The CreepBook

Eat Your Words

2010-06-06T17:37:00.000-05:00

My waitress' ass cheeks were hanging out of her tiny shorts...of course I thought she did this on purpose to get more tips so I commented on it. She had no idea and I'm pretty sure my food tasted like spit.

Chicago, IL

Saturday Stroll

2010-06-06T16:18:00.002-05:00

I could see my neighbor walking naked around his apartment. It's 3:15 on a Saturday afternoon. Why not walk around naked with the windows wide open on a nice sunny day?

Buena Park, IL

Bizarre Foods

2010-06-06T16:14:00.003-05:00

I think my first mistake was going to Red Lobster hungover. But I would never expect the super old hostess say to me "oh you just touch the lobsters in tank. I just LOVE it when young people touch my lobsters." What does that even mean?

Skokie, IL

Who's The Boss

2010-06-06T15:54:00.004-05:00

You're my manager. I don't want to hear about the insane times you have had in European brothels. Try not paying for sex sometime.

Chicago, IL

The Graduate

2010-06-06T15:51:00.003-05:00

Working high school gradation parties are supposed to be fun, not a time for the father of the graduate to hit on his daughter's hot, jail bait friends. Keep that in mind, Mr. *******.

Chicago, IL

Hawaiian Five-0

2010-06-06T15:45:00.004-05:00

I walked into the bathroom with a single light bulb flickering, a drunk Mexican worker zipping up his pants smiling at me, everything soaking wet, and as he passed by me he patted me on the shoulder saying "mahalo." I think that's Hawaiian for "rimjob."

Chicago, IL

Doctor's Orders

2010-06-06T15:39:00.004-05:00

I knew it was bad when my doctor said I needed to lose weight, but when he told me I needed to get a girlfriend too, I felt like he kicked me while I was down. His reasoning: "you know, she'll make you a salad, take you on a walk, and if you're lucky, give you a good blowjob...there's no such thing as a bad blowjob, am I right?" Great advice, doc.

Farmington Hills, MI

What Nice Feet You Have

2010-06-06T15:29:00.002-05:00

Dude on the subway came up to a girl I was with and said what beautiful feet she had. Before we could react, he leaned over and started stroking her feet and commenting on how he liked one better than the other.

Buffalo, New York

What. A. BRO!

2010-06-06T15:24:00.002-05:00

My roommate was joking with me about having sex in my bed while I wasn't home. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I have had sex on both couches in the living room while he wasn't home more times than I can count.

St. Louis, MO

Hear Ye, Hear Ye

2010-03-03T22:25:00.002-06:00

I was too drunk to even hear what she was saying, but it didn't make it any better when I intentionally told her that I wasn't listening to her but instead staring directly at her boobs.

Chicago, IL

Welp, See Ya Later

2010-03-03T22:22:00.003-06:00

I tried not to creep on my manager tonight, but I did. After a few drinks I put my hand on the small of her back to tell her as I was leaving and she immediately grabbed it, moved it in front of her, and gave me the strongest handshake I've ever had in my life. Tomorrow won't be fun.

Royal Oak, MI

Honeymooner

2010-03-03T22:19:00.002-06:00

I told you I was married so you kept asking me how my honeymoon was for a half hour and winked at me every time. I got the picture. Just shut the fuck up.

Chicago, IL

Jersey Bro

2010-03-03T22:17:00.003-06:00

Never refer to yourself as "The Situation's Brother" ever again--you already look like a tool, naming yourself doesn't help.

Chicago, IL

Humpelstiltskin

2010-03-03T22:15:00.001-06:00

There's nothing like trying to teach my dog how to hump especially when I realize my blinds are open and my neighbors are walking by watching me.

Chicago, IL

Young At Heart

2010-03-02T10:12:00.005-06:00

My Grandpa asked me if I could buy him the SI Swimsuit edition because he said it made him "excited again." Of course, I had to.

Southgate, FL

Sneak A Peek

2010-03-01T21:50:00.002-06:00

We only have one bathroom at work. I walked in on the secretary peeing because the door was cracked a little and I didn't think anyone was in there. I think we're both scarred for life.

Chicago, IL

Sippy Cup

2010-03-01T21:47:00.004-06:00

My boss went down in our store basement and brought me back a cup of apple juice. He asked if I wanted any and when I said "no" he then proceeded to set it on my desk and told me to drink it because it had something special in it. I tried not to notice, but he called me out and made me take a sip--it supposedly was laced with mint, but I still don't trust that bastard.

Chicago, IL

Chat Roulette

2010-03-01T19:16:00.002-06:00

My friend told me to check out the new website chat roulette which connects you with randoms through web cam. First person I meet was a a hairy penis. Second person I meet was a naked man, third person was an obese man trying to give himself oral.

Thank you Chatroulette.com for providing a place for all the people in The CreepBook a place to hang out in their free time.

Everywhere, World

ps to my friend that said the website was "awesome", put on some clothes and walk away from the web cam.

Red Rocket Roommate

2010-02-23T16:23:00.002-06:00

I just walked into the room and saw my roommate trying to give our 8 week old puppy a red-rocket. He saw nothing wrong.

Chicago, IL

The Countdown Is On

2010-02-23T16:19:00.001-06:00

You: "Dude, today is Dakota Fanning's sweet 16th. That's 2 more years of my graphic imagination."

Chicago, IL

Forrest Gump

2010-02-22T22:44:00.004-06:00

We were watching Forrest Gump and you told me you wish you could find a man like Forrest because you have a 'thing' for slow guys.

Eden, New York

Snowman Lookin' For Love

2010-02-22T19:24:00.002-06:00

Overheard on the L: "Man, I need to get me a girl to be my snow bunny so we can fuck like rabbits on these cold winter nights."

Chicago, IL

Shot Caller

2010-02-22T16:19:00.003-06:00

I can always appreciate a guy buying me a shot. But just because it's a blow job shot doesn't mean I'm going to blow you. Nice try.

Chicago, IL

Textcapades

2010-02-22T13:03:00.003-06:00

I know when you're wasted because you always text me the same thing: "heyyy :0 your open mouth =mmm mmm good"

Chicago, IL

Jailbait Friend

2010-02-22T12:02:00.003-06:00

When talking about your little sister's hot friend:
You: "I would let her do terrible, terrible things to me."

She's 17, dude.

Greenwich, CT