tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830Sat, 30 May 2026 18:47:21 +0000Generalmiscellaneousnew year's resolutionrandomChristmasX-Masmusicstrangevarious2012Academy AwardsAddictionAngryApril FoolsBarney StinsonBeerCERNCanada DayCanadianCharlie SheenColdCoolDharmaEarth HourFreezingGeorge W BushGod ParticleHOTHalloweenHiggs BosonHow I Met Your MotherJustin BieberKanye WestLOSTLifeLoveMadModern FamilyNewsOne LinerOscarsResearchSarah PalinSchoolSt. Patrick's DaySummerT-ShirtThanksgivingThat GuyThe OfficeTiger WoodsTo DoVMAValentines DayWinterWorkadvertsingalcoholassortedbrokecleverconceitedcurrent affairsdeepdos equiseconomyeducationegoemploymentexcusesfavouriteguitar hero iiimoneymovieoff-wallpooppop-philosophyquotesreflectionssayingsseinfeldsimpsonsslackerslogansspinal taptaglinesthesisthinkingtvwarningwineThe world's greatest collection of Funny Facebook status updateshttp://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com (Unknown)Blogger72125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-6385662877845575377Sat, 22 Sep 2012 09:57:00 +00002012-09-22T05:57:16.770-04:00Barney StinsonHow I Met Your MotherBarney... Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro… I'm... Broda! You can do this! but, to be more accurate, you probably can't. You're way out of practice and she's way too hot for you. So remember, it's not about scoring. It's about believing you can do it, even though you probably can't. Go get 'em, tiger! It's gonna be legenhttp://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2012/09/funny-barney-stinson-facebook-updates.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-2842429575171540933Wed, 04 Jul 2012 18:38:00 +00002012-07-04T15:02:06.138-04:00CERNGod ParticleHiggs BosonCern... found one of those God Particles in a box of cereal last year.  Man, I wish I kept it! is glad mankind has found the God Particle, so we can continue our epic search for Waldo! "Are You There God Particle? It's Me, Joe Average That Doesn't Understand You!" CNN "That's all the time we have for the God Particle, right now let's meet your new hot dog eating champion!" http://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2012/07/funny-facebook-status-updates-about.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-4645365770232576103Sun, 10 Jun 2012 09:50:00 +00002012-06-10T05:50:47.705-04:00To DoJennifer... is going to buy a parrot and then teach it to say, "Help! I've been turned into a parrot!" is going to change his name to Simon and then go around speaking in third person. is driving around town, following runners, and blasting "Eye Of The Tiger" for encouragement! put some vanilla pudding in to a mayonnaise jar and is eating it in public is handing out lemons to http://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2012/06/funny-things-to-do-facebook-status.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-378858763174711975Tue, 15 May 2012 19:20:00 +00002012-05-15T15:20:46.122-04:00HOTSummerPam... knows it's hot when your farts ignite! knows it's hot when Pamela Anderson's boobs are melting! knows it's hot when fat guys are making their own gravy! thinks it's hotter than a pair of sweat pants full of barbecue! knows it's hot when Dick Cheney is waterboarding himself! hopes you brought the champagne because today is gonna be TOASTY! knows it's hot when when the geese in http://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2012/05/funny-its-so-hot-summer-based-facebook.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-6088655580773459459Sat, 17 Mar 2012 16:24:00 +00002012-03-17T13:23:17.334-04:00St. Patrick's DaySt. Patrick.. is Irish today!!! Hungover tomorrow! invites you to spank his leprechaun thinks that Neil Patrick Harris is hilarious, but isn't calling him a "Saint" and giving him his own day going a little too far?  Then again.. He is Legendary! says ”Knock, knock!” “Who’s there?” “Irish.” “Irish who?” “Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!” is thinking that when the Irish say that St. http://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2012/03/st-patricks-days-funny-facebook-status.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-5330666460754202179Sat, 28 Jan 2012 11:47:00 +00002012-01-31T13:02:17.774-05:00LifeGhandi... woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket. That's the price you pay for letting relatives stay over. is going to buy a teddy bear for $5, name it Joshua and sell it for $10, to make of prophet! was gonna donate blood until the lady got all personal and started asking "who's blood is this?" and "How did you get it?" just realized that I'm still "it" from a game of tag http://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2012/01/funny-facebook-observations-on-life.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-3242700301481572833Sun, 01 Jan 2012 22:04:00 +00002012-01-01T17:04:36.531-05:002012new year's resolutionCharlie... predicts that although Steve Jobs already died, in 2012 he will die again and it will be faster and better this time. predicts Charlie Sheen will make his comeback on a new hit show called "2 and Half Grams"  will likely spend 2012 jobless, whiny, filthy and living with his parents at 43 King Street except it will be cool because he will refer to it as Occupy King http://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2012/01/funny-2012-new-year-resolutions.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-6665969821377061597Fri, 23 Dec 2011 21:30:00 +00002011-12-23T16:30:00.333-05:00GeneralNAME... Wow, it works!!!!!  Be right back, gonna try out my new time machine.....Let's see how this goes!!!!! You choose an answer to this question at random, what is the chance you will be correct? A. 25% B. 50% C. 60% D. 25% Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon...We launch a bird into Pigs! You've really got to hand it to http://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2011/12/yup-more-funny-facebook-status-updates.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-7120171604500238593Mon, 19 Dec 2011 18:13:00 +00002011-12-19T13:13:00.543-05:00GeneralNAME... 's  friend, Eddie, spends several hours a day lubricating an old bench clamp... It's one of his many vices. 's grandfather is hard of hearing. He needs to read lips. I don’t mind him reading lips, but he uses one of those yellow highlighters. 's healthcare plan is pretty simple. I’m covered as long as I stay healthy. 's neighbor just got one of those expensive new http://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2011/12/even-more-assorted-funny-facebook.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-4022339065767056509Mon, 12 Dec 2011 18:07:00 +00002011-12-12T13:07:00.545-05:00GeneralNAME... went to the paint store to get thinner... but I haven't lost any weight yet will give you 2 seconds to figure out that you have the right of way before I take it from you. wishes I was friends with a midget so I could introduce by saying, "Say hello to my little friend." If flatulence is a normal part of pregancy, why did they toss me out of my wife's lamaze class? If I had to guess http://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2011/12/more-assorted-funny-facebook-status.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-2676462601715405651Tue, 06 Dec 2011 18:07:00 +00002011-12-06T13:07:25.352-05:00GeneralNAME... has performed extensive experiments in the shed and can scientifically conclude that a cat has only one life. says Hey Timex, if I end up 660ft under water I won't need a watch. is hosting a little family dinner party tomorrow. Do you think 2 boxes of Cheerios will be enough for 12 people? says If it takes you more than an hour to get ready, then you aren't as cute as you think you are http://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2011/12/assorted-funny-facebook-status-updates.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-6400189638062781897Fri, 07 Oct 2011 14:16:00 +00002011-10-07T10:16:55.828-04:00warningNAME... ALERT!! Facebook tried to keep this quiet! As of tomorrow, Facebook will creep into your bathroom when you're in the shower and smack your ass! To change this option, go to Privacy  / Personal  / Smack Your Ass and uncheck the "You Betcha" box. just got kicked out of the Zoo! How was I supposed to know that "real" hippos don't actually eat marbles? is thinking that http://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2011/10/funny-facebook-warning-status-updates.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-460624056056760346Wed, 14 Sep 2011 03:15:00 +00002011-09-13T23:15:15.285-04:00SchoolRodney... says if your name was Homework.... I'd be doing you right now! says back in my day, we used to call it "recess"... now-a-days, it's referred to as "cease fire". would often... when I read a book... thank my teacher. At least I used to... until she got an unlisted number. Studying is like student and dying put together does not need no spelling lessons... who do you think put the http://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2011/09/funny-back-to-school-facebook-status.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-7983949694929505661Mon, 05 Sep 2011 20:53:00 +00002011-09-05T16:53:37.452-04:00BeerNorm... feels sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day thinks that without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza! is also available in Sober Beer!  Helping ugly people have sex http://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2011/09/funny-beer-related-facebook-status.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-3583103711725828145Thu, 30 Jun 2011 10:40:00 +00002011-06-30T06:40:56.150-04:00Canada DayCanadianBob MacKenzie says happy C eh N eh D eh Day eh! says only in Canada......  are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink is not offended by the term "homo milk" because, I am Canadian is having a poo...  Cheese curds, gravy and fries. says you know you're Canadian when you can fill in the blanks to: "The good old ____ game is the best ____ you can ____." like all other http://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2011/06/funny-canadian-facebook-status-updates.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-2508412575841517943Sat, 21 May 2011 09:44:00 +00002011-05-21T05:45:53.766-04:00pop-philosophyLeonardo... really doesn't get why people like brunch. What's the benefit of combining break-dancing and lunch? thinks that Milk Duds, with their self-deprecating name and remarkably mild flavor, are the most apologetic of the boxed candies. is reminding you that ‎42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. thinks everything looks like a Mexican soap opera. is reminding you thathttp://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2011/05/pop-philosophy-funny-facebook-status.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-1202651309718810079Tue, 08 Mar 2011 11:44:00 +00002011-03-08T06:44:21.112-05:00Charlie SheenCharlie... is Winning!  Duh! is on a drug, it’s called ‘Charlie Sheen.’ It’s not available cuz if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and children will weep over your exploded body.” will let you borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like dude, can’t handle it, unplug this bastard. It fires in a way that is, I don’t know, maybe not from this terrestrial realm. When http://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2011/03/charlie-sheen-inspired-funny-facebook.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-5926966409962896510Mon, 24 Jan 2011 00:36:00 +00002011-01-23T19:36:17.924-05:00ColdFreezingWinterJack... just farted and it froze.  Damn it's coooold! 's shadow froze to the ground today.  Damn it's cooooold! knows it's cold when Paris Hilton has to put on underwear.  thinks it's dangerous to use metal utensils when it's this cold. knows it's cold when chickens are running to KFC to use the deep fryer. knows it's cold when he sees the squirrels throwing themselves against thehttp://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2011/01/funny-facebook-status-updates-about.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-8898160637967283976Sat, 01 Jan 2011 03:13:00 +00002010-12-31T22:13:47.083-05:00new year's resolution LeBron  resolves to create the world's most annoying TV show... "Glee: Jersey Shore Edition" staring Justin Bieber, LeBron James and Oprah as the Chilean Miners. resolves to have each of my resolutions in 140 characters or less! resolves to stop breaking into song at every opportunity... Or atleast stop watching Glee... resolves to stop using Facebook as a communication http://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2010/12/funny-2011-new-years-resolutions-for.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-361263895261425499Fri, 10 Dec 2010 01:34:00 +00002010-12-09T20:34:42.413-05:00ChristmasX-MasGrinch... thinks that Santa Claus has the right idea to only visit people once a year. is going to buy my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, "toys not included.” thinks there's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning... and not be a child. wants an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle! is going to see Thehttp://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2010/12/funny-christmas-facebook-status-updates.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-5662427710967142689Fri, 12 Nov 2010 19:56:00 +00002010-11-12T14:56:35.086-05:00The OfficeDwight... likes to think one step ahead...  Like a carpenter... Who builds stairs. thinks that the best kind of bear is a Black Bear... Fact. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica! knows that the eyes are the groin of the head. Has flaws. What are they? Oh I dunno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. http://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2010/11/funny-facebook-status-updates-inspired.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-2197226299930923820Mon, 25 Oct 2010 14:07:00 +00002010-10-25T10:07:00.547-04:00CoolThe Situation... is SO COOL he can't drink soda because the can will explode! is SO COOL that he wasn't born, he was unleashed. is SO COOL that he doesn't sweat, he glistens. is SO COOL that ice cubes are afraid of him. is SO COOL that you can set your clock by his five o'clock shadow. is SO COOL that he got Helen Keller to talk. is SO COOL that Rosa Parks gave up her seat for him. is SO COOL http://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2010/10/is-so-cool-funny-facebook-status.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-1506227466391008391Mon, 18 Oct 2010 23:48:00 +00002010-10-18T19:48:22.433-04:00That GuyRico... has two tickets to that thing you love. is the guy who put the hole in the ozone layer. says, you know how people say "in bed" after fortune cookies?  Well... I invented that. is the guy that Chuck Norris wishes he were... is often the life of the party even though he's not there. is that guy that if he were to punch you in the face... You'd have to fight off the strong urge to http://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2010/10/yes-i-am-that-guy-funny-facebook-status.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-8284761332111042801Fri, 17 Sep 2010 17:29:00 +00002010-09-17T13:29:57.265-04:00Justin BieberJustin... is wondering on which day God created Justin Bieber...  couldn't he have rested on that day too? thinks if Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga had a kid... it would look like Chucky This just in from the centre for disease control.... To avoid catching Bieber fever...  Wash your hands and grow up! thinks everyone should stop teasing poor Justin Bieber...  She has feelings too! http://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2010/09/funny-justin-bieber-inspired-facebook.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009489211351529830.post-8539529757576190879Fri, 16 Jul 2010 01:59:00 +00002010-08-18T23:29:01.010-04:00current affairsMel... Look at your status. Now back to mine. Now back to yours. Now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn't mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down. Back up. Where are you? .........You're on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like! Anything is possible when your Facebook status looks like this one... This just inhttp://facebookstatus.blogspot.com/2010/07/funny-current-affairs-related-facebook.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Unknown)4