The Communication Blog

Skill Building Exercises for Interpersonal Power

2025-01-12T18:41:00.000-05:00

Here are a few exercises that might prove useful in discussion of power in interpersonal communication.

Principles of Power

The principles of power explain some of the ways power operates. For each of these principles identify one example of how that principle has impacted your life in some minor or major way:

Power Principle	Impact example, specific instance, illustration
1. Some people are more powerful than others.
2. Power can be shared.
3. Power can be increased or decreased.
4. Power follows the principle of less interest.
5. Power generates privilege.
6. Power is influenced by culture.

Recognizing Power

Being able to recognize power in others is a good first step in understanding what makes for power and how it’s exercised. What person—real or fictional, dead or alive—would you say best exemplifies the power relationship between you and this powerful person? Select people that others would know, so no “Uncle Charlie” or “my fourth-grade teacher.” Why did you select those you named?

Power Type	Person
Referent power
Legitimate
Expert
Information/persuasion:
Reward
Coercive

Managing Power Plays

Here are a few examples of power plays. For each, develop a three-part management strategy in which you:

· state your feelings in I-messages

· describe the other person’s behavior that you object to

· state a cooperative response

1. Pat continually interrupts you. When you say something Pat breaks in and finishes what Pat thinks you want to say. You need this stopped.

2. One of your coworkers responds to all your ideas with the “yougottobekidding” comments: You can’t be serious. Do you really mean that? You are joking, aren’t you?

3. Your close friend Pat helped you get your job and every time Pat wants you to do something, Pat reminds you of the help in getting your job. It’s like you’re indebted to Pat for the rest of your life.

4. Your friend posts pictures of you on Facebook and Instagram that you would rather not have people see. When you object, your friend ignores your concern and says things like, “I think the photos are cute” or “People love to see these.”

Skill Building Exercises in Interpersonal Conflict

2025-01-05T16:49:00.003-05:00

Here are a few exercises that might prove useful in discussions of interpersonal conflict.

Managing Interpersonal Conflicts

Here are a few conflict situations. What would you do in each situation?

1. Two new professors are hired and are assigned an office. But they each want the desk near the window. You’re the department chair and make all office and desk assignments.

2. Pat is an inveterate knuckle cracker which drives Chris crazy. They’ve argued about this every time Pat knuckle cracks which seems like always. You’re a mutual friend whose advice they ask for.

3. One of the teachers at the local high school has established a reading list which some parents object to for their inclusion on gender fluidity. As principal, you’re asked to negotiate this conflict.

4. In anger you post an unflattering, sexually explicit photo of a friend who has retaliated with a similarly inappropriate photo of you. You need to meet and get this stopped for both your sakes.

Generating Win–Win Solutions

Win–win solutions exist for most conflict situations (though not necessarily all); with a little effort, win–win solutions can be identified for most interpersonal conflicts. To get into the habit of looking for win–win solutions, consider the following conflict situations. For each situation, generate as many win–win solutions as you can—solutions in which both persons win. After you complete your list, explain what you see as the major advantages of win–win solutions.

1. Pat wants to spend a weekend with Jesse to make sure their relationship is over. Chris doesn’t want this.

2. Pat wants to pool their income whereas Chris wants to keep each person’s income and savings separate.

3. Pat wants Chris to commit to their relationship and move in together. Chris wants to wait to make sure this is the right thing.

Rewriting You- to I-Messages

Generally and perhaps especially in conflict situations, I-messages are less likely to aggravate conflict than are you-messages. Recognizing a conflict starter—some incident that signals that this is the beginning of an interpersonal conflict—early can often diffuse a later and more extensive conflict. Here, for example, are accusatory comments using you-messages. Turn each of these into an I-message. What do you see as the major differences between you- and I-messages?

1. You’re late again. You’re always late. Your lateness is so inconsiderate!

2. All you do is sit home and watch cartoons; you never do anything useful.

3. Well, there goes another anniversary that you forgot.

Apologies

Apologies are often called for in conflict situations, especially in helping the other person maintain positive face. For each of the following situations, craft an apology that admits wrongdoing, is specific, and gives assurance that this will not happen again.

1. Your steady dating partner sees you kissing your ex.

2. You were caught turning in a term paper that was largely written by an AI.

3. You accidentally knocked over the food tray of another student.

Skill Building Exercises for Interpersonal Relationships

2024-12-31T16:21:00.001-05:00

Here are a few exercises that might prove useful in discussions of interpersonal relationships:

Talking Cherishing

Cherishing behaviors are an especially effective way to affirm another person and to increase “favor exchange,” a concept that comes from the work of William Lederer (1984). Cherishing behaviors are those small gestures you enjoy receiving from your partner (a smile, a wink, a phone call, an e-mail saying “I’m thinking of you,” a kiss). They are (1) specific and positive—nothing overly general or negative; (2) focused on the present and future rather than related to issues about which the partners have argued in the past; (3) capable of being performed daily; and (4) easily executed—nothing you really have to go out of your way to accomplish.

Prepare a list of 10 cherishing behaviors that you would like to receive from your relationship partner. After each partner prepares a list, exchange lists and, ideally, perform the desired cherishing behaviors. At first, you may be self-conscious and these behaviors may seem awkward. In time, however, they’ll become a normal part of your interaction, which is exactly what you want.

Assessing the End of a Relationship

Listen here are factors that might lead someone to end or consider ending a relationship. For each factor, identify the likelihood that you would dissolve the relationship, using a 10-point scale where 10 = would definitely dissolve the relationship, 1 = would definitely not dissolve the relationship, and the numbers 2–9 representing intermediate levels. Use 5 for “don’t know what I’d do” or “not sure.” Assume for purposes of this exercise that the relationship is a few-months old romantic one.

1. Person lies frequently about insignificant and significant issues

2. Person lacks ambition and doesn’t want to do anything of significance

3. Person is not supportive and rarely compliments or confirms you

4. Person is unwilling to reveal anything significant about past behavior or present feelings

5. Person embarrasses you because of bad manners, poor grammar, inappropriate posts and photos

6. Person is not liked by your close friends

7. Person is possessive and jealous and wants to be together 24/7

8. Person is not sexually exciting

9. Person spends money recklessly

10.Person talks constantly

Identifying Friendship Functions in Social Media

Identifying the functions that friendships serve will help you communicate more effectively in such relationships as both friend and befriended.

Friendships, as you know, serve a variety of functions or needs. The following five functions were identified in a pre-social media communication environment and are based largely on face-to-face friendships (Wright, 1978, 1984; Reiner & Blanton, 1997). However, these functions are also served by social media friendships. For each of these five functions, indicate the specific means used (and specific examples) in social media communication to serve these functions:

Utility: Friends can do useful things for you, for example, helping you get a better job or introducing you to a possible romantic partner.

Affirmation: Friends can affirm your personal value and help you to appreciate your qualities.

Ego Support: Friends can be supportive, encouraging, and complimentary, helping you develop a healthy ego.

Stimulation: Friends can introduce you to new ideas and new ways of seeing the world.

Security: Friends come to your aid when you need them, supportively and nonjudgmentally.

Applying Relationship Theories

Television is popular, in part, because it both reflects and exaggerates real life. Seeing the concepts of interpersonal relationships as they exist on television is a useful first step to seeing the concepts in operation in our own relationships.

Watch a television sitcom or drama that focuses on one of the kinds of relationships discussed in this chapter (friendship, love, family, workplace, and parasocial and online relationships), and respond to the following questions:

1. How are the relationships defined? What specific verbal or nonverbal behaviors cue you into the kind of relationship existing between or among the characters?

2. What types of attraction exist between or among the characters?

3. How would you describe the relationship in terms of social exchange and equity theories?

4. What rules do the relationship partners follow? What rules do they violate?

Skill Building Exercises for Emotional Communication

2024-12-21T16:34:00.000-05:00

Communicating Emotions Effectively

The following statements are all ineffective expressions of feelings. For each statement, (1) identify why the statement is ineffective (for example, what problem or distortion the statement creates) and (2) rephrase it into a more effective statement.

1. You hurt me when you ignore me. Don’t ever do that again.

2. I’ll never forgive that louse. The hatred and resentment will never leave me.

3. Look. I really can’t bear to hear about your problems of deciding whom to date tomorrow and whom to date the next day and the next. Give me a break. It’s boring. Boring.

4. You did that just to upset me. You enjoy seeing me get upset, don’t you?

5. Don’t talk to me in that tone of voice. Don’t you dare insult me with that attitude of yours.

Responding to Emotions

Responding appropriately to emotions is one of the most difficult of all communication tasks. Here are some situations to practice on. Visualize yourself in each of the following situations, and respond as you think an effective communicator would respond.

1. A colleague at work has revealed some of the things you did while you were in college—many of which you would rather not have others know about. You told your colleague these things in confidence, and now just about everyone knows. You’re angry and are considering the advantages and the disadvantages of confronting your colleague.

2. A close friend comes to your apartment in deep depression and tells you that their spouse of 22 years has fallen in love with another person and wants a divorce. Your friend is at a total loss as to what to do and comes to you for comfort and guidance.

3. Neighbors who have lived next door to you for the past 10 years and who have had many difficult financial times have just won the lottery worth several million dollars. You meet in the hallway of your apartment house; they’re glowing.

Skill Building Exercise in Interpersonal Communication

2024-12-15T19:38:00.002-05:00

Here is a brief exercise for bridging verbal and nonverbal communication:

Identifying Connections between Verbal and Nonverbal Messages

To demonstrate that the way you say something influences the meanings you communicate, try reading each of the sentences below aloud—first to communicate a positive meaning and then to communicate a negative meaning. As you communicate these meanings, try to identify the nonverbal differences between the ways you express positive meanings and the ways you express negative meanings. Look specifically at (a) how you read the statements in terms of rate, pauses, and volume and (b) how your facial and eye expressions differ.

1. Oh, yeah, I have the relationship of a lifetime.

2. I can’t wait to receive my test results.

3. Did you see her Facebook profile and the new photos?

4. I had a fantastic date last night.

5. Did you see him pitch that great game last night?

Skill Building Exercises in Verbal Communication

2024-12-07T19:42:00.002-05:00

Using Assertiveness Strategies

Assertiveness is the most direct and honest response in situations such as these. Usually it’s also the most effective. For any one of the following situations, discuss in a group or write individually (a) a nonassertive and (b) an assertive response. Then, in one sentence, explain why your assertiveness message will prove more effective than the nonassertive message.

1. You’ve just redecorated your apartment, expending considerable time and money in making it exactly as you want it. A good friend of yours brings you a house gift—the ugliest poster you’ve ever seen—and insists that you hang it over your fireplace, the focal point of your living room.

2. Your friend borrows $150 and promises to pay you back tomorrow. But tomorrow passes, as do 20 subsequent tomorrows, and there is still no sign of the money. You know that your friend has not forgotten about the debt, and you also know that your friend has more than enough money to pay you back.

3. Your next-door neighbor repeatedly asks you to take care of her four-year-old while she runs some errand or another. You don’t mind helping out in an emergency, but this occurs almost every day. You feel you’re being taken advantage of and simply do not want to do this anymore.

Responding to Confirm and Disconfirm

For each of the following scenarios, (1) write a confirming response and a disconfirming response, and (2) explain the effects each type of response is likely to generate.

1. Enrique receives this semester’s grades in the mail; they’re a lot better than previous semesters’ grades but still not great. After opening the letter, Enrique says, “I really tried hard to get my grades up this semester.” Enrique’s parents respond:

2. Pat, who has been out of work for the past several weeks, says: “I feel like such a failure; I just can’t seem to find a job. I’ve been pounding the pavement for the past five weeks and still nothing.” Pat’s friend responds:

3. Judy’s colleague at work comes to her, overjoyed, and tells her that he’s just been promoted to vice president of marketing, skipping three steps in the hierarchy and tripling his salary. Judy responds:

4. Carrie’s boyfriend of seven years left her and is now dating a man. Carrie confides this to Samantha, who responds:

Skill Building Exercises in Listening

2024-12-04T16:47:00.003-05:00

Here are a few skill building exercises that prove helpful in discussions of listening in interpersonal communication.

Buzzkills

In addition to the suggestions for responding, consider the buzzkill, one of the negative influences on comfortable interpersonal interaction—the comment that brings down the level of enjoyment or satisfaction. Understanding what to avoid is often as helpful as understanding what to do. For each of the following situations write a one-sentence buzzkill.

1. Just took the Covid test—Negative! Buzzkill:

2. I just got my paper back; I got an A. Buzzkill:

3. Well, Pat said yes and we’re going away for the weekend. Buzzkill:

4. I finally got that internship with Smith and Wales. Buzzkill:

5. We’re off to have a great breakfast at the diner. Buzzkill:

One of the problems with analyzing buzzkills is that they often contain legitimate warnings or cautions. For example, buzzkill for No. 1 might be, “You need to take a second test to be sure you’re in the clear.” This is a buzzkill but also a legitimate suggestion. So, don’t be too hard on the buzzkiller. Look over your own responses. Were there any useful aspects to your buzzkills?

Identifying the Barriers to Listening

No one can listen apart from their own attitudes, beliefs, values, and opinions; these always get in the way of accurate listening. Your objective is to minimize these effects. Taking into consideration your own attitudes, beliefs, values, and opinions, what obstacles to listening would you identify for each of the following interpersonal situations?

1. Colleagues at work are discussing how they can persuade management to restrict the company gym to men only.

2. Students in your computer science class are talking about planting a virus in the college computer as a way of protesting recent decisions by the administration.

3. A campus religious group is conferring about its plan to prevent same-sex couples from attending the college prom.

4. A group of faculty and students is discussing a campaign to prevent the military from recruiting on campus.

5. The Library faculty has announced plans to remove all books on race and racism, sexual education, LGBTQ+ issues, and those presenting certain religious views.

Responding with Empathy

Here are five possible responses to the “simple” statement, “I guess I’m feeling a little depressed.” Assume that Apple and Orange are close friends—not best friends but more than acquaintances.

1. Identify why each of the five responses is (probably) inappropriate and not empathic. You may also want to consider the motivating factors that contribute to the varied responses. That is, why does someone respond as these Oranges did?

2. Write what you’d consider an empathic response. Consider too why your response is empathic. What does your response communicate that the varied responses from Orange did not communicate?

APPLE: I guess I’m just feeling a little depressed.

______ ORANGE 1: I’ve been reading about depression and it’s all in your head. This research—it was done at NYU—showed that the ….

______ ORANGE 2: You depressed? Have you talked to Pat? Now that’s depression.

______ ORANGE 3: Well, then, you need to get out more; let’s go and have some fun.

______ ORANGE 4: Me too. I don’t know what it is but I woke up this morning and felt so depressed. I thought it was from a dream but I’m still feeling that way. Do you think I should see a counselor?

______ ORANGE 5: Are you? That’s really serious; it’s often a sign of suicide. Remember Pat? Got depressed after the breakup and jumped off the roof.

Identifying Examples of Listening Styles

Being able to identify the varied styles of listening is a first step in controlling and adjusting our own style of listening for greatest effectiveness.

Go to YouTube or any online video site and select interpersonal interactions from any of a variety of talk shows) and identify one or two of the following:

1. An example of empathic or non-empathic listening. How does the person communicate this?

2. An example of polite or impolite listening. What cues are used to communicate this?

3. An example of critical or uncritical listening. How were you able to detect this?

4. An example of active or non-active listening. What does the person say that indicates they’re listening actively or not actively?

2024-11-25T18:11:00.000-05:00

Skill Building Exercises in Perception

Here are two exercises that might be helpful in discussions of perception in interpersonal communication

Clarifying Perceptions

Seeking clarification is almost always helpful. With interpersonal perception, it’s essential. For each of these ambiguous situations indicate what you would say to seek the needed clarification.

1. You texted a friend asking for a small loan but have heard nothing back.

2. Your manager at work seems to spend a lot of time with your peers but very little time with you. You’re concerned about the impression you’re making.

3. The person you’ve been dating for the past several months has stopped texting or commenting on your posts.

4. You feel one of the other students is flirting with you but it seems very subtle; maybe it’s not even flirting. But you’d be interested if it were.

5. Your dating partner, of over the past few months, now seems to be spending a great deal of time with someone else and you’re not happy about it.

Applying Impression Management Strategies

Everyone uses impression-management strategies; using them effectively and ethically, however, is not always easy but almost always an available choice. Here are a few interpersonal situations in which you might want to use impression-management strategies. Identify at least two impression-management strategies you could use to achieve your goals in each of these situations.

1. You’re interviewing for a job; you want to be seen as credible and as a good team player.

2. Your term paper is not up to par; you don’t want your instructor to think this is the level at which you normally function.

3. You want to ask a former instructor to be a friend on Facebook.

4. You’ve just started at a new school and you want to be careful not to make a fool of yourself—as you had at your previous school.

5. You’re a police officer assigned to a neighborhood patrol; you want to be seen as firm but approachable.

2024-11-16T13:36:00.014-05:00

Exercises for Interpersonal Communication

Here are a few exercises that might prove useful in discussions of the self and interpersonal communication.

Satisfying Your Needs

According to FIRO (Fundamental Interpersonal Relations Orientation) we each have needs for inclusion, control, and openness.

1. What one thing have you done this week to satisfy your need for inclusion to the point where you’re comfortable?

2. What one thing have you done this week to satisfy your need for control to the point where you’re comfortable?

3. What one thing have you done this week to satisfy your need for openness to the point where you’re comfortable?

4. Can you identify any obstacles that you encountered along the way of satisfying these basic needs?

Going from Idealism to Realism

Like many people, college students often have unrealistic expectations and goals that will likely not be met but are likely to cause stress and depression. How would you rework the following goals so that they are more realistic and attainable?

1. I have to get an A in this course.

2. I have to maintain a perfect GPA.

3. I have to get into Professor Smith’s sociology class; it’s an easy A.

4. I have to win the election for class president.

5. I have to be engaged before I graduate.

Giving a Compliment

While you’re securing self-affirmation, consider the advantages of affirming another person. One way to do this is to compliment another. For each of the following situations, craft a compliment that is genuine, honest, and totally complimentary:

1. A fellow student helped you research information you used in your report.

2. Your blind date shows up and is a lot more attractive than you ever expected.

3. You had a great dinner at a colleague’s home.

4. Your friend just lost weight and looks great.

5. Your friend just got accepted into law school.

Disclosing Topics

The remaining discussion of this important concept will be more meaningful if you first consider your own willingness to self-disclose. Consider the following disclosures and think about whether you’d disclose, to whom you’d disclose, and under what circumstances you might disclose?

• Your happiest moments in life

• Your unhappiest moments in life

• Your personality characteristics that you do not like

• Your most embarrassing moment

• Your major weaknesses

• Your prejudices

• Your net worth

• Your sexual fantasies

• Your greatest fears

• Your ideal relationship partner

Dealing with Difficult Disclosures

Here are a few examples of difficult disclosures. How would you respond?

1.     A friend confides a desire to commit suicide. What do you say?
2.     You just found out you have an STD and you need to tell a few people you’ve been intimate with. What do you say?
3.     Your friend is a Female-to-Male Trans and is dating a cisgender female who knows nothing about the transition. Your friend wants to disclose this and asks you for advice. What do you say?
4.     You’ve kittenfished in writing your profile; you’re older, less attractive than the photo would indicate, and are less financially well-off than implied. All was going well until you both decided to meet for coffee. You need to prepare this person for the real you. What do you say?
5.     You’re gay and you have decided to come out to your parents. You have no idea how they’ll react. What do you say?

6. You’re engaged to Pat, but over the past few months, you’ve fallen in love with someone else. You now have to break your engagement and disclose your new relationship. What do you say?

2024-11-09T16:58:00.000-05:00

SKILL BUILDING EXERCISES IN INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

Here are two brief exercises that might be interesting woven into discussions of culture and interpersonal communication:

Describing Cultural Attitudes

Attitudes strongly influence communication. Understanding your cultural attitudes is prerequisite to effective intercultural communication. One of the best ways to appreciate the influence of culture on communication is to consider the attitudes people have about central aspects of culture. In a group of five or six people—try for as culturally diverse a group as possible—discuss how you think most of the students at your school feel (not how you feel) about each of the following. Use a five-point scale on which 5 = most students strongly agree; 4 = most students agree; 3 = most students are relatively neutral; 2 = most students disagree; 1 = most students strongly disagree. Also, note any gender, affectional orientation, and racial differences.

______ 1. Too many feminists are too sensitive about sexism.

______ 2. Courses on “women’s studies” should be required in our schools.

______ 3. Gay rights means gay men and lesbians demand special privileges.

______ 4. Homosexuals have made many contributions to their societies.

______ 5. Racism isn’t going to end overnight, so minorities need to be patient.

______ 6. White people benefit from racism whether they want to or not.

Source: These statements were adapted from the Human Relations Attitude Inventory (Koppelman, 2005). The authors note that this inventory is based on an inventory developed by Flavio Vega.

Confronting Cultural Differences

Confronting intercultural differences is extremely difficult, especially because most people will deny they are doing anything inappropriate. Approach these situations carefully, relying heavily on the skills of interpersonal communication identified throughout this text. Here are a few cases of obvious intercultural differences and difficulties. Assume you’re a mediator and have been called in to help resolve or improve these difficult situations. How would you mediate these situations?

1. A couple is in an interracial, inter-religious relationship. The family of one partner ignores their “couplehood.” For example, they are never invited to dinner as a couple or included in any family affairs. Neither the couple nor the family is very happy about the situation.

2. The parents of two teenagers hold and readily verbalize stereotypes about other religious, racial, and ethnic groups. As a result, the teenagers don’t bring home friends. The parents are annoyed that they never get to meet their children’s friends. It’s extremely uncomfortable whenever there’s a chance meeting.

3. A worker in a large office recently underwent a religious conversion and now persists in trying to get everyone else to undergo this same conversion. The workers are fed up and want it stopped. The worker, however, feels it’s a duty, an obligation, to convert others.

2024-11-03T14:30:00.004-05:00

Interpersonal Communication Skill Building Exercises

Here are a few skill building exercises in interpersonal communication. I wrote some new ones and updated and edited some old ones for the new editions of my interpersonal communication texts. My aim is to post a few exercises each week—following the pattern of most interpersonal communication courses. Here are a few which might prove useful when discussing the nature and function of interpersonal communication.

Communicating Content and Relationship Messages

Content and relationship messages are both important in interpersonal communication. Here are a few situations where you would need to communicate a content message and a relationship message. What would you say?

1. After a date that you didn’t enjoy and don’t want to repeat ever again, you want to express your sincere thanks, but you don’t want to be misinterpreted as communicating any indication that you would go on another date with this person. What would you say?

2. You’re ready to commit yourself to a long-term relationship but want your partner to sign a prenuptial agreement before moving any further in the relationship. You need to communicate both your desire to keep your money and to move the relationship to the next level. What would you say?

3. You’re interested in dating a friend on Facebook who also attends the college you do and with whom you’ve been chatting for a few weeks. But you don’t know if the feeling is one of friendship or potentially at least one of romance. You want to ask for the date (on the assumption that the relationship can be a romantic one) but to do so in a way that, if you’re turned down, you won’t be embarrassed, and the friendship will remain intact? What would you say?

Examining Your Social Media Profile

Heightened awareness of how messages help create meanings will increase your ability to make more reasoned and reasonable choices in your interpersonal interactions. Examine your own social network profile (or that of a friend) in terms of some of the principles of interpersonal communication discussed in this chapter:

1. How are the verbal and nonverbal messages in your profile related? Do they generally communicate the same meaning?

2. Does your profile encourage interaction? In what way?

3. What purposes does your profile serve? In what ways might it serve some of the five purposes of interpersonal communication identified here (to learn, relate, influence, play, and help)?

4. Can you identify both content and relational messages.

5. In what ways does your profile exhibit interpersonal power? In what ways, if any, have you incorporated into your profile any of the six types of power discussed in this chapter (legitimate, referent, reward, coercive, expert, or information)?

6. Are there any verbal or nonverbal messages on your profile that might be ambiguous to readers?

7. What are the implications of inevitability, irreversibility, and unrepeatability for posting a profile on social network sites?

Red Flags

Here are some social media posts employers find problematic and will likely raise red flags about your suitability for a job. Examine your social media posts. Do you see any items that, from an employer’s point of view, might raise red flags?

1.      Inappropriate language such as vulgar, homophobic, sexist (and sexual), racist, ageist, or other terms that discriminate. These tell employers you’re not a good fit with a diverse workforce.
2.      Inappropriate partying photos or videos, especially with alcohol and/or drugs. These tell employers that you may be more interested in having fun than working.
3.      Negative comments on previous employers or companies. These tell employers that you may be hypercritical and that you may be the problem rather than your past employers.
4.      Opinions that may be viewed as contrary to a company’s values. These tell employers that your values don’t align with the company’s and that you would not be a good in furthering the company’s goals.
5.      Poor communication skills, such as misspellings and grammatical errors. These tell employers that you may lack essential skills or that you’re careless.

2024-10-24T18:18:00.002-04:00

The Five Stages of Grief

These stages were identified by psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her 1969, On death and dying: What the dying have to teach doctors, nurses, clergy and their own families (New York: Simon & Schuster). The stages have been applied and are useful for talking not only about dying but about grieving that accompanies any profound loss.

Stage

Self-Messages

Inappropriate Messages

Appropriate Messages

These stages are common but are not universal. Nor do they necessarily occur in this order. Each person experiences grief differently. These stages provide you with a convenient way of looking at the various emotions that we experience while grieving.

These messages are what we tell ourselves as we go through the various stages of grief. These messages, although common, are often overly extreme and usually illogical and unhelpful.

These messages are largely suggestions that the grief-stricken person does not want to hear. These messages tell the grieving person to grieve differently, that what they are doing is not helpful. Although these messages are often well-meaning, they don’t help lessen the grief or make the grieving person feel better.

These messages confirm that you’re listening and that you understand (at least in part) what the grieving person is feeling. These are also messages of permission to grieve in any way that helps. And, perhaps most important, messages such as “I’m here for you” solidify your relationship with the grief-stricken and make it clear that the person is not alone.

Denial: Refusing to believe the facts.

This didn’t happen.

I’m sure all will work out fine.

It’s not true.

It’s true. It’s true. It’s true.

You need to accept what happened.

You can’t change what happened.

I understand.

Take whatever time you need.

I’m here for you.

Anger: Blaming someone for this.

This isn’t fair.

Why is this happening to me?

Someone screwed up.

Anger won’t help.

You need to take control of yourself.

Your emotions are getting the best of you.

Your outrage is totally understandable.

I’d be just as angry.

I can empathize with your feelings.

Bargaining: Proposing a trade-off.

I’ll change. I’ll be a better person.

Make this happen to me instead.

I’d give up everything.

There’s no way you can change things.

You need to stop thinking you can change things.

What happened, happened; there’s no going back.

I understand how difficult it must be to make sense of all this.

I can understand how you feel.

It would be great if this could only be different.

Depression: Feeling of hopelessness.

I have no reason to live.

There’s nothing left for me.

I’ll never recover from this.

Isn’t it time you were over this?

You need to get out of this depression; it’s not helping.

Cheer up; things will be better.

Everyone grieves differently; grieve in any way you want.

Give yourself whatever time you need.

I’m here for you.

Acceptance: Moving forward, even if slowly.

At least the suffering is over.

There’s nothing that I can do.

I’ll go on as best I can.

It’s good to see that’s all in the past now.

It took time; but now it’s over.

It’s time to forget the past.

You handled this beautifully.

It’s okay to have bad days and it’s okay to have good days.

You’re moving in the right direction.

The Benefits of Studying Nonverbal Communication

2023-12-09T18:12:00.003-05:00

The Benefits of Studying Nonverbal Communication

The ability to use nonverbal communication effectively can yield a variety of both general and specific benefits in your social and your workplace lives. First, let’s identify some general benefits and then some more specific benefits.

Some General Benefits

The general benefits span the entire range of your communication life whether online or face-to-face, whether personal or workplace.

First, it will improve your accuracy in understanding others, those who are from your own or similar culture as well as those who are from cultures very different from your own. Increased accuracy in understanding others will yield obvious benefits in social and workplace situations—from understanding a coy smile from a date to the meaning of a supervisor’s gestures.

Second, an increased knowledge of nonverbal communication will improve your own ability to communicate information and to persuade others. In many instances, it will help you reinforce your verbal messages. The greater your nonverbal skills, the more successful you’re likely to be at informing as well as influencing others.

Third, it will increase your own perceived attractiveness; the greater your ability to send and receive nonverbal signals, the higher your popularity and psychosocial well-being are likely to be (Burgoon, Guerrero, & Floyd, 2010).

Fourth, it will enable you to make a more effective self-presentation. Consider, for example, that when you meet someone for the first time—at least in face-to-face meetings—you form impressions of the person largely on the basis of his or her nonverbal messages. Being able to more effectively understand and manage your nonverbal messages will enable you to present yourself in the way you want to be perceived. The “If you want to” feature is largely devoted to the skills of self-presentation. As you can appreciate, these benefits will prove especially valuable in the workplace. In fact, the workplace is emphasized throughout the next chapters with the On the Job feature which presents a workplace issue, revolving around nonverbal communication, and asks you how you’d apply your nonverbal skills in dealing with the issue.

Each of these benefits and skills can be used to help or support another or they can be used for less noble purposes. For example, a person adept at nonverbal communication will be more effective in persuading others to buy cars or sign a mortgage they can’t afford or present themselves as competent when they aren’t or increase their attractiveness before hitting you up for a loan.

Some Specific Benefits

In addition these general benefits, here are some specific benefits of studying and mastering the art of nonverbal communication. Of course, learning about an important area of human behavior—what it is, how it works, what influences it, and a variety of other dimensions we’ll explore—is a benefit in itself. Increased knowledge is a benefit, pure and simple. But, there are additional, more immediately pragmatic, specific benefits that you can gain as a result for reading the text and completing the exercises. Here are 25:

Use nonverbal messages to interact with your verbal messages thus creating meaningful packages of messages.
Use nonverbal messages to manage the impressions you give to others.
Use nonverbal messages to help form and maintain productive and meaningful interpersonal and work relationships.
Use nonverbal messages to help regulate conversations and to make them more effective and satisfying.
Use nonverbal messages to persuade—to influence the attitudes or behaviors of others.
Use nonverbal messages to help express and communicate your emotions.
Use nonverbal messages with sensitivity to cultural and gender differences and expectations.
Use hand and body gestures to communicate varied meanings.
Use body posture to reinforce your intended messages.
Manage your facial expressions to communicate the meanings you want to share.
Vary your facial styles to communicate a wide variety of messages.
Communicate different meanings with eye movements and with eye avoidance.
Use color, clothing, and other artifacts to communicate the meanings you wish.
Use spatial messages to reinforce your verbal messages and in ways appropriate to the purpose of the interaction.
Use territorial markers and respond to the markers of others appropriately.
Use touch appropriate to the relationship stage and avoid touch that may be considered overly intimate or intrusive.
Use paralanguage to signal conversational turns, your desire to speak or to continue listening, for example.
Use silence to communicate a wide variety of meanings.
Respond to the rules of interpersonal time that are maintained in the particular context, for example, the workplace or the classroom.
Manage your time effectively and efficiently; avoid wasting time.
Increase your own attractiveness in a variety of ways.
Increase your ability to detect lying (but with important limitations).
Increase your immediacy or closeness to others when you wish.
Increase your perceived power with nonverbal cues.
Use nonverbal cues in a civil and polite manner to further your purposes.

Definitions of Nonverbal Communication

2023-12-09T18:07:00.002-05:00

Definitions of Nonverbal Communication

Here are some definitions of nonverbal communication by a variety of researchers and theorists. As you see, the definitions boil down to “communication without words”. You'll find more recent definitions saying essentially the same thing.

The use of interacting sets of visual, vocal, and invisible communication systems and subsystems by communicators with the systematic encoding and decoding of nonverbal symbols and signs for the purpose(s) of exchanging consensual meanings in specific communication contexts.

Leathers & Eaves (2008), p. 11

The process of one person stimulating meaning in the mind of another person (or persons) by means of nonverbal messages.

Richmond, McCroskey, & Hickson (2012), p. 14

Messages expressed by nonlinguistic means.

Adler, Rosenfeld, & Proctor (2012), p. 175

All aspects of communication other than words themselves.

Wood (2012), p. 132

The process of using messages that are not words to generate meaning.

Pearson, Nelson, Titsworth, & Harter (2008), p. 86

Communication other than written or spoken language that creates meaning for someone

Ivy & Wahl (2009), p. 3

The transfer and exchange of messages in any and all modalities that do not involve words.

Matsumoto, Frank, and Hwang (2013), p. 4

The Myths and Truths of Nonverbal Communication

2023-12-09T18:03:00.001-05:00

Consider each of the following statements about nonverbal communication. Which do you think are true?

1. With training, you can tell what a person is thinking from watching their nonverbal behaviors.

2. Lying is relatively easy to detect, especially with those with whom you have a close relationship.

3. Unlike verbal communication which is learned, nonverbal communication is innate.

4. Unlike verbal communication, nonverbal communication is universal—members of all cultures have the same meaning for gestures, facial expressions, and eye movements, for example.

5. Nonverbal communication is more important than verbal communication.

Although we’ll consider each of these assumptions as they become relevant in the course of our coverage of nonverbal communication, we should here examine what nonverbal communication is not. All of the five statements are more myth than fact. Briefly:

1. You can’t tell what a person is thinking from their nonverbal behaviors, at least not generally. There are situations when you can tell—for example, you can often identify when a person is happy and when a person is sad. But, beyond these rather general meanings, you really can’t read a person like a book.

2. Lying is actually extremely difficult to detect, especially when the liar is a person with whom you have a close relationship and the reason is that people in a close relationship have learned how to lie effectively to their relationship partner.

3. Some nonverbal behaviors are certainly innate—fear, for example, may be expressed similarly in different cultures. But, much nonverbal behavior is learned in much the same way as verbal behavior is learned—through imitating those with whom you grow up.

4. There are some nonverbal behaviors that are universal, the behaviors that are innate such as responses to fear. But, much nonverbal behavior varies widely in meaning from one culture to another. As we’ll see the same hand gesture may mean very different things in different cultures.

5. This is perhaps the most popular myth about nonverbal communication. Certainly there are situations where nonverbal communication is more important than verbal communication—perhaps in first encounters or in expressing support or love—but certainly not in all. You’d be hard pressed to explain nonverbally theoretical concepts, complex directions, or what happened on your way to class today. So, the importance of one channel over another depends on the message and the unique communication situation you’re talking about. Rather than thinking about verbal and nonverbal communication competing for importance with one another, think about these two signal systems working together—each communicating the information it communicates best.

Speech from Red, White, and Royal Blue

2023-11-12T15:34:00.002-05:00

Here is a great speech text and video link from Red, White, and Royal Blue. Like most speeches, it’s part informative and part persuasive. I think this would be an excellent speech for use in a public speaking, persuasion, or ethics course.

“Good morning.

Henry and I have been together since the beginning of this year. As many of you have already read, we’ve struggled everyday with what this means for our families, our countries and our futures. And while neither of us is naive about what it means to be public figures, we never imagined our most private and intimate thoughts, fears and truths would become fodder for public examination.

What was taken from us this week was our right to determine for ourselves how and when we should share our relationship and queer identities with the world.

The truth is every queer person has the right to come out on their own terms, and on their own timeline. They also have the right to choose not to come out at all. The forced conformity of the closet cannot be answered with the forced conformity in coming out of it.

This isn’t about shame. This is about privacy and the fundamental right of self-determination which are exactly the principles on which the struggle for queer liberation has always been fought.

But there is another truth that is much simpler: I fell in love with a person who happens to be a man and that man happens to be a prince. He has captured my heart and made my life immeasurably better.

I love his Royal Highness, Prince Henry George Edward James Hanover-Stuart Fox. I hope one day we’ll have the opportunity to be public about our relationship on our own terms.”

Here is the link to the video of this speech: https://www.bing.com/videos/riverview/relatedvideo?&q=video+link+for+Alex%27s+speech+in+Red+white+and+royal+blue&&mid=442BFFC9D9B30E200214442BFFC9D9B30E200214&&FORM=VRDGAR

Informative Speech

2023-11-12T13:32:00.001-05:00

An Informative Speech: Suicide: Some Causes, Some Hope

Here is a speech I wrote, though never delivered, to illustrate what a brief informative speech might look like and to provide a speech that students in public speaking could analyze. The questions for analysis and discussion at the end of the speech might prove a useful starting point in rhetorical analysis. I wrote this for my Essentials of Human Communication: The Basic Course, 11/e because I couldn't find a good example of an informative speech that addresses a topic important to college students.

Suicide: Some Causes, Some Hope

In January of 2022, a Florida deputy—a former US Martine who was named deputy of the year in 2020 committed suicide. He was 24 years old. A few days later, his wife, also a Florida deputy, took her own life. She was 23. Their deaths left their 1-month old son an orphan (https://nypost.com/2022/01/06/florida-police-couple-who-committed-suicide-won-deputy-awards/). A few weeks later, Academy Award winner Regina King’s son, Ian, took his own life; he was 26. Days later actor Michael Madsen’s son Hudson committed suicide; he too was 26. And still in January, former Miss USA, lawyer, and TV reporter took her own life; she was 30.

Unfortunately, these cases are not as rare or unusual as you might think. These are simply the more dramatic and the ones that get front page coverage in newspapers and are highlighted on TV news shows and on the Internet. The statistics on the prevalence of suicide will likely shock you. According to the 2020 USA General Statistics https://save.org/about-suicide/suicide-facts/, suicide is the 12th leading cause of death in the United States and the 3^rd leading cause of death for Americans 15-24 years of age. It’s the 2^nd leading cause of death for that same age group throughout the world. In 2020, almost 46,000 Americans committed suicide. Everyday 125 Americans commit suicide—that’s one death every 11.5 minutes.

Here I’d like to discuss just a few of the many causes of suicide and then suggest what can be done to prevent this unnecessary loss of life. Let’s start off with the leading cause: depression.

Untreated depression, the leading cause of suicide, is responsible for some 90 percent of people who commit suicide. Depression is a psychological disorder that causes you to feel persistently sad for a long time. It is not a temporary mood swing that we all experience from time to time; it’s persistent and stays with us no matter what we do. Depression can be brought on by a variety of things: the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, a failure in school, an illness—especially a diagnosis of a terminal illness.

Many people who experience depression say they can’t imagine a happy future for themselves or even remember a happy past. All seems lost and hopeless and although they may not want to die, they can’t see any other way out of their pain (https://save.org/about-suicide/mental-illness-and-suicide/depression/).

Depression affects almost 1 out of every four Americans eighteen years and old every single year. So, if a class of 30 like this one, that means that approximately 7 of us will experience severe depression at some time during the year. What’s equally frightening is that only half of Americans receive treatment for their depression.

While depression is the major cause, it is not the only one. A second major cause of suicide is bullying. According to the Center for Disease Control and the Department of Education (https://www.stopbullying.gov/resources/facts), bullying includes three major elements: (1) unwarranted aggressive behavior; (2) power imbalance whether real or perceived; and (3) repetition of these aggressive behaviors.

According to Admissionsly (https://www.pacer.org/bullying/info/stats.asp ) approximately 1 in 4 college students say they have been bullied at least two times in the past month.

Bullying can occur anywhere IRL—in the workplace, in schools (especially in common areas like the cafeteria, hallways, and locker rooms), and even in religious institutions. It also occurs—perhaps even more widely—online. Cyberbullying—on social media sites like Facebook, for example—bullying may take the form of making people feel ashamed or inadequate or have their relationships threatened. As you might guess, the most prevalent form of cyberbullying is name-calling, spreading false rumors, and sending explicit photos (www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/cyber-bullying-statistics.html). This cyberbullying, by the way, was one of the main causes of the suicide of the former Miss USA. Over 50 percent of adolescents and teenagers have been bullied online and, sadly enough, over 50 percent have themselves engaged in bullying.

Bullying is especially prevalent against gender non-conforming youth and not surprisingly LGTBQ youth have an even higher suicide rate that cisgender youth. LGTBQ (https://www.stopbullying.gov/bullying/lgbtq) youth are 3 times more likely to attempt suicide than straight kids and when family rejects them (because of their affectional orientation) that figure jumps to 8 times more likely to commit suicide.

In addition to depression and bullying, another major cause is loneliness and social isolation. Unlike being alone—which can often be enjoyable and is voluntary, loneliness is involuntary leads people to feel unwanted, unappreciated, rejected, and unloved (https://www.verywellmind.com/loneliness-causes-effects-and-treatments-2795749). Social contact is an essential human need, not only when we’re experiencing difficulties and need to share our problems but also when we’re experiencing good times that we want to share. When this social contact is denied, we can easily become depressed. We may easily come to feel like failures with nothing to live for.

In one survey, 46 percent of Americans felt lonely in 2018; in 2019 it jumped to 52 percent. Twenty-one percent claimed they had no close friends. Not surprisingly, the COVID pandemic has contributed to increased loneliness; 36 percent of Americans said they felt lonelier during the pandemic. Generation Z, those born between 1997 and 2012 are the loneliest of all groups—some 65 percent said they sometimes or always felt lonely (https://socialpronow.com/loneliness-statistics/ - 1). In a review of 22 studies on suicide, and reported in the 2020 issue of the journal of Affective Disorders, 17 of these studies suggested that loneliness was a significant factor in predicting attempted suicide (https://www.nationalelfservice.net/mental-health/suicide/loneliness-and-suicide-whats-the-link-and-what-role-does-depression-play/).

Depression, bullying, and loneliness are certainly not the only causes of suicide. There are many others but these three should give us some idea of why so many people commit suicide. Knowing the causes will not eliminate suicide but it may help us to understand at least some of the factors that lead to suicide and perhaps ultimately what may be done to prevent it.

If you or someone you know is at risk, please do something. Calling the US National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 is a good first step. Another good step is to go online; fortunately, the Internet is replete with suggestions for dealing with suicidal thoughts and they offer a useful starting place for reversing such self-destructive feelings. A good website to start with is SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources.

Among the suggestions are these:

1. Talk with a trusted friend or relative.

2. Contact a health professional and explain your feelings.

3. Engage in activities that you enjoy and that bring you pleasure. Focus on all the things that are important to you and are worth living for.

4. Focus on getting through today and not so much about the long-distance future.

5. Avoid activities and drugs that may increase your feelings of depression or loneliness.

It sure would be nice to think that those two deputies, the sons of Regina King and Michael Madsen and the former Miss USA—along with the many, many others whose stories never get into the media--could have been helped if we (and they) understood more about the causes of suicide and, even more important, that help was available.

Nonverbal Communication Concepts

2023-11-12T13:17:00.002-05:00

Here is a brief glossary of terms you'll find when reading about nonverbal communication. It comes from my The Nonverbal Communication Book:

Glossary of 200 Nonverbal Communication Concepts

Listed here are definitions of the technical terms in nonverbal communication—the words that are peculiar or unique to this discipline. All boldface terms within the definitions appear as separate entries in the glossary.

accommodation The process of adjusting your communication patterns to those with whom you’re interacting.

active listening The process by which a listener expresses his or her understanding of the speaker’s total message, including the verbal and nonverbal, the thoughts and feelings.

adaptors Nonverbal behaviors that satisfy some personal need and usually occur without awareness; for example, scratching to relieve an itch or moistening your lips to relieve dryness. Three types of adaptors are often distinguished: self-adaptors, alter-adaptors, and object-adaptors.

affect blends Facial expressions that are a combination of two or more primary emotions.

affect displays Movements of the facial area that convey emotional meaning—for example, expressions showing anger, fear, or surprise.

alter-adaptors Body movements you make in response to your current interactions; for example, crossing your arms over your chest when someone unpleasant approaches or moving closer to someone you like.

ambiguity The condition in which a message or relationship may be interpreted as having more than one meaning.

apology An expression of regret or sorrow for having done what you did or for what happened.

artifactual communication Communication that takes place through the wearing and arrangement of various items—for example, clothing, jewelry, buttons, or the furniture in your house and its arrangement.

assertiveness A willingness to stand up for your rights but with respect for the rights of others.

asynchronous communication Communication in which the sending and receiving of messages do not take place simultaneously (messages are sent and received at different times); opposed to synchronous communication.

attraction The state or process by which one individual is drawn to another and forms a highly positive evaluation of that other person.

backchanneling cues Listener responses to a speaker that do not ask for the speaking role.

batons. A type of illustrator; like the conductors baton, illustrator batons emphasize a particular word or phrase with say, a hand movement.

beard A person who is used to hide something about another person, for example, having a friend pose as a spouse to give the impression that you’re married.

behavioral constraint Restriction on your movements; a major contributor to crowding.

behavioral synchrony The similarity in the behavior, usually nonverbal, of two persons, and generally interpreted as an index of mutual liking. Also see mirroring.

biological time One’s preference for different times of the day and also to one’s biological cycles.

biorhythms Cycles that the body goes through in a pattern; physical, emotional, and intellectual cycles are often distinguished.

body adornment A general term for jewelry, tattoos, and similar body ornaments.

body language A popular term for nonverbal communication.

body posture The positioning of the body in interaction with others; inclusiveness/non-inclusiveness, face-to-face/parallel, and congruence/incongruence positions are usually identified.

body territory The area around you that you need to have to do what you want to do.

boundary marker An object that divides one person’s territory from another’s—for example, a fence.

central marker An item that is placed in a territory to reserve it for a specific person—for example, the sweater thrown over a library chair to signal that the chair is taken.

channel The vehicle or medium through which signals are sent.

chronemics The study of the communicative nature of time—of the way you treat time and use it to communicate.

civil inattention Polite ignoring of others so as not to invade their privacy.

code A set of symbols used to translate a message from one form to another.

color communication The meanings that different colors communicate in various cultures.

communication (1) The process or act of communicating; (2) the actual message or messages sent and received; (3) the study of the processes involved in the sending and receiving of messages.

complementarity A principle of attraction stating that you are attracted by qualities that you do not possess or that you wish to possess and to people who are opposite or different from yourself; opposed to similarity.

congruence/incongruence A body posture referring to the degree of mirroring of one person’s body posture by another person.

connotation The feeling or emotional aspect of a word’s meaning; generally viewed as consisting of evaluation (for example, good–bad), potency (strong–weak), and activity (fast–slow) dimensions. Opposed to denotation.

contamination Rendering a territory impure; a form of territorial encroachment.

context The physical, social-psychological, temporal, and cultural environment in which communication takes place.

conversational management The conduct of a conversation by means of conversational turns.

conversational turns The process of exchanging the speaker and listener roles during conversation.

crowding The psychological perception that there are too many people around and a consciousness of restrictions on your spatial freedom; distinguished from density.

cultural display Signs that communicate a person’s cultural identification, for example, clothing or religious jewelry.

cultural rules Rules that are specific to a given cultural group.

cultural time The perspective on time shared by members of a particular culture.

culture The relatively specialized lifestyle of a group of people—consisting of their values, beliefs, artifacts, ways of behaving, and ways of communicating—that is passed on from one generation to the next.

deception bias The assumption that the other person is lying; opposed to a truth bias.

deception cues Verbal or nonverbal cues that reveal the person is lying.

decoding The process of extracting a message from a code—for example, translating speech sounds into nerve impulses. See also encoding.

deictic movements. A type of illustrator that points to a person or thing that you want someone else to focus on.

denotation The objective or descriptive aspect of a word’s meaning; the meaning you’d find in a dictionary. Opposed to connotation.

density The number of people within an area of space; distinguished from crowding.

display rules Cultural norms for what is and what is not appropriate to display in public

double-bind message A special type of ambiguous message in which verbal and nonverbal signals contradict each other.

double-bind messages Messages that ask for two incompatible responses; if you do what the verbal messages asks you to do you violate what the nonverbal message tells you to do and vice-versa.

Duchenne smile A genuine smile; a smile that is a reflection of your real feelings.

duping delight Nonverbal leakage that occurs when someone takes satisfaction and pleasure at fooling someone.

dyadic communication Two-person communication.

dyadic effect The tendency to reciprocate, to imitate (in some way) what the other person does or says.

earmarker A physical sign that identifies an item as belonging to a specific person—for example, a nameplate on a desk or initials on an attaché case.

emblems Nonverbal behaviors that directly translate words or phrases—for example, the signs for “OK” and “peace.”

emoticon A written symbol to indicate an emotion.

emotional contagion The process by which the strong emotions of one person are taken on by another person; the assumption that, like the flu, emotions may be contagious.

encoding The process of putting a message into a code—for example, translating nerve impulses into speech sounds. See also decoding.

equilibrium theory A theory that attempts to explain the relationship between intimacy and space and holds that intimacy and distance vary together; the greater the intimacy, the closer the distance; the lower the intimacy, the greater the distance.

expectancy violations theory A theory of proxemics holding that people have a certain expectancy for space relationships. When that expectancy is violated (for example, when a person stands too close to you or a romantic partner maintains abnormally large distances from you), the relationship comes into clearer focus and you wonder why this “normal distance” is being violated.

eye movements Use eye movements to seek feedback, exchange conversational turns, signal the nature of your relationship with others, and compensate for increased physical distance. At the same time, look for such meanings in the eye movements of others.

eye roll Moving the eyes upward as a condescending gesture.

eyebrow flash A raising of the eye brows, often a sign of acknowledgement.

face-to-face/parallel A body posture referring to the degree to which two people face each other directly or indirectly.

facial feedback hypothesis The theory that your facial expressions can produce physiological and emotional effects.

facial management techniques Techniques used to mask certain emotions and to emphasize others; for example, intensifying your expression of happiness to make a friend feel good about a promotion.

facial messages Use facial expressions to communicate that you’re involved in the interaction. As a listener, look to the emotional expressions of others as additional cues to their meaning.

facial recognition The process of identifying a person from facial cues.

facial style A person’s normal and usual form of facial expression, thought to be a part of a person’s personality.

feedback Information that is given back to the source. Feedback may come from the source’s own messages (as when we hear what we are saying) or may come from the receiver(s) in the form of applause, yawning, puzzled looks, questions, comments on a blog post or letters to the editor of a newspaper, increased or decreased subscriptions to a magazine, and so forth.

feedforward Information that is sent prior to a regular message telling the listener something about what is to follow.

feng shui The principles of living in a harmonious relationship with one’s environment and surroundings, including principles for furniture arrangement.

flirt The process of sending nonverbal (and verbal)signals to indicate a romantic interest.

formal time Time units that are established and that have precise meanings, for example, hour or day. See also informal time.

gaze Looking at another person. See also mutual gaze, gaze omission, and gaze aversion.

gaze aversion. Intentional avoidance of making eye contact. Opposed to gaze omission. See also gaze and mutual gaze.

gaze omission. Unintentional avoidance of making eye contact. Opposed to gaze aversion. See also gaze and mutual gaze.

home field advantage The increased power that comes from being in your own territory.

home territories Territories about which individuals have a sense of intimacy and over which they exercise control—for example, a professor’s office.

ideographs. A type of illustrator; ideographs trace the path of an idea or thought.

illustrators Nonverbal gestures that enhance (literally illustrate the verbal message that they accompany), for example, moving your head to the left when you refer to something on the left.

image management The process and strategies of using communication to convey a particular image of yourself to others.

immediacy A quality of interpersonal effectiveness that creates a sense of contact and togetherness and conveys interest in and liking for the other person.

inclusiveness/non-inclusiveness A body posture indicating the degree to which your body position includes or excludes others.

informal time Approximate rather than exact time, denoted in terms such as “soon,” “early,” and “in a while.” See also formal time.

information power Power that a person possesses because others see that individual as having significant information and the ability to communicate logically and persuasively. Also called “persuasion power.”

insulation A reaction to territorial encroachment in which you erect some sort of barrier between yourself and the invaders.

interactional territories Areas where people gather and interact with each other, for example, the dinner table or a park bench.

interpersonal time The time dimension of interpersonal interaction, for example, punctuality, response time, and relationship time.

interruptions In conversation, attempts to take over the role of the speaker.

intimate distance The closest proxemic distance, ranging from touching to 18 inches.

invasion The unwarranted entrance into another’s territory that changes the meaning of the territory.

invasion Unwarranted entrance into another’s territory; a form of territorial encroachment.

irreversibility A principle of communication holding that communication cannot be reversed; once something has been communicated, it cannot be uncommunicated.

kinesics The study of the communicative dimensions of facial and bodily movements.

kinetographs. A type of illustrator that imitates or depicts bodily movements.

leakage The process whereby slight nonverbal movements (often around the lips and eyes) reveal one’s true feelings.

leave-taking cues Verbal and nonverbal cues that indicate a desire to terminate a conversation.

linguistic collusion A response to territorial encroachment in which the members of the in-group use a language unknown to the invaders.

lying The act of deliberately trying to mislead another person by communicating information you believe to be false.

markers Devices that signify that a certain territory belongs to a particular person. See also boundary marker, central marker, and earmarker.

masking The process of replacing or substituting a felt expression for one that is more appropriate to the situation.

matching hypothesis An assumption that you date and mate people who are comparable to yourself—who match you—in physical attractiveness.

metacommunication Communication about communication.

metamessage A message that refers to another message.

mirroring The process of imitating or mimicking the nonverbal behaviors of another person, often considered to promote perceived attractiveness.

monochronic time orientation A view of time in which things are done sequentially; one thing is scheduled at a time; opposed to polychronic time orientation.

multitasking Doing more than one thing at one time; a pattern of those with a polychronic time orientation.

mutual gaze The situation in which two people look at each other at the same time.

negative face strategies Messages that recognize a person’s right to autonomy.

negative face The desire to be autonomous, to have the right to do as you wish.

noise Anything that distorts the message; noise is present to the extent that the message received is not the message sent.

nonverbal communication Communication without words; communication by means of space, gestures, facial expressions, touching, vocal variation, and silence, for example.

nonverbal dominance Nonverbal behavior through which one person exercises psychological dominance over another.

object-adaptors Movements that involve manipulation of some object; for example, punching holes in or drawing on a Styrofoam coffee cup, clicking a ballpoint pen, or chewing on a pencil.

oculesis A technical term for the study of eye movements.

olfactory communication Communication by smell.

paralanguage The vocal but nonverbal aspect of speech. Paralanguage consists of voice qualities (for example, pitch range, resonance, tempo); vocal characterizers (laughing or crying, yelling or whispering); vocal qualifiers (intensity, pitch height); and vocal segregates (“uh-uh,” meaning “no,” or “sh” meaning “silence”).

pauses Silent periods in the normally fluent stream of speech. Pauses are of two major types: filled pauses (interruptions in speech that are filled with such vocalizations as “er” or “um”) and unfilled pauses (silences of unusually long duration).

personal distance The second-closest proxemic distance, ranging from 18 inches to four feet.

pictographs. A type of illustrator that draws a picture of the thing talked about.

pitch The highness or lowness of the vocal tone.

politeness Civility, consideration, refinement, respect, and regard for others as expressed verbally and nonverbally; interaction that follows the socially accepted rules for interpersonal interaction.

politeness strategies Strategies that support another’s face needs and may be used as a strategy to appear likeable.

Pollyanna effect The tendency to see the positive side of things rather than the negative.

polychronic time orientation A view of time in which several things may be scheduled or engaged in at the same time; opposed to monochronic time orientation.

positive face strategies Messages that compliment and praise another. Use these as appropriate.

positive face The desire to be viewed positively by others, to be thought of favorably.

positiveness A characteristic of effective communication involving positive attitudes toward the self and toward the interpersonal interaction. Also can mean complimenting another and expressing acceptance and approval.

posture The way in which one stands or sits.

power The ability to control or influence the attitudes, beliefs, or behaviors of others.

primacy effect The condition in which what comes first exerts greater influence in our perceptions than what comes later. See also recency effect.

primary affect displays Facial displays of the primary emotions.

primary emotions The basic or pure emotions, often considered to be happiness, anger, sadness, disgust, fear, surprise, and contempt.

primary territories Areas that a person can consider his or her own exclusive preserve—for example, someone’s room or office.

privacy The degree to which one perceives oneself (and one’s messages) to be free from surveillance.

protection theory A theory of proxemics referring to the fact that people establish a body-buffer zone to protect themselves from unwanted closeness, touching, or attack.

proxemic distances The spatial distances that people maintain in communication and social interaction: four distances are generally distinguished: intimate distance, personal distance, social distance, and public distance.

proxemics The study of the communicative function of space; the study of how people unconsciously structure their space—the distances between people in their interactions, the organization of spaces in homes and offices, and even the design of cities.

proximity Physical closeness; one of the qualities influencing attraction. Also, as a principle of perception, the tendency to perceive people or events that are physically close as belonging together or representing some unit.

psychological time The importance you place on past, present, or future time.

public distance The longest proxemic distance, ranging from 12 to more than 25 feet.

public territories Areas that are open to all people—for example, restaurants or parks

pupil dilation The widening of the pupils of the eyes, often a sign of interest.

pupillometrics The study of communication through changes in the size of the pupils of the eyes.

rate The speed with which you speak, generally measured in words per minute.

receiver Any person or thing that takes in messages. Receivers may be individuals listening to or reading a message, a group of peeople hearing a speech, a scattered television audience, or machines that store information.

recency effect The condition in which what comes last (that is, most recently) exerts greater influence in our perceptions than what comes first. See also primacy effect.

reciprocity of liking Liking someone as a response to your perceiving that they like you.

regulators Nonverbal behaviors that regulate, monitor, or control the communications of another person, such as nods or changes in body posture.

reinforcement One of the factors contributing to attraction; the giving of a reward or the removal of an aversive stimulus.

reliability A quality of research or support that can be counted on as accurate and trustworthy.

secondary territories Areas that do not belong to a particular person but that have been occupied by that person and are therefore associated with her or him—for example, the seat you normally take in class.

self-adaptors Movements that usually satisfy a physical need, especially a need to be more comfortable; for example, scratching your head to relieve an itch, moistening your lips because they feel dry, or pushing your hair out of your eyes.

shrug A body gesture in which the shoulders are raised, often accompanied by a bewildered expression, and often designed to communicate a lack of concern or knowledge.

silence The absence of vocal communication. Often mistakenly thought to be the absence of any and all communication, silence actually can communicate feelings or can serve to prevent communication about certain topics.

similarity A theory of attraction that holds that people are attracted to those who are similar to them; opposed to complementarity.

smell adaptation The situation in which you gradually lose the distinctiveness of a smell due to over exposure to it.

smell blindness The inability to identify and distinguish among smells.

smell discrimination The ability to distinguish one smell from another.

smell memory The ability to recall previous events through smell and to recall the smells themselves.

smell overload The situation in which your sense of smell is overloaded, bombarded by too many smells or smells that are too intense.

smell satiation The situation in which a smell becomes difficult to perceive because of overexposure to it.

smell the sense by which you receive olfactory signals.

smile A facial expression usually indicating pleasure, though other emotions may be signed by slightly different smiles, for example, annoyance. See also Duchenne smile.

social clock The cultural time table for the accomplishment of a variety of life’s milestones.

somatotyping Classifying people’s personality and temperament on the basis of their body type, whether tall and thin, short and stout, or muscular.

source Any person or thing that creates messages. A source may be an individual speaking, writing, or gesturing or a computer sending an error message.

spatial distance Physical distance that signals the type of relationship you are in: intimate, personal, social, or public.

spatial movements. A type of illustrator that indicates spatial relationships or size, for example.

spiral of silence The theory that holds that you are more likely to voice agreement with others than disagreement. The result is that this spirals with the majority position becoming stronger and the minority positions becoming weaker.

stimulus overload The situation that occurs when the stimuli around you exceed your comfort zone; a major contributor to crowding.

surveillance Being watched by another; a major contributor to crowding.

synchronous communication Communication in which the sending and receiving of a message takes place at the same time; opposed to asynchronous communication.

taboo Forbidden; culturally censored; frowned upon by “polite society.” Taboos may include entire topics as well as specific words—for example, death, sex, certain forms of illness, and various words denoting sexual activities and excretory functions.

tag questions Questions that ask for another’s agreement and often signal weakness or uncertainty, for example, “That dinner was fine, don’t you think?”

temporal communication The messages communicated by a person’s time orientation and treatment of time.

territorial encroachment An intrusion into your territory.

territoriality A possessive or ownership reaction to an area of space or to particular objects.

theory A general statement or principle applicable to related phenomena.

tie signs Nonverbal (and verbal) cues that two people are somehow connected in some significant relational way.

time management The efficient use of time.

touch avoidance The tendency to avoid touching and being touched by others.

touch communication Communication through tactile means.

touch deprivation The psychological reaction to the absence of touch.

truth bias The assumption that the other person is telling the truth; opposed to a deception bias.

turf defense A response to territorial encroachment in which you defend your territory against intruders.

turn-denying cues Verbal or nonverbal cues indicating that the listener does not want to assume the role of speaker.

turn-maintaining cues Verbal or nonverbal cues that communicate your wish to maintain the role of speaker.

turn-requesting cues Verbal or nonverbal cues that indicate a desire to assume the speaker’s turn.

turn-taking cues A general term for verbal and/or nonverbal cues indicating a desire to exchange speaking/listening turns.

turn-yielding cues Verbal or nonverbal cues indicating the speaker’s desire to give up the speaker’s role.

unrepeatability Principle of communication stating that no communication can ever be re-created in quite the same way, because circumstances are never the same.

violation The unwarranted use of another’s territory; a form of territorial encroachment.

visual dominance The use of the eyes to maintain a superior or controlling position; for example, when making an especially important point, you might look intently at the other person.

vocalics The study of the vocal (but nonverbal) dimension of speech, for example, pitch, rate, or volume.

voice qualities Aspects of paralanguage, for example, pitch, rate, and volume.

volume The relative loudness of the voice.

withdrawal A reaction to territorial encroachment in which we leave the territory.

2022-04-05T15:49:00.000-04:00

ETC781206_proof (1).pdf(Review)- Adobe Document Cloud

The Speech of Self-Introduction

2020-08-29T15:58:00.001-04:00

This is a new section I wrote for the new edition of Essentials of Public Speaking. But I thought it might be of use to anyone planning a similar speech. Here, then, are a few guidelines and a sample speech with some notes.

The Speech of Self-Introduction

The speech of self introduction is one of the standard speeches normally required in a public speaking course. It is also a speech that produces a great deal of anxiety—not only because it is normally given at the start of the semester but also because it puts the total focus on the speaker. This assignment is often used to create a community within the classroom so that students get to know one another as individuals as well as to begin applying the principles of public speaking. But it is also a speech that would be given in your bid for student election, to your new work colleagues, or in your introduction to your podcast or webinar. Usually, the speech is for 2 to 5 minutes and consists of a few hundred words.

Guidelines for the Speech of Self-Introduction

Here are a few guidelines for the speech of self-introduction.

1. Even if the speech is for 2 minutes, it still needs its major parts—introduction, body, and conclusion.

2. Most students are fearful of public speaking so consider whether you want to bring this up. The advantage of talking about it—even if very briefly—is that you bond with your audience. The disadvantage is that you alert your audience to look for signs of nervousness and may even help to convince yourself that you are and will be forever fearful of public speaking.

3. Stay within the time limits. These have been established so that all can give speeches within a certain amount of time.

4. Focus on topics you have in common with other students—for example, your major or intended major, your academic interests, your outside interests, your job, your professional goals, and perhaps what you hope to get out of this public speaking course.

5. Tell your audience what you want them to know. You do not have to reveal your inner self and should not feel pressure to do so. Reveal only what you want to reveal.

A Sample Speech of Self-Introduction

Here is a sample speech of self-introduction written to illustrate some of the essential guidelines for an effective speech. It’s written to represent what a student might say in introducing himself or herself to the class. It would naturally be very different if it were an introduction to your webinar where you’d want to perhaps emphasize your credibility. This speech is 367 words and would take approximately 2 minutes to deliver.

Introduction
Hello, my name is Pat Smith. Not a very distinctive name; in fact, Smith is the most popular surname in the United States with over two and a half million Smiths.	A simple opener with some “essential” information about you is one way to introduce the speech. Don’t spend time needlessly on elaborate introductions. In longer speeches, the introduction will naturally also be longer.
I thought I’d tell you a little something about where I came from, why I’m here, and what I hope to do.	In such a short speech this orientation may not be essential but it does tell the listener how you’ve developed your speech.
Body
I come from the Bronx, New York—where, by the way, in 1973 at a birthday party on Sedgwick Avenue—not far from where I grew up, hip-hop was born. Of course, it’s also the home of the Yankee Stadium. So, being out here in a small town--this is my first semester at Blake—is really very new to me. No skyscrapers, no Starbucks on every corner, no subways, no delivery trucks waking up the neighborhood in the middle of the night. But, so far, I’m liking the change. Everyone has been very friendly and my classes all seem interesting—a lot different from high school.	Here the speaker displays a positivity about these new experiences, probably shared and appreciated by many listeners. The speaker also reveals a little-known fact—about hip hop—that the audience is likely to find interesting.
I’m taking this course because I want to lessen my stage fright and become more comfortable in front of an audience. My dream is to become a defense lawyer and I’ll need to be able to speak comfortably and confidently to persuade a jury. Of course, that’s a long way off. But I’m planning nevertheless. I hope to declare a joint major in communication and political science and then, hopefully, get into a good law school.	Talking a bit about why you’re taking public speaking is often interesting to include. Hearing the reasons from different students is sure to illustrate the broad range of applications there are to public speaking and could probably benefit other students to see these different perspectives.
Right now, I want to get to know everyone and to join the photography club. I hear it’s excellent and I’m looking forward to going on the annual photography safari. This year it’s in Iceland.	Again, the speaker is extremely positive and talks briefly about his future plans.
Outside of school, you can find me at Mickey’s Burger Joint, flipping burgers and sometimes waiting on tables. Some of the customers are really difficult. Some customers ask for things we don’t have and then get annoyed because we don’t have them. Some are in a hurry and want their burger right away and some are undecided and take forever to decide. But most of the customers are really nice and I actually enjoy going to work—at least most days.	Since many students also have jobs, you may want to mention your employment.
Conclusion
So, I’m new, I’m anxious, and I’m looking forward to a great time at Blake.	In such a short speech, the conclusion must also be short but crisp and definite. Let the audience know that you’re finished. If you wish you can add a simple “thank you” or “I appreciate your attention.” But, in any case, be brief.

Ethics in Public Speaking

2020-08-21T11:38:00.003-04:00

Ethics in Public Speaking

I wrote this for the new edition of Essential Elements of Public Speaking, 7th edition (Hoboken, NJ: Pearson, 2021) but I thought it might be useful for any class in public speaking as a way of introducing the dimension of ethics and clarifying what is and what is not plagiarism.

Because your speech will have an effect on your audience, you have an obligation to consider

ethics—issues of right and wrong, or the moral implications of your message. When

you develop your topic, present your research, create persuasive appeals, and do any of

the other tasks related to public speaking, there are ethical issues to be considered (Bok,

1978; Jaksa & Pritchard, 1994; Johannesen, 1996; Neher & Sandin, 2007; Tompkins, 2011).

Think about your own beliefs and respond to the following situations in this quiz,

indicating whether each scenario is ethical or unethical.

1. _____ A speaker talks about evidence supporting the position advocated but omits

contradictory evidence. Or, similarly, a speaker cites testimony and gives the

person’s positive qualifications but omits the person’s negative disqualifications.

2. _____ A speaker reworks a quotation by a famous scientist, say, to support the

advocated position.

3. _____ A speaker uses a visual aid found on the internet.

4. _____ A speaker uses emotional appeals–for example, fear of getting ill or the desire

for status–to persuade an audience.

5. _____ A speaker crops a photo, omitting the part that contradicts the position

advocated.

6. _____ A speaker uses figures from a poll taken twenty years ago on a fast-changing

topic, but doesn’t mention when the poll was taken.

7. _____ A speaker copies a speech off the internet and presents it as original.

Here are some responses that most writers on and instructors of public speaking

and ethics would likely give. But, not all; some writers, instructors, and students may

disagree with one or all of these responses. All of these issues are raised again and covered

more fully throughout this text.

1. A speaker talks about evidence supporting the position advocated but omits

contradictory evidence. A speaker isn’t obligated to discuss evidence and argument

that does not support his or her position or to identify the negative qualities

of a witness’s testimony. That’s the opponent’s job. But, if the speaker deliberately

conceals relevant details that would influence the audience against the position

advocated, it would be unethical.

2. A speaker reworks a quotation by a famous scientist, say, to support the advocated

position. This would be unethical. Quotations need to be presented in full

and presented with the original intention of the author. However, a speaker may

change a quotation for special effect if it’s identified as such, as in cases of paraphrasing

or adding special emphasis.

3. A speaker uses a visual aid found on the internet. If this is for your class speech

(that is a non-profit, educational activity), it’s generally considered acceptable to

use it if you identify its origin. If you were to profit financially from the speech

with the visual aid, then you would need to secure permission.

4. A speaker uses emotional appeals–for example, fear or the desire for status–

to persuade an audience. Emotional appeals are frequently a large part of public

speaking, and especially persuasive speaking, and there is generally nothing

unethical about using emotional appeals. However, if the speaker uses emotional

appeals to cover up the absence of sound argument and evidence or to undermine

the thought processes of the listeners, then it would be unethical.

5. A speaker crops a photo, omitting the part that contradicts the position advocated.

This would be unethical because the speaker is preventing the audience from seeing

the truth as presented in the entire photo and as the photographer photographed it.

6. A speaker uses figures from a poll taken twenty years ago on a fast-changing

topic, but doesn’t mention when the poll was taken. This would be unethical.

The speaker is deliberately concealing information that is relevant to the audience

thinking clearly and logically about the issue.

7. A speaker copies a speech off the internet and presents it as original. This is clearly

unethical and illustrates one of the most important ethical concepts in all college

courses, plagiarism, a topic discussed in detail in Chapter 5, Researching Your Speech.

Universals of Choice

2020-08-21T11:19:00.003-04:00

This article was published in Etc: A Review of General Semantics, 75 (January and April 2018), pp. 76-83.

Universals of Choice

Joseph A. DeVito*

Universals are qualities or characteristics of a process or concept that are present in all instances. For example, if we consider the universals of language, we’d find that all languages have nouns and pronouns, all languages have a deep and surface structure, and all languages have vowels and consonants (Greenberg, 1963). A universal of choice, the subject of this paper, then, is a characteristic that is present in all choice-making acts.

Along with many of the social sciences, communication is (and has been for at least the last 30 years) focused on identifying differences (mainly cultural and gender differences) and explaining how these differences influence communication and therefore why these differences need to be identified and incorporated into any theory of effective communication. In contrast, the search-for-universals approach focuses on identifying characteristics that any type of communication act has in common with all other instances of this type of communication.

Here we focus on choice making but it could be listening, nonverbal communication, small talk, public speaking, or any topic or subtopic of any field. The topic can be broad (for example, interpersonal communication or General Semantics) or narrower (for example, making an apology or abstracting). The area to be explored and the specific purposes of the endeavor would determine the breadth of the specific topic chosen.

Choice making is important to study simply because it’s an inevitable part of life. You cannot live without making choices (Iyengar, 2011; DeVito, 2016b). Even when you refuse to make a choice, you’re act of refusal is itself a choice. Similarly, when you delay making a choice, you’re making a choice to delay the other choice. Even Hobson’s choice—often viewed as no choice—involves choice. The story—perhaps true, perhaps not—is that Thomas Hobson ran a horse rental stable and insisted that the renter take the next horse in line—seemingly providing no choice. But, of course, there was a choice—not among horses but between the next horse in line or no horse—a classic case of “take it or leave it”. And, universals are important to identify simply because they are part of the description of a process or concept under study and thus add to our knowledge and understanding of the subject. That practical applications and skills can be derived from this study is an added bonus.

These two general approaches—the search for differences and the search for universals--complement each other. Each provides needed insight and helps pave the way for developing principles and skills for more effective communication or choice making.

Universals are discovered inductively, from examining choice behavior. But since not all choices have been examined and there are many in the future that can’t be examined, perhaps it’s best to view “universals” as hypotheses to be examined.

Universals describe what is rather than what should be or could be. They are descriptions for understanding the nature of choice making rather than prescriptions for making better choices.

With the help of the insights from a variety of choice and decision-making theorists (Iyengar, 2011; Schwartz, 2004; Heath & Heath, 2013), here then is an initial and very preliminary attempt to identify some of the universals of choice making.

Choices are future predictions, guesses, hypotheses. When you make a choice, it’s like placing a bet—you bet that the choice you’re making will prove to be a good one, the best one actually. Because choices are predictions, you can never be certain how they will turn out. The advantage of going through a rigorous analysis of the pros and cons of the available choices is that your predictions are more likely to come true and that’s essentially what you want when making a choice (Heath & Heath, 2013; Schwartz, 2004).

Choices involve the acceptance of negatives and the rejection of positives—as well as the acceptance of positives and the rejection of negatives. Let’s say you’re making a choice between Alpha and Beta. If your evaluation is a fair one and if Alpha and Beta are truly competitive as indicated by your initial indecision, then they each have positive qualities and they each have negative qualities. If you select Alpha, you get its positive qualities but also its negative ones and of course, in your rejection of Beta, you are not getting its positive qualities.

Choices are unique. Each choice is different from every other choice; it is made in a specific context of time and place and that time and place are in a constant state of flux. So, even in “repeating” the choice at a later time, it’s different because the time and place have changed and of course the choice maker has changed—in great part from making the choice in the first place.

Choices are prone to bias. There are a variety of biases that get in the way of logical and effective choice making. Since there is probably no person who is not prone to bias of one kind or another, it seems fair to identify bias as a universal. A number of biases that can get in the way of effective choice making have been identified previously, and in some detail (DeVito, 2016a). So, in brief:

· In the ambiguity bias, your choices are heavily influenced by the desire to reduce ambiguity.

· In the bandwagon bias, you make your choice by following the herd, especially those you view as “attractive”.

· In the anchoring bias, your choices are heavily influenced by what comes first.

· In the confirmation bias, your choices are influenced by initial beliefs.

· In the status quo bias, your choices are influenced against change.

Choices have constraints. Some choices are made with few constraints—there is almost total freedom to decide one way or the other. So, let’s say you’re wealthy and want to buy a car—your choices are limitless as to the car you buy—after all, you can afford any one of them, even that new Lamborghini. But you still need a car and so your choices have to be made among the available car choices. In other cases, your choices are much more limited and restricted. If you’re in the military, for example, you may choose to put on your left shoe before the right one but you may not choose the kind of shoes you put on.

Choices are reasonable. Or at least the choices you make seem reasonable at the time you make them. When you make a choice, you’re no doubt selecting the choice that you think at that time and in that situation is the best of the available choices. Things may change—and often do—and as a result your decision may prove to be extremely effective (you bought the right stock and are now extremely wealthy) or extremely ineffective (you bought the wrong stock and lost all your money). But, at the time you make the choice, you’re making the right choice.

Choices are purposeful. Choices have a purpose; they are debated and made to achieve some purpose, some aim. Choice makers have an end result in mind. And, not surprisingly, purposes vary greatly in importance. Some choice purposes hardly seem like purposes; they are almost automatic and usually of little consequence and so we rarely notice them—the shirt you wear or the salad you order. Other choices are more important and involve more significant purposes—choosing a life time partner, selecting a job offer, determining when to retire, or relocating to another state or country. Some purposes are self-focused--what can I do to get that promotion--and others are other-focused—what can I do to help the homeless--and may be viewed as existing on a continuum—perhaps from selfish to altruistic. So, although purposes vary widely, one or more purposes are always present.

Choices are difficult. All choices are difficult. But, there’s a continuum. Some choices involve very little difficulty and some involve a great deal. There are at least two reasons for choice difficulty. One source of difficulty is the similarity in the pros and cons of the available choices. When the choices are very similar, there is considerable difficulty; when the choices differ widely in their positive/negative qualities, the choice is less difficult. Another source of difficulty comes from the importance of the choice; unimportant choices are easier to make than important ones.

Choices involve risk. Choices, by their very nature, involve risk, specifically the risk of making a poor choice and, at the same time, the risk of not choosing the one you should have chosen (Ellsberg, 2001). The risk, then, is not only in making a bad choice, it’s also in not making a good choice. Some risks are so minor that they are not perceived as risks—for example, the restaurant you select for dinner is minor but still involves risk. Other choices are of course riskier—selecting a college or a major or a job or a house, for example.

Choices have consequences. Stephen Covey (2004, p. 70) once noted that “While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions.” And because the consequences cannot be chosen or predicted with complete accuracy, the choice maker is taking a risk. Sometimes, the consequences are only for the choice maker—the entrée to select, for example. Sometimes, and probably most of the time, the consequences involve other parties as well—for example, the decision to divorce or start a business or have a child. Some consequences are severe—the type of medical treatment you seek—and others are relatively inconsequential—the sneakers you buy. And yet, even this seemingly obvious example needs qualification and illustrates an important principle of choice making and that is that even choices that seem insignificant and having only minor consequences, may in some situations prove very significant. The choice of new sneakers that you take with you on a 4-week safari, for example, may prove extremely consequential.

Choices are culturally influenced. Culture influences all aspects of communication and influences choice making in a variety of ways. Geert Hofstede’s (Hofstede, Hofstede, & Minkov, 2010) typology of cultural differences posits, among other dimensions, that cultures differ in, for example, their primary orientations to individualism-collectivism, masculine-feminine, and restraint and indulgent. Those from an individualist culture are more likely to make choices that benefit the self, whereas those from collectivist cultures are more likely to make choices that benefit the group. Those from masculine cultures—those that emphasize assertiveness and power—will make choices that are consistent with this cultural orientation—in contrast to those from a feminine culture whose decisions would give primary attention to relationships. Those from restraint cultures will make choices that will be of primary value in the future—saving or going to college, for example, while those from indulgent cultures are more likely to make choices that will give pleasure and satisfaction in the present—buying that expensive suit or cutting classes to go to the beach, for example.

Choices are influenced by personality. Not surprisingly, the personality of the choice maker will influence the types of choices made. As already noted, choices involve risk but people vary in the degree to which they are willing to take risks. At the extremes are those who are risk takers and those who are risk aversive. Risk takers are likely to make choices that involve greater risk, going all-in in poker or betting one’s last dollar on a horse. Some are risk aversive and prefer to hold on to the chips and the money for fear of losing it. And, some choice makers are maximizers and others are satisficers (Simon, 1956). In making a choice, maximizers spend an enormous amount of time analyzing the pros and cons of each and every choice, determined to make exactly the right choice, to maximize their benefits. On the other hand, are satisficers—a term coined by Simon—who aim to make a choice that will be satisfying, that will suffice.

Choices are influenced by socio-economic status. Like psychological influences, there are also socio-economic influences. At the most obvious level, the money that people have enables them to have a wider array of choices than those without such financial resources. So, in planning a vacation, wealthy people have many more choices--of location, accommodations, length of stay, and just about everything that goes into a vacation. Those of more limited means, are similarly more limited in their possible choices. Persons who are well educated will likely spend more time evaluating choices and will be less impulsive and perhaps less prone to bias than those with less education and knowledge.

Perhaps it’s more appropriate to say that the culture, personality, and sociology of the individual will conspire to influence choice making—the person from an individualistic culture who is a wealthy risk taker is going to make and evaluate choices very different from someone from a collectivist culture who is poor and risk aversive.

The universals identified here are surely not the only ones that could be identified—maybe even not the most important. And likely some will disagree that those noted here are in fact universals. But, as already noted, this is a preliminary attempt—a discussion starter—to identify some features that are common to all choice-making behavior and that hopefully will advance our understanding of this crucial process, a process that George Eliot called “the strongest principle of growth.”

REFERENCES

Covey, S. R. (2004). The 7 habits of highly effective people. NY: Free Press.

DeVito, J. A. (1996). Brainstorms: How to think more creatively about communication (or about anything else). NY: Longman.

DeVito, J. A. (2016a). Biases in making choices. Etc.: A Review of General Semantics 73, 314-320.

DeVito, J. A. (2016b). Making choices. Etc.: A Review of General Semantics 73, 173-179.

Ellsberg, D. (2001). Risk, ambiguity, and decision. NY: Taylor & Francis, 2001.

Greenberg, J. H., ed. (1963). Universals of language. Cambridge, MA: M.I.T, Press.

Heath, C. & Heath, D. (2013). Decisive: How to make better choices in life and work. NY: Random House/Crown.

Hofstede, G., Hofstede, G., & Minkov, M. (2010). Cultures and organizations: Software of the mind (3rd ed.). NY: McGraw-Hill.

Iyengar, S. (2011). The art of choosing. NY: Hatchette/Twelve.

Schwartz, B. (2004). The paradox of choice: Why more is less. NY: Harper Perennial.

Simon, H. A. (1956). Rational choice and the structure of the environment. Psychological Review 63 (2), pp. 129-138.

*Joseph A. DeVito, Ph.D., is Professor Emeritus, Hunter College, City University of New York.

2019-12-02T14:18:00.000-05:00

Here's a more positive view for communication majors.

https://www.thebalancecareers.com/best-jobs-for-communications-majors-2059631

2019-11-12T14:57:00.000-05:00

Here is a sobering report on the five college majors students most regret. Unfortunately, communication is one of them with 27% of students regretting their selecting communication as a major--with the most common complaint that it was too general.
https://www.cnbc.com/2019/11/12/the-5-college-majors-american-students-most-regret-picking.html

2019-10-25T10:44:00.000-04:00

Another interesting article on workplace communication.