everythingandeveryone

Data portability

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 00:16:00 +0000

DataPortability - Join The Conversation from Smashcut on Vimeo.

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 18:57:00 +0000

Interdependence - surprising things that happen...

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Tue, 19 May 2009 19:13:00 +0000

I just moved abode - from a house to a flat - (the reasons are incidental i guess but related to this idea of interdependence). Anyhoo. I don't have internet access at the new place - and setting it up is tricky cos i want the internet access at the old place to be kept on so people can keep their email addresses. The problem is that at the old place the internet account and the telephone are both in my name. So this creates double the amount of work for me - cancelling the old one and setting up a new one at the new place. I wonder if there isn't some simple service that can sort this sort of thing out for me - trying to get hold of BT is not exactly easy - well i can get through to a machine but i can't get through to someone to explain my problem.

The long and short of this is that i have not sorted out my phone or internet and am using local cafes with wireless access to go online in the evening.

My usual place for this is 'an outlet' on the corner of Dale Street but it wasn't open so i wandered, computer under arm to NEXUS cafe. Turns out there is a music event on tonight 'this is not a band' - people drop-in and play instruments together with a bit of audience participation as to what the 'not a band' might play. So far i am enjoying it. And actually it is providing me with a nice little state of interdependence - free wireless, music, social company in exchange for a coffee and home made almond cake. I am wondering whether i should bother contacting BT and staying phoneless and internet-less at home.

The peeps here are also about to launch a community garden project for their regulars to come and get involved in. This greatly appeals to me as - i don't have a garden (i now live in a flat) and city living is sorely lacking in green spaces. I have just been reading about how people need to be able to shape the spaces they inhabit - a garden is a pretty cool starting point. And if it attracts birds and bees - well that's a whole other sustainable living interdependence. Here's hoping...

Self-expression

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Tue, 12 May 2009 11:37:00 +0000

I was at a gig in reading this weekend - not a big one but a little one - Gravenhurst - supported and arranged by a number of smaller reading based bands. One of the bands that was playing organised the gig. It was funny watching twenty something geeky guys express themselves on guitars and drums (and often no vocals) - none of them had a very engaging stage 'presence' but if you closed your eyes the music took you places. It was pretty well organised and you could buy self-produced t-shirts, CDs. As I watched I remembered a time when i used to do performance poetry - i would drag my work colleagues at University down to the open mic slots at the Frog and Bucket and me and a technician would get up and spout terrible poetry. Quite often my slot would evolve into banter with the audience, as i forgot my lines and made excuses for making them up. It was fun while it lasted. Reflecting back i remember having terrible nerves before going up on stage and wondering why the hell was i putting myself through this state of anxiety.

I am writing this from Edinburgh (about to attend a meeting up here) - i am at my sister's house staying with her two kids - part of the joy has been making up crazy stories with my niece and nephew - i give them some options at bed time for storytelling - made up story or book story or something else? My little niece opts for 'something else' and tells me that she is going to read to me and her little brother and that we are 'not to help her unless she is really stuck'.

At the end of reading the 'pig pants' story my niece tells me she wants to do it again but this time she will start from the back of the book, 'is that okay?'. So we have the story again, starting at the end and ending up at the beginning.

What i am realy enjoying is learning about how my little niece is learning about her learning - and engaging her audience in the process to get feedback.

Expression and engagement is a great way to learn and get feedback - i am thinking about where i can exercise this. In the past i haven't liked collaborative or group learning because the pace can feel really slow but actually - the wider benefit of everyone learning together is quite enjoyable and structured well can bind a group of people who don't know one another. With my friends, my nephew/ niece and strangers that shared experience has bound us - perhaps more tightly with family and friends. The possibilities are intriguing.

Grand Central 3, virgin trains 0

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Mon, 04 May 2009 20:24:00 +0000

I was in a rush, as usual, to get to where I needed to get. Before I got distracted by anything else I thought it would make a lot of sense to look up train times for getting from A (Manchester) to B (London), particularly as its a Sunday. So – I check virgin trains website – no direct trains – the only route that comes up is to travel further North to York and then catch a train to Kings Cross.

I try another link a friend uses – thetrainline.com it proposes that I travel to Rugby, get a bus and then another train from somewhere else. I don't fancy the idea of getting a replacement bus. Much rather go for services that are just up and running than some replacement service that will be figuring itself out as it goes along and dealing with confused, frustrated, anxious passengers.

I get a taxi to the train station, and have 9 minutes to get a ticket. Stupidly I buy a virgin train ticket Manchester to London without thinking. I reassure myself that it came up on their website. There's time to pass by the virgin train desk before getting on the York train.

'Hi what's the fastest route to London today'. She tells me a third option I had not come across going via Nuneaton. 'Oh' I express surprise, 'your website proposed going to York and then King Cross'.

'That's not a valid route'. 'Oh' I say, 'What time does the valid route get me to London?' She tells me '18.04'. 'Oh', I say, that's not the fastest route. What if I want the fastest route and thats getting on that train to York? The robot lady (bless her) repeats 'its not a valid route'. 'But as a person, who is in a hurry, can I buy a single to York and get on that train leaving in 6 minutes. 'Yes, I suppose so'.

If you are willing to pay a bit extra, there are faster routes on a Sunday. Having all of these three options will, I would imagine, ease congestion on the 'valid' route for this Sunday. Presumably people can decide what they'd like – stick to the rules and get there slower or make their own rules and get there quicker. Am on the train to York and so far so good (touch wood).

Arrived in York on time with plenty of time to get a ticket from York to London on the Grand Central Train Network. I noticed there were two trains going to London, one leaving at 15.31 and another leaving at 15.34. Confusion. I went to the ticket office. The lady, who worked for the train running at 15.34 told me – her train gets in at 17.49 and cost 83 pounds, whereas the 15.31 on the grandcentral route gets in at 17.34 and costs 34 pounds. I buy a single for the 15.31 and am now wondering why the hell two trains are running to the same destination only three minutes apart. And , for a sustainability perspective – how bad is this for the planet? What is the pivotal event or series of events in history that enabled this to happen? My history is not so good so I will have to resort to the internet.

Between trains I had plenty of time to get a coffee (decay soya latte) and pick up a cous cous salad and bottle of water – virgin trains don't exactly sell health food on their trains, although the coffee is fairtrade.

To my joy aboard the Grand Central – not only do they have comfy, wide seats and games you can play en route (I am sat with a chess board in front of me and also Cluedo) – but there is also free wireless – this is not something I am familiar with on Virgin Trains – where you have to pay for wireless access (so of course people buy mobile wireless access – smart people always find a way round something). Something else occurs to me – competition for customers has probably led to Grand Central having wider seats and free wireless. Could a next level of train service be socially enterprising? Where every penny goes back into improving the service to the customer? If a train network had multiple benefits – what might that successful business look like to the traveller – faster, cheaper, reliable, healthier food options, entertainment?

Finally - the grand central train arrived ten minutes early... how often does that happen?

the gospel according to...

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 22:42:00 +0000

After talking to a friend who cheered me up, I came across a quote online somewhere that said something along the lines of 'a life is lived in the doing and its what you do that makes a difference'. I couldn't agree more. i haven't been looking after myself properly lately - and consequently got ill - lost my voice and have been in bed for the day (and on my day off as well). Today however, saturday, a new leaf was turned over. It started with discovering a sweet potato. i discovered it in the fridge and decided - today i am going to cook something using that sweet potato. Googling sweet potato dishes i came across a recipe It was joyously easy and quick to follow - i am not that keen on too many carrots in dishes and didn't have any in the fridge so i added some frozen soya beans instead of carrots. I also added less liquid as suggested by others and less wine (and a bit less cheese - cos it can't be that healthy and it belonged to my housemate!).

There is plenty for tomorrow. Am watching pier pasolini's 'Gospel according to st matthew' - am really enjoying it where usually its the kind of film that would really annoy me - but the soundtrack is unusual - and includes billie holiday singing 'sometimes i feel like a motherless child'. It has brought the bible alive and its relevance in terms of 'how to live' by ten simple principles. I would probably replace the first three with 'to thine own self be true'. What's remarkable about the film is its sense of realness. Jesus is kickass to his people - scornful of them and their greedy, stubborn ways - spitting at them 'its easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven'. How much do we need to hear that right now?! It struck me at the beginning the very idea of a man able to take on another woman's child, raising him in the knowledge that he would be a leader of people. Protecting him, loving him. This is the birthplace of humanity, loving another as you would your own family, so that he might have the opportunity to make a difference.

Interestingly i have come across this concept of 'predestination' which Lutherans (which i was christened into) believe in: that god, before creation, god determined the fate of the universe throughout space and time. I guess this is why my pastor was so displeased with me wanting to study genetics. learn summit everyday! from sweet potato to religion and so to sleep. night. x

Take off your glasses...

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 01:35:00 +0000

I am concerned, worried, about the cultural lenses with which we are forced to view the world depending on how we choose to look at the world and who is and isn't at the table when we choose to look. My eyes ache in fact. I went to an event - the format was a debate - i was at a government event a few weeks ago with the same format - a debate. At both events i got this creeping sense that a debate sets up the frame for argument in a way that sets up an artifice of us and them, simultaneusly creating positions against which opposites seek to protect and attack. Debate forces us (and them) into discussions about polar opposites - black and white, terrorism and security, able bodied and disabled - which are probably artificial but help the mind think it is making sense and seeing things clearly. It moves us away from possibility and from much needed fresh ideas and divergent thinking.

What are we missing when we engage in this way? Everything in between - everything that cannot be defined and is unknown (but necessary - the vernacular and the tacit) and crucially depends on the presence of the other. There is something about saying 'we' that conjoins and circumvents 'us and them' like we are all included and a neccessary part of a whole rather than a cake sliced in two or multiple versions of ethnicities, class and gender and other others that are yet to be defined. How can we belong to a whole rather than these artificial fragments? where is home - where we are treated as equals and the assumption is that everyone has something to contribute.

When the debate ended 'we' (who were frustrated at the slicing of the cake) started thinking about what's missing - what would we want to see/hear/ participate in - what can we bring to the table collectively that binds us rather than divides us?

I have been thinking about this a great deal lately and experiencing it in everyday life and getting surprised again and again that it keeps resurfacing. One of the things i noticed was to do with language. When i make up stories for my niece i always have her as the main character in the story - which thrills her - i have her full attention - the main character bears her name and she listens intently and asks me to tell the story again and again (mutant versions abound). Other times i tell a story and she acts out the main character and what the main character does - takes on that characters persona - and we fall about laughing as the character that she inhabits starts influencing the story and making my storytelling flow in other directions that i could never have imagined - a kind of call and response collaboration that draws on her memory and mine, that resonates with us both because we are both participating and creating in the moment. Anyhow - i thought i'd touch base with her and retell some elements of the story by writing to her and in writing to her i realised a dichotomy - when i write 'i', i mean me, when she reads 'i' she will assume i am talking about her. there is this dichotomy of 'i' and 'you' in language - and i wonder at what point do kids make the connection of being able to unconsciously switch between not understanding this and to understanding and adopting it and seamlessly integrating it into reading and writing. In being the teller of a story from a first person perspective, the 'i' is the owner and the 'you' is the listener. how often in conversations when we say 'you' do we actually mean 'i'?

The artist, katya sander, who was on the panel at the last event articulated something around this in her artistic creation of some badges with the words 'if you read this, i'll give it to you (but then you must wear it)' written on them. Through exchange of the badge from one person to another there is a switch of the 'i' and the 'you'. But i think this was lost in the frame of the dialogue in which she was constantly asked to tell us about how things were in denmark like she was representative of the whole of denmark - as one guy remarked in the audience - "i feel we are falling into a trap" and avoiding the real and interesting areas for discussion by this distraction of talking about Britishness and white and black. And the good ideas die a death as we try to understand the increasing smart questions that people pose (and subsequently have to explain because they are theories that they want to disprove and the question is a trick or a trap that the 'asker' hopes the panel might fall into). Indeed they were all trapped.

Anyway it gave me some ideas about 'who is the other' and actually is the other just a reflection of me and all that i might be and might not be. I wonder which languages get around this dilemma. I think maths circumvents the problem through logic and reasoning but i need a mathematician to back this up.

I think there is a connection in particle physics, conceptually at least, to the Higgs boson particle that is yet to be observed. Scientists think it exists but it hasn't been seen yet - and it begs the question - and by thinking about that conundrum, by analogy, i have reached a question - is the mechanism with which we are trying to see the whole picture truly objective or is there something about the act of 'looking' that prevents us from seeing what is there? Time poses a problem here - how long can you be looking to ensure that you don't miss the thing that you are looking for and what if we just assume that it exists and is a necessary part of binding us together and allowing things to fall apart over time? how can we measure multiple interactions that all contribute to what happens next?

Maths, physics and storytelling - different ways to explore and explain the universe. I wonder does a story equate to a theory? Somehow we can be receptive to a story - it can bypass our intellect and we respond - a belly laugh might uncover a truth or proof of something we thought was there but had no evidence for. But who is counting the laughs? and who is laughing!?

Walking...

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 00:31:00 +0000

i am trying to walk more. Walking and thinking seem to go hand in hand for me. I noticed at the beginning of the year, one of my work colleagues and i used to have great ideas springing out of conversations as we walked from one part of Manchester to another.

I have been reading a great book (so far) on walking, i came across it at the cornerhouse bookshop in manchester. Of course, as with most books that i start (and never finish) i initially got distracted and swept up into some other project or work-related thing and forgot all about the book until i started walking again.

last weekend i was walking - the ball of my foot is still sore from it - but it was a great walk so when i rub the sore foot the pain it elicits is tinged with the pleasurable memory of the walk.

So what was the book (Wanderlust: a history of walking by Rebecca Solnit) and what was the walk (East London in the world as part of six billion ways). I was reading the book on the train to london for the six billion ways. I had no idea that walking was an option on the agenda and it was by far the most interesting bit of the all day event.

Artist activist, Shane Solanki who took us on a walk to discover 'the radical history of East London, from anti-slavery struggles of the 18th century to anti-racism in the 1970s; from the fight for women's votes to the threat of fascism; and most recently, fights against 'gentrification' and the Olympics'.

Now, i am from the eastend and i am ashamed to say a lot of it was news to me - not the history but the spaces and the places and the detail - the interconnected stories inhabiting not one street but many and the idea that people from the 'slum' did some amazing stuff that still has its legacy today. Centuries worth of stories unfolded and flashed into the future and the present as we walked and talked and listened and looked. Time was not linear it was circular - with connections made on a multitude of levels. All my senses were engaged and additional treats for a writer's eye were uncovered en route. I will post some of the walk - talk to give a better insight into what i am trying to articulate and what needs to be imported from the east end to manchester - another slum city, borne off the back of great industry and creativity and mashed up heritage. The manchester stories that are currently missing and need to be told and played back, remixed and revisited.

its that old adage - if you don't know where you've come from - how the hell do you know where you're going?

the story passed onto through another book, one that i have carried with me in my head and only understood consciously a couple of years ago when my father died was the quote on the inside cover of chinua achebe's book 'Things Fall Apart'. I could tell you the saying but it might be more fun to check it out...

Achebe says 'the power of the storyteller lies in his or her ability to appeal to the mind and reach beyond his or her particular circumstance and thus speak to different periods and generations; the good story teller is not bound by narrow political or personal concerns or even by the demands of specific historical moments.'

This resonates with me - and where i am right now - an interloper - flitting between two cities and learning and remembering from both so that i can eventually move on, feet aching, with many new stories to tell...

Moonlandings

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 01:30:00 +0000

What does Obama have in common with the moon landings? Today i learned something new about the space race and i need to check it out a bit more. Its intriguing actually to think that President Kennedy used the Space Programme to rebuild americacaca. Could we do the same in Manchester without a building a rocket? I wonder if an academic somewhere researching how Obama won the election. If can get people to rebuild america he might well be in with a chance.

Its the anniversary of the moon landings - timing might be right.

youtube - property is theft

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 01:04:00 +0000

Psst!

Yeh - over here. Why is it that something that can give you such joy suddenly gets taken away from you. Youtube man (or should i say google man) - all that money and they still can't sort it out so we can gain access to the worlds best (and worst) music. I am so nostaligic right now (for my beloved and horrendous eighties) and youtube gave me an 'in' to the past and now - now - those tunes and music videos have been pulled off youtube. A question: will we ever truly know our past if it is all subject to copyright? In the meantime i will keep searching ...

Travel - moving slow(er)

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 17:58:00 +0000

I came across a book of ideas for enjoying travel in a more experimental way.

One of my favourite suggestions is to just follow the street signs until you can go no further. An Oxford academic tried this and found himself in a place he never even knew existed, off the beaten track and out of the town of the gown of university spires.

I think the same type of game might be adopted for getting out of bed - go left, left left - and i would just stay in the same spot - up against the wall and going nowhere fast.

Aside from that i would like to travel a lot slower - get on a train, a ship, a pigeon...

Sanctuary

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 17:53:00 +0000

Yesterday i had a day of celebration by total accident. I have been going out more and looking at stuff - exhibitions (interspecies at cornerhouse - catching delia the pig on her last day), theatre (Contradictions at Contact). I was on my way to the theatre and had an hour to kill on Oxford Road. I didn't fancy hanging out on a Saturday night in any dingy student bars, drinking for the sake of it and sitting alone in a throng of people - why - because that is lonely as hell. Crossing over from the student union bar i went into the Church - Holy Name - a catholic outfit. Inside, unsure of what to do, i watched as people came in and out, bowed to the alter, sat, prayed, crossed themselves and popped in and out of small rooms with small doors. It was intriguing, beautiful and restful. I didn't know the rules but could probably work them out. I picked up a service sheet and it was all in latin. Memories of loving latin at school came flooding back. I think i was pretty religious as a kid, confirmed and everything - i wanted to belong to the church but then one day the pastor (lutheran) told me that studying genetics at University and going to church didn't go together. Something had to go...

Manchester Twestival

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 00:37:00 +0000

Lucky star...

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 20:11:00 +0000

I was asked today "With the choice of anyone in the world, who would i like to have dinner with?"

This might well change with time but today, in my playful mood and seeking the nostalgic comfort of the 80s, it was Madonna, 1983, the night before she made this video. I would also hang out on set when they made the video, miming and failing miserably to master the dance steps and committing to memory the opening sequence to the video.

Hmm scratch that... perhaps it might be HOLIDAY - the dance moves are easier..

Song of the week...

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 13:48:00 +0000

I watched Mike Figgis' Stormy Monday this week and it brought me to this song which features on the soundtrack. No matter what anyone says about YouTUBE - it lets us peek into the past and re-find some very special moments...

Christmas stories

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 12:53:00 +0000

As an adult, it doesn't ever feel like christmas does it? I remember this growing 'feeling of it not being christmas' every year as i grew up. One year, just me, my brother and my mum spent Christmas together (i don't know where the others were). I think we were approaching or just in our teens and my mum was cooking and she sent us out the house so she could just get on with it. We went to West Ham Park to hang out on the basketball court and after a few pretend throws of a ball at the hoops we sat on the asphalt court and traced the cracks in the ground. My brother looks at me and says "it doesn't feel like christmas anymore, does it?" and i tell him, "i know, it could be any time of year". We got a bit forlorn and then remembered we were meant to go buy some butter and we'd been gone far too long. And then i think about my brother now - he had a baby this year - a really cute one called Charlie - and he will be with her and his girlfriend - and i bet it feels like christmas with that baby. Babies tend to bring it back... i love my brother - he's such a contemplative, sensitive soul. Happy Christmas - i'm really gonna miss you this year.

Some other place...

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 17:27:00 +0000

I wish i'd paid more attention in human geography. My geography teacher, Mr Hardcastle, divulged a bit of chinese history into his geography lesson. I heard the word history and almost instantly fell asleep. The one thing i remember is him saying something about the Chinese almost discovering the 'Americas' before Columbus et al and what a different world we'd be living in if they had come across it. How might they have interacted with the indigenous people i wonder? This teacher was always exposing our lack of knowledge on current and world affairs - "what's the most important story in the news this week?" He would ask us in turn - go around the class - and everyone would groan- "what the hell has this got to do with geography sir?". And now twenty years later - here i am wanting to return to that lesson and to ask some questions about chinese history and chinese culture and the technologies they were already making use of. Sometimes - actually quite often - i have to remind myself - it pays to listen!

looking forward to ...

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 00:31:00 +0000

A break ... visiting family in denmark - mama, lil bro and baby niece - and then heading off to Warsaw to check in with the EAVE producer network... its the last in a series of three and its been insightful being part of a programme and being there as a producer without a project. Learned loads from listening and asking questions rather than quaking in ma boots and worrying about pitchin'.

My btyahoo email has diedddddd. i can't check it but am i bovvered...?? nah. i haven't been sending any emails so likelihood is i haven;t been getting any emails.

Projects wise - the public vote is still on for the MAPPING CREATIVITY project - ARC SPACE MANCHESTER seem to be ahead in the public vote.... still time to vote online - here:

mapping-creativity

wondering what the weather is like in Poland...

What - black folk on tee vee?!

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 09:18:00 +0000

I woke up this morning and there were black folk on the sofa of the BBC... what's going on i wonder? What's next? black folk at dinner parties, businesses, history lessons, scientists... when the mic was turned on few people celebrating the american elections in the street they passed on a simple message 'america pull your pants up'. I got a text message this morning...

ROSA sat so MARTIN could walk so OBAMA could run. Obama is running so our children CAN FLY. This is history in the making.

i'm looking forward to a bunch of new youtube mashups of history that led to this day. As i write this - black history is being told on mainstream SKY TV.

And to anyone wondering - how was this possible - the guy not only has talent as an orator and writer - but... and this is important - he has a unique understanding of the world, of people, that will in part have stemmed from embracing his dual heritage and winning the internal battle of identity that can drive many mixed race kids to social care and mental institutions because there aren't the support or education or healthcare systems to understand that inner battle. And its not just a mixed race battle its a black one, its a gay one, its a disabled one, its a very human one that has to have the person in the driving seat - away and steering the car away from danger, making decisive choices about where its travelling and why.

In reference to the Malcolm X clip:
Of course - the chinese had this down a long time ago - giving their kids chinese and western names - did you see the olympics? Tony Blair said in an interview a telling thing - when he was prime minister, he had his eye on the wrong thing - when he stepped down he quickly realised that the world had shifted to the East and he was only just catching up.

Can Americans rewrite mainstream history with black contributions taking their place alongside white one and create a new inclusive culture to move on? What can be learned from South Africa and Germany?

A lot has happened, hasn't it?

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 22:04:00 +0000

I can't get a song out of my head... 'its the end of the world and we know it, but i feel fine' - i don't know the rest of the song but i started singing it yesterday with the markets crashing and george bush's financial rescue package being rejected. But that wasn't what was big news in my internal world. No - but it made connections into my thoughts because i'd been daydreaming about the things in my world that aren't affected by crashing house prices and banks closing... my imagination.

Everywhere else

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 14:12:00 +0000

I've been on holiday for the past couple of weeks and my mind has been on everything and everyone else's happenings in other countries: the olympics, the US elections. The US elections are becoming thrilling. It is thrilling to see a packed out stadium of people supporting a black man. I mean the last guy(s) got shot: malcolm x, martin luther. And in the back of my mind is this fear that obama cannot be all that we want him to be - he is after all, just a man. Is he his own man i wonder? how shrewd is he really? or is he a puppet? The more real he is, the more likely he is to be shot... it is already playing out like a thriller. Him and his wife and his black family being loved by white americans - its unheard of. Is it possible that the vehicle on which the western world is built i.e. capitalism, can embrace a black man to run it when... well you know the history of the industrialised world and how its empire was built. China and America - they are the places to be watching but not for the reasons we think. Some other shit is surely going on that we just don't know about or - is this for real?

One thing for sure is that Obama can write - he knows how to tell a story and to do that on paper. I started reading his book, the one about his father and exploring his identity. We seem to have something in common - although the twist in my father's story is almost too amazing to believe...

The things i didn't learn at school

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 09:09:00 +0000

I did art GCSE in my spare time at school. I didn't do great - i got a C - not too bad for an afternoon a week. Apart from that i did all sciences, maths and computing. In school i didn't really do any art history, at least i don't remember doing any. Everything to do with art and contemporary culture i got from my mother and her friends. Imagine four eastend kids lined up on a sofa, listening to hour after hour of the magic flute in Swedish on a record player. My mum wanted to introduce us to this opera before we went off the following day to see the Magic Flute in German in central london because one of my mum's friends was playing in the orchestra and could get us tickets. I can't imagine that i remember a word of the swedish and actually i remember much preferring the german - it seemed funnier. It was strange and wonderful to be introduced to this world - i disengaged from it for a while - as i struggled for a while to find a balance between my European and Nigerian heritage - i think every mixed race kid with my heritage goes through this - Frantz Fanon, James Baldwin, Malcolm X, Marcus Garvey, Maya Angelou, Bell Hooks, Rosa Parks - all of that stuff comes your way and you seek it out. Anyway the two things that i didn't learn in school 'interpretation of art' and 'black history' are the two things that have kept me sane. Now if i feel confused or a little down after a tough day at work, i walk into a gallery or i walk into a cinema, and i can feel connected again, understand myself a little better. Of course it depends what i am looking at - sometimes one culture becomes overwhelming, and the questions it raises about who i am and my place in the world are further from being answered, if they can be answered at all. This video brings back memories... and raises so many good points - commemorating the abolition of slavery is like commemorating racism. Sound harsh? Which books are you reading?

{the youtube video - shows Paul, who taught me black african history}

Hazel Blears, Appollonius and David Hockney

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 15:38:00 +0000

Even Hazel Blears is blogging and on twitter and probably on facebook and myspace (i haven't had time to check)... i think we are still at this immature stage on the web, i think i am caught up in it myself, where people are just signalling achievement - "i know what's happening and i am getting involved". It seems fast and crass and urgent: is it about being seen rather than taking part and making a difference? I am interested in how we can rise above the need to show off and to just get stuff done (or maybe we can get stuff done and show off later).

I am not sure this is connected: i was watching Julius Caesar (of all tv films!) there was a slave, Apollonius, who was about to be executed by the Roman Empire and then Julia, daughter of Caesar pleaded for him to be freed (Apollonius had been her teacher), and the wish was granted. When Julia goes to tell Apollonius that he has been pardoned he tells her 'thanks but i am staying here - freedom needs to be won not given - and i am looking for something else... '.

Julia and i are thinking the same thing - "what apollonius, what???" (great storytelling device - have the audience and a character asking the same question)... "what are you looking for apollonius???" and Apollonious replies '...dignity' and turns his back on her and walks back to his cell. Camera pans to Julia and she has a troubled look on her face. At this moment i am thinking - hmm - i must watch Manderlay again.

Something else that touched me and that uptil now i chose not to blog about because it felt like something real, something genuine... that shouldn't be sullied by internet chatter... last week i was invited along to a church event on an estate somewhere in Manchester - it was to find out what was going on for young people on the estate and whether something could be started up there, activities for young people. i just went along to listen and learn and hear people's stories - there were a handful of people and at the end - when people had signed up to how they could help out - the minister (who was dressed in shorts, t-shirt and slip-on trainers) asked us to close our eyes and pray, pray to help us make this happen, to put our thoughts and hopes in the lord to make it reality, to thank him for his love and for watching over us. Whether you believe in god or not it felt like something would happen, like it was being put out there. When i came out of the church i felt confused, pulled into a moment, and then i thought about my dad and how religion robbed him of the ability to communicate with me, or maybe i robbed myself of it, not wanting to read the bible quotes he kept directing me to in his letters, because i didn't want to be enslaved by religion like his ancestors had been.

Part of me wonders whether investing hope in some entity something you can't see or touch is a worthwhile thing to be doing, is it a distraction, an abrogation of responsibility? I do know that the one thing that kept my mum going, bringing up 4 kids as a single mum on very little money, was religion. Most of her own family turned their backs on her (possibly for marrying my dad who was black, possibly for other reasons) - this was in the 1960s. She worked whilst my father studied engineering at the University of East London, down the road from where we lived. My mum recently told me one day that nearly 40 years ago, 1971, she went to David Hockney's first exhibition on show at the Whitechapel Gallery. Three oil paintings on canvas, the love paintings, were for sale at 60 pounds each. She thought how could she buy one when she only earned £48 a month, and what about my sister and my dad, how would they eat, pay the rent?

My mum was only prompted to tell me this story when a Hockney painting was recently up for sale - for five million pounds. I can spend time thinking about these exciting things… the beginning of our family – my mother, an outsider and her life in the east end of London, supporting her husband and baby, and me not yet born. I think about my mum looking at a picture painted by David Hockney. Getting into the moment of that – of my mother contemplating that painting and wanting it but not being able to afford it – and thoughts of the family infiltrating her mind. Getting close to the realness of that conflict. My mother in the gallery – what day of the week was it, was she alone – where was she going before and after the gallery trip?

When she told me this story i was like 'ohhhh mamamamma, our lives would have been so different - if you bought the painting'. 'Well, she said, laughing 'i thought about that and if i'd bought the painting, i would never have sold it'.

There is nothing to sum this up - but maybe there is a link between putting loads of thoughts and musings on the internet and sitting there, praying for god to make things happen... you know, putting stuff, longings, wants and needs out there in the hope that someone will respond and take action...

...and also a story is emerging, of a man, lets call him Lewis, who through crime earns loads of money and he invests the money in art at the expense of his family....

Art and 'culture' in the same way i love it and i hate it - it gives you hope, it makes you think, you feel alive, creative... and for some, like those who didn't come to the church meeting on the estate i visited recently, surely art that inspires or challenges has to connect to opportunity, has to cut through and replace the fear of being different and standing out, separating from the crowd?

...Back to the emerging story, maybe this guy, Lewis, buys art, art, art, picture after picture, because someone he admires told him its good for the soul (and will make him a whole lot more money) and he is waiting and hoping to feel something because he feels empty inside, beating men to a pulp and then going home to his wife and kids, but none of the art touches him, they are obscure, fragmented, abstract, until one day...

Uncertainty

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 00:52:00 +0000

feeling a little uncertain at the moment, like the ground has been shaken up and it or i could be removed before i realise what is happening. hmm...

On my doorstep...

noreply@blogger.com (Erinma) — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 19:51:00 +0000

I've been thinking about how i can combine my interests and make a difference locally by volunteering my time. i.e i get to do some things i enjoy and do good at the same time.

I thought mentoring might be one way to do this - so i had a little search and came across Digitall which is for young people (18-25yrs) to mentor people over 45 to sort out their digital needs. For once i find myself wishing i was young again or curiously old again. I miss out on this cos i am slap bang in between 25 and 45 but i will be telling everyone i know who falls either side of this so they can reap the benefits.

Ever since i was a kid, and throughout school and university, i loved writing and receiving letters (and postcards) and notes and i also wrote tons of thank you notes after birthdays and christmasses for presents i got and for presents my siblings got (my brother in particular hated writing letters and used to go to the shops for me in return for me writing his thank you letters - i hate shopping). I also like birdwatching and do the RSPB bird watch weekend every year (i also like identifying, collecting and counting). Browsing the RSPB bird watch website, i came across a way to volunteer to be a letter writer to help them on their campaigns.

One thing i want to get involved in and need to get to grips with is the Greater Manchester future transport consultation. Sounds really boring right? Well if i think about how to make it more interesting i.e. something to do with something i enjoy, then it might not be so boring after all.... i actually like going on buses and trams and trains, especially after a good day at work like after an event or conference or doing facilitation work - the journey home can be a reflective one - looking out the window and thinking about the day - what i've learned, the people i met, what went wrong, what went right, what was confusing or frustrating, what else i might do with what i learned.... So i was thinking what if i turn the journey home or to a meeting or wherever into a documentation of that public transport journey? That could be evidence of what works, doesn't work in terms of public transport and give me a better idea of identifying my actual transport needs and where the gaps are. One gap i can see is in terms of provision for bikes and bike riders. There is, as far as i can see, nothing on offer.

One thing that might be good so far is that they want to issue a Smartcard which hopefully will be a bit like the oyster card that landan ta'n has. It could however be another way for 'the people' to keep track of us but maybe i am just being paranoid android on that one?!

Things i need to find sort out to make these things happen: find camera charger for digital camera, think about how to disseminate the evidence i collect from my transport narratives and find out when the local meeting in Eccles is happening - i think its in July and at the local supermarket, Morrisons. I would have chosen Netto actually they have some pretty good bargains.