The Glowing Girl

In the murky fog

the empiness presses

against the beacon

Pulsing with cleaving sighs

luring her deeper

into the hungry wood

She isn’t all the way done yet. I still have to get a canvas for her. It feels good to get paintings done!

I had been putting it off. Mainly using the excuse of not having canvas or being to get prints and things like that. Because you know, if I had finished pieces then OMG someone might want them.

Then there are the fears that go with that.

What if it is ruined during shipping?

What if I don’t charge enough for shipping and lose money?

What if once they see it in person the realise how bad it really sucks?

What if I pay for prints and then no one wants to buy them?

These are totally normal questions I run through my head with every thing I make. I’m sure others ask themselves these same questions. There is nothing wrong with thinking about these things. They can help you avoid potential problems. They are only bad when you allow them to keep you from doing your work.

The break down of The Carousel in the Snow Globe

As part of the Short Story Project, I’m going to be writing a break down post for each story to explain my inspiration, why and what for or the point of it.

I hope by doing this I will improve my writing and writing process, while helping you with yours too.

I like to try and write stories that lean toward odd, creepy, or chilling. At some point I would like to move on to horrified terror.

The carousel in the snow globe story is a little chilling. I’m not sure I fully held on to the tone of the story throughout the whole thing.

The inspiration for this story came from a photo of a carousel I saw in this Etsy Shop. It is bright, cheery and a little dreamy.

Carousels and snow globes are innocent fun. They should bring us joy and remind us of happy things. This makes them the perfect things to twist into something else.

The main character ignores all the warnings she receives. She doesn’t listen to what anyone tires to tell her or to her own intuition. She considers that there may be something wrong with her before considering the possibility that something could be wrong with the snow globe.

No one in the story says, “Don’t do this because I said so.” The MC (main character) is free to make her own choice. By choosing not to listen to herself or trust her own mind, she traps herself.

How often do we do this in our own lives?

The theme of not listening to one’s own intuition is a reoccurring theme in many of the stories I write. I think this is partly a reminder to me and a message to my readers about listening to our own intuitions.

When was the last time you listened to your own intuition?

To read the story Click Here

Every time I start to make something or even think about making something, I worry about messing it up.

What if I make a mistake? What if it doesn’t come out like I think it will? What if it is ugly as hell or explodes?

Sometimes nothing goes wrong and I end up with a perfectly good hat or whatever. Sometimes not.

Like while I was working on my latest piece. I was creating something to sell and not just something for my personal journal. It had to be perfect and amazing, right? You can’t fuck up on things you want to sell.

 Wrong. You can. Can you see the mistake?

As you can see I wrote thier instead of their. I do that a lot when I hand write things. I know I do it and I normally stop myself.

As soon as I noticed what I had done I had a complete melt down and had to walk away from my desk.

It was ruined. The man was going to come and take my crayons and forbid me to ever make art things again. I was and idiot for even thinking I could make art. If I left the house people would boo and throw rotten produce at me. It was the end of the world.

See how silly it all sounds when you say it out load like that? But in the moment it is easy to trick yourself into believing those things.

It was totally fixable. I knew it was fixable. I had to let myself be upset about it so I could get over it calm down and get back to work. If I would have tried to ignore those feelings and finish the painting I would have only ending up making more mistakes or totally hating it when I was done.

If you make a mistake it is ok to feel bad, upset, angry or whatever. Feel it, deal with it and move on. Those feelings are only inappropriate when we live in them and let them control us.

Most things are fixable. With that painting it only needed more paint. I painted over the misspelled word and then wrote it again. Making sure I did it correctly. Sometimes the fix won’t be so easy. Projects will need to be scrapped or recycled and it is totally OK.

Mistakes are sometimes happy accidents and they are always lessons and opportunities to grow.

I will be making prints of this painting available through the studio & my Etsy shop when it is finished.

How do you deal with mistakes or projects gone wrong?

Are you allowing the fear of messing up keep you from making things?

You may or may not have noticed that everyone seems to be jumping on the Pinterest band wagon. Some are using it to plan their dream wedding and businesses are trying to figure out how to use it to get more of your dollars.

At first I didn’t really see a point to Pinterest. It held no value to me. I wasn’t planning any big events or remodeling my house. Then I started really paying attention to what other people were doing with it.

It is a place for collecting, storing & sharing inspirations, dreams & ideas.

Some people are using it for story boards, travel planning, branding their business or their shoe fetish.

I am so in love with it now.  Maybe a little too much since I can spend too much time drooling over pins instead of getting work done.

I had a narrow view of Pinterest at first, but it really is what ever you need or want it to be. Even if you don’t know quite what you are looking for when you start.

I’m using it to help me define my brand for the Rebellion, inspiration for stories, travel plans, decorating my house, art supplies & techniques, quotes, and more.

You can check out my boards by Clicking Here

What will you be inspired to pin?

This week I’m sharing some pins that reflect the image, feel, and metaphor of my brand. I have been having so much fun with Pinterest.

To see more pins from this board Click Here

I stopped in front of a shop I had never seen before. The window was dark and revealed nothing of the interior. A hand painted sign hung in the door declared the shop open, so I went in. I was hit with a wave of spicy exotic incense. It was heady and alluring. The bells on the door jingled behind me and I was wrapped in the low light of the shop.

The shop was piled with all sorts of curious things all heaped together in a way I couldn’t make sense of. I wound my way through stacks of books and shelves of tea pots taking delight in each new sight. Near the back of the store an old woman with leathery brown skin leaned against the sales counter.

“You can only buy one thing. Choose carefully.” She said and disappeared behind a beaded curtain.

Left alone I continued to wander through the shop. I was amazed at how much stuff they seemed to have. It didn’t appear to be this big from the outside. I passed a Persian rug that seemed to ripple in an unseen breeze and past a table displaying an assortment of candlesticks. The old woman’s words kept circling around my mind.

What did she mean by it? Why would a shop limit the number of things you could buy? With so much to choose from, how could a person choose just one? The questions buzzed around my head like an angry swarm. I was deep into the shop. I could no longer see the front door or the sales counter. The dim yellow over head lights did little to brighten the shelves of goods.

Something to my left glinted and I turned trying to catch sight of the spark again. Tucked into the corner of an old cabinet was a snow globe. I reached in and pulled it out, careful not to catch my shirt sleeve on the other items. The globe was covered in dust and I wondered how it had managed to glint in the light at all.

I swiped my thumb across the glass dome and got my first peak at what lay inside. It held glitter instead of snow and a tiny carousel. I used the inside of my shirt to clear way the rest of the dust. I was struck by the detail and the beauty of it. I shook it and watch the glitter float and swirl around the tiny animals. Flipping it over to look for the price tag I notice a small knob. This snow globe also played music. I wondered if the carousel would spin.

I grasped the little knob ready to wind it up, but hesitated. I suddenly felt like someone was watching me. A small sign hung from the cabinet door. It read Wind At Your Own Risk. Had that been there before? I couldn’t be sure.  I pressed the globe to my chest, the fear of someone taking it rushed through me. I knew this was the one thing I had to buy. I needed to get it safely home before someone else found it. I hurried back through the store weaving my way up to the sales counter.

A young woman was waiting there. She smiled sweetly as she rang up my purchase and carefully wrapped it in tissue. I was excited and near panic as I ran from the little shop. I didn’t stop running until I was all the way home.  I grabbed a cleaning rag from the kitchen and sat down at the table with the snow globe.

I gently polished it until it gleamed. It was more beautiful than I had first thought. The carousel was painted with bright colors accented with gold. The tiny animals looked as if they were straining against their harnesses, waiting to burst into motion. A brief moment of caution flashed through me along with the image of the warning sign from the shop.

I was too curious to let that stop me from winding the carousel. What risk could there be? I slowly wound it up and let it play. The soft tinkling of circus music filled the kitchen and the carousel began to turn. The animals floated up and down on their golden poles and the children riding them held up their hands to wave.

I was entranced. I couldn’t pull my eyes away from the joyous scene. I could swear I heard the children laughing. I gave the globe a shake to make the glitter swirl and the kitchen suddenly tilted. I was on the floor staring into the globe. How did I get on the floor? I couldn’t remember. I could only think of the carousel and the happy children.

I sat up and picked up the globe. The glitter settled, but the carousel still turned. It seemed to be spinning faster and faster. The children were no longer waving but clinging to the animals. How was that possible? There was one animal without a rider that I was sure hadn’t been there before. I turned the globe around so I could keep my eye on it. It was a black horse with a gleaming blue black main. It looked back at me.

I dropped the globe and it rolled across the floor. The music came to an end and I just stared at the globe. I was afraid to touch it, afraid I might be losing my mind. A choking laugh escaped me. I reached out and grabbed the globe. There was nothing strange or scary about it. The little children waved happily again.  I spun it around searching for the rider less black horse.

He was still there, wedged between and elephant and a lion. He tilted his head and winked at me. I shoved the globe back into the bag and ran back to the little shop. I burst through the door startling the girl at the sales counter and receiving glares from the other shoppers.

“I want to return this. There is something wrong with it.”

“Is it broken?” She asked examining the globe.

“No, it seems to work perfectly, but there is something strange about it.”

“You were told to choose carefully?”

“Yes, but the black horse winked at me.”

“I see. We have a strict no return or refund policy.” She pointed at the sign behind her.

“Did you hear what I said? The horse winked at me!”

“I’m sorry, there is nothing I can do for you. I’ll have to ask you to leave the store now.” Her voice was calm and even.

I snatched up the globe and turned to leave. The other shoppers were staring at me like I was a lunatic. Maybe I was. Outside the sky had turned a dull gray and the wind whipped my hair into a frenzy. The globe felt like a lead weight in my hand. Rain began to fall as I reached my front door. I stood on the steps for a moment allowing the warm rain to soak into me.

I sloshed inside and set the globe on the hall table. The warmth from the rain quickly faded and left me feeling chilled. At least I told myself it was only from the rain. I ran a hot bath and poured in my favorite bubble bath. The thick heady scent of vanilla and ylang ylang filled the air. I slide down into the steaming water and let it work its magic.

I stayed in the bath until the water cooled and the bubbles faded. I dressed in my warmest fuzziest jammies, still unable to shake the earlier chill. The globe was sitting where I left it. It looked harmless sitting there next to my keys. I began to wonder if I had imagined everything that had happened before. There was only one way to find out. I would have to wind it again.

I carried it into the kitchen and let it set on the table while I fixed myself a sandwich. I kept glancing at it from the corner of my eye waiting for something to happen. Nothing did. I watched it while I ate and still nothing strange or unusual happened. The black horse didn’t wink at me. I began to think I had dreamed the previous events.

With fresh determination I grabbed up the snow globe and gave it a firm winding. The music played and the carousel sprang to life. I watched with wonder and amazement as the life like animals spun by. The black horse passed by once and then twice without winking. I laughed at how silly I had been and imagined how fun it would be to ride the black horse on the carousel.

Suddenly the room swirled and I was on the black horse. Glitter whipped passed me stinging my cheeks. I couldn’t get off the horse. The circus music berated my ears. I stared out in panic as I watch the view of my kitchen spin by.

“We tried to warn you.” Said the little girl on the elephant.

“You’ll be trapped here forever.” Said the boy on the lion.

Around and around we went. I lost all track of time. Once I saw my neighbor wonder through my kitchen calling out to me. Then later my best friend came and I watched her cry and box up my things. The snow globe was dumped into one of those boxes.

The last thing I remember is looking out and seeing the old woman from the shop. She smiled toothlessly down at me.

“I told you to choose carefully.” She said and placed the snow globe back in the cabinet where I had found it.

Photo from Flicker by aillama

This story is part of a series of short stories I am working on. I hope you enjoy them. To read more about the short story project: Tales of a life I’ve never lived Click Here.

I read this post  yesterday about how the writer didn’t get zombies or vampires. He made some very good points. Go on and read his post so you know what I’m talking about. I’ll wait.

Ok. I’m only going to talk about zombies today.

Most zombies have these things in common:

They are reanimated dead

They must eat the flesh of the living

Zombie virus is spread through bodily fluids, normally blood & saliva. Though why zombie comedies or spoofs never show zombies peeing on people I’ll never understand. Totally missed opportunity.

Zombies group together

May or may not be slow moving

Don’t seem to be very smart

Can be killed by decapitation or destroying the brain

I’m sure I could think of more but we’ll work with this for now.  Zombie out brakes are normally caused by a virus.

The virus takes over human bodies. It controls them. The people that seemed dead get up and move again. They are no longer themselves but a habitat for the virus.

The virus can recognize itself. It is drawn to its own kind. Dead bodies are hard to move. They are heavy and stiff. Imagine taking someone larger than you and strapping them to you, their feet on top of your feet, their hands on your hands, and trying to walk around. Their joints would be stiff. It would be hard and tiring.

It would take a lot of fuel for a tiny little virus to move a large unwieldy body.

When you don’t eat enough your body eats itself. First burning through fat stores and then muscle.

The virus does the same thing, but it isn’t worried about watching its weight. It is going to devour all that it needs.

The body it is in is rotting away, you wouldn’t want to eat spoiled meat would you?

Neither does the zombie virus. It wants fresh meat and a lot of it. With all the devouring going on it must be starving all the time and have a super high metabolism.

And how much of biting and attacking is just for the purpose of eating and how much is for spreading the virus?

At some point does one body become insufficient to sustain the virus and it looks for a new host? That is what all viruses do to survive isn’t it? They look for suitable living conditions.

Some of the things that happen in zombie movies and TV shows seems really dumb to me. The people do things that make no sense to me.

Zombies should be very easy to kill. I can see how in some areas the sheer number of zombies would cause problems. Cities could easily be over run, while rural areas would stand a better chance.

In Bob’s post he points out the abundance of guns in America. There are more guns and bullets in America than people. We should be able to shoot all the zombies before running out. But you will not always be where the guns and ammo are. You can only carry so much with you.

I also found the tank scene to be kinda lame. Even if your tank runs out of gas, which it will at some point, you are still safely locked inside. You will either starve to death or be able to escape when the zombies wonder off in search of easier pray.

It has been awhile since I watched that show. I found the characters too stupid to continue watching. I hope they all get infected.  Wasn’t the guy in the tank a zombie? If so, how did he get to be a zombie? At some point he had to have been outside the tank. If you are surrounded by zombies, why would you leave the safety of the tank?

I think part of the fear that people have of zombies is a fear that humans might have always had, a fear of the dead not staying dead. They somehow they will come back and get us.  I think this is partly from a fear of the unknown.

I don’t even think zombies would be the biggest problem or the most dangerous things combing the streets.

Even if zombies filled the streets, they would be the least of my worries.

It’s the humans that are dangerous. They should be the ones you are afraid of.

What are your thoughts or theories?

Inspiration Friday was not working out for me. I wasn’t even thinking about making these posts on Fridays. They totally slipped my mind until Monday. Obviously I should be doing these on Mondays. We need something inspiring to start the week anyways.

This week from my Pinterest I bring you housewares. These are the kind of things I would like to fill my home with. At the same time each of these pieces may have some kind of a story to tell. They say something about the person that buys them, the person that made or designed them and maybe they have their own little stories too, like The Silver Hand Mirror.

To view more of this Pinterest board Click Here

For the past few weeks I have been getting coaching from Tina at Open Roads Coaching. Yes, sometime coaches need coaches. She has been great and i needed some help. I was stuck and couldn’t do for myself the things I could for others.

There have been ‘Well, Duh” moments and “Oh Yeah” and “Ah Ha” moments. So good.

I realized how ridiculous I was allowing myself to be about somethings. I knew they were not helpful, but I let myself think it anyway. I knew I was sabotaging myself and did nothing to stop it.

I wasn’t making the products I wanted to make because I was so focused on what I couldn’t do because of tech and equipment. I wanted to make everything big, cuz bigger is better right?  It isn’t always better. It was an excuse I used to not have to do anything. I knew it was just an excuse.

I need to learn to work with what I have and get things done. I can make smaller simpler products. They can get bigger later when I have to tools to for it.

There is no real reason why I shouldn’t be making these things now.

I have an obsession with word count. I don’t know if other writers have this problem. I’m also always starting new stories before I’ve finished the last one. This leads to no stories really getting done. I’m always trying to jack up the word count.

I’ve gotten it into my head that a story has to have a minimum of words before it can be done, regardless of whether or not it has reached a conclusion. This morning when I sat down to write for the day, I realized why I was so obsessed with word count.

The stories always need more, as in I have a fear that they are not enough. They aren’t good enough, detailed enough, exciting enough, or interesting enough.

I know that having a certain number of words isn’t the reason a story is good or not. I was using word count to hide my fear.

What am I going to do about this fear?

I’m going to write until whatever story I’m working reaches the end regardless of what the word count is and I’m going to remember that first drafts are suppose to suck and know that I’m doing it right.

Sounds cool, right?

Tina has also been helping to see how all my sites and biz things work together. She could see it, but I couldn’t. Everything felt so separated and spread out. I felt like I was being pulled in too many different directions. It was not good and everything suffered for it.

Things weren’t really clicking into place for me until I read Tori’s post on how she got the circus metaphor for her business. The whole metaphor idea was really inspiring and I knew I wanted one too. It makes business so much more fun and inspiring.

I love Tori’s circus and Havi’ pirates. I had even been thinking about how creative rebels were like pirates, but that theme wasn’t quite right for the rebellion. I got to thinking about the things I love and want to share and about where the faeries fit into everything.

Then it hit me like a 2×4.

All those things swirled around in a big cauldron make this delicious brew that is all Alice in Wonderland + Faery Realms with a dash of paranormal.

Everything I make and enjoy falls into place. The rebellion, studio and the soap biz all fit together. Holy shit, I have direction and feel like I could plan things.

If I want to post about vampires one day and gnomes the next it is ok. I don’t have to not do something I want to cuz it doesn’t seem to fit here.

I have been avoiding posting about whether or not vampires would survive a zombie apocalypse because it didnt’ seem to belong here (even though that topic is one of my highest ranking keyword things according to google).

I was letting the way other coaches run their businesses influence how I should be running mine. I’m a bad bad girl.

If I want to reach my goals and live the life I want, I’m going to have to be more firm with myself.

Man, do I have a lot of work to do.

Hey, it’s a new thing.

I remembered today that I was supposed to post on Friday. I wasn’t home on Friday and didn’t plan ahead. That’s how I roll. You will forgive me and I’ll try to remember next time. I do want this to be a regular thing.

This week I’m sharing some pins from my photography board. I love photography and am working on some things to bring my photography, art journaling and painting together.

To view more pins Click Here

I’m sorting out a project to bring my iphone snap shots to my journaling. I feel that there is some disconnect from all the digital things and the handmade stuff I love doing so much.

I would also like to use snap shots and inspiration for story writing like I did with some of the short stories like They Forgot Where They Parked. I really want to use my photography in more of my art, writing, and journaling. I feel like there is a gap between my digital work and my hands on work and I want to bring them together.

I’m still on the hunt for my camera cable so I can get the Mini Accordion fold journal created. I’m waiting for a box of yarn to show up in the mail too! Lots of things to look forward too.