The Cliterature Blog

"Skull"

2020-02-17T10:43:00.003-08:00

Pool Pedos

2020-01-19T09:38:00.001-08:00

Purple Red Bull is Pink

2019-04-18T07:51:00.001-07:00

...Just saying. I guess pink was just less marketable?

Blanched Bits

2019-02-17T09:40:00.000-08:00

In various parts of the world people like to bleach their bits. Penises are being lightened in Thailand, in America lightening has been suggested for the vagina and anus. It's a delicate subject because it balances the right to do what you want with your body, and equating good appearance with being pale.

Professionals who perform the procedure say that are serving people with "discoloration", but perception of a problem in that regard is subjective. Darker skin in all of these areas is anatomically normal and might be more accurately called simply "coloration". The perception that the body should have a uniform color seems to have come from porn stars modifying their orifices to get this effect.

All of the substances that reduce pigment are uncomfortable and most are suspected or known carcinogens. Peer-reviewed research on the reasons for intimate bleaching, and the effects on health, are completely absent as far as I can tell. Businesses continue to provide these services in the absence of evidence based guides about their ethics of when to provide them or medically safe protocol.

That's Normal, Right

2019-01-19T20:00:00.002-08:00

I may have been watching-slash-listening to too much true crime. Listening to how every victim of unjust horrible murder was a joyous glowing mother-healer of virtue make me think -- am I not worthy of being murdered?

Fun, but not Too Fun

2018-09-02T21:11:00.002-07:00

So do the parents draw like children, or d they encourage their kids to stand in high counters to doodle on the high up chalkboard?

Defending the Beard

2018-08-31T13:54:00.004-07:00

A recent new story in New Zealand included the little morsel "KFC [only] allowed beards to be worn for legal, religious or medical reasons". And this gave me a serious WTF moment. And I'm like, I am used to tattoos and braid and bright hair colors being treated as somehow shocking. But beards? What kind of anti-hipster hellscape is this?

The situation with beards is unusual only in that the other normal grooming habits that are banned link to a specific moral panic. Tattoos -- dangerous biker gangs hoodlums (clutches pearls). Colored hair -- anti-social punk feminists (think of the children!). Braids -- things black people do (I guess?). But Beards? Things every man does unless they actively choose not to at least once a day? What is the underlying panic? Does someone out there think beards shed like a cross between a stressed Persian and a porcupine, embedding themselves in every surface?

Free the Beard!

And not only because beards are sexy as smurf. But because this is the thing about service work. You can hand people a chicken sammich with a tattoo, with green hair, with braids, with a mustache, and with a beard (on a boaty, with a goatee etc). Sure you may be required to wear one of those ludicrous beard snoods if you are involved in actually cooking or assembling the food--but big whoop.

When it comes to service work your employer is hiring your labor, not your body and any intrinsically attached parts thereof. They don't own you. And if they think their customers can't deal with seeing perfectly normal forms of personal grooming--let alone forms that probably pre-date homo sapiens as a species like having a hairy chin--then the employers and/or customers need to grow the fuck up.

We really do not need to be printing shit like this on shirts sized for 5-6 year old girls

2017-11-17T12:31:00.002-08:00

File Under: No Shit, Sherlock

2017-11-14T13:50:00.004-08:00

WATCH included a plastic Wonder Woman sword in their "ten worst toys" list this year. On the basis that it is exactly what it appears to be.

There are probably plenty of kids out there who shouldn't be given anything plastic and pointy, but I think that under the circumstances this is something that can be left to parents to figure out.

The Power

2017-11-13T13:20:00.000-08:00

Caroline Leaper, fashion editor at the Telegraph is declaring "pink is the power color to wear in the office". The headline in my Google News had an eighties vibe the second I saw it. But the picture....

...is a full sized flashback to the age or spiral perms and doing the locomotion. And not in an ironic-cool-hipster way. The point of the story seems to be that pink is now post-eighties and gender doesn't matter any more--or more specifically "as personality now prevails over gender, why are we still afraid of looking sweet?" A statement that could hardly be more tone deaf, as the news bombards us with CK cornering people to masturbate over them and a 32-year-old politician "dating" a 14-year-old girl... and celebrity of the week pointing his dick at inappropriate person of the week ad naseum. The common thread being, men do this more than many people want to believe and uncooperative victim's careers suffer.

And in a dizzying flip the the very next quote in this article destroys its own thesis with: "‘it’s disarming’: ‘People almost don’t expect you to present a killer strategy just because you look ‘cute’’, thus allowing her to strike them by surprise." Which explicitly admits that feminine dressing will in fact make some people think you are less competent. Leaper seems to be trying to contrast her pro-girly-color rah rah fest to the eighties, but actually that's just how the eighties were. Beloieve me, I was there--Fido Dido T-shirt, stone-washed bubble skirt, sequined headband and all.

I remember very well being told women were equal now and to celebrate being a "girl", but wearing heels is compulsory and don't expect to get promoted. Girls can do anything, but will get paid 80c on the dollar. Sexism existed then and it exists now--and it is time for people to stop pretending otherwise even in the smallest of ways. All that changes is how it is expressed and what we do about it. Looking "sweet" affects how people see you. Dressing into that stereotype is a choice to make carefully and strategically, not because you think your "personality" is all that matters because that's just fucking naive.

Earning Online: Job Spotter

2017-09-07T19:57:00.001-07:00

Website: Job Spotter
How do you earn: Download the app and post pictures of job ads posted outside businesses.
Ease of use: Easy -- if you live in an area where jobs are posted outside businesses
Pay Rate: Moderate -- Each job pays a different rate. The jobs I posted averaged 62c. It took me 50 days to earn $10.66 About 21c a day. There is no minimum, and no fee, for cashing out.

Recommended: Yes, but only if you are in a area where job ads are easily seen on the street.

My Time Has Come....

2017-09-06T12:37:00.000-07:00

"Not Your Mother's" is the new "New Black".

2017-08-29T13:16:00.000-07:00

What the fucking fuck, Sunkist/IMW Agency. These are in fact my mother's grapefruit. These are in fact the same grapefruit as grapefruit have been since 1875 when they were accidentally invented by an orange and a pomelo tree requiting their sweet yet tangy forbidden love.

The ALLCAPs MODERN grapefruit is the same fucking grapefruit our mothers ate, the exact same one.

And do you know what does in fact smell distinctly of the era when my mother was a wee girl. This patronizing princessification of a fruit, replete with every stereotypic bullshit women have had to put up with since... well, long before grapefruit were invented.

IMW has decided to: "Modernize Grapefruit and make it more relevant to today’s health-conscious young woman [because their mothers, by contrast were surprisingly pro-death-and-disease]. In addition, make the message fun and engaging [and not at all pseudo-scientific gender-stereotyped bullshit], and develop a campaign to educate [those ignorant] women that grapefruit is more than a diet…it’s a Superfood [Holy random capital letter, Batman. That word doesn't actually mean fuck all but they are too dumb to notice, right?]. IMW created an integrated marketing program that featured new health benefits targeted to the segment: full of antioxidants and vitamins; promotes heart health [in unspecified ways]; may reduce the risk of certain cancers [or, you know, may not]; and promotes healthy skin [because all gals really care about is not getting zits or wrinkles, right?]."

Skating pretty close to making an FDA-forbidden health claim right there. What next? Not your Dad's grapefruit. How would that go: "Modernize Grapefruit and make it more relevant to today’s fitness-conscious young men. In addition, make the message fun and engaging, and develop a campaign to educate men that grapefruit is more than an mixed martial arts training regime …it’s an Aphrodisiac. IMW created an integrated marketing program that featured new health benefits targeted to the segment: full of fiber and riboflavins; promotes charisma; may reduce the risk of baldness; and promotes healthy beard growth."

Earning Online Achievement App

2017-08-26T13:51:00.005-07:00

Website: My Achievement
How do you earn: Download the app and connect health apps and devices. Points are awarded for healthy activities including logging sleep meals, and activities. 1000 points is worth one dollar.
Minimum Payment: $10 via Paypal, payout confirmed.
Ease of use: Easy -- if you are using automatic trackers there is not much extra work involved
Pay Rate: Low -- Each activity is worth a few points. It took me 6 months and 30 days to earn $10. About 5c a day.

Recommended: Yes, but only if you are already tracking your health activities, and have plenty of room on you phone. It is not very much money, but also requires no effort to earn.

(Could be more Convincing)

2017-08-06T11:15:00.001-07:00

* Guarantee does not include spellchecking, or "T"s.

Easter Sarku

2017-04-16T15:29:00.002-07:00

Crucifiction honored

with sweet, delicious chocolate

Such a mixed message

Motivation

2017-04-02T15:39:00.000-07:00

Poop Floats

2017-03-12T11:10:00.000-07:00

Even ironically... just, no.

The "Lite" Media is Full of Mixed Messages

2016-10-21T11:56:00.000-07:00

What kind of flowers?

2016-10-13T08:19:00.002-07:00

In a Second-Hand Store...

2016-10-01T18:58:00.000-07:00

This sign is a bit ironic.

News....

2016-09-15T12:53:00.004-07:00

Strike a (groinless) pose

2016-09-15T07:55:00.000-07:00

So apparently people buy these "pose" sketches. Look at the one on the left, following the line of the woman's right leg. The only possible conclusion is that the male lover has no groin whatsoever, and possibly no pelvis either. It's a bit frightening IMHO.

Deserted Dolls

2016-09-10T12:56:00.000-07:00

Many times when I see dolls have this moment when I see them as the bodies of women. It makes some everyday scenes suddenly very dark.

stacked

bagged and tagged

lost and forgotten

Black Ice

2016-09-05T12:48:00.001-07:00