The Communication Blog

Interviewing Exercise

2013-04-30T12:26:00.001-04:00

When Jen Guzman—chief executive of Stella & Chewy’s pet food company—was asked (NYTimes, April 28, 2013, BU 2) what three questions she would ask in interviewing someone for a job, she said: (1) “Why do you want this job?” (2) “Why do you think you would be good at this job?” and (3) "What do you think are the five most important qualities or things that you need to be good at this job?”

I thought this would make an interesting exercise in an interviewing class as students prepare their responses to potential employment interview questions.

Public Speaking Example

2013-04-30T12:24:00.000-04:00

Here’s a great public speaking example to illustrate how to make large numbers real to an audience, courtesy of the HuffingtonPost.com:

Walmart’s CEO earns an annual salary of $20.7 million. To make the same amount of money, it would take an average Walmart worker (earning $12.67 per hour, working 40 hour weeks, 52 weeks a year, without paying any taxes) 785 years.

A great brief exercise would be to ask students to illustrate this discrepency in other ways.

Living Without the Internet

2013-04-23T13:07:00.000-04:00

One way to introduce computer-mediated communication and its role in our everyday lives would be to identify important lifestyle habits that we’d be willing to give up as long as we could keep our Internet connection. It would be interesting to poll a class on this and compare the results for different age groups, for men and women, and even for academic major. Here, for example, are some interesting statistics, reported in the Harvard Business Review (October, 2012, pp. 32-33), on the percentage of people in various countries who would be willing to give up an important lifestyle habit to keep the Internet:

· 89% of those in Indonesia and 65% of those in the United Kingdom would give up alcohol instead of the Internet.

· 91% of those in the United Kingdom and 67% of those in India would give up fast food rather than the Internet.

· 56% of those in Japan would give up sex rather than the Internet but only 12% would in Brazil.

· 56% of those in China would give up driving a car (but only 10% in South Africa) instead of giving up the Internet.

· 86% of those in Japan and 59% of those in Brazil would give up chocolate rather than the Internet.

· 85% of those in China and 55% of those in Germany would give up coffee rather than the Internet.

· 78% of those in Indonesia but only 5% of those in France would give up showing rather that the Internet.

· 60% of those in Japan and 42% of those in France would give up exercise rather than the Internet.

Metaphors of Culture

2013-04-22T13:09:00.002-04:00

Here is a brief table that I created for use in the current edition of Interpersonal Messages to stimulate different ways of thinking about culture and also about metaphors. I thought it might be useful more generally in a variety of different courses/classrooms. These insights are taken from a variety of sources including Edward Hall's Beyond Culture; Geert Hofstede, Gert Jan Hofstede, and Michael Minkov's Cultures and Organizations: Software of the Mind; and the websites of Culture at Work and Culturally Teaching: Education across Cultures.

Seven Metaphors of Culture

*Metaphor*	Metaphor’s Claim/assumption
Salad/Jelly beans	Like items in a salad or bag of jelly beans, cultures are individual; yet, they work together with other cultures to produce an even better combination.
Iceberg	Like the iceberg, only a small part of culture is visible; most of culture and its influences are hidden from easy inspection.
Tree	Like the tree, you only see the trunk, branches, and leaves but the root system, which gives the tree its structure and function, is hidden from view.
Melting pot	Cultures blend into one amalgam and lose their individuality. But, the blend is better than any one of the ingredients.
Software	Culture dictates what we do and don’t do much as does a software program. Out of awareness, people are programmed, to some extent, to think and behave by their culture.
Organism	Culture, like an organism, uses the environment (other cultures) to grow but maintains boundaries so its uniqueness is not destroyed.
Mosaic	Like a beautiful mosaic is made up of pieces of different shapes, sizes, and colors, so is culture; the whole, the combination, is more beautiful than any individual piece.

Conversational Empathy

2013-04-06T13:14:00.001-04:00

Here is an exercise for stimulating class discussion of empathy that I wrote for the conversation chapter in the next edition of Human Communication. But, I thought it might be of interest more generally.

Conversational Empathy

Empathy

is a quality of interpersonal communication that involves feeling what another person feels from that person’s point of view without losing your own identity. Empathy enables you to understand emotionally what another person is experiencing. To sympathize, in contrast, is to feel for the person—to feel sorry or happy for the person, for example.

Although empathy is one of the most important qualities of interpersonal communication, expressing it is not always easy. This exercise is designed to help you identify some of the responses that are not empathic and the reasons they fail to express this essential interpersonal connection.

Here are ten possible responses to the “simple” statement, “I guess I’m feeling a little depressed.” For this exercise:

1. Identify why each of the ten responses is (probably) inappropriate and not empathic. You may also want to consider the motivating factors that contribute to the varied responses. That is, why does someone respond as these Oranges did?

2. Write original (but unempathic) responses for Orange 11 and Orange 12.

3. Write what you’d consider an appropriate and empathic response. Consider too why your response is empathic. What does your response communicate that the varied responses from Orange did not communicate?

Assume that Apple and Orange are close friends—not best friends but more than acquaintances. You may assume that Apple and Orange are two women, two men, or a woman and a man—select the genders as you wish.

APPLE: I guess I’m just feeling a little depressed.

ORANGE 1: I’ve been reading about depression and it’s all in your head. This research—it was done at NYU—showed that the ….

ORANGE 2: You depressed? Have you talked to Pat? Now that’s depression.

ORANGE 3: You’re not depressed; you’re just a bit sad. After all, that breakup could not have been easy.

ORANGE 4: Well, then, you need to get out more; let’s go and have some fun.

ORANGE 5: What else is happening? Have you talked to Chris?

ORANGE 6: Me too. I don’t know what it is but I woke up this morning and felt so depressed. I thought it was from a dream but I’m still feeling that way. Do you think I should see a counselor?

ORANGE 7: Are you? That’s really serious; it’s often a sign of suicide. Remember Pat? Got depressed after the breakup and jumped off the roof.

ORANGE 8: Reminds me of that movie—what’s the name? You know, the one with Meryl Streep?

ORANGE 9: Yeah, lots of people tell me the same thing.

ORANGE 10: Not you. I can’t believe that. I’d believe it about anybody but you.

ORANGE 11: ________________________________________________________.

ORANGE 12: ________________________________________________________.

EMPATHIC/APPROPRIATE RESPONSE: ________________________________

____________________________________________________________________.

[The types of responses illustrated here were designed to represent five common but (probably) inappropriate, non-empathic responses. These are not the only kinds of non-empathic responses but they seem among the more important.

1. Depersonalizing involves moving the conversation away from the person and the person’s feelings as in the intellectualizing of Orange 1 or the shifting of the topic away from the person speaking to a fictional example as did Orange 8.

2. Minimizing involves lessening the importance of what the person is thinking and feeling as in the responses of Orange 2, 3, and 9 or simply denying it as in the response of Orange 10.

3. Problem-solving involves offering solutions to the person’s feelings as in the response of Orange 4.

4. Re-focusing involves shifting the topic focus from the person speaking to another topic as in the response of Orange 5 or to the self as in Orange 6.

5. Catastrophizing involves making the problem seem even worse than it probably is as in the response of Orange 7.]

Benefits of Studying Nonverbal Communication

2013-03-31T15:21:00.003-04:00

The following is an edited version of a discussion that will appear in The Nonverbal Communication Book to be published soon (Kendall Hunt).

But, I thought it might be of interest more generally--to anyone teaching or taking or contemplating taking a course in nonverbal communication. The exercise at the end should prove useful for stimulating class discussion.

The Benefits of Studying Nonverbal Communication

The ability to use nonverbal communication effectively can yield a variety of both general and specific benefits in your social and your workplace lives. First, let’s identify some general benefits and then some more specific benefits.

Some General Benefits

The general benefits span the entire range of your communication life whether online or face-to-face, whether personal or workplace.

First, it will improve your accuracy in understanding others, those who are from your own or similar culture as well as those who are from cultures very different from your own. Increased accuracy in understanding others will yield obvious benefits in social and workplace situations—from understanding a coy smile from a date to the meaning of a supervisor’s gestures.

Second, an increased knowledge of nonverbal communication will improve your own ability to communicate information and to persuade others. In many instances, it will help you reinforce your verbal messages. The greater your nonverbal skills, the more successful you’re likely to be at informing as well as influencing others.

Third, it will increase your own perceived attractiveness; the greater your ability to send and receive nonverbal signals, the higher your popularity and psychosocial well-being are likely to be (Burgoon, Guerrero, & Floyd, Nonverbal Communication, Allyn & Bacon, 2010).

Fourth, it will enable you to make a more effective self-presentation. Consider, for example, that when you meet someone for the first time—at least in face-to-face meetings—you form impressions of the person largely on the basis of his or her nonverbal messages. Being able to more effectively understand and manage your nonverbal messages will enable you to present yourself in the way you want to be perceived. Each of these benefits and skills can be used to help or support another, or, unfortunately, they can be used for less noble purposes. For example, a person adept at nonverbal communication will be more effective in persuading others to buy cars or sign a mortgage they can’t afford or present themselves as competent when they aren’t or increase their attractiveness before hitting you up for a loan.

Some Specific Benefits

In addition these general benefits, here are some specific benefits of studying and mastering the art of nonverbal communication. Of course, learning about an important area of human behavior—what it is, how it works, what influences it, and a variety of other dimensions—is a benefit in itself. Increased knowledge is a benefit, pure and simple. But, there are additional, more immediately pragmatic, specific benefits that you can gain as a result for reading the text and completing the exercises. Here are just 25:

Use nonverbal messages to interact with your verbal messages thus creating meaningful packages of messages.
Use nonverbal messages to manage the impressions you give to others.
Use nonverbal messages to help form and maintain productive and meaningful interpersonal and work relationships.
Use nonverbal messages to help regulate conversations and to make them more effective and satisfying.
Use nonverbal messages to persuade—to influence the attitudes or behaviors of others.
Use nonverbal messages to help express and communicate your emotions.
Use nonverbal messages with sensitivity to cultural and gender differences and expectations.
Use hand and body gestures to communicate varied meanings.
Use body posture to reinforce your intended messages.
Manage your facial expressions to communicate the meanings you want to share.
Vary your facial styles to communicate a wide variety of messages.
Communicate different meanings with eye movements and with eye avoidance.
Use color, clothing, and other artifacts to communicate the meanings you wish.
Use spatial messages to reinforce your verbal messages and in ways appropriate to the purpose of the interaction.
Use territorial markers and respond to the markers of others appropriately.
Use touch appropriate to the relationship stage and avoid touch that may be considered overly intimate or intrusive.
Use paralanguage to signal conversational turns, your desire to speak or to continue listening, for example.
Use silence to communicate a wide variety of meanings.
Respond to the rules of interpersonal time that are maintained in the particular context, for example, the workplace or the classroom.
Manage your time effectively and efficiently; avoid wasting time.
Increase your own attractiveness in a variety of ways.
Increase your ability to detect lying (but with important limitations).
Increase your immediacy or closeness to others when you wish.
Increase your perceived power with nonverbal cues.
Use nonverbal cues in a civil and polite manner to further your purposes.

Explaining the Values of Nonverbal Communication Study

Continue personalizing the areas of nonverbal communication by examining the specific benefits you can derive from the study and mastery of nonverbal communication. In Column 1 are listed the areas of nonverbal communication. For 1, 2, 3, or all of the areas, record in Column 2 any potential values or benefits you might derive in your personal or business life from greater effectiveness in using each of the channels or codes. In Column 3 indicate how you specifically might go about achieving this benefit or value.

Nonverbal Channel	Personal/Business Value	Achieving the Value
Body messages	Make a good first impression.	Avoid fidgeting and playing with my hair.
Facial messages
Eye messages
Artifactual messages
Spatial messages
Touch messages
Paralanguage and Silence messages
Time messages

Social Comparisons: For Class Discussion

2013-03-24T13:25:00.000-04:00

Here is a brief update on the topic of self-concept/comparison with others that I included in the new editions of my Interpersonal Messages and Essentials of Human Communication. For those using a previous edition or any book for that matter, I thought this might prove a useful addition. Even though written just a few months ago, there is much that has happened in the meantime. And so I thought this might make a useful class discussion in the interpersonal or hybrid courses—simply asking: In what other ways do social media encourage/make easy/facilitate our comparing ourselves to others? And, more important, what is the impact of this on self-concept, self-esteem, and so many of the other concepts were cover in these basic courses?

Comparisons with Others Another way you develop your self-concept is by comparing yourself with others. When you want to gain insight into whom you are and how effective or competent you are, you probably look to your peers. For example, after an examination you probably want to know how you performed relative to the other students in your class. If you play on a baseball team, it’s important to know your batting average in comparison with others on the team. You gain an additional perspective when you see your score in comparison with the scores of your peers. And, if you want to feel good about yourself, you might compare yourself to those you know are less effective than you (it’s called downward social comparison), though there are values in comparing yourself to those you think are better than you (upward social comparison). If you want a more accurate and objective assessment, you’d compare yourself with your peers, with others who are similar to you.

Social networking sites and social media generally have provided us with the tools (all very easy to use) to compare ourselves to others to perhaps estimate our individual worth or perhaps make us feel superior. Here are just a half-dozen ways social media enables you to find out how you stand.

· Search engine reports. Type in your name on Google, Bing, or Yahoo, for example, and you’ll see the number of websites on which your name (and similarly named others) appears. Type in a colleague’s name and you get his or her score which, you’re hoping, is lower than yours.

· Network spread. Your number of friends on Facebook or your contacts on LinkedIn or Plaxo is in some ways a measure of your potential influence. Look at a friend’s profile and you have your comparison. Not surprisingly, there are websites that will surf the net to help you contact more social network friends.

· Online influence. Network sites such as Klout and PeerIndex provide you with a score (from 0-100) of your online influence. Your Klout score, for example, is a combination of your “true reach”—the number of people you influence, “amplification”—the degree to which you influence them, and “network”—the influence of your network. Postrank Analytics, on the other hand, provides you with a measure of engagement—the degree to which people interact with, pay attention to, read, or comment on what you write.

· Twitter activities. The number of times you tweet might be one point of comparison but, more important, is the number of times you are tweeted about or your tweets are repeated (retweets). Twitalyzer will provide you with a three-part score: an impact score, a Klout score, and a Peer Index score and will also enable you to search the “twitter elite” for the world as well as for any specific area (you can search by zip code). Assuming your Twitter score is what you’d like it to be, a single click will enable you to post this score on your own Twitter page.

· Blog presence. Your blog presence is readily available from your “stats” tab where you can see how many people visited your blog since inception or over the past year, month, week, or day. And you’ll also see a map of the world indicating where people who are visiting your blog come from.

· References to written works. Google Scholar, for example, will enable you to see how many other writers have cited your works (and how many cited the works of the person you’re comparing) and the works in which you were cited. And, of course, Amazon and other online book dealers provide rankings of your books along with a star system based on reviewers’ comments.

25 Interpersonal Skills

2013-03-11T15:45:00.000-04:00

Here is a list of 25 skills of interpersonal communication--25 things a competent interpersonal communicator should know how to do--that I used on the inside cover of my Interpersonal Messages book. But, I thought such a list might be useful more generally as a starting point for discussing what students can expect to learn to do or learn to do better than they now do it from a course in interpersonal communication. Needless to say the list is incomplete.

1. Communicate with an awareness of how the interpersonal process really works.

2. Communicate in intracultural and intercultural situations with cultural awareness and sensitivity.

3. Increase self-awareness and self-esteem.

4. Increase your accuracy in forming impressions of others and in managing the impressions you give to others.

5. Regulate your listening between empathic-objective, nonjudgmental-critical, surface-depth, polite-impolite, and active-inactive modes.

6. Use language in its full range—both denotative and connotative, with varied levels of abstraction, and appropriate directness and assertiveness.

7. Communicate without sexism, heterosexism, ageism, or racism and with sensitivity to preferred cultural names.

8. Use verbal messages logically and without common distortions.

9. Use nonverbal communication signals to send and receive a wide variety of messages—through the body, face and eyes, space and territory, artifacts, touch, para-language, silence, time, and smell.

10. Express your own feelings clearly and appropriately.

11. Respond supportively to the emotional expressions of others.

12. Engage in satisfying conversations; open, maintain, and close conversations comfortably and effectively.

13. Self disclose appropriately, facilitate the disclosures of others, and resist unfair pressure to disclose.

14. Engage in small talk comfortably.

15. Use excuses and apologies to lessen the impact of negative messages and behaviors.

16. Compliment others appropriately and receive compliments without discomfort.

17. Give and respond to the advice of others in ways that maximize benefits and minimize dangers.

18. Travel effectively through the relationship stages, communicating in ways appropriate to each stage.

19. Be sensitive to the dark side of interpersonal relationships, guarding against unproductive jealousy and relationship abuse and violence.

20. Establish and maintain productive relationships with friends, romantic partners, family, and workplace colleagues.

21. Increase your own interpersonal attractiveness.

22. Engage in effective and productive conflict management.

23. Argue effectively and persuasively for a position or point of view, without verbal aggressiveness.

24. Communicate with an awareness of the ethical issues involved in all forms of interpersonal interaction.

25. Think critically about all aspects of interpersonal communication; critically evaluate a wide variety of interpersonal messages.

Happy Relationship

2013-02-22T16:17:00.000-05:00

http://www.housesittingjobs.com/blog/12-secrets-for-maintaining-a-happy-marriage-after-kids/
Here's an interesting list of advice for a happier relationship after children, much of it useful communication advice. My concern is the post's limitation to "marriage." Are these "12 secrets" not applicable to domestic partnerships or other relationship types? It's a good example of how marginalized "non-marriage" relationships are.

Research Efficiency and Reliability: An Exercise for Public Speaking

2013-02-14T12:30:00.001-05:00

An old television game show from the 1950s, Name that Tune, pitted 2 contestants against each other. The objective was for one contestant to name the tune the orchestra would play in fewer notes than could the other contestant. In this exercise, the objective is similar; it’s to find reliable information most efficiently, in as few mouse clicks or in as short a time as possible. For example, you might count the number of mouse clicks (or touches of a touch screen) as one point each. [Typing words into a search engine would be free and wouldn’t cost any points.] The more clicks you use, the less efficient your search. Another measure of research efficiency and one that would be easier to use in the classroom would be the time it takes to find the answer.

The learning objective here is for students to acquire efficient research strategies to find reliable information in an interesting and active way, in a way that will engage them rather than put them to sleep—as most discussions of research do. The exercise objectives are (1) to find a reliable answer to the question in as few clicks or in as short a time as possible and (2) to evaluate the source of the information.

In a classroom, this can be set up in a number of different ways. For example, small groups can each be assigned one, two, or three questions and compete with one another in answering the question most efficiently, rather like Name that Tune. Or questions can be assigned to the class as a whole and students would compete against each other to try to find the answer first.

After all the answers are found, discussion can easily center on what strategies are efficient and what strategies are inefficient. Those with greater research competencies will be teaching those with less competence. It’s the ideal learning classroom.

The second objective is to evaluate the sources and the reliability of the answer found. Since most research will be done online and since anyone can “publish” on the Internet, it’s especially important that the information not only be found efficiently but that the information should come from a reliable source. The accompanying table presents five criteria to use in evaluating research—built around the acronym FACQS to help you remember (fairness, accuracy, currency, qualifications, and sufficiency) the questions you’d want to ask about these criteria, and the precautions to take. These criteria and questions, of course, are relevant for evaluating research of all kinds (including information you receive from print media, from interpersonal interaction, from social media, or from film and television).

Criteria	Questions to Ask	Precautions to Take
Fairness	Does the author of the material present the information fairly and objectively, or is there a bias favoring one position? Some websites, although objective on the surface, are actually arms of some political, religious, or social organization.	It’s often useful to go to the home page and look for information on the nature of the organization sponsoring the website. Reviewing a range of research on the subject will help you see how other experts view the issue.
Accuracy	Is the information presented accurate? [Although not always easy to determine, the more you learn about your topic, the more able you’ll be to judge accuracy.] Is the information primary or secondary? If it’s secondary information, you may be able to locate the primary source material (often a hot link in the Internet article or a reference at the end).	Check to see whether the information is consistent with information found in other sources and whether the recognized authorities in the field accept this information.
Currency	When was the information published? When were the sources that are cited in the article written?	To ensure currency check important figures in a recent almanac, in a newspaper, or at a frequently updated source such as provides at the Federal Statistics website.
Qualifications	Does the author have the necessary credentials? For example, does the author have enough of a background in science or medicine to write authoritatively on health issues?	Do an Internet search to check on the writer’s expertise and credentials.
Sufficiency	Is the information presented sufficient to establish the claim or conclusion? The opinion of one dietitian is insufficient to support the usefulness of a particular diet; statistics on tuition increases at five elite private colleges are insufficient to illustrate national trends in tuition costs.	The broader your conclusion, the more information you’ll need to meet the requirements for sufficiency. If you claim the usefulness of a diet for all people, then you’re going to need a great deal of information from different populations—men and women, old and young, healthy and sickly, and so on.

The third part of this exercise is public speaking. If the class worked in groups, one member of the winning group would explain—in a brief informative speech (2 or 3 minutes should be sufficient)—the strategies used to find the answer and how the reliability of the source was judged according to these five criteria. If the class worked individually, the winning student would give the brief speech of explanation. Groups or individuals that used a totally different research strategy might then compare their experiences with those of the winners. Or a symposium on efficient research strategies could be set up where a member from each group would explain in a brief speech the strategies used to find the answer and his or her group’s evaluation of the reliability of the source.

Questions

Since students vary widely in their research competencies, the following questions vary in difficulty. Some are extremely easy and the answers are likely to be found in under a minute. Some are extremely difficult and the answers are likely to take a great deal longer.

1. What is the ethnic population of Missouri?

2. Who is the current president of the National Communication Association or the American Psychological Association?

3. What film grossed the most money (adjusted for inflation)?

4. What actor won the most academy awards?

5. What is one speech by a politician in support of same-sex marriage was given prior to 2005?

6. What is the literacy rate for Cuba versus the United States?

7. What has the last Van Gogh painting sold for at auction?

8. How much does it cost for a full page advertisement in Sunday’s Washington Post?

9. How many times did a current senator from your state miss a vote?

10. What are the five largest college libraries in the United States and how many volumes do they each hold?

11. What is the student-faculty ratio for your college?

12. What profit did J.P. Morgan Chase or McDonalds or Apple make in the previous year?

13. What is the maximum amount of social security a person may receive—as of today’s date?

14. How do you make a Mississippi Mud Pie?

15. What is the salary of your college’s president?

16. What does it mean to say, “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?” Who said it and in what context?

17. What researchers developed the concept and measurement of argumentativeness?

18. How many single-parents with children under 18 years of age are there in the United States?

19. Who are three or four or five billionaire women?

20. What is the graduate program in Communication at the University of Illinois like?

21. How much US debt does China hold?

22. What is the president’s approval rating among those in their 20s or 30s versus those in their 60’s or older?

23. What are the major religions of Africa, Asia, or South America?

24. What are the lowest and highest points on earth?

25. How did the amount of rain for your state vary over the last 10 years?

26. How many men and how many women are currently in the US Senate?

27. What did the flag of the United States look like in 1840?

28. What is the sodium content of a pound of cheese cake?

29. How much money does the United States give to its five largest beneficiaries (countries)?

30. Who is the most popular superhero of all time?

31. What was the world’s tallest building in 1880?

32. What are the three major causes of skin rash?

33. How many US troops were killed in Afghanistan?

34. Who is the highest paid college president, CEO, or military officer and what is the annual salary?

35. What three books sold the most copies?

First Dates

2013-02-13T11:10:00.002-05:00

Here’s an interesting little piece (http://www.nanny.net/blog/10-ways-to-make-a-first-date-the-best-date-ever/), offering ten suggestions, for making the first date a memorable one. Among the suggestions are “be your best self,” “live in the moment,” “don’t apply too much pressure,” “keep your schedule flexible,” and—perhaps most important—“have a conversation, don’t perform a monologue.” Asking students to identify the characteristics of a great first date and then comparing them to this list would make a great introduction to the discussion of interpersonal relationships.

Intercultural Communication and Travel

2013-02-05T15:56:00.001-05:00

An interesting interview with Brenda S. Sprague, the State Department’s deputy assistant secretary for passport services in Sunday’s New York Times (February 3, 2013), Travel, p. 3 provides lots of insights for intercultural communication and useful tips for the traveler. Most useful is the suggestion to visit the website www.travel.state.gov. It provides a wealth of information on specific countries along with travel warnings. Today’s warnings, for example, were for the Philippines, Afghanistan, and El Salvador. Another useful tip is to enroll in STEP (Smart Travel Enrollment Program). This will provide you with information on the places you plan to visit as well as travel warnings and weather alerts.

I learned two other things from this interview. First, your health insurance will usually not cover you in a foreign country, nor will Medicare. And even if you will get reimbursed from your insurance company, foreign hospitals generally want payment upfront. In special cases, the government will give you a loan for an evacuation which you’ll have to pay back. According to Sprague this medevac can easily cost $100,000. Second, if unrest develops in the country you’re visiting, the State Department will help get you out but you will have to pay the cost.

Politeness for Children

2013-01-30T10:22:00.001-05:00

Here's a great little piece on politeness for children http://www.hireananny.org/blog/proper-etiquette-rules-for-any-child-perhaps-yours sent to me by the marketing department of "Hire a Nanny." Discussed here are politeness suggestions for dining, phone etiquette, conversation, using politeness expressions, talking "nicely," and showing gratitude. Not surprisingly, these are the same topics discussed for politeness in general.

Leadership

2013-01-18T14:35:00.000-05:00

Leading Questions about Leadership

Here is a brief but very clever excerpt from a new book by Teri and Mike Gamble, Leading with Communication (Sage, 2013).

What is leadership? Who is a leader? Do you have what it takes to be a leader? Though questions like these are asked over and over again, many of us remain confused about leadership’s nature and our own potential for leadership. For example, where do you stand when it comes to answering this question: Can we all exercise leadership, or is it reserved only for those “special” persons at an organization’s top?

Because of our society’s “culture of celebrity” many of us regard leaders as being special people—extremely attractive, charismatic, and personable individuals who others find themselves attracted to and decide to follow. Such a perception makes Ashton Kutcher and Lady Gaga leaders. After all, millions of people have chosen to follow each of them on Twitter. We need only point to the number of citizens who vote for candidates they believe are good looking and who they would like to be friends with rather than supporting various candidates because they approve of their policies and believe they will change things for the better as proof of the culture of celebrity in action.

Focusing on just an individual, however, while ignoring the social process of leadership can blind us to the roles we play. While one person may possess the formal authority and even pretend to know all the answers, many people need to contribute leadership if the formal leader and his or her followers and organization are to succeed. Thus, leadership depends on communication and interaction between leaders and followers. So, do you want others just to follow you, or are you ready to work with them to help drive change? We hope you choose the latter.

Here are some more to think about. When called on to lead, can you . . .

Focus on the big picture

Identify opportunities

Mobilize followers

Gather information

Consider options and consequences

Work collaboratively to shape the future

If you answer yes to each of these questions, you are up to the challenges exercising leadership presents!

Bullying: helping a child

2013-01-17T16:21:00.001-05:00

Here is a brief list of things to do to help a child who is bullied. As you'll see it revoles largely around communication and can easily be applied to other age groups in other situations. Bullying is not limited to the school yard. http://www.gonannies.com/blog/2013/how-to-help-a-child-who-is-being-bullied/

30 Blogs on How to Handle Difficult People | Nanny Service

2013-01-11T12:04:00.001-05:00

Here is a great collection of blogs addressing the general area of dealing with difficult people. There seems to be something here for everyone--we all seem to have to deal with difficult people at one time or another.
30 Blogs on How to Handle Difficult People | Nanny Service

Online Bullying

2012-12-30T11:37:00.002-05:00

Here's a wonderful post on bullying sent to me by the author. http://www.needtoknowit.org/selfdefense/school-bullying
It contains practical how-to advice.

Ethics of Advertising

2012-12-29T12:50:00.002-05:00

In a recent article of The Ethicist in the NYTimes (http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/23/magazine/laptop-prop.html?ref=theethicist&_r=0 ) a question was raised about the ethics of laptops being positioned in front of television newscasters if they are there to convey the impression of being up-to-the-minute (but not for actual use). It’s an interesting example of artifactual communication being used to influence credibility.

A second part of the question concerned the ethics of displaying the computer company logo. Is this advertising (product placement), the writer asked, ethical for a news show? In the answer to this question Chuck Klosterman, the ethicist, says that the display of a logo or the mention of a particular designer’s name does not constitute advertisement if there is no payment and if the person has no intention of advertising. This, it seems to me, is true from only one point of view, that of the sender. The sender—the wearer of the designer’s clothes or the laptop user—may not think advertising and so one can say from that point of view that there is no advertising. But, the receiver is being influenced; to the receiver, the network user’s computer logo is an advertisement and may well influence buying behavior. This, it also seems, is one of the reasons so many designers put their name in clear view. Isn't this a distinction worth making?

Speech Rehearsal

2012-12-29T12:45:00.006-05:00

Speech Rehearsal

Often we advise students to rehearse their speeches five or six times which often seems to students to be a lot. In a recent NYTimes (http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/23/magazine/jerry-seinfeld-intends-to-die-standing-up.html) article, it noted that Seinfeld (a communication major from Queens College, btw) rehearsed his five-minute set for the Tonight Show 200 times. Now, that’s a lot.

New Words

2012-12-24T12:34:00.000-05:00

Words of 2012
The New York Times annually identifies new words of the year. Invariably there are several communication terms:
Dox
Eastwooding
MOOC
Nomophobia
Sway
Unskew
Dox = an abeviated form of "documents" or "to document"
Eastwooding = talking to a chair
MOOC = an acronymn for Massive Open Online Course
Nomophobia = fear of being without a cell phone
Sway = an attitude of confidence and style
Unskew = to rework data to suit particular beliefs

Talk to Connect

2012-12-14T10:34:00.000-05:00

Here is a guest post written by Leah DeCesare. Leah DeCesare is a writer and blogger (www.MothersCircle.net) writing about perspectives on parenting from a mother of three, educator and doula. She is a certified birth and postpartum doula as well as childbirth educator and Certified Lactation Counselor, serving families in Rhode Island. Leah is currently conducting the Mother’s Circle Young Women’s Birth Survey open to 18-26 year olds (https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/youngwomensbirthsurvey.) She is the Co-Founder and Co-President of Doulas of Rhode Island, a past DONA International Northeast Regional Director and she volunteers with Families First RI.

Meta Description:

I like to talk. I talk to connect and get closer to people. Most people like to talk. Connecting is human, talking is still our most genuine way of connecting.

I like to talk. I talk to connect and get closer to people. What I’ve realized is most people like to talk - and talk a lot. People talk. A lot. Connecting is human and talking is still our most genuine way of connecting. In a world with changing personal contact, where interactions through technology reign, talking is still a precious gift to join hearts and minds with others.

Over the years, I’ve had to grin through painful comments about my talking, sometimes disguised as jokes, other times delivered more directly. Some close friends may comment endearingly but I’ve received critical, judgmental and hurtful remarks. Yet, as rude and cutting as it feels, such frank statements make me think.

I’m open-minded and I work to be a better person each day, to challenge myself to improve in myriad ways and I take the time to self reflect. In truth, I am hyper-aware of telling a story too long or of the conversation tipping in my direction. I’m ultra sensitive to when someone has asked me so many questions that it seems I’m doing all the talking so I work to redirect the conversation toward them. I notice when I’ve gotten excited and interrupted a friend’s story, but then I apologize and return to where she left off.

I not only observe how I interact, but I also witness how those around me converse. Turns out, women, in particular, talk over one another as a routine. Watch any group of girl friends together and you’ll see it’s a usual and accepted chatting style, and somehow, everyone talks and everyone’s heard. Though, it’s also not the only way women talk together.

Equally often, we share the floor, rotating around, hearing stories, nodding, commenting, asking questions, listening more. Then another person picks up and her story has our attention and focus until it’s the next person’s turn to chime in with a tale.

One particular night after someone blithely made a comment to me about how much I talk, I swallowed and forced a polite smile, and became completely silent. I sat mute, watching, surveying, listening, contemplating. Throughout the evening, I paid attention as everyone took a turn dominating the conversation, talking “too much” and going on and on.

Every single person talked and talked at some point and not one talking-person turned to include or invite in another while she was front and center. The talker talked. It’s what we do, it how we affiliate ourselves with a group, it’s how we belong and how we bridge space and grow friends.

The truth is, I do like to talk and if I’m not talking much it’s likely that I’m not engaged enough to build a relationship. But, the truth is, I also like to listen and I’m a good listener. Listening is the other half of connecting. I welcome the words from my friends, acquaintances, and even strangers in the check out line and I care about what is going on in others’ lives.

My husband teases me because no matter where I am, people open up to me and tell me intimate details of their lives. This happens so often that it’s become unremarkable when I tell him the life story of someone I crossed paths with that day. I’ve heard all about divorces from a car mechanic complete with details of clothes thrown out the window, I’ve heard about the journey to adoption waiting for the fish guy at the supermarket, I’ve learned of a woman’s struggle with cancer while sitting in a waiting room, the drugstore clerk confided that he quit drinking and I’ve heard countless birth stories from strangers and friends alike. I listen.

In social circles, I listen. I bear witness to friends’ stories, hear their pains and celebrate their triumphs. I listen with compassion and I remember. I remember to ask a friend about a procedure scheduled for their child, how their fundraiser went or how they like their new yoga class. I remember my friends’ birthdays and the anniversary of their Dad’s death. I care deeply, I express it in touch, notes, presence and, yes, talking.

I have a funny sense in my being that feels dishonest when I don’t offer details, when I’m not explaining something fully, when I don’t share totally. It’s as if I’m in a movie where two characters meet, each having information the other needs but not telling one another. I think sometimes I talk more because it feels more honest to that quirky thing in my heart.

And sometimes, I wonder if I’m perceived as talking more than others because I talk really fast (and even faster if I have any caffeine). Or maybe it’s because I initiate dialogues, or speak with energy and animation (and maybe a little loudly). I’m bold, happy, enthusiastic and so I gush and effuse.

I’m candid, unreserved and unafraid to articulate what’s in my soul. So maybe I do talk a lot, maybe I do talk more than others, but it’s who I am. It’s how I relate, it’s how I embrace, envelop, offer, share and give. If I’m talking with you, I’m giving you a piece of myself and I’m open for receiving a piece of you, too, when you talk with me.

Wells Fargo advertisement about conversation:

They can be impassioned. Funny. Enlightening. Or inspiring.

They can open doors. And build relationships.

Some can even change the world.

At Wells Fargo, we believe you should never underestimate the power of a conversation.

It’s how we learn. How we grow. And how ideas spread.

It’s at the heart of everything we do.

Power Strategies

2012-12-09T12:30:00.000-05:00

Strategies for Power

Here is a discussion of the communication of power which I wrote for my 50 Communication Strategies book and that I thought might be of interest to a wide variety of readers.

Power is the ability of one person to influence what another person thinks or does. You have power over another person to the extent that you can influence what this person thinks or what this person does. And, conversely, another person has power over you to the extent that he or she can influence what you think or do. Perhaps the most important aspect of power to recognize is that power is asymmetrical: If one person has greater power, the other person must have less. If you are stronger than another person, then this person is weaker than you. If you are richer, then the other person must be poorer. In any one area—for example, strength or financial wealth—one person has more and, inevitably and by definition, the other person has less (is weaker or poorer). The varied types of power are identified in the & Box, Types of Power.

Types of Power

Six types of power are especially important to understand: legitimate, referent, reward, coercive, expert, and information or persuasion.

§ You hold legitimate power when others believe you have a right—by virtue of your position—to influence or control others’ behaviors. For example, as an employer, judge, manager, or police officer, you’d have legitimate power by virtue of your role.

§ You have referent power when others wish to be like you. Referent power holders often are attractive, have considerable prestige, and are well liked and well respected. For example, you may have referent power over a younger brother because he wants to be like you.

§ You have reward power when you control the rewards that others want. Rewards may be material (money, promotion, jewelry) or social (love, friendship, respect). For example, teachers have reward power over students because they control grades, letters of recommendation, and social approval.

§ You have coercive power when you have the ability to administer punishments to or remove rewards from others if they do not do as you wish. Usually, people who have reward power also have coercive power. For example, teachers may give poor grades or withhold recommendations. But be careful: Coercive power may reduce your other power bases. It can have a negative impact when used, for example, by supervisors on subordinates in business.

§ You have expert power when others see you as having expertise or special knowledge. Your expert power increases when you’re perceived as being unbiased and as having nothing personally to gain from exerting this power. For example, judges have expert power in legal matters and doctors have expert power in medical matters.

§ You have information power—also called “persuasion power”—when others see you as having the ability to communicate logically and persuasively. For example, researchers and scientists may acquire information power because people perceive them as informed and critical thinkers.

Power can increase and decrease. Although people differ greatly in the amount of power they wield at any time and in any specific area, everyone can increase their power in some ways. You can lift weights and increase your physical power. You can learn the techniques of negotiation and increase your power in group situations. You can learn the principles of communication and increase your persuasive power. Power can also be decreased. Probably the most common way to lose power is by unsuccessfully trying to control another’s behavior. For example, the person who threatens you with punishment and then fails to carry out the threat loses power. Another way to lose power is to allow others to control you; for example, to allow others to take unfair advantage of you. When you don’t confront these power tactics of others, you lose power yourself.

Power follows the principle of less interest. The more a person needs a relationship, the less power that person has in it. The less a person needs a relationship, the greater is that person’s power. In a love relationship, for example, the person who maintains greater power is the one who would find it easier to break up the relationship. The person who is unwilling (or unable) to break up has little power, precisely because he or she is dependent on the relationship and the rewards provided by the other person.

Power generates privilege. When one person has power over another person, the person with power is generally assumed to have certain privileges, many of which are communication privileges. And the greater the power difference, the greater is the license of the more powerful individual. Sometimes we’re mindful of the privilege or license that comes with power. Most often, however, we seem to operate mindlessly, with no one questioning the power structure. For example, those with power may encroach on the territory of those with little power (a supervisor can enter the cubicle of a trainee but the trainee cannot enter the office of the supervisor—at least not without being invited or before knocking). Similarly, a supervisor may touch the arm or rearrange the collar of a subordinate, but not the other way around. The general may touch the corporal, but not the other way around. The doctor may put his or her arm on a patient, but the patient would not do that to a doctor.

Here are some strategies for communicating power nonverbally.

· Avoid adaptors. Adaptors are touching movements of the self (playing with your hair or rubbing your nose), of others (removing a speck of dust from someone’s cheek), or of objects (poking holes in the Styrofoam coffee cup). Adaptors may make you appear uncomfortable and hence without power. Avoid these especially when you wish to communicate confidence and control.

· Use consistent packaging. Be especially careful that your verbal and nonverbal messages don’t contradict each other. Each will weaken the other.

· Use facial expressions and gestures as appropriate. These help you express your concern for the other person as well as your comfort and control of the communication situation. Smile to show approval and that you’re enjoying yourself but avoid excessive or purposeless smiling.

· Select the right chairs. When sitting, select chairs you can get in and out of easily; avoid deep plush chairs that you will sink into and will have trouble getting out of.

· Shake. To communicate confidence with your handshake, exert more pressure than usual and hold the grip a bit longer than normal.

· Dress conservatively. Other things being equal, dress relatively conservatively if you want to influence others; conservative clothing is usually associated with power and status. Trendy and fad clothing usually communicates a lack of power and status. And, of course, expensive clothing is more powerful than inexpensive clothing.

· Walk and gesture slowly and purposefully. To appear hurried is to appear as without power, as if you were rushing to meet the expectations of another person who had power over you. Avoid gestures and movements that can appear random and without purpose. This will generally signal discomfort.

· Maintain eye contact. People who maintain eye contact are judged to be more at ease and less afraid to engage in meaningful interaction than those who avoid eye contact. (Be aware, however, that in some contexts, if you use excessive or protracted direct eye contact, you may be seen as exercising coercive power. When you break eye contact, direct your gaze downward; otherwise you’ll communicate a lack of interest in the other person.

· Avoid vocalized pauses. Avoid the “ers” and “ahs” that frequently punctuate conversations when you’re not quite sure of what to say next.

· Maintain reasonably close distances between yourself and those with whom you interact. If the distance is too far, you may be seen as fearful or uninvolved. If the distance is too close, you may be seen as pushy or overly aggressive.

· Relax. A relaxed posture communicates confidence and control—qualities of power. A tense body posture can easily signal fear and discomfort—qualities of the powerless.

· Vary your speech rate, volume, and pitch as appropriate to the conversation. Be careful to avoid a monotone speaking style.

· Take up your space. If you crouch in the corner of a couch, for example, you’re going to appear less powerful than if you take up your allotted space. If you take up too much space, for example, spreading your legs apart and in effect taking up two spaces, you’re likely to be seen as impolite.

· Still your feet. Excessive foot movement usually signals a discomfort and hence little power.

Here are a few verbal strategies:

· Avoid hesitations. Avoid the all too common, for example, “I er want to say that ah this one is er the best, you know?” Hesitations make you sound unprepared and uncertain.

· Avoid too many intensifiers. Intensifiers are fine in moderation; overused, they are likely to decrease your power. Avoid, for example, statements like these: “Really, this was the greatest; it was truly phenomenal.” Too many intensifiers make everything sound the same and don’t allow you to intensify what should be emphasized.

· Avoid disqualifiers. When you disqualify yourself you detract from your credibility and hence power. Avoid, for example, statements like “I didn’t read the entire article, but . . .” or “I didn’t actually see the accident, but. . . .” Disqualifiers signal a lack of competence and a feeling of uncertainty.

· Avoid tag questions. Avoid, for example, statements such as That was a great movie, wasn’t it? She’s brilliant, don’t you think? Tag questions ask for another’s agreement and therefore may signal your need for agreement and your own uncertainty.

· Avoid self-critical statements. When you criticize yourself and say, for example, “I’m not very good at this” or “This is my first interview” you’re just calling attention to your lack of power. Self-critical statements signal a lack of confidence and may make public your own inadequacies.

· Avoid slang and vulgar expressions. Slang and vulgarity signal low social class and hence little power.

Bullying in schools

2012-11-22T10:30:00.000-05:00

http://www.babysittingjobs.com/blog/signs-your-child-may-be-the-victim-of-bullying-in-school/

Here’s an interesting article on bullying, a topic we're just beginning to introduce into our basic communication textbooks. Odd that it's taken so long for us to include this considering that it's a communciation activity that has enormous consequences for schools, the workplace, and society in general. This little article focuses on children but the suggestions could just as easily be adapted to workplace bullying or bullying in general. According to a 2011 survey cited here, over 8 million students (12-18 years old) or 32% of all students in that age group reported being bullied in school. The signs to look for, according to this article, are:

Unexplained injuries or property damage

Signs of aversion to school

Difficulty sleeping and/or nightmares

Poor academic performance

Loss of interest in school activities

Isolation

Self-destructive behavior

Product Placement Exercise

2012-11-10T14:44:00.000-05:00

The recent release of Skyfall and the news that Heineken spent $45 million dollars to have James Bond drink its beer makes a perfect introduction to the issue of product placement. The following is a brief discussion of product placement and an exercise I developed for the artifactual communication chapter in my nonverbal communication book—still in manuscript. I thought this might be useful to those teaching the nonverbal communication course or a unit in an introductory course.

In much the same way that we make judgments about people on the basis of the products they use (jewelry, furs, and name brands from Prada to Old Navy), we also make judgments about products on the basis of the people who use them, a tendency that has spawned huge product placement efforts by major corporations. Product placement refers simply to the placement of a product—for a fee but without any explicit advertising statements—within a scene of a movie or television show to give it a certain image. The advertiser’s hope is that you’ll identify with the actor using the product (that is, you want to be like the character, in some ways) and that you too will then also buy the product. The actor and the movie give the product an image that the advertiser assumes will help sell the product.

In the 2012 James Bond Skyfall, for example, Heineken paid $45 million to have Bond drink its beer (New York Daily News, November 9, 2012). In addition, Bond wears a Tom Ford suit and an Omega watch while Q uses a Sony Vaio—all very clear to the viewer. Another Bond film, however, holds the record for product placements; the 1997 Tomorrow Never Dies earned $100 million for its product placements. The same is true on television; the Cheesecake Factory on The Big Bang Theory and McDonald’s on 30 Rock are good examples. Product placement is, of course, nothing new; recall James Bond’s Aston Martin in the 1964 Goldfinger and E.T. eating Reese’s Pieces in the 1982 E. T. The Extra-Terrestrial.

As you no doubt already know, product placement is occurring in television sitcoms and dramas and in feature films with ever increasing frequency. That fact that this type of advertising aims to influence you subliminally raises all sorts of serious ethical issues. Those who favor or defend product placement, such as the American Advertising Federation argue:

Product placement is a legitimate source of advertising revenue and is not deceptive. It benefits both content producers and consumers and adds verisimilitude to fictional programming. We oppose proposals that would require simultaneous “pop up” notices of every instance of product placement, believing this would make television unwatchable. We instead believe the current practice of disclosures at the end of the program works well.

Those who oppose product placement argue that it’s deceptive because viewers are not aware that it’s a paid advertisement. It is subliminal advertising—messages that somehow get communicated without mindfulness or awareness. And, despite the AAF’s statement, no one can really read the disclosures at the end of a television program, nor would anyone want to. Further, the enormous profits to be made from product placement will likely lead to its spread to news shows which will further erode fairness and objectivity.

Regardless of the possible ethical violations, product placement is likely to remain a part of movies and television; it is too lucrative a market for it to disappear any time soon.

Product Placement

To sensitize you to the many ways in which advertisers try to influence you below the level of conscious awareness—and in effect counteract the influence of product placement—consider this exercise on product placement, another aspect of space decoration. During the next movie you watch—there are lots more in movies than in television shows—identify any product placements you notice and fill in the remaining columns of the accompanying table. The example provided will clarify the parts of this exercise.

Movie: __________________________________________________. Year: _______.

Product	How was the product used? What’s the context?	Intended meaning
Burger King hamburger bag	Iron Man Tony Stark wants an American hamburger before anything else	Burger King is the hamburger of choice, especially when you’re dying for one

50 Communication Strategies

2012-11-08T11:33:00.001-05:00

I’ve assembled (and rewrote) some of my blog posts and a variety of other brief pieces into a book that I published with iUniverse, a subsidy publisher (recently acquired by Penguin, a division of Pearson), called 50 Communication Strategies. One of the advantages of publishing a book this way was that I didn’t need an agent. Textbook authors rarely have agents; in fact, I don’t know of one textbook author who does have an agent. The other great advantage is that you don’t have to write a proposal. There are also disadvantages to doing a book this way as well. But, on balance, the procedure was relatively painless and certainly fast moving. They even set up a website for the book—www.50communicationstrategies.com. In general, I'm very pleased with the finished product.