The Comfy Place

Christmas over...Again.

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 12:20:00 +0000

Hi All,

Here's some pics which will hopefully make more sense after reading the text below!

Jack in his new Cub Scout uniform just after his Investiture.

Jack on his first air bed (tube) ride behind the speed (ski) boat. LOVING IT!!

Jack just about to go for his first ski lesson on the training bar besides Peta's boat. Dad was nervous!

Jack on his first jet ski ride!

Heading out for his first jet ski ride!

Nearly up!

Sorry! Had to put it in! Me getting up on the wake board at the training bar during my first wake board lesson! Jack was willing me to fall off so he would learn to water ski before I learnt to wake board! Hmmm....

Nearly up again!

He loved it and did manage to get up for a moment! Very proud Dad!

Well, hi All again,

Hoping everyone had a great Christmas and Happy New Year! It was generally pretty good here, although at times it felt like the first Christmas since Jen passed away and there were a few moments here and there. All to be expected I suppose. Last Christmas Eve was hard wrapping Santa pressies alone and at times I felt I couldn't do it, but we always get there, don't we? This Christmas Eve I thought was going to be easier as I had a few people staying and would have company for it all, but everyone crashed and headed to bed before it was all done, and there I was again, wrapping Santa pressies alone with vivid memories of Jen and I doing it two years ago! I survived again, wouldn't you know it!? Just needed a little moment outside and little chat to Jen in the moonlight and all was well. Jack had a great Christmas, a few quiet moments but generally just a great day. Jamie and his girlfriend, Makeo, came and stayed Christmas Eve, which was fantastic, as well as another friend, so Christmas morning was great fun.

The day itself was a little hectic! After Santa's deliveries were opened and other pressies distributed, it was off to my parents for an hour or so just before lunch (more pressies!) then the hour and a half drive down to Rosebud to Jen's Mum's (Sandra and Vaughan) and a terrific lunch and afternoon with the Darby family (Jen's maiden name - and more pressies!!!) It really was a great afternoon and Jack and I didn't feel like leaving but we were on a schedule. We had cut some roses from my Mum's garden and we took them to place on Jen's grave. We had a few minutes there but I have to say, I feel closer to Jen at the Palliative Care unit where Jen spent her last months (and Jack and I had dropped in there on the way to Rosebud. As soon as they saw Jack, we had 6-8 nurses and the cooks all running out to say hi and marvel at how much he has grown, etc!!! They were wonderful for Jen and they remain just absolute angels for Jack! we hadn't been there for months but they treated Jack (and I) like family and with such love!!)

Anyway, we headed back home (1 and half hours drive) and then packed and headed to the Gippsland Lakes, Paynesville specifically. (Look it up on Google Maps/Earth) The Lakes are beautiful and we will be staying here on and off for most of the school holidays (another 4 weeks yet) A friend of mine, Peta lives here and she teaches water skiing and wake boarding and lives on the Lakes themselves. It's an idyllic setting and we are having a ball! Jack has had a go at water skiing and managed to get up for a moment (similar for me with wake boarding) and he has been towed around on an air bed behind the speed boat and had a couple of rides on jet skis! He thinks it's Christmas all over again!

Last blog (or two blogs ago) I mentioned about going with Jack and Jamie (and a few others) to a Christmas Memorial service put on by Tobin Brothers, the funeral directors who did Jen's funeral. Well, we went and it was difficult at times but I'm glad we went, for a number of reasons. There was time in the service for family and friends of loved one's who had passed away to get up and say something if they wanted, and many did so. It was an emotional part of the service but Jack had decided he wanted to say something. For the two or three days previously he had been thinking about it and writing ideas down. I helped him put it together, but it was all his words and he typed it out. He asked if I would go up and stand with him and I did. Well, he made me prouder than I have ever been of him (and that, my friends, is saying something) I couldn't hold back the tears and neither could anyone else, but Jack delivered his short speech loudly and clearly and with expression and feeling. He didn't miss a beat and was so strong, yet expressive! It brought me completely undone! All I could do was hold him and try not to sniffle!!! Afterwards, many of the people there for other loved one's walked up to Jack, hugged him and told him how proud Mum would be of him. Jamie got to speak at Jen's funeral and I think Jack felt a little left out so this was his turn and he spoke so well. I was also rapt that Jamie was there to support Jack too. I'll add Jack's little speech at the end of this and some pictures of the last few weeks adventures.

There's lots more to tell (Jack has joined Cub Scouts and been away on his first camp, his school report was brilliant - other than talking too much (gets that from Jen!) and much more) but I will have to get to bed and leave it for another time.

So ends (almost) another diary entry!

Wishing you all a safe, happy and healthy 2011.

Love to all,

David. XOX

Here's Jack's speech:

MUM

Jennifer Ballantyne, my Mum, was the best Mum to me. I was shocked when, a year ago today, she died. Luckily I have strong memories of her today. For example, at Christmas I remember the way that from the first of December until Christmas she would have Christmas Carols playing all day, every day. I also remember that on Christmas Eve just before bed we would put glitter in the front yard so the reindeer would know where to land. I also remember lots of silly sayings that she used to say, like if I talked too much she would call me flabbergums.
During the rest of the year Mum would have other music on and she sometimes danced around the house with me, it was fun.

Mum was a fantastic person and you don’t know how much I miss her. I love you Mum.

Thank you.

Jen's Funeral

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Sun, 12 Dec 2010 11:52:00 +0000

Hi All,

I've finally got round to trying to put Jen's funeral onto here for those who want to see it. Problem is, I'm not very tech savvy! I have a mate who is and will ask him but if anyone out there is aware of how to do it that would be great. At present it is on a DVD. I had a go at it tonight but no luck.

Anyway, if you can help, please get back to me.

Thanks,

David. XOX

12 months already gone

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 02:21:00 +0000

Down at the Frankston foreshore one hot summer night a couple of years ago. Too hot to sleep!

Christmas about 4 years ago. Maybe 2006? Need to keep better records now!

The last time Jen came to my house. September 2009, for Jack's birthday. About 3 months before she passed away.

Hi All,

This time I really do need to apologise for the delay! Sorry! I know I promised I would blog a couple of weeks ago but life just became too busy with all the stuff leading up to the end of the school year! My report s are all written for my students now and we have a week and a half to go til our 6 week summer/Christmas holiday.

This time I promise I will be back to tell you more about Jack's adventures over the last few months (and Jamie's and mine a little too!) As I sit here typing we are having a huge storm with torrential rain, thunder and lightning! Love storms!

But this is just a short post to remember Jen as we get to the 12 month anniversary of her passing away tomorrow, 9th December. It's been, in some ways, a tumultuous year, for Jack, Jen's family and friends and myself. In other ways it's been a year of creating a new beginning for many of us, this time without Jen physically in our lives, but she is ever present in our hearts and minds. It's been a time of adjustment for Jack and Jamie especially, but also for all Jen's family and friends and also for me as I become a full time single parent.

Being there for Jen during her journey through the last year or so of her illness was rewarding, difficult, heart rending and many other things, but most of all it was a privilege. Tomorrow, Jack, Jamie and I are taking the day off and going to the cemetery (hoping to meet some of Jen's family there) Then, in the evening, the funeral directors who organised Jen's funeral are running a Christmas Memorial service for all those families who have lost friends and relatives, so we are heading to that. They give everyone the opportunity to get up and say something about their lost loved one's and Jack has expressed a wish to do so and has been writing some memories of Mum down to read out tomorrow evening. It's probably not something we will be doing every year but I think this year, although not the first without Jen, it feels like it's the first Christmas without her.

I do have the dvd of Jen's funeral and am still planning on posting it here for people to view if they wish, I just need to organise a computer expert friend to come and do it for me!

Thanks again for all your love and support over the last few years, especially over the last two years. You have all been a tower of strength for Jen, and then also for Jack and I. Words can't express what your prayers and words of support meant to us here. Thank you.

Now that my work load has eased for the next couple of months I will be back here to get you all up to speed on Jen's and my boy's progress! And it has been huge progress! He is blossoming!!

Love to you all,

David and Jack. xox

Ps. Please spare a thought and prayer for a friend, Vicki, in America. She was a great supporter of Jenni and I on here and is nursing her Mum through her last days at the moment as the cancer finally beats her. A difficult time. Love to you Vicki. Dx

Jack's Birthday....among other things!

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 03:44:00 +0000

Hi All,

I'm going to stop apologising for my tardiness at blogging as I will just have to apologise every time otherwise! This is me and this is how often I seem to be able to get here with work, Jack and life filling most of the space in my life most of the time! Lol. It is what it is.

Well, it's school holidays here again, another two weeks off and my main aim is to give this house an enema! A little bit of a hoarder but was trying to work through that and was doing ok until heaps of Jen's stuff came my way when she passed away. So, now I have to start again and try to reclaim my front (spare - store?) room again! But I have to work through all Jen's stuff and think carefully, sensibly, sensitively about what to keep and what has to go. Jack had way too much stuff too (toys, clothes, STUFF!!! Lol) between his two homes, so now I aim to find a way to condense all the STUFF into , well, not so much STUFF!

It has been a very busy term here. Jack has started Cubs (Scouts for kids between about 8 and 11 years old), he has been doing basketball coaching twice most weeks and has had youth group every second Friday night! I have had precious little social life! lol. The lot of any parent methinks!

Jack also had his 9th birthday last week on the 13th of September. We went down to Jenni's Mum's last Sunday and had a family gathering there for him then went to my parents the next night (his actual birthday) and then yesterday (Sunday, 19th) had a party at an indoor play centre (wet, miserable weather here lately) with his school mates, a couple of old school mates from when he was with Jen and some young cousins from both sides of the family. About 14 kids in all, aged between 4 and 9. And Dad was exhausted afterwards! lol. My parents put on afternoon tea at their place for Jenni's family and a family with Jack's old school friends, who all travelled about an hour and a half to get here for the party so it was a busy but lovely day. And most importantly, Jack had a ball and was often seen to be organising the whole crowd of kids at the play centre! (Must be something he got from Jen!)

It has been a tough week though, as Jack has had a tummy bug (gastro) since Sunday night (the night before his birthday. Started getting crook (sick) down at Sandra's and only finally came good on Saturday, the day before his party. The worst part was he was supposed to go on his first school camp from the Wednesday to the Friday so he had to miss that! He was shattered (and I was looking forward to a couple of free nights! lol), but there was nothing we could have done. His best friend at school, Steph, was also sick but with the flu, so she also couldn't go, so her parents and I are planning to take them to Phillip Island (where the camp was - about an hour away) next week and do some of the activities they were going to do on camp. Things like see some koalas and the penguins. I also have contacts at other school camps where I can take them to do things like the flying fox, etc. It's not the same but the best we can do and then look forward to the grade 4 camp next year!

We are still muddling through the year of firsts without Jenni. This was Jack's first birthday without her and I wondered how he would go but he was fine. I think it may have been in the mind of everyone else but as I said, Jack had a great time. We still chat about Jen from time to time and he misses her but he is managing really well. His mid year school report was fantastic, he is now ahead of most other students in his grade and Jen's best friend commented after his party yesterday that she noticed his social skills are so much better now. Last year he was just playing alongside the kids whereas this year he was a part of it all. He just needed time with others and getting to school every day. I'm so proud of him and so would Jen be.

A question for you all. And I don't know if I can deliver if you say yes, but I will try. Jen's Mum gave me the DVD of Jenni's funeral. It was a simple service, no photos and only about 24 minutes long. Jenni wanted it that way so Sandra honoured her wishes. My question is: would you like me to post it here? I don't know if it's possible or even if I have the ability to do so. If you want to see it, I'm sure we can work out a way of posting it either here or in some other place so you all could view it.

I'm still trying to learn how to download pictures from my new phone/camera (the old one was so easy!) and when I do I will post some new ones of Jack and his birthday.

There always seems to be so much to tell, even though I start off wondering what I will write. One last thing. Jenni's two sisters are both due to give birth in the next month so some exciting days ahead. It reminds us that there are always new beginnings. We will always remember and honour Jenni but we will also move forward into new beginnings.

Take care All,

Love,

David. XOX

My usual tardiness! Sorry... Again!

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 11:05:00 +0000

Hi all,

Once again, sorry for the long break. Life as a single (only) parent gets fairly busy and I find that when I have time to update this late at night I'm not in the right frame of mind. Anyway, here I am for a relatively quick update (maybe!)

So much has happened since the last time I was here. Most importantly, Jack is doing spectacularly at school (most of the time! lol) I received his mid year report a few weeks ago and after being about 12 months behind in most areas a couple of years ago, he is now considered about 6 months ahead in half the areas of schooling and where he should be for the rest! He's a star! Lol. Jen would be very proud. Jen and I knew he was bright and had potential, he just needed stability and to get to school regularly. Nothing against Jen, she couldn't give those things. I'm just glad he didn't get too far behind so he couldn't catch up. Hi teachers are rapt with his development and Jack has one very proud Dad!

We had Jamie come down last friday night and he stayed the night. We all went to a place in Melbourne called Sidetracked on the saturday. They have Go Carts, ten pin bowling, Mini Golf, Laser Tag and many other things there and we had a ball. There were slow, electric go carts for Jack's first drive (and VERY fast one's for the two big kids, Jamie and I! lol) and we had a ball in our first go at laser tag. Great fun! Jamie is doing well. He lost his job a little while ago but within a few weeks had picked up another. Only part time at the moment but the boss says it will become full time. He's also being treated much better than where he was before.

Had a difficult moment the other night. Jack had a tooth pulled out by the dentist a couple of weeks ago (he had a super numerary tooth! An extra one for those who were slow like me at picking that up) and the dentist threw it out before I could ask for it! Not happy! So we wrote a letter to the tooth fairy explaining the situation. Jack requested the Tooth Fairy put blue glitter water in the glass with the water and money (Hmmm... yep, Jen and I started a precedent!) While I was searching through all the stuff I still haven't yet upacked and sorted from Jenni's, I came across a diary that Jack took with him when he and I went to Broken Hill a couple of years ago on a big holiday to see his cousins. Flicking through it (I helped him write some of the entries so I fugured it was ok) And the first one in the book made me cry. I hope Jenni never found it, it would have broken her heart but it showed some of the torment that Jack was feeling at times. It went something like this. "I cannot believe my Mum. My Mum is still sick. I like my Dad better, my Dad is never going to be sick. I cannot believe this. I went to Dad's and I went to Giggles." Giggles is an indoor playcentre where Jack always had a great time. I suppose it was a place where he could escape all the crap. I just so hope Jenni never saw this.

Anyway, this post started out positive and then went everywhere! Happy that those sort of thoughts for Jack seem to be well gone and we often chat about Mum, and all the good stuff about her. I need to head to bed and get some shut eye.

Interesting aside. Jack wanted and is having his 9th birthday party at Giggles. He still loves going there. As of yesterday he's been with me for a year now and this will be his first birthday without Mum, so will be a little bittersweet.

Take care everyone,

Love,

David. X

Three months late but here's Tasmania!

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 14:35:00 +0000

Hi All,

Sorry but the text is again at the bottom! One day I just may work out how to do all this the right way round! The pictures may make more sense if you read the text first. Then again, maybe they wont! lol.

Take care,

David. X

About to sail from Melbourne as we head off on our Tasmania adventure (complete with the Formula 1 cars buzzing around as background noise at Albert Park for the Australian Grand Prix. Boy, are they LOUD!!!

Meeting the other ferry, halfway to Tasmania after 5 hours sailing.

Cousins Daniel (I think), Matthew and Jack (I think! lol).

Cousins Matthew, Daniel (I think, oops!) and Jack.

Town of Stanley as we descend the chairlift from The Nut. (Is that the Nut on the left? Nah, the right!!)

Township of Stanley in the background. View from the lookout at The Nut.

Interesting rock formations everywhere!

And again!

Wineglass Bay, Freycinet Peninsula.

Wineglass Bay. After an hour walk up to the lookout, but well worth it.

Found a native monkey at the lookout at Wineglass Bay, Freycinet Peninsula!

On the way down from the lookout at Wineglass Bay, Freycinet Peninsula. Beautiful place!

Statue of a guard dog at the "Dog Line" at a place called The Neck, where a line of vicious dogs was the last line of security to stop escapes from Port Arthur.

The Church at Port Arthur during the daytime.

On the harbour tour to the Isle of the Dead at Port Arthur. All the prisoners who died here were buried there (including from the boys prison - down to about 7-8 year olds) Hundreds of prisoners died at Port Arthur.

Got him where I want him!

The main Church at night during the ghost tour!

The main prison at Port Arthur.

Jack as a Solitary Prisoner (just see his head just right of centre in the 2nd row). Prisoners were never allowed to see each other or talk at all. They wore sacks on their heads when around others and each of these cubicles in "church" were separated from one another. They were in their tiny cells 23 hours a day for months and months. Only time they were allowed to make a noise was singing hymns in "church"! Most went mad and ended in the asylum next door.

Jack giving the prisoners in the Solitary Prison their sermon!

The old hospital at Port Arthur.

Port Arthur.

Got him where I want him again!

Jack and cousin Jack and ........ can't remember the little one! Oops! At the Great Lakes.

Great Western Tiers in the background.

With the Great Western Tiers in the background.

Our cabin on the way home.

Asleep on the boat after a long, tiring holiday!

Hi all,

Thanks again for all the beautiful messages of support. This is just a quick post to show you some pics of Jack and my holiday in Tasmania during the Easter Holiday break.

We went by ferry (10-11 hour trip during the day on the way over and came home on a night sail). The main purpose of the trip was for Jack to meet a heap of relatives he had never met. My Dad is from Tasmania and I have quite a few cousins over there and many of them seem to have children around Jack's age. He had a ball meeting all his "new" cousins! We also took a few days to travel around some of the beautiful sights of "Tasie", like The Nut, Wineglass Bay and the notorious convict penal settlement of Port Arthur. If you haven't heard the history of the place I will give you more details in the future. it's truly gruesome and unfortunately it also has a sad recent history with Australia's worst mass murder occurring there back in 1996. We spent a day there and it was fascinating and Jack also talked me into taking him on the ghost tour run at night there! It goes for and hour and a half walking around the crumbling ruins and old houses in a small group with a guide telling us all about the plethora of ghosts that inhabit the ruins! Lit only with 4 lanterns (one of which Jack volunteered to carry!) and we loved it! Jack was so scared and loved it all the same! Wasts to go back in the summer and do the other ghost tour they run in the other half of the settlement only in summer! lol.

Anyway, here are some pictures of our adventure!

Love,

David. X

Put me in the naughty corner!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 13:18:00 +0000

Hi All,

So sorry I have left this for so long. There are numerous reasons why it has happened but there is no excuse. Please forgive me everyone, as I know you all like to hear how we are going, Jack and Jamie in particular.

I think my last blog was just before the Easter holidays when Jack and I were about to head to Tasmania for a holiday and now here we are a week away from our mid year holiday!!!

Jack and I had a fantastic time in Tasmania and I will try to post some photos soon, however we have a new camera and I'm struggling to download from it. Will hopefully sort the kinks out soon. My father is from Tasmania so Jack met a heap of "new" cousins. Almost all my cousins over there have children around Jack's age and he had a fabulous time! Lots more to tell there but will add it to the pics when I sort them out.

Jack has had a great year at school this year. I get his mid year report in a couple of weeks but his teacher tells me is now well and truly amongst the brightest in the class! Jen would be proud and it just shows you what our boy is capably of, all things being equal. He still has nights when he's tired that he really misses Jen and it ahs been a little more often in the last week or two but I think that's just because it's nearing the end of a long school term and we are all tired. During the term I organised some counselling for Jack with a Psychologist (as I promised Jen I would - I also spent a few sessions with her which was hugely helpful) and after two sessions she said he didn't need any more at the moment. She says he is a bright young boy who is very well aware of how he feels and his emotions and only needs to go back to her if he feels the need to. All very comforting for me.

We have settled into a pretty good routine and as we enter winter here we are just chugging along and trying to make a comfortable life for the two of us here. Jen's two sisters became pregnant withing a week or so of each other in the month following Jen's passing so Jack is very much looking forward to meeting his two new cousins when they arrive in the coming months. Jack spent a weekend with Jamie and his girlfriend, Makeo, at Jamie's Dad's place and had a great time. Unfortunately we don't see much of Jamie but will make an effort over the holidays coming up to catch up. He seems to be doing ok and has a new job, one that seems much better for him than the last one. His former boss seemed to take advantage of him a bit and this new boss appears to look after him a lot more which is good.

Jack has also spent a couple of nights on separate weekends at Jen's best friend, Lee's place which has been great. They love each other and it gives Jack and I a break from living in each other's pockets! lol. We have also kept in touch with Jen's family and are off to Liz's on saturday for a birthday party for two of her boys.

Part of the reason why I have taken so long to post here has been that I am trying to decide what to do here. I have always felt this was Jen's Blog and I was updating it for her and then for as long as it serves a purpose for me to vent/chat as well as keep all of you up to date with Jack and Jamie's happenings. I still haven't decided but realise that unless I keep posting until I work out what I want to do here, I will slowly lose some of Jen's friends from following as you get frustrated with me thinking we have just "moved on". Phew, does that make sense? As I said ages ago, I have set up another Blog as my own in order to carry on into the future and would probably feel more comfortable with that but may stay here for the first 12 months from Jen's death.

Will get some pics organised over the coming holidays and make sure I am more disciplined with posting! Thanks again for all your support! I am blown away by it and was just re reading an email I got from Jen's brother, Greg, back in January. He asked me to pass on his gratitude for all your love and support for Jen over her difficult journey. I can't believe that I still received so many comments of support months after Jen's death.

Thank you all so much. Will be back here withing a week or so. I PROMISE!!!

Love to all,

David. X

End of a busy term

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 10:37:00 +0000

Hi All,

Once again I forgot to add these first so the text is at the top then the pics! Sorry. They will make more sense after reading the text after the pics. Thanks, David. Sorry about the pics, too. Seems to be a problem with my camera, will get it fixed asap.

Jack taking a mark at the footy clinic with the Melbourne Demons players.

Off to the next summer Olympics with a shot putt technique like this!

Count Jackula! Face painting at a community family fun day.

Jack with his Hawthorn hero, Lance "Buddy" Franklin, an AFL star.

The last of Jen's blooms this season.

Jack at his first school athletics carnival.

Hand balling to a Melbourne Demons player at the footy clinic.

Tackling a tackle bag. He winded himself when he landed on it a split second later! lol.

Going hell for leather!!!

Dad helped out with the bump bag too! Jack loved giving me a hip and shoulder!

Hi All,

Once again it has been a while since I have been here and life has delivered a kaleidoscope of emotions and experiences for both Jack and I. Today we finished term one at school and now have a much needed 2 week break.

Jack and I are weary and are looking forward to a ten day holiday in Tasmania (for those of you overseas, Tasmania is the most southern state of Australia and the only island state). My father came from Tasmania to Victoria back in the 1950's and most of his family is still there. We have always been fairly close to them despite the distance and so I felt it was time for Jack to get to know them. Many of my cousins have children around Jack's age so hopefully he will have a great time getting to know his extended family on my side. On top of the family, Tasmania is a beautiful state and has many wilderness areas I hope to take Jack to although we wont be moving around as much as we did on our road trip back in January. We came home from that 10 day trip very tired despite the great time and this time we need to come back rested.

The school year started well and Jack's results at school have been nothing short of sensational considering all he has been through over the last 7 months (and three and a half months in particular). However we have had a few tough weeks towards to the end of the term. I think it has been a combination of a few things. Jack, still getting used to going to school every day, an unusual amount of hot humid weather and a reality check for Jack that has seen hi realise the finality of Jen's passing away. Consequently we have had a few days (and in particular, nights) where jack has been quite upset and really needed some "tlc". It has been heart breaking and taken a lot of emotional energy from both of us. He has had a couple of extra sessions with the chaplain/counsellor at school. on top of his usual after school Thursday meeting with her. She is a wonderful lady and counsellor and Jack loves her and has grown enormously under her guidance. We did have a day off together on Thursday where he was just exhausted and fragile and it was a much needed break. My psychologist/counsellor suggested that maybe Jack have a session with her and I put it to him and he is keen to do so next term. She's a very qualified and experienced counsellor who has helped me enormously in the two sessions that I have had with her.

On the flip side of some difficult times, we have had some really fun times as well. Jack has had his school athletics carnival (his first) and even though it was a long hot day, he really enjoyed it and was justifiably proud of his efforts. He has been doing swimming and basketball every week this term and has improved heaps in both but more importantly, really enjoying them. He has had after school sport (run by the school and is free for those who get accepted) and had a footy clinic (for those not au fait with this, one of the Australian Rules Football league clubs sends their players out to run a coaching clinic for local kids) where the Melbourne Demons ran a great session for about 200 kids from local schools. Jack loved it even though he and I are members of a rival team (Hawthorn Hawks) and on that afore mentioned day off we visited our teams club and he loved looking around the team museum and club rooms.

I feel like I have just delivered another diary here but there still seems so much to tell. Jack is so excited about Sunday when we head off at about 5.30 in the morning to go and catch the ferry to Tasmania. It's about a ten hour trip and we take our own car. On the way home ten days later it's an overnight ferry trip so he's also looking forward to having our own cabin.

This trip is largely thanks to Jenni and her Mum, Sandra. Jen wasn't all that financial and her family paid for her funeral so that what was left of Jen's money could go to Jack and Jamie for them to have something to look forward to. Consequently, due to Sandra's generosity, I am able to take Jack on this trip and he is very much looking forward to it.

Will add a couple of pics of some of Jack's activities over the last few weeks.

Thanks again for all your support.

Love,

David. X

A better week!

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 00:10:00 +0000

Hi All,

Thanks again for all your wonderful support and love on here. Just a quick note this time. Sorry if I sounded a little angry last time over a couple of things. Probably stuff that was more in my head than anything else but things are going better now. Felt I had to get some stuff out and went to get some counselling and now feel like I'm starting to deal with all that has happened. More to do and deal with but progress has been made. I feel it's the same with Jack. I think he had a bit of a reality check a few weekends ago and it all came back to him but we have had some chats about it and he spends some time each week with the counsellor/Chaplain at his school and is travelling really well.

He's taken it upon himself to be more helpful around home and twice this week I have got out of bed to my breakfast being made! The jug boiled, coffee on the way, cereal in the bowl and his toast being cooked!!!! I could get used to this! Jack is just an amazing boy! For all he had to deal with in his short life so far, and how far behind he had become with school and social development, he is dealing with it all, has caught up and passed where he should be academically and is well on the way socially! He just amazes his Dad! On top of all that is the way he handles losing his Mum. The chats we have about her and how he feels. He's a very perceptive boy and just blows me away with his insights at times! (Sorry the pathetic, doting Dad doing a pride rave here! lol) Jen would be so proud. He just needed a fair go at life and some opportunities to be a boy and experience life. I often worried enormously about his development in so many ways when he was with his Mum but just prayed that he would have the ability to catch up when "it was all over", as I just could not take him away from her when that was all the time they were going to have together in his life. A rock and a hard place but he has blossomed and has proved all my fears wrong!

We had Jamie and his girlfriend up here on Saturday night and Sunday and Jack was bouncing off the walls with excitement with them coming to our place! It was fantastic as I have been worried about Jamie and the lack of contact that he and Jack have had but Jamie seems to be doing ok and they will come another weekend soon.

For those interested, we lost our semi final in cricket so the season is over, no grand final this weekend! But the 46 year old body has said loud and clearly that it needs a rest and isn't all that disappointed about not having to front up again this year! Need to have an operation on the right shoulder and left knee so will hopefully get those done in the next 12 months and we'll see whether or not my sporting career may be over! lol. I might just be a taxi and coach/parent on the sidelines for Jack's sporting career now as it begins. And love it!

Some have asked for some old pics of Jen to be posted and I'm looking back trying to find some. I'm not yet sure how to scan our old pics on this machine I have so I will learn and see what I can do. Jen's sisters will also have some so I will get them to email me some. Stay tuned for them.

Thanks again and I hope all is well in your world,

Love,

David. X

Reality Check

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 12:05:00 +0000

Hi All,

Sorry for the delay and sorry but I forgot to load the pics first again! There is a missive at the end of the pics which explains what they are.

Jen's roseafter the storm.

The clearing clouds after the storm.

The retreating storm.

Jack and Tommy with their coloured sands.

The sand sculpting.

Jack and Tommy at the sand sculpting. Amazing sculptures.

Hi All,

Sorry again it's been so long between posts here. I was unsure how to write this one as things had been going along pretty well for a while. Jack is going so well at school. Just had parent/teacher interviews last week and Jack's academic work is fantastic. At eight years of age he is reading like a 12 year old, his maths is a couple of years ahead as is his English comprehension. His spelling was his worst area and that was as an 8 year old! Got to be happy with that! Jack's also improving socially and getting along really well with a variety of kids. This was always my main concern as he is a bright kid and I thought he would catch up, but after missing 60-70% of his last two years of school I was worried how he would go socially. Thankfully he's slowly catching up. He has started basketball on a Saturday morning and I can see improvements in his fitness skill, and maturity with each passing week. Jen would be so proud of him, as am I.

However we have had a few hiccups. Although Jack and I often speak about Mum, and has sometimes been melancholy, I was worried (seems crazy I know) that he hadn't really grieved that much since the funeral. Anyway, last weekend we had tears for the first time since Jen's funeral. He got really upset and talked about how unfair it was. I'm hoping it is all therapeutic and it seems that reality is setting in.

I'm also finding that I'm struggling with how I'm feeling. I have felt really lost at times and find that Jen's death really catches me out at times and I'm really unprepared for the feelings and emotions. Sometimes I wonder why and if I have a "right" to feel like that as it was 8 years since we separated. I almost feel guilty at times for having the grief. Then I remind myself that we really were good friends again for the last 12 months or so of Jen's life and I was her part time carer for the weekends during her last 6 months and we had many deep discussions about our past and about our wishes for Jack's future. Still, I have been quite confused at times about my feelings and had some "interesting" assumptions made about them by others who have little or no idea about what we have all been through. It has made me a little angry at times but we are all trying to move on with our lives. We had a lovely Sunday afternoon last week with Jenni's sisters and Liz's kids and from chatting to Liz and Caz, they are also finding it catches them out at odd times too.

Enough of that. I took Jack and Liz's eldest boy, Tommy (who's five) to some sand sculptures at Frankston and they had a great time, especially when they had a go themselves. Jack loves Tommy and Tommy seems to look up to Jack (both literally and figuratively). We wont get the chance to catch up for a few weeks now as I play cricket ( I wont try to explain it to those of you not in the Commonwealth! lol) and we have finals over the next few weeks on both Saturday and Sunday.

We have had a strange summer here in some respects. Although it's been hot, it wasn't as hot as last summer but we have had almost tropical humidity here for ages, which is quite unusual. Finally it seems as though the weather is cooling and becoming a little Autumnal almost. We had the most amazing thunderstorms here on Saturday morning and the thunder went on for ages. Jack and I love thunderstorms and they woke us up and we went out on the verandah to watch it as it receded. I have included some pictures of the the storm moving away and the clouds in the aftermath.

Jenni's rose has begun to bloom in earnest and I have put a few pics of them in here for you Judi. I know you and Jenni shared a love of the garden and her rose (the one that Jack's teachers gave us after Jen's passing) looked beautiful after the storm.

Will sign off now as I need to get to bed. Work tomorrow - the weekends just go too fast!

Love to all,

David. X

A Few More Random Pics

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 11:28:00 +0000

Hi there All,

Here's just a few random pics from the last few weeks starting with one from about 6.30am on Christmas Morning with Jack testing out his new scooter from Santa in Jenni's kitchen/dining area. We have had quite a busy time since then with packing Jenni's house up, Jamie's birthday, my birthday, Jenni's birthday, a driving holiday a thousand kilometres north of here and back (up the coast and back through the mountains), several random days at the beach and go carting and now back to school/work! I'm tired just reading it. Here's just a few pics from it all, not really in order and certainly not covering all those events/dates, but just a sample of our past 7 or 8 weeks.

Jack managed about 3-4 hours sleep at this stage! (Much more than his Dad!)

Jack on the high ropes course we visited north of Sydney. Great for his confidence!

Me with Sir Donald Bradman at Bowral. Our greatest sporting hero!! A cricketer for all you non believers!!! The best the world has ever seen.

Jack on the banks of the Snowy River in our Great Dividing Range. An incredibly rugged, harsh and beautiful area or our country. This is on our last day, heading home after 11 days away.

Jack and Dad and the windswept look at Venus Bay, South Gippsland (an hour south of home here at Warragul). Had our swim, eaten our fish and chips and watching a storm roll in.

Jack and the same storm.

Sunset over South Head of Sydney Harbour from the ferry on our way back from Manly.

Jack on the same ferry ride. End of a long and exciting day in and around Sydney and Sydney Harbour for and 8 yo boy on his first trip to Sydney. (Tiring for his Dad too!)

Jack, Angela and Ted's right arm and leg, somewhere en route on our driving holiday. Ted's has slept with Jack every night since his first Christmas (a present from a work colleague of mine) and Angela was a present to Jack from all of his class when Jenni passed away. She now shares the bed along with Jack and Ted. Getting crowded seeing as he's in with me until I fix his bed!

Sorry these have been a long time coming and as I wrote before, it's certainly not a comprehensive record, more of a haphazard snapshot of our last 7-8 weeks.

Thank you for your continuing prayers. Jack is doing really well and I'm ok. I will be better soon as I'm hoping to get some time to myself to process some of the last year soon as my Wednesday's off from work become more relaxed. I have had so much to do around here after about 6 months of neglect and then moving a heap of Jack and Jenni's stuff up here. My time soon. Jack and I have settled into a reasonable routine and generally the house is a happy one. We planted the rose that Jack's class gave him after Jenni passed away (it's called Mother's Love and is beautiful with a beautiful fragrance). It's loving being out of the pot and into the ground and has heaps of new growth and some new buds forming.

Enough for now. Thanks again and take care everyone.

Love,

David. X

Sorry for the break!

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 14:21:00 +0000

Hi All,

Sorry for the break, life has been hectic going back to work and school and I haven't had the headspace to get on here and blog. This is only very short but I promise I will get back in a day or two.

Jack is doing really well, both at school and with coping with things re Jenni. When we are having fun doing something or going somewhere, he often says, I wish Mum could see us doing this. He's not upset, just thoughtful and a little melancholy at times. But we have a little chat about it and I tell him Mum would love to see us and hear about it and it's ok to miss her. It's actually normal to miss her. He broke my heart the other day when we were out and he turned to me in the car and said, "Dad, I'm having trouble remembering what Mum looked like". It just really upset me and I was a little lost for words, but we were on the way home and I just said, "Well, when we get home we will get some pictures out and there's that big one on the piano". That seemed to help him and all has been ok since.

It's been bloody hot and humid here for ages it seems. More humid than normal and we are hanging out for some cooler, less humid days that are forecast in a couple of days. So we are all trying not to get grumpy with each other. It seems that every day has either been 30 deg Celsius or more (35 today, 33 tomorrow) and humid or when we get a break from the temp, the humidity stays! Had enough now!!!!!

Ok, must go to bed. Will add more here tomorrow I think. I have Wednesdays off at the moment to try to gather my life together a little.

Take care.

David. X

Jen's Birthday

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 12:37:00 +0000

Hi All,

Sorry about this, the pics were supposed to be at the end but I can't work this all out! Here are a few from my camera but the best ones are from Jack's camera, however I can't work out how to copy them from the program that comes with his camera! Don't you just love technology! Anyway, here's a snippet of our trip.

Beautiful old bridge over the river in Kangaroo Valley, an hour or so south of Sydney.

Toowoon Bay (think the spelling is right!) an hour and a half north of Sydney.

Jack having a great time on a ropes course. His first ever experience of this type of thing and he loved it.

Richard showing Jack the flight simulator.

Jack and Dad on a train bound for Sydney.

Jack having fun in a tree, South coast of NSW. (Moruya)

Hi All,

A holiday here in Oz tomorrow for "Australia Day" but mixed feelings here. Jenni's birthday too and Jack and I are heading down to visit her grave. We bought a couple of little things on our road trip and Jack wants to go and visit and leave some of them there tomorrow. We were at a fantastic little country village called Central Tilba, in a small craft type of shop and Jack found some small floating flower shaped candles, so we bought a few to put on Jen's grave. Jack had also told the lady in the shop about Mum and so she came up to us at the counter and gave Jack a small decorated photo frame that he had been looking at but put back. It was a lovely gesture but I haven't yet found a photo to put into it so we will take that next time. I will let Jack choose.

So tomorrow will be a mixed one but generally speaking Jack is doing really well. He often chats about Mum and sometimes has his melancholy times but so far it all seems very balanced and healthy. Not entirely sure how I'm going. Most of the time fine but I'm so busy with Jack that I still feel as though I haven't had time to process it all. Jen's and my split all those years ago was not easy and often very difficult in so many ways. We didn't get on at all for quite a while but in the last 12 to 18 months we built a new friendship based around Jack and it really was good to generally be able to chat about Jack productively. On top of that we managed to sort through much of the crap from the past and especially in the final weeks Jen and I had some fantastic, in depth conversations about many things important to both of us. If you had asked me a few years ago I would never have thought I would say this, but I really miss her. I miss the ability to chat about OUR son, not just my son. We would never again have been husband and wife but we had forged a new friendship and I still haven't had my chance (or made the time) to process it and sit down and think about it all.

Enough! Jack and I had a great 11 days away although we came back very tired. We both felt that we probably moved around a little too much despite the fun we had. We spent a couple of days with some family at a beautiful beach town on the southern coast of New South Wales called Tathra and although the weather and waves weren't great, had a lovely time. Then we headed up the coast visiting some beautiful spots and stayed a couple of nights just north of Sydney with an old school mate of mine and his family. Richard and Karen have two children around Jack's age so he loved it there. Richard is a helicopter pilot in Sydney so on our way back Jack and I dropped in on him at work and Jack got to sit in the helicopter and he also got to have a go at landing a plane in a simulator! (He was better than his Dad - although I suspect that Richard just may have been helping a little!) A couple of days in Sydney followed doing the touristy things like the Tower, travelling around the Harbour Bridge and Opera house by ferry and the monorail to see all the sights. We were able to stay with Richards brother and his partner who live in the inner suburbs in Sydney so that made it more affordable. Then back through Canberra where Jack wanted to do the tour through our Federal Parliament House! I said, "You might find it boring after a while". He replied, "Dad, I like to know how things work, you know!" Back in your box, Dad! And he enjoyed it and asked questions, but I suspect his favourite part was rolling down the grass that covers part of the top of our Parliament House!

Following this we visited a place called Questacon which is a little like Scienceworks in Melbourne. It's a science based, interactive place for kids (and big kids!) and is so much fun. We ran out of time after two and half hours when it had to close at 5pm.

We finished off with a drive home over a couple of days through the Australian Alps and saw some absolutely amazing scenery and found many camping spots for the future down along the Snowy River. We made it back to my parents on Friday night for a late birthday dinner for me which Jack and I were too tired for after about 7 hours driving to get home!

Sorry this has been a little bit of a diary. I will add a couple of pictures here but will follow with more in the next few days. My last day off tomorrow before back to work. Jack goes back to school on Monday the 1st of February. It has all gone sooo fast!

Thanks for all your comments and support again. Take care.

David. X

Road trip! Bye for now.

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 13:39:00 +0000

Hi All,

Just a quick note to say thanks again for the support Jack, Jamie and I constantly get on here. Jack and I went down to have dinner with Jamie and Makeo (Jamie's girlfriend) on Thursday and Lee and her husband Mark ended up with us too. We had a wonderful evening and I think Jamie went home quite happy. This afternoon Jack and I headed down there again to Jenni's Mum's (Sandra) for a birthday BBQ for Jamie and despite the heat had a lovely afternoon with the family. Jack had a great time having water fights with his cousin Tommy and the rest of us lazed around and ate and drank! We were a little late and missed the grown up version of the water fight apparently!

Well, Jack and I head off (finally) on our road trip tomorrow and I think it will be a good day to be in the air conditioned car. The forecast is for 43 degrees Celsius in Melbourne (well over 110 degrees Fahrenheit I believe!) and only slightly less as we head east and then north up the coast. It's about 6-7 hours drive I think but we will be taking our time and not planning on anything other than enjoying the drive and maybe the odd quick swim along the way. Hopefully by the time we arrive in Tathra the evening will be cooling and my relatives will have the BBQ cooked and a cold drink for Jack and I! The next couple of days up there are forecast to be in the mid to high 30's again so not much relief but we will be camping across the road from the beach so plenty of time in the water I think.

Sorry I haven't got the photos of Jen when she was healthier up yet but I have one in mind and I need to scan it and haven't worked out how to do that yet. Will get it up when we get back and will post some of the trip too. Am looking forward to visiting old friends in Sydney I haven't seen for over ten years and a mate's place just north of Sydney that I have never visited. He keeps coming down home so finally it's my turn to head there. Jack's excited and we have been planning what to take and where to go for the last few days.

Anyway, must go and get some sleep for the long drive tomorrow. Take care and I'll post on our return.

Love,

David.

Sorry - I forgot the pics!

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 14:34:00 +0000

Sorry, I forgot to add the pics from our time away these last three days. Here's a few and I will add some of Jenni when she was healthier soon, as requested by some.

Love,

David.

Jack in Tidal River, Wilson's Promontory.

Tidal River again. The colour is just the tannin leached out of the rotting vegetation, mainly the tea trees.

Heading for a swim at Norman Beach.

Darby River trickling into Darby Beach!

The beautiful Darby Beach. I had never been there before. Darby was Jenni's maiden name. Funny how things happen, isn't it?

I want this one Dad!!!!

Just a big kid I was.

The next Mark Webber!

The cart Jack and I raced. It was so much fun!

As I said, more pics soon, then Jack and I will be away for a week or two from the 10th, January.

Take care,

David.

Back - Briefly

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 13:17:00 +0000

Hi All,

Sorry for the break in transmission. Life has been fairly busy up until new year and then Jack and I went away for a couple of nights on new year's eve. With Christmas, moving Jack's stuff up here from Jenni's and just trying to sort this house out after 5 months of not being here much and adding all Jack's stuff, life has been a little hectic.

Jack and I headed down towards the coast to stay at a place called Meeniyan as the weather was hot and we don't have air con here. We met some great people who had a young boy Jack's age and they played in the pool, built Lego, played cricket and generally had a good time. Jack and I went to the local go cart track for our first go at it and loved it. We had bbq's each evening with Jack's friend's family and the motel owner and watched a great storm roll in over us on NYE.

Yesterday on our way home we went to one of the best national parks in the world (slightly biased here!), Wilson's Promontory. I go there often with work and have done with friends often too but Jack had never been. He absolutely loved it, so even though it's an hour and a half away, we will be back there frequently.

Had a lazy day at home today in between sorting out Jack's room with different furniture. Still heaps to do but we are slowly getting there. Jack loved the break and loves his re-done room and keeps saying things like, "I wish Mum could see this" at various times. He doesn't really get too upset, just a little melancholy at times. We chat about it and he seems happy about the fact that Mum "can see it", she just can't talk to him about it, but he can talk to her.

We are heading down to see Jamie for his birthday on Thursday and heading off on our boys camping/caravaning holiday for a week or more probably on Sunday, 10th. Sorry if this post sounds a little like a diary. I will hopefully have more time for thought over the next few days. I still pinch myself every now and then when I think, hey, I'm doing this all alone. I know I have plenty of family and friend support, but you know what I mean. There's not Jenni there to tell about Jack's latest achievement or run past an idea about his sporting commitments or even just hat time he should go to bed. It's just me. It's what I always wanted, to have Jack and be a Dad, and I was doing ok but sometimes it hits you fight in the face, there's no back up now buddy! Anyway, we're doing ok at the moment.

Here's a few pics of our time away over NYE. I haven't forgotten the offers of help, financial and other, for Jack and things like his schooling. I just haven't had the headspace to think enough about it. There's the little thing of my pride too, being "the provider", that I have to work through as well.

Thanks again everyone.

Take care.

Love,

David.

An Empty House

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 11:42:00 +0000

Hi All,

Jack finally asleep after a couple of hours of fidgeting and excitement for tomorrow. Jamie exhausted and sound asleep early. He's been up since 4.30am for work so needs some sleep. We did all the usual traditions: Carols, food and drink for Santa, Santa hats, glitter trails on the front lawn for the reindeer to see where to land (most of it ending up on Jack as we tried to do it fast due to the rain!)

The once Jack finally asleep and I'm about to wrap pressies it hit me. Jen and I did this together the last couple of years despite our separation and the house feels so empty. If I had realised how it would be I would have teed up Caz or Liz to come and help and share the time together. Too late now. A difficult evening here but tomorrow will be better. Now the others are asleep, can't handle the carols anymore tonight.

Anyway, wishing you all a Happy and Healthy Christmas and hope Santa brings you what you all want (happiness and health?) And may the Lord keep you all close at this special time, and I'm sure Jen would be sending all her love and best wishes to you all as well.

Take care.

Love,

David. XOX

Busy times

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 14:30:00 +0000

Hi All,

This is just a very quick note (maybe). I'm sorry I haven't yet been able to answer all the emails I have received from you. With Jenni's funeral, finishing school (for both Jack and I), Christmas preparations and now this week heading down to Jenni's to start packing Jack's things to bring back here, I just haven't had the time or energy to catch up with you all. To be honest, I can only do it sometimes too as there are times when I have the time and sit down to write and I just can't find the energy or words or ..... dunno. I thought that once Jenni had gone I would have time to get everything sorted out here. My house, her house, time for Jack, time for me, time for Christmas, time for friends. But I seem busier than ever and still feel like nothing is getting done.

Jack seems to be well adjusted and is coping really well so far but I keep watching and waiting for him to "fall apart". Today he walked into the lounge room (where I was) from the kitchen with a smile on his face. I asked him what was amusing and he replied something like, "I was just remembering some fun stuff with Mum". I asked him what it was and he told me about the "tickle wrestles" he and Mum used to have "before I hated being tickled"! I just let him talk about it while he sat on my knee and he was fine. And that's part of the problem for me. Jenni is his Mum and he seems fine. I'm still not sure exactly how I feel. I don't feel as if I have had the opportunity to grieve properly and I don't really seem to know what that means either. I have had a few texts with some of Jenni's family and they are all ok, struggling with it but ok. Christmas is at one of Jenni's sister's place this year and Jack and I will go there for part of the day before coming back to my family and hopefully that will help me to work through it some more.

Anyway, I'm not sure how often I will get here until after Christmas now. Jack and I will be back and forth to Jenni's place over the coming week or two so I will be a little busy. I think Santa will be coming to Jenni's house this year so that Jamie can be there with Jack and I and share in Jack's excitement. I will ask Jen's sister, Caz and Jen's friend Lee if they want to come around also. Caz has no kids yet and Lee's are grown up so I'm hoping that they will be able to. If not, we'll see them later in the day anyway.

Ok, time for bed here. Take care and thank you for all your constant support.

Love,

David.

Amazing Support

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 22:37:00 +0000

Hi All,

I keep saying it but, just a quick note as I should be at work now but not much happening (tomorrow the last day before holidays) and Jack is busily finishing off Christmas cards for everyone in his grade.

Just wanted to let you know about the amazing support Jack and I have been receiving (not only on here!) Jack's class mates all wrote and decorated cards of support for him and the teachers gave him a small teddy bear angel, complete with halo and wings. They also gave Jack and I a standard rose called "Mother's Love". There were a few tears shed as I read through the packet of cards from Jack's class, then again when one of his teachers gave me the rose outside his class. She also shed a few and I had to steady her so she could go back into teach her class. Jack also brought his school report home which has improved out of sight! Over the last two years Jack has missed quite a lot of school as Jenni could not get him there very often. Consequently, he fell quite a bit behind. I less than one semester Jack has caught up in just about every area and his reading is actually ahead of where he should be for grade two! A testament to Jack's wonderful teachers.

The teacher's, office staff, School Chaplain and the school community as a whole have been wonderfully supportive and I thank them for caring for our son in his time of need. Jen would be so grateful for their gentle care of Jack and also so proud of his achievements this semester (all while his Mum was fading.) He is an amazing boy and I know that with the support his school shows he will blossom in the coming years there.

Take care everyone and thanks for the emails I have received from many of you. I will get back to you all as things slow down in the coming week or so.

Love,

David.

Bye Jen

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 12:14:00 +0000

Hi All,

Just a quick note to let you know how today went. Jen's funeral was organised by her family after Caz had chatted at length with Jen as to what she wanted done. They organised a beautiful, simple service. They minister was excellent and the eulogy was delivered by Suzie Blashki, the head of the Palliative Care Unit. Suzie spoke beautifully about the effect that Jenni had on the entire staff at PCU and her long and courageous battle. She spoke about Jen's love for Jamie and Jack and Jen's wishes and hopes for their futures. And she spoke about Jen's initial determination to always go home from PCU until her final acceptance a few months ago that she wouldn't be going home again. Jen's Mum's partner played the piano for the music and he was brilliant. Jamie briefly spoke about his life with and love for his Mum and did her proud and Jen's sister read a beautiful poem.

Jack was so brave. He sat between Jamie's girlfriend and myself and listened (and when the minister got Jen's age wrong saying she was 39 instead of forty he couldn't help himself and whispered to me, "Mum was forty, Dad!") and alternately leaned on each of our arms. He came to the cemetery and dropped in a small red heart shaped cushion. It was one of a pair that Jen had got for he and her to give to each other so they always had a small part of each other's heart and he kept the other in his breast pocket. He wanted to stay a while after the committal and with the support of various family and friends he was ok after a short while. Jen would have been as proud of him as I was and I know in my heart that he will be fine going forwards from here.

Jen's family all went back to Liz's for the afternoon and Jack had a great time with his cousins. And Liz and Caz and their husbands have made it very clear that they also wish to help keep Jack close to the family and his cousins. It was quality family time. I had a few drinks with the men and had a great time. And tonight has been hard. Even though we all knew this time was coming and I have been Jack's full time Dad for nearly 5 months now, it all seems so hard all of a sudden and I have a feeling of, "What now?" The PCU and Jen has been everyone's focus for so long that now she's gone we all just feel a little lost. There is definitely a sense of relief but also feeling lost.

I know with tomorrow comes another day and a new beginning for us but tonight is just tough. Thanks for all your support and wishes. I will keep you all posted as we all move forward and start afresh. Jack's cold is on the improve and we finish school this week for a 5-6 week break so we will get away for a road trip at some stage. Do some camping, be boys and have some fun.

I have some more pictures and "stuff" to share with you in the coming days.

Take care and thank you.

Love,

David.

Our Last Weekend With Jen

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 12:06:00 +0000

Hi All,

Here's a few pictures of our last weekend with Jenni. Jack and I managed to arrive a little earlier than usual after getting away from work and school early and met Jen's sister's Liz and Caz at Palliative care to put up and decorate a small Christmas tree to put in Jen's room.

Jack had made a Christmas card for Jenni and I on the computer at school and here's Jack explaining it to Jenni. Her eyesight was beginning to fail so Jack pointed out all the important artwork!

Caz had got us all in the Christmas spirit by providing everyone with hats the we HAD to wear!

My final picture of Jen, near the end of the evening just before taking Jack home to bed. She really did have a great evening but she was exhausted by the end.

Liz and Jack decorating. Note Jack's heart which had to be facing Jen.

Peekaboo! Almost finished.

Caz puts on the final touch.

It was a lovely night and Jamie and his girlfriend, Makeo turned up too which was lovely for Jen. Jack and I had a long day the next day (Saturday) with her and then another couple of hours on Sunday afternoon. We didn't know then that Sunday's farewell would be Jack's last, but looking back at how she had deteriorated, I'm not surprised now. Jack's last words to Jen that Sunday evening was to yell, "I love you Mum" as we walked around the corner of the palliative care building. Jen would always be sitting outside when we left and Jack would always yell it out as we rounded the corner.

Jack's doing really well. Chatting often about Mum, that he misses her, about things they used to do, things Mum made for the Christmas tree, Christmas traditions of Mum's. He's coping well but I know there will be bad days ahead for him too. At the moment though, we are just aiming to get through Monday and then we'll move on from there.

Take care everyone.

Love,

David.

Jen's Funeral

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 13:31:00 +0000

Hi All,

This one WILL be brief. Thank you all for you loving comments, prayers and support for Jenni, Jack, Jamie, Jen's family, friends and myself. Everythings a little bit of a blur at the moment. Jack has a heavy head cold which is not great for the little man. He asked me tonight as I was cuddling him in bed and chatting with him to settle him, "does sadness cause colds, Dad?" So we had a discussion on the cold virus, followed by one on sadness and how it's ok to be sad. Then we snuggled in and Jack was asleep in about two minutes. (Think I may have dozed a little too!)

Jen's funeral is on Monday, 14th of December at 10 am at the Tobin Brothers' Chapel, the Esplanade, Mt Martha, followed by her burial at the cemetery in Cragie Road. She told her family she wanted both these places, I believe because that's what her Dad had.

Take care everyone. Will post some pictures of Jen, the boys and some other memories in the next few days.

Love,

David. X

Faith, Innocence and Grace

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 13:17:00 +0000

Hi All,

Again, this is just a quick post, it's been a long day and I am exhausted. I will fill you in more on the day's events when I get home to my computer. Jen's is slow and won't load pics from my usb memory stick.

While Jack and Jamie are around, Jen lives on. Observing them today, little bits of Jen were always present. But I need to just tell you a story.

I received the phone call from Jenni's brother just as Jack and I were leaving my parents to come down to see if Jen was up to saying goodbye to Jack. I had told Jack that we were going to visit because Mum wasn't well. Jen and I had chatted about it and decided that Lee and Caz should be there when we told Jack about Jen's imminent passing and why we were there. As it turned out we were too late but Jenni was in no condition to have Jack around her.

Caz and Lee met us in the foyer at palliative care and we all sat down (with Jen's nurse too) and told Jack that Mum had passes away. The single most difficult and heart rending moment of my life. However, it clearly wasn't fully understood by Jack and so we walked hand in hand down to see her. They had put her into bed and presented her beautifully and over the next few minutes it dawned on Jack, as he sat in my lap next to Jen, what had happened.

This where Faith, Innocence and Grace arrived in the room and I was humbled by my son and was so proud of him. There was much crying and hugging initially. Then Jack gently held her hand for a while. As he became more confident and we chatted about God, faith, where Mum is now, he gently hugged and kissed her. All this without prompting but with our assurances that it was ok to do it as he tentatively held her.

Then, without any prompting at all, my son gave me a lesson in faith. He got to his knees beside Jenni's bed, held her hand and lowered his head onto the bed beside his Mum and said a quiet prayer. I was so proud of him and humbled by his grace and innocence (and completely undone by his actions).

Afterwards we went for a walk, got a milkshake and went to chat to the family. We both had another opportunity to go back in and say our goodbyes (Jack with Lee and another good friend of Jen's, Mandy and I by myself).

Jamie also conducted himself with poise, dignity and sensitivity today but was at times lost. It will take time.

Tonight Jack, Jamie, his girlfriend, Makeo and myself went to another friend of Jen's, Kim and Andrew's for dinner. They have a boy Jack's age and they had a wonderful play together. Lee and her husband joined us and we had a lovely evening of reminiscing.

As we left the sunset was absolutely glorious and I mentioned to Kim that it could very well be Jen saying goodbye. We just stood and watched.

Thanks again for all your support and I will get back to people over the coming days and weeks as I am able to. Just a couple of comments. Kat, I did know that comment was coming! lol. And my answer is the same as for Jenni. I go about my faith quietly but He and I have a good relationship! I'm sure we will all meet again.

Others I will get to soon, but yes, Sammi, I visited your website and will be in contact in the coming weeks.

Finally for tonight, I will keep this blog going for Jenni and everyone for a while before I decide what to do. Whether I continue on here or move to a blog of my own. It depends on what feels most comfortable. But for now, here we stay.

Thank you all for wading through my "short" post!

And remember the lessons we learn from children.

And remember Jen.

Love,

David. x

R.I.P. Jen

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 23:35:00 +0000

Dear all,

Just got word as we were leaving that Jen passed away about 30 mins ago now. Thank you all for your love and support. Will get back to you in the coming days.

Love,

David, Jack and Jamie. X

Thank you

noreply@blogger.com (Jen Ballantyne) — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 11:47:00 +0000

Hi all,

Just another quick note. Thank you for all your support and prayers. Jen had a tough day today, as did all her family and friends. Her sister Caz stayed with her all day and after several crises during the day Jen finally managed to get to sleep with some help this evening. I didn't manage to get Jack there today, it would have been too full on for him with Jen in too much pain. Jack and I are going first thing in the morning and we will wait to see if we have a window of opportunity for Jack (and me) to say goodbye. If not, Jen will be sedated either sometime tonight or tomorrow probably and we are told it will look like she is peacefully sleeping so hopefully Jack will feel, in the long run, that he was able to be there with her. Jamie managed to get there this evening and Jen's family have been fantastic support for her through this last trying time.

I can't thank you enough for all your support on here. I have just read your comments and had a damn good cry. I will try to get the chance to read them to Jenni over the next few days while she is "sleeping".

I'm sorry I have not been able to respond to you all but I will get to you over the coming days or weeks. I will keep Jenni's blog going for a while and then decide whether to continue here or transfer to my own which I set up a few months ago for this eventuality. But for the short term I will keep this going at least.

Some of you have left contact details and I will get back to you but please be patient. My email account is

davidballo26@yahoo.com.au

But I'm not sure how often I will be checking in the coming days.

Thanks again and I will update when I can.

David. X