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And frankly, no writer could be blamed for howling a little after repeated, long-term exposure to the following:

Bad Social Media Copywriting.

This morning I received an email promising me “a chance to win a t-shirt” if I managed to convince the sizable readership of my fly fishing blog to “like” an organization’s Facebook page.

Wow. A “chance” at a t-shirt. That’s real motivation for a top blogger, who invests a great deal of effort creating original content for his readers.

Clearly, the marketers share my pain.

Worse was this email (also aimed at my fly fishing blog), which – to spare you undue suffering – is only reprinted in part:

Hope your doing well. You’re getting this email because you blog about stuff real guys like. And [name withheld to keep their traffic to a minimum] Whiskey is as real as it gets. We’re betting your readers will want to know about damn good whiskey from the most award-winning distillery in the world. We are writing to invite to participate in a contest we call “Blogging for the Buffalo.”

Wow. Possessive fail in word #2, and it scarcely got any better. (Note my restraint with “most award-winning distillery” or the idea that they know what “real” guys like.)

The rest of the email is similarly challenged – as was the landing page (maybe a visit to one of Roberta Rosenberg’s Landing Page makeovers is in order).

Sadly, they caught me at the wrong moment, and this is what they got in return:

Wow. Goose bumps are rippling up and down my naughty bits.

I simply can’t wait to send my hard-earned blog readership to an anonymous, marketing-challenged distillery I’ve never heard of – and absolutely thrilled with the very real prospect of receiving little or nothing in return.

What thoughtful blogger – at least one capable of building a category-leading blog – could say “no” to a once-in-a-lifetime deal like that?

That I’m being asked to do your marketing heavy lifting for you via an error-ridden email only heightens the giddy anticipation; Social Media Experts know nothing screams “authenticity” like repeated grammar errors, caveman-esque syntax, and yes – Excessive Exclamation Syndrome!!

That your landing page continues the parade of errors only assures me that – as your email suggested – it was built by “real guys” (just like me).

Party on, The Trout Underground.

Social media represents a large (and growing) target; the hype is often unconscionable, and the low-bid implementations regularly fall below the just-invented “Laughability Line.”

I once considered launching a “Social Media Hall of Shame” blog highlighting the worst examples of social media buffoonery, but I (thankfully) realized no marketer could long expose himself to that kind of radioactivity without quickly accumulating a lethal dose.

Unfortunately, the trend seems to be accelerating. Unintentionally hilarious spam subject lines used to provide the majority of the amusement, but social media gaffes are quickly displacing it. And as quickly as you delete/glass over/ignore it, more takes its place.

Keep writing (but please, try to do it well), Tom Chandler.

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Well, pine no more, Undergrounders. We bring you news of a product sure to make you shrug and go on with your day: The USB-enabled Manual Typewriter:

Frankly – given the world’s oversupply of unused manual typewriters and shortage of working iPhones – we’re amazed nobody thought of this before (after all, phone reception on one of these couldn’t be much worse than an iPhone 4).

Now all those tech bloggers – who struggle to write their never-critical-of-new-technology blog posts on their tiny iPhones and iPads – can take command of a full-sized, calorie-consuming and (dare I say it) man-sized keyboard, courtesy the USB Typewriter site:

The USBTypewriter™ is a new and groundbreaking innovation in the field of obsolescence. Lovers of the look, feel, and quality of old fashioned manual typewriters can now use them as keyboards for any USB-capable computer, such as a PC, Mac, or even iPad! The modification is easy to install, it involves no messy wiring, and does not change the outward appearance of the typewriter (except for the usb adapter itself, which is mounted in the rear of the machine). So the end result is a retro-style USB keyboard that not only looks great, but feels great to use.

At this website, you can buy buy a USB Typewriter of your very own, or you can buy a kit to make one yourself. You can also send me your typewriter to customize.

Hell, they’re even less-expensive than an iPad.

If this doesn’t go viral and launch a renaissance in the use of manual typewriters, then we’ll know we live in A World Gone Mad.

Keep punching the keys, Tom Chandler.

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It’s like a slow motion train wreck (with a PC enema added to make things that much more uncomfortable). I find myself too horrified to watch, but too fascinated to turn away.

Whether this nightmare – found via MSNBC’s “The Ten Most Uncool Moments In Tech” – actually helped MSI, ahem … crack their target market isn’t clear (though you can be sure I’d wash my hands after demoing on of their laptops).

The article also highlights nine other truly ugly moments in high-tech marketing, including the infamous Microsoft Songsmith video (which remains a powerful argument in support of government censorship).

Keep writing (but only stuff you’d show your mother), Tom Chandler

I can say with some honesty I’ve never asked myself that particular question (Oh, all right – Thomas McGuane). Fortunately (I guess), there’s a website willing to ask it for you.

The “I Write Like” site.

With the possible exception of supermodels, nobody’s happier staring into a mirror than a writer, so there’s little point in pretending: just go there, cut and paste some recent work into the window, and let it fly.

Oddly, no matter what I posted (entries from my fly fishing blog, this blog, a recent commercial blog post, a book project chapter…) my analysis came back “Cory Doctorow.”

(Since he’s ten years younger than I am, I’d suggest he writes like me, but I might be quibbling here.)

Anyone happy with their written doppleganger?

Keep writing (like yourself), Tom Chandler

#5: Site works great in the morning, but loses power halfway through the day

#1: Users randomly disconnected from site every time they palm their mouse