The Clothes Whisperer: the fashion blog with wit that sparkles

Dazed and Confused: Then and Thenner At Material Gallery

2010-07-30T09:25:00.000+01:00

Material Gallery (the quaint shop in which I had my book signing) has teamed with Dazed & Confused to help the mag unload some of its stock of backissues.

Old magazines? You say, wrinkling your nose at the idea of paying for out of print and out of date fashion news, now here this. If there's one thing a hardcore fashionista loves, it's collecting old magazines. Since stumbling into this industry, I have met all sorts of collectors. People who have never let a Vogue or Nylon slip through their clutches, who search for elusive under the radar mags to add to their collections. The debates about the future of print may continue to rage, but there is certainly no question surrounding the value of its past and history.

So as long as supplies last, with every purchase of the current issue of Dazed, you can help yourself to a vintage copy of the mag (the oldest on hand was c. 1995, the mag launched in '92). Since Dazed started out as a limited fold out poster, Material also have cover posters on hand for £30 a piece--the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and a picture of Justin Timberlake, fresh out of 'Nsync, were the two most popular on the luanch night.

I personally wound up with two copies, 1997 and 1995, and was not surprised, flipping through them, to find the editorial a lot edgier, a lot grungier (whisper it with me now: full of S-E-X). One of the issues even had a shoot entitled "Backstage Toilets" with dark, moody shots of catwalk gazelles squatting backstage in their twelve inch heels. Also really interesting to note, the advertising. From a consumer perspective, one who was consuming glossy editorial like Seventeen back in the mid-90's, I don't think brands' marketing ploys have changed much. Advertising is advertising, peoples' heartstrings haven't changed and a ploy will always be a ploy. However, looking in particular at two Diesel ads, I realized how much marketing strategy has evolved over the last decade and a half, internet or no internet. I guess it's like losing a lot of weight over time, those close to you don't see it, but bump into an ex or a long lost friend and it's like WHAM! different person.

1995: Looks to history, in particular Neil Armstrong's walking on the moon, to make an ironic statement about consumer culture and way of life in the 1990's. The bitterness in the tone, the mocking irony of how man's progress in space hails the advent of a technological utopia is somewhat unsettling in an advert for denim....

"...Our presence on the moon will make our planet a better place. We will have no more wars, no starvation, no evil of any form. Within ten years we will eliminate the possibility of an energy crisis as every household will have its own nuclear power-plant in the basement. People will also grow wealthier everyday and a wee's vacation on a space station or honeymoon on the moon will become common. People aboard space shuttles--the buses and trains of the future--will fly out to the luxury hotels of the solar system, and we will be the happiest people of all time."

1997: What have we here? This is an unsettling image making a strong social statement (again, using denim and tees??). A black family sits gathered round the Christmas tree in the stereotypical American white upper middle class living room--and the living room pictured here is STARK white to emphasize the fact. Oh, yes, and there's the white butler in the corner too. The snarky tagline suggests to me that the ad is mocking the blind nature of consumerism at its most carnivorous during the economic boom of the Clinton heyday. The brand is making fun of its own customer base's obsession with, well, the act of consuming. It's almost the antidote to the cackling optimism of the previous advert: all the money and status in the world, be you white, lack, green, won't make you happy. An adherence to material things, technology, so on, will just lead you into the malaise of the monotony of everyday life...here described by Diesel as "chronic depression."

"'A Diesel T-shirt? Just what I've always wanted!' The first signs of chronic depression are often extremely well disguised."

2010: I think the campaign title says it all: be STUPID. Bikinis, wild animals and simple monosyllabic slogans. How far we've come.

If the best things in blog were free, today I'd wear...

2010-07-30T08:37:00.000+01:00

Diane von Furstenberg Ellowyn silk-chiffon vest £275

Erdem Fuji floral-print silk dress £885

Alexander Wang Alla peep-toe wedges £500

Chloe Darla leather tote £1150

Yves Saint Laurent Entrelacs gold-plated cuff £540

TGIFF (Thank God it's Follow Friday, of course)! But as is the nature of my life these days, just because it's the end of the week, doesn't mean my diary's gotten any lighter with a two shoots pending at the weekend and a jam-packed schedule tomorrow. First up, I'm having a tour of Angles the Costumiers legendary costume house, followed by the dreaded meeting with the publisher (not dreaded per se, but convening with authority over your work is always a bit stressful) and then, at long last, a dinner with one of my oldest friends, Spencer, who's back in Europe for the first time in months. All in all, quite the outfit conundrum: I'd be tempted to wear something outlandish and fun to Angels, but not sure how that would go down in the conservative book lined halls of the imposing Bloomsbury building. Thus I've decided on the above as my ideal ingredients: keep the look boho writer from day to night. A lush Erdem dress in a rich violet, teamed with a chiffon drapey vest and chunky Chloe tote takes care of the whole folklore aspect which to me seems suitable for both perusing the depths of a 170-year-old film and fantasy costume warehouse as well as turning up at Bloomsbury's door. That is to say, I'm beginning to suspect that publishers think all writers squirrely gypsies willing to starve for their art, so I may as well play into that stereotype. Just hold the starving.

For when I trot off to meet Spencer when the day's duties are done, these Alexander Wang wedges in funky cheetah print funk things without having to schlep around in heels all day or tote them along in a spare bag. The YSL cuff has the same effect, adding an extra element of posh and glamour to an otherwise very laidback daytime look.

My Shoe Story on Selfridges.com

2010-07-29T18:03:00.000+01:00

To celebrate becoming the world's single biggest destination for shoes, Selfridges have asked a people from all walks of fashion life to share with them their Cinderella shoe stories. So I was very flattered to be asked amongst the likes of Daphne Guiness and Olivia Palermo to share my special footwear moment. Which one did I pick? Why my first pair of Christian Louboutins of course. It's kind of like getting your first period, those first few tentative, red tinged, steps into full-blown fashion womanhood...

Click here to read some more shoe stories

Deal of the Day: 60% off Lanvin Basketweave leather platforms

2010-07-29T16:00:00.000+01:00

Lanvin Basketweave leather platforms

If money grew on blogs, today I'd wear...

2010-07-29T10:38:00.000+01:00

Alexander Wang Cotton-blend asymmetric paneled pants

A.P.C. Jersey logo sweater

Minnetonka Back Zipper moccasin boots

Marni Leather cross-body bag

Today is a miraculous day. I've managed to clear my schedule of appointments, press days, lunches, dinners, drinks, openings and pencil in a full day of writing. The deadline for book number two is just around the corner in a scary way, and as you can probably tell from all the antics described on this blog, I've not exactly been glued to my desk. So as tomorrow's unexpected tranquility (a cancellation or two never hurt anyone) is in and of itself a dream scenario, I give you my dream outfit for said dream day of work. When it comes to clothes for chillaxing, I really am the Whisperer. There's nothing I love more than good, worn in sweatshirt on sweatpant action--and Alexander Wang is of course the man credited with rocketing the sweats' status from gymwear to runway hip, so his trousers are the go-to. I'm also a bit of a New Englander in that I do love a good pair of Minnetonkas and this Marni hobo is just the right size for my Macbook Air, a couple fashion history books and accompanying chain to ensure I spend at least six hours locked to my seat. Speaking of which, I should probably stop waxing poetic about the glory of designer sweats and get down to it...

Bloggers Preivew of the Jacques Townhouse pop up hotel and Tour with David Carter

2010-07-29T08:55:00.003+01:00

On Tuesday, Butters and I were fortunate enough to be invited to the blogger's preview of the The Jacques Townhouse – a delightful pop up hotel concept in the heart of Central London, created by David Carter from the award-winning 40 WINKS boutique hotel.

Jacques has partnered with songstress Sophie Ellis Bextor, to curate the ultimate girly girls experience. The townhouse, decorated and designed by Set Designer/Prop Stylist/Creative Stylist Cordelia Weston has been converted into the ultimate girls retreat, where the urban lass can unwind and re-establish a dialogue with her inner pretty pretty princess--something we all need from time to time.

The concept is a twist on the quintessential English tea party, where girls can enjoy a glass or two of Jacques and bespoke cupcakes courtesy of Vintage Patisserie, have their fortunes told, palms read and be glammed-over by Benefit Cosmetics new Lash Couture service.

There's even a dress up room where stylist will adorn guests in various vintage outfits. They can then pop next door to the studio where they'll be shot on a whimsical set by a professional photographer (exhibit A to the left).But I'll shut up and let Monsieur Carter tell you about it in his on whimsical way...

Go to www.facebook.com/jacques to book a complimentary place for you and a friend for a summer evening. There are two sittings per night, the first from 6pm – 7.30pm and the second 8pm– 9.30pm from 29th July 2010.

My-Wardrobe Envy: Caroline Daily in Helmut Lang

2010-07-28T17:38:00.000+01:00

Last night, I had the pleasure of joining some of the My-Wardrobe girls at the sleek Refinery Bar in Southwark for some drinks and dinner in a quasi Trans-Channel "bloggers' blind date" with French personal style maven, Caroline from cult site CarolineDaily. Caroline is spending two days in London fulfilling ever blogger's fantasy, running around town, fully armed with loaned designer duds to shoot shoot shoot to her pretty petit coeur's content. And she turned up to dinner snuggled up in this gorgeous amazing drool-worthy Helmut Lang shearling gilet. The leather was more buttersoft than my succulent risotto and the color is absolutely stunning. Can't wait to see how Caroline's shoot turns out, but I have a feeling there will be plenty more My-Wardrobe envy to come!

BUTTERS FOR JAEGER SS2011

2010-07-28T11:56:00.000+01:00

Butters is getting a brand new bag in an uber exciting collaboration with the one and only JAEGER London...pop on over to her dlog to get the deets!!

Bust a Move: B by Ted Baker at Debenhams

2010-07-28T11:08:00.000+01:00

Yesterday, I went on down to Westfield to scope out the new B by Ted Baker lingerie range available exclusively at Debenhams. Now, I'm not really a big lingerie girl (my flatter than Kansas totties are more than happy in American Apparel's cotton crisscross sports bras), but the temptation of my first-ever proper bra fitting in the end proved to be enough to tear me away from my computer. My only prior attempt at determining the true size of my bust took place when I was sixteen. I waltzed into Victoria's Secret for a fitting and was turned away by a sniggling sales girl who proudly proclaimed that Vicky S only started at "34 B" and informed me that Gap Kids made sportsbras for preteens. So that was pretty much that.

Fast forward 8 years, and most days you find me going sans-bra or strapped into one of said American Apparel numbers. Now, when it comes to shopping in general, I am a devotee of the school of "do not shop by size." Size is but a number, and women who refuse to buy a dress in a size 10 and would rather buy the 8 and "lose the weight" to fit into it astound me. I never check sizes when I shop, I just know what fits me and how I like things to hang and that's that.

But when it comes to lingerie, I'm a total hypocrite and doggedly proclaim my lifelong adherence to the realm of 32A, determined in my lack of decolletage. Previously I have balked at the suggestion of a B cup, rendering any such insinuation to be totally offbase from my Asian washboard glory. But yesterday, I was taught differently. While I was bang-on when it came to the demi-cups (32 A all the way, as I had suspected), I was surprised that I could actually go up a cup size when venturing into the realm of the pad. I never ever wear padded bras, they make me feel self-conscious and I can never find one that fits--a gaping gulf stretching out between my t-shirt and skin, not a good look. But as it turns out, 34 A produced said gulf-effect, but 32 B left only a millimeter of empty bra in need of filling. Interesting.

So while I still took home the demi set, I exited Westfield feeling somewhat exhilarated, as if at long last, after 24 years on this earth, I'd finally been inducted into the world of grown up women and their grown up bras.

B by Ted Baker includes 42 pieces of lingerie and sleepwear, ranging from £10.50 for hipster briefs to £49.50 for the silk print kimono.

Dream Dressing for the Diary: Teatime on Tuesday

2010-07-27T10:08:00.001+01:00

Emanuel Ungaro Asymmetric printed silk dress: Original Price £2,180 Now £436 80% off

Albertus Swanepoel Belmondo woven trilby: Original Price £205 Now £112.75 45% off

Miu Miu snake-print wedge sandals

Jimmy Choo Medium Saba bag

Today is shaping up to be one of the more manic days of my week. In an hour I'm off to Westfield to check out Ted Baker's latest offerings in lingerie. Then I was meant to have a meeting with my publisher, for which the above calligraphy and landscape print teal Emanuel Ungaro dress would have, theoretically, been perfect for. Honestly, who can resist and author in an asymmetrical printed frock? Then it's off to the bloggers' launch of the Jacques Townhouse to be followed by dinner at the posh Refinery Bar.

This outfit can take me solidly from day into evening: the slouchy holdall is good for tooling around during the day (camera in hand for Jacques, computer for publisher, and so on) and the wedges are easier to walk in than heels but still give you that element of glamour that only comes from fudging one's height by a few inches. That Albertus Swanepoel trilby, with a gorgeous purple silk lining, can be slipped off the head and into the bag come dinner time, but keeps the look from feeling too grown up during the day.

Obsession du Jour: Moth Posh

2010-07-26T13:27:00.000+01:00

Nom nom nom

Every now and again, my boyfriend will arise from the couch, arms a-swinging violently cursing under his breath "damn clothes moths." Still bitter about the damage they did to a certain one of his Paul Smith winter wool coats, James doesn't quite see the value in the little critters like I do these days. Ever since I ooohed and aahed over Diesel's distressed and motheaten blazers (not to mention an up and close look at Rodarte SS10/AW10), when James moves to shoo, I secretly hope the buggers will make their way into my closet and help update a few of my sweaters and jackets for one of AW's biggest upcoming trends: all things distressed, ripped, fringed, frayed and essentially, motheaten. It's one of those age old fashion adages: why would you pay £500 for something with holes in it???? BECAUSE IT'S COOOOOOL, Mom (please imagine South Park's Cartman's voice)! So to my little larvae-producing, winged sartorial friends, I say, munch on. In the name of Alexander Wang and Martin Margiela, munch, munch, munch.

Alexander Wang Lattice bobble oversized sweater

Citizens of Humanity Edge low-rise distressed jeans

Kimberly Ovitz Lester faux-suede crochet-knit sweater

Bess Dirty Boy mid-rise distressed skinny jeans

Julien Macdonald Slashed merino-wool sweater

Balmain Low-rise distressed cropped jeans

Alexander McQueen Distressed silk-knit pencil dress

Alexander McQueen Distressed tweed leggings

Louis Vuitton Resort 2011

2010-07-26T11:20:00.000+01:00

A bit of a delinquent blogger, I totally forgot I had these LV gems stashed in my iPhoto queue for nearly two weeks! So away we go...

For Resort 2011, design director Julie de Libran created a collection which would cause Betty Draper to swoon on site once catching a glimpse of the ultra-feminine vintage 50's/60's inspired explosion of floral printed, nipped waist goodies. The accessories were as sumptuous as a girl could wish: chunky plastic chain necklaces, floral adorned pretty pretty ballerina flats and sandals, and crystal encrusted box clutches which nearly had Simon of the Very Simon G (with whom I attended said press day) committing his first fashion felony (the chunky box of joy was small enough to slip into, say, one's pocket and would have made SUCH a fab locale to store Dhillon's poopy puppy bags). You know what they say, you can drag the girl from the Bond Street LV Maison, but you can never extricate the Vuitotn from the girl...

Y-3 AW10 METALLIC NEO TECH

2010-07-25T11:48:00.000+01:00

Yohji Yamamoto is a man after my own heart (and Mamma Whisperer's, who is an adoring fan going way back). But warming up to his diffusion line with Adidas Y-3 took me a bit of time. A far cry from his ultra sophisticated monochronistic palettes, asymmetrical lines, avant garde runway creations, despite the theatricality of the Y-3 shows, the clothes never really spoke to me. Til now.

For Autumn/Winter 2010, Y-3 has produced a range of Metallic Ne Tech shoes and they are the prefect kitschtastic blend of sport tack gone Japanese rogue: in a word, uglycool The leather sneakers feature detailed mesh overlays and are rendered in an assortment of metallic silvers, reds and purples. According to the press release, the collection "marries the ideas of Tradition & Futurism with an element of modernity."

The men’s Light Runner, Moto High and Neo Tech styles have shifted away from the classic trainer. Each model provides superior comfort due to the adidas adiPRENE technology. An adiPRENE+ insert in the forefoot area stands for elastic cushioning, while the adiPRENE heel insert is shock absorbent.

The Torsion Heel and the Cushion Wedge (sooooo ugly with its heaving striped bulk I can't help myself) bring a new aesthetic for the Y-3 woman. Both models make use of the adiPRENE technology for maximum comfort. In addition the Torsion Heel features a lightweight arch support, the ‘Torsion System’ developed by Adidas.

Like I said, uglycool. So question is, Yohji, when can I sport these on my own tootsies?

Men’s Light Runner:

Retail Price € 230 / £ 195

Men’s Moto High:

Retail Price € 290 / £ 245

Men’s Neo Tech:

Retail Price € 310 / £ 260

Women’s Torsion Heel:

Retail Price € 390 / £ 325

Women’s Cushion Wedge:

Retail Price € 370 / £ 310

Dinner With Dorothy Perkins

2010-07-23T11:03:00.000+01:00

On Tuesday night, the wonderful folks over at Dorothy Perkins invited a small number of press to their showroom for an intimate dinner. Creative Director Simon Garner was in attendance, chatting and laughing at his end of the table and taking us through the brand's history and future vision, including introducing us to his "girl" for the season, Sophie. While DP is one of the oldest stores on the high street (my Americaness was ignorant of this fact, the brand was founded in 1909!) they are looking to re-establish themselves as the go-to brand for the girl who wants to be on trend but isn't 100% sure how to mix and mash prints and slip into the crazy free-for-all that is the look du jour. Over the course of the delicious meal, we were talked through DP's strategy for fall before being turned loose on the garments themselves. I immediately made a mental checklist of everything I wanted: pleated Flamenco wide leg trousers in sangria red? Check. Burn out cream velvet maxi? Check.

Somewhere between the carpaccio and the cheese platter, the team shared with us some cool factoids about DP, cheekily illustrated by a series of drawings from one of the designers. Naturally, being one of the only bloggers present in the room, I immediately sought to obtain the images to share with you here. Every season Dorothy Perkins...

Sell 1,500,000 jersey tops - enough to stretch from London to Paris and back

Sell 300,000 black trousers - enough to cloth the entire UK police force

Sell a million pairs of jeans - twice the amount of festival-goers at Woodstock

Sell 250,000 leggings - one every 30 seconds

Sell 122,000 snoods - one for every giraffe in Africa

WhispeRant: No Vogue For Africa??

2010-07-22T15:07:00.002+01:00

Being mixed race is a funny thing, and something which Charlotte of Style Cartel and I talk about quite frequently of late. To think that I am just as much genetically Japanese as I am white boggles the mind somewhat. That sushi and hamburgers should hang in equilibrium in my culinary genetics just somehow ain't reflected in the actuality of how I live my very Americanized lifestyle (I don't even EAT fish!!).

Now, my half peoples already have four Vogues (Japan, China, Korea and Tawain) and with waify Chinese beauties (the token Asian girl) commandeering the runways last season, it's difficult to complain that we Asians haven't gotten our fair share of the fashion cup--excuse me--tofu-cake. Even two of the blogosphere's brightest burning stars are of Asian descent--yay Susie and yay BryanBoy.

Nevertheless, as a person of half color, I felt 100% put out when the Independent printed this morning that Conde Nast had shut down the idea of an African Vogue, essentially telling African photographer Mario Epanya to shove his chocolate leggy beauties and be content with the likes of Vogue Black on Vogue.it, the bi-millenial "Black Issue" and occasional sprinkling of darker faces into the mostly whitewashed melee of high fashion editorial.** Token Asian runway model, meet token black editorial girl: don't we all feel warm, fuzzy and racially accepted now? As the Tweets continued to rage this morning, I felt compelled to celebrate my inner yellow, weigh in and climb up on my proverbial soapbox.

Hear ye! Hear the f*ck ye!

Big mistake No. 4. Big mistake. While they must have their reasons (which have yet to be stated publicly), this is not so much just a social misstep on their part, but also a financial one--nipping a budding market in the bud. I have heard here and there flitting about the online rumor mill that black women online generate and run the most successful blogs, make the most money. Allow me to namedrop but a few. There's the photographic memory steel trap of a fashion mind Catherine Kallon of Red Carpet Fashion Awards, Michele Obi of My Fashion Life and ultra-fabulous newcomer Marian Kihogo of her eponymous site. Last I saw Michele, she was off to West Africa to live and work and observe the explosive street style culture and burgeoning young designer scene--not to mention be the first to do it. And guess what Conde? That whole market that was stretched before your feet, waiting to be explored (and having just written 15,000 words on the whole of African fashion for my next book, I can vouch the place is a HOTBED of fashion creativity) has just been handed over to the capable cyber hands of a few clued in bloggers.

And here is their potential readership by the numbers:

1) Africa is the world's second largest and second most-populous continent

2) Population of a billion people in 61 territories

3) AFRICA ACCOUNTS FOR 15% of the world's human population

If online was poised to take down the print behemoths before, with print's refusal to acknowledge that the world is changing, evolve and embrace it, the blogs are certainly going to clean up now. And I don't mean changing as in "oooh, I'm a print magazine but what am I supposed to do about this Twatter?" I mean changing as in, "oh shit, Paris ISN'T the center of the fashion world anymore." It's kind of like when man figured out the earth wasn't flat.

If there's one thing I've learned from working on this second book of mine is that it's not just the internet and technology in and of itself that's the game changer. It's the new places and farflung formerly remote corners of the world previously ignored by the global spotlight that are now coming into focus BECAUSE of the internet that fashion has had a new grassroots life breathed into it, a backlash against the disgusting globalization of brands like, erm, let's say Gap through the 80's, 90's and noughties. It's not that fashion wasn't always alive and thriving in, say, Nigeria, it's just that now, with bloggers like Terence Sambo, the rest of the world finally has a chance to glimpse it without any help from the likes of glossy old Vogue. And the more little tease glimpses the blogosphere and independent media afford the world at large to these pockets of cultural coolness and originality, the more the mainstream will hunger to learn, see and experience more.

Who knows? In two years when they realize their mistake and seek to backtrack and launch at long last a Vogue Africa, the rest of the world will have already subscribed to Arise and bookmarked a fast-growing number of cool African blogs, both based on the continent itself and the diaspora abroad. Sorry African Anna, no room on the iPad for you. It's not a small world, after all, and THANK GOD.

**NB The Independent Article made no claims as to Conde Nast's reasons for rejecting the proposition...their motives still remain unknown and any opinions and thoughts iterated here are merely for consideration.

TK Maxx London Calling

2010-07-22T11:45:00.000+01:00

I have never been much of a TJ Maxx (aka "TK" in the UK...don't ask me why) girl. More designer consignment than off-price retailer, for discount duds back home, I normally troll the depths of INA, where the city's socialites dump all their current season goods after just (if even) one wear (thanks Olivia Palermo!). And from time to time, I'd make the trek downtown to Century 21, bypassing the enormous TJ Maxx outpost occupying the corner of 73rd and Broadway (too much Ann Taylor and Eileen Fisher can really put a fashionista out). Or if I do discount retailer, after 4 years of uni in Boston, I'm a solidly Filene's Basement kind of girl.

HOWEVER. That was all in the parental funded then of yore, and this being the survive on freelance pittance days of now, this blogger can't necessarily afford to turn up her nose at a bit of good old fashioned American mass discounting. So when the invite landed in my inbox beseeching me to peruse the rails VIP style at the Maxx's newest Central London venue (and newly anointed UK flagship), after finding out that fellow Americana blogger in crime, Emily of Fashion Foie Gras would be there and that said Maxx actually sits just next door to my shrine of homesickness, Chipotle, I hit the "yes" button the RSVP. That Charlotte and Lira (aka the Portmanteau) showed up to boot was a bonus.

The launch saw a union jack printed red carpet splayed out onto Charring Cross Road, dancers grooving like live mannequins in the windows, a VIP press area wherein press packs were being distributed bearing the fruit of a £20 voucher, and three floors of discounted merchandise to peruse. To my delight, the "Golden Label" rack was indeed a golden egg amidst a sea of ordinary fashion chickens. Pucci galore (trousers, dresses, and more!), Pringle, Stella, Blumarine were just some of the labels chilling on that trophy rail around which the majority of the party's fashionistas densely concentrated. With price tags reading WAS £2000 NOW £200, I had to concede. There's a recession on. I'm a shopaholic. A Pucci in the hand is better than none in the closet. TK Maxx, welcome to my shopping life.

Whisperer's Festival Scrapbook: LOVEBOX 2010 DAY 3 GRACE JONES

2010-07-21T11:42:00.000+01:00

The final day of Lovebox, with Grace Jones as headliner, went out the only way it really could, with a loud, fabulous, sparkle-fueled bang. The backstage area was more bustling than it had been all weekend, queens in full on costume wandered about the trailers, platforms and glitter may have potentially outnumbered blades of grass. Accordingly, the VIP area was packed with familiar faces. I bumped into my dear friend Jason and spotted Daniel Lismore beneath about a hundred yards of Issey Miyake-style pleated fabric and bazookas twice the size of my head. Andre J had traded his bike from Amsterdam for a pair of Japanese Getas and his denim cut offs for black lace up trousers with the rear end cut out.

Out in the crowd, even more friendly faces teemed. We bumped into Vauxhall Fashion Scout's Martyn and his lovely wife Billie, Bert turned up in a dress, Emma from London a la Mode, Style Cartel, Freak Deluxe and more...by the time Grace took the stage, we had amassed quite a considerable fash pack posse.

When Grace at last came on (Yasmin reported she'd seen Philip Treacy scuttling into her trailor to join her as she feasted pre-show on oysters), she announced to our great glee that she "takes Philip to Church with her every Sunday." What followed, other than a stellar performance, was an accolade of the hat and a reminder that Treacy is still a head above his peers. Grace swapped outfits and headgear for each track--kicking off with iconic shell conical shaped and feathered creations. For the encore, she came onstage in a bowler entirely encrusted in Swarovski crystals. A single beam of light streamed down onto the sparkly wonder, causing Grace's head to illuminate the whole of the stage. Phenomenal.

For her finale, a rousing rendition of "Slave to the Rhythm," the 62 year old wonder hoola-hooped throughout the entire track. This woman, her buns of steel gleaming visible from underneath her thonged black Alaia body as she wrapped perfectly toned legs around a stipper pole, is a true testament to the everlasting power of the feminine. Strong, soulful, songstress: Grace Jones is living proof that fabulousness just gets more fabulous with age.

Backstage

Backstage artists' door

Dr. Noki's backup dancers in makeup

The lovely Jason

Andre J

The orange breasts belong to Daniel Lismore

Grace's Trailer

In the Lovebox

The lovely Emma of London a la Mode

Bert flashes the fashion tat

I flash my new Hermes, courtesy of Bert

My friend Collin working the lanyard

We bumped into Vauxhall Fashion Scout's Martyn and Billie...celebrating their 1st wedding anniversary!

FreakDeluxe and StyleCartel keep it real

Grace Jones

THE END 

Lovebox Outfit Day 3

2010-07-21T10:28:00.000+01:00

Save the best for last. The third and final day of Lovebox was the one we were all waiting for fashion-wise, the day the drag queens came out in full regalia and full force to worship at the six inch Alaia platformed feet of the one and only legendary Grace Jones.

This was the outfit I was most excited about, which was an amalgam of my styling, Yasmin and press officer Leanne's. Yasmin pulled the dungarees, something which I swooned at but would most likely not have pulled off the rack myself. One drawback to their cute-as-pie-ness: en route to the VIP bar, security stopped me, made me slide off my shades, look him in the eye and promise I wasn't 17. You wear the dungarees, you chance looking like a preteen again, but who cares.

Anywho, this vintage-style beaded chiffon top was a must and I liked the way the violet sat next to the acid wash denim. But it was Leanne who suggested wearing it tucked in. To add a dash of sophistication to this otherwise very young look, I slipped on my velvet Miu Miu bra to be worn just visible beneath the sheer top. Golden Goose cowboy boots topped off the outfit. I paired my boots with sheer black stockings, as my curiosity as to the stocking had been piqued by two days of staring at girls sporting them with brogues and booties, and being unable to conclude either yay or nay on the look. Those who can't judge experiment.

For nighttime, it being Grace Jones day and all, Yasmin hooked me up with a feather gilet in a rich navy, just for funk factor. The gilet was the perfect accent--and no one else in the vicinity was sporting anything similar. As always, the gilet's simple lining could be turned inside out to form a cushiony seat for between acts.

Outfit Ingredients:
Lilac Beaded Cutout Top, £45
Acid Wash Denim Dungarees, £35

Blue Feather Gilet, £55
Choc Horse Day Bag, £35
Assorted Jewellery by Diva

Bra by Miu Miu

Boots by Golden Goose

Blue Feather Gilet, £55

Acid Wash Denim Dungarees, £35

Lilac Beaded Cutout Top, £45

Whisperer's Festival Scrapbook: LOVEBOX 2010 DAY 2 Mark Ronson, Empire of the Sun

2010-07-20T16:22:00.000+01:00

Day 2 was definitely a bit more up my street, and a lot more bustling backstage. Paloma Faith tottering around in her six inch blood red platforms and Herve Leger striped bandage so tight even she had to leave the top unbuttoned. Mark Ronson, his coif looming distractingly large gave interviews to a doting MTV crew (and perhaps to the delight of a just a small legion of stalkers) and I took advantage of the luxurious Tigi trailor to have my locks shorn just in time to spend the rest of the day frolicking about in the heat.

The headliner was Roxy Music, but the real act of the night (other than when Mark Ronson let wail the most pathetic, scratchy off-key solo to a rousing round of prompt boos. But he was quickly forgiven when he brought on special guests Duran Duran for two tracks) was Empire of the Sun. Playing against Roxy Music on the main stage, the quirky Australian electropop band stole the show on their little stage in the far corner. In full on regalia, they rocked the crowd pleaser "Walking on a Dream," its strains echoing in our contented minds as we exited the park, trekking back to Mile End tube station, closing the book on Lovebox Day 2. We are always running for the thrill of it thrill of it...

Backstage

Paloma Faith autographs guitars backstage

Look at his face!!

Mark Ronson looking very coiffed gives MTV an interview

The girls in Mark's trailer

The backstage TIGI salon where I got my free cut and blowout :)

The VIP gifting suite

Getting girlie at the Miss Selfridge stand

In the Lovebox

Flower power

My home away from home: the NYC Downlow stand

With half naked trannies on every rooftop--just like home

My dear friend Peter came in from Oxford

Chug! Chug! Chug!

Making the most of poncho time

Paloma Faith

Mark Ronson and the Business International

Special Guest DURAN DURAN!

The encore: Valerie

Empire of the Sun

and

assorted evening fun

Lovebox Outfit Day 2

2010-07-20T11:18:00.000+01:00

Day Two, with headliner Roxy Music as well as poppy acts Paloma Faith AND Mark Ronson and the Business International, had more of a clubby, grown up feel to it than Friday, which was accordingly reflected in the crowd's attire (and thanks to Yasmin, mine too).

The key piece of the look was this peach chiffon vintage style beaded dress. Girly and delicate, I roughed up the look by juxtaposing the softness of the blush with blacks and browns. My favorite super slouchy black crochet American Retro gilet was slung over the top and my Topshop printed leggings slipped on underneath. A cascade of soft pink jewellery layered against my own go-to silver moon pieces du jour and a black mesh floral headband sorted me on the accessories front. For footwear, I opted for the pink version of the previous day's blue Miss Selfridge studded workman's boots. In lieu of lightweight coat, I packed an extra denim shirt and my brand new poncho into my messenger. Looks like someone's getting the hang of this...

Outfit Ingredients:
Nude Beaded Cutout Dress, £55
Bleach Wash Western Shirt, £30
Choc Horse Day Bag, £35
Assorted Jewellery by Diva

Grey Leopard Pack-a-Poncho, £15

Whisperer's Festival Scrapbook: LOVEBOX 2010 DAY 1

2010-07-19T13:29:00.002+01:00

After months of waiting, a new wardrobe from Miss Selfridge, and more admin/coordination/organization than the most epic of fashion weeks, Lovebox at long arrived and saw all parties interested ticketed and safely through the entrance. Now, this is my first ever, de facto festival. After Stevie and Wireless, I had an inkling of what I'd be getting myself into, but I didn't really fathom the full-on-ness of it all until I set distressed boot in Victoria Park early Friday evening.

Here was a crowd almost a world apart from that of Hyde Park in weekends past: East Enders do not mess around with their festival fun. The average age was about 25 (the other two had a much bigger span), and the whole of the park (at least a phallic-shaped sizable chunk of it) converted into party heaven. Ferris Wheels, bandstands, beer and every drug under the sun available as if on cocktail menu--one guy was even selling a suck on a helium balloon for the reasonable fee of £3.50. I've really not seen youth unbridled like this since, well, since I was a bit more of a youth and a hell of a lot more unbridled.

Going into it, I thought I'd be festivaled out by Sunday afternoon. But being surrounded as I was by good friends and company, rocking tunes, sunshine and so forth, I realized exactly what it is that makes a festival different from a concert. A concert is a one night only affair, an event, but a festival is a journey. Whereas by the end of a two-hour concert, somehow your feet are tired, your eardrums ringing and you're ready to go home, but a festival, with grass between your toes, a beer in hand and act upon act upon act to catch, is intoxicatingly ongoing. Like the rides which filled the spaces between stages, a festival is a carousel you never want to get off. When the lights went up on Grace Jones' encore last night, I was a bit stunned to realize that there would be no pilgrimage to Mile End in the name of Rock n' Roll tomorrow, nor the next day, nor the next. Despite my ever-dwindling party stamina as I creep towards a quarter century, I was ready to party on and on and on. Guess I'll just have to wait til I take Glastonbury next year...

Outside the gifting suite backstage

The BEST part of the gifting suite!

LOVE her poncho

THE GIRLS: Myself, Charlotte and Cyrena of FreakDeluxe

Theo takes the dance floor in the VIP section

VIP bar--no free drinks!!

Massages for all in the VIP section

The Main Stage

Dizzee takes the stage

Jello Shots

Me and Bert

Lovebox Outfit Day 1

2010-07-19T12:51:00.002+01:00

Day one of Lovebox, with Dizzee Rascal as headliner, was bound to be the youngest day in terms of crowd, according to Yasmin.

Accordingly, my outfit reflected a sort of youthful carefree sixteen year-old arriving triumphantly at her first-ever festival in ditsy print top, denim cut offs and workman's boots, the uniform of the season. Soft colors were on the menu, and I loved the way the indigo ditsy floral lace trim top we selected looked against the stone-wash denim. Soft, fabric jewellery was piled on, a leather floral cuff strapped to my wrist and headbands slipped on: I was ready to take the field.

The name of Friday night's game was layers, as the summer weather pulled a fast one on us and threatened to give way to premature autumn. So I stuffed a pair of grey leggings, a denim gilet and denim shirt into my messenger bag alongside the keynote lightweight coat, rolling each garment just as Yasmin had showed me, et voila! By the time Dizzee took his bow, I was thoroughly wrapped up in all four or five layers--snug as a bug in a festival rug.

Adding my own touch to the outfit, I paired my Miss Selfridge workman's boots with knee high American Apparel striped tube socks, really rounding off that sweet sixteen feel. Since my bag was as full as Butters' tummy after an especially big round of chicken, I tied my favorite tattered vintage Hermes scarf to the outside of my bag. All in all, Day One's outfit was a definite success on both the comfort and cool fronts--you know what they say. A designer can teach a blogger how to kit out, but only the blogger can shake said kit all night long...

The lovelies of Miss Selfrige back in their gifting suite: Hayley and Leanne

Outfit Ingredients:

Light Wash Ripped Denim Short, £28

Blue Floral Cami, £24

Bleach Wash Western Shirt, £30

Choc Horse Day Bag, £35

Khaki Lace Tiered Parka, £55

Assorted Jewellery by Diva

Photo by Cyrena of FreakDeluxe.co.uk

VIP backstage access--most important accessory of all!! Thanks MISS SELFRIDGE! XXX

THE FESTIVAL WHISPERER: Miss Selfridge's Yasmin Yusuf's teaches me the ABC's of festival dressing

2010-07-16T11:37:00.000+01:00

The Festival Whisperer: Yasmin Yusuf

Today is the first day of Lovebox, my first-ever de facto festival. Now, when I rocked up to join the Miss Selfridge crew at Stevie Wonder in Hyde Park two weeks ago, I realized just how much a festival "virgin" I really am. My little kitten heels, jumpsuit and massive Prada tote were wayyyy out of place. I sunk in the grass as I grooved, my shoulder tired of my massive tote and weeing in the port-a-potties was made even more glamorous by the difficulties of maneuvering the jumpsuit. I needed help before embarking on three full days at Lovebox.

BAD CHOICE KNOX

Enter Miss Selfridge's wonderful font of knowledge re all things vintage and festival, Creative Director Yasmin Yusuf to the rescue. Let's just call her the Festival Whisperer.

To avoid making the same amateur mistakes and make the most out of Lovebox, which just may be my last hurrah for this summer, Yasmin was kind enough to kit me out and teach me the ABC's of festival dressing. And her teachings really surprised me. This is a woman who really knows what she's talking about, down to the jewellery and the socks, she's seen it all, tried it all and distilled festival dressing down to a perfect formula. And so, I share. (All items pictured available now at Miss Selfrige!)

DON'TS

Sequin Floral Print Maxi, £50

1) Jumpsuits and playsuits. To my shock, these super duper on trend ultra printed, ultra cotton go to High Street pieces are a big no-no. For precisely the reason myself and my bladder experienced at Stevie: NOT port-a-potty friendly. You're also stuck, layering is a bit more of a trick when you're wearing a onepiece of sorts.

2) Maxis. Another shocker, I thought the maxi was the go-to staple for the festival goer-at-large. Nope. According to Guru Yasmin, you want nothing that drags in the mud and can get stepped on! Another fair point she pointed out? Boob tube strapless maxis, all it takes is one reveler's foot caught on your hem and then it's full frontal at the festival.

3) Light colored silk cardis and wrap tops. They get dirty, show sweat stains. Unless you REALLY don't care about that piece, leave it at home.

Shirred Denim Jumpsuit, £48

really nice piece, but jumpsuit AND strapless, double trouble

4) An obvious one, but still needs to be said: Wear nothing precious, things you can turn inside out and sit on, beat up, get rained on...

Enamel Floral Chain Multirow, £40

5) Crop tops. They look cute and are on trend, but what do you do when it gets cold and that's your outer layer?

6) Watch out for things with weird cut outs or embroidery. Do you want a whack festival tan?

7) No clogs despite their hippie chic appeal, no gladiators, no heels. Need I explain why?

8) Avoid the high-waisted shorts despite the fact that they're on trend. Sitting in high-waisted for long hours whilst feasting on beer and hot dogs, not fun.

9) The bikini underneath thing is so over. As is the denim skirt thing.

10) Heavy, chunky jewellery: You really don't any weight in the heat and when bouncing around and rocking out. So avoid the temptation to pile on the bangles and pendants, you'll be bearing those burdens all day and night long. Fabric and leather jewellery are the way to go. Also, no dangly earrings, you never know what it could get caught on whilst headbanging and you could lose and earlobe.

DO'S

Light Wash Ripped Denim Short, £28

1) The denim thing. Double denim, denim shorts, denim shirts. Denim, denim, denim. Buying into it bigtime for festivals will leave you hooked up for the rest of the summer. Just layer, layer, layer. For example, if you opt for a mini (peasant or ditsy print), wear denim shorts under to avoid flashing your bits when bending over!

2) A practical lightweight coat, perhaps khaki military style cotton. MUST BE ABLE TO ROLL UP AND FIT IN YOUR BAG. Yasmin kept emphasizing the necessity of being able to roll up your layers and shove them in your bag. Also, with the coat, it should be something you don't care too much about so you can turn it inside out and sit on it too.

3) LAYERS: Chiffon tops, cotton cardis and such...things that ROLL UP to fit in your bag or can go around your waist. You'll be happy when the sun sets...

Khaki Lace Tiered Parka, £55

5) The Boots: A lot of people this season are wearing the cowboy boots and the workman boots, according to Yasmin, they're the practical uniform. Not too hot in the sun if worn unlaced, perfect for tromping from one end of the field to the other to meet friends, perfect if it rains. Wellies are an all-day commitment so check the weather before you go that route.

6) Cut out the lining on a sheer, chiffon beaded vintage or vintage style dress and wear it sheer layered over a vest and jean shorts for a more unique look.

7) Scarves are a must. You can wear them as a hairband, scarf or wrap up when it gets cold. If you have a big enough scarf you don't care about, you can also sit on it. Also headbands, which are there to hide your hair on days 2 and 3. According to Yasmin, this season, everyone's wearing little floral Woodstock headbands. Her advice to stand out from the crowd? Wear multiple headbands together, mix it up. But no matter what, make sure they're not too tight and are comfortable on your head.

8) MEDIUM SIZED MESSENGER BAG: something with a long strap so it's comfortable to carry around all day. You really only want to bring the essentials. No tote, no clutch, no shoulder bag.

9) Poncho. My spine bristles at this word, but I'm going to give it an honest chance. Yasmin pointed out that it's the ultimate practical thing to have at a festival. If the rain really came down, you wouldn't care snug and dry under your poncho, you just want to hear the artist. Pack it up, roll it up, or just sit on it later and there's you're blanket. You'll be everybody's best friend. Good thing Miss Selfridge has a funky leopard print poncho. If you're gonna poncho, you may as well.

Grey Leopard Pac-a-Poncho, £15

And my favorite and final tip...

10) ALWAYS go with some of your favorites. Be it an old t-shirt, worn in pair of boots or scarf full of holes. Despite the temptation to outfit yourself in new duds head to toe,

So did I learn my lesson? What will I be rocking today, tomorrow and Sunday? Check back Monday morning to find out and everybody have a GREAT weekend whether you're Loveboxing or not!

xx

London Acne Store Launch Party: The Fierce & The Fabulous

2010-07-16T10:27:00.000+01:00

Last night was the grand opening of my new Mecca: the four story Acne glory on Dover Street. The party was packed packed packed, sweaty and oversubscribed, Daphne Guiness had the right idea wearing an outfit covered in nails. Waiters were clad in short shorts and decorated with assorted floral accessories--from glasses to full on head gear and the glitteratti turned out in full force to the delight of the pack of paps stationed outside. I bumped into Henry Holland, who complimented Butters and paid the forfeit with a photo. The various Peaches and Pixies were in attendance and all the DJ's, sales staff et all looked as though they had just fallen out of the pages of the brand's mag, Acne Paper.

The store itself is gorgeous, a truly perilous place for an Acne victim such as myself. I will definitely be going back soon, hopefully this time though, I'll actually be able to breathe and glimpse the glorious clothes themselves!

Leather clad muscle bound security. Naturally.

The Q was nearly around the block when we left

Judith Watt, author of DOGS IN VOGUE!!!

Daphne Guiness

The lovely Sophie faux posing for me whilst I sneaky snap Daphne

Henry Holland wearing his own lace top? and a little "H" pendant

LUST

Pandemonium has a little inflatable four legged friend of her own...

Swedes and their Absolut

Stalking Daphne Guiness and that OUTFIT

He's like "everyone else working got cool flower get ups, bits from the collection and all I got was this striped sailor top. Shit."

Style Whispering River Island with the Very Simon G

2010-07-15T12:30:00.001+01:00

And the Style Whispering continues to evolve. Up this week? The first ever his and hers SW, with the ultra chic Simon Glazin (aka King of the High Street from cult blog The Very Simon G and papa to Butters' beau Dhillon) and myself playing stylist for one another at the big River Island on Oxford Street. Also new to the mix this week, young up and coming photographer Brooke Berlyn, who really scrambled to utilize the space to its jazzy fullest--having us climb up on displays, splaying out over the til...It was all great fun until poor Brooke snagged her foot on the stair which promptly started gushing blood. Little trooper that she is, we carried on and finished the shoot despite the constant flow from her ballet pump. Rock on girl!Sam Landesberg did a fantastic job on makeup, glamming me up with some eyelure lashes and Mac products.

Now, I never let others dress me. I get irritated when over zealous sales associates at shops shadow me as I scour the rails, commenting this or that on whatever I pull. Yes, I know who DVF is, yes I know shorts are really hot right now, can you just let me and my credit card sin in silent peace?? But there's nothing to mix it up like a bit of queer eye for the control-freak fashionista, so upon setting foot in River Island, Simon and I swapped sartorial reigns, with me heading down to the menswear floor in the basement and him perusing the offerings of the ladies' ground floor. And to my surprise, a host of items I probably would have forsaken in lieu of others, Simon's pickings were really cool and fun, and not necessarily how I'd myself put things together. Which was exactly the point!

And as if to sanction this holy fashion union, who should appear but a muse for our ruse? In searching for the PR upstairs in the accessories mezzanine, we walked right into singer Kellis, in the orange tinted hair colored flesh. Blogger is as blogger does and after a sheepish "can we have a picture?" we decided to let Kellis' milshakey mix/matched clashing print goes urban goes gypsy high street extraordinaire look guide our styling. So without further ado, I bring you River Island a la Kellis.

Photos by Brooke Berlyn

All Items Available IN-STORE and online NOW!!

Look 1: These Boots Were Made For SHOPPING

On Simon On Me
Cream Boots (246609) £79.99 Lace Body (588951) £14.99

Grey Shorts (246342) £24.99 Black Waistcoat (584926) £12 (Sale)

Grey T-Shirt (247560) £14.99 Grey Fringe Shorts (584408) £29.99

Tassel Scarf (247333) £12.99 Cream Shoes (590093) £54.99

Look One was about having some serious fun. Simon put me in a pair of fringed shorts, which I would have never picked up myself, but wound up wanting to buy post shoot. Going for broke on the fringe, Simon loves a bit of overload and so styled my bum shorts with a sheer floral lace body, fringey ankle boots and a fringed studded gilet. Interesting move for me, as my inclination would have been to let the fringe shorts stand alone. But the result was such an awesome boho look that I am now obsessing nonstop...the more fringe, the better! Brooke had the foresight to pile on the pearls and make lovey dovey with the til. Assuming the position with the chip and pin was my own addition, probably out of mere muscle memory.

For Simon's look, I wanted something easy-breezy yet sophisticated and so went for this tone on tone grey look, playing up on contrasting textures of the top and short. The boots keep his look from feeling too old or clean, and the scarf adds that bit of summer fun. The parasol and SATC2 book were of Simon's own choosing :)

Look Two: My Milkshake Brings all the Mannequins to the Floor

On Simon On Me

Biker Wellies (246769) £19.99 Animal Print Vest (591441) £12.99

Denim Shorts (246356) £24.99 Orange Print Trousers (591631) £15 (Sale)

Blue Shirt (248446) £24.99 Yellow Platforms (591753) £64.99

Look Two really epitomizes the Kellis vibe, as Simon went for broke on the clashing. I LOVE my outfit here, the orange leopard harems (which came home with me). The oodles of tacky jewellery just lumped on, that HAT and truly fab yellow wooden platform sandals (too bad the wooden sole was really hard, so not that comfy to walk about in), made for a mish moshed look which is just so on trend, and so on Kellis. All I need is some orange fuzz. Or maybe we'll let Butters assume that responsibility. I also love how Brooke composed these shots, climbing up with the mannequins on Oxford Street certainly caused a bit of a scene, but it was oh so fun!

For Simon, I wanted to do man double denim and this was his "festival look." I.e. Man wellies (LOVE: quickly gents of Lovebox, the ankle man welly is a damn good look), cut off shorts, some chunky jewellery and a canvas Union Jack weekender to pack along all his festival essentials. Butters here test drives the bag to make sure it's Dhilly-ready. Don't know if she plans to get out though.

Look Three: Bright Young Things

On Simon On Me

Union Jack Holdall (244372) £34.99 Print Maxi Dress (591188) £29.99

Purple Check Shirt (248329) £15 (Sale) Tassel Clog Mules (590464) £44.99

Denim Shorts (248794) £29.99 Red Trbial Bag (591331) £29.99

Print T-Shirt (248387) £12.99

Brown Loafers (247932) £39.99

As you all know, I'm having a major hippie moment right now, so when Simon appeared in the changing room with this tye-dye maxi and Indian beaded satchel, the executive decision that Simon can dress me anytime was made. The cream clogs I normally would have avoided, but they really do complete the outfit. The mass of bangles was Simon's touch and they perfectly accent this laid-back hippie chic look.

For Simon's look, it started with the hat. The hat which looked like a coffee satchel or something, I loved it and knew it had to be worked in somewhere. The rest of the outfit was constructed around layering--a graphic tee worn under an open purple flannel, 50s style dark wash shorts and slouchy purple suede loafers.

Again, Brooke had great fun staging us, really utilizing all the space had to offer. I love her concept with the lightbulbs...that is one switched on photog!

Look Four: Under the Sea--I mean River

On Simon On Me

Double Breasted Cardigan (245423) £29.99 Stud Maxi Dress (588967) £59.99

Cream Trousers (248508) £29.99 Cherry Print Platforms (589180) £54.99

Skull Print Scarf (586462) £19.99

Look Four was a super fun one. When Brooke spotted this shell chair, she knew she had to use it majorly in one shot and so when Simon pulled a McQueen-esque digi-print frock for me and I a preppy seaman's khakis and navy blazer, we knew this was the one: I'm the mermaid and he's the sailor. God what fun dress up is. A point of contention: the Miu Miu "inspired" crystal encrusted shoes. Brooke was not a fan, Simon most definitely was. And while at first I wasn't sure about them myself, after watching them really come into their own in this look, I had to admit Simon was right again. Love the headscarf as finishing touch, really makes me look like the biracial aquatic creature of the deep I really secretly am.

For Simon, I suppose with styling men in general, my inner WASP emerges and takes hold like a bacchanal possessed mid-frenzy. Most likely harking back to my days working at Rugby by Ralph Lauren in college. PREP PREP PREP BOYS: pop them collars, cuff those khakis and tuck that striped schoolboy tie! Besides, women always have a weakness for men of the sea...HELLO in the navy!

Look Five: Island Club Kids

On Simon On Me

Blue Trousers (248926) £29.99 Black Dress (590880) £25 (Sale)

Suede Boat Shoes (247400) £39.99 Black Peeptoe Shoes (590558) £54.99

Pink T-Shirt (248382) £14.99 Lace Bomber Jacket (589329) £17 (Sale)

The final look, running out of time (hence the single shot) was more about going out. Although again, upon seeing these sky blue man chinos and matching boaters, I couldn't resist the urge to Nantucket-up Simon once again. Bright pink and bright blue beleaguers just one question: where oh where is the River Island Yacht Club?

Speaking of Yacht Clubs, in this tarty look, there's no way I'd be let in. Body-con mini, black mesh ankle boots and a lace jacket, Simon has outfitted me for an entirely different kind of club. To meet Kellis of course!