The Constitutional Peasant

Oh Say, Can You See?

2008-05-05T23:37:00.001-04:00

Late last night, or rather, early this morning, the Dallas Stars defeated the San Jose Sharks in quadruple overtime in game six of their play-off series. The win ended the Sharks' season and propelled the Stars into the third round of the postseason, where they will play the Detroit Red Wings for the right to represent the Western Conference in the Stanley Cup final. It also deprived the world of another chance to see the rarest of all sights: Americans booing their own national anthem.

Perhaps some background is order. During these NHL play-offs, the fans of the Stars have taken to shouting, in unison, the word "stars" as it is sung during the pre-game national anthem (ie. "Whose broad stripes and bright STARS!!!"). Really inspiring stuff. However, when the Stars travelled to play in San Jose, the Sharks' supporters responded with a loud chorus of boos each time the S-word was mentioned in the American national anthem. Even coming from the Greater San Francisco Bay area, an act that could so easily be misconstrued as anti-Americanism is remarkable.

With the series ending in six games, a deciding contest in San Jose will not occur. As a result, unless the good people of Detroit continue the new tradition, it is unlikely that Americans will be publicly booing their own national anthem en masse again anytime soon. In a post-9/11 era, when the wearing of American-flag lapel pins is a vital consideration when selecting the next president, this incident highlights the farcical and superfluous nature of pre-game national anthems.

Once a meaningful tribute, the singing of national anthems before each and every sporting event has lost its purpose. According to a poll on its website today, 69% of Globe and Mail readers disagree, but let's see if we can't change some minds. This pre-game tradition started in baseball following World War Two, to honour returning and fallen soldiers and was quickly adopted by the other major North American sports. And hockey.

At a time when the memories of six years of total war were still fresh, such a tribute was entirely appropriate. However, with the sixty-third anniversary of VE Day on Thursday, is such an act of remembrance still relevant before each and every sporting event? Of course, both Canada and the United States have fought, and are currently fighting, other wars since 1945. But how many sports fans are actually thinking about that fact when singing their national anthem before the opening pitch or face-off of a big game? It would likely be argued that people should be thinking of those who have recently lost their lives or those away from their families in Afghanistan or Iraq, but this seems unlikely on a Saturday night when the average fan is busy downing their second or third $12 beer.

This is demonstrated every time a stadium announcer asks fans to rise for the anthems, reminding them to "remove your hats and join us with respect" as they are sung. If pre-game anthems actually meant what they are supposed to mean, such a reminder would not be necessary. Modern day sports events use anthems as vehicles for excitement, not remembrance. The two emotions are mutually exclusive and the effect is that the intended meaning of national anthems is lost.

Furthermore, paying tribute to soldiers was especially important at sporting events after World War Two, as many professional players had enlisted to fight in the war. But the wealth of modern athletes and the professional nature of today's military removes this connection between the two. Apart from Pat Tillman, no present-day sportsman has walked away from a multi-million dollar contract to risk their life in service to their country, making the singing of anthems before sporting events an even more outmoded ritual.

This is especially true given the international nature of modern sports. Compared to the 1940s and 1950s, when virtually all players were relatively local to the team they played for, today's athletes come from around the world to complete in the lucrative leagues of North America. The average NHL team has just over half of its players from Canada and one-fifth from the United States, meaning that an American franchise typically ices a team where 80% of the players have no allegiance to the Stars and Stripes, while four of the six Canadian teams are captained by Europeans. Exactly who is represented by the singing of the Star-Spangled Banner at a game between Dallas and San Jose, two teams that didn't even exist when I was born, let alone in 1945? Playing national anthems before international games, such as the ongoing Men's World Hockey Championship, where players wear the name of their countries on their shirts, makes sense, but not before a game between two franchises of international free-agent mercenaries.

It would be much easier to defend the playing of national anthems before sporting events as an important North American tradition if the sporting world wasn't virtually the only segment of society taking part. I can spend a night at the opera or theatre without singing O Canada before the curtain rises. Churchgoers forgo the anthems and head straight for the hymns, making no apologies for their allegiance laying elsewhere. In fact, it is difficult to think of any other group, organization or activity that unfailingly begins with the national anthem.

Even within the sporting world itself, anthems are not ubiquitous. Tiger Woods manages to hit a ball without first demonstrating his loyalty to Old Glory, as does Andy Roddick (although he usually reminds us of his nationality in other ways). Bowling, figure skating and even the poker that inexplicably appears on sports channels these days all somehow avoid this ritual without criticism. Yet questioning the place of national anthems before major team sports (and hockey) borders on treason.

The effect of all this is that national anthems at sporting events no longer mean what they should. They retain their role as rallying calls, but the focal point shifts from war veterans and countries to sports franchises. As a result, our national anthems, within the context of sports venues, are no longer national anthems but team songs. Take the recent series between the Montreal Canadiens and Pittsburgh Penguins, for example. Before each game at the Bell Centre, the home fans cheered boisterously during the American national anthem and sang along loudly with O Canada. But this was not patriotism, only gamesmanship; we now cheer our anthem to support our team and disrespect the other's to show our contempt, not for their country, but their players. Similar events occurred when Edmonton played San Jose in the 2006 play-offs.

The logic behind this treatment of anthems is nonsensical at best, yet it is the by-product of the continuation of a tradition that has lost its meaning. It becomes particularly problematic when both teams share the same anthem, as in the Dallas-San Jose series, putting fans in a position where they, in effect, boo themselves.

However, it becomes more than just problematic when factors such as politics become involved, as they almost certainly will when national rituals are concerned. Montreal fans famously booed the Star-Spangled Banner in 2003 to protest the US invasion of Iraq. The Montreal fans were roundly condemned in the US and Canadian press and the president of the Canadiens apologized for their actions. Yet, if anthems are intended to represent their nations, why should they not be vulnerable to criticism when those nations act irresponsibly? Why should the setting of a hockey arena preclude free speech? Showing disrespect for purposes of sport is unacceptable, but freedom to political activism is an essential element of any democracy. Fortunately, history has validated the actions of Montrealers that night.

If rivalry is an inappropriate source of disrespect and political dissent is incredibly controversial, the combination of the two can only be disastrous, such as in the 2002 NHL play-offs when the Toronto Maple Leafs faced the New York Islanders in the first round. Before each game on Long Island, the Canadian national anthem was booed mercilessly to demonstrate the fans' contempt for the visiting team. Specifically targeted was Leafs forward Darcy Tucker, who had ended New York captain Mike Peca's season with a borderline hit in Toronto. Never mind that the beloved Peca is a native of Toronto, O Canada was booed because it represented the Maple Leafs.

Unfortunately, the Leafs' "team song" is also Canada's national anthem and it also represented the four Canadian soldiers who died in Afghanistan that same week, killed when an American pilot dropped a laser-guided bomb on them despite being ordered to disengage. While it's unlikely the New York fans knowingly booed with this in mind, the North American insistence on playing national anthems before games nonetheless created the conditions for such a tragic combination of sports and politics.

There are two obvious solutions to this ongoing issue. First, fans could simply stop booing national anthems. However, since anthems are only treated as anthems some of the time and as partisan songs the rest of the time, this is unlikely to happen. Of all the above examples, only the Iraq-motivated Montreal case involved the booing of a national anthem, while the rest were directed towards the other teams. Anthems, through their overuse, run the risk of losing their powerful meanings altogether, which would only accelerate the lack of respect they receive.

As a result, the second option must be adopted and anthems must cease to be played before sporting events, with the exception of international contests. Such an act would not be disrespectful to our countries or our war veterans, since the tradition long ago lost any significant connection to either. Ending national anthems would act to preserve the meaning of both remembrance and the anthems themselves, allowing us to celebrate both in more tangible and respectful manner. Continuing to play anthems before games creates conflicting interests and unwinnable situations that benefit nobody.

"If it's ain't broke, don't fix it," as the saying goes. This tradition needs to be fixed.

All The World's A Stage

2008-04-24T11:04:00.005-04:00

"I didn't know it, but what I was really looking for was compassion. Not consciously, of course. I didn't consciously want to become compassionate. Who in his right mind would give up his place at the center of the universe? Compassion is scary. If you open up too much to people, they have power over you and make you do thing for them. Much better to keep them at a distance, keep them on the other side of the footlights. Learn to juggle- learn to fall down in funny ways. Keep them as an audience where you can be in control. Keep the curtain up, keep the play going. It holds off judgement."

- Alan Alda, in his autobiography Never Have Your Dog Stuffed

Take A Picture, It Will Last Longer

2008-04-19T22:14:00.007-04:00

Dear Sunglasses-Wearing Men of Kingston,

Nice weather we're having these days, eh? Looks like winter is finally over and before too long we'll have our first smog warning. What? That already happened this week? In April?!?! Yikes...

Anyway, I'm sure I don't have to tell you that, with the warmer temperatures and sunnier skies of late, the women of Kingston have made the switch to their summer wardrobes. I'm as excited as you are!

But then again, maybe I'm not quite as excited as you are. Just so you know, your sunglasses may hide your eyes, but nothing masks your body language. You're not being half as subtle as you think you are. A lot of you are really creepy.

All the best in your ongoing drooling endeavours,

Introducing: The Worst Hockey Team In Canada

2008-04-15T20:32:00.009-04:00

In case you haven't heard, on Monday night the Ottawa Senators officially surrendered the right to make fun of another Canadian hockey team. For the remainder of human history, or at least Ottawa Senators history (let's face it: Ottawa sports franchises don't tend to last too long), nobody in a Senators jersey will ever be able to ridicule, insult or in any way antagonize the players or fans of another Canadian hockey team.

Before the puck dropped at the Senators' home play-off opener on Monday night, the home team sent out a helmeted, bare-chested actor in a Roman legionnaire costume. In what can only be described as a very sad attempt to get their fans behind their woefully underachieving team, this ancient soldier embarked on a dramatic soliloquy about.... well, nobody really knows, since his wireless microphone kept cutting in and out. Like I said, it was sad:

It would be overly harsh to criticize the Senators for these technical difficulties. After all, according to this casting call from CTV, this embarrassment had only been in the works since at least March 4th. Five weeks is hardly enough time to get such complicated matters sorted out.

Audio problems aside, this ridiculous stunt is nothing short of humiliating for the Ottawa franchise. To their credit, Senators fans generally don't need too much help getting loud, especially during the play-offs. It may be a government town, but they're still Canadian and they don't need to be told that the Stanley Cup play-offs are worth getting excited about. Maybe an American team would need to do something like this for the postseason; folks in Nashville or Miami want a show when they go to the rink, but Canadian fans know the game is all the show they need. Regardless, the shame of this introduction will not be easy to live down to fans from other cities.

Moreover (Moreover?? What, have you been writing essays for the last two weeks or something?? -ed), these pre-game dramatics highlighted another farcical aspect of Ottawa's favourite/only sports team. Why would they get an armour-clad, sword-carrying warrior to perform before the game? Indeed, why do the "Senators" have such a soldier as their logo? Roman senators were legislators, not soldiers, who attained their status through aristocratic bloodlines and large, monetary tributes. As we all know by now, there's nothing worse than when aristocratic politicians play at being soldiers. Wow, connecting the Ottawa Senators to George W. Bush is a lot easier than you might think!

Finally, while a gladiator might have nothing to do with a senator, it seems that the name itself is a pretty good representation of this team. Here, since in fact I have been writing essays for the last two weeks and I feel the need to cite others, is an excerpt from my second year Roman history text:

"The senate [in the Roman republic] could not pass laws. A vote of the senate constituted a decree... Such a decree was simply advice to a magistrate and was not legally binding. A magistrate could legally enforce it, but he was also free to modify or reject it altogether."

Sounds pretty ineffectual, in an oddly similar way. Since their free fall down the NHL standings began around the turn of the calendar year, the Ottawa Senators have been issuing decrees left, right and centre. They've talked about injuries and poor referees. They've insisted, with the help of some PG-13 rated language, that they're giving it their all every night. When their coach was fired for their poor second half, they insisted they just needed to keep doing what they've been and everything would work itself out in the end. With the team now down 3-0 in its first round series, that end is imminent.

Just like their Roman counterparts, the decrees of these Senators can be ignored. Despite all their claims to the contrary, everything is not well with the team; their troubles this season amount to more than just a few bad bounces going against them. The Senators' dressing room demonstrates a mentality of denial that prevented them from recognizing and dealing with this reality. Putting on a blindfold, ignoring the problem and spouting cliches does not make you a winner, only winning does. Just ask the Toronto Maple Leafs... or George W. Bush (too easy!).

You Don't Say!

2008-03-22T08:34:00.004-04:00

From the "Look Who's Agreeing With Me Now!" file:

Just a little more than two months after I wrote in this space about NDP leader Jack Layton's ineffectual leadership, Globe columnist Bill Curry echoes my sentiments in today's paper following disappointing results in the recent by-elections.

Curry quotes Murray Weppler, formerly top aide to past party leaders David Lewis and Ed Broadbent. "'We're not talking about any of the serious issues that affect the average Canadian any more. We're talking about ATM fees,' he said, blaming part of the problem on what he sees as the news media's lack of interest in social issues such as homelessness."

By comparison, I said: "To review, the NDP is advocating fairness for: Women? The working poor? Skilled immigrants with unrecognized credentials? Aboriginal Canadians? Organized labour? Impoverished populations in developing countries? Global human rights victims living under despotic rulers? No. Wireless phone users... It's also worth assigning some blame for Layton's absence from the public eye on the Canadian popular media, which typically spends more time discussing consumer issues than those relating to poverty or justice."

Curry says: "But with national support for the [NDP] stagnating, some on the Canadian left want Mr. Layton to do more than listen: They want him to start speaking the language of traditional New Democrats."

I said: "These are the issues that best reflect the traditional values of the NDP. The apparent inability of Layton to generate either media attention or public interest in them indicate a leader who is struggling to effectively represent his party."

Would somebody, anybody, please give me a press pass?

Kiss Me, I'm An Environmentalist

2008-03-18T15:18:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, March 17, saw the commencement of Earth Week on Queen's campus. I know that concern about the environment and global warming are huge issues right now, but I had no idea just how big until yesterday.

You would not believe the number of people I saw wearing green yesterday; judging by the amount of yelling and hollering in the streets these people did until the wee hours of the morning, they are very excited about "conservation and environmental innovation." It looks like this event will be a huge success.

Don't Ask Me; I Just Live Here

2008-03-14T11:38:00.004-04:00

"Acclaimed Toronto-based playwright Judith Thompson, a former Kingston resident and Queen's University graduate, has become the first Canadian to win the prestigious Susan Smith Blackburn Prize, now into its 30th year in the U.S.," reports the Whig.

I can't help but wonder: if I were to go on to win some kind of award after graduating this spring, what would my Whig article look like? Would they describe me as "former Kingston resident and Queen's University graduate Greg Weston," as they did above, or would I simply be a "Queen's University graduate?"

I would have thought the latter implied the former. At the start of each school year and in the weeks leading up to Homecoming, we are told that we are expected to behave appropriately, since we are a part of the Kingston community. For the rest of the year, language like this is used to remind us that we are not.

Sure, That's The Reason

2008-03-10T23:31:00.001-04:00

"As if the dismal Toronto Maple Leafs haven't been heaped with enough scorn by hockey fans, the struggling squad may also be to blame for the recent cancellation of several high-profile CBC shows including, ironically, the steamy nighttime NHL soap 'MVP'," the Globe reports today.

Apparently, with the Leafs poised to miss the play-offs for the third straight year, the CBC will in turn miss out on the approximately $10 million in advertising revenue the network would have taken in as advertisers hawked their wares to Leafs Nation.

Mary Young Leckie, producer and co-creator of the recently-cancelled series "MVP," says that the CBC programming director told her that, should the Ceeb not be given a $10,000,000 gift courtesy of Canada's Team, "either everyone had to do their shows for less or at least one series was going to have to go.

"Wouldn't that be insane if the Leafs were to blame?" she added. "It's just another good reason to hate the Leafs." Yawn... Ms. Leckie, the only thing less original than such a ridiculous swipe at the Leafs is the premise of your now-defunct show. If you don't want your next series to get cancelled before it even finishes its first season, maybe you should think of an idea that isn't "borrowed" from a successful BBC program (or programme, as the case may be).

You might want to think again about the logic behind your criticism of the Blue and White. When they do make the play-offs, they make $10 million for the CBC. Now you're blaming them for not making enough money to support your ex-show which, by the way, needs to be subsidized because it doesn't make any money.

I should end by saying that I'm fully in favour of subsidizing the arts and I'm a big fan of public broadcasting. The reality of our proximity and cultural similarity to the American media hegemon is that no Canadian project can get off the ground without public assistance. But to blame the Leafs-- to "hate the Leafs"-- for this reality is unfair, illogical and petty.

200 Not Out

2008-03-08T22:47:00.010-05:00

As long as we're celebrating my accomplishments and all that:

I was wondering: Do you think it would it be cheating to write a post for the sole purpose of pointing out that said post was the 200th to appear in this space? You think it would too, eh? Well, I'd better not do it then. Maybe there's another, more discrete way (shameless... utterly shameless! -ed).

That title's a clever cricket reference, by the way. Never mind, I'm sure everyone caught it. Howzat!!!

I Am A Master Baker

2008-03-08T22:25:00.005-05:00

Today, just because it was miserable outside and I didn't want to leave the house, because I basically live off of them and because I've always wanted to see where they come from, I made bagels. Although they are a little wrinkly and uneven and even though one of them lost its hole during the cooking process, I am very proud of these bagels. They are the best tasting non-Montreal-style bagels I have ever eaten. You can really taste the self-satisfaction!

Mom & Pop Inc.

2008-03-07T19:02:00.002-05:00

Remember back in the 90s when the Bank of Montreal1 released a television ad featuring the Bob Dylan song The Times They Are A-Changin'? For using the iconic 1960s protest anthem in a bank commercial, Dylan was accused of being a sell-out and the Bank of Montreal was branded as an evil and heartless corporation.

Back to 2008 and it appears that restaurant chain Kelsey's has taken a page out of the bank's playbook. Their new ad campaign paints the franchises as familiar, local establishments, using the Where Everybody Knows Your Name theme song from the classic television sitcom Cheers. Nice!

It's not quite as unsavoury as the Bank of Montreal example-- although much loved in this space, the sentimental appeal of Cheers does not have the political significance of Dylan's masterpiece, while Kelsey's is not a multi-billion-dollar-per-quarter profit factory-- but it is a rather spurious ploy by Kelsey's. There are 125 cookie-cutter Kelsey's outlets nationwide; owned by food service omnibus Cara Operations Ltd., the parent company of Harvey's, Swiss Chalet, Montana's and Milestones, Kelsey's is part of a web of over 1,200 restaurant locations across Canada. It is NOT a cozy, locally-owned restaurant and, due to high turnover, corporate management techniques and minimum wages, it is unlikely the staff will shout out your name in unison when you walk through the door.

Unfortunately, due to the corporatization of, well, everything in Canada, that's the new Norm.
_______________________

1 For those too young to remember, "the Bank of Montreal" is what the bank now known as BMO used to be called before they decided their customers weren't smart enough to remember such a long name.2 It was also about this time they started moving their banks from traditional stone buildings to blue plastic boxes in strip mall parking lots. After all, when it comes to trusting someone with your life savings, would you rather they looked stable and secure or like an Ikea store?

2 To be fair, they weren't the only ones. Also guilty of such condescending changes were the Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce, the Royal Bank of Canada and the Toronto Dominion Bank. Indeed, the 1990s represent the last time Canadian banks gave their customers any credit.3

3 Zing!!

Too Little, Too Late

2008-03-07T11:30:00.010-05:00

Don't look now (seriously, don't look... it's not pretty), but the Toronto Maple Leafs have begun their now annual play-off push!! Well, maybe not a "push," since it will almost certainly fall short. More of a play-off nudge.

Nonetheless, since a humiliating 8-0 loss to Florida on February 5th, the Leafs have turned a corner and gone on a 9-4-1 run. The team has collected 15 points in their last 10 games, second in the NHL behind the New York Rangers over that stretch. This hot streak has taken them from 15th (and last) place in the Eastern Conference all the way up to 12th place. But, just to be sure we're all on the same page here, this is not a good thing.

Not long after being within touching distance of the chance to draft teen phenom Steve Stamkos that would have come with finishing last overall, the Leafs are now 11 points above both Tampa Bay and Los Angeles, the current basement dwellers. If the season were to finish today (which, I assure you, it won't), the Leafs would be tied as the 6th worst team in hockey, thereby eliminating them from the lottery for the #1 draft choice, which is limited to the worst five teams.

If Stamkos is surely out of the picture, where does that leave Toronto? This year's draft class is considered a deep one, so wherever the Leafs end up drafting in the top ten (almost a certainty) or top five (still a strong possibility), they should get a player that is better than any drafted by Toronto in a long time. Unless they trade their first round pick to reacquire Wendel Clark, that is.

While it isn't Stamkos-or-bust, the Leafs will not benefit from this late-season surge. The play-offs are not a realistic goal for this season. As of this moment, Toronto stands just 1 point away from 11th place, 2 points away from 10th, 3 points away from 9th and, wait for it, 6 points back from 8th, the last play-off berth. The first three teams might be caught, but that final step, ultimately the only one that counts, will likely be one too many (just like two years ago when they went 9-1-2 down the stretch to finish in 9th, 2 points out of the post-season. Or last year when they went 9-5-2 in their last 16 games to miss the play-offs by one point).

This is what is so frustrating about this group of players. They believe they have a strong team, despite being on the brink of missing the play-offs for the third consecutive season (a franchise first). They believe they can still qualify for the play-offs this year, despite common logic and historical precedent. Worst of all, they do seem to be able to provide convincing evidence to support these claims, but only when it's too late to actually mean anything.

If these players think they're a good team, it would have been nice of them to show that from the beginning of the season. They say they have too much pride to finish at the bottom of the standings, but where was that pride when they had two 7-1 losses in the first month of the season? This situation, and the mentality that spawned it, is unacceptable. Another year finishing in 9th place will only act to convince these players that major change is not required; maybe that's why so many of them refused to waive their no-trade clauses at the deadline. Why would they want to leave, after all, when success in Toronto is surely just around the corner?

(For a more professional, legitimate and published-in-an-actual-newspaper account of the Leafs late-season tease, here's Tim Wharnsby from the Globe and Mail saying pretty much what I've just said... except more professionally, legitimately and published in an actual newspaper. -G)

The War On Winter

2008-03-05T12:03:00.007-05:00

The following takes place between 7am and 8am:

Campus Security Alert

Subject: Queen's Weather Alert- Classes Cancelled

To: All Queen's Faculty, Staff and Students

March 5, 2008 7:37 am

Due to extreme weather conditions, classes are cancelled and the university has reduced operations. Employees should consult with their direct supervisors as to whether they should report to work. Caution in travelling to campus is strongly advised. For further updates, please check the Queen's website or the Queen's status line, 613-533-3333.

In addition, the National Weather Alert System has upgraded its status from "Green" (Normal) to "Blue" (Slippery).

God's On Thin Ice

2008-03-03T23:58:00.002-05:00

It was a perilous morning here in south-eastern Ontario, where the Roman Catholic Church casts a long shadow, both literally and figuratively. As I left for my 8:30 Monday morning class, the slightly above freezing temperatures combined with the tendency of Kingston residents to not clear their sidewalks, resulting in a rather slippery and dangerous trek to Queen's campus.

Nowhere was this more apparent, at least along my route, than along Clergy Street next to the Cathedral of St. Mary of the Immaculate Conception, the enormous bulk of which prevents the sun from melting the unshovelled snow and ice on the adjacent sidewalk. This morning, the mild temperature left a thin film of water on the top of the compacted snow, making it extremely dangerous to traverse, even for a handsome and athletic university student (hypothetically). I could have crossed to the other side, but the vastness of St. Mary's meant that it was covered likewise. Of course, the whole problem wouldn't have existed had somebody bothered to clear away the snow that fell several days ago.

However, irresponsible as it may be, I can at least understand why the resident of the other side of the street, a doctor's office, wouldn't shovel off its sidewalks all winter. After all, if a handsome and athletic university student were to slip and wrench their back (unfortunately, not hypothetically), it might be good for business. But what's the Church's interest in hurting me?

C'mon, God. I know we haven't exactly been on speaking terms for a few years now, but that's not my fault. If I remember right, I was the last one to call you and you never rang me back. Maybe you didn't get the message I left for you, but that's not my fault. Don't they have Post-It Notes in heaven? I can't be expected to just sit by the phone all day on the off chance you might find a spare moment for me.

I guess you think it's my fault that we haven't talked in a while. Whatever.... but making me cross the icy expanse of the Clergy Street sidewalk, only to watch me fall over, spilling my coffee, soaking my clothes and inflicting mild-to-moderate back pain is just plain petty. Seriously, I expect this kind of nonsense from the Protestants, but not from the Roman Catholic Church. Then again, St. Paul's Anglican Church had clean sidewalks today; you might not consider them a "real" church, but at least they get out the shovel every now and then!

So really, St. Mary's, clear your sidewalks. They're dangerous and if I have to spend another caffeine-free morning in wet clothing with pain shooting up and down my spine, you'll be hearing from my lawyers. Here's a riddle for you: can God get slapped with a lawsuit so big, even He can't settle it out of court?

Why Quebec Is Not Kosovo

2008-03-01T12:09:00.003-05:00

Just a quick post to draw attention to an excellent piece in today's Globe. Eddie Goldenberg, chief of staff in 2003 and senior policy adviser from 1993 to 2003 to former prime minister Jean Chrétien, dispels the disingenuous efforts of the Bloc Quebecois, Parti Quebecois and the international Serbian community to connect the recent independence of Kosovo and the Quebec sovereignty movement.

Recognize Kosovo and Quebec will be next? Sure it will... and gay marriage will lead to everyone marrying their horses (that's good sarcasm! -ed).

The Trade Winds Are Blowing

2008-02-26T17:34:00.001-05:00

The NHL trade deadline came and went this afternoon, leaving a trail of sweeping change across the land! This day will live long in the memories of fans in traditional hockey hotbeds like Atlanta, San Jose, Miami, Anaheim, Tampa and Dallas. Here are the highlights:

After failing to convince captain Mats Sundin (or anybody else) to waive his no-trade clause, interim GM Cliff Fletcher made a trio of trades to the Maple Leafs' roster. Gone are defenseman Hal Gill, forward Chad Kilger and enforcer/pine-rider Wade Belak. In return, the Leafs received a 2nd round draft pick, a 3rd round draft pick and two 5th round draft picks. These moves ensure that the balance of the season will see a number of young players fill in the gaps, giving the Leafs a chance to assess their young talent (should it exist). It also frees-up about $3 million under the salary cap, allowing the team to, yet again, overpay for an average free agent this summer. Finally, both Kilger and Belak landed in the Florida Panthers organization. As these two departed players were the only Leafs who actually threw a body-check this season, look for the remaining Leafs to get severely knocked around when the two teams play tomorrow night.

The Colorado Avalanche went back to the future this week, signing free agent Peter Forsberg and trading for Adam Foote. Both players won the Stanley Cup in Colorado earlier in their careers, ensuring that the Avs will again be champions if this year's play-offs are played in 1996.

The Ottawa Senators, who started the season on a record pace but have since slumped back down to earth, acquired forward Martin Lapointe from Chicago. No longer the offensive threat he was earlier in his career at Detroit, Lapointe does bring to the Senators the experience of two Stanley Cup wins, as well as adding some much-needed grit to a famously flimsy roster. After the Sens were blown out 5-0 at home to lowly Toronto last night, let's hope he can also play some goal.

The Minnesota Wild acquired enforcer/ticking bomb Chris Simon from the New York Islanders for a 6th round draft pick. Only recently returned from the latest in a series of lengthy suspensions, it's hard to understand why Minnesota would want to add such a player to a roster already bursting at the seams with very mean guys. It does, however, ensure that Simon will have a much longer journey to NHL Head Office the next time he attempts to maim an opponent.

Perhaps the biggest surprise of the day came when the Montreal Canadiens traded goalie Cristobal Huet to Washington for 2nd round pick. The move leaves the Habs with a goalie tandem of rookie Carey Price and Jaroslav Halak, both of whom have spent significant time in the AHL this season. Although 20-year-old Price has great long-term potential, with Montreal in the hunt for the conference championship this season he will have to get very good, very fast in order to give them a chance to win in the spring. Habs fans will likely point to Ken Dryden and Patrick Roy, starting goalies who both won the Cup with Montreal in their rookie year, as proof that miracles can happen to the NHL's most storied franchise. However, those who invoke the Dryden and Roy examples must also acknowledge that of Jose Theodore (and, now, Huet), who had great success early in their careers before self-destructing in the play-offs. While Price looks like he will be the real deal one day, with the Habs flying unexpectedly high this season it is surprising they would make such a move with an eye on the long-term.

In utter contrast to the long-term move by the Canadiens, the Pittsburgh Penguins sold the farm to acquire all-star forward Marion Hossa from Atlanta. In exchange for Hossa and Pascal Dupuis, the Pens sent forwards Colby Armstrong and Erik Christensen, prospect Angelo Esposito and a 1st round pick to Atlanta. While Hossa was considered the best player for sale today, Armstrong and Christensen are both young players who have already made significant contributions and have the potential to get even better. It was a shock that Esposito was still available when he was drafted by Pittsburgh last year. Although his determination has been questioned, his talent is obvious and he could easily become a star in the league. Add a 1st-rounder to the mix and a lot of people should be smiling in Atlanta today. Considering that Hossa will be an unrestricted free agent at the end of this season, it seems that Pittsburgh paid a heavy price for what will likely be a four-month rental. They clearly think they can win it all this year, even if doing so will depend on goalie Ty Conklin continuing to play like Patrick Roy. Forgive me if I don't start planning a parade.

No Trophies For Old Men

2008-02-25T22:28:00.005-05:00

From the "What Have I Been Doing With My Life?" file:

I can't decide what is more incredible- that the Academy Awards actually allowed somebody to come back onstage to finish their speech after being cut-off by the infamous music, or that said speech was so eloquently delivered by an Oscar winner who is only 19 years old.

Bloody hell.

We're Number 3!! We're Number 3!!

2008-02-21T10:55:00.004-05:00

Apologies for the heavy emphasis on the sporting world lately. While The CP attempts to be a well-rounded individual, there are time when, inevitably, his mind spends more time focused on one area at the cost of all others. For all you culture-vultures out there, I promise a polemic, in the near future, on the state of opera in 21st century Canadian society. But in the meantime...

The Carolina Hurricanes must be taking Viagra. It's the only explanation for their artificially elevated position (in the NHL standings, that is). Is that third place in your pocket, Carolina, or are you just happy to see me?

With a meagre 65 points from 63 games, the Hurricanes stand, inexplicably, in third place in the Eastern Conference. This puts them above Montreal (75 points), Pittsburgh (73), New York Rangers (68) and Boston, Philadelphia and Buffalo (66), despite having fewer points. If the season ended today, Buffalo would miss out on the postseason at Carolina's expense, despite having more points.

Basically, Carolina should be in a tie for ninth place with the New York Islanders. However, thanks to the NHL's ridiculous need to rank the division leaders as the 1, 2 and 3 seeds in each conference, they stand to have home ice in the play-offs. Or miss out altogether, if another team from the Southeast should replace them on the summit of hockey's lowliest division. Either way, the team that finishes in sixth will have an easier first-round opponent than anyone else.

This situation becomes even more absurd when you consider that teams play significantly more games against their division rivals. As a result, Carolina has accumulated its scant sum of points while playing lots of games against the awful teams in their own division. They shouldn't be rewarded for winning this division.

Of course, this system not only rewards bad teams, but punishes good ones. Consider Buffalo this year, if they should get bumped from the play-offs by the eventual Southeast champion. Or, think back to the 2001-02 season, when the Toronto Maple Leafs finished with the third-highest point total in the entire NHL (those were the days!), yet were ranked fourth in their conference going into the postseason. Fourth! Seeded ahead of the Leafs that year were Northeast rivals Boston (one point ahead of Toronto), Atlantic division champs Philly and Southeast champs Carolina (them again), the latter of which ended Toronto's season in the conference finals.

Add this play-off seeding system to the long list of contrived rules the NHL has created in order to create interest in the game. For a league that yearns to be taken seriously Down South, this format only makes the NHL look like a bunch of amateurs.

41 Years And Counting

2008-02-18T12:09:00.007-05:00

It's been said before and it will be said again, many times over, but it is a frustrating time to be a Toronto Maple Leafs fan. After losing 8-0 to Florida, they came out and beat Montreal and Detroit, two of the better teams in the entire NHL. These wins were follwed by two losses to Buffalo and the New York Islanders- close losses, but losses nonetheless. They seem to be a team unable or unwilling to compete on a nightly basis, but also one with just enough pride to prevent them from being really awful.

Following the team's most recent pair of losses, forward Matt Stajan stated that his team wasn't about to give up on the season. "I've been here for five years and we've always been right there," he said on Friday. "We're never going to roll over. For fans who don't feel that way, please don't come to the games." First off, if Stajan thinks the people at the ACC have anything to do with real Leaf fans, he needs to get his head checked. The part-time, corporate fans with access to season tickets may be the ones booing you at the games, but the entire Leaf Nation is struggling to have any faith in this group of players (the word "team" just doesn't fit).

Secondly, he might say the Leafs will never "roll over", but a quick look at their results shows they've done just that far too many times this season, and over the past three seasons. One day after this interview, the Leafs came out against Boston and were outshot 18-9 in the first period, with only the play of goalie Vesa Toskala keeping them in the game. I don't get to go to many Leaf games, Mr. Stajan, but I get incredibly frustrated when my players say they're going to compete one day, then start a game like that the next.

As it turned out, the Leafs rode Toskala's solid goaltending and some big third period goals to a late lead against Boston that night. However, in typical fashion they allowed the Bruins to tie the game in the last minute, giving their Eastern Conference rivals at least a point. Forward Darcy Tucker, who scored the tying goal and set up the go-ahead goal in the third, eventually scored the winner in overtime.

Despite the result, however, the game was not a victory for the Leafs. The OT win took them two points further away from a top draft pick, while only bringing them one point closer to the Bruins, who currently occupy the last post-season berth. Results like this will only contribute to more ninth-place finishes, not play-off drives.

After the "win" against Boston on Saturday, the Globe reports that Tucker "exploited the occasion to settle the score with a couple of local newspapermen. Tucker, whose three-point night included the overtime winner, went on a verbal rampage after his team's 4-3 victory against the Boston Bruins at Air Canada Centre. He first told a national television audience on Hockey Night in Canada that 'some old guy in the Toronto Sun said I was finished.' Then after his interview session in the dressing room with reporters was over, he made a point of walking by a Toronto Star columnist – who wrote last month that Tucker had lost his grit – and conveying his displeasure with what was written."

This demonstrates all too well the broken attitude within the Leafs' dressing room these days. As the article mentions, Tucker has scored only 12 goals in 52 games this season. Moreover, 6 of those goals have come in the last 5 games, illustrating just how invisible he has been for the vast majority of the season. When you consider that, of those 6 recent goals, one was on a 5-3 power-play, one was a fluke pass deflection off a Montreal player's skate and another was into an empty net, it's obvious that even his recent hot streak isn't all that hot.

Yet, Tucker seems to think that these statistics, combined with a new four-year, $12 million contract, are not cause for criticism. Nor is the fact that the Leafs entered the Boston game in last place in the Eastern Conference. All of these things suddenly became inconsequential after one good game, which, essential, was really only one good period.

Good for the Globe for responding to Tucker's complaints with a complete analysis of his poor performance this year. Tucker's three-point night did nothing to refute such criticisms. The fact that it took Tucker a whole month after the Toronto Star article was written to have such a good game merely proves its point.

Stay Classy, Montreal

2008-02-07T21:23:00.000-05:00

It looks like the fans of the Montreal Canadiens have been attending the Andy Roddick school of sportmanship. With a little over six minutes remaining in the third period of tonight's Leafs-Habs game, Toronto defenceman Carlo Colaiacovo flew face first into the glass after Montreal captain Saku Koivu ducked out of the way of a hit. Colaiacovo immediately went down and lay motionless, face-down on the ice.

This would be worrying for any player, but especially for Colaiacovo, whose young career has been substantially limited by injuries. During a game against the Ottawa Senators on January 23, 2006, he suffered a severe concussion after smashing his face into the boards following an accidental collision (below). He missed the rest of the season and significant parts of the following season with post-concussion syndrome. To again see him lying flat on the ice after a blow to the head should have made the allegedly-intelligent Montreal hockey fans hold their breath.

Instead, a loud and obnoxious chorus of boos poured out of the crowd. This only stopped in favour of a chant of "Leafs suck!" Even while Colaiacovo remained on the ice to receive treatment, the Habs' fans flooded him with abuse and vitriol.

The disrespect and indifference shown by the Montreal fans to Colaiacovo's potentially serious situation was disgusting. While I enjoy a good rivalry as much as anyone, there are times the partisan fog must be lifted and replaced with a bit of common sense and compassion. This was one of those times.

Fjords, Herring and Sensible Government

2008-02-06T17:29:00.000-05:00

If you find at least one of the above appealing, this may interest you. Thursday's The Globe and Mail features a story, part of a series related to Alberta's oil sands, which describes Norway's efforts to use its oil-related revenue for the long-term benefit of both its economy and population. The article, by Doug Saunders, describes the success of the Scandinavian country in managing the valuable North Sea oil resource and avoiding dependence on a single industry.

"Everywhere else in the world– including Canada– a boom in oil has led to a decline, if not a complete devastation, of conventional businesses. It's a phenomenon known to economists as 'Dutch disease,' after the tragic experience of the Netherlands, which discovered oil in the 1970s. As oil exports boomed, the flood of money into the domestic economy inflated the currency, provoked price increases and destroyed exports, leading to a decade of joblessness and rising inequality. The same thing happened, on an even larger scale, in Britain in the 1980s. After North Sea oil was discovered, the British industrial economy was virtually obliterated, leaving four million people jobless."

Given the current Canadian situation regarding the Alberta oil sands, this acts as a valuable case study. Some highlights:

"Norway's oil is drilled from beneath the North Sea by dozens of companies, including Norway's state-owned Statoil and Canadian firms such as Talisman and Petro-Canada. In exchange for the right to drill, they must hand 78 per cent of their profit over to Mr. Slyngstad's fund. This is Norway's long-term savings account, and in the 17 years since it was launched it has become one of the four largest investment funds in the world. It currently holds $368.2-billion, or $78,351 for each Norwegian citizen. By the end of next year, even with an oil-price decline, it is projected to hold almost $500-billion, or $117,000 for each citizen.

"The Management Rule is the heart of Norway's economic miracle. It is a profound act of self-discipline: All but 4 per cent of Norway's oil earnings must be placed in the fund for savings; nothing can be withdrawn from the fund until the oil is gone, decades from now; and– most crucially– absolutely none of the money can be invested inside Norway. Mr. Slyngstad and his traders spend their days funnelling the oil wealth into foreign stocks and bonds, so none of it will touch the Norwegian economy.

"On the face of it, Norwegians seem to be paying a price for their frugality: Only about 10 per cent of Norway's $70-billion government budget comes from oil money. In order to finance their generous state services and social benefits, Norwegians' income taxes are among the highest in the world, and their gas stations charge $2.30 for a litre of unleaded– the highest price in the world, in a country that is the world's third-largest exporter of the stuff. But it's hard to find Norwegians who consider this a burden. They have among the highest disposable incomes in the world (and the fairest distribution of income: Even the poor are comparatively rich). In every quality-of-life index, Norway ranks at or near the very top, above Canada.

"The attention Norway pays to planning its after-oil economy and promoting economic diversity must strike a chord with many Canadians. But the Canadian who has the most control over the use of the country's oil money is not listening. Mel Knight, Alberta's Energy Minister, said in an interview during a recent visit to London that he does not believe his province has any lessons to take from Norway."

Obviously, there are distinctions between the Norwegian and Canadian experiences. The relatively small size of both Norway and its population reduce the forces of regionalism that are ever-present in Canadian politics. That Canada's constitution separates certain powers, including those related to natural resources, between federal and provincial governments makes it harder to coordinate the spending (or saving) of oil revenue. Also, Norway's supply of pure oil is cheaper to extract than Alberta's oil sands, which require additional processing, thereby adding to cost of doing business.

Nonetheless, there must be some lessons Canada can take from this experience. If there is one thing this article conclusively proves, it is that higher levels of taxation and/or government intervention do not cripple a country's oil industry. The demand for oil is inelastic in today's economy and such measures will not discourage companies from exploiting the resource. The only difference between the two models is that the revenue from oil-related activity can be spread out, across both time and populations, when managed by the state.

Of course, energy minister Mel Knight never said there were not lessons for Canada, only that Alberta has nothing to learn from Norway. Maybe it's my social democratic values or maybe it's that I'm taking a French history class this term and have been reading Les Miserables and Germinal, but I have to think that a certain amount of government involvement in this economic boom can only be a good thing. With its multitude of implications, from economic to environmental, Canada must consider how to manage this windfall for the greater benefit of everyone, not just a small segment of the country.

The Leafs Are Falling

2008-02-06T09:36:00.000-05:00

Just in case you missed it with all the hysteria around Super Tuesday, the Toronto Maple Leafs were comprehensively thumped by the Florida Panthers last night. Entering the game a mere two points above the fourteenth-place Leafs, Florida is a team Toronto should expect to beat if they actually believe they are a play-off team.

However, after losing 8-0 to a team that hasn't made the play-offs since the 1999-2000 season, can the Leafs' players, coaches and management continue to claim they have what it takes to pass the six teams ahead of them and play in the postseason? Will anyone believe them if they do?

The TSN.ca article states that Toronto "had been playing better of late and the players continued to claim that they could make a playoff push." Nevermind for the moment that being 5-4-1 in their last ten games is better, but not anywhere near good enough to climb out of the hole they've dug, the Leafs have, in fact, insisted they still have a chance to make the play-offs for the first time since the lock-out.

Indeed, following Saturday's 4-2 win over the conference-leading Ottawa Senators, Leafs defenceman Carlo Colaiacovo claimed, "We've not giving up in here. We're a determined bunch and we're going to continue playing right to the end. It was a strong effort by everybody. From the start of the game, we were a determined bunch. We weren't going to let anything get in our way. When they tied it early in the third, we were still up on our bench and we believed we were going to win this game. From the first minute to the last minute, it was just a heck of a game by all of us."

That's great team-building stuff, but how does that same "determined bunch" come out and lose 8-0 to one of the perennial worst teams in the NHL? The fact that many Leafs fans were cheering for Florida by the end of the game shows that, at last, they're realizing their team is now in that same category of mediocrity.

I've said before that the Leafs do not have a good team on paper. As such, their only chance for success is hard work, determination, hustle, etc. A star-studded team like Detroit or (a healthy) Ottawa could be forgiven for taking the odd night off, knowing that their abundant talent will likely see them through. But when a team like the Leafs comes out flat, as they so often have over the past 2.5 seasons, it betrays a group of players who are either in denial of their position in the league or are indifferent to it.

I don't know which to hope for, but obviously change is required. The firing of John Ferguson Jr. as GM earlier this year was the first step. With the management situation hopefully heading in the right direction, the areas of coaching and players remain.

Head coach Paul Maurice has done the best he can with this group and his job should be secure. While the coach of the year award often goes to the bench boss who gets his team to perform above expectations, it is unfair to punish a coach when a team merely meets them. Maurice was given an average group to work with and the results have reflected that. The former GM is to blame for the state of the team's roster, which is why JFJ was given the boot and Maurice remains. If someone gives you lemons, you can try to make lemonade. Or, you can fire the guy who brought home the lemons in the first place.

Clearly, the biggest change needs to come in the on-ice personnel. While you could spill a tanker full of ink detailing possible player moves, the complex questions of no-trade clauses and high salaries mean it would be pure conjecture. The main question is "Who do the Leafs have that other teams actually want?" While there have been rumours surrounding Kaberle, McCabe, Antropov and others, it is obvious that the only bonafide asset the Leafs have is captain Mats Sundin.

Sundin is an all-world centre whose contract expires this summer. That trading him for young players and draft picks would enormously improve Leafs' long-term prospects is evident. Yes, he has a no-trade clause that would need to be waived and he has stated he wants to stay in Toronto, but I have to believe he doesn't mean it. Doing so is the only hope I have to cling to.

One week from today, Sundin will turn 37 years old. Assuming he stays in Toronto, he will not win a Stanley Cup. While I remain confident there will be a parade down Yonge Street one day, I can't argue with a straight face that it will happen in the next few years. If Mats wants to add an NHL championship to his already impressive CV, he will have to do it somewhere else. While he is saying all the right things- "I want to retire as a Leaf" and "We still have work to do in Toronto"- this has to be media savvy, not a reflection of his actual plans.

Asking to be traded would have two negative effects. First, it would cast a small shadow on what has been, to this point, a very bright relationship with both the team and the city. Sundin wants to appear to leave Toronto reluctantly, rather than pragmatically. Second, demanding a trade would instantly decrease his value on the market, as other teams would attempt to low-ball interim-GM Cliff Fletcher. Getting full value for a player who wants out isn't easy. By saying he wants to stay, Mats continues to serve the interests of the club, as he has done for almost 14 years.

I am, of course, assuming the above is true. But what is the alternative? If Sundin actually means it when he says he doesn't want to be traded to a contender, how does that affect his legacy? While loyalty to the jersey is one thing, it would be quite another to realize that the captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs is, in fact, not all that bothered about winning the Stanley Cup. As a sportsman and competitor, Sundin must desire a championship. Maybe he does or maybe he doesn't; either way, he can best help the team by moving on.

Copy Editor Wanted: Apply Within

2008-01-31T14:50:00.000-05:00

Not to give The Whig a hard time or anything, but:

Driver arrested after close call

Police say a drunk driver who wasn't supposed to be behind the wheel because of a previous impaired charge nearly caused a head-on crash on County Road 41 in Stone Mills Township.

Napanee OPP say a northbound driver had to avoid a collision when he faced a large pickup truck heading southbound in the wrong lane at 2 p.m. Tuesday.

The northbound driver followed the pickup until it stopped at an address on County Road 41. The pickup driver was slumped behind the wheel.

A police officer arrived and arrested him. A breath test showed his blood-alcohol level was triple the legal limit.

Police learned that the man's driver's licence was suspended as a result of a 90-day administrative suspension from an impaired driving charge on Dec. 30.

Lawrence Morey of Stone Mills township faces charges of impaired driving, over 80, driving while suspended, driving a motor vehicle with liquor readily available and breach of probation.

Maybe I'm being my typically finicky self about word use here, but is the first sentence of this story suggesting that there are drunk drivers who are supposed to be behind the wheel?

K-Town Crime Watch

2008-01-31T14:41:00.000-05:00

I don't have anything to say about this article from today's Kingston Whig-Standard, I just thought I'd pass it on:

Man's complaint leads to charges

A 24-year-old Kingston woman has been charged with assaulting her 27-year-old husband with a plunger.

Kingston Police say the man complained to officers that he's been a victim of continuous assaults by his partner since early December.

The man said his wife has hit him repeatedly with the plunger, punched him in the face and struck him in the body.

She was arrested at 7:30 p.m. Tuesday at a home in Kingston and charged with one count of assault with a weapon and two counts of common assault.

I have a feeling they won't be basing an episode of Law & Order on this case (ok, so I did have something to say about the article).

ECON 101: Intro To US Economic Policy

2008-01-25T16:39:00.000-05:00

While I may not know very much about economics, I know good writing when I see it. As such, I thought it would be worthwhile to pass on Neil Macdonald's account of the spiralling state of affairs Down South. This piece demonstrates what I most admire about the CBC's correspondent to Washington D.C.

Macdonald has the essential journalistic asset: the ability to recognize the most important elements of a story. This allows him to immediately move past the subplots that distract so many of his colleagues. Simply put, he gets to the point with clarity and precision.

While he has occasionally been criticized for his no-nonsense reporting style, it seems to me that our media could use a little less nonsense and a little more Neil Macdonald.