The Communication Blog

Apologies

2012-01-25T10:34:00.000-05:00

Here's a brief article that fits in very well with our discussions of apologies. This one is directed at making apologies to children--a topic we don't normally discuss in our textbooks--tho' the principles seem general enough for all apologies.

Love from Austin Powers

2012-01-25T10:29:00.000-05:00

Here's a brief article on love and romance that might be an interesting way to introduce interpersonal relationships: 10 love lessons derived from the character/behavior of Austin Powers.

Communication Strategies: Supportiveness

2012-01-23T12:34:00.000-05:00

Continuing with my attempt to spell out the various communication strategies, here is a little item on supportiveness--taken from my Essentials of Human Communication which has the most complete discussion of Gibb's system.
One of the best ways to look at destructive versus productive talk is to look at how the style of your communications can create unproductive defensiveness or a productive sense of supportiveness, a system developed by Jack Gibb in the 60’s. The type of talk that generally proves destructive and sets up defensive reactions in the listener is talk that is evaluative, controlling, strategic, indifferent or neutral, superior, and certain.

Evaluation When you evaluate or judge another person or what that person has done, that person is likely to become resentful and defensive and perhaps at the same time to become equally evaluative and judgmental. In contrast, when you describe what happened or what you want, it creates no such defensiveness and is generally seen as supportive. The distinction between evaluation and description can be seen in the differences between you-messages and I-messages. You-messages are evaluative (you never reveal your feelings; you just don’t plan ahead, you never call me) whereas I-messages are more descriptive (I would like hearing how you feel about this; I need to know what our schedule for the next few days will be; I’d enjoy hearing from you more often. If you put yourself in the role of the listener hearing these statements, you probably can feel the resentment or defensiveness that the evaluative messages (you-messages) would create and the supportiveness from the descriptive messages (I-messages).

Control When you try to control the behavior of the other person, when you order the other person to do this or that, or when you make decisions without mutual discussion and agreement, defensiveness is a likely response. Control messages deny the legitimacy of the person’s contributions and in fact deny his or her importance. When, on the other hand, you focus on the problem at hand—not on controlling the situation or getting your own way—defensiveness is much less likely. This problem orientation invites mutual participation and recognizes the significance of each person’s contributions.

Strategy When you use strategy and try to get around other people or situations through manipulation—especially when you conceal your true purposes—others are likely to resent it and to respond defensively. But when you act openly and with spontaneity, you’re more likely to create an atmosphere that is equal and honest.

Neutrality When you demonstrate neutrality—in the sense of indifference or a lack of caring for the other person—it’s likely to create defensiveness. Neutrality seems to show a lack of empathy or interest in the thoughts and feelings of the other person; it is especially damaging when intimates are in conflict. This kind of talk says, in effect, “You’re not important or deserving of attention and caring.” When, on the other hand, you demonstrate empathy, defensiveness is unlikely to occur. Although it can be especially difficult in conflict situations, try to show that you can understand what the other person is going through and that you accept these feelings.

Superiority When you present yourself as superior to the other person, you put the other person in an inferior position, and this is likely to be resented. Such superiority messages say in effect that the other person is inadequate or somehow second class. A superior attitude is a violation of the implicit equality contract that people in a close relationship have. The other person may then begin to attack your superiority; the conflict can quickly degenerate into a conflict over who’s the boss, with personal attacks being the mode of interaction.

Certainty The person who appears to know it all is likely to be resented, so certainty often sets up a defensive climate. After all, there is little room for negotiation or mutual problem solving when one person already has the answer. An attitude of provisionalism—“Let’s explore this issue together and try to find a solution”—is likely to be much more productive than closed-mindedness.

To summarize, the following are suggestions for fostering supportiveness rather than defensiveness:

· Talk descriptively rather than evaluatively.

· Focus on the problem rather than on personalities.

· Act and react honestly and spontaneously, rather than strategically.

· Empathize with the other person.

· Approach the conflict resolution process as an equal and treat the other person as an equal.

· Be provisional; suggest rather than demand.

Conflict Issues

2012-01-19T10:55:00.000-05:00

Here's a clever little article on what couples fight about. I post this because it's very different from the list academics provide. For example, the issues mentioned in most discussions of interpersonal conflict (in textbooks at least) are: goals to be pursues, allocation of resources, decisions to be made, and behaviors considered inappropriate. From another study: intimacy issues, power issues, personal flaws, personal distance, social issues, and distrust.

Communication and Success

2012-01-16T12:21:00.000-05:00

Here's an excellent brief article on 15 characteristics that help make for success. Naturally, one is on communication which I quote:

Whether you call it communication, teamwork, or interpersonal skills, this trait is often an essential component in what separates those who are successful from those who are less so. To get what you want, you need to be able to communicate your goals and ideas to others. Good communication skills will make you better able to negotiate, sell your best attributes, and form lasting relationships that can help you build a better career. Of course, communication isn't just about talking. It's also about listening and keeping your ears open to new ideas and potential problems.

This site also has some interesting links relevant to communication effectiveness, quotations about communication, the art of conversation, and more.

Blogs for Communication Majors

2012-01-11T11:42:00.000-05:00

Here's an excellent collection of 50 blogs that will prove valuable for communication majors or for anyone interested in communication. I can see this type of thing being used in a public speaking course--each student would select one blog and report on it in a simple informative speech. It would take off the pressure which often comes with the frequently-used first speech "to introduce yourself". And it would serve to introduce students to the wide-world that is communication.

Communication Strategies: Empathy

2012-01-03T11:31:00.000-05:00

In this continuing effort to identify and explain (briefly and practically) the skills/strategies of interpersonal communication, here is a brief discussion of empathy.

Empathy is feeling what another person feels from that person’s point of view without losing your own identity. Empathy enables you to understand emotionally what another person is experiencing. (To sympathize, in contrast, is to feel for the person—to feel sorry or happy for the person, for example.) Women, research shows, are perceived as more empathic and engage in more empathic communication than do men. So following these suggestions may come more easily to women.

Empathy is best expressed in two distinct parts: thinking empathy and feeling empathy. In thinking empathy you express an understanding of what the other person means. For example, when you paraphrase someone’s comment, showing that you understand the meaning the person is trying to communicate, you’re communicating thinking empathy. The second part is feeling empathy; here you express your feeling of what the other person is feeling. You demonstrate a similarity between what you’re feeling and what the other person is feeling. Often you’ll respond with both thinking and feeling empathy in the same brief response; for example, when a friend tells you of problems at home, you may respond by saying, for example, “Your problems at home do seem to be getting worse. I can imagine how you feel so angry at times.”

Here are a few more specific suggestions to help you communicate both your feeling and your thinking empathy more effectively:

< Be Clear. Make it clear that you’re trying to understand, not to evaluate, judge, or criticize.

< Focus. Maintain eye contact, an attentive posture, and physical closeness to focus your concentration. Express involvement through facial expressions and gestures.

< Reflect. In order to check the accuracy of your perceptions and to show your commitment to understanding the speaker, reflect back to the speaker the feelings that you think are being expressed. Offer tentative statements about what you think the person is feeling; for example, “You seem really angry with your father” or “I hear some doubt in your voice.”

< Disclose. When appropriate, use your own self-disclosures to communicate your understanding; but be careful that you don’t refocus the discussion on yourself.

< Address mixed messages. At times you may want to identify and address any mixed messages that the person is sending as a way to foster more open and honest communication. For example, if your friend verbally expresses contentment but shows nonverbal signs of depression, it may be prudent to question the possible discrepancy.

< Acknowledge importance. Make it clear that you understand the depth of a person’s feelings.

Acronyms

2012-01-03T11:22:00.000-05:00

Here's a brief article recommended to me by the publishers. It's clever. I think another problem that acronyms may create is that when a person raised on acronyms reads a textbook (or novel or magazine article or newspaper) that doesn't talk in acronyms (and most don't), it's going to seem unreal, to some degree. And perhaps overly long winded. There's a cultural divide here. The alternative, BTW, is to go with the flow and start writing our textbooks with popular acronyms, though, as I write this, I can hear editors cringing! OMG!

Most annoying phrases

2011-12-23T12:33:00.000-05:00

Here's a brief discussion of the most annoying phrases--"Whatever" tops the list. This would make an interesting opening discussion for verbal messages.

Communication Strategies: Expressiveness

2011-12-19T11:29:00.000-05:00

In some of my books, I'm integrating much of the material on skills that I once had in boxes. But, some may still prefer the box presentation. This one is on expressiveness. Others are all labeled "Communicaton Strategies: Skill".

Expressiveness is the skill of communicating genuine involvement in the conversation; it entails, for example, taking responsibility for your thoughts and feelings, encouraging expressiveness or openness in others, and providing appropriate feedback. As you can easily appreciate, these are the qualities that make a conversation exciting and satisfying. Expressiveness includes both verbal and nonverbal messages and often involves revealing your emotions and your normally hidden self—bringing in a variety of interpersonal skills noted earlier.

Communicating Expressiveness. Here are a few suggestions for communicating expressiveness.

< Vary your vocal rate, pitch, volume, and rhythm to convey involvement and interest. Vary your language; avoid clichés and trite expressions, which signal a lack of originality and personal involvement.

< Use appropriate gestures, especially gestures that focus on the other person rather than yourself. Maintain eye contact and lean toward the person; at the same time, avoid self-touching gestures or directing your eyes to others in the room.

< Give verbal and nonverbal feedback to show that you’re listening. Such feedback promotes relationship satisfaction.

< Smile. Your smile is probably your most expressive feature and it will likely be much appreciated.

< Communicate expressiveness in ways that are culturally sensitive. Some cultures (Italian, for example) encourage expressiveness and teach children to be expressive. Other cultures (Japanese and Thai, for example) encourage a more reserved response style. Some cultures (Arab and many Asian cultures, for example) consider expressiveness by women in business settings to be inappropriate; in other cultures it would be inappropriate for women not to be expressive.

Self-Awareness

2011-12-19T11:21:00.000-05:00

Here's a brief article on the reasons you should run a background check on yourself. All the reasons given are good ones. I would also add one other and that is to learn about yourself, to increase self-awareness. an interesting in-class discussion could easily be centered around what you can learn about yourself from searching the Internet.

Politeness on the phone

2011-12-19T11:14:00.000-05:00

In a continuing effort to integrate politeness into my communication textbooks and into communication generally, here is a useful set of guidelines for teaching children proper phone etiquette.

The Compliment

2011-12-12T16:00:00.000-05:00

Here's an interesting little piece on complimenting someone that would work well with any unit on conversation in interpersonal communication. It provides 10 ways to tell someone you think he or she is beautiful and would be a great introduction to complimenting in general.

Romance Lessons

2011-12-09T11:22:00.000-05:00

Here's an interesting little article, suggested to me by the site as something readers of this blog would enjoy. I agree. It's a brief article on the 10 love "lessons" that Harlequin Romance novels teach. It should make an excellent discussion starter for interpersonal relationships as well as testing assumptions about love and romance.

Communication Strategies: Flexibility

2011-12-04T14:40:00.000-05:00

Flexibility is a quality of thinking and behaving in which you vary your messages based on the unique situation in which you find yourself. It's one of the essential skills of interpersonal communication.
One measure of flexibility asks you to consider how true you believe certain statements are——statements such as

· “People should be frank and spontaneous in conversation” or

· “When angry, a person should say nothing rather than say something he or she will be sorry for later.”

The “preferred” answer to all such questions is “sometimes true,” underscoring the importance of flexibility in all interpersonal situations.

As you can appreciate, flexibility is especially important when communicating your feelings, be they positive or negative. It’s especially important in emotional communication because it’s in times of emotional arousal that you’re likely to forget the varied choices you have available. And of course this is exactly the time when you need to consider your choices. The greater your flexibility, the more likely you’ll be to see the varied choices you do have for communicating in any situation.

Increasing Flexibility. Here are a few ways to cultivate interpersonal flexibility.

< Realize that no two situations or people are exactly alike; consider what is different about this situation or person and take these differences into consideration as you construct your messages.

< Recognize that communication always takes place in a context; discover what that unique context is and ask yourself how it might influence your messages. Communicating bad news during a joyous celebration, for example, needs to be handled quite differently from communicating good news.

< Become aware of the constant change in people and in things. Everything is in a state of flux. Even if the way you communicated last month was effective, that doesn’t mean it will be effective today or tomorrow. Realize too that sudden changes (the death of a lover or a serious illness) will influence what are and what are not appropriate messages.

< Appreciate the fact that every situation offers you different options for communicating. Consider these options and try to predict the effects each option might have.

Emotional speech

2011-12-04T12:21:00.000-05:00

Here's a great little article describing the work on software to detect aspects of emotional speech such as deception, friendliness, flirtation, and anger. Would it be great if networks could use this type of software when politicians speak. A split screen with a politician (or financial analyst or news reporter) speaking on one side and the emotional meaning (including deception) on the other would make for a different world.

Communication Strategies: Immediacy

2011-11-25T13:53:00.000-05:00

Immediacy is the creation of closeness, a sense of togetherness, of oneness, between speaker and listener. When you communicate immediacy you convey a sense of interest and attention, a liking for and an attraction to the other person. You communicate immediacy with both verbal and nonverbal messages.

And, not surprisingly, people respond to communication that is immediate more favorably than to communication that is not. People like people who communicate immediacy. You can increase your interpersonal attractiveness, the degree to which others like you and respond positively toward you, by using immediacy behaviors. In addition there is considerable evidence to show that immediacy behaviors are also effective in workplace communication, especially between supervisors and subordinates. For example, when a supervisors uses immediacy behaviors, he or she is seen by subordinates as interested and concerned; subordinates are therefore likely to communicate more freely and honestly about issues that can benefit the supervisor and the organization. Also, workers with supervisors who communicate immediacy behaviors have higher job satisfaction and motivation.

Not all cultures or all people respond in the same way to immediacy messages. For example, in the United States immediacy behaviors are generally seen as friendly and appropriate. In other cultures, however, the same immediacy behaviors may be viewed as overly familiar——as presuming that a relationship is close when only acquaintanceship exists. Similarly, recognize that some people may take your immediacy behaviors as indicating a desire for increased intimacy in the relationship. So although you may be trying merely to signal a friendly closeness, the other person may perceive a romantic invitation. Also, recognize that because immediacy behaviors prolong and encourage in-depth communication, they may not be responded to favorably by persons who are fearful about communication and/or who want to get the interaction over with as soon as possible.

Communicating Immediacy. Here are a few suggestions for communicating immediacy verbally and nonverbally (Richmond, V.P., McCroskey, J. C., & Hickson, M. L., Nonverbal Behavior in Interpersonal Relationships, 7th ed. Allyn & Bacon, 2012):

< Self-disclose; reveal something significant about yourself.

< Refer to the other person’s good qualities of, say, dependability, intelligence, or character——“you’re always so reliable.”

< Express your positive view of the other person and of your relationship——“I’m sure glad you’re my roommate; you know everyone.”

< Talk about commonalities, things you and the other person have done together or share.

< Demonstrate your responsiveness by giving feedback cues that indicate you want to listen more and that you’re interested——“And what else happened?”

< Express psychological closeness and openness by, for example, maintaining physical closeness and arranging your body to exclude third parties.

< Maintain appropriate eye contact and limit looking around at others.

< Smile and express your interest in the other person.

< Focus on the other person’s remarks. Make the speaker know that you heard and understood what was said, and give the speaker appropriate verbal and nonverbal feedback.

At the same time that you’ll want to demonstrate these immediacy messages, try also to avoid nonimmediacy messages such as speaking in a monotone, looking away from the person you’re talking to, frowning while talking, having a tense body posture, or avoiding gestures.

Networking

2011-11-15T09:53:00.002-05:00

Here's great advice on networking--something we touch on in our textbooks but probably don't do it justice.

Meeting Dad

2011-11-11T11:17:00.000-05:00

Here's an interesting little piece on meeting your date's Dad. Much of it, as you'll see, is communication related and would probably spark an interesting class discussion on the dos and don'ts, mistakes and successes, of meeting a date's parents.

Strategies for Apprehension Management

2011-11-08T14:33:00.000-05:00

One of the realities of textbook writing is that you never have enough space to say all you want to say. Fortunately, this blog allows me to elaborate on topics, post that elaboration here, and then enable students to find the material with a quick scan of their smart phones or tablet. Communication apprehension is one such topic that students and instructors frequently ask for more information than what will fit into a specific textbook. Here, then, is my most complete discussion of communication apprehension (with an emphasis on skills for managing apprehension) from my Essential Elements of Public Speaking, minus the reference citations to research. This provides a more thorough discussion than would fit into my Human Communication or Essentials of Human Communication. The most authoritative source on communication apprehension is Virginia Richmond and James McCroskey’s Communication: Apprehension, Avoidance, and Effectiveness, 5^th ed. (Boston, MA: Pearson, 1998).

Here we consider a few preliminaries to communication apprehension and then offer four strategies, four sets of skills, that may help you manage your own fear of speaking.

Managing Your Apprehension

Most people would agree that pubic speaking can be scary experience. After all, you’re the center of attention and you’re being evaluated. Your fear is normal. Fortunately, this far is also something that can be managed and made to work for you rather than against you.

The Nature of Communication Apprehension

Apprehension in public speaking is normal; everyone experiences some degree of fear in the relatively formal public speaking situation. After all, in public speaking you’re the sole focus of attention and are usually being evaluated for your performance. Experiencing nervousness or anxiety is a natural reaction. You are definitely not alone in these feelings.

Trait and State Apprehension

Some people have a general communication apprehension that shows itself in all communication situations. These people suffer from trait apprehension—a general fear of communication, regardless of the specific situation. Their fear appears in conversations, small group settings, and public speaking situations. Not surprisingly, if you have high trait apprehension, you’re also more likely to experience embarrassment in a variety of social situations. Similarly, high apprehensives are likely to have problems in the work environment; for example, they may perform badly in employment interviews and may contribute few ideas on the job.

Other people experience communication apprehension in only certain communication situations. These people suffer from state apprehension—a fear that is specific to a given communication situation. For example, a speaker may fear public speaking but have no difficulty in talking with two or three other people. Or a speaker may fear job interviews but have no fear of public speaking. State apprehension is extremely common. Most people experience it for some situations; not surprisingly, it is public speaking that most people fear.

Apprehension Exists on a Continuum

Communication apprehension exists on a continuum. Some people are so apprehensive that they’re unable to function effectively in any communication situation and will try to avoid communication as much as possible. Other people are so mildly apprehensive that they appear to experience no fear at all; they’re the ones who actively seek out communication opportunities. Most of us are between these extremes.

Contrary to popular belief, apprehension is not necessarily harmful. In fact, apprehension can work for you. Fear can energize you. It may motivate you to work a little harder—to produce a speech that will be better than it might have been had you not been fearful. Further, the audience cannot see the apprehension that you may be experiencing. Even though you may think that the audience can hear your heart beat faster, they can’t. They can’t see your knees tremble. They can’t sense your dry throat—at least not most of the time.

Here are several ways you can deal with and manage your own public speaking apprehension: (1) reverse the factors that cause apprehension, (2) restructure your thinking, (3) practice performance visualization, and (4) desensitize yourself. The same techniques will also help you manage apprehensiveness in social and work situations.

Strategy One. Reverse the Factors That Cause Apprehension

If you can reverse or at least lessen the factors that cause apprehension, you’ll be able to reduce your apprehension significantly. The following suggestions are based on research identifying the major factors contributing to your fear in public speaking:

 Reduce the newness of public speaking by gaining experience. New and different situations such as public speaking are likely to make anyone anxious, so try to reduce their newness and differentness. One way to do this is to get as much public speaking experience as you can. With experience your initial fears and anxieties will give way to feelings of control and comfort. Experience will show you that the feelings of accomplishment you gain from public speaking are rewarding and will outweigh any initial anxiety. Try also to familiarize yourself with the public speaking context. For example, try to rehearse in the room in which you'll give your speech.

 Reduce your self-focus by visualizing public speaking as conversation. When you’re the center of attention, as you are in public speaking, you feel especially conspicuous, and this often increases anxiety. It may help, therefore, to think of public speaking as another type of conversation (some theorists call it “enlarged conversation”). Or, if you’re comfortable talking in small groups, visualize your audience as an enlarged small group; it may dispel some of the anxiety you feel.

 Reduce your perceived differentness from the audience by stressing similarity. When you feel similar to (rather than different from) your audience, your anxiety should lessen. Therefore, try to emphasize the similarities between yourself and your audience. This is especially important when your audience consists of people from cultures different from your own: In such cases you’re likely to feel fewer similarities with your listeners and therefore to experience greater anxiety. So with all audiences, but especially with multicultural groups, stress similarities such as shared attitudes, values, or beliefs. This tactic will make you feel more at one with your listeners and therefore more confident as a speaker.

 Reduce your fear of failure by thoroughly preparing and practicing. Much of the fear you experience is a fear of failure. Adequate and even extra preparation will lessen the possibility of failure and the accompanying apprehension. Because apprehension is greatest during the beginning of the speech, try memorizing the first few sentences of your speech. If there are complicated facts or figures, be sure to write them out and plan to read them. This way you won’t have to worry about forgetting them completely.

 Reduce your anxiety by moving about and breathing deeply. Physical activity—including movements of the whole body as well as small movements of the hands, face, and head—lessens apprehension. Using a visual aid, for example, will temporarily divert attention from you and will allow you to get rid of your excess energy as you move to display it. Also, try breathing deeply a few times before getting up to speak. You’ll feel your body relax, and this will help you overcome your initial fear of walking to the front of the room.

 Avoid chemicals as tension relievers. Unless prescribed by a physician, avoid any chemical means for reducing apprehension. Tranquilizers, marijuana, or artificial stimulants are likely to create problems rather than reduce them. And, of course, alcohol does nothing to reduce public speaking apprehension. These chemicals can impair your ability to remember the parts of your speech, to accurately read audience feedback, and to regulate the timing of your speech.

Strategy Two. Restructure Your Thinking

The suggestion to restructure your thinking might at first seem a strange idea. Yet cognitive restructuring or cognitive reappraisal—as the technique is technically known—is a proven technique for reducing a great number of fears and stresses. The general idea behind this technique is that the way you think about a situation influences the way you react to the situation. If you can change the way you think about a situation (reframe it, restructure it, reappraise it) you’ll be able to change your reactions to the situation. So, if you think that public speaking will produce stress (fear, apprehension, anxiety), then reappraising it as less threatening will reduce the stress, fear, apprehension, and anxiety.

Much public speaking apprehension is based on unrealistic thinking, on thinking that is self-defeating. For example, you may think that you’re a poor speaker or that you’re boring or that the audience won’t like you or that you have to be perfect. Instead of thinking in terms of these unrealistic and self-defeating assumptions, substitute realistic ones, especially when tackling new things like public speaking.

Fear increases when you feel that you can’t meet your own expectations or the expectations of your audience, especially when these are unrealistic to begin with (Ayres, 1986). Your second speech does not have to be perfect, or even better than that of the previous speaker. Just try to make it better than your own first speech.

Positive and supportive thoughts will help you restructure your thinking. Remind yourself of your successes, strengths, and virtues. Concentrate on your potential, not on your limitations. Use self-affirmations such as “I’m friendly and can communicate this in my speeches,” “I can learn the techniques for controlling my fear,” “I’m a competent person and have the potential to be an effective speaker,” “I can make mistakes and can learn from them,” “I’m flexible and can adjust to different communication situations.”

Recognize, too, that even if you give six 10-minute speeches in this class, you will only have spoken for 60 minutes . . . one hour . . . 1/24 of a day . . . 1/35,064 of your four-year college life. Let your apprehension motivate you to produce a more thoroughly prepared and rehearsed speech. Don’t, however, let it upset you to the point where it hampers your other activities.

Strategy Three. Practice Performance Visualization

A variation of cognitive restructuring is performance visualization, a technique designed specifically to reduce the outward signs of apprehension and also to reduce the negative thinking that often creates anxiety.

First, develop a positive attitude and a positive self-perception. Visualize yourself in the role of the effective public speaker. Visualize yourself walking to the front of the room—fully and totally confident, fully in control of the situation. The audience is in rapt attention and, as you finish, bursts into wild applause. Throughout this visualization, avoid all negative thoughts. As you visualize yourself as this effective speaker, take note of how you walk, look at your listeners, handle your notes, and respond to questions; also, think about how you feel about the public speaking experience.

Second, model your performance on that of an especially effective speaker. View a particularly competent public speaker on video. As you view the video gradually shift yourself into the role of speaker; become this speaker you admire.

Strategy Four. Desensitize Yourself

Systematic desensitization is a technique for dealing with a variety of fears, including those involved in public speaking. The general idea is to create a hierarchy of behaviors leading up to the desired but feared behavior (say, speaking before an audience). One specific hierarchy might look like this:

5. Giving a speech in class

4. Introducing another speaker to the class

3. Speaking in a group in front of the class

2. Answering a question in class

1. Asking a question in class

The main objective of this experience is to learn to relax, beginning with relatively easy tasks and progressing to the behavior you’re apprehensive about—in this case giving a speech in class. You begin at the bottom of the hierarchy and rehearse the first behavior mentally over a period of days until you can clearly visualize asking a question in class without any uncomfortable anxiety. Once you can accomplish this, move to the second level. Here you visualize a somewhat more threatening behavior; say, answering a question. Once you can do this, move to the third level, and so on until you get to the desired behavior.

In creating your hierarchy, use small steps to help you get from one step to the next more easily. Each success will make the next step easier. You might then go on to engage in the actual behaviors after you have comfortably visualized them: ask a question, answer a question, and so on.

These strategies are not designed to eliminate fear but rather to help you manage it so that it doesn’t impose barriers in your social and professional lives.

Communication Strategies: Openness

2011-11-03T12:24:00.000-04:00

Openness in interpersonal communication is a person’s willingness to self-disclose——to reveal information about himself or herself as appropriate. Openness also includes a willingness to listen openly and to react honestly to the messages of others. This does not mean that openness is always appropriate. In fact, too much openness is likely to lead to a decrease in your relationship satisfaction.

Communicating Openness. Consider these few ideas.

· Self-disclose when appropriate. Be mindful about whatever you say about yourself. There are benefits and dangers to this form of communication (see Chapter 8, pp. 195–196). And listen carefully to the disclosures of others; these reciprocal disclosures (or the lack of them) will help guide your own disclosures.

· Listen mindfully and respond to those with whom you’re interacting with spontaneity and with appropriate honesty——though also with an awareness of what you’re saying and of what the possible outcomes of your messages might be.

· Communicate a clear willingness to listen. Let the other person know that you’re open to listening to his or her thoughts and feelings.

· Own your own feelings and thoughts. Take responsibility for what you say. Listen to the kinds of messages you’re using and use I-messages instead of you-messages. Instead of saying, “You make me feel stupid when you don’t ask my opinion,” own your feelings and say, for example, “I feel stupid when you ask everyone else what they think but don’t ask me.” When you own your feelings and thoughts——when you use I-messages——you say, in effect, “This is how I feel,” “This is how I see the situation.” I-messages make explicit the fact that your feelings result from the interaction between what is going on outside your skin (what others say, for example) and what is going on inside your skin (your preconceptions, attitudes, and prejudices, for example).

Satisficing: A note on making choices

2011-11-03T12:02:00.000-04:00

In our communication textbooks, we’re beginning to talk more and more about communication as a process of making choices. An interesting concept in this connection is satisficing. [What follows is a very preliminary attempt to begin an integration of this concept into communication generally.] All communication involves making choices—what we say or don’t say, who we talk to and who we avoid, how we dress to convey the desired image, and of course choices in our relationships—with whom we form friendships or romantic relationships. Of course, we never have all the information we’d need to make the very best choice. And even if that information were available, it would take a great deal of time and energy to locate and digest it. After all, how much time do you want to spend researching the best television before buying one? So what do we do when we need to make a choice, or solve a problem, or reach a decision?

One theory is that in our decision making we are guided by “bounded rationality” (developed by economist Herbert A. Simon, Models of Man: Social and Rational. NY: Wiley, 1957). Because we are all limited by our own reasoning abilities, our inability to predict the future, and the obvious limitations on securing the relevant information we seek to make choices that we know are not perfect but instead are reasonable, adequate, practical, and attainable. We become satisficers (a combination of satisfaction and sacrifice). That is, we look to make choices that will satisfy us somewhat but that we also recognize will involve sacrificing the ideal or perfect solution.

In most things, most people are satisficers—in finding a job, selecting a college, buying a car, choosing a college major—but there are others who are not satisficers. These maximizers seek to make only the perfect choice. In the process, they fail to make a decision because they want to be absolutely sure their decision is the perfect one. And so, for example, they may date all their lives and never settle down with one person because they’re looking for an ideal that, of course, they’ll never find. Some researchers put the magic number at 12 which seems high to me. Assuming you wish to settle down with one person (and certainly this is not the only alternative), once you’ve dated 12 people, you need to select the person who is a reasonable, adequate, practical, and attainable choice. If you go much above 12 then you may be asking for a choice that doesn’t really exist. On the other hand, if you make a selection before an adequate survey of the available choices, you may be settling more than you really need to.

Online Dating

2011-10-25T11:03:00.000-04:00

Here's a great little piece on online dating which should spark considerable in-class discussion.

Culture and Naming

2011-10-22T15:06:00.000-04:00

Here's a great little article on a group of 285 Indian girls who are having their names changed from names that meant "unwanted" to names of goddesses, Bollywood stars, or names that are simply positive. This is just one effort to combat discrimination but it's an interesting one from a communication point of view. It's also a great lead-in to a discussion of the importance of what we call ourselves and others.

Dating

2011-10-20T15:59:00.000-04:00

Here's an interesting article and website for lots of stuff on dating. I think students would enjoy reading some of this material and then discussing it in terms of the available research on the varied topics.