over 2009-2010. Fuck it.

On to 2010-2011, you may have seen the schedule was released today. Snap impressions:

San Jose starts the season on Friday October 8th in Stockholm, Sweden vs. the hated Columbus Blue Jackets. Make sure to set your alarm clocks... those of you that set your alarm clocks 4 months in advance.
The legit home opener takes place on Saturday October 16th vs. Atlanta. Atlanta will be playing their 5th game of the season and already out on the road, while San Jose will be knocking off a week of rust and 6000 miles of jet lag! Who's excited to blow the home opener against the shittiest team in the Southeast?!
We play Detroit at home on 11/30 and 3/3, and Chicago at home on 11/24 and 12/11. Because I know you were going to check anyways.
Random out of conference games I'm excited for - Toronto on 1/11/11 (numerology FTW) and Washington on 2/17 (maybe, just maybe, I can finally see an Alexander the Great game in person)
San Jose goes on their annual February odyssey yet again, going to Anaheim, Boston, Washington, Columbus, New Jersey, Florida, Nashville, before finally going back to San Jose. 7600 air miles in 15 days. Fun!
The biggest schedule news: clearly the Pacific slugfest to close out the season. From March 24th to April 9th, San Jose plays Dallas once, LA and Anaheim twice, and Phoenix three times, without a single non-division game. EPIC. I'm excited.

There Might Not Be Any More Hockey...

2010-06-10T14:02:00.001-07:00

But you can still see The Karate Kid!....? What? Really Danny?

And fuck Chicago, right in the butt.

So What Do You Do

2010-05-23T21:32:00.001-07:00

When your best just isn't good enough?

Now It's Personal

2010-05-14T15:48:00.000-07:00

It apparently takes quite a bit to get me to come out of my self-imposed exile. For one, this season I've gotten both a PS3 and a girlfriend, both of which I enjoy spending a lot of time with, moreso than yelling at strangers on the internet.

Also, since I've shut the fuck up, the Sharks have done quite well. I'm not one to mess with good juju.

But then I read this ridiculous bullshit from some limpdicked fuck at a site I won't do the pleasure of linking to (via Pollak's always awesome WTC):

“San Jose? Is that really a city, or just a suburb of San Francisco? Let’s get ourselves out of California, where hockey is an afterthought. Best chance for everybody involved to avert that possible chance for the first hockey finals interrupted by an earthquake.”

Well then.

Yes, San Jose is a city, and a vastly more important one than Chicago now that you bring it up. We shouldn't have to keep reminding people that San Jose is the 10th largest city in the US, which means our fanbase is bigger than 20 other teams in the NHL. We've given the world Google, Craigslist, Ebay, Facebook, Pat Tilman, and Nikki Sixx; Chicago's greatest export is shitty baseball and too much fucking bread on my pizza.

Afterthought? Afterthought?!? You might not have noticed while sucking your own dicks for the last two years, but before Kane and Toews landed in your laps, no one in Chicago gave a shit about the Blackhawks.

Blackhawk rank leaguewide in home attendance (based on raw attendance):

2001 - 24th
2002 - 23rd
2003 - 24th
2004 - 27th
2006 - 29th
2007 - 29th
2008 - 19th
2009 - 1st
2010 - 1st

Do not, DO NOT, give me that "frontrunner", "afterthought" bullshit. Everyone in Chicago hated the Blackhawks before Old Man Wirtz died and your team sucked so badly you stumbled ass backwards into 2 franchise-changing players.

And earthquakes? Really? How fucking lazy are you? That's like saying we'd be doing everyone a favor by knocking out the Blackhawks because the whole city might catch on fire. That's just retarded and lazy.

I tell you what, we'll knock out the Blackhawks so you all can go back to figuring out the best way to fellate LeBron James. "Da Bulls", amiright?

Sharks in 7. Fuckers.

Fuck You Flukes

2010-04-20T22:37:00.000-07:00

Dan Boyle and Joe Pavelski will not let you decide the fate of the Sharks. Dan Boyle and Joe Pavelski will not be denied.

Go Sharks.

Fantastic Voyage II

2010-04-06T10:05:00.000-07:00

It's time again for a favorite yearly tradition - the incredibly wasteful journey of my Sharks playoff tickets!

The tickets start in an undisclosed location, then travel through the many armpits of America, before eventually landing at my front door, ready for anyone to come by and steal. It's like the Amazing Race, but without me winning anything at the end.

At least it was close to a straight line this year:

Sunnyvale, CA, by way of
San Pablo, CA, by way of
West Sacramento, CA, by way of
Mather, CA, by way of
Louisville, KY, by way of
Indianapolis, IN

View Larger Map

Somewhere, Dan Ellis's Ankles Are Being Put Back Together

2010-03-12T16:00:00.000-08:00

My God...

So I'm officially confused.

What the hell was that last night? How am I supposed to feel about that game?

I mean, any time your team comes from behind like crazy at the end, it's undeniably exciting. The Sharks played out of their minds in the 3rd period, got some extremely lucky bounces, and ended up dominating the inferior Predators in the end. Also, props to Todd McLellan for sticking with Nabby after 2 periods. If you're getting outshot 34-11, you should probably expect the score to be about 4-2.

But yeah, about those first 2 periods...

Despite banging in 8 goals (2 on the PP), 4 Sharks ended up with -1 on the night (Clowe, Leach, Marleau, and McGinn). The statue of Rob Blake had +1 but I have to believe he was just too slow getting off the ice when the goal was scored.

San Jose's top performers? No surprise if you watched the game - Malhotra, Nichol, and Pavelski, at +3 each. Everyone else was a defensive nightmare. Fans were giving the refs shit for (among MANY things) getting in Clowe's way as Nashville scored their 5th goal, but that doesn't excuse Clowe's goddawful turnover exiting his own zone. And you're not going to believe this, but despite Thornton's constant presence, he got way too cute with the puck way too often. Joe's major contribution to the game? A buttfuck ugly rebound goal! You can shoot Joe! Sometimes they go in!!!

So goddamn frustrating! I can't forgive those first 4o minutes of agony just because of the last 20 minutes of ecstasy.

The Sharks are like your divorced dad who lives 2 states away. Most of they time he only bothers to call you on the holidays and send you five bucks for your birthday. But sometimes he shows up to take you fishing and lets you flip through his Playboy. Thanks Dad! I didn't really want to go to Disneyland last year anyways!

I'm just a little to worried "Dad" is going to forget to show up for the playoffs and decide to spend April golfing with his buddies or hanging out with his new girlfriend. She smells like candy and vodka and is always pinching my butt! I hate her! She's not as pretty as Mom! MOOOOM!!!

Fuck Yeah!

2010-02-22T13:51:00.001-08:00

You Got KTFO'd!

2010-02-10T13:02:00.001-08:00

Nice one Shelley:

3 Words

2010-01-19T09:36:00.001-08:00

I Fucking Hate Andy McDonald

2010-01-07T15:45:00.001-08:00

I know I haven't posted much lately, and I know the Sharks won anyways, but fuck! I fucking hate Andy McDonald! That little fucker ended up with -1 on the night despite dry humping Nabokov before scoring on him.

And while I'm ranting.... HAND ON THE PUCK IN THE CREASE!!! HAND ON THE PUCK IN THE CREASE!!! How many times can we get jobbed by shitty reffing on plays in front of the goal mouth?

In conclusion, the St. Louis Blues are a bunch of dirty fucking cheaters and Andy Murray can go jam his head up his ass.

Oh they've got some new guy? Davis Payne? It looks like Numa Numa went on the Subway diet:

Save-d!

2009-12-24T23:21:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Even the Pontiff is getting in the hockey spirit this holiday season. Here's hoping his holiness pulled that red sweater over her noggin and gave her a season's beatings.

Intent To Blow

2009-12-10T12:54:00.000-08:00

Just like Jamie, I laughed. Then I cried. Hey refs, I've got something you can intend to blow.

Decapatation

2009-12-01T16:07:00.000-08:00

TONS of good stuff on WTC today, including the requisite Heatley-Ottawa stuff, Patty's 900th(!) game as a Shark, and this ridiculousness. Sucks for Vokoun:

As for tonight's game, make sure to give Cheech and Milan a big round of applause, and let's make sure to show the Sens why we were glad to get Dany.

Ha, speaking of post-goal FAIL:

Wacky Ass Game

2009-11-21T12:48:00.000-08:00

Was it me or was that game just all over the map?

Manny Malhotra scores both for, and against, the Sharks
Pickles gets in his first fight in 265 NHL games, with Danny Briere, his second fight in 606 NHL games.
Dany Heatley gets his second hat trick of the season (both at home), when the San Jose didn't record a single one during their record-setting 08-09 season. And he wasn't even the 1st star?!?!
That honor would go to Joe Thornton and his 4 assists, who made all of us look a little bit foolish for yelling "SHOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!"

San Jose leads the NHL standings by 4 points. Duck the Fucks.

Stupid Anaheim Ducks Fans Fight Literally Over A Stick

2009-11-20T13:22:00.000-08:00

There's no way to improve on that title:

Nice find by my buddy The Mayor.

Other Blog Round-Up

2009-11-09T12:03:00.000-08:00

Nice find by FTF - the top 10 saves made by skaters. Make sure to watch all the way to the end.

While we're at it:

The Sharks Hockey Analysis guys moved their main blog over to Dudes on Hockey. Check 'em out. They actually know what they're talking about and understand the cap.
Couch Tarts have been over at Bloguin for a little bit now. Check 'em out. They draw cool pictures and point out funny nicknames.

Straight Whuppin

2009-11-07T23:16:00.001-08:00

The San Jose Sharks are the best team in the league.

Welcome back Joe Pavelski.

We've Crossed The Line

2009-11-06T13:20:00.000-08:00

Holy shit. I read this article (erm, skimmed) and missed this. As pointed out over at Couch Tarts, from today's Mercury:

Callahan took a pass from Joe Thornton and skated down the middle of the ice before dishing the puck to Couture, whose 44-foot wrist shot beat Red Wings goalie Chris Osgood at 14:41 of the second period.
"That always helps, a little bit of chemistry," Callahan said. "But that being said, I didn't even know it was Cooch out there until I gave it to him."

Emphasis added, but I doubt you would've missed it. So apparently Couture's nickname is Cooch, which is the filthiest fucking thing I've ever heard. I thought the players called Devin "Seto" because the alternative wasn't exactly family-friendly. That is clearly not the case.

And just so we're clear, Gooch is fan-fucking-tastic. There's no greater thrill in life than yelling, "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH!!!!!!" at the top of your lungs. Gooch is 90% funny and 10% dirty, the desired ratio. Cooch is at least 118% dirty. I'd sooner yell "Raffi Torres is the finest competitor to ever play the great sport of hockey and by god, a decent human being," than "COOCH" after a Logan Couture goal*.

Not to mention the potential confusion that could arise from this nefarious nickname! Would you dare call this man Cooch? What if your girlfriend overheard you quoting that you "didn't even know it was Cooch out there until (you) gave it to him"? Why are you giving any man Cooch, and better yet, why could you not identify that it was, in fact, Cooch?

So I'm backing Gray on this one. Cooch is one line that I just will not cross. Wait, shit, that came out wrong...

*This isn't even remotely true. Let's be honest: I'm probably going to yell "COOOOOOCH" at the Tank sooner rather than later, and will very likely be escorted from building**.

**Raffi Torres is a goddamn piece of shit.

Good Shit, Nabby

2009-11-06T10:12:00.000-08:00

The Douggernaut appreciates Nabby, and so should you.

I missed last night's contest vs. Detroit (at the Bill Simmons signing in SF), but it looks like a hard luck loss. Nabby put up 35 saves and still took an SOL.

Now seems as good a time as ever to give props to #20.

Over the last 9 games, Nabokov's posted a 0.933 SV% and 1.84 GAA.
His stats on the season (0.911, 2.38) put him at 6th and 6th respectively in the league.
He's by far the league leader in minutes (949 vs. Anderson's 911).
And, no surprise, he's tied for the league lead in wins.

Good shit, Nabby!

Road Trip! - Mile High City Part II

2009-11-05T08:00:00.000-08:00

Aaaaaaaaand we're back. If you guessed that idling is allowed "always", you're illiterate. Have fun with the pretty pictures.

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The next day I bought a ticket to the Hurricanes-Avalanche game that night. I walked up about 4 hours before the game, bought one of the cheapest seats available, and got in just fine.

Nice digs, from the outside.

I'm not really a big fan of rocking my jersey at another team's stadium if my team isn't playing. If it was San Jose-Colorado that night, I'd be head-to-toe in teal, but not just for 2 random teams. Still, I sure as shit wasn't going to wear any red at this game and felt it necessary to at least keep it a little bit real:

As you can tell the Pepsi Center is really gorgeous from the outside, but HP Pavilion still has it absolutely worked on the inside. Sometimes I forget we have the nicest scoreboard in the league.

Last seen at your JV basketball game.

To be serious for a moment, visiting this Avalanche game raised some concerns for me. Take a look at these:

Notice anything? Like the huge swaths of empty seats both in the lower bowl (1st pic) and upper bowl (2nd)? The Avalanche were 7-1-2 at this point, playing at home on a Friday night, and they sold just 76% of the seats. I paid $27 for a cheap seat and plopped down in the first one I could find with plenty of leg and arm room. Can you imagine doing that at HP Pavilion on a Friday night?

Should I be worried about this? One of the league's most successful franchises starts with one of the hottest starts in team history and can barely muster a decent crowd? At least they're not Phoenix... holy shit.

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The game itself, in case you were wondering, was fantastic. Carolina jumped out to a 2 goal lead, but Colorado scored in 2 bunches of 2, held off a penalty shot from Ray Whitney, and ended up winning a 5-4 thriller. Darcy Tucker got a nasty concussion that he's apparently still recovering from.

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2 more notes from the Colorado Avalanche in-game experience:

1. Apparently the good people of Colorado have some kind of hard on for Chipotle (and, I would hope, ChipotlAway). They fly a giant burrito around during periods:

In fact, the citizenry of Denver is so mad with burrito fever they literally parachute in Chipotle during the game (see the orange parachutes?):

2. PEE-WEE HOCKEY!!!

Pee-Wee hockey during the 1st intermission, Pee-Wee shootout during the 2nd! That shit is the best. My personal favorite was Colorado's Announcer Guy interviewing one of the tykes after the pee-wee game:

GUY: Hey there Johnny did you have fun out there?

KID: YEAH.

GUY: So Johnny, who's your favorite player on the Avalanche?

KID: WELL IT WAS JOE SAKIC BUT NOW HE'S RETIRED.

GUY: Ah ha ha ha! So who's your favorite player now?

KID: UHH I DON'T KNOW ANY.

GUY: How about Matt Duchene?

KID: SURE.

GUY: How about me, Johnny, do you know who I am?

KID: NO.

Don't worry, Guy, I couldn't even be bothered to look up your name. I'm sure your anonymity is safe.

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All in all, good times. Thanks for all the beer, Denver.

Road Trip! - Mile High City Part I

2009-11-04T08:00:00.000-08:00

This is the actual statue that greets you at the Denver Airport. Really. I hope you weren't planning on sleeping tonight.

My travels take my to some random places for random reasons, and this time they took me to Denver in the middle of October. I figured I'd take in the sites, see a game at the Pepsi Center, and down a gallon of microbrews like a yuppie in the Marina.

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Here's the good news about Denver - there's nothing but sports, beer, and artery-clogging pub food. And the bad news? There's NOTHING but sports, beer, and life-shortening, cheese-laden, breaded and deep fried pub food.

Quick aside: Men's Health disagrees with me. Maybe when you choose to sit idle for 3 hours at a time and throw down Monte Cristos dipped in maple syrup, that's more of a lifestyle choice than a condemnation of an entire city. Do I look like a public health official? Fact: there's a lot of shitty food there and I ate it.

Here's a fucking amazing pulled pork grilled cheese sandwich and an amber ale microbrew. Guh so good.

But BY FAR the finest culinary treat Denver has to offer is Biker Jim's Gourmet Hot Dogs. Here's Biker Jim's unassuming hot dog cart:

More importantly, here's Biker Jim's batshit crazy menu:

Southwest Buffalo. Alaska Reindeer. Friends, you haven't eaten a street vendor hot dog until you've had Biker Jim's Elk Jalapeno Cheddar dog with cream cheese and carmelized onions.

The dog/sausage bursts with a hugely unique flavor. There's just enough cream cheese to give it a slight sweetness. And the bread. Oh, the bread! So soft and fresh. On top of all this, Biker Jim was probably the friendliest and most helpful person I met in the Mile High City. GO HERE NOW.

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When I wasn't bringing obscure land mammals closer to extinction, I was at The Sports Column, a popular downtown sports bar. The Sports Columns is a vast, open bar with an impressive array of HDTV's - by my count 5 70" TVs and a few smaller ones too. The bar was just a few blocks away from my hotel and thankfully carried Center Ice. I hiked over there to watch the 10/22 game vs. Tampa Bay. 2 rants:

#1 - On the uselessness of hotel bars - I travel a lot which means I stay in a lot of hotels. Hotels, by definition, are inhabited people who are from out-of-town. So why the fuck don't hotel bars carry Center Ice, Sunday Ticket, etc.? I don't want to spend 30 minutes googling for a goddamn bar where I can watch my hockey team play. In Washington D.C. I took the fucking Metro to Arlington, Virginia to watch 1 Sharks game. If you're a 4-star hotel, order the packages, charge me $8 a beer, and we'll all be winners. Got it?

#2 - On San Jose, Beer, and Bars. I love the City of San Jose with all of my heart and never want to live anywhere else. But holy fuck, we do not have our shit together when it comes to watering holes. Take the Sports Column - they took a huge red brick warehouse, gutted it, then filled it with stools, giant HDTVs, and goofy shit on the walls. They order all the major sports packages, basically run happy hour 24/7, and huge surprise - they've got a fun place to be that's packed with happy, drunk revelers. Why is this so hard? Why was our best pregame drinking destination (Tied House) shut down due to lack of profitability? Why is our current best pregame destination (The Brit) overpriced and have the floor plan of the furniture section of a Goodwill? I just want a fun place to drink.

Anyways, the point being, The Sports Column was a fun place to drink at and San Jose - Tampa was a godawful atrocious game.

Check back tomorrow for Part II where I invade enemy territory and explore Denver's weird fascination with burritos. Until then, I'll leave you with a quiz... In the Mile High City, exactly when is idling allowed? I'll give you a hint:

Frozone

2009-10-30T15:27:00.000-07:00

Nice article here in the Merc on San Jose's improved(?) ice surface.

Sorry I've been AWOL but hopefully I'll have a post up soon about it. Hint - it involves tonight's respected opponent and Elk Jalapeno hot dogs.

Go Sharks. Keep up that momentum.

OMG

2009-10-21T00:46:00.001-07:00

This site is awesome:

http://fuckyeahsharks.tumblr.com/